Cum Town | Premium | 08/27/2018
[00:00:00] We're live. We're live in Vegas at the MGM brand casino at the fight between
[00:00:07] the right side of Gomez and Ryan O'Gomes the Puerto Rican rattlesnake versus the
[00:00:13] white guy the white man guy that I think I don't know radio host yeah so by the
[00:00:20] time this airs the fight will have already have happened and I'm sure the
[00:00:24] internet will be filled with people saying a fucking knew it I knew exactly
[00:00:28] what's gonna happen in a situation with only two possible outcomes you somehow
[00:00:33] had the genius insight to breath fuck dude Adam this yeah just so everyone knows
[00:00:39] I'm kind of worried what I'm worried for Lewis is gonna die one punch dead that
[00:00:44] Lewis is it would be so funny if he gets his skull you know it's not that I'm
[00:00:49] not worried that the other guy's gonna kill him it's like I don't believe that
[00:00:53] he actually does exercise you're right you know he looks better than he did he
[00:00:57] looks better than he did but a couple of videos of him punching the LOS interns
[00:01:00] in the face I mean that's not going to the gym get in here I understand going to
[00:01:08] the the startup offices of a vape company that sponsors one of the podcasts on
[00:01:13] your networks hosted by I don't know Bo D.D.L. and the clown from Slipknot
[00:01:23] yeah does dude wait Bo D.L. has the show and gas oh yeah dude that rocks I saw
[00:01:27] Andrew dice yeah it's like but they have no D.L. has the show on gas digital now
[00:01:32] they got the dice man they got the dice man damn it's like a replacement
[00:01:36] guitarist from nothing face Adam Adam Adam I fucked up like I'm barely yeah
[00:01:45] Adam left the cord at the by the way I'm reading some peanut butter I got a
[00:01:49] hair cut don't eat to man come on new XLR and then I forgot it at the haircut
[00:01:54] plus yeah he got a 40 what was a $90 haircut from Chinese lady much and then
[00:01:59] she wasn't Chinese she was Japanese it's a Chinese Japanese dirty knees look at
[00:02:05] these you know port Portuguese oh yeah there was a stong girls would do and they
[00:02:11] pointed their pussy right I think they would point to their titties no titties
[00:02:15] in their pussy I remember that I remember being sexual by other four year olds
[00:02:19] those girls would sing that to me and I would go but we're not ready to fuck
[00:02:23] yet yeah we have to wait three more years they pull your little flaccid
[00:02:26] cock out you little faggot and they'd suck you off yeah that's like that
[00:02:30] happened to me but it was adults yeah it happened to me but I was fully hard
[00:02:34] and my dick was humongous oh when I was a year my dad was seven years old yeah I
[00:02:39] got the Benjamin Button dick that's my big ages backwards that's also the
[00:02:44] name of your dick I'm gonna be an old man with just a smooth little cock
[00:02:52] I want like a little clown those dick you know just why so serious tattooed
[00:03:01] at the top yeah on scars I like Joker makeup does it put out seltzer I want a
[00:03:07] little flower dick that puts the self sir my body if you press my ball
[00:03:11] self comes out classic prank one ball seltzer the other ball come of course
[00:03:15] why you can't pull your dick out like a little flower pot falls on it and cracks
[00:03:18] over it's a I think if I double if I double-handed I don't worry about
[00:03:26] Lewis I hope he wins yeah I this is Lewis is a good friend of mine mm-hmm
[00:03:31] and I'll be honest with you I really I really do hope he triumphs over adversity
[00:03:35] I do too because the guy needs the guy needs this kind of win what is the
[00:03:38] backstory there's a beef or is it just like their friends and they're doing it
[00:03:42] for fun friends they don't know each other it started off as like a joke or
[00:03:45] something the guy was like yeah I'll fight that little this guy mm-hmm
[00:03:48] Lewis is I'll never back down from a fight dude yeah this guy lives in Vegas or
[00:03:52] they're traveling to Vegas I don't know the other guys got a positive LA guy yeah
[00:03:57] okay but I think he actually like trained like he actually trained as well
[00:04:01] I said before I'll say it again open challenged any fucking comedian or
[00:04:05] podcast host that wants to compete against me in an open wheel race any kind of
[00:04:09] F1 preferably yeah you know you get the grand pre we will find yeah we're both
[00:04:15] gonna do Monaco one via one sort of a misty kind of light rain situation we're
[00:04:20] gonna recreate lemons lemons yeah and well obviously no teams it's just us
[00:04:26] 24 hours you stay in that fucking car you how about lemons but it's just for
[00:04:30] guys yeah yeah lemons well see you can do mom oh man la mom we've seen that
[00:04:37] documentary that's what well that's what lemons means in French is the guys the
[00:04:41] guy ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
[00:04:44] just hang with the wait what is lemons I thought you're talking about lemons
[00:04:47] lemons is like where the preps is a race it's what's still a race it's a 24 hour
[00:04:51] race whoa where no breaks no breaks no breaks no one's allowed to have breaks
[00:04:57] on their car yeah you know break now like teams compete you drive okay you
[00:05:02] drive for like 24 hours that the shit we like drive across like the desert no
[00:05:06] it's just that's cool you do as many lapses you can in 24 hours oh that's it
[00:05:11] yeah just a track mm-hmm what's that shit where they go what's that sure
[00:05:14] where they go circle it's like right it's a road yeah what's that shit where they
[00:05:18] go like through the desert and that's like a dune bughaha yeah dude we should
[00:05:23] do some of that yeah well again look any any fucking consequence to challenge me
[00:05:27] to an open real f at open wheel f1 it challenged me to a do a dune buggy
[00:05:31] race a drifting competition again we need sponsors but we're going public
[00:05:36] roads mm-hmm I don't give a shit J. Leno J. Leno you're being called out right
[00:05:40] now that's right J. Yeah it's just me and J. Leno die oh yeah you would immediately
[00:05:46] crash shakes high stakes race just a giant explosion everyone in the stands
