Cum Town | Premium | 01/15/2018
[00:00:00] and we are back with comtown premium special guest in the titties HIV and
[00:00:14] yes and he's he decided to bring it back out again just like
[00:00:22] in no one knows what the fuck we were talking about talking about
[00:00:26] and spring up some close from the nineties speaking of should i get
[00:00:30] we talk about this off my should i get a yellow tommy hill figure two and
[00:00:35] you're already about about about about the by about the but i got a m on
[00:00:40] no it's too many go to the actual north from ronnie one left
[00:00:44] those only one tommy hill figure left let me see it let's know it's a it's a
[00:00:53] nice little rain slicker let me see it you look like missy eliot
[00:00:59] as ostentatious as i thought it would be
[00:01:01] yeah i thought it was gonna have like hill figure down the side or some just
[00:01:03] ok alright alright fine motherfuckers i won't buy a relax and i want to look
[00:01:20] you know i got i got jacket money mother fucker i'm trying to get sucked
[00:01:23] off in a new rain slicker every day right that's we got jacket money
[00:01:27] jacket money did we were what you call our and see that
[00:01:47] maybe that's what i'm going to start doing i'm gonna start donating every piece of
[00:01:54] and that way i keep making new memories with new clothing you sexual memories
[00:02:00] because i feel like i have some go to fits that i know will get me slurped off
[00:02:04] and you know where the stuff is a person for the work
[00:02:12] you know maybe your cock pops a little more a certain pair of jeans
[00:02:15] uh... i'm i'm just full health cost these days yeah
[00:02:20] health cost is like the thing from four years ago as from four years ago
[00:02:24] but next bring it back i'm not trying not actively trying to do it i don't know
[00:02:28] what it is just fell into actually being a health got yet what the fuck is
[00:02:31] health got was when you're liking good shape and then you
[00:02:34] also where nothing but black athletic here and then you put on black lipstick
[00:02:37] and kiss boys i thought i'm in yet i think in that a lot of you thought that
[00:02:42] i'm putting on dark as a black with my shick but bushwick you do a lot of bush
[00:02:47] you get so we're in black nail polish he does he's wearing it right now
[00:02:55] pictures as the most beautiful manicured toenails
[00:02:59] what i'm in towing that's what health got this
[00:03:04] only tell i said i'm bringing back health got them and i'm changing the definition
[00:03:10] you know what you know what wearing like tommy hillfinger and like bomb
[00:03:13] equipment all the shit is it's very similar to norm core
[00:03:16] mmm isn't norm core just wearing like loose fitting jeans and it's like
[00:03:22] yeah that's so dumb it's just like it's just like it's just dressing normal jeans
[00:03:28] we mean if we yes it's true that's why it's called norm core it's dressing
[00:03:32] yeah but why does it have a name because it's because it's so dumb because it's
[00:03:36] being done by people that are aware that there's other ways to dress
[00:03:40] what other ways are to dress besides what you want to dress health got health
[00:03:45] but isn't that just how you want to rest no how you dress because if you're
[00:03:48] aware that there's other ways to dress yourself then what's normal could no
[00:03:52] longer be normal it has to be an active decision here that i hate when you see
[00:03:56] people and hear that i just started dressing the way they dress
[00:04:00] like they didn't dress and where it is silly we're gonna have to have to put
[00:04:04] a pause on you real quick because you are not going to dictate the tempo or
[00:04:11] also it was a stupid ass point yeah in fact you know so let's just we'll take
[00:04:18] and instead of you making a point we're gonna be mocking you for how dumb the
[00:04:22] no i wasn't a dumb point you stupid idiot you know i'm sorry and so you're saying
[00:04:26] when people start something new yeah exam maybe transitioning into a new
[00:04:30] lifestyle uh-huh you should shame them at first
[00:04:33] is that what you're saying no whether it be clothing or or homosexuality
[00:04:38] i was just saying gender but genitals are tied to clothes no but i would be
[00:04:42] i don't know what is a pussy other than a glove i would be i would be
[00:04:47] yes i would i would welcome shame if now all of a sudden i started
[00:04:52] dressing like a gay space man or something you do all it would take would be like
[00:04:56] one piece of tin foil and you would dress like a gay space man
[00:04:59] first of all let's take gay out of whatever you're gonna dress like yeah
[00:05:03] overall let's just let's just admit that's just my neighborhood at night holy
[00:05:12] he cannot bomb for one second before getting uncomfortable and
[00:05:16] fidgeting and doing some kind of bullshit i didn't bomb i wasn't a comfortable
[00:05:19] you didn't let that moment hang for a second you knew what you said
[00:05:23] was good you should see my my neighborhood at night
[00:05:26] was going to bomb you could feel it for the way he doesn't care and i'm looking
[00:05:30] at him he did the McDonald's slogan from 15 years
[00:05:35] that was gold you know that was good that was good have you done
[00:05:40] ba-ba-ba-ba i'm loving it on stage no i'm done ba-da-da-da i'm fucking gay
[00:05:45] that's pretty good actually that's good that's a good bit that you wouldn't come
[00:05:50] up with that adam who returns that's right from south Australia today
[00:05:54] adam's never coming back oh he's coming back he's back he's back already he
[00:05:58] and i will fight to the death for third that would be kind of funny actually
[00:06:02] if he and i fought for third yeah i mean you both don't bring anything to the
[00:06:05] show other than i bring a lot more to talk so it's a stupid
[00:06:08] idiot dude if adam yellow racing liquor if adam
[00:06:12] starts kissing before the before the show that we mean
[00:06:14] when got coffee and he's like can you just like cool it on the dad stuff
[00:06:18] yeah here he goes here he goes all missing fucking tmz mollum
[00:06:23] he bugged you could find the guy and he's like yeah yeah it must have been really
[00:06:27] hard yeah yeah i'm empathetic off like then on like he's like here's all your
[00:06:32] secrets that's not a secret that's not a secret
[00:06:38] yeah yes it is i could find it in you to take it easy you dead-eyed idiot
[00:06:54] anyway anyway yesy and you're right it is i do hate it when people start
[00:06:58] dressing in your way i do go ahead and expound on that
[00:07:02] well you see starry but that's coming from a guy that's changed his look so
[00:07:08] much throughout his life me yeah how you were like uh you know kind of like a
[00:07:13] ugly bitch s nerd yeah and then punk rock guy and now you're like what was a
[00:07:19] what you're not ugly punk rock guy yeah and now you're what i know like
[00:07:24] Paul Giovanni yeah clown if he was gay or an uglier compliment
[00:07:31] the best part was and i love how you don't think you're ugly that's
[00:07:35] honestly what the funniest gmotties probably the closest way to describe
[00:07:39] your look yeah you're not fat gmottie that's true yeah not in shape gmottie
[00:07:43] uh-huh and you're too way to suck a trans dick
[00:07:49] some some what youtube don't be i look like uh
[00:07:51] Nick Cage and Paul Giovanni had a baby with alopecia
[00:07:57] it's so hard now you shouldn't have said anything and see how long it takes
[00:08:01] before he does i fucked up i'm loving it
[00:08:05] before i said give me a break give me a break that it wasn't that bad please
[00:08:10] give me a break give me a laugh give me a laugh come on guys just give me a laugh
[00:08:17] again i love how you even bought with his own joke
