[00:00:00] Thanks for watching!

[00:00:29] Good afternoon or evening or morning,

[00:00:32] depending, that's the beauty of podcasts.

[00:00:34] You know, you can listen to it in the shower,

[00:00:37] while you're fucking, while you're fucking your wife.

[00:00:39] You know?

[00:00:40] I know everyone's watching listening

[00:00:41] to this motherfucking day.

[00:00:42] That's for me and my wife, my wife loved it.

[00:00:44] We love having sex in new interesting places,

[00:00:47] like the shower.

[00:00:49] Or you know, maybe we'll just take the weekend off,

[00:00:53] we'll get a rental car, we'll park the rental car,

[00:00:55] just get the hell out of town.

[00:00:58] And we'll pull it over and we'll suck and fuck

[00:01:00] on the side of the road, just like we used to

[00:01:02] when we were kids.

[00:01:04] You know, that's how we keep the spice in our relationship.

[00:01:08] A lot of people worry about, you know,

[00:01:10] is my relationship spicy enough?

[00:01:12] How do I get that Latina flavor in my relationship?

[00:01:17] You know, my wife's getting older now,

[00:01:18] or pussy sucks.

[00:01:20] Yeah, sure.

[00:01:21] I hate fucking her, my dick is really fights,

[00:01:23] it's not as, I mean, it's as long as it used to be,

[00:01:25] but it's really narrow now.

[00:01:27] You don't fill up.

[00:01:28] That'll happen.

[00:01:29] That'll happen.

[00:01:29] Yeah, it's gross.

[00:01:31] My fucking dick is gross and my wife's pussy is shit.

[00:01:34] And I tried to fuck the girl I work with,

[00:01:37] but it just, I failed.

[00:01:40] And then I got caught failing,

[00:01:41] trying to fuck my younger co-worker.

[00:01:43] If we didn't get hard, or what happened?

[00:01:45] I don't know.

[00:01:46] Just didn't happen, huh?

[00:01:47] I think the problem is there's not enough spice

[00:01:50] in my relationship.

[00:01:51] You need to get the spice back then, as well.

[00:01:52] So yeah, we fucking the shower and we listen to Marin.

[00:01:55] We put it on podcasts.

[00:01:56] Oh my God.

[00:01:57] We get it.

[00:01:58] We get podcasts.

[00:01:59] It's not for deviant.

[00:02:00] Yeah.

[00:02:01] You haven't fucked your wife until you fucked her

[00:02:03] to, wait, wait, don't tell me.

[00:02:05] Yeah.

[00:02:06] My wife is a huge fan of,

[00:02:10] cereal?

[00:02:11] Yeah, cereal.

[00:02:12] Yeah.

[00:02:13] So I pretend I'm that,

[00:02:14] I'm pretending I'm the Muslim kid for it.

[00:02:18] I'm pretending I'm that.

[00:02:19] Do you guys fucking the best by parking lot?

[00:02:21] Is that what happened?

[00:02:22] I think I don't think it kills her in the past.

[00:02:24] Yeah, that's what it is.

[00:02:25] I murdered my wife.

[00:02:26] You killed your wife.

[00:02:27] That's the only way I can count it on.

[00:02:28] That will keep it spicy.

[00:02:30] You murdered your wife?

[00:02:31] Hell yeah.

[00:02:32] How do you add a little hot sauce to your relationship?

[00:02:34] I'm tired of having this mayo ass, crack ass,

[00:02:37] white boy relationship.

[00:02:39] I'm trying.

[00:02:40] We're trying hot sauce.

[00:02:40] Crystal.

[00:02:41] Crystal.

[00:02:42] What?

[00:02:43] It's a crystal hot sauce.

[00:02:44] Made by the same people.

[00:02:46] Yeah.

[00:02:47] It is.

[00:02:48] Hell yeah, the other one.

[00:02:48] Well, my wife and I.

[00:02:49] I'm bitches titties.

[00:02:50] My wife and I could only fuck originally

[00:02:52] to the Curbier enthusiasm theme song.

[00:02:56] Oh, that's funny.

[00:02:57] Me and my wife only fuck to the music

[00:02:59] when Larry is suspicious of something.

[00:03:01] Mm hmm.

[00:03:02] My, uh, me and my wife, we fucked to the,

[00:03:06] the Price is Right sound when you get something wrong.

[00:03:09] Yeah.

[00:03:10] Yeah.

[00:03:11] Bum bum bum bum.

[00:03:12] Yeah.

[00:03:13] Yeah.

[00:03:14] Yeah.

[00:03:15] But when we were kids, we used to fuck to be.

[00:03:17] Yeah, me and my wife, back when we were my wife,

[00:03:19] we were kids, when I met my wife, we were four or five years old.

[00:03:22] Yeah.

[00:03:23] I tell you, we used to fuck like rabbits.

[00:03:24] Yeah.

[00:03:25] And pull a pool skirt up back in the, back in the old, old Studebaker Roadster.

[00:03:30] Sure.

[00:03:31] It was, year was 1948.

[00:03:32] I was six months old.

[00:03:34] My wife was, she was four.

[00:03:36] I don't remember how old I was.

[00:03:38] I was 27 years old.

[00:03:39] My wife was four and a half.

[00:03:42] I just finished, I just finished my senior year at the, uh, the West Chester Boys School

[00:03:48] for Preparatory Boys.

[00:03:50] My wife was, uh, she was a junior in kindergarten.

[00:03:54] Yeah.

[00:03:55] Holy shit.

[00:03:56] Yeah.

[00:03:57] And you know, back then they, they called it going steady.

[00:04:02] Mm hmm.

[00:04:03] And what that means is, is that she wasn't allowed to tell people what was going on.

[00:04:08] You hold her down and steadily and fuck her.

[00:04:10] Yeah.

[00:04:11] I'll tell you guys something.

[00:04:12] You've never fucked your wife until you fucked her to the Benny Hill theme song.

[00:04:17] We'll say that.

[00:04:18] Just when you're dick, you, you put it in her ass and it comes out of her mouth to

[00:04:23] yackity sex.

[00:04:24] And then you put, yeah, you put one of your balls in her ear and it comes out of her

[00:04:32] island.

[00:04:33] It's actually extremely painful for your dick and balls.

[00:04:36] But it's a good bit.

[00:04:37] Yeah.

[00:04:38] It's fucking hilarious.

[00:04:39] It's a really good bit.

[00:04:43] I only, I exclusively give my wife the shocker.

[00:04:46] Yeah.

[00:04:47] I have sex.

[00:04:48] I tried that PlayStation VR the other day and that shit is crazy.

[00:04:51] It's like we really are living in the fucking future.

[00:04:53] I read an article the other day.

[00:04:55] Oh, stop.

[00:04:56] I read an article the other day that said that, uh, that said that scientists created a time

[00:05:02] crystal.

[00:05:03] Oh no.

[00:05:04] I don't even know what that is.

[00:05:05] Dude, do we have to from, uh, destroy it?

[00:05:08] I don't know.

[00:05:09] Wait, is this real?

[00:05:10] Yeah.

[00:05:11] They created a time crystal.

[00:05:12] What is that?

[00:05:13] I guess they shine lasers.

[00:05:14] Do they get the older thing?

[00:05:15] They shine lasers at these particles to like a reduced particle spin that I don't know.

[00:05:21] They like, they show that time could be symmetrical, which is what a crystal is.

[00:05:26] It's like, you know, I don't even fucking begin to understand that shit.

[00:05:30] Yeah, I don't know.

[00:05:31] Nobody does.

[00:05:32] What does that even fucking mean when people are like, time is fucking you could like,

[00:05:36] I don't know.

[00:05:37] Well, symmetry can, yeah.

[00:05:39] Well, it's symmetry.

[00:05:40] Symmetry can.

[00:05:41] Yeah, you can.

[00:05:42] Symmetry can be expressed mathematically.

[00:05:45] So like when they say that kind of shit, they just mean that like numbers that up on

[00:05:49] a piece of paper.

[00:05:50] Right.

[00:05:51] What the fuck would mean?

[00:05:52] So when like, you know, time like space time being the fourth dimension or whatever,

[00:05:55] it's just like imagine something carried to the fourth power.

[00:05:58] Yep.

[00:05:59] And then just think about it numerically.

[00:06:00] What if we had a magical knife and you cut some shit in the air and then you put your

[00:06:05] hand to the fucking.

[00:06:06] Then I can, then I can fuck.

[00:06:08] Well, okay.

[00:06:09] Imagine it this way.

[00:06:10] What?

[00:06:11] Two gay men.

[00:06:12] Okay.

[00:06:13] All right.

[00:06:14] I'm listening.

[00:06:15] Erections.

[00:06:16] Uh huh.

[00:06:17] One of them is like you.

[00:06:18] Uncircumcised.

[00:06:19] Okay.

[00:06:20] One of them like me incredibly circumcised.

[00:06:22] Yeah, you're very circumcised.

[00:06:24] You put basically just has ballskin.

[00:06:26] You put the tips of the dicks together.

[00:06:29] Mm hmm.

[00:06:30] You take.

[00:06:31] You're taking your dick in my forehead.

[00:06:33] I don't know what docking is.

[00:06:34] You know what docking is?

[00:06:37] That's what docking is.

[00:06:38] You just describe docking.

[00:06:39] You think you're inventing it because you're a fucking idiot.

[00:06:41] You remember how to force skin in your life, dude.

[00:06:43] You're a fucking poser.

[00:06:45] I got mine removed as an adult because I wanted to make decisions about my own body and I

[00:06:49] chose not to have one of my friends.

[00:06:51] You had yours removed like a fucking coward as an infant.

[00:06:54] All right.

[00:06:55] Probably with anesthesia.

[00:06:56] I mean, I was doing a bit that I had.

[00:06:58] I had mine done at a Pantera concert by Phil Anselmo with his mouth.

[00:07:06] He chewed my foreskin off.

[00:07:07] Do you know Rabbi costume?

[00:07:09] Yeah.

[00:07:10] And he said, now you're a cow man from hell.

[00:07:14] And that was my bar mitzvah.

[00:07:17] That was your bar mitzvah.

[00:07:18] I'm sorry, Adam.

[00:07:19] What was now?

[00:07:20] What do I need to imagine?

[00:07:21] Oh, God.

[00:07:22] I was just doing a stupid bit.

[00:07:24] That's a negative.

[00:07:25] Anyway, time is fucking.

[00:07:26] I don't buy any of that fucking shit.

[00:07:28] Yeah.

[00:07:29] I also should warn listeners not only is the battery dying in this.

[00:07:33] I got to don't worry.

[00:07:34] I got backup batteries.

[00:07:35] Mm hmm.

[00:07:36] But we got food coming.

[00:07:37] So this might cut off abruptly at some point.

[00:07:40] Consider that the break.

[00:07:41] We're going to hit you with some sweet cool tunes from the 1950s.

[00:07:45] Which one?

[00:07:46] That was the decade I grew up in.

[00:07:48] Back when I met my wife.

[00:07:49] What was your worst name?

[00:07:51] I don't know.

[00:07:53] Some shit like Trixie or whatever.

