[00:00:00] We're off

[00:00:02] We got a couple of what you were saying dude.

[00:00:03] Breasting one two three.

[00:00:05] Breasting, that's good.

[00:00:06] That was good.

[00:00:06] The other one that I like was they call me

[00:00:09] the gay sex cowboy.

[00:00:12] Is that, I don't know.

[00:00:13] Is that the Stessan?

[00:00:14] Is that a Stessan?

[00:00:15] No, it's just an original.

[00:00:16] Why the fuck is in here?

[00:00:17] Whoa, oh, oh.

[00:00:18] It's the Tom Jordan Morning Show.

[00:00:21] We gotta put that at the beginning of a real episode.

[00:00:23] Let's just use that.

[00:00:24] Simple.

[00:00:25] Bring that big pussy in here, simple.

[00:00:26] Bring that fat old pussy in here.

[00:00:28] Get that big pussy in here and you just

[00:00:30] hear laughing off like.

[00:00:32] Oh, I've never listened to the Tom Jordan Morning Show.

[00:00:37] Really?

[00:00:38] Yeah.

[00:00:39] My mom needs to listen to it all the time.

[00:00:40] Is there like a local Maryland radio show?

[00:00:43] No, it's a nationally syndicated radio show.

[00:00:45] The Tom Jordan Morning Show.

[00:00:47] My dad just listens to highness.

[00:00:48] It's ancient black people.

[00:00:50] Oh, yeah?

[00:00:51] Ancient black people that are summoned by runes.

[00:00:53] You can only get it.

[00:00:55] They pop eyes, kids' meal.

[00:00:57] As you collect all seven runes, you can summon the Tom Jordan

[00:01:01] Morning Show.

[00:01:04] Collect all seven ancient African runes to bring back these

[00:01:07] 62-year-old black people that have weathered both the violence

[00:01:12] of the black American youth and the trials and tribulations of

[00:01:16] the complications of sickle cell in the mid 40s.

[00:01:19] High blood pressure and diabetes to make it into the gray mustache

[00:01:25] years.

[00:01:26] That's quite a stage.

[00:01:28] Yeah, I do like that.

[00:01:29] When you get that spotted, I mean, you sort of look like a

[00:01:32] banana.

[00:01:33] And they just let it out.

[00:01:34] They all sound like OJ's best friend.

[00:01:36] When you look like a nice sweet banana colored.

[00:01:39] Oh, yeah.

[00:01:40] The retirement age.

[00:01:41] Yes.

[00:01:43] Nice plant platinum.

[00:01:44] And all you do is laugh and remark.

[00:01:49] How you doing?

[00:01:50] My name is Remark.

[00:01:51] My name is Remark Jackson.

[00:01:53] And you'll listen into the Remark Jackson show.

[00:01:56] We got kids out here causing trouble.

[00:02:00] Breaking news, kids causing trouble.

[00:02:02] It's the headline.

[00:02:03] His kids acting foolish out here causing trouble.

[00:02:07] But this is breaking news.

[00:02:09] His 18-year-old South side of Chicago acting the fool.

[00:02:13] We got the details right here.

[00:02:16] He's engaged in foolishness.

[00:02:19] Causing trouble.

[00:02:20] And listening to nobody.

[00:02:22] He ain't having no damn sense.

[00:02:23] He knew no sense whatsoever.

[00:02:26] Oh, fuck.

[00:02:28] Do we do?

[00:02:30] Do we already put up an episode?

[00:02:31] Do we do?

[00:02:32] Right.

[00:02:33] What are you talking about?

[00:02:34] This will carry us through next weekend.

[00:02:35] Through Sunday.

[00:02:36] Oh, nice.

[00:02:37] This is next Sunday.

[00:02:38] We're taking back Sunday for ourselves.

[00:02:40] Did you guys like that?

[00:02:41] That's what that song is about.

[00:02:42] That's what that song is about.

[00:02:43] Every one of the songs about recording a podcast early season.

[00:02:46] Five to six days early.

[00:02:48] You can have Sunday goes back to the Lord.

[00:02:50] A lot of people don't know.

[00:02:52] Most of the reason the show is later, I just don't upload it, is because I'm the church.

[00:02:56] That's true.

[00:02:57] I'm at church unmolesting the kids.

[00:03:00] I suck all the priests come out of their ass and mouth.

[00:03:08] Which is the Lord's, the God's work.

[00:03:11] Absolutely correct.

[00:03:13] If Jesus Christ came back down today, he wouldn't stop the priests from raping children.

[00:03:18] He would suck their asses and mouths.

[00:03:22] He would suck off all the priests.

[00:03:23] Oh, it's a get them less.

[00:03:25] He would be drinking so much comm.

[00:03:27] You say this kids because that's what Jesus Christ would do.

[00:03:29] He could turn come into friends.

[00:03:31] Jesus is not a vengeful spirit.

[00:03:35] He just wants people to nut inside of his mouth.

[00:03:37] Is that what the bracelet is said inside boys?

[00:03:41] That's what it.

[00:03:42] W.J.

[00:03:43] D.

[00:03:44] Adam, I think you got the fucked up cord.

[00:03:45] Should I put the other cord in?

[00:03:47] Yeah, take that off.

[00:03:48] Unplug your mic.

[00:03:49] Anyway, we can keep going.

[00:03:51] A lot of people ask, what would Jesus do?

[00:03:53] My question is, what would he poo?

[00:03:55] We all know he pisses one.

[00:03:57] What does he, what does he shit?

[00:03:59] What is he shit?

[00:04:00] Golden cheese, golden cheeseburgers.

[00:04:03] Panera bread.

[00:04:04] Panera ain't got no cheeseburgers from us.

[00:04:07] I want to Panera bread today for the first time.

[00:04:09] We've done that bit a million times.

[00:04:12] Thank you for coming.

[00:04:13] The pastor going to golf pass.

[00:04:15] Not golf pass.

[00:04:16] Just the way pastors, whatever boring bullshit anecdote happened in that week, they turned

[00:04:22] related to the Lord, which I guess if God is everything, then pretty much anything can

[00:04:27] be.

[00:04:28] It's like, honestly, I should get into that.

[00:04:30] I should quit comedy in that way.

[00:04:31] I can have a new five every week.

[00:04:33] That doesn't have to be funny.

[00:04:35] Yeah.

[00:04:36] So was it God's will?

[00:04:38] I accidentally went through the easy pass line and I don't have an easy pass.

[00:04:42] I think it's gambling, a form of gambling.

[00:04:44] Yeah.

[00:04:45] Money in there.

[00:04:46] You don't know if you're going to live tomorrow.

[00:04:48] Oh, that is a good game.

[00:04:49] It is a gamble.

[00:04:50] Therefore, it is a sin.

[00:04:52] Are you not allowed to buy a house then?

[00:04:54] Accidentally.

[00:04:55] What's that?

[00:04:56] You owe if you take it out alone.

[00:04:57] Is that gambling?

[00:04:58] As most of you know, I live in a used Oscar Marweener movie that I purchased with collection

[00:05:04] money.

[00:05:05] I paid cash for it.

[00:05:08] I've covered it in crosses and question marks.

[00:05:11] Oh, like Matthew, let's go to both.

[00:05:13] The Riddler, the Riddler pastor who's also in the Oscar Marweener.

[00:05:21] He loves hot dogs.

[00:05:22] He loves hot dogs.

[00:05:23] He loves a nice riddle.

[00:05:26] He loves riddles.

[00:05:27] I feel like it's easier to riff through the winner.

[00:05:29] Not only is it hot, but when is it bleaker?

[00:05:31] It's hot and I got allergies.

[00:05:34] Yeah.

[00:05:35] My allergies have been awful.

[00:05:36] I feel terrible, man.

[00:05:37] You got nose allergies?

[00:05:38] It feels like you're almost sick.

[00:05:40] You're not quite sick, so you can't complain.

[00:05:42] Like you're coming down with something.

[00:05:43] You just want to fucking throw up all the time and my nose is burning.

[00:05:47] Yeah.

[00:05:48] Yeah.

[00:05:49] Since maybe it's this house, you seem fine in my car.

[00:05:51] Yeah.

[00:05:52] Should we go do the podcast in my car?

