Cum Town | Premium | 06/04/2018
[00:00:00] And go you come into the fucking best buy and you see that big Mario in the big sonic
[00:00:05] Uh-huh and the fucking nine TV screens making the big TV screen guess who's over there punching sonic in the fucking dick
[00:00:12] That's me yep, I'm in Nintendo boy. Yep. This Sega fucking bullshit and get the hell out of here
[00:00:18] Yes, I find out you got Sega Saturn home. I'm gonna fucking suck you
[00:00:22] I'm gonna bite you dick off your body and suck it off in my own mouth
[00:00:25] I'm gonna sever your fucking penis with my front teeth. Mm-hmm. Then I'm gonna suck on it like a starburst until it somehow comes
[00:00:33] Spit your own severed come off in your face. Oh, yeah, because I'm a Nintendo guy Mario. That's right play them
[00:00:39] Yeah, let's be plumbers together Mario who the fuck wants to be a headshot. That's not even a human being
[00:00:45] Right, so true. I'd rather be a plumber. You know a real a union guy
[00:00:50] Mm-hmm. Yeah Mario. He gets it. That's for the no-show jobs. That's for yeah, that's why Mario Mario is actually a no-show job
[00:00:57] Yeah, he's always doing he's on adventures. Yeah, but he's in the mob
[00:01:02] Trying to get his girlfriend back from some big dick turtle
[00:01:06] That's me. That's a life. I can appreciate some turtle is like what's worse sonic way goes fast to piss off a scientist
[00:01:13] Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. No respect. No, it's a bad guy in Sonic some fat guy a Russian
[00:01:18] Son he builds robots to hurt animals which oh sounds like he's just works for the fucking meat industry
[00:01:27] It was the backstory that sonic was like an animal that was being tested on dr. Robot
[00:01:31] Yeah, dr. Robot it was just he was the one who invented those things that suck cows
[00:01:39] Yeah, that's like milking machines. Hey kids getting your dick sucked off by your dad is not cool
[00:01:44] Yeah, there's one of those sonic episodes or at the end like sonic site by the way if someone tries to touch you in your penis
[00:01:59] I'm back doing the damn levels. It sounds loud in my headphones, but are they all at five they're all five
[00:02:05] Yeah, that's where we're normally it should be a little bit over and it should be like just a bit five
[00:02:09] Not yeah, you should be a little bit under to be just at five not any over five
[00:02:13] Mm-hmm. You're uh, yeah, you're one. Yes. Oh, I'm these kinds of these kinds of things takes a little bit of finesse
[00:02:24] If you ask me you know I'm saying no, I know vaga my good afternoon. My name is vaginas
[00:02:37] Radiology clinic we do all kinds of imaging and if you want I do not have how do I get tumors in my dick to make it bigger?
[00:02:49] Now for giant ass if I can't get hard if I got a big-ass tumor on my dick
[00:02:52] I mean I had a big-ass hard deal excuse me. I'm eating all of the hard candies
[00:02:58] I said this supposed to be for patients, but I only get one large break again
[00:03:02] I'm supposed to not eat all those but a scotchis
[00:03:05] Can I have one please you know I noticed I understand the butter pot, but I don't I can't discern any scotch. Mm-hmm. Thank you
[00:03:13] That's what I was thinking would join us
[00:03:15] Bob and join us. I thought I had a horrible disease, but you're laid back to me. There's really your best idea
[00:03:22] Yeah, oh you got cancer. Yeah, I thought I did it's gonna be all right. A lot of people come in here
[00:03:27] They got cancer. Do you see them often? No, they died
[00:03:30] But you know life is about eating a chocolate so you can get for free
[00:03:35] Yeah, that is true. Look I've had cancer for 42 years
[00:03:40] That's how I got this job really it's amazing how you can type with those nails. They're like eight inches long
[00:03:46] That's the cancer. Oh you got a nail cancer. I got I got fingernail cancer
[00:03:56] Nilly out of me cut my nails off. That's your culture. Thank God
[00:04:01] I didn't lose any of my hair from the chemo considering I didn't have any
[00:04:08] Damn I'm always jealous. I wish I wish what white fat bald men it becomes just as culturally acceptable for us to wear wigs
[00:04:17] Yeah, I wish make a wear makeup. I would imagine how good I'd look with mascara. Oh, you know, I liner. Oh, yeah
[00:04:22] You could I would look so good. I would be so beautiful
[00:04:29] No joke leather straps on your wrist. Yeah. Yeah, no joke. I have pretty long eyelashes
[00:04:34] So do you throw a little mascara on there? Yeah, me. Oh, you got pretty pretty brown eyes. Yep
[00:04:49] Brown-out boy do you remember when we used to
[00:04:56] Probably the most obnoxious popular musician of all time Irish, right? I think so. Yeah. Yeah
[00:05:02] He's a he looks bad. We used to suck each other's dicks and asses. We used to suck each other off
[00:05:12] What is brown hole girl? What are some other songs he had he had a what was that album?
[00:05:30] I fucking hate Van Morrison so much. No every time Van Morrison comes on. I want to just smash everything in sight
[00:05:38] Action astral week astral to mouthful astral weeks. I think it's called. It's pretty good. Are you sure it's not astral to mouthful?
[00:05:46] My ass so much my ass my ass. Oh my awesome. Yeah, it's a big German now to German daily. Do you who wants to see my
[00:06:04] Lot of this is just schizophrenia. Yeah
[00:06:15] Nick you had a psychedelic experience the other day. Oh, yeah, I did Molly. Yeah, then I nice
[00:06:24] Like ten years. I don't consider cocaine cocaine a hard drug. What do you consider it an easy drug? It's a very easy drug to do all the
[00:06:38] I'm physically incapable of getting hard
[00:06:41] Yeah, it is the opposite quite the opposite. Yeah, no, I can't get my dick hard on Molly
[00:06:46] Which is great because if you fuck while doing apparently it was just ruins fucking
[00:06:50] I thought it. Yeah, I thought it's the best sex ever. It is but then you can't go back to just regular fucking
[00:06:55] I remember the first time I did it. I went back with a girl. What was his name?
[00:07:17] Met a girl and she was a member the untouchables cast
[00:07:21] Yeah, she was literally covered in poopoo, but we did Molly together and I got in her sheets and she had these like
[00:07:27] Satine kind of sheets and no, it's a satine. It's a teen. Yeah, what satine and per cow are the two kinds of weaves for sheets
[00:07:35] Yeah, satine satine. It's it's three over a shiny
[00:07:39] Per cow is what to I have no idea, but Nick knows about stitching and textiles
[00:07:46] It's a way you stitch the sheets so that they're they have a different text. Yeah, yeah
[00:07:50] Satine or I don't remember exactly what it is
[00:07:52] But you know you have like three vertical threads for every two horizontal is one softer than the other satines the softest
[00:08:01] Sat which are different materials. I guess
[00:08:05] Yeah, but I was just like I was just doing like breaststrokes in her sheets because the like the sheets felt so good
[00:08:11] Yeah, I was just like just like swimming around in her sheets and then she was like alright
[00:08:16] Do you want to hook up and I was like okay?
[00:08:18] So then I went down on her and then I started panicking then I wasn't getting a boner while I was eating her out
[00:08:22] So I had it was like jacking my dick while I was eating her out. She was like losing her mind
[00:08:27] Yeah, as soon as in my head, I'm like, oh, I'm not gonna be looking at my dick hard
[00:08:30] Then you're not gonna be able to get your dick right. Yeah, your heart starts beating
[00:08:33] I don't know anything about that. Yeah, it's tough. It's like what happens you're not on drugs
[00:08:38] My dick will be hard. I'm like, oh, it's hard and then I look at it and then it disappears
[00:08:42] It's like a magic eye. Yeah. Yeah, I had like an anxiety thing after if you look past my balls
[00:08:53] I can only get hard if she's scared and there's a little bit of blood
[00:08:58] No, but yeah, it's a there's an anxiety thing
[00:09:00] Yeah, it's I had like three months where I could where I was just getting boners and then losing them like when I'd go to get the condom
[00:09:07] I lose a boner. Oh, yeah, and then I stopped using condom. Yeah, it's all psychological
[00:09:11] It's all psychosive is psychological. Yeah, well it was like when I was going through that breakup when I first moved to New York
[00:09:19] Psychologically, so that's why I fucking guessed that's why like you're good at fucking if you're stupid because like you don't have any like
[00:09:27] Nicro bit. Yeah, it's a it's a it's a well. I'm not I'm not
[00:09:33] Not yeah, I'm not accusing you of stealing. I'm just saying that's a really good. It is a good bit. Yeah. I am
[00:09:40] But yeah, yeah, I want to speak on the record is
[00:09:43] Accusing you stealing it you can steal from people that look they look exactly like you
[00:09:48] That's you can still you should be able to play
[00:09:50] Nicroll's gay brother or something exactly like is a Niswarsen
[00:10:08] This lady I love his character in bino 911. I love no
[00:10:17] Man you know I'm from the West Coast, you know, I grew up with these people I
[00:10:22] Knew them go ahead. We're good now. I'm not gonna ruin it. That was you was that you thought it was funny when
[00:10:27] It was funny when he's worse in the way
[00:10:30] Niswarsen where were those tiny shorts and you went rollerblading like a gay man
[00:10:43] Yeah, never mind a lot of those guys can't even speak Spanish which is really funny, but they still have that
[00:10:56] Started reading the power broker. I think I'm finally gonna do it this time. Are you gonna do it?