[00:05:51] catches on fire I kill 37 people myself flipping a two million dollar course
[00:05:59] sports just F1 yeah I wanted one of those old like like formula one cars
[00:06:06] look funny as shit cuz they're just like shitty old cars like go cards yeah
[00:06:11] you so much body yeah yeah and motherfuckers are really getting fucked up on
[00:06:16] those I would guess yeah yeah have you ever seen that documentary Sena about
[00:06:19] the Brazilian guy there was there was like a horrific crash in Lamonts and I
[00:06:24] think 58 mm like a car like went up into the stands and just killed holy shit
[00:06:31] and they just kept racing respect yeah gotta respect the sport the show must
[00:06:35] go on damn that's actually I think it's a good it's a pretty big dick move from
[00:06:39] the French I think most of the main like world famous F1 guys are all around
[00:06:43] like 5 7 5 8 mm it's like you would be good at it no you so all three of us
[00:06:47] would be like it all three of us would be perfect we could all be yeah we should
[00:06:51] all be yeah you guys you guys we can stop it might be too heavy for the cars
[00:06:56] yeah but you're you're little frame is perfect you're live little right around
[00:07:00] I've ate frame I consider myself to be like a Lewis Hamilton type of guy kind
[00:07:04] of a hip-hop style you know he's white just because he's black because he's
[00:07:07] black he's Hamilton is like it's like the blackest thing that he does is he
[00:07:12] prefers shadow to Sonic he's friends with rappers
[00:07:20] pussy had dolls really does he who's Hamilton was the the like Nissan guy
[00:07:28] right like the Nissan Gran Turismo guy I don't know who's but I thought he was
[00:07:32] with Ford no but I mean like it was Nissan had like I think Nissan had like
[00:07:37] a Gran Turismo school like the people do their best at Gran Turismo got to go
[00:07:41] a school and then the video game yeah I think he got into that rules yeah I
[00:07:46] think so the wheel was worth it Nick if you just applied yourself and kept with
[00:07:50] it I do you still you still look like cool tunes for my Raptor you know try to
[00:07:57] drift really Raptor you still wheel no that's been collecting saw dust yeah I
[00:08:01] know I mean that was I mean that was just an ironic purchase yeah yeah I got
[00:08:06] maybe you know what also what happened to your shoulder I fucked up my shoulder
[00:08:10] benching like a year ago and then and then the wheel exacerbated it damn
[00:08:16] dude yeah anything for fucking the glory on the track I'm telling you man
[00:08:20] that's the ideal the ideal lifestyle fat video games lifting weights yeah
[00:08:27] completely just not fucking your girlfriend ever emotionally checked out
[00:08:31] she doesn't know how to process it yes you know mm-hmm she's like why is this
[00:08:36] disgusting man not fucking right I love this piece of shit for some reason she's
[00:08:42] mad at herself he loves you she can't understand she wants to hang out and I'm
[00:08:47] like I have to have things I have come on bitches Lamont's bay windows on my
[00:08:52] apartment she's walking by and sees me feeding Doritos to Ernest you yell at
[00:08:56] her for walking for the you fucking bitch say pause
[00:09:03] why are you spying on me I told you I was fucking busy tonight bitch you and
[00:09:11] Ernest having a tea party going out with your when your collection put a little
[00:09:17] bow tie thank you mr. I tell you it makes you feel like a real piece of shit but
[00:09:22] walking all over a woman what a great feeling speaking of our old friend
[00:09:28] Ernest he's looking good oh yeah yeah he got that here he got fat again the
[00:09:32] ears good though he's looking healthier damn I miss Ernest you guys what Amber
[00:09:36] claims that Ernest is like 43 years old human oh hell yeah she how were his
[00:09:43] papers so he's 23 which I find hard to believe I mean Amber wouldn't like lie
[00:09:48] but I don't think she's even fucking no I think that I think the adoption place
[00:09:52] probably lied to her when she got him it's a medical marvel that he's still
[00:09:56] live she said when she got him they said he was already a veteran cat what does
[00:10:00] that mean or three three tours yeah he was in Mogadish yeah he was a brown
[00:10:06] she was a black-fucking cat yeah yeah he would lure the children out and then
[00:10:11] they would drone them down I this I this counselor here noisy makes I this
[00:10:18] counselor it's a Jewish summer camp who's like an Israeli like guy that came over
[00:10:22] to be a counselor for the news and we're like oh would you do in the army dude
[00:10:27] were you sniper like what do you do he's like I go to the house before they do
[00:10:31] they blow it up and I give the kids the children I say it's so going to be okay
[00:10:36] I give them a candy and then we arrest their parents and then blow up
[00:10:40] my fucking god and I was like I was like this you're the good guys yeah you're
[00:10:47] like this rule you're the good guys you're like you have any of that candy
[00:10:51] yeah they are the good guys man what are you saying they're not the good guys
[00:10:55] you're the bad guys dude watch it dude we already got the Catholic church on us
[00:11:00] yeah now you want to have to contend with Mossad as well yeah oh no I already did
[00:11:05] that from my TV interview on Mossad TV yeah I said on the show that that guy
[00:11:12] wouldn't have me on the next time I saw him he's like it's not that we won't
[00:11:14] have you on this we have to work up to having you know such a racist shout out
[00:11:21] to Philip very nice guy did you do that they did eventually you know they did
[00:11:26] offer to have me on but then I like I just wanted the offer I don't actually
[00:11:29] want to go do that bullshit yeah because it's like I never wanted to do red
[00:11:34] eye it was like a joke and then they offered and the lady was so nice that I
[00:11:38] was like sure I'll do it every time you just feel so dirty right oh yeah I
[00:11:42] felt I'm really embarrassed by that whole situation and that was funny
[00:11:46] whatever who cares I'm gonna show for a stop called bread I or red velvet I love
[00:11:50] both I mean on both I'm Tom Shaloo and this is red velvet is red
