Cum Town | Premium | 07/30/2018
[00:00:00] Welcome to come town the premium for Sunday whatever the fuck today is
[00:00:07] 2015 2012 oh hell yes, but something like that. I stopped paying attention to the dates
[00:00:20] It's April 20th somewhere. It's 420 somewhere
[00:00:24] Boys thank you for coming. I'm still in my fucking I'm still my fucking I still can't move my right foot or my left foot
[00:00:35] I can't move my heart dude. I'm gonna. I'll just a little heart for you. It's shrivel
[00:00:41] Trilled in the flater. We're recording on stops bed right now
[00:00:45] Which is a first for us a bed recording
[00:01:04] We just got off the road from DC nice to meet some of you straight from the road straight to the fucking stew
[00:01:10] Mm-hmm podcasting never sleeps. Yeah, the Saturday shows were really fun Friday was
[00:01:21] For those guys who came out yeah and come out those those aren't even our shows so come out to see us
[00:01:27] fucking come town live August 12th and be more if you were in DC Sunday
[00:01:32] And some other shit, but that's in two weeks now. Yeah, dude. I've just been fucking doing drugs and waiting for this to be over
[00:01:40] Mm-hmm. I got so fucked up on mushrooms
[00:01:44] Just in one room just fucking watching Thor Ragnarok, bro
[00:01:47] That's my problem is like when I'm a mushroom I need to leave so I took what did I just take?
[00:01:53] Larazepam I think okay. It's like out of van and how long does that take to work? I don't know dude
[00:01:59] Nick's been having a tough time guys. I'm straight up
[00:02:01] He straight up loco. I lost my mind. Don't you know? He's a week ago. I kind of went I was losing touch with reality damn
[00:02:11] And I had to talk to Ian on the phone and dead for that's dark
[00:02:19] Kill yourself, man, you know, it's really hard, you know, it's every single day is gonna be a struggle
[00:02:24] It's gonna you're gonna wake up and it's gonna fucking feel like shit every day for the rest of your life
[00:02:29] It's like well why should I kill my son is I can't kill it because it gets better, right?
[00:02:36] He's like consoled me for like an hour. I'm like, how are you doing? He's like I'm in hell
[00:02:43] No poor Ian a little buck tooth bitch. Yeah, maybe we should fucking have him back on
[00:02:54] Yeah, I feel that I mean I'm just in my a prison of
[00:02:57] Of my physical deterioration. Yeah, but I got an MRI. I'm feeling good. I love Thor Ragnarok Thor's my favorite superhero now
[00:03:08] Fag loves go do not say that about Thor or I'd you listen man. Fact for cock listen
[00:03:15] I draw the line somewhere. Yeah, and you will not disrespect Thor. Yeah
[00:03:19] Draw the line on the fucking wall right where it says five three
[00:03:23] No for you for it. No, it's for your measurement your atom
[00:03:38] We're all the same height Adam we're all effectively the same. It's opposite days. I guess you're straight today
[00:03:43] Yeah, I'm classy straight and you're gay and
[00:03:59] What about this song it's hardly a penis hardly a penis. Yeah, nobody laughed at my little as penis
[00:04:25] I might have to check myself into the loony bin the loony bin. Yeah, but these days it's the loony spa, baby
[00:04:31] You're gonna get facials you're gonna get cute. We can put you in a little
[00:04:36] What should it's called straight jacket? Uh-huh. I think I
[00:04:42] I've been a trip sitting Nick this weekend. We've been having fun
[00:04:46] We have actually been having a lot of laughs
[00:04:53] Screaming at top my lungs and mumbling to myself and
[00:04:57] Thinking messages are being sent to me by yeah
[00:04:59] By the main you just happen fucking pass. Yeah, my man's a beautiful minding right?
[00:05:06] Yeah, it's true. Yeah, you get the fuck Jennifer Connolly maybe that's always been the dream if you go crazy
[00:05:13] If you go crazy enough you get the fuck Jennifer Connors and I should just pay Julie events fifty thousand dollars
[00:05:18] You kill me fly to Moscow. That would be awesome. I just showed me to death
[00:05:22] I don't want you to die, but that would be quite the spectacle. Go the way you want to go
[00:05:27] Damn, dude. We could charge a hundred dollars a ticket
[00:05:32] Watch maulin. I'm just in a white tuxedo with a big white top
[00:05:38] Well, and we'll be dying on the evening
[00:05:43] Yes, go by Julie events. Yeah, I thought I was hoping that this would be a
[00:05:50] I'd be able to riff harder. Mm-hmm, but I just have nothing in my heart. Yeah
[00:05:55] I mean, I think that also taking a benzo would slow you down
[00:06:00] Whatever man shut up. I don't know if I really know about drugs here. Yeah, take whatever drugs you want
[00:06:06] You took one bitch. I took one. He took one too. I need to get mad at one just to feel groovy
[00:06:12] Yeah, yeah, I need to get I gotta stop pretending like yeah, you like mood stabilizers
[00:06:17] Yeah, you know cuz it's like I didn't even really think about it cuz it's like I guess most people don't have the experience of like
[00:06:27] Thinking about killing yourself all day long. No, but that's not listen like when we met when you move back to DC
[00:06:34] Six years ago. I was fun. Yeah, it's been like this. Well, no, that was the last time I was like really losing my mind
[00:06:41] Yeah, and I mean I mean throughout throughout like the year. I mean, I'm usually like you're functional, but you're such a good
[00:06:47] But yeah still and it's like I just want to be one of those people that like watches Netflix shows and it's like
[00:06:57] I have a dog and me and the dog and then sometimes I say funny things that nobody who's actually funny would laugh at yeah
[00:07:05] But I get more joy out of yeah, right, but if you can't have sandwich
[00:07:10] One of those like oh you think type of people said no one ever right
[00:07:15] Exactly with the well-placed said no one ever
[00:07:25] Person that just fuck you know watch his things. Mm-hmm. Sorry man. Sorry. You got a beautiful mind. Oh, thank you
[00:07:36] Mine is gorgeous and so is your body and face. Yeah, mine should we suck
[00:07:41] I'm a body keeps looking at himself in the mirror and being like I'm so fucking
[00:07:53] The side of me just gusses just like Nick needs to go to the gym and all the problems are over
[00:07:58] No, I'm trying to lift this I tried to go to do a curl dude. It'll fix everything. I can I've lost like 15 pounds
[00:08:05] We're gonna get you all from your nuts. Yeah, you're not just shriveled up. I can see them
[00:08:10] Yeah, through jeans don't look at my nose don't describe how shriveled
[00:08:17] The denim is clinging to your nuts somehow
[00:08:22] Just sweat pouring through yeah, you're not just sweating what they shriveled. Yeah, they're just pouring just moist
[00:08:31] Fuck yeah, but I'm excited to get on just to be heavily meticated
[00:08:34] Yeah, you're gonna have to get one of those things that old people have that have like the Monday through Sunday
[00:08:40] My little pills my step mom's like I want one of those but it's all my agris. Yeah
[00:08:46] My step mom's closet when I was like a teenager
[00:08:49] It was just shelves and shelves of pills hell yeah
[00:08:52] So many pills like Sarah Quill and Depa coat and fucking like anti-seizure medicine
[00:08:57] Just like every type of fucking thing you just get get fucked up. You just get prescribed everything
[00:09:03] Respect yeah, that's a cool doctor. Mm-hmm. Just take a couple of these glass of wine
[00:09:10] There are if you if you take pain pills with with a glass of wine. It feels good
[00:09:15] Yeah, and then you black out with a second glass of water. Yeah, you don't you just don't get too fucked up though
[00:09:21] You just enjoy yourself. You feel yeah, you feel pretty good
[00:09:24] Um, I think Heath Ledger died actually from benzos and alcohol. Oh really not from pain pills, but yeah nice
