Cum Town | Premium | 05/07/2018
[00:00:00] Okay, we're shut up. We're back and but there's a new episode and we were just discussing
[00:00:08] What's that and we're just discussing Adam's relationship problems. No, we weren't here on love. We actually weren't we were here on have sex chat
[00:00:16] My dick Adam's got a big bone to pick Nick's ears. Dasha, and he won't say it publicly
[00:00:25] Know these fucking retard's believe anything you said and they don't understand jokes
[00:00:32] They take everything literally they might break up over this one
[00:00:38] I'm sorry. I'm kidding. We weren't discussing. We were actually let's just start the episode over man. What no, no, it's fun
[00:00:45] No, I don't care. I don't care. He doesn't care. He does keep my new thing is standing up for myself
[00:00:51] Stop's new thing is is trying to instigate part pretending he's taking sides. I'm not taking so you're instigating. I
[00:00:59] Think we should be nice to our friend Adam man. I've changed my I've changed my mind
[00:01:03] I'm nice. I'm I'm the one encouraging him to holy shit. We were doing this three years
[00:01:10] Maybe is it three years two and a half that's insane
[00:01:14] Two and a half the number of inches of both of your dicks
[00:01:17] That's what you guys have in common in in in like both of our dicks to get like mashed together
[00:01:25] Oh, so I buy side by side they're longer, but they're two and a half wide
[00:01:29] Oh, that's a mash together. Yeah, very long. Good. You're very long. It's very skinny dicks
[00:01:35] Would you guys ever would you guys ever?
[00:01:37] Wrap your dicks together with cellophane and then fuck together great hypothetical?
[00:01:42] Would you I think you try to install people in your mind immediately goes to preserving food
[00:01:49] No, you can think of I was not an in this guy's you guys got a bad dick
[00:01:59] Good the two-year dicks like Wendy's pigtails
[00:02:05] It's kind of like getting it to it's a twisty like a KFC
[00:02:08] You know you sell a phatic AFC, okay, you're no one you just sell a
[00:02:14] Big old piece of liquorous you guys ever have Twizzlers boy. I'm hungry. You know what your dick does look like liquor
[00:02:20] How about that pal but and still I wouldn't suck it. Yeah, even though it's red and delicious
[00:02:26] Who likes black liquor is just old black people it's for black people
[00:02:30] Like it was the only kind they were allowed to have
[00:02:38] I think it's kind of fucked up to I like it the you like source of all anti-black racism is that
[00:02:48] You know they met black people and they assumed that they were made out of chocolate sure of corn they tasted one of always existed
[00:02:56] One of them they didn't and it's like for this you must die because I remember being a little kid and being disappointed when I found
[00:03:03] That black people were made out of chocolate sure that's you thought that pissed me off
[00:03:13] When you bid into your first fat man at the bus
[00:03:17] When I was explained to that black people are not chocolate human beings
[00:03:21] Made out, you know, that's why they you know can't be near the heat. Mm-hmm. You know, mm-hmm. Yeah like Africa
[00:03:29] Yeah, cool that's Africa and tap and Africa
[00:03:33] Bunch of black penguins. That'd be cool. They weren't a country called Jack and Africa. Mm-hmm. Oh
[00:03:40] My god, that would go crazy. Did you see black panther?
[00:03:44] Did you think that the bad guy was the good guy?
[00:03:46] He was cool. I like you know, he sympathetic protagonist isn't like every fucking no
[00:03:52] It's not supposed to be on sympathetic. I know but I mean like an unintentional unsympathetic protagonist like we you know
[00:03:59] We've talked about Titanic sure. Uh-huh sure. There's a lot of movies like that five of his west
[00:04:04] So you think Billy Zane was the good guy
[00:04:07] What's that Billy Zane is the good guy in Titanic we talked about no I did a whole bit about it
[00:04:12] I know you have a bit, but he's not actually it's a good bill. He is not a simple guy
[00:04:16] No, he doesn't beat Rose. I thought it does never never once
[00:04:20] I mean, maybe you're hold on you have to judge it based on this is 1914
[00:04:24] So anything less than the holding a fucking branding iron to a woman's face is not beating
[00:04:30] That's just encouraging her to behave. Yeah, yeah, that's taken her the ball
[00:04:35] Yeah, given her a reason to put on all that
[00:04:42] Here why don't you earn that Rouge that I spent my father's
[00:04:52] $27 for my grandfather great grandfather and I bought you this the world's largest diamond it cost 82 cents
[00:04:59] My father's grandpa this you could feed an Irish family of 38
[00:05:06] Damn yeah, that's back when when Irish people you said children like dogs
[00:05:10] They have a fucking litter help on the farm disgusting pale Irish wife or their cold pussy would go sit it out in a little
[00:05:17] cardboard box behind that. Oh for sure. Wow. Yeah, give birth underneath a
[00:05:25] Yes, I remember angels ashes placing it yet, please go over fucked up spotted the events in the shoe boxes
[00:05:34] Freedom spoiled beat. Oh, how rich are they they have shoes?
[00:05:41] Garbage yeah, well a beautiful little girl. That's not Irish. Yeah. Well, I'll be a full it. Oh gosh
[00:05:48] That's a lot of a little girl. Oh, I'm a little girl. Yeah, yeah, I tell a little a wide and just suck me
[00:06:01] That's English. No, they say no. Yeah. Yeah. No, I was in Ireland
[00:06:06] I was hanging out with these townies and they go went into the bathroom and they it's just one big urinal nice
[00:06:11] The truth is a truth. I was like this is kind of intimate. He's like, yeah, it's for the big knobs
[00:06:21] Big-ass dick they were swinging around. Yeah, we all did we all just compared. Yeah
[00:06:26] It's I yeah, of course. Yeah, you got to do that
[00:06:34] It's funny if you like gave a woman HIV or whatever and you're like I swear
[00:06:41] I didn't know I oh I did I kissed the Blarney stone vacation. Oh, that was probably it
[00:06:49] You can get it from kiss. What is the body stone believe the convenient rumors of the medical community?
[00:06:57] I'll never get over that. That's the dumbest, you know what the
[00:07:06] He thought he had the he had the jump on
[00:07:09] He's he was the original show called two and a half T cells. What what is the Blarney stone?
[00:07:15] It's a it's this rock at the top of the castle and there's a gap in between like the wall and like where the stone is and they like
[00:07:22] Lean you over backwards and then you kiss the top of it and supposed to give you the gift of Gabb
[00:07:26] Oh, what does that mean giving good head? Yeah? Yeah?
[00:07:33] It's like give you the gift of Guck makes you a good talker. Yeah. Yeah, that's cool. Good podcaster
[00:07:40] Oh, that's why you're good cuz your Irish Harris. We should go over there and take a trip kiss the Blarney stone
[00:07:45] Yeah, it's a business. Well the locals piss on it. Do they? Yeah?
[00:07:50] People won't do it. It's like a tourist. That's hilarious. Yeah
[00:07:53] Damn. Yeah, imagine if like people were like, oh, you gotta you gotta kiss the railing on the Staten Island ferry. All right
[00:08:06] I would do it. I like good luck. Yeah, I'm maybe I'll be super precision
[00:08:11] Shut up by the way to that guy that came to the stand stand
[00:08:15] Ask me after the show where you get the stones you go up there. Just know when you're gonna bomb
[00:08:27] How did you answer it? I was like I don't know
[00:08:30] You like get the fuck out of my face. Yeah, never speak to me. That's what exactly DM me
[00:08:35] Yeah, I only I only do I only text in the M or you can fucking sex me if you're a gay man
[00:08:42] Dude, I fuck my toe up. I was playing basketball and it just hurts now
[00:08:46] I'm getting back to my fucking youth street ball stop roast
[00:08:50] You playing touch football with white trash kids. I love playing touch football with white trash kids
[00:08:55] Well, you know what your neighborhood you weren't like a neighborhood sports activity. Oh, yeah when I was younger. Yeah. Yeah
[00:09:01] I mean actually you know, I was I was okay at touch football. I was okay at football actually
[00:09:06] Yeah, I liked it when I was younger and then I just lost interest
[00:09:09] I also like stopped growing at the same rate. Right. So I went from being like kind of bigger to being
[00:09:15] Smaller. Yeah, so that's so you didn't have the heart to overcome. Yeah, like really
[00:09:22] Like that movie your hero wasn't Mark Wahlberg and invincible. Yeah, he was you seen invincible that it Philadelphia?
[00:09:31] Yeah, yeah, yeah, you should watch that is that invincible. I think the name of the movie
[00:09:37] Not the miracle is he on the mirror. He's in the miracle to the miracle on ice the movie
[00:09:41] That's Kurt Russell. It's Kurt Russell. No, isn't there is there Disney's Disney's miracle?
