Cum Town | Premium | 05/13/2018
[00:00:02] I promise I wouldn't eat on the mic anymore,
[00:00:06] I'm doing that before it's too late and we miss doing the other sister a bit.
[00:00:14] This is also played by Julia Lewis in breakfast.
[00:00:16] Wait, I thought that was Rosie O'Donnell.
[00:00:33] I just want to be allowed inside a church.
[00:00:37] Why don't they let my ass in the church?
[00:00:40] I love this church that's not letting disabled people in.
[00:00:44] I don't know how to leave nuns, obviously.
[00:00:53] You said retarded people had their own section of church.
[00:01:01] What were the games, like Jacks and stuff?
[00:01:11] I was like, what a retarded person would think Donkey Kong's called.
[00:01:16] Just them running their finger over every word in Dolph Mokon.
[00:01:26] I think that game is also named after you.
[00:01:28] Our last name is Smith, but he's retarded.
[00:01:33] He was a water boy that came with Jersey and said Kazooie on the right.
[00:01:39] Who would be there Malcolm X or there was a park?
[00:02:13] And I got to say, Adam, we were talking about this off, Mike.
[00:02:16] Doesn't feel good to do a podcast with a Jack guy.
[00:02:38] All of our like weird, autistic ASMR kind of fans hate when we eat on Mike.
[00:02:44] No, it's regular people that don't like the sound of like this.
[00:02:50] Well, I immediately hate the person who's doing it.
[00:02:53] This podcast is brought to you by kind, healthy grains, 10 gram protein, peanut butter whole
[00:02:58] And if you don't like the sound of eating on Mike, why don't you go out and grab yourself
[00:03:04] See if you can't get through the work day without needing an entire bag of granola.
[00:03:10] Let's see how many, uh, I'll be eating.
[00:03:13] The next bag that they release is going to say, as mentioned on come down.
[00:03:21] So how many calories are going to contain it?
[00:03:31] I remember when we thought it was like really good for us.
[00:03:38] It's good for you in the same way that like fucking a girl with a Harry pussy is good
[00:03:42] It's a good, it's a good, it's a good, it's a good, it's a good, it's a good, it's a good
[00:03:55] Then he'll go out to the top of the mountain.
[00:03:57] So he can think about her bad decisions.
[00:04:00] She probably will accuse you of the artwork.
[00:04:07] Well, uh, we're recording this a little bit early because of Mother's Day.
[00:04:14] Yeah, because Stop has to go out of town for four days to have sex with his mom.
[00:04:26] I put on sting makeup and put on desert rose just to cover on my base.
[00:04:40] I saw a cool black teenager wearing it.
[00:04:43] And a teenager wearing an NWA red and black t-shirt and a wolf pack.
[00:04:51] But actually, that was just for Oda-tude.
[00:05:05] It's black guys that love Odey from Garfield.
[00:05:09] I feel like Odey was on a lot of like, you remember when like, you remember when like,
[00:05:13] they had the Looney Tunes like dress like thugs and stuff?
[00:05:17] Like, Tweety Bird would like, stab him pants.
[00:05:37] So that's just transitioning into them.
[00:05:46] I always thought Tweety was a girl because it was yellow.
[00:05:54] If a man was trying to kill a woman, whatever.
[00:06:13] He had to find some like little fat Puerto Rican boy.
[00:06:16] That's just something Timmy Thick said on Instagram.
[00:06:18] People were like, there was a Harvard experiment.
[00:06:29] There's a little white boy with like a very thick ass.
[00:06:35] It's a little white boy with a thick ass.
[00:06:37] I suppose he's trying on like Victoria's Secret clothes.
[00:06:44] So it like it confuses people with their, you know, sexuality.
[00:06:49] He went on Instagram and talked about some of her roots.
[00:06:51] He was like, hey everybody, Timmy Thick has been a Harvard experiment.
[00:06:55] And then people were like, wow, this was a social experiment.
[00:07:00] What the fuck kind of social experiment?
[00:07:03] Guess what the website that broke the news that it wasn't a Harvard experiment was?
[00:07:31] Baby.com is really declining qualities since they've moved away from their original old description.
[00:07:37] The original old discussing the movie about the pig.
[00:07:42] It was four and a half years of just made programming.
[00:07:45] I just found out that in sales, there was this ugly Canadian lesbian woman that couldn't
[00:07:52] get laid that started a support group in 1997 for online.
[00:07:57] And then she's like, I want to find a name that's nice for them.
[00:08:01] So she came up with involuntary celibate.
[00:08:04] And then she left the support group and then it grew into what it became.
