Cum Town | Premium | 04/02/2018
[00:00:00] Hit it hit it turn your I'm gay turn your input down
[00:00:04] Maybe like who me yeah like a just a tiny bit a little hair
[00:00:08] It's a little bit on pussy hair there you go how we sounded now good
[00:00:12] There's this that weird click again apologies to everybody
[00:00:15] I guess one of these XLR cables is fucked up. I'm gonna have to go buy new ones or something
[00:00:22] Yeah, or might get like a whole new setup or whatever. I mean I figure three years. It's time to upgrade. Oh, yeah
[00:00:27] I'm gonna do dude probably get the ZOOM. Yeah, VR
[00:00:33] We talk over it because by Playstation yeah, and we just talk over the fucking time thinking we get a podium. Oh fuck yes
[00:00:40] Oh, yeah, can we get your sucker suits little poor pie?
[00:00:47] Too long down in mobile. We've been having to listen to these these
[00:00:51] Coon hats these coonskin coon hats tell us how to coon our lives yep, and I you know the other
[00:01:00] Southern colloquial isms and idioms. Yes. Oh, I'm here for the sweaty man
[00:01:05] Where's a sweaty man the man out there was balls so stuck to his legs if he'd pull him off
[00:01:10] It grippin fucking pants off. That's that's who I'm here for you want to know why that school burned down because there was too
[00:01:18] Great brother. Why come why come they building schools out here with sub-par materials for the retarded kids
[00:01:24] But the regular schools done made out of chocolate
[00:01:28] Mm-hmm. Well, I think the retards would eat the chocolate there clam. Yes, that's my understanding of the life and times of Huey long
[00:01:39] Is he the kingfish or something isn't our guy named the kingfish or the kingfisher
[00:01:45] Uh, the Fisher King the Fisher King the Barbara solver King solver Barbara King solvers. I believe I believe
[00:01:53] Russell crow Barbara Streisand Barbara Streisand
[00:01:58] A lot of the show is having schizophrenia when it comes to facts. Yeah, I just found a barber Streisand
[00:02:04] Sucked Bill Clinton's dick really when my my mom is reading all Jewish people know that
[00:02:10] That's in the Torah my mom's reading barber Streisand's therapist book
[00:02:17] Wait the therapist can just put yeah, but it's just it on blast. Yeah with permission from Barbara Streisand
[00:02:23] And apparently Barbara Streisand sucked a ton
[00:02:26] I had to take a picture of stop to prove to Sarah that I'm doing the podcast because she always hits me up to hang out
[00:02:32] Whatever while we're doing the podcast and she thinks I'm like lying. She invited me to Sader last night Sader
[00:02:38] Yeah, what's that laser tag for Jews? Yeah?
[00:02:41] Well, it's their celebration of killing a bunch of palace peaceful Palestinian protesters
[00:02:55] Because they killed a bunch of yeah, you know and they were like we knew exactly what we were doing every bullet landed exactly where it should
[00:03:02] Oh, thank you. There was no accidental killing the civilians
[00:03:04] Like a schmulu. Do you understand this means we intentionally killed
[00:03:23] We don't pay for the tweets what we don't pay for the tweets. This is the greatest news I've ever heard
[00:03:34] Yes, we can return the treat if it was free they just don't know how to
[00:03:41] Well, yes congratulations Adam. I know you were pretty happy about that. Yeah, I
[00:03:45] Know that there were definitely not a lot of arguments around the Passover table last night
[00:03:50] Stop you look like a big pussy in your pink hoodie. Yeah in gorge clit. Yeah cute little pussy big pussy
[00:03:57] Bob I'm like that mustache. Thanks brother. Honestly, it really balanced out your face
[00:04:02] You know, it's funny is it looks like a pencil mustache and that's just how your shit grows. Yep. Yep
[00:04:06] Some men were born for the pencil look. Yeah, no no
[00:04:10] Thanks a lot. It takes a lot of upkeep for you to keep the pencil not me, baby
[00:04:13] You look I'm more of like a like a alcoholic detective
[00:04:16] I mean I wish I could have some real bombastic big-ass facial hair, but yeah, I'm gonna keep it subtle understated
[00:04:24] Just like my cock. I wonder if I'll ever go huge beard again. You should not I don't think you should you should go huge mustache
[00:04:32] I was I was in a Starbucks like in the middle of the desert between Las Vegas and LA driving back
[00:04:39] And there was just this guy at the Starbucks like working there with like a curled up wax mustache
[00:04:45] And he was just doing bits for the other people at Starbucks
[00:04:48] He was just like the most popular guy. He was just like living his you know his best life
[00:04:53] It really bumped me out. Yeah, like in the middle of the desert Starbucks
[00:04:58] You know that's him the Landwood, California
[00:05:00] It's him because if you know what that guy could be doing moving to New York and doing open mics
[00:05:05] Yeah, it's true. It's true. Stay there. Stay there be fun be the funnest guy at that star bus
[00:05:12] The funnest guy in every office. I was sure win Williams. Oh, dude. I was the king of sure
[00:05:16] I've never been the funnest guy anywhere. I think that's why I'm dying of high blood pressure. Yeah, yeah
[00:05:21] I really do dude. I fucking I woke up the other morning and I
[00:05:25] Put on limp biscuit break. I went into the bathroom to piss
[00:05:29] I pulled my pants down and I farted but I farted and it sounded like like
[00:05:44] You punch your own ass and then well, yeah to fucking show his ass who's boss. He shoved a big ass
[00:05:49] I know I just knocked all amber shit off the
[00:05:54] On the floor upset. Mm-hmm. Anyways, welcome to the the leading socialist podcast
[00:05:59] On the left the most intellectual podcast that it certainly is is open for critical thinking
[00:06:09] That was like whether or not it's morally right
[00:06:12] To listen in a show that was like it was like a soup and it was like
[00:06:17] My turds were like meatballs and there's diarrhea
[00:06:21] It was the funniest shit. I've ever taken in my life. I'm not gonna lie to you guys. This is a fact
[00:06:27] I took six shits yesterday. Why I don't know is that part of Passover? Yeah, I have no idea
[00:06:40] I have no idea what is going on with my body right now. How many plagues were there 10 plagues? Yeah
[00:06:46] I've been drinking so much water that like
[00:06:50] Because like, you know blood pressure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
[00:06:53] Yeah, so I've been drinking a gallon of water and interestingly enough I can drink it a gallon of water in almost one sitting go wide
[00:07:01] And but it creates so much pressure in my abdomen
[00:07:04] That I had already shit for the day and I drank that gallon of water into rushing in the bathroom and it pushed all the extra
[00:07:10] Shit yep, my body and it's like I should be doing this all the time. No, it feels good
[00:07:13] I do that I've been starting the day with just chugging
[00:07:17] Almost the gallon of water and I do I have some nice
[00:07:20] Maybe I should maybe only problem is that I'm like dehydrated probably I think most people does yeah
[00:07:25] You drink a lot of coffee typically to I do drink a lot of coffee. Yeah, I stopped drinking coffee drink a lot of cum also
[00:07:31] Yeah, that's that's a lot of salty mayo salty. Oh, no, no, no, no, I've seen you
[00:07:37] Someone here moustache right now. No, you drink sure dude. I'm not drinking a lot of cum
[00:07:42] I wouldn't have high blood pressure if I was drinking no, no, no, you can stop anytime you stop drinking cum after regretfully fuck women
[00:07:49] Increase my blood pressure every time because that's what society doesn't feel right
[00:07:56] How much you know how much how hard your heart has to work to keep an erection. Oh, yeah having sex
[00:08:04] Oh, man, because I'm just taking this away from some twink right could be fucking beautiful twink who could be fucking her
[00:08:10] But you could be fucking him. Yeah, yeah, you know what I mean, right? Mm-hmm. That guiding him like Danny glo holding his ass cheeks
[00:08:33] They got angels in the asshole who's Danny Glover fucking Joseph Gordon Levitt. That's
[00:08:39] I can Danny Glover coaching someone through fucking was the other one like a rape. I think yeah
[00:08:44] Yeah, that was a joke we did when you were here. Yeah, it was really good. That sounded fun. Oh, yeah
[00:08:50] Oh, yeah, we had a lot of fun that week. Yeah, I heard
[00:08:56] Well, we had pretty good time a lot of lot of strangers have told me about it too. Yeah
[00:09:03] Yeah, I really just don't understand what the fuck is up with this shit though
[00:09:06] Because it's like I used to go to the doctor all the time and I was always having like serious issues
[00:09:10] My health was fucked up and there was never any issue with my vitals and like in the last couple months
[00:09:24] For that fact depression does you think that makes gives you high blood pressure? It also like
[00:09:29] I don't think I've read it. There's like good not evidence that constant stress like raises your basil blood pressure
[00:09:35] It's like when I'm chill. It should be fine. I mean basil. Yeah, you're like normal blood pressure. Oh, baby. Oh nice. I thought it was like
[00:09:44] Was the base like you're facing your face. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I was thinking like a beautiful Italian sauce a little basil in it
[00:09:50] Yeah, a little pest. What about your pesto blood pressure. Yeah, what about that? I don't know
[00:09:57] What about yours? It's big it's pretty good. It's the right level
[00:10:01] I do I would like some damn pest. I love a nice pesto. Yeah fresh basil is like
[00:10:07] Delectable the greatest thing in the world. It's beautiful. Mm-hmm. But what we're saying your basil blood pressure is gay or something
[00:10:13] Yeah, I don't know I stopped Karen already. Yeah, you're gonna die probably dude. No, you're not you'll be fine
[00:10:21] I don't fucking know. I'm not I'm on a healthy shit. So I who am I to tell you what to do?