[00:09:32] And also if you get addicted to benzos, I think it's I think it's like the second hardest detox
[00:09:38] I think alcohol and benzos are the two most dangerous. What heroin not heroin. No. Yeah
[00:09:46] I know a guy like I knew a guy was a teenager
[00:09:49] They got really in the benzos because he stopped doing opiates he got into benzos and he's like yeah, dude
[00:09:53] They're perfect. They like completely like you know, and then he just blows brains
[00:10:02] They feel pretty good, you know, yeah, but yeah, you can die from the withdrawals
[00:10:10] You can die from alcohol withdrawal to him. Yeah, that's what you can't I don't think you can die from heroin withdrawal
[00:10:17] You know what else you can die from withdrawal of cock my dick
[00:10:27] Dude, I gotta say I love doing shrooms. Yeah, yeah
[00:10:31] We should all do shrooms man. I was I'm I get too emotional on them. I
[00:10:35] Did get emotional I get too emotional on Adderall, too
[00:10:38] That's not really I wish I could get any emails to people and tell them how I
[00:10:43] Really like that's the last two days. I don't do that
[00:10:46] Yeah, I don't know does that to me last you start sweating just unbearable
[00:10:50] Yeah, it's like it really is it's like the fucking like worst cocaine or hangover you could possibly imagine
[00:10:55] Yeah, we're just like physically incapable of experiencing anything, but like just despair
[00:11:01] Damn, yeah, and I don't know how to like I mean, I guess I have to get fucking medicine for it
[00:11:06] But you can try kissing your friends. No, no, I don't we try I think real medicine
[00:11:13] Why don't we try kissing cuz here's the thing like even if it was because I know that's like the fun joke answer is like just be gay
[00:11:22] Accepted that you're gay. No cuz I still would be incapable of deriving pleasure. I don't want to fuck anybody
[00:11:27] No, you're ass your ass. It's like the little
[00:11:32] Prostate or whatever if you press yours you become I'll try that it doesn't work
[00:11:37] Give it a world. I let I let a woman stick a finger in my ass nice, and it was very fucking uncomfortable
[00:11:43] Yeah, it's not it's not fucking chill. She lubed up. Yeah a little bit you got to lube up, bro
[00:11:49] What are you into this now? I know but that's stay when I put my fingers and asses
[00:11:53] I'm not but I would be interested but women don't have a prostate
[00:11:58] Yeah, but still sometimes it's fun to put your fingers in a woman's ass. I'm just saying on the train
[00:12:05] Getting a fucking hot dog. She's sitting in front of you at the cart. Yeah, you're like well. It's past the time here
[00:12:10] Hmm what you don't put your finger in an ass a nice ass everyone's idea. Yeah, I'm a gentleman get the bowling ball going
[00:12:22] But yeah, whatever I mean I have a rule for but sex what I've been given a rule for but sex
[00:12:29] It's the rule we can't have it unless we're in a hotel room really that's her rule. That's a fun rule
[00:12:35] Yeah, it's kind of fun. You're in a hotel and you can't have it in your home. You get into that shit
[00:12:41] You're you're you enough fucking a woman in the ass. Yeah ass fucking not root not particularly sucks. Yeah, like it
[00:12:51] Fucking Chipotle burritos. There's always shit in there. I don't understand
[00:12:57] They have a whole much preparation. They have cheese for 48 hours. They have like drinks and shit
[00:13:03] No, this is like a squatty potty an animal in my experience
[00:13:08] It's usually the woman's idea and then you go to do it and then you get it like halfway and then they just sit there crying
[00:13:17] This wasn't my idea you need the lube bro
[00:13:22] Yeah, no, it's I know I have that joke. Hey, I mean like if the girl likes it then it's fine with me
[00:13:28] But if it's just me well, yeah, I'm not trying to ask if the girl likes it is key 100% of course
[00:13:36] Yeah, I'm not trying to fucking ask like I'll fucking ask I think because of porn more people got into ass fucking
[00:13:43] I think it's an it's a normal normal in porn. I think it's I feel like someone's getting I think it's a very
[00:13:50] Logical next step. We were like here's a hole. Here's my cock. Let's see what the fuck we got here
[00:13:56] Let's poke around I think pussy is pretty fucking
[00:14:01] All right, I'm not anti pussy don't try and fucking stop that light
[00:14:05] So I've a pro asshole anti-puss. I'm pro both pussy and ass and mouth as a matter of fact
[00:14:12] Hand as well titties. I'm the most pro titties fucking in between of titties
[00:14:21] Imagination shut the fuck up. I think it's immature fucking bitch. You grown up bitch
[00:14:29] It's forever you know what it is for 11 year olds, but it's also for 80 year olds. It's for everyone. It's for everyone
[00:14:34] Everyone should titty fuck. There's just not it's just
[00:14:40] Yeah, it's just skin doesn't you're not
[00:14:43] You're not dude like stimulating anything. Yeah, but it's a fun part of it's fun for you
[00:14:48] But then I feel then I feel kind of silly
[00:14:50] Unbelievable dude, but we you don't feel silly eating ass. You're you're eating a person's ass. Yeah, but your mouth is really shit
[00:15:05] Let me get more of those pills. No, man
[00:15:09] Should they should have kicked in by now?
[00:15:12] Relax we'll talk after this show. Okay now. It's a talk show
[00:15:16] Just built around talking dude, I feel so bad. I'm gonna be taking more of these pills
[00:15:21] Like you're my first at me what you're my babysitter
[00:15:25] Because if you're his babysitter you have been my babysitter
[00:15:28] I've been having to drive you around and pay for your fucking hotel room and all your food first of all
[00:15:34] I paid for the fucking hotel room the club paid for the hotel room because I'm the professional comedian that got paid to go down
[00:15:40] There you fucking I got paid more I got both of you
[00:15:43] Fucking my fucking up. This isn't about you
[00:15:48] This motherfucker acting like no what you are
[00:15:53] In yourself up right now this step child
[00:15:57] Father who's who sacrificed everything for
[00:16:01] Nice life for me like my dad's sad. I have to put up with him fuck you not my father
[00:16:06] I have a good friend you this week. I'm been a good friend
[00:16:10] What do you mean I haven't been a good friend said that's been like you know sort of a crazy thought you're like well
[00:16:15] You should think about that more no I haven't said that at all on the whole time
[00:16:20] Maybe even if you're no the secret that woman did look at you like a fuck no bitch
[00:16:25] You should make an example of secret messages. I was not I was not a Somali woman definitely did curse at your language
[00:16:33] I was saying like he was making a lot of points about life
[00:16:37] I was saying you know these are maybe accurate but fixating on them is maybe not healthy
[00:16:42] So I wasn't encouraging you to continue
[00:16:46] But I was also acknowledging you know that you're not full blown away
[00:16:51] So I guess we should mention it's all two deaf black guys talking to each other you didn't see them
[00:16:56] I saw them and I told you that I saw them this guy's such a fucking asshole
[00:17:00] We're walking next to each other and he goes look at these two deaf black eyes now and somehow this is
[00:17:06] It belongs they can't hear me say that no you miss them that belongs on your phone
[00:17:12] The joke I came up with about it now belongs to him because you're a joke
[00:17:17] No, you could say the joke, but you did not see them. I said you were looking at you
[00:17:21] You don't think you would have seen them that I saw them they came back around some guy tried to fly or yeah
[00:17:25] They did come back around so did I see them you saw them okay?