[00:09:47] And it's about the miracle on ice with Mark Wahlberg or my biggest conflating these two
[00:09:50] Yeah, I don't think so there's also another football movie about the Eagles with Tony Danza where he plays a garbage man
[00:09:56] Yes, I love that one. Yeah, that was it shouts out to dr. Salihi. That was also a Disney movie
[00:10:02] I think my fucking childhood my pediatrician Mark Wahlberg had that in the rotation opening a new Wahlbergers in London
[00:10:08] Oh fuck and people keep sending me links about it. It's like I follow him on Instagram. So I already know
[00:10:15] There's no reason to tell me about something
[00:10:18] I mean, I don't I don't I don't appreciate the DMS people send me some pretty good shit
[00:10:22] some guy sent me he works with like police reports and
[00:10:26] He sent me a police report this woman follow the police report because she got picked up in a checker cab and
[00:10:32] The they cab driver is him black guy wearing like basketball shorts and he pulled the cab over and he like
[00:10:38] Confronts her in the back and he's like
[00:10:42] He's like call me, you know, the N word and she starts crying and she's scared
[00:10:46] So she calls him the N word and then he just jacks off all over
[00:10:53] Oh my god, really? Yeah, damn. What a hilarious fetish. Can I be honest? I'm a little hard thinking about that
[00:11:01] Yeah being called the N word so I can jack off my cab. Yeah, yeah
[00:11:05] Like I don't know what I said I said that's gotta be a fan of theater watching 12 years of slave fantasizing that that would happen to me
[00:11:12] Just violently coming in my pain the whole the whole no
[00:11:29] Ripping onto the floor like a tributary a minor tributary to a river
[00:11:34] Oh, man, damn have you ever jerked off in a movie theater? No, it's a highly legal
[00:11:42] I don't know. I can't wait till you get arrested. I saw someone. I've never done that
[00:11:46] I saw a guy get I went to see Chris Rock's head of state after school one day with my Mormon friend
[00:11:52] And I saw a guy getting his dick sucked in the row in front of us by a gig another guy by a woman
[00:11:58] Yeah, it was cool. You guys have gotten hit in the middle because it's called head of state. Yeah, yeah
[00:12:02] Let me say it because movies called head of state
[00:12:16] But back off so if I was asked to leave my gym today. Oh, yeah, aerial. Yeah, yeah
[00:12:21] That's like there's aerial yoga pieces of shit. They're like, oh, you can't be in here because you'll be making noise
[00:12:25] What is aerial? Yeah, it's bullshit. It's ribbons ribbons if they fucking hang from the ceiling and do yoga and ribbons
[00:12:32] Well, what happened is to get the fuck out of CrossFit what happened is the crossfit is for screaming the smallest woman
[00:12:38] I blood pressure challenged Nick to a lift off and she beat it her he could have stayed but he couldn't be
[00:12:44] He could America's I misinterpreted beat and that physically beat that
[00:12:49] So you kind of a tatanic style, dude. Yeah, dude Billy Zane
[00:12:55] Man, shut up the Zane a bald icon. Yeah, he's Greek to you know that right? Is he yes?
[00:13:03] He's a good-looking man. He's real nice
[00:13:19] Yeah, I saw the new spider-man. It was charming
[00:13:28] It just heads up everybody Adam was charmed
[00:13:35] Adam is the hands class together fingers interlaught
[00:13:39] Twinkle in his eye watching the new spider-man movie. Yeah, my hands were what's gonna happen this spider-man
[00:13:45] What a charming movie. Let's talk that dude. I mean lean him back smoking a cigarette hat cocked to the side
[00:13:51] I'm saying don't have a cow man. That's me
[00:13:56] Damn, what's your favorite movie my favorite movie call me pyre name?
[00:14:02] Some of your movie. It's definitely just the part of the movie last year. I did not cry the only movie
[00:14:06] I've cried and we'll only move I've cried at in the last five ten years is
[00:14:10] Fast seven. That's right. I've been crying a lot recently. Yeah, yeah
[00:14:14] But I cried on a plane and shitting your pants since I've known you I cried on the plane
[00:14:20] Well, you should your pants in my car. You should your pants twice shit my pants and threw up
[00:14:25] It came out of both holes ruined my your ruins one of my best hats
[00:14:36] My wife I bought it in West Virginia from some woman that clearly was a coal miners wife
[00:14:48] To Disney's cocoa Pixar is cocoa. I haven't seen it on the plane is that about the gorilla?
[00:14:53] No sign language. Yeah. Yeah, and he he fucks that woman
[00:14:57] Yeah, that's one of my gay when I first got on Twitter and I just looked at how other people did jokes and wrote jokes like that
[00:15:03] I did a tweet that was like why are we only teaching the deaf gorilla set a communique?
[00:15:09] Fun Twitter joke that is fun, man. Thanks. That's a fave star of classic. Yeah
[00:15:17] I don't even want a bunch of those fave star guys are maggot now if I if somebody goes through my tweets and finds all the old
[00:15:24] I don't give a shit about but if someone managed to find me some thanking somebody for a fave star trophy
[00:15:36] Nix sincerely be like thanks man with an exclamation
[00:15:39] Yeah, please dear God no any tweet with any exclamation point is embarrassing if you're using excavation points. You're you're a pussy
[00:15:48] What happened those guys are I guess still online fave star guys they like follow
[00:15:53] The funniest like and diarrhea Brendan discovered it
[00:15:56] But the community of Twitter people that are like you fucking in it's kind of like a variant of the like say what you want
[00:16:04] But the people that are like very outspoken about like you you abuse animals you abuse children
[00:16:10] Why don't you fucking take it out on me pal like post like pictures of themselves to like addressing nobody
[00:16:22] Do it to me wait who were those guys that were doing that the fave star guy? Yeah, they're yeah
[00:16:27] That's like a whole fave star world is like that and like the I guess I feel like schools. I'm like vodka moms
[00:16:37] Drinking right that's the worst that's child abuse if your parents are doing like
[00:16:41] Lip sync videos. Yeah, but like changing the lyrics
[00:16:50] There's a woman on Twitter. I found that's the mom of like you know that that meme success kid or whatever
[00:16:55] It's a little kid on the beach and he's got his like
[00:16:57] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
[00:17:02] And like her whole thing is like mom of the success kid, you know here's a dad. I was one the post in the picture
[00:17:07] I have the meme comes from me. It's my child, you know, that's also do something with that
[00:17:12] It's like two generate three generations of memes ago. Yeah when it was just like pictured bot top text bottom
[00:17:18] Like scumbag Steve trying to like cash in on it like how was that with this?
[00:17:22] No, yeah, I don't fucking know I would feel bad if I if I was a father and first of all
[00:17:28] I would make sure I would never put anything about my kid online
[00:17:31] Yeah, if I had a kid it would never they've never be like oh, I'm gonna share this cute moment on instagram because it's like
[00:17:36] It's a violation of their fucking hundred percent your childhood is like filled with embarrassing moments and like you know
[00:17:42] It's like you're in a vulnerable state. Yeah, nobody should have any kind of public presence until they're at least fucking like
[00:17:59] Here's my eight year old in his fucking thomas the tank engine underwear, you know
[00:18:08] And it's like oh, yeah, that's a good idea post that
[00:18:10] I'm sure in like six years when he's in high school. That's not gonna be used against him
[00:18:15] By me, you know because of that point. Sorry kid
[00:18:20] Silencers you're coming off. Oh, yeah, David. I was the silencers were on before I was still shooting children
[00:18:38] That's true. David after dentist is in jail. Yeah, dude
[00:18:42] Yeah, Charlie bit my finger that guess what he's biting now. Yeah, he's putting cock
[00:19:06] Whenever they have those like videos of families doing like choreographed dances
[00:19:10] Oh, yeah, yeah, it's like first of all that dad is abusing everyone you can
[00:19:17] Like they got it. You know why there was one where they got a divorce where yeah, and then they
[00:19:24] Afterwards, they're like yeah, we're going through some trouble right now
[00:19:27] But like I still want you to watch not gonna stop the vids. Yeah, the vids are still coming. Thanks for all the support
[00:19:33] Thanks for the like and fit but you know the ones I'm talking about it's like a latino woman
[00:19:36] And it's like everyone's a brunette. Yeah, she's pretty sexy who who that family that does videos
[00:19:43] Who is it the proud family the Adam's family? Yeah, family. She could get it more tissue
[00:20:03] We're gonna have to get rid of the dump the taper the next seven and a half minutes. Oh, man
[00:20:10] I want to do that bit out so bad. Yeah, you're like sweating
[00:20:16] What was a little of the monsters? Yeah, they were just the monsters were like a boy before the atoms
[00:20:21] I don't know. I feel like they're maybe because more tissue could get it contemporary. There was I guess
[00:20:27] Tuesday was a child or Wednesday with the fuck was your name
[00:20:34] Uh, but the monsters had just one sexy ass niece or something
[00:20:39] You know, I feel a little herp coming on my lip. Oh, you herped up. I think so
[00:20:44] I feel it's tingling. Do you have mouth herpes or cock herpes and mouth herpes. Nice. Yeah from like childhood though
[00:20:58] Well, I don't know I have type one which can be both. Okay. Yeah, so don't suck your own dick with that herpes sore
[00:21:03] Yeah, don't don't slice open your bowels. Does valtrics work. Why doesn't everyone just use that you can't I mean because I get like one cold
[00:21:10] So a year. Yeah, so I'm not really worried about it. Right
[00:21:15] But and valtrics is mostly for people who have like type two
[00:21:18] Which you just get like constant recurrent like real bloody. Yeah. Oh fuck
[00:21:23] I'm glad I don't have that shit. Mm-hmm. I'm glad I survived my raw dogging phase on
[00:21:28] With an unblemished. Yeah. Oh everyone does
[00:21:33] Everyone is a tree. I had the reason I went a couple weeks ago was I had a call from an old flame. Oh, really? Yeah
[00:21:47] Oh speaking of yeah, what was his name?