[00:08:20] he read he remembered a youtube bird someone did on him
[00:08:25] which stuck with me damn dude that just gonna show you guys if you want to
[00:08:30] troll someone and it's gonna affect them uh Ian is definitely a good-ass
[00:08:34] choice yeah yeah he gets real mad about stuff
[00:08:38] and then he'll he'll forget that you're not going to keep a secret
[00:08:43] five minutes later he'll be like yeah one time i was uh
[00:08:46] i was raped by Patrick Stewart don't tell anybody
[00:08:49] you're like what do you mean don't tell it yeah that's the one thing i will tell
[00:08:54] although it is got to be nice though there's you're you live in complete
[00:08:57] freedom you know you could tell someone a horrific
[00:09:00] traumatic thing like when you eventually tell us the story of when you did get
[00:09:03] molested and then it'll just come out immediately and you
[00:09:06] it won't even bear on your soul at all oh stavros i've still got secrets
[00:09:11] that is awesome dude imagine the shit it doesn't feel comfortable saying
[00:09:19] so horrific did you go on a date with his zz and there we go
[00:09:22] yep there it is did he finger your whole
[00:09:25] it adds i went out with his ease i'm sorry and he kept putting his
[00:09:28] fingers in my mouth like a v yeah and then rubbing it down on clearly
[00:09:33] that i mean you know it stands for vagina by the way
[00:09:38] basically what's the way i do let you know that he was using his fingers in a
[00:09:45] shit did you read that shit yeah motherfucker just seems like such a nerd
[00:09:50] salacious yeah i mean i'm sure uh uh like uh what like a trans
[00:09:55] literated version of you having sex would sound just as
[00:09:58] no it would sound hot dude no it would sound
[00:10:00] fucking bad that's the thing with all these fucking fingers smelled like
[00:10:03] soprasetta and he kept which is a fucking afro-deezy act
[00:10:07] he kept asking why do you think i he kept asking me
[00:10:16] he said he wanted to be one pussy guy he's in the bottle with your pussy
[00:10:20] he said he wanted to grab my pussy cheese like a grandma on picture day
[00:10:26] hell yeah dude i'm trying to get off and then pussy cheeks
[00:10:32] i got a couple nuts for those pussy cheeks
[00:10:39] no dude people wouldn't be allowed we couldn't read my shit because it would
[00:10:42] be too erotic yeah they'd come to they transcribed everybody's ads actual
[00:10:46] look i'm not going to sit here and pretend like there hasn't been at least
[00:10:48] several times in my life where i've checked twitter while fucking
[00:10:53] it's like have you considered that maybe you're just boring
[00:10:58] you know flip it on her you can also just be boring the fuck
[00:11:02] i think he just also is probably not i don't know just didn't fuck good that one
[00:11:07] time yeah and like clearly did not pay attention to another human being at
[00:11:11] all he kind of sounded like he had it in his mind that she wanted this like
[00:11:15] wild sex thing she's sitting there naked blowing him
[00:11:18] i know that's sorry that's not like mixed signals that's like consent that is
[00:11:23] consent that's uh there's no way yeah but if she's
[00:11:26] multiple times saying no or like later pushing his hand away
[00:11:30] also too we don't know if it was in like a setting way and then like
[00:11:34] blowing him later and sitting there Nate i mean it was yeah i mean you get
[00:11:37] brow beaten into blowing someone it happens to Ian all the time that wasn't
[00:11:40] described in the story you can't get brow beaten into blowing someone
[00:11:43] Ian believes you can it's like well then what about
[00:11:46] 10 times 10 right about ages 14 through last week what about on a playground
[00:11:52] i mean but but real talk though it does seem like
[00:11:57] because people have been talking about his ease for a while so there's probably
[00:12:00] multiple people that have said a thing and like this is
[00:12:03] this is just the first story that got published and it's written by like i
[00:12:07] think that the girl that wrote it is like 12
[00:12:10] and the i it was yeah i mean she's like 20
[00:12:14] 20 is just a shitty writer it's not like right
[00:12:16] particularly well done it's uh i love how it was like i'm sure he like
[00:12:21] turned on Seinfeld i'd never seen it yeah like okay you're it's gonna be one
[00:12:24] of those things where people like look at this story and they're like well
[00:12:27] this is kind of a gray area thing and then next week it's like
[00:12:31] Aziz Ansari raped someone at gunpoint in the bathroom
[00:12:34] and then it was like see that's what you get for not believing the first
[00:12:37] thing it's an appetizer rape story yeah you think they're starting to do it
[00:12:41] like a fucking it's a little pig in a blanket
[00:12:44] little mooch is what people call my dick
[00:12:48] which is the beginning of the stavaros howlke is bomb shell story
[00:12:52] he fucking i went in there he's big in the blanket
[00:12:55] and one is in my dick it's in a crescent room i heard your hunk
[00:13:00] he's he's he slapped a crescent tube against my ass to pop it open
[00:13:07] he's a word i'm little smoky's that bitch
[00:13:21] see if Aziz had that kind of confidence and then he asked me for
[00:13:25] absolutely that's he fucked up by not involving snacks
[00:13:29] oh i got the snacks on day so i thought it was fucked up
[00:13:32] how she was like not till a second date and he goes well how about some wine
[00:13:37] does that count as a second date or whatever that was like that's a bit
[00:13:40] much yeah i mean he comes off looking bad for
[00:13:44] sure he comes off looking pathetic yeah but i mean yeah
[00:13:47] corner corner yeah corny corny is sure i'm saying bad and very corny
[00:13:52] like he doesn't know what he's doing and he's just trying to fumbles way
[00:13:55] through sex like this is something like
[00:13:59] yeah that's really good that's most people
[00:14:01] all all of these like dickless you know guys like an indian cat person
[00:14:21] yep indian cat person that's right brother he's calling back that new york
[00:14:28] or bullshit in what ways and do you have a
[00:14:32] thought out bit or is it just a loose shitty premise with some sound effects
[00:14:36] yeah well like most of your it's no taking a blanket
[00:14:40] there you go do your little horse calling noise
[00:14:44] come here bit here bit damn i'm gonna call my dig a little smoky from now
[00:14:49] until eternity damn it sucks because i love tube a lot as well but
[00:14:55] tube is a general thing little smokies just my dick
[00:14:59] um anyway uh fuck all right i think his
[00:15:04] disease is is uh good and you don't think you did anything wrong
[00:15:09] and his comedy is wonderful yeah uh i think he's got to be who's next he's
[00:15:14] probably so famous he doesn't know how to really deal with like
[00:15:17] women without having some sort of i don't know about that excuse but then he
[00:15:20] made that book that was like modern dating
[00:15:23] la la la la yeah i mean i don't know wait amber's
[00:15:27] rolling her eyes what's wrong amber's always rolling her eyes that's what
[00:15:30] amber's about being rich why about what i said about being him being rich
[00:15:44] this is no one can no one can hear amber says i'm trying to appear more woke
[00:15:49] than i am no i mean i don't i don't think the guy
[00:15:51] raped but i do think it was fucking weird it's just he's just a bad situation
[00:15:57] right he just first of all one thing is like
[00:16:01] like a corny being bad at fucking or flirting is not criminal it's not
[00:16:05] warranted a story right it doesn't make him a bad person in any
[00:16:08] fucking way and it's like not even do even couching you're like well it's not
[00:16:13] rape but he does come off pretty bad it doesn't mean anything you shouldn't
