Cum Town | Premium | 02/11/2018
[00:00:00] Welcome to the new and improved come town.
[00:00:04] This time with a cool effect that we got a nice little echo going now because
[00:00:11] enough people, they were complaining about the audio quality, they said, what it
[00:00:15] needs is more echo. It's not rich enough. Yeah, because we do so much singing on the
[00:00:19] show, I figured we should have some vocal, you know, like a Christina Aguilera sort of thing.
[00:00:25] Can you suck my dick off? Can you make my asshole quiver feel my cheeks with go.
[00:00:39] Who is that? Is that Daughtry? Creed. Creed. It's my favorite band, Daughtry.
[00:00:44] You know who Daughtry is? That guy from American Idol.
[00:00:47] Yeah, yeah. Daughtry. Are we gonna do this the whole episode, you think?
[00:00:50] Uh, what, keep the echo? The echo on. Are we actually recording right now?
[00:00:54] Yes, we were actually. Why it's not on. It doesn't record through their records on a laptop.
[00:00:59] Oh, okay. Fucking Mongoloid. It's a Mongoloid. That's also a song.
[00:01:05] Right? Yeah. He was a Mongoloid. He was a Mongoloid.
[00:01:09] My diva. And he ruined the podcast. He was a Mongoloid. He was a Mongoloid and some
[00:01:18] black lady almost kicked his ass. Oh, yeah. Yeah. He didn't have a job and he burned all
[00:01:26] the bacon because he was trying to impress his girlfriend by making dinner and he fucked
[00:01:31] it up. No, I actually didn't. Stupid Japanese cooking boy. No, I'm working with a Mongoloid
[00:01:38] a Mongoloid. I actually be on this show. That is, I'm gonna say that is the first thing
[00:01:48] you've ever said to me on the podcast that has offended me because I'm working my way
[00:01:52] through the Morimoto book and I'm mastering. I am mastering Japanese home cooking. More
[00:01:58] like the boring Moto. No, it's not boring. Hello, Boruto. How much Chinese people love
[00:02:04] that fucking ringtone? Hello. Oh, yeah, I'm giving a telephone call. I think it was
[00:02:11] immigrants. Immigrants love default ringtones. No, that's true. So we're gonna go no echo
[00:02:16] for the rest of this. Okay, that was fun though. That was cool. I feel like we were performing
[00:02:20] in front of a stadium, an adoring stadium crowd. Yeah, we'll get there, man. We're gonna
[00:02:25] well, actually, we are gonna get there on Thursday night at Carolines at 10. That's right.
[00:02:31] 10 p.m. 10 p.m. live fucking podcast. A full come town. No fucking around. Yeah, we got
[00:02:39] a pretty sweet flyer coming to. Yeah, it'll probably come out. Yeah, you know, like, yeah,
[00:02:44] 24 hours possibly, maybe 12 hours before the show. You see it, dude, I put some real fucking
[00:02:50] I put a real college F actually, I might be able to pull it up on the computer now. You
[00:02:53] send it to us. No, I didn't. But it was an earlier draft. No, I'd still working on the
[00:02:57] letter that tits on the monkey lettering lettering lettering was sick. No, it's even better
[00:03:02] now. Oh, cool. Fuck. Yeah, well, we're gonna get a pot. We're gonna get a show with HBO
[00:03:10] they're just giving podcast shows now to do pod save America. Yeah, those are our two
[00:03:16] sister podcasts. Yeah, the hell bent podcast coming HBO. Once chapel, we're gonna get
[00:03:23] a show. They're gonna probably I can't wait to drag them down with us. I can wait to ruin
[00:03:30] their career. We have someone tried to someone try to ruin their careers because of if a
[00:03:36] Virgil booked Sam Hyde on his show in Williamsburg, someone really big 13 years ago. Someone
[00:03:43] wrote like a big medium post about how or anyone named Holland and Virgil Texas are pro
[00:03:49] weave and Sam Hyde 13 years ago, that guy was funny as shit on the internet and it wasn't
[00:03:53] 13 years ago, like literally two years ago, six months ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, before
[00:03:59] before to ramp up, you got elected. And you know what? He's probably still funny. It's
[00:04:03] sorry. I don't have the correct file. Sam is still funny. Yeah. But who wrote a medium
[00:04:08] piece? First of all, what is medium? Some fucking I think it's just open like so journal
[00:04:12] and right? Yeah, it's like thought catalog but for articles, not like anyone can publish
[00:04:18] anything on medium. Yeah, it's the same. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Can we publish? Dark catalog at
[00:04:22] least at a submission process. Oh, did it? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So yeah, it's like anyone
[00:04:26] can write something that looks like it looks like it's real, but it's bullshit. Yeah, I
[00:04:31] think it's a Facebook post. It's a website to publish Facebook. Yeah, well, with no,
[00:04:36] with no character elements. Yeah, yeah, basically. Damn. I'm going to post my a few lessons I
[00:04:42] learned from my big, big, fat, meaty pussy. Oh, nice, dude. It's what I call my balls.
[00:04:50] How would you feel if you were like, you know, woke up and look exactly like you right now,
[00:04:55] but like in a very Buck Angel kind of way, you just had a vagina. I think I'm close to
[00:04:59] being like a butch. Angel. Oh, yeah, dude, I'm plump angel. Yeah. I think I could no angles.
[00:05:10] It's all curves. I think I could pull off living life as a lesbian. Yeah, that fella
[00:05:19] looks honestly. Can I be honest? That sounds great because not a lesbian woman. Trans man.
[00:05:24] No, I'm going to be a couple of lesbian woman. Sure. Buck Angel food cake. Buck. Yeah, we
[00:05:30] I think we've said that before. Maybe. That was a lot like Stone Cold Steve. Definitely said
[00:05:36] that. Yeah. Yeah. Would I like you? You mean me? Did I say that? No, I think I said that
[00:05:41] actually. No, I think it was me actually. You know what? Sometimes I have thoughts and
[00:05:45] opinions. Yeah, you know, usually they bring the show to a screeching halt. Yeah, not at
[00:05:52] home. That would be like what you're listening and laughing. That'd be like, you can't see
[00:05:56] that. Their villain name is screeching halt. And it's me, the screeching halt. Last week,
[00:06:06] I saw another criterion fail. And it was very interesting. You read me tell you were all
[00:06:16] a bad momentum. The screeching halt was tried. Fuck you.
[00:06:20] The screeching hole makes me going to rub the bank by repeating the criticisms and reception
[00:06:30] section of a Wikipedia page. Her movie I just saw. The screeching halt strikes again. Yeah.
[00:06:44] Yeah. I just saw that Tom Hardy movies is my sidekick tidbit. Come along tidbit. Okay.
[00:06:54] No, I thought I was tidbit too. I'm my own side. These are elements of your personality
[00:07:03] that are actualized as villains. That would be cool. Yeah. You go you get you. And I'm
[00:07:09] the hero. You really anti-Semite. Look out, citizens. It's a very boring man. Hell, yeah,
[00:07:23] dude. I'm not boring. Trying to get his coins cleaned at the bank. That we all know that's
[00:07:28] not a service. That's the origin story. You fell into a vat of coin cleaning solution.
[00:07:34] You separated into tidbit and I got really clean. What are you talking about? It doesn't
[00:07:39] matter. Don't you recall? You don't recall. You don't recall. Yes. You came off and I
[00:07:43] was shining. Yes. Yes. Beautiful. Yes. Thank you. That's right. I watched that Tom Hardy
[00:07:49] movie, which Ronston. Yeah. That's a fucking cool ass movie. It's good to look at his body
[00:07:55] in that movie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure that's what I was looking at. Nick. I actually
[00:08:00] haven't seen the movie. He's got a buddy. Tell us about the critical reviews. Adam. Yeah.