[00:10:59] Yeah, how many pages is like 900 right? It's something like 20,000 page. What it's so long. Yeah, that's crazy
[00:11:06] It's great though. Anytime I've started it. I'm like I'm gonna finish it this time
[00:11:09] And then it's always like a summer or a winter challenge. You give yourself a season to read it that fucking one. Yeah, but apparently it's like amazing
[00:11:17] Yeah, yeah, what's the other what's the other book? That's like the comprehensive New York history book. That's like good
[00:11:23] There's this one called Gotham. I think that's a Gotham. Yeah, my friend's dad gave it to me when I moved here
[00:11:30] New York's great New York has such a great history
[00:11:32] It is really good history Brooklyn Bridge the Statue of Liberty to the Chappo trap house podcast
[00:11:38] Yeah, the things this city is done and produced. Oh, yeah, I really like that guy slice Peter Stuyvesant
[00:11:44] I really like him like when it was new Amsterdam. Who is that Dutch governor that was the trans person
[00:11:50] It was a British governor and it was the Queen's cousin. Yeah, and yeah, there's like a portion of hell
[00:12:00] Like pull them into bushes and make out with them and run away. Yeah, it's like the mayor
[00:12:05] The basically the crowd like the British crown sent over the Queen's trans cousin
[00:12:10] To like be the governor of New York just like get an ocean away from us and New York
[00:12:14] Like they thought it sucked dick right like cuz York was a little dick ass town London
[00:12:19] New London and Connecticut London town. That's the one they must have said folks try to come tonight
[00:12:24] Well new try the veal with semen new Amsterdam new Amsterdam was like was like a backwater
[00:12:30] And then this dude Peter Siveson who had one leg
[00:12:34] The Dutch West Indian Company sent him up to New York and he changed the economy from a fur trading post to a slave trading
[00:12:44] Sell them all fucking slaves. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about collecting them trading them. Gotta catch them all. Yeah, yeah, slavery
[00:12:57] It's a little harsher than Pokemon, but it's the same concept
[00:13:03] The Pokemon was just a way to trick people and get it back into slavery
[00:13:07] Brainwashing kids into thinking slavery is okay
[00:13:17] He can only say his name and that was not the name he chose
[00:13:31] Doesn't matter if you choose red or blue the games about slavery
[00:13:41] Collecting slaves, it's okay if they're cute
[00:13:51] Slaves or Pokemon asking did be learned how to read they only know how to say their own name. Yeah, yeah
[00:14:18] Have you ever seen roots and ever watched it. I just know that the guy from I've seen a star
[00:14:23] Yeah, I've seen Star Trek though, so I feel like I've seen yeah the actor in it
[00:14:28] I've watched a training day. I remember was weird watching reading brain bullets a little kid because it's like
[00:14:34] That's a star trek. I don't know that was exactly what my thought process was
[00:14:38] The thing is is like how did that actor see with that stupid thing on his face on the show?
[00:14:44] I guess he must have it must have been see through somehow. That was super confusing for me. Yeah, I thought those glasses were cool
[00:14:50] I thought they were dope. Yeah, I used to take my mom's like headbands and then yeah
[00:14:56] You know it's funny cuz I'm like dad would be like what the hell are you doing boy?
[00:15:00] Star Trek isn't isn't racist like Star Wars is yeah
[00:15:04] But it is weird how like the only two black characters on the show
[00:15:07] I like one of them has like cool sunglasses and then morph is just wearing like a gold
[00:15:13] Well, that's he and G, but they had a black captain in in
[00:15:17] In a Cisco black Francisco, but his name Cisco. Yeah, he's he's
[00:15:24] Tried to make up for it by making a single father, you know, okay. Yeah like that's ever happened
[00:15:35] Watching the history of black. The smart guy was a single father. I'm pretty sure yeah a fix you gonna think I thought that was real
[00:15:42] I'm a documentary series. Yeah, doggies on T and Tamara's little brother
[00:15:48] Yeah, you remember the rape episode of that. We've probably talked your main was raised by a single dad his mom abandoned his family
[00:15:55] I thought he I thought he always talks about his mom. Are you sure maybe she came back?
[00:16:00] But I mean I when we were friends as teenagers. I remember that being the case. He started young too, right?
[00:16:06] He's a year older than me, but 17 I remember at the time
[00:16:10] It was like he was older than me, but he's only older than me by like eight months
[00:16:13] And he started after me but only after me about like six months. So we basically started at the same time. Yeah, yeah
[00:16:19] Yeah, I remember I remember damn. That's another EJ's landing veteran dude. Yeah
[00:16:29] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember Erwin was doing that
[00:16:31] What are you if you have Jewish half whatever that joke is mom or a form? Yes, and your man goes up on stage
[00:16:36] He's like damn. What are you if you have Jewish half?
[00:16:42] Instantly wrote it much better. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and Erwin was like
[00:16:49] Erwin would just take burns people said about him and put them in his act. I used to be so fucking mean to that guy
[00:16:55] Yeah, I was I remember one time we were all like in the like a parking garage or something like people about to leave or whatever and
[00:17:02] Erwin was like said something about like his day job
[00:17:05] I'm like what's your day job and like he was hesitant to tell me yes
[00:17:27] It's a job, but you said crushes Christian babies
[00:17:35] Snitch I'm just a general snitch for a living. I'm a coward
[00:17:51] So yeah, I was so mean to a guy and I'm pretty sure great behanish got his dick sucked like in front of us and is like
[00:17:57] 1988 Chrysler dynasty. Oh, yeah his Dodge dynasty. Oh, what do you mean? You're pretty sure?
[00:18:02] I like he just had some old just disgusting woman with him and he's like I'll see you guys later
[00:18:11] Went the car and that parking lot. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They just came out. Yeah, that's awesome
[00:18:23] But he was like one of those guys that like probably graduated high school in like 1982 and he's like got the haircut got the mustache
[00:18:29] Got the fucking bomber jacket dude. This is the look got a little rock. Yeah. Yeah. Keep it going forever brother. You know
[00:18:37] Van Halen yeah, just like one of those like just early 80s
[00:18:46] You know cleaning his car on the driveway
[00:18:52] Mustache bro, but they were chill. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're chill
[00:18:56] Yeah, yeah, and they'd be they'd like fucking give you a nuggy and that was it yeah
[00:19:01] Know I guess those guys probably didn't hate crimes. Yeah, it's gay people. Yeah. Yeah, probably
[00:19:07] Anyways, but Hanish was like one of those guys and his jokes were like yeah, I just found out that uh
[00:19:15] We were with the setup is even he's like yeah, I'm I'm uh I got different heritages myself my feet are from Iran
[00:19:32] Just like that's a cantaloupe you dizzy
[00:19:38] And he was like just such a fucking area he always had that dumb smile on his face. Oh, yeah
[00:19:42] That's right. Happy his job was doing like tape backup for Kaiser Permanated
[00:19:46] It's like works in the basement and like just file. Yeah. Yeah, it's like moving tapes around
[00:19:54] Damn, that's just gonna be fucking obsolete as hell. Yeah
[00:19:58] Yeah, we're going up the deep creek this weekend, man
[00:20:02] It's gonna be a good-ass time you should come brother. Did you ever go to any of those shitty Maryland beaches?
[00:20:07] Well like ocean city we're just like yeah, they would have like though was a one like I mean
[00:20:11] I'm in a ocean city plenty not ocean city
[00:20:13] But like deep creek or just like the water. Oh lakes. Yeah lakes. Yeah. Yeah. I went to I used to go to Greenbrier State Park
[00:20:20] Yeah, I've been there. Yeah, really? Yeah, I went swimming there. Yeah, I went to Greenbrier a lot
[00:20:24] Um, I went to uh, yeah, that's not too far outside. See could talk to yeah. Yeah, yeah
[00:20:31] I only went to one fucking was horrible. Did you ever go to Aztec island? I don't know if I've ever been a deep race with the ponies
[00:20:37] Yeah, they said they were gonna take us in fifth grade
[00:20:40] Uh, I went camping there and then uh, I put a pony sucker dick
[00:20:45] The second that right before the second night
[00:20:48] Our camps I got absolutely destroyed and we'd say no see that night went to secret. It's got fucked up
[00:20:52] I was like hell. Yeah, this way, but I didn't camp really in camp
[00:20:55] Me and dana went to some state park with the lake. I'm trying to remember where it was. Did you ever go to a routine?
[00:21:03] Yeah, ocean city is a place to go as a routine. What was your first routine away from home experience?