[00:16:18] even be making that argument right but beyond that like
[00:16:22] any sexual encounter is very easy to sterilize and put in print and it looks
[00:16:26] like that's for sure just like in your anytime you sterilize it write it down
[00:16:31] it's gonna look right like imagine it's like
[00:16:33] you know to say to say like oh and then he like looked in the mirror and flexed
[00:16:37] that sounds gross right but then you imagine christian bale five percent
[00:16:44] complexion you know and then you're like that's you know
[00:16:49] i'm not gay but yeah i want to look i want to look and fuck like that i
[00:16:53] won't look like i want to fuck him until i become of course you know and it's
[00:16:56] how i feel as well yeah that's some weird like christian bale yeah yeah
[00:17:00] so yeah so we should just pull up some picks of christian bale and put
[00:17:03] i was already i was already checking on my phone
[00:17:05] okay uh i do that pretty often batman christian bale or no
[00:17:10] dude american psycho who gives it anyone anyone can fucking look like batman
[00:17:13] christian bale yeah american he's more big
[00:17:16] obese in that movie whole nother level and you get to see him work out being
[00:17:21] people don't appreciate how lean he was in that film that's probably that's
[00:17:24] probably the best shape any actor's ever gotten in for any fucking movie
[00:17:27] and then he lost it all for the machinist he did lose it all for the
[00:17:30] machinist you think the bet he that's the sexiest any actors look
[00:17:33] not the sexiest but i'm Brad Pitt and fight club in terms of
[00:17:36] fitness he looks better he looks better now bale bale has bale
[00:17:39] bale has way more muscle on him than than Brad Pitt and fight club Brad
[00:17:43] but i'm fight club is just like that's a guy that ate a bunch of yogurt and did
[00:17:46] push-ups he just looks he's he looks better in snatch
[00:17:50] uh... yeah i mean he's still he's always been a lean guy
[00:17:53] yes um but like bale in american psycho is like the leanest
[00:17:57] i i that i've seen in movies in terms of like uh
[00:18:00] you know what what somebody was able to do to themselves
[00:18:03] so you think lean muscles the way to go yeah because it's very difficult to get
[00:18:06] underneath like nine eight percent body fat and still like be
[00:18:10] you know i have some yeah yeah still have some muscle on you
[00:18:13] maybe that's what i'll do for this year is that people look like i think you
[00:18:15] could people look like wow look how fucking jack tom hardy got for bane
[00:18:19] and it's like he is fat oh or unlike brawnson
[00:18:22] yeah he's just like huge traps he's just fat as shit
[00:18:25] damn i would love to look that kind of fat dude that's my dream fat
[00:18:28] yeah for real dude big-ass traps big-ass arms no titties
[00:18:32] already already naturally has big traps i don't know if it's a posture or what
[00:18:36] right he has like just huge drop if you just did nothing but push-ups
[00:18:40] you'd you'd be like no ray dude yes i can't i can't do that many push-ups
[00:18:45] if you started with 20 push-ups a day and increased by 20 a day
[00:18:49] increase 20 a day are you out of your fucking mind that's so easy i can't do
[00:18:53] 40 you do tell me if i did 20 push-ups today you're
[00:18:55] fucking you are you are mentally retarded what
[00:18:59] did you think that in a week you could do 140 push-ups consecutively that's
[00:19:03] crazy you're out of your fucking mind well then
[00:19:06] space of the day one day you think i'm gonna be able to double my push-ups
[00:19:10] dude i'm fat as shit my arms if you have you have a five
[00:19:14] all i'm saying is is you're never gonna do it if you don't get on some kind of
[00:19:22] when i think you could be tom hardy big by the end of the year if you start
[00:19:25] working now if all i do is push-ups yes and curve your diet a bit
[00:19:29] whoa yeah there it is curve it or curve it but i true don't you think if he
[00:19:33] if he roger made himself with push-ups he could get tom hardy big no i think so
[00:19:38] no i think cian thank you ean amber thoughts
[00:19:45] i could do it could i do a hundred how long do you think it would take me to
[00:19:48] a hundred push-ups probably like uh... it's on march how many can do right now
[00:19:55] right now no i know we're not going to turn this into
[00:20:01] there would be no exercise on my let's say i could do ten
[00:20:05] there's not gonna be any of those uh uh let's see if we can suck each other's
[00:20:18] if i ever fucking whoever comes in the other person's mouth first gets the
[00:20:25] that also that also somehow neutralize a breathalyzer test
[00:20:31] they're sponsoring the show it's the self-suck weed
[00:20:36] so you can suck your own dick and then also beat a fucking DUI test
[00:20:42] i'm just trying to get a hundred dollars of free credits to the
[00:20:46] law from the specializes in getting your kids back to your bitch wife
[00:20:56] did your fucking bank account get overdrawn from your adult karate classes
[00:21:01] your wages being garnished by child support
[00:21:13] i'm 47 years old i'm taking fucking tai kwan jitsu
[00:21:17] i'm gonna be a fuck i'm gonna be a fucking fighter
[00:21:21] i lost all my hair already but i will not lose the imaginary fights i have with
[00:21:29] i put my head what i'm coming up with tactical defenses in him
[00:21:34] calling me brother man while i'm trying to i'm while i'm eyeballing this
[00:21:38] chinese woman for the only seat left i'm a fucking ultraman
[00:21:43] you better not fuck with me i've been going to i've been going to brazilian
[00:21:47] kai jatsu for fucking two weeks i just learned how to do a sit-up
[00:21:51] fuck i want to do a hundred push-ups i'm gonna
[00:21:58] i'm gonna do a hundred push-ups i can't i can't wait until like mma gives way to a
[00:22:02] new sport where you just pull your dick out and then like a ref comes over with a ruler
[00:22:09] now they would that would never catch on yeah well because then like there would be
[00:22:13] all these guys going to dick growing classes taught by you know some chinese
[00:22:17] guy with a thick accent and then their dick would never actually grow but they
[00:22:21] would get the fantasized about one day i could be a professional big dick
[00:22:25] having gotten a boom a day of training you i've been going for nine years
[00:22:29] because i i haven't had my diet locked in that's right you gotta you gotta eat
[00:22:33] four hundred dollars worth of pineapple a day that's right that's right because of
[00:22:37] my pitch wife and the child support i owe for tyler
[00:22:41] for tylor and conrad my two sons it's not just about big dicks it's about
[00:22:46] sweet dicks too that's where the pineapple comes in yeah the ref does a quick swab
[00:22:51] and a taste test to see who's got the sweetest thing west benster the ref comes
[00:22:57] if you get your balls a little lee you get the log in and put it through an obstacle course
[00:23:07] what are you saying the amount of inches of penis you have yes
[00:23:10] yes heart i get a good hug was that sure dian
[00:23:16] yeah did you just change the bend kissle shirt why did you change shirts we're both
[00:23:20] wearing we're both wearing shirts that belong to other comedians we got for free
[00:23:24] yeah are you friends with kissle yeah i've met i've met him maybe twice maybe
[00:23:28] every kissle to his dickle a little yeah what did what did
[00:23:32] put an enormous human being he is so tall oh is it that tall but he's got like
[00:23:37] a big ass he's got like giganticism or something
[00:23:41] his head is like the size of a fucking medicine ball
[00:23:44] yeah yeah yeah he's got a nice hair too he's got a nice hair nice hair
[00:23:49] that man he has a nice hair he's got a nice hair