[00:21:49] Uh, I met uh john waters this weekend cool. Yeah, of course
[00:22:05] I met the nicest guy the other week about yeah, what's his name?
[00:22:11] All right, you guys fucking kiss. Yeah, that was a good day. Uh
[00:22:24] All right, what was her name? Yeah, well, that's good anytime again guys like I met someone be like what was her name?
[00:22:30] Do you you said the woman was fixed you the fixer gross pussy? I was pretty sure I had an s c
[00:22:37] Though I was like shocked. I didn't have anything. Yeah, what did the old flame?
[00:22:46] It's not this is your other Korean girl gonorrhea. Uh syphilis
[00:23:01] Yeah return, but she wasn't sure if she was like before me or after me
[00:23:04] I could have sworn I had syphilis one time. I had this fucking it was on the top of my dick
[00:23:13] Just fucking festering oh my god on your dickhead. No, I'm like the middle of my dick
[00:23:18] But apparently all scds are fine except for HIV. Yeah, so what I just opened sure
[00:23:24] And at that point it was like it was smaller, but you know, it was just a fucking like horrific thing
[00:23:29] Oh, that's gross and I went to plan parenthood and I was like I gotta see a doctor, you know, and they were like what was it?
[00:23:34] In grown hair while they go they were like do you have they were like you got symptoms?
[00:23:38] I was like yeah, they're like well you need to make an appointment
[00:23:40] I'm like what can I make an appointment for now today? They're like no
[00:23:43] And I go one of the appointments available and they're like not till like Wednesday
[00:23:46] And I was going out of town to do a weekend so I had to like just fly to appleton, Wisconsin with your dick off
[00:23:52] Oh fuck up dude. And I just said the shows were terrible. Oh, is that when you had that weird set your tail?
[00:23:56] Yeah, yeah, terrible terrible fucking weekend and I was just in the comedy condo putting like oil of oregano on this open
[00:24:03] Soar on my clock going around smelling like a pizza restaurant
[00:24:07] And just like just in the bathroom so fucking depressed
[00:24:12] And what was it? I just went away. I mean fucking healed
[00:24:16] It healed and then I was like well that was probably
[00:24:18] I was like that was probably syphilis and then I got tested years later and no syphilis nice
[00:24:23] Yeah, well apparently years in between though
[00:24:25] It's just penicillin. Yeah, you just take penicillin. Yeah, no you'll say still pass
[00:24:29] The way syphilis works though is you if you don't do anything about it
[00:24:32] You're going it'll go away and then it'll come back like all over your body
[00:24:35] And if you don't do anything about that and it goes away then it comes back and he like eats your brain
[00:24:40] Yeah, it makes you isn't that what happened to al Capone?
[00:24:42] I thought it happened to Benjamin Franklin with the marquee du saud. Marquis du saud. Yeah, maki du suck
[00:24:52] Day he loves fucking while listening to shot a
[00:24:57] I love shot at you. Do you know it's a great album? She's still hot. Oh, hell. Yeah, the new genelman
[00:25:03] Yeah, I was gonna speak of sexy black ladies. Yeah, well, she just said I saw
[00:25:07] She's like she's like a black sexiness according to the New York Times right everyone's like breaking news new type of black sexiness
[00:25:14] I didn't see that is that real. There's some big article in the air really
[00:25:17] Yeah, no, no, no, she said no she said in rolling stone. She's like she came out as pansexual which is like
[00:25:25] That's just what's that you fucked all the pots and pans in the kitchen. Yeah, what's that? What did you get?
[00:25:32] Get her done. I think you fuck. Yeah, you fuck like table. What do you fuck? You fuck a ladle
[00:25:46] But I tell you this I care who you are. That's funny right there
[00:25:52] Such a good tag. I don't care who you are. Actually, I do
[00:25:55] I do care you know no Muslims right? That's just like a that's just you're bragging about being
[00:26:00] I don't know what's different is. I literally think they fuck tables in an admin. I don't think that's I think so
[00:26:05] I think it's like I'm just into humans. No pansexual means. Yeah, you'll fuck any kind of person
[00:26:14] Mm-hmm. You guess huh interesting interesting
[00:26:18] Coded language. Oh, god. Hold on. I'm gonna look at what pansexual is. I think it's pretty sure it's just bisexual
[00:26:27] They don't limited a sexual choice with regard to biological sex gender. This is a times article the new black hotties
[00:26:36] What is it like dad bought there is a new black and sexy notions of attractiveness from the type of partner we want to the aesthetic choices
[00:26:43] We make for ourselves have shifted from glistening abs and perfect facial symmetry
[00:26:47] Towards something more realistic inclusive and in many ways cooler
[00:26:51] Artists like Donald Glover is serray and jennel manneh have allowed us to see a more complex world
[00:26:55] People pretty sexy though validator validating
[00:26:59] Hate validating black nerds black queers and black weirdos everywhere
[00:27:04] It's like what does the New York time is there celebrities those are just hot famous people where glasses is
[00:27:13] It's worse than dad bod because it's like what we like first Donald Glover probably has abs yeah
[00:27:20] He knows he doesn't he goes new music video is not wearing a shirt. He's a little belly. He's had agile for he looks cute though
[00:27:26] He looks good. Yeah, he looks cute. Anyways none of these people are like not traditionally. Yeah
[00:27:32] Yeah, jennel manneh. Yeah, she's yeah, she's adorable black and sexy is blossomed into a celebration of eccentricity
[00:27:44] Somebody yeah, they got vintage glasses. Yeah, it's all it is. Yeah, it's just but yeah, they're hipsters now
[00:27:54] All of them have yeah, I hate this article
[00:27:57] Yeah, we should do the new you know why running you sexy podcasting sexy
[00:28:01] It's kind of true. Honestly this pod right here. Yeah, well here we go
[00:28:05] We got a little so black celebrities were hyper sexualized in a way that never quite translated for real people of color like me
[00:28:11] Think of d'Angelo's tone body in the video for untitled this standard was this standard
[00:28:21] That was the standard every black guy I met had fucking chiseled 12 max right
[00:28:27] Yeah, and like biggie small or they were or they were ugly or they were yeah, he is that everyone was like oh, he's disgusting
[00:28:37] That's hilarious he beat little camera. Oh, did he or faith he beat faith. Yeah, she's a real bummer. Yeah
[00:28:45] What you don't know what she did. Yeah, but it's like it's like it's like the 20s rule for white people in the black community
[00:28:54] It's yeah, there's a very the threshold is different. Absolutely. You know especially 90s hip hop the new the new black spouse
[00:29:03] Gone are the days of slapping a woman around in public now you do it with your nintendo ds
[00:29:09] Well writing a while writing around on heelys
[00:29:15] Was it gonna say yeah, well, I would say podcast sexy boys. Yeah, you should right there you do have right?
