Cum Town | Premium | 04/09/2018
[00:00:15] Adam was over on his phone looking at pitchfork.com.
[00:00:21] This is the home page pitchfork.com slash opinions.
[00:00:29] Adam keeps trying to get us to listen to Animal Collective.
[00:00:32] We were just talking about the neutral milk hotel.
[00:00:36] We were just talking about how the name,
[00:00:40] Animals collected is probably the biggest name for a band.
[00:00:47] Instead of save the rainforest, save the brainforest.
[00:00:51] It's a jungle where you just get your dick stuff
[00:00:55] Well, like fines come down like fucking wrap themselves
[00:01:00] Fucking one of those plants that eats bugs.
[00:01:05] Which it looks like it's got teeth, but it's a plant.
[00:01:58] 90% of slaves were owned by Jews in the American South.
[00:02:05] A lot of people know this, but most slaves were leased.
[00:02:16] I don't know if it was ever clear that Kramer was Jewish.
[00:02:24] There were hippie Jews that named their kids weird shit.
[00:02:28] Cosmo was probably, his mom was probably a fucking just
[00:02:41] Because he was in that show in the day who's probably
[00:02:52] Yeah, that's weird to think that all the scientists
[00:02:54] and Einfeld characters are supposed to be like R-H.
[00:03:02] People are going to be doing that forever.
[00:03:07] Yeah, you're going to be people be like, wow.
[00:03:10] All the characters in Casablanca are supposed
[00:03:15] It's like, anyways, welcome back to the diaper PlayStation podcast.
[00:03:29] and talking about Bernie Sanders and Black Girl Magic.
[00:03:33] I can't wait till my mom gets a fucking iPhone, dude.
[00:03:51] she's going to go Buck-ass while she loves her emojis.
[00:03:59] And it keeps taking things that Adam puts in his hand
[00:04:03] Yeah, I don't understand why you need to feed it.
[00:04:04] And he helps me pay attention to fidget.
[00:04:06] No, pay attention by looking at the people you're speaking to.
[00:04:20] Let's just say I have a special education.
[00:04:28] Liam needs and started to give him a very special education.
[00:04:36] Very, very dangerous to people like you.
[00:04:41] I can tell you exactly how much it adds up to me.
[00:04:46] I want you to tell me every letter in the alphabet
[00:05:02] Do you think corn was just a retarded band?
[00:05:15] Corn stands for the cool kids being retarded.
[00:05:25] In that song, in that song, Freak on a Leash,
[00:05:28] he literally just stops even saying words.
[00:05:34] He was playing a thing, Freak on a Leash, man.
[00:05:37] That's how I had to walk around the mall.
[00:05:46] I assaulted the woman who gives out samples in the food court.
[00:06:24] This is the saltiest ass fucking meme that you can get.
[00:06:32] Me and my best friend, the cheerios be.
[00:06:38] I've been in a fucking middle-aged piece of shit.
[00:07:03] Has someone with a high caloric intake.
[00:07:13] Also, that sounds like you're choking on a guy's cock.
[00:07:21] Nick is having a heart attack right now.
[00:07:23] The high blood pressure finally got to him.
[00:07:25] I had a bunch of corned beef hash earlier.
[00:07:34] Yeah, how the fucking are you gonna scold me about loving sarto?
[00:07:38] Yeah, you're having fucking canned beef.
[00:07:44] I told myself I'm a bit one more week of corned beef hash and then I'm off.
[00:07:54] I've been getting very into cereals as dessert recently.
[00:07:57] Oh, I like cereal as an afternoon snack.
[00:08:04] Do you just put corn around your cock or how does that work?
[00:08:12] I'm kind of confused about corn beating off though.
[00:08:24] He thought it was called corn on the knob so you shoved it in your mouth long ways and sucked all the corn on the knob.
[00:08:30] They're like, no, it's corn on the cob.
[00:08:32] I'm like, oh, I thought it was corn on the knob.
[00:08:38] I'm chewing the kernels with the back of my throat.