[00:23:53] he has nice hair he's got a nice hair bro he does he's got a nice hair man
[00:24:01] he's got a nice head of hair what do you want from me
[00:24:04] if flops just right yeah i'm jealous you speak for a living
[00:24:10] he has a nice head bro i'm a fucking immigrant don't shame me dude
[00:24:15] that's our way of man that's our fucking would you shame someone for using
[00:24:19] uh ebonics yes yeah i do it all the time
[00:24:27] uh fuck yeah i don't know man i think i i am gonna
[00:24:31] try and i say it all the time i gotta get it right
[00:24:34] which i was a giant dude i want fucking bone surgery i want my
[00:24:38] bone transplant that shit where you break your legs
[00:24:41] that's excruciating no i want to put the whole thing i want a whole brand new
[00:24:44] skeleton oh that would hurt so bad bigger head you know
[00:24:47] everything you can do it if you start today
[00:24:51] yeah how much milk does milk make your bones bigger no that's bullshit right
[00:24:56] no dude you don't you don't understand the fundamentals of
[00:24:59] how human beings grow or when they stop growing what the fuck is the point of
[00:25:02] bones or milk then what's the point of bone i get the point of bones why do we
[00:25:07] have bone milk is that it tastes good but it's bad
[00:25:10] delicious thing to drink it's not bad for you a lot of people i think like
[00:25:13] strength and the majority of the population is lactose intolerant
[00:25:16] yeah yeah i feel like now that when if i eat too much cheese i'm just
[00:25:20] my my ass i think i've got a faucet lactose intolerant my ass all turns into
[00:25:24] the the little the thing from the uh from 7-11
[00:25:33] shaking of which yeah that was pretty good one good example of what you were
[00:25:38] just speaking of yeah i got to cut the dairy out
[00:25:41] i got to cut a lot of stuff out man i keep gas x in my bag
[00:25:45] does it help uh yeah have you ever been getting fucked and you have to
[00:25:52] no i don't know uh yeah okay just try to involve
[00:25:57] union now i think i've gotten lactose intolerant
[00:26:02] over the years yeah yeah so why get well isn't uh
[00:26:06] the trans come milk because it's fake yeah
[00:26:11] yeah to refill with whole milk yeah it's like it's like formula
[00:26:17] it's next to the simple act okay i would i would love to meet like you know
[00:26:21] somebody who got the fake penis surgery but like whoever they went to like
[00:26:26] you know like just the cheapest doctor they could find
[00:26:36] what would they make it out of you think like like thiamine
[00:26:39] thiamine but it just looks like it looks like a like a just a big hot dog
[00:26:43] yeah oh there's no discernible head or anything yeah
[00:26:47] wait a minute they have to have to draw the head on every day
[00:26:52] like eyeliner they got really good at contouring and shit yeah
[00:26:56] i feel like your instagram contour videos yeah
[00:26:59] make your dick look really like hook up with that corner of them and they've
[00:27:02] like you go to suck their dick and you realize they've just drawn a dick on
[00:27:10] that's my move in the light i draw it on the side of my thigh
[00:27:13] like let's let's get let's get a little more indubit
[00:27:17] turn the lamp off and they're stuck with my regular my little smoky
[00:27:22] they're stuck making deal with my little smoky
[00:27:26] i was laughing yesterday about like and some has probably said this already but
[00:27:30] like you know you cook up with a girl and then you like
[00:27:32] she's like do you have a condom and you're like yeah yeah yeah you know like take
[00:27:35] the condom out and then you just unroll the condom and you start
[00:27:38] shoving it in her pussy and just like hold the outside then you
[00:27:42] fuck the condom what you put the condom use you put the condom in her pussy
[00:27:48] and you unwrap it in there and then oh like they'll do with their mouth
[00:27:52] no no who does it with them you mean the girl
[00:27:55] so yeah yeah yeah yeah how much frost it
[00:28:02] it's so funny that like a very large percentage of the sex you've had has
[00:28:06] been with that's actually not true oh really it is true
[00:28:10] i've i've banged a lot okay but how many times has it been with a
[00:28:14] sex worker i don't know man between between zero and ten
[00:28:22] absolutely not stop pretending like that's even on the table
[00:28:26] less than 50 with prostitutes yeah less than 20
[00:28:31] okay but they've just been very memorable experiences yeah
[00:28:35] to one that's a lot of times though you know you think about think about like
[00:28:39] do you consider yourself like a a guy that does drugs
[00:28:44] no i don't do drugs anymore sure well then you do yeah how many times have you
[00:28:48] done mushrooms honestly think about it yeah i guess
[00:28:51] like six times yeah it's really not a lot right so now imagine mushrooms are like
[00:28:55] a man's penis yeah but you hate that you mentioned how many times you don't
[00:29:00] cope it's like a coke way more than that yeah i've done right way more than that
[00:29:02] yeah and i mean i spoke we but doesn't count any more
[00:29:06] drugs right we're over that being done i hate that yeah i mean i used i used to
[00:29:11] smoke weed all day every day it sucks you listen
[00:29:16] just because you can't you have a weak constitution that can't
[00:29:18] it can't handle weed now we start dropping n-box
[00:29:26] now he's punching stop because that was the that was the secret he didn't want us to
[00:29:30] show we should talk about that i would come here it makes you cool
[00:29:38] hold on look a lot of people know this about me already but just to reiterate
[00:29:42] i'm a master of public relations that's right
[00:29:45] that's absolutely right i am i'm fucking am and i'll tell you
[00:29:51] so Ian had a little bit of a manic whoopsie do last year
[00:29:56] and it's i like i mean honestly you should clear there because i don't
[00:30:00] think what you did is i know that it's good but it's like not your fault
[00:30:05] no he's not you know what he sucked off a school
[00:30:09] boss for what i talk about it i've had manic episodes
[00:30:13] yeah i've done shit what's the what's the most regrettable thing you did during
[00:30:16] a manic episode nichon actually nothing i kind of
[00:30:19] embrace everything i ever did it was there's a more productive times in my
[00:30:23] life the last one i took down brian singer
[00:30:26] i was that was me and my mania didn't you want to take the government's
[00:30:33] out to get me that's what i do didn't you want to be a fur
[00:30:36] trader or some shit what did you have some oh yeah yeah yeah i was gonna go do
[00:30:40] no we talked about it no we talked about a gas digital i was going to go do
[00:30:43] taxidermy that's right no way yeah yeah they got a taxidermy school in
[00:30:48] montana which i've never been to but i hear it's beautiful
[00:30:52] from where i would hear that love to go to my
[00:30:56] street go to taxidermy school that would be so i heard from my
[00:31:00] fucking well-traveled friends star rose okay
[00:31:04] dana was montana adjacent she went to that school no she went to Yosemite to
[00:31:09] bartend but oh that's right or maybe it was yellow stone i
[00:31:12] know how much is taxidermy school how long do you have to be in it
[00:31:15] what how long do you have to be in tax oh it's like six weeks
[00:31:18] no yeah sure yo let's go to taxidermy school i would love that
[00:31:24] yeah that does seem like a thing you would be into
[00:31:27] yeah just a weird skill dude let's start a scene out in
[00:31:30] you'd probably be good at it anybody because it's an art form if you're good
[00:31:33] at drywall you're probably a pretty good taxidermy
[00:31:37] i think i'm basing that on as someone who's
[00:31:40] good at neither yeah yeah would you consider hanging drywall art