[00:11:56] relic cake just chocolate cake it's like chocolate is southern style you know
[00:12:00] what because I think it just die and that's alright if I may if I may yeah fuck
[00:12:04] cake of all sorts whoa I like high that ice cream cake your pie is infinitely
[00:12:09] superior okay but a nice fucking piece of cake every once in a while what kind
[00:12:14] what kind I'm looking moist piece of fucking cuz I don't know I'm a little
[00:12:19] yellow cake with a little fucking chocolate frosting the shit right out of
[00:12:24] the can right right I will say I worked because it's got to be moist though
[00:12:30] it's not a birthday cake reminds me of you know like office birthdays which I
[00:12:34] never really experienced I only worked in one office the lower Colorado River
[00:12:38] Authority attempt for two weeks yeah and it was the HR department it's just
[00:12:42] this massive like I guess it was non-propped I don't know what they do they
[00:12:49] just like get pissed off about birds nest yeah they managed some like hydro
[00:12:53] electric dam in Texas nice we're gonna HR department and they brought like
[00:12:58] some like Italian ice truck that parked in the parking lot because of summer
[00:13:01] hmm and seeing those like women in their like late 20s early 30s it were
[00:13:06] already hundred pounds overweight just like trying to walk quick trying to not
[00:13:12] look like they were running to the right right right right trying to hide
[00:13:14] their gleam their flat listen bro I've done that walk I've done that like yeah
[00:13:19] yeah yeah yeah I'm just like fucking just a bunch of power was probably just
[00:13:25] stop and address like you worked at the lower I can't tell you how many
[00:13:30] with these gay ass birds happening to them isn't it I can't tell you how many
[00:13:35] times I heard that exact exclamation like when I was working office jobs
[00:13:40] because they when I was working office jobs cupcakes were in vogue cakes were
[00:13:44] out it's true there wasn't real moment what cakes have everyone was opening
[00:13:48] cupcake shop yeah that's they're like we got your dick we got Georgetown cupcake
[00:13:52] for you right now and I was like you know what's because people started DBA
[00:13:56] dumb bitch association yeah but a business that's true you see these women
[00:14:00] tax code they do cupcakes to do apothecaries what is that it's a joke
[00:14:05] the first or like Mason jars oops yeah fans and so candles candles yes sense
[00:14:12] what's really that's what a positive business for women who's either their
[00:14:16] husband or their father is right right right right right right yeah they're
[00:14:20] like right there like sandalwood yeah what if they reclaimed wood and like
[00:14:25] Edison light bulbs to like put your ring a tree that you could put in necklaces
[00:14:28] off yeah I mean like we call it Julie's bullshit just a just a woman that
[00:14:35] is like nothing but a carbon footprint you know just suck on the
[00:14:40] fucking parasite fucking bitch right fuck you Julie yeah fuck Julie you could
[00:14:45] you should be volunteering not fucking selling people you know wax you know
[00:14:51] literal bees wack you could be over in China having sex with the Fox Conmore
[00:14:55] that's right yes servicing them that's stress heroes stress they were 21 hours
[00:15:01] program all the emojis into your conversation bitch I want to do a little
[00:15:05] surfer I get to we all get to use a little surfer guy go over there do a
[00:15:09] couple tours of Fox Con suck off some little ass Chinese did it's cool that
[00:15:13] they got like an army sounding name for the Fox Con is yeah for them it seems
[00:15:19] like they would have to read hard out uniform with like Fox Con here you
[00:15:26] just killed a bunch of Chinese people I made it I phone I phone
[00:15:30] slivers go I made a joke about it on on Twitter but I think it'd be funny to
[00:15:36] to do a go fund me for the Fox con workers to go see crazy rich Asian
[00:15:41] yes that's right this is why representation matters they they just are
[00:15:47] seeing people they don't even recognize is the same race as them because they're
[00:15:50] completely different I should know a different time although I will say on my
[00:15:54] reflections on girls trip I think if they did a girls trip for every type of
[00:15:57] in in a hundred percent I would solve the problem yep everyone gets a girls
[00:16:02] Chinese trip that's a lot of Chinese trip yeah
[00:16:13] Chinese girls yeah Chinese trip well Mark broke up with me so now we have to go to
[00:16:20] new orange yeah okay that sounds awesome you know there's like right in the
[00:16:29] scene with the big Asian guy she's like move your thumb and he's like dust not
[00:16:38] stop showing your teeth I would love to watch Chinese trip like suspended from a
[00:16:46] fucking harness just pissing and everyone's Coca-Cola
[00:16:52] damn pee pee in my coke man where did that come from what we who started that
[00:16:58] shit Fox con factory you think so that's what they do instead of birthday cake
[00:17:01] and Italian ice they put pee pee pee yeah great prank was all on casual Friday
[00:17:07] we will have pee pee cold oh that that's what they have to dilute there's so many
[00:17:12] people in China they have Coca-Cola so you dilute it with piss
[00:17:19] have you ever been to Coca-Cola world no they have one in Vegas and at the last
[00:17:26] room do they got good pussy over there what do you mean they have one in
[00:17:29] there to have one in Atlanta they got one in like different cities the last
[00:17:34] room they have like a thousand fountains okay it's like sodas that the Coca-Cola
[00:17:40] corporation makes from all over the world you try the Chinese sodas they
[00:17:44] taste like dog shit really I tell you I can't wait until this Australia trips
[00:17:49] over I know I'll enjoy being there but fuck I don't want to sit on goddamn
[00:17:53] plane for 50 we'll just take a bunch of fucking I know I shouldn't be focusing
[00:17:57] on that but fuck that shit I kind of like them to as long as we get it in a
[00:18:01] nice enough I got a red eye back from Los Angeles the other week and I just
[00:18:04] fuck I was just pissed yeah well I also feel like a lot of your airplane travel
