Cum Town | Premium | 04/23/2018
[00:00:00] I think we're gonna do it, but oh we're good. Okay, great
[00:00:03] But he just hasn't I'm like hey do you want a call can we jump on a call so we can figure this out?
[00:00:07] I'm like that with people though. I'm like that with people though. Yeah, I know it's annoying, but it's also a power move
[00:00:13] Yeah, it's gay. Yeah, I don't think he's doing a problem
[00:00:17] No, you you have the ultimate power mood move which is you have read receipts on yeah
[00:00:21] And then you don't respond to someone's message after you read them. Yeah, which is great. That's my pavilion. I do that a lot
[00:00:27] Yeah, no, so you know what to consider it
[00:00:29] You know, it's funny. It's not I didn't I used to not be like that
[00:00:33] I was like how could you not respond to somebody and now that I get people messaging me all the time
[00:00:37] It's like you get in the habit of it. I just constantly just don't respond to be yeah
[00:00:41] Well if you show someone that you've read it it should count as like a message for acknowledgement
[00:00:47] Yeah, but people need that K back well no as long as as long as it's not a thing that matters. I don't give it like I
[00:00:54] Don't I don't I'm that way where I don't do the last message. I feel like sometimes
[00:01:00] It went when something is figured out like what do you need to be like? All right? I love to I mean no one can see
[00:01:10] Tooth fell out riding your bike over here. No, that's not what I lost it in my jeans. Oh, you lost your tooth now
[00:01:16] You're just nude. Yeah, cuz I fucking rode my bike first of all. Yes. I'm toothless now
[00:01:22] It looks like I'm gonna be toothless for I don't know for more months until I get the implant
[00:01:30] And whatever man, I don't fucking give a fuck I'm gonna stay toothless F F
[00:01:36] Why like I like with that that old insult like you have you have a face to radio
[00:01:44] No, man, I'm a cute little bitch. I'm gonna you're gonna stop body shaming dude. It does nothing. No, I don't give a fuck dude
[00:01:54] Honestly, I'm turning over and you leave you know, I lost my tooth
[00:01:58] That's a big like you've been you've been in it for like three days
[00:02:01] I haven't smoked weed or done drugs or alcohol or anything for like a week in a day
[00:02:06] You did you sat out for 20 plays I sat out for 20 was just tough. Oh, this is playing sublime
[00:02:12] He's got fucking you know a tight IT shirts. Yeah, you know multiple tight. I
[00:02:22] What are you doing tie-dye? There's a there's this guy
[00:02:25] I think who listens to our podcast who has a dabs account on Instagram hell. Yeah, who like just
[00:02:31] Every picture is just him filming himself smoking weed legalize any brother
[00:02:36] He comments it on one of my pictures the other day. How do you not wake up every day want to kill yourself?
[00:02:43] You don't have that sweet mother die as medicine to get you through the day like he does, dude. Yeah, that was that was rough
[00:02:51] Some CBD oil. I can't sleep again. Oh, you really yeah
[00:02:55] I had like a week where I thought I was getting that blood pressure shit get up troll and then it's just now
[00:02:59] It's just bad again. Maybe you're working out too much. I'm not working out at all. It took a week off
[00:03:03] Oh, well then maybe to work out a little bit. I don't know because I started working out boys
[00:03:07] It helps you sleep and I'm sleeping like a I'm falling asleep like 11 p.m
[00:03:11] And not doing drugs too. Yeah, not doing drugs big although I was using weed to fall asleep by the way
[00:03:16] Do you see I go out and do spots and I'm not home till fucking 2 30
[00:03:19] That's sure I had I had three nights off in a row and now I have that's nice
[00:03:23] If I go to bed it because I can if I go to bed at 10 p.m
[00:03:27] It's just my thing is if I wake up at six every day no matter what which is like it's weird because you read those lists of like
[00:03:33] Things highly successful people do is that they wake up early?
[00:03:36] Well, I do all the shit on that list, but it's not my choice
[00:03:39] I can't help but fuck wake up. Yeah, and then you're up. You know like why I will might as well get something done. Yeah
[00:03:45] Yeah, you're you're born to to make that money. Yeah, you should be a executive. I should be a
[00:03:50] Call one Wall Street home. Oh, yeah, yeah, what a faggot. It's not those fucking Wall Street Mary's
[00:03:59] What happened to Mary is a term for gay guy. I don't know. I still use it. I like that Nancy boys
[00:04:05] Yeah, I like Mary my favorite is Animaniacs
[00:04:11] Whatever wackos couple of got a couple of Animaniacs
[00:04:14] Yeah, I don't Christopher's just sucking each other's cocks animaniacs style
[00:04:22] What the brain of Anna brainiacs and a brainiacs
[00:04:32] Yeah, well we got baloney in our slice when I see your little dick it makes my
[00:04:38] Bigger dick hard pretty and we dock each other
[00:04:41] I was in a show and some guy asked me if I'd heard of docking
[00:04:45] I think he was propositioning to put my penis in his
[00:04:50] Guido guy walking around the street and passed by the doctor's office and we were like, yeah, I got something you could dock right here pal
[00:04:59] It does nobody say he has something for you pal. You gotta be on circumcise. Who will you come dock?
[00:05:04] I got something you could dock right in
[00:05:07] Yeah, I hear those dreamers is trying to dock
[00:05:14] Freedom freedom politics. Yeah, you're listening to the politics listening to a gay version of Chupo
[00:05:19] This is the politics faggot with Adam free lived in Timothy Joshua
[00:05:23] I'm here with my co-host Adam and today we're saying we're gonna say it Donald Trump is a fucking
[00:05:48] That's how we're gonna get her we're gonna change the definition the and we're the mean Donald Trump
[00:06:01] We okay, we really missed the mark with dangerous
[00:06:08] No, he's got all his fun that cancer people I have it on good authority that we have permission via Beyonce
[00:06:15] I have the email from Robbie Mook right here. It says go ahead blast those ends away right right at Donald
[00:06:26] We're gonna shit. We're gonna take it to him
[00:06:31] Yeah, dude that will take him down. Yeah, we should try it. I don't care what anybody says. I am not
[00:06:37] That would have that would be fun, you know, you should be political strategist. Yeah
[00:06:49] Well cuz you bald cuz I fucked his wife you bald you talk very madly madlin
[00:06:56] Mary Marley Maitlin Marley Marley Marley
[00:06:59] That one yeah, I fucked her too. Yeah, huh?
[00:07:02] Mm-hmm. Oh, you gotta be deaf the fuck guy looks like that. Yeah, oh
[00:07:12] I don't know if that makes sense no dude. It was fucked up either way. Yeah. Yeah, I gotta I gotta start for you
[00:07:18] I'm gonna say you can't hear how fat you are
[00:07:21] She can hear it all right. Yeah, you can hear the bass
[00:07:25] Thumping from my heart. Yeah, just beating faster than it normally should yeah because of
[00:07:30] So don't you first of all that don't appropriate my culture you wish man based
[00:07:36] You're doing that if anything you're appropriating fat culture by having high blood pressure being jacked
[00:07:41] So you are actually the fucking you're the fucking fucked up guy. Am I yeah? You're the white girl
[00:07:48] Probably fine. Can't wait till it's warm out so we can eat some watermelon
[00:07:53] Picnic table watermelon getting stung by bees
[00:07:55] You know bugs do I want playing skip Jack. Yeah, you know
[00:08:01] Dice Roy and flam down on the block. Yeah, throw in quarters of each other. We got our spat some it take the coop to build
[00:08:13] Open up the fire hoses spray all the blacks, you know, right
[00:08:18] Yeah, play all this little girls play double Dutch getting bubble gum in their hair
[00:08:22] You know fucking please don't know who did it
[00:08:30] Delights right. Who's that one guy that does all those gas paintings of America Norman Rock? Yeah, yeah
[00:08:37] Yeah, just some regular rock well shit Norman Cox well. Yeah. Yeah, no Norman fucks bad
[00:08:42] I think that norm you fucking bitch. Yeah, I missed those days, you know thinking like when we were kids
[00:08:55] So no so I saw Eddie Pearl do stand up at Sarah's show
[00:09:06] Yeah, yeah, extra nippily world that show. Yeah. Yeah, and it's like he was just rambling. He's like
[00:09:13] Girls come down the street. Nobody wanted to fuck the Italian girls because the Jewish girls
[00:09:24] Hadn't he just been fired from letter me had just been fired for saying women aren't funny. Yeah, yeah
[00:09:28] I remember having them letterman proceeded to never book a woman
[00:09:32] Yeah, you just don't say a move on letterman's part. Yeah, I don't know if that's true or not
[00:09:38] They probably did you probably booked a bunch actually right afterwards
[00:09:48] My dick sucked by my mom who talks like she's from Wisconsin, right? That's what happened on the show
[00:09:54] Yeah, that's how his mom talk like that right Bobby don't channel about a show called Bobby's whole
[00:10:03] He rides that tricycle into his own ass
[00:10:10] How would he do it like a he does like a 360 into the staircase unravels
[00:10:19] Around the same time as life with Louie right which was Louie Anderson. Yeah, both of the shows sucked
[00:10:25] Good no, they're good. No, they suck. Louie's gay, right? There's a lot of bad shows. Who's that one?
