Cum Town | Premium | 01/22/2018
[00:00:00] come down premium and I guess what guys you know the regular episode this week I
[00:00:06] was a little uh little sleepy kind of out of it you didn't have enough creatine I
[00:00:12] didn't have what you said you didn't have enough creatine that's not what I said I
[00:00:16] just want to go to the BCAAs no I just wanted to go to the gym and I couldn't
[00:00:22] go to the gym but uh I'm feeling great today are you yeah I'm feeling good I
[00:00:28] had chicken and vafeles for breakfast or champions is that what they say in
[00:00:32] Greek vafeles vafeles yes actually it is mother of a fla
[00:00:37] um we're gonna try and do another one where I'm gaming wall uh doing the
[00:00:43] podcast I think that helps and no chance does it help no it does so last time I
[00:00:47] did it it worked it worked pretty well you got to do two things at once and
[00:00:51] when you do two things at once you look so stupid right now you look like you
[00:00:55] have a fucking triple chin this makes you the fattest you could possibly look
[00:00:58] yeah Nick is resting the microphone on his chin and holding his face all the way
[00:01:03] down into his body I'm trying to game while he's gaming while he's playing
[00:01:07] Call of Duty this is battlefield one still I'm playing this game for a year
[00:01:11] now you know what I play call of booty yeah and it's when I have sex is when
[00:01:16] black men request you know where's that little fat boy yet you know what I'm
[00:01:23] saying I ain't gay but I got jail tyrannancy I got presyr tendencies I got
[00:01:30] tyrannancy's left over from my days as a criminal as a colonel criminal oh
[00:01:39] criminal what a miss Piggy yeah dude that's true they do both
[00:01:44] both those kinds of guys just miss Piggy where she discovers herself worth
[00:01:55] by hanging out at the mall oh Tyrone thinks is that a good miss Piggy yeah
[00:02:00] oh I don't know miss my normal I don't know miss Piggy sounds like oh let me
[00:02:09] get some frogs good miss Piggy here no no no that's not weird that right there
[00:02:16] kids are either frogs if they're boys or pigs if they're girls is that how it
[00:02:20] works yeah I think so damn that's disgusting yeah it's pretty gross that
[00:02:24] that's a fucked up pussy that she's got I don't she's yeah maybe they should come
[00:02:28] out half and half yeah right they should have some sort of freak they should be
[00:02:32] pigs with gills do frogs have gills yeah they do nice they should be pigs that
[00:02:38] can jump high as shit oh imagine what pig frog legs would taste like people
[00:02:42] say frog legs are good I don't trust them man I'm not a French food sucks well
[00:02:47] sometimes they make a nice day because they just fucking douse that shit and
[00:02:50] butter yeah people are stupid yeah I mean the French can do you like
[00:02:54] grenades sauce what is I like a Holland days is that French damn no it's from
[00:03:01] Holland no it isn't I don't know Holland days well on days all on days what's
[00:03:08] Bernays Francois or Bernays is bear come oh nice Bernays is like a I think a
[00:03:14] butter based oh I'm listening I'm probably wrong I'm gonna get like a I know
[00:03:20] Besomel Besomel in Greek we call it Besomel yeah you know what I realize a
[00:03:26] lot of Greek words are just French words yeah a Greek is a real language we have
[00:03:32] no word for elevator we call it an asan said and that's just the French word
[00:03:36] for elevator yeah Greeks are stupid people no take it back we're yelling me or the
[00:03:41] cat you bitch you're yelling at the cat no I was yelling at you you fucking
[00:03:46] slut you little battlefield one playing cock smoker that's why your dumbass
[00:03:51] just got battled down with that little fucking yeah you got owned you got just
[00:03:55] owned your ass I need to find you know what this is what we need his name he's
[00:03:58] on the Germans this is why we need Mike stands on the show so you can take
[00:04:02] game game well well doing the podcast anyways I mean I all I'm saying is I'm
[00:04:09] gonna good mood and I feel like this is gonna be a better episode than the last
[00:04:11] one already I'm feeling just really on yes and definitely focused on what's
[00:04:16] going to happen you just fucked up dark canes with the Narcan River you're
[00:04:20] fighting the French right now and you're the Germans no are you the Nazis
[00:04:25] I know it's world world world your major wolf 1009 just fucked your ass
[00:04:30] shot a video in the back of the head we have sucked off objective penis well
[00:04:37] anyways today is women's day it's women's marks the J 20 nice um J 20 it stands
[00:04:45] for because it is women's day I am making a one-time offer DM me and I will eat
[00:04:52] your pussy in because of women's day yeah if in soft doesn't eat a pussy by
[00:04:57] 12 p.m. he's trying to snack on that clip yes baby my two favorite snacks
[00:05:04] flaming hot Cheetos and little clitties yeah so I don't even like flaming hot
[00:05:08] Cheetos that much they're too hot they're too hot for you I like a regular Cheeto
[00:05:12] do you not like spicy food I like to like you're supposed to heat him up oh
[00:05:17] really microwave the regular Cheetos but you put them in the microwave I didn't
[00:05:20] know that yeah yeah in the bag that's what I love do some nice piping hot
[00:05:25] cheetos temperature why texture Texas style Cheetos oh yeah nice oh nice stuff
[00:05:33] some hot popcorn hot popcorn hot penis it's made hot but it's never served
[00:05:40] pussy pussy can be served hot cock pockets it took me forch five tries but I got
[00:05:48] yeah and it definitely that's no one's ever said cock pockets that was that
[00:05:54] one's brand new content man the episode where I'm in a good mood might be even
[00:06:00] worse in the episode no come on don't write it off I'm not writing it off you
[00:06:05] know I am writing off the fucking I'm back that I finally figured out how to
[00:06:08] buy very nice via wire transfer and my good friends at the Apple business team
[00:06:13] very nice my friend yeah Mullen Industries finally yeah finally did it
[00:06:20] enterprise the division of Halky's core yeah bitch that's a subsidiary of
[00:06:25] subsidiary Friedland no no yeah Friedland International absolutely not well I
[00:06:32] guess Adam does control the banks mm-hmm all ultimately all business goes
[00:06:37] back to him yep it's true I don't like how he gets a piece of everything what's
[00:06:41] up with the Rothschilds is that a real family people talk about them like yeah
[00:06:44] been rich since like London in the 1100s yeah there's a group of villainous
[00:06:49] Jews I think they're French I thought no they're a group of villainous Jews
[00:06:54] that just take everyone's money yeah I also heard a rapper I think the
[00:07:01] ophillis London is that his name maybe no no not him J electronic my little
[00:07:06] brother told me is fucking electronic is made one of the Rothschilds pregnant
[00:07:13] pregnant yeah and he had a kid with Erica Badu I believe so you're thinking
[00:07:18] of Andre I think she had another one with Jay really I know they dated I don't
[00:07:23] know if that I'm pretty sure they had a kid together but yeah he was supposed to
[00:07:26] drop the greatest rap album of all time and then he disappeared and then they
[00:07:31] found out I call it crap you call it crap yeah you can't spell rap without
[00:07:36] crap you can you can't spell crap without rap no you can't spell rap without crap
[00:07:40] no there's an extra C there's no C in rap maybe that's what you've you learn
[00:07:46] by damaging your brain with all that rap I mean crap music
[00:07:50] hey as a learned fan of rock and roll of classic rock yeah of you know I'm the
[00:07:58] good bands Cretan's clear water revival
[00:08:03] we're the monkeys we love to have sex with man here's what I listen to all
[00:08:09] right fucking deaf tones yes I do you know you remember death
[00:08:14] once in a while there's a nice social D oh was that the guy that fucked that
[00:08:20] porn star who no that was Donald Trump joke of the day guys wow it's my man
[00:08:30] got spanked by a fucking Forbes magazine that is pretty funny read the thing
[00:08:35] no did you talk about his dick someone said they were gonna talk about me
[00:08:38] Daniel she talked about the fact that he hates sharks that's pretty funny and
[00:08:42] he's like yeah if we were up to me they'd all be dead that is such a fucking
[00:08:49] stupid guys enemy he does like sharks I fuck with sharks I respect them
[00:08:56] their alphas just like me I don't know I'm sure he's got a nice sized hog I
[00:09:00] don't think he does I bet you just little you think that the small hand small