[00:08:07] It was an ugly lesbian that started the show.
[00:08:11] She was like, yeah, no one's entitled to sex, but everyone's entitled to love.
[00:08:15] So I just wanted people to support each other.
[00:08:29] Nick is something called Jim Cell, which is guys that are into the gym, but not a
[00:08:35] No, that's not what Jim, that means that you're asexual, you're only fucking Jim
[00:08:40] Well, cell usually implies in cell and then whatever the prefix is.
[00:08:53] So I would say Jim, right, right, right.
[00:08:54] Someone is so autistic they go to the gym all the time and they can talk because they don't
[00:08:58] Well, I thought it's that you replace Jim with fucking.
[00:09:08] Yeah, that's what Felix is somewhere somewhere in that.
[00:09:15] That's when you're you have like a womanly frame.
[00:09:20] That is my secret is that I'm not overly intimidating.
[00:09:28] I've been working on it for a long time.
[00:09:34] Yeah, I was kind of like alpha and I just had to turn it down.
[00:09:38] I wish we had spent more time on the other system.
[00:09:43] Are you rushed this to start so that we could really get in there?
[00:09:47] I was going to be more happening with the other system.
[00:09:49] I thought that was that was prime territory.
[00:09:52] I've never seen the other sister mints.
[00:09:57] Yeah, Evan only watches monster movies.
[00:10:06] It's a monster that eats your retirement.
[00:10:09] The bob is riding the boss with my sister.
[00:10:13] And it's about a brother they keep in the basement.
[00:10:17] He's the real name is Brendan, but he can't say.
[00:10:24] Super toner guy playing crash bandicoot.
[00:10:30] It's about a bandicoot that gets pussy.
[00:10:34] It's a little floating tee-kim- tee-kim-ass.
[00:10:50] It's about how it's okay to be racist because everybody is.
[00:11:05] I think driving Miss Daisy was probably a better movie.
[00:11:07] Does Malcolm or Morgan Freeman fuck the old lady?
[00:11:24] He pays a strong black man a black man.
[00:11:49] What's the nicest car you ever been inside of?
[00:12:00] That's how Nick talks now that he made a little money.
[00:12:08] I did like a PA job and they rented one for the shoot and I had to sit in it and feel it.
[00:12:13] So that they could run out the gas and bring it into the stage.
[00:12:20] I don't really give a shit about Rolls-Royce.
[00:12:26] There's a guy with a phantom that just parks it in Bed-Stuy.
[00:12:31] It's like a fucking half a million dollar car.
[00:12:37] There's no way that guy is fighting you to fight him.
[00:12:51] Didn't they come out with those were they a Buicks or something that looked like fake
[00:13:04] They tried to market it to the urban sort of middle class.
[00:13:23] Yeah, it's even like called something else.
[00:13:34] I recently bought fake Ray Bands on accident.
[00:13:36] I thought that it was the greatest deal of all time.
[00:13:48] I was like, I didn't know this dude like fucking Ray Bands so much.
[00:13:51] And I went on and I immediately bought two.
[00:13:54] And then I was like, the second I pressed buy and got the receipt, I was like, I'm an 80.
[00:14:04] It was also like the first time ever that I said, remember this password.
[00:14:10] And then I was just like, oh, they're going to steal everything.
[00:14:28] My girlfriend's parents just bought Alexis off of Craigslist and they found out today was stolen.
[00:14:39] I drive nothing but, you know, lambos fucking Ferrari.
[00:14:44] When was that when we saw that guy get that?
[00:14:46] You mean, you think about a second car?
[00:14:57] It's three of us feeling Brandon, right?
[00:14:58] And we saw that guy with a chromed out Lambo.
[00:15:07] West Village, I'm pretty sure you had a real real one.
[00:15:11] And like the Lambo and Suicide Squad is in a real Lambo.
[00:15:13] There's this company in Miami that they do these things called.
[00:15:22] And they take an infinity frame and they put a Lambo shell on it.
[00:15:41] There's a dirty ass bitch with pink dreads in there.
[00:15:43] I want that lime green Pontiacs on Fire Brother.
[00:15:50] I would drive by it everyday in school, going to school.
[00:15:52] When I was like I turned 16, I'm getting my fucking car.
[00:16:01] Every teacher would fuck me immediately.
[00:16:03] If you could fuck the hottest teacher at your high school, but then you'd also have to
[00:16:06] fuck the ugliest teacher at your high school would you get?
[00:16:13] The hottest one you've ever wanted to fuck,
[00:16:16] but you also have to fuck the ugliest one.