[00:08:42] You know what, I love the little corn that spikes in them to go on the end.
[00:08:46] You know what, I used to love the baby corns and Chinese stir fries.
[00:08:51] As a good bit, as a fat child, I used to take them and eat them like they would be corn on the cob.
[00:08:55] It's kind of scared Adam's dog is at the tape measure.
[00:08:59] She's been terrified at the tape measure.
[00:09:03] What's great is you can get her from across the apartment with it.
[00:09:05] You know what those people used to do with tape measures to her?
[00:09:17] What bitch, what bitch enjoys being measured?
[00:09:21] If you're a bitch out there and you're listening to the podcast, first of all, hello bitch.
[00:09:29] We're going to have a bitch that's right now.
[00:09:30] You got to go to the bra store and get your titties measured every time.
[00:09:39] Guess it's time to get my titties measured.
[00:09:41] That's why there's always a line in Monday morning of Victoria's Secret.
[00:09:51] Ever since they turned 12, they start measuring their titties.
[00:09:57] Cause I thought us guys are pretty much, you know, every Monday I go into Dick's Sporting
[00:10:09] Everybody keeps growing until they're like 24.
[00:10:14] I think it keeps going until you're like 30, dude.
[00:10:18] Any moment now, I'm going to fucking shoot up a couple inches.
[00:10:25] When you're eating, do you tell yourself that?
[00:10:36] That was the end result of me sucking in all that air earlier.
[00:10:43] No, but I had some pomegranate juice before bed last night.
[00:10:46] I guess that's mixing with the corn beef.
[00:10:52] It's corn beef hash and pomegranate juice.
[00:10:55] Everyone, everyone at home, this is a fucking town.
[00:10:58] You're a broken Joe should they get it?
[00:11:04] And it's like this is pomegranate juice and corn beef hash.
[00:11:07] And then I come out and chefs out there and I'm like, I threw up one time.
[00:11:20] I made this in my stomach and threw it up.
[00:11:40] You could just have a private personal chef to make you food anytime you want.
[00:11:46] If you want to go into management, you want to like have a laptop at one of the tables
[00:11:52] No, because restaurant management, that's a that's a serious job.
[00:12:01] I go out there in a suit, maybe khakis and a blue blazer.
[00:12:08] That's kind of like bringing it back to your youth.
[00:12:10] Striped shirt, striped blue white shirt, roll up the sleeves.
[00:12:12] Hey, if it gets very busy, they need help running food.
[00:12:22] I do miss having the option to have crab dip at every restaurant.
[00:12:39] Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da
[00:12:50] There's only like three states you can go surfing in.
[00:13:06] We're going to look at a map after this.
[00:13:19] That's that'd be a cool national treasure.
[00:13:21] I'm going to get a jewel encrusted cock.
[00:13:31] It's little rubies that point down your dick through your balls and then it's an arrow
[00:13:47] I remember one time my parents told me I couldn't wear an independent truck company.
[00:13:54] Because they're like, you're not even a skateboarder.
[00:14:02] I bet you can't even do a kick flip you faggot.
[00:14:04] That's one of the last time you take off that girl board shirt.
[00:14:31] Everybody look how much I have to spend because my son is gone.
[00:14:40] Angry middle East South African man takes over the X games.
[00:14:51] You add another arm to the each side of the X.
[00:15:03] Four little strokes of what I call having sex.
[00:15:09] You know what I say about sex is it's about power.
[00:15:22] That might have been the most pathetic for you.
[00:15:40] I want to watch the new one with Tom Cruise.
[00:16:01] My name is my real name is Stop Cruising for Pussy.
[00:16:05] But I changed it to Halkey's for show business.
[00:16:24] Another reason I'm mad that I'm not gay.
[00:16:28] I feel like every and it's downtown has been a good conduit towards your, you know, awake.
[00:16:33] The thing is it all started when you saw that goddamn beautiful movie in December.
[00:16:59] You know how, first of all, I would totally take it there.
[00:17:00] I would be the most problematic gay there is.
[00:17:03] Imagine you with literally no use for women.