[00:08:05] Tell us all about Ronston. Why are you a critical review? You're like literally saying last
[00:08:13] episode that you went to fucking film for him to watch a French new wave film. I went to
[00:08:18] the two. That's pretty gay to Metrograph. Metrograph. And I said nothing about it. You
[00:08:22] assumed I got the title of the movie wrong. No, I misheard you saying the title of the
[00:08:27] movie. Yes, I did. I'm sitting low. He's sitting low. He's sitting low. He's sitting
[00:08:31] low. Did you mean I was the words low and low lead are very different. Shut up. Yeah. Those
[00:08:37] are incredibly different words. I'm sorry. I did. And yeah, I'm. Another famous movie
[00:08:44] slash book that would be shown at Metrograph. That's right. Bolson is a book. Originally,
[00:08:57] it was a short story written in Russian and then his friends told him to write in English
[00:09:01] because it was so good. Very good, Tittbitt. Very good. They're all asleep now. Time to
[00:09:09] steal the coins from the bank. Leave all the bills. I don't want those. Just the coins.
[00:09:18] Breaking into a bank and being so boring that everyone falls asleep and you rob them. Did
[00:09:27] you know that Nabokov had synesthesia actually? Is that when you taste colors? Yeah, or yeah,
[00:09:35] it seems tight. Dude, I would like that. You got to tell us all the time. You know, I'm
[00:09:40] talking about black woman pussy. That's right. And then you think words have colors. Tastes
[00:09:44] to rainbow. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I love eating as skittles. Oh, yeah. I'm saying
[00:09:50] green bitches. Dead bitches that are blue. That's what the fight. We've never actually
[00:09:54] made this clear. Like, do you enjoy pussy eating? Yeah. Sometimes you do. Unless the woman's
[00:09:59] disgusting, of course. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, well, that's. Sure. Okay, good. We've
[00:10:05] all been there. I mean, stop and I are both on record. I was pussy eaters as loving to
[00:10:10] eat pussy. Mm hmm. A lot. I guess a lot of people assume that I'm incapable of intimacy,
[00:10:15] which is like true, but only emotionally. Right. Right. You like to fuck. I'm sort of
[00:10:20] like an American at, you know? Yeah, yes. He goes to the motions of intimacy. Yeah. Until
[00:10:26] it's come as those pulling the strings though. God, the Lord Jesus Christ. There you go.
[00:10:32] I channel his will. That would be pretty cool. If emotions I've learned from watching 7th
[00:10:37] heaven. So awesome. If the three of us just got religious, yeah. We pray before every
[00:10:43] show. Hold hands in a prayer circle. Let's just convert to Islam. I honestly, it'd be
[00:10:49] so funny. It'd be such a good bit. I want to be Buddhist. That seems like the best one.
[00:10:52] Oh, wait. Hold on. We got to talk about how you you're in a bad mood today because the
[00:10:57] black lady almost beat you up. Yeah. I almost got beat up yet again, but a great story.
[00:11:03] And elder black woman. Adam, tell us. I was waiting outside for you guys to arrive because
[00:11:10] we were recording at mine. And I saw a black Corolla down the block and I thought it was
[00:11:14] tough. And so I flipped it off. And then it was not. It was an older. Just be clear.
[00:11:19] Stop doesn't drive a black Corolla. Stop is wearing a black shirt and black sweatpants.
[00:11:25] So he's about the size of a Toyota Corolla. We had a two door though. Yeah. Tor Lola.
[00:11:31] Cor Lola. That's my bitch. Yeah. But is it slate gray actually? Your car or black?
[00:11:37] Black. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, so I flipped it off thinking it was stop and then she pulled
[00:11:41] over and rolled out the window and said, fuck you, ho. She called me. You are. How old was
[00:11:49] she? And I said, oh, I thought you were my friend. And then she said, I'm not your friend.
[00:11:54] That's incredible. Yeah. I was like, no, my friend is the same car as anyway. It was uncomfortable.
[00:12:00] Did she still go aggressive with you even after you explained? I didn't do a good job at explaining
[00:12:05] stuff. I was flustered. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, I thought you were my friend. I think she
[00:12:09] thought she thought you were trying to say like, yeah, then I was trying to say like,
[00:12:13] Oh, hey, like Gladys were old friends. Like, you know, whatever. You didn't know her though.
[00:12:18] I did not. She was a stranger. She older shit. No, she was maybe in her 40s. You know,
[00:12:24] it's awesome. She was that like, I don't take shit generation. I love them. But that's still
[00:12:29] from these kids to call a kid. Oh, yeah. She probably thought you were a gay man. Well,
[00:12:36] yeah, of course. You're a botty boy. You were a bot. We should take that as a compliment.
[00:12:41] I'll take that shit from no body boy. No, she was not Jamaican. She was very much. She
[00:12:46] was very Brooklyn. Interesting Jamaica. Jamaica. Welcome to Jamrock, right? Welcome to Jamrock.
[00:12:54] Jamaica. Jamaica. Jamaica. Jamaica. That lady angry at all. I was I was.
[00:13:02] Me no one to pussy me gay. Me want balls only. Yeah, girls. Dude. The echo is very cool.
[00:13:12] Adam, welcome to Space Jam. Where everybody's trans. Yeah, do the song.
[00:13:18] And then it did the space jam song. Yeah, do the song you're doing before I can't remember.
[00:13:25] I got it. Oh, this is the gay man. No, no, no, cut you. What is this? I can't remember.
[00:13:31] It's a J is the trans. I'm like, Rob, the trans. Yeah, just want to kill myself. Cut
[00:13:36] you. Cut your dick off with somewhere. Yeah, somewhere. Yeah.
[00:13:39] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:13:44] It's the trans. Do your dance. Stop being a man in the trans. Yeah, there we go. All right.
[00:13:51] I was doing a couple good ones. Geez, Michael, we got to get that dick of yours cut off.
[00:13:57] Who sang the space jam song? CC. Sebastian. CC and CNC music factor. What was it? That
[00:14:05] wouldn't be surprising. It was. I believe I can fly was on that soundtrack. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:14:10] Yeah. Mm hmm. Yep. All I wanted was a chicken wing. Remember that that remix? Yeah. Whoa, we used to do
[00:14:18] something about being gay. What was it? I believe I like guys. I believe I fuck guys. Yeah.
[00:14:28] That was classic fifth grade. It's classic now. 29 years old. 30. Are you 29 now? Tomorrow?
[00:14:36] Tomorrow? I'm still 29. I'm 29. I love it. I love those 33. I love those two months a year
[00:14:43] where we're only one year apart in age five. I'm 43 years old and you better start respecting me.
[00:14:50] No, I'm turning 31 in April. Okay. Yeah. I'm going to. It's pathetic that I'm turning 31. Yeah.
[00:14:58] We all agree. We've been running for you. I'm going to start going backwards in age.
[00:15:01] Are you? Yeah. Benjamin Button. I'm dialing it back. Are you going to start getting a
[00:15:05] plastic surgery at a certain point? Oh, yeah. Of course you do. Yeah. Who's that guy? What's his
[00:15:10] name? George? What's his name? That person? That actor that's like super tan. That older guy.
[00:15:15] George Murrasson. Not George Murrasson. I saw him in person once. They kind of look like an
[00:15:19] incredible, incredible. How tall is he? That a human can look like that.
[00:15:25] How is that a wizard's game? He has that same face. He said what? But much shorter.
[00:15:30] Shut the fuck up. You have the same good things about him. You don't have. You have all the other things. The only thing that I have in common with George Murrasson is when we're standing next to each other.
[00:15:38] Yeah. We look like your Billy Crystal and I'm George Murrasson in my giant because that is our
[00:15:44] height difference quite literally. That's a little bit jumbled. I see what you're getting.
[00:15:47] You know what I was saying. I didn't say it. I didn't say it. That's clean. It had a lot of fat.
[00:15:52] I was here. I got to trade it. There's that too. You have the same face. I don't have the same face.
[00:15:56] You know what? Your nose is so nice. He's a real minion. That's the only thing you have in common. I know it's the exact same size as George.
[00:16:02] I was looking at my nose in the mirror the other day. I'm very comfortable with it.
[00:16:06] What? He's a homie. He's a homie. He's a lady called your homie.