[00:29:20] I don't know about us distinct body types. Mm-hmm strong two strong ones and one little
[00:29:26] Little fucking skinny bitch one little two strong burly boys one a little more cut than the other
[00:29:34] And one little weak little motherfucker
[00:29:37] First of all, I'm not weak you're weak dude. You're little you're a little waif
[00:29:41] You don't have to face the trials and tribula you're a waif bitch emotional double double
[00:29:55] I know and then you know he's like in a it's fun though. It is kind of funny to see him. I'm a bad boy
[00:30:00] Yeah, he's a bad boy. You can't fbi can't stop him. It's so naughty. Speak of fbi solidarity to Jake for
[00:30:06] Jake my man Jake got sexed in the bad boy. He got fucking revamped by homeland security. Yeah, dude
[00:30:13] He said he made the joke about killing ice agents and they fucking came to his apartment
[00:30:17] Oh damn fuck ice though. Bustin his ass down. They jacked him up. Mm-hmm. Damn. That's right
[00:30:22] You want to fuck with the the police state you better not don't be on twitter making jokes on twitter
[00:30:27] He just joked about it on twitter. Yeah, he made a joke on twitter that he said why I think he said why people can celebrate
[00:30:34] Cinco tomorrow if they kill one I completely miss Cinco tomorrow this year. That was yesterday. Oh my god
[00:30:40] I miss Cinco off the guy. Oh, it was funny to be involved more for a Cinco
[00:30:48] Here's that the week ago. I might have been trying some stuff out. Oh, yeah, yeah, you know that one suck off the guy
[00:30:54] I saw a little twinkle in your eye. Yeah, there's nothing wrong with having it was fun to be involved in wrong with it
[00:30:58] I was just asking I'm gonna I have as a as a member of the community
[00:31:12] Your boys online just a couple boys having a good time. Just some good old boys
[00:31:22] B so you never saw downloading child born
[00:31:32] Being in Baltimore yesterday for single tomorrow is perfect because it's just perfect for the bad accent
[00:31:37] Well, they'll do boys are downloading child born out
[00:31:42] Fuck what are those characters the boss hog. Yeah, that's the boss hog
[00:31:48] Seven-year-old Ukrainian boy jerkin is a little limp cock off. Yeah, that kind of thing. That's yeah
[00:31:54] Where did it take place west Virginia hazard County? That's what is that really? Oh the Duke's of
[00:32:01] Do you remember Jessica Simpson in that movie? Yes, she was a fucking 10. She was hot. She looked so hot
[00:32:10] I used to jack off just a Simpson, but she was perfect. Yeah, I just I like the first thighs were so like what was that?
[00:32:17] Shiny. What'd you say? I like to choose anything after the Simpsons. Oh, yeah
[00:32:24] Shatcha Nicholasay took her V card. Did he that's forgot about Nicholas? Yeah. Yeah, she was a virgin until she was 28 years old
[00:32:31] That's not sure. And then she fucked Nicholas. Yeah. Mm-hmm
[00:32:35] You like and then she kept getting fucked
[00:32:37] Big time after that. She got shot at the Nicholas. Hey, everyone Ashley Simpson got caught lip-syncing on a
[00:32:44] That's the end of her career and it's like who what was she supposed to have integrity? Yeah, I know
[00:32:54] She'll never be able to be on the Supreme Court. Right. Yeah, what there was some weird like you can't limp sink on SNL
[00:33:01] Thing where it's like who gives the people?
[00:33:03] Sucks it music. I like limp sink. Yeah, when I pretend my dick is hard while fucking oh nice
[00:33:09] Is that let somebody else fuck my wife and then I said the other room watching just gyrating?
[00:33:22] My head spanking forth my penis is limp
[00:33:34] VR experience headset while another man fucks of my wife. Well, nice any other man Fred Ders
[00:33:40] Yeah, Fred Ders stuff. You really want to get the limb limb. Yeah, that's okay. Yeah
[00:34:03] One of those days feeling like a gay train first one to the plane leaves with some head for me
[00:34:11] Damn right. I'm a maniac. You better watch back because I'm sucking off your dick
[00:34:18] I love fighting to suck someone's that's where the best threats of all time. Yeah
[00:34:22] Uh, you're a gay one. I was I was thinking that to shut the Grinch theme song. Yeah, you're a gay one
[00:34:35] Open his door crack to sing these dumb songs
[00:34:45] I just hear him sigh there's days. We won't talk to him for three hours
[00:34:49] I'm just adding songs about him being gay and doing the obama
[00:35:08] Shuts at ri-rai. I want to see the Oscar Meyer wiener mobile. Yeah, we should i haven't seen it in a while
[00:35:13] I was seeing it on the highway. I know you see it on the highway. Where are they going? I know
[00:35:17] It's going to work. Yeah, I don't know because it's somebody's job that drives that
[00:35:22] There and it seems like they mostly stay on
[00:35:28] Yeah, some some terrible things happen inside that I'm so sad about things man. They're smart as shit
[00:35:33] Yeah, it is fucked up. They know exactly what the fuck is about to go down
[00:35:40] You know baking is epic. It's epic. It's about that sort of shit. Oh my pants
[00:35:45] Very nice. You know what I just watched before coming over here aliens. That's a great movie
[00:35:50] It's so fucking good and by the way a hilarious anti-Semitism
[00:35:55] With James Cameron aliens than alien was riddly scott. Yeah, aliens was definitely James Cameron
[00:36:02] Mr. James Cameron the bravest man ever looked you see that South Park episode? No
[00:36:07] Bottom of the ocean the lowering the ball. Yeah, can you hear the song up there guys? Yes. Yes, Mr. Cameron
[00:36:17] Um, I love Paul Newman or not Paul Newman
[00:36:20] The fuck his name Paul Newman Paul Reiser the sauce guy Paul Reiser's character in that movie. Oh, yeah
[00:36:25] He's just the most Jewish to Paul Rapes her
[00:36:29] Paul Rapes her Paul Rapes her mad about you raping me. She was she was uh really furious. Yeah. Yeah, Helen Hunt
[00:36:36] Yeah, sorry. Sorry Helen. Hey Helen. I hope you don't mind, but I raped you last night Paul
[00:36:46] Oh, brother. What's the matter about you theme? I don't know. Maybe I'm very mad about you
[00:36:51] I'm a tosser. I'm not about you. I'm not about you. Oh, that is so funny
[00:37:15] Um, it rocks so much that they let him just do his own theme song just make up words. Shut up to Kelsey the god
[00:37:37] Yeah, Helen. I'm sorry about raping you last night
[00:38:21] The jobs are joking broke. He shocked my little
[00:38:26] Yeah, yeah, clap up about mad about you
[00:38:28] Cleveland right this is his schizophrenia
[00:38:32] Speaking of schizophrenia turns out there's a reason Tom was using an irish accent on his album
[00:38:36] Uh-oh because he stole all those jokes from Frankie Boyle. There's a Scottish accent. That's sort of yeah
[00:38:42] Somebody somebody put it together. They did a whole it's like all from one
[00:38:46] It's from like a 10-minute Frankie Boyle clip
[00:38:55] Yeah, but recently went to Maro Linda good
[00:39:04] And I got a job done and he gets fucked in a zoo
[00:39:15] He's saying that's crazy. He took a Frankie and he didn't think to change the accent and he stole the accent
[00:39:20] Yeah, you know what he also stole that weird laugh. He's doing it the end of jokes, which is not something I remember Tom doing
[00:39:32] He does Jesus. Yeah, and that's what Tom's doing it at the end of every joke. So he just stole all that shit
[00:39:38] Damn it. Tom. I was rooting for you. Yeah, you know what? It's like just do bong hit transport. Yeah
[00:39:44] That is the greatest joke. It's the funniest thing anyone's ever written. God. Tom
[00:39:49] I literally could go. Yeah on an ironic tour. Dude. I don't do that. Wham city set and trailer clip is so fucking funny
[00:39:56] Dude, Tom let please try us on the road. I've tried sex
[00:40:07] Funny this fucking thing in the world. They did that exact set for the edge trader. Look at about myself. I'm
[00:40:13] a half for Maryland half mentally retarded
[00:40:19] That rules man and he stole and he did the accent
[00:40:27] I had to go to the hospital with my Samsung Galaxy S8 exploded. I said, yeah, right. What am I gonna have a bong hit transplant?
[00:40:46] We can't dude. Tom's like one Tom's like a very spiteful man. He's a man of forgive, but he doesn't forget man
[00:40:51] Yeah, no, he doesn't forgive. He doesn't forgive. Oh, you know, it's funny because I thought he thought I thought he was like when I used to know
[00:40:57] I thought he was that kind of like he had some humility or whatever. Oh, none and he has zero
[00:41:01] And if you ever if you ever fucking like those I remember being outside of ej's landing and we were talking about jokes
[00:41:09] That's the one time in times like I don't have to worry about that because most people won't don't even dare to touch my material
[00:41:19] We're like what the fuck are you talking about?