[00:31:45] yes yeah to a certain extent really you could make it an art
[00:31:51] okay you really get it on the studs good or whatever the fuck
[00:31:54] mm-hmm they're called turds yeah you got them on the turds yeah turds are
[00:31:59] spaced every 16 inches on turds yeah nice yeah so that there's turds
[00:32:04] behind the wall yeah you gotta mud up the turds nice
[00:32:09] sounds hot i love a nice turds well man the problem is
[00:32:14] is that somebody didn't come your turds probably
[00:32:17] oh me i won from Ottawa so the construction terms are a little bit
[00:32:21] different but yeah now instead of studs we say turds
[00:32:26] and instead of a plaster we say come and then you don't want to know what we
[00:32:32] call the black eyes that we're going to call them
[00:32:35] specs which i know it does is that sounds
[00:32:40] both mean and wrong and you know what it is but
[00:32:43] that's that's actually the first amendment in Canada
[00:32:46] or that's part of the anthem is that i thought it would be mean
[00:32:50] i told you about that guy i worked with right the plumber i worked with
[00:32:54] oh that story is hilarious well plumber i don't know why you didn't tell this
[00:32:57] one yet oh my god dude hit us with it so i i was working
[00:33:01] construction and we would sub out plumbing work and there's this guy who
[00:33:06] was just such a fucking Delaware hick oh yeah and we were at this really nice
[00:33:11] house having lunch and me and my buddy that were
[00:33:14] framing out the basement stuff were sitting there in the plumbers in other
[00:33:16] table and somehow it was like right around uh
[00:33:21] two the 2008 election right so everything was like
[00:33:26] literally so fucking we're all having this talk and the homeowner was like look
[00:33:30] if you're in your 20s and you're not liberal you don't have a heart if you're
[00:33:33] in your 30s you're not republican you don't have a brain
[00:33:36] 30s like set the fucking plumber off in a certain point
[00:33:40] he's in the kitchen goes i just don't understand why we have to co-exist
[00:33:56] why we have to co-exist middle of a home or is that
[00:33:59] that's also it's a family is there it's a plumber too so you imagine his like
[00:34:03] ass is completely exposed yeah yeah why we have to co-exist
[00:34:13] uh oh it's the best should we have separate countries guys i take
[00:34:17] we already have separate countries what are you talking about
[00:34:20] you've learned this country in the separate countries
[00:34:22] oh turn american to separate countries we tried to do that
[00:34:25] a lot of people died yeah but you do it again
[00:34:29] yeah i guess i'm too i mean i always said that seems like a better solution is
[00:34:33] you just have like half the states you're allowed to have slaves
[00:34:36] mm-hmm oh you want to bring slavery back well that's what you meant
[00:34:39] to separate countries well i mean i meant yes the
[00:34:41] menicat and fatteracy i don't mean that's certainly
[00:34:43] and ring slavery and to make people do labor that's what you meant
[00:34:46] yeah no sevra sakius i think the south should have won
[00:34:50] yeah the south will listen south south rise again yes of course
[00:34:54] of course that's what i believe how could i turn my back on any
[00:34:57] culture that fries so many pork chops and butter
[00:35:01] you know what i mean yeah also cajun food cajun food
[00:35:05] all ball i i was just talking to somebody the other day about how i don't
[00:35:08] i don't know the difference between gumbo and jumbo laya
[00:35:11] i don't actually know what's in either race oh fuck i don't know either i just
[00:35:15] love what that's like breaking up i don't look i'd rule
[00:35:18] no i just know you just eat things i don't i don't know food
[00:35:22] you know gumbo if i had to guess i was with my grandma and an ex-girlfriend one
[00:35:27] time fuck i don't know and they were we were at the grocery store they both
[00:35:30] have shrimp then we were going to go get food
[00:35:33] and they were like nik can you go get uh they asked me to get a specific type of
[00:35:37] squash and then i just like came back with a
[00:35:40] kumkin no i just hid in the grocery store because i never
[00:35:45] and i was too embarrassed to admit that i have no i'm serious he never spoke to
[00:35:49] his girlfriend or grandmother again that's what he moved to new york
[00:35:53] i did well i i don't i have i couldn't tell you what a squash looks like on the
[00:35:56] outside what do you mean outside of a common yellow
[00:35:59] sometimes is eggplant a squash no are you sure yeah are you fucking shill
[00:36:05] get up what is it i will suck it straight or something
[00:36:08] it's a nitrate nitrate nitrate it's a nitrate
[00:36:11] okay nitrate nitrate nitrate nitrate nitrate nitrate nitrate nitrate
[00:36:16] thanks ambs it's an Italian term for black people yeah
[00:36:18] it is tomatoes are a nitrate aren't they yeah you know what it also is
[00:36:23] potatoes tomatoes is a fruit tomatoes and potatoes
[00:36:26] are come from a similar plant a lot of people know that the potato parts the
[00:36:30] underground part in the tomatoes tomatoes up
[00:36:32] for a friend but that's some wrong shit no it's not it's true it's wrong as
[00:36:38] fuck it's real well it's no better than a plant
[00:36:40] you know you're a nitrate no it isn't it
[00:36:44] oh because you know vegetables yeah what an eggplant is a night that's a type of
[00:36:47] battery isn't it i don't fucking know man nickel metal hydrant i was on the
[00:36:51] right path i got the night shake player is a double
[00:36:59] doesn't even let us let him hang on it we were both going to
[00:37:04] and he didn't even give us the opportunity to get a couple seconds of silence
[00:37:17] you know they say about comics you have to be completely uncomfortable with
[00:37:28] fuck shit dude this has gone pretty well dude it's a much better show than when
[00:37:32] adam's on yeah man fuck Adam yeah i hope he dies
[00:37:35] on the way back fingers crossed that would be pretty funny we'd have to go
[00:37:41] to funeral where would the funeral be in africa or here
[00:37:44] um or in the sea where the plane went down who cares in israel in israel
[00:37:50] next year in israel right isn't that what they say to each other on
[00:37:53] shabbos yeah or shabas shabas mohamed damn my name is shabas
[00:38:09] acidic black woman yeah yeah and hey maybe
[00:38:14] do she like any who the fuck touched my high five cheetos
[00:38:18] come on you know i'm on shabas i can't be using the vending machine
[00:38:25] your poetry another high five cheetos on shabas
[00:38:31] oh yes or better wig she has to wear oh yeah she's already on
[00:38:35] on head of the curve when it comes to wig
[00:38:45] yeah i have a i have a bubblegum pink honda odyssey
[00:38:50] well i got it it's by some ericade car but it's a honda
[00:38:56] maybe she's into the joker too you know you never know
[00:38:59] joker is sitting just keep it's just a game of jenga retarded premise jenga
[00:39:06] at this point we just throw his much shit
[00:39:19] the 40 thieves have passed down for generations of clowns how to construct
[00:39:27] uh fuck man i'm really on a damn i found this i found this
[00:39:33] fucking nerd on twitter i've been laughing about his
[00:39:35] his bio what's it say i don't i don't want to like direct people to
[00:39:40] online bully this man because he doesn't have any followers but
[00:39:43] there's so many of these types of guys i feel so display name
[00:39:46] just get rid of the nazis oh my name's Jason
[00:39:50] here we go there's avatars this fucking shitty drawing of him
[00:39:55] uh why does so many motherfuckers have shitty drawings then i don't know he
[00:39:58] does i guarantee he doesn't do anything they have less than a hundred followers