[00:16:13] Yeah. That's a homie. That's a homie. That's a homie.
[00:16:22] But Bronzom was good as hell dude. That guy's real? That guy just fucking fucks it.
[00:16:26] Yeah. Yeah. He didn't cover himself in place. You never saw anything?
[00:16:29] I saw like the first 10 minutes. It's so sick. Why did you turn it off? I got bored with it.
[00:16:34] Really? Yeah. I just don't care. I thought it was kind of interesting. It's like fucking
[00:16:38] fights and like fucking you're pretty busy too. It was straight as tense. It was much
[00:16:42] weirder than I thought it was going to be. I guess it's really like this is such an amazing
[00:16:46] movie. It's not amazing. It's just tight. It's just like cool. I just got stoned out of my cock. Yeah. I watched it.
[00:16:52] I want to be a movie boy. I want to watch that. I want to watch that. I watched that. I watched that.
[00:16:54] We watched that 4K Blade Runner last night. Oh nice. Looks great. Oh it was original?
[00:16:59] Well what's better is the soundtrack. The original. That's what makes those 4K
[00:17:02] Blu-rays worth it is like the way they come through on my fucking speakers.
[00:17:06] Oh hell yeah. You got that 7.1 dog. Yeah. That's how big my dick is. I got 7.1 doll beats around.
[00:17:13] I was going 1 channels. Yeah I was. Yeah I have 7 very little dicks next to me. You just dial them up.
[00:17:21] Switch them like dial. It's around dick. It's around cock.
[00:17:27] Hell yeah. Anyway you look there's a little jit coming for you. Kill that one.
[00:17:31] Oh man. Another. So Trump came out against the Me Too movement. I can't believe it. I'm
[00:17:38] scared. I love him dude because first of all I like him. Of course he came out against Me Too.
[00:17:43] Right. But then also like months late. Right right right. He's finding out about it. He literally
[00:17:50] just found out yesterday. Is it because he was like supporting some guy who hid some guy in the guy
[00:17:54] and his hit a woman in his administration beat two x wives. Damn. And they came out with like the
[00:18:01] black guy picks. Damn. And now that guy is fucking Hope Hicks. Who's like that. She's like that 29
[00:18:09] year old that's like now his communications director. Oh my god. She's literally been with him from the
[00:18:13] beginning of the campaign. And now she's like everyone's left and like spicy. You're here. Hope
[00:18:19] Hicks likes dope dicks. Yeah well actually. Round cock for that. Actually Hope Hicks.
[00:18:24] Laying. Apparently during the primary or during the campaign. But Trump already supported
[00:18:32] a fight. Two months ago. Yeah. We're like always supporting somebody who did spousal abuse. It's
[00:18:39] like he already got away with supporting a pedophile. Yeah. Oh and you're already supposed to care
[00:18:43] about it. Well nothing will bring him down. Yeah. And they'll just dementia. Wow. A guy that's
[00:18:48] beating his wife. It's literally two months ago was an actual. Right. They're literally
[00:18:52] going to bring him down is McDonald's. Like literally. Yeah. And a heart attack. Yeah.
[00:18:57] Some shit like they're doing cartoonishly evil shit. Like ice is looking up immigrants
[00:19:02] that are like getting health. Oh yeah. And that's how they're finding them. It's like come on man.
[00:19:08] Yeah. Yeah. I mean that yeah it's but yeah we're fucked. It's like not him. It's just it's
[00:19:13] Republicans. You know it's not like yeah it's not Trump Trump is just like a
[00:19:18] obnoxious and loud. Yeah. Yeah. It's true. We're fucked. But Trump should become a pedophile.
[00:19:23] He should rape a child next. That would be interesting. Like I do want to see what he can't
[00:19:27] talk about how he wanted to fuck his dog. He's talking about I could shoot somebody on Fifth
[00:19:31] Avenue fine. But could you rape a child and get away with it? Probably. I think he should do it.
[00:19:35] 5050 chance honestly. I think the evangelical community would be like well listen he's against
[00:19:40] abortion. He just imagine he calls a press conference. Yeah. And then goes on camera straight up just
[00:19:45] beasting an infant's pussy. Fucking demolishing it. Oh thanks a couple of my
[00:19:52] algorithms really getting it in just fight. Does it look small now? How fucking small is it looking?
[00:20:00] This pussy's maybe an engine and I have to eat. This child is dead.
[00:20:06] I think he's my president. I would not like the decisions my president likes.
[00:20:13] But you have to support the office. Smash cut to like six years ago that same guy.
[00:20:18] And I G T R. That's what he is. Do you remember they got mad at Obama?
[00:20:24] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You were ordering a game. Yeah. What's that?
[00:20:29] Fox News like for like a week was getting mad at him because he ordered like a burger with like
[00:20:34] sauteed mushrooms and yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're like the president is ordering gay hamburgers.
[00:20:39] Hey, hey, hey. They're disrespecting the office. Yeah. Anyway, but it's pretty it's pretty funny
[00:20:46] right now. It's very important to not disrespect the office. The dopest part the but dopest thing
[00:20:51] would be if he had a heart attack and died. Like I guess the Mueller thing goes on for like
[00:20:56] two years complete there. They have absolutely nothing to go on. It's pretty clear if that's
[00:21:01] something to go on. It would have happened already. And I think someone someone would be cool if
[00:21:05] he died at him and then he just dies. You want to call him a motherfucking shit ass shit fuck
[00:21:13] hell bent podcast. I mean it is hack but it would be cool if he died. But then also it's like Mike
[00:21:18] Pence is just oh yeah. President. Yeah. Kind of fucked anyway. How about this? Pike mens. Oh yeah.
[00:21:25] What is that? What's his classic political comedy? Pike. Pike men. Is that kind of fish?
[00:21:31] And I love. Yeah. I'm from Seattle. My name is Pike mens. I go to the pikes or whatever that
[00:21:39] fish place. And then mens is like a mensa sort of genius. Oh, some of the opposite. Pike's
[00:21:47] on the same. Seattle genius named in Pike mens. And I'm not gay. And I then in fact, I think not
[00:21:53] only should women be allowed to have abortions, but gay men should be able to have abortions.
[00:21:57] Did you be able to adopt shove a baby in their ass?
[00:22:03] Just take a shotgun at his ass and kill the baby.
[00:22:15] Pike mens. Pike mens. I call my wife daughter. That shit is so fucking awesome how he calls his
[00:22:21] wife mother. Yeah. It's like the 70s slang. We're short for motherfucker. Hey mother.
[00:22:29] Well, it's being a motherfucker. Did you read that? Quincy Jones interview? Oh yeah. Yeah.
[00:22:34] Yeah. Well, first of all, he fucked Trump's daughter. Awesome. 10 years ago. That rules.
[00:22:38] He said Michael Jackson's not cool. He says the Beatles suck at music, which. Yeah, but he kept
[00:22:43] calling every motherfucker. You know, Quincy Jones rules. So sick. And then he said that
[00:22:48] uh, Brando fucked Richard Pryor. Yep. He was the guy that lied about having cancer.
[00:22:53] Quincy Jones? No, no, no. That's the comedian. I don't think he lied by the way.
[00:22:57] Oh. Yeah, he lied so he can get a letterman. No, it was a HBO. Yeah.
[00:23:03] When we find out that kid lied about having cancer. That was a lie. That would be awesome.
[00:23:10] He's like, I dare you. You can't get me now. You fucking piece of shit.
[00:23:13] Yeah. I think it's just a cocksucker. Yeah. I'm sure I think we did a joke on the show already
[00:23:19] about the Joker kid. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:23:21] The kid that has leukemia and he wants to kill the bad kid.
[00:23:26] It's simple. We kill the bad kid. And then the Riddler kid, he's just a gay kid.
[00:23:33] That likes question marks. Yeah. It's crazy that there was a gayer villain than the Joker,
[00:23:38] but the Riddler is definitely. Oh, no. Batman had some gay villains. There's a guy called the
[00:23:42] clock King. What? Like a lot of clocks. Yeah. Ahmed. Yeah. Yeah. That was a sidekick.