[00:10:25] Yeah, you got the you got the bet better of the two situations
[00:10:28] We just have a tumor that they cut it out cut it out in two weeks. Yeah, it's gone
[00:10:32] By the way, I never know if we even said it because the episode that we that I said it you're gonna live
[00:10:37] Yeah, I'm gonna live by the way everyone stop strong stop strong. That was the power of prayer
[00:10:42] It was all prayer. Thank you so much. Yeah, thanks for the prayer now. We're moving on to making my dick grow
[00:10:47] So everyone pray for and pray send me videos if you praying well, I got you that fucking thing to hang weights on
[00:10:54] No, yeah, that's I've used the pump like I said
[00:10:58] Never in a sexual situation more solo dolo you did it with the water you did the proper way. I've not done water yet. No
[00:11:07] Why not or get a little bird feeder go to bird feeder
[00:11:10] Winslow my back. I've been taking a bath in years. I don't have a good bathtub
[00:11:13] I took a bath the other day to lower my blood pressure interesting your bathtub's kind of gross. It is gross
[00:11:20] But you take a hot bath it lowers the temporarily, but then my heart started racing and I felt dizzy and I had to get out
[00:11:26] Mm-hmm. That's no good brother. Yeah. No, some things are bad
[00:11:29] I woke up in the middle of my like heart pounding and like everything hurt
[00:11:40] Face it you're a weak-ass little bitch and you're trying to fucking overcome that and the world is smacking you back down
[00:11:46] We'll go to your frail last little body and live dude. I will you're too. I will destroy you be a frail bitch and live or be jacked and die
[00:11:54] You never get frail and he gets kind of chubby
[00:11:57] No, he gets kind of weirdly frail and chubby at the same. Yeah like weak weak. Yeah
[00:12:02] Yeah, I mean I was like that was when I was in Chinatown. That was a nice chunk of your eye
[00:12:06] I like yeah, that was a nice guy. I like that guy. I'm probably dealing with the consequences of that now
[00:12:12] Yeah, I felt like your shoulders were smaller back then. Yeah, of course they were maybe you'll have like a miso thiellioma lawsuit
[00:12:20] You know coming up. I'm like miso. Sorry. Oh, yes, you're the Chinese
[00:12:29] If you're experiencing lung cancer for making fun of Chinese people you may have miso salioma
[00:12:35] I'm trying to go to Chinatown eat some dumplings. Yeah, I'm trying to take a dumpling. You know nice
[00:12:53] You saw a little Chinese guy in your turds. That'd be pretty cute
[00:12:55] Yeah, I was laughing with somebody the other day about like a Korean wedding or whatever and like
[00:13:01] When they exchange vows the bride and groom they reach over each other's faces and open their eyes all the way at each other
[00:13:10] For the first time ever they've never seen each other's eyes
[00:13:13] And so they look into each other doesn't open them and then that's you know the ceremony
[00:13:23] It's a beautiful thing in Korean culture. Yeah, you've never you only allowed to look at your wife or her eyes
[00:13:28] Eyes all the way everyone else average dicksize South Korea
[00:13:32] Three and a half inch. No way swear to god. That's why Adam loves this Korean girl
[00:13:49] It's true that's why their eyes are so small because they're trying to see the day
[00:13:53] Where is it? Where's my dick? Does that mean they all have a little ass pussy? What's crazy?
[00:14:00] But yeah, it's crazy to think it's crazy to think that if it's three and a half inches
[00:14:04] That means half of them or are under that
[00:14:08] Which is insane. What if there's just like one guy with a point?
[00:14:15] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah the one Jewish Korean guy
[00:14:22] Saw him for missing out the number everybody
[00:14:28] There are plenty of Jews with large dick. No, they're easy. Yes, they're all
[00:14:32] Oh, I know because I not only am I good at my because I'm Jeremy
[00:14:37] I know I'm good at mine because I'm Korean but also because I'm Jewish so I would know but
[00:14:49] As the only Korean Jewish man the real I could tell you first
[00:14:59] It's just me and that's why the book book is real great
[00:15:03] Because they said the Korean Jewish man and all that man will figure out how to reap the stock market
[00:15:13] We're gonna we're gonna railroad this man on the railroad zettie built put him in the jail
[00:15:22] 47 48 how many who knows I know because I'm good at counting
[00:15:31] You're very welcome with the points you're zero one inch bigger
[00:15:40] Ladies and gentlemen of the jury allow me to remove the pants
[00:15:47] If one universe could man with a dick this small possibly commit that number of rinks
[00:15:56] I'm just a super country lawyer happens to be a Jewish Korean man who's also bill
[00:16:12] Is that my dick is too small to have committed that men to rape see
[00:16:21] What if Cosby that was Cosby's fancy pulls his cock
[00:16:28] What if his lawyers like bill you gotta chop your cock off
[00:16:35] Sometimes the man has to have principles. I won't cut my dick off
[00:16:39] I told I said Rudy get in here. I'm gonna tell you a story
[00:16:51] You see this is a letter from my lawyer saying they want me to cut off my dick. What am I going to do it? No, that's right because I'm a doctor
[00:17:07] Good stuff, man. That was free bill. I was trying to look up the other day whether breast reductions were a violation of the hypocritical
[00:17:16] This is women don't know sure. Yeah, mm-hmm. They're fun a bunch of gay doctors getting, you know spreading their agenda
[00:17:29] A bunch of guys at the titties smallening clinic
[00:17:32] It's like that scene from that scene from an decent proposal when Robert reference flying off in the helicopter
[00:17:39] Woody Harrelson's wife, but it's a doctor taking her to get her breast reduced to be here else is like no
[00:17:53] It's me would the arrows and do is Korean Southern lawyer still Cosby
[00:17:58] My dad when the doctor told me to get circumcised my dad asked me if the guy if he was Jewish
[00:18:07] Thinking that like it's like a Jewish conspiracy
[00:18:10] To get every man circumcised it is we want to make everyone sticks as small as ours. It's a little smaller
[00:18:17] Kid asked me that in middle school once
[00:18:20] It's like you're Jewish and I'm like yeah, he's like so you're the fucking dick
[00:18:24] I was like man that guy could have a very successful podcast
[00:18:34] Yeah, what's he up to yeah, he also said israel did 9-11. Oh, I accidentally told some girl
[00:18:40] She could be on the show. So she's gonna what girl who I don't know some girl in kelly or something what
[00:18:46] Yeah, I was after doing this Kirby thing. She was like so if I came to New York, I could be on the show. I was like yeah
[00:18:51] Kelly who I don't know is she funny? I'm not I think so. Oh, okay. You got a divorce or something
[00:18:58] SOTY gurby. Yeah, so you have to be divorced. It's some girl that's style of probably trying fuck. Yeah, probably
[00:19:04] Hey, I'm open to it. I'm the cocksman. Yeah, no cocks Wayne. He's a cocksman. What's the guy that says row?
[00:19:13] Yeah, oh, yeah, I would love to be a cocks Wayne. You're too big too big any little little guys
[00:19:18] Well, I'll be the first plus-size cocks. What's a boat swing? I don't know. Is that a different thing another naval term
[00:19:25] Navy's got cool words for people. Yeah, I want to be a petty chief. What's a petty chief? It's like a it's like a Jewish native american guy
[00:19:41] You can have one pop of the peace pipe, but don't go crazy
[00:19:56] Black people love that word petty petty. Yeah trifling
[00:20:07] Just a man out here looking for fungus. So if you could train to be the first human a trouble pick. Yeah
[00:20:13] Yeah, I also like truffles the dessert though. That's the thing about me
[00:20:17] That's a different thing about me. That's not even big. That's a completely different thing
[00:20:21] Yeah, but what I'm saying is I have range is a truffle pig because I can not only can I select them out
[00:20:26] The regular con but I'm also very open to eating a lot of chocolate truffles as well and
[00:20:32] Other kinds of dessert truffles. Yeah, do you remember those fair roshe?
[00:20:38] It was like some French molester. You know, you know who I want to be is whoever fucking was in the
[00:20:43] Cadbury everybody wants to be a Cadbury egg commercial
[00:20:47] For that everybody wants to be the Cadbury bunny and it's a cat with bunny here
[00:20:51] It's a commercial has been on for 30 years. Oh, yeah, I remember that guys getting mad residual. Yeah, yeah
[00:20:56] I'm talking every year 35 dollar check everything. Yeah, the deal he signed was like yeah scale for
[00:21:03] 1971 he had he ends agent there so we got a buyout on an immediate. I'm gonna be done with commercials
[00:21:10] What do you mean watching them? No, I'm getting cut out of them. Yes
[00:21:15] Do your commercial are you still with those?