[00:16:19] There was one woman who had the biggest ass
[00:16:24] this is hot, she's got a big ass weight.
[00:16:39] And she had short ass little T-Rex arms.
[00:16:50] She was like Peter Dinklage in Finney War,
[00:17:04] and she had like a little fucking fade,
[00:17:09] And so I guess I would fuck her though,
[00:17:12] to fuck Miss Warner from middle school.
[00:17:31] Laps were, she was like one of those squirrels.
[00:17:44] I would probably be body shaming of women
[00:17:53] I'm really very respectful to all your teachers.
[00:17:56] Dude, I would put Mrs. Hair's flaps together
[00:18:04] I would fuck your worst teacher to fuck my Mrs. teacher.
[00:18:14] To bring everybody in the lunch for the triangle.
[00:18:44] Do we have a fucking Basset Hound in my neighborhood?
[00:18:46] Well, where have you been all afternoon?
[00:18:51] Oh, Albert, you better not be fucking that white teacher
[00:19:01] It was a touching story of ending segregation
[00:19:15] this is white pussy on this Basset Hound lips.
[00:19:19] One of those like southern like period piece movies
[00:19:22] they make every couple of years where all the white actors
[00:19:24] are like, OK, we're going to need you to say the N word.
[00:19:30] I was just so excited to say the N word.
[00:19:37] It's like people were racist back then, sure.
[00:19:40] But like they shoot those movies in a way where people
[00:19:43] were like, waking up like, I can't wait to be racist.
[00:20:00] and everyone thought it was so funny when Leo used the N word.
[00:20:03] It was like, oh, every time he used the N word,
[00:20:07] Also, Don was really funny when you walked into the theater.
[00:20:09] In fact, they were just laughing at you the entire time.
[00:20:18] Yeah, they just said that was what they were doing.
[00:20:20] They're like, oh, that you know that gay-ass white boy
[00:20:27] And I was like, and I just texted them.
[00:20:37] This is a SpongeBob, like having a heart attack.
[00:20:39] And it's like, when you see that little gay-ass white boy.
[00:20:41] That's where it's where the gay gang used to hang out in DC.
[00:20:59] All this snapping is hurting my delicate fingers.
[00:21:03] My fingertips are only built for typing in gaysex.com.
[00:21:10] Quick, put them in this restorative jar of cum.
[00:21:19] Like how barbers have the loosey barbers all.
[00:21:31] No, but those gay kids in check it used to fight fucking crazy fights.
[00:21:37] Like there's like hundreds of kids like brawling on the other side of the subway platform.
[00:21:42] There's a documentary that came out about them.
[00:21:47] No, but apparently Louie actually like bought it and distributed it.
[00:21:54] And he asked all those gay kids to jerk off of it.
[00:22:02] I was going to ask for pay for this, but never mind.
[00:22:05] How long do you think it's going to be before it's okay for Louie to jack off in front of people?
[00:22:11] He's hanging out at the seller apparently again.
[00:22:35] There was a rumor that was turned out to be apocryphal about a gay gang in Baltimore called
[00:23:00] I'm going to look at what apocryphal is.
[00:23:05] No, exactly what the fucking means, bitch.
[00:23:11] That is exactly of dubious motherfucking origin.
[00:23:15] Yeah, that's what a fucking rumor is for.
[00:23:26] It's a rumor that's not what a fucking rumor is for.
[00:23:30] You will not fucking bring me down here.
[00:23:34] Don't make me get my strong friend Evan to beat you up.
[00:23:39] Evan agrees with me that you use the word in the word.
[00:23:44] Evan has not used the word incorrectly, but you definitely
[00:23:56] You never know what the fuck to expect vocabulary wise.
[00:23:59] Sometimes I don't know how to use simple-ass words, but sometimes
[00:24:18] You can't blame people for not believing you.
[00:24:21] The word comes through a space in your tooth.
[00:24:25] Apocryphal is never meant to be whispered through the whole gap
[00:24:35] Can you do any tricks with that hole yet?
[00:24:37] No, I guess I could squirt a bunch of liquids out of it, but...
[00:24:42] You should start eating slim gems with your teeth closed.
[00:24:44] That's a smile of people and a slidest little gem in there.
[00:24:52] Maybe I've heard some quarters on the track.
[00:24:57] People said straight guys were getting raped.
[00:25:04] The first time I saw Andy, I knew he was going to get raped by those were talking about it.
[00:25:15] Andy, a lot of those retarded brothers.
[00:25:21] They're like, we got a bunch of Twizzlers in here.
[00:25:34] I like that they're the gayest retarded gang.