[00:07:54] Fucking dumb.

[00:07:55] Yeah.

[00:07:56] Dot.

[00:07:57] My wife.

[00:07:58] Dot.

[00:07:59] He used to bust down dots throughout.

[00:08:01] But back then it was called go instead.

[00:08:03] It's coming in at someone's mouth is what going steady.

[00:08:08] Yeah.

[00:08:09] You had rip a poodle skirt off and hold her down and she'd say my dad's a senator and

[00:08:13] I'd say my dad's a fucking president and then I'd do whatever I want.

[00:08:16] That was called go instead.

[00:08:18] He backed in.

[00:08:19] Yep.

[00:08:20] Yep.

[00:08:21] Mm hmm.

[00:08:22] Yeah.

[00:08:23] Boy.

[00:08:24] It's like that movie Pleasantville.

[00:08:25] It's a simpler time Pleasantville.

[00:08:26] Yeah.

[00:08:27] Where the soda shop man's gay.

[00:08:29] Isn't that the story?

[00:08:30] He finds out he's gay and then he has color.

[00:08:32] He turns completely pink.

[00:08:35] Yeah.

[00:08:36] And the wife learns about masturbating.

[00:08:37] Yeah.

[00:08:38] What a great movie.

[00:08:40] Who else beat off?

[00:08:41] I think you saw titties in that.

[00:08:43] I definitely did.

[00:08:44] Who was in it?

[00:08:45] Well everyone with color was fucking Reese Witherspoon.

[00:08:48] Toby Mac.

[00:08:49] Toby Mac was definitely Pussy Posse.

[00:08:51] And who was the big man?

[00:08:53] And who was the guy?

[00:08:57] What the fuck is his name?

[00:08:58] Jeff D.

[00:08:59] Jeff Daniels.

[00:09:00] Who becomes gay?

[00:09:01] Jeff Daniels was gay.

[00:09:02] Who was the main guy who was bad?

[00:09:06] I can't believe I can't remember his name.

[00:09:07] Willem DeFoe.

[00:09:08] No.

[00:09:09] Yeah.

[00:09:10] He played the dad.

[00:09:11] William H. Macy.

[00:09:12] William H. Macy.

[00:09:13] Yeah.

[00:09:14] He's a fucking bitch ass motherfucker.

[00:09:15] He was Ed Harris in that movie.

[00:09:16] Wait, was it William H. Macy or that other guy that looks like William H. Macy, that

[00:09:20] low rent guy?

[00:09:21] Who's that guy?

[00:09:24] Fuck.

[00:09:25] I always confuse him with C. Thomas Howell.

[00:09:27] It's not C. Thomas Howell.

[00:09:29] And his name isn't even similar and they don't look alike, but for whatever reason, their

[00:09:32] name's got swap.

[00:09:33] Because William H.

[00:09:34] Because C. Thomas Howell sounds like what a bootleg William H. Macy should be named.

[00:09:38] Yeah, yeah.

[00:09:39] You know what I mean?

[00:09:40] No, he's the guy from the outside.

[00:09:41] John C. Riley.

[00:09:42] No, it's not John C. Riley.

[00:09:44] You would know him immediately if you saw him.

[00:09:47] I think I know who you're talking about.

[00:09:49] You got little gay eyes.

[00:09:53] You know what I mean?

[00:09:54] No.

[00:09:55] I think that eyes could be a lot of different shapes and a lot of different sizes.

[00:10:00] I don't, yeah, William H. Macy's a bitch ass motherfucker in that movie.

[00:10:05] He doesn't fuck his wife good.

[00:10:07] His wife jacks off and becomes taller.

[00:10:09] That was hot.

[00:10:10] I think I beat makeup on.

[00:10:11] I think I beat makeup on.

[00:10:12] She has to put makeup on to still be black and white.

[00:10:14] Oh, really?

[00:10:15] Yeah.

[00:10:16] And then it rains one day.

[00:10:17] Oh.

[00:10:18] Like at a certain pivotal point.

[00:10:19] Interesting.

[00:10:20] And then he's like, oh, this bitch is color.

[00:10:22] Isn't the guy like who puts the what happens like Toby Maguire goes over there or somebody

[00:10:27] reached where the spoon goes and she's a little slut and sucks off the the the fucking the

[00:10:32] football guy or something like that.

[00:10:34] Oh, that's not a break time.

[00:10:36] Woo.

[00:10:37] How does it feel to know you're about to die?

[00:10:45] I'm going to give you more time than you gave my wife and son.

[00:10:52] I got to tell you something.

[00:10:55] You're a fucking bitch.

[00:11:00] You're a fucking bitch.

[00:11:27] Now you're a good cop.

[00:11:34] Vernon.

[00:11:41] Oh, Vernon.

[00:11:45] Let's try it here.

[00:11:49] Okay.

[00:11:50] We're back.

[00:11:51] Hold on.

[00:11:52] What do you mean hold on?

[00:11:53] What's that?

[00:11:54] Did we do the first part?

[00:11:56] What first part?

[00:11:57] Is it still here?

[00:11:58] Yeah, the first.

[00:11:59] Yeah, he just can't add to the.

[00:12:01] Okay, nothing.

[00:12:02] We're ready.

[00:12:03] We had lunch and now we have a gas.

[00:12:04] Damn, it's happening.

[00:12:05] Yeah, a nighttime lunch.

[00:12:07] All right.

[00:12:08] We had a night.

[00:12:09] We had well lunch.

[00:12:10] Lunch just means the middle.

[00:12:11] Anything you're doing if you stop and eat the middle, that's fucking lunch, dude.

[00:12:16] Yeah.

[00:12:17] It was the lunch.

[00:12:18] Get a dictionary.

[00:12:19] You're fucking retard.

[00:12:20] Yeah, that's true.

[00:12:21] Got him.

[00:12:22] Cooked his ass.

[00:12:23] We should we should a little bitch ass.

[00:12:25] Did you go to school for reading?

[00:12:27] You know what the fuck lunch means?

[00:12:29] I think everyone technically goes to school for reading.

[00:12:32] No, I went to school for sports.

[00:12:34] I got through, I went through the finger bombing academy personally.

[00:12:38] Finger blast bombing.

[00:12:39] No, we're the bomb technique.

[00:12:41] I went to school.

[00:12:42] How do you bomb a pussy?

[00:12:43] They're like when you do really bad and the room is just dead.

[00:12:46] No, no, no.

[00:12:47] No, no, no.

[00:12:48] This is when you're from the top.

[00:12:49] You take a dump.

[00:12:50] You got to take a dump in the pussy.

[00:12:51] That's the bomb in the pussy.

[00:12:52] You do that or you feel it was spray paint.

[00:12:54] Oh my God.

[00:12:55] And then you left it.

[00:12:58] Yeah, dog.

[00:12:59] Yeah, that's how the fuck we get.

[00:13:00] This is actually a documentary about the Chicano movement in the 1970s.

[00:13:04] I had a pussy bombing.

[00:13:05] Stand and deliver.

[00:13:06] Yeah, stand and deliver is about these.

[00:13:08] He has to reach the kids.

[00:13:10] Edward James.

[00:13:11] Edward James.

[00:13:12] Yeah.

[00:13:13] The poster boy of adult acne.

[00:13:16] Yeah.

[00:13:17] His skin is fucked up.

[00:13:19] It's really like a bumpy.

[00:13:20] Eddie J.O.

[00:13:21] Yeah.

[00:13:22] It looks like a luxury L.

[00:13:23] J.O.

[00:13:24] Yeah.

[00:13:25] Yeah, yeah.

[00:13:26] That's a great name for him.

[00:13:27] Yeah.

[00:13:28] Eddie J.O.

[00:13:29] Yeah, I don't fucking know.

[00:13:30] So Amber's back.

[00:13:32] Hi.

[00:13:33] What's going on?

[00:13:34] I'm high in trying to order Korean barbecue.

[00:13:36] Yeah.

[00:13:37] We had Chinese from, did I just mention that?

[00:13:42] No.

[00:13:43] We just had to delete like two minutes of the second half.

[00:13:46] I don't think we'll ever be able to twice tonight.

[00:13:48] No, it's not anybody's fault.

[00:13:49] Anytime there it is somebody's fault is Adam's fault.

[00:13:52] Either it's either that or it's nobody's fault.

[00:13:54] Why is this dynamic?

[00:13:55] I'm not a Jew.

[00:13:56] This is developing.

[00:13:57] I'm not blaming the Jews.

[00:13:59] No, it's because Nick's trying to impress.

[00:14:01] It has nothing to do with his Judaism.

[00:14:04] I think it has a little bit of a...

[00:14:06] Just prone to fucking up the...

[00:14:07] What?

[00:14:08] You know, the equipment.

[00:14:09] Tell me what time that's happened.

[00:14:11] One.

[00:14:12] You leave the door open, the cats leave.

[00:14:14] That's just the door open.

[00:14:15] Oh my God.

[00:14:16] Oh my God.

[00:14:17] You're a great guy.

[00:14:18] You're a great guy.

[00:14:19] I was raised in a nice household.

[00:14:20] He was raised in a synagogue.

[00:14:22] He's so fucking door.

[00:14:23] A lot of people with a message and they ask me,

[00:14:25] how can we send stuff to the podcast?

[00:14:28] What kind of free stuff can we send in?

[00:14:31] Whatever you got.

[00:14:32] Flashlights?

[00:14:33] No.

[00:14:34] And I'll tell you.

[00:14:35] Number one.

[00:14:36] If you want to send to my apartment...

[00:14:37] Maybe chocolate covered pretzels?

[00:14:38] I'm a barbecue.

[00:14:39] No.

[00:14:40] What I want is a glass.

[00:14:41] Maybe like a Twix bar.

[00:14:42] First of all, it's not going to stop this place.

[00:14:45] You can do it to my place.

[00:14:46] I'll give you a message to me and I'll give you my address.

[00:14:48] You can just give it to me.

[00:14:49] Don't message him.

[00:14:50] Please message me.

[00:14:51] Don't send him anything.

[00:14:52] Who's what we're getting is an iced tea container.

[00:14:55] One of those big glass ones with the spic it at the end.

[00:15:00] Ooh.

[00:15:01] It's going to have to...

[00:15:02] The spic it's good.

[00:15:03] I want the spic it.

[00:15:04] I don't want to fucking pour my iced tea like a slave.

[00:15:09] Nick Mullen's son.

[00:15:11] I want full service iced tea.

[00:15:13] I want my white gloves on.

[00:15:15] The spill of drop on my fucking gloves and I will slit your throat on this porch with

[00:15:22] my fucking razor.

[00:15:24] Okay.

[00:15:25] Hell yeah, dude.

[00:15:27] Wow.

[00:15:28] Yeah, so we'll take one of those.

[00:15:29] Oh, we also want a Vitamix and a PlayStation.

[00:15:32] I want a Vitamix.

[00:15:33] You can't copy me.

[00:15:34] I want it.

[00:15:35] I wanted the Vitamix worse.

[00:15:36] Why can't I copy you?

[00:15:37] Stop.

[00:15:38] Are you sure you don't want anything?