[00:21:10] Do you remember probably just probably ocean city? Yeah, yeah, yeah
[00:21:14] Who was the crew? Um, some friends of mine don't talk to anymore. One of them was dead. There's only three guys I was like
[00:21:22] My friend read um, my friend danny who died two years ago. All right p. Danny. All right p. Danny another fentanyl
[00:21:29] Damn situation. Yeah, um, and then this guy brian who was like danny's friend
[00:21:38] We were going for a week. We went to the beach for a week. Yeah. Yeah, and he brought nothing not even a changer clothes
[00:21:49] Just jeans bag. Yeah, just as like jinco shorts
[00:21:53] And like you had just done a bunch of like ecstasy like the night before so he's like, you know, I'm really fucking depressed
[00:21:58] And then he had to like call somebody to come pick him up
[00:22:02] Their other friend that they'll like come get him because he was too depressed. Oh, yeah, I still think
[00:22:07] 2019 maybe next summer. That's a reasonable target date for comfes ocean city Maryland secrets. Yeah, we literally should do that
[00:22:15] We should do my favorite secret story is uh
[00:22:18] There was someone that called the police on some lesbian woman because they thought it was just in beaver
[00:22:26] And it was when joss and beavers like 16. They're like fucking joustin beavers in here getting drunk
[00:22:32] That's a child. He shouldn't be in here getting drunk
[00:22:39] That's fucking incredible. Yeah, I remember one time I took the most random vacation to new york
[00:22:44] It was my maybe my freshman year of college and I was friends this kid harsh
[00:22:49] Uh, he was uh, I think it was pakistani and he was like, yeah, man
[00:22:52] Me and my friends are going up to new york. It's like you should totally come and it seems like a kid like I only sorting you
[00:22:58] You know, uh, and then I they picked me up and it's just a carload full of fresh off the boat ass pack
[00:23:09] But they're just drinking fucking beers in the like they just have like a bunch of beer and shit
[00:23:13] It's like, yeah, man. We're going to the fucking hotel. It's like no. Don't worry. We got a cheaper place
[00:23:18] And we were saying fucking jurors. I think I think we were literally in new work
[00:23:30] That and island ferry living in jersey is like you might as well just kill yourself and they were some straight cool guys
[00:23:35] There was still they were still something a cool guy. Yeah, what's up cool guy. It was fucking I went to I went to oc
[00:23:43] When I first moved up here jake cuz jake moved likes two or three months before me. You were living in west Chester
[00:23:48] Are you no I look I move right to the city to try to do yeah, yes, Chester
[00:23:52] I thought you were like upstate for like your first couple weeks. Maybe I'm wrong whatever
[00:23:57] I was no I found that place in china town immediately. Oh my god locked out
[00:24:01] but jake had been here for a couple of months and uh
[00:24:07] Was living with our friend erin best who lives in carney
[00:24:11] Mm-hmm. Oh, you jersey? Yeah, and he was like delivering pieces and like bushwick is his day job
[00:24:16] So we'd have to take like a path all the way to fucking brooklyn and then to do like bike delivery in the winter
[00:24:22] That sucks. Yeah, I was a jake would use the bus
[00:24:35] Yeah, so I'm sorry. I could never fucking deliver food or fucking a fucking restaurant dude. It's too much pressure. Yeah
[00:24:43] Yeah, yeah, also there's that waiter seems there's that like comradery that sucks later
[00:24:48] Yeah, I have too short of a tamper to do that of course
[00:24:51] There's actually I well too late the food came out so
[00:24:54] I'm gonna send this back. That's not how it works
[00:24:57] That restaurant or something I bring it to you. That's the end of the transaction if you want to bill now you can and the tipping is mandatory
[00:25:03] So if you try and tip less than 20 percent, I'm gonna steal your I'm gonna take your I'm gonna penalize you credit card wise
[00:25:10] Yeah, I'm just gonna cross it out and write it on your yeah, you see
[00:25:13] Go ahead put whatever you want, but just let you know I'm going to change the tip amount to a hundred dollars. Yeah
[00:25:19] Yeah, you just handed them bill. Yeah, no, it's not fraud. I'm telling you to your face what I'm going to do
[00:25:26] And if you do anything about it, I will find I have your address. I will find you and kill you in your family
[00:25:31] I'm going to go ahead and tell the police that that's right, bitch. Yeah, that's how we do things at fucking Caraba's. Yeah
[00:25:44] I took the initiative and made waiters at Chipotle
[00:25:49] Sir get the fuck out of the line. Are you a waiter? No, you are not get the fuck out of the line
[00:25:55] Only waiters go in the line. See me to place your order
[00:26:02] City or next to this bitch. Excuse me bitch. Do you need any water? You're doing good. Okay
[00:26:15] Just going into a place like excuse me, but the bitch here yesterday
[00:26:19] That's a bitch yesterday. That's a David David Cross bit. Is it? Yeah, what's the bit that him and his friends slip in bitch
[00:26:29] Like when they're like at restaurants. They're like, um, excuse me bitch. Um, I was wondering what the specials are today. Thanks, bitch. Um
[00:26:38] Misogynistic. Yeah. Yeah, you're not going to stop Trump with that kind of material
[00:26:43] That's not the way to do resistance comedy. It's not damn dude
[00:26:47] Yeah, his I think his wife just totally of course. That's not what it is. I mean, I'm going she got that good pussy
[00:26:53] Yeah, yeah, I guess so no pussy zack. What was she?
[00:26:56] She was on the fox show ever make me not vote for Donald Trump over and over and over again right in me
[00:27:03] Donald baby the Donald well you just don't have to tell your wife that you're voting for Donald Trump
[00:27:08] Somebody tell me about some comic that had a bit about like yeah, Donald Trump sucks
[00:27:12] But just think about all the like little kids that haven't seen a white president. Yeah
[00:27:20] Yeah, I know I wish I could remember who's joke it was that he was quoted to me otherwise
[00:27:25] I'm just saying they're bitter and not attributing it. Yeah, yeah, but if you find that guy unknown tell him. Yeah, unknown
[00:27:38] Probably working as a dishwasher at a chinese food restaurant. He will never be a podcast millionaire
[00:27:44] Never don't try it. Don't ever start a podcast be lucky that we unfuck we do unattributed
[00:27:58] Okay, make my father love me my mother respect dude. Should I get in the model airplanes? No, uh with like
[00:28:06] Like uh remote controls. No, no, no, no, just building them my dad used to do that shit
[00:28:11] But he was meticulous about it. You would sit out in the garage and drink. Yes. Yeah magnifying glass
[00:28:17] Just fucking like collect his family paint paint faces on the pilots in the wow
[00:28:24] Yeah, there's so much shit that in hindsight is just excuses for men to not talk
[00:28:29] Right. When are we wait little those little ships and bottles are you fucking? Yeah? Yeah. Yeah. That's like I should take hours away from your fucking stupid
[00:28:37] Bitch wife. Yeah, when are we gonna get into world war two shit? I'm already in the world
[00:28:43] I'm trying to know you got to pick a cool war
[00:28:46] Which war the mexican american war that's a fucking badass war. Yeah, I want one Santa anna one with grease was involved
[00:28:53] We fucked ass in world. I'm not gonna check this and I don't remember if I even read it anywhere
[00:28:57] But did you know that they had like imagine being like a soldier back then they would have to like march from
[00:29:09] Oh my god, there wasn't even a train. Oh my god. That sucks so much dick
[00:29:14] Yeah, and that's like you had to know like what the fucking land was too
[00:29:17] It's like if you pick a nice fucking road. It like probably saves like
[00:29:21] 10 days you can get there and take three days to drive that
[00:29:25] You get there and uh fucking like the war might be over
[00:29:29] You just walk there for no reason in the what is it 1812 the battle in new Orleans?
[00:29:33] Andrew Jackson like the war was over the war was over and then he was just set the entire city on fire
[00:29:41] Yeah, you walk all that way you might as well just set the entire city on fire
[00:29:45] It seems to me that Andrew Jackson was not a chill bloke
[00:29:48] Uh, he was out of his mouth about Andrew jacks off
[00:29:55] Get out of my office the trail of calm. I think he was illiterate right that rules. Oh most presidents were
[00:30:01] I think yeah, I think every no Abraham Lincoln was the first president
[00:30:08] I think Obama. I think Obama was a literal for sure. No way dude. Obama could read. All I can do is do wraps
[00:30:18] I don't know how to read and I'm gay. I'm right. I'm right. I'm literally
[00:30:31] I don't think he was I had a son. I would suck his cock
[00:30:36] I think Andrew Jackson was like a country lawyer from Tennessee. He wasn't a lawyer. He was a fucking war guy
[00:30:42] He was a country lawyer. No chance. He was a lawyer. I think he was ladies and gentlemen
[00:30:49] I'm out here slashing up indians. My man fucked up the native americans bro trailer series, baby
[00:30:54] Although they say he had he had a native american adopted son, but I don't believe that he's probably a sex slave
[00:30:59] Yeah, they all did how come one of them doesn't go on a shooting spree
[00:31:03] Why isn't there a native american mass shooter yet because bow and arrows take too long to reload?
[00:31:07] No, that'll probably happen soon. This is gonna be some kind of reservation mass shooting
[00:31:11] I think they're all drunk. Yeah, but it's bound to happen
[00:31:14] And they'll have diabetes that would be resistance. Yeah, they'll be nice if I called it
[00:31:19] That would be a cool. I said there would be another asian and then there was another white guy
[00:31:24] I'm trying to get better. Ladies in virginia tech pull
[00:31:27] Uh, yeah, who's son you it's all better
[00:31:31] Who who's Virginia tech was named king sung?