[00:10:32] It was like the game in Wayne show. Oh the way ahead way head. Yeah, you know, you're a boot. Yep
[00:10:39] Wasn't it called something foot no it was called Wayne head and he had a boot on his head
[00:10:44] Yeah, big-ass fucking food on his foot. Is that his like trying to do the Cosby like the
[00:10:52] You gotta have some zany stuff and they were there were like characters based after all the kids and shit
[00:10:56] Yeah, no Wayne head. He said he's on orthopedic foot. Yeah
[00:11:00] Wayne head is a short-lived Canadian American
[00:11:06] You know it was good as hell though the PJ's yeah PJ's good that wasn't a children show that was a
[00:11:12] Yeah, Clay Clay I know Clay made it sitcom
[00:11:17] Cock we were children when it came out, right? Yeah, uh, well over so Wayne head was a short live PJ's came out in
[00:11:24] 2000 and I think and it only went like most probably two seasons. I think I remember one joke about
[00:11:30] It's on Hulu now, Vanna White's titties popping out
[00:11:34] And he missed it. Yeah, that's what I remember the joke
[00:11:37] I was really sad the hardest that was when he's chasing a rat around the apartment and
[00:11:43] Then the rats on his head and he's chasing around with a gun just firing the gun
[00:11:47] The rats on his head and he like points it he points the gun in his head
[00:11:53] And then he takes like a frying pan or something or a hammer and smash
[00:11:58] That shit rocks dude, yeah, yeah the PJ's the project the VJ's
[00:12:04] Vigroms house we're gonna have the VJ's character. Yeah, did they yeah, well the Chinese guy
[00:12:11] We got it home the building. That's right. Yeah, the only guy that made them out of clay
[00:12:15] The only Jewish cartoon was five oh no, there's some five older rat Jew
[00:12:25] It's about the the infestation of Jewish vermin
[00:12:33] They came on ships. Yeah, it was that was in production
[00:12:37] 1934 the change these are the characters on Wayne head
[00:12:41] Daimy Wayne voice by Orlando Brown Marvin voice by Tico Wells
[00:12:49] voice by Sean Wayans and then big bill voice by Bill Clinton
[00:12:53] And I guess it's a recurring character that was on the show is just no bill then was on the show in office while the show was on
[00:13:00] No chance. That's real. It's real. That's Wikipedia vandalism. No, dude. Here. We got Bill Clinton. Yeah, no, it's him
[00:13:09] President of the United States was voicing and imagine if that happened now
[00:13:13] Imagine if Donald Trump was taking time out of his day to be like a some
[00:13:20] Like if he was on like fucking golfing what the fuck what difference would it really make he's not doing shit?
[00:13:28] Mean that would be a thing. It would be hilarious. He should do it
[00:13:31] And he was on if you're like Stephen Crowder had an animated show well didn't he say he was on Donald Trump
[00:13:36] He's playing like the guy who sells pretzels on the corner
[00:13:41] Fuck yeah, dude, we should write a showing and cast him
[00:13:44] Yeah big dot who wouldn't spread so and all the jokes about him raping women
[00:13:55] Yeah, more about this there's no way Bill Clinton. He probably like recorded it can't be possible. He probably you know what they did they probably took like
[00:14:02] Audio from like interviews and wrote him in or some shit
[00:14:06] Is that guy Orlando Brown that you said is that that crate? He's like crazy, right? Mm-hmm
[00:14:11] No, he's not crazy or that like see through suit. No, that's a guy Orlando Browns from
[00:14:17] From the use it makes seven up yours. That's Orlando Jones. Oh, okay. I think Orlando Brown was from maybe Moisha
[00:14:24] Orlando Brown was also the tackle from the Cleveland Browns then the
[00:14:29] Ravens that got blinded by a refs. There's also Orlando pace who was on the Rams. Yes. He was very good
[00:14:35] He's a great I think yeah, very offensive lineman. Yeah, I think he was a card
[00:14:39] Anyway, Orlando Browns on anything there's a he's on that so raving. Yeah. Yeah, it's that guy
[00:14:44] He's out of his mind crazy. There's like I think now he's like a raving street person
[00:14:49] No, someone else had a yeah, he's from that's a no no no you're thinking of someone else
[00:14:53] It had the plastic the plastic suit Orlando Brown proud family
[00:15:05] Don't watch that shit that much. I wasn't that wasn't a network cartoon. It was
[00:15:09] Cartoon network. I believe yeah, that was not a yeah broadcast television
[00:15:14] So you got me there, man. It does not count the PJs. I love anytime. There's a fat child character
[00:15:21] I was my shit dude a little fat guy on the PJs. I loved him in Logan and stuff a lot biggest
[00:15:27] Yes, I did actually like snuffle up against yeah
[00:15:30] Yeah, I wasn't he's a big fat elephant. He's also Greek. I wasn't
[00:15:36] I wasn't even fat in my sesame Street days. I didn't get fat till I
[00:15:41] Found out I could spend my milk money on cupcakes in second grade and then the rest was history
[00:15:52] Yo, cuz you could you could spend your milk money my mom gave me milk money every day
[00:15:57] But it turns out people would just give away their milks if you asked because they didn't give a fuck about milk
[00:16:01] So I got milk for free and then I got 30 cents to spend on cupcakes motherfucker
[00:16:06] Yeah, and there's some old bitch that would sell cupcakes in the school cafeteria clearly just you know
[00:16:11] I'm sure that's what caused it. Not some sort of other pathology. No
[00:16:16] Specifically the cupcake deal was missed Dorothy and then it honking me fucking broccoli and asparagus and you know
[00:16:22] No, but making healthy choices. No, but bro. I went ham at lunch
[00:16:26] I'm telling you yeah a cupcake every fucking day
[00:16:30] I used to be bad as shit. I've come home and just do it cereal. Yeah all night
[00:16:35] I would eat Hebrew National hot dogs. That was my shit. Fuck. Yeah. I would ask my mom for a big hot dog
[00:16:41] Not kosher. Yeah, it's just marketing. Wow. Good. I mean good. I was always there was always like a hangout for me buying it
[00:16:49] So yeah, you don't want this hard dog, but I don't want this money going to kill Rachel Corey. Yeah
[00:16:54] Yeah, so we're land of brown six days ago was arrested by bounty hunters
[00:17:01] Hell yeah, I mean if you're gonna get arrested by bounty hunters was a dog of the bounty hunter
[00:17:05] I hope so did he get to see his wife's big-ass titties
[00:17:11] Beth do that show rocked that was the best. Yeah, we talked about literally last episode
[00:17:17] Fuck I'm hungry, dude. Should I do weight-watt? I gave you I'd be back on my bullshit and do like pointers and stuff
[00:17:22] How do you do it? Do you have to pay the money? I think you do
[00:17:26] Here's a thing that you're rich as a little kid. I did wait watch that I almost lost weight
[00:17:33] I did lose weight, but I had to go to Greece that summer. I was doing great, dude
[00:17:38] I was playing basketball. Yeah, I was fucking I was the pounds were coming off and then you went
[00:17:42] I would attend the meetings with my mom and then I went to Greece and then there was just a lamb on a spit
[00:17:47] Bro, I would I got I would I would eat four year old as a fucking meal by the end of my trip
[00:17:52] I was there for six weeks. Yeah, wow and I was 12 years old
[00:17:57] Shit, I want that so bad. We should go to Greece. What are we gonna do?
[00:18:00] We should take trips this summer. What the fuck? Let's go on vacays and do pods. Yeah, why not?
[00:18:06] I could do that. We got to go to Vancouver to do the episode with you. Fuck. Yeah, let's do it
[00:18:11] Yeah, I think let's do Vancouver, Seattle
[00:18:15] Toronto let's do a whole damn Canadian tour. I know Seattle's on Canada relax
[00:18:18] But I would like to go to fucking Canada Vancouver is really nice Toronto's one of our biggest fucking cities apparently yeah
[00:18:25] And London they send you those analytics. Yeah, finally dude. Yeah, and I don't know if they're even good
[00:18:31] Yeah, they're weird. They're like Long Island cities counted as a city. Well, they just count every like municipality and
[00:18:40] Never listen at the creek. Yeah, I've literally never listened to this
[00:18:48] People DM me or like I've probably heard I've probably heard total
[00:18:58] To one episode that was the one right measure your narcissist no I was on a bus you're a fucking insane narcissist no love hearing yourself
[00:19:06] I listen no I was on a bus and I I re-listen to that episode and it was very funny. I listen
[00:19:11] So many people were telling me about say your own podcast is funny
[00:19:14] No, I cuz I've never I'd never listened to food. He had a great bit though. I still think about
[00:19:28] I fell asleep during that episode. It seems like it was great. It was a great. Oh, yeah, that's right
[00:19:33] Yeah, and that was the one where we were doing all the bread
[00:19:44] This can't become a clip show, but yeah, why not whatever because that's it's not fair
[00:19:49] It won't be I just don't know fair to the consumer
[00:19:51] I wanted to be listen to him talking about getting a midget plastic surgery and then what other ways could we get around pedophilia laws?