[00:15:40] I want a Vitamix.

[00:15:41] Okay.

[00:15:42] All right.

[00:15:43] Oh, you mean Korean barbecue?

[00:15:44] I will not have any of yours.

[00:15:46] Okay.

[00:15:47] I know I've been doing that recently.

[00:15:48] Give him a couple pieces of cabbage.

[00:15:49] You're like the world's girl around.

[00:15:50] Like a rabbit.

[00:15:51] I know.

[00:15:52] I'm sorry.

[00:15:53] I don't want any.

[00:15:54] And then you're like, can I have a bite?

[00:15:55] He's getting a little bite.

[00:15:56] Can I get a little fries?

[00:15:57] I can't help it.

[00:15:58] I'm a little, I'm a little slutty boy when it comes to food.

[00:16:00] I do that to them with the Chinese.

[00:16:02] I do that with peanut M&M, dude.

[00:16:03] If somebody has peanut M&M's, I also like to pretend like I've never tried gum.

[00:16:08] Anytime anyone says gum, I'm like, oh, what's it, what's an acceptable thing?

[00:16:13] What's an acceptable thing to ask a stranger for that's not a cigarette?

[00:16:17] A cigar?

[00:16:18] A black and white.

[00:16:20] Do you have another cigar?

[00:16:21] I just love you.

[00:16:22] You got a touch.

[00:16:23] Do you have another cigar?

[00:16:25] I'm trying to quit.

[00:16:27] Um, you can, I guess you could ask for gum.

[00:16:33] Could you ask a vape guy?

[00:16:34] Can you just be like, yo, can I bomb some cloud?

[00:16:37] No, it doesn't.

[00:16:38] Can I just get a little cloud off some cloud?

[00:16:40] Only, you can't take it off his mouthpiece, but if he gives it to you, you can suck the

[00:16:44] cloud.

[00:16:45] Yeah, if you just suck in that cloud.

[00:16:47] Could you go up to like a Wall Street banker guy ripping cloud on the side of the street?

[00:16:52] Could you just be like, yo, shoddy?

[00:16:54] Shoddy?

[00:16:55] Yeah, you can actually, you know, shoddy.

[00:16:58] You get, you get like a shoddy, be that vape.

[00:17:00] You get like a small, a small gauge tube, something that's like maybe the width of like a noise maker.

[00:17:05] And then someone's chucking cloud, you just suck up their cloud.

[00:17:10] You just walk around with a mouthpiece.

[00:17:13] You put the holes in your mouth and you suck up their cloud.

[00:17:16] And then if they get mad, you'd be like, you just supposed to, dude.

[00:17:19] So libertarian, it's libertarian.

[00:17:21] Oh, it is.

[00:17:22] It's entirely libertarian for me to suck the free cloud.

[00:17:24] I have to add my new card to this.

[00:17:27] This is the first book.

[00:17:28] Oh, yeah.

[00:17:29] Me and I ever have the same bank and they send you a new card every three and a half weeks.

[00:17:34] Because they get hacked every two weeks.

[00:17:37] They're constantly getting hacked.

[00:17:39] You're a bank.

[00:17:40] Yeah.

[00:17:41] Always.

[00:17:42] That is the worst thing to have in doing bank.

[00:17:43] Who drew a amalgamated bank because like I like had a job that like banked there because I worked for socialist.

[00:17:50] Right.

[00:17:51] Right.

[00:17:52] And they were like, hmm.

[00:17:53] Well, they're a good bank.

[00:17:54] It's not bank with someone who kicks black people out of their homes.

[00:17:56] Yeah.

[00:17:57] They're a good bank on the issues.

[00:17:58] They support a $15 minimum.

[00:18:00] Yeah.

[00:18:01] And they offer.

[00:18:02] They offer like truly free check-in.

[00:18:03] But you usually get what you pay for.

[00:18:07] Oh, yeah, dude.

[00:18:08] Damn.

[00:18:09] What do you mean?

[00:18:10] What does amalgamated mean?

[00:18:12] What does the amalgamated like clothes workers union or something?

[00:18:15] It was a union fucking 100 years ago.

[00:18:17] Amalgamated means combined?

[00:18:18] Yeah.

[00:18:19] Yeah.

[00:18:20] Oh, look at word boy fucking up too.

[00:18:22] You're taking an amalgamated lunch back in the library.

[00:18:25] I learned how to read you fucking idiot.

[00:18:28] I find it.

[00:18:29] Except cash.

[00:18:30] That lunch took a little bit out of me.

[00:18:32] Can we talk about how Bob the fucking drag queen regram is selling my shit dog?

[00:18:39] Congrats.

[00:18:40] The drag queens are on my shit, dude.

[00:18:43] And I feel great about it.

[00:18:44] You got a big deal.

[00:18:45] I'm friends with drag queens.

[00:18:46] Why do you stop fetishizing the gay community, dude?

[00:18:50] I'm celebrating a gay tourist.

[00:18:52] I'm celebrating their power of beauties.

[00:18:54] I think the only way to make this not feel wrong what you're doing is if-

[00:19:00] This is a big gay.

[00:19:01] Well, no.

[00:19:02] If we get a vial of HIV positive blood and inject it into him, Jesus fucking Christ.

[00:19:07] What is on your mind today?

[00:19:10] A being fair.

[00:19:11] It's on my mind, dude.

[00:19:14] Justice.

[00:19:15] Can I just-

[00:19:16] Gee.

[00:19:17] I don't want to think I want to do that, dude.

[00:19:18] What if I just sucked you and uh, Adam off?

[00:19:22] No.

[00:19:23] Why not?

[00:19:24] I think-

[00:19:25] What's the gayest thing you guys have ever done?

[00:19:27] Gayest.

[00:19:28] Sex with like six men.

[00:19:29] What?

[00:19:30] No, seriously.

[00:19:31] It's a good question.

[00:19:32] It is a good question.

[00:19:33] Um, I don't know, man.

[00:19:34] I was just fucking naked with a gay man.

[00:19:36] It addresses Mario.

[00:19:37] For a picture.

[00:19:38] It's pretty gay.

[00:19:39] I went to a pumpkin patch.

[00:19:40] I was in a committed loving relationship with a woman.

[00:19:44] Yeah.

[00:19:45] That's actually probably the gayest thing I've ever done in my life.

[00:19:47] Well, okay.

[00:19:48] I had to use a photo booth with a woman.

[00:19:52] Um, I uh, I don't know.

[00:19:56] How about you?

[00:19:57] Um, one time- one time a girl made me listen to-

[00:19:59] I don't know.

[00:20:00] I'm a girl made me listen to Tom Waits and Cried in my room.

[00:20:03] And they got mad me for not all fair and gay.

[00:20:05] That's just like-

[00:20:06] That's just like-

[00:20:07] Straight up?

[00:20:08] Being in college.

[00:20:09] Tom Waits is-

[00:20:10] Tom Waits is trash, right?

[00:20:12] No.

[00:20:13] Am I- what?

[00:20:14] I'm actually-

[00:20:15] Oh, he's trash.

[00:20:16] There's a bad-

[00:20:17] Tom Waits is trash.

[00:20:18] He's a backlash guy.

[00:20:19] He's a grumbly voice bitch.

[00:20:20] He has a lot of corny cookie monster voice.

[00:20:21] Yeah.

[00:20:22] I just don't like listening to it.

[00:20:24] The boat sank and they're sick and I died.

[00:20:28] That's a good Tom Waits.

[00:20:30] That's also a good Mike Lawrence.

[00:20:32] Does he do that voice in all his songs or their songs where he just sings?

[00:20:37] Like a jazz musician and then like a sort of like a abstract jazz musician.

[00:20:41] He's doing different stuff.

[00:20:43] So he made his voice into jazz music.

[00:20:46] Yeah, well he got really into Captain B. Fartan so that's him basically kind of trying to sound like Captain B. Fartan.

[00:20:51] Yeah, that to me also sounds like-

[00:20:53] It's also like a-

[00:20:54] Really?

[00:20:55] More like Captain Quiffart.

[00:20:56] That sounds like Louis Prima.

[00:20:58] They're all ripping off him.

[00:21:00] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:21:01] Or Louis Armstrong.

[00:21:02] Louis Prima.

[00:21:03] Are you making me look like that?

[00:21:05] Who's Louis Prima?

[00:21:07] Louis Prima just doesn't have like a gravely voice at all.

[00:21:11] He does, doesn't he?

[00:21:12] No, he doesn't.

[00:21:13] You're talking about Louis Armstrong.

[00:21:14] The most famous Louis guy in the moon.

[00:21:17] That has a-

[00:21:18] That's so fucking funny.

[00:21:20] What a small shot.

[00:21:22] Louis Armstrong's first guy ride a bicycle on the moon.

[00:21:26] Everybody knows this dude.

[00:21:28] Nothing except cash.

[00:21:30] He got a space bike.

[00:21:31] I gotta go and get my card.

[00:21:33] Okay, that's fun.

[00:21:34] Sorry, I know this is fantastic.

[00:21:36] Yeah, I know like the way technology works is they invent something and they improve on it, right?

[00:21:41] Yeah.

[00:21:42] But like what dumbass thought that giant wheel bicycle was the best first one?

[00:21:47] First one?

[00:21:48] Why didn't you start with even wheels?

[00:21:50] Like that was in the first thing you thought.

[00:21:51] Yeah, yeah.

[00:21:52] Yeah, cause you fucking go fast as hell, dude.

[00:21:54] On the giant wheel bicycle?

[00:21:55] Yeah, don't.

[00:21:56] No, you don't.

[00:21:57] You fucking-

[00:21:58] You wait, you get a little bit too fast.

[00:21:59] The gear is fixed to the front wheel and not the back wheel?

[00:22:02] On the big one?

[00:22:03] Yeah, it's a big one.

[00:22:04] So I understand-

[00:22:05] It's a fixie.

[00:22:06] Yeah.

[00:22:07] Um, I don't know.

[00:22:08] Yeah, that shit was stupid looking as hell.

[00:22:10] I think it was more about like the novelty of being like, you know, like feet above every

[00:22:17] corner.

[00:22:18] There was something before a bicycle.

[00:22:20] Before pedals, there was a thing called the Dandy Walker, which was this-

[00:22:24] Oh, I know him.

[00:22:25] Oh, yeah, he follows stuff.

[00:22:28] It was like, I fucking look like a bicycle, but it was just uncomfortable.

[00:22:32] It was like a two by four over two wheels and it would jam up in your crotch.

[00:22:36] And it got you just high enough that like, they just evolved over the thing.

[00:22:39] You just were walking.

[00:22:40] Hit the ground.

[00:22:41] So you would just sort of like float.

[00:22:42] Really?

[00:22:43] Yeah.

[00:22:44] But imagine the New Yorker mascot riding around on one of those.

[00:22:47] That's pretty good.

[00:22:48] And that's like who it was for.

[00:22:49] You know, I want to do it.

[00:22:50] It's amazing.

[00:22:51] I've always had it.

[00:22:52] I think it was like the locomotion of that.

[00:22:54] Yeah.