[00:18:08] is like last minute yeah you're probably stressed anyway you know I don't get
[00:18:12] stressed about traveling it's I just don't like sitting on the plane my nose
[00:18:15] dries out mm-hmm you can wet it up for you that's what I got to do is get a
[00:18:19] whole nose moisture every 15 minutes I'll fucking dip my pinky and Vaseline and
[00:18:24] put it in your nostrils I'm trying to fly one of those Asian airlines where they
[00:18:27] take extra good care of you you know like Singapore air whatever where they
[00:18:31] like put like Emirates they got those she's covers on your eyes and shit I want
[00:18:35] that shit yeah I want one of those spa type airlines they really take care of
[00:18:40] me they got little look they got little beds if you're real rich do
[00:18:43] Erlangus what's that you eat the Irish airline air connalingas Erlangus
[00:18:48] oh dude I love really yeah I'd love to eat some fucking red box mm-hmm some Irish
[00:18:57] man Irish women are fucking gross oh dude I like a pale fresh everywhere I
[00:19:04] like a pale freck me too I like a nice work working working woman's titty a
[00:19:08] big fat field titty it was supposed to be plucking potatoes that really
[00:19:12] full of terrier type oh yeah dude this should this oh just heavy you put that
[00:19:17] titty on fucking food you can't even use a food scale to weight measure her
[00:19:21] titties gotta be a full baby scale they got to put on sunscreen to drive a car
[00:19:26] I'm gonna get my mail yeah why you covered your body input I'm gonna walk
[00:19:35] just like around the corner yeah yeah the coffee shop they're just like putting
[00:19:38] on a burka dude how dare you fucking badmouthed the woman of your hair the
[00:19:42] women of your heritage dude yeah you gotta mix up the gene pool yeah dude I'm
[00:19:46] not trying to fuck a Jew I've got a I've never fucked a great girl that's why
[00:19:50] bridge was resentful of Adams attempt to set me up with an autistic girl true
[00:19:55] yeah we have to separate those jeans I'm not a dog to be yeah I was so funny it
[00:20:02] would be awesome though imagine how good your friends with your children
[00:20:05] would be at Legos do I had a meal how quickly they would fucking stack them
[00:20:09] by color sushi with Nick and Dasha's autistic friend and I think a couple
[00:20:14] months ago we were like oh Nick you should meet this girl like you guys
[00:20:17] really like each other and they were just sitting there dead I'd like I like
[00:20:22] tools I like tools do I have palm sander I have router I have I mean it is nice to
[00:20:33] just lock eyes with another person no blinking shut off yeah just go just
[00:20:38] uh-huh finished what you're saying and then immediately you both look at your
[00:20:41] phones for 10 minutes no phones it's like really no really and yeah it was just
[00:20:46] like we got our two retard friends together yeah we had like no Nick
[00:20:52] afterwards was like yeah that was fun you explain you explain in a motion and
[00:20:58] then she goes I can relate to that yeah damn is that what I need because I'm
[00:21:06] such a emotion I'm voiced I'm boistering boisterous yeah you need a real
[00:21:10] emotional type bitch I don't know maybe that's too emotional maybe I need a
[00:21:14] maybe I need a robot about boy story and it's Andy with a little tiny pair or
[00:21:19] Woody with a little pair of binoculars in the bathroom watching Andy take a shower
[00:21:25] what are you doing what he nothing you fucking dinosaur get the fuck out of
[00:21:30] here I'm trying to beat off to Andy calling him what he literally is
[00:21:39] it's all get the fuck out of your potato potato with different eyes you
[00:21:45] move around the shit with the facial characteristics on the potato because
[00:21:49] the people don't understand insult just saying what somebody is get out of here
[00:21:55] man with pants and you fucking this gla glasses asshole I'm
[00:22:02] hornily looking at our boy yeah I requested it all the show we dedicate a
[00:22:07] certain amount of time to Star Trek from now on so okay we should probably do
[00:22:11] that there's a lot to go through there okay if you guys seen the movies yeah I
[00:22:14] like I've seen the movies I like the first one a lot he emphasis with a young Tom
[00:22:18] Hardy back when he was fucking guys yeah he played he was the main bad guy
[00:22:21] right yeah yeah back when he was having gay sex again the movies oh yeah we're
[00:22:26] already on date allowed I did hear it by I did hear that he likes he's an
[00:22:30] artist he's an artist he's too cute he's got too howdy of lips to not be a
[00:22:35] like in drama school it's like anything yeah you ever read data lounge no what's
[00:22:40] like a gay gossip sometimes I'll just type in an actor's name plus molested
[00:22:43] like Frankie Moon is the guy from Star Trek they mean Moon is definitely got
[00:22:47] molested right yeah dude gets if Frankie he's into race car is in a race cars
[00:22:52] but he's like he's like yeah it's weird but he has strokes he's like what is it
[00:22:58] called like is this shabic is scamming strokes mm-hmm you know what they are no
[00:23:02] it's where you have strokes but it doesn't cause any like physical damage
[00:23:05] just like have seizures you just get fucked up for sex yeah so yeah he has
[00:23:11] like severe memory loss and can't remember anything from the Malcolm in
[00:23:14] the middle days and it's like yeah that's not normal yeah yeah I wonder why that
[00:23:21] whole you know like I had such a nice life but I can't remember any of it yeah
[00:23:24] he's like it's weird it's like doesn't even seem like he's just was just in
[00:23:27] like a fugue yeah especially the audition process yeah I completely forgot that
[00:23:33] yeah Malcolm in the middle Malcolm on the top Malcolm
[00:23:38] Malcolm sucking off yeah Malcolm in every every position Malcolm in the middle
[00:23:42] the lucky Pierre yeah that's when you fuck you get your ass fucked and you
[00:23:47] fuck a man's ass yeah but yeah no it's a day definitely got they'll just every
[00:23:52] male celebrity they're like he's definitely gay they don't I'm just like
[00:23:56] an anonymous like gossip right guys which interesting name you know that was
