Cum Town | Premium | 06/11/2018
[00:00:05] Just a little fucking just a little behind the sea shit. We're doing bathroom and to warm up always start
[00:00:12] Mm-hmm Adam stop playing game use it. Yes. I'm playing you ukulele
[00:00:16] He's playing a ukulele that looks like a guitar in his tiny body
[00:00:23] Pick up the mic you fucking piece of shit
[00:00:25] Like do you want to play a new song what in this song get your phone away from the phone?
[00:00:30] I got to talk about something real quick cuz I know I know we do speak you know with this show has a big audience
[00:00:34] We're gonna be careful with speech and stuff and what we say making sure it's like well
[00:00:38] I'm not quoting, but I can say without a doubt. I've now confirmed 100% real Chris Tucker raped Jackie Chan
[00:00:49] 100% real 100% will stand up in court. I will on my
[00:00:53] Child's life run Ronaldo. I will kill my own child Wow to confirm this blind item revealed
[00:01:02] This certain black loud now permanent a celebrity
[00:01:08] Did he do that came out that blind I just came out about rush hour two we should get into we should get into blind
[00:01:16] Did he do the start to show with 15 minutes of blind items?
[00:01:23] Certain black loud mouth raped the befuddled Chinese martial artists
[00:01:30] Speedy movie about like it's time to rape
[00:01:33] Let's say quickly. Yeah, it's it's time to get a quick rape in twice maybe
[00:01:42] Said this black loud now through his permanent a lesser
[00:01:49] Yeah, I love that dude. Let's start so blind items you just make shit up. Yeah, you just make shit up
[00:01:53] But you just say a certain okay. Yeah, oh a certain a
[00:02:09] Then someone put their nails on a chalkboard and made a real screech
[00:02:15] Sound and then you say AC Slater raped us in diamond
[00:02:21] No, he didn't say that he said a certain
[00:02:24] Latino oh, these are fun to figure out. Yeah
[00:02:31] Guess you brought a little bit of the newspaper with him because when I get into a cross
[00:02:37] Let's see what the Wednesday cross words like I gotta I gotta go to a Thursday. Yeah, go ahead a
[00:02:49] Has been helping Matt Damon play with golf just bag of ants. Yeah
[00:03:01] Podcast a certain Jewish filmmaker who might have lived in Manhattan at a certain point
[00:03:08] Hit the Annie back walls of his daughter. I
[00:03:16] Good dude, we got crazy days and nights over here
[00:03:25] They put the departed on Netflix front page and I put it on the other day and
[00:03:29] Or last night and I haven't seen it in forever and I forget that movie starts off with a monologue by Jack Nicholson
[00:03:35] Just play the monologue sets of the Rolling Stone. Yeah, I guess I could just play the monologue
[00:03:38] Let me pull it out. You don't have to say that word. Well, I don't have to
[00:03:41] Don't just shut up and don't ruin it. And not only do you interrupt me and say just
[00:03:47] I'm not ruining anything. I'm not ruining any just spoil the whole point. I'm just saying just play it guy
[00:03:52] I know what it is. I didn't know what he was getting
[00:03:55] You're just you're just you're like you're like a toddler that goes like
[00:04:01] Aunt Marcia are you ready for your surprise party?
[00:04:04] And you're like what the fuck is your problem? You're like don't worry. I didn't tell her about the piano
[00:04:08] No, they're like so you ruined the gift also. I didn't tell her surprise party is the monologue the gift is the end
[00:04:19] You're at a certain age when you're at a certain age the age of most of our listeners which are in the 65 and older
[00:04:25] Demographics surprises. Oh, no, this is mostly Korea
[00:04:30] Surprises all right. I want to hear that guy that says gook. Well, we have their tickers can't take surprises
[00:04:36] I don't want I don't want blood on our I want to listen to that anti-Korean
[00:04:41] High blood pressure podcast that would be cool if there's one real guy that like now we do we have it
[00:04:47] We have an exclusive contract with every nursing home in America. That's why our numbers. So about how about Clint eats wood
[00:04:55] We've done that on that. Yeah, we definitely have yeah, yeah, Clint eats wood Clint Clint eats wood
[00:04:59] You come over here and let me suck your cock fucking spook
[00:05:05] Yeah, that's good why don't you get over here? Let me suck that cock
[00:05:09] Let me suck that gook. Yeah, that's good anyways
[00:05:14] So yeah, the opening monologue from the departed would seem better suited for Gran Torino
[00:05:19] This is just Jack Nicholson set to the Rolling Stones and he's like yeah, Boston used to be different or whatever
[00:05:26] Yeah, you know what you're right. I should just play it. Oh, no, what are you looking at?
[00:05:31] I was gonna try to find the porn stars from that SDR in
[00:05:36] Unbelievable is she the library lady that beat off the one no
[00:05:43] Model it's untruth a lot of Ian got to hang out with it. It's unbelievable which she she was on gas digital
[00:05:49] Yeah, really I mean we could get point was if we wanted to it's just not they make
[00:05:54] Those are fucking terrible on podcast. I really don't understand incredible. She's unbelievable. She's so I am truly familiar with her
[00:06:02] I'm not impressed by any woman. I would never
[00:06:07] They make for horrible like podcast guests for the most part
[00:06:10] This is authorized for 20th century father. Yeah, I want my environment to be a product of me
[00:06:27] Years ago we had the church that was only a way of saying we had each other
[00:06:35] But now I don't know it's a funny thing I
[00:06:41] The nights of Columbus were real headbreakers true guineas they took over their piece of the city
[00:06:51] 20 years after an Irishman couldn't get a fucking job we had the presidency may rest in peace
[00:06:59] That's what the negatives don't realize
[00:07:14] Now that is there is not a single black person in the rest of the movie
[00:07:17] No, that has nothing is nothing nothing to do with race relations Chinese people. It's about police corruption. Yeah, that's what the movie is about
[00:07:28] No, there's no black people that the party and fucking with Scorsese is like, okay, we're gonna open up
[00:07:34] It's gonna be the rolling stone Michael cue the rolling stones and then boom and word
[00:07:39] It just starts off with black people are lazy. Yeah, and then it has nothing to do with the rest of the fucking room
[00:07:44] Which is like coming it has nothing to do with the rest of the movie
[00:07:49] That's so funny. Yeah, we were saying Anthony Anderson in it. He's the one black guy. Oh, yeah, he is
[00:07:55] It's an allegory for our lazy Anthony. Yes, that's the thing he doesn't really
[00:08:02] Yeah, I mean, you know, cuz people always point out that that closing shot of the rat in front of the Capitol which is like
[00:08:08] Come on, I know but that opening monologue. I don't know. I think we're the first to riff on that
[00:08:13] Yeah, that's a Japanese one. I mean and by the first I mean I came up with it and then Adam's gonna repeat it again in two weeks
[00:08:19] You guys know there's an N word in the monologue with reading. Yeah, I did
[00:08:23] I did before Nick you would set it the Japanese version of the party called infernal affairs
[00:08:30] Think the department is like based on that. Yeah in infernal is up. Yeah, I said like yeah
[00:08:36] I don't think in the only days we had the church
[00:08:39] I'll say it which that was just a way that was just a way
[00:08:51] The nights of Colomba, Columbus were real head bosses two guineas
[00:08:59] 20 years after our Irishman cannot get a fucking job
[00:09:03] We had the presidency. Let's see he recipe. Let's just fucking
[00:09:11] I'm not Martin Scorsese. I'm not that much of an artist. Yeah, yeah Jack Nicholson
[00:09:16] I bet how was did he hold up so funny that art like the N word kind of works the same way as nudity
[00:09:22] You have to like be it can't be gratuitous hard to say yeah
[00:09:25] Yeah, I felt gratuitous it did feel good
[00:09:28] But it was a great like a an auteur was writing it into a script
[00:09:31] I don't get so or say he's supposed to be or a
[00:09:33] Tarentina is supposed to be the n-word guys the n-word guy. Yeah, well no Scorsese
[00:09:38] I mean they do the same thing in goodfellas
[00:09:39] Yeah, but Scorsese writes a ton of n-words
[00:09:42] But I will say I mean to set the scene in Boston you do have to start with gratuitous racism that makes no sense and has
[00:09:48] No connection to the plot at all what's more Boston than that, you know, I mean just an end bomb for no reason
[00:09:54] Yeah, in the same way that what's more talent sure I guess mystic River starts the same way. Yeah
[00:10:12] Jack's character island. I will be there. Oh, yeah, please come out 622 Friday
[00:10:17] There's a late show 9 and 11 ticket link is up for that in the Seattle and the Portland shows
[00:10:24] So it's gonna be all mystic River themed. I'm gonna be it's gonna be all about that's Boston
[00:10:28] I thought it was Rhode Island. Maybe about this dick River this dick. We're just suck this dick
[00:10:34] It's like a lazy river you float in the end. It's just a big ass
[00:10:38] Like if you pissing like the lazy lazy river red
[00:10:42] Mm-hmm. Well, it's like yeah, it turns bluer. Well, yeah, why don't we all do that and then you just have the most metal
[00:11:06] Yeah, dude, yeah, I saw I saw a priest on the six titties a
[00:11:13] Yeah, I was dated a girl that was addicted to D cell batteries
[00:11:30] That woman was completely because the two-dimensional ass
[00:11:37] Just hard bainey ass just completely flat boys ass
[00:11:46] Nine g tits looking like they're about to pop. Yes, and then he filled with pens or you could get her own own
[00:11:53] Breast implants Cheryl loved that bitch loved her. We used to fuck in the back of my alcamino
[00:11:59] That's how the parking lot shown he's she worked it. She worked with the shown he she'd come out
[00:12:06] It's like singing your dick in between two basketballs
[00:12:11] Same skin to yeah, just gaily nice six titties Satan tour
[00:12:22] Girls Ted Nugent had sex with she was playing there. He fuck kids. Oh, yeah big time. Mm-hmm
[00:12:28] That's why he's a gun guy. That's what cat scratch fevers about mm-hmm
[00:12:31] To try old fuck you trying not to get raped. Yeah people like what are all those tiny scratch marks cat cat
[00:12:42] Didn't fuck yeah fuck children man a certain permanent list racist retard with a ranch reflexes guitars
[00:13:01] Yeah, what a fucking piece of shit that news it is dude, I fuck with Alice Cooper though. He seems cool
[00:13:07] Yeah, I saw a lori said oh, yeah, or you feel good. No, no
[00:13:13] Terrible good old Jewish lady. What looks like someone named Alice Cooper. Yeah, my name's Alex Cooper
[00:13:20] And I'm here to get my library card renewed
[00:13:24] Is this real name Alex Cooper? I don't know he's like I'm gonna make it a girl's name to be more rock metal
[00:13:30] Yeah, but it wasn't really he didn't really play metal sort of it was hard rock. I guess what's the difference?