[00:17:33] Black eyes they were doing sign language to each other go ahead do the just do your joke
[00:17:39] Dude you because it belongs to you. It doesn't
[00:17:41] What he's been doing to me all weekend. I have his boyfriend. I suffer mental illness Nick. Oh my god
[00:17:47] Nick was fine dude when Nick picked up my car Thursday night. He was like I can't wait to hang out at him
[00:17:53] It's gonna be such a fun weekend. I'm so mentally stable. I hope no one eggs me. Oh, it fucks me up
[00:18:00] That's what he was saying. I just want to let I'm so excited for my friends. Everything happens to this beautiful boy. It is my fault
[00:18:08] I was just saying I was gonna just I was gonna smash your car and
[00:18:16] Everyone be sad about Nick being dead. Oh Adam's also dead. But at the fear. I'll be like it was a pretty good bit to also kill
[00:18:29] Your friend was like it was a good bit that was a good joke
[00:18:41] Damn where we at has been an hour. I'd be yeah
[00:18:47] I'd be so annoyed if you guys crashed my car in the fucking murder. So is yeah, I think he did it more out of respect for you and your property
[00:19:02] Trying to figure out what those deaf black eyes which hand sign is the n word
[00:19:06] Because they got a half one right they do which one do you think I don't know I couldn't figure it out
[00:19:19] I don't know. Yeah, you did it. Did I just do it? Yeah
[00:19:24] That's it. Yeah, that's blood. You're spelling out. I feel bad for the blood. It's their hand sign got taken away from them by white women
[00:19:35] On their myspace pages. Yeah, yeah and krip walking too. Yeah, the krips dances were taken away
[00:19:42] They're those are fun dances. They're very I gotta say they are like the krips had like a very like sing song. You rhythm
[00:19:49] Yeah, it's kind of like pirates. Yeah. Yeah. Yo ho ho or Swedes. Yeah, so
[00:19:56] And bloods and crips have a lot of caraffin steven drop the fucking
[00:20:00] Oh, they're up in fucking wallet. Yeah, exactly far from hogan
[00:20:11] Let's say that shit for sure. Oh, yeah, so it's been like
[00:20:15] Don't look at the clock man. 58 immerse yourself immerse yourself
[00:20:19] You know, I'm mad. I'm mad those pills aren't doing anything
[00:20:26] Because I guess my expectation when I take something is to feel fucked up
[00:20:29] Mm. You know or at least feel it you'll stand up and then you'll feel some I feel a little I feel a little wooze here
[00:20:36] No, I don't feel no I don't feel a little
[00:20:47] Talk about for a regular on you guys ever see our we were doing remember the day labor
[00:20:52] Oh, I said I was gonna start a series called comedians and cars closing the garage door. Yeah, that's good chance
[00:20:59] We have won the psychs on and she's like talking about 1994 and how great it was. I'm like totally
[00:21:04] And i'm just saying people closing the garage door leaving and running
[00:21:08] Writing out the note and she's like and that's you know me and tommy davidson. We knew back then
[00:21:13] But what things were in store for us. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah
[00:21:28] Finally. Yeah, is that you choose because you don't get to do it once
[00:21:33] I guess you go down with one just like jaylin out leaving all of his cars, right?
[00:21:38] Jay's their respective jay really was just trying to ultra kill himself
[00:21:43] He doesn't even like cars. Yeah, he just buying the biggest garage boss was gonna let them all run
[00:21:49] Dana told me she's finally bought time. It's gonna happen her friends dad killed himself with his Porsche
[00:22:00] I want to do that you get two bent leaves and just leave them running in the garage
[00:22:05] I'll use it. That's that's the minute you get your two bent leaves. I don't know they're haunted from that point on
[00:22:11] Oh, I want that only one of them's haunted
[00:22:13] That'd be like a penny pinching thing. It's like yeah, I get cheap cars by finding ones that people killed himself
[00:22:22] Suicide auction that'll be tight. I wonder if you have this rope mostly mostly fine
[00:22:35] Don't worry about what that was used for
[00:22:39] This fucked up fork sure one of the fucking sports is all black and shit
[00:22:43] Mm. My little brother actually put his finger in a light bulb. He shit. My man got electrocutors little kid
[00:22:49] Damn his fucking thumbnail was black for like four years
[00:22:53] And his fucking hair straight up stood up
[00:22:55] Wait like like inside of the glass at the filament
[00:22:59] No, no like the little fucking if you unscrew the glass the little electric part. It's all good. It is
[00:23:04] You unscrew the glass a little electric part
[00:23:08] You're like the amount the lack of access you have to the english language is fucking astounding
[00:23:16] You know the fuck I mean, I mean, I know but like you should also just know what a socket is
[00:23:21] That's not what a socket is here. But who wasn't they called the electrical outlets the holes?
[00:23:26] I don't know but I like it. Stop. It wasn't me. So much. I wish it was a holes
[00:23:32] No, just the holes in it. I can't remember. I can't remember the context
[00:23:35] I might have been from something, but they just didn't know it was called an outlet. I mean, yeah, that's hilarious
[00:23:41] My brother my dad made fun of my brother. He was like, yeah, if we were in greece
[00:23:45] He made he was like, yeah, this bullshit american
[00:23:48] Electrocurning grease and instead of yeah, yeah in grease
[00:23:51] And we're like and my mom was like are you are you like sad? Our son didn't die
[00:23:58] My dad was literally made was that true. It's amperage. I'm vaulted. Yeah. I don't think it's more electricity. It's not more
[00:24:03] That's what my dad thought. I mean, he's dumb, but either way, that's a fucking stupid ass point. Yeah
[00:24:14] That's three phase. You got to kill yourself with the three phase. What's the three phase? You unplug the is it fucking oven?