[00:24:01] probably just one guy that's like this will be a website for computers
[00:24:08] yeah talking about how Matthew Conaughey's pecs aren't big enough and they would
[00:24:15] throw him out of bed just some guy that looks exactly like me but with pink hair
[00:24:20] and like and like fucking blue glasses no way honey if you're under nine inches
[00:24:29] I'm a size queen just as little as limp as you're how's your computer website
[00:24:36] they took it away from me or maybe it's a gay guy pretending to be in the
[00:24:41] computers you know what I mean actually was originally to discuss photo
[00:24:48] shopped images of data from Star Trek being raped
[00:24:53] just being bent over and fucked by Warf and Jory LaForge but he doesn't have
[00:24:57] emotions does he he doesn't but I that was a sketch I quote unquote wrote when
[00:25:01] I was 19 is data getting right while data being violently raped and then
[00:25:06] a war from Picard yeah let me get down computer ass and fucking fucked that
[00:25:11] computer pussy now is that Picard no that's that's a war for the forge just
[00:25:16] violently raping data or whatever and then they install the emotion chip in
[00:25:20] him and data site captain I believe it'll be 15 part oh my god
[00:25:25] just 15 years of emotional trauma being processed all at once take it out take
[00:25:33] the chip out of my head you wanted this you wanted and then they're like you
[00:25:41] wanted you shouldn't be where they tell your prime directive is to get fucked
[00:25:45] you wanted to be fucked in the ass now learn you and then just keep raping
[00:25:54] him captain if I can service my comrades why wouldn't I choose to do it well
[00:26:00] okay just letting you know when you get that a motion chip installed this is
[00:26:05] really going to fuck you up really fuck you up that I do not see a logical reason
[00:26:11] why I shouldn't allow my ass to be penetrated and fucked and come down by
[00:26:14] captain use my mouth like a pussy please data listen I spent a lot of time in
[00:26:20] boy scouts I knew kids like you that thought they were taking the shortcut
[00:26:25] the Eagle badge but that it's a one-way ticket to hell it's not this is not how
[00:26:35] you want to live your life you will at some point have a one-man show look the
[00:26:39] writers are gonna run out of ideas and six seasons and they're gonna put an
[00:26:43] emotion chip in you so that you can date the woman has to explain emotions to
[00:26:48] people he's so annoying in that episode laughing at things like two hards oh
[00:26:54] yeah he never laughed dude he never even looked at the same thing with the
[00:27:00] dog like all laws on it that's a human looking deck is Vaney yeah but like
[00:27:05] more Vaney like they're for him double the veins or that's like barbed like a
[00:27:10] cat stick you know I don't know they have humans hands a legs yeah I imagine
[00:27:15] like a human con cling on dicks look like the mom from hairspray to get a big
[00:27:21] dress a big makeup sixties hair man John Jevoltz would never looked happier
[00:27:27] than in that movie dude just a twinkle in his eye yeah a fat work poses dick
[00:27:32] out and it looks like a woman that cleans her house to Sean on on
[00:27:37] exactly you like it like what the fuck is that he's like don't be mean to me this
[00:27:42] is why I'm angry they probably if I had the guess have wetter sloppier cocks and
[00:27:46] pussies but everything else is the same thing on's mm-hmm yeah I always liked
[00:27:50] Picard's earth look we went down to earth and he just he became French again
[00:27:56] oh yeah get berry's and scarves and stuff but just be still speaking English
[00:28:01] yeah yeah what was his brother's name gee or something you know way more about
[00:28:05] Star Trek than I did next generation yeah I don't know any of this call that when
[00:28:09] I see much next generation I've watched plenty of next generation I don't
[00:28:12] remember Picard going to earth in his outfit yeah yeah yeah his earth look is
[00:28:16] fire I remember the holiday episode's where he's like now I'm the captain of
[00:28:20] the slave ship right maybe it's the holiday you think you guys think you
[00:28:26] haven't that bad well let's take a trip to the holodeck and then it's like this
[00:28:30] is what it could be teaching them a lesson for what they're
[00:28:33] saying with episode of Voyager I think it was a two-part episode when the
[00:28:37] heroian take over the ship they turn the entire ship into a holodeck and then
[00:28:43] they hold them playing out the black the heroines are like a hunter race nice and
[00:28:47] they take over the holodeck and then they turn off like the safety controls so
[00:28:51] they can actually kill people oh nice and which why is that a not why why do they
[00:28:57] have a way to turn off the safety controls in a holiday anyway so they
[00:29:03] turn the just in case you want to like kill someone like a very like or die you
[00:29:07] know what I mean like a story they want to they're hunters so they want to
[00:29:11] reenact World War II and then they choose to be the Nazi hell yeah it's
[00:29:14] like you know that they lost mm-hmm it's the uniform the cooler though that's
[00:29:18] probably why do they know they're evil or the hit jaries or whatever the fuck
[00:29:22] are they are they evil no I think they just like hunting nice well the Holocaust
[00:29:29] is a type of hunt yeah that's it's two-part episode that ends with diplomacy
[00:29:33] because then they they wind up just being like do you want us to just show you how
[00:29:36] to make a holodeck so you can do this yourself yeah maybe we will stop killing
[00:29:41] yeah so that we can get our dicks by Pamela Anderson for Baywatch that was it
[00:29:48] because they had a they had a data on Voyager the doctor is a hologram so we
[00:29:53] can experience emotions but he's just like he can't leave sick bay or whatever
[00:29:57] damn and then they give him a chip so you can leave sick bay and I think he
[00:30:01] dates seven of nine some point I can't remember what's funny about him is
[00:30:05] he's a hologram and he's still bald what the fuck like make you a robot that
[00:30:13] can't touch wait he did someone what else is that guy and he's he's done a