[00:13:37] About tarred rock. Yeah, what about that? I don't know
[00:13:45] And it's a retarded guy in New Orleans. Yeah, not hard hard to get no hard hard hard hard
[00:13:52] Universal hard target. I see what happens in hard target. Let's go go
[00:13:58] I'm gonna help you find your dad. It's you over there. No
[00:14:02] Is that him over there? No, is that him? No
[00:14:07] Is that your dad that's the same guy from before
[00:14:13] Is that your dad? That's ice you're eating it?
[00:14:26] Can we go see my uncle my uncle Wilf Abuimme who for some reason does a different
[00:14:32] Version of a retarded accent, but we're both supposed to be
[00:14:36] Which audit oh is there a tardigan or target? No, no, they're they gets it's John Claude van Dam is occasion. Oh, right?
[00:14:42] Yes, and then he goes to see this weird uncle Wilford Brimley. Yeah, and they're both they're doing like dueling fake
[00:14:50] Completely they couldn't be on opposite
[00:14:55] All John Claude van Dam just sounds Belgian. Yeah, he has a big
[00:15:00] When we get to the bathroom, I will pull out my gak
[00:15:07] That's a line from the movie I think I can't wait to pull out my gak
[00:15:13] You've seen the the firm right with Tom Cruise. Yeah, yeah
[00:15:17] How about some river really is the bad guy how about firm and it means
[00:15:26] That's good that man talking about his penis again another thing I was thinking about
[00:15:35] Every time black people try to have a good time some ottoman show up and rape you in a POW camp
[00:15:42] Yeah, damn is that what happens in Martin Lawrence of Arabia?
[00:15:47] Does this the guy does that famous guy sir?
[00:15:50] What's interesting is the plot of T Lawrence he gets raped no T Lawrence's life
[00:15:58] During world or to the movie blue streak
[00:16:00] He hit a jewel in a police station. Oh, that's a jewel is understood to be yeah oil
[00:16:06] The jewel is the oil the joy of Jews the oil Jew the Jew Jew Jew Jew
[00:16:13] That movie that's so funny. Those words are so similar you an oil Jew and Jew and Jew yeah
[00:16:18] Yeah, I don't think it's cool you oil is jewel
[00:16:23] You know they love jewels they do oil. That's where the word comes from. Yes you oil
[00:16:30] That's the etymology right there my guy
[00:16:39] It was in the buggering but all those like British
[00:16:42] Guys were in the book the entire British Army circa 1890 was all homosexual. Yeah, yeah, that's where all this
[00:16:48] That's why they were so strong well all those giant mustaches like that thing that they got into
[00:16:53] There's a reason it looks identical to like fucking you know late 70s early 80s like leather guys
[00:17:00] Late letter daddy culture. Yeah, it's because that's the same homosexual impulse to look like that in both communities
[00:17:06] I don't it manifested independent of each other. I think that's I know what they said they were looking for spices
[00:17:11] But actually they were searching for poppers. Yeah, what's the utility in India?
[00:17:19] What's the utility of having a mustache in like having gay sex?
[00:17:24] You keep that the signifying your masculinity while keeping the rest of your face smooth so it doesn't catch on the balls
[00:17:34] That's right because a lower goatee if you getting really fucking low balls
[00:17:39] You know, yeah, you don't want to get it. You want it up top. Yeah, you don't want to
[00:17:44] You don't want to scratch Cedric's balls or whoever see Drake. Yeah
[00:17:48] Can I get a tent and that's why I got the sole patch dude the pussy tickler pussy tickler. Yes, I did
[00:17:55] You can't grow one. You can't see it. Yeah, you can't I'm holding a microphone. You can't see the soul or a patch
[00:18:00] Yes, I have a soul. You're the soulless one. It's not true. Yes, it is non filled with souls
[00:18:06] Yeah, I'm like a soul collective like Shao Kahn. What's the guy's name from?
[00:18:09] Yeah, so your dick is mine. I have to go just come blast
[00:18:28] My brother I'm sorry, but your brother's dick was so
[00:18:41] His brother's right there, but he's gay
[00:18:45] Friends like if you want to defeat Shao Kahn you need to do more than just not get your dick
[00:19:04] Just and then Goro shows up and they're all like intimidated because you can jack off for guys
[00:19:13] He may be able to jack off for guys at once, but he's still can only so
[00:19:24] Raiden we will never defeat him maybe not but at least you can suck
[00:19:41] Being gay having sex sucking cotton Luke a
[00:19:46] Big over taking dick Johnny Cage suckers
[00:20:00] Me and I just cock hot shot by me and Adam. I mean Adam was witness to it, but
[00:20:09] If you could only see but it's rape day labor and he's
[00:20:15] If you could only see it she fought me she fought me
[00:20:50] Damn I do read a shit. I still I'm still feeling it dude. I love not so cheese to read us. I like them both
[00:20:56] Cool, I do think don't you think it swung back now?
[00:20:59] I feel like in childhood it was always cool ranch was the better one and now there's a movement to say no
[00:21:04] No, not shows always been well, it's funny. It's childhood because here's the thing I remember in childhood
[00:21:09] Not so cheese was clearly the better one, but people would choose cool ranch because it's the cool name
[00:21:14] Not because of the cool name because that's how you establish yourself as an individual
[00:21:19] Interesting as early hips are done this choosing choosing cool. See I think everyone chose cool. I like all range
[00:21:25] It's about being honest with yourself and the people that liked
[00:21:28] Not your cheese more probably more authentic people
[00:21:31] Mm-hmm. She's going around to school myself. I chose cool ranch. Yeah, because I felt a really scared
[00:21:37] Yes, I was scared. Yeah, I didn't know how to just like things that I liked. You're different
[00:21:42] Yeah, now as an adult. I like not your cheese, but I'm so far removed from who that boy was it's like
[00:21:47] I don't know if I like not your cheese. Oh, I really can't tell well. I have no idea what's real
[00:21:52] What is it? That's sure you eat talkies. Yeah, some shit are good. Yeah Greek pork rinds
[00:21:57] Now talkies are fucking libertarian snack talkies are like Mexican shit
[00:22:04] I thought it was for Greek libertarians. Talkie. Talkie is a Greek name. Yeah
[00:22:09] I thought talkies was like a black snack. No, it's just bandit. No, that's talkie during movies
[00:22:16] Do you remember any caps hot fries? That's right
[00:22:19] Oh, yeah, so slam don't slam don't come on the race is
[00:22:32] Yeah, be great a space is the original kind of
[00:22:35] Space jam or the whole time porky the pigs like that but that don't know bugs can be you eat rest or trust this guy?