[00:17:05] If you're a white, more misogynistic gay man, you could be the most problematic person.
[00:17:09] First of all, I'm the least misogynistic one on this show.
[00:17:23] What are you telling me that you needed to save?
[00:17:28] You wanted to get in the mindset where you were like, fuck these hoes up.
[00:17:42] And then what the gym wants is to be lifted at.
[00:17:46] Just because I respect the gym doesn't mean I disrespect women.
[00:17:49] You're saying by disrespecting women, you respect them there.
[00:17:53] I mean, that's, that's probably, that's what equality is, right?
[00:17:56] When I just ignore them and don't, you know, instead of pretending to interact with people,
[00:18:05] Every interaction is like a, on some level of pretend interaction.
[00:18:14] I don't know if stuff that I do have as many as you do.
[00:18:18] But I think that's because you, Christina, and you're a good early life life.
[00:18:26] You did, you guys fucked my life long friend, Christina.
[00:18:29] She was like, she was like, she was like, you have to fuck me.
[00:18:33] And I said, I'll do whatever I have to do from my friend's stop.
[00:18:43] So I guess I'll just let everyone know that that real woman who you came.
[00:18:49] Now, I'll gladly announce that I fucked.
[00:19:03] I would love if you guys fucked elders.
[00:19:07] He's like, he's like a Casper mattress.
[00:19:09] Yeah, yeah, he is like a Casper mattress.
[00:19:12] But his ass is very hairy, so it wouldn't be a good experience to fucking walk.
[00:19:30] I had to arrest by an old Elliot Gould.
[00:19:50] The book, the movie takes place in like the 70s.
[00:19:54] The book takes place in your mom's ass.
[00:20:04] It's like one of those, the long goodbye.
[00:20:10] I don't know if you could describe it as well.
[00:20:15] That's why the asshole is better because it's longer than the pussy.
[00:20:27] The asshole is definitely longer than the pussy.
[00:20:33] It goes all the way up into like the...
[00:20:35] Are we counting colon as part of the asshole?
[00:20:48] When I was thinking long asshole, I was thinking measuring like a cat's eye.
[00:21:18] Has anyone been born with a sideways pussy, Asian or not?
[00:21:22] Have people been born with sideways dicks?
[00:21:50] There's that porn clip that people used to share a lot in high school.
[00:21:56] With the black guy with his balls and the girls assholes.
[00:22:02] Because no one knew what boo-yah meant until that video came.
[00:22:06] It's like you would know the word boo-yah but you didn't know when to say it.
[00:22:11] And it's like, oh, that's when you say boo-yah.
[00:22:16] That's a very important educational moment for me.
[00:22:23] It's not an argument on the same boo-yah.
[00:22:36] His balls were in her ass and his dick was in her ass.
[00:22:49] I remember that clip was so famous that girls would watch it.
[00:22:57] And I'd be like, this is so cool that girls are watching this.
[00:22:59] They're watching an asshole with balls in it.
[00:23:02] Yeah, I didn't think girls were horny or watched porn or anything.
[00:23:12] I believe all women are horny all the time.
[00:23:16] I used to not think that girls smoked weed without guys there.
[00:23:31] I didn't think women also collected swords.
[00:23:37] And get into sparring tournaments with the Asian kids.
[00:23:46] But I guess both genders still have kind of stuff.
[00:23:50] They love beating up a little Asian guy.
[00:23:53] I didn't think girls stayed up all night getting fucked up off cough medicine and arguing with
[00:24:07] I didn't think girls would listen to the Nelly and Kelly Rowland song.
[00:24:24] Over and over again was Nelly and the country guy.
[00:24:28] I think they listened to that, the Kelly Rowland song.
[00:24:33] Thinking about their crush and why she wouldn't go out with them.
[00:24:38] You know, man, I remember there was a school dance where that song was real poppin'.
[00:24:42] That song, damn, I still get sad thinking about that shit.
[00:24:45] Me not getting pussy in eighth grade to that song.
[00:24:58] Everything's perfect, you know, in its own way.