[00:25:40] The other gay retarded gangs, first of all.
[00:25:58] The other ones go off to college and do normal shit.
[00:26:04] It ends up dating Giovanni Rabisi who may be retarded in real life.
[00:26:12] Wait, a non, just a regular motherfucker.
[00:26:22] The father's like, I'm going to kill this guy.
[00:26:25] I can't believe this guy's dating my retarded daughter.
[00:26:29] And then Daniel rings the doorbell and he opens the door all angry
[00:26:43] So it's like Benny and June, but instead of mental illness.
[00:26:46] It's like Bonnie and Clyde, except there's the shoplift skittles.
[00:26:49] That's just brutally murdered in the end.
[00:26:54] Someone found a couple of months ago a Gobstoppers.
[00:27:04] Yeah, well, it's a type of identity you can have in this world.
[00:27:17] We found out that boy that's been fucking our sister is actually a girl
[00:27:31] I like that movie a lot when I was a teenager.
[00:27:35] Hillary Swank is the other brother, I guess.
[00:27:50] I think that Chloe Savini is her girlfriend.
[00:27:57] But it's like she's got boys like homies and then they find out that
[00:28:09] Oh, I remember being the brothers of the girl.
[00:28:16] People forget the trans people have been around.
[00:28:18] They just didn't start complaining until two years ago.
[00:28:20] Everyone accepted them until they started speaking.
[00:28:24] At the end of Ace Ventura, everyone started throwing up.
[00:28:29] And also, I don't understand surgery there because the surgery was
[00:28:38] I think it was that she was doing a tuck job.
[00:28:50] I thought, as he can, they chopped her dick off and put it in her ass.
[00:29:01] But again, if, I mean, that's a sexy ass trans woman right there.
[00:29:09] But I would smash Einhorn Dick or No Dick.
[00:29:39] The sequel to the O.J. Simpson American crime story was about Gianni Versace.
[00:29:47] I watched the first half of the first half of the series.
[00:29:48] We watched the first one together in Nick's life.
[00:30:03] No, I got more annoyed than it's just another true crime show than anything.
[00:30:12] It didn't feel really good, apparently.
[00:30:14] According to people that have finished it, multiple people have told me it's really good.
[00:30:19] I feel like everyone was talking about O.J.
[00:30:23] No, I have a lot of people that trust me.
[00:30:26] That's the best thing to do to somebody.
[00:30:27] If you really need somebody, you should just lie to them about good entertainment.
[00:30:29] They've been wasting their entire lives.
[00:30:31] Like I've watched nine seasons of this.
[00:30:42] When we hear it, season nine and a half, we make the video.
[00:30:46] But you have to start from the beginning.
[00:30:49] You'll get the references and shit if you watch the first six seasons.
[00:30:59] When we were at Hell Yes, my friend's younger sister was staying with us and she was just
[00:31:02] yelping everything and being mad annoying.
[00:31:05] And she text Nick a couple of weeks after that.
[00:31:07] She's like, first time in Austin, just wanted to see if you have any like locals, like
[00:31:16] Yeah, he referred it to the worst bar at all.
[00:31:27] It's a morbidly obese guy in a basketball shirt.
[00:31:34] I'm gonna start wearing basketball jerseys.
[00:31:38] You should start wearing it where your breasts flop out of the sides.
[00:31:43] No, my first one, my breasts are going to shrink in no time.
[00:31:48] That's the first thing that goes when I lose weight is tears.
[00:31:52] Well, I'd love to get the size of the belly.
[00:31:57] The belly ain't going to go in the middle.
[00:32:11] I mean, people ask me if I'm okay and stuff.
[00:32:13] If I run a mile, people are like, man, like you lose a skeleton.
[00:32:22] I get the fucking, my last place is the love handles dude.
[00:32:25] It's love handles though and then the lower abs.
[00:32:29] The thing that sucks too is like when you start gaining weight again, you don't see
[00:32:34] And then you're like sitting down and you're being like softly touched by the chair.
[00:32:41] I just got to wear your pants higher so you can't find out.
[00:32:49] I'm going to start cooking my mini potatoes.
[00:32:53] That's the diet trick guys is you eat miniature potatoes but then you still have 35 of them.
[00:32:59] As a snack because if you don't have a snack every four hours.
[00:33:06] My fucking dick, it's 100 calories worth of potatoes.
[00:33:26] I don't know what my numbers are supposed to be.
[00:33:38] For someone that size, 1700 calories is too low.
[00:33:44] At like 160 to cut weight on workout days I was eating 2300 calories.
[00:33:49] And on off days I was eating somewhere around like 2050 or 2100.