[00:22:44] Nittin it in it it in it it's like that movie we're supposed to like imagine a universe where
[00:22:50] Bugs Bunny and porky the pig aren't from the 1940s
[00:22:54] Yeah, why would they be friends? There's no ways first of all we have firsthand evidence of bugs bunny
[00:23:01] Using racial slurs against the Japanese. That's probably the blacks. Oh sure somewhere. Yeah, mm-hmm
[00:23:07] And Michael Jordan is supposed to just not know about that or yeah, if anything, yeah
[00:23:12] Oh, oh you think Michael no Michael Jordan wouldn't care Michael Jordan is on right here saying Republicans by sneakers too
[00:23:17] Yeah, it would be the racist cartoons who wouldn't trust in fact. He's like a very jacked black guy
[00:23:23] It's probably they're probably scared of him. Yeah, I mean he's like the caricature of of
[00:23:33] Scared of him because they're a big black guy
[00:23:35] Well the way I think the way I see it is that they don't age and the way you could tell that they're in the modern areas because Lola
[00:23:42] Bunny is is a modern piece of that thought she's a slutty 90s
[00:23:46] She is a little slut. I would fuck the shit out of course everyone would man
[00:23:50] I remember thinking that space jam was bad, but I didn't realize how bad it was
[00:23:55] Yeah, 38% around tomatoes. Yeah, I would I would rewatch that shit Bill Murray's in it for some reason
[00:24:01] New yeah, I mean I loved it as a kid, but children are retarded when they're playing golf the hot shit the hot shit in my
[00:24:09] Elementary school was getting the space jam binder. Oh
[00:24:12] Yeah, the you were a fucking bitch if you don't have the space
[00:24:18] I did like those accordion things because I would just break the rings
[00:24:31] Snap those rings I would fuck mine up, but I would never see I just didn't have I just had the zipper with just and I stuffed all my shit
[00:24:39] In there. Yeah, so there was no organization, but I couldn't bro to be an accordion kid
[00:24:43] I could never I never do it, but the for me the the
[00:24:47] Cover would always just tear off I'd like tear off the the front the back side of everyone else must have had binders, right?
[00:24:55] No, there's people there's other accordion
[00:25:02] There was one crazy kid named Mark Wahlberg probably yeah, it was my wall burn
[00:25:07] Who would only have you looking at my binder bro?
[00:25:17] He threatened it was third grade bench in 315 pounds show me another third grader who can do that kid
[00:25:23] I don't fucking see him pull your dick out. I'm gonna suck it. Yeah, I'm in the Mortal Kombat
[00:25:31] Yeah, he threatened our teacher with a screwdriver, okay, and after that there was no more tools you read me shit
[00:25:42] Yep, so after that we couldn't buy tools that like little gift shop for Christmas you guys had that shit
[00:25:47] Where they would come around and be like a gift shop and you would buy your parents
[00:25:50] Like presents from the gift shop. No, no really have that no maybe my school was just fucking
[00:25:57] Extorting children. Yeah, maybe well I was always our parents just talk about it before
[00:26:01] But do you remember like going around and selling magazines for the school? Yeah chocolate bars of magazines
[00:26:06] But it's like where that money go this we didn't get that money. Hold on. I'm looking up
[00:26:10] So Elmer Fudd is in space jam. Yeah, yeah, and he carries a gun and I'm surprised I wasn't used. Yeah
[00:26:16] That's true you could use that gun for basketball. Yeah
[00:26:24] Please stop following that man. He looks suspicious
[00:26:28] Sir wait until officers respond. I'm going to investigate you are not
[00:27:21] You know a lot of people complain about to show me it off the I get it off. No, I'm sorry. It's a kid, bud
[00:27:33] Now he's the only one that really belongs on a basketball team considering it's a rapist. Yeah. Yeah, you should put what number should he have
[00:27:42] Don't know about that. He's more of a sock me fuck you in the ace
[00:27:47] I'm sure he had things to say. Yeah, I'm gonna horn is racist in America. No, he's not
[00:27:53] He's a big black. No, he's like he's a big monster. It's like LBJ. That's what he's like a big white southern. He's yeah
[00:28:00] I'll be J. I'll say I'll say yeah, yeah, sure. I always thought he was black. Yeah, well, you're dumb like a big black chicken
[00:28:07] I actually wait no fuck. Oh, sorry. I thought I was thinking of the fraud
[00:28:11] I just think Tweety was Michigan J. Michigan J. Frog was black. No J stands for Jewish
[00:28:16] Okay, he was out. Wilson. Mm-hmm Donald J. Trump
[00:28:22] Foghorn Lakehorn definitely was a fucking white son there
[00:28:25] My favorite LBJ quote and I don't know if it's a pocket floor or not is and I did use it right suck my dick
[00:28:37] That's a male Gibson my favorite apocolipto. That's not the right word. Yeah
[00:28:41] Do they do that kind of like Dasha where they pop heads back what?
[00:28:58] If you like put on all my girlfriend's clothes and I came home late at night
[00:29:02] You're in my bed and I was like oh, I guess it's a shit your tits are maybe a little bit bigger than her
[00:29:08] She's got some small naturals. Mm-hmm. But he's saying that about her because she she called your dick small on the twist stream
[00:29:14] She called me impotent. Yeah, she called me
[00:29:21] Sexually ill-equipped host of good times. That's yeah
[00:29:27] I'm telling you once that once my apartment's finally ready and I get all the shit off the floor and I'm not living
[00:29:33] It's so fine. I've been in that place for like two and a half months now
[00:29:35] You've been there for a while. I just still is laying on the floor and like yeah
[00:29:39] You need just not living like a fucking
[00:29:41] Max after this mothercat yeah, um when she says she
[00:30:04] It is we should really just recap all the characters we just did a rape day labor a woman
[00:30:10] Yeah, it's been exactly half hour. So let's just talk about how good the hat the first half was that departed thing
[00:30:24] Making people let him suck their dicks dog. I'm gonna get real into Amtrak. I've been taking the train
[00:30:30] You've been getting in time. Yeah, I'm just you know, I'm and honestly
[00:30:34] Like old you know you thought the wheel was stupid like I'm literally just wasting money on Amtrak trips
[00:30:40] I went to Philadelphia for no reason just came right back. Well you went to this year girlfriend. I just ride that fucking train
[00:30:47] My girlfriend is an Amtrak employee. Yeah, it's not it's a lady from the snack. I don't know
[00:30:54] I was on the train. I was on the train and there was some like
[00:30:58] There was some big fat union guy. Love it. Yeah
[00:31:03] Sounded and looked exactly like already laying hell. Yeah, you just not already laying already like was a union guy, right?