[00:22:55] It's like when a baby sits on a skateboard and scoots along.

[00:22:58] Yeah.

[00:22:59] Yeah.

[00:23:00] Yeah.

[00:23:01] It really is.

[00:23:02] It's like that thing they make for babies, which is like the diaper with a tripod under

[00:23:03] it.

[00:23:04] Oh, yeah.

[00:23:05] Yeah.

[00:23:06] So that, you know, the baby can learn walking.

[00:23:07] If I had a kid, I would never teach you how to walk.

[00:23:09] I mean, either or talk.

[00:23:11] Think about how much more intimidating is is a crawl.

[00:23:14] Imagine like a fully crawl in crawling.

[00:23:16] Man.

[00:23:17] But like crawling fast.

[00:23:19] Yeah, because they've been doing it their whole life.

[00:23:21] Like the African guy from Bloodsport.

[00:23:23] Yeah.

[00:23:24] Imagine like a, like a tough burly guy.

[00:23:27] What is that?

[00:23:28] He's coming into some roadhouse bar and he's crawling across the floor because his dad never

[00:23:32] taught him how to walk.

[00:23:33] You're not going to look that guy in the eye.

[00:23:35] He'd be like how much rage he has.

[00:23:37] He's biting your ankles.

[00:23:38] He's going to suck your fucking thumbs off.

[00:23:40] Not in.

[00:23:41] He would just be like, uh, mowgily, dude.

[00:23:43] He's just hanging out with the bear from the human.

[00:23:46] I would say that story, man.

[00:23:47] I wish I could remember who it was, but somebody who's working at a pizza restaurant, their

[00:23:50] boss got fired for calling the Indian guy who worked there mowgily.

[00:23:53] That's awesome.

[00:23:54] That's a mean.

[00:23:55] There was some workplace.

[00:23:56] Yeah, but it's such a funny way to be racist.

[00:23:59] Yeah.

[00:24:00] It's like someone's fogelating.

[00:24:01] The only like familiarity I have with your race is a childhood story.

[00:24:07] Yeah.

[00:24:08] Aladdin.

[00:24:09] Mowgily.

[00:24:10] Hey, I'm so.

[00:24:11] Sorry, I haven't updated my racism since I was eight.

[00:24:13] Well, that's really when you need to make your mind up and then ever, ever, you know,

[00:24:18] ever since that you just can just have your opinions.

[00:24:21] What are you talking about?

[00:24:22] I was racist as hell as a fucking little kid.

[00:24:24] Were you?

[00:24:25] Yeah, dude.

[00:24:26] Greek people are so racist.

[00:24:27] Yeah.

[00:24:28] It sucked.

[00:24:29] I didn't know.

[00:24:30] I didn't know it was bad.

[00:24:31] I wasn't around.

[00:24:32] We were the people that did good sports a lot.

[00:24:34] So I thought black people were really awesome.

[00:24:37] Yeah.

[00:24:38] I was, I was super not racist at all as a kid.

[00:24:40] I'm serious.

[00:24:41] No, yeah.

[00:24:42] Kinda.

[00:24:43] Well, because I developed a sense of humor and then I wanted to really see where it took

[00:24:48] me and then, you know, I got into like irony and stuff and then, well, you know, soon you'll

[00:24:54] just be a Nazi.

[00:24:55] Yeah, right.

[00:24:56] Now I'm an editor on Stormfront.

[00:24:58] On November 6th, what is the election day?

[00:25:02] 9th.

[00:25:03] 9th.

[00:25:04] 8th.

[00:25:05] 8th.

[00:25:06] On November 8th, you're going to finish being an irony boy by checking that T, but I'm not

[00:25:11] going to vote.

[00:25:13] I'm probably not going to get it together and vote.

[00:25:16] But you mean only because there's, I mean, I'm waiting for election days so I can buy

[00:25:21] a make America great again hat.

[00:25:22] That's what everyone's doing.

[00:25:25] God, I want that hat.

[00:25:27] I hate all of the parody hats.

[00:25:28] I hate all this drum full shit.

[00:25:30] Hey, hey, grab him by the pussy again.

[00:25:33] I will say that the the the camo.

[00:25:37] So he's been switching it up from the red camo's off to the camo with the orange.

[00:25:41] Orange letters made America great.

[00:25:43] That looks like I want to I want to say a hyper sticker street where put on the back

[00:25:47] of my truck that says yes, I steal valor.

[00:25:50] It's got Calvin pissing on the word veterans.

[00:25:55] That would be awesome.

[00:25:59] Damn, I want that one.

[00:26:01] Yeah.

[00:26:02] So Amber, what'd you do today?

[00:26:05] I tried.

[00:26:06] Well, I had I had student meetings.

[00:26:10] Elaine with your psychic.

[00:26:14] Oh, shit.

[00:26:15] Sounds dumb.

[00:26:16] Yeah.

[00:26:17] Did they read your fucking fortune?

[00:26:18] No, I want to do I want to do an article about tarot.

[00:26:21] Okay.

[00:26:22] So I want to go to one but like they were both like one was booked up and one was closed.

[00:26:28] So I just ended up getting rained on and then I couldn't find like then the restaurant

[00:26:33] I wanted to go to was closed.

[00:26:34] So I walked to this other one and this giant mobby looking Russian guy sat in an empty

[00:26:39] restaurant in the table next to me.

[00:26:41] Oh, that's hilarious.

[00:26:42] Like, you know, like neck empty restaurant to be attacked or a huge neck.

[00:26:48] Huge neck.

[00:26:49] Huge neck.

[00:26:50] And he was trying to he was trying to holler.

[00:26:53] Yeah.

[00:26:54] Oh, you look very nice today.

[00:26:56] What's he like Eastern promises?

[00:26:58] No, he was like really John.

[00:27:01] He was like, but like a refrigerator.

[00:27:02] Oh, it's hot.

[00:27:03] Yeah.

[00:27:04] So you guys fucked right there.

[00:27:06] You're right there.

[00:27:07] You're fucked on the table.

[00:27:09] Right at Sichuan pot on whatever street it's you had hot pot.

[00:27:13] I didn't get hot pot, but it was a hot pot restaurant.

[00:27:17] I had hot pot.

[00:27:18] Sichuan menu.

[00:27:19] I had hot pot this weekend.

[00:27:20] It was unbelievable.

[00:27:21] I took a Nick to a really good hot pot.

[00:27:25] Yeah, it's a really good hot pot.

[00:27:26] Really cool.

[00:27:27] Would you fuck a giant man in the Russian mafia?

[00:27:30] If it meant like no, no, no, you fuck cataroff.

[00:27:34] No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

[00:27:37] no.

[00:27:38] Yeah.

[00:27:39] That's what actually, that's where my...

[00:27:40] It looks like Felix.

[00:27:41] That's where my mind went, about

[00:27:41] right after Vine.

[00:27:42] They said they weren't doing Vine anymore.

[00:27:44] It was like, where am I going to see little boys get injured?

[00:27:48] And be able to laugh?

[00:27:51] And then, I was like, well, there's hours, hours of

[00:27:58] achechsee and boy fights.

[00:28:02] Yeah, we talked about it last time.

[00:28:03] I talked about it the last time Russian Instagram takes the gold.

[00:28:08] Hell yeah.

[00:28:09] They should remake, you know, they should make like a,

[00:28:12] there should be like a miracle on Vine, you know?

[00:28:15] Yeah.

[00:28:16] Like a miracle on ice, but it's a miracle on Vine.

[00:28:18] Someone's saving fun.

[00:28:19] Yeah, where Mark Wahlberg plays the guy that gets,

[00:28:23] makes it better in Instagram than the Russians.

[00:28:26] A million, a million dollars.

[00:28:28] He's like, this is me?

[00:28:29] I'm punching my kid in the face because we gotta take,

[00:28:31] we gotta take this back.

[00:28:33] I'm punching my fucking eight year old son in the face until we're famous.

[00:28:38] He would need a crack team though.

[00:28:39] He'd need a crack team with like 11 year old black kids.

[00:28:42] Yeah.

[00:28:43] And it would be him.

[00:28:44] And they're all played by the rock.

[00:28:45] Yeah.

[00:28:46] Just superimpose the rock 11 times in the movie.

[00:28:48] There's one Kevin Hart.

[00:28:49] There's one that's Kevin Hart.

[00:28:50] Yeah.

[00:28:51] Of course, as a woman though.

[00:28:52] Yeah.

[00:28:53] In a fat suit.

[00:28:54] Is Kevin Hart too fat suit movies?

[00:28:56] He's got it.

[00:28:57] He's got it.

[00:28:58] I don't think he's gone fast.

[00:28:59] He's got fat suits.

[00:29:01] He's like too small, I feel like.

[00:29:02] I guarantee you he's gonna do a fat suit movie.

[00:29:04] He'd look like a bowling ball if he went fat suit, you know?

[00:29:07] Dude, he's gonna go fat suit, I promise.

[00:29:09] Eddie was a little bit taller.

[00:29:11] I don't think Eddie was at all.

[00:29:12] Really?

[00:29:13] Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's pretty tall.

[00:29:14] Really?

[00:29:15] He's like six, six.

[00:29:16] Six, six, two, two, four, five, two, fifteen.

[00:29:21] Eddie Murphy?

[00:29:22] Yeah, Eddie Murphy.

[00:29:23] I'd say six, nine, six, ten.

[00:29:25] He's got seven hundred and eighty six pounds.

[00:29:30] No, but he did put the weight on for a clump.

[00:29:35] Yeah, yeah, that's all.

[00:29:36] That's a fact.

[00:29:37] That's all real effects.

[00:29:39] He's just fat as hell.

[00:29:41] That was not CGI.

[00:29:43] That was not a fat suit.

[00:29:44] That was...

[00:29:45] Who was the woman in the first clump?

[00:29:48] It wasn't Janet Jackson.

[00:29:49] That was the second one, right?

[00:29:50] Mm-hmm.

[00:29:51] Yeah.

[00:29:52] Do you remember who it was?

[00:29:53] I thought it was Janet Jackson.

[00:29:54] No, I don't.

[00:29:55] Oh, Janet Jackson.

[00:29:56] Huh?

[00:29:57] You love Janet?

[00:29:58] I love Janet.

[00:29:59] She's the best.

[00:30:00] Yeah.

[00:30:01] Best soundtrack.

[00:30:02] That would be Nutty P.

[00:30:03] I remember that.

[00:30:04] Also Dr. Doolitter.

[00:30:05] Doolitter.

[00:30:06] Yeah.

[00:30:07] Oh, she sounds like a song.

[00:30:08] That's what it was.

[00:30:09] The one with Alia.

[00:30:10] Yeah, and the crying baby sounds.

[00:30:12] Yeah.

[00:30:13] Hey!

[00:30:14] It's like, if you would remove that, I could listen to that.

[00:30:18] No, I love that shit.

[00:30:19] No, it's so bad.

[00:30:20] Hell yeah, give me that crying ass baby.

[00:30:22] No, it's terrible.

[00:30:23] You know what makes a song even sexier, crying baby noises?

[00:30:27] You know what song I love?