[00:33:55] And I was still losing weight at like a steady clip on that.
[00:33:58] I'm just trying to jumpstart the whole deal system.
[00:34:02] Well, I'm saying, yeah, you could eat more and you know, not.
[00:34:05] You don't feel tired or like fucked up from now.
[00:34:11] I mean, on days where I have to like these are days where I'm not working out and I don't
[00:34:15] And I'll plan it while I eat right before I have to do something so I have that energy.
[00:34:18] Like I'm about to go driving the fucking car.
[00:34:21] When I'm working out, I eat a little more or when I have like a show, I'll eat a meal
[00:34:26] It does suck that'd be hungry as fuck and be like, that's the problem.
[00:34:28] If you were eating enough calories, you wouldn't be hungry as fuck.
[00:34:31] And you can eat, you just eat a little bit less than you need to and you lose weight
[00:34:35] And that's like a sustainable lifestyle change.
[00:34:37] You don't like completely overshoot the marks, spend all your time fucking hungry and then
[00:34:47] I'm not going to level out again soon, but do you're changing your lifestyle?
[00:35:01] And by the way, my dick's been working like a charm.
[00:35:04] Okay, maybe not like a charm, but it's been working without the aid of a lofty charm filled
[00:35:15] I said stiff, whenever it's around, there's a bunch of kids screaming around.
[00:35:19] There's an Irish man who's trying to keep your teeth touching yourself.
[00:35:31] Hot stars and horseshoes, clovers and stuffs do.
[00:35:34] You can pop some golden rainbows and the red balloons.
[00:35:39] Just a little fucking tan on the circumcise.
[00:35:43] This is weird, sort of brown, hopeless triangle.
[00:36:03] So Evan, you do extremely accurate voices.
[00:36:21] Yeah, but I can never get anybody perfect.
[00:36:23] They can only approximate people, which is why I would never do voices on stage.
[00:36:28] It's still hard if you can do them perfectly.
[00:36:49] He's like me and Mateo started watching him and a couple years ago.
[00:36:59] It's a great show and it's a horrible show.
[00:37:02] It's one of the worst shows of all time.
[00:37:04] But Skeletor is just the best because he's clearly gay.
[00:37:08] He's a gay man and he's the only person actually acting in the show.
[00:37:18] Everybody's dumb that works around him.
[00:37:25] What do you think that might sound like?
[00:37:27] You said in your look at Morning Radio Show.
[00:37:30] Yeah, Skeletor is the president of the United States.
[00:37:54] He's just like, because the opening theme song is like, you know, you know, you know,
[00:37:57] he man and the masters of the universe.
[00:38:00] I see that guy's, he sounds like a rich guy getting blown.
[00:38:05] Ooh, that's what you want out of your narrator.
[00:38:06] You want to understand like a rich guy getting blown.
[00:38:10] But you can tell he's getting his knob just slobbed off.
[00:38:22] Somehow, somehow, in the times when I'm sucking somebody's cock while I'm doing the audition,
[00:38:26] that's when I happen to get the callback.
[00:38:37] He's one of the best in the biz, but he does it a swordfish style every time.
[00:38:43] He has to hack while he's getting his dicks.
[00:38:49] No, no, I think it's just some Russian, like some woman.
[00:38:58] I used to download a screen, like a screen grab of that scene and jack off to it.
[00:39:07] It would take literally 45 bucks for the picture to download.
[00:39:11] And then what's the movie with Pierce Brosnan where he's the tailor at the end?
[00:39:22] How about the insane Thomas Crown posse?
[00:39:27] Still, like, fucking the painting of dogs playing poker.
[00:39:34] How about like dogs playing it with a picture of Hatchet Man?
[00:39:38] Dogs playing Joker and it's a bunch of dogs.
[00:39:50] Let me see if you can get that to your pit bull.
[00:39:58] If you could breed Joker makeup pit bulls, you would be a millionaire.
[00:40:08] Like a grooming competition where you do like crazy, like you dye your dog's hair and
[00:40:11] they look like you do like artwork on the side of the dog.
[00:40:14] Like there was one where I saw where they made a dog into a dolphin.
[00:40:28] That should be a point where we have finally our own game with genetic modifications of
[00:40:32] Because the French made a goldfish that's made out of actual gold.
[00:40:36] It has, instead of iron deposits in its blood, it has gold deposits.
[00:40:40] And what it made, what happened is in the fish became too heavy and they just sink and
[00:40:48] You could have just made that up right now as an improb and then we were made...
[00:40:51] And made another goldfish that looked like the French flag.