[00:31:09] I think he's on the phone. He's on his like flip phone with
[00:31:15] With I don't know some other union guy that's being charged with something hell yeah
[00:31:20] And I couldn't even like there was no he was saying words that never end
[00:31:26] They're gonna pull a fucking tape you can't pull a fucking tape over this not funny
[00:31:31] It's gotta be a major infraction can't be so what somebody putting something in a garbage
[00:31:35] And like his other guy comes over who looks like Indian Charles Bronson hell yeah, and he's like whoa big money Frank
[00:31:51] He was probably an alley. Yeah. Yeah, he was he was just darkest
[00:31:55] She's just super yeah, yeah, big money Frank you staying out of trouble Frank
[00:31:59] And he's like riding the train. They're right. I guess I got off in Trenton. So he just lives in some shit hole
[00:32:04] Yeah, and he got up to and he's got like a polo shirt on that was like Delonzo's tomato pies
[00:32:11] Not even pizza tomato pie tomato pie yeah
[00:32:15] That's the real and the shirt had been all like torn to pieces in the front and he had like his giant ass had ripped the cushion
[00:32:23] They're they're attached with velcro so you could just put it back on and I look over and there's like just
[00:32:28] Pizel crumbs all over the fucking place and he's just half the bag of them. Yeah, just let's body just emanates
[00:32:38] He's psoriasis all over his giant fucking elbows
[00:32:41] And yeah, you know just a piece pieces of the New York Post that he had torn up and left all over the fucking table
[00:32:48] Oh hell yeah, listen to those guys complain about like you got yeah
[00:32:51] Because they got fuck the other guy goes they got kids down in fucking Wilmington train to be managers ain't never seen a fucking train in their life
[00:33:08] Was that weird that was the sight of Ian's father's
[00:33:13] Set him up. Yeah, they mean they're like yeah, I knew your father
[00:33:16] I'm just good guy, but I made a couple mistakes thing of laws
[00:33:22] Doing trains. Yeah, he's like Ian you ever wonder why your mom gets a check for $22 every month
[00:33:33] Do love that Italians will talk about any job they have as if it's the mafia
[00:33:41] I can't tell you exactly what I do with that hole in the wall in the bathroom, but let's just say it's a legitimate business
[00:33:53] I run a cash only business. Yeah, you know, I've been I've been in this 22
[00:34:07] Oh, I think you're doing it the Italian truck truck stop process that was before that was yeah
[00:34:18] Maybe you should suck my dick to peppy. We should suck both of our dicks. We have smelling sauce on our balls
[00:34:23] Yeah, I got some I've dipped my dick in ammonia. So you fucking really open up wide. I love them. Yeah, dude
[00:34:36] Bobalosa looks so tasty. That's you know, you know, that's a problem right is these fucking it was in Texas people drinking
[00:34:45] But it's got a mop on the front. Yeah, but I don't know. I don't know man. You can't read put a couple ice cubes in there
[00:34:51] You know, I mean it's draw. Oh, I don't know. There's a bunch of day
[00:34:54] Maybe so we're like, you know drinking Fabulosa and you're like oh my goodness
[00:35:24] Please just ask me. Yeah all those like a
[00:35:28] Romantic songs from the 1990s pinnacle is what was the one from the Steven Tyler song from
[00:35:41] Bruce Willis like fucked lived Tyler tried to fuck live Tyler in the set of Armageddon
[00:35:46] But it's like aren't you supposed to be like father and daughter in this movie
[00:35:51] I don't have to do like it's a little bit acting but like don't fuck your pretend daughter
[00:35:58] Maybe he fucks his daughters. Yeah, he was
[00:36:01] You'd be funny if like yeah, I would fucker the guy that where's the chucky cheese
[00:36:06] Forcing that bird bitch to suck his dick. He's like we're supposed to be in a relationship
[00:36:11] If we don't have real chemistry won't come off when we're in the band
[00:36:15] They're like that's not even us. There's a different there's a robot. It's the same performance
[00:36:22] People need to feel that chemistry the robots won't have it a lot of the magic exists in the eyes of the audience
[00:36:31] They have to they have to smell your pussy on my lips
[00:36:38] When I lean down to take pictures of these kids you need to get a whiff of some big bird
[00:36:48] Yeah, and I ain't talking about bird shit do birds have pussy juice. They don't even have pussy still really
[00:36:55] Clif clock is oh shit, which are those you know those things that Spanish women they click
[00:37:00] Well, they're days they got bird asshole pussy
[00:37:06] I've never seen a duck's dick. It's like scorpion harden duck. It's not all ducks
[00:37:11] It's like scorpion from Mortal Kombat. It's like a get over the here
[00:37:15] Justin R. D. She would sit out about like scorpion
[00:37:18] But he bends over the other way and he's like get in here
[00:37:42] Every fourth grader circa 1995 came up with
[00:37:45] Nah man, not with this much artistry. That's the mad. We painted a fucking picture dude
[00:37:55] Picture Tom Myers. Yes, I like it. Yeah, what are colors or oil? I don't know mostly fats and proteins. I guess
[00:38:02] Oh, okay a little bit of collagen. I don't know what goes in the cum
[00:38:06] There's no collagen in cum isn't there it's P
[00:38:13] I just found out recently you can there's this town in China
[00:38:17] With like all these artisans you can like get an oil painting for like a hundred fifty dollars of like a hanny photograph
[00:38:23] You want to send in really yeah? Yeah, you can get a
[00:38:27] Self-portrait. I mean there's got to be a way to do that here. I don't see why like commission not for like a hundred dollars
[00:38:33] Chinese are poor. Yeah, they'll do it for anything. You should just pay someone to do it
[00:38:38] You should just pay a Chinaman. Yeah, but like that seems unfair, dude. I look like Dasha. I'm gonna global economy
[00:38:55] I'm gonna put on dashes clothes and then fuck stop in front of you to hurt your feelings
[00:39:19] How could you say those you fucking turd coming on my pain saying my
[00:39:27] Dude savage psycho gel. I'm gonna nail I'm gonna figure out how to do his voice exactly
[00:39:31] Strange. Yeah, I love you fucking strange after all they gay
[00:39:37] Okay, five hundred fifteen pounds eighteen reps here we go. It's three hundred fifty pounds for two reps
[00:39:47] Here's one video where he's got these dumbass headphones on and then he's like he's got four or five on the bar
[00:39:53] And then the comment is like you know six million pounds for reps
[00:39:57] And then the first one he lifts the weight up drops it and the headphones just fly off
[00:40:05] Just fly off his fucking dumb head savage. I was showing him to Evan and Evans like this guy retarded. No, it's like without
[00:40:11] With our question. Yeah, this isn't working out in like a school gym. Yeah five five fifty
[00:40:41] You show him savage psycho Joe imagine being his like parents and they're like, yeah, I mean
[00:40:55] That's probably the best you can expect out of a retard
[00:40:59] He's strong. Yeah, Martha. You were just getting too strong
[00:41:03] There is like there is a guy with Down syndrome the competing powerlifting and like all of his local meets
[00:41:07] He places like third or second or whatever. It's like imagine you like you're like, I'm gonna get really into powerlifting
[00:41:24] I think it would make sense to lose to him. Yeah, you know, he doesn't have the
[00:41:29] He doesn't have the distractions. That's right. You know, yeah, he doesn't have to read books like I do every day. He doesn't have to
[00:41:38] Yeah, yeah, I have normal sex sex like me all that pussy all that normal style
[00:41:48] The city of Queens. I've just been having
[00:41:54] Sex in the city would be much better name for law and order SVU
[00:42:00] You should stop you should go to the Upper East side to one of those cougar bars do those really exist
[00:42:05] Yeah, yeah, I was just I was just on the Upper West side yesterday. Yeah. Yeah, they're cougars there
[00:42:13] Well, it's funny too is because there's all these people that are like just products a generational wealth or older Jewish women
[00:42:18] Yeah, sure they'd have schizophrenia. Mm-hmm. Just crazy. They're overdosed on being Japs, right?
[00:42:26] Decked out with Saks Fifth Avenue and Nine West and Bloomingdale's bags and they're like that man raped me that man right there rape
[00:42:32] You know just running around the subway just yelling there also like
[00:42:37] This woman I'm calling the police this woman, you know
[00:42:40] Just like yeah, they go outside for like three hours a day and they're awake literally for like maybe six hours a day
[00:42:46] Yeah, then they'll do a white girl. I know some they're up. He'll go back to sleep for another 28 hours
[00:42:51] Nice wake up. It's more people of rape as titties. No, no, they look like hideous. They look like key king ducks
[00:42:57] Yeah, well, then no, I don't know because they're like no, not they look like Howard Stern
[00:43:01] Yeah, I know you're talking about yeah, yeah, yeah, no
[00:43:04] They look like they're their lips because it's collagen and then the yes hands
[00:43:09] They literally look like peeking ducks like in a window at a Chinese restaurant. Yeah
[00:43:14] Do a lot of soul cycle probably no a soul cycle is more like whole cycle. That's what I call that place
[00:43:20] Yeah, a couple of holes in there pretending they're what at the tour de France about tour de pants
[00:43:25] Why don't you take mine off and look every part of it?