[00:30:29] Some cut.

[00:30:30] But was that Trollville?

[00:30:32] Yeah, we're the feet.

[00:30:33] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:30:34] Yeah.

[00:30:35] Yeah.

[00:30:36] Yeah.

[00:30:37] Yeah, yeah.

[00:30:38] Yeah, it's just the way.

[00:30:39] Yeah, that's all the incredible.

[00:30:40] What's up?

[00:30:41] Yeah.

[00:30:42] Yeah.

[00:30:43] Yeah.

[00:30:44] Yeah.

[00:30:45] Yeah.

[00:30:46] Yeah.

[00:30:47] Some booo.

[00:30:48] That song is vulgar.

[00:30:49] It's awesome, dude.

[00:30:50] Yeah.

[00:30:51] Yeah.

[00:30:53] Straight up about getting them cheeks on a creaky ass bed.

[00:30:55] I was in New Orleans one time.

[00:30:57] This guy from Biloxi was talking.

[00:30:59] I forget what the topic conversation was.

[00:31:01] He was talking about his favorite slang for women.

[00:31:04] Oh, Jesus.

[00:31:05] He's like, he's like, uh, no, the best, best term I've heard was sugar walls.

[00:31:10] But how you doing sugar walls?

[00:31:13] It's disgusting.

[00:31:14] It's disgusting.

[00:31:15] The cold.

[00:31:16] Especially when you just picture it happening in Biloxi where she's just like leaking

[00:31:20] sweat out of her pussy all year long.

[00:31:24] All she has is like one of those paper fans.

[00:31:27] You know, she's not allowed to curse because her dad's a pastor.

[00:31:30] She gets called sugar walls and she catches the vapors and she's in a coma for nine

[00:31:34] and a half years.

[00:31:36] Sugar walls are really good.

[00:31:38] Oh, no, they're experiencing such vulgarity.

[00:31:42] Nah, dude.

[00:31:43] The preacher's daughters were freaky.

[00:31:44] I just want to put in my fucking card.

[00:31:47] You still have an order?

[00:31:48] This is ridiculous.

[00:31:49] That is the worst time in the, for me, in the world to smoke weed is right before you've

[00:31:57] had dinner and you're so hungry and then you have to order afterwards.

[00:32:01] Oh, that's great.

[00:32:02] Well, it shouldn't be a problem.

[00:32:03] It is the, it is the, one of the most difficult, that's insane.

[00:32:06] Yeah.

[00:32:07] It shouldn't be a problem because I should have already remembered to put my new fucking

[00:32:11] card in.

[00:32:12] Mm hmm.

[00:32:13] What are some of your favorite terms for women, vulgarly?

[00:32:17] Everywhere.

[00:32:18] Everywhere.

[00:32:19] It's gotta be sugar walls.

[00:32:20] You make sugar walls.

[00:32:21] I think once I heard it, I was like, I'm going to use that word for the rest of my damn life.

[00:32:25] Mine is, uh, holes.

[00:32:28] Hole.

[00:32:29] Hole.

[00:32:30] Jesus Christ.

[00:32:31] That one sucks so much.

[00:32:32] I like, uh, I like floats.

[00:32:34] Where are these holes?

[00:32:35] All of these floats.

[00:32:36] Flopes or tubes.

[00:32:37] Flopes.

[00:32:38] What's going on?

[00:32:40] Flopes.

[00:32:41] I don't think they're more familiar.

[00:32:43] Like, it's kind of what they are doing.

[00:32:45] Flopes is like, you need to know something.

[00:32:47] I think if you want to go, uh, I think it's funny to call all women bones.

[00:32:51] Like that show Bones.

[00:32:52] Oh, yeah.

[00:32:53] Yeah.

[00:32:54] Or medical science or a midge.

[00:32:56] I think it's great to call every woman you know.

[00:32:58] Midge is funny.

[00:32:59] You should start going with the midge thing.

[00:33:01] Yeah.

[00:33:02] You're very good also at Shelley when you do, uh, when you do check.

[00:33:07] I think the meanest name to call a woman is the anor at personal.

[00:33:11] I'd like the classic.

[00:33:13] Dona's pet name.

[00:33:15] It was the first time I heard it.

[00:33:18] I thought that sounds great.

[00:33:19] I thought it was going to be like our thing, babe.

[00:33:23] Yeah.

[00:33:24] Um, yeah.

[00:33:25] I was joking around with my friend because like my dog's name is Isis.

[00:33:28] So I was like, what if that was, uh, my, my new name that I gave the dog?

[00:33:33] Or if I just named the dog Hitler.

[00:33:35] Hitler's pretty funny.

[00:33:36] That's a cute name.

[00:33:38] Um, but Hitler's definitely a boy's name.

[00:33:41] Dolph.

[00:33:42] What's your dog's name?

[00:33:43] Oh, it's the N word.

[00:33:44] It's not funny.

[00:33:45] I only said it.

[00:33:46] She's really disobedient.

[00:33:47] Yeah.

[00:33:48] She doesn't listen to me because I can't say your name.

[00:33:51] I can't say your name.

[00:33:52] I really need that.

[00:33:53] Um, I like trim and muff.

[00:33:56] I think those are some classics.

[00:33:57] I hate maw.

[00:33:58] Yeah, that's not, yeah, well, I guess.

[00:33:59] Yeah, trim, but that means pussy more than it means.

[00:34:02] Yeah, that's more a sugar walls or a metonym.

[00:34:05] Sugar walls means woman.

[00:34:06] Which one is one of those?

[00:34:08] A wall isn't pussy.

[00:34:09] Well, it's not.

[00:34:10] It's like sugar tits.

[00:34:11] You call them sugar tits.

[00:34:12] You call them sugar walls.

[00:34:13] And then it's, oh, that's fucking gross.

[00:34:15] Yeah, I know.

[00:34:17] Hey, what's up?

[00:34:19] Asshole glands.

[00:34:20] Hey, yeah, sweet sphincter.

[00:34:23] Uh, candy taint.

[00:34:25] How you doing?

[00:34:26] It's over that serve.

[00:34:27] I think I'm so saying candy taint.

[00:34:36] Swervex doesn't even work.

[00:34:39] Yeah, that's off.

[00:34:40] You gotta hit the swervex.

[00:34:43] I want a cona soft cervix.

[00:34:46] It's off cervix.

[00:34:47] If you were in a bar, Amber, and a guy just went up to you and like unironically called

[00:34:53] you a dame.

[00:34:54] What does he look like?

[00:34:56] What do you mean, what does he look like?

[00:34:57] I tell you exactly what he looks like.

[00:34:58] I'll tell you exactly what he looks like right now.

[00:35:00] He looks like a dead guy from the fucking Jazz Age festival article in the New York Times

[00:35:05] magazine.

[00:35:06] Like how would you respond?

[00:35:07] I don't know.

[00:35:08] You would throw a drink at his face, right?

[00:35:10] What does he look like?

[00:35:11] What do you think?

[00:35:12] What do you think?

[00:35:13] I think I would respond differently if it's a...

[00:35:15] He's the hottest guy you've ever seen.

[00:35:17] I don't care.

[00:35:18] Really?

[00:35:19] Yeah.

[00:35:20] To say, dame?

[00:35:21] Yeah.

[00:35:22] Dude, if he's sexily lame, if he's hot as hell, he gives a shit.

[00:35:24] Dude, if some...

[00:35:25] Or I would convince myself I respected it if he was hot.

[00:35:29] Until you snare.

[00:35:30] That's like me with women too, I guess.

[00:35:32] If he did, what do you think?

[00:35:33] I'm a sure little.

[00:35:34] Whatever he was supposed to drag in the world, but he did like the Vulcan sign and

[00:35:36] said greeting females.

[00:35:38] No.

[00:35:39] No?

[00:35:40] But dame might work.

[00:35:41] He could work dating with a joke or a...

[00:35:43] No, no, no, no.

[00:35:44] It's not a joke.

[00:35:45] But you don't address someone like...

[00:35:46] He's like a swing revival guy.

[00:35:49] He's like still really in the cherry pop.

[00:35:51] You wouldn't look up with one of those like a bowling shirt kind of guy?

[00:35:55] No, I wouldn't.

[00:35:56] But he's the hottest guy you've ever seen.

[00:35:57] But I would be offended.

[00:35:58] He's hot, but he's dressed like three-carri-show.

[00:36:00] I would just be like, like a fucking shirt.

[00:36:02] Yeah, you'd make fun of him and then he would bounce back.

[00:36:06] And then every...as soon as he started, as soon as you forgot, he would say dame again.

[00:36:11] Every 45 minutes he would say dame.

[00:36:14] And I would just not be able to let it go.

[00:36:16] I would be trying to calm myself down.

[00:36:19] I mean, I would...

[00:36:20] No, dame is like stupid.

[00:36:22] That's obviously corny.

[00:36:23] And also, how do you...

[00:36:24] What's a dame like you doing at a place like this?

[00:36:26] If a guy said that to you, what would...

[00:36:28] I would just say, what's a slut like you doing in a classy joint like that?

[00:36:33] What's that from?

[00:36:34] That's the thing that you said.

[00:36:37] No, it's from something that fucking killed me when I found out.

[00:36:41] Yeah, I think I remember it too.

[00:36:43] What's a slut like you in a classy place like this?

[00:36:47] I want to say that.

[00:36:49] What's a fucking skank like you doing?

[00:36:52] Hey, you fucking bitch.

[00:36:55] So now we're moving on to the tech segment of the podcast.

[00:36:59] The Apple event was today, and Apple... The UI phones actually come with pocketpussies attached.

[00:37:07] Wait, the Apple event was today.

[00:37:08] I thought they released the phone like months ago.

[00:37:10] Yeah, they released the phone separate from the Apple event.

[00:37:12] What did they show on the Apple event?

[00:37:14] The new MacBooks, new MacBook Pros.

[00:37:16] How do they look?

[00:37:17] It's fucking stupid.

[00:37:19] It's all the same shit.

[00:37:20] It's the same exact fucking shit.

[00:37:21] They got rid of all the F keys, the function keys, and now it's like a touch pad.

[00:37:25] I thought you were with the letter.

[00:37:26] It's like, how do you type words with F in the building?

[00:37:31] You used to do harm.

[00:37:34] There's too many slurs in the letter.

[00:37:36] They tried to create really woke.

[00:37:38] Yeah.

[00:37:39] Well, we got rid of mine, but we took ends off key words.

[00:37:42] No, because it's Apple.

[00:37:45] They would go for F first because they care more about that one.

[00:37:48] For sure.

[00:37:49] I had a laptop that...

[00:37:50] The Mac doesn't actually work unless you're wearing sandals when you hit the marathon.

[00:37:55] You have to be wearing sandals.

[00:37:57] They go fast as hell if you're also wearing socks too.

[00:38:00] Will you say that to them?

[00:38:02] No, it's got some dumb fucking extra touch pad on the top.

[00:38:06] Like the shit that shitty Windows PCs had ten years ago where it's like, look, you can

[00:38:10] control the music from the keyboard.

[00:38:12] Oh yeah.

[00:38:13] This is stupid as shit.