[00:24:20] Is that big ass plug? Oh shit. Yeah, dude. That's how I game
[00:24:25] Mm-hmm. That's how I'm going to be out with the outlet. Yeah, I'll be out with it. Yeah, you need the power
[00:24:32] I need that kind of gaming power. That's what I plug my electric pocket pussy into
[00:24:39] I don't understand how you're able to laugh at this life
[00:24:43] Cause man, it's temporary this prison. I'm in I don't know I would be in hell if I were you I don't get it
[00:24:48] I'm gonna tell now. I've been doing drugs non-stop for fucking eight days. It's me Nick
[00:24:53] I've been fucking I'm every day and it's accurate every day. I take two edibles so that I just pass out around 10
[00:25:00] Uh and this weekend I just took I was so tired of being stuck here
[00:25:04] I took so many mushrooms that I was just like on a psychic journey brother
[00:25:08] Dude, that's I was saying earlier. That's my problem is like whenever I do mushrooms
[00:25:12] I can't stay in a room for more than 10 minutes. I gotta like leave I gotta be outside. I'm eating
[00:25:17] You know, look at the sky. I'm traveling in my mind and I had Thor Ragnarok as a fucking participant
[00:25:24] Oh goldblum's in that movie, right? He crushes it. He's very funny. He's so good in that. Yeah. Yeah
[00:25:32] Nah, your dad's gay. The jeff goldblum. Don't say that about my jeff goldblum rocks, dude
[00:25:36] No, it's true. Jeff Goldblum rules. We we are going to give the uh aliens a a a virus the uh HIV virus
[00:25:54] With the aliens was miss like oh hell not
[00:26:00] If you want to stop this invasion you gotta have gay sex with the aliens will
[00:26:11] It was independence name was shouting the
[00:26:16] Look man, I get stuck on a theme. It gets stuck. No, I'm not I'm not saying it's bad. I love it
[00:26:21] That's the encapsulation of the show is independent state, but the two solutions are screaming the ad word
[00:26:28] Giving them aids by fucking their asses
[00:26:30] If you want to know what comes Jeff Goldblum. He just like that harvey fire scene character
[00:26:36] He's like harvey. Uh, I I I need your help. He's like oh god. David. What do you need me to do?
[00:26:43] We need you to to to to to bleed into the alien mothership
[00:26:48] Oh god. I can't stay bleeding. Is it gonna be a paper cut? Please tell me it's not a paper cut
[00:26:53] It'd be funny if you didn't know who harvey Weinstein was and all that
[00:27:11] The one that created mrs. Doubtfire and his laboratory
[00:27:14] Yeah, that's right. He gives him the fake tits and shit my man has a gravely ass voice. Oh my god
[00:27:21] That voice would feel good rubbing up against your nuts if it was possible to do that. He's carroll on the Simpsons. Oh, yeah
[00:27:31] That's such a good episode. That's great. Damn. I need me a carroll. Yeah, I do. We all need a carroll
[00:27:36] I need a carroll so bad right now. You could win a carroll an assistant. Yes, first of all Adam
[00:27:42] You don't know anything about that. That's not what an assistant would do Nick
[00:27:47] Yeah, do you don't know if you but you don't know if you see in the episode you have to see in Homer's assistant
[00:27:51] Does he make him feel better? He does everything for everything fixes it all up
[00:27:55] He forgets marches birthday or anniversary or some shit guess who gets a fucking singing telegram fucking carroll
[00:28:02] Carl it's a good book Carl Carl gets hair for him. He gets hair for him
[00:28:06] Actually, I think over gets the hair and he gets the promotion and then he gets carroll
[00:28:10] That's he gets then he gets carroll. Yeah, he almost hires a sexy bitch
[00:28:14] But Carl's like no you need me a gay guy instead
[00:28:23] But you do want to fuck those sexy hoards
[00:28:26] With the big ass titties. It's gonna be great in like three months when this show is just me just completely conked out
[00:28:35] That will be like we did it everyone we saved the show
[00:28:38] I just can't think or feel like uh-huh, but I'm not dead. That's fine, dude
[00:28:47] It'll be like Jack Nicholson and uh one flew over the kuguzness
[00:28:54] Jack Nicholson goes to africa. Yeah, okay. Is that is the doodos nest africa? Yeah
[00:29:06] Uh, maybe there's like a nest full of shit in africa. No, no, I'm struggling
[00:29:14] Yeah, you shouldn't have taken three. I'm trying to make my brain work. It's not but here's the thing. I don't feel better
[00:29:20] I know you don't feel better. Yeah, it was never gonna make you feel better
[00:29:22] Oh, no, it was gonna make you stop like your brain just like running on like a thousand miles an hour
[00:29:28] Oh, it was in doing that at the moment. I was already just depressed
[00:29:34] Dude, why don't you open up the random pills? I got I got shrooms. Yeah, let's take a look
[00:29:40] I got I got dick pills. Let's see where the medicine at
[00:29:49] He says you just have some girls college ID. That's my friend Anna. These are my these are my gag cards
[00:29:58] Anna's hot dude. You knock prat. Where's Anna? Who's Anna? Let me see my friend Anna. She lives in Baltimore. That's fine
[00:30:09] I'd never let's imagine a different life. You could have lived
[00:30:14] Yeah, you hadn't blown it with the hand maybe Nick should do a little cap and stem
[00:30:18] Little shrooms just a little just one. Yeah, should I do that? I have some in my freezer. Yeah, you want some?
[00:30:25] Maybe a little stem. You guys have put me in the psych ward. It's like it that can't be the solution. Yeah, it's probably
[00:30:36] You just you're barely struggling you're barely keeping reality a grip on reality as is yeah
[00:30:44] It's medicine my guy. We'll give you this and then we'll put on that scene where gene wilder screams in that boat
[00:30:53] Charlie in the sucklet factory one time I watched that uh that scene where Tom
[00:31:00] uh the rope thing and mission impossible one and
[00:31:04] He can't touch the floor and I was coming up on mushrooms and it fucking freaked me out
[00:31:09] I got so scared. I want to do mushrooms and much Thor again. I can't watch a movie on mushrooms. That was the best moment of my life
[00:31:22] What the fuck is I gonna say? Oh, here's another song ready. We're gonna hold you down and fuck your ass
[00:31:27] We're gonna have gay sex with your asshole
[00:31:33] We're gonna fuck you. I'll get you with
[00:31:36] We're gonna suck your dick and fuck your ass until oh, they're doing rock around the clock at first no
[00:31:42] Just a little rock around the clock. No, it wasn't
[00:31:44] We're gonna suck your dick game. Fuck your ass. That's rock around the clock
[00:31:48] But then you changed it. We're gonna hold you down. This is just an original song
[00:31:56] You know, they're rock around the clock. I mean I sort of I thought I was doing some kind of parody
[00:32:02] Whatever man, what do you think is a better song rock around the clock or clocks by coldplay?
[00:32:10] Did you get lost in that room like that?
[00:32:12] No, not really coldplay is pretty fucking it'd be funny to get to learn how to play that on
[00:32:19] My dick and my father's car and then just like go to like a
[00:32:25] Nord strips or something where they have a piano
[00:32:30] It'd be funny to go to like a department store
[00:32:36] My nuts and then what and then just play that song over and over again
[00:32:41] You know how hard it is to become a Nord strips piano guy those guys are so talented
[00:32:47] They're not those aren't just like some guy that knows piano. They're incredible professional musicians. Really? Yes
[00:32:53] What it always bums me out. How much is that? How good they are? Nothing. It's like a minimum wage
[00:32:59] Well, then why do they do it for the tuxedo?
[00:33:01] They love music so they can be like Jackie Chan. That makes sense. That's who works there
[00:33:05] It's people that are huge fans of Jackie Chan and very good opinion and in sore need of a tuxedo
[00:33:11] What the fuck what that movie was retarded which one the tuxedo made him good at fighting
[00:33:18] Oh, I didn't know that technology in it to make him good at fighting
[00:33:21] I didn't know that was a movie. Yeah the tuxedo
[00:33:23] I think we talked about on the show and said the fuck seat. Oh, I was just gonna say the fuck
[00:33:32] That's a good bit. I think we already I want to fuck see. I think you forgot what tuxedo was
[00:33:37] I there's no way we didn't say that. Oh, yeah, there's no chance. I'm imagining my life with Anna
[00:33:43] She's nice. She's cool. She's you vouch for her. Look how beautiful she is. She's very beautiful. She's very nice
[00:33:50] She's one of the boys too. She can hang. Yeah, what does that mean?