[00:09:04] hand probably who's good he's got a big dick that's Baron you know yeah Baron
[00:09:09] probably does have a big day I believe he's Donald Trump is a big retard
[00:09:13] Cox a little mangled looking but Trump E.D. doesn't he has two dicks okay I'm
[00:09:21] little average size but there's two of them and he stacks them together that's
[00:09:24] impressive yeah and if he can stuff we meet stacks them together one on top of
[00:09:28] the other yeah or side-by-side they twist up like one of those fancy cigars it's
[00:09:33] actually three cigars do you remember the guy that went on Reddit with two
[00:09:37] dicks yes I used to do that wild yeah he was like bit no how good my bit was
[00:09:43] what was it remember the bit I did no bitch was that Austin Nick bit no
[00:09:47] I'm here DC no it was here really yeah as in the bit do the bit do the bit I
[00:09:52] don't remember it but it was good you don't remember the bit now I remember
[00:09:56] he said that and they're also big dicks to one was big I think they were pretty
[00:10:02] one was big and one was little he had a little ass dick no I think there were
[00:10:05] two like kind of big dicks one was Adams dick and the other one was a normal
[00:10:10] 12 year old boys penis so he had a huge dick so he had a tiny one very little
[00:10:16] dick very little one you say a huge your dick you know 12 year old the 12 year
[00:10:20] old yeah you know 12 year old these days yeah they're tasty I'll tell you that
[00:10:24] much because of a natural selection can't be a fun fun like you know Fox
[00:10:30] Studios franchise it goes on for 30 years instead of like there's some
[00:10:35] genetic mutation that makes mutants it's like there's a whole like the whole
[00:10:39] new like class of people being born that have like 17 inches and the
[00:10:46] government wants to make it illegal like yeah there would be a forefront of that
[00:10:51] dude this is fucking ridiculous and then there's a lot barely have I mean not me
[00:10:57] yeah but other people have little ass dicks and then there's like a boarding
[00:11:01] school for boys with huge aesthetics it's professor extras yeah professor
[00:11:06] X off with his mind I watched the new X-Men on the plane come back from South
[00:11:11] Africa X-Men apocalypse it's pretty good X-Men it's up in South Africa it's called
[00:11:17] Blixman Blixman Blixman too many Blixman that would be crazy why why isn't there
[00:11:25] way that you can farm inches of cock you know what I mean well I think probably
[00:11:31] like if you assume that a guy with a bigger dick is more sexually selectively
[00:11:37] desirable is that and it's probably get bigger yeah over time no I mean come on
[00:11:42] dude that's your part you're probably had a little shrimpy well people were
[00:11:46] shorter like a hundred yeah people were definitely short people people still had
[00:11:50] the same potential for growth that they do now it was just they didn't eat as
[00:11:53] their diets and then now it's evolution bitch I think it's absolutely not you
[00:11:58] first of all you don't know how fucking evolution yes there's a little horse
[00:12:02] and its neck is too little to get to the pond and then over time you go off
[00:12:09] go on longer neck the horse with a longer neck drink from the water and
[00:12:15] Fox because he's hydrated yes that's how you get giraffes yes you find lower
[00:12:20] and lower ponds neck has to get an or tall leaves on tall trees you get that
[00:12:27] is what that's how evolution is a little ass horse you know so thank you I know
[00:12:31] how works old Charlie Darwin over here Chuck Darwin Chuck Darwin you think he
[00:12:37] fucked every one of those turtles on Galapagos Island of course part of the
[00:12:42] chart was what kind of pussy the turtles he the whole thing started with him
[00:12:47] fucking a turtle that's nice then he came up the whole theory of the
[00:12:50] was it finches was it the finches you ever hear that you're all the turtles
[00:12:54] supposed to be about fascism no I know somebody told me that that you're
[00:12:59] turtle turtles was to be Hitler whoa but it's too easy to do you're doing like
[00:13:03] every stories about fascism I don't remember you're the turtle it's about a
[00:13:08] turtle that's on top of all the other turtles nice your little uh-huh I don't
[00:13:13] remember it either dr. Seuss does he put all the bitch ass annoying complaining
[00:13:18] turtles into a different section of the turtle pond I hope he does is it dr.
[00:13:25] Seuss didn't he like cheat on his wife I hope so I fucking hope so dude have
[00:13:32] you seen dr. Seuss's wife no let's just say he could do a lot better really do
[00:13:37] you think his hat looks like the cat in the hats hat no I mean he's a striped
[00:13:41] red and white I would never say pedophilia should be okay but if you're
[00:13:45] a if you've done so much work for children's pride joy there's so many kids
[00:13:49] you know you should get a taste of the forbidden food dr. Seuss shell silver
[00:13:57] steam yeah oh yeah they fucked paddington bear the two of them fucked one girl
[00:14:03] you more young eight-year-old girl together they were in a polyamorous
[00:14:07] three-way relationship a track is she'll silver stein she'll servicing with his
[00:14:13] shoes off just sticking his feet in eight-year-old girl a big ass fucked up
[00:14:17] toe a whimsically fucked up crinkly toe yeah I did fuck with shell so I believe
[00:14:23] everyone loved shell so yeah he rocked if you didn't guess what you're fucking
[00:14:29] gay absolutely we're putting you on notice you didn't fuck with falling up
[00:14:33] you're a fucking you didn't like the side where the sidewalk where the sidewalk
[00:14:42] that's at the end of the side you were me with a hard-ass dick dude we're firing a
[00:14:49] lot of shots oh yeah we're putting everyone on notice damn I loved where
[00:14:54] the sidewalk ends it was good yeah that reminds me my childhood now I'm getting
[00:14:59] sad fuck dude why you liked being a kid yeah I guess I don't think I enjoyed my
[00:15:06] life until this year no that's what I mean I'm just every month it keeps
[00:15:10] being like oh no maybe it was last month that I did it's like it's getting
[00:15:14] better and better it's strange isn't it that like things are good but you can't
[00:15:18] appreciate them I didn't say that do you appreciate them I'm just sure I go to
[00:15:22] church every fucking morning I just hit morning I go to 3 a.m. mass every day
[00:15:26] yep cuz you're trying to build mass yeah yeah that's very funny it's just
[00:15:31] that's so funny come on cool pun wasn't even really I can't wait until you get
[00:15:38] your fucking stupid NPR show that would be one of the funniest humorous
[00:15:45] it's gonna be called you and Mo Raka have a show together wait wait I'm gay
[00:15:51] yeah stop making fun wait wait please give me a second please let me finish
[00:15:57] it's called wait wait don't smell me oh that's good ice cubes fucking NPR show
[00:16:04] Mo Raka S S N W a PR it's NPR but it stands for his Mo Raka still around
[00:16:12] he's on NPR the deal shit why the fuck did they just give unfunny assholes from
[00:16:17] Harvard they just got to write right for the city on Harvard go and do shit you
[00:16:22] know what I found out recently fuck Harvard you remember that like early
[00:16:24] daily show correspondent Vance DeGeneres no it's Ellen's brother well oh yeah I
[00:16:31] do remember that guy yeah yeah of course it was owns brothers name is DeGeneres
[00:16:35] yeah I guess I never put one in the middle of your two didn't even like
[00:16:38] blonde hair maybe I don't remember him really bro of course I remember the name
[00:16:43] yeah Vance is a good-ass name fans if you can name your name if you could
[00:16:48] name yourself anything when you were child you have like a name you wish you
[00:16:51] had the name no I liked I liked my name I think I'm always like I was going to
[00:16:57] be like turbo or laser yeah I wanted to be in because of the red power ranger
[00:17:02] yeah like an American gladiators kind of name oh yeah I used to think Jason was
[00:17:06] a cool name of course color with the fat power ranger be it like a peppermint
[00:17:11] brown yeah it depends sometimes it'd be like churro it would be like tan with
[00:17:17] little flecks of sugar and peppermint swirl would be the perfect
[00:17:20] this was not bad because they were all done by race except really the black one
[00:17:25] or two is blue right the black one was black balls because you never walk
[00:17:30] yellow that's true that's a good call huh he's blue because his balls yeah
[00:17:36] trainee trainee was the Asian one he died yellow yeah she was yellow and her
[00:17:42] her dinosaur was a sideways yep brought to