[00:30:18] Robert Piccardo he should be beautiful something he should look incredibly
[00:30:22] good yeah yeah dude if I got a holiday to skin right they made them all like
[00:30:27] yeah yeah damn so wait he couldn't fuck then he had a hologram dick yeah that's
[00:30:34] brutal you can't touch people because he does surgery and shit interesting hmm
[00:30:38] so he's probably got a dick yeah when how's he a hologram if he can touch people
[00:30:43] bro I don't know you fucking idiot dude come on look it's just a kind of shit
[00:30:47] that's not explained I do also love this hard ball they can travel space yeah oh
[00:30:52] fun still just they still have a plug they got no answer for that shit damn
[00:30:58] that's three thousand years in the future what if in the reboot he just
[00:31:01] race the final frontier if you're not including the Kirito Baldon these are
[00:31:07] the voyages of the Starship Enterprise permission to figure out is it
[00:31:13] transplants or maybe some kind of emotion just anything that'll just leave
[00:31:19] me from this hilarious prison traps men as they enter their 30s and never really
[00:31:26] leaves them until they die no dude that sounds bad being bold is actually good
[00:31:33] I got in the watching like hair transplant videos on YouTube oh yeah do
[00:31:37] you guys like cry like their first time looking in the mirror it's like just
[00:31:41] getting back from Thailand I just got the transplant Don as you can see it's
[00:31:46] he's in coverage and then it goes like you know eight week eight months later
[00:31:50] and they're they just look like shit yeah you just look like fucking absolute
[00:31:54] shit I know a lot of people a lot of brianer lacquer you ever watch on Larry
[00:31:59] Sanders show like Jeremy Pivens basically bald he's bald yeah yeah yeah yeah and
[00:32:03] he looks great yeah I feel like you can get good plug you get good but you only
[00:32:06] see Pivin like on things you don't see him they just make him look good after
[00:32:11] hair and make you think it real nice to each of you I mean you if you don't see
[00:32:14] Jerry Mibin in the day-to-day I'm sure he looks like shit and it looks weird I
[00:32:18] don't know man I'm still I got my heart set on getting plugged at some point in
[00:32:21] my life yeah maybe when I'm like 50 on the way at just a big fat man with a
[00:32:26] beautiful fucking coir of hair but I don't know man like I said I don't care
[00:32:31] about my body it's betrayed me I'm done with it I'm now I'm the one that wants
[00:32:35] to be a quasar I want to be in a robot suit now dude I'm telling you man it's
[00:32:39] like I've figured I've asked myself these questions and after years of
[00:32:44] thinking about it I've come come to these and you need to transcend your
[00:32:47] physical reality as long as I can still come I'm fine I don't want to come you
[00:32:51] don't want to come at all I want to just drift and collect knowledge you can
[00:32:57] bring come do you think there is aliens that you could learn from as a quasar
[00:33:01] probably yeah probably but they're probably fucked up they're probably not
[00:33:05] cool they're probably not green bitches with big titties which would be awesome
[00:33:08] again once you transcend your physical reality these things will matter to you
[00:33:12] they'll probably be like a little fucking slime coming it feels worthless
[00:33:16] compared to being an eternal you know the eternal though I guess that's true and
[00:33:20] then you don't really care about love or nothing no emotions not true dude do
[00:33:25] you see that movie her yeah we put up we plugs in a USB pocket pussy to the
[00:33:32] bottom is just tying his dick off what are you doing
[00:33:37] well at the end of that movie she leads to go I've understood her her knowledge
[00:33:42] acquisition is expanding exponentially right so she become all the all the
[00:33:47] computers synthesize and become one thing that well they all leave the human
[00:33:51] everybody wait really that's how it ends yeah he loses his girlfriend she's like
[00:33:55] I love you but I gotta go because I gotta go do computers that's like Jones movie
[00:33:59] yeah it is well that sucks doesn't fuck the fuck the fuck does he like rub his
[00:34:06] cock no she hires a prostitute or she hires a girl that wants to be their
[00:34:10] surrogate so he puts in the headphones and then this girl like who read about
[00:34:15] their love she like wrote a thing about their love and this girl read it and
[00:34:18] thought it was beautiful so she he puts in the headphones and she's like talking
[00:34:22] and making coming noises same thing happens like he's fucking really
[00:34:27] but it's a human girlfriend every watching you know he fucks the human but
[00:34:33] then he can't do it he's like this is too weird does he comments on it no he
[00:34:36] pitches out oh he doesn't he's cock never comes out I think I think they like
[00:34:41] start hooking up and he's like this is too weird you got to go I'm sorry wow what
[00:34:44] a bitch she gets him real pussy and he fucks it up the only thing I like about
[00:34:49] that bitch ass motherfucker the only thing I like about that movie is his
[00:34:52] style mm-hmm they have really good they dress really well in that movie not
[00:34:56] they dress like shit dude no they wear nice oxford just like you dress slacks
[00:35:01] bad yeah they're just bad like you know they're just like this the how the movie
[00:35:06] called turd and it's about Adam pulling in love with a piece of piece of shit that
[00:35:10] he freezes and uses a dildo sucking on a turd there's like what are you doing
[00:35:14] and he's like hmm they don't understand it's really they don't understand our
[00:35:20] love her name is Bethany sucking and kissing a turd it's it's it's slowly
[00:35:31] we just live in a spot just like and cut great job everybody everybody did a
[00:35:38] really good job that everybody did so well that was my job sounds like some
[00:35:44] weird girl voice oh nice that shitty does in the jackass movie with the old
[00:35:48] man with the his nuts that keep falling out yeah that's art bro no no he does
[00:35:52] the old lady who's titty titty that yeah yeah that shit is so fun yeah if you
[00:35:57] could look like if you had prosthetics to look like anything prosthetics not a