[00:38:15] Yeah, give me a button.

[00:38:16] Now Apple has that and people are like, this is amazing.

[00:38:19] And they cost the entry level model is fucking $1,800.

[00:38:24] Jesus Christ.

[00:38:25] That's insane.

[00:38:26] Yeah.

[00:38:27] I have that company.

[00:38:28] I got a damn aces baby.

[00:38:29] Yeah, they have that.

[00:38:30] They have like more cash on hand than the United States Feral Government, I think.

[00:38:34] Yeah.

[00:38:35] They're gonna make the most look...

[00:38:36] They're gonna make the most look.

[00:38:37] They're gonna make the most look.

[00:38:38] They're gonna make the most...

[00:38:39] Females out there.

[00:38:40] They're gonna make the most...

[00:38:41] The American industry.

[00:38:42] Like the iPhone is the most lucrative product.

[00:38:44] It's like surpassed fucking automobiles in terms of how lucrative it is.

[00:38:48] Damn.

[00:38:49] Yeah, but uh...

[00:38:50] Because we're all at Apple's trying to make a car and I feel like that's gonna...

[00:38:52] No, no, no, no, no, no.

[00:38:53] It's gonna destroy the company.

[00:38:54] If they go through with that, I think that'll destroy the make a car.

[00:38:57] They're gonna drive you with driverless cars, I bet.

[00:38:59] Well, everybody's going with driverless cars and that's why they're not gonna be able to

[00:39:01] compete with fucking BMW and Audi and companies that have been working on for years.

[00:39:05] They also know how like a hundred years of experience making like really good bottom

[00:39:09] of the wheels.

[00:39:11] Apple's gonna enter the market, they're gonna fucking put out a car that kills people because

[00:39:15] they're used to making computers that fuck up and if it fucks out it's not that big deal.

[00:39:19] Yeah, a little max sad face.

[00:39:20] You do, though.

[00:39:23] Yeah, I mean you can't, you just can't do that with a car.

[00:39:26] So I think it's gonna destroy the car.

[00:39:27] Honestly, as long as you can get jerked off in the backseat, I'm down for whatever car.

[00:39:31] Yeah, well you can't.

[00:39:32] Why not?

[00:39:33] Bitch.

[00:39:34] What?

[00:39:35] Bitch.

[00:39:36] Am I not allowed?

[00:39:37] Can I please get jerked off in a backseat of the car please Nick?

[00:39:39] You know, my goal is once I get rich to have a driverless hot air balloon.

[00:39:44] Have you imagined that?

[00:39:46] Yeah.

[00:39:47] You could relax in your hot air balloon instead of dealing with the stress.

[00:39:50] I'm sitting in hot air balloon traffic on your way to the ice cream factory.

[00:39:56] You could just relax and read a book filled to pictures of clowns.

[00:40:01] Yeah, that would be that.

[00:40:03] If I had a tricycle around the basket.

[00:40:08] If I had a million dollars, that's what I would do probably.

[00:40:11] Get a hot air balloon?

[00:40:12] Yeah, I get a whole...

[00:40:13] Just travel the world and a hot air balloon?

[00:40:15] No way, dude.

[00:40:16] I have a whole Neverland ranch type situation.

[00:40:19] You would just be...

[00:40:20] Hot air balloon?

[00:40:21] Would you start with the property?

[00:40:22] Would you start by fucking children?

[00:40:24] It's kind of a hard word.

[00:40:27] It's kind of a hard word.

[00:40:29] No, I mean no way.

[00:40:30] I would never do that obviously.

[00:40:33] Why would we talk about a driverless hot air balloon?

[00:40:38] It would be cool in old age if you just built a giant waterslide and you know, like on

[00:40:42] your deathbed or whatever, technology gets to the point where they can pinpoint like

[00:40:46] okay, he's going to die in the next 45 minutes.

[00:40:49] They could put you on the waterslide so you could die on the waterslide.

[00:40:51] That would be so tight.

[00:40:52] That would be pretty sweet.

[00:40:53] I would love to die on a waterslide.

[00:40:54] Oh my God.

[00:40:55] My friend Anna was telling me about...

[00:40:57] She went to the ballet and the only people that go to the ballet are like gays and like

[00:41:04] old Russians and then she's Russian.

[00:41:07] And for some reason it was like, you know, not starting on time and all of a sudden she

[00:41:12] hears the announcer and it's like this very con...

[00:41:14] A foot fetish is broken to the dressing rooms.

[00:41:18] This is very convenient.

[00:41:19] All of the bathroom.

[00:41:20] All of the bathroom.

[00:41:21] All of the bathroom.

[00:41:22] It says, excuse me, one of our audience members is having a medical emergency.

[00:41:26] Everything will be fine and we will get started.

[00:41:28] And then she hears the Russian announcer and it's just someone has died of a heart attack.

[00:41:33] Oh my God.

[00:41:34] And like someone died and like they took them out on a stretcher, but she's like, and that

[00:41:39] to me illustrates the difference between Americans and Russians.

[00:41:43] Some Russians died at the ballet. Well that they announced like someone has died. Yeah

[00:41:50] Well, that was I was in the Essex station one time. This is a little bit of

[00:41:55] New York talk and my city talk we have underground trains here, which carried all the slaves

[00:42:05] So we have oh man Adam was you that told me that?

[00:42:08] And it's not true, but it's such a funny lie that Newark is named Newark. Yeah

[00:42:18] Somebody told Adam is and he told me that the reason Newark is called Newark was to trick black people in the moving there

[00:42:25] No, I'm new yours is the last stop before New York on the way

[00:42:30] So you thought someone telling you like the racist equivalent of like a poloque joke like about like the punchline

[00:42:38] It's like a misunderstanding. Well, listen first of all, that's the first thing I was ever told in my life

[00:42:44] Believe that for 29 years

[00:42:46] You know, I believe it still I think it actually happened well

[00:42:49] Yeah, I was saying so I was at the Essex station and the train was stopped like halfway down the platform because someone had jumped in front of the

[00:42:56] Train oh damn so they were just dead on the tracks or whatever and you'd like yeah, I've seen a dead

[00:43:02] Yeah, so

[00:43:04] You know they're like asking everybody you're gonna this announcement like dude to a customer involved

[00:43:11] Please leave the station and so you know the fire department's walking down and we're walking out

[00:43:16] And what are like the fire chiefs this like old grizzled dude, you know like fucking built like a brick house

[00:43:22] It's just like standing at the top of the steps, you know like mustache and

[00:43:27] These two like teenage girls are talking to them and they look like they're 12 years old and he's like yeah

[00:43:32] There's a dead body on the tracks so I just thought I got to get that dead body off the tracks

[00:43:40] Yeah, that shit fucked my like it fucked my month up when I saw that I didn't see the whole dead body

[00:43:46] But I saw like a leg in a shoe

[00:43:50] And then it was just like a million people with their fucking phones out yeah

[00:43:53] Yeah, and then we got and that everyone got yelled at to like leave the platform

[00:43:58] And it was just like a personal level two because like there is this one old Chinese man who would not listen

[00:44:04] To the firefighters like show some fucking respect. He's just staying there

[00:44:15] I've ever seen

[00:44:18] Yeah, he literally had the the like most psychotic smile

[00:44:22] It's like he knew the guy was so happy was dead. Oh, he knew the guy. No

[00:44:26] Like I thought just Chinese people are they're happy when death comes. Yeah, they have no etiquette

[00:44:34] What are you talking about Chinese people are like famously obsessed with etiquette?

[00:44:40] Well, they're etiquette, you know which Chinese the Chinatown Chinese because absolutely not okay, but you understand most

[00:44:47] Western etiquette to live in Chinatown, but where somebody's jumping in front of a train

[00:44:52] I mean yeah, that Chinese guy's probably a Chinatown guy. I saw somebody taking a dump on the sidewalk in broad daylight

[00:44:58] It was a Chinese guy

[00:45:02] No, you're right

[00:45:05] On through I went around and I saw this woman like circling cars

[00:45:10] And leggings and like looking lost and right in front of that daycare

[00:45:14] She just pulled down her pants and just like a deluge of diarrhea

[00:45:23] That was probably an emergency

[00:45:26] There were smackshets she was totally like oh, okay. Yeah, she's like heroin's back, baby

[00:45:31] Well, the 90s there's this uh, yeah, this Chinese guy. He was just sitting on the sidewalk

[00:45:35] Herring is you the ship he was squatting usually makes you constipated

[00:45:39] Uh, well, I think it has something to do with something else. No, the cook makes you poop. Cook makes you shit

[00:45:46] Yeah, well, if it's cut with a lot of times it's cut with

[00:45:49] Well, there's Chinese guy. He's squatting there and he not only was he shouldn't he was pulling was like weaving

[00:45:54] He was pulling the turds out of his ass with his hand. Yeah, that was awesome. That's an awesome part

[00:45:58] Yeah, he's a Chinese guy pulling turds out of his ass with hand. I excitedly called at him and told him

[00:46:04] Yeah, you're like this guy. He's like he's never learned out of shit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He just doesn't know

[00:46:09] You can wait

[00:46:13] It's time to shit now. He's gotta do it a muslim style

[00:46:19] Well, that's what it's called. Yeah, that's what it's called where

[00:46:23] And all the islamic countries every single one in the islamic countries they call it muslim style

[00:46:30] Mays waving your your ass with your hand is called in new york. They call it new york style pizza. You know, we're here

[00:46:36] Yeah

[00:46:41] She's a freaking professor, dude

[00:46:44] So i'm gonna go back to fucking class. That's an oh, dude. All right, so then but then two days later

[00:46:50] I see this chinese lady

[00:46:52] broad daylight canal street and her sons her like five-year-old sons next to her

[00:46:58] And the kids got his pants pulled all the way down to his ankles and the mom is holding the son's penis

[00:47:03] And directing the flow of his urine all over the sidewalk

[00:47:23] He's pulling his shirt up

[00:47:26] It's got like a ham taro show the reason i'm not laughing

[00:47:28] Dicks stole this a million times you've never heard him say this word i have but it's fucking hilarious

[00:47:33] It's so funny. It's the fun. It's together. She's just like annoyingly holding a little ass dick. Yeah

[00:47:39] Yeah

[00:47:41] Yeah

[00:47:43] My mom never had to hold my dick

[00:47:45] Why because I knew how to hold my own fucking dick. That's true. You're a human being you have some like

[00:47:51] A baby. No, it was like a five-year-old. Oh

[00:47:54] But he doesn't know how to say if you're old enough to walk you're old enough not to have your mom hold your dick for you

[00:48:01] No, it's not true. No, no, you can walk. That's cultures dude. That's cultures

[00:48:06] You gotta respect it. He doesn't it's his first time pissing outside, you know

[00:48:10] Yeah, he's known how to do this dick. Yeah, but he was probably drunk

[00:48:14] Oh fucking sake

[00:48:16] Yeah, yeah sake my dick off

[00:48:19] My man, my friend lived in china and he said that

[00:48:24] They don't drink often but when they drink it's just it's like sitting down at a table to get blackout obliterated as drunk as you can

[00:48:32] Yeah, that sounds fun. Yeah

[00:48:35] He lived in the south of china in like what was considered a vacation city some

[00:48:40] Vacation study too

[00:48:42] Yeah, yeah, you're a movie fucking rules. No, no, no, of course that gently movie

[00:48:46] Uh, it was a legend. I don't know with the ponytail the long-ass ponytail that he's like whipping around no, that's

[00:48:54] Smith sound no, it's the one where he's uh, he plays that chinese like fighter

[00:49:00] in like the Qing dynasty or some shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah

[00:49:04] Yeah, then like they

[00:49:06] He has like a really long middle ponytail just to represent china and these all these fights against the west and he like beats a shit out

[00:49:12] All these like oh, that's tight. Yeah, it's oh watch that

[00:49:15] You want to I love jettly dude me too

[00:49:19] What's the last gently was gently we talked about it on the other probably how they made him speak english

[00:49:23] Yeah, either one came out and it was like such a fucking disappointing movie because he's like a terrible actor when he has to speak english

[00:49:29] Right. Oh, I finally ordered that's right. Wow. That took the entire that took yeah, I can tell you it took literally uh 37 minutes

[00:49:39] You hi bitch

[00:49:41] Damn my girl furred

[00:49:45] Uh, what's the funniest slang for fucked up that you guys know shy vid chivel?