[00:41:22] Like could you suck? Yeah, yeah, yeah, and he was like no, you know, it's just I was like you do stuff about the Kennedy assassin
[00:41:30] Charlie in the trees. He literally had a punch on that was charlie in the trees. Yeah that when I was starting it was so like
[00:41:38] Kid, yeah, we were on a contest again. That's the one my little brother. He called him as a black guy
[00:41:42] Do you remember did I tell that story? Uh, I'm sure I have my little brother. You nick
[00:41:47] Yeah, my little brother Nick. He came to ej's landing
[00:41:50] It was the contest where it's a bringer so I brought five people and tom is just bombing
[00:42:02] And just like keeps heckling him and tom can't handle it
[00:42:04] He keeps bomb and he just other people start heckling my brother and I'm like dude come on don't fucking do that
[00:42:09] It's hilarious, but stop and then after the show tom comes up to me. He's like hey, man that crowd was a little uh
[00:42:16] Little urban. Huh? It just goes over some my stuff. That's what he said. He was like my stuff's a little goes over the head of an urban crowd
[00:42:25] Is not evolved in the show to do some other black people and no black people
[00:42:34] Yeah, he took it to race the Negro brand is not evolved enough to
[00:42:38] Understand bong it's so many so many good memories. Anyway, can't believe he stole jokes, but I can
[00:42:45] Yeah, I mean, you know he wrote over 2000 jokes last year
[00:42:48] So it's some of them have to be stolen we mean he wrote 2000 joke he says that in that album
[00:42:56] He's really you know I uh I wrote over 2000
[00:43:02] So should you be able to do it as cd that's longer than 36
[00:43:12] 36 yeah, they're all like they're using a 12 minute album. Yeah, you know what's so funny is because like people are just listening to his shit on
[00:43:18] Apple music now tom's probably gonna get like a huge royalty
[00:43:22] He'll get like 12 bucks. No, he's probably gonna get ripped off on stream. No, you make you make several million dollars
[00:43:29] Spotify is like yes. I guess we should defer to mr. Mr. nickel and die
[00:43:37] Adam Burt is the change you named the j change about that. It's cool nickname. I wish I was
[00:43:47] Cohen star coin star runner. Oh coin star runner. Yeah, that's cool. I'm mad about you
[00:43:54] I'm mad about you. Hey, Helen. Sorry. I had to uh, come into your room and rape you last night
[00:43:59] Were they married in that show? Yeah, I guess
[00:44:02] I don't remember it as their roommate. Yeah, I know
[00:44:05] There's a her lecherous roommate. No, I think you're like imagine a right. That's right. Nice to you. Let me uh stay in your apartment
[00:44:12] He was a when I went ahead and help myself to something that would call right. I don't remember a polarizer sound. That's pretty good. Yeah
[00:44:18] I'm a Jewish kind of New York. Is that it? Is this is it? Yeah, you guys like this sort of yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah
[00:44:24] Yeah, it's got something like this. Maybe a little more or something. Maybe a little bit more long islandy is
[00:44:30] Something that's fine. Here. I am. He was in uh,
[00:44:33] I'm a rape designer. So you are. You are. That's the thing me and you have been common
[00:44:38] Is that we both rape people? Yeah, you both got part of me, but uh that you know certain
[00:44:44] Is that is that what he sounds like? I feel like that's close. I haven't heard that's him. That's him. You know, that's good. That's good. Okay. All right
[00:44:50] Not good enough, dude. It's gotta be perfect. I'm sorry, man. I just I'm over here doing all these voices
[00:44:55] I've got just watched a few feet back on my phillips. See more Hoffman. We said it was great. Yeah, we loved it
[00:45:00] I don't know but it was an actor. I don't know. I don't know. I was it was fine. Somebody needs to guide me here
[00:45:05] I need creative feedback. You need constant. I need new voice and fill up some new voices
[00:45:11] Oh, I'm up suck guys. I'll never stop doing voices for Philip suck guys off, but it was great. Okay
[00:45:17] Um for fans of basketball, I'm in soccer car. I had one
[00:45:26] Fuck what's the Turkish name the suckety Dixers? Oh
[00:45:28] Uh, well, he's maybe not whatever. What's your name? Um, uh, fucking fuck
[00:45:35] I can't even forget. Oh, yeah, suckety Dixers is pretty suckety Dixers. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
[00:45:40] I called battle star Galactica faggle. Yes, sports on each Ashley is so
[00:45:48] Thank you. Yeah, apparently he's like a mysterious origin. Mm
[00:45:54] Yes, he might be something else. He's a man
[00:46:01] Whoa, whoa, whoa, here she comes look at boy. She's mad about you
[00:46:24] Also, was there literally anyone else on that?
[00:46:27] They had like a best friend his brother ira
[00:46:31] Oh really? Yeah, there's a good. I don't know. I but he looked like Paul riser. So I assume there's his brother real brother
[00:46:39] I read a man of red you Ursula the waitress is actually they oh they're in the same universe played ira on mad about you
[00:46:53] Okay Ramsey and others ram the scripture and no Paul Riser Helen on and Ramsey and
[00:47:00] I thought she's and Ramsey. Yeah, you know like a one name like black there was there was a Persian kid
[00:47:06] And my school named Ramsey Ramsey that was the horniest guy I've ever met in my life
[00:47:11] He would like bark at women. He would go
[00:47:16] This sounds like a mentally retarded. No, no, he's he's got like a kid and shit now
[00:47:20] And he told the story about how like he would ask this old lady in his neighborhood to tell him what masturbation was
[00:47:28] And he would get so horny. He would just go beat off to this old lady describing masturbation to him
[00:47:34] Um and then Ramsey was the guy that we were like we were trying to read one of our friends had a horse
[00:47:40] And we were trying he said he would fuck a horse is supposed
[00:47:43] We were like Ramsey would you fuck a horse for four hundred dollars?
[00:47:47] And he was like no and then we showed him a picture of a horse pussy
[00:47:53] But then we couldn't get the guy whose horse it was to agree
[00:47:56] I'm reading iTunes reviews of mad about you
[00:47:59] Visitor love this show. Thanks for adding best to watch with the partner
[00:48:04] You will both see a different episode for one half the girl will say see why don't you get it in the second half?
[00:48:09] He'll say oh, yeah, why do you guys always do that? No this dumb bitch puts on this fucking show
[00:48:18] She does it with a boyfriend. She complains about it and then the guy just leaves
[00:48:24] Comes inside of her best scene in my opinion. Jamie walks into the living room looks at Paul holds up toilet paper roll
[00:48:30] A holder in her hands puts a roll on holder and says
[00:48:33] Walla every girl is wanted to do that at least once in her life
[00:48:45] That sounds like the fucking when russian is trying to be black conservatives. Yeah
[00:49:01] I have details where you see who played ira who gives a fuck dude the audience
[00:49:08] People listen to this podcast won't be the one who Ira was
[00:49:13] Nick, do you think that mr. Hans? That was his first time fucking horse the first of course not mr. Hans is weird because
[00:49:21] Or was it wasn't his first time no no no because the mr. Hans video the guy in the video is not the guy from the story who died
[00:49:29] Oh, that's just a video of a guy being fucked by a horse. Oh and they and then flaked and yes
[00:49:34] And then there's another story about a guy that died wait so that guy lived guys name is john pankow motherfucker Jesus Christ john
[00:49:41] Pain cow yeah, is that where pankow breadcrumbs come from yes family
[00:49:45] You've brought shame to the panko family
[00:49:52] Yeah, here's the guy here's your blades of brother look at this cunt's face
[00:49:59] Yeah, we got a horrible head. We got fucking stupid this guy with a shitty 80s mullet
[00:50:06] Damn, that's early 90s mullet. That's the same
[00:50:10] Shit man. Yeah, I can't believe how that's a HBO young comedian special. It's a fucking cool boomers
[00:50:18] I'm gonna fucking cool them all in a little stupid ass earring. Yeah a piece of shit a big suit and a tiny
[00:50:24] Tie like a thin tires not like us millennials. That's cool guys. That's fucking millennials that are the greatest
[00:50:33] 40 years old saying fucking gay and we're yeah for having a good-ass time with my boys
[00:50:38] Yeah, so my goddamn heart explodes. I have some horrific aneurysm or yep
[00:50:50] We live with their parents and have her and subjectively tragic lives
[00:50:54] Why we make over six weeks? I've never bullied him. Yeah, no way. I haven't done it. No way anything
[00:51:02] Yeah, that's true Tom Myers could be screwed up as John Pankow. Oh, oh, I thought I think you meant that's who played
[00:51:10] Or that's who mr. Hands was oh no no no hi rish John Pank. Oh no, he's how stupid I am
[00:51:20] You see I thought because I thought I just discovered that the guy from the mr. Hands video was also
[00:51:31] You're like this is a crazy coincidence
[00:51:35] There's a this Ira Pankow image on Google because someone has a fan page dedicated to the brother from that
[00:51:43] Yes, this is still up. Yes, of course. It's on try my suck me huh kp
[00:51:51] I tripod calm. Let's tripod calm. It was like geosities. Oh nice. Yeah, shout out geosities. Could you look at porn off geosities or no?