[00:05:54] We should.

[00:05:55] All right.

[00:05:56] Let's go.

[00:05:57] Should go stride the whip.

[00:05:58] Have you guys ever go through the whip?

[00:06:00] Yeah, in my Oakland days.

[00:06:02] Back in Oakland?

[00:06:03] Yeah, I used to make the tailpipe go whoop whoop, you know?

[00:06:06] Is that what you call your asshole, the tailpipe?

[00:06:09] Of course.

[00:06:10] Has anyone called it toklin?

[00:06:12] Toklin?

[00:06:13] That's us.

[00:06:14] Yeah.

[00:06:15] Put that on shirts.

[00:06:16] Put that on the shirts.

[00:06:17] Give us all the money.

[00:06:18] Give us all the money.

[00:06:19] Put that on the shirts.

[00:06:20] They call it the tailpipe.

[00:06:21] We'll give you a free shirt.

[00:06:23] If you make toklin shirts.

[00:06:24] Did you guys see, um, hyphae?

[00:06:28] That always sounded like somebody mispronouncing HIV to me.

[00:06:32] The hyphae movement.

[00:06:34] That's how it started.

[00:06:35] We're getting hyphae up here.

[00:06:36] That's how it started.

[00:06:37] Getting hyphae meant having sex with a monkey.

[00:06:39] Mac Dre had full blast days.

[00:06:41] Yeah.

[00:06:42] Full blast.

[00:06:43] I'm sorry, you got full stop aids.

[00:06:45] Yeah.

[00:06:46] It's so did E40, but he cured it with fat burger.

[00:06:49] Yeah.

[00:06:50] Yeah.

[00:06:51] They don't want you to know about that.

[00:06:52] They don't want you to know.

[00:06:53] Oh, you have to like dictate a telegram.

[00:06:56] You have to say stop because the guy doing it doesn't know when sentences end.

[00:07:01] Yeah.

[00:07:02] Yeah.

[00:07:03] It's fucked up.

[00:07:04] Could you sell it, send a telegram if you wanted to these days?

[00:07:06] Yeah.

[00:07:07] Please give me heads.

[00:07:08] Western Union still does it.

[00:07:09] Nah.

[00:07:10] Yeah.

[00:07:11] I thought they just send money.

[00:07:12] They even have the gross Money.

[00:07:13] Right.

[00:07:15] So who, how do you even get it?

[00:07:16] My dinner.

[00:07:17] But he had a different Western Union.

[00:07:18] Stop.

[00:07:19] How hard my dick has become for your pussy.

[00:07:22] Stop.

[00:07:23] I know you're turning 14 this year.

[00:07:26] Stop.

[00:07:27] But I still can't wait to fuck you suite wife pussy that I'm married to.

[00:07:32] Stop.

[00:07:33] That's.

[00:07:34] Yeah.

[00:07:35] The general thinks it's only going to be seven weeks and we're going to be in France.

[00:07:38] I'll try not to fuck too many whores while I'm here.

[00:07:41] I know you don't know what horrors are considering your eight stop

[00:07:46] She's going on for today stop. No, don't put that in a letter

[00:07:52] Stop no, not said stop that stop writing stop it

[00:07:57] All right now I've got an issue with the telegram

[00:08:04] Damn fuck telegram, dude. Why it's like email. I hate it. I hate them. They take too long about a about a

[00:08:10] Fala go you know the Graham's

[00:08:13] Other players messages

[00:08:18] Oh, yeah, yeah, just a shitty like TR 808 beat for the infomercial

[00:08:22] You've heard a text messaging, but that costs too much money the fellow grams

[00:08:26] We'll set you up on the count it is impossible to be garnished by family courses

[00:08:34] There is no way they can touch that money fellow grams

[00:08:41] The fellas dude fellas only fellas only gentle fellas night club

[00:08:47] An intelligently you will rape his butt timid come to gentle fellas

[00:08:52] Do you ain't you ain't got the nerve to commit sexual assault?

[00:08:57] Yeah, that's what gentle fellas is about this. I mean, you know the joke around but like I

[00:09:03] 'd say

[00:09:05] sizable portion of like the male feminist performative SJW guys are just honestly literally too cowardly

[00:09:11] I believe you they're just cowards or the opposite. They are worse than rapists because they wanted they want to rape

[00:09:19] But they don't have it out. Yeah, yeah, they don't yeah the way they can't accomplish it don't ever or one of my points

[00:09:25] Well, you said a sizable portion don't or one of my point. Okay

[00:09:29] Don't ever or me

[00:09:32] Say, okay, what's another conchung however, however, no you just say that's right. That's right dog. That's right. That's right player

[00:09:39] Clear. That's right walk. How about movie call ready player one? Mm-hmm, and it's about players

[00:09:46] Yeah

[00:09:48] And ain't no video games is about players. Uh-huh. No, that's good. I like players. Yeah, please player one

[00:09:53] Play read play one ready player one you guys see all this these big dick energy tweets going around

[00:09:59] What's big dick women saying they got big dick energy they walk around with big dick energy

[00:10:05] I thought I thought you were talking the way you normally do and you're talking about like I

[00:10:10] Don't know British petroleum

[00:10:12] Like you know what we are good. It's like Exxon and BP time you're tired of people saying we're bad

[00:10:19] We're good

[00:10:21] Oh, I see that

[00:10:25] Everything's bigger than Texas well

[00:10:27] I just don't appreciate that because it's like you can you can act like you have a big dick if you never have oh

[00:10:33] I thought it was that they just got dick down really no no no

[00:10:36] It's like they're walking around like they got a big swing and dick, but it's like of course you can do that

[00:10:41] Because you'd never you'd ever have a dick that might be ridiculed you hear the man Pete Davidson

[00:10:47] Has that outed from for having a huge pipe a giant dick damn by Ariana grand

[00:10:54] Honestly, I would trade a big ass digger. Did he say my dad dying didn't he say who's I would then he said he was gonna kill himself

[00:11:00] If she broke up with them, they just got married or something. Oh, they're maybe engaged

[00:11:05] Yeah after like a week of dating so I'm sure that's gonna end up

[00:11:08] You got him yeah, but you know whatever dude. I don't feel bad for him at all. Yeah, you're having a big dick on SNL

[00:11:15] For having social effect having this order is that what he has or

[00:11:19] No, no borderline personality a friend of mine was telling me a story about

[00:11:24] Listening him complain about his dad being dead

[00:11:26] You know but like the guy who was telling me this his dad is also dead, but it was a 911 firefighter

[00:11:34] Just a regular day

[00:11:36] Just a regular guy who's like yeah, I'm not the guy you complain about yeah

[00:11:40] Yeah, you got a pension and shit damn that's true man. Oh

[00:11:45] Yeah, that how many of your dad like we find out his dad died on 9 10. Yeah

[00:11:52] And he was like bringing Steve ran as easy sandwiches

[00:11:56] He's like slipped down

[00:11:58] These friends with Steve ran as easy and they're having their their their every Tuesday

[00:12:05] Subway

[00:12:07] Every Monday subway sandwich eating they call it a lunch. I guess yeah when you have friends and you eat food with them

[00:12:14] Lunch you can't have that's theoretical to me. Yeah

[00:12:19] No, I just consume fuel he never had a meal to be honest with you

[00:12:23] You just do protein gel never wants in my life if I had a meal. Mm-hmm any type of I eat at hours like let's let's see

[00:12:31] 1147 a.m. Wow. You know fuck them. What do you do for that damn almost new camel pack no

[00:12:39] carrot shaved salted dipped in tuna fish

[00:12:44] Yeah, okay baked beans a little bit of boiled octopus

[00:12:47] Yeah blend all that shit together all okay smoothie time

[00:12:53] We're talking about

[00:12:55] You open that blender up popcorn throw it in there pop the blender pop the corn in the blender

[00:13:02] microwave

[00:13:05] Yep, microwave the blender flowers. Yeah a cup flour two lips you cut them up put them in there

[00:13:12] That's called roots grow the aroma

[00:13:14] Yeah

[00:13:18] We

[00:13:20] Yes, Jason Jason Jason

[00:13:22] We lock

[00:13:25] That big fat black yeah, you're great at you come here up his article you print them out you piss all over his articles