[00:25:07] Just get, you could also, if push really came to shove, you could just take one of those
[00:25:17] We'll do another week of corned beef hash.
[00:25:24] Not having that coffee in like almost a week now and it sucks.
[00:25:38] I wake up, I mean, I could go to sleep easily, but I wake up like three hours later.
[00:25:43] Three or four hours later and just can't get back to sleep.
[00:25:50] Your beautiful mind cannot be put to rest for that long.
[00:25:53] What if instead of a beautiful mind, it was about Neildegrass Tyson, it was called Datmind.
[00:25:57] It's the exact same movie, but he's in it.
[00:26:28] But he's just quietly beating his life.
[00:26:39] That'll tell you when I'm in a good environment.
[00:26:46] And then the third one is called Datmind after next.
[00:26:59] It's always fun to bring it back to Neil deGrasse Tyson.
[00:27:09] I very, at the very first time like, all right.
[00:27:12] What like, you mean like 20 years ago when he was just the black guy on every one of
[00:27:17] When I was like a little kid, I was like, oh nice.
[00:27:24] Because like a compared to most nerds, he seems cool at first blush.
[00:27:30] It's like, I get the all Asian people look the same, but I never understood that all
[00:27:36] That's because you were around more black people growing up.
[00:27:40] But Asian people, no, I was around plenty of Asian people also.
[00:27:54] But then you have to look at accessories.
[00:28:04] Now I had a day labor drive me home the other day and he had the same exact like facial
[00:28:17] He also had in his van attached to the center console this like 12 inch by seven inch like
[00:28:26] cartoon cut out of like a Mustang hot rod.
[00:28:31] Just taped into the yeah, just taped to the like to where the radio was.
[00:28:39] Just a picture of like a cool Mustang in his Nissan Altima.
[00:28:48] Does those Mexican guys have like the same sense of what's cool as like a down syndrome
[00:29:19] There's no retarded people in South America or Central America.
[00:29:31] Because once they're retarded, life worth living without candy.
[00:29:37] It's that they spill over the fucking Rio Grande.
[00:29:40] They spill over the borders and all the retards up here with the Ray.
[00:29:43] And then our tax, the rapists, the retards.
[00:29:57] This is a mice and man is like, my name's George.
[00:30:05] When they're going to pay, they arrive as George.
[00:30:20] Because they're like, boost, booty to me.
[00:30:25] I wonder if anyone ever gets to one Carlos's ass.
[00:30:38] I'm a man wearing a Mickey Mouse denim jacket.
[00:30:51] That's the best is when they have like the insurance.
[00:30:58] Oh, it's the baddest bitch on the block.
[00:31:30] How's the big move to the new place going?
[00:31:36] I'm still waiting on the fucking keys for the front door.
[00:31:41] Are you going to do a replica car now that you have your own place?
[00:31:44] I'm going to turn the entire living room into a cool car.
[00:31:47] Just like you were making fun of those retires.
[00:31:51] I thought I was going to have to sell my speakers, but I figured it out today.
[00:32:03] Ready to really piss off the family that lives downstairs.
[00:32:06] Just play the THX sound just on repeat out of all seven speakers.
[00:32:12] Yeah, it's like, I'm sorry to bother you, but at three o'clock in the morning last night,
[00:32:16] were you watching a copy of Dunkirk that you added the N word to?
[00:32:27] OK, we'll just have to get the same move.
[00:32:39] I was announcing it to the television like I do while watching every film.
[00:32:58] You're going to run out of gas, you dumb.
[00:33:10] It was like, you saw it in the theater?
[00:33:11] Yeah, I saw it in a Greek outdoor theater.
[00:33:16] Yeah, I was in Greece when it came out.
[00:33:19] I thought it was about a movie about it.
[00:33:22] Like a black guy that his wife fucks somebody else.
[00:33:25] And he's like, oh, somebody dunked Kirk, my ass.
[00:33:37] How y'all know he's got the west coast ice cubes.
[00:33:55] That's why he called his wife, Miss Joshua.