[00:33:53] She she's just like she's a big cock and we all suck it. She makes a suck it like one of the boys
[00:34:03] She's six nine. She can dunk dude. She can dunk huge hands her dick's bigger than stops nice shoulders
[00:34:12] She can do she's in the thousand pound club
[00:34:16] Yeah first squad stops in the thousand pound club. Yep, who is stop? He's in the thousand
[00:34:24] No, how much do you think you I don't want to I don't want to think about it man
[00:34:29] Once I'm back on my feet then I'll hit the scale you are wearing an under armor shirt, which is not the most flattering shirt for
[00:34:37] Around man. How fucking dare you under armor. It's not it's not fucking clean to me dude. It's not heat gear tight
[00:34:44] Underarmors like show your curves, you know first of all dude. It's not that tight protect this blouse second of all
[00:34:49] I think I look pretty good actually I think you look cute obviously. I always think you look good
[00:34:55] No, dude. Don't fucking patronize me right now. I do I want to go on a hot air balloon ride
[00:35:01] I really think that if you just be the solution to go gone
[00:35:05] Yeah, for you don't do my bits of me. I know I know you've been just talking about it
[00:35:10] Please don't just do my stand-up. It's at me
[00:35:14] Did you know there's a guy we were talking about it before you did you know there's a guy who downloaded
[00:35:18] A bunch of terra butch a child pornography. Yeah. Yeah, I was laughing today about call
[00:35:25] Call up the suicide hotline you're like I just
[00:35:29] I really don't see a fucking way out of this and I feel worthless and they're like, you know
[00:35:33] Everybody says that but you got people around you. It's like I just no matter what I do. I just can't stop molesting my knees
[00:35:39] What yeah, that's a fun bit if you guys are out there and you want to call up the suicide hotline
[00:35:54] Guys, please don't but think it's a good bit. It is a funny bit
[00:35:58] But don't muck up the suicide hotline with erroneous molestation claims. No, no, what do you do?
[00:36:06] Does anyone ever really call the suicide hotline they ever get it's just for veterans. You think so?
[00:36:14] I feel it's just for people to put in tweets
[00:36:19] There should be an n-word hotline you can call up and say the just say it
[00:36:23] Get it out. Does it have to be add a black person? No, but that adds a little bit of flavor
[00:36:28] No, actually if it's actually I have been saying this for years. There should be a service
[00:36:33] Where you you get go to an office and there's like a guy in a suit and tie there
[00:36:38] A black guy in a suit and tiny and you pay him for the service of being able to say it around him
[00:36:43] He says you can say it and then you say it and then you close the door and you leave but like it's like confession
[00:36:49] Yeah, it's like it's funny if you go like you pay like you have a hundred
[00:36:52] I find like a black catholic church for the black priest and you go into confession. You're like, I just can't stop saying
[00:36:58] But you just you don't say the n-word you say the actual word. Oh, yeah through the little screen
[00:37:06] He's like, uh-huh. He's like, what are you gonna do? You're fucking priest. Yeah, right
[00:37:12] You're supposed to say god forgives me. Mm-hmm deacon deacon deacon
[00:37:17] Oh damn, that is a good loophole to saying the n-word. Yeah, black priest. I'm about loopholes
[00:37:31] Who else could you say it in front of the mayor?
[00:37:35] Marry de Blasio. Yep. Sure. What's you gonna do? Nothing. Nothing. He's a fucking bitch
[00:37:40] You think that the blasio he wouldn't even stand up for his wife if she was being attacked. Yeah
[00:37:48] But his wife's a marriage of ritual slurs
[00:37:53] Um the bearage bitch. You could probably say it to racial
[00:38:00] Fixing goal is all by following around screaming the n-word at her all day long. I wonder if what people would like that or not
[00:38:06] That is true. It's like she wanted to be black. No, she can be meet the racist who's helping everyone
[00:38:17] The guy who works he would be making her dream come true of being black. Yeah
[00:38:30] Are you watching whip nay nay videos? Yeah, somebody's something whipping a nay nay video
[00:38:40] Damn, I can't wait to die too. Yeah, it's gonna be awesome. Yeah, I just really want to get super fucked up on drugs
[00:38:49] Well, I got shrooms. I think I have a little bit of acid. I have weed
[00:38:54] I'm not doing coke anymore. I've had her all. Yeah
[00:38:56] I got some weird dick pills. I got some what kind of weird dick pills you got
[00:39:01] Why just give me the regular one because I want you to give a good experience, you know
[00:39:05] What are the weird ones though some fucking like a dropper that you drop in your mouth, but I know it's given me a headache before but a hard-ass dick
[00:39:14] So it's kind of a trade-off. How can I drop it down my dick hole?
[00:39:20] To be honest, but to be completely fair. I have not tried dropping it into my dick hole
[00:39:25] I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna start main lining dick pill juice into my fucking my main vein
[00:39:32] What I've been doing to help my dick is I've been taking leeches from a healthy hard dick
[00:39:37] Yeah, I put them on a healthy hard dick and then I take the blood and pump it into my cock. Dude aging sucks
[00:39:43] You know I'm saying yeah, that's a good idea
[00:39:48] And it's helped a lot all right. I guess what I got to say something funny or something
[00:39:53] So I was this fucking podcast if you want to I'm trying to that was funny what we're doing in the car about the
[00:40:00] Mexican day labor is afraid of the idea of Halloween
[00:40:05] On the show already because Adam said no
[00:40:08] I started very scary movie calling and I'm here before crease
[00:40:19] There he's like Halloween scares me so much because
[00:40:34] Construction worker he's also like upset because he doesn't know if 7 11 is 7 or
[00:40:42] Because he is a bit or 11 because the picture is a seven but then he say
[00:40:56] The page is just a seven. It's a seven and then the word 11
[00:41:07] How do that should start at the eastern shore this weekend? Oh, yeah, what happened with that soft-shelled crab sandwich and sucked
[00:41:15] It sucked sucked man. It was really fucking bad. I was really upset. I'm sorry, bro. Oh, no
[00:41:21] Do you have any other crab or that was that I mean I went to Brooklyn crab a couple days ago
[00:41:28] That was heavy. Yeah, yeah, my grandma doesn't remember who I am anymore. Damn
[00:41:32] So she remembers like a concept of me, but you can't put my face to it
[00:41:36] Did I tell you the shit that happened with my grandma's like that when I went to Greece and
[00:41:41] I think I've told a story before but I'll just say it she I went to Greece and then she was like fucking losing it
[00:41:49] She's like who is it? Who are you and I was like, hey, it's stavro manoli son and she's like
[00:42:03] You don't remember who I am. It's the same remember. I'm fat
[00:42:10] She had no idea where the fuck I was but in her fucking old dumb bitch mind
[00:42:15] The thing that remember she remembered was making feel bad. Was that the last thing she said?
[00:42:19] Yeah, it was one of the last things she said to me. Yeah
[00:42:23] It's it's I remember when my friend was there and she's like oh and who are you again?
[00:42:28] And you like tell her and she's like where do you live? You know, huh?