[00:13:31] You say yeah black lives don't matter and then you eat the paper yes, and you throw everything in the blender away

[00:13:36] They call that mere paw

[00:13:38] Dude I got the best French cuisine yeah when I was in Paris I got the best mere plot

[00:13:44] I'm gonna actually mere pause just the base is just the three things it's just

[00:13:49] Nick just yeah, it's a

[00:13:52] Articles to print it out

[00:13:56] I thought it's onion

[00:14:00] Stupid are you

[00:14:02] You get wait a minute. I don't think mere pause actually printed out articles with the urine on

[00:14:09] You just so desperately have to let people know that you know what mere pies

[00:14:15] He's got you for real

[00:14:17] A lot of the time is excessive, but you definitely yeah wait a minute wait a minute

[00:14:24] Wait a minute I have to explain what mere applies

[00:14:27] Guys

[00:14:30] Everyone wait a minute

[00:14:33] Listen everyone we all have a type of different people the listen the show

[00:14:39] Resident with mine little bitch ass motherfuckers. No need to say facts no no mine is the man of

[00:14:46] Fanciness and leisure that knows what French words mere plow and that's practically the only French word

[00:14:53] I know but I had to I had to shout out my boys there and I know somewhere

[00:14:58] There's a kid, you know, maybe on the Upper East side. Yes, he has been

[00:15:02] Well actually my last thing his younger cousin if I kid

[00:15:05] I mean like probably a 38 year old man with his parents listening to this show and being like oh he'd be in fancy like me

[00:15:11] Mm-hmm. You know no he wouldn't say it like that

[00:15:13] Well, they do a the fans

[00:15:18] Anyway, sorry Nick. I apologize for

[00:15:20] For trying to describe what a mere pause but if anyone's interested

[00:15:25] I already forgot I almost fell asleep there for a second. Yeah, were you looking at your phone?

[00:15:28] I just I just owned out. What's wrong? You not been sleeping well? No

[00:15:34] I don't know you can't remember. Yeah, I can't remember it Nick. What is that tattoo on your arm say?

[00:15:41] John the choice is yours jigsaw forever

[00:15:44] I got the DVD covers of every song movie tattooed on my body

[00:15:53] Flick those are clues, dude. Yeah, liver dye choices yours. So I won and then it says liver dye choices your saw to

[00:16:01] Mm-hmm, and it says liver dye the choices yours saw three. Oh, no

[00:16:07] We are we in song? Yeah, we are in saw

[00:16:10] Whoa watch out you see it's like it saw a guy on a speaker

[00:16:15] There's an elaborate room set up and Adam's like chained to a bunch of shit

[00:16:18] It's like you have to suck the dick in front of you just here

[00:16:25] Just don't the Adams already out of the room. He's like damn

[00:16:33] Dicks because we're like guys you got a free dick to something

[00:16:35] I'm a natural survivor guys. Yeah

[00:16:44] You should have heard about with some answers. There's mine didn't Poland in the late 1930s

[00:16:49] I thought I said a jig saw no

[00:16:55] No, let's talk about Adams relative sucking dick to escape the Holocaust and I think that's heroic

[00:17:00] Yeah, it was I think it was a rogue and then they continued that once they came to America old vival free called Schindler's Lisp

[00:17:08] He's like I know a way to get us out of this

[00:17:16] I think that sounds like a pretty good

[00:17:21] Lisp is really good. Hmm. I've got it boys. I think I'll be able to handle Russia the freedoms of rescued all of this

[00:17:29] By sucking all the calm out of Nazi Germany

[00:17:34] Papa certainly they can't have drank all the calm

[00:17:37] They're all asleep all the Germans have gone to sleep from being blown so effectively

[00:17:44] By the free villains

[00:17:48] Our name was changed in immigration, but that is the rest of it is true. What was it originally?

[00:17:53] Landow boy pussy

[00:17:55] It was

[00:17:57] So deco vidg boy pussy from Poland

[00:18:08] It was a great man

[00:18:11] I can't imagine this podcast without hearing those two midwestern guys being like oh great. What's the next joke?

[00:18:16] Somebody sucking a cock

[00:18:19] Like you guessed it bitch

[00:18:21] They don't say their names. They don't say welcome to the show

[00:18:29] All the jokes are about putting things in the ass or the mouth. They don't have any theme music. They have no theme song

[00:18:37] We should just do some

[00:18:39] Some creative editing of that podcast and make it our theme song

[00:18:43] Let you eat my ass. What is this one? I'll let you fuck my ass that biochemical romance song

[00:18:54] Which one I'm going down. No

[00:18:57] Well, either are you gonna be a town this week at him?

[00:19:02] I'm out of his dashing town. The whole squad. Josh down. We're all out of time. What I need to drop my plants off of somebody

[00:19:09] Oh, yeah

[00:19:11] I need the same thing. I think I'm just gonna ask my neighbors. Yeah, you got what kind of plant your bon size my damn bon size

[00:19:18] I got my fiddly fig that I need I'm letting all my plants die. I was getting into plants. I don't give a fucking about a set of fig

[00:19:26] No, okay

[00:19:30] And it's like a futon either one of those shows up late

[00:19:36] There's a couple not good directions

[00:19:38] That one

[00:19:40] Well fact dude, I'd say that yeah, but it's not ideal. Yeah, although Newton apparently was gay was he?

[00:19:48] Yeah, dude. They were all gay. Well, he had no he didn't have he never got any pussy ever

[00:19:54] But he had like a guy that he hung out with a lot. Mm-hmm, and he scried when he died

[00:19:59] so

[00:20:01] Probably gay

[00:20:03] How do you know this stuff? How do you always know who's gay and who's fucking I don't know man?

[00:20:07] Everyone has their areas of expertise. I know but like this is not something where there's like a

[00:20:13] Yeah, it's only I saw it on Twitter. No, man. There's no like

[00:20:18] central

[00:20:19] Centralized place with all this information. Yes, there is

[00:20:23] Where is it?

[00:20:24] People are talking shit on Newton on suck me nik.org

[00:20:27] Sock me nik maulin orgs. Yes. Log in don't tell people to make that

[00:20:33] Stop goes to he gay

[00:20:36] Ooh he gay

[00:20:38] Yeah, yeah, yeah

[00:20:40] Hoteps for gays, but they just say that different people throughout history were actually gay

[00:20:46] A lot of them were and there's really nothing wrong with that

[00:20:49] Yeah, how about hotep Transylvania? Yeah, it'd be a fun movie. Yeah, mm-hmm. Yeah, what was hotel Transylvania?

[00:20:55] I don't know. I don't know. I have no idea. I have no idea

[00:20:59] I have zero I don't have no idea what hotel Transylvania is about. I think we can surmise that it's about about a hotel

[00:21:06] About yeah family Dracula's there owns a hotel. Yeah, that sounds bad, right? Yeah, it's probably other

[00:21:12] Other creatures there like a mommy, but I mean to the extent that like I think the Incredibles is about a bunch of people that are incredible

[00:21:20] Yeah

[00:21:22] The mom is thick is from the Incredibles. Yeah, is she stretchy right? She's got headables. Yeah. Yep check

[00:21:31] You get headable swish. Oh, thank you. Oh, thank you pulling up 40. Yeah swish

[00:21:36] Yeah, the get headables you get headable in a world. How about that guys? How about we do a movie?