[00:20:00] Get around. Oh, well, okay. Here's one you become a powerful politician
[00:20:12] That's the way oh you could be you could be an orthodox
[00:20:15] Rabbi living in Williamsburg you're allowed to suck off kids in there's special good special laws that only apply to you
[00:20:21] I like that. No, I was both pretty had a vouch for me on that so it doesn't just sound like I'm making it up
[00:20:27] I don't know if that's true. I go ahead. Yeah, it's pretty it's funny up on this
[00:20:40] Also the part about the special laws. Yeah, they have their lies you lies you said Cuomo. It's Cuomo. Yeah. Yeah
[00:20:47] Oh, you know, it's funny Cuomo can now reuse
[00:20:50] Vote for Cuomo not the home not the homo. She is dead. Yeah. Yeah. She's well. She's bisexual actually
[00:20:55] Shout out to Cynthia, dude. Yeah, that's not my girl. Apparently they suck cock
[00:21:01] Hmm. That was originally coach. Yeah, it's a cock. Yeah. Yeah, but he was like a self-hating
[00:21:06] How about that? Why did they say that? I think I'll am Ed suck cock. I probably did you remember when we were kids
[00:21:13] He was on the people's court for a while. He was
[00:21:16] Know it was a shine. Let me see the guy I remember he just had like a coach Ed. Cosh did it for a little while too
[00:21:22] I did not recall that maybe I'm wrong. I saw a new judge show. They got now called the couple's court
[00:21:29] Hell yeah, it's too. It's a it's a middle-aged black couple that are yes that are both judges
[00:21:35] And then it's not even court cases. It's like you got to stop cheating on her
[00:21:42] Yes, they're not even judges. There's no other
[00:21:53] Their muppets yeah the last day only died the only muppets not boys by black people
[00:22:02] Yeah, Jim Henson had a had a dream about it
[00:22:05] Tope it without black people we just made them out of puppets and they found that he died working on it
[00:22:13] And they carefully fucking scrubbed all those
[00:22:18] Was working on a fucking genocide like a eugenics muppets now actually I can't imagine
[00:22:24] That's so far from being anything other than just an absurd thought you had
[00:22:39] Now that you now that you mention it it does seem like that's what he was trying to do by making Grover
[00:22:46] Thank you. What is good for the boss draft the black stand up
[00:22:51] You fucked up not a single muppet has lips true not except Janice who's Janice yes a lot enough to go around Janice is the girl from
[00:23:05] Circus no is that a company electric circus no the name is electric lighter
[00:23:10] I'm up at the muppet band has a name. Oh, yeah, I don't know. Yeah animals is on the drums and stuff
[00:23:15] Yeah, animals on the drums what's the name of the Fox?
[00:23:18] And we'll definitely fuck what's the name of the guy Gonzco Gonzco Fox chicken with electric
[00:23:23] It's like a play on electric lady land. I don't know man. I'm in the fucking puppet band. God damn it. Who cares I care
[00:23:31] Anyway, I think that's what he was doing and you can't prove otherwise dr. Teeth in the electric mayhem. Hmm dr. T
[00:23:38] I just watched a mr. T mr. Pussy T. I watched a short movie. He made like a
[00:23:48] He won like best really best short at the Oscars. What about that shit with Bowie in it?
[00:23:53] What was I she called with Jim Hens labyrinth labyrinth labyrinth is out on 4k is it? Oh?
[00:23:59] Jennifer Connolly dude. She's I used to have such a I would have
[00:24:02] When I was a teenager man, how old is she like 12 or something 13? Oh, she said lab in labyrinth
[00:24:09] But I mean like I wanted to hurt her as an adult when I was a teenager
[00:24:12] I wanted oh, I was like in love with Jen. Yeah, I wanted to fuck her so fucking bad
[00:24:17] I still do I went to see house in sand and fog just cuz like right
[00:24:27] Salma Hayek was after me and then when she comes back in 30 rock, huh? Yeah, that's like
[00:24:31] Yeah, we watch this all the time. I'm a high-act a lot and you know be crucial to she had a fat mouth
[00:24:41] It's like a Greek trans person named Penippoly
[00:24:50] I could work with that. Oh shit the new God of War came out yesterday. I should be playing to play that I fucking want to
[00:24:56] Let's become a Twitter. I don't like it's not on my shit. No, it's PlayStation. You fucking idiot
[00:25:02] Imbecile you fucking no man. Rube what game am I gonna pretend like you know about game?
[00:25:08] Yeah, why years of war is years of war is what I'm thinking that's expert
[00:25:11] But there hasn't been a gears game in a while. I think I think three was the last one that came out
[00:25:15] I don't know and I don't even know we should become twitch streamers, dude. You don't have to play video games on
[00:25:20] You don't have to I might just do a woodworking one. Yeah, great. Yeah, they're just trying to make it like all live streaming
[00:25:26] No, fuck you. I can't wait until this weather gets nice. We should do an NBA playoff game on on twitch
[00:25:32] I gotta get those things fuck around with it those tables going
[00:25:36] Did you order it what your router table? No, I'm gonna have that sent here
[00:25:40] I know but I mean I don't even really need a router table for anything just yet. Uh-huh right now
[00:25:45] I just can't you make one or router table. Yeah, yeah, I made one my dad made one
[00:25:49] I made one my old apartment. Yeah. Yeah, I turned the desk in my room
[00:25:52] Right and cut a hole out and then router router plate insert out of Lexan
[00:25:59] But I only did it a couple times because it's so fucking loud and generate so much like you know saw dust mm-hmm
[00:26:03] No, not heat. I mean I generate it's hot. I get pissed
[00:26:10] Hot to the touch yeah, dude everyone says that about you when you're riffing yeah, you get you get a fever my boys too hot
[00:26:16] Every time after people don't notice but after podcast we throw Nick into an ice bath. Yep. It's true
[00:26:21] It's like a life. Yeah, sometimes you know, you know you riff too hard
[00:26:25] You know when he when he cuts the podcast off abruptly and you're like hey, what the fuck?
[00:26:29] We feel like it could have gone longer. He's not being inconsiderate or not giving a fuck
[00:26:33] We have to throw in the ice bath there. I'll die. Yeah
[00:26:37] Yeah, I was like the thing is when you wake up and like somebody's removed your kidneys. Yes
[00:26:42] And it's like what like that seems like there's better organs to steal, you know cock right?
[00:26:58] racist muppets well, it's like it's so much effort to like steal someone's kidneys and then leave them alive
[00:27:04] Prosecutors gonna be like well he didn't kill the guy so I guess we should I think he probably would there's got to be a difference
[00:27:10] Between killing someone's if you cut off if you
[00:27:14] Removed someone's kidney if you drug them stole their kidneys and left them in a bathtub. You're going both kids
[00:27:19] You're going to prison for 20 years. Yeah, but if you kill them don't you go to do you go to prison for turn a life?
[00:27:25] 25 the life good behavior out in two years. Yeah, maybe maybe
[00:27:33] Good behavior. Yeah, we got a really good
[00:27:42] Good behavior means you were raped so many times
[00:27:47] It means you won the football game against the guards. Mm-hmm. Yep. That's another way did curtsies at the warden
[00:27:54] Hello, mr. Warden you were never raped because it was always consensual. That's the best behavior in prison. That's good behavior
[00:28:02] Sucking off the guards getting fucked by all the prisoners watching some documentary on prison rape
[00:28:07] And there's a guy who rapes people in prison talking about he's like well what you do is you
[00:28:12] You make them take the basil in out of two and put on their asshole that way if they tell on you
[00:28:16] You can say look at his hand. He did it, you know
[00:28:20] It's like just saying it to the camera and it's like
[00:28:25] Yeah, also you're raping him. He's clearly scared of you
[00:28:31] You can get him to put bazzling on his hands
[00:28:35] OJ was in jail before he got out recently. He was like telling everyone else in jail
[00:28:39] He's like yeah, when I get out. I'm gonna fuck this shit out of Kim Kardashian
[00:28:46] Like yeah, man like solely about her time. I've known her since she's a little girl
[00:28:49] But when I get up, I'm probably gonna fuck Kim Kardashian. Yo, oh jeez fucking wild
[00:28:56] I told you I got to go to that bar and hang out with him. Let's go
[00:29:01] It's right by my parents. We should do a Vegas show man. I
[00:29:07] We should do a fucking yeah, let's go. Let's let's get a banquet hall of a Bellagio
[00:29:12] There is a dude there was a dude at that mic that was in full
[00:29:15] Alien makeup like like serious like what do you call it like a latex like really and his whole act was about being an alien and
[00:29:30] It's pretty hard that you know this immigration thing is pretty hard for us aliens
[00:29:37] Awesome, it's pretty cool. I felt good connecting like what is that guy?