[00:52:02] Maybe because tumblr I know had porn tumblr. Yeah, that was later. Fuck. Yeah blank girls
[00:52:08] Whatever like whatever flavor you are. Yeah
[00:52:12] Yeah, I I remember I got went in like a weird hole on tumblr one day where it was like
[00:52:17] Uh hot girls smoking meth there was like there was like a hot girl twicker thing. There was like a like a tag
[00:52:25] There was like a tag. Yeah, but they kind of like well. I don't know if I guess girls could fuck up meth
[00:52:30] I don't know if guys can but they show them getting fucked
[00:52:33] Yeah, they're like in bikinis and like naked and like and like smoking meth nice
[00:52:39] And I was like I was like this is kind of erotic. Maybe you're off to it. I don't know if I did yeah, you did
[00:52:45] Problem I used to jerk off to fucking Brazilian girls
[00:52:49] Uh in this class fucking black girls. We talked about you think Mike is still down there Mike in Brazil
[00:52:55] In Brazil. He's got visa problem. You know where Mike Mike actually came from Germany. Really? Yeah, he did some weird things
[00:53:08] 1945. Yeah, so he's hiding out in Brazil. Yeah, his original name wasn't Mike. Oh, it was uh, mccile. Mccile
[00:53:15] Uh, Hitler mccile Hitler. Yeah. Oh, suck me. What are you looking at on your phone? Uh, you're doing a great Mike in Brazil riff
[00:53:25] Oh, sorry. I was looking at now. Do you remember that boy?
[00:53:28] Who I were a prackerer hour whatever the fuck John prackerer. I were prackerer
[00:53:33] Who's his wife of course? He's you can't hold a thought
[00:53:36] John from rock now. What the fuck was his name?
[00:53:39] He just like severely mentally disabled. I truly am man. This is your head just filled with M&M
[00:53:44] Since I wish I was immediately. I wish it was man. Yeah, what's his name? Dengaz bloom hour
[00:53:52] What is that guy's name again mr. Hondo
[00:54:00] Did you just come up with that mr. Hondo?
[00:54:02] I like mr. Hondo right now. That sounds like from son. That's a cool name. That's a really cool name
[00:54:07] I'm gonna name my son mr. Hondo. Yeah, mr. Hondo house is my son mr. Hondo is a baby
[00:54:20] He's literally born with sunglasses on mr. Hondo howlki's bitch. It's like fucking adult
[00:54:26] Except I'm taking my wife's name dude because I'm an ally. Yeah
[00:54:30] Are you no I'm gonna take my wife's dignity. How about that? How about that? Yeah. Hey pal
[00:54:36] Any woman seen in public with you you take her dignity. Yeah. Yeah
[00:54:41] That's why I can't wait for my wedding because I'm gonna have a gun in my pocket
[00:54:46] And then another one at the priest. Yeah, because you love weddings so much. I love getting married
[00:54:53] Everyone has a gun. Yeah, the wife to the priest. I had a gun themed wedding
[00:55:01] I make since he was a little boy has been planning his fairy tale wedding perfect wedding
[00:55:07] Adam's always talking about getting married. Yeah, that is just yeah. He wants to be a father now
[00:55:13] Yeah, I just I want to you ready. Are you ready to be a father? No, I don't think you'd be a terrible father
[00:55:18] Why would I be a terrible father? I think I'm actually I would make it very nice the people in my life. Yeah, you could never see his child
[00:55:27] Uncle Nick we could never see uncle Nick
[00:55:31] Hanks now. It was so funny when we went to uh
[00:55:33] To your dad's house and you held your nephew and it was such a like it was like it was such a foreign
[00:55:40] Like uh like that was really fun. Yeah, Nick was just so like did not know what to do like a cute big
[00:55:52] It was like it wasn't even like you were holding a human it was like a sack of turd a sack of
[00:55:57] That's like you're holding a fucking Thanksgiving turkey. Yeah, yeah like a frozen turkey. Yeah, and uncooked
[00:56:03] Exactly butterball turkey. I don't know they put me on the spot. I don't want to fuck a mold a baby
[00:56:10] To your like to be fair to you you were sick and the baby was also
[00:56:15] Oh, that's right. The baby. Yeah, they're like yeah
[00:56:18] He had a nice big dick huge the baby the baby. Yeah, it's a girl. There's diaper. Yeah
[00:56:26] It's a girl, baby. So yeah, oh she must have shit herself in a dick shape. Yeah, I'm in a I'm in a group text right now
[00:56:32] I guess one of my cousins had a kid. Oh nice. You keep posting pictures of the kid and the day it was born
[00:56:37] You know, I'm like oh look cute, you know or whatever
[00:56:40] But now it's like been a couple weeks and they're still sending pictures of the kid and everyone else is like oh
[00:56:45] What a sweetheart and it's like am I supposed to be doing that? Yeah, I guess I should
[00:56:49] You could check in every once in a while. Yeah, but it's paper off. Nothing's changed. It's a baby
[00:56:54] Right, it's like it's the day it's born. Let me know when it's walking or something. Yeah
[00:57:02] No, it's just yeah the opportunities to wear cute little outfits between now and then the return of Ron been there
[00:57:10] Jesus Christ, I just thought about people not being able to walk
[00:57:16] Automatically associated doing stand-up comedy in a wheel
[00:57:19] Okay, yeah, which is admittedly a very funny image. Yeah, yeah, but I love too
[00:57:25] He's still got the big golf in the oh, yeah that big golf that he used to carry around with him
[00:57:32] Thing I like about that guy. He sounds like he sounds like the animated Garfield
[00:57:38] I didn't spend much time with him. I think literally just that one CD recording
[00:57:42] I used to see him because he Irwin used to power around with him too. Nice. I don't know how they met that guy from
[00:57:49] He's a firm. He's a little like Salisbury
[00:57:55] Taking a quick two and a half hour drive. Yeah, actually I used to live in Salisbury, Maryland and
[00:58:01] Yeah, somebody broke in my house beat me right me left me for dead
[00:58:04] The police chief in the mayor were involved. Oh
[00:58:06] That's the same guy. No, no, that's a lady that I worked with but yeah, that's right. Okay. There's the only frame of reference
[00:58:13] I have for Salisbury. It's just on the east on the east. Yeah, sure drive through it
[00:58:18] It's like what like 30 minutes from Ocean City. Yeah, but like that the other side of the bed
[00:58:22] Is it this one of the state colleges is there Salisbury is where you go if you can't get into anywhere else. Yeah, yeah
[00:58:28] Frostberg's also a piece of shit. Yeah, it's it's whether you want mountains or yeah
[00:58:33] Yeah, the beach close to the beach. Yeah, close to the beach. So man, Maryland's got everything. Oh, yeah
[00:58:38] You stay there forever. Oh, yeah, you know just writing jokes about have a degree
[00:58:46] He put deserts and mountains and and he had a little bit of each paint left up to any made
[00:58:52] That's the state of Maryland. You know, they actually do say that
[00:58:54] About the state of Maryland. Oh, yeah, that's true. No, okay. Yeah, that's like a thing about Maryland is that it's like it's got
[00:59:00] I think it's a type of topography. I think it's a hack thing a lot of people say from a lot of different states
[00:59:05] I don't know. Yeah, do they have deserts in Maryland? Yeah, where alligator county
[00:59:10] Right in the alligator fucking Sahara. Yeah, Washington Washington counties got deserts. Mm-hmm. I guess
[00:59:16] Maryland does have good all the same dudes of alligator
[00:59:19] Yeah, dude hagors town is no different Santa Fe. Yeah. Yeah. Oh fuck dude god. God bless Maryland
[00:59:34] I'm going back. You were just there. Manly deeds
[00:59:38] Manly deeds when we were that shit rules. Yeah, forget about that one
[00:59:44] We had a real done dog uber driver yesterday
[00:59:47] And he was saying uh, he's like, so what y'all doing for Cinco de Maya?