[00:31:35] Korean who's hoon way con the guy that came and go pow
[00:31:42] The guy that came into my office my name is click click boom
[00:31:54] Okay, and you want your your license plate to read down with the sickness
[00:32:05] It's all been way he's all right the guy who went in the mix when I worked at discovery in that suicide bomber guy
[00:32:13] Walked into the lobby and then the swad team murdered him. Oh, yeah, he was Korean
[00:32:18] Yeah, he wrote him. I read his manifesto. It was pretty it was pretty cool. Yeah
[00:32:23] Yeah, they're always like they make sense for the first 10 pages and then they just like go nuts
[00:32:28] Yeah, like the unibomber one makes sense like the first half of it and then my man never got pussy
[00:32:33] Can you imagine who the unibom? Yeah, he got into college at like 13 or something never fucked in his life
[00:32:40] There's I just wanted to live out in the woods and if people could have left him alone
[00:32:43] He wouldn't have had to do it. That's the thing man is like some people just need to be left to fuck alone
[00:32:48] Is that what happened with you? I don't know about that. I don't need to be left alone
[00:32:51] I think he needed some pussy wasn't he wasn't his whole thing about overpopulation. Yeah, he hated technology and he hated
[00:32:57] Society so he wanted okay. Okay. Oh, he wanted it. Hold on. He wanted to live out in the woods
[00:33:03] We'll just live out in the woods and live as a sovereign citizen out in the woods
[00:33:07] And he was self-sufficient and then there was like a some sort of development that was encroaching on his space
[00:33:12] And then I kicked him out of the woods and he was like, I guess I'll mail bombs to people that makes sense
[00:33:26] And if we are to allow the spider to live where he wants and to be by itself the spider will not bite you
[00:33:37] Sorry, sorry, I'm just over here producing. I missed the spider there
[00:33:40] Isn't there that story about kazinsky where he was in harvard at like 14
[00:33:44] I'm saying overpopulation. How do you populate?
[00:33:47] You fuck you have said he not do not have said so he was addressing the issue of overpopulation
[00:33:52] He was very similar to the spider. The spider
[00:33:57] If you do not fuck it, it will not make more spiders
[00:34:01] So if you do not like this spider do not fuck it. Yeah, but he stops fables
[00:34:06] It's very important sweet sticky. You know how it's like we got age from somebody fucking a monkey
[00:34:10] Yeah, it's like which is a hilarious. Yeah, one of them is the funniest like origin story for a fucking illness. Yeah. Yeah
[00:34:17] Yeah, some guy just fucking patience zero now. I'm about to do a shapel bit. Yeah, train
[00:34:23] Is it because it could very easily have created a type of hybrid to chimp human that would be the strongest animal
[00:34:32] And then it was a revolution to overthrow the the humans remember the first episode of uh batman beyond
[00:34:39] Yes, where they're like they literally do all the jet the jet the
[00:34:42] The genetic splicing and shit. Yep, which animal would you choose?
[00:34:47] Damn if you could be an animorph, but at the middle stage
[00:34:50] Between human and animal. Yeah, it would be funny to do somebody do an animorphs cover. It's adam turning into a more jewish person
[00:34:59] The guy yeah, not the cartoon just an even jurier looking version of adam. Yeah, richard kind
[00:35:05] Damn. I mean, I want to say silverback, but don't they have a little ass dicks. Yeah, they do
[00:35:09] Because there wouldn't be any metamorph. We actually in the animal kingdom. We have pretty nice
[00:35:15] Proportion dicks especially in the prime
[00:35:17] I guess I guess I would choose horse or a big ass nice. Not pathetic you'd have to be like well
[00:35:25] Chimpanis. Nope. I feel pretty good about that. Yeah proportionally
[00:35:30] Yeah, that only works out if you break up with a girl and she starts dating a champion
[00:35:34] Well, you don't know what's happening to me in my past. You know, my sure
[00:35:40] I guess I would pick an anteater so that my head would look like my dick. Yeah, that'd be cool. Yeah, cool
[00:35:47] Animorph into oh you could suck titties with your aunt eaters now. That'd be pretty cool
[00:35:51] I would probably do a pelican and it'd start wearing like zoot suits and big fedoras
[00:36:00] Bird would be cool. You could fly snapping on you know no wings. I would just have a pelican's head
[00:36:05] That would look like me and also be wearing a big purple sea
[00:36:09] Yeah, big purple sea of harvey kind of look yeah big purple head big beak, you know rhino would be how you doing babies
[00:36:17] Mm-hmm. Yeah, they're like what the fuck is what is that?
[00:36:20] It's like he had himself genetically spliced with a pelican so he could pretend it's a 1940s
[00:36:25] That checks out that makes a lot of motherfucking
[00:36:28] I'd add a more fin to dolphin so I could be a land and water creature. Yeah, you would just die you neither
[00:36:35] But dolphins are not amphibians they're fish
[00:36:38] But in the halfway stage between human and dolphin. No you would die
[00:36:43] No, I don't think you immediately dying both. I think dolphins dolphins are also horny
[00:36:50] Ooh, I could push would be cool. No, come on. They're so ugly. Just not eight dicks eight dicks. That'd be sweet
[00:37:00] That'd be great and then like that seven and dicks on the outside wrap around the woman and hold her and then the other one foxer
[00:37:06] Yeah, so you're like a spider spider dick spider dick. Yep. Yeah, it'd be great. I think yeah, that's a pretty good answer
[00:37:14] Uh-huh. You had the worst one so far. Why is this better? I don't know about that because you would I would like to be an owl
[00:37:18] So I could move silently. Mm-hmm. And then just people think they're alone. I'm like hey, how's it going?
[00:37:28] And I throw up bones on them. Mm-hmm. That shit's gross, dude
[00:37:32] Yeah, they showed that shit in like third grade and it showed us owl pelvis
[00:37:35] I would like to anamorph into a baseball. So I'd be like mr. Met. That's halfway through. Yeah, I'm back
[00:37:41] Get a big baseball head. You guys ever read anamorphs? Yeah, of course. That's your rule. Yeah. I love those books. This is good. Yeah
[00:37:47] I had goosebumps. I read so many of them. Fuck yeah, fear street
[00:37:50] I never heard fear street. That was like the grown-up. Yeah. Did our other side, right? Maybe yeah our L's game
[00:37:56] Yeah, he's not gay dude. I thought someone said he was gay. No, he's just Jewish. Yeah
[00:38:01] Yeah, we did it. We did a joke about the Chinese version him lr sound
[00:38:20] I went to I went to Ocean City with my ex-girlfriend and all of her high school friends shut up shut up
[00:38:27] They're all Korean you told us you know, he told like just like two weeks ago. Yeah, they pulled a gun on that guy
[00:38:33] Yeah, don't say it again. Never mind. You just said it. Sorry. Sorry. You just said it two weeks ago. You said it already
[00:38:41] I'm there. I want to go to the damn beach. We should go to
[00:38:45] Let's go. We were just talking about going to Fire Island, but we didn't invite you
[00:38:48] Well, it's quiet said let's invite Simon Dix said no only only beautiful beautiful
[00:38:55] And Fire Island where the game is on. Which was kind of a compliment to me. You can come but you got to bring a girl
[00:38:59] I'll bring a girl. Yeah, it's a couples weekend bring that girl. You've been you know treating like garbage. Yeah
[00:39:08] That little piece of trash ass. Oh, yeah, that's not what I that girl who and I quote. Yes. She's got this little trash
[00:39:22] Okay, is it because she dumps out of her pussy? Yeah, she gets you just shit straight out of her
[00:39:26] She smells like an Indian guy threw up ramen
[00:39:31] Yeah, well look man. I'm in you know, we're all into different stuff and you have a fear of commitment
[00:39:36] I fear commitment, you know what like I think that's pretty good
[00:39:40] The best the best place to be is when you don't have a fear of commitment. You're just incapable of it
[00:39:44] So you meet women and you're like, yeah, come meet my family or whatever and they're like wow this guy's great
[00:39:49] It's like yeah, I feel nothing for you. Yeah, damn bro. I know exactly
[00:39:55] Yeah, there might be that might be either diagram between our emotional problems
[00:40:02] Take you everywhere. Yeah, I don't feel anything
[00:40:05] And i'll be nice. I'm a bad person. Yeah, I'll be nice to you. It feels bad after a while. Just faking that
[00:40:11] No, I'm thinking it though. You're just being eventually, you know, doing all that stuff feels bad
[00:40:15] It doesn't feel bad is when you really are convinced you no longer are capable of feeling that way and it's like I guess I have to pretend
[00:40:22] Ooh, that does feel bad. Yeah, damn bro. No, that feels fine. I mean, no, it feels bad
[00:40:27] Because you want to be a human with like a not a range of human emotions. I want to be a fucking robot that lives forever
[00:40:36] And he's just really in the sweet octopus this in the fucking stride piano eight dicks eight spider dicks no feelings
[00:40:48] You're listening to mike sernivitch show
[00:40:53] I have a list today. What the bike service is today. We're gonna be talking about
[00:40:58] This is how I got back by ex-wife. I've been ordering pelican come
[00:41:02] To reject into my brain and a lot of people watch this where everybody look real close. I'm gonna get as angry as possible
[00:41:10] Did you see that my head grew three and a half inches?