[00:42:35] Over and over and over again. Yeah, you just have to keep saying it and they look bad because they're old and fucking yeah
[00:42:40] Barris or whatever. Yeah, and they're surrounded by like crazy people also who like can't remember anything
[00:42:47] Yeah, like some sort of like psych ward situation. Oh in my other my other grandma was when she was like in that home
[00:42:52] She was just fucking catatonic. You know, yeah, it was just so fucking depressing. Yeah, you know
[00:42:57] You know an old person home is fucked up. Yeah, I have to go there with my dad and like it's just like anytime
[00:43:03] I'm driving through like central jersey. It's just have like memories of my father watching his mother die
[00:43:11] Just going to subway my dad my dad like you know
[00:43:17] Thing like just defeated middle-class white guys do they're really into like Boston market
[00:43:21] Yeah, that's their little treat. Yeah, they sneak away for a little fucking like if you had have you had
[00:43:35] Exactly we go up there in seer and you'd have to stop at the subway and yet like
[00:43:39] The sandwich always gets a subway and then bring half to his mom
[00:43:43] It was like eat the sandwich mom and she was just fucking sit there with cancer
[00:43:46] Mmm just skin cancer eating away the top of her head, which is like oh no point in doing anything about that
[00:43:57] She just like couldn't do anything couldn't look at anybody
[00:43:59] You know she would look at you and like, you know, just roll her eyes because it's like you're just waiting to die
[00:44:08] Damn if you're that old give them a gun let them rob a bank. It's all funny
[00:44:12] Because there's no chicken in here because all these you know everyone's like wow we've extended people's lives
[00:44:18] They live like well, who's the hundreds now and everybody who's under 65 is like great
[00:44:23] But then you forget that like basically after 75 ish. Yeah, it's just like it sucks any day, you know, yeah
[00:44:32] Yeah, fuck that's gonna be horrible being old as Trump. Is he that old? He's 70
[00:44:37] Yeah, that's too old to be the president. Is he that old?
[00:44:42] I think he's I thought he was older than that
[00:44:49] Yeah, well Reagan was what 73? He was the oldest Reagan was the oldest ever my man went cuckoo in office
[00:45:01] That's my Reagan. That's good. I invented crack cocaine
[00:45:05] And AIDS because I hate blacks and quares. He's just DM me. Have you ever played in nintendo ds?
[00:45:14] That's a good question. Have you I actually don't think I have
[00:45:20] But I have a switch that's out to switch
[00:45:22] I like got a switch. Yeah, they're playing it right now outside. Which game tennis? I'm Mario tennis
[00:45:27] I buff start do valley where you're just a little bit. Yeah. Yeah, my friend put bari siren put
[00:45:35] I think 300 hours into his farm. Really? Yeah, is it awesome?
[00:45:40] I think he just likes living in that world and not this was the farm awesome. I mean, it's really cool
[00:45:47] I'm gonna have to holler. It's really impressive. I don't know if it's worth 300 hours your boy's been playing a nice amount of time
[00:45:54] But he loved started he was playing so much
[00:45:57] He gave me his ps4 because he had to stop. Oh, he's playing on ps4 and then he would come over to my house
[00:46:04] And then just sit there for like six hours
[00:46:08] Working on his farm together with fuck with the sims
[00:46:11] Yeah, that shit was awesome, dude. It's a like a lot. It's a lot friendlier than the scrims
[00:46:18] You can fuck with people. You're hanging out playing the scrims
[00:46:21] The scrims you put them in a little last house
[00:46:27] I got my little last house here my man got a job
[00:46:31] My man putting on his clothes. Oh, he said grand piano
[00:46:40] Oh fuck the only available jobs the critiques of you know people get mad at this show on twitter or whatever
[00:46:46] Mm-hmm. So it'll just like clip something like that and be like this is a fucking minstrel show
[00:46:57] Some old-ass black guy playing the sims and calling it the scrims is really funny. I mean that hey does it for me
[00:47:03] I guess I won't kill myself just this instant
[00:47:06] I'll wait until I stop thinking about the scrims
[00:47:08] The only jobs over scrims are a mall security guard and nail
[00:47:20] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah braiding hair in your kitchen
[00:47:26] Were you guys cut co-kids over? No, I almost did. I thought I asked my parents. They said no
[00:47:33] Really? They told me I was going into banking like the rest of us
[00:47:36] No secret banking. You gave for knives my parents are too dumb for banking. Yeah
[00:47:50] Let's start this new thing now. We're ever this dead air. I'll just start saying whatever word is in my head. Okay. Go. Okay. Maxwell house
[00:47:57] Folgers the best part of giving head is the semen in your mouth
[00:48:03] All right, that's fun. Yeah, you say word and then I'll do a gay jingle french horn
[00:48:10] I saw my teachers cock when he taught me to play
[00:48:19] Okay, that's no one appreciates their teachers enough when they teach them a new thing
[00:48:24] I can't wait to just speak just so debilitated by drugs and still doing this show. Don't do it
[00:48:37] Okay, the show must go on. Mm-hmm. I was telling him today. I was like we don't need like if you're feeling bad
[00:48:43] We don't look back on the last hour to do the show. Yeah, this is this is people live for this
[00:48:50] This sucks people. That's fine people can't wait to hear this. Did you just hear my last joke about sucking?
[00:48:56] Sucking your teachers dig into the French for the Folgers the French horn for something
[00:49:05] Yeah, the best part of sucking your teachers dig is he also taught you French horn
[00:49:13] See that dude. That's called improvisation Adam being a professional. Yeah, make you throw him a word and see if he can do better
[00:49:20] I just please somebody riff something out. Just go into some kind of bid
[00:49:25] Somebody do it. All right. I find a way to pull me out of this fucking hole
[00:49:31] You either lift me up and drag me across the finish line. Mm-hmm. Yeah, we got you buddy like one of those you know retarded people or something
[00:49:41] That'll get the juice flowing hold on. I guess what if it's like
[00:49:48] Therapy but they convert you to being gay
[00:49:52] That's good. Oh, here's you something I was like a gig conversion camp
[00:49:56] But it's a bunch of gay kids making conversion vans
[00:50:00] Good or like oh, we'll put a little TV back here
[00:50:05] Yeah, those would be really nice hands and then they come back and blush fan like oh my god mom dad
[00:50:10] Thank you so much for sending me to camp and they're like so do you still want to kiss boys?
[00:50:14] They're like of course, but I know how to make vans now. Yeah
[00:50:20] This shit I read the brochure a gay guy drives off in his van
[00:50:25] I just have to having sex with all those children all summer. I was thinking I was laughing at um
[00:50:31] A guy calling getting fucked in the ass someone hacking into his ass
[00:50:36] They hacked the man. Yeah, you hacked into my ass
[00:50:42] Dude those guys keep hacking into my ass. I was laughing about a t-shirt earlier today
[00:50:46] And it's uh the cheerios be and he's saying do I look at child porn and your beeswax
[00:50:56] Yeah, we were imagining which of nix fans would actually buy it and wear it
[00:51:01] Yeah, this is walking around with a cheerios be admitting to being a pedophile
[00:51:09] All right, what's the dumbest shirt you ever owned when I
[00:51:11] I bought a shirt when I first got my own debit card. You guys remember t-shirt hell.com. Yes, dude
[00:51:18] I used to do the contest all the time. Did you do you would get anything on that bitch?