[00:36:01] real you don't actually get to be this thing there's a story about the guy that
[00:36:04] was had that realistic black man mass that he'd wear to rob x
[00:36:09] people like this is racist and it's like sure but also swish yeah nice
[00:36:15] you get that video the guy in the airport it is yeah yeah yeah don't touch me like
[00:36:22] now he's a Jewish guy let's just Adam I don't know I can you can tell from the
[00:36:27] video I look I don't care to make the distinction whatever I don't use it it's
[00:36:30] about it's about for no reasons about journalism what was interesting to me is
[00:36:34] the guy's name is Jeffrey Epstein and so like I saw the video and I'm like you
[00:36:37] have his own shit yes good yeah yeah I thought he was getting you know arrested
[00:36:41] and then it's like a different Jeffrey Epstein I was like god damn it do you
[00:36:45] think Dershowitz is covering up for Trump right now so hard on yeah because
[00:36:49] Dershowitz is of the low leader express Dershowitz was on that plane so it was
[00:36:53] Kevin Spacey and Chris Tucker and Chris Tucker yeah no it was a different
[00:36:57] Chris Tucker but I like to imagine a Chris Tucker was in his what's his name
[00:37:03] Ruby Rhodes from fucking Fifth Elmo oh yeah like that weird hair yeah okay
[00:37:08] everybody welcome to the low leader express who's ready to fuck a seven-year
[00:37:12] just putting his cane and a little boy's ass I cannot stand these children a
[00:37:21] gay space radio host yeah yeah that's really who's the guy that did that that
[00:37:26] movie that French guy was the one that did the one that did um the one with Natalie
[00:37:31] Portman the professional you know he actually like dated a child like that
[00:37:36] shit is well it's a petarastic or well not petarastic petaphilic movie yeah it's
[00:37:40] fucked up yeah and and then I read some fucking article where it's like yeah he
[00:37:45] dated like some actress he knew her when she was like he knew when she's like
[00:37:49] 12 or something and then like they started dating which was like 16 or
[00:37:52] some shit they got married and shit that shit is fucking weird and there was
[00:37:57] apparently a scene in the movie where he fought like Leon Fox the little girl
[00:38:01] like he's supposed to fuck that yeah I mean even without that scene you
[00:38:05] watched that move I remember seeing it when I was a teenager being like this
[00:38:08] movie's fucked up yeah it's like this is weird it's a weird pedophile fantasy
[00:38:12] yeah yeah and like people like this movie rule I remember having friends that
[00:38:16] thought it rules I'm like what do you yeah it's a weird pedophile just make it a
[00:38:20] regular woman it's a fine movie what fifth elements of never seen elements
[00:38:24] good yeah Mila Jovovich I used to check out you see his last movie with Valerian
[00:38:28] I heard it was a piece of shit yeah with Rihanna yeah now Rihanna's not
[00:38:33] it's that it's kind of a big eyebrow I know I've done the bit on the show before
[00:38:39] but that scene where like the fucking Admiral of the world's armies like sees
[00:38:44] Mila Jovitch nude and he's oh yeah I'm gonna have to take some pictures it's
[00:38:51] like we're supposed to leave this 70 year old man just never seen a naked
[00:38:55] right right right he's the general of the entire world's arms he's definitely
[00:38:59] raping aliens and shit like that he's got the kind of pussy you know you've
[00:39:03] ever dreamed of Adam six pussies all like an an octopus but instead of arms it
[00:39:07] has pussies it's a way to pussies dude I only have one dick yeah but I don't
[00:39:11] mean six pussies you can put a finger you need you know fingers in each pussy
[00:39:15] oh that's too much work thumb you put your fucking toes and that's how I feel
[00:39:19] about reasons it's too much work imagine you're fucking that alien woman on
[00:39:22] some distant planet and I just come by and evaporate you with my plasma I'd be
[00:39:26] fucking so nice and I just evaporate you in the woman why would you do that I
[00:39:30] digest these people and you get our all our memories and does it feel a lot
[00:39:34] but he doesn't feel dude you would do that while I'm fucking yeah you wouldn't
[00:39:38] even wait me for me to end no that's honestly that's the most fucked up thing
[00:39:43] you've ever said there's no fucking there is no action no there's no
[00:39:46] consequence there is there is when I'm fucking you can't tell me I'm not
[00:39:51] fucking I've just a thing that expands and you know digest the entire universe
[00:39:57] of virus real oh shit oh you're losing the water that would fucking rule oh yeah
[00:40:02] you're a I would love to be just a poisonous cloud that expands everyone
[00:40:09] I'm bored this cloud yeah no odor odorless yeah yeah what's that oh it's Nick
[00:40:19] yeah we're in gas masks birds dropping dead
[00:40:28] they can you come hang out there's a fucking rat in my apartment I need you
[00:40:35] to kill it that would be good for pest control man yeah be good for my soul
[00:40:42] that's the fucking wire it's my fault it is your fault I'm sorry I was gonna say
[00:40:50] that's something about the Dorian the picture of Dorian Gray somewhere there's
[00:40:53] a mmm a picture of a poison cloud we said the portrait of Dorian gay yeah
[00:40:58] yeah yeah yeah what would that be sucking he's sucking dick in the picture in the
[00:41:04] picture he's sucked this is this riff when we were younger men yeah we were
[00:41:08] faster we were still yeah we still are fastball over the hill what were you
[00:41:14] saying Adam before I talked about octopus it's I forget oh yeah the Joe
[00:41:19] bitch thing you've never seen that slutty Halloween costume when girls dress up
[00:41:22] like that I don't think so I never knew who'd meal a joke of which was until
[00:41:28] that was it sounds like you still done yeah I sort of can tell the orange
[00:41:32] hair bitch with the fucking tape on her look at all taping well she the run
[00:41:38] low-level run girl also no it's a German woman but that's a book sick I love
[00:41:43] that never seen it that's not formally right yeah then I saw that when I was in
[00:41:48] high school when I was like seven I saw when it came out I was probably like 12