[00:21:42] Yeah in a world where I get my dick sucked

[00:21:46] The get headable

[00:21:48] a

[00:21:51] Baby that sucks dick the mom one man one inch

[00:21:58] Stavros hell kids stars in the stavros hell. He's not his penis

[00:22:03] Is his penis is the inches the part? Yes, it is. No, it isn't it's something else

[00:22:10] But i'm not telling you right now stavros is

[00:22:12] Is this your point in japanese? No, it's not Sandra. Why you'd say that turns out it is

[00:22:18] No, it isn't it actually is definitely not but then we find out it is

[00:22:22] No, we find out something else with 37 cliffhips

[00:22:27] And dueling narrators. It's me Sandra, but you're dicks actually way bigger than this the first movie with dueling narrators

[00:22:33] It's a really big ass dick, but then it turns out it's small. No, no, just no it doesn't

[00:22:38] Oh

[00:22:41] I'm medical doctor. I've measured your dick. It's actually 1.1

[00:22:45] That guy's gay and he's

[00:22:49] It looks like this

[00:22:51] This stavros boy as a shrink ray and he's been using it on everyone that sees his dick

[00:22:56] This man was six one and now he's five two. Oh my god. He didn't even realize it

[00:23:02] It's me hum free fag. Oh

[00:23:04] Yeah, I'm pretty bad. Yeah, I'm pretty bold

[00:23:09] bold

[00:23:14] Bo fart. Yeah, there we go. Yeah, it's pretty

[00:23:19] Is that it? I don't remember what he sounds like. Yeah, it's not sure that I'm

[00:23:23] Listen, I sound some like that. Yeah, that's good sure

[00:23:27] They'll also guest starring hum free bo guard is the man who discovers that the inch refers to stops penis

[00:23:33] No, it doesn't yes

[00:23:36] I'm fucking hungry bo got and I

[00:23:40] I read that starring Peter Griffin as the guy pretending to be

[00:23:47] Also, also

[00:23:50] Bo got

[00:23:52] and uh

[00:23:53] His dick's huge lowest

[00:23:57] That's uh, you know, you're terrible in impressions, but that's okay for family

[00:24:00] Yeah, the serviceable family and to end this trailer his dick is normal size coming to theaters right now

[00:24:07] Don't say make me make it rated rated R for really smelping really

[00:24:14] Regular ass

[00:24:16] And that's the end of the commercial right now. It's like the next trailer like

[00:24:21] Columbia pictures presents

[00:24:23] The true story behind the one inch movie

[00:24:26] Well, you know, everyone knows he has a one inch

[00:24:29] But we had creative difficulties getting that into the script

[00:24:34] the documentary of the summer the making of the one inch story

[00:24:40] So we couldn't just say at a one inch penis because that's the truth and people don't want the truth. They want a story

[00:24:48] Totally a documentary

[00:24:52] And

[00:24:54] There's a documentary okay here. I'll give it to you then there's another trailer and it's like

[00:24:58] It's like he's the other documentary and it's about how stop roast has a huge penis, right?

[00:25:03] Yeah, and it's a documentary about that

[00:25:05] And it's Christopher guest

[00:25:08] Yes, Ricky Gervais. It's a it's what they refer to in the businesses of fake you matter

[00:25:14] That's what they call it. No, it's one of Ricky Gervais's truth finding things. Yes

[00:25:19] Like that there's no guy and that's not sick is one inch big no

[00:25:22] That your thing isn't it's not big but not anything either

[00:25:28] Uh, if you show me this man's dick and it's one inch long then I will accept that there is

[00:25:34] During the worst Michael Payne impressions that anyone has ever heard

[00:25:38] Mark mark. Oh kind it's 15 different

[00:25:42] competing

[00:25:44] impressions master bros master bros

[00:25:46] Oh, we've seen storrosa's penis this man is destroying Gotham City

[00:25:54] This is one inch dick women are killing them. So I'm gonna make this inch disappear

[00:26:01] Man stop poking my

[00:26:03] What is fat boy touching my arm real gently

[00:26:06] So we make this fat boy stop touching my arm real gently would do what is that?

[00:26:10] Is that your dick

[00:26:12] Damn this dude twisted

[00:26:16] Decimal's fucked up in a scene

[00:26:19] I've got a tiny ass dick like that pulling it out in front of people. You got to be crazy

[00:26:24] Well, hang on everybody. I'm the crazy one your dick ain't that small

[00:26:29] That man's got to be crazy pull it up home. I dick out too. No, you got it regular

[00:26:35] I mean it's got clown makeup on it

[00:26:37] The baby red is that like lipstick red. Yeah, this man's dick actually one inch long swear to me

[00:26:46] Guys my dick not at all did you fuck him did you fuck him? It doesn't count Bruce

[00:26:52] Get past the lips

[00:26:54] It doesn't count

[00:26:56] Titty fucking the lips

[00:26:58] I did he fuck

[00:27:10] Like wrap your tiny dick. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's so that's what they want though. I sure I can fuck right now

[00:27:16] I just that's what you're just like delicately poking the clear with the end of your dick. Yeah, that's

[00:27:23] It's kind of like a mere

[00:27:25] That's what the women that's what girl I read some fucking cosmos

[00:27:30] They said don't fuck the pussy hole fuck about hoesmos, right?

[00:27:34] the Carl fag

[00:27:37] Hell yeah

[00:27:42] Hoesmos

[00:27:44] Mohoes. Yeah. Yeah. Hmm. There you go. What about cock?

[00:27:50] Smoke. Yeah good. Cocks smoke dude. It is riff said rock smoke is

[00:27:56] Riff City

[00:27:58] City man, you know what's on that lost episode the story about those two guys are so on that dunking donuts. Oh, yeah

[00:28:04] That's trash guys. Yeah, it's a broken hitting on that girl. Hold up. I'm about to post up next to short. Yeah, yeah, that was awesome

[00:28:10] When having some girls on heroin or oh, yeah, some junkie was like fucking

[00:28:14] I'm leaning about to pass out these two like wiggers were like, but you know, it's not how you do them all

[00:28:22] You're the dunking donuts in three. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, she all right

[00:28:28] She's fine. The guy trying to kick her out. No, she can stay

[00:28:33] Some guy in slides deciding who stays or doesn't

[00:28:36] Deficating

[00:28:38] Mm-hmm

[00:28:40] How about Neil

[00:28:42] To entertain her Tyson. Who'd you steal that from? I don't know

[00:28:49] Yeah, that's usually how it goes

[00:28:51] Find it. Yeah, um has anyone ever shit themselves while you were having sex with them

[00:28:56] Uh, but sex really. Yeah, like full-on shit themselves. Oh, you get poop on. Yeah, you get shit on your dick, but yeah

[00:29:03] How much do you do

[00:29:05] They constantly flush out their ass. Can you imagine like go to a park or like a public restroom then just like

[00:29:12] Like riding the bus home and you're

[00:29:15] You just smell like poop. You know, is that how it works? What that's pretty problematic. Are they just doing blowjobs?

[00:29:22] What oh, you mean

[00:29:23] They're fucking strangers and I'm just saying like if you're not doing it in like with the bathroom

[00:29:28] I think if you're about to get your ass fucked big time you probably have an ad for 24 hours big time

[00:29:34] Big time you get that asshole blown the fuck out. I think they drink like

[00:29:39] I

[00:29:41] overheard

[00:29:42] On a one of my many

[00:29:45] Artful photo shoots. Yeah. I overheard gay gentlemen

[00:29:48] Talking about watching their asses out with a special drink. Um, it's hair some friends of his kombucha. Is that what kombucha?

[00:29:57] It's it's animal water from

[00:30:01] It's just like

[00:30:03] Is a spit taste very it's a very involved process and I know you know what dosh was telling me that

[00:30:11] um

[00:30:12] Gaze x parties

[00:30:13] Charge like three times more for bottoms than for tops because tops are way more rare really in the community

[00:30:21] Well, I mean, I'm not gay, but that seems like a steal to me. It's a good we go in there. We put some hands

[00:30:26] Just on a bargain thing. Yeah

[00:30:28] You know you get it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah save some money

[00:30:33] Sure, I'd rather fuck pussy, but yeah, apparently at a third of the price. I can't afford not to fuck ass. Yeah, Nick

[00:30:40] What do you think? Oh, I don't know. Would you fuck ass at a discount?

[00:30:44] I mean, I probably wouldn't pay for admission any place any kind of place any what about a six legs? Um, hi darling

[00:30:52] I guess I did pay for that

[00:30:54] hi Adam

[00:30:56] Adam's boyfriend is here. Don't it's a guy. Don't disrespect a guy boyfriend now

[00:31:03] Please do not we disrespecting you no because they they copy you and then disrespect her

[00:31:08] No, keep copying us. Do not disrespect dosh. It disrespect Adam for having a boyfriend disrespect to me

[00:31:14] Hey Adam. Hey Adam. You just respect more growth. Hey Adam. What's his name?

[00:31:20] What's his name? What's his name? What's his name bro?