[00:23:50] Come along, man. We've got a meeting screeching halt. I'm the clock king. And this is my sidekick,
[00:23:58] the clock boy. There were some gay. I mean, penguins pretty gay. He's all cool.
[00:24:05] Cock Ahmed. Yeah. Cool. That's a classic standup bid from my 2014 era. Pretty good. Pretty good.
[00:24:13] I used to be pretty good comedian back in the game. A lot of people don't know that about me,
[00:24:19] but I used to be good at standup comedy. I got back into it and I've just been doing racist
[00:24:23] Asian voices. This show has destroyed my ability to be funny. I just been doing racist Asian voices
[00:24:28] and locking eyes with the only Asian person in the audience doing the voice. I get this killer
[00:24:35] new bit about how fortune cookies don't come real unless you say the fortune in a racist Asian voice.
[00:24:40] Good. Nobody laughs at it. I like that you wrote a second bit where you need a racist. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:24:46] Because the president bits good, but let's let's fucking bookend our sets with a dang tao. Yeah.
[00:24:52] Although you do a very good one. I gotta say it sounds like a Chinese. I have too many diaper.
[00:24:59] Wow. Wow. So many diaper to wear. I don't have time to wear all these diaper.
[00:25:05] I mean, Russell Peters does that and he's huge in China and like Hong Kong. He'll sell at
[00:25:11] stadiums in Hong Kong because they're like, that is so everybody have an auntie who talk like this.
[00:25:18] Everybody have a Chinese auntie. Yeah. Yeah. Something like that. Oh shit. Sir Novich retweeted me.
[00:25:24] Should I change my name? Mr. Novich sucked me off. Sir Novich retweeted you.
[00:25:28] Yeah. No, it would be that side by side with Nick. I think so. Maybe he's a com fan. Oh yeah.
[00:25:34] Sir Novich did. Is it the real Mike Sir Novich? I wonder if it is. I'm going to change my name.
[00:25:39] It's probably some fucking Rose Emojie kid whose name is Sir Novich. He had the American flag by his name.
[00:25:45] Yeah, it's probably just somebody pretending to be Mike. Sir Novich. What do you do? People say Sir
[00:25:51] Novich. Is that his name? I don't know, man. I always said Sir Novich. No, he didn't
[00:25:55] read. Suck my dick. You do. You're mad at Trump news retweeted me. Did he? No, yeah, dude.
[00:26:02] Oh, because of your Eve's tweet? I think so. Sick, dude. Well done. Good for
[00:26:07] man. Nice sticking up for your friend stuff. Our friend. Our friend Nicholas, the dick-a-less.
[00:26:13] You know that Eve six band? Yeah. How about a band about Eve? He calls it Eve four.
[00:26:20] Oh, that's because it's like I'm on the 10 scale. Oh yeah. That's good. That's good. Suck me.
[00:26:30] It's just a slam dunk. Bitch. He's heating up. Yeah, I love the echo. I'm destroying the file.
[00:26:45] I can see it's clipping. It looks all she. We're going to be so mad about the way this sounds.
[00:26:53] He's heating up. He's heating up. He's from downtown. Bitch. He's trying.
[00:27:00] Is that the NBA Jam guys? Bitch. Yeah. I don't know. That'd be great. Boom.
[00:27:05] Shaka Laka from downtown. He's heating up. Bitch. Damn. I'm gay. Yeah.
[00:27:23] Fuck man. You know how like people say that because they listen to this podcast that it's like
[00:27:29] broken their heads or their brains. I hear that a lot. I think it's done the same to us.
[00:27:35] No, I'm the same as I ever wanted. We're just stupid. I think we've gotten dumber.
[00:27:39] No, maybe you've gotten dumber. Maybe you've gotten these kind of morons our whole lot.
[00:27:45] Oh, so you've dragged me down. Yeah, yeah. No, I was never a smart performer.
[00:27:49] Because my confidence is shot. You just got dragged the fuck out by an elderly black woman.
[00:27:57] No, my God. I'm fucking Madea character just told you off.
[00:28:03] The lack like the was the Tyler Perry and the basic level of confidence to stand up for yourself.
[00:28:07] I mean, he kind of fucked that one to be fair. I deserve to get yelled at. I flipped out a woman.
[00:28:13] You're a stranger. Got me if I did that by accident. She said fuck you.
[00:28:16] You're a slacker. Fuck you, bitch. And what I don't get would never have been my mistake.
[00:28:21] I never apologize. Don't fucking yeah, I would act like she had been staring at me or something.
[00:28:28] Yeah, I flipped her off. That's good. Yeah, respect the fucking flag and stand up,
[00:28:33] bitch. I would have seduced her and made her suck me off. That's what I was trying to become
[00:28:38] married to her. Yeah, I would have been my wife. I would have got married to her. I was cheated on
[00:28:42] her. Holy matrimony. Holy matrimony. What's that? How about instead of mattress girl? Matrimony
[00:28:48] girl. Why don't we have that on college campus? Hey, young woman that's trying to marry her rapist.
[00:29:01] That is a nice Christian girl who understands the way things used to work. Oh, yeah.
[00:29:11] It was not you could just trade women for goats, man. Yeah, that's it. You can still do that if
[00:29:19] you're living in a allentown. We're living here in allentown. And the entire area has been destabilized
[00:29:30] by bad foreign probably. And now allentown is controlled by warlords. All of them Islamic.
[00:29:48] Oh, fuck. My little cousins raping a goat. Hey, somebody lost his leg to a landmine.
[00:29:59] Have you guys seen that? Allentown. A town. Warlords. Stand. Province. Yeah.
[00:30:06] Candle was your estate. Yeah, yeah. East was your estate. Actually, it's pronounced
[00:30:17] That's right, boss. It is right. Ted bit. Have you guys seen that vice-de-acumen?
[00:30:22] It's like a village somewhere in like South America where all the kids fuck goats. No, that's
[00:30:29] like how they beat off. Like, when you turn 12, you just fuck it. Seriously, it's fucking hilarious.
[00:30:36] And there's like old men who can't give up the habit of fucking goats. It's pretty good. I suggest
[00:30:41] you guys. That's my I can't quit goats. Literally, dude, they just fuck that goat pussy instead of
[00:30:46] beating up. That's so good. And it's like, that's how they practice for having sex with women.
[00:30:50] Dude, that would be scary because a can't like goats like do a high. Maybe their llamas
[00:30:56] do a high kick really well. Or is that dog dog? Maybe it's a no what happened immediately.
[00:31:01] I'm sure the goat enjoys getting its fucking pussy fucked down. That's true.
[00:31:05] It goes through fucking slow. Yeah, they have this like relationship in that
[00:31:08] town where the goat's a little whores, dude. They're slutty ass goats. You like your friend's goat
[00:31:13] and then he is like, it's mad at you. Yeah, that's true. That was my goat pussy. There's like a
[00:31:18] trauma. It's communal. Oh, that's good. I think so. I don't know. It's been a while since I watched
[00:31:23] it, but I remember being scandalized. I think that's what full communism is, right? Everyone
[00:31:27] shares their pussy, their animal that they stand in line for bread and then to keep your mind off
[00:31:32] that from understanding full communism is tweeting all day long. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
[00:31:36] advancing your media career. Taking a screen. Yeah, examining your behavior from six months
[00:31:43] ago and pretending it's a systemic problem that doesn't affect you. Oh, yeah. When it's specifically
[00:31:48] a thing that you do. Right. Yeah, yeah, like blaming, like instead of blaming your awful
[00:31:55] personality, blaming a late capitalism. Yeah. Yeah. It's a there's too much. That was silent,
[00:32:02] but it smelled bad because you farted into a porous windscreen. Usually it's not an issue.
[00:32:07] Stop. Okay. And it's part of the fine. You're a period or something. Why are you so you're
[00:32:14] wound up? I'm not on my period. Okay. What's going on, Adam? What's going on, man? Chill out, relax.