[00:21:18] Technically, yeah, I don't think I probably will renew my contract
[00:21:22] But yeah, it's like the amount of money that I get compared to like how much bullshit I have to deal with from people
[00:21:28] Do do do yeah, it's just not worth it anymore. Yeah
[00:21:36] What's the next day HBO is blackish? Oh, yeah, yeah
[00:21:40] Walk on roll on that show. It'd be funny if they cast me on that show not knowing who I am
[00:21:46] It's ABC. I think yeah, it's ABC. Yeah, you're thinking of that girl. What's that stand for now another black channel?
[00:21:55] White supremacist does a reverse that Chris rocks on
[00:22:01] He's right and underpaid Negroes no blacks on the TV screen
[00:22:05] WB we black no, it's where the brothers. Oh the where the brothers we black we black
[00:22:17] Yeah, that was when you could complain about things and still be funny now
[00:22:20] You have one you could do one or the other you can either be a complainer or you can be a joke swing a joke swing
[00:22:27] Dude, I feel like my teeth my tooth is especially popping out today your fake might have to get a figure you're losing weight
[00:22:40] There is a big beef between two comedians on Twitter speaking of complaining and doing jokes
[00:22:44] I don't know if you guys saw that I don't I'm I
[00:22:48] Don't want to go into details, but okay, it was pretty funny to watch
[00:22:53] Watch that go down. I don't know what you're talking about. You know, I don't
[00:22:58] What was the subject all right? Well, Aaron Berg tweeted
[00:23:08] Our friends with Aaron, but it's like Aaron like Aaron's Aaron's one of the guys
[00:23:11] It's like you know like I got fucking taken out of that commercial just because of the name of the fuck
[00:23:15] Oh, yeah, he's like a spin just because of the name of the fucking podcast and then like I have friends that get in shit
[00:23:21] All the time and it's like they're just as offensive as I am. It's just as they're not as like, you know
[00:23:26] Yeah, yeah, yeah people that's not that visible and they don't have like this and
[00:23:31] And so I always wondered about that. It's like there's guys I look at it's like they just haven't dealt with the internet yet
[00:23:37] You know, they haven't like faced that and I guess he tweeted something about like I'm he's like I'm trans Muslim
[00:23:43] So I finally got like a writing job on SNL. Oh, I'm on late night or I understand the point that he's making
[00:23:49] You know, and it's valid and he's not wrong
[00:23:53] But I don't know I guess yeah like Ray Ray
[00:23:56] Sandy found it and she quoted tweeted it and then a bunch of people responded to it and then it was like, you know
[00:24:01] Yeah, that's a bad tweet. Yeah. Well, the thing is is like you have to understand that you can't be that guy on Twitter
[00:24:06] You know, you can't like yeah, yeah, that's who you are
[00:24:10] That's gonna fall like that's gonna fall on deaf ears in on Twitter at large, you know, yeah, right
[00:24:16] But also like I mean, I don't have to look at the tweet
[00:24:19] But it sounds like a dumb point on some level and I mean maybe even if he was making a good point. It's like
[00:24:24] Perks not exactly. He's not exactly treating things with nuance. Mm-hmm. You know what I'm saying?
[00:24:30] It was probably a just a bad opinion to have yeah, but who gives a shit, right?
[00:24:35] You know, yeah, but like the entertainment industry is filled with people pretending like they're not complaining and bitter and jealous of each other
[00:24:41] Right, right. I mean the most most people feel the way Aaron does and it's usually related their identity one way or the other
[00:24:47] It's not you know, oh, I didn't get it because I'm a white man
[00:24:50] There's plenty of people like oh I didn't get that because I'm black and the truth is it's like not even you didn't get it
[00:24:55] Cuz you're not talented. It's because there's no rhyme or reason to any of this most of the jobs are just sort of handed out at the last
[00:25:00] Minute because you know rooms need to get filled or whatever
[00:25:04] There's too much money in entertainment and we'll just continue to keep making bad shows and one of them will be good a year
[00:25:09] And you know who gets those jobs? Who knows that you know doesn't really matter like it's so chaotic that like it's all these
[00:25:17] conflicting people with egos and jealousy issues or whatever so
[00:25:21] Analyzing whether or not it's fair that look on your face
[00:25:33] Well you were trying to fight yeah a whole turn almost popped out of my ass and I apologize if you shoot your pants
[00:25:40] We'd have to keep potting to understand we'd put that out. I get it man. Yeah. Yeah. We got 40 minutes
[00:25:46] Dude get it brother. I got some clothes pins anyway. Yeah, Nick. You're right about show business right on the money with the time
[00:25:52] How did you know that cuz you know I have an internal clock? Yeah made that of gold. Yeah
[00:26:00] It's made out of gold that was confiscated
[00:26:03] My only point is that I don't care but also Twitter should they analyze whether who's in the right or wrong in that situation
[00:26:08] It's just like Twitter is also funny to watch people get yelled at yeah
[00:26:13] Sure Twitter is like a oh dude imagine sort of cut you off
[00:26:17] But imagine like those people who they're yelling at Burke going through his like backlog
[00:26:27] Yeah, Twitter is also like predicated on like people just looking for the worst takes possible even if it's not even a
[00:26:32] Person with any power just a no name, right?
[00:26:35] You know someone that Nick, I'm sure most of the people didn't know who Aaron Burke is but yeah, they were like
[00:26:40] Oh that we can all you know virtue signal and drag and whatever yeah
[00:26:45] And then it all ties back into the like you know
[00:26:48] It's stupid Roxanne gay bullshit of like oh I saw the oh bro the new Roseanne's funny
[00:26:53] I won't be watching it and it's like first of all that's retarded that you think watching or not watching a sitcom reboot
[00:27:00] Is any kind of like political activism?
[00:27:02] Mm-hmm, but beyond that it's like being published in the New York Times
[00:27:06] And people are like this is critical thought this is meaningful and it's like
[00:27:14] Or if you think it's funny watch what the fuck does it matter?
[00:27:19] It's not gonna have any impact the most part voting doesn't you know and then you think like oh well if I don't watch
[00:27:25] Roseanne what is gonna happen if I don't watch Roseanne enough people will follow my example
[00:27:30] And so we'll get canceled and then all the people that voted for Donald Trump because they won't have this one TV show that sort of
[00:27:37] portrays them and like I don't know a funny light
[00:27:40] I don't like even know it's not like the show is like Trump's good
[00:27:43] It's just Roseanne voted for Trump on the show right you know because they won't have that then
[00:27:50] Retroactively Hillary Clinton will be present. Yeah, yeah, what like what also it's not Roxanne gays not
[00:27:55] That's not the kind of person that's watching this shit anyway
[00:27:58] Yeah, it is the people it like it is Trump
[00:28:01] Voters and watch the shit. It's like you telling your friends not to watch Roseanne none of your friends watch that shit anyway
[00:28:07] Yeah, I don't fucking get it. It's not I
[00:28:09] Don't know but also isn't Roseanne just kind of a fucking idiot like she's sort of yeah
[00:28:14] She's sort of kind of crazy in real life, but who cares?
[00:28:17] Who gives a shit who really who cares? I know I didn't know I was gonna watch it
[00:28:22] Yeah, she's kind of horrible fucking it's the inverse of being like you know
[00:28:25] Well, if we say Beyonce enough Hillary will win
[00:28:30] Element of pop culture then Hillary will win it's obviously that was fucking stupid now
[00:28:34] That's the right answer and it's like okay. Well, maybe oh
[00:28:38] That was the problem is that we didn't denigrate
[00:28:42] Things they like enough instead of propping up the things we like and it's like this is it's the same kind of retarded bullshit
[00:28:53] So we're are we watching Roseanne? I watch the new one. I didn't think it was very good
[00:28:58] I didn't watch it. No, they tried to like jam in
[00:29:01] I mean, it's parts of it were okay, but it was like this could have been like nine different
[00:29:05] I just watched the first episode at one point Becky just walks in she's like guys
[00:29:09] I did it I decided to be a surrogate mother and then like Dan, you know, it's like throwing shit around
[00:29:14] We need to talk about this and they're like well, we got to do it in the next 30 seconds
[00:29:19] 22 minute episode and we already introduced the DJ has a black daughter so
[00:29:25] DJ Wow, yeah, I don't get why he fucking is the guy from Big Bang in it Sheldon
[00:29:31] Young Sheldon's in yeah young Sheldon's wasn't that guy? No wasn't isn't one of the Big Bang Theory guys from Roseanne?
[00:29:37] I don't know. I don't want to speak back theory. I think he is big bang theory is funny. I think David David
[00:29:43] My name is there a portrayal of autistic people is not realistic. Yeah
[00:29:48] I know it's cultural appropriation. No, it's that I tell you why it's because a big bang theory is the reason that
[00:29:58] I was gonna try and come up with some sort of viewer poll for the best Yu-Gi-Oh characters
[00:30:07] But I was white dragon. That's a Yu-Gi-Oh is it?