[00:29:41] He's gonna happen. He's gonna tour is the alien guy. He's gonna get on like Fallon shout out to that guy
[00:29:48] I think I took an Instagram picture. Oh, yeah, yeah
[00:29:53] Yeah, should we go to Vegas Nick, what do you think? Yeah, what are you doing right now? I'm looking at different muppets
[00:30:01] What's your favorite one? I don't know. I don't really give a shit about Fosie's awesome. I fuck
[00:30:05] I've used a fuck with Fosie's a stand-up comic. Yeah, but it's like a yeah
[00:30:09] It's a cute little fat little fat stand-up comic Sarah kind of looks like sweetums
[00:30:26] That's the worst case scenario for Sarah sweetums
[00:30:46] That's pretty good. Look how big he is. He was just a massive
[00:30:51] No, man, I didn't really like some British accent or something. No, no, but he was like kind of smart
[00:30:56] Look how big he is compared to Kermit. Yeah, that's not a scale size scale. Well, it's Kermit's a fraud. No sweetums was big as shit
[00:31:04] Dude, yeah, he was gigantic everyone knows that what the fuck. Do you guys not watch them up it?
[00:31:07] I didn't watch them up. It was kind of before our time a little no was like
[00:31:11] Nothing you one. There's another one. Well, there's Muppet babies. That was our muppet babies rocked my car
[00:31:16] Yeah, she was awesome. Remember all the adults were just from the ankle down or something
[00:31:20] She was sexy s ankles. Yeah, that's what I got into feet. Yeah
[00:31:25] How to suck them up at babies mom's feet
[00:31:28] What about Tom and Jerry the racist black lady caricature? Oh, yeah, fuck is this bean bunny?
[00:31:33] Let me see. I was one of the muppets. Let me see this is a rabbit named bean
[00:31:37] I don't remember bean bunny. I'm pretty excited about this summer because I think it's it's my first summer as an out
[00:31:46] You know, you know, you're just stealing this your pellet, right which one how much money he had to make before he could
[00:31:52] Maybe he was I'm not stealing that bit. I'm just it didn't have anything. Yeah, you did steal the bit man
[00:31:57] I just have discovered in the last I just realized what Nick said is true. You are stealing the bit
[00:32:03] I mean come on dude. So so one other comedian likes feet
[00:32:07] Yeah, do you know how many comedians like feet zero a lot? You're right you're also there also every comic you're right
[00:32:13] You're a hack just like them. I wasn't doing a bit. I'm just saying I ever do sound like a bit
[00:32:22] I don't believe that you really like feet show us right now jack off between my feet. Yeah have sex with
[00:32:32] Do it you fucking no, okay, first of all what do you think of these I need to put your feet
[00:32:49] They're powerful really strong looking today's strong, but they're so like yeah
[00:32:54] You can make a nice steak out of my feet probably Adam fuck his feet fuck my feet fuck stop
[00:33:01] Fuck dosh is sweet. Where's your girlfriend? Yeah, bring that is doshy here. She's get your damn wife
[00:33:05] She's in the Upper East side. We got a little little bitter Rooney, Judy
[00:33:10] Why don't you call her up right now say hey, noober hey sugar sugar toes sugar toes why don't you get down here?
[00:33:17] We got a let me fuck that Achilles tendon. I gotta solve a I
[00:33:21] Gotta prove something. I gotta prove myself. It's my mates. Yeah, my fetish is
[00:33:26] Sucking on titties. I'm weird that way. Yeah, I'm kind of that's my kink is sucking on titties. I've done so much
[00:33:35] And it's like there's no apprehension about doing anything
[00:33:40] Getting my dick so I'll do any I've done and will do anything. I don't know if I would shit like gay sex
[00:33:50] Bro you just at Nick's adding fuel to the sex with gay men fire
[00:33:56] I think you should keep it going. Yeah, it's a branding decision
[00:34:00] Is doing it he can't help it because he is gay. No, I
[00:34:05] Think I might be asexual no no chance. No chance. You're asexual. What do you mean? No chance?
[00:34:10] You've been horny as hell in the past brother in the past. Yeah, that's not how it being asexual works
[00:34:15] You don't just turn yes you do really chop your cock off. Did someone chop your cock off Nick? I tried that
[00:34:24] Get a boy squire you get a katana fuck the Japanese
[00:34:31] She cut my dick off the sword, but it just grew back. Yeah strong
[00:34:35] I want to get her. I wish she wasn't so lame to have a katana because it would be nice to have one dude get one
[00:34:40] Who cares? I just want to do a couple of cuts, you know my friend in LA Danny had a yeah
[00:34:44] And then that guy broke in and he didn't fucking cut his head off. Well, he he bust out the room. Oh, yeah
[00:34:49] I mean it literally 12 hours prior. He was like this thing anybody brought better breaks in here
[00:34:58] I forgot about and then somebody broke in that night and he didn't kill him
[00:35:03] Well, he did and it's like now you're just some faggot with a sword so true
[00:35:07] He's not he's we gotta go back. I want to go back. I missed Danny. I
[00:35:13] Miss Danny. I miss Korean barbecue on the east on the west coast. Yeah, I'll tell you what man
[00:35:17] I like that guy until he fucking didn't kill that other guy
[00:35:22] Flynn choked that was his moment until he did it
[00:35:27] Fucking moment. I mean imagine you have a sword
[00:35:30] Specifically to kill a drunk a confused drunk man. I was not that much of a problem and left immediately
[00:35:40] We should have killed it was that we were all just sleeping on the couch. I was living on the couch
[00:35:45] I was on the floor. Oh, yeah, cuz Nick had a place. I forgot. Yeah, Nick was in his place in Korea
[00:35:51] Yeah, that had like fucking security cameras. We could never saw it
[00:36:02] He looks at me like are you calls friend?
[00:36:08] A comic from Austin lives here who somebody told me a story he didn't tell me but I heard it through
[00:36:12] Through this tell this rumor friend. Yeah, I don't know
[00:36:15] I don't know drop this room exact details
[00:36:17] But he was like asleep and then in the middle of the night
[00:36:20] It's just some enormous trans woman going through his closet
[00:36:24] He like wait, so he's like what the fuck and they're like just I'm cool Derek
[00:36:28] Just me just crash here and it was this giant trans person trying to sleep in his closet
[00:36:34] Yeah, he was like what the fuck you know, you gotta get out. Yeah, it was a drunk trans person
[00:36:39] It just somehow like had keys to his apartment. What yeah, you got to get out or pay the price. Yeah
[00:36:59] Grass I've tried grass. I've tried pot. I can't believe what somebody sent me a clip of Tom Myers
[00:37:07] I'm like some like Comcast interview series comparing himself to George Carlin and Lenny Bruce
[00:37:14] And he's wearing like a big ass suit that rules. I think I was on that same thing. Yeah, it was a Macguys
[00:37:21] Access it was a sit down there. Oh come not Comcast
[00:37:26] Public access show like in the DC. Oh, maybe that is what that was the Comcast open mic thing. Yeah
[00:37:31] Yeah, I remember people listening that is a credit. Yeah, Tom cast
[00:37:40] Things and it wasn't there half the time a cable provider
[00:37:50] That was big for me dude, I remember thinking damn about to be famous off this shit
[00:37:54] Yeah, listen joke about not being able to wipe my ass
[00:37:57] Yeah, did you do it? I had to do that show I did that not the not the
[00:38:01] Comcast couldn't wipe your ass, but I'm back now, baby back to why I'm here back to wipe my ass
[00:38:06] I did hot yoga for a while and my dexterity is forever improved
[00:38:11] Even as I get fat in in Astoria in Baltimore
[00:38:14] I had a three-month stretch right here's a hot yoga place down the street. Then my girlfriend's been going to she's trying to get me to go
[00:38:21] I like hot yoga fat yoga. What's that? It's all fat. It's all fat. That's pretty cool
[00:38:27] It says it's a just a room with a bunch of chairs
[00:38:45] When I was when I was girl wiped her brow there is a
[00:38:48] There's a public access show for like workouts for old people
[00:38:53] And it was just an old lady in a chair and she would never get up from the chair
[00:38:57] And she would just like move her leg up and then move the other leg up
[00:39:00] And it was just an hour of a woman like doing in chair exercises. That's pretty good
[00:39:04] Yeah, you can try that maybe now dude. I'm about to get big ass arm for the summer. I've decided dude your arms are big
[00:39:10] I'm trying to get a bigger dude. Yeah, you can do curls all the time. What about your shoulders? It fucked up?