[00:32:20] I just woke up that woman. It scared me a little bit when she yelled at me. You could
[00:32:25] know that you're gonna fight. You want us to take you to Cinnabon after this? I would love
[00:32:29] to go to school. Actually, we should all go on a nice long bike ride. Kind of the weather's nice.
[00:32:32] I would like to go. I would like to go for maybe an outing. I don't want to.
[00:32:36] What time are you right now? My brother's already here. I'm going to go back.
[00:32:40] How about you drive your car and we'll ride the bikes next to the car.
[00:32:43] Oh, yeah. You give us little cups of water. That'd be nice.
[00:32:48] He's right down south Avenue. He's just filling up a whole street.
[00:32:55] We're friends. We're having a friendship afternoon.
[00:33:00] It's where you were targeted men. Shut down traffic in Midtown Manhattan today.
[00:33:09] That'll be chill, dude. We're having a friendship. We're having a nice friend's day.
[00:33:14] Oh, fuck. I think I'm going to just take it out of bowl and eat Korean barbecue.
[00:33:19] That Israel news channel that I went on had Patrick on last night. I wanted to talk about
[00:33:25] Fratier. What the fuck? Is that a real chill? Well, the guy that's been booking is just like a
[00:33:30] come town like, yo, put me in here, dude. Yeah. I'm trying to go and talk about a lot.
[00:33:34] Yeah. Have me and stop on to refute whatever Adam said. Yeah. To be do a pro.
[00:33:39] And it's on your own. Yeah. That's what it takes. Put on a little fucking. Well, actually,
[00:33:44] I actually didn't like Israel until I found out they're racist.
[00:33:49] I thought there are a bunch of fucking live-ass Jews, but it turns out they're white supremacists.
[00:33:54] Yeah. Yeah. And it's not even about being Jewish. It's about being white and Jewish.
[00:33:58] That's right. Otherwise, they'll sterilize your ass.
[00:34:01] Are there are there you're you're a rich tree and pussy. So the fuck shed.
[00:34:05] Are there African Jews? Is Ethiopian Jew there? Ethiopian Jews are when they go to Israel,
[00:34:10] they cut their pussies off. No, they seal their pussies. They treat them really nice, I would guess.
[00:34:15] They're okay to them, but who they're not okay to is like the Darfurian
[00:34:21] and Eritrean air train refugees. Well, nothing's ever happened to Jews to a Darfur than Conan.
[00:34:28] Yeah, there's no like genocide that we wanted to escape that would make other Jews sympathetic
[00:34:34] to other people trying to escape genocide. It's like they're bad people genetically.
[00:34:38] I don't know about that stuff. I wouldn't go there, but what were you saying Darfur?
[00:34:43] Yeah, it was about it. It was it saved? I don't think so, but everyone was I remember everyone had
[00:34:47] like a tote bag. No, I don't think we saved it. Is it still around is Darfur still kicking?
[00:34:52] Probably. Is that that's not Hotel Rwanda? No, that's Rwanda.
[00:34:58] I thought I wonder was a hotel in Darfur. No, it's not. It's a
[00:35:03] telling Vegas. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was next to the Caesar's Palace. That's pretty cool.
[00:35:09] Is is Don Cheadle there all the time? Well, Don Cheadle is now the president of Rwanda at this point.
[00:35:14] I like the two diseases. You know, in the hotel Rwanda where Nick Nolte says,
[00:35:20] is he in that movie for real? Yeah. Is he? Yeah, he's like the UN peacekeeper. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
[00:35:25] Yeah, that's right. Born out and hates his job. Yeah, the blue, the blue helmet guys. Yeah.
[00:35:29] And he's like, you have to understand to them, you're not even. Yeah. And he says the
[00:35:35] N word. He's like, you're African. And I like to imagine that Nick Nolte just completely ad-libbed.
[00:35:40] Yeah. He thought he was just like, what the? Yeah. He thought he was like,
[00:35:46] like visibly angry in the day. Nick, please, you only get one. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:35:54] In your contract, it said honestly, by your, this shows growth because by your own rules,
[00:36:01] you technically could have said it. I could have. Because you're quoting a white person. Yeah,
[00:36:06] but it felt too harsh. Sure. You felt it earlier too. I wore it premium.
[00:36:13] Is it premium? People are paying for that, for that access to that word. I don't know. I guess
[00:36:19] it's mostly I go on, I don't know. I violate my own rules. Sometimes I just go on how I'm feeling
[00:36:24] that day. Yeah, man. It's, it's not, it's not, it ain't science. This is art. Right. Yeah. This is
[00:36:29] art what we're doing. You know, it's a size of the boat. It's the motion in the ocean. That's right.
[00:36:35] That's, oh, Haddasas, she has acid for you. And we're totally in.
[00:36:38] Oh, yeah, dude. Birthday. I haven't done L.S. in a long time.
[00:36:43] I like it. I'm going to take a little drop of duchalio and we should do, we should do a
[00:36:47] micro dust sometimes. I would love to do that. Nick, you're off psychedelic, right? Yeah.
[00:36:54] You're afraid we'll do to your fragile little brain? Yeah. My twisted mother.
[00:36:58] You don't know how, just how goth I can get. That would be so awesome if you did acid and just
[00:37:06] like became a goth. You became a joker. Like a dumbest, most ironic thing. No, it wouldn't be
[00:37:13] from acid, but maybe for mushrooms. Why? It's all the same shit. Yeah. It's how it's done.
[00:37:19] It better became Stewie Joker, which is that would be incredible. Stewie from family.
[00:37:24] Yeah, you get bigger and longer. They have that on deviantart. If you just search for Stewie Joker,
[00:37:29] it's really like drawing Stewie Griffin as the Joker. Joker makeup. And you know they think they
[00:37:36] have rules, but not even doing a bit. Yeah. That was another thing that the gay kids in my high
[00:37:44] school were really into. Like a nightmare before Christmas gay kids. They're really into Stewie.
[00:37:49] Oh, really? Yeah. From family guy. Yeah, because he's gay. Because I guess he's clearly gay. But it was
[00:37:53] before he was gay. What do you mean? Everyone knows he's gay. He's been gay the whole time.
[00:37:57] No, but like Seth MacFarlane subsequently said, oh no, this baby is gay. I love that Seth MacFarlane
[00:38:02] just like the dog and Stewie are just who he is if you meld them together. Yeah, well, he's gay,
[00:38:08] right? It's definitely not the same. Yeah. Yeah. He's also so rich that I feel like once you get
[00:38:13] rich enough, you gotta be not anything. Yeah. You fuck a lot of women. You fuck boys. Right.
[00:38:18] Fuck, you know, like Brando. Like Brando. Oh man. Brando fucked three of the most
[00:38:24] important black men of the 20th century. Who do you say Marvin Gaye? Baldwin. That Baldwin. Yeah,
[00:38:30] James Baldwin. James Baldwin was the only actually like out and out gay one, right? Yeah, Marvin Gaye,
[00:38:34] Baldwin and prior. And so important black men of the 20th century. James Baldwin, Martin Luther King,
[00:38:40] Adam Friedland. Sure. That's how he was going to finish that list. Yeah. He didn't suck off Martin
[00:38:45] Luther King. Did he? That'd be wild. Martin Luther King wasn't gay at all. Black America. He loves
[00:38:50] pussy. Yeah. He's he got it. Very much so. He loves. That's why they call him the king.
[00:38:55] Shit from the bare. Oh, the gay guy. That's right. He wasn't who?
[00:38:59] Baird Rustin. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That sucks, man. Being it's just kind of tough. Yeah. Did you see
[00:39:06] that commercial in the Super Bowl for Ram truck? Yeah, that was fucking awesome. I don't know what
[00:39:12] they did. The Canned family just licensed a full fucking speech from Martin Luther King. And it was
[00:39:19] just pictures of like troops, Ram trucks, some more troops, American flag, Ram trucks. Yeah,
[00:39:27] use the MLK speech to sell trucks. Yeah. Which is pretty hilarious. I'm going to look up that hate
[00:39:32] crime in Vider, Texas, where the guy dragged the guy behind his pickup and see if it was a Ram truck.