[00:49:51] That's my favorite

[00:49:53] Chivel not shy but like

[00:49:56] Sounds like heber. Yeah, no, it's like in high school would be like yeah, I'm getting fucking shy of it this weekend

[00:50:03] You know my sister gave me a bottle of malleby. We're gonna get fucking shy of it

[00:50:07] Remember malleby malleby dude. I used to drink

[00:50:12] Hypnotic you're making incredible Hulk. Yep. I didn't see it. I see not green. Yeah, yeah

[00:50:19] Incredible Hulk. I used to love drinking. Yeah, I know this kid in high school

[00:50:23] Who's a rapper now? I can hennissy. Oh, that sounds disgusting. I knew this kid in high school

[00:50:28] That's a rapper now that that we were at a party is like yeah, you want some Hulk?

[00:50:31] Hell yeah, yeah, that's it. That's the whole story. That's so cool. I should have blazed with a camera

[00:50:37] Can you call him up and maybe he can like say some of his raps at us

[00:50:41] Oh, I've heard his rap. What kind of rap rosy?

[00:50:44] They're not very good. No, there is a rap group a multi-racial rap group that used to

[00:50:50] Do the open mic at Felicita's in Rockville. Hell yeah, which was this Italian restaurant above a parking garage

[00:51:01] Like four old people would drink in and nobody else but they would

[00:51:05] They would have the rap group Greg Bahan. I should have the rap group close the open mic sometimes

[00:51:11] And her name was hypodermic

[00:51:14] That's good. Yeah, and it was two white kids and two black kids and

[00:51:17] uh, their boy did they suck

[00:51:22] I really thought they were great, but

[00:51:25] What kind of rap was it was like conscious? Was it political? Is it backpack doing?

[00:51:30] No, it's fucking no open mic rapping is the worst thing i've ever been

[00:51:33] The best was when we were at that show at

[00:51:36] Sitting at that table with Dana and that guy had that harmonic

[00:51:40] Melodie or trash instrument he found like that punch drunk love being yeah, yeah, the punch drunk love piano thing

[00:51:46] And he was just sick. Yeah, he sucked dick at whatever that was there wasn't an open mic whether be booked that guy

[00:51:52] He booked it whether be in one of his drunken west anderson

[00:51:59] Booked that stupid piano man melodica. That's what that's called melodium melodium. That's melodica

[00:52:06] What it's like a caliope

[00:52:09] What a happy

[00:52:11] Uh caliope. It's different

[00:52:13] What that's a greek name uh, no, those are the things that are up front of steamship

[00:52:17] Yeah, those little organs in front of steamship shit's a greek word, bitch

[00:52:22] That's a greek name. It's uh, it's kelly no, it's a melodie. It's a tiny little it's a little tiny piano from punch drunk love

[00:52:30] I don't know. Did you blow into it? No, uh, that's a melodica melodica. It's like a harmonica and a piano together

[00:52:38] But like it's not like you hold it like weird out. It's like on a table like a wooden piano and we're back

[00:52:44] It's got a harmonic. I got weird all sucks, right? No, he's rules

[00:52:48] Dude, come on

[00:52:50] Exactly that's sucks

[00:52:53] He really understand that's weird out obsession. I mean he's not bad at what he does

[00:52:58] But I didn't ever gave a shit about it. Oh, I liked him when I was young exactly when you're 11 years old

[00:53:02] Why the fuck are all these grown motherfuckers going to weird out?

[00:53:05] Same reason there was wrestling or fucking calm. Yeah. Yeah, that's like the boy version of like those girls were really into Harry Potter

[00:53:12] Oh, right true. It's like you should grow out of that. Harry Potter is pretty magical though

[00:53:16] Harry Potter like literally the only thing I mean to now that I was into when I was 13 is beating off. Yeah

[00:53:22] Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't like it anymore, but he I think he's cool like I think he found this thing

[00:53:28] I'm proud like he's probably

[00:53:30] Out of him YouTube is so dude YouTube has you feel akin to people are so much better at fucking

[00:53:38] Well, that's a thing youtube should have destroyed weird out, but somehow he's still he's still around

[00:53:44] Isn't a snare he did I'm so handy and said I'm so fancy

[00:53:50] Really

[00:53:52] He did a white and nerdy are you kidding? No, he did no he did one that was dude even the good ones

[00:53:59] I'm fat

[00:54:08] Rough

[00:54:13] Good fuck what is it my tigger but yg? Yeah

[00:54:23] My tigger I don't know that's my that's my tigger voice

[00:54:25] Yeah, tigger sounds like I think whoo right isn't that what tigger also?

[00:54:31] I heard that story about his parents dying and I'm like, I'm always gonna fuck with him. What happened?

[00:54:36] Oh my god, his parents died tragically or dude. No, they were shut up by the fucking uh

[00:54:41] By CIA CIA parody the wrong guy's song. Yeah

[00:54:46] You also fucking that red hot chili pepper song he buried it with yabba dabba dabba dude now

[00:54:59] His parents died at like the worst were like a gas a gas leak in their house

[00:55:04] And then he had a show that night

[00:55:06] Show that night and when and he went up and he played anyway for the people even though his parents just uh, he should have canceled that

[00:55:13] What are you gonna do fucking spend that time alone by yourself thinking about it?

[00:55:18] No, you're you're with the people that love you and love weird out, but that's great for weird out dude

[00:55:22] It just makes me like I do

[00:55:26] If my personal shield by gas you better believe I'd be podcasting that

[00:55:37] And I'd say gas be damned

[00:55:39] When did you hear because my parents don't even live in the same apartment

[00:55:45] Such a coincidence

[00:55:49] But I know they're up there proud of their boy in his new career

[00:55:58] Fuck when did his parents die weirdo's parents? I don't know a couple years ago

[00:56:03] It was like way after they had the behind the music with weirdo and his parents were on it

[00:56:07] They're like he was just a really good boy and like so like seems like a good guy that was into a really nerdy thing

[00:56:14] He's corny is fuck dude. He's just the biggest nerd of all time

[00:56:18] Like he's he's in his end place and I kind of like appreciate that. I'm not gonna buy the cd listen listen one song

[00:56:25] I do I listen the whole thing. I'm through and I think they're okay. I think they're just for children. It's

[00:56:30] Don't judge it. I'm just tired of fucking 40 year old motherfuckers freaking out. Go to the show. That's weird

[00:56:36] I agree. It sucks dude. Imagine going to a fucking concert to hear I'm fat

[00:56:44] Yeah, yeah, oh now we finally got to this riddle

[00:56:53] Some people have problems

[00:56:55] You know what I mean like glandular issues and they can't fuck is that so funny and you know

[00:56:59] I used to like that song but now I can't even listen to it without feeling offended the original Michael Jackson

[00:57:05] I'm black I'm black whatever it is

[00:57:10] I swear to god I'm black

[00:57:16] Dude, I can't I just can't think of them because they all suck dick now

[00:57:19] Did he have middle eye goer? Was he bleaching his skin? Uh, he had he got

[00:57:25] He had both my mom has middle eye go

[00:57:29] She's gonna be super fucking dark dude. She's a super dark black lady

[00:57:32] And now she's uh the ghost of Barbados. That's what they call it

[00:57:39] Whatever

[00:57:40] Snatching dreads name one good weird al song real quick. Why are you doing this?

[00:57:45] It's like you're reading through a mother goose fucking like

[00:57:49] Look at this fucking bullshit. Yeah, this is low quality literature. Tell me what about this is good

[00:57:55] It's like it's for children. I remember uh, I remember

[00:57:58] Yeah, I remember being in west Virginia with my cousins and my grandma nice smell some like weird like community

[00:58:06] Center thing it was like, you know

[00:58:08] They just had this building where they had like events or whatever. It's a middle fucking nowhere

[00:58:12] and then uh

[00:58:13] They had this one room where they had a guy DJing or whatever and there was like maybe drinks or something

[00:58:18] It was like I guess four families and I was probably like like nine or ten

[00:58:23] And uh, there was a guy DJing and he was playing weird al songs. He was just kind of fat shitty looking guy

[00:58:29] And I remember the being I remember looking him and that was like the first time I saw an adult that I'm like oh they like suck

[00:58:36] This guy like just sucks

[00:58:40] I remember that DJ middle western

[00:58:43] Playing weird al songs and community center

[00:58:48] Man, yeah when fucking when you realize that adults could be fucking idiots. Yeah, that shit was fucking

[00:58:52] Well, I remember seeing like homeless people. I didn't didn't think they were idiots

[00:58:56] But I felt like really bad. I was like oh

[00:59:00] This is like when you said you thought a link was hot right?