[00:31:23] Hey Nick does your uh, what's his name? Does your boyfriend know your gay?

[00:31:29] Do you Nick have you told your boyfriend?

[00:31:32] Now he's gotta I can't hear you with all that coming your mouth

[00:31:36] Damn speaking

[00:31:38] Come bubbles. Oh shit. Nick. It's got you back. I gotta take all that come out of your mouth and speak

[00:31:43] Yes or no. Yes or no. Okay. There are only two answers. Blah blah blah blah. It sounds like a no

[00:31:48] No, no, no. Yes or no. It sounds like I have you told a speedboat over here. Have you told

[00:31:53] I only speedboat

[00:31:54] Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

[00:31:57] It sounds like a kid is drowning. Nick have you told

[00:32:02] Your boyfriend

[00:32:05] Um, so I guess we all saw hereditary. I didn't yeah, what else is what else is in the movies?

[00:32:11] I saw the god. I want to see that. Oh, yeah, that looks good as shit

[00:32:15] I couldn't come I had to go to the gym. It was an absolute piece of the damn shit

[00:32:20] Damn for the gym, dude. Yeah, Nick. You gotta watch culture. Nick had to go lift

[00:32:24] I'm gonna go with us to see this. I need to lift dude. I need to get yoked over here

[00:32:28] It is a zero percent of rotten tomatoes. I can't wait to see it Adam

[00:32:31] I'm assuming you haven't been back to the gym since I took you there and so graciously

[00:32:35] No, I've actually been doing real manual labor not with the weights. I've been doing practical labor

[00:32:40] What was uh digging name one manual labor job you had in your life as a job. Yeah, uh at the

[00:32:47] The factory and mics mics fact that was an manual labor job. Yes. It was a stickers on things

[00:32:55] Hey, did they attach stickers to pack? That's not true. That's not true

[00:33:01] That was one had to unroll whole things of tape. Yeah, oh that was fucking no

[00:33:05] We tried to put a box together. That was one project. I was working

[00:33:13] I had a I had a job in a fabrication factory. You know what ribbons do to your fingers

[00:33:18] If you tie enough knots down as you dance

[00:33:22] I wasn't doing ribbon

[00:33:24] Did you dance cheer everyone up?

[00:33:27] Of course I did he said other menial jobs. He had to he had to wrap presents. Yeah, you had a macy's

[00:33:32] I have to get in

[00:33:34] Um, uh, I don't know

[00:33:39] I worked at a fucking uh, a machine shop manufacturing gun parts

[00:33:44] That was one of my first jobs. Yeah, what kind of gun it was a cult cult 45 in baltimore?

[00:33:50] Really? It was that cult 45 is a milk beverage, but it was the cult factory in baltimore

[00:33:56] Uh, and then they later made airplane parts. That was a pretty menial job. That's my father for a couple years

[00:34:01] I'm just fucking doing

[00:34:04] Installing cabinets and shit. Yeah, never learned how to make shit. Yeah, but I would I would like sand and laminate shit

[00:34:11] I guess I never like pumping gas probably the closest thing. That's not as hard as

[00:34:17] Putting stickers on when I was putting stickers

[00:34:20] Yeah, it is I would go home covered in gas. I give a real opposed to the infection because I think we're gas

[00:34:26] Yeah

[00:34:28] So that makes it manual later. Yeah, when you get ahead and you're covered in gasoline

[00:34:33] How did you get gas on all the fumes are coming up your car because you were dipping your dick in gas?

[00:34:38] I mean just because one of those gas hoppers. Yeah, yeah

[00:34:43] Uh

[00:34:45] Some bitch pulled away from the pump while it was still in her car. Oh, that's fun

[00:34:49] It ripped the hose off and it sprayed gas all over me. Whoa

[00:34:53] The african guy that was a manager is like, it's okay. You just keep working. I'm like, I have to go home

[00:34:57] I you don't cover the gas

[00:34:59] He's like, no, you just wash off

[00:35:01] He's washed our hands. Yeah, he just gives you a squirt of fucking Purell. Yeah, you're good

[00:35:06] I I ripped the fucking I guess yeah. No that

[00:35:09] The production stuff is sort of manual labor hauling driving trucks and hauling camera. Yeah when I worked for max who when we're doing

[00:35:17] I used to shovel snow max just had you put stickers on stuff

[00:35:20] No max did not have me doing stickers max is like I heard you're the sticker king

[00:35:24] Brooklyn

[00:35:26] The sticker queen. Yeah sticker queen everyone there you go to sticker guy. Yeah with preschools teachers

[00:35:32] Fucking kids good. Was it was that you're called Nancy?

[00:35:36] Lisa Frank

[00:35:38] Nancy's Nancy Drew

[00:35:40] Nancy Frank is Lisa Frank. Yeah, Lisa Frank. Yeah, yeah, I'm of course. I don't know why I question the sticker queen of Brooklyn

[00:35:47] I just know about trapper keeper type shit. Yeah, like what else?

[00:35:51] Um

[00:35:53] Trapper keeper. I don't know. I barely know her. How about that? Yeah, trapper pussy. I barely fucked her pussy

[00:36:01] Thank you, you're welcome

[00:36:05] Nick you're just doing so much texting. I'm not doing texting. I'm responding to the fans

[00:36:10] But a lot of this show is me

[00:36:12] Dn and do it after the show

[00:36:14] And somebody did you on a connector and the last question before it guessed you was is your character widely disliked?

[00:36:22] No, that's gotta be no someone got someone got you in the last question was is your character morbidly obese?

[00:36:28] Well, then it's wrong

[00:36:31] I have to argue with that imaginary genius

[00:36:35] No, how people feel about my my thing

[00:36:40] It tells me knows who I am because that's if I have a mustache what you got it like as such a fucking innocuous like

[00:36:46] Nice little thing that you have a mustache and so I got fat you're widely disliked and hey and first of all

[00:36:52] infamous mine is a typo

[00:36:54] Clearly. Yeah, okay a typo fat guy and the type is morbid the type

[00:37:03] No, both of you are wrong. I'm regular obese

[00:37:07] Okay

[00:37:08] Thank you a canator if you're out there if you're listening buddy

[00:37:11] I don't get how they know who we are. It's weird

[00:37:13] From a podcast who we get other people from podcasts on there. No

[00:37:18] Just a speech. We're the most famous. Yeah, I tried to do me and it wouldn't do it. Hmm. Yeah, I think I'm close

[00:37:25] It was like as a podcaster and it's like

[00:37:27] Uh, is it like under 20? I was again. They were like are they under 20? Yeah, and then it was like a real over 20

[00:37:33] And I said yes, and there's like is your person handsome. I was like, yes

[00:37:36] No, well, that's what you want to know. It's like they're tall. It's they must fucked up little dick. No, no, no, no

[00:37:42] No, no, no, no, are they rude to their best show?

[00:37:45] a magnanimous charitable

[00:37:49] Do they have a magnanimous undeservedly positive opinion of themselves a magnanimous?

[00:37:56] Many people describe me as magnanimous

[00:38:00] That's it's real. It's just not people

[00:38:02] Uh, do a little Photoshop action on the hmm true. Maybe you know, maybe you get in troll. I'm not going to

[00:38:09] Someone send me a

[00:38:11] Nick got trolled and I reply with you guys having but sex and it's like just wait till out of cups back

[00:38:17] This is gonna be hilarious. It's uh, you guys fucking each other my bet. It was pretty funny

[00:38:23] That's pretty is it because it's the only thing tweeted you that isn't about a bug

[00:38:27] That's not true. A lot of people will say like, uh, the Holocaust good tweet or that's funny

[00:38:34] No one will say that. All right. Have this morning. Oh, it's cinnamon life. Oh, I don't like life

[00:38:41] It's just sucks. That's not a big enough boy cereal. Exactly. You gotta get honeycombs. Lucky charm

[00:38:47] My dear. I know you. I know you although you know what I do like is honey checks

[00:38:52] Yeah, I like corn checks checks are good. Dude. They hold milk better than any other

[00:38:56] It's true, but also miss me with rice checks miss me with fucking wheat checks

[00:39:00] I learned the you want to hear here's a little fab kid bonafide for me. I learned the word skeptical from a checks commercial