[00:39:37] That would be so good. Vider, Texas. See, that was one of the most like I totally forgot about that one.
[00:39:44] I'm I yeah, I don't even know that shit was. Oh, yeah. Yeah. What are James for Junior?
[00:39:51] James Virginia. Yeah. Okay, you just I'm going to say the thing you're going to repeat.
[00:39:55] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The picture they always used of him.
[00:39:58] Okay. Well, we just lost 15 minutes of the show because the computer said
[00:40:07] disk too slow and just deleted part of the podcast. So I guess the computer setup is a mistake as
[00:40:15] well as using the fucking thing. I'm glad that you know, so much money was spent on all this
[00:40:20] shit and it continues to fuck up. And that was a guy. It was a really good 15. There's no way to
[00:40:29] recreate it. Really? It was a whole thing where it's we're trying to figure out if it was a Ram truck
[00:40:36] that was being used to kill to do that lynching and Vider, Texas. You know what? You might be able
[00:40:41] to do it. I don't know. And Adams said it was a Chevy and I was like, well, I'll tell you what,
[00:40:45] man, if it was a Chevy, you have you buy boys still be alive. Get her done.
[00:40:52] It was as if Larry the cable guy. That's not what I did.
[00:40:55] The cable guy's pretty. Chevy truck. Boy, boy, get right up and say, oh, I felt like I just got a
[00:41:00] massage. No, you tell them, Larry. But you know, I was in the fucking moment. I know.
[00:41:06] Damn it. There was more to it. I hate this fucking computer, dude.
[00:41:11] Fuck suck my dick, Apple. Did you just buy a big ass dick computer? I did, dude.
[00:41:15] And that one wouldn't have done it. So this one, it's like the it's the fucking MacBook.
[00:41:19] So if I I also did get the little dick, I tabbed out of of logic.
[00:41:24] You didn't get the Mac group book pro. I didn't because well, this was just supposed to be for
[00:41:28] writing. Yeah. Because you forget, I'm a professional writer. You got a pro, right? For fucking television.
[00:41:33] Yeah. I tabbed out a logic to look up to do the fans of favor and try and figure out
[00:41:40] how that black man was murdered. Yep. And that would have been great.
[00:41:46] I know it to self only look at my phone while that's good. There we go.
[00:41:49] The only gaming while the show is happening. You don't phone game, dude.
[00:41:53] You guys can't see it. I do it. You know, you're off of Candy Crush, Nick.
[00:41:57] Uh huh. Are you off Candy Crush? Off of Candy Crush. Yeah, because you were heavy.
[00:42:04] And what got the end of that was put fucking Wi-Fi on the trains.
[00:42:08] Yeah. They put self service on the trains. So what does that mean?
[00:42:12] Because I got into Candy Crush because you use not be able to use your phone on the train.
[00:42:16] So now you can link. Well, you really can't. What do you mean?
[00:42:19] What do you mean? You can't, I mean, they have service at the stations.
[00:42:23] Yeah. Yeah. And in between those stations, I'm like,
[00:42:26] God damn it. We're off the grid. Yeah, I'm fucking losing it. God damn it, man. I wish we had
[00:42:33] in fucking that was like that was one of the best jokes we've ever shown. God damn it, dude.
[00:42:39] Fucking computers, man. Ah, that fucking sucks, dick. That was.
[00:42:43] Should we fuck up at him? And this has happened before and I've never been this
[00:42:49] mad about it. Yeah, this isn't even the most egregious. Remember that one time we just
[00:42:53] immediately lost an episode. Yeah. And we had we were on a time crunch, so we just do it
[00:42:57] right then in the last whole episode. And it was like a good one. Yeah, it was really good.
[00:43:01] Yeah, it was a really good one. We were like, because we were like all mad at each other before
[00:43:06] that. Right. That was great, man. Yeah. It's like what the show was like tension before. Yeah.
[00:43:12] Fuckin' we're like, actually we're doing something pretty cool. Yeah. People really like it.
[00:43:18] Damn. Well, we'll be all right, boys. We'll be fine. We only have to wait a little longer,
[00:43:23] but they can suck my nuts. We lost 15 bomb ass minutes. I'm gonna be fucking mobbing with
[00:43:29] Nick and George Halkus. This is so cute. Can't wait. Is other George coming up? No, he's in LA.
[00:43:36] Doing a lot of vacation. Getting gay? LA getting gay, dude. Getting gay in LA. The only way to go.
[00:43:41] The only place to go to get gay. I'm about to go there on Friday. Uh oh. You also gonna get gay?
[00:43:47] Yep. I'm gonna get gay with my girlfriend. Getting gay with kids. I love the pedophilia
[00:43:55] rebrand. Yeah. Gae with kids. I'm teaching children about homosexuality. Yeah. That was South Park,
[00:44:01] right? Getting gay with kids. Was it? Yeah, we're getting gay with children. There was an
[00:44:06] namble episode where... Yeah, there was one where it's like all the kids are singing. They have some
[00:44:10] song. They're like, we gotta get gay. Wasn't that... I don't remember. We gotta get gay. I didn't
[00:44:16] watch that much South Park. I watched some. I'm coming in and out of it. Yeah. It's a very good show.
[00:44:21] The only... I only watched seasons, I think like 11, 12, and 13. That's when it was like on fire,
[00:44:26] right? Yeah. They have this weird thing where it's like... I thought they were done.
[00:44:30] Like they had that initial run and then it's like they dipped and then they had like a run like
[00:44:34] a few years ago. Yeah. They were like so good. I guess maybe five years ago. I heard where it was
[00:44:38] like every episode was so cool. Yeah. But it's also like I also do hate when it's like,
[00:44:44] I don't want to learn any lessons sometimes. I just want to just say, you know, miss Chokes on
[00:44:49] Dick. Thank you. That's what I want to talk about. Shitty Wall. You know what I mean? That's what I
[00:44:54] need from you, baby. Mr. Slave. That's hilarious. All great stuff. Don't tell me about like,
[00:45:01] I guess libertarianism being right or something like that. Yeah. I think that's maybe part of it.
[00:45:06] I don't know. But a lot of the fans are like that. You know. Also too stupid to learn lessons.
[00:45:11] I don't think it's like is about libertarianism, but like that's sort of the fan base is very
[00:45:16] libertarian. But it's also such a big show that yeah, they're fan bases, you know, humongous.
[00:45:22] It's like Stanhope too. It's like the fan base is like very. I can't I really can't believe this
[00:45:27] shit. Yeah. That's going to ruin my fucking day for the rest of my year. To be fair though,
[00:45:33] you're looking for an excuse to be depressed right now. You know I'm not. You weren't a bad
[00:45:37] mood this morning. I wasn't. And then you lifted something. Well, we're getting a bad
[00:45:40] film. Great. What? You went, you didn't go to the gym this morning? I did go to the gym,
[00:45:44] but I just woke up in a bad mood. Yeah, I sort of did too. I got a bad attitude. That's fine.
[00:45:49] Yeah, I did. Maybe we're all we're all synced up because I didn't feel great this morning either.
[00:45:53] You know what? It's like when the girls all get their periods at the same time, we just get
[00:45:58] cranky girls. That's who gets periods. I think you mean women. Thank you fucking asshole.
[00:46:06] Adam literally didn't know what you're getting at. I was like, I thought he was going to call
[00:46:12] me a girl. Right. Right. Actually, you know what? I was leaving an open ended. Yeah. Thank you.
[00:46:18] Every day. Sometimes you jump without knowing where the landing is. Yeah. Every
[00:46:21] diss is like a labyrinth, you know. I appreciate. Yeah. I appreciate that. Appreciate my voice.
[00:46:26] Like how about a character? It's like David Bowie, but he's David Blally.
[00:46:32] Let's suck at your other off. That's suck. Yeah. Yeah. Something like that. Let's stuff.
[00:46:38] I just wish. Goddamn it. I wish we could find a way to get that later. The cable guy thing back.