[00:34:09] I'm Sandy Canyon, and this is me having a stroke while I describe movies.
[00:34:23] He looks like his skin's held on with cum.
[00:34:27] It looks like he was early HIV patient.
[00:34:34] He's got to be, he still has all his hair.
[00:34:37] He's one of those guys that's probably like 87 years old.
[00:34:50] Old guy should not be allowed to have hair, man.
[00:35:06] When the technology is correct, I will be getting plugs.
[00:35:13] It's a long, long hair that's jacksured dick off.
[00:35:15] Rapunzel, Rapunzel, jack me off with your hair.
[00:35:19] Like instead of huggies diapers, it's tuggy.
[00:35:28] I want those diapers to beat your son off.
[00:35:40] Is it convenient to buy diapers and jerk off a baby?
[00:35:47] Is that technically meant for you to let's say?
[00:35:50] There was a device that jerked off a baby.
[00:35:51] Because first of all, we know that babies can get hard and come.
[00:36:03] You leave babies to their own devices in that neonatal unit?
[00:36:30] If it's too much pressure in the baby's cock.
[00:36:34] Their vast deference might explode unless they get sucked off.
[00:36:40] That was weird getting boners before you could come.
[00:36:45] He was a little cousin who would like get his dick hard and then fucking run around the
[00:36:54] Yeah, and that's when you have to just like stop playing with it.
[00:37:02] One time I was watching mad TV with my family and I-
[00:37:05] I was like fully hard and I was like scared.
[00:37:14] Well, no, we would watch the 30 minutes mad TV and then SNL.
[00:37:31] Yeah, we used to watch it as a family, SNL.
[00:37:38] Yeah, because your parents go to bed at like fucking seven.
[00:37:43] My dad now literally goes to sleep at 7.30 p.m.
[00:37:50] That's just really waiting out the clock.
[00:37:55] That's just like I'm in the fourth quarter and I'm down.
[00:38:03] There's like a 30 minute window where he has to like make dinner for his family and then
[00:38:11] My dad just fucking stays out late, I guess, trying to fuck Ukrainian waitresses.
[00:38:20] And like sleeps on the couch for like three hours a night.
[00:38:24] How about getting brainy in waitresses?
[00:38:40] I would love to get sucked off by a woman named Dot.
[00:38:46] She probably have to be like 65 years old at the end.
[00:38:56] That line works better with the getting brainy.
[00:39:01] Whenever they act to fool, they get locked up in the tower.
[00:39:18] Just allow me to play this Gwen Stefani song and walk out of the room.
[00:39:34] I love the, like, I think there's multiple SVU episodes about retarded people being
[00:39:43] That's got to be a fun day in the writing room.
[00:39:47] Should we do something about how Putin is like a Russian oligarch?
[00:39:52] And they're like, no, no, that doesn't really work.
[00:39:54] This is like, is there a Weinstein thing?
[00:40:04] Yeah, let's go back to a, like, a Lenny situation, sort of thing.
[00:40:22] I had a casual day, but I woke up at like 5 a.m. with heartburn.
[00:40:31] Probably from drinking that pomegranate juice before bed.
[00:40:37] I got high as shit and I were just, because your body metabolizes it way slower.
[00:40:50] What should I do for fucking Greek Easter, man?
[00:41:03] Let's see if we're going to do a thing or not, you fucking queers.
[00:41:06] If I have a fucking party, you can come, of course.
[00:41:11] You change your party to a time when I can't fucking attend specifically.
[00:41:15] I told you I had to work on fucking Friday.
[00:41:17] All of a sudden we got a fucking birthday party.
[00:41:19] I'm also on the shows at the sand and I'm going to be here tonight.
[00:41:30] I'm telling you, just get Chris Gopo to host on your behalf.
[00:41:34] I like that Chris Gopo has the same lower half as you.
[00:41:47] I have a fat ass in Gopo, but it's nicer too.
[00:41:50] He likes to claim that he has the best ass.
[00:42:03] Look, man, I know you're trying to get a little bit of a shit.