[00:30:12] Mm-hmm. I don't remember you don't remember blue eyes white dragon. No, you got blue blue ball small dick
[00:30:19] That's barely this that's barely a take off of blue
[00:30:25] Blue blue balls white asshole, that's better. Yeah, that's not that why you're that character. I don't think my assholes that wide
[00:30:33] Adam you measure with your tongue your ass. Yeah, I don't know
[00:30:38] Yeah, no, I do use my my nose as a measure
[00:30:48] I want to be the very best. Does you go have the same theme song as Pokemon? No
[00:30:55] They should all just have the same song
[00:30:57] G-mon digital monsters remember that one. No. Yeah, that was the did you mind? I remember did you mind the hand-held the keychain?
[00:31:05] It was like Tomogachi for boys. Where you can make a really that was did you mom's? Yeah, right? Oh, yeah, you're right
[00:31:10] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that was fun. You could make them fun
[00:31:15] Yeah, yeah, but then you shit with dying of a start over with a an eggs also your eggs. Yeah. Yeah, cool
[00:31:22] Yeah, we should get back into that guys back into did you money think before you guys turned 30?
[00:31:28] That's right. You're turning 31 in like two weeks on yeah, damn you're an old bitch, dude. That's so stupid
[00:31:35] 31 years. I'm not gonna celebrate. Yeah, come on. Yes, you are
[00:31:39] Well, maybe we'll do something at funny moms. We'll we'll fuck you on the stage. Yeah, you guys can have sex with me
[00:31:45] Oh, yeah before your fans down and fuck your ass. You think that's a good
[00:31:50] Yeah, it is really I do feel kind of no we gotta do something pathetic for being 31
[00:31:55] I would like to go to batting cages. We've talked about this
[00:31:59] Really I would love to go fucking hit some balls. Yeah, let's do it feels great or a driving range
[00:32:04] I just I would rather go I'd rather go batting be jacked before I'm 30. I want to make sure I get to that
[00:32:11] I mean like strong fucking jacked like what do you mean disgusting like 15 pounds heavier?
[00:32:17] Just do steroids at like at like five percent body. Oh cool. Yeah, do that steroids will be great for your blood pressure
[00:32:23] Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean I wouldn't care if I died of a heart attack like rich peon
[00:32:29] I sort of nailed it, you know, I saw you want to look at how you want to die. Yeah, yeah, exactly
[00:32:33] Getting your fucking haircut by your like Botox filled girlfriend. Oh, yeah, there's just just swollen
[00:32:40] Beast ain't girlfriend fuck. Yeah, you can't tell her face looks like that woman that was hauled by that chimp
[00:32:48] But then that woman just not have a face she doesn't have a face that's fucked up does she have a mouth
[00:32:52] That's what you get for having a pet chimp. You fucking idiot. I agree dude. Yeah Travis
[00:32:58] Is that her name? Was that the chimps name? No, that's a stupid ass name for a chip. Yeah, I'm a champ
[00:33:10] Michael Jackson a chimp. Yeah bubbles. Yeah, that's a few different clowns name. Yeah, it is
[00:33:16] We're gonna disrespect the chimpanzee like that. I
[00:33:20] Do you think he's innocent? I'm gonna name him noodle shut up. I do he's definitely tasted a little boy's dude
[00:33:26] I think Joe video I think Joe Jackson video of him holding hands with like a an eight-year-old
[00:33:31] McCauley Culkin and like running around in the field and like spinning around like looking back at him
[00:33:36] Hey, no, you're I mean the reason he is the brain of a child
[00:33:40] The reason people say that he's not like an abuser is because he probably made the kids fuck him
[00:33:49] Made children molest him. I do think that
[00:33:52] Which is shut up, which is as nice as you can get in Hollywood
[00:33:56] Listen by the way if you were to be molested by any child molesture. It's Michael Jackson
[00:34:01] He's the best one you want to be just one you want a fucking amusement park in his back. Yeah, it's a great time
[00:34:06] You're having fucking funnel cake. Fuck it. You're having you can barely taste the wine and giraffe in the juice Jesus juice
[00:34:12] Yeah, dude, I just happen to think that Joe Jackson probably chemically castrated him when he was a kid
[00:34:19] No, well, then he got fucked in the ass by little kids Italy used to do that in the castratus
[00:34:23] The castratus members of society and Michael Jackson was the king of the fuck because shot is confused
[00:34:28] They were they were sex symbols eight plus what yeah, cuz women like they would fuck men and women and everybody loved them
[00:34:38] Smooth bodies and women like you know women are dumb so back then they're like, oh, you know what I like a guy that has like an alien
[00:34:44] Little less than a tiny dick. Yeah, there's no consistency where as men. It's always the same thing power and rape
[00:34:54] Mm-hmm. You know and shove enough fucking a
[00:34:57] Cutlass into somebody's mouth. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's rape to you. That's part of every time you rape
[00:35:03] Yeah, get a blunder bus to this fucking dome
[00:35:06] I know those are the necessarily the top two things. Yeah, man wants. Yeah bitch. I'm the marquee
[00:35:14] Just a marquee raping the marquee. Yeah, marquee's raped
[00:35:21] The mercury and what did they do? What did the Marquis do?
[00:35:24] I don't know they wrote around and their carriages and ran over poor children and two quarters at their bodies and more like
[00:35:29] Make-up and yeah, and powdered wigs powdered wigs. I did have a beautiful singing voices of child
[00:35:34] Maybe I could have been a castrato. Were you a good singer now? I cannot sing now. I tried to watch your voice bro
[00:35:42] Yeah, yeah, I would days is great movie. Yeah, I love that
[00:35:46] Oh, but he's like got all that weird makeup on he's playing his own song guys
[00:35:51] I got another song and then he plays like I
[00:35:53] Don't know some mo's Yankee doodle shit. Yeah, and the guys like oh, I know that one. He's like yeah, that's not mine
[00:35:59] Yeah, when he's like how about this one, you know, he's like
[00:36:07] Billy Joel is the modern-day musler yeah, I would love a recut
[00:36:12] I said you guys those drawings that his daughter makes the fun Instagram. Yeah, she's like first of all
[00:36:17] You copied following her for me. So that is true. That was kind of she's really hot. That was my really not you copied
[00:36:23] She's got a lot of fuck. Oh, I sent you those guys those drawings that I found you didn't find the drawings
[00:36:29] I found the drawings. No, I saw them already. I follow her on fucking Instagram you idiot
[00:36:34] I had seen those already you can't send me something that you know
[00:36:37] I do think it's messed up that anyone else follows her on Instagram besides Nick. Yeah
[00:36:43] I mean you can't you in particular you're copying me it is
[00:36:47] I just found out that Alexa Joel was hot
[00:36:49] So I call her on Instagram copy your shit, dude. Yeah, you do all the time all the time dude. No, never you
[00:36:57] Getting buff getting ripped. Yeah, crossfit. I can't boot you
[00:37:03] Instagram follows that having a girlfriend my nice your grandfather's
[00:37:07] Julie events that's I have not I don't yeah, I think I'll be that one because I'm not attracted to a
[00:37:12] Woman's head on a man's body. She's not have a man's body
[00:37:17] She does have kind of the closest woman's body to a man's body smooth. Yeah, but it's just like a hairy chest
[00:37:25] I would fuck her so hard. Yeah, man. I used to be it used to be a joke but more and more every time she posts
[00:37:31] It's like goddamn because she's a freak. Yeah, she's a freak of nature. It's hot
[00:37:35] You're into like I was watching carnival
[00:37:43] Blog okay, I have to go to lunch and in sport
[00:37:48] That's right you want that fucking green card
[00:37:50] No, actually I like living in Russia. Oh, well then I got nothing off of you then. I'm sorry
[00:37:58] Yeah, no, thanks for Julia Vins randalin. I don't care for anymore. Yeah, I was never
[00:38:05] Off randalin. Yeah, I haven't followed randal in a while
[00:38:09] Yeah, I don't know. I don't do you have any do you have any signature follows Instagram follows Gilbert arenas
[00:38:15] I start check by a little gun. Yes a small gun. I wouldn't load it
[00:38:20] But I would point it at him during the show that'd be fun. Yeah, that'd be fun
[00:38:29] Directly with your fucking head right between my eyes. Yeah, that's what your gun play brain
[00:38:34] I was talking about this the other day. Why like why would sex do they like add the word play to things like?
[00:38:40] Oh, you're into like you know foot play
[00:38:42] What else you call foot fucking gunny station? Yeah, fucking that's way better play plays like way you can say it on TV
[00:38:48] It's disgusting among polite to sorry. It's more disgusting sounding than fuck you couldn't say yeah, you know gun fucking sleep play, you know
[00:39:00] Yeah, I'm off on anti consent play. Yeah, I'm really to consent play
[00:39:13] With all this actual assault stuff is like it's hard to like acknowledge that or talk about it
[00:39:17] There's a lot of people that are just into it rape rape. Yeah rape play. Yeah, that's weird thing
[00:39:22] That used to be and you don't hear from about I think it's still out there
[00:39:25] Yeah, people really into getting fucking tied up and shit and like being treated that shit so boring and dumb to me
[00:39:31] I actually resent fucking I don't like doing it
[00:39:36] Yeah, then uh, I just suck on some titties eat some pussy right exactly go wild. You don't need to go crazy
[00:39:42] Yeah, you know all he puts you on all fours on a special occasion. Oh, that's great from behind. Yeah. Yeah
[00:39:47] Oh, I love that. That's my favorite thing is like an apple in your mouth
[00:39:50] Yeah, you just lay down in the bed of lettuce
[00:40:02] No, so I'm into some real kick go ahead and glaze me
[00:40:05] I need a nice honey glaze before I eat this pussy on the floor. So I've wears grass skirts and coconut bras
[00:40:10] That's right before you fuck. Mm-hmm. Can we get surgically have a little squeaky little tail put on your body?