[00:46:44] That was fun. I know. It was really funny, dude. Guys, people listening, you're taking
[00:46:49] that for me. Also, I don't think I've made. It's the only reason I like podcasting aside from
[00:46:54] doing stand up because you just say something funny one time and you don't have to pretend.
[00:46:59] I'm recreated every moment. That's the worst part about stand up.
[00:47:04] As you do a bit, you try it and it goes really well and then you try it the second time and then
[00:47:08] you're like that. Yeah. No, no, no, no. Just having to recreate it emotionally. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:47:14] I hate having to create emotionally. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Ground control. Please suck me off.
[00:47:23] Put my penis in your father's little hand. Did you see that video, that Chinese guy
[00:47:29] who hates Black Lives Matter? No. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's like a Chinese like
[00:47:36] confit dude in front of the confederate flag. Oh, nice. Singing fucking like his dick seat arms.
[00:47:43] Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's awesome. And he's like, yeah, Islam is a fucking cancer. We don't want
[00:47:49] Sharia law. Yeah. It's like a Chinese get old. It's so sad, dude. Like what a fucking loser you must
[00:47:55] have to pick. Yeah. And you're just so like pathetically looking for acceptance in the dumbest possible
[00:48:02] place. Yeah. But see, I appreciate it. That kind of Asian that and then
[00:48:09] who's that one that shot up UVA? Yeah. Yeah. That guy. No, Virginia Tech. No, yeah, Virginia Tech.
[00:48:16] Mm hmm. That's right. You respect those kinds of Asians. Just be cleaner.
[00:48:20] Yeah. And racist. So I respect all kinds of Asians, but I like an Asian guy that's like,
[00:48:28] you know what? I'm not going to be a stereotype. I'm going to break the molds, but I really just
[00:48:32] go all out. Yeah. Wasn't there another Asian racist kid who's like, who there's that gamer guy?
[00:48:40] I'm so honest. He like freaked out when they ran out of such ones. Yeah. Yeah. And then if
[00:48:44] they found his Instagram, and he's like, Oh, he's a tech guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then there's that
[00:48:50] gamer dude, Chong. What is that guy's deal? What? I thought for the longest time that he, him and
[00:48:58] Arthur, just like equally as ugly, but like, like politically polar. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, so that
[00:49:05] guy's like an alt right guy? He's like an alt right like gamer guy. Oh, God. Ian miles.
[00:49:11] Chong. Oh, I thought you meant like Tommy Chong. No, no, not Tommy Chong. Yeah. Yeah. Tommy
[00:49:18] Chong is all right. He's like, you bit. There's a little black on black crime. Yeah. She got
[00:49:24] those on fire, be it. They don't know the real day. How can you expect them to follow
[00:49:31] the news? Have the father. I tell you what, boy. It was a Chevy. You better God damn it.
[00:49:45] Get him. Larry. And I didn't even get to find out. You know what I fucking tabbed over to
[00:49:49] Wikipedia to find out who was a Dodge truck using that hate crime. And I didn't even find out.
[00:49:53] You get to know. I didn't even God. I'm sorry, man. I don't want to hire a producer,
[00:49:57] but I do want one of those fucking people who has to Google things for me. Bro, that's what a
[00:50:01] producer is. No, we just get a producer. If we get a studio, if we get the big dicks do,
[00:50:08] we should just get like a. No, Adam, make your sister do it for free. She's my sister. You think
[00:50:13] she'd be good at it? She'll fuck it up. She's incompetent. Yeah. I mean, she's totally
[00:50:17] good at this. She's got some fucking sweet hooters. You know, my true producer wise.
[00:50:23] Producer wise, like we said, either my sister just went to a FDNY 911 first responder ball
[00:50:32] funeral. Oh, funeral funeral. Yeah. Bagpipes. Why whole shipping? Why? Because her boyfriend's dad.
[00:50:40] What? She's fired. Yeah. He was. Yeah, like two days ago, she went to his funeral. He was
[00:50:53] like, like, I guess, mezzot, Thuleum or whatever, like 911 related cancer. Damn. Yeah. That will
[00:51:00] the government will take care of him. Yeah, but she said it was wild, dude. She said there was like,
[00:51:03] was there an open door? Thousands of fire. Yeah, I got a, I got a miso horny on that.
[00:51:10] That's the kind of cancer you get from.
[00:51:13] My big hug just piping out Asian girls. Yeah, dude. The cancer. One of my favorite
[00:51:17] Nick Mullins. I think your colleagues stand up. Joe is hard. Is the bagpiper joke.
[00:51:22] I don't think what bagpipes you used to tell that joke about like every time a firefighter dies.
[00:51:28] It's super sad. Except if you're a bagpiper. Oh, yeah. I forgot about that.
[00:51:32] Oh, that's terrible. Oh, that's. Oh, how many died?
[00:51:41] We're going to be able to go on that vacation. That was a good joke.
[00:51:44] That was a very good joke. Yeah. Great joke. We'll get back into that.
[00:51:48] Fuck. I used to know how to write stand up comedy. What the fuck happened?
[00:51:53] It's not getting recorded podcasts without the disc overwriting or whatever the fuck that error was.
[00:51:59] And people are going to hate it because all the echo we did early.
[00:52:01] Can you repeat that gay ass shit that guys said to you about the sound quality?
[00:52:05] The last time we publicly shamed me. Yeah, yeah.
[00:52:07] Yeah, it's like listening to an EDM song versus a fucking recording.
[00:52:13] Because it's not enough. There's not enough richness in the low end.
[00:52:16] I got some. I got a bunch of fucking vinyl or something.
[00:52:20] I got a bunch of suck my dick, bitch. You're gay.
[00:52:23] You're gay. We're starting Transful Echo. You know what?
[00:52:26] Echo. Whoever said that. You are gay. Whoever said that.
[00:52:29] In which case you're straight. You can stop listening to this.
[00:52:33] She pays money. Yeah, unless you pay us money, but just you're not a lot to listen.
[00:52:37] Yeah, we're fin dumbing. We're fin dumbing. Yeah.
[00:52:42] If I did a wish list on my Instagram, do you think that was a good joke?
[00:52:46] Now I'm mad about all the jokes that I've forgotten.
[00:52:48] I didn't need another reason to be upset today.
[00:52:52] Oh, that's terrible. Yeah, that was fuck.
[00:52:57] It's like I wrote that completely drunk.
[00:53:04] No, that was actually I think I wrote that in DC.
[00:53:07] That's like a relative in a more recent bit.
[00:53:09] But yeah, you should just drink and right now stand up.
[00:53:12] And I was only going to write you say it when I was fat as shit and sad.
[00:53:14] Yeah, and hey, dude. Yeah, and now I'm in love and I can't fucking worse and worse a comedy.
[00:53:20] We should just stop having good lives and then we're getting it.
[00:53:24] This is the last joke I was happy about about coming up with
[00:53:28] is the what if James Holmes saw he was the Jack Nicholson joke.
[00:53:34] And I was like, I think I'm done with stand up.
[00:53:37] But just because one bit that you love to do work.
[00:53:40] Well, increasingly it was like I'm just writing jokes that aren't for me.
[00:53:46] Well, that's what the podcast is, right?
[00:53:52] Show that I think like I kind of wanted to turn that thing about how the armadillo is
[00:53:57] Texas's animal because it's such a sad day.
[00:54:01] The independent spirit of Texas itself is self-reliant.
[00:54:09] Nobody partner. Let me tell you something.
[00:54:12] I'm not I'm only coming in my own mouth.
[00:54:15] I'm a proud little woman or man or engine to the stick.
[00:54:21] Directly down there, throat and nut in it.
[00:54:25] Like the steely resolve of a folded up armadillo.
[00:54:39] One guy that joke doesn't work if it's not.
[00:54:42] I can't just say if the most Texas thing you can do is suck your own dick.
[00:54:48] I feel like doesn't don't other people claim armadillo is much harder than Texas?