[00:42:05] I know you're one of those classic internet trolls.
[00:42:08] But I'm not, I will not even do anything.
[00:42:12] An honest man starring me as Denzel Washington.
[00:42:16] It's about an autistic guy that doesn't possess the ability to lie.
[00:42:19] Tell you there's one thing I can't lie about.
[00:42:21] Jake, it's about a man with a flat ass.
[00:42:29] I think Denzel Washington, that last movie is in, I didn't see it.
[00:42:33] The 70s black guy kind of movie where he's like a lawyer with an Afro.
[00:42:41] I heard it's an absolute piece of shit, but then I also heard that he is kind of autistic
[00:42:46] There's a lot of movies with autistic guys now.
[00:42:53] There's going to be an accountant too coming out.
[00:43:03] Don't talk the way about my Halloween car.
[00:43:10] After my wife died, that was the only thing I had left the fuck.
[00:43:19] Hey, yo, asshole, how much for the model train?
[00:43:24] No, no, no, no, Bristavia Dubu, Bravia Dubu.
[00:43:34] How does he speak Russian so perfectly?
[00:43:45] Bravia is like, it's not even butchering Russian and just him making up what I thought.
[00:44:20] It is funny that Russians are back to being villains, dude.
[00:44:26] They got the crown for the name of the couple of years.
[00:44:30] no, it's because white guys need to be the bad guys
[00:44:32] and liberals always need somebody to go after.
[00:44:35] Well, they, in the 90s, I feel like the
[00:44:38] It was like the ultimate white guys were
[00:44:51] but the ultimate, ultimate white guys are
[00:45:05] I feel like Chechens terrorists were the bad guys.
[00:45:08] They're not even like they're a warrior species.
[00:45:13] They're like, we are retarded and angry in two different ways.
[00:45:18] Yeah, they're like really into MMA and stuff.
[00:45:22] It's like Russia fucked their ass or something
[00:45:27] and now they have the son of one of the guys they fought.
[00:45:31] Yeah, Putin just bombed an apartment complex in Russia
[00:45:44] But it's just happening and no one gives a fuck.
[00:45:46] Damn, Putin's going to fuck us, isn't he?
[00:45:51] We're about the economy's about to just
[00:45:54] But their economy might go to shit too.
[00:45:57] And then there's going to be one more big crypto surge
[00:46:01] and then that bubble will pop completely
[00:46:04] and then everybody had money in crypto.
[00:46:07] But yeah, if you want to get into crypto,
[00:46:12] Yeah, it'll probably go up one last time
[00:46:16] Are you buying any crypto this time around?
[00:46:24] You should get a fucking suit of armor, dude.
[00:46:27] That'd be cool to wear or just have it in my apartment.
[00:46:30] You should have one decorative suit of one like.
[00:46:33] How about a suit of armor, but then I do the Joker makeup on it.
[00:46:39] In the Met, in that armor room that they have.
[00:46:42] Yeah, there's the suit of armor with the penis.
[00:46:47] Yeah, they have like all these cod pieces.
[00:46:49] Like, on the suit armor has like a hard dick.
[00:46:51] Yeah, it just looks like he has a hard dick.
[00:46:56] Was that like, do you think he went into battle hard dicken?
[00:47:01] And everyone's like, I kind of fuck with that knight's vibe.
[00:47:12] I don't remember too many of them, but then I remembered that I did cry in the movie theater
[00:47:15] at the movie The Six Man when that guy dies of a heart attack from dunking too hard.
[00:47:31] The Six Man is about two brothers and they grow up playing basketball together and then
[00:47:34] one of them, his heart explodes because he dunks too hard.
[00:47:38] Well, that was like a thing for actually a guy's heart just exploded in the G League.
[00:47:45] Yeah, a guy that was in like the, what's that stand for?
[00:48:01] Dude, if he didn't die on a dunk, that's pretty fucking little dinkety.
[00:48:04] But then there was that guy Len Bias who was like, who's just doing cocaine?