[00:39:16] Yeah, my shoulders fucked up. So you can't finish gonna
[00:39:20] How about the both legs weights? Yeah, the both legs weights. I just wanted to click in
[00:39:25] You got a clicking system. Yep. Yeah, I'm gonna. I'm gonna just fucking do curls, dude
[00:39:30] Yeah, I should get back into curls curls is my shit now curls at all
[00:39:35] Weighted chins. Huh? I can't do those. I'm too fat. Yeah, what's weighted chins?
[00:39:43] I'm just trying to be big big arms no titties. That's those are my only fitness goals
[00:39:48] Your breasts look okay on your body though. I know I know I have pretty small titties. You're very no
[00:39:53] They're huge. No, they're little no they're huge. They're not huge. They're probably bigger than my
[00:39:58] Yeah, you have you have a enormous brass. Yeah, they're not in there. No way enormous
[00:40:03] You're you're you're at least a sea cup. No chance. I'm a
[00:40:08] He's a full sea. Yeah, that's a that's a cup baby. No look the problem is you think it's an a cup
[00:40:13] But it's like it's like you you were like probably like a 57 C
[00:40:17] No, no, yeah in terms of what the number is the circumference of the strap you measure it measure under the
[00:40:30] No, you're not talking the rest, but your cup size is a C no
[00:40:33] Possibly a day. How about this our first twitch stream our first twitch stream will be at Victoria's yeah
[00:40:43] I'm down for that. Actually, that sounds pretty funny
[00:40:46] We make that poor sales associate like how after you said that you quickly stopped laughing and just were staring directly through the
[00:40:53] Table often in the distance. No, it sounds great. No, I think we finally reached your limit
[00:40:58] No, I don't know how much I really don't give a fuck no about my titties. Well, we got a paper right here
[00:41:04] I am shockingly not the measure. Yeah, you hear I'll do it here. You can wrap
[00:41:10] You don't know what you're doing. I do know what I'm doing. I'm doing a cup size. I measure titties constant
[00:41:16] Look, no, I don't want it. I don't you're not measuring me. Do you are?
[00:41:19] That's not even that's gonna hurt. No, it's not though. He's like gonna hurt you just just be still right
[00:41:24] So your breasts extend from your chest for ages and then underneath you have no you're pressing too hard
[00:41:35] So four inches top to bottom and then two and a half inches deep. That's not that big those are little titties
[00:41:41] That's a pretty big. That's a that's a lie. Oh, are you out of your fun?
[00:41:44] You guys don't like titties, so you know what you're talking about. I like Adam. You don't like titties first of all
[00:41:49] I've experienced some of the largest breasts this world I
[00:41:56] Love the god damn my fucking jungle tour. I went down the Amazon
[00:42:02] Got my one of those this bike the fish went up my dick hole
[00:42:05] And I risked it all just so I could go see the fountain of bust
[00:42:17] To find the biggest titty we found the bus
[00:42:38] Short film the founder we search for the fountain of bust the search for the founder bus
[00:42:43] They're in there and the bus lost gets to Adam quick I grow and like I
[00:42:48] Used to have I used to have a huge one before my goatee would connect what like a big Spanish conquistador mustache goatee
[00:42:55] Calm. Yeah. Yeah, I want those in DC. You should get a few man shoe going
[00:43:00] No, I don't mean that's for guys like you can't grow real mustache with a few man shoes with the bars going down
[00:43:05] Yeah, well, it's just if you grow out the corners for too long
[00:43:09] It's not the corners. It's like no corner goes all the way down corners way down this part. Yeah. Yeah
[00:43:16] That's what a few man. I think I'm shaving my mustache. You should you look bad. Yeah, I look nice
[00:43:21] But it does it first of all it wouldn't look bad if you just like edged it up a bit. Yeah
[00:43:29] Use the top part you also have eggs them all over the top of your well. Yeah, I've dry skin under my look
[00:43:34] Oh, yeah, it looks like shit. Yeah, it looks terrible. Yeah, it looks like a bunch of
[00:43:37] Moisturize under my beautiful moist skin. Yeah, the way the way you voice your
[00:43:42] Facial above you don't have to diagnose me with things. You have some fuck
[00:43:47] First of all, I will give me the tape measure
[00:43:50] I play your dick Adam. All right, I'll make some
[00:43:54] What I like to is it stops cleavage has its own
[00:43:57] There's a smooth line all the way across his chest or his breast fold over in the middle. You books like what you see
[00:44:14] Victoria secret and then the lady refused to I say I'm trying to give us service
[00:44:19] I'm trying and then you say you're trans then we start a whole like anti give me a wig
[00:44:23] Give me a wig sort of like people are mad at Starbucks right now. We could get mad at Victoria's secret
[00:44:28] There's a lot of stuff. Would you get breast enlargement surgery? No, I would not
[00:44:32] This here's a what about for like a day is I bet that about here's a hypothetical for you. Okay, so
[00:44:39] You get breast reduction surgery for free. Okay, they pay for it, right? They completely remove your breast
[00:44:45] But they make the other one bigger. So you have one big one one normal tit. That's a good that's kind of bordering on a stop
[00:44:52] Hypothesis going on with not do that. I
[00:44:59] What if one of the tits, you know squeeze that chocolate milk and now we got some
[00:45:03] Yeah, you know, I got one little I got no titty and then one chocolate milk titty. That's a hypothetical. That's good. You know
[00:45:12] Would you enjoy this is back to you drinking stuff that comes out of your body
[00:45:20] To this hypothetical as the king of hypotheticals
[00:45:24] So easily get I had a dream. I was drinking Hershey's syrup in water because I didn't have any milk
[00:45:30] Dream last night. I was like, why am I doing this myself? This tastes like shit. Yeah, I could never my move used to be water in cereal
[00:45:37] Yeah, I was about to say you guys ever do that I tried it one time
[00:45:40] It's like no just eat the cereal. My grandmother used to always do that shit. She fucking she had to flee the Nazis
[00:45:50] She's a yeah, you're red diaper. That's me baby. She had to flee the Nazis red diaper star
[00:46:03] But you were present from the old country. Yeah, yeah
[00:46:08] What's funny I do do all over my ass with these diapers is terrible
[00:46:12] Look at you nice. Come here. Look at this. I don't got do do all over my pussy and ass
[00:46:21] It's like a elderly black lady who's like upset with the quality of diapers. Yeah, this is this is horrible
[00:46:30] Have you ever said look at all the doodoo?
[00:46:32] My pussy my pussy my pussy is filled with this field to the brim
[00:46:49] That's why I said I did that you know you can skimp on some things, but you're diapers you always got to get top quality
[00:47:07] I'm over here looking like the goddamn Chinese buffet
[00:47:13] Sounds like you gotta you had a we better watch your favorite movie to calm down. What's my favorite movie?
[00:47:18] I don't know. Maybe it's the dark night
[00:47:20] Why would it be the dark night? It's the lady who thinks who loves the Joker? Oh
[00:47:24] Oh, oh, I know you're mean. Oh, yeah, so if you could lactate one liquid out of your tip for the rest of your life
[00:47:38] I'm tempted to say coconut water coconut water is nice because if I'm dehydrated exactly
[00:47:45] You have a hangover just squated right into my fucking now. It is a temperature, but it has to be body temp
[00:47:50] I guess it would be that why would you go acid that burns people's skin and eyes cuz I'm a lover?
[00:47:57] I'm not out to wait. It's working on water. It's you. That's me. I if I could lactate
[00:48:02] Oh, you would like to ask it. Yeah, because then what if it drips on you man?
[00:48:07] What about a girl you're fucking she's fucking you and she touched you touch your tits squirts up into her face. Yeah, she dies
[00:48:14] Fucking rule, you know, you should get Nick you should get one of those flowers that squirts people like lapel flowers
[00:48:20] Oh, that is literally a thing the Joker would do
[00:48:30] I forgot to mention this on the podcast, but I witnessed a murder. Oh, yeah
[00:48:40] Yeah, no that was fucking insane that's wild. Yeah, it's like 20 feet for my window
[00:48:45] She's sitting there and you just like pop pop pop pop and it's like unmistakable. It's a gun
[00:48:52] You know, it's funny cuz you think about like what would you do in that circumstance?