[00:40:01] and they probably hired someone to do like for a hundred dollars to write the
[00:40:04] news responding that is these shit this is profile
[00:40:07] straight white sis male methodist on the surface
[00:40:10] a passionate feminist progressive ally humanitarian and gaming enthusiast
[00:40:16] oh he doesn't know how to finger yeah opinions are my own which like
[00:40:20] probably not actually yeah i guess ever else is pretty
[00:40:23] impressionable person in a weak constitution
[00:40:26] yeah and then he had this like thread of tweets i read earlier that's like i'm
[00:40:30] not a perfect ally i just pray that in acknowledging my shortcomings
[00:40:34] definitely apologize you know how much fucking like imagine god's real and he
[00:40:43] rolling his eyes like it like there's like fucking people dying and then some
[00:40:47] guys like i just pray that i'll never rape and god's like that's
[00:40:51] why i made women that's what i made them for
[00:40:57] you go against my plan yes you're wasting my time
[00:41:03] that i could be using to game because god plays playstation
[00:41:06] god plays playstation that's the only time we're getting you released when it
[00:41:09] gets tired of playing ps4 god listens to slayer and he plays
[00:41:12] battlefield one damn god's cool god did used to fucking murder some
[00:41:17] shit god's cool swaths of villages and shit
[00:41:20] sodom and gomorrah that's where Ian lives yep that's my own down
[00:41:25] yeah the top the tower the mayor of sodom Ian lives in Williamsburg
[00:41:29] what's your address which is so i know where i can see it
[00:41:34] in my mind's eye but i don't know the address yeah that's right it's like
[00:41:37] by grocery store i love when people who live in bushwick
[00:41:40] shit on Williamsburg oh yeah they're like oh what like hipster
[00:41:44] ass fucking Williams oh shan's like i fucking hate that
[00:41:46] that is bushwick yeah you're just poor because everything you think uh
[00:41:50] Williamsburg is Williamsburg it's just a place for like german millionaires to
[00:41:53] buy each other's clothes right right right right
[00:41:55] oh dude so many fucking vintage shops open up on
[00:41:59] in my yeah you so you're basically doing what nik is
[00:42:02] they think i just criticized you are now doing i didn't open up the
[00:42:07] shops no you're just doing exactly open up nik says
[00:42:15] eltrane vintage eltrane gross fit what's wrong with that i got no problem with
[00:42:19] that uh they're just eltrating us to hate everyone else
[00:42:23] it's all about being a bedside god you know oh my god did you wait a second
[00:42:27] dude did you hear what he said i did it on per bed no
[00:42:30] i stopped listening to you it didn't work five years
[00:42:35] they're eltraining us to hate everybody else is what he said
[00:42:40] i mean good lord man it was on purpose you fucking retard
[00:42:45] we think that's a legitimate thing i think you should take this eltrane and
[00:42:53] uh good anyway man hey sorry Williamsburg i love my
[00:43:17] i'll keep throwing it out like get approval
[00:43:36] uh where is where do you live and by one of the eltranes there's a park where
[00:43:43] like to minikens play baseball and shit yeah anything past metropol and isn't
[00:43:47] Williamsburg anymore yeah it is they call that bushwick now
[00:43:52] grand avenue is bushwick that's a scran street grand street
[00:43:55] if grand the stop is the start of bushwick no it's not
[00:43:59] that's no i think javinson's like javinson's start of
[00:44:04] bushwick oh okay well that's where that goes way out there
[00:44:06] but i'm off montrose nice yeah hell yeah dude i'm off montel yeah
[00:44:13] montel williams i'm off his dick is that how you do it
[00:44:16] yeah i suck this dick i used to suck his dick
[00:44:19] but i'm off that shit now that was the worst of the daytime talk shows
[00:44:23] montel williams yeah i'll use to fuck with ricky lake
[00:44:26] montel was so fucking boring yeah what was it what was the dude he's got a
[00:44:31] disease or some shit who would smoke and yell at
[00:44:34] very progressive stavros jesus christ what he's got a disease i'm sorry isn't
[00:44:39] that what being white skin dudes oh second please stop um no
[00:44:44] fucking he has some kind of disease he's got some kind of bone something
[00:44:48] yeah an extra bone well action bone is actually a bone disease that's how it
[00:44:52] stays hard yeah he's got a stavros aqueous the south should rise again so he can
[00:44:56] take down montel williams and the bone through his nose
[00:45:01] that's right motherfuckers quote me on that shit
[00:45:04] yeah i'm gonna eat some fucking chitlins
[00:45:07] ricky lake aka ricky cake because she was fat she was fat and it kind of what i
[00:45:11] liked about her i was funny it was straight up representation did matter
[00:45:14] to me as a fat child when i saw ricky lake really i'm not even kidding me too
[00:45:19] i liked her i feel that i was a fat kid but you forget i was also fat i felt
[00:45:24] the same thing towards ricky yes uh-uh and rosy rosy was my
[00:45:27] bitch dude that was my number one date after the role was great i just watched
[00:45:31] the other one and i started fucking crying dude i was on an edible and i
[00:45:34] saw i was tearing the fuck up at the end of that shit yeah
[00:45:37] that's a good ass movie when when the postman comes
[00:45:41] and uh he's like oh i have to come back tomorrow and tom hanks
[00:45:45] kicks him out of the locker room yeah that was a good yeah oh god it was so
[00:45:48] sad that was a good that was a good pull but yeah just at the end avoid the
[00:45:52] clap jimmy doogin so funny you fuck with the lead of their own
[00:46:00] nicholas um no not really it's a good ass movie
[00:46:04] dude this you see i haven't seen it like 20
[00:46:07] hanks goes off madonna's cutes you know rosy's
[00:46:12] pretending to be straight it's fucking hilarious yeah
[00:46:15] dream um gina gina davis holy shit coming through
[00:46:19] babe prime lori petty was that her sister yeah
[00:46:23] you gotta go home give the wife a little tickle pickle
[00:46:27] who's his name john love it love its rules was that actress it was in
[00:46:30] i'm gay down periscope and dumb and dumber she was married to jim
[00:46:33] carry in real life for what's that down periscope and dumb and dumber
[00:46:37] holly was that it oh yes the lady with the holly the lady with the bobbin
[00:46:42] in dumb and dumb and you see your butt and the sex lady been trying to fuck yeah
[00:46:45] the bitch yo guts are bad Samsonite Sam i would smash certified
[00:46:51] one hundred yeah i want to get all up in them guts
[00:46:54] interesting 90s down the only one yeah thank you
[00:46:59] you wouldn't i kind of want to rewatch dumber imagine it's funny still
[00:47:03] it's so good yeah it's so fucking good when he's
[00:47:07] dropping that woman off of the airport and she's like from austria or whatever
[00:47:10] he's like austria throwing out a shrimp on a
[00:47:12] bobby they're in the limbon he just goes i got worms
[00:47:22] yeah that's good man yeah you think you'd be that famous and not go fucking
[00:47:27] crazy because jim carries semen like a loon
[00:47:29] yeah no he's and he's apparently a bad guy too
[00:47:33] oh really he like made his ex-girlfriend kill
[00:47:35] herself jesus fight in her dad like die or something he's like you know what
[00:47:40] don't make you feel better if you suck my dick yeah what yeah yeah
[00:47:45] that's wild bro yeah yeah jim carries canceled
[00:47:48] yeah somebody's canceled jim carry that's how luice i was looking at like all
[00:47:53] that is these news and like the twitter moments and then luice's twitter came
[00:47:58] up luice who's verified by the way which seems wrong how for what i don't know