[00:43:37] The tip of my toes so ready inside of my thighs
[00:43:44] From the windows to the wall what kind of what kind of milkshake I go after then Adam what I'm so we worked at this
[00:43:51] When we worked at that shop one of the jessies of there are two guys named Jesse at that shop
[00:43:56] And one of them was the guy that begins me guy that was the guy that thought one of the guys was trans because he was listening
[00:44:02] To against me and the other guy was like this guy was like yeah, dude
[00:44:06] Umbrella I guess so do I look like dasha if I hold it
[00:44:12] Dude, we're gonna fuck each other while you sure I'm gonna put on your glasses. Hey, oh no, it's raining out
[00:44:21] I'm like I got mad at this look how small this umbrella
[00:44:28] I don't know how to do that. That's bad
[00:44:33] Explain explain this podcast. Yeah, you do it so I was like
[00:44:37] I was like why do you tell this fucking open their bro twitch that that I don't that I don't fuck good
[00:44:43] And then she goes like Nick talks about shitting in my pussy
[00:44:49] Don't believe I don't believe I've talked about shitting in her pussy
[00:44:57] You've said that you you've threatened me with
[00:45:01] Pussy on the podcast I don't recall that I just trying to put hot now you got the bad luck bitch
[00:45:08] Damn guess you got tricked into having bad luck
[00:45:16] Yeah, you make it by opening an umbrella inside you just made your own bad luck you know you've been tricked by the master
[00:45:25] That's right it may take putting on all of your girlfriend
[00:45:30] But I'll get you to incur bad luck upon
[00:45:39] Kaiser so they've been a walk away limping because I've been
[00:45:45] Wait, we just broke in before Adam was here. Just fucking yeah, it's gotta look real
[00:45:51] We were bringing me more of dashes clothes
[00:45:55] We were like Nick and I were laughing yesterday the day before we weren't we've never hung out
[00:46:08] That's fine, yeah, it's fine it is fine
[00:46:11] Yeah, it's not fun. It's fine. It's fine. I'm granting you permission. It's fun. It's also fun. It's not fun. It is fun
[00:46:24] What were you guys supposedly no we weren't hanging out, okay, that's what tell the story
[00:46:30] I'm not the one stopping scared. You always do this
[00:46:35] You break my confidence run me into the ground and then and then you give me this then you say oh the staj is yours
[00:46:45] It's time for you to take center stage Adam with your story staj another classic Adam this pronunciation bit
[00:46:51] That's such that's such a hilarious joke that you keep doing over and over again what saying words wrong intentionally
[00:46:58] I said it in a I said it a gi theatrical way
[00:47:02] No, he was doing a fake French accent even though it's not a French word
[00:47:07] What kind of word is it it's hodge is staging a tauge, okay, which that may or may not be true
[00:47:12] I don't care what it is whatever it does. I was doing a big gym
[00:47:16] I'm a pussy gym at that figure mr. Pussy. I'm a very gay, but I love that the fact
[00:47:27] Just just you know sweep out the fuck it
[00:47:43] Remember those tapes muzzi. Yeah, Muzzy. We learn friend. Oh, I do. I remember Muzzy
[00:47:58] They used to like advertise a Muslim obviously
[00:48:24] He's kidnapping Madeline and taking her to Syria where she has to marry a guy. Oh nice
[00:48:32] I was a little red-haired animation besides Madeline. There's a bunch of lucky Luke. That was my shit
[00:48:37] I've mentioned that on the pod before what's that is a cowboy setting? It's a set in America, but it was French
[00:48:44] I got an email from from Shopify from some woman named
[00:48:51] Melanie fat Taurus Richardson, don't let that bitch send company emails
[00:49:03] Fattress is not a real name. Yeah, that's your last name. No, my name is Alky
[00:49:07] That is a Greek name. Yeah, it does sound like someone's trying to make fun of my last name
[00:49:13] Yeah, I thought me Starros Fattress was that guy that the South African guy with no legs that killed his wife
[00:49:19] Pistorius was he Greek pissed off his why he had a Greek sounding name though. Not at all. That's Lithuanian
[00:49:28] He's South African all the Jews in South Africa Lithuanian shout out to jizzia shorts miss you
[00:49:33] Oh, yeah, that was hilarious. Yeah, that's the best thing that's ever
[00:49:36] Would you marry her? No, what I'm gonna marry her and destroy your name? No, she keep her last name
[00:49:41] You take her last name. My name is Nick shorts is my life. I've just your shorts
[00:49:46] I can imagine you meeting her and just getting down on one name just just
[00:49:51] You can never imagine me on one day because I've always I've been standing my entire life
[00:49:56] Standing yeah, I spelt around my neck for support. Mm-hmm into jack off
[00:50:01] I don't know how to close this umbrella come. Yeah, you don't because you got bad luck. Yeah, it's a bad luck forever. You're too weak
[00:50:06] That is a really little lesson. I want why don't you go bring me more dashes clothes
[00:50:14] Fucking owning you did. Yeah, we're working on owning
[00:50:21] Dashes like what is my the crotch of my underwear smell like ammonia?
[00:50:28] You put an ammonia on your penis yes, mm-hmm what for pleasure pleasure if you were if you're paying attention to the words
[00:50:36] I said to your face literally eight minutes ago. No, I wasn't it was a throwback. It was a throwback
[00:50:41] You don't understand joke structure. Come on. I thought we were talking about drinking ammonia
[00:50:46] Not putting it on your penis. No, what's bad? Fab but we were talking about drinking fabulous. So mm-hmm
[00:50:55] Anything that's light colored like those like purple drink. Yeah, I think your mics fucking up mine. Yeah, can you remember?
[00:51:02] Mm-hmm. There's a crinkle. There's a crinkle somewhere
[00:51:12] Yeah, there's a crinkle somewhere. I don't know whatever who gives a fuck
[00:51:19] Don't fucking know damn. I'm hungry. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you want to eat after this? I could maybe get a little bit of food
[00:51:28] I'm gonna the gym after this is gonna go to those you get to work out lows
[00:51:33] And then we get some of that lows red hook. Yeah, that's the good. That's the good one
[00:51:38] I see if I can borrow Max's cargo down there
[00:51:41] That good good. I hope people bedside. I gotta get some I gotta get some
[00:51:47] Hmm would you laminate and shit by yourself? Uh-huh. Yeah, no, it's wood that's laminate. No, I'm getting
[00:51:53] No, I'm doing shut up. You fucking idiot. What's what stops it? Oh
[00:51:59] You're doing the sheets. Yes, you did spray. No, not spray. Well. Yeah, you use like contact cement or whatever the fuck
[00:52:05] I don't know whatever. Why do you get laminate boards and then cut those I already cut all you watch me cut all the fucking wood
[00:52:12] Already that sounds like a waste of time. No, it's not fucking moron. You can get no you can't can
[00:52:17] And you have to fucking special order the black melon and like boards which I don't even know where to get black melon
[00:52:24] Me cuz I want to speak I don't want shells and building speaker stands to match the ones I already fucking have okay
[00:52:29] I've been through this with you numerous time. What are you doing your shelves out of it? Go bring bring those cute shoes
[00:52:41] I'm gonna have my period in the Vitamix
[00:53:03] To who to my girlfriend I'm showing her respect by wearing all of her clothes
[00:53:07] Hmm that's it. They said the highest form of respect your girlfriend. I respect every girl stops ever fuck
[00:53:14] That's true Adam sends them all you know how Derek Jeter would send a gift basket eyes and every girl
[00:53:20] I've ever fucked a thank you. Thank you. I said thank you fucking my friend stop. Here's five dollars to bed bath and beyond
[00:53:28] Get yourself some here's some coupons that you could use in the supermarket. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I try to I try to do nice
[00:53:35] You know Derek Jeter they call me Derek either because I don't do that
[00:53:43] That's why they call me that is an ironic
[00:54:00] You know what's up. What's up with you. What's up with that ass, baby girl?
[00:54:17] Bad if bad at fun, you know I see I get nervous I never busted I never I'm so bad at sex
[00:54:25] You know I just I don't even get my dick heart. I just place it above the entrance
[00:54:29] I just like a little like a little Jehovah's Witness waiting for somebody to answer the door
[00:54:35] I put a little suit on my cock just place it out front of your pussy. So excuse me. Can I just talk you for two sec?