[00:40:16] You for your gay Instagram account a game's room coconut bra
[00:40:24] Why not why I could be the pig yeah, I do a whole new out scene Wow you can like photo show in the back of like a mowery warrior
[00:40:37] Yeah, we're supposed to respect that yeah, they do that in the Wow
[00:40:53] I think it's cool. I think it's I think all Corey
[00:40:57] I think you say me to the show this type of culture awesome or stupid
[00:41:07] They have barbed didn't didn't it's hard to pretend to have these dumb opinions
[00:41:12] They just keep going you know Nick you're an incredibly refined gentleman real life. Yeah, we're a top hat
[00:41:18] Yeah, it's true Monica. I got a pineapple under there. Oh really? Yeah, I have some just a pineapple on deck
[00:41:25] Like anytime you make my friends come taste better
[00:41:31] That's so nice of you the gentleman of these Sussex
[00:41:35] Oh, all right then boys who's strong a mic day come taste better like oh, he's a gentleman
[00:41:43] He's brought his magical pineapple for us to suck on under his top hat and my god Jimmy's fat better
[00:41:51] That's good. Yeah, it's like a willy walker for grown-ups. Oh, yeah
[00:41:59] Yep, everyone's allowed into the walker in the cum factory
[00:42:04] And the tasty cum yeah, and you go into the factory y'all fucking beloopa
[00:42:08] Willy Wonka in the dick sucking factory. Mm-hmm now little boys and girls as long as you stay on the path of the tour
[00:42:14] Nothing will go wrong if you suck any of these dicks before I say you didn't for grave danger
[00:42:35] What did it happen to Augustus he went in the river over a phone to river the other girl turns into a big ball
[00:42:41] Yeah, a ball of cum big hairy ball. Yeah, not a testicle Harry kind of ball
[00:43:18] One of my trans friends and I was thinking about it like you don't actually have you just have people that you pay to have sex with
[00:43:25] Friends your client. Yeah, you're there
[00:43:27] My friend isn't somebody whose own name is just in your phone is back page Stacy
[00:43:37] I think all that shit is down now by the way. Yeah. Oh you think you don't know firsthand. No, I don't I have a girlfriend
[00:43:44] I don't have to solicit prostitutes anymore. Oh, I don't know about that man. We caught you found me in Nick
[00:43:50] We're fucking prostitutes together. Yeah, who's what me and Nick do is we hold hands and we fuck a prostitute. Yeah, I would love to do that
[00:43:57] Would you yeah, that'd be fun. I like going to laser tag
[00:44:03] Me and George my old roommate used to joke about
[00:44:06] Holding hands while and looking at each other's eyes while two women sucked our dicks
[00:44:10] You'd be cool. That would be the way we have gay set even though we're not attracted to each other
[00:44:13] That's kind of us having sex you know what I want for my dick. That'd be cool
[00:44:20] I get like a scope to put on the top of my oh cool. Yeah, a little laser like pointer thing
[00:44:26] Yeah, I'm laser and a four-grip and a scope. Oh, yeah
[00:44:31] And then you just keep saying like tactical Delta
[00:44:34] I'll always be worth it to get back on Tinder just to do shit like that. Uh-huh prepared to be pussy tactically murder
[00:44:50] Yeah, I want to be a member of fuck team five. Yeah, you guys know that porno. Yeah, I remember that
[00:44:55] You know West Coast Burener is in one of those videos shut up. Yeah, the kid Jonathan Daniel Brown. Yeah
[00:45:00] Yeah, yeah, yeah from project X. I was hoping it was actually I watched that point what a weird career path to go from
[00:45:08] Weird porn child to failed super bad guy. Yeah to fan of Chappo
[00:45:14] Is that what you mean I know yeah, yeah, I mean I bet they don't him West Coast Burener. Oh, yeah
[00:45:20] Is he all is he autistic David Eisenberg of the West David came through funny mom's a shot
[00:45:24] I don't know to David. We're in the damn Carmelo Anthony, Jersey. Yeah. Yeah, the two X fresh with wearing that with a great story about how he got
[00:45:35] I love when people do that they tell you a story and the story is I bought something
[00:45:39] Yeah, yeah, they're like so get this I go to a store
[00:45:43] Really a place where you purchase things that's insane. It'd be cooler if you found it somewhere unexpected
[00:45:50] You know he got out of flea market. It's out of like that's pretty cool
[00:46:00] Was I this fucking talk about oh what about a song about?
[00:46:05] Being gay, but it's a chart shot slide. Mm-hmm
[00:46:08] So dick want everybody fuck my ass everybody suck my dick. Yeah, he's bent over getting fucked in the ass boom shuck a lot
[00:46:23] A lot of my sex cuz we're all people man. We all have flaws
[00:46:29] The last set at the standing room on a Friday night you're doing 10 minutes. Oh, yeah, you're gonna really just make these people think
[00:46:36] It's like also Ian you're stupid is your dumb
[00:46:48] Such thing is a smart comedian right we're all stupid. Yeah, it's so it's so funny that we exist in the world
[00:46:54] We're mean you or smart. It's unbelievable. We're stupid as shit. I'm statistically one of the dumbest people. I know
[00:47:00] Yeah, yeah, yes, absolutely. We're fucking dumb as hell. Yeah, and it's just like I don't you only hang out with other
[00:47:08] Comedians that are and so like comedians are like oh that guy's smart. It's like no he just knows how to read
[00:47:15] I don't even read anyone used to read. Yeah
[00:47:18] Yeah, people are fucking so yeah, what a stupid but yeah Ian is best to summarize though Ian especially is
[00:47:24] Rather very stupid. Yeah, yeah, but he's adorable
[00:47:27] Mm-hmm. Let me talk. But he's adorable in an ugly way. I saw he got monarchs. Oh
[00:47:33] That's just yeah, that's his look his new look is Nike monarchs everybody fuck my ass
[00:47:48] So dick to the black what's a nice what's annihilation?
[00:47:52] It's a movie. Yeah, it's like it's like girls like it's like a like a girl commando unit goes into this like
[00:48:01] Sort of magical forest where I think aliens are killing people. I think Natalie poormen's and I haven't seen
[00:48:08] I saw the trailer. I didn't see it. I'm thinking I might go to a
[00:48:13] View a film tonight. Yeah, oh I wanted it. She name. Oh
[00:48:17] Oh, I was in isolation. I wish I was it I was I was an Italian man
[00:48:23] You know you could be some some nice suited tiny mustache Italian
[00:48:27] There's a real there's a real diversity of Italian men, you know you got southern Italian
[00:48:32] You know you got your northern Italian. There's two two kinds and then okay. What are those like? I?