[00:17:47] us yeah now the best part was the black power ranger did hip-hop karate but yeah
[00:17:54] whenever they were fighting the zach whenever they were fighting the putties
[00:17:58] or whatever they were uh-huh that was just clips from like the Japanese TV show
[00:18:03] which is a completely different thing uh-huh yeah and uh and they would just
[00:18:09] over they would put like they would over and wrap music over top of it yeah
[00:18:13] wait did um did that guy heim saban he was just the guy that took it from
[00:18:19] Japan or did he start it in Japan I don't know he might have been the guy to
[00:18:23] him because that was like Japan had like a million shows like that right it was
[00:18:28] like a type of show is that like like auto-pause that turn into max or whatever
[00:18:33] yeah like Japan imported spider-man and they had a spider-man show where
[00:18:38] spider-man had a mega-zord oh tight is it a spider uh no so it looks like the
[00:18:44] power Rangers yeah damn a big-ass spider like from World World
[00:18:50] Wild West would be tight yeah you know the story and again we've already talked
[00:18:54] about this on the show but the story behind that spider and how it was in
[00:18:58] like nine different scripts and people were like man I love this spider we got
[00:19:02] a fun yeah stupid Hollywood is yeah I'm like podcasting
[00:19:07] where intellectuals can make art yeah we don't have a studio giving us notes
[00:19:22] damn that was a good one man thanks man yeah take that gnome Chomsky I think my
[00:19:27] son would have asked what I'm just don't don't doh
[00:19:32] calm dumb calm chumps he's really good oh I read books fucking wrote a book
[00:19:47] I read them to yeah fucking learning so stupid do learning is imagine being the
[00:19:55] kind of bitch it's like you're fucking 70 years old and you got like a dumb
[00:19:58] office and you just put your reading glasses on a read oh yeah fuck yeah when
[00:20:03] you're old when you're old I'm gonna be first of all I'm dying early as fuck yes
[00:20:07] I'm gaming I'm eating like dog shit my family will have to give me sponge baths
[00:20:16] present is he jacked power up nobody just does yes yeah so you can you're
[00:20:20] thinking no I'm not Robertson that really yeah yeah he doesn't do I thought
[00:20:25] the 700 Club is that you Pat Robertson deadlift 700 pounds no really yeah does
[00:20:31] you do it before Sunday mass yeah well that's that's when I do it is before
[00:20:36] mass cuz I'm trying to put on man that's a mall dog original I love going to
[00:20:46] church that is a a 100% copyright you know TM I'm trying to go to church on
[00:20:54] acid or some shit that seems like it would be fun I want to in college I
[00:20:58] can't wait until your 15th birthday get the money to make it happen I'm just
[00:21:05] trying to just like open up my mind dude yeah it's like I'm going I'm going to
[00:21:09] the house of God but I'm gonna be on my God I still think we should take Molly
[00:21:14] and see no ask I think every one of those people that if you do hallucinogens
[00:21:18] and you believe in God after you should be put in jail oh yeah one a hundred
[00:21:22] percent yeah or like there's a deeper meaning no right that's how I actually
[00:21:26] discovered my spirituality is played I was doing mushrooms at Bonnaroo and I
[00:21:32] saw this like goat figure appear and he said to me everything is because of a
[00:21:38] purpose and I was like yeah that yeah okay yeah I let make sense to me that I
[00:21:45] feel that you know and ever since then I've been completely fucking insufferable
[00:21:50] and conversation you know I kind of have this air of superiority even though I
[00:21:54] have no discernible skills there's so much worse than just regular religious
[00:21:58] people oh yeah because regular people of like sometimes yeah my father would
[00:22:02] molest and beat me so I have to go to church exactly they're fucking
[00:22:07] they're like oh yeah I fucking know I was in a rave mm-hmm you know and a
[00:22:12] glow stick broke open in my mouth and it gave me brain damage now I have
[00:22:16] fucking you know I have to say namaste every time I place my order at Starbucks
[00:22:21] fuck I love doing mushrooms and just me and eldest watching 30 rock bro just me
[00:22:28] and my boy laughing because their eyes look I haven't done mushrooms in a long
[00:22:32] house I did mushrooms and watch Star Wars it ruled oh in Baltimore yeah yeah
[00:22:36] with me my little brother was it good was awesome oh Lord Jeremy's how about you
[00:22:40] would be a cool drug bus rooms you know I'm a mushroom that you eat then you just
[00:22:45] bust for like 12 hours yeah wouldn't that hurt though no no if you're fucked up
[00:22:51] dude okay yeah the decal be sore afterwards it would be a drug that would
[00:22:56] just make you just non-stop busting is it like poppers for your dick hole the
[00:23:00] come down it loosens up your dick hole you just fill up your whole room room
[00:23:06] yeah cuz you it's 12 hours so be like leaving a faucet on would you get dehydrated
[00:23:11] eventually no cuz you'd be on drugs oh no you gotta know it gets dehydrated on
[00:23:16] drugs you just have a camel back yeah okay I'm good I'm down with that so full
[00:23:23] room full of jizz do you stay there were you swimming in it by the end of it
[00:23:27] now everybody knows that when you get FTM bottom surgery right they give you a
[00:23:34] piece of you give you a dick that's got a rebock pump in one of the course in the
[00:23:41] nut yeah well that's well well known but how about this the other ball it's got
[00:23:46] a little bit of fake comment it fill it up like a so for a little surprise at
[00:23:51] the end yeah yeah so you go yeah the one's like a clown's lapel the flower on a
[00:23:58] little fake you can make it anything oh you know what rule yeah they make it
[00:24:11] cinnamon the the icing from the da about this you get you get five or six balls
[00:24:17] in your balls and then you got one right this got come another one orange soda
[00:24:22] yeah sprite you know just run suicides that's good you have a whole little
[00:24:29] team over after they win a game you guys guys who's ready for the fucking
[00:24:34] fountain now one that one of the balls would have to be ice of course yeah yeah
[00:24:39] keep them cold yeah yeah okay no that's your ass like can I just have a cup for
[00:24:43] cum and then you catch them getting the sprite yeah yeah yeah yeah
[00:24:48] on the house can I just get a come come like don't be putting sprite in that
[00:24:53] company doesn't fuck boss does anything I will enforce that rule is a minimum
[00:24:59] wage employee I have very little control over the rest of my life yelling at you
[00:25:04] makes me feel good oh damn now I want to get Chipotle that reminds you when I
[00:25:09] used to steal soda from Chipotle damn dude that's it you sound like a real
[00:25:12] fucking hard we yeah yeah that was a fucking bad ex-con dude shout out to the
[00:25:16] Chipotle on fucking Falls Road my man a criminal when I was cutting art class
[00:25:21] thank you very much at Baltimore Polytechnic Institute shut down to my man
[00:25:25] mr. Hogue he was a fucking Vietnam War veteran definitely did some shit
[00:25:29] definitely fucking to some time yeah to some fucking charlie kids welcome in
[00:25:35] class my name is mr. Hogue and if you got a problem with that you can suck my
[00:25:38] hoes where your art teachers of Vietnam yeah he ruled though I should I fuck
[00:25:47] with that guy man he was cool shit I had a Vietnam vets he kind of look like
[00:25:50] Robin Robin Williams a little bit really yeah my dad used to look a lot like
[00:25:54] Robin Williams yeah I know I fucked him did you when he looked like that when I
[00:25:57] was a kid I was a you're a kid I was eight so my dad did you know I fucked his
[00:26:02] ass looking like you're my two eight years old and I was fucking your dad in
[00:26:06] the ass that's still my last station no it's not yeah yeah yeah even eight
[00:26:10] year old boy fuck's an adult man's in the ass that's my last station still
[00:26:15] got more I gotta go I gotta call your oh no you fuck me oh I fuck you now you
[00:26:28] Benny Hill show I go in your ass you come out of mine that but it's just said to someone
[00:26:36] that actually would be funny to watch to catch a predator or a running away from
[00:26:46] the cops getting tackled that was the best part where they just made a
[00:26:50] brother like look I don't want to I love the excuse yeah the excuse they'd come
[00:26:53] up with it at first like the first excuse it always be like I I was just
[00:26:59] interested I wanted to help them get get their life changed they said they want
[00:27:03] to they seem troubled yeah you know fuck what is what is MP frontlines on