[00:48:56] And I know your katana. I know the answer now. No, it's I continue watching that video of somebody edited where Zach Braff is listening to the
[00:49:08] Didn't even give it a pause. No, I paused it when the gun went off
[00:49:11] I'm like yeah, I mean it was like it's literally right the fuck outside my loudest voice
[00:49:16] Yeah, and I mean it's a gun like there's no way we alone
[00:49:20] Jesus it was a pop pop pop pop yeah four shots
[00:49:23] I mean it was and it was a gun. He's like no way could be anything. Oh god shot. I don't know
[00:49:30] You know a kid neighborhood fellas. Yeah, just you know guy one of the block guys
[00:49:36] I guess some old guy I didn't tell you guys, but
[00:49:39] I'm sure whatever you're about to say it's definitely better than
[00:49:48] Yeah, please go ahead. I'm sure it doesn't matter because whatever it is. We're gonna ridicule you for put so say it now
[00:49:56] But finish your story and then we'll you say it then we'll really
[00:50:05] Know if it's even that funny, but it's not funny, but it's crazy
[00:50:07] No, it does fuck you up. I'm gonna listen to that
[00:50:11] Yeah, that lady like wailing and running up and down the block
[00:50:16] Yeah, she came outside and they're like husband or son or whatever
[00:50:24] Right there this woman comes out she fucking
[00:50:29] Cuz it took like four or five minutes for the cops to show up because you know
[00:50:34] So and the precincts like two blocks away, so I figured but as soon as they started showing up like the block was shut down
[00:50:40] You know, it's like 50. Could you not leave your house? No, I could leave my house, but they taped up the block and yeah
[00:50:45] Yeah, Jesus Christ. There's still there's still blood all over the sidewalk. Holy fuck. Yeah, they don't clean that up
[00:50:52] They don't clean it up. That's what you know
[00:50:55] You walk around and you see what looks like a pool of blood dried on the sidewalk and it is looks like yeah
[00:50:59] It's probably is Jesus no way man. No, I mean it's sitting right there and it's just gonna stain the fucking sidewalk
[00:51:07] Damn. Yeah, that'll be like that forever
[00:51:10] Jesus can you believe that guy? Yeah, that's crazy fucking yeah, that's a bummer
[00:51:19] Well, it's weird cuz you think about it. It's like that guy was like I'm gonna I'm gonna just I'm gonna go shoot this guy
[00:51:26] I have a dispute with he pulls up and then kills him then gets in a car and drives away and that's like
[00:51:30] It's like the worst thing you can do really is just a murder someone out
[00:51:35] On the street right right with it right?
[00:51:38] He made it was early evening right it was eight eight 40 p.m. So it wasn't fully dark. It was dark
[00:51:45] It was night. It was it was dark out. Yeah, did you see a car?
[00:51:49] No, I mean I like looked out my window, but I didn't really see anything because it happened
[00:51:53] I saw the body though. I saw them putting them in the ambulance shit. My Ron. Yeah, that's wild anyway Adam
[00:52:00] What was your story? That's just good as that no, it wasn't I was gonna go ahead say it
[00:52:04] I was just outside just now and this guy points at Victor's car and he's like tell him
[00:52:10] I don't get my money. I'll break his windows and I was like
[00:52:15] That's like you my witness you my witness like that's not how you don't want a witness. Yeah
[00:52:21] Yeah, he's plotting crime. He said that he told me that
[00:52:25] He told me you're gonna be a witness to this. I'm gonna murder this man. No, he said that I promise me
[00:52:38] I'm gonna break the break the victors windows of his car Jesus and then I'm like I just didn't say anything
[00:52:44] And then he's like tell me tell him OG told you that and I was like
[00:52:58] I don't want to be in the middle of this right this down you tell that sharp bitch
[00:53:06] God God I can't wait till Adam gets murdered because he gets caught up in a fucking
[00:53:11] neighborhood dispute no Victor's my friend
[00:53:14] Yeah, but oh jee doesn't know yeah being friends with these guys is how you get murdered. Mm-hmm
[00:53:18] That's why I don't speak to anybody. That's right except I followed the guy that shot that guy and I became friends with him
[00:53:28] Yeah, no the police were like do you see anything and I was like
[00:53:32] Nope, you know and then I texted him right and then I just hide the business card the guy gave
[00:53:39] John Jonathan Jonathan Boston murderer. Oh
[00:53:43] Oh, he's from Boston. No, that's just his name. Whoa, that's cool
[00:53:47] You were telling me he wanted to hang out with you later tonight at the fucking down by the docks. Yeah
[00:53:53] He's gonna teach me a lesson in keeping secrets. Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, I told him I have a podcast
[00:54:00] He was like that's great. He's like come don't tell anyone you're coming down to the dogs
[00:54:25] That'll be fun man, I'm kind of jealous it's fun to have friends that you keep secrets with
[00:54:34] That's a big part of friendship is keeping each other secret that would be a good move for me is to follow that man
[00:54:41] That murdered somebody else be like cool
[00:54:45] That was I thought that was pretty cool, but you did that
[00:54:49] Fuck I know you can solve the crime dude. You can solve it vigilante. No, I'm not about that shit
[00:54:57] First of all, there's no such thing as justice. Oh, yeah
[00:55:05] How do we know the guy that got shot didn't unjustify the other dude do bad justice the other
[00:55:16] This so grieved a K a the murder victim as it were
[00:55:23] Do we know that no we don't arrest my kiss. Yeah, he did. I mean he cut him in line
[00:55:38] What are you doing like I got this I do this all the time
[00:55:43] I was just cock out well the death penalty wasn't really on the table, but
[00:55:51] Yeah, they don't listen to the defense attorney is like he does that thing where he's got the bag of fake shit in his ass
[00:55:56] And he's pulling the shit out and eating it
[00:55:59] Just like what are you doing is I clearly I'm crazy
[00:56:01] I'm an insane person to know no one in their right mind convict the client of an insane man
[00:56:19] That is how it works. That'll be awesome. You get a crazy lawyer
[00:56:23] That's a double jeopardy brother. Mm-hmm. Tommy Lee Jones Ashley Judd. Mm-hmm. I used to want to fuck her to
[00:56:31] I get that she look pretty understand that now me poor me
[00:56:35] Tommy Pease's pants Natalie poor man, dude back in my spank bank. She's back in the mix. Yeah, Natalie Hogman congrats
[00:56:43] Natalie Portland and we poor no, she just is real
[00:56:46] She's woke now what she said about Israel. She's refusing to take some sort of award or something gave it to bizreal
[00:56:57] Shut shut was I didn't see the whole story, but I think some kind of animal
[00:57:01] So I'm kind of a kangaroo was pumped into death by rocks
[00:57:45] Wait, wait, wait, wait, they the kangaroo was killed after zoo visitors lob rocks at trying to make the animal hop
[00:58:02] Chinese are gonna fuck us up dude. Oh damn. Here's a picture of the guy. He looks like a good guy
[00:58:19] Language just says like the Doppler effect applied to it. What's the dog? Oh damn look how big this frog is
[00:58:25] Where you looking at frog? Goliath frogs are now in dangerous species hunted for food. How big is it? Oh?
[00:58:31] Damn, let me see. Are they tasty. Sorry. It's just a page deleted so you can't say whatever bitch
[00:58:36] I'll look up goliath frog right here on my phone. Don't look it. Don't lie. It's a huge ass frog. Fuck you
[00:58:43] Yeah, dude, the Chinese are fucking out of control. It's hilarious. Look at the size of this gator
[00:58:48] Holy shit damn damn that is big y'all you're listening to the big animal podcast
[00:59:00] That looks that is a big horse. You know, I think we're seven two moose's are biggest fuck by the way
[00:59:07] Did you know that there's me's they're not going to use his their miss their miss actually the guy think it might be moose
[00:59:13] Moose are biggest fuck moose is the plural and muh muh muh muh is no moose moose's they're both moose
[00:59:21] Let's look it up right now. Why are you using incognito mode for jacking off?