[00:59:52] He's like watch caps game. Definitely watch caps game tonight. And I was like, oh, we're here for a film festival
[00:59:58] He's like, oh what you're wanting what you're gonna want to do is set up esp and alert so you get the caps
[01:00:05] He was like, I was like, I don't even like I love that. Yeah, why the I hate the Baltimore loves the caps. I never do that
[01:00:12] Yeah, because they're so racist. They don't watch
[01:00:14] They lose every playoff. They're not good to the pay but it's a DC team. It's so fucking annoying. Yeah. I hate that shit
[01:00:22] Baltimore's a different place the bapadles about that easy sucks the brapadles the rap the rapadles the capitol steps
[01:00:33] Yeah, well, no, it's like they sing about
[01:00:36] One of my best riffs of all time was uh
[01:00:42] We're in new hamster with brazil and phyllis and we're making fun of the capitol steps
[01:00:46] Been doing Ben Carson. Oh, yeah, and the capitol steps and he goes uh
[01:00:50] Shame on a believe who can operate on a brain
[01:00:59] That is good. I read his Wikipedia recently
[01:01:02] Very interesting. Why why are these shoes here? That's Adam shoes. Those are not mine. Those are those girls shoes
[01:01:09] They're red his Adam's gaseous shoes you jack off on these
[01:01:13] No, but when Adam was actually paying the jack off old Chinese man
[01:01:18] Because it gets a massage. He's like that happy ending but reverse style
[01:01:23] He jacks off the Chinese we're doing a Chinese fire drill on the happy ending
[01:01:32] Everyone gets out and jerks off in a circle. That's the uh, travolta move right was that he kept trying to jack off
[01:01:38] Yeah, yeah, you would open up his asshole. Let me let me get your dick over here. Oh, oh, I can't wait to suck on your dick
[01:01:52] I'm mad about you. I'm mad about you. Whoa
[01:02:07] Yeah, he uh, he is clearly bald in wearing a
[01:02:11] Series of words of course a lot of celebrities like that
[01:02:14] In fact, the only the only the only guy that's like not able to hide it is Brendan Frasier and it like cost him his career
[01:02:22] You think you'd be a lesser something was me like that's why I got so much respect for Billy Zane Billy Zane
[01:02:27] Like just had the slightest hint of going bald and he was like shave it all off
[01:02:30] Just fucking got rid of all his hair and then if he's like in a movie he's like, yeah, just give me a wig
[01:02:35] Yeah, and then for you know, he's just fucking cue ball. Otherwise. He's also beautiful though. He is
[01:02:40] Beautiful guy great eyebrows. Yeah, it's eyelashes. Is it his riz mascara? Does he that's all you need to do?
[01:02:46] You want to have pretty eyes, but mascara bro. I got long eyelashes
[01:02:50] I thought Billy Zane has like very strong eyes crossed for a second stop your 300 pounds. You're missing a tooth
[01:02:56] Uh, I'm two first of all. I'm two 69. Okay. I was 274 a three-week. You're too damn much. I have lost four pounds
[01:03:06] So please respect that five pounds. That's just cheese weight. Yeah, I have not water. Yeah
[01:03:12] Drinking water. There's cheese weight on top of water. Stop isn't even got into water. It's floating. It's just slices of cheddar
[01:03:20] floating on top of water weight that I lost yet
[01:03:28] This is a baby bell wheels cramped up his ass. I would love a nice baby dude. I fucking love baby bell wheels
[01:03:43] People aren't gonna like that all but it's so funny to me
[01:03:46] That's my that's better than we might have to replace songs about sucking off your father
[01:03:53] Paul Reiser and Helen Hunt's mad about you. Hey, Helen. Sorry. I'm so mad about you
[01:03:59] That's good. I think he has like a shot shark like a
[01:04:03] No, it was fine. That's fine. No, you did it good. It's good. It's good to see you. Uh, not so mad anymore Helen about that right by guy
[01:04:14] Helen yeah, yeah, I'm sorry. I help. Oh, I'm running some get and I'm gay and I rape
[01:04:33] But I got like just an episode ago. I was like Tom Myers has schizophrenia
[01:04:37] And then like this is what's funny to me. I'm not a fucking right jokes
[01:04:42] I think what I think is funny Brian show this Barack Obama
[01:04:55] That's a good joke. It's multi-faceted. Uh, it's me. Oh, I'm bored. I'm bored. I'm right shut
[01:05:15] Fuck yeah, I'm going to fucking be more I think next week a little bro's birthday mommy's day
[01:05:21] Another day where I eat an entire bag of granola
[01:05:23] Nice granola isn't like good for you. It's like sugar. Yeah, I know it's not good for me. You fucking idiot
[01:05:29] It was good for me, but it's fake good, but it feels like it's good for you, right? They they definitely fucking oh, yeah
[01:05:35] It's like it's like it's like, you know going down on a girl with a hairy pussy
[01:05:39] You know or like fucking a girl like a really hairy pussy and you're like, oh, there's no way I don't need to use a condom
[01:05:43] She's from out. That makes sense. She hikes. There's no way
[01:05:46] Well, there's she's clearly never fun. She's gonna natural flora and fauna. Yeah, she left her expensive boots from our eye on the whole time
[01:05:55] You know she's smell her whole body smells like her pussy. That's right. That's what he's gonna call it
[01:06:00] Baltimore is filled with a lot of those types for sure. Yeah, yes a lot of smelly girls
[01:06:04] Everyone smells and I don't know why the fuck they do that my friends. They're like successful have money
[01:06:09] Yeah, although I saw Dan like and he smelled fine. Really? I noticed that I actively noticed that he smelled fine
[01:06:17] Well good for him and his hair was like, you know, he was like looking he was looking
[01:06:22] Well, Ken they were out of towners, you know
[01:06:25] Yeah, he was hanging out with the film people film people. Yeah, he wanted to keep those little curls on the back of his head looking nice
[01:06:32] No, he's had a haircut and his beard was a lot of the way I'm sitting bros except for Ben Ben showers
[01:06:38] Ben Ben spins the yeah, they'll be here Tuesday actually where are they playing? I don't know
[01:06:47] But I'll go with you. Yeah, I love seeing um yeah, Baltimore smells bad dude
[01:06:52] And then those people are in completely completely segregated from like like the bros
[01:06:56] It's either those artsy kids that don't smell good or just like or the vineyards kind of gas
[01:07:02] Vine your vines kind of guys and then like, you know
[01:07:10] Trying to get sucked off. Yeah, I saw um then you got your west Baltimore
[01:07:14] I got a guy in Baltimore custom vineyard, not custom, but it was uh
[01:07:18] Maryland crabs with the Maryland flag vineyard vines shorts. Fuck yeah, yeah, that's I used to have a shirt that said uh
[01:07:26] Don't mess with me. I'm crabby. Yeah, that's nice picture of crab right from uh the gift shop. Yeah next to the uh
[01:07:37] Tcb y touching boys touching christian boys that one area
[01:07:44] Um, yeah that one area by the monument the washington Baltimore washing monument is
[01:07:51] It's really nice. I'm burning. Yeah. Yeah, it's nice. Do you have to be like rich to live there? Yeah, you do
[01:07:57] I mean it looks like you're comparatively rich. It's not that expensive. Yeah, you can find a nice spot
[01:08:01] You get an apartment over there. I mean if you're making like
[01:08:04] You know, it's a place apartment. There's probably like 900 a month. Maybe maybe a little bit more
[01:08:13] Or like a like a full apartment. Uh one bedroom one bedroom. Well, yeah, that would probably be like yeah somewhere around there. That's
[01:08:21] Good. Oh, it's good compared to here. Yeah. Yeah, I mean you can find one George had a nice ass one bedroom for like 700 bucks
[01:08:27] Yeah, dude in Charles village. Yeah, where where did you live?
[01:08:30] I think Charles Charles is other than Greek town with my parents and then Charles will is the boys
[01:08:35] With the boys that's where I had a lot of sex my place in waverly was
[01:08:41] 250 a month. Yeah, my my room was 300 in that Charles will yeah
[01:08:45] It's crazy 250 a month and like waverly is not bad. Yeah, you know Charles village is nice. Yeah. Yeah, yeah
[01:08:51] I'd like to fucking I'd like to get some property down and be more
[01:08:57] You know, just retire yeah, I had a proper 31
[01:09:02] All right, why are both because it looks like me because it looks like me because the dog version of me of course
[01:09:08] The dog version of you was like um, I see looks like me. We're both beautiful a little poodle with like a no more of a Jewish dog
[01:09:18] Those are like flying elephant guy from the first Star Wars movie. That's the type of dog
[01:09:27] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the Jewish slave owner
[01:09:31] That's the dog you the Jewish slave owner. You know the boy with wind
[01:09:37] That is not fair. What is my chance cube?