[00:27:11] Amiens as soldier is that we were playing multiplayer frontlines on it
[00:27:16] no it's like someone somebody that added me on PlayStation is currently playing
[00:27:21] that game and I can join them got you if I so sexually choose is that a
[00:27:27] come-time fan that added you yeah I don't have any real friends on PlayStation
[00:27:33] people listen to the show I play with Barack Obama I play Madden with Obama
[00:27:38] he plays FIFA I play FIFA and Madden with him so why isn't he in jail Obama cool
[00:27:46] black guy I feel like every president as soon as they get out of office should be
[00:27:50] able to be put in jail by the next president they might actually be putting
[00:27:53] Hillary in jail why some shit came out this week I didn't really look yeah I saw
[00:27:59] I saw that the Clinton Foundation was getting more scrutiny from the FBI yeah
[00:28:03] there's like some shit that came out no it was about the Russia collusion I
[00:28:07] think that they were like members of Congress that were trying to say that
[00:28:10] actually Clinton colluded with God damn it should just fucking gave you who cares
[00:28:16] Russian mafia's gonna be running our country in like three three weeks no way
[00:28:20] it'll be cool though rush to present power not do they do they just just some
[00:28:26] guys it's China dude really doesn't have any power you me yeah that is I got more
[00:28:32] power than the whole country or for us should you know you don't even get the
[00:28:37] Sun there it's just gray all day that's why they're angry they're plotting the
[00:28:41] whole time yeah no vitamin D yeah vitamin C whatever I'm pro Russia now why I'm
[00:28:48] against rusaphobia because your girlfriend because my girlfriend's
[00:28:52] Russian the Asians of Europe some of them do look a little Asian because I got
[00:28:58] all those very literally Asian the euro no I mean they're whites half of it's
[00:29:02] in they got all of like all the Stan countries that aren't in the like real
[00:29:07] Middle East yeah yeah the four else kind of fucked up that's Asia that's
[00:29:11] Central Asian yeah that's Asia Central Asian but Belarus is yeah I guess I guess
[00:29:17] technically yeah I'm against rusaphobia they don't have any good food man they
[00:29:24] don't that's my chief problem for sh can suck my nuts at stick I watched an
[00:29:29] episode of the chef's table and like the Russian cook is that he was like
[00:29:33] cooking like moose lips shit like that that's not like a traditional yeah it's
[00:29:38] like an Russian dish he had a restaurant called the white rabbit and it was named
[00:29:43] after Alson Wonderland oh that was I thought you meant the you're gonna say
[00:29:47] that song by Alice or Jefferson air yeah which is about awesome you fucking
[00:29:54] didn't know I was just wasn't that guy like Christian or something all right we
[00:30:00] gotta talk about this either the shutdown or women's thing let's talk about the
[00:30:04] women's March which we are missing right now because of our duties here yeah we're
[00:30:10] gonna take a helicopter to the hell to the woman's March right after we stop
[00:30:13] wait so it's to protest Trump again right no it was yeah it's I think the
[00:30:18] one-year anniversary of the of Trump mm-hmm and then I think it's also the me to
[00:30:27] movement oh really yeah I think that I didn't even find out about it yeah no
[00:30:32] one told us what the fuck I thought I was on the mailing list I was it's also the
[00:30:37] what anniversary me too I think it was it's also being inspired by me too I
[00:30:43] think there's something they're not gonna do numbers like last year I'll tell
[00:30:46] you that much of course dude we were there last year me and you were I wore
[00:30:50] a Bernie shirt and I made fucking eye contact with every single woman I passed
[00:30:56] did you blow cases at them no I you're like thank you for everything you're
[00:31:00] doing sweetheart no I just shouted dice jokes at them Andrew dice clay Andrew
[00:31:08] Rice cray mmm damn this I don't think there's a single Andrew dice clay
[00:31:15] parody that hasn't been done yet yeah Andrew dice gay famously done by Anthony
[00:31:20] crew me which is so funny yeah you know just spot on hickory dickory doc I love
[00:31:28] sucking I'm gay he literally just did say I'm gay oh oh very funny it's great
[00:31:37] stuff it's a great job I would love to seek dice live see a master craftsman at
[00:31:42] work yeah I think it's cool how he did that thing with the cigarette where he'd
[00:31:46] go over his head over his head that's pretty cool oh Andrew ass slay oh okay
[00:31:54] that's basically what he was though yeah I know let's try and look there's got to
[00:31:58] be a new one no I don't think so no this is like when we did bread puns
[00:32:04] Andrew W clay okay there we go Adam thanks let's get a party started
[00:32:13] let's get a party going hey sweetheart you like the potty yeah what's in the
[00:32:20] bowl bitch hmm hmm Andrew nice nice day nice day nice day nice day I like that
[00:32:40] yeah he's like a really polite guy Andrew lice hmm spray lice
[00:32:48] why yeah yeah he comes in yeah check it's for lice okay they have less like
[00:32:54] doing education I like that and Jew yes yes okay on cheek Andrew kike okay now
[00:33:19] yeah like our Jew sauce as you rice again rice because the food one gay I dip
[00:33:46] rice in our shoes and then I suck back yeah that's pretty good all right well
[00:33:52] I think that's good that's good so that's good we we got off more than I thought
[00:33:55] that's our women's March so yeah shout out to the day the laughter died yeah
[00:34:02] my favorite comedy album of all time regroup and produce yep what's going on
[00:34:06] with the Aziz thing have we resolved I know Aziz beat the kids pretty much
[00:34:11] did he kind of we hasn't lost anything but what is he on to lose what's the story
[00:34:16] with this girl that wrote the article well she's sort of losing her mind she
[00:34:20] was a some they asked her to go on headline news and she wrote this like
[00:34:24] sort of this like self-righteous like email to the woman Ashley Banfield the
[00:34:30] journalist she was like I don't want to go on your fucking fake highlights bad
[00:34:35] makeup like piece of crap show oh yeah and he's like no she's like no one
[00:34:40] cares about you no one's ever heard of you before well Ashley Banfield was
[00:34:44] like in fucking Pakistan during like the Afghanistan war she's like a war
[00:34:49] journalist yeah and she's like I'm fucking 22 and I rule the world she's
[00:34:56] like just kind of sounds like she is not let me just ask this is a website called
[00:35:00] babe.com because it's for women who are pigs
[00:35:05] nice tuck his pigs yeah it is that's what I thought folks do they have
[00:35:11] babes on there is a chalk they chalked that up to another slam dunk by the
[00:35:17] bad boy a broadcast that is a weird name for a site that's not porno yeah I
[00:35:28] thought it was poor yeah about bane.com you know it's like
[00:35:33] I was on the worst date of my life you you merely adopted the black voice I was
[00:35:42] born into it you are some Indian man that just pretends to embrace the darkness
[00:35:50] we she black was the girl black is just as bifurial well I meant everyone's also
[00:35:56] saying people are also saying that the girl who like call disease out in the
[00:36:02] article who is known as grace in the article they're like oh it's a white girl
[00:36:06] trying to destroy a brown man but like it wasn't clear if she was actually white
[00:36:11] which she 100% there's no way there's no way she's not that's sure yeah yeah she's
[00:36:17] 1000% yeah I feel like as you just aren't his only had sex with white yeah that's
[00:36:22] what grace is short for is G-rays good race good race yeah through a lot of
[00:36:31] code in there what else what's another white supremacist code the 1488 right
[00:36:37] yeah well let's see if you look at it her article the Aziz article was I think
[00:36:43] 28,000 words long I'd buy that by so 14 words goes into that some
[00:36:50] perfect two million times which is oh I didn't actually what if it went in six million
[00:37:03] actually does like two million was right anyway yeah yeah I love doing math so big
[00:37:17] Z's beat the case huh uh now we get Randy the he's gonna well I guess like you
[00:37:23] know like he didn't get dropped by Dave Beck here anything today didn't everyone
[00:37:28] drop Becky I thought did they I don't know I don't know it just sounds like
[00:37:35] he's just publicly humiliated yeah anything yeah Dave Becky's a funny name
[00:37:39] because it sounds like Dave you know shout out to everyone that did Aziz I'm