[00:41:01] Animals head from the Muppets and then Miss Piggy on his ass and then Gonzo for a tail.
[00:41:08] If you're gay, if you're gay, that's the coolest.
[00:41:11] Like right now I can't see quite how that's the coolest.
[00:41:19] Well, I come on here three times and we try to do voices but then we end up just getting
[00:41:26] Oh, I didn't try to do voices last time.
[00:41:29] I think it's like the goal every time but it's so lame.
[00:41:31] It's so lame to just set it up like a radio show.
[00:41:39] I consider myself a professional broadcast.
[00:41:42] When that's followed by a glorious laughter.
[00:41:49] That's kind of how we every day after we record, we sit back, we listen, we take notes on every
[00:41:56] And then we listen to five hours of classes.
[00:41:57] Then we go down to the racetracks and then we'll opponent.
[00:42:04] We should get some suits like that and go to the track.
[00:42:05] The place was the place by the airport?
[00:42:38] Let's use like some strange Gandalfini.
[00:42:54] Now, you have pretty much perfect Joe Biden.
[00:43:36] This is probably the best impression I've ever heard of it.
[00:43:43] You waiting in line at the drive-through?
[00:44:05] My man talking about, can you please move your car forward?
[00:44:21] Cat Williams could do that bit and make it the funniest thing you've ever heard of.
[00:44:30] He came out and he talked about Nashville for 20 minutes.
[00:44:44] And he's just saying stuff that he clearly says at every show.
[00:44:52] He's like, you just say that everywhere you go.
[00:44:54] You say that in Montana a couple of weeks ago.
[00:44:56] The bit where he does the act out of why everywhere has weather.
[00:45:01] All these mother fucking clouds out this motherfucker.
[00:45:04] I feel to see Tom Myers in Jacksonville, Florida doing Maryland material.
[00:45:09] I can't wait until Tom Myers steals material from Cat Williams.
[00:45:13] And he's like, he's like, motherfucker.
[00:45:20] Michael Jackson definitely touched those kids.
[00:45:24] I have silk ceilings in my bedroom because he bitches like it.
[00:45:28] And Michael Jackson has a theme for it.
[00:45:32] What does that tell you about Michael Jackson?
[00:45:39] He's like, wait, he just talks about shit, man.
[00:45:41] He's like, he's like, you just up in a tree.
[00:45:53] Do you remember Shaka get fouled like a minute into the game?
[00:45:56] He'd be ready to be dripping with sweat.
[00:46:01] He gives so much about why people voting for Trump, like they got a secret waiting line.
[00:46:13] Why don't we just put up on Netflix, play it into the money?
[00:46:21] I'm happy to see him like working, dude.
[00:46:24] I mean, he was like losing it up by a kid.
[00:46:30] He like raised hell in a target at one point.
[00:46:38] Yeah, Shug Knight would be hanging out with.
[00:46:46] He ran over a guy with his car or something.
[00:46:54] And then the thing about Kat is he did like address it.
[00:46:58] Like he was like, that kid was, he was like, you guys say 16.
[00:47:06] He was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, yeah.
[00:47:15] Him just riding on that little fucking scooter was great with his perm all so I did.
[00:47:31] I think he does a Viagra bit in the new special.
[00:47:39] Because at the end, he's like, you got a fuck.
[00:47:46] You make you wash your asshole and fuck your lady.
[00:47:51] You do an impeccable impression of your wife coming.
[00:48:18] He loves your beautiful La Cuckoo Rachos.
[00:48:21] I just think like the drunk mouths from a honey tins.
[00:48:36] Oh, no, we wouldn't miss the bigger Chinese.
[00:48:58] You're like, I don't know, I can't see you.
[00:49:06] What we can tell is because he's the only one without his shoes on.
[00:49:13] That's how we know we're supposed to be.
[00:49:23] Even Chinese people don't take them off when they go to China.
[00:49:35] It's just extremely fucking Chinese people going to their house made out of paper.
[00:49:40] What I'm like, I do not take off my shoulders.
[00:49:44] They're like boom, the gong, the sunrise of China.
[00:50:50] We're just trying to find other ways into voices.
[00:51:17] I can get him, but he just sounds like me doing that voice.
[00:51:24] Yeah, and it feels like he's faking it sometimes.
[00:51:29] You know Chaz Palmentary has a steakhouse?
[00:51:37] It's just my voice with a Jersey accent.
[00:51:46] Evan, I heard you a great rendition of the entire play, The Jersey Boys.
[00:51:50] You've heard anybody's ever fucking done it, man.