[00:48:39] Think I think southern Italians are more like
[00:48:43] Gweedy okay, what about northern northern are like don't have as much tomatoes in their food
[00:48:50] Okay, a lot more butter base. I think that I think northern is your
[00:48:58] Yeah, I think that's the difference anyway, you could be an Italian man
[00:49:02] You're loot you got a little mustache already just get suits in a little hat. Yeah, it'd be nice nice life to live
[00:49:07] Like in Italy. Yeah. Yeah drink small espresso cups. Yeah, that'd be nice. Yeah, let me cool
[00:49:16] Mm-hmm. Yeah white suits you have the hat the Panama. I do have the Panama hat
[00:49:22] I do have that tan suit. I got a target for that's right. Yeah, but that was when you're fat
[00:49:26] I wore that to yeah, I mean it's so funny how much funny you are when you're fat
[00:49:31] That video you said I was in that tan suit was very funny. Yeah, just put that suit on you pretend to be of James Bond
[00:49:40] You weren't a fat guy by the way. I was pretty fat. You're a thick in America. That's a regular guy, man
[00:49:47] Yeah, yeah, you know, I mean I was literally 40 pounds heavier than I am. Yeah, but you look weird now
[00:49:52] You're all jacked and shit. No, I look I look I mean I look like shit, but in a couple months. I'll look pretty good
[00:49:59] Oh, God damn you're gonna kill yourself. You can get a heart attack dude. Just trying to get abs. Yeah, I had abs
[00:50:06] I know I'm kind almost out now as an as penance for losing them. You got a heart attack. That's true
[00:50:13] You have overhead lighting it'll look like you have a upside thing. Yeah in dressing rooms. I have apps. Yeah
[00:50:21] Nobody gives a shit about dressing room apps well, not if that's where you're taking your abs self
[00:50:28] Like we were both fat children and it just affected us such different ways. Yeah, I'll never work that hard to have a good body
[00:50:34] I was just so you can tell you can care about stop trying to feel fat valor. I was trying to make everything about you
[00:50:40] No, I was also a chubby. I was just no no everything is about
[00:50:48] I was looking at my actually I was looking at my bar mitzvah pics my my parents didn't buy me a suit
[00:50:55] Close from my bar mitzvah from South Africa. I looked like Nelson made a coffee
[00:51:04] Gray button-up shirt button to the top button fuck and like baggy ass black dress pants
[00:51:09] Yeah, and I just looked like a black dude leaving church. Yeah, that rocks
[00:51:15] Yeah, it was it was a really funny look and I was like fat. It was I don't know you weren't that fat
[00:51:20] Oh, this is one and this isn't my song, but I don't know is it a Stevie Wonder song the one that like the wild-bought west song is based off
[00:51:27] Yes, it is. Yeah, I don't know the name of that Stevie Wonder song
[00:51:30] But I was driving with my friend Matt and this was
[00:51:33] 10 years ago nice, but he thought could made me laugh so Harvard talking about Richard gear and yeah
[00:51:41] Put a tube in my ass put a mouse in then pull the tube out
[00:51:45] Yeah, that's like fit perfectly that song was playing on the
[00:51:50] Put a mouse in then pull the tube out. Yeah, yeah, that describes how I mean like that
[00:51:55] That's like to have an oh, you don't just go in raw a durable you have to have a tube first
[00:52:00] Oh, yeah, how it works. Put it in a paper towel roll which we talked about on the other show and that's where it's from
[00:52:05] Oh, okay. It's from that version of the I learned that at the Richard year museum. Oh, yeah, I went in there's a whole exhibit
[00:52:11] Oh, yeah, yeah, that's that's a joke. I made people people told me was a hack joke
[00:52:20] Richard gear museum shirts, which I'm trying to work on is just I can't come up with like I've been trying
[00:52:25] I've been fucking around with like a design. I think it's funny and then also
[00:52:28] I'll probably because I've been looking at like I saw some people in Boston that showed up where
[00:52:33] Andres shirts that were from the Shopify store and I kind of they look different
[00:52:39] Yeah, it's like I don't really like the print quality. Nobody's complained
[00:52:42] But I might just do the Richard gear museum shirts is like special run only for the patron subscribers and do like my own inventory on those
[00:52:50] Would you say oh if you're a patron subscribe? You have the option to buy it. Yeah, and then then just not and then don't do it through chon
[00:52:56] Incentafries. Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, right. So if you're wondering about the Richard gear museum shirts
[00:53:03] I would love it if Richard gear was like overly litigious and we had no idea. We thought he was the Buddhist
[00:53:09] And then he just like sues our asses and takes down this whole enterprise and then we're free
[00:53:13] We should do a Disney and we got we could all move to San Francisco
[00:53:16] I was I was at a heart attack yesterday. I thought I was getting sued by iHeartRadio
[00:53:21] For what for what a legal notice from them addressed to my company
[00:53:24] But I guess I worked for them and I forgot about it and they're filing for bankruptcy
[00:53:28] iHeartRadio is yeah if you ever work for a company and they file for bankruptcy
[00:53:31] They have to send like legal notice everybody that's ever worked for them. Oh, no way
[00:53:35] And I'll let them know that like if they owe you money or whatever. You're not gonna get it
[00:53:40] Isn't that just every radio station? Isn't that iHeartRadio? How are they going out of it?
[00:53:44] Yeah, they own like yeah in every major market. I feel like they don't want blam
[00:53:50] The the best thing i heard radio with charlie was pretending to shoot Adam in the face
[00:53:58] I mean, shawky bronzellino. Yeah, this is my new movie jewish
[00:54:17] Yeah, it was yeah. Oh wasn't yeah in death wish yeah nice and that's why i get a kill a little
[00:54:23] Of it so you're admitting i look like jeff goldblum you look like the man that raped my wife
[00:54:29] A lot of women want to fuck that guy, so well, they look like jeff goldman till a fly
[00:54:33] Then when you get a 25 get a bit in your skill
[00:54:37] You look the fly halfway that when i put a tiny bullet hole in your head and then fuck it
[00:54:42] You gonna fucking chuck i'm gonna shoot you in the head and then i'm gonna fuck the hole because i gotta fuck wish
[00:54:55] He finds out that he raped his daughter. Oh, just like the sounds of traffic man hat in 1977
[00:55:02] There's a whole city out there just willing to get fucked
[00:55:09] I love when you want to remind the citizens of this great city that fuck vigilante ism is not acceptable
[00:55:16] The fuck vigilante is struck again and we will find this man and bring him to justice
[00:55:23] Fuck dude. I had too many fucking slices. I got my goal. Oh, yeah, I got I got you guys nitrated up before the show
[00:55:30] Oh, whatever. We got ten minutes left. All right here. We go. I'm stretching. I'm getting limber
[00:55:36] I mean, what else is going on? Well, something used partner. Yes, the russia crisis is heating up
[00:55:42] Oh, yeah, trump's gonna now be mad at them
[00:55:45] Oh, is he john bolton is like doesn't like them?
[00:55:47] I don't fucking i think we're gonna be going to like war there's gonna be bombs dropping and then fucking liberals are still gonna
[00:55:53] Be like this is just a plan to make donald trump look good
[00:55:56] You think I saw it as one award though. He might try and do a nine a ran
[00:56:03] It'll be hilarious if he tries to a nine eleven. Well, he said that too
[00:56:05] He didn't like the wolf say that the fire and fury book is that he's like bummed
[00:56:09] He didn't have a nine eleven in his first year. I think he's gonna try and fake one is what i'm saying. Yeah
[00:56:14] Oh false flag. He's gonna george w bush it. He's gonna try to wag that dog
[00:56:19] Yes, what was that movie about robert de Niro like they make a fake
[00:56:31] We were talking this before the show that it's not enough to just have a dog you get a fucking
[00:56:39] Without allowed cops to have consensual sex with people while they were uh being
[00:56:47] It's just some like sovereign citizen getting fucked in the ass. Am I being detained?
[00:56:57] Keep fucking my ass but answer the question
[00:57:00] Those videos are so funny. It's just like a guy with like
[00:57:03] Nine cameras in his car pulling up to a border patrol
[00:57:07] Not rolling the window down until they shatter all the windows
[00:57:11] Like beat him to death on the sidewalk and he's like see
[00:57:14] Yeah, I agree I guess you proved a point. Yeah to the other guys on the alex jones reddit
[00:57:21] Man, that is wild that that was the law though, dude
[00:57:24] Yeah, there's a we did talk about it before but it's like you couldn't be any you couldn't do any other job
[00:57:29] And fuck someone while you're at work. You couldn't work at a deli or target. Just be like i'm gonna go fuck
[00:57:34] Well, obviously you're not the coolest guy at target. That's right. Also that guy you worked with
[00:57:47] Must childish pick up. What do you say? He's like you like went up to a lady. He told me this so I don't know
[00:57:53] I mean again because I'm still incredulous. I don't believe that this guy could have like fucked women in the fucking generator room
[00:58:01] Something I'm super by yeah, it's like five foot three Bolivian
[00:58:05] That is so funny. Yeah, but I mean it was verified by this guy Kevin who I worked with is like yeah
[00:58:14] He came out one time and asked me if I wanted to fuck her and it's like man. I got a wife, you know, it's wild
[00:58:22] Yeah, what was this pick up on the way said he went up to like some white lady's like oh you're looking for milk
[00:58:27] He's like maybe the chocolate milk is better
[00:58:31] Yeah, and she got a move you know. Yeah, she got wet as hell
[00:58:35] She got wet. She he wetted her up. We said clean up clean up on aisle one
[00:58:54] But it's a slipping slide and at the end of the slipping slide is just a middle-aged wet ass. Oh, yeah
[00:59:00] You just slide all the way right our fit there sounds great to me. Yeah, yeah
[00:59:03] Full put your whole body in that sounds hot. Yeah, mm-hmm. Sliding first
[00:59:08] You've seen that we've talked about it before the point the bald guy porn
[00:59:12] You put the guy putting his head in the post. I actually have not oh, yeah, I remember that
[00:59:15] I was yeah, it's weird. I was just thinking about that yesterday. Were you yeah because it was something I remember seeing when I was like 14