[00:37:43] sorry on ironically oh yeah all the people who thought they were discovering
[00:37:47] that even the people that were doing it ironically to a certain point it's like
[00:37:51] yeah well Twitter humor is now for people that have never actually been
[00:37:54] funny right they've completely turned it into this like peel and paste fucking
[00:38:00] you know paint by numbers a way of applying yeah like I don't know what
[00:38:05] this fucking tide pod saying is yeah I just that's not going to be funny to me I
[00:38:09] don't know what it is you know it wasn't me I think it was just people were dying
[00:38:13] from eating like kids were yeah but all you have to do is apply the word tide
[00:38:17] pod yeah I'm at the women's March eating tide pods no not even that like send
[00:38:23] tweet yeah it's gonna be great in six hours and Adam forgets he said that and
[00:38:27] then I need to eat he tweets that and he's like snickering to himself but it's
[00:38:32] good to eat that he's done two weeks later when Brandon Ward else steals it
[00:38:38] says I'm bringing back tide pods that's good we could just say we're bringing
[00:38:48] something that was hack six months ago back yeah and then yeah and then we know
[00:38:52] what a lot of it seems like it's just like people that are really good at
[00:38:56] saving tweets from like 2013 like they're like oh there's a Chris
[00:39:01] solicit tweet that's applies to this yeah what the fuck who cares man I really
[00:39:08] don't care yeah shit is fucking gay as hell make a joke you game other fuckers
[00:39:14] instead of doing that stupid shit Jess instead call things gay and do a funny
[00:39:19] voice that's real comedy talk about eating pussy talk about fucking your own
[00:39:25] dad for years on end speaking of guys how about a classic dad dad fuck my dad
[00:39:34] fuck my dad you know it's funny I fucking I told the story about being in a car
[00:39:43] and like doing you know parody songs or whatever on a drive and how that like
[00:39:46] I've ruined a relationship doing that yes yes and I always like you know I'd
[00:39:49] tell people that story and it's like you know obviously you take it with a
[00:39:53] grain of salt right you know there was other contributing factors yeah wasn't
[00:39:57] just a song just be the song saying and then I saw that girl recently and we
[00:40:03] hadn't spoken I mean we can hear in there but she was like yeah you know like
[00:40:08] things between us were always like good except for that you know that big fight
[00:40:12] we had no you were doing yeah I was like really that was it and she was like
[00:40:18] yeah I'm like that's great that's hilarious yeah I was on the story feeling
[00:40:23] like I was exaggerating that detail but no apparently yeah it was it was the
[00:40:28] songs she was like I just couldn't I couldn't imagine myself being with
[00:40:32] somebody that thought like saying things like that ironically was like
[00:40:35] funny well guess what bitch it is not only is it acceptable I'm a fucking
[00:40:41] millionaire I'm gonna buy your house out from under you and kick you out on the
[00:40:47] fucking street yes that it would be it's a I would be yeah yeah yeah actually we're
[00:40:53] on good terms she's fine cool well but you do it anyway for the bit right
[00:40:57] exactly and replace her house with a with the with the fucking oh the world's
[00:41:03] largest mp3 player that plays in my own Bruce Springsteen parody songs about
[00:41:08] wanting to tell your dad to come outside I want to fuck his ass
[00:41:12] hey little girl is dead yeah well they sucked off the chicken man and Philly last
[00:41:22] night now they fucked his dad to down on the boardwalk they're getting ready for
[00:41:30] bottom surgery gonna see what those lady boys can do
[00:41:38] get suck a penis retards busing in from out of state and they can't pull their
[00:41:45] pants all the way down to be can't suck a penis until you get one of the
[00:41:52] Cox for just because you can't man oh it's don't I don't know Bruce even girls
[00:41:57] that's like penis are yeah look it's the boss man don't ask me the boss we're
[00:42:03] just working for him you can't suck a penis cancer neck the boss that's what
[00:42:11] everyone calls me yeah it's weird that also like he like would like have like
[00:42:19] Greece on his t-shirt like he's been working on a car all day yeah maybe he
[00:42:23] was no he was like writing poetry all day so what do you know new Jerry's is
[00:42:27] cooler than you dude I'm a huge fan I'm not like the boss you're very funny like
[00:42:32] you just like Bruce Springsteen is like a mechanic and he's like coming on a
[00:42:35] dirty and wiping his brow off and he's just tossing some like you know hot
[00:42:40] woman in the keys the car he's like take it easy she's like thanks or she gets
[00:42:44] in the car to immediately just blows up
[00:42:50] yeah she just fucking the brake lines are cut let's blue collar it's so sick
[00:42:57] that Silvio don't say it was in his band it was it was a TV funhouse what's the
[00:43:02] thing we're like mr. clean is like cleaning that woman's house and his
[00:43:05] sleeve comes up and he has the swats to get to the family guy or whatever
[00:43:11] that's a great so funny yeah fuck I wish I could remember what that fuck that's
[00:43:16] a good bit it's yeah he was like peri Bible fellowship I'm not sure I don't
[00:43:22] remember that but also mr. clean here's my thing mr. clean was just gay
[00:43:27] I'm surprised I heard a car alarm going here room is super gay in the 50s dude
[00:43:32] he's like an old man in great shape in the 50s he's bald yeah but how do you
[00:43:37] know he leans in the 50s yeah but that's a guy now that's like using using like a
[00:43:42] buff guy to like sell shit to a bro housewives over that is a gay man the only
[00:43:48] people that were bald and and ripped and cleaning in the 50s were gay men no
[00:43:54] what about you'll Brenner yeah you'll Brenner dude was you'll Brenner ripped
[00:43:59] and bald and he cleaned he didn't clean you'll burn it he cleaned up yeah he
[00:44:04] cleaned clean up but he didn't clean fuck every bitch in cyan yeah it's true he
[00:44:09] fucked Anna yeah have you ever seen the king and I stuff with you old Brenner he
[00:44:14] plays a Chinese man oh fuck what about what's his name telly telly
[00:44:19] so volus telly it was not ripped and he did not clean for sure but he used to go
[00:44:23] but he got pussy yeah all though I know he's bald I know cuz he's a co-jack you
[00:44:28] kid he said stop that's uh that's not it you know you oh fuck you'll burn his
[00:44:33] funny little guard that's yeah you're wrong machine dumb mother fucker no what
[00:44:37] was his what was telly so volus is uh yeah I don't know he would lick a lollipop
[00:44:41] he had he had a yeah he had like a cat's way the cookie crumbles oh oh who
[00:44:47] loves you baby yeah that's it that's a pretty good catchphrase who loves you
[00:44:52] I'm gonna start I'm gonna take catchphrase I'm gonna show get catchphrases
[00:44:55] this should be the year the catchphrase I would love that who loves you baby I'm
[00:45:00] gonna say who loves you baby I'm taking that who's who's got who ate all the
[00:45:03] pussy I think somebody already has that I think it was that Gelfin Akas yeah
[00:45:08] yeah is that on live at the purple lunging yeah yeah and he's like here comes
[00:45:12] that Gelfin Akas and is who ate all the pussy Joe it's crazy that special came
[00:45:16] out like 2004 or something yeah and people are still ripping it off kind of
[00:45:21] yeah for sure is it 2004 yeah I mean we're literally ripping it off right now
[00:45:26] but yeah I come up to catch it super super influential uh um you know it's
[00:45:33] also really influential a pack which you are a member of yeah yeah it's true we
[00:45:40] have a lot of lobbying sway do you want to suck my bottle dick what if for the
[00:45:45] listeners at home I'm holding up a Schweppes orange sparkling salt water but
[00:45:50] I'm holding it to my cock never one time me my friend we're gonna get to the
[00:45:53] rock we were looking at a strap on in the picture on the box was a man wearing
[00:45:57] the strap on hell yeah and it was like what what did you go inside of it yeah
[00:46:06] it's like a dick that goes on your dick did was there a pocket pussy inside the
[00:46:11] strap on what's that is there a pocket pussy inside of it that you could fuck
[00:46:15] oh I don't know imagine putting actually you know what it's funny because this
[00:46:18] happened ten years ago and I just remember that I used to do a bit about
[00:46:21] this is like one of the first jokes I ever wrote was about that I forgot that I
[00:46:25] used to do a bit was the punchline well it was a terrible joke but it's like