[00:59:25] So it doesn't so I don't have cookies or doing more cookies. Yo, you know why I have to use incognito mode because I logged
[00:59:32] I gave my mom my own. Yeah, the usual hold on. Hold on. Usually we'll plural of moose's moose. So yeah, yeah, okay
[00:59:39] Okay, so guess who is right no one said you what it's like what it's like a group of excuse me
[00:59:44] No one said you know how like families of different types of animals have weird words
[00:59:49] You know like a rape of deer or something so that was
[00:59:52] Applying murder of talking about a murder of clothes. That's literally the only one you want to do a rape of deer
[00:59:58] What is the moose? What's the family moose calls? There's there's a ton of weird ones. Yeah a hop of bunnies a
[01:00:11] That's something racist of Jews a bunch of penguins is a
[01:00:21] Yeah moose's are biggest fuck though. They're like huge
[01:00:24] Like it's bigger than a truck. Yeah, are they rude or they nice and they're rude boys. They don't fuck around
[01:00:30] Yeah, and what happens is they're the same their legs are like the same height is like the hood of a car
[01:00:35] So people little across the street and people run into them
[01:00:38] The car will just shear off the legs and then there's like a two thousand pounds slab of meat
[01:00:45] Damn decapitates whoever's in the vehicle damn it doesn't sound right, but it sounds crazy. I want to be a crime scene
[01:00:53] You blew it did you get your chance? I yeah, hey before
[01:00:59] The police show up and then it's just me finishing saying something like because and then that's what I said and then I go yeah
[01:01:06] You got Clorox wipes you're just fucking rubbing everything down. I figured I cleaned up the crime scene for your chief
[01:01:24] You just got a thermometer in the blood
[01:01:27] But we will be unable to find the killer as an autistic man has arrived on the scene before us once again
[01:01:56] Me see as I was my city do that that that put Vegas on the map actually me and George and we were in a grease
[01:02:03] We had we had a cousin who we're pretty sure got molested
[01:02:06] Yeah, we used to sing who fucked the cuz
[01:02:10] Who fucked him who fucked the cuz it was probably his grandfather
[01:02:16] It rhymes in Greek. It's better. You know you got molested. He's just weird and you know some people are just weird though
[01:02:22] Yeah, some people though that you were suspect. Yeah did get molested. You know what a group of flies is called
[01:02:29] Israel an atom a freedom this a business a business of floss hilarious
[01:02:35] Yeah, so it's like none of your beeswax. I guess so yeah
[01:02:44] So I just saw a thing they live in hives
[01:02:48] Maybe flies, you know, I would like their loan. Yeah, I feel like a flies. Yeah every fly for themselves
[01:02:54] Shit animals right imagine how bad you had to fuck up in India to come back as a fly in New York
[01:03:00] Yeah, that's gross. That's how well New York's probably better than fucking Mumbai or wherever. Yeah, I guess you're right
[01:03:06] The caste system work right you go to the bottom you're untouchable and if you fuck up is an untouchable
[01:03:11] You come back as a cow if you touch someone
[01:03:14] No, you're just if you touch them wait, I thought cows are better than untouchable aren't cows like the cows are sacred
[01:03:19] I thought cuz they were the top animal underneath people
[01:03:22] Mmm. What's at the bottom pigs? I don't know fuck. No pigs are cool. Yeah, they don't like Pakistani
[01:03:32] Lizards maybe fuck lizards flies are probably pretty low
[01:03:38] Reincarnation is complicated. It's cool though. What happens when they discover new animals. Do they update the list?
[01:03:44] Yeah, yeah, yeah, cuz there's a bunch of different kinds of animals. There's a bunch of shit underwater
[01:03:48] We don't even know about yeah, like one of the deeps vampires. Yeah, it'd be tight to go down there
[01:03:54] We should go to like the body. We should go to the very honest trench James Cameron trying to do that
[01:03:58] He did he did he went to the bottom very bottom very bottom of the mariana stretch really. Yeah, wow that is actually a pretty big dick move
[01:04:08] Yeah, I don't think you did either. I don't think anyone's been down
[01:04:10] He we went pretty deep down though. It's crazy. They went to the mood and we can't go to the bottom of the ocean
[01:04:15] We can why don't we just fucking do it? Why do you think it's pressures to the pressures like crazy?
[01:04:19] Yeah, they could probably they if they could figure how to get to the fucking moon
[01:04:22] They could get to the bottom of the first of all I wouldn't fucking do it. I would yeah
[01:04:25] You want I know I wouldn't but this is a science shit we can learn down there. That sounds like a boring ass time
[01:04:30] Yeah, but space is doesn't seem that cool either. What kind of science shit can we learn down there?
[01:04:35] There's some we could curates maybe yeah, there's a bunch of raw dog and gay fish of each other's cocks
[01:04:40] They figured it out dude like we need to be in the darkest part
[01:04:49] Maybe that's where the gays fish go because it's so dark no one can see them
[01:04:52] Oh no the gays fish are like in the Caribbean showing off on the coral. That's true. Yeah beautiful
[01:04:57] The deepest point ever reached by man is 35,000 aged or 58 feet below the surface of the earth so low
[01:05:06] More than 3600 feet is how deep the how high is space?
[01:05:13] Deepest part of the ocean is called Challenger deep and it's located spaces 400 feet near
[01:05:18] That's it. Yeah. Yeah, so that's way deep
[01:05:32] We're within like five six hundred feet at the bottom of the ocean wait
[01:05:36] How high space then cuz if that shit deeper than space is like there's different like a space is a mile
[01:05:44] Everything below eight miles for black people
[01:05:46] Only white people lights are allowed to fucking rain
[01:05:50] Well, it is pretty funny that the moon is still for us for white man. They were the only people
[01:05:56] Never take it away. Don't never be able to get I think the Chinese will get Chinese will not the too busy pelting kangul
[01:06:05] The Japanese get there on like a one person like fucking ultra big. No, they'll send like a robot
[01:06:10] That's like it's just it goes up there to die and cry while it's
[01:06:15] So sad yeah, the Mars rover that poor little motherfucker. Yeah, I
[01:06:18] Get sad thinking about the Mars right now. This is Wally basically. Yeah, he's just up there alone
[01:06:24] Yeah, never getting any robot pussy poor guy
[01:06:29] I can't go it's crazy that they made him last that long. Yeah, that's right. That's wild. That's just fucked up
[01:06:35] Are we is Mars a thing that people want to do anymore?
[01:06:38] Trump just get into that kind of shit going tomorrow. That was bush did that shit did yeah
[01:06:44] Remember that yeah, he was flexing. That was awesome. So my question is that these animals live in the deepest parts of the ocean these
[01:06:52] These fucked up octopuses or whatever. Yes, the pressure is so high if you took them out of the body of the ocean
[01:06:58] They were just explode is that it? I don't know well. They don't have like bones, right?
[01:07:03] They're all like jelly they probably die. I have bones you don't have
[01:07:21] What if they're so delicious what are the octopus down there? It's like so fucking delegation did that dude
[01:07:26] You should get one of those vampire octopi they probably taste good dude. I love octopus. Yes, we get some octopus
[01:07:34] Mm-hmm. It's so good guys. Let's go to fucking Greece. What the fuck?
[01:07:38] No the bottom of the ocean go to Mexico City for like just a weekend. I like 200
[01:07:42] I'm down this fuck. I went last year and let's fucking do it. I ate such good food this summer come down on the road
[01:07:49] We're not doing any live shows. We're just going on vacations and recording. Yeah, we're gonna do like a sort of a what do you call it like a
[01:07:56] It's like we should do live shows too. Yeah, what do you call it? Whoa?
[01:07:59] The vampire squid whoa, that's so scary. Yeah, they got scary animals down there
[01:08:04] I watched Rosemary's baby for the first time the other day. Oh, yeah, I wasn't scared. I
[01:08:13] The lady that is that more that falsely accused?
[01:08:17] Woody Allen of having sex with her with their child Mia Pharaoh. I can't say I'm
[01:08:32] She's hot as shit to me a Pharaoh. Yeah, she was she was real cute. She was very skinny and
[01:08:38] Maybe I'm thinking of someone else a pixie looking
[01:08:40] But you know who was a played the doctor in Rosemary's baby was Charles Groden. Oh, yeah
[01:08:54] And then John Cassavette's plays the husband. Oh, yeah, you're shout out
[01:08:58] Your boy dude. I'm so tired from taking that bike right over here. Are you gonna ride it back? You need to take the train
[01:09:05] You can do it. Yeah, we can catch a game after this too. Yeah, maybe how long we've been recording. No 69 hours
[01:09:11] Who cares? Let it run. This is a fun one. Yeah, we're having a good time. I'm reading I'm learning about vampire squids
[01:09:18] Pulled up I pulled up with all those different names of packs of animals are oh, yeah, what do we got?
[01:09:24] You got a shrewdness of apes a shrewdness. Yeah a cauldron of bats. I would have thought it would be a
[01:09:31] Never mind a sloth of bears. Yeah, I know the age of the race
[01:09:41] Cauldron oh a sloth of bears. That's nice. I get a lot of bad claws a bear bear
[01:09:47] It's a sloth or a sleuth of bears bear of sloths
[01:09:54] That is eating he's eating cold slow. Yeah a business of ferrets
[01:10:00] I guess ferrets are also business flies and ferrets as our Jews. Yeah, actually flies in ferrets
[01:10:16] Well, this is a Taiwan a thunder of hippopotamus. Oh, hell yeah, dude
[01:10:21] They get that good thunder push a shadow of Jaguars that's that's cool. That's this is the most poetic shit of all time
[01:10:28] Yeah a troop or barrel of monkeys troop sucks barrels cool barrels type barrel named after Donkey Kong
[01:10:37] Exactly exactly that's probably where they came up with it. Oh, this sounds like you Adam what?