[00:48:15] Yeah, it was not the story is that he'd never done cocaine before and he did it one time
[00:48:19] That's like, they use, yeah, they use him as a man.
[00:48:24] When Adam dies getting his ass fucked by a horse, that's what he's going to, that's what
[00:48:31] They'd be like, oh, you know, you do cocaine one time.
[00:48:35] It'll make your fucking brain will pop.
[00:48:38] Does that remember the first time I did blow?
[00:48:39] It was like, oh, am I going to be one of those guys and you're fine?
[00:48:41] And it's like, oh, I guess I can just do a drug ever.
[00:48:46] I am going to get everybody lied to me about everything.
[00:48:54] I remember our dare officer just taught us how to do the drugs.
[00:48:58] All I remember is like, you're going to want to take a lighter and a spoon and you're going
[00:49:02] I'm going to dare officer be this Jack Black guy and he fucking was doing one arm pushups
[00:49:08] That'll get a room full of fifth graders to respect you.
[00:49:11] I remember who I still can't do one arm pushups.
[00:49:16] He was also the pal police athletically.
[00:49:22] He's officer Gino and all I remember is.
[00:49:31] And I just remember his favorite number was 50055.
[00:49:39] It's so funny when adults have like some dumb gay nonsense.
[00:49:43] You learn as a kid and you're like, oh, that's a cool one.
[00:49:46] The cool thing about him, you grow up, you're like, oh, that man was a moron.
[00:49:50] Imagine having a favorite number as a 37 year old police officer and then it's 5,555.
[00:49:56] That's the number of illegal arrests I've done.
[00:50:03] My gym teacher in first grade used to, and I thought this was really cool, but in retrospect,
[00:50:12] You used to make us dance to achy, breaky heart every single day.
[00:50:46] You know I got these honky talk places that often but this is alright.
[00:50:50] About two people sucking each other's shit.
[00:51:00] Please suck my dick right off my fucking dick.
[00:51:07] He's like, he's like, he's like, I'm so a good burger guy.
[00:51:15] You'd be like what's coach G's favorite song and everyone would be like,
[00:51:27] What do they play it and then we'd have to do that dance for him.
[00:51:30] Can you imagine doing that like six times a day every single day?
[00:51:36] He definitely was a live dancing children.
[00:51:42] Yeah every single at the beginning of Jim every class we do achy breaky heart dance.
[00:51:48] I would imagine he'd get tired of the song.
[00:51:50] What are some other live dancing songs?
[00:51:53] Achy breaky heart is the OG I feel like.
[00:52:11] I want to suck you suck you suck you suck you.
[00:52:17] But I put up but I put up but you've got a penis.
[00:52:49] Have you followed that Owen Benjamin thing?
[00:53:17] Maybe you should go to Santa Barbara for Adam's birthday.
[00:53:23] We'll celebrate your birthday separately without you.
[00:53:31] What are you gonna do with this party that I'm gonna be in?
[00:53:32] My great gifts that I'm getting from you guys.
[00:53:35] I'll fucking print out a sheet of paper with a half thought out bit.
[00:53:40] I got you a yoni egg to make your pussy tighter.
[00:53:45] Well we'll see everyone who comes to funny moms on Monday.
[00:53:49] We'll see the cool gifts that Nick and Stav have gotten me for my 31st birthday.
[00:54:07] No it's the last year of your 20th bitch.
[00:54:25] When I say that you're friends with Stavros.
[00:54:27] When I say that you're friends with Stavros.
[00:54:29] Other people in the show just happen to be colleagues.
[00:54:36] Some other guys on the show don't even think too much about it.
[00:54:41] Look man we don't have to get into the other thing.
[00:54:42] The other thing that you have when I'm not here.
[00:54:47] First Springsteen when he's on the show when you're not here.
[00:55:08] I've not that corner thing in the beginning was good.
[00:55:12] We were talking about how fake out of these were guys.
[00:55:15] I have no idea what time it is or what day it is.
[00:55:20] I just want to say publicly that you guys are my best friend.
[00:55:25] I'm turning 31 and I just want to tell...