[00:59:21] Yeah, yeah, I was like an early internet. I looked up. I remember being like damn. She was that
[00:59:33] That was like it was that an e-fucked video. Yeah, it was wasn't then I feel like I should have seen it fucked was hilarious
[00:59:38] I was an e-fucked stand. I looked up street fighter porn because Pete my roommate because chunley was starting watching street
[00:59:46] We started playing street fighter and I got to say
[00:59:48] They said they're street fighter. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Should I get into it? I don't know PlayStation
[00:59:53] It was on well, I have it on PlayStation. I'm not good at anything, but I'm not good at it either
[00:59:56] But I always wanted to be one of the guys that likes street fighter
[01:00:01] Attainable you ever play. Yeah, I just buddy man. No, you just get your fucking shit fucked up immediately. Yeah. Yeah, I'm fighting games
[01:00:08] It's so hard. Yeah, I used to play Marvel versus cap. Shut up
[01:00:19] Anyway, I play Marvel versus cap not a lot. Oh, yeah, they got me good
[01:00:28] Um, he's uh, you remember that sims his episode where Homer and Skinner sharing that hotel room for some reason
[01:00:34] Yeah, yeah, yeah, and then uh Skinner's like cleaning up and he's like wearing like the french maid outfit
[01:00:39] And how much is making a mess on the bed? Yes. Yes. Yeah
[01:00:43] He's like, huh. We're kind of like the original odd couple. You're the mess you want and I'm then Homer's like shut up
[01:00:53] I remember the joke is so good. Yeah, I just watched the one where Homer gets his hair gets hair
[01:00:59] He like falsifies like uh an insurance. Oh, yeah, Homer's assistant. Yeah. Yeah, he's Harvey fires in his car
[01:01:05] That's a great early episode. That is an incredible
[01:01:08] That season two and it's early. It's like season three. I think yeah, it was so fucking weird whether they they're like drawn differently
[01:01:15] Yeah, yeah, it's also the show wasn't really good until season three right with season one
[01:01:20] That was after he was on Tracy oleman or whatever. Yeah. Yeah, this one was on fox
[01:01:26] Yeah, that's a good ass episode for some reason my dad used to love Tracy oleman when I was a kid
[01:01:31] I just watch a fucker. Was she on HBO? No, she was British. I think yeah
[01:01:37] She was some big titties. I don't remember what she looked like. I don't remember. She looked like Ricky like nice
[01:01:42] Ricky like go Ricky go Ricky go Ricky go Ricky
[01:01:47] Go Ricky. I miss Ricky like dude. I know dude. This is this is an Ricky Lake podcast. Yeah, we've shouted her out like three episodes in a row
[01:01:55] That's my girl, dude. Yeah, I fuck with Ricky
[01:02:00] I loved I loved having a home responded with a couple gay guys carl
[01:02:05] Yeah, Homer is a fag hag carl and also uh when john waters is that
[01:02:11] The that's the Hawaiian shirt big fat party animal joke
[01:02:19] Somebody I posted a picture of my mustache somebody's like you look like gay john from the simpsons
[01:02:24] And it's like I loved it. She's the gay guy from the simpsons
[01:02:40] You do look like gay john from the simpsons. I want to look like gay john from the simpsons
[01:02:44] He used to get dick down in baltimore, baby. Yeah
[01:02:49] Yeah, he used to be good for himself. I'm sure he did. He's like the gay guy. He was hanging around
[01:02:55] He's like the cool the the number one. Yeah, I was always too scared to try and fuck him
[01:03:00] But you should have you should have dude. Thanks, man
[01:03:06] What do I just watched a british show where it was like uh or like the beginning of it
[01:03:10] It's on nefflex. It's just like old ass bitches with young people. Oh, yeah, I watch that too
[01:03:15] Yeah, yeah, yeah. I watched the great british suck off. Yeah, but no one was hot
[01:03:33] Cracking noblic posted by the gentleman of sausach
[01:03:36] It was it's always like a completely nude man with a top half of the pineapple underneath
[01:03:46] It's for me jit. Yeah, yeah, that show is
[01:03:49] Do you you didn't want make it through a whole episode right now fuck cuz no one was hot
[01:03:53] Everyone was really ugly. I mean it was fucking disgusting. So david is a 28 year old unemployed videos
[01:03:59] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah video guy. That's the funny part. Yeah, he was a gamer dude and margaret is a 68 year old with
[01:04:06] She was 69. She was 69. Yeah, she had big fake tears. She thought she was hot, but she had a fuck her face was fucked up
[01:04:16] And there's another yeah, we met on facebook
[01:04:19] He like messaged me and said she was trolling for common food. Yeah, she's like I want like a 22 year old
[01:04:25] Maybe 21 year old boy to live with me and and take care of me
[01:04:31] Yeah, dude. She was uh, she was nasty. She was gross brother. I don't know what you're talking about
[01:04:36] You should check in some real very bobbins, you know, mhm
[01:04:43] SBL adosius. What about maryin full and nut?
[01:04:54] Poppin and you just you just oh here. I am said to you
[01:04:58] Just want to see how you guys are doing
[01:05:02] That's a great character. Yeah, mary poppin just popping by uh just saying okay, only now. Yeah, that's good
[01:05:09] That's a good job. Thanks. Go. Thanks. I was congratulations. Hey guys
[01:05:13] Adams first and only good care. We should have a sound effect for that. We should have a sound but uh, bye
[01:05:36] How do you feel about john cena balls of steel how do you feel about john cena playing duke nukem? Oh is he that's what I saw on
[01:05:45] You should I've been clicking. I'm clicking on every like facebook like I'm here to suck dick and chew bubble gum
[01:05:54] Plenty of gum, but I still want to suck dick. I'll rip off your head and shit down your neck
[01:06:06] I'm gay. I was I told j floor. I fucked one of those monster blake midget sounds like gay duke nukem
[01:06:11] You guys want to play cotan? Yeah, yeah, it's true. If you guys want to come over and play cotan later, that'll be great
[01:06:22] I've got balls of steel. It's so funny that blake is just a
[01:06:26] crack addict that likes the hollin oats and you know
[01:06:30] Making brunch that I'm like friends with from playing board games
[01:06:34] But there's other people he was in like a pretty successful band he was yeah
[01:06:38] Like what in a band page 99 was like a relatively successful band they have like a songs on the radio and shit
[01:06:44] Uh, I don't know if they were on the radio. Maybe they were like touring. They were a pretty big touring band where they mettle or something
[01:06:51] No, it's like screamo, but yeah, you know, so there's those people that know blake is like that guy
[01:06:58] I I got his house to play fucking you know, I watch him play the south park rpg on his
[01:07:04] A roommates xbox. Is he still living in in that same spot? Will insbury? I don't know what he's doing. Yeah, you know
[01:07:11] We bring him up all the time. Yeah, he's a good dude. Like so areas. Yeah. Yeah, you know what?
[01:07:17] I'll say right now if I chose to smoke crack. I'd love to smoke crack like yeah
[01:07:21] Thinking about getting back into stand-up. We're never really into stand
[01:07:28] You're sort of just a drug addict at bartend
[01:07:35] Salute to a real one. Yeah, one of my teeth fell in half
[01:07:41] Yeah, yeah, my teeth fell in half the other week
[01:07:49] He's at this narrative of losing his dog and then getting his dog back doesn't he stand to inherit a lot of money or something
[01:07:55] Um, I don't know about that his mom's gonna die and I guess like the house will be liquidated and so probably get like yeah
[01:07:59] Pretty big chunk of money. Yeah, nice congrats for Tim. Yeah
[01:08:06] It's a lot of crack. It is a lot of crack. There's a lot of dogs being gotten back
[01:08:15] Yeah, like the judge is like fine. You've turned it around enough. You got the dog one weekend a month
[01:08:20] Right legal protective services. You take the toy away
[01:08:25] His dog's name is you a sarian too after the only book he's ever read what book is a catch 22
[01:08:31] I never read that bad boy. Yeah, it's a good book and a good movie. Hey, you know what? It's not a good book
[01:08:36] I liked it when I was in middle school. I fucking I you well. Here's why I hate catching people say it's funny
[01:08:41] Yes, the same reason I'll never read confederacy
[01:08:43] It is confederacy. It does is is hilarious and objectively stop really looks like the main character right now
[01:08:49] Okay, it's a book mother with the mustache you look a lot
[01:08:52] It's a book how the fuck do I look like a guy in a book bitch because he's on the cover of the book
[01:09:13] Oh, no, I'm thinking of a wrinkle in time. Yeah, um, how about this you guys said catch 22. What about suck 69?
[01:09:22] Yeah, catch way two is also a scott. How about catch HIV?
[01:09:27] It's about the guys having gay sex in world war two. That's good. You guys never had scoffers
[01:09:32] No, we've talked about that. Yeah, we made funny you and Ian for Ian's a scott guy too. Ian still listens to scott
[01:09:37] That's pathetic. They're thinking that stupid about skies like it had a built-in
[01:09:41] Expiration date because eventually you've done all the puns you can do with the names with the word scott. Yeah, so you're out of van names
[01:09:48] You know, that's a big rule with skies. Everything's got to be a pun like what oh real big fish. I might mighty boss tones
[01:09:55] That's sort of a pun like yes for the city of boss. Don't write. Yeah
[01:09:59] All right, that's why I exclusively call it boss tone massachusetts. Yeah, the people there love it. Do they? Yeah?
[01:10:05] Oh my god, you look fucking ugly without your glasses. I look like more like a bug horrible. Yeah, honestly
[01:10:11] I broke my glasses and I got contacts and I looked in the mirror. I was like I actually I look like a bug
[01:10:19] Yeah, you look all right. Look at me. I'm a fucking egghead. You're old glasses used to look like those. Yeah. Yeah, look at me
[01:10:25] I got old glasses got him. This hurts my eyes
[01:10:28] Yeah, you know, I look like with these your glasses ah
[01:10:31] Are you okay Nick? No, this is like painful to put his glass and I will and I will strike down
[01:10:37] Do I look like that? Yeah, no like Sam Jack. He didn't even have glasses
[01:10:43] Never mind. Um, yeah, no he did not have glasses
[01:10:47] What's the one where he is looking at mine glory?