[00:59:02] This is where I tell a story that's funny. You have to turn it into like well, you know, I remember like caring about people

[00:59:10] I remember when I saw I saw ace finter uh, I I saw dumb and dumber. I cried

[00:59:16] This is how big of a pussy I was I cried when they gave the bird line me too

[00:59:20] I actually did I actually found that pretty

[00:59:23] See no when they gave the blood

[00:59:27] Talk about how I get the bird how funny that like screenplay must be yeah for the five pages of exposition on the diarrhea

[00:59:34] They're like now I understand it's just a cheap diarrhea joke, but this is gonna go on for like a lot of that's

[00:59:40] organic him

[00:59:42] That script is that script is actually just 47 pages long

[00:59:47] Because the diarrhea scene is the

[00:59:49] Let's if you read this. Let's read the script. Let's find it

[00:59:52] Uh of anyway, where did you cry during when they gave the blind kid the bird and he was petting it

[00:59:58] And he was like pretty birdy birdy. I thought that she was hilarious. You know when you're a kid

[01:00:02] You just can't handle I agree that you can't handle I think I just had a fish that things are terrible sometime

[01:00:08] Oh, I throw down the shrimp all the bobby

[01:00:11] That was funny with ostrich. I was sensitive child. I was sensitive. Yeah, me too. Sorry guys

[01:00:17] I

[01:00:19] Remember the last movie I cried at this account if you're drunk

[01:00:23] Yes

[01:00:35] Saying I love you doesn't mean shit

[01:00:37] I don't know if crying does either. I don't think displays of emotion. What I never

[01:00:43] Very toss. I cry basically every sport thing you cry. Yeah, prior

[01:00:50] I got real drunk and watched

[01:00:53] JJ Abram's Star Trek movie and fell asleep crying spilling Taco Bell

[01:00:59] But in the first two minutes of the movie I passed out immediately

[01:01:02] What was the movie? Yeah, you're just moved. Yeah, I mean George George Kirk sacrifices himself to say

[01:01:12] No, George

[01:01:14] Yeah, you fucking idiot. Sorry god damn it, dude

[01:01:18] Fuck guys. I was most spot with amber after lunch and no

[01:01:23] It is good on the podcast

[01:01:26] The great tragedies of your childhood. I'm just not good. I'm drug for you

[01:01:30] I know I've been trying for it to be the right drug for me for for fucking 17 years or something

[01:01:38] I cried. Yeah, of course

[01:01:41] Uh, yeah, I didn't cry it up, but it did that did fuck that shit fucked me up dude the beginning with the lady dies

[01:01:47] Come on. Oh at the beginning of the

[01:01:49] I was high as hell. It was no, I didn't cry from that. I can't cry from cartoon

[01:01:54] I cried at the end when somebody told me that the little boy was supposed to be Asian

[01:01:58] I thought he was white the entire time and then somebody was like no

[01:02:17] No, um, I cry like anytime

[01:02:19] There's a dad and a touchdown and a speech and a comeback and a victor I cry half

[01:02:25] Did you have the espn 30 for 30?

[01:02:28] 30s fuck. Did you cry during the inch by inch speech? No, I didn't cry

[01:02:34] That's not sad. Yeah, it is

[01:02:36] gentlemen

[01:02:39] How many inches around a football field?

[01:02:44] Let's count them

[01:02:46] Oh, you hurt yourself during an impression

[01:02:55] He hurts and do a patina

[01:02:57] Yeah

[01:02:59] Pachine that's why he's an amazing actor is that he can still do that and not just like cry or

[01:03:04] Compost like I can do it if I don't have a cold what's he like is a real guy?

[01:03:08] Pachino, he's a black light. Oh, yeah me and al we hang out all the time. He is a black wife

[01:03:13] Yeah, that was good. No, every every celebrity has a black one

[01:03:20] Yeah, I remember watching some George Lucas interview and then at the end he walks away

[01:03:24] And he's like leaving with his black wife

[01:03:26] Yeah, and that was when I found out he had a black wife because I watched it. I'm like who the fuck is that?

[01:03:34] It didn't make any sense. The someone was like, yeah, this is wife and it's like how the fuck was Jar Jar not a conversation that came up

[01:03:41] Absolutely, that's crazy. How the fuck was she not like

[01:03:46] I'm looking at her drawings. I'll say how George. What the fuck is this?

[01:03:49] I'll give you a fucking eight billion reasons why it wasn't the fucking conversation or however much dollars George Lucas has

[01:03:57] Because he's rich. You think George Lucas has eight billion

[01:04:03] He probably has a billion dollars bill he gets paid every time they say droid. Yeah

[01:04:07] Yeah, eight billion dollars. I bet you has eight billion. I'm sticking with it. Someone look at this

[01:04:12] I don't think it said there's no way it's that the Garfield guy Jim Davis has like 900 million dollars

[01:04:20] Dude, dude Star Wars. Are you fucking kidding me? That shit? My mommy's got eight bill

[01:04:25] My man's got a lot of motherfucking money. I'll tell you what he also produced a lot of stuff. So

[01:04:30] Damn

[01:04:32] Yeah, what did I tell you motherfuckers? You're doing this body worth

[01:04:39] Jim

[01:04:42] Why did you get a man to be your series because he's gay and he beats. I want to British one. Oh, yeah, Jim Davis is worth 5.1 billion

[01:04:48] Real

[01:04:49] Yeah, he's like no, I'm serious. Jim Davis family real time network that's of 10 2016. Show me the fucking right

[01:04:56] He's lying. Show it to me. So we're reading it, bitch

[01:04:58] He's lying. It's I looked it up recently. I'm looking at it right now. You fucking retard

[01:05:04] 5.1 billion. Okay. I'm

[01:05:07] Sombros either. I think you know yeah, they're both lying. I'm not lying bitch. Bitch is okay. George Lucas

[01:05:24] How long is it

[01:05:26] I had four points four point seven

[01:05:30] Plus average. Yeah, like a little bigger than average

[01:05:35] That's huge. Yeah, I guess got a big I don't know George Lucas

[01:05:40] Dragon you know when George Lucas pulls out his dick it makes the sound effect from the THX logo

[01:05:48] What about that I get it they're huge speakers turn that shit off

[01:05:52] You know dr. Dre got sued because he used that on the crying 2001 well, thank god

[01:05:57] We're never gonna get sued for using a copy

[01:06:01] So I don't think this podcast will ever make as much money as the crying 2001. I think we will maybe now

[01:06:08] I'd save it off people are already deleting pledges nice

[01:06:12] Which hey don't do that guys. Yeah, please don't I mean I know this is probably a bomber episode my god

[01:06:18] So I'm sorry. I just saw the Bundy brothers were acquitted. Yeah in Oregon

[01:06:23] But I'm looking at all their mug shots and of course they all look like mutants

[01:06:26] But then there's this one that's hot that's sexy you would fuck one of them. No, I wouldn't fuck any of them

[01:06:33] Look they're all like mutants. You like the one in the middle. Yeah, obviously the one with the face

[01:06:40] What is does he have bells palsy?

[01:06:43] There's something going on

[01:06:45] issue

[01:06:48] It's like seven hill people and then one guy that looks like Tom Hardy like it's like ridiculous

[01:06:54] Someone's got a fucking little Tom don't get carried away. Okay. Someone's gonna fucking go put

[01:07:00] Uh that's premium content guys. We're gonna have a picture of that guy

[01:07:03] Yeah, we're gonna have to upload pictures of that so you can you can follow along at home the Bundy guys

[01:07:08] Uh, I kind of don't want to go in a lot of our audiences probably sympathetic to the

[01:07:15] So much hell from these people

[01:07:18] Yeah, I just enlarged it. He just only looks good compared to the rest of the mutants. He's gross

[01:07:24] Yeah, yeah, and I like that everybody's next to a guy with the a sim

[01:07:28] Everybody's mad that they got off and it's like they were tried by a jury of their peers

[01:07:32] So you can't complain about it ever wait wait

[01:07:39] Not guilty on like every single charge

[01:07:42] Charges I know which is like they were walking around fire

[01:07:47] How can we're gonna kill the president if he tries to stop us

[01:07:51] I know how did they get away with it like the jury was nothing but like old women. They're like well

[01:07:56] I was one of those hooded boys looked at me the wrong way at the mall last week

[01:08:00] So I don't be fair

[01:08:03] Rednecks from southern Oregon

[01:08:05] Oh god damn. Yeah

[01:08:09] That's that's so wild. I'm sure they're defense attorney more like an oversized cowboy hat the entire time

[01:08:16] Charles guys like ladies and gentlemen

[01:08:18] I'm just a frontier man like my daddy was

[01:08:21] For him in fact, I don't even know the law. I've only read the operator's manual from a 2016 Ford F-150

[01:08:32] And there's a note section in the back and in the note section. Do you know what I wrote ladies and gentlemen?

[01:08:37] That's right the pledge of allegiance

[01:08:39] From memory and I stood up while I was doing it and I will continue to for the rest of my life

[01:08:44] I'm case closed you're on

[01:08:52] Yeah, I'm crying right now. She's just got a channel. Why that was a time to kill. Yeah, you're like Matthew up there

[01:08:59] Do you see it's good?

[01:09:01] Yeah, look that truck and they threw the pledge of allegiance in the back of that truck

[01:09:05] And they brought the constitution out to a field and they held her down in that hot summer heat

[01:09:16] They used her head for beer can throne practice

[01:09:20] And when they were finished they raped the constitution

[01:09:24] Now I want you to imagine that con well hold on. I don't know what how analogies work, but

[01:09:28] Imagine it's like a white girl or something. Thanks case list defense raster on

[01:09:37] You do sounds exactly like him. He's kind of a piece of shit

[01:09:39] But he's like so he's like so pleasing to listen to Trey Gaudy

[01:09:43] I don't know Trey Gaudy. He's like the fucking head Ben Ghazi community. Oh, really? Yeah, just oh, yeah

[01:09:48] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's from he's like from South Carolina. So he's got that like so when you had an email server

[01:09:55] Did you really think that people weren't gonna find out about it?

[01:10:02] It's like get him Trey

[01:10:04] That is actually a weird thing because politicians can really look yeah, so disgustingly ugly, but yeah

[01:10:11] Most of them have pretty aesthetically pleasing voices. That's something that's remarkable about Hillary

[01:10:16] Yeah, Trey Gaudy

[01:10:18] Listen Trey Gaudy looks like he's seven years old. He looks like a seven-year-old boy and he has that how old is he?

[01:10:25] He's probably like 51 years old. He's got like mcconahable. Yeah, he's got the same voices. That's how you get elected man. Let's take them votes

[01:10:31] Um so guys if you want to get elected just nail that Matthew mcconah impression

[01:10:37] And then you don't have to worry about your you know bells palsy or whatever whatever you got going on

[01:10:43] Uh, and that's gonna have to do it for the episode. We are out of time folks

[01:10:46] So yeah, that that this part here was an hour nice. So the part before

[01:10:53] Let's go up Saturday probably Halloween. Oh fuck. We'll we get spooky. We already did

[01:11:04] Thanks again for listening to premium content. Please convince your friends to sign up for it so they can yeah, don't share accounts

[01:11:11] That's that's uh, unpatriotic

[01:11:13] Fuck up dude shut up come on man share the account if you want uploaded the torrent sites get the word out there

[01:11:20] Then just paint palmy and stop money

[01:11:25] You can also Venmo me. Yeah, you can Venmo the two of us but not Adam. No, I I want that iced tea thing

[01:11:32] It's a spooky and I want a couple twigs boys and invite the fight to get the fuck bias the vitamin expander

[01:11:37] Yeah, and I had and tell that piece of shit filled to get us our fuck. Yeah, fuck Phil man. Keep keep harassing him. Please. Yeah. All right

[01:11:44] What's his Twitter? Um at uh tree river tree river at tree river

[01:11:51] Seems Phil Cohen Adam. What's his phone number?

[01:11:56] Or just send his PlayStation 4 I think he gets a shout out pretty much every episode

[01:12:01] Well, you guys shout out we want that as gonna give us PlayStation Phil Cohen

[01:12:05] And Phil Cohen he works at uh, where's this place where's it worth stop it dude?

[01:12:08] Oh

[01:12:38] New mahiwawa