[01:09:45] Nick you would be like a fucking a yappy ass little dog. Not even true. It'll be a little
[01:09:51] I'll be the perfect some kind of retriever. No, absolutely
[01:09:55] Those are friendly and nice the best dog be a yappy ass little motherfucking. Yeah, no
[01:10:00] Be a rescue first a chihuahua. Yeah, you'd be a traumatized rescue
[01:10:12] You would be some kind of fucking little bitch ass dog. No, you would be you like I'm a bulldog for sure a fat
[01:10:18] PUB you've already said bulldog. You're not a bulldog. You're not a bulldog. You already agreed you were
[01:10:23] I know I asked you why a bulldog and I said because you it looks like you and you said yes
[01:10:29] That doesn't mean that I think it looks like you I just was trying to understand your mind
[01:10:35] You're on this well, there's never a look at my eyes. You're right. They're very empty and hollow
[01:10:40] Having a whole heart particularly attractive looking tall. They're cutest hell because it's I would say be
[01:10:46] And much like stop they die early because their body can't take their pug makes more sense
[01:10:50] But an obese pug a pug does not make more sense. Oh like the dog from uh from men in black
[01:10:56] You guys are out of your mind. I'm a beautiful ugly little pug
[01:11:01] You're ratty estrua. No, I'm not a ratty ass
[01:11:05] Atten to a Jewish slave owner elephant die from star wars your earnest that one we agreed on that issue that one we can all agree on
[01:11:20] The best dog i'm the best one. No, I I refuse to accept anything less than golden retriever
[01:11:25] You're definitely not a golden retriever. No chance probably yes golden retriever
[01:11:33] No, not even close fucked up. Not even close. Yes. That's totally yeah
[01:11:37] Yeah, you're like the product of like a very small dog being raped by a big dog
[01:11:43] Or maybe the other way around in some oh, yeah, that's very funny. It is funny little dog fucks a big ass
[01:11:49] Yeah, it's crazy that they're the same animal, you know because of select because of us breathing them slavery dog slavery
[01:11:57] They're all that with the nazis wanted they wanted like basically bulldogs and some basically
[01:12:06] That'd be crazy if the nazis got to have a keep doing that shit
[01:12:10] I mean, I guess they just wanted one kind of dog right
[01:12:13] They wanted all german shepherds. Yeah, right. They would have killed uh shiba eenu japanese
[01:12:22] What do you mean of course gone save but you can't be a bad you can be a bad slave like a bad person
[01:12:27] Yeah, so your justification is that some of them were bad people
[01:12:30] Not my justification for slavery for 400 years of slavery when they went to I'm not excusing the polar cost
[01:12:43] They stole all those ball and ass, you know
[01:12:53] Anyways, he did take that same from saying if
[01:12:56] If if you go if they did they all go to heaven, you know
[01:13:01] So we're saying heaven's real because all dogs go to heaven
[01:13:04] That's not even true carfaits goes to hell that's it happens in the movie. Oh shit. You're right. I don't remember
[01:13:09] Doesn't he he goes to hell. I don't remember. No, he knows he goes to heaven. So
[01:13:13] If the dogs go to heaven, I think slaves go to heaven also, let's uh
[01:13:18] Another unsympathetic protagonist carfaits was in the right in all dogs good heaven
[01:13:22] I don't remember that the bad guy Charlie goes to prison. I think carfaits may have set him up
[01:13:26] But he takes a cinema. Oh carfaits. That's right. Scarface. Yeah, it's a little
[01:13:35] The bad guy in black panther was like trying like Wakanda was keeping all of their money and
[01:13:41] Technology to know they're like israel and not helping out any other black people around the globe
[01:13:46] Yeah, and then the bad guy was trying to
[01:13:48] Have other black people. Yeah, his motives were cool
[01:13:52] What he wanted was cool black pant what he wanted was cool
[01:13:55] But the way he went about it was the only thing that makes him like mean and bad
[01:13:59] Why he just stole it and he wasn't like this girlfriend and she won the fight. He did win the fight
[01:14:04] He did I mean by the laws he should have been the king
[01:14:08] I give him that but I wasn't I'm listening down with his rule if you think about what a black panther is
[01:14:16] He was the jaguar though. He got the he was gold shit. Yeah, he was tight. He was cool
[01:14:20] I like him better honestly and he was fucking jacked. He was sexy. He looked good. Yeah. Yeah, all right
[01:14:25] Whatever nigg. You gotta see you should see that movie. Yeah. No, you shouldn't actually or creed. He's also creed
[01:14:41] Well, what else is in this um, I guess john McCain is
[01:14:44] Uh, dying and he doesn't want trump to come to his feet. Yeah, john McCain dude. Yeah, he can suck my nuts
[01:14:50] I said he can't anymore. You know, think he could he's he can't give brain
[01:14:55] He's got no you use too much brain. He's got brain. We're gonna got brain cancer
[01:15:04] Tom again can't stop giving brain john john Mcbrane
[01:15:11] Have a good Tom Myers joke. Yeah, apparently uh senator john mccain's got to change his name to senator john
[01:15:33] Uh, any of us. What do you talk about after three years, you know, uh, I'm just kissing
[01:15:40] I don't think it's three years. It's two and a half. Yeah, I started what
[01:15:44] No, it's all just coming up on three. We could have been in prison this entire time
[01:15:47] That would be could have that's another life and then we get out of it prison break. Yeah prison break style that show
[01:15:53] Yeah, that's another sexy bald man. You're gonna prison exactly like that guy from prison break
[01:15:58] I saw taylor catch him in los angeles while i was there
[01:16:00] And like he's just he's like a looks like a convict now
[01:16:06] He lost he lost weight and then got jacked but he also like accepted his baldness and shaved his head
[01:16:11] Oh, yeah, so he looks rough. He looks like a tough he looks like a monster. Hell yeah, that's cool
[01:16:16] Because he had kind of like dangerous eyes. Yeah, he's already kind of an intense looking guy
[01:16:20] Uh, but yeah, no, he looked insane. Hell. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's probably what i'm gonna look like someday. That guy's funny as shit, dude
[01:16:28] When I ran it on the street and I was like, yeah, tom size more followed me on tour
[01:16:32] He's like, oh, yeah, dude my friend uh she went to rehab with him and he fucked her
[01:16:36] And he sucked his comb out of her pussy and spit in her face
[01:16:51] All right, well, I guess that's been enough time. Oh, yeah, do we do an hour?
[01:16:55] Funny mom's hour 16. Oh also may something. I'm in Philly at someplace
[01:17:03] Oh, yeah, you're going with receipt or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah, here it recedes. Oh
[01:17:09] Yeah, the bad boys. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Michael. I got a dog. Here we go. I had um, I have
[01:17:15] Can make that seven tickets. Um, yeah, funny moms on the 14th. We haven't booked anyone yet. Yeah, um, but come out to that
[01:17:26] And we have guys we actually have it day on
[01:17:30] Some days august 12th is auto bar for auto bars august 12. Yeah, sorry. We weren't there this weekend. Yeah, they 18th 8 p.m
[01:17:40] Fuckly cafe nake is gonna be at fuckly's cafe top up comedy. Just look up pop up comedy
[01:17:47] I posted link on my instagram bio, but it's yeah me and microseam or co-headlining some fucking venue in filley
[01:17:53] That's cute. Yeah, um, yes, so august 12th. We will be at auto bar and then we've got a couple other shows cooking
[01:18:00] Uh, boston cleveland cleveland cleveland cleveland tour looks like it's happening back to back back to bach and boston cleveland started denis leery
[01:18:08] I'm tired of my fucking daughters doing fucking something. They need the bodice also. We've said it before
[01:18:14] Um, but if you have any access to I guess what like
[01:18:20] 200 300 seat I have to put it off and use probably bigger. I don't know
[01:18:25] If it's a bigger city, we should do okay. Never mind. But la we try to go to have like a
[01:18:29] A bit like access to a venue that would like to have us. We're more than
[01:18:36] Dicks it is it sucks. It's we're willing to dick sucks it. We are not good at
[01:18:44] Plant planning this kind of stuff and you can plan this dick. Yeah, I'll plan it
[01:18:49] I'll plan it all right. Be better. Shut up to uh cloey also for sending me hilarious
[01:18:54] Trans t-shirts. Yeah, you know, I like getting free stuff. I'll take some free stuff guys. No, it's same to me
[01:19:02] Some girl from the gram some dumb bitch some dumb fucking who fucking sanded shirts
[01:19:11] I'll take some I'll take some gifts guys. I appreciate I appreciate my goals gold's gym tank
[01:19:17] No desserts. I'm living a clean lifestyle. Yeah. Yeah, please send two cents. Stop desserts
[01:19:22] Actually, you know what if you DM me, I'll give you stops address
[01:19:25] I know don't give my address on amazon. They have a a snack care package. I do not it's $30
[01:19:31] Do not give my address boxes of take legally. I'm putting this on on recording
[01:19:39] If you want to give my address out to me
[01:19:41] We're gonna buy the enemy great terrorism. Let's see that court case. It's a $20 million lawsuit
[01:19:45] That's pages and pages of mad about you
[01:19:59] The ugliest divorce since Kramer versus Kramer, which mad about you
[01:20:05] Yeah, the judges like neither of you cop right to the end word
[01:20:17] Oh, we're right again hit the button bitch and we're off. Okay. Nice. I guess now we should talk about that Adam's shut the fuck up