[00:55:28] I just want to say I think I'm turning Japanese.
[00:55:33] Imagine if you tried to release that song now.
[00:55:47] Because your eyes squint when you come.
[00:55:54] No I thought it was about all the new technology coming into America.
[00:55:59] I thought you were talking about VCRs and shit.
[00:56:23] I don't know my dick my itty bitty dick.
[00:56:44] Come on this is a people listen to this show.
[00:56:50] So this I did think Owen Benjamin did a video like an hour long video about why he shouldn't
[00:56:58] And one of his pieces of evidence that I thought was really good was he the Chris Rock
[00:57:07] And he's like if Chris Rock can say yeah there's no difference or why can I go on the
[00:57:10] New York Times dot com now hold on is it is it possible that Owen Benjamin thinks Chris
[00:57:18] And he's only heard the album version of that show.
[00:57:23] I was like why isn't it the take ever like well it's okay when David Duke says it.
[00:57:34] It's like you know all you're not supposed to say the N word.
[00:57:37] Well you know who gets to use the N word all the time.
[00:57:49] South Korea's Afsid president gets 24 years in prison.
[00:57:53] Is that part of being South African president?
[00:58:02] He exposed the colusive ties between South Korea's government and conglomerates like Samsung.
[00:58:08] They got this bitch got got for getting too good of a phone.
[00:58:11] Sounds like she tried to charge her Samsung Galaxy.
[00:58:15] Sounds like she maybe got got by Jewish South Korean Bill Cosby.
[00:58:25] Oh how about cops killing another black guy?
[00:58:31] Yeah he was holding a pipe and they said that it looked like a pipe style gun.
[00:58:38] Do we get to kill a random pipe style gun?
[00:58:54] It was at that time that we ascertained the suspect was on his way back to his giant steam
[00:59:00] powered spider and we took affirmative action against the suspect prior to his arrival at
[00:59:07] the steam powered spider to which he was going to flee into one of the other boroughs perhaps
[00:59:14] to commit atrocities against the great city of this people of the city.
[00:59:21] We're really ripping these from the headlines.
[00:59:25] How about put us closest cronies are hit with new US sanctions.
[00:59:40] Some guy came to the show the last night and said you're a crony of.
[00:59:48] His girlfriend's there and she like laughs.
[00:59:49] He's like no seriously I can help you move.
[00:59:51] And I was like I don't need help moving.
[00:59:54] He's like so everything checks out with my girlfriend I can help you move.
[01:00:02] I don't mean a nice guy but that's a crony dude.
[01:00:06] I don't want cronies I want guys you know people with.
[01:00:14] So you could do and I don't think it would be that difficult.
[01:00:16] I think you're kind of maybe already doing it and not knowing it is start a cult.
[01:00:43] Because cults always start out like fun and there's a lot of fucking and stuff and then
[01:00:54] Nick is the like Nick is the documentary about that.
[01:01:03] And then this dude interviewing and he's like you know to think I was just so ripped
[01:01:07] into this cult and I'm just letting that guy fuck me.
[01:01:12] He says like Aaron it's like oh you did way more than just waste your time.
[01:01:18] This guy was being raped repeatedly by this cult leader.
[01:01:27] God if this wasn't God want to do his fuck this guy wasn't this guy wasn't gay.
[01:01:32] Yeah the cult leader like brow beat him into it.
[01:01:34] He's like you need to get past these hurdles of like orientation and sexuality.
[01:01:38] He's like these are all just like human trafficking.
[01:01:42] And I'm sure the guy never fucked any women.
[01:01:45] It all started out with him like having men in the cult be his masseuses and his athletic
[01:01:55] Because like the cult was all about physical fitness and stuff.
[01:01:58] And he'd be like oh that's not going to be our muscles massaged.
[01:02:01] And then like you have like select his favorite guys in the cult to be his masseuses.
[01:02:08] We got a funny mom's on Monday tomorrow.
[01:02:23] We got Nikki Glazer, Pardon and Charlie and Kate Willard.