[00:54:55] There's only one kind of man that can claim the armadillo and that's a man that sucks his own dick.
[00:55:11] One for every inch that you can fit into your mouth.
[00:55:18] That would have to be a flexible cowboy man.
[00:55:21] That's why they got those assless chaps.
[00:55:23] Somebody told me one time they were like,
[00:55:30] I don't even really know what chaps are.
[00:55:49] I'm going to start wearing visors in because of the Philadelphia Eagles coach Doug Peterson.
[00:55:58] Do you remember chaps Ralph Lauren like the...
[00:56:08] That looks like Polo sort of bootleg polo.
[00:56:12] No, no, but it's specifically created to get people to think it's polo.
[00:56:16] Chaps Ralph Lauren was like what they sold at Dillard's.
[00:56:19] But then they sold Polo Ralph Lauren at like Nordstrom.
[00:56:25] My mom used to get me fucking chaps khakis to go to Cinegoggin.
[00:56:39] Let's start dressing like real Marilyn boat shoot kind of guys.
[00:56:44] Let's get those pink shorts with like little tiny like whales.
[00:56:48] No man I'm going full Russian mafia in the spring.
[00:56:56] You know I'm going to get strikes and I'm going to get a preview.
[00:57:15] That's right I went to a Priviet school.
[00:57:21] You just know Russian, what's Russian for no deeper?
[00:57:27] Yeah I've heard it but I don't remember.
[00:57:34] There's one for like you're like you're really blowing my back.
[00:57:38] You know when like a movie is when a guy's having a Vietnam flashback
[00:57:41] and you see the choppers but it's just that black woman driving by going
[00:58:07] That was a very big bummer about that Larry the cable guy thing but guys.
[00:58:15] Excuse me are you wrapping up the show.
[00:58:17] I'm not wrapping up the show but are you trying to wrap up zone?
[00:58:21] We're near wrap up zone but is this motherfucker trying to check?
[00:58:29] The only show we have this week is Thursday at Carewood.
[00:58:34] So if you're planning on coming to funny moms tomorrow night we will not be there.
[00:58:55] Did you guys watch any of the winter Olympics?
[00:59:02] The figure skating and they got this big Chinese guy.
[00:59:05] It has a partner but he's just this enormous gay Chinese man that loves ice dancing.
[00:59:29] That's the best part of figure skating.
[00:59:31] What if ballroom dancing was on skates and there are no flips?
[00:59:39] What's your favorite winter Olympic sport?
[00:59:52] They just love hockey but there are no NHL players this year.
[00:59:55] The NHL didn't have an Olympic break this year.
[01:00:03] There's that skiing and then shooting thing.
[01:00:23] Well skiing shooting is like where it was clay ball.
[01:00:36] I'm the finance manager here at Temple Lincoln Mercury
[01:00:43] where we serve the finest Lincoln navigators.
[01:00:48] The guy from the Tongan guy came out shirtless and oiled up.
[01:00:56] He was a judo guy and he just picked up cross country skiing.
[01:01:03] Well the point I think of the Olympics for a lot of people is the
[01:01:10] Because apparently there's a lot of real freaky sex kind of shake happening.
[01:01:19] If your event is like day two and then you're done the rest of the two weeks.
[01:01:24] It's trying to get your dick wet the rest of the time.
[01:01:26] Now if you're into thick one then you know that's got to suck.
[01:01:35] Yeah that's why they're just a little bit of a Olympic sport of being randalin.
[01:01:47] And next up in competitive looking like a bus.
[01:02:13] She got to remember annoying on social media.
[01:02:16] She was fucking one of Fettiwap's friends I think.
[01:02:18] I think I unfollowed most of the thick accounts.
[01:02:37] It's her singing with her fucking oh nice.
[01:02:58] But good for her getting her fucking cheeks blowed out.
[01:03:04] Dude I want to do a Puzz 3D of her ass.
[01:03:09] This artistically reassembled her ass out of 3D pieces.
[01:03:16] This new problem solving in big fat ass.
[01:03:24] If you were doing that well I'm fucking a strong Russian girl's shoulders.
[01:03:29] That's the only thing that will be better.
[01:03:33] Yeah I'm going to do a Puzz 3D of Julie Evans's body.
[01:03:50] I wonder if like you know you talk a big talk but would you walk the walk?
[01:03:56] Yeah well how fucking do you know she's stronger than you?
[01:04:00] She talks around like a little rag doll dude.
[01:04:06] This is what I call the Michelle Obama.
[01:04:12] You know how that's actually fucking wrong.
[01:04:13] He's on the force and she pulls his cock back.
[01:04:23] Yeah that's what Julie is going to do to you.
[01:04:25] Yeah she's going to hit that smooth Michelle Obama.
[01:04:29] It's same height at a tweet one time that was like
[01:04:35] huge slut and size queen fucked over 100 guys.
[01:04:38] That's like it's like it starts off like it's like it's like it's like it's like it's
[01:04:51] That is actually one of the best that is just like shifting the fucking tone so
[01:04:56] Yeah you're like from something that's okay all right.
[01:05:06] Yeah too bad he's a fucking Nazi I guess.
[01:05:13] I'm the only Nazi because I'm a pro Zionist.
[01:05:25] How come Zionism is called Zionism has got nothing to do with Rastafari.
[01:05:33] Actually they just legalized weed it's like become like a new Israel propaganda thing.
[01:05:37] It's like Israel's like just come here for weed.
[01:05:47] You should have missed what a Palestinian child.
[01:05:58] Could you kill someone if all you had to do was push a button and then they die?
[01:06:13] That totally makes motherfucking sense.
[01:06:14] Yeah it's like Mike Diesel used to tell that story about killing a man at a bar for like stepping on his wife's foot.
[01:06:23] He was just like you had this like fake story to tell about like you know and say whatever you want to me.
[01:06:32] He's like you know the guy gets into it with him and he fucking I took him to the ground and
[01:06:37] I felt his life and slip out of my hands.
[01:06:41] Yeah and then the waitstaff is like we saw what happened.
[01:06:44] We got this and they took care of like the waitstaff covered up a murder.
[01:06:54] Mike Diesel thinks he lives in the John Wick universe.
[01:06:56] Yeah he just everyone is there to support an assassin.
[01:07:14] Yeah dude I hope they make a third one.
[01:07:18] Maybe I'll watch John Wick this afternoon after my bike ride.
[01:07:22] I like how I heard his pissed afternoon bike ride.
[01:07:25] I heard a rumor that it's going to be kind of like the the tower or the raid
[01:07:28] whereas John Wick versus just the big ass building.
[01:07:40] In fact we should you should come over.
[01:07:41] I'll get dread on 4k blueberry and we can watch that.
[01:07:47] The best part of dread and this isn't really much of a spoiler but eventually like kills the bad guy.
[01:07:52] What? And at the end the end he like kills the bad guy and like it's just you know the climax of the movie he kills them
[01:07:59] and he just looks down and he goes yeah and that's it.
[01:08:11] We should um yeah we should also watch the new uh RoboCop.
[01:08:22] Actually both RoboCop is really good for different reasons.
[01:08:44] A former WNBA player for the New York Liberty.
[01:09:17] Why would you fucking say that out loud?
[01:09:22] I'm actually having a very good business.
[01:09:26] That's why I negotiated a better deal for us on this one.
[01:09:29] And you fucking the pumpkin on the last one.
[01:09:33] Your job was to negotiate the deal on the last one.
[01:09:35] And then we asked you the day of what the split was.
[01:09:38] And you said oh I actually never asked.
[01:09:48] Which did the, I ran all the numbers by you,
[01:09:57] you forget that I am a retired used car salesman.
[01:10:19] All right, we'll see you guys Thursday.
[01:10:25] And then everyone in attendance will see Nick and I
[01:10:29] giving stop his birthday presents live.
[01:10:33] There's only one more component left to stop his birthday present
[01:10:40] I can't wait to see adult film performer.
[01:10:48] Adult film performer Bailey J will be in attendance.
[01:10:55] I didn't tell Adam yet, but I had it to do.