[00:51:22] Basically half the shirts on that website are for me really? No, that would have been awesome. I know it would have been cool
[00:51:29] I used to love that shit because I was I was a fucked up youth that just loved
[00:51:33] Was it just like I remember submitting a shirt the first thing I ever submitted to them
[00:51:37] In fact, I only submitted like two or three things
[00:51:39] But the first one I was so happy with the idea when I was like 14 or 15
[00:51:43] I like drew it in ms paint. Oh, you drew it and everything. Yeah, it's like
[00:51:51] I laugh at them because their mom is dead and it's like a goth kid making fun of some kid or whatever while he's like crying
[00:51:58] That's a good that sounds right up their alley too. They didn't use it. They didn't like it
[00:52:02] What did you what was the show you bought?
[00:52:03] I bought one that said scrappy ending and it was scrappy due getting jerked off by an Asian woman
[00:52:11] And I wore that shirt around and everything when I was like 16 thinking that I'm a massage parlor. Yeah, it was like in a massage parlor
[00:52:18] So I can't believe that's on a shirt. Yeah, I was on a shirt and it was so inappropriate
[00:52:32] Wow, I think I wore it maybe to that Wu Tang Klain concert where I said the n word
[00:52:40] Because method man was like I can't hear you and I was like, it's pretty it's a good bit to yell the n word at the top of my lungs
[00:52:46] Yeah, and a Wu Tang concert when I saw Drake in concert
[00:52:50] That was the most times I've ever seen white people using the n word
[00:52:55] It was all it was and they were all like 15 year old girls and they were just
[00:52:59] Oh saying trying to get their shit split by Drake. Yeah, that was a really uncomfortable
[00:53:05] Uh night for me because I went with Brandon Wardell. Mm-hmm. Who was a lived at his parents house child
[00:53:11] I remember I was supposed to go but I was sick. Yeah, I was an adult man. Was this Halloween?
[00:53:16] This is around then. Yeah, it was Drake in future, right?
[00:53:27] Jay Cole I think opened it was on the uh club paradise tour
[00:53:35] And so I then I was in a meeting and I came back to my desk and I had like 35 texts from Brandon
[00:53:43] And the first one was like hey, Adam like well. He asked me if I wanted to see Drake
[00:53:47] I was like yeah, I'll spend like 30 bucks like getting nosebleeds. Yeah
[00:53:50] And he's like hey, Adam. I found great seats. Hey Adam. Please text me back. Hey, Adam. I found great seats
[00:53:54] Hey, Adam. I think I'm just gonna do it. Hey, Adam. Okay. I'm using my parents credit card
[00:53:58] Hey, Adam like I'm gonna get these seats and then he's like hey Adam. You owe me 140 dollars Jesus Christ
[00:54:05] He bought 140 dollar tickets to see Drake
[00:54:09] Which I didn't even really like Drake that much at the time
[00:54:12] Then we were there and it was all these kids that were his age
[00:54:15] And they're all like like slutty teenage girls grinding on me as an adult and I'd be like you should do it to him
[00:54:26] You would have been very mean to me if we were the same barely you were barely wait. How old is Brandon?
[00:54:31] How much older are you than bro much older? I guess you are. I forget how old you dumbass is yeah
[00:54:41] Because like I think I was 24 or 23 and he was 18. Oh, yeah getting that fresh push
[00:54:50] What are you doing? Why are you masturbating or vaginas? I'm scratching my feet. Why are you?
[00:54:55] I just saw him like fingering it looks like you are flicking a clip. Yeah
[00:55:00] Adjusting my scrotum from an awkward position. It was him you got that long scrotum that long
[00:55:08] So it was sort of yeah kind of getting close to the ass crack and I kind of pulled it back
[00:55:17] What's the stupidest shirt you ever owned?
[00:55:24] And she bought me a shirt that said the melody of Prague
[00:55:30] Is that the hog of Cape Town? Seventh grade. Yes the slut
[00:55:45] You still have a beautiful mind. Yeah, it'll be fun
[00:55:49] We're gonna have to fuck Jennifer Connolly. That's a solution. Go to hollywood
[00:55:54] Track down Jennifer Connolly. We take three more of those pills. No, I'm doing it
[00:55:58] Why you're pretty subdued man. I know but I want to just really just disappear. No, man
[00:56:08] Taking them sometimes because I like to do drugs
[00:56:13] I guess I am kind of chilled out. Yeah, you're chilled out. Yeah, let's go eat
[00:56:18] Let's quit this show forever and go eat. Let's go back to being sandwich friends
[00:56:27] I had listen to this fucking cheese bacon mushrooms omelette
[00:56:38] Four minutes of woody. Oh, okay. I got this. Do you really I could literally no problem fill up four minutes?
[00:56:51] Adam said you're if you're not feeling well, we can cancel and I said no
[00:56:54] I said that niggas said if rush limbaugh can do
[00:56:57] Every fucking pill in the world and still do radio. That's right. Yeah
[00:57:03] I'm not I'm not gonna let the right win. No, dude. You know, I'm gonna be I'm gonna be
[00:57:09] the spousal abuse pill addict voice of the left
[00:57:13] Dude, you guys don't know this but uh every every left
[00:57:17] Candidates fucking fundraising numbers go down when we miss an episode. Yeah, so we can't no caustia
[00:57:24] Freedom anywhere in New York. I don't know
[00:57:26] I think you can get them at like gas station. What is crater? I don't know. It's like fake heroin or something. No
[00:57:31] No, I mean it does have like kind of an opiate feel to it. Really? Yeah, yeah
[00:57:36] Dan deacon used to be way into that shit. Yeah
[00:57:40] Because he didn't do regular drugs. He looks just drinks it all day long. Really? Yeah
[00:57:45] It's it's a it's not a drug looks like a herb
[00:57:47] You wall. Yeah, it's like the plant that you can extract drugs out of probably nice
[00:57:51] It's from the earth dude from the earth dude. It's fucking natural
[00:57:57] So anyway, I had a fucking cheese cheese bacon mushrooms omelet
[00:58:01] Sider we toast hash brown on the motherfucking side. Of course crispier than my dick
[00:58:07] You know with the shit saturated with oil and it's brown as fuck outside and you just like get that nice crisp
[00:58:12] So much better than a soft fucking hash brown. We can move around the little fucking molecule
[00:58:16] I'll tell you man mcdonald's hash browns are my favorite run it right. Yes. They knock out of the park
[00:58:21] I love those mcdonald's hash browns a little bit of salt and pepper dip it in some ketchup little katsap
[00:58:27] Yeah, not ain't nothing wrong with that. That's a nice life to live
[00:58:30] I used to love I used to love going to the fucking mcdonald's on by the it was all festering having you
[00:58:37] Same shopping center of santones. I believe
[00:58:40] Uh, shout out santones local east baltimore
[00:58:43] Uh, mr. Supermarket chain santones and just go buck ass wild in that fucking
[00:58:52] They had it. Listen if those are the play place
[00:58:55] Now it was like saturday's my mom would take us fucking
[00:58:57] Are they are grown ups allowed there or not because they wouldn't answer the question when I asked you have to go in and find
[00:59:02] Down. Yeah, I tried to take you kick you out. No, thanks. Yeah, you know what I like to do in my heart
[00:59:07] I got a child just asked heart. Yep. I like to put on a scream mask
[00:59:11] I got a sir. I have a child's penis. I should be allowed
[00:59:16] Man, I got that childish ass penis. You know what I'm saying is playful
[00:59:20] It's got a little mind of his own, you know, I'm saying it's got a young heart
[00:59:27] It's not the ain't nothing fucking wrong. Do you plead guilty to child molestation or not?