[00:41:14] I can't measure on camera because I have a cold but
[00:41:18] Trust me that work. That's how it works though
[00:41:21] You know and if you say this is fucking bullshit
[00:41:26] Fuck you. All right. Mm-hmm. I am a pelican
[00:41:29] Yes, and it is not animal abuse and it's not illegal what i'm doing
[00:41:35] To save money just get your own pelican to jack it off. How does he make money from supplements or
[00:41:40] No, he lives off alimony from his ex-wife. Oh, she pays him. I think so. Yeah, that's sick
[00:41:45] That's what I heard. I mean, that's the that's the thing that would hurt his feelings if it's true and so
[00:41:50] Yeah, that's what people that's what people online say. I actually don't know much about his story
[00:41:54] I mean, I'm sure people buy that stupid fucking bull. He's like a lawyer that stopped shot showering
[00:41:58] Yeah, he's still a lawyer and maybe he just does law shit. I don't think he does. I think he just does youtube videos
[00:42:04] Yeah, i'm trying to get jacked bro. I don't know. He's like us. It's like where he's just sort of he just
[00:42:10] Talented loudmouth but enough people look at him enough people look at you. You eventually just have money good for him
[00:42:16] That's good. Yeah, why not good for sir sir. No. Yeah, you know what I call them
[00:42:25] It is a weird last name. Do you think that is Croatian? I think some sort of yeah, yeah, bulk in
[00:42:31] I don't think I don't think it's Croatian. I feel like Croatian has actually you know, it is bitches
[00:42:35] They have a lot of yeah, but it's what that sees. It's also a five. Yeah, I know that thing. Yeah
[00:42:41] Um, oh, that's empty's episode where Skinner is teaching the class and he draws a schwa on the board
[00:42:46] And he's like no children your eyes aren't deceiving you
[00:42:56] Fuck dude, I'm trying to go work out bro. I want to just shred my fuck. What are you doing?
[00:43:01] I canceled crossfit. I canceled the crossfit membership your bodybuilder now. Um, no, they kind of fucked me over
[00:43:08] Oh, no, yeah, so I'll give a bad review to crossfit outbreak. Oh, no, what happened?
[00:43:13] No, no, I'm not on Yelp on the show that way more people listen. Yeah, that's fine. That's probably more effective. What happened?
[00:43:17] Well, basically when I signed up, I was like look, I don't really have much of an interest in the classes
[00:43:22] Like but can I use the gym whenever and they said they get yoked?
[00:43:25] Yeah, they said yeah as long as like somebody's here
[00:43:28] That's not a problem. I was going all the time
[00:43:30] And then uh, I went one time and they were doing like aerial yoga or something
[00:43:33] I know like I set up and I'm in the squat rack on the other side of the gym
[00:43:37] And one of the aerial yoga bitches or whatever. It's like she kicked you out. Yeah, she's like no one's allowed in here
[00:43:42] During aerial yoga. I'm like, okay. Well, I've been coming here for months. I have no fucking idea who you are
[00:43:47] You know, it's like I'm I paid $200 a month. I'm not fucking I'm not spending that much money to be treated like a fucking asshole
[00:43:53] You could join even though instead of dropping it. She decides to
[00:43:57] Stole her clas- not teach your class and frantically call the owner over and over again to tap
[00:44:03] And it's like yeah, it's like I'm not gonna be able to like work out now if you're just gonna be staring at me and like
[00:44:07] You know, so I like emailed them. I'm like, hey, I paid too much for this
[00:44:11] I'm not getting enough in the case of my membership and then they were like we can give you half off next month
[00:44:15] Sorry that happened. We'll send an email out explaining that you know, that's like, you know, like no one's allowed during
[00:44:21] I don't know they said there was gonna be an email clarifying, you know, like what
[00:44:26] Like who's allowed in there what what times and they never sent the email out and then they tried to charge me the full amount like last night
[00:44:32] So it's like yeah, fuck them. Yeah, you give me half off. I'll give you full cock. Yeah, fuck them
[00:44:37] Yeah, you're allowed to lift weights with an erection and watch aerial yoga. You know, you pay $200 a month
[00:44:45] That's why I joined curves. Well, it is so funny. It's because it's like that fucking BB
[00:44:49] There's no reason for that gym to cost that much the only other gym in New York to cause is equinox
[00:44:54] And equinox has like all these amenities and shit. Yes
[00:44:59] Like first of all all the costs to become a crossfit is like $3,000 a year to license the name outside of that
[00:45:05] It's just a room that they put fucking spot rack who owns the name
[00:45:09] Yeah, it's franchises. It's all franchise
[00:45:11] So yeah, some guy created crossfit and then I guess the coaches have to be certified or whatever
[00:45:16] But it's like it's such a fucking scam. Yeah. Yeah, and it's like online
[00:45:20] I mean I was old the only thing I was doing was paying for the convenience of having a gym two blocks from my house
[00:45:25] And then you take that away because I moved six blocks north and then all it takes is like one instance where
[00:45:31] You know, it's like the kid dude. What's that with one instance where they come out the kid right fucked up
[00:45:37] Yeah, we're you know, you're gonna make me think about how much fucking money
[00:45:41] I'm spending on this place and whether or not it's worth it and the answer is like of course. It's not worth it
[00:45:45] So yeah, hey if you're thinking about it don't ever join that gym walk that gym right and as a man
[00:45:50] And I had a bad sandwich at I don't remember the place, but well you just write it down for next time
[00:45:57] Yeah, this is good. What other personal beef do I have that we could settle Adam you go?
[00:46:05] Let me tell you about this orange. Oh, how about this? How about this? I fucking ordered a fucking salad
[00:46:14] Stanford's or something and I asked for the side the dressing on the side. Mm-hmm
[00:46:22] No guys don't go to Stanford's don't ever get
[00:46:27] Stanford's don't ever go to Sanford's a salad story
[00:46:31] The sound was pretty good otherwise, but fuck them. Yeah
[00:46:35] So yeah, also yeah if you have any I love it when like
[00:46:38] Like friends of mine that are like comics with no following on Twitter
[00:46:43] Got some issue and they'll be like Wow can't believe yeah optimum nice fucking try
[00:46:48] Guess who goes the nine open mics a week?
[00:46:52] Love that you'll be paying for this united airlines. Yeah, the airlines don't give a fuck about anyone
[00:46:57] I'm giving a shit. They used to pretend when someone had a lot of fire or something
[00:47:01] But they don't anymore because like what the fuck are you gonna do? There's like five airlines. Yeah
[00:47:05] Yeah, they're like they've monopolized it to the point where
[00:47:09] You can't really do shit. I'm about to fly fucking Delta the Virgin's done. It's now all the last air. Oh
[00:47:16] Damn, they got fucked they got fuck some guy in a fucking
[00:47:19] Snow globe a their pussy. I like flying virgin, but their fucking safety video was like so fucking annoying
[00:47:27] It was like a music video and like you'd have to watch this stupid song every time
[00:47:35] Started on these airlines go off go off about that song
[00:47:39] Do you feel like I actually memorize that song you feel like stewardess is an airline?
[00:47:44] Oh, I guess we're touring Australia and that's gonna be a 30 hour flight and I don't have a fear of flying you don't know
[00:47:49] But I don't know 30 hours and play bro because it was gonna happen
[00:47:53] We get you get to hour 12 and it's like there's you can't get off that plane. Okay, but here's how you do the brutal
[00:47:59] Holders fuck. I never thought of that. There's nowhere to go
[00:48:01] The one-star's taking is nine hours that once your Africa. I think was 16
[00:48:06] I get I get claustrophobic, but what's your like on that plane? You're trapped unless the plane crash. Yeah, so we are touring Australia though
[00:48:13] That's not a joke in October. Yeah, so yeah, come on. See it Brisbane
[00:48:18] And Melbourne and if you got heaps of brain
[00:48:29] Mm-hmm, and maybe G's brain. He's brain Nick. Did you say maybe Perth if we sell up here?
[00:48:34] I don't know. Yeah, I said maybe Perth. We're so hammering out the details. What's the deal with Perth?
[00:48:38] It's like on the West coast. It is dude. It's like their Cali. It's like
[00:48:41] I'm trying to get some burritos. Yeah, let's get
[00:48:57] I love it San Francisco Australia. I live in the San Francisco is nothing. I love more than sucking dad
[00:49:12] Mean Evo's and second we elected Arnold Schwarzenegger as well as
[00:49:18] I got away. I said a vote with a V and not with a B, which is their N word. Yeah, abo
[00:49:25] Sorry, I won't say I'm there. I won't say what I'm there. You said the
[00:49:30] Australian N word yeah, yeah, and it's like they don't have free speech there either so if we're promoting it
[00:49:34] Oh my god, really? Yeah, we're saying oh, yeah
[00:49:36] Yeah, they're in word on the podcast. Yeah, this we're probably gonna get arrested
[00:49:45] Which is why they're so into slurs honestly, you say retad that's probably why they're booking us is to this is gonna be a part
[00:49:54] That's a classic as long as I can sense one of the big ones
[00:49:57] Do you remember the the part where they get the toilet what 900 dollar he do's?