[00:39:08] Respect yeah salute dude

[00:39:11] See that's the thing that's what I mean stop get along and you'll never be able to relate to aside from your

[00:39:16] parasitic Judaism

[00:39:18] Is the fact that the two of us what do you mean parisid? We're both morbidly obese at one point. Yeah, and now we're in the past

[00:39:24] More

[00:39:27] No, you were never

[00:39:31] Yeah, you were soft and now you're a different kind I was always cute and fat

[00:39:37] Including right now. Yeah, but I'm not morbidly obese anymore me and Nick both beat our more

[00:39:42] Kicks

[00:39:44] Yeah, kid tested mother approved. I thought it was one of the first state that jokes. I wrote really was about how that would be a good slogan for abortions

[00:39:54] Yeah, I always wanted to be one of the kids that tested it. Yeah, I was like mom

[00:39:59] What other tests did the kid removed? How about that? That's good. That was the that was the tag kicker. Yeah

[00:40:05] I did that I did that joke and woman started crying and oof Japanese

[00:40:09] Yikes old reef 16, so you're like what too far bitch actually probably yeah

[00:40:15] You can be able to smoke in there too, and I guarantee you I was smoking new ports on stage

[00:40:23] Covela fingerless gloves to really probably most likely. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I missed that I never met me cargo sweatpants air force ones

[00:40:32] Yeah getting getting rowdy with the audience just like a little dentists

[00:40:36] All too soon you fucking cunt. Yeah

[00:40:39] Yeah too much, huh? Yeah, what are they remind you of the most tragic event in your life? Who are the big?

[00:40:44] Yeah, who are the big cigarette comics?

[00:40:47] Chappelle your mom's dick

[00:40:50] Dice smoke cigarettes on stage Barack Obama Barack Obama never that number that he smoked

[00:40:54] He does for got that he smoked that I can't believe he's the sta smoking president

[00:41:00] Dennis lyrics stole smoking from yeah, that was someone else's bit from

[00:41:04] I love that Barack Obama finally spoke up again against the detention center in Germany

[00:41:09] I was saying that the other day

[00:41:11] Yeah, he was just like in the most pussy ass way. Yeah, why was in Germany? I don't know he was just like oh

[00:41:17] It's wrong, but he was like in fucking germ like he's getting caught from Angela

[00:41:21] Yeah, hey wouldn't wouldn't be funny if someone called her. I don't know

[00:41:26] What's a good joke for Angela Murm. Yeah, what Adam maybe you can come over to Joe first

[00:41:31] like

[00:41:33] What like maybe like

[00:41:35] Like the tie in a cultural reference that we all probably know about it didn't work

[00:41:39] But a guy a while back gave you a joke and DMS and you repeated it on the show

[00:41:43] And then he sent it to me and I was like you should see if you can get him do more to prove that this is like

[00:41:48] Not just an accident and it didn't happen again, but he sent you a couple. I can't as buried in my DMS, but I don't know

[00:41:54] I you talked you were crowd sourcing jokes from I was I know you were

[00:42:02] Damn if it never happened unfortunately

[00:42:05] the evidence is with the

[00:42:09] People people can lie to you Nick too, you know nobody lies to me. You don't have to believe I believe the things that

[00:42:15] advanced my agenda. Mm-hmm. What is that agenda?

[00:42:19] To be a

[00:42:20] Tighter you know I've been anti-white agenda a lot of people don't realize that I'm actually sending messages to the blacks

[00:42:27] Uh-huh. Yeah, every time I use the N word. That's how black people hear that and they're like this guy's one of us

[00:42:34] When they hear a fucking

[00:42:39] Close cut sides up top

[00:42:44] Like that say the N word. No, no

[00:42:47] I'm all

[00:42:49] That's who I've been sending real secret messages to you know I'm saying oh, yeah

[00:42:55] Yeah, so we're all about to you know, I'm about to go to damn Seattle

[00:43:00] I'm excited the PNW here been a Seattle. Yeah. Well now. I've been to Portland. Oh, what'd you do in Portland?

[00:43:07] I stayed with Christine Levine and her garage with

[00:43:11] You love saying her boyfriend at the time was a magician nice and we talked about Chris

[00:43:17] Jan he had a Christian outfit on the wall and I was like is that Chris Chan's

[00:43:21] Close he was like his real clothes

[00:43:24] No, he had like a costume he went as him for Halloween and this was 10 years ago

[00:43:28] So for him about Christian that's deep. Yeah Justin or something. Yeah, I hung out with that guy all day

[00:43:34] And then he said helium

[00:43:38] Burris

[00:43:40] Popped then just about when he was starting to pop. Yeah, do you go any strip clubs?

[00:43:45] Everyone says no, it was right when I moved there when I first moved there. Yeah

[00:43:50] Everyone says the Portland strip clubs are wild wild. They just have a lot of them. Oh, I hate strip clubs

[00:43:55] I've never been to a strip club. I've really yeah. Oh, we got to go. I've been to I'm gonna go in Portland

[00:44:01] I've been to an embarrassing amount of strip. Yeah, you also buy prostitutes and you get like a sex addiction

[00:44:06] People like tell me these things all the time. What do you mean tell you they that I'm like a like I

[00:44:12] rape

[00:44:13] Prostitute said by people believe we said you saying these you just said I've been doing an embarrassing number of strip club

[00:44:20] That is a legal enterprise. I got one rub and tug

[00:44:24] What blood a year and a half ago?

[00:44:28] anyway

[00:44:29] Yeah, when did it stop when did the rub and tug stop? It was very quick

[00:44:33] I had an intervention by announcing it on the show

[00:44:38] You're fans and then having thousands of people care about you continuously tell me that they care about you with tough love

[00:44:48] That's what you don't understand, you know, I was just rationalizing the opening Anthony subreddit to myself last night thinking about yeah

[00:44:55] I was reading the 50th post yesterday

[00:44:58] I'm talking to another one my physique non-stop with these people

[00:45:03] Every single post on the opening Anthony subreddit is about your abs

[00:45:06] It's about me and my body and I know it might not look like it, but I can repeat the loss. Yes

[00:45:11] Yes, I know it's a matter for the they're sending clues when they say Jim Norton's gay. Yeah, they mean me

[00:45:17] I mean I am every post about it because they're afraid to say my name. Mm-hmm. You know, yes

[00:45:24] They're worried what I might do so there could be you as Jim Norton

[00:45:27] Yeah, one of these days guess who's borrowing their dad's gun

[00:45:33] Little suddenly the freak. Yeah

[00:45:37] Suddenly the psycho isn't gonna be the buddy your jokes anymore. Well, that's what I'm gonna do

[00:45:42] What are these days that loser gonna get go to opiate Anthony sub-rated headquarters?

[00:45:50] Kill everyone in there I'm marching to the serious office

[00:45:53] I presume all those people

[00:46:00] Full trench coat. Yeah, of course, you know SKS NW 22

[00:46:06] PS

[00:46:08] 326 and SR 218 are talking nine millimeter

[00:46:13] full bore

[00:46:15] bump stock

[00:46:16] Hairpin hairpin turns on every one also

[00:46:20] I'm crosshair iron crosshair

[00:46:23] floating bullets

[00:46:25] What are the hollow tip full metal full metal jack up? Yeah

[00:46:31] Uncut tips

[00:46:34] Burn ends you have to pull the skin back crossbow

[00:46:38] Crossbow how come there has been a school crossbow in that would be pretty cool. That would show all these

[00:46:43] All these anti gun nuts and some kid dressed like Legolas just fucking put in holes and motherfuckers

[00:46:51] Guys because that's the thing the fantasy kids get bullied to yeah

[00:46:55] That's thing if you're a little fantasy faggot out there people give you a hard time put this pointy

[00:46:59] years on yep get the craft and some arrows get to get yourself a bow and arrow

[00:47:04] Practice out in your backyard and just fucking nail those kids that yeah

[00:47:09] Just they won't be able to catch you right yes, and you do it from a perch where they can't see where the arrows are coming

[00:47:15] That's right do it

[00:47:16] Maybe a school assemble and guess what you're helping to defend the second amendment if you do yeah

[00:47:21] Yeah, if you kill enough people with a bow and arrow there goes the then