[00:46:29] it's like a dick that goes oh wait I remember this joke that was a
[00:46:32] masculating thing no how do you remember it's a real thing I heard you say that
[00:46:35] joke for sure like what like ten years ago
[00:46:37] no no no no I did not I promise you I heard you say it in Baltimore no yes
[00:46:44] there's like you must have seen me at EJ's landing or something no money and I
[00:46:47] remember from ten years ago yeah no motherfucker wasn't there it was a
[00:46:51] good the punchline the punchline is your your girlfriend being like I'm like put
[00:46:54] on the bigger dick yeah yeah I remember this joke this time motherfucker you did
[00:46:58] it in Baltimore I promise well it is a real thing for micro penis guys there
[00:47:02] are like strap on saying yeah how did you find out about that I've
[00:47:07] through researching micros Google alert for the cure you just get a bunch of
[00:47:14] you guys have seen my penis have you seen my penis I've seen your balls I've seen
[00:47:18] your penis I've seen your balls from the back they're droopy who you see next
[00:47:22] penis yeah no I'm or I was pissing oh yeah I saw your penis in the street yeah
[00:47:28] that's a this signal from Stav's folk rock album
[00:47:32] yeah I saw eldest is the I've seen others take a bunch but recently he pulled it
[00:47:39] out and then like tried to snap is I tried to take my phone on take a picture
[00:47:43] so he tried to snap it and it got caught in his waistband so I just saw like his
[00:47:48] little ass did get like it was looking right at me I just saw like a direct
[00:47:51] view with his dick hole there's fucking horrible that like that picture you have
[00:47:56] which is like a iPhone live picture yes running away running away you're taking a picture
[00:48:03] when he found out you're taking pictures so I had that as a background on my
[00:48:08] phone for a while it's the best as the live photo to soon you touch the
[00:48:12] screen at place oh that's good he just turns around real quick and he runs his
[00:48:17] little fat pancake ass he is the ass of like a 50 year old woman a postman
[00:48:23] to pause a woman right how is he like hot flash ass he is a whole ass ass so
[00:48:28] flat for being like kind of a thick dude he's not thick dude I'm thick he's fat he
[00:48:34] shaped like a fucking he's shaped like a bowling ball yeah I remember when he
[00:48:37] heard his foot made to go pick him up at the hospital and he was just sort of
[00:48:40] like draped over that railing and like closed nine sizes too small yeah that
[00:48:49] was when he was as absolute fattest this and he didn't want it just admitted and
[00:48:52] by larger clothes yeah he's like size large t-shirts and he needs like a
[00:48:58] two X right now he slimmed down but he is he is falling off again he's a big boy
[00:49:03] though he's like six three nice always like six five is he yeah it's so funny
[00:49:09] seeing the two of you guys walk together yeah yeah yeah it's actually good best
[00:49:15] friend like squat yeah what are you gonna do today red yeah though I am
[00:49:23] smaller I am you can sense my do you think the red and then got more pussy of
[00:49:28] course he was fucking green there was no of course not the red one never got
[00:49:33] any spicy that's why that's why he's so yeah the red one was like Nathan Lane
[00:49:36] kind of no it was like it was a John Brown was love it okay that makes sense
[00:49:42] look my my in my reboot the red one gets a lot of pussy because I play him yeah
[00:49:48] but yes you guys are probably right the actual original characters played by
[00:49:52] love it's probably did not get it's probably gonna be a movie at a certain
[00:49:56] point like in the next five years the M&M movie for sure got some strong
[00:50:00] characters that sounds like a thing that they think oh yeah we could just make
[00:50:03] people forget about the orange one who's the he's the crispy one he's anxious that
[00:50:08] was like crispy M&M crispy I believe and there's the blue one which I don't
[00:50:11] remember what flavor he was who was like a jazz guy yeah he was cool yeah he
[00:50:15] played saxophone yeah yeah and the green blue blue one is new and the green one
[00:50:22] sexy absolute slut now she was a such she was hot sucking and fucking
[00:50:28] fucking well man we should go to the M&M store after this and get in Times
[00:50:32] Square get some M&M is merchandise I'm sorry time squirt with my car
[00:50:36] through the women's March that would rule excuse me bro
[00:50:43] BB BB BB excuse me he won deal with it I would love to interrupt a women's
[00:50:50] March to go to the M&M I'm trying to go to the
[00:50:53] main event not welcome the most fucking frivolous you know I still think it's
[00:51:08] so funny when we were trying to find a bookstore in Manhattan and we yeah I
[00:51:12] looked up on my phone it was a it was a women's book or it was like a feminist
[00:51:16] bookstore oh yeah and we were joking around about stuff just taking iPad and
[00:51:20] watching guys videos okay first of all that was me and stop hanging out we were
[00:51:24] I was there dude no you weren't it was me no you guys got mad at me you guys got
[00:51:28] mad at me because I found a feminist bookstore my phone nope it was me
[00:51:32] and stop hanging out we were walking around we were walking around we weren't
[00:51:36] look why were we looking for a bookstore because we were going to mics and we
[00:51:40] were like trying to find like some time we were trying to kill time between
[00:51:43] mics is yet we this did not happen one thousand being stopped being stopped
[00:51:48] we're walking stopped in living in New York at the time so I was visiting from
[00:51:52] Baltimore I was there dude I was 100% me and stop down outside of the bookstore
[00:52:00] because we were walking I don't care I was I mean I was bookstore with the bed I
[00:52:03] don't have to argue that I was like you like humiliating watching we were on an
[00:52:08] iPad yes and then you weren't there we told you about it later and now you've
[00:52:13] had it's not true I literally found the bookstore on my phone because I put
[00:52:18] bookstore in the Google Maps and then we got and we got there it was a feminist
[00:52:22] bookstore and you guys made fun of me for taking us to a feminist bookstore did
[00:52:26] not have to do I don't remember now my now my whole conception of realities
[00:52:31] fucked up dude I would not be you know if don't really happen I would be fucked
[00:52:37] inception if inception happened I wouldn't know what you can change dreams
[00:52:40] how about a movie called conception is about a guy that has sex with him while
[00:52:44] they're asleep yeah anytime that Japanese guys sees that top he knows he's
[00:52:51] getting fucked oh my goodness oh I am being disowned
[00:52:57] I think you can maybe rewatch inception I remember hating it yeah I remember
[00:53:06] the news mediocre is bad I remember walking out and saying that that shit
[00:53:10] sucked you can't suck a penis we didn't start my penis you didn't suck my penis
[00:53:19] you're a fucking bitch please suck a penis
[00:53:23] so kick kick and eating ass kicking your dick in your dad being gay and fucking
[00:53:32] whoa Billy Joel baby J oh that's Billy Joel we still have to go see him play
[00:53:38] what do you mean we me stop already went about me and stop go and then you could
[00:53:43] just think you were there we can save money on tickets only buy two and then
[00:53:49] we'll wait a year and you'll remember when I brought us tickets to Billy Joel I
[00:53:53] look why would I make that up why would I make it up because you're a liar why
[00:53:58] would I like to you about a thing that we all did
[00:54:04] damn yeah I don't know man either way I can't really tell I don't remember what
[00:54:09] happened off you do remember I was down here I really do not I have a horrible
[00:54:14] member we're gonna mics hell yeah I do remember that trip that was Nick and his
[00:54:20] sea captain phase yeah Nick was looking in China so horrible oh yeah you look
[00:54:25] bad you look so good that's when you look at your beer was actually you were
[00:54:30] pale as fuck you look bad skin you'd ringworm yeah and bed bugs I looked cool
[00:54:37] that fucking horrible yes here plywood that beard suck that's a great place shit
[00:54:45] it is wild how much you've bounced back just physically yeah I like rip down he
[00:54:51] just looks healthy dude he looks great you're jealous because you can't grow
[00:54:55] any kind of fish here Adam that's not true it's 100% true that's not true I
[00:54:59] wish I've never had a must a really nice must I hear my pleasure
[00:55:04] yeah it was good I sucked pricks I wish you a girl facial hair man the Lord