[00:48:02] i mean you know talking about so she's talking a guy with an extra room
[00:48:06] in his lower east side apartment into doing a podcast studio in it yeah i
[00:48:10] love luice of course everybody loves luice except for the
[00:48:13] people that don't which is actually a lot of people yeah
[00:48:16] but we fuck with luice i fuck with luice um i both fuck with luice in the like
[00:48:21] he's my friend sense and then also i like to fuck with luice yeah he's one of the
[00:48:24] he's so fun to fuck with yeah is he really sending his kid to like 40 000
[00:48:28] dollars a year he says what yeah go to fucking privacy in
[00:48:32] new york that's her regular school i'm sorry public school that's insane um
[00:48:38] so he was going off on his ease oh no he wasn't going off on his ease he just
[00:48:41] pointed out that like uh tj miller no repercussions
[00:48:46] really there's nothing happening nothing well did he have anything to lose dead
[00:48:50] pool too oh he's still in dead pool too yeah but wasn't his accusation
[00:48:54] anonymous nope nope nope i mean it was like didn't they discount it because
[00:48:58] she came out about it years ago and they were like this totally everybody
[00:49:02] in comedy anybody that has a career in comedy and does this professionally
[00:49:07] and is in an open mike or two-thirds of the people on this podcast they
[00:49:11] they they open mike rambour they embers on a comedian you fucking idiot
[00:49:17] i mean he that's i know i was deflecting you're trying to shoot on somebody that
[00:49:20] has i was i was somebody that somebody that's
[00:49:22] somebody that's accidentally has a better comedy career
[00:49:26] i know i know i know i know but who doe reluctantly is doing
[00:49:32] this doing so much better to as opposed to some of these
[00:49:36] actively trying yeah oh that's good that's that's is that what nikman
[00:49:39] yeah anyways you're all pieces of shit no we're not
[00:49:49] uh fuck anyways yeah no people know who it is
[00:49:53] you know and there's like legitimacy to this story it's not bullshit
[00:49:57] you know i'm not saying it was i was just questioning well i was i was
[00:50:02] unfamiliar on the top it seems like you were and questioning
[00:50:05] to get a better understanding yeah so it sounds like you weren't believing
[00:50:17] uh damn tj no reaper cushy's yeah well he was already
[00:50:24] what's it called he already left the hbo show yeah right that's probably good
[00:50:28] timing on both you know on his part there yeah
[00:50:31] but whatever and luice uh that's the only guy though huh
[00:50:36] i saw one article coming up on twitter or whatever while i was reading the
[00:50:40] news it's like was luice rooting yep the new season without tj miller looks
[00:50:43] like it's gonna be the funniest one yet it's gonna be the best one
[00:50:46] and it's like can we stop doing that shit yeah
[00:50:50] now i go but it looks like time to reinforce our morals by pretending
[00:50:54] everything is good yeah yeah if it's if it's on the same page as us
[00:50:59] it's also like what we do it's like remember when
[00:51:02] remember when uh i don't know if people get mad at mentioning but
[00:51:05] remember when already got in trouble for like making fun of that girl with
[00:51:07] the one arm or whatever and that girl made that video and then everyone's like
[00:51:11] well now i'm kind of glad this happened because i can be a fan of hers
[00:51:15] and then they watched her like shit comedy oh dude and in that video she
[00:51:19] wore a shirt that was like gay rights she was like i support black lives matter
[00:51:24] i'm queer cisgender la la la she like named every bullet point of like
[00:51:30] sadness and victimhood and then went into her whole entire thing
[00:51:33] so people would like feel even more sorry for her and support her
[00:51:36] it was fucking gross well i mean it's just that she's bad at comedy is the
[00:51:40] point next to me yeah well yeah i'm saying i'm saying there's no reason to
[00:51:44] i mean you know like look something horrific happens to somebody yeah
[00:51:49] they're victim whatever they should be consoled or
[00:51:52] whatever we need to address the problems whatever they may be
[00:51:56] socioli that led to that but like that does not mean that they're a good
[00:52:01] comedian right it doesn't mean that the people that
[00:52:03] called out the you know abuser are good comedians right it doesn't even mean
[00:52:08] that they're good people bad people can get raped
[00:52:12] that fucking happens you know and it's just like this idea that
[00:52:16] you know like our our everything's a yes like yeah critical thinking about
[00:52:21] art should just start and end with like this purity test
[00:52:26] right it's like in the second someone becomes a monster you're like
[00:52:29] well they weren't even funny yeah like what the fuck are you talking about
[00:52:34] but they were funny they just counted their body of work because they do
[00:52:37] something bad yeah it's like i wasn't even a Cosby fan but it's like the
[00:52:39] mother fucker you can't even argue that he didn't like
[00:52:43] he wasn't completely fundamental or 2014 and he demolished
[00:52:48] sitting down in like an old man temple hoodie like one eye drooping up the
[00:52:52] stage just demolished so funny yeah he didn't rape anyone
[00:52:59] wow dude come on man we're trying to get to the bottom of something here
[00:53:04] yeah man i am and you have to fucking make cheap jokes Ian yeah i know i think
[00:53:08] you've overstayed your welcome on company
[00:53:12] yeah it actually does feel like right around the good this winding down
[00:53:17] fuck both of you yeah we got five minutes left with Ian and then you'll uh
[00:53:21] never be seen again never be on the show yeah come on
[00:53:24] you can you can stick to your once every two months bennington appearance
[00:53:27] oh once a month motherfucker all right i only did bennington once
[00:53:34] it's a good show bennington's funny as shit man he's funny as shit but the one
[00:53:37] i was on i felt like i was on with ebb and it felt like
[00:53:41] it felt bad like it wasn't good oh really well i thought i'd be turned into like
[00:53:45] sobriety chat and i fucking hate that shit oh yeah and i don't want to be like
[00:53:49] a well i'm sober you know the fucking journey of being
[00:53:53] a show with a first time on the show yeah yeah yeah every time he has someone on
[00:53:57] for the first time it's like a get-to-know-you type thing
[00:54:00] so that's probably why it was like that yeah but there's other things i could
[00:54:04] talk about for sure white nationalism yeah waking my it's like they didn't even
[00:54:10] get nix fucking pre-show powerpoint that he said every
[00:54:14] every radio show every every stand-up show that books him
[00:54:17] he sends them this promo kit ask me about my swastika medallion
[00:54:25] ask me about it um how do you get it so sure i want to get
[00:54:30] adam for his birthday a little swastika yarmica that's good
[00:54:35] mhm when's his birthday i don't think anybody knows
[00:54:38] who cares yeah i don't give a fuck yeah i think it's april
[00:54:41] mine's february 11th i know it's coming up oh i kind of ignore
[00:54:45] friend's birthdays if they're in the beginning of the year i don't know why
[00:54:48] i guess mine's all the holidays is number 31st jake's birthday is in january
[00:54:52] oh that's right at the end of january and it's always just never pay attention
[00:54:55] to it but jake doesn't really either so i don't feel too bad yeah you're fine
[00:54:59] yeah i don't know what the fuck i'm gonna do i might go back to baltimore
[00:55:03] yeah my friend's open to baburi i might go have a little party
[00:55:07] do a little show yeah why don't you go to the m&m store in time square that
[00:55:10] seems up your alley i am banned from there actually