[00:47:24] Don't have to be legal you have to yeah

[00:47:26] We have to get more guns because the only way to stop someone with the bone arrow the only way to stop a bad guy with a crossbow

[00:47:33] And if you're a bully out there just stick to the black nerds, you know

[00:47:36] Mm-hmm. Those just beat the shit out don't lose their mind and beat the shit out of you at some point

[00:47:41] And that's the safest way to beat an erder bully. Oh, yeah, don't you're saying bully black people know bully black

[00:47:49] Just stick with them they'll go super sane and rip your teeth out of some

[00:47:54] They will not gonna die their eyes will roll back into their head in a dramatic display

[00:48:01] It'll be cool people will talk about it for years yeah

[00:48:04] You won't even be the butt of the joke. It'll be how fucking wild it was how mad Devin got yeah

[00:48:08] Yeah, how bad Devin got when you call them Dragonball faggot

[00:48:12] And his fucking eyes

[00:48:14] And he started talking like yeah

[00:48:20] I think I talked about the kid at my high school who was the theater like tech and he would suck off dudes in the

[00:48:27] Like storage like where they kept the stuff rose out his story

[00:48:31] This kid Jimmy he was a kid stop Rose

[00:48:37] It was a white kid named Star Rose how kiss and he would suck guys off in the theater

[00:48:42] And he would suck guys off in the theater and then one time someone called them a fagg

[00:48:46] I think but one time someone went too far and Jimmy fucking and

[00:48:51] Had enough he knew karate he was good as shit. He two pieces

[00:48:55] I was awesome and he bit that man boys dick so hard

[00:48:58] That he became fat he ate so many dicks that day that he became a fat child

[00:49:04] So you weren't always fat I wasn't it was the cupcakes it was the great um if

[00:49:09] That were true if I got fat off eating one dick

[00:49:12] Yeah, if I got it out of my system if I maybe was lodged in there

[00:49:16] Yeah, but you had the taste for dick dude, and then you can't take a bar. Yeah, it's like bear really

[00:49:22] Yeah, it's like being a damn

[00:49:23] I saw the word bear in my head and you said bar, but I saw the word it was very strange like saw letters

[00:49:30] Yeah, but it said B. A. R. I started playing God of War

[00:49:35] Can't get into it real sure it's good. I just got to be in the zone

[00:49:39] It'll happen eventually yeah, you keep working at it keeps putting in two three four-hour shifts. Yeah playing games

[00:49:45] Yeah, a certain point you'll get into it. I just always come back to battlefield

[00:49:49] You may mean you like what you like. Yeah, how would a game about Adam called Tattlefield?

[00:49:56] That's good. That's funny because you're literally the biggest tattle. I know I'm a gossip. I'm not a tattle tale

[00:50:02] I've never said

[00:50:04] That's what's the difference? No, it's spreading information

[00:50:11] In secrets

[00:50:13] Keeping secrets, I'm in fucking

[00:50:17] Yeah, I'm like a cool spot

[00:50:20] I've kept one my entire life

[00:50:22] But what what I'm not gonna tell you damn it seems who was it just tell me it was between you and maybe like a coach

[00:50:29] No, it's just or like a clergy person

[00:50:33] The point is is that Nick can't be trusted with never I've never snitched it. I'm not a snitch you fucking take that back

[00:50:40] I'll snap your snitch. I've never I've never called the police and I'm not a snitch and I'm not cheap

[00:50:46] You're the Jew you're

[00:50:52] Never good at taxes you're good at

[00:50:57] Finances no, I'm good at business. You can't you're you okay fine

[00:51:02] I'll accept it. I'll allow it you're good at your bad. It's at keeping secrets gossiping

[00:51:07] No, I don't care to keep secrets that if you tell me something embarrassing

[00:51:12] I think it's funny. I'm gonna tell other people because I don't have any respect for you

[00:51:15] Yeah, that's that's different than there's plenty of secrets that I keep and but I'm not a fucking snitch if you did something illegal

[00:51:21] I guarantee I wouldn't fucking tell the cops if they asked me about I wouldn't say anything

[00:51:24] I believe you there, but if you did something embarrassing you would I would tell the police

[00:51:30] Yeah, if the cops were like did Adam Friedland robbed the bank. I'm like, I don't know about that

[00:51:35] But apparently he sucked off a guy

[00:51:39] Podcasting audience that I was selling weed when I was selling weed damn you you announced that you were selling weed

[00:51:46] Oh, I did not I literally did not to be fair. I forgot that was illegal

[00:51:53] You literally snitched on me you said I didn't know I didn't know that that was illegal

[00:51:58] What if I was nothing for me to snitch on you for

[00:52:01] You told you told the entire audience when I asked you not to say that I had that I was did that commercial

[00:52:08] That's gonna come out stop you didn't ask stop

[00:52:12] You stop running up right before five minutes into the podcast. No, that's right

[00:52:17] You did admit it on the lost episode. I don't recall the lost episode. Oh, yeah that he admitted that he was

[00:52:23] Yeah, yeah, I don't really think stop did yeah

[00:52:26] I did because he brought it up at the end all I said is Adam was a commercial actor

[00:52:29] And you said we don't talk about him you dropped it and then later on no at the end of the episode

[00:52:33] What happened it is no I went because I went and listen no I said I went and listen back

[00:52:36] So I said I thought we lost that episode I wasn't listening back to me

[00:52:40] I was announcing his dates and I said I've got nothing going on and then you said oh, yeah guys

[00:52:45] Adams in a commercial is coming out soon. No, and I was like Nick. I explicitly asked you not to say no

[00:52:51] Stop brought up the commercial at the end when he's at the receipts. It's fine. Yeah, yeah

[00:52:57] I don't care. I mean obviously care great. You've ruined this episode by bringing this up. Oh, I've ruined the episode

[00:53:03] You've ruined it by what by bringing this by criticizing you. No by complaining

[00:53:10] You're complaining right now. This is a complaint. They're made. I think they're I'm calling a spay. I had another 15 minutes on the Tom

[00:53:17] Joiner morning show. They're gonna be able to get to know we got a live show. We can't do it. You've wasted 15 minutes of this show

[00:53:22] It hasn't been 15 minutes with five. It's been 15. How much it was?

[00:53:26] five

[00:53:27] It was five minutes

[00:53:29] But that's 15

[00:53:32] I'm sorry, obviously you've never taken minutes on a meeting

[00:53:34] I'm sorry for calling you a snitch even though I'm not a snitch like tendencies

[00:53:39] This dry snitching it's not a

[00:53:48] Parasite

[00:53:50] Judaism did you did say that? Okay, and I stand by that I

[00:53:55] Stand by the things that I said I

[00:53:58] Respect never apologize. I mean always double

[00:54:01] So we live

[00:54:03] I apologize. That's called the art of the deal. I apologize to people I love and care about

[00:54:10] Oh, is that why you what is that why you keep apologizing to my dick? Yeah, I do love you

[00:54:14] See love and care about it course I care about your dick get the

[00:54:19] Close your mouth bro. I'm on the ones and twos stuffy on the ones and twos the point is

[00:54:27] The point is I'm sorry

[00:54:29] How did you end up who you apologize to come on man? I don't need the apology. I didn't ask for one

[00:54:37] You need to apologize. Yes, it is

[00:54:40] Yes, you do

[00:54:42] I see your apology and I spit on it. I raised you a happy birthday

[00:54:46] How dare you spit on my apologies sire. It's too late. I already said happy birthday to you

[00:54:52] Which is the nicest thing you can do for a person

[00:54:54] Not my birthday

[00:54:57] Once again, I'm the better man

[00:55:00] You try to apologize to me. I hit you with a heavy

[00:55:04] You didn't see the really mean it

[00:55:10] That's very funny nice try trying to out social skills me, but I've read the book the art of the deal

[00:55:16] What is it the early? Yeah by Emily post how does Emily post?

[00:55:21] She is that that bitch that wrote like how to have good man how to fuck friends and

[00:55:27] Suck fluent penis

[00:55:30] Anyway, yeah

[00:55:32] Don't go it's true clubs are very depressing. Oh, yeah, we're talking about Portland. What did you do in Portland?