[00:59:33] Fuck I plead child. I plead from my heart
[00:59:36] I plead a man who enjoys the company of children
[00:59:52] Yes, that's wrong and you were hereby sentenced
[00:59:59] The scrims jeff goldblum the fucking yeah, that was I like to jeff goldblum saying giving the maids
[01:00:11] Conversion van camp that's pretty good. Yeah. Yeah sure
[01:00:24] Don't worry folks. I'm gonna get on clon or I guess depa code or sarah quill or something
[01:00:30] And sarah queer. I don't know. I'm gonna see a psychiatrist and figure out what I need to do to get back to being able to
[01:00:41] This is this is actually progress though because what you would do in the past is just ride this out
[01:00:48] Move to like montan or something. Do some giant like
[01:00:52] Fall off the wagon. Yeah communicate everyone I know
[01:00:55] Yeah, fucking move halfway across the country
[01:01:00] Beard go beard. I'm not running away from my problems anymore. I'm a 22 year old man
[01:01:07] You're 20 years old. Yeah, is that was that a thing people do think girl?
[01:01:22] Old bitches still loves all the old bitches your body's gone
[01:01:26] But that mouth is still fucking working
[01:01:28] All the old pussy might be about to fall out of your fucking cavity
[01:01:32] I can't wait to be it just like an old guy on my third wife or whatever and like yeah mean
[01:01:37] Diane we have fun, you know, we got a golf cart that we drive around drinking margaritas in and
[01:01:43] Awesome. Yeah. Yeah, we have ass we have ass sex in the golf
[01:01:53] And then I get some fucking nice ass clothes we go sit on her boat not even take it out of the fucking dock
[01:02:01] And you know what she's got she's got a son. He's 27
[01:02:06] I met I met him once or twice. Maybe no reason for us ever relationship has grown man in his own right
[01:02:13] Dude, I cannot wait to just be old as shit and just
[01:02:16] I just that's what I want is because you don't you can't care about anything exactly
[01:02:21] I'm excited for when my body. I can't fuck when my dick stops working completely because it's like then there's no even
[01:02:27] Expectation I'll finger fuck I'll beat off
[01:02:49] I get my nipple suckers. I'm sure I don't know. We'll try some you shit, man
[01:02:56] Those Viagra's work forever dude. They work even if you'll find out man. Yeah, we certainly will
[01:03:03] You always get the you can always get the young get the the pump that would be the internal pump
[01:03:11] That'd be awesome. I have all your dick nerves removes
[01:03:17] Just turn my cock into a fucking sex toy. I can't feel this is gets like it's like reappolster
[01:03:22] Yeah, I would get fresh young baby skin on that shit calf
[01:03:30] I want beautiful golden brown porta Rican baby four skins all over my cock
[01:03:35] I'm gonna reach you but nate that shit my friend David when we we're middle school used to take his dad's dick pills
[01:03:41] Nice and fuck you in the end. No, he would be hard for he like call me. He's like dude. I've had a boat for like six and a half
[01:03:56] That's respect right there. Yeah, we're like 12 and he's like dude. It's so sick. I'm like
[01:04:03] This gets your shit like incredibly hard. Yeah Viagra. That's crazy. Mm-hmm. I don't know this will be like seeing
[01:04:08] Something like an old friend. Yeah, not even an old friend. It'd be like fuck. I forgot how funny big Lebowski
[01:04:19] One time my dick has not been completely hard since like I think I did this bit before the towers fell
[01:04:30] 2006 yeah, yeah, yeah, that's when it really fell off. Yeah, what was my fucking most beautiful?
[01:04:38] Probably yeah, I would say probably 2009 for me. Yeah, what I really had just oh
[01:04:45] Yeah, it was Obama coming in dude. I see
[01:04:48] I fucked this when you become a man of the mind. You know said of a man of it
[01:04:58] Get this golf cart margaritas dude eat like a month. I'm gonna be such a fat piece of shit
[01:05:05] Oh my god my last five years on earth early bronti's birthday
[01:05:09] Who is the the lady some writer? Yeah, I think she wrote
[01:05:14] Fron the prejudice either she wrote watering heights for the sister. She wrote were there in heights
[01:05:19] Someone bronti i fuck with that song. Charlotte bronti wrote watering heights. Emily bronti. That's a good song. I don't know about a book
[01:05:24] That song is sick. Yeah, book sucks. What's her name?
[01:05:32] Bait Kush right and he's speed off and smoke weed. I love that. That literally is what I've been doing the lesson. Oh, yeah bait Kush
[01:05:40] All right. I think that's as much as you're gonna get out of me great. Well gang well
[01:05:45] If you want if you want this experience but live
[01:05:49] Who knows will make you himself all live at the come down live?
[01:05:52] I can't kill myself. You guys rely on me for financial. We're sure that's true
[01:05:57] I got people it would be fucked up to do it. Yeah, I mean you should just not kill yourself
[01:06:04] Don't even worry about the financial they worry about the show. We just would prefer you not to be dead
[01:06:10] Come down live at the auto bar. I'm gonna kill myself get rid of the patreon so there's no reason
[01:06:15] Delete your subscriptions. There's no reason we are doing come down live august 12th at the auto bar
[01:06:29] Uh the auto bar police come out and see us nick before that will be a carolines
[01:06:33] 9th 10th 11th go support our boy. Yeah, I ran some new shit at ndc. I feel like I got
[01:06:40] I got stand up back in my heart. Yeah, he's falling apart
[01:06:43] But he stayed up is better than ever. He's got yeah, he's got about 24 minutes on moles
[01:06:55] Just got any of that 20 minutes off on the dvd
[01:06:59] You know, I got a home theater system you fucking pussy. I got it apple tv fucking
[01:07:05] DVD you name it makes sense. Well, you know what you got 24 minutes on a fuck you got half a watch
[01:07:13] Um, I will also be in charlotte's bill on the 17th at the southern. I will be back in baltimore
[01:07:22] Stand-up show an art gallery opening with my little brother george judgey art by judgey
[01:07:29] Um, if you've come if you came to the last baltimore live show dm
[01:07:32] And i'll give you a hat two for one tickets code for that one in baltimore
[01:07:35] Um, and then on the 19th. I will be at filly. It's a good good comedy theater
[01:07:41] Um, that's i'm making that up. Please if you bought tickets the first time come out and see me again
[01:07:45] Do it right now. It's two shows, but we will add a third if it if they sell out
[01:07:52] The whole squad's gonna be there again come town live on the second and cleveland by takes of that and hilarities
[01:07:57] Boston we should look into maybe adding a second show or a bigger venue because I think it's sold out
[01:08:02] But we're gonna work on getting more tickets out there
[01:08:05] And then more shit's coming up guys check out my website stavi.biz stavie.biz
[01:08:10] stavie vby.biz I have my personal dates. I'm gonna be a good canada get i'm gonna be in your linson lafayette
[01:08:17] I'm gonna be and i'm keeps punching my nuts. I'm gonna be in chicago
[01:08:22] Um and detroit and then after that we're gonna be all over the place australia etc etc
[01:08:27] But anyway guys thank you so much. Thanks for listening suck us off eat my ass. Fuck you. You're dumb bitch. Bye