[01:10:53] You're right. He has glasses in that movie. Yeah, all slaves had glasses
[01:11:01] All black regiments in the civil warhead class. Yeah, uh, fuck
[01:11:06] Glory is a pretty good movie. Goddamn it. Do you have such a my have a disease versus a movie Gettysburg with
[01:11:12] Heddy Jeff Daniels. Yeah, I I've seen most uh civil war movies. Yeah, I haven't do you ever see that one?
[01:11:20] What was it gods and generals? No gods and generals was it Jeff Daniels? Yes
[01:11:31] You all have eight armed like bitch from india sucks your dick. Yeah, sure vosna
[01:11:41] I think that's the meditation at the end of yoga
[01:11:43] What's the lady with eight arms and shit shiva shiva? Yeah, she sucks your dick. Oh, she's gora
[01:11:49] Yeah, gora. She's a bad she's a you can buy if you want
[01:11:58] She's a she's a she's a that got the elephant head. She's a good she's a good
[01:12:06] Vishnu that blue motherfucker. Oh, yeah crushna crush net crush net bass
[01:12:12] Mm-hmm. They should have like a fighting game like a Tekken style fighting game with all the Indian gods all the different gods yet
[01:12:19] Mythology that technology. Whoa, that'd be cool. Yeah, jesus. Let's get that popping
[01:12:23] Jeez you just get a shit split every time because he's too much of a bitch to fight ganesh ganesh ganesh
[01:12:31] What about yes, what about uh, oh ganesh, I'm ganesh
[01:12:43] I'm like your boss. This is all Larry the cable guys
[01:12:50] Oh really? Okay. Yeah, who's the other one? I don't know any of the rest of them come on dude
[01:12:56] We said we do okay end the show with indian deities what about
[01:12:59] Egyptian ones I can look him up a Cyrus. Oh Cyrus. Oh Cyrus Isis. Oh, oh, oh
[01:13:08] Oh, oh, oh, sorry. Oh, sorry is dicken. Oh, sorry is dicken your ass
[01:13:21] What exactly slot slide slide it slide dicken your ass. Oh, sorry is dicken. Yeah
[01:13:31] Okay, um, okay, so Brahma Brahma that's another that's another new biz. That's another hindu
[01:13:38] It should be easy. Yeah, noob this. Yeah. I see every night. I need a new bitch. You know what I'm saying?
[01:13:43] I can't fuck the same bitch twice. I need a new bitch every fucking night and it's like like um, uh,
[01:13:54] Yeah, I still I still think that every goddamn night. I need a new bitch. You know what I say? Yeah, I think the Korean Jew Bill Cosby
[01:14:00] I think that oh yeah, I forgot about that you got so many you check so many off the list
[01:14:04] You know about people that love bill Cosby would have got about my homie
[01:14:07] I'm a homie. Yeah, come on. You know what fat bar fat fat. You know what fat. Can I do my mohammed for you?
[01:14:18] What is it? It's your mom. I do mohammed impression just draw it for us
[01:14:23] Draw it and tweet it Adam. I'm gonna do my mohammed impression. Go ahead. Some mohammed. I lean pressure. Mm. No, no, no, here it is
[01:14:36] He's and then the n word is part of the
[01:14:47] I don't get it. What what y'all am words up to? Yeah, that's my homie
[01:14:53] What are you all am words? What are you all motherfuckers up there? That's my that's what my homie sounded like
[01:15:01] Well, what how many times I gotta pay on you
[01:15:10] No, no, no, that's not Bernie Mac. That's my homie
[01:15:15] We got a conqueror name a ray me in peninsula
[01:15:21] Damn dude, I like that. That's good. If I ever go to jail. I'm definitely gonna find it. I'm gonna convert to Islam though
[01:15:27] Yeah, I'll go over a bitch house. You know, I brought my dick. I brought my bra. I'm yeah, yeah, yeah, bro. Okay, you've been thinking
[01:15:35] I'm hanging out with a bitch. You know, I brought my best dick
[01:15:51] Demeter that's a great one. Yeah, I barely know her. Uh, yeah, what about uh Hades? I hate these bitches
[01:16:12] I can I use a lifeline. Yeah, I go ahead. We had who wants to be a millionaire. We don't do questions anymore
[01:16:19] We just say words and then you do a black guy saying the word
[01:16:36] I've reached this film in a back-heart who wasn't being
[01:16:43] Is uh, I don't know I guess the Greek out of cheese
[01:16:52] Do like a colored fella saying from my geo, but it's not his name. He's trying to fuck us up
[01:17:00] Formaggio is awesome. Yeah, what about a bakas bakas. Yeah, why don't you bakas dick up into that?
[01:17:07] I pull my dick but through my legs backwards. I'm about to bakas dick. Oh, I like that
[01:17:14] Boy you look good. Once you bag that dick
[01:17:20] Your legs and you poke it out your ass and then you turn around towards the woman you go beep
[01:17:25] Baby back in day you fuck backwards. Yeah, it's called the bullet the bullet fruit
[01:17:29] No, it's called the Michelle Obama when she bends you over and fucks you that way
[01:17:32] I'm on record. There was another tweet yesterday, which is I think
[01:17:37] Up there for worst tweet of all time the girl that was like I can't wait until
[01:17:43] David, oh that was fucking weird. Yeah, David hog and then the girl with the shaved head from that high school the anti-gun girl
[01:17:51] Um get together and have a baby parentheses and all caps after college and then I can finally be a grandmother
[01:17:59] Which is like what is bizarre? What is the grand mother thing all about?
[01:18:04] No, she wants she wants her kid to fuck the baby of those two. No, she wants
[01:18:10] She wants to fuck she wants to fuck that baby
[01:18:15] How weird is it that there are people that are like I want the school shooting kids to suck each other's dicks
[01:18:22] Fuck each other. I've just not been paying attention to the school shooting thing. It's like
[01:18:25] I don't get it. I don't understand why people well
[01:18:28] It's funny because the conservatives are all saying that it's like no that kid's fake dude. He's like 38 years old
[01:18:33] Yeah, well now they're all saying that like bully the poor shooter or something. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they said that uh they deserved to get shot
[01:18:43] Because conservatives hate bullies. He was bullied for supporting
[01:18:48] That's why yeah, yeah, that is so awesome. He was bullied for god damn
[01:18:52] That's a rule though dude. You fuck with the bee you get the stinger
[01:18:58] So true the shout out to all my little trump ass bumble bees out there
[01:19:05] Sitting on flowers and having sex with them
[01:19:11] They fuck flowers. Yeah, I think it's hot. That's so cool. I would fuck flowers too
[01:19:15] What a nice life if I could fly and had a nice little zebra ass color too
[01:19:19] And wait so the man you should dress like bumble bees from now on and not allow adam to
[01:19:24] Add a man's address like a flower. Yeah, we get bumble bees suits
[01:19:29] As long as I'm part of the general thing
[01:19:33] Come on you and then you stop go back to the honey factory where we fucked the queen
[01:19:38] Yeah, dude. They also fucked the queen. That's what I was about to ask like the queen
[01:19:42] I like it's weird that they called the queen the queen and not the slut. Yeah the slam. Oh, yeah
[01:19:46] Yeah, everybody fucks the queen. Yeah, dude. That's a very sex positive society works in bridge who fucks the most
[01:19:54] Do they kill everyone's in a line in bucket and palace queen is the fattest bitch with the widest
[01:20:01] The most surplus area for the most amount of dicks at one time
[01:20:04] Do they do like female and fantasize is the queen the only girl bee is everyone else a guy?
[01:20:09] Yeah, I don't know. It's a good. How does that work? That seems like it would be a cool movie to watch
[01:20:13] Yeah, with Jerry's on film. Yeah, I'd smash up of B movie in constant gardener. Oh, yeah
[01:20:21] No, wait, hold on. I'm thinking of the machine constant. It's about a movie the guy. You just can't stop gardening wait constant gardener
[01:20:27] That's the one where they did nobody can have kids anymore and then black girl does no no that's uh
[01:20:33] Children of men that movie constant gardener came out at the same time. Yeah, so that movie is like has that tracking shot
[01:20:39] That's like 18 minutes long where it's like clive oven running through the building and then shit's exploding and like that's pretty
[01:20:45] Doesn't cut away or whatever. It's sick. That's pretty big dick shot out to clive on
[01:20:50] Clive mind him how about hi, though. The Clive. He's a five. I be everybody else. Yeah
[01:20:56] Yo, you're listening to number one clive hot podcast
[01:21:10] That's right. I'm gonna get how much money would it take to get keep calm and clive on the picture
[01:21:21] That is a shirt. I'm gonna make myself a keep common clive on shirt. That's not even for sale. That's the personal collection. Yeah
[01:21:27] Yeah, all right later. Uh, funny moms on the ninth