[00:55:10] really has blessed me with no physical gifts you can grow neck hair it looks
[00:55:14] like looks bad dude I can just if it gets anywhere other than stubble it looks
[00:55:18] like shit looks like pubes I'm a bit rosy as she's dirty again I would be
[00:55:23] jealous it didn't like connect when you had a big beard to it was like patchy
[00:55:27] in a weird way no it's thicker on my chin so look patchy yeah yeah and it was
[00:55:33] long to oh fucking bad dude did you get pussy in those days yeah really looking
[00:55:40] like that yep oh and living in a box and China tell you didn't fucking the box
[00:55:44] I did what a surprising amount actually really yeah women came to your box
[00:55:50] and fucked you uh-huh wow I know how many women would you say um not a lot you
[00:55:56] like seven but it was like for that box that's right yeah yeah yeah I'm
[00:56:00] multiplied by four yeah I think a part of it was just because it was like so
[00:56:05] close the no it was like like I think for women they're like oh wow this guy's
[00:56:11] like he's got the whole piece of shit package yes yes yes it's a fucked up like
[00:56:16] their rock they want to hit rock by it if I looked bad and I had like a nice
[00:56:20] place it'd be like oh I'm not doing this but I look bad and I live in like a
[00:56:24] rat and festive you know tenement or like these women really hated themselves
[00:56:28] yeah holy shit that rules yeah and it was just Tinder or what yeah just all
[00:56:36] Tinder yeah that's and they came over you go out now we go out and talk for a
[00:56:40] while you forget that I'm like a very charming guy no I know dude but you
[00:56:44] also looked horrible you know you're good at chat you're good at talking
[00:56:50] online so Tinder it would make sense that you did well on it he's gonna talking
[00:56:55] person when he has an aim I guess I have a sex yeah yeah yeah yeah I forgot when
[00:57:00] you're a stick man you're not you're not like you're yeah no that's in the past
[00:57:04] yeah he's over having sex now I'm the one who has sex stop didn't have sex
[00:57:11] until this year I didn't have sex literally till three like really having
[00:57:14] sex to like I'm the year before I moved you know yeah yeah I would you know I
[00:57:19] would have girlfriend's ship but now I now I'm a sex stop roast should I get a
[00:57:24] jacket that says sex stop roast yeah you should the way dice had it with rhinestones
[00:57:31] yeah we get a jacket to say sex stop roast I got one says sex Nick and then in
[00:57:35] six months I don't be like guys remember when we all got jackets
[00:57:41] sex number sex Nick yeah boy I mean you just you objectively weren't there
[00:57:48] dude no you're absolutely we have to we were mean stop or laugh and we told you
[00:57:52] about it later we have to launch an investigation you didn't tell me about
[00:57:55] it later I literally found the bookstore on my phone yeah you didn't and you
[00:57:59] laid fun of me for where was it then it was like by Washington Square
[00:58:05] incorrect yes nope no yes it absolutely was no it absolutely was no it was not
[00:58:10] where was it it was it was in Midtown somewhere no it was not in Midtown it was
[00:58:15] downtown no for sure nope you're a misremembering Nick what was it I'm not
[00:58:20] a feeling you do quite often no I don't yes you do first of all I don't I this
[00:58:25] you were not there we told you about it and you may have found a bookstore
[00:58:29] later and then while we were hanging out we told you about that thing no it's
[00:58:34] not because actually that night stop and you slept over at Eric's house oh you
[00:58:39] know living there I do remember that it was that same day interesting do you
[00:58:44] remember you guys both slept in that living Brandon we skipped with Brandon
[00:58:48] and Jamil I did not have a beard back then it wasn't yeah you didn't have a
[00:58:53] beard but that was it was the same day as that you just said it was during my
[00:58:57] sea captain face so you're lying about something Adam you're lying again I
[00:59:01] didn't say sea captain stops at that but yeah I'm pretty sure it was a sea
[00:59:06] cap it was when I first moved here and it was before I even had an apartment I
[00:59:10] was just staying at Eric's while he was in a time I'm sleeping at Eric's but
[00:59:15] wait was that when I woke up in the morning I threw a cigarette on that car
[00:59:19] and you know I like flick this I was smoking a thing I flicked it and it
[00:59:25] just landed on that guy and then this guy came out and he was like either
[00:59:27] apologized my car I'll kick your ass and Adam was like I got this and then
[00:59:31] three other guys came out and he fought all of them whoa and then he got married
[00:59:35] to the guy's girlfriend whoa then the president called him up on the phone
[00:59:39] and was like Adam Barack Obama this is president Duane the rock John first of
[00:59:45] all I wanted to compliment I'm gonna give you the Medal of Honor for telling the
[00:59:48] most accurate story you're actually wrong dude I'm not actually wrong we
[00:59:55] have to launch an investigation we'll investigate after this I'll look up I'll
[00:59:58] find that fucking bookstore in midtown because I was not in midtown oh dude
[01:00:02] you're look here's what the fuck happened me and stop we're hanging out we just
[01:00:06] sat down with there be a famous book story in midtown I don't even know if
[01:00:10] it was a feminist bookstore it was a bookstore with a woman working there
[01:00:13] and it was like they were having like a feminist it was like a leftist
[01:00:16] revolution that I do that yeah there was some kind of thing but it's like it was
[01:00:20] orange and purple here's the thing we were just walking around there was a
[01:00:24] bench outside of the fucking place no sat down no it was actually the true
[01:00:29] story was it started raining we were walking around we were between we were
[01:00:33] between mics you said let's just find a fucking bookstore something go in and
[01:00:37] then I looked on my phone for bookstore we walked there and then you guys are
[01:00:41] like oh LOL you faggot you took us to a feminist bookstore that part sounds
[01:00:45] right and then the calling you guys started and then Nick said oh my god
[01:00:50] what if stop just took a beach share like sat in the middle of this bookstore
[01:00:53] with an iPad and started playing dice videos no because we were all we were
[01:00:57] seeing on a bed yeah remember we were sitting on a fucking bench there was a
[01:01:01] bench there was no no no you're adding a bench I'm not adding it what if you
[01:01:05] took a beach we didn't go in there was no beach share exactly you were saying
[01:01:09] what if you sit outside yeah we were just sitting outside this fucking bookstore
[01:01:13] and we were laughing there was a bench outside we mean stop we're talking why
[01:01:17] would I make up that I was there this is such a like a like a dumb story
[01:01:24] told I let the men finish I was saying something misogynist and was like how
[01:01:29] funny is that we're just having this conversation outside yes yes and it's
[01:01:33] like just have fun to be to watch dice videos on an I bring your own speaker
[01:01:36] and I was it I was there I was laughing to be like excuse me bitch I'm in the
[01:01:43] middle of something yeah yeah yeah I was there no you were yes I was you fucking
[01:01:48] work yes you don't know where it was you don't know how it happened it was
[01:01:53] down to look like check it out where you're downtown just I don't think it was
[01:01:57] downtown but I remember a second think for a second I think we why would it make
[01:02:01] any sense didn't we or maybe I just maybe why would it make any sense for a
[01:02:05] feminist slash left politics bookstore to be in Midtown what do you mean it was
[01:02:12] downtown no I was there this was in Midtown no I know it was it was after it was
[01:02:17] after the mic at revisions lounge that does not sound right because the
[01:02:22] revisions Mike was late no what was that seven late look Adam I guess that's
[01:02:27] happened it was not right here's true here's what happened maybe we were hanging
[01:02:32] out and maybe we went into a fucking bookstore to hang and either me and
[01:02:37] Stav repeated the story to you where we fucking rehash the bit with you there
[01:02:41] but the origin of that was me and Stav hanging out in the middle of the day
[01:02:45] it was in the middle of the day it was up in Midtown and we're just like let's
[01:02:49] just fucking chill here for a second we sat down on a bench I don't think it
[01:02:53] was definitely a vision daylight but it was later in the day because it was
[01:02:57] like summer so like this like sunset like not like your vision was it's seven