[00:50:06] I'm gonna take this all the way to the pro minister. Hi
[00:50:11] It's just like floating on an inner tube and a pond
[00:50:17] Damn I'm we should start learning about Australian fucking yeah politics is the stamp on the envelope says Australia 30 years of electricity
[00:50:26] I shouldn't have told my parents because now they want me to like see my cousins in Sydney
[00:50:32] I don't know these motherfuckers. Yeah, that's what you get for talking to your parents. Yeah, dude
[00:50:37] My mom I have to lose her. It's the law. I literally don't speak to my father anymore
[00:50:43] You know, it's interesting is I do speak to stop dad
[00:50:49] Soft heads are you the beef? Yeah, I'm the son that he wanted you kind of are yeah
[00:50:55] Yeah, you know, you know, there's no emotional upkeep. You love woodworking. Uh-huh you treat women poorly. Yeah, no
[00:51:07] That's thing they don't have anything I want that's right
[00:51:11] Five relationship does your dad have a coffee shop. Oh, yeah, he goes to fucking
[00:51:17] I believe it's called got a las cafe. Yeah, and then him and his crew him and his crew and by the way
[00:51:22] What sucks and they're all winners. What's learning? What sucks is learning? My dad's a fucking loser, right?
[00:51:38] You know, I saw some Greek guys. I went to get a dunk in donuts with my mom on on a mother's day
[00:51:43] I went to go get some fucking ice cream. You know, don't get always one of the worst hang coffee shops of all time
[00:51:49] Yeah, yeah, one little did you just fucking Greek guys? We're just posted up playing fucking back
[00:51:58] Yeah, that's where Nick and I saw this old plastic like fucking chairs and tables and shit Donald Trump just uncanceled the North Korea summit
[00:52:05] Oh, yes, I was just play the whole time. He's playing 3d backgammon. He totally is
[00:52:10] Yeah, I love playing back. I love that he solved Korea. He hasn't done. He has dude. This is all he's got it
[00:52:19] Just trust the trust the process keep the faith. Yeah, same thing. Okay. Um, do you really think he's gonna solve anything?
[00:52:27] Yeah, dude, he's gonna solve Korea. It's probably gonna be nuclear war. I would say no
[00:52:31] He's not him and Kim Kardashian solves prisons. You need to look at Donald Trump's a businessman
[00:52:36] So you need to look at the results of his actions very similar to volatile markets. Mm-hmm. You know, it's all about candles
[00:52:44] Stop orders. I don't know what any of these things. Yeah, yeah candle sticks candles talking about volume price to power ratios
[00:52:53] Oh, yes, all that shit refusing to pay contract power over 52 week averages. Yeah, small small median average SMAs
[00:53:01] Yes, I'm a XMA's uh-huh, you know, the laugh or curve trend analysis. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about
[00:53:08] What is that's a real thing? Laffer curve? I don't know. You know that with the way your dick bends. Yeah, I think
[00:53:18] Yeah, I go crook. I could look like a question mark. I cook a little font size nine question
[00:53:27] Can I can make it into different balloon animal shit? I've been using the little cock rings to stretch out my foreskin
[00:53:33] Mm-hmm. How's it gonna say you're gauging. I'm actually getting results. Yeah, I fucked and my foreskin came back and it didn't hurt as bad
[00:53:40] Yeah, no, of course it works. So sex is painful for you if my foreskin goes all the way back to story
[00:53:45] It's just what it's just loose skin. I mean, of course you can stretch out. Yeah, you're the same. I mean, it's a cure your lobes. Yeah
[00:53:51] So I'm excited I think I'm trying to get big ass
[00:53:53] I'm telling you lips. Yeah big fucking lips. You're trying to get a big big beautiful. Yeah, I'm gonna disc my lip
[00:54:00] Just clip. Yeah. Yeah, I should put chords on my nipples as a piece offering to the aboriginals. Yeah, I'm gonna go down there
[00:54:10] Yeah, all they have is a didgeridoo down there
[00:54:17] I wonder what would happen if I put that on your ass a did you read it sound the same
[00:54:22] Oh dude, if you put it on your I don't think something should count as a musical instrument if you can also play it with your ass
[00:54:29] You could probably play a saxophone with your ass. No, you can there's no way to actuate that read with your asshole cuz you
[00:54:36] Cuz you're right not an instrument. Okay. Yeah a pipe recorder. You could very easily play a didgeridoo with your ass
[00:54:43] I mean, they're for non-instriman. You need to
[00:54:46] Flatulate enough to create enough gas to pass through the didgeridoo. That's true
[00:54:51] So, you know one fart isn't gonna sustain
[00:54:55] What kind of international incident do you think we can
[00:54:59] You think if you had a lot of didgeridoo and you like because it like vibrates, right? Yeah, couldn't you put that on your balls?
[00:55:09] It's gonna be hard for me to not do hate speech while I'm there. I'll be honest. You know, it's against the right right exactly
[00:55:15] Yeah, I should never told American ass boy
[00:55:18] Mm-hmm. You know how fucking hard it is to proud of me
[00:55:22] American because at least I can say things that'll get me arrested overseas
[00:55:29] You're not allowed to deny the Holocaust. Yeah, it's like I know the Holocaust happened, but if you tell me I can't say it
[00:55:35] Mm-hmm. You can't play Wolfenstein in Germany. Yeah, that's fucked up. Yeah, next mom can never go to Germany. She can't it's so funny
[00:55:43] Yeah, that sucks, dude. She loves it's probably her favorite country. He went to stop stop giving the dog my earbuds
[00:55:52] Norma's tell me went to like you crane or whatever some other place where they have that law about not displaying Nazi imagery or whatever
[00:55:58] And he couldn't help but like just point the things like
[00:56:02] Like a Hitler salute you have been like, whoa, what if we go over there or whatever?
[00:56:08] Because it is just you know, you got to play with fire
[00:56:10] Mm-hmm. Well, you know like if it's like being surrounded by like a do not touch this buttons, you know
[00:56:20] Kids all day and they're being all fucking sexy and shit. I guess that is a comparable
[00:56:25] Like if you came from a country where you could just fuck you kids
[00:56:28] Came to the United States and you're like that's insane
[00:56:32] They're literally everywhere. You just can't fuck them. I
[00:56:40] Guess that is my argument about not being able to go to France and say kill all the Jews
[00:56:52] Why I guess you know that these not that boy into yeah, just you're just being in dignity
[00:56:57] I think if you come here from Afghanistan, we should respect your culture. That is so funny that the army was like
[00:57:03] Yeah, don't call him out on that shit. Yeah on the warlords fucking yeah
[00:57:09] Obviously if you want some boy pussy to take the edge off just feel yeah, dude. You're in the Northern Alliance
[00:57:14] I want some but pooh see I'm stationed here in Campbell and I'm here for the speaking of he says guy run over Congress in Virginia
[00:57:22] Nathan Larson. No. Oh my god. She's which is deal. I mean he like openly identifies as a pedophile. What?
[00:57:31] Well that people know he's a libertarian
[00:57:37] Of course he is not fucking kids the government can't tell me who the fuck well people found out because it's like his
[00:57:43] Website for his campaign also is like it's the same IP address is like this website sui pad calm
[00:57:49] Which stands for suicidal pedophiles, which is like my band
[00:58:11] Just fuck all the children killing myself sticking a gun inside the boy then in your mouth
[00:58:29] Wait, yeah, what do we just the world's coolest metal band where we don't have instruments?