[00:54:41] I'm not gonna take too much of your time. I just want to talk to you first
[00:54:44] That would be so funny a little suit for your balls the cock is the head maybe that's why I said it
[00:54:50] Maybe that's why me as a professional comedian said that thing is because I thought it would be funny
[00:54:54] Just you wait Nick just until what you have no idea how much she's completely nude because I'm wearing all of her clothes
[00:55:02] You're not gonna take the final the final the end of this road this place everyone thought I was gay
[00:55:16] Yeah, yeah dress up in women's clothes that way the bitch gotta stay
[00:55:27] See a bitch cover titties up. I'm wearing all the damn clothes. I got your necklace a on bitch
[00:55:47] Damn dude the master strikes again. Yeah, dude first giving you bad luck by having sex with me
[00:56:08] We need to talk a little bit more about respect on this
[00:56:12] We need to plan our vacation is what we need we do we do yeah, I got respect but I do not
[00:56:22] And never you never gonna get any V spec down
[00:56:28] Fuck dude, we gotta all get fucking matching baby T spec. That's what I always get a respect testosterone
[00:56:35] He's back. I will not speak to a man or look at him in the eyes until he shows me his blood work
[00:56:42] That is in the sense any business contract you provide you with blood work comes with
[00:56:48] We should do a testosterone test for the show and all reveal the results. Yeah, it would be fun
[00:56:53] Yeah, I bet you I come I would I would actually I would actually break the machine unfortunately. Yeah, I can't do it
[00:56:58] Yeah, I'm I would be so angry going into the test that I'll beat the shit out of the nurse
[00:57:02] Yeah, that's how you pass the test test this I kill myself with the blood pressure machine
[00:57:10] What happens if you have low teeth you have to take supplements or something? Yeah, there's a kid that does roast battles it like
[00:57:16] the Andrew man is like balls didn't drop until his money hit puberty and
[00:57:20] They put him on testosterone, but you look at his like stand-up clips like two years ago
[00:57:25] You look like Wayne Newton and he's like 25 years old like shiny like just a big smooth face
[00:57:30] Yeah, that's big Korean face damn and go no he's a white guy. He's a white guy
[00:57:36] Well white you know something he looks they put him on on testosterone
[00:57:40] Yeah, he's like normal ish does K D Lang look a lot like Wayne Newton does
[00:57:44] Yeah, what if I got similar I'd drive like a bigger can I get a nice beard?
[00:57:50] What if I what if it's the fact that you already have facial hair is like indicative that there's like
[00:57:55] Some fucked up. Yeah, what makes your beard grows like DHT goes your head
[00:58:01] And it makes you go bald and also makes you grow facial hair the fuck I'm bald and I can't get some good-ass facial hair
[00:58:08] It's just you don't have like the receptors in that part of your face or those follicles aren't like you know
[00:58:13] So what happens to go on testosterone your hair starts falling out? Well, the same thing is like you're not completely bald either
[00:58:18] Yeah, but you know it looks like shit right so would your beard but you would still technically you would have a shitty beard shitty
[00:58:27] That mustache looks like a fucking nightmare. It looks beautiful
[00:58:30] I have a I have another question follow
[00:58:31] Would you be better at standing up for yourself when your friends are when your best friends?
[00:58:37] Nick and so I'm making fun of you if you were on testosterone
[00:58:40] No because your friends would also be on extra test if we heard you want to go on more than me. Yeah
[00:58:48] I clearly wouldn't tell you guys about it now. We find out. I'd be ashamed. What part of the master don't you?
[00:58:57] What makes you think you live in a world where you have any control
[00:59:06] Betty's therapist was talking to Don afterwards. That's what Nick Scott with all your all your doctors dude
[00:59:11] Mm-hmm. They call me give a give a check up. Yeah
[00:59:14] Like hey, this is Abe Schwartzman over at
[00:59:18] Manhattan Labs just want to say huge fan of the pot anyways sure's Adam's test results
[00:59:31] Like completely against the fucking hit the hit big kratik. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know I know I shouldn't be doing this
[00:59:39] But I personally always thought that it's kind of good. Yeah, he's such a stupid bug, right? I would do
[00:59:49] Nick and I were biking down the street. We were never hanging out and some guy some guys like I was a book and then Nick just
[01:00:02] Yeah, we took Adam to the gym to show him how to lift weights. Yeah, no, I know dude. Yeah, now I know
[01:00:07] She looked a little bit better. Hey, there's some prospect there
[01:00:11] Yeah, yeah, I'm trying to get fucking exact
[01:00:14] Do you do like squats and deadlifts and stuff stuff not really because I go to plan fitness
[01:00:23] They don't have a rack, but am I going to New York sports club? Yeah, dude. New York sports clubs cheap, dude
[01:00:28] I would but it's all the way the fuck out now. They have multiple locations really and it's cheapest shit
[01:00:34] I'll check it out. I might just get that anyway
[01:00:36] And there's no air conditioning. It's just hot as shit. Yeah, it smells like
[01:00:41] Bad, yeah, it smells like fucking jail. I love it. Sounds bad, dude
[01:00:46] You ever get arrested Nick? No, never really never got a jail. No never
[01:00:50] I've had like so many close calls where I was just able to talk my way out of it, which is like I
[01:00:55] Mean obviously there's white privilege white privileges. Yeah, so real
[01:01:00] I'd like just straight up broken the law
[01:01:05] And just been like oh no sorry officer. Yeah, I'm just you know just trying to get back
[01:01:09] I had my family. Yeah, I had a scale a digital scale with weed on it on the center console
[01:01:19] The cop didn't see it because I just had bought weed from my dealer and he forgot his scale in my car
[01:01:25] Oh my god, and then I got pulled over. Holy shit
[01:01:27] And I was high as shit and then I talked my way out of the second
[01:01:31] I would have never and then I got back in my car or to panicked
[01:01:33] I got back in my car and I saw the scales sitting there like like freak the fuck out
[01:01:38] I can't talk more we had anything. I think I think cops recognize me as a natural alfel and as they're fucking
[01:01:47] I tell you you think there's white privilege white male privilege and then white male with mustache privilege
[01:01:52] And once you get cops respect the mustache of course they do because it's tasteful. Yeah
[01:01:58] You know it's not one of these garish, you know Williamsburg, you know like the curly
[01:02:03] Yeah, you know handlebar, right. I'm a guy that's maybe a waiter from the 1920s
[01:02:11] There's nothing ridiculous about my tiny mustache
[01:02:17] Yeah, how about a matter come you know I'm talking
[01:02:24] Just as your wife walks in boo boo. Yeah finger blasting every hole. You know I'm saying
[01:02:30] Uh-huh asshole pussy asshole pussy back and forth back and forth giving her some kind of fucking infection
[01:02:36] Yeah, and then she's like look what you did to me. I'm like I'm sorry bitch. That was your shit
[01:02:43] Maybe you should take that up with your own fucking asshole and stop blaming my fingers which I did not clean
[01:02:49] Which are not clean before I went to when I went bowling
[01:02:53] We're coming home to you trying to get that 710 split baby. Yeah, that's the balls and
[01:03:06] You're trying to fuck some grumbles. Yeah, yeah the 710 split one finger in his ass one finger in his balls
[01:03:12] Yeah, sorry you got an infection after I artificially inseminated all those cows
[01:03:16] When I was checking those cows for prostate cancer and then came home to my my
[01:03:25] Yeah, one just for fingering. Yeah, that's what that's real. Well, dude
[01:03:30] You have a solid gold wife. It's just for fingering in case her entire body and such a camera
[01:03:35] Yeah, yeah, that's a torture a medieval torture method the iron finger
[01:03:40] To seal a woman in a gold statue where they're where they're that actually be pretty sweet dude like a
[01:03:46] statue that is just a woman with her legs open and you put her in there and then like seal it shut and
[01:03:51] Then all everyone in town is just allowed to fuck the pussy hole. Yeah
[01:04:01] The Middle Ages were so metal. Yeah, yeah, there's so they're so like fucking
[01:04:06] Princees of the universe exact guys were damn is that what they call themselves? No, that's a queen song
[01:04:15] Figured I didn't know that's a flash Gordon theme song
[01:04:24] Because I go slow you know yeah reading learning things
[01:04:28] Not coming the only thing I do very quickly. Yeah, that's the thing dude if you come early enough in your pants fish
[01:04:39] Yeah, you come quick enough that you have a full whatever all factory all the old factory period
[01:04:53] Refractory refractory period. I think so if you come your pants from dry-humping
[01:04:57] Coming's coming. Yeah, that's just a come. Mm-hmm. That's never done that. That's a done it either
[01:05:02] I think when I was when I was like 14 I can't I like kind of nice. What was his name?
[01:05:13] Don't yeah, we've never said it on the pod. Yeah, so you should probably yeah
[01:05:18] I think I just came in not my pants, but someone else's pants just now
[01:05:22] It's not nice this came in a nice little maxi dress. Yeah
[01:05:27] Nice I love coming in my clothes. What's your mind? Do you ever try your mother's clothes?