[00:52:25] Apparently, we can never see cats while on ecstasy because it closed in December.
[00:52:33] My plan is to see the Gloria Estefan musical on cocaine.
[00:52:59] Yeah, if I did cocaine in a play or movie, I'd leave after ten minutes.
[00:53:14] I mean, the movie isn't happening if you're on cocaine.
[00:53:20] She's talking to people in the business.
[00:53:43] What's the dumbest thing you've done on cocaine?
[00:53:58] Well, you can call them in half and they just take both sides.
[00:54:03] It was a snake in my yard growing up as copperhead and we fucking chopped its head off with a
[00:54:08] hoe and all these baby snakes slither out of the neck.
[00:54:25] The seven headed mother fucking hydra comes from.
[00:54:29] Somebody probably chopped the fucking head off.
[00:54:43] That is less mind-bullying than I'm treating it.
[00:54:45] A lot of medical animals come from like people just not knowing what the fuck hippos were.
[00:54:51] People thought that was a cyclops because it has this big gape where the tusk is and they
[00:54:55] thought that was a big eye and they thought that it was a fucking cyclops.
[00:54:58] Have you ever seen where people like try and draw like, like, there's like old maps of
[00:55:03] like Africa or some shit and they like draw a line and it just looks like a fucking dog?
[00:55:09] No one actually knows what it was like.
[00:55:11] Also, it's so weird when you look at an old ass painting and they just didn't know how
[00:55:22] Women, they'd use male models and then put his hits on them.
[00:55:33] Like Mateo, I went to the Met and he was telling me that he learned it like arts school.
[00:55:36] They didn't know how to fucking draw babies.
[00:55:39] Like little Benjamin Buttons and every fucking...
[00:55:46] The shit they're using for paint is like cranberries and you're gonna get hit with oils and shit.
[00:55:50] And it's like, you can figure that out.
[00:55:51] You could draw this fucking majestic fucking painting but you just can't figure it out.
[00:56:23] You did some pretty good voices in that video.
[00:56:25] I mean, you know, there was like Stone Cold.
[00:56:34] Let me suck your fucking turkey a little.
[00:56:42] We can better for us all to just do it the same time.
[00:56:45] First of all, Adam, you don't do any of the hosts with the most.
[00:56:52] I don't want to do my Stone Cold because Evan's here and he's the best.
[00:56:57] I didn't know what you were Stone Cold.
[00:57:00] And you said you admitted I should have better Stone Cold than you.
[00:57:04] You've admitted it more than I will tell you.
[00:57:23] What you come down here to ring and take me down.
[00:57:25] I mean, Dad, what you come dick me down.
[00:57:29] And then from that point on, any time Stone Cold comes up.
[00:57:33] No, because the joke actually comes from long long long potion castle with the joke is oil me up, oil me down.
[00:57:39] We were playing guitar with Jake and Blake.
[00:57:48] We were playing guitar with Stone Cold podcast.
[00:57:53] Why don't you come down here and dick me down.
[00:57:55] Why don't you get down to ring and dick me off?
[00:58:01] Dicking down hoes is an expression that's been around.
[00:58:07] Oh no, you took it from long long potion castle.
[00:58:11] I don't think you took it from long potion castle.
[00:58:22] You just said dick me down your own voice.
[00:58:23] No, he did it earlier, but I'm saying, Nick...
[00:58:27] I feel like you can think on your feet faster than Adam to do.
[00:58:33] We will give Adam claiming he has the best Stone Cold.
[00:58:36] You have to go first because you're talking shit.
[00:58:39] Then Evan will bring us home as the challenger.
[00:58:44] Fine, I'm going to rank them on one to three.
[00:58:51] You're still mad at me from earlier than we proved I was taller than you.
[00:58:59] This is the reason we're not dealing with him.
[00:59:02] Oh, don't, don't, don't, don't take this.
[00:59:05] Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't take this.
[00:59:17] I'm going to do Michael Shannon for a long time.
[00:59:19] I'm going to check him out the details.
[00:59:21] It's close, but it's not all the way down.
[00:59:33] He gets a little bit of something else.
[00:59:43] I'm listening to Dab and the other is...
[00:59:54] You're going to have to say my own thing.
[00:59:57] Personally, I think, saying Jeremy Lean at the end of that joke was very funny.
[01:00:01] I think that Adam is an integral part of the dynamic of the three of these boys.
[01:00:13] I think it's a song called, and George W. Bush.
[01:00:15] Okay, disqualified for a gay shit said.
[01:00:17] No, it's like, yeah, he, that was, that was a fine.
[01:00:19] That was a, that was a, that was a, that was a good.