[00:58:35] We just say the sound of a book a child
[00:58:52] All right, you're not different genre man. I got the guitar though. You're not the singer. I'm the shredder of course
[00:58:58] Wait speaking of pedophiles though that there's like guy whose Facebook page you said the guy from Spokane
[00:59:05] Why didn't finish with this oh, yeah continue like yeah, yeah, it's a pedophile
[00:59:09] They found those other websites where you like brags about raping his ex-wife who's dead by the way
[00:59:13] Jesus Christ. Yeah, well then it's double jeopardy. Yeah. Yeah, the guy's great. You got it
[00:59:18] You got to check is he gonna win that be awesome. Yeah, I hope so right if you kill someone you can't be charged for it
[00:59:26] So then it's double jeopardy. Yeah, well cuz I get whatever Democrats who's gonna
[00:59:35] Hall and it's gonna be guy that's like I lost my job and then Democrats gonna be like Laurel or Yanny
[00:59:44] Laurel or Yanny and you can be Kylie Jenner
[00:59:48] And I'm because like my family's dying and he's like I hear Yanny
[00:59:54] For me the darkest part of the Trump era when they made that video of like Sarah Sanders being like
[01:00:00] I can't tell the difference and then like Trump they made sure that wasn't for me
[01:00:04] It's like I hear fake news. It's all the thousands of Puerto Ricans dead
[01:00:08] But I guess you know 3,000 how many is it 5,000 4,600? Yeah
[01:00:13] I guess if you think in internet videos that yeah big a stop-o force separating kids from their parents me I
[01:00:25] Hey, look, I think they deserve it for that song
[01:00:29] What are you talking about that song was a gift? Yeah, it's a great song and is it Puerto Rican? It is yes, of course
[01:00:34] It's Puerto Rican yeah the video is shot. It's like literally the only thing I know by Puerto Rico
[01:00:41] I was like a headline Rico like a week before that hurricane. Yeah Machu Picchu Puerto Rico
[01:00:51] It was a fun little trip and it's not expensive to go to Puerto Rico either and you don't need a passport
[01:00:55] You're welcome to all of those passports. Let's go to Mexico the United States
[01:01:00] We should go to Thailand. It's how you need as they say that to me. Let's a thousand E
[01:01:16] We should go to fucking Thailand, bro. Just takes you know
[01:01:24] All the all the child prostitutes are the guy kind
[01:01:31] We should build a little steam off in the age in Asia dude after Australia Australia
[01:01:36] I would go to China. I want to go to I want to go to Hong Kong
[01:01:39] I don't want to go to China that bitch Cassandra. Hey bitch listen to the show
[01:01:44] Figure out how to book us for oh, yeah, yeah, get us a show in
[01:01:49] I want to come to Hong Kong and I want a Tokyo drift
[01:01:51] Mm-hmm. I want an Asian man to mentor me if you if you're in Korea
[01:01:58] Mm-hmm so I can fuck the gang the bad Chinese girlfriend that should be a fun vacation package the Tokyo
[01:02:05] Vacation package. Yeah, right where you get to go to Japan you get the
[01:01:51] Mm-hmm. I want an Asian man to mentor me if you if you're in Korea
[01:01:56] I'm going to destroy the parking garage. Mm-hmm. So I can fuck the gang the bad Chinese girlfriend
[01:02:02] That should be a fun vacation package the Tokyo Drift vacation package. Yeah, right where you get to go to Japan
[01:01:51] Mm-hmm. I want an Asian man to mentor me if you if you're in Korea
[01:01:58] Mm-hmm. So I can fuck the gang the bad Chinese girlfriend that should be a fun vacation package the Tokyo Drift vacation package
[01:02:06] Yeah, right where you get to go to Japan you get the
[01:01:51] Mm-hmm. I want an Asian man to mentor me if you if you're in Korea
[01:01:58] Mm-hmm. So I can fuck the gang the bad Chinese girlfriend that should be a fun vacation package the Tokyo Drift vacation package
[01:02:06] Yeah, right where you get to go to Japan you get the
[01:01:51] Mm-hmm. I want an Asian man to mentor me if you if you're in Korea
[01:01:58] Mm-hmm. So I can fuck the gang the bad Chinese girlfriend that should be a fun vacation package the Tokyo Drift vacation package
[01:02:06] Yeah, right where you get to go to Japan you get the
[01:01:52] I want an Asian man to mentor me if you if you're in Korea
[01:01:58] Mm-hmm. So I can fuck the gang the bad Chinese girlfriend that should be a fun vacation package the Tokyo Drift vacation package
[01:02:06] Yeah, right where you get to go to Japan you get the
[01:02:03] Shroy City streets drifting and then you get to fuck a gang members wife. That would be cool. Yeah, it's like an escape room except it's
[01:02:12] Fast and furious the second best which not where do you have it ranked? I think it's the best one Tokyo Drift. Yeah hands down the best
[01:02:21] Mm-hmm. It's really good. It's really fucking good followed by probably a lot of people who are
[01:02:27] Easily the best mm-hmm. Never seen it. It's really good. It's really fucking good followed by probably
[01:02:34] Seven seven was good eight suck. No eight eight had great seen some great stuff the jail fight and then jail fight rock
[01:02:42] The Cuban not seen the yeah the opening scene in Havana was like I thought that was the only good scene
[01:02:49] The jail the jail scene was great that fight was the rock is with state that versus rock was that it?
[01:02:55] Yeah, yeah, and the rocks literally like throwing people off him like the Hulk and shit. Yeah, that was that was one of the most beautiful things
[01:03:04] It's like that fucking scene where the baby in the carriage falling down the stairs. Yeah in a what's it that battleship?
[01:03:15] People will study that shit that's also in what is it that other movie?
[01:03:22] History of violence America some America no no no
[01:03:27] The Al Capone movie with the near touchables the untouchable. Yes, man. It's actually good
[01:03:32] That movie rules which on Connie takes that dead guy and just splat houses brain. Oh, yeah
[01:03:37] I can't wait for that's Brian's a pong out your my apartment Adam
[01:03:40] You gotta come over for moving night once I get that cow. I know when you get the new TV
[01:03:43] There that's where I was late today is yeah waiting on that delivery. Oh, I gotta build those speaker stands too
[01:03:49] Hey, if you have any tips on applying like I don't know melamine or veneer to MDF
[01:03:56] I got to do that for some speaker stands and I don't know what I'm doing
[01:03:59] I know it's just a little bit of contact cement and you just press it on there, but I think it's like you need like a
[01:04:05] Iron kind of thing. I think it's you iron on the edge banding but the edge banding. Yeah, the edge banding
[01:04:11] I know how to do and then you take a straight all about edge banding. Yeah
[01:04:14] Well, they make they make like these little hand tools that are like the width of the material
[01:04:18] Oh, yeah, and that'll that'll trim it off
[01:04:22] Is that when you're beating off but you don't come I love that
[01:04:27] Really yeah, just spent hours jacking off
[01:04:33] With your dick hard going cross-eyed looking at it and almost coming Richard gear style
[01:04:38] Yeah, like a retard. I imagine if I was mentally retarded. I would do that
[01:04:42] I would sit in a little hospital room that they put me in because I would have been thrown into a dumpster by my family just
[01:04:53] Can you say retard Australia is completely nude in a cell if you can't say
[01:04:59] masturbating and drooling all over my cock all day
[01:05:03] Keeping it moistened up with your own. Yeah, like Nick's you want to learn anything?
[01:05:06] Just getting as hard as possible just a veiny retarded penis
[01:05:13] The women are they want it. They're tempted to use but they know they shouldn't use for a bit too
[01:05:26] Robin retarded cock just the greatest temptation for every woman right
[01:05:40] Blood flow in your brain. Yeah, none of that. It's going on your just built to fuck because my body's like this one fucked up
[01:05:45] Let's try again with a different one. Why don't you see more?
[01:05:50] erotic point pornography I think I see plenty of them enough to get me off
[01:05:56] I saw a video where a porn star believe Ava divine
[01:06:00] Was talking about how she enjoys fucking retards. Mm-hmm because they're so who is that?
[01:06:08] Chinese lady with big fake tits. Mm-hmm. She's kind of hefty pretty pretty nice stuff. She's a milk
[01:06:13] I used to beat off to her in my in my youth. Are you checking your text messages?
[01:06:17] You got a lot of them over there. I just have been reading through your text actually. How what?
[01:06:21] Do you get them forwarded to your phone? I do I called Verizon. I said I'm his I'm his dad. I want to know what he's up to
[01:06:30] They said he's 30 years old and I said it doesn't matter. We're pretty I we have a different lifestyle
[01:06:35] Bro, I think I so I gave my mom. I gave my family next question. That's all that's all fucking Judas
[01:06:53] Dinner whoa, yeah, you don't think you can do that you start the day with dinner. Oh you're done eating nice ready to go
[01:07:01] Well, you have breakfast then launched then dinner start at dinner you idiot you have breakfast night before
[01:07:06] I'm a day ahead. I'm on the Chinese time zone. That's why I got my iPhone so cheap Chinese people get them cheap
[01:07:13] I'm Chinese now. Yeah, I built the railroad. That's how I ride Metro for free
[01:07:25] Technically the same jokes. Yeah, you know, I'm ready for stealing like his essence
[01:07:34] Yeah, I just do mark Norman voice, but I do Judas stuff
[01:07:37] Wow match. Yeah, yeah would be insane. Yeah, who's got a question?
[01:07:42] Adam yeah, if anything you want to ask me was it like to work on 30 rock? Uh?
[01:07:50] That's pretty cool. I guess hey you ever rape a trans woman
[01:08:02] But can we say retarder that's real in Australia we got that's gonna be fucking torture then we got to cancel the whole tour
[01:08:08] Yeah, well, we can't give us our are we get we go to the Australian retort is there a look that Australia's plan
[01:08:13] Was like do it in Australia's plan was like all right. Well, it's obviously got to be illegal use slurs
[01:08:20] So what we're gonna do is we're gonna make up so many funny words
[01:08:25] Right nobody can say the inwards exactly because they're too busy being saying bumbly boo. Yeah a dingle block
[01:08:32] That's a very offensive word right. Can you see but don't they all say cunt all the time?