[01:05:32] No, I'm not fucking we not even just once no put on my friends girlfriend's clothes
[01:05:40] Just try it on once and I yell at my friends for not hanging out with me. I honestly did not is this what you want?
[01:05:45] I honestly didn't you never tried on no
[01:05:51] Neither of us ever put on our mom's clothes and generally passively generally all the weird fucked up sex shit
[01:05:56] I did putting on my mom's clothes was not one of them
[01:06:06] Fuck it's just a question dude. Yeah, I mean you ever say the movie hearts of Atlantis was a it's like
[01:06:12] It's I guess it's based on a book. You know what those movies that are so clearly based on a book because it's like there's like 35 things going on
[01:06:22] Hearts of Atlantis is like Anthony Hopkins is stays with this like family like they have let a room out and he stays with them
[01:06:29] I can't remember but like the kid of the family is being bullied by these bullies and
[01:06:35] Anthony Hopkins can like read minds or something so he knows that the main bully like dresses up in his mom's clothes
[01:06:40] So they're bullying and Anthony Hopkins comes up and he's like, you know
[01:06:45] Is that why you put on your mother's clothes at night?
[01:06:50] And then it's supposed to be like yeah, they got the bully
[01:06:53] He's like a gay person clearly the bully is the most tragic figure
[01:06:58] Yeah, the other kid everyone gets bullied to some extent as a kid that's fucking normal
[01:07:03] But like having to hide that you're a cross dresser
[01:07:05] Yeah, well maybe that's why life it doesn't make you a hero adult to step in and hurt some child's feelings
[01:07:11] That's all of that the karate kid remake when the fucking kids being beaten up and Jackie Chan shows up and beats the shit out of like
[01:07:19] The ten year olds. He's like how did you do that? He's like they're a grown man
[01:07:24] The adult man that's a ten year old boy who has zero testosterone in his body and no muscular development
[01:07:30] I can smash his head still mad about getting raped by Chris Tucker. So yeah, I ain't anger
[01:07:38] Yeah, I'm taking that on these children. How come every time I try to fuck Jackie said no
[01:07:44] Koda another my ass who he's not Japanese
[01:07:51] Coming out of my ass you fucking turned anything words are coming out of my mouth
[01:07:56] Yeah fucking faggot maggots and deadly and fucking lowers
[01:08:02] Sounds like bubbles. Yeah. Oh god. I just got an email from the Carson scholars fund
[01:08:12] I'm a set up a scholarship for little white boys white people don't get into college enough
[01:08:16] No, it was it was for low-income Baltimore City students. Thank you very much. Well done, dude
[01:08:22] I got a thousand dollars on mr. Ben Carson's dime
[01:08:26] Shouts out to thank you to my house at BC Carson City named after him. Yeah, no, it's not
[01:08:35] He sounds sounds cool. He was an explorer. I think
[01:08:39] Maybe it's a car thing kit Carson maybe I'm a kid's a cool name. Hmm about for a guy. It's even better. Yeah
[01:08:45] It's a cool name for your Brooklyn dope kid that has like long hair and fit it. Yeah, there's a store in the decal mall
[01:08:54] I forget the name of it, but like children's place. No, it's in the decal mall. They have a fucking sign
[01:09:00] I was trying to say dope clothes for dope kids. Oh in the decal mall. I've seen that place
[01:09:09] Damn it. I mean so much so much of you like hating you as a bit
[01:09:13] But then you do things that are honestly like just
[01:09:16] Nick literally said in the decal in the decal in the decal mall twice because you fucking
[01:09:21] Atlantic they're right next to each other said the I said decal mall and you said the children's place
[01:09:27] Which is in the which I would just say the children's place because it's a national fucking chain that's been around for like 30 years
[01:09:34] I don't know that everyone knows what the children's place is you shopped at the children's place you still shopping
[01:09:39] No, I was to go buy Dasha clothes there because she's nude for my escapades
[01:09:45] She shot no she shops a baby gap. Yeah. Yeah
[01:09:53] Oshkosh Oshkosh was tight because it was like train kind of shit. You get those like Sears over. Yeah, what's up?
[01:09:59] Name's Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh B. Gosh. I'm from Cal Australia
[01:10:06] Let's just go to West Coast Australia even if we don't have a show there why to see if it's like Cali
[01:10:11] Why why below the small margin profit margin? We're making the going of a frivolous vacation to see if a place is like California
[01:10:23] I was just you know this this is why I'm the business master. No, but we should go to Japan. I'm down bro
[01:10:29] I'm trying to put together a UK tour also. That'd be tight. That'd be yeah before
[01:10:34] People realize that this is us just doing the same characters over
[01:10:39] Milk this for all the international tours we can do you think like they like rape day labor like resonates on to an international market
[01:10:47] Yeah, do you think they know what a maulin like five foot one guys are like oh, there's a statue of us in Peru
[01:10:54] I didn't know in Belize. I'm on the money
[01:11:00] This is a statue this is a statue that's a postman. Yeah a four foot eleven man
[01:11:06] Taller than all of them wearing just pounds of women's
[01:11:15] They do the fucking they're like see see
[01:11:21] Yeah, they have a fight so much naked standing next to you. Oh, I love a nice. What scratches are here?
[01:11:32] It's pretty standard dog movement. Yeah dogs scratch their ears all the time. I'm not saying it's a special thing
[01:11:37] I just think she looks cute when she does that. Yeah
[01:11:41] Dude your dog's normal, you know, it looks cute. That is annoying when everyone's like my you know
[01:11:46] So smart who my nephew or whatever. Yeah, it's like every baby's fucking stupid. Of course your kid is not my favorite dumb bitch
[01:11:53] Thing that they say about babies is when girls anytime this happens somebody will have a baby and then a girl will be like oh
[01:12:01] Brendan and Stacy combined it's like yeah, that's what
[01:12:09] My god, it's like she's half her dad and half her mom
[01:12:11] Is that weird they're not weird how that baby looks like she looks you know
[01:12:17] It's weird because she has her father's eyes, but her mom's mouth
[01:12:22] That people look like their parents. Oh my god. This is why women shouldn't be allowed to have children
[01:12:28] Well in my in my perfect world. Yes, you speak on it brother. Mm-hmm
[01:12:34] Yeah, yeah, you can have all the abortions you want
[01:12:36] Yes, of course because you're not gonna be capable of having them after we forcibly remove your uterine and place
[01:12:46] All the worker be first of all we line up all the women in America. Yeah, we select the choices pieces
[01:12:52] That dimes, you know tents. Yeah surgically remove that you risk
[01:12:57] So we have maybe 35 examples of the best uterus in the world
[01:13:00] Mm-hmm all of them inserted into my bar my intestines will be removed because I'll be getting all of my
[01:13:08] Soil and green or hue will I haven't decided all those intestines
[01:13:13] You don't need them and I'll have my ass dilated with just the most pleasurable drugs
[01:13:20] Imagine just the scene poppers being ejected directly into my brain 24
[01:13:38] It comes finds its way into each one of the and I'm you know I basically I imagine I look like the bad guy from Fury Road at this
[01:13:47] You're also still wearing all of Dasha's clothes. Yeah, and then they nut in me and I go mediocre
[01:13:56] And then all the women that don't get their pussies removed to put into my ass. They're just killed
[01:14:03] They get turned into they get turned into fuel for my
[01:14:07] 1930s mercury monster truck that I drive around in are you like kind of like a black widow where you have you murder the men after they
[01:14:14] Fuck your ass. No, you let them go about there. No, they get they get gilded immediately and turned into statues while they're alive
[01:14:22] Descentive al-Hawa and screaming pain as they're sealed up in their own bodies
[01:14:34] That's a good idea. Honestly, that's a beautiful. That's what that's what the kind of society
[01:14:43] That's beautiful men. It would be my honor to fuck your ass and then be entombed in gold for eternity. Yeah
[01:14:49] I'm too calm and ecstasy drunk to know you know what's going on
[01:14:57] It's just like a Frenchman just before the revolution like the marquee covered in powder having dancing parties where I spin around the harpsichord
[01:15:17] Just castrated eight-year-old that they ripped his dick and balls off for the opera. Please don't fuck my ass. Yeah