[00:55:13] you can't put your you can't put your mouth directly on the dispenser for
[00:55:16] your right you're collecting the yellow m&m's paychecks
[00:55:22] no one picked up on it i said i've been body paint completely nude
[00:55:34] hell yeah dude you should have a potluck at your place and show off your new
[00:55:37] kitchen furniture yeah maybe i like the peanut m&m because
[00:55:41] he seems like a dopey character but he can actually kill weak children
[00:55:45] with just his heart superpowers he's by existing he's like iron man
[00:55:50] yeah at the core he's got an energy that'll kill you
[00:55:53] you're a fucking little bitches kid i don't like robert down in jr really
[00:55:57] everybody likes him i don't like him i like him
[00:56:00] sometimes i'm dropping thunder i like him more than i like johnnie dep and
[00:56:03] tas and jonnie dep and they seem like natural rivals
[00:56:06] do they hell i don't know they both got a goatee
[00:56:12] you know what i mean they're like the same age
[00:56:15] they're kind of rounded the same time in hollywood
[00:56:18] they're both kind of bad boys that had a shitty good career then it kind of
[00:56:21] dipped and now they're back you know johnnie dep before shock a lot
[00:56:26] my man wasn't doing shit that's true robert down in jr does
[00:56:29] and down he came back because of iron man my man was dead in the water he was
[00:56:34] maybe kiss kiss bang bang was that him or is that i don't know
[00:56:39] anyway so yes that is why i see them as natural enemies competing for the
[00:56:44] same spot that was a good thesis thank you Ian i like
[00:56:48] it and i take i take down a junior over
[00:56:52] dep didn't dep hit the shit out of his wife and shit
[00:56:55] yeah but that that was a whole public thing and then afterwards they're both
[00:56:59] like nevermind they like both publicly were like
[00:57:03] when you started cops yeah no they like involved us in a
[00:57:06] fucking gay relationship you know a spat or whatever
[00:57:10] that's not to say he didn't hit her or whatever but you know
[00:57:13] i don't know i don't care about millionaires
[00:57:17] punching and fucking each other with money that belongs to the people that
[00:57:21] invented goatees that's right you know what are
[00:57:24] echans right everything has to be public
[00:57:29] every single thing has to go public for a story
[00:57:32] so knowing yeah you tell them that's right brother
[00:57:36] keep not keep going go off you got say it man you got more i think it's
[00:57:40] for a story i hate when things go public for a story me too
[00:57:45] things that suck uh when people start dressing a certain way
[00:57:49] yeah when things go public why are you gonna trust what are you gonna go public
[00:57:53] about the way you dress now vintage stores in my neighborhood
[00:57:58] damn hot take asian welcome to open mic thoughts
[00:58:02] within finance you know why do you have to
[00:58:06] spread your dress you've ever heard repackaged as spontaneous ideas
[00:58:13] where does he come up with this stuff well it
[00:58:16] bombed at alligator lounge three weeks ago so he's giving it a run here
[00:58:20] everybody's on tinder now who has their own Netflix accounts
[00:58:32] the greatest bits you've ever heard i can't wait to see you in doing that bit
[00:58:46] oh fuck dude just dress how you want to dress
[00:58:51] thanks man yeah i take it for that wisdom that's great there's a lot of children
[00:58:55] that listen to come town and it's good that they have a role model in e and
[00:58:59] yeah man i'm for the people we're l training them to be
[00:59:11] god damn i would listen to the fuck out of that
[00:59:16] i'll be so fucking happy i would listen to that take notes and call in to berate
[00:59:21] him for whatever he said that could be the call in segment
[00:59:27] fuck let's do it come down that works you're ugly shit in i'm sleepy as hell
[00:59:32] fucking handsome i'm tired that that was so funny when we found out you
[00:59:35] saw your hand he really thinks he's handsome guys i don't think it i know
[00:59:39] it that's right i'm just looking at her premise you
[00:59:42] fucking bitch i'm looking at your forehead now
[00:59:45] yeah take it in is a good for you i'm doing so well dude it's strong i know
[00:59:49] you have a lot of it you have a weird fucked up yeah strong in the way of
[00:59:53] retarded person you're talking you're fucking too
[00:59:55] it's gonna fall out of your face dude yeah i never said i'm
[00:59:58] fucking yeah he's not saying he's he's more attractive than you i'm just saying
[01:00:02] i'm i'm aware of my limitations as a human being in ways i'm aware that i
[01:00:06] have none nice man uh anyway you're ugly shit
[01:00:12] guys please look at a picture of Ian google him if you haven't and just
[01:00:15] laugh what what are you Ian said non ironically i'm an eight no no i said i
[01:00:21] said i'm in new york i i said i'm a seven if you measure from the tailbone
[01:00:26] original premises tail i'm an eight all night long
[01:00:36] so anyway what did you say just so we have it on record yeah put this on record
[01:00:39] fucking put it down i'm a fucking good seven okay it was eight personnel
[01:00:44] days ago it's an eleven okay so you think purely physically you are
[01:00:50] seven yeah i get a good body i'm not hot in the conventional way
[01:00:57] but i'm handsome in a way that intrigues yourself fucking ugly
[01:01:01] dude you are ugly as shit god damn people on
[01:01:10] people in ugly houses shouldn't throw stones start rosum this is not
[01:01:14] anyway let's have the house i'm in right now what house are you in i'm in the
[01:01:18] house and do a hundred push-ups in a year i could do it in a year bitch yeah
[01:01:21] right look the point is you're ugly but you think you're handsome and that's
[01:01:25] hilarious you know it's hilarious that you can't
[01:01:28] concede that i'm an attractive person in my own right i've asked numerous people
[01:01:34] after you said that who several women just because it was like i was like
[01:01:39] maybe i'm wrong i don't yeah yeah yeah you were so adamant that for a second i
[01:01:43] was like yeah maybe we just don't know i mean you were so confident about it
[01:01:47] unanimously what fucking women a lot too who
[01:01:51] like almost all of your ugly shit dude all of our all of our mutual female
[01:01:55] friends well fuck them their their meters are all
[01:01:59] no dude you fuck you look so fucking ugly look i'm not
[01:02:03] fucking ugly yes you are ugly as shit you have fucked up hair
[01:02:09] you're a weird hairline amber can you just let us know whether he is
[01:02:17] what this is a memorable face you know she's being kind to you she said she
[01:02:21] wouldn't remember his face and that is kindness because
[01:02:25] you're not noticeable that's honestly the best you can hope for yeah
[01:02:32] which is hilarious because Ian all he does in his life he's wants to be
[01:02:35] noticed yeah i did get mad that i wasn't
[01:02:38] recognized at wohap because i've gone in so many times and i really wanted them
[01:02:43] to be like hey yeah never well to be fair those guys can't tell each other apart
[01:02:48] yeah i take on bridge with the fact that our mutual
[01:02:54] side those guys those guys walk past the mirror and they go oh don't go
[01:02:58] you owe me twenty dollar i know that he owe me two oh wait no man
[01:03:04] oh shit like a fucking dog in front of a mirror
[01:03:11] yeah i was like a kung fu at it i was laughing
[01:03:16] in a way now you know a lady in the tramp when the
[01:03:19] dogs are in the spaghetti you know so it's like a chinese guy sucking on a
[01:03:23] noodle and it gets the end and there's a dog on the other end but then he just
[01:03:30] oh that is funny as shit all right well that's gonna do it for today