[01:08:36] They say cunt all the time because that's the gimme. Yeah, but you can't say the inward in which is odd because I've heard a lot of
[01:08:45] They don't know you know it's there a lot like you know
[01:08:48] It's only like Americans go to Europe and then you can drink it 16 there. So yeah, yeah
[01:08:52] So you get fucked up. Yeah, I'm drunk on wine. I feel like Australians and Canadians come here and they're like free speech
[01:09:01] Right or whatever and it's like brother you got a come on
[01:09:04] You got it ease into it you get a learner's permit. That's right the end word permit. Yeah
[01:09:11] Say it when your dad's holding your hand
[01:09:15] Go ahead, you can say like Chinese blokes you and your dad just fucking go to the park and watch
[01:09:35] Well, is there a protection maybe for like performers I won't pussy where it's not like
[01:09:40] Of course, it's not like it's not like we're like giving a rally for racist. It's like you go to double jail
[01:09:48] Double jail. I guess comics go to Australia all the time. Yeah, we'll be yeah
[01:09:51] Yeah, I'm not worried about it. I would like to get arrested in other countries for speech though. That would be good
[01:09:57] Yeah, dude, I wouldn't I would you go down as a real hash. I want to get killed in a labor camp like Otto Warm beer
[01:10:03] I'm yeah. I'm trying to get cained in Singapore. You know, I don't worry
[01:10:11] All right, P damn dude. That's hate speech that is an American hero
[01:10:17] You kid that stole a poster and yeah, it went to North Korea
[01:10:22] Oh, and then like stole a propaganda poster and then died in a labor camp and he got botcha. Listen died fucking wild
[01:10:29] Yeah, I was funny when we got arrested. I'm like, oh, there's no way
[01:10:33] They're just gonna like hold this kid cuz I mean they detain Americans, but this is like a
[01:10:37] 21-year-old like American boy. It's already national news and like the State Department
[01:10:42] I guess they did what the State Department can do, but it's like yeah, Korea just killed him
[01:10:47] It was those are kind of funny cuz like the liberal the liberal response was like yeah, this frat bro
[01:10:52] Oh, yeah, no all those that was like these black women on Twitter were like I'm sorry
[01:10:57] But I'm glad that a white boy finally can't act like a white boy somewhere. Yeah, like the cock Cassidy of him
[01:11:05] Otto warm. I mean it doesn't help that he has like a Nazis name. Yeah, but you know
[01:11:11] He didn't deserve to fucking I changed my mind. I think he deserves it. I don't I don't appreciate the cuckacity
[01:11:17] Yeah, no, it's like all these people that are like just fucking like ecstatic that Rachel Dolezal is going to jail for welfare fraud
[01:11:24] Yeah, you're a fucking conservative if you're happy about that in any way. There's no way to justify it where you're not just a conservative. Yeah
[01:11:31] Yeah, fuck them. Yeah fuck them dude fuck anybody that's what doing the clap emoji about that
[01:11:37] She has a name. They just found out as a hero. You're so excited to add some tidbit that you spilled water
[01:11:43] They just found out that lady joy read was like a 9-11
[01:11:47] Conspiracy theorist. Oh really? Yeah, and her old blog and then yeah, and then she was like it's disgusting when men kiss and
[01:11:57] All right, let's fucking wrap this motherfucker up. Yeah, what's that?
[01:12:00] I guess because people are mad about rosanne
[01:12:02] They're trying to like get takedown liberals and every liberal they're trying to take down is just the most annoying liberal bill
[01:12:08] More it's like bill more joy read like all these people that suck anyway. What's the name of the bitch from the view?
[01:12:17] Joy behar joy behar. Please do not please do not touch not Adam's because she said she said Christians are mentally ill
[01:12:27] Yeah, she had to call Mike Pence and apologize. She called Mike Pence. Yeah, that's hilarious
[01:12:34] All right, I mean there is a double standard though in one sense well Rosie
[01:12:39] Rosanne says what that black people are all apes and she loses her show
[01:12:43] Meanwhile you got John Stewart saying that George Bush is a
[01:12:49] Bad guy and they give them an Emmy the pure double standard
[01:12:54] You know yeah fucking George George Zimmerman defends himself and kills a young black kid
[01:12:59] And then you know there's all this they drag it to the trial and they canceled the George Zimmerman and fucking Sandra Bullock says that
[01:13:09] Suddenly this bitch is like allowed to get a divorce
[01:13:12] Right because she taught that kid that fucking west coast
[01:13:16] Fucking spear rule you should be thanking Jesse James for only cheating on you instead of leaving you
[01:13:24] That's right. You know I'm saying the man makes race cars. Mm-hmm. That is the coolest type of guy
[01:13:29] That's right number one thing women like short tempers
[01:13:41] Half-eleckin creature that loves stride piano and jelly roll Morton
[01:13:46] You know cheating on you. That's a big thing for women. They love to be cheated on by
[01:13:52] Absolutely by guys that dress and act like a four-year-old's idea
[01:14:00] Well folks we're gonna wrap this one up this has been
[01:14:05] How kids reading rainbow today on reading rainbow mine comp I
[01:14:13] Can fly twice as I as soon as the Jewish question is
[01:14:23] I gave him a little mustache why we said it'd be funny to do wishbone with a mice and men and Lenny snaps which runs
[01:14:29] Yeah, trying to pay the shows over. Yeah, what's the story wishbone?
[01:14:35] Yeah, what would be other fun books to do with wishbone? I guess they should go through Roth because he just died
[01:14:43] Off and having sex with his wife sucks his dick for the first time
[01:14:48] Been married for 20 years. I couldn't believe she would take me into her mouth like that
[01:15:02] My little lipstick penis and your mouth sucking me off suddenly I remembered everything that made Newark beautiful
[01:15:13] When I was a kid the same character didn't get sucked off till he was married for yeah in American pastoral like yeah, that's the
[01:15:20] sweet is his wife cheats on him and then and then she sucks his damn someone cheat someone teaches her
[01:15:27] So he's like the all-American like ideal. He's like never got his dick. So and he never got his dick
[01:15:33] Yeah, well, that's not a different generation. Do you yeah missionary or you're like gonna be in the major leagues?
[01:15:39] He was an incredible baseball player. They went into glove making yeah, but he went into business
[01:15:44] If you know if you've never done a shocker, you're not the American. I what's this what's his protagonist name Nathan
[01:15:52] Lazarus he's a Kerman. Yeah, yeah who just like because he's only in the very beginning of the book when he talks
[01:15:58] He's like eating the sweet and then it's from the sweet Jesus and he's just the narrator. He's the narrator. Yeah, yeah, but
[01:16:04] Just when at the beginning where he's describing meeting the Swede for lunch or whatever and the Swede had prostate surgery and Nathan's like
[01:16:11] He's like he didn't know that you know I had it too and that it made me wear diapers
[01:16:20] Well, I think that he sort of put that in the book to be like oh in all my other books
[01:16:23] You know guys are horny and trying to fuck all the time
[01:16:26] But in this one they don't have prostate so they're like not horny anymore and they're shitting their pants. Yeah
[01:16:33] Yeah, which is which is which is which is an allegory of the fertility of of industrial America
[01:16:39] So true in a lot of ways newer ket its prostate removed when they let black people
[01:16:46] All right, that is gonna do it for the show not getting any better than that
[01:16:54] Sometime in October or early November we'll come to fucking Tokyo or yeah, dude
[01:16:59] I'm trying to drive a fucking skyline. Yeah, you know there you go
[01:17:03] So in this most skyline baby zed tuned let's do it up. You know z-tune skyline
[01:17:09] I'm drifting smashing my cars into all sorts of shit. Oh, yeah, you want me to destroy your car?
[01:17:14] I'll do it dude. I will fucking do so much goddamn property damage. You give me a key to the city
[01:17:27] Wait a second let me not fuck this up the 28th. I mean tickets are free tickets are not free
[01:17:32] They're 15 dollars online 20 the door also before the week before that
[01:17:36] I'm just just mother fucking announced in Rhode Island some weird little fucking
[01:17:41] Part of Rhode Island. That's your stop. I'm not I do know
[01:17:45] Island I thought it was a movie called mystic penis about stop
[01:17:51] And because you can't see it it's not in Providence it is not in Providence it is at I'll tell you right
[01:17:57] Providence a cool little town well it is not there
[01:18:00] It's but yeah, Rhode Island the 22nd. I'm doing an entire clock and 11 a quarter evidence is short for no evidence of having a penis
[01:18:06] Yeah, it's in Middletown Rhode Island at Diego's cantina
[01:18:11] So come out to that shit if you're in motherfucking Rhode Island more like Diego's can't seen us
[01:18:18] And then like I said 20th in Seattle and then the third at Funhouse Lounge in Portland that shit is confirmed
[01:18:27] There's ticket porcelain. It's a big yeah
[01:18:33] He's fat portlandia they shot that shit there anyway
[01:18:37] That's a really lame thing about people people from Portland
[01:18:39] You're like oh, what's it like there and like multiple people have been like oh have you seen the show?
[01:18:43] I'm like that is so lame. That's what it's like. Yeah Adam Adam's all about cool answers to small talk
[01:18:49] No, no, I get it Brooklyn's lame as fuck. Oh you live in Brooklyn. What's that like Adam?
[01:18:53] And he's like finally someone's asked me no, it's very nuanced
[01:19:00] Anyway, it kind of sucks. I like my honest with you. It's nuanced
[01:19:05] Anyway, you guys have anything funny mom's the 11th come out to that. Oh, I'm headline and Caroline
[01:19:10] I'm headlining Caroline sometime in I know it was June and then they I'll post some bodybuilding pictures with today's all right
[01:19:19] So the ticket so tickets. Yeah to the toddy there needs to be more of a push to sell comedy with a male sexuality
[01:19:29] More cushion weird shit. Yeah, nice. You know what it probably was
[01:19:39] What it why don't you plug all your stand-up dates. I got a I'm gonna be at the
[01:19:47] For the entire my guys. Well, that's the show. Thank you for listening
[01:19:56] Get ready to give us some kangaroo burgers and show us you I'm gonna eat that. Oh, also if you're in Italy
[01:20:03] Vote no on the referendum to get rid of the euro
[01:20:10] Yeah, I'm reading I'm reading updates on my Apple watch. Yeah, you should according to New York Times. That's bad
[01:20:17] Vote no on that and vote Burlesconi back into also DM me should I get into model airplanes?
[01:20:23] 1,000 years this become a model airplane a
[01:20:26] Hundred years of baller to DM me got a guy that both news. This is just me descending in the schizophrenia
[01:20:33] You can't fly model airplanes in New York City like he's not talking by the ones
[01:20:38] I know fucking asshole. Listen what the fuck I'm saying
[01:20:41] I know what you're saying, but if you wanted to get the ones with engines and remote controls you can't you already
[01:20:45] Did you already turn it off? No, no, but I am now all right. Goodbye everyone