[01:15:28] We'll get there someday brother you ever see that movie the libertine with Johnny Depp. Yeah, yeah
[01:15:33] Yeah, I think I brought it up on the podcast
[01:15:35] I watch independently and then they're now asking me if I've seen the movie
[01:15:38] No, I saw that movie years ago. I'm like high school. Yeah sure you did
[01:15:44] I'm sure you did probably came out in 2008, so there's no way you could watch it high school
[01:15:49] So you're like no no, I'm I can assure you came out before 2005. Let's go to the phone
[01:15:54] Let's find this out. I'll say 2004 you came out 2004 2003 if he's right we're editing out of the show
[01:16:05] Damn, I'm hungry. We got to wrap this. Yeah, I'm hungry to
[01:16:13] Let's not go back to the Korean place because it gave me the shit. Yep came out in
[01:16:23] Fuck you all right well listen, that's probably gonna do it. Yeah, yeah, we have you listen to us on Sunday funny moms is
[01:16:29] Tomorrow the 11 oh shit, so please come out to that I will not be there. You're not we're going. I don't know
[01:16:39] Yeah, I'm to the stand is closing I am to do it
[01:16:42] Come on to the stand comedy club for the final night everybody stands good club has been good to me and Star Rose Adams never worked
[01:16:54] Single club and he will not be past at the new stand which will be awesome in this in the fall
[01:16:59] It's his own fault. I'm not following up not asking for spots not hanging out ever
[01:17:03] That's not even it's not even an issue of saying that he doesn't have the talent because people can't control that
[01:17:08] He just refuses to do any fucking work because he's a parasite so shout out to the stand comedy club
[01:17:14] That's not none of that is true. I'll be there. It's you're wearing all of dosh's clothes
[01:17:24] You don't go on a high-five we'll go to the stand after the show. Yeah, she was gonna go forever
[01:17:28] We're dolte. I'm chartering a party bust. Where's the new stand opening? It's gonna be a sixteenth and wax. Yeah
[01:17:35] It's close. Oh, it's gonna be also like close hold on. I don't think sixteenth and Lex is a cross street
[01:17:39] It's sixteen six and Irving third. Oh, it's in grammar. It's a great. It's a good to be well. I just did
[01:17:45] That's tight. Yeah, it's up to me. It's up to me. I'm the boss. It's a Tuesday's the last time on the boss
[01:17:53] So Monday night all three of us will be a funny moms and then me and Nick will be at the stand
[01:17:58] I'll be coming with them and try to get a spot try to get a spot right before I close
[01:18:03] Right before it closes. Maybe they'll give me a spot behind my eye
[01:18:07] Oh, yeah, Tom I was supposed to be on the show and they canceled a spot because the final frantic
[01:18:12] Which is like just let Tom do the fucking spot. Yeah, I'll be up right after my comedy icon rich boss
[01:18:20] Boss is very funny. Don't make fun of all I'm not making fun of us is a better comic than you
[01:18:24] He's got a very accomplished career. Yeah, that's not where he's into this
[01:18:28] Where's cooler hats? I listen to him as a as a kid on the well, you were kind of snarky
[01:18:35] I'm an opian. I mean so as you mean as a little yet small yet
[01:18:40] Also again my live dates. I will be in Rhode Island on the 22nd
[01:18:46] Please come out to that. I think middle town or some bullshit place mystic pizza mystic pizza from Rhode Island DJ Pauli
[01:18:52] Yeah, DJ Paul I will be moving for myself and Irene. Yeah, well take place
[01:19:00] Yes, they trooper that's a good movie. I love that
[01:19:08] Extra cheese on the taco that was the last great Jim Kerry movie. Yeah
[01:19:16] That's the thing guys, let's all promise to never do sincerity
[01:19:19] No, we know okay well than I will because I'm gonna continue
[01:19:23] Staying true to my roots, you know, we'll never be sincere on this podcast
[01:19:27] You're gonna do another one were you and your fat wife talk about how you fell in love. Yeah, that's what I'm going forward to
[01:19:32] It's six years. My wife will be hot. Yeah, you're big. Oh, you probably we have like a Ralphie May situation
[01:19:38] I will thank you. It's like some girl that's done two open mics and you're like you're so good a comedy
[01:19:42] You're not gonna marry some fucking just awful comic that is not what we just fell in love for some reason
[01:19:49] He is a millionaire and her is like a girl that did it. Yep. Yep
[01:20:02] I'm capable of having kids because of my small fat dick
[01:20:05] First of all my team is behind. Thank you. We have a bunch of Bijon freezes that I refer to as my children
[01:20:11] You share I will have the coolest life out of the three of us you get really into like home to core purchases
[01:20:18] Yeah, Dick doesn't work and you can't have fucking
[01:20:21] I'm just picturing the comforter of stops bed with his wife is Ralphie May's jeans
[01:20:28] Yeah, great great addition that riff that I was fucking nailing it's Ralphie May's jeans
[01:20:34] Anyway, I will also be in Seattle on the 28th Thursday. Uh-huh by tickets meeting his wife
[01:20:40] His future my wife will be there and also like you're the first no comic that hasn't raped me
[01:20:45] Also, I was sitting there with his limp dick. He's like, yeah, it's because I respect you
[01:20:52] You're just okay, you just care about being so more land on the third respect my body so much
[01:21:01] Except you and that's how I know love is real
[01:21:04] So please come on the stavrest tour bus. Yes, she
[01:21:10] Biedick will be good to go if you're trying to fly used to be John Madden's bus
[01:21:16] Anything else you're gonna fuck a girl with like the plug all gauges. Yes and a lot of tests. I mean if she's cool
[01:21:22] She did. Yeah, she cammed. Yeah, she used to I don't know
[01:21:26] I don't have a problem with sex workers, man. You guys the ones need to open your mind
[01:21:30] Which dreaming is more to me. No, dude. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna keep getting darker and get my mind more and more clothes
[01:21:35] Don't close it. I'm closing it up. In fact, I'm gonna get I'm gonna become so dark-minded that I start hating other types of white people
[01:21:42] Oh, I don't think yeah, I think yeah, you got blue eyes. Fuck you brown eyes only bitch brown eyes brown hair
[01:21:51] Yeah, I'm getting really hungry. So let's end this episode. You're always hungry. No, that's not true
[01:21:55] If you want to be stavros his wife if you're a girl out there with bipolar disorder and you know
[01:22:01] It's been doing open mics for seven months. Not what I'm looking for at all. Thank you and you listen to the show
[01:22:07] That hey, that's you make sure that he can see your cut marks when you introduce yourself
[01:22:16] Sure, yeah, I'm first of all I'm the most mental little motherfucker in this room
[01:22:21] So refuse to go to therapy. Yeah, Nick is fucking twisted. I'm twisted dude, and I'm dialing it in
[01:22:27] I'm die wolf. I will hone my mental whatever. I respect your girlfriend's too much to make any jokes
[01:22:36] You don't have a girlfriend we're making fun of a fictional woman
[01:22:46] Sorry about the dream girl that exists at the back of your mind
[01:23:00] I haven't met her yet, but she's out there. She's exactly like what you can yeah
[01:23:04] And the truth is you probably will marry that woman you'll be very happy and I'll just be pissed off about I'm not marrying that woman
[01:23:12] Damn, well here. We are well. It's about to be 420. So we should wait a minute, you know
[01:23:16] Yeah, just do a little toke off at the end of the
[01:23:23] Love trying dude, I saw a really good I saw a really good dab video where the guy did into both of his nostrils two
[01:23:31] Riggs going into both nostrils pretty cool. It's pretty tight. I'll show it to you guys after he was smoking dabs into his nostrils
[01:23:37] I want to I want to like make some like barbarian dystopian movie where I'm some like sort of gargoyle leader that lives in a cave
[01:23:44] And the the barbarian has to come see me to make some kind of deal
[01:23:48] And I'm just rolled out on like the husk of a
[01:23:55] Wheels have been replaced with slaves the crawl
[01:24:00] And I'm riding on the top of it and then attached to my head is one of those beer helmets
[01:24:05] But the tubes go up to also attached to my head to three-year-old girls and cages
[01:24:14] Then it's a taking their piss. I don't know. Yeah, it's a smell
[01:24:20] And it's not anything explicit. Yeah, you know, they're just in cages and I'm smelling their fears
[01:24:27] It's about power is about power well it's 420 that's that'll do it. All right episode guys. Thank you so much
[01:24:33] Goodbye Australia to and auto bar August 12 August 12 auto ball
[01:24:38] Okay, please emboss before the boss leave the boss September at some point. All right, bye