[00:55:37] You have a fun time no no, I didn't have a fun time at all the week was mediocre and

[00:55:43] You know did you anything touristy no no no I went to a Halloween party

[00:55:49] Mmm. What's a prince cover band?

[00:55:53] I didn't feel anything I felt nothing. I was empty. What should I do in Portland? What are you gonna do in Austin?

[00:56:01] Big secret show

[00:56:04] People keep asking me like where it is or how they buy tickets and it's like bitches secret

[00:56:09] It's a fucking secret. No one there. It's gonna be you alone. Well, you don't say anything. You don't tell anybody

[00:56:13] Is it's what makes it a secret show? Oh, so now you're trying to prove that you're gonna keep secrets

[00:56:18] I've been announcing the secret show for weeks. Yeah, but you've kept the secret though by chance

[00:56:25] This isn't some manipulation. Where is it not all of us are would be so Jewish has to manipulate people for weeks on end

[00:56:32] My shows are not secret. I guess this is already. I've probably done Seattle by the time this came out

[00:56:37] Yes, it's Sunday and if if I did thank you for coming taking back Sunday remember that when we said that at the beginning

[00:56:43] Yeah, mm-hmm. What's the take back Sunday song?

[00:56:46] I

[00:56:47] Cue without the E

[00:56:50] You're so last summer

[00:56:52] Really sound like

[00:56:54] They're emo. They're like shitty pop punk emo. You got you got you got you. I used to be really into when I was

[00:57:01] Like 13

[00:57:03] Yeah, I don't know. I want to go to Seattle. I want to eat some damn sushi that fresh ass salmon

[00:57:08] Yeah, I want to go to the place when we catch the fish. I'd like to place mark

[00:57:12] I want to go to Portland and maybe get sucked off by you know, alt cutie

[00:57:18] I saw the perhaps in a ship

[00:57:20] I saw the most graphic bum fight in my entire life in Seattle really I saw one like

[00:57:25] Like kind of meth head kind of bum kick another one in the head with steel so boot and there was just like a

[00:57:31] What spray of blood what the fuck it was like one of the scariest things

[00:57:35] Homeless people out there and save for Cisco too like West Coast homeless people are kind of angry

[00:57:40] Mmm. I don't know why so you witness a crime

[00:57:44] And you're announcing it on the podcast

[00:57:52] When was this this was when I was like on a high school trip to Seattle. I was maybe like ninth grade

[00:57:59] It was terrifying. We were like lining up for the bus to go back on then it was outside pikes place market

[00:58:05] Damn and wait you went to a high school trip in Seattle. Yeah from Vegas. Were you it was a for a major class?

[00:58:15] Radios ideology welcome to class everyone. My name is mr. Niles. This is Fraser class

[00:58:25] We're gonna conjugate the verb to be it's to be

[00:58:30] being

[00:58:32] Something else I never isn't this just English or like you're not speaking correctly. That's the sound kind of British gay

[00:58:39] It's Frazier. It's sort of gay and sort of British. Yeah, well, how would it no get your fucking phone away from the

[00:58:46] Someone's asking about tickets tickets

[00:58:51] I don't think they're sitting around my apartment dickets

[00:58:54] And I remember this one from middle school me my friend used to do is and and gay you know

[00:58:59] Kiki

[00:59:03] And I want to have a nice Malamar now you'd say kiki's cousin gay

[00:59:07] That was a big one from just saying kick. I'm like cookies because in gay

[00:59:13] Saying that make myself laugh. That's a good voice good old days. Yeah

[00:59:18] You know what I was thinking about

[00:59:20] One of the episodes we recently did was a this was literally a couple things ago, but timepiece there all

[00:59:25] Yeah

[00:59:28] Bubble but y'all love remembering shit from last week literally just repeats maybe I think maybe 48 hours ago

[00:59:34] Yeah

[00:59:35] Are we gonna wrap this one up? We gotta go the show. What time is it? It's a 35. Yeah, we probably should

[00:59:42] Can you hear my phone?

[00:59:47] Do we have a ticket link for auto bar yet no do the yeah, we know take a link from auto bar yet

[00:59:54] I'm sorry about Cleveland Boston

[00:59:56] Fucking auto bar guys shut his phone off. Yeah, I think he's in Europe. He's in jail. No, he's in jail, dude

[01:00:02] I I messaged them on a couple different accounts and I called the thing

[01:00:07] But no one fucking answered the actual bar, but we'll have links. We'll have links soon Cleveland Boston

[01:00:12] I believe it is that

[01:00:14] It's a Sunday. We're in Cleveland in September in September and that Monday. We're in Boston

[01:00:19] So we should actually are there tickling stuff for those

[01:00:21] I don't think so about wake me up in September and see you know talking about yeah

[01:00:26] That's what I'm talking about 9 11. Yes. It is yeah, it was a tough month

[01:00:31] But once October happens we wake up we get our party dude. We just can't wait till 9 11

[01:00:39] Then it's time for Halloween eating candy

[01:00:42] Tastes good to eat candy my dad died in 9 11. He's not the only guy who's dead a lot of people's died

[01:00:54] My dad died in 9 11 bringing candy to Steve ran as easy

[01:01:03] But if that was the lies Steve ran as easy with fellow people I died in

[01:01:08] 9

[01:01:11] Maron's like you fucking died in 9 11 crazy man you fucking died in it. He's like yeah, dude. I died

[01:01:24] Is he okay or is his career over he's fine

[01:01:27] He's fine. Yeah, cuz that all came out like while he was on the league and that continued to be a show

[01:01:32] I think I didn't want and he does stand-up dates. Yeah, I've worked with him. He's a nice guy

[01:01:36] Yeah, this thing is you can overcome something like that if you're a nice guy. I didn't know what's his name Brian Williams the news

[01:01:42] Especially considering that now it's everything's like oh, but this guy's a rapist. I mean dying in 9 11

[01:01:49] Isn't that big of a deal? Yeah, what did some one of those news?

[01:01:53] Brian Williams said yeah, Brian Williams said he was in a helicopter

[01:01:56] It was like taking fire and it would turn out to be complete bullshit Hillary Clinton lied the same way

[01:02:01] Yeah, since you like landed under sniper fire and yeah, oh, yeah

[01:02:05] Yeah

[01:02:06] Well, whatever yeah, I got my Williams the water lied about fucking me. She's telling all her friends

[01:02:12] Yeah, who Alice yeah, and I'm like Allison chill

[01:02:14] Shut up Allison who I only got the top Allison Williams. Yeah, she's Venus and Serena's forgotten sister

[01:02:22] Yeah, you know it's not what's the deal is Billy D Williams their father did anyone ever get to the bottom?

[01:02:27] He is that's what he uh Billy D. What is it a funny name William?

[01:02:33] William Williams

[01:02:38] Fuck I never thought about that yeah, that's what I think about it smart dude that one in Jonathan candy

[01:02:43] I thought about

[01:02:48] Was that on the last episode it was yeah, I definitely said it before that

[01:02:53] Anyway, all right. Let's go to the show. Yeah. I'm running thin on the repertoire

[01:02:56] You know on the repertoire

[01:02:59] Okay, well, yes everyone we probably have other stuff to plug but who gives a fuck just come out to see us or whatever if funny

[01:03:07] Mom's oh, John man with the haven't you people ever heard of clothes and it becomes a woman

[01:03:13] He can use whatever bathroom that he fucking wants

[01:03:19] This is a song about

[01:03:21] Indignantly using yeah the children's bathroom

[01:03:27] Sitting on the diaper on the changing station just folding it down and shitting

[01:03:38] The webcomic someone drew about like the mom

[01:03:41] Ushering her child through like the bathroom and there's just a toilet and a man and a dress with a mustache like pissing

[01:03:47] Yeah, what's the problem little girl never seen a lady piss before

[01:03:54] That there's just no stall

[01:03:58] And like who is that guy

[01:04:01] Is that what they think trans people are

[01:04:04] It's Jared from Super Jail

[01:04:07] Okay, we're about to go to a live show sorry Nick for calling you don't apologize man take a standard

[01:04:13] I love the account Zimmerman style dude apologizing is great and it's free

[01:04:18] No, it costs you your dignity. No, it doesn't happy birthday. I have a bitch