[01:03:01] was that seven all three of us got up in the first fucking group and we were
[01:03:04] out of there by the time it was like it was around eight it was like end of the
[01:03:08] day too much had to go right for your story to telling you guys I don't know
[01:03:12] it was before revision okay that's possible maybe we were trying to kill time
[01:03:16] before it man we should turn this into a spin-off podcast like cereal this 35
[01:03:20] episodes long it's called Adam the liar
[01:03:26] hi I'm Sarah Keeney initially I wanted to blame Adam because he's a type of
[01:03:31] minorities both gay and Jewish sure as I got closer to him I realized I was
[01:03:36] just being manipulated by a sniveling liar no not by sniveling liar and then the
[01:03:40] audience gets to turn on me in the last two episodes when they realize is that
[01:03:43] I'm a dumb liberal fucking moron doesn't believe that anyone charming could ever
[01:03:47] do anything wrong no I'd talk to a Muslim man possibly murder a Chinese
[01:03:52] girl how could he possibly do that he's faced so much persecution as a Muslim
[01:03:59] man in America it's almost like Halen deserved to be murdered
[01:04:02] man fuck oh speaking of Muslim guys or whatever the guy from the guy from the
[01:04:12] first what was that she called on HBO that many series where it was like the
[01:04:16] jinx no he was a Muslim guy oh yeah yeah res a res a med res a med saw your
[01:04:22] boy do stand up at the stand the other night oh he got me toed huh he did I
[01:04:26] think so oh damn oh he didn't say hello yeah dude celebs go to the stand pretty
[01:04:31] often yeah Josh brawling his daughter used to work there and Josh really
[01:04:34] watched me do a set one I remember that whoa great job me great job man I'm
[01:04:39] like man can we gotta be your friend yeah dude Nick was smiling so hard after
[01:04:44] that's so Josh brawling said I mean in my ideal world it's me Josh brawling
[01:04:50] Mark Wahlberg yes we're all hanging out together what about us we have three
[01:04:54] yachts no we're on a new podcast that you can only listen to through solid gold
[01:04:59] headphones so it's also they weigh a million pounds so you have to be you
[01:05:06] have to have a strong back what do you think about Josh brawling what do you
[01:05:10] think about being quiet while I describe my fantasy come on man let me go
[01:05:16] sorry we're all broadcasting we've got washboard apps yeah okay we're on our
[01:05:20] all of our yachts in the in the Gulf of Mexico you know going various tropical
[01:05:28] locales islands drinking Capri Suns together oh shit saying racial slurs
[01:05:33] that you've never even heard of whoa what the fuck really that's the ones it
[01:05:38] only reserved for the most exclusive of billionaires can I come sometimes sure
[01:05:44] thanks man Adam can't come but it doesn't matter if he'll just include
[01:05:48] himself later his false memory I was money would be it the day that we went
[01:05:53] to the feminist bookstore Adam was being like raped by a homeless person
[01:05:59] you want me to believe no no oh okay no we want you to face your trauma yeah
[01:06:05] now it was the day that Tim Dillon met Adam and revision loud yeah why don't
[01:06:12] you have another drink oh you can go to the bathroom I'll watch your drink for
[01:06:18] you right right right right oh sure you were at the bookstore yeah you're at
[01:06:27] the bookstore with Adam our nicking star for us got I would love to just set
[01:06:34] it's just sick Tim Dillon on you that would be so funny why just like it's like
[01:06:38] it's like the Coliseum it's like it's like a gladiator I don't make it as fuck
[01:06:44] and then Tim fed him by Agris and just like them on coming out on a
[01:06:50] not a chariot yeah is Tim a top I feel like he's a nod I think he does it all
[01:06:57] man yeah well only you would know Adam there's only one way to find out yeah
[01:07:00] why don't you answer that question for us yeah fuck him in the ass or suck his
[01:07:04] dick and I mean I don't know how I feel about that we've talked about it like
[01:07:08] if me and stop drugged you and let Tim service himself yeah that would be
[01:07:12] pretty shitty it would be shitty and it would be like not nice it would severely
[01:07:17] fuck you up the rest you like and I would feel bad but it would be really
[01:07:21] funny honestly it would be so funny I don't think it was fuck I would feel so
[01:07:29] bad I mean it would like destroy your life I don't think it was damn it dude
[01:07:33] that was just so horny ugly mama fucker
[01:07:39] bobbing up and down on your cock right right right what does that
[01:07:51] God what is normal stops why does he like me doesn't like you name no he
[01:07:57] wants a little twink because he respects Nick professionally yeah he sees you as
[01:08:02] an object and doesn't you know because he doesn't think you're an equal
[01:08:05] expect me yeah I mean obviously so he just wants to fuck you and use you up like
[01:08:11] a little fuck toy but that's not that's not like that's not what sexual
[01:08:15] attraction is like if you can a very shallow left someone to want to fuck
[01:08:22] them on a well gay people don't have morality oh yeah that's sure so to them
[01:08:26] the second they have any positive feeling towards you they don't want to
[01:08:31] have sex with you well they do also I don't know there's no way to really tell
[01:08:35] with them they don't know honestly if Tim did that's me and you guys did that to
[01:08:39] me mm-hmm I'd be ticked I'd be a dude would you would you be miffed I'd be annoyed
[01:08:44] would you be like what the heck you mother frickers yeah I would be like
[01:08:49] that would be such what level of Tim raping you would you be okay with what
[01:08:53] do you mean Tim like you're sure how about this you're asleep and he kisses
[01:08:58] your cock for like 15 I wouldn't really care if you're asleep and he sucks you
[01:09:02] off would you really care no not really I mean like if I didn't know not but we
[01:09:07] show you the video we laugh yeah I would be annoyed you see me and they
[01:09:11] really hearted a video like what are you guys watching and it's a video from
[01:09:16] six months ago of you getting sucked off my damn life you're like what the
[01:09:20] fuck is this that'll be annoying you just smiling bigger than we ever have in
[01:09:28] our lives I mean honestly my girlfriend was cool with it I'd be fine she would
[01:09:34] totally be cool you wouldn't be fine dude you'd have to go to therapy if that
[01:09:37] happened if I got raped yeah I'm sure what if we text Dasha and ask her if we
[01:09:42] could set that up what if you found out Dasha said what if that was
[01:09:46] our first day present to Dasha it is my birthday coming up because that's
[01:09:50] not just a day you want to go to LA for Dasha's birthday yeah yeah just I might
[01:09:54] fly out I'm going well first you're going you fucking idiot it would be funny
[01:09:58] if you didn't go and I did when are you going it's the I think it's next month
[01:10:03] let's set up a show and even know she's doing a roast for herself let's set up
[01:10:08] a show and do it in LA yeah I'm done especially if we're doing carolines
[01:10:15] before that well I don't know if we're doing I don't know sorry sorry fucking
[01:10:18] goddamn mouth shut Jesus Christ sorry I'm sorry the show is about you lying and
[01:10:37] I was there whatever man I was there and I'll I'll suck Tim's
[01:10:42] take to prove it yeah that would be like a good thanks Jimmy Stewart movie what
[01:10:50] yeah I was there I can prove it well bring that that large queer felt over
[01:10:57] here and I'll show you one way or the other I was there I'm finishing my
[01:11:04] mouth and I asked my name isn't Adam Friedlin I would love to sound that way
[01:11:10] you can't just say it just do I should do the most do like this all right well
[01:11:15] I'll probably do it for today we have a show we haven't booked plugged it
[01:11:20] we have funny moms on Monday this is coming out I guess that's tomorrow this
[01:11:24] is coming out I guess tonight Saturday tomorrow tomorrow Sunday it's coming out
[01:11:30] Sunday 22nd we have a funny moms funny moms on Monday the 22nd it's our first
[01:11:35] one of the year it's gonna be a good one and then also stay tuned to the
[01:11:41] patreon we got some additional content coming pretty soon I'm almost dumb I'm
[01:11:45] almost ready to pick it back up and start working on it okay all right that's a
[01:11:52] good enough tease yeah sure this is yeah this is the patreon I have my guess oh
[01:11:56] fuck yeah it is well then continue doing we're doing yes and if you're
[01:12:01] stealing it consider buying it yeah consider buying it all right you guys