[01:00:32] I think it was the worst riff I ever heard in my life.
[01:00:37] I love what he has a podcast in his very first episode.
[01:00:41] He has to like explain to his listeners what a podcast is.
[01:00:44] You're like, basically I'm going to be sitting here talking out in my mouth.
[01:00:48] You're going to be sitting wherever you're at, whether that be on a radio or through your
[01:00:53] And I'm just going to be talking ideas.
[01:00:55] And you know, you can stream it online.
[01:01:01] And like listening to him break down laws, he was like, because in Florida, you have to,
[01:01:05] if somebody comes in your home, you can kill them.
[01:01:12] You have to be in a corner facing them.
[01:01:16] Like if you shoot them in the back, like you're fucked.
[01:01:18] But if they're facing you and they're coming towards you and you're in a corner, you can
[01:01:21] You're like, so basically they got to be facing you unless that's some bitch trying to whoop
[01:01:27] I want to hear him break down every line.
[01:01:44] If somebody else is done an impression, it doesn't count.
[01:01:51] Alan Rickman's been done a long time ago.
[01:01:56] Why don't you cut down here and dick me down?
[01:02:17] I'll tell you what, if you got a big monkey, you know, you fuck it.
[01:02:23] I don't know what country you're from, but here in America we fuck our giant ape.
[01:02:30] That's because I'm a little like Jay have Kalella.
[01:02:32] But I've never heard Michael Shannon speak so I think it's dense out.
[01:02:42] You know what, you know what, you know what, gorilla cum tastes like Jake?
[01:03:03] Because you said he was taller than me, bitch, and he's not.
[01:03:06] No, that you just let his fucking election in.
[01:03:13] No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
[01:03:27] I just want to remark that Nick made that comment before the competition.
[01:03:36] You allowed him to be the puller of string.
[01:03:40] His thing is actually better, but more so.
[01:03:44] No, you allowed him to election here, but more so.
[01:04:00] You mix his cum with kryptonite and he can't stand it.
[01:04:12] What was, who did Michael Shannon play in that?
[01:04:15] He played a, who did Michael Shannon play in one?
[01:04:20] He played, you know, he played some guy.
[01:04:26] Come from the country of Israel to destroy Superman.
[01:04:32] Israel is now bombing Syria and I as General Zod in charge of it.
[01:04:46] I heard it was like one of the worst movies ever.
[01:04:55] That was the start of the current DCEU, which is D.C.
[01:05:03] I saw Justice League in the theaters and it sucked.
[01:05:14] A bunch of League guys doing justice for each other.
[01:05:18] Yeah, it sucks how much the DC, all the DC movies sucked dick.
[01:05:26] I know it's not great, but it is at least its own thing.
[01:05:30] It's like darker and like there are consequences and stuff.
[01:05:45] I don't think my girlfriend wants to see it with me.
[01:05:51] You can see it with some guys that you hook up with.
[01:05:53] She likes watching videos that other guys send her.
[01:06:00] She's like, what are you touching yourself to just film?
[01:06:20] No, that really upset me the other day.
[01:06:30] I'm just making an obvious joke about your girlfriend beating off the film.
[01:06:38] If you're listening, Adam was upset about something.
[01:06:44] It's your job to find out what is upset.
[01:07:14] It's fine for you to say this, but then he's fucking nothing.
[01:07:18] See, somebody always likes some fans talking shizzers.
[01:07:25] Yeah, they're coming after you now, dude.
[01:07:29] You literally said that really bothered me the other time.
[01:07:41] Anyway, well, can't we get to potatoes to pretty much?
[01:08:09] Six feet down to get dicked down for the last time.
[01:08:32] We're going to have a whole conversation.
[01:08:34] And then it's going to end up in some hot sex.
[01:08:39] I'm with like reading glasses on, going over the numbers.
[01:08:51] I was referencing Nick's mom inserting a plastic penis.
[01:08:56] I'm going to take my potatoes out of the oven.
[01:09:08] We've finished our contractually obligated time.
[01:09:10] I'm going to skip the gym if you guys are hungry after.
[01:09:29] I do have to finish that packet though by six.
[01:10:00] Guys, please mail Adam jerseys of Jeremy Lin from now on.
[01:10:09] I think it was so funny that Sandra was in that movie sideways.
[01:10:14] I was trying to figure out how to push it.
[01:10:18] That was like one of the first stand-up bits.
[01:10:24] You were like that idea hitting you were like, I know what I want to do with my life.
[01:10:29] It's like when fucking the apple hit Newton on the fucking head that was Nick's sideways