[01:10:42] Like many deep-sea cephalopods the vampire squid laxing sex
[01:10:46] It's a serve that will curl its arms outwards and then wrap them around its body turning itself inside out in a way
[01:10:54] And highly agitated it may eject a sticky cloud of bioluminescent mucus
[01:10:59] A numerable orbs of blue light for the arm
[01:11:05] Yeah, the luminous barrage which made last nearly ten minutes would presumably serve the days would be predators
[01:11:11] So I don't know why this thing just sounds gay to me. It sounds cool. It puts on a drag show
[01:11:34] Ladies gentlemen the trans-siberian orchestra Christmas light show
[01:11:37] You buy a scared octopi should we go this Christmas to that to the trans-siberian orchestra?
[01:11:43] Yeah, I feel like they only have one song who cares it'd be awesome just to see that one song
[01:11:47] Yeah, what other songs they play I don't know probably some other cool shit man. What the fuck are they actually from Siberia? Yeah?
[01:11:55] Yes, they are that's pretty tight about guy guy beerian its guys only
[01:12:13] Actually a bar called Siberia in New Orleans next time I'm in New Orleans
[01:12:24] Before you say no, I made the sign that movie movies where a guy walks in and like takes the help one
[01:12:30] It's on out of the yeah, yeah, I put that back your criminal
[01:12:38] Doesn't smoke so come on day and look my boss. Please look my ass
[01:12:43] I was doing that one yesterday actually really yeah great motherfucking minds
[01:12:50] Yeah, the Carol of the Bell's cuz I did that for your birthday recorded the Carol of the Bell
[01:13:16] We should actually do now that we have all this music equipment to we should do a Christmas album
[01:13:22] Yeah, we teased it the first year to Christmas
[01:13:27] I think we should bring it back this thing is there's a lot of stuff that you say like well now that we have all this time and all these
[01:13:33] Resources we should do all these things and to date we've done none of them. We can do go on vacations though
[01:13:44] For our terrible lives let's handle that part we can do that I do think we should do some live shows and go to cool
[01:13:51] Place we should get a van and by we I mean I should get the van great. Yeah perfect
[01:13:56] What kind of man just a big cargo van? Oh, yeah, I could haul wood back
[01:14:01] Talking about getting a van from a year. I'm a sea safari. No fuck a safari. Oh good knee conno line
[01:14:09] Ford I like them. Yeah, Ford. Oh, yeah, built Ford tough. We take the van on the damn road. Come on boys
[01:14:14] I'm gonna get the Ford logo tattooed around my asshole
[01:14:29] God aim don't bring any of that Chevy dick around here you think we were in prison getting fucked hard or slow and passionately
[01:14:39] So and passionately would be very violating in a different it would be viling but the physical toll on your asshole would be much lower
[01:14:47] Yeah, I mean if it's like you're getting held down by the Aryan Brotherhood and they're all having a go at you
[01:14:54] Yeah, I'd go with the loving one. Mm-hmm. What if they're all there in brotherhood's all
[01:14:59] Being very loving towards it. What if it's the insane clown posse?
[01:15:03] They're already that's a prison game, right? I
[01:15:05] Mean as long as I don't have to look them in the I feel like I've closed my eyes
[01:15:10] You know and you could just pretend it's a
[01:15:21] Yeah, then I feel like I'd be okay with that they put on Daughtry
[01:15:24] That's definitely what the Aryan Brotherhood rapes
[01:15:42] That key in peel sketch is so good which one is it the sketch where the Aryan Brotherhood is raping
[01:15:48] I'm gonna go talk to you can Michael key tries to join the Aryan Brotherhood in prison because he thinks there's a club for bald guys
[01:15:58] And he's like yeah, so I had to like get jumped in so like just show them all kick you that that's how I get the respect
[01:16:06] That show was so good, man. Every sketch I see of it. It's fucking it's so good killer
[01:16:11] They had a sketch yours like two old black ladies
[01:16:14] Talking about what they would do if the devil was inside of them
[01:16:18] And it just devolved in them talking about how they suck the devil
[01:16:24] Really good shit man, I really feel a nig about
[01:16:32] She dying he was 25 28 28. I thought it was 25. Oh, I hope this said he was like 50
[01:16:38] No, he's super young. He was I think yeah, maybe it's 20 isn't he been around forever. He has
[01:16:45] He's had a lot of success. He had pancreatitis and he kept drinking from drinking. Did he die from drinking?
[01:16:50] Mm-hmm. I think so. I don't fucking know. That's cool. What did he do the rude stand?
[01:16:55] Younger than me. No, he didn't do this the mortal combat. He did Alice DJ. Do you think you're better off alone?
[01:17:04] Oh, that's a good song. Do you think you want to suck my bone?
[01:17:09] My thinking of because this is not the guy I rude now. I think about somebody's been around since I was a good team
[01:17:15] Yes, I'm house. Maybe T. S. Don't dead mal five God imagine being into this shit music dude
[01:17:21] They're they're rich as fuck those guys so many people love of course, but so many people are you know
[01:17:32] Oh what a tragedy I'm gonna spend the day listening to a V. G. All right be a V. G
[01:17:50] Truly one of the fucking funniest things I've ever heard in my life
[01:18:03] Encouraging inside the momentum building like one guy
[01:18:13] Hoppin's like visit. There is a surely what's the name the lottery the short story which one surely?
[01:18:18] What's the lottery the short story they draw cards in one person gets stoned to death?
[01:18:23] That fucking short scary lottery surely I love short stories surely Jackson
[01:18:29] Shh no one surely hasn't been here for 40 years. Yeah, you didn't read that no who wrote it?
[01:18:36] It's surely Jackson she wrote it. Yeah, what happens is a lottery
[01:18:41] There's a lot of reads a small town in America. They all have a lottery and then whoever wins the lottery is stoned death. Oh nice
[01:18:49] Yeah, do they know is it like a big twist ending?
[01:18:53] This is a twist ending damn it was published in the New Yorker and then when it was published people were like holy shit
[01:18:59] I canceled their subscriptions and their
[01:19:03] Anyways, so it's the Chinese version of that
[01:19:07] The rotary on the same damn what happens to that story are they like is the person happy?
[01:19:12] I'm not to describe a story that you should have read in sixth grade. Are they happy they won?
[01:19:17] Yeah, they are they all sad Twitter girls is that was at the first depressed Twitter girl
[01:19:23] Yeah, they're all and mentally honest Twitter together
[01:19:33] That's got to be the worst part of Twitter is girls that are like really uppity about having anxiety being sad
[01:19:39] Yeah, it's like yeah, I have anxiety what I do is get obese. Thank you very
[01:19:46] What I do is eat chicken wings until I momentarily feel okay, you should have a tour called the obesity and obesity
[01:19:54] Milwaukee and then you just say Ted Nugent songs
[01:19:58] It would be cool if you did a tour of only the fattest cities in America San Antonio. That would be cool. That would be awesome. Yeah
[01:20:07] Anyways, Chinese version of lottery that's good, you know and the book starts off right and it's like you know
[01:20:13] Setting Guangju province or whatever and then just a family and the dad's like boom on Jai
[01:20:33] The kids pissing and smoking at the same time
[01:20:36] Oh, we just got off a shift at the phone fact at the Fox
[01:20:47] Know you don't know what's gonna be like when they are in charge of it. Well, we all get to talk like that
[01:20:53] We'll get to do I'm not gonna learn Chinese, but I'll be happy to pretend
[01:21:12] Anyways, so yeah, that's oh, I think the
[01:21:18] Let's fucking stop doing the podcast. Yeah, we should call it. I gotta go to the Apple store. Oh
[01:21:23] Get a different router. I got a router. You can have that one you can have the one
[01:21:30] We may do show in Baltimore in two weeks, we don't know we have funny moms on Monday
[01:21:35] Oh funny moms on Monday. We got a funny moms a Monday
[01:21:37] Auto bar Tim's still in Tim and the tears still in he's not gonna get stuck on a
[01:21:42] Probably Austin Tim will probably drop out because a fat piece of shit, but hopefully not
[01:21:48] Didn't you drop out because he's like that's stuck eating cake
[01:21:50] Well one time he did get stuck eating cake and like North Carolina and then but then remember the first time you didn't do the podcast
[01:22:05] It was literally like a pop-up music ice cream
[01:22:13] It'll be really funny if you go to the ice cream museum and then you find out it's run by Chinese people and they're like
[01:22:17] Alright, so please go out to funny moms this Monday at eight we start. Yeah, we'll start at 8 15 probably but get there by 8