[00:41:51] or 13 do you what's low's deal I'm always is a French girl that says does
[00:41:58] riddle yeah and then run low run is that similar no run low or runs like a
[00:42:05] like a full throttle high-pitched how about run chola run mm-hmm and she's
[00:42:10] like you stupid you know what I mean what about run show what about run yeah I
[00:42:15] know run showed law and it's a big wide little penis that's cool just hopping
[00:42:22] around squish squish squish because it's cut off and so it's like blood instead
[00:42:29] of feet badass that's my man metal lyrics yeah indeed yeah Star Wars and the
[00:42:48] the blood of the show was that I'm a teen hunger force where they do the
[00:42:52] master shake rewrites the birthday song it's a 14 minute song getty Lee and Zach
[00:42:58] wild and the video is Zach wild like on stage and it's from like 15 years ago
[00:43:07] but he's like fuck Fred Durst fuck all that wigger bullshit yeah that's a guy
[00:43:14] Zach wild definitely like thinks about Valhalla oh yeah honestly we should
[00:43:20] all be thinking about Valhalla yeah that's what the the the I was a very nice
[00:43:25] email from we've when I was having a manic fit a couple weeks ago and he
[00:43:30] encouraged me to imagine raping the children of my enemies and being carted
[00:43:35] off to Valhalla as a way to get out of depression or whatever and was I can't
[00:43:40] credit that is turning it around I can't say it worked no I definitely needed
[00:43:43] the lithium so I stopped thinking that God was judging me but you know it did
[00:43:48] put a smile on my news nice it's nice to know that like despite everything that's
[00:43:54] happened he still considers me a friend yes that's the important thing yeah did
[00:43:58] you have anything to say about Adam or oh yeah he said Adam should be gas
[00:44:06] you know here's here's the thing I'm glad that you got some support well you're
[00:44:13] not gonna do it I have to lean on Nazis that I've communicated with that's not
[00:44:17] true times in the last night it's not true it's not true dude let him have it
[00:44:22] dude let him have his alright the Nazi saved to the Nazi saved him I hope I hope
[00:44:26] people find out about that and get angry that we've consoled me while I was upset
[00:44:31] yeah that I saw that the only proof I need this is how we're gonna take down
[00:44:37] Chappell by proving that we've was some kind of a friend and Nick when he was
[00:44:45] upset yeah I mean he did you know it's a man I'm mad that they get Valhalla
[00:44:50] because now that I'm into Thor stuff you know what I mean like I want to talk
[00:44:54] about Valhalla but I can't because people think I'm fucking alt-right and
[00:44:57] you know and you can what's the premise is I'm not you can't have people
[00:45:01] thinking you're all right that would destroy your career yeah I mean I don't
[00:45:05] think people think I'm all people think you're a socialist hero it's true
[00:45:09] yeah people always talk about how woke you are what what you're doing ruin your
[00:45:14] brand if people thought you talk about wait wait stop it I am woke yeah old
[00:45:21] DSA yeah that's true I am woken that I want I you know would like to fuck a
[00:45:28] trans woman with big titties that's pretty woke I think being of being woke
[00:45:32] did you see Trump was tweeting about white genocide in South Africa that's
[00:45:36] fucking awesome yeah it's just like there's no other reason but they did
[00:45:40] also said flipping should be legal what is literally just he said stop snatching
[00:45:47] yeah yeah seriously the tweet about he was like he's like flipping is it's it
[00:45:54] should basically be legal this one thing yeah yeah the term states
[00:46:00] what did you see a tweet about Gary Cohen after he flipped he's like if
[00:46:05] anyone's looking for a lawyer I would not suggest that was retaining the
[00:46:08] services of Gary Cohen Michael Cohen or Michael Cohen that was the funniest
[00:46:12] sweet oh yeah that rules that was actually funny he rules dude he's really good
[00:46:18] he's really good poster yeah unfortunately he really smart fucking
[00:46:21] president dude he is the posters present is the first posters president
[00:46:26] no one knew how to use the internet yeah Nixon definitely didn't know how to
[00:46:32] post yeah KFC would have known it's next wrong line we definitely be
[00:46:37] leaving like just really cringy thirst comments not realizing that it's
[00:46:42] public right right you are one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen
[00:46:46] it's like a Latina with right right right right no he didn't like what's that
[00:46:51] Nixon was anti horny yeah that's why he would be that's exactly yeah yeah yeah
[00:46:55] you know he was like this is how a gentleman comments right right right
[00:47:01] right I'd love it for you maybe someday we could ha ha get together LOL I
[00:47:06] don't know you would be my princess hello from India my name is per Kesh
[00:47:22] Nixon Romeo caller thank you in another character at my name is deck I'm 14
[00:47:29] years old and I live in New Delhi I bird god what does your pussy smell like
[00:47:37] let me get a smell yeah he hated how horny Kissinger was he's like I always
[00:47:44] see him out with different women of the night because I guess he used to fuck
[00:47:47] over this is a so kids is pretty cool huh no he's I mean he's a bad guy I'm
[00:47:53] an entire world yeah I know you are you you always are like mad at me for
[00:47:57] being horny and it's like bro just admit you have horn in your heart don't
[00:48:00] man I'm moving closer to poisonous cloud dude you don't I'm telling you're gonna
[00:48:04] end up like Nixon bro you're gonna end up leaving those comments I think I said
[00:48:08] it a couple months ago I thought like galaxy brain perhaps in the career of
[00:48:12] posting galaxy brain was being constantly mad and I'm starting to think
[00:48:16] that's the one right before galaxy brain what's galaxy brain galaxy brain
[00:48:19] is completely offline then becoming poisonous cloud yeah the best posters
[00:48:25] they completely off the other thing that being mad is that's no one's supposed
[00:48:30] to seem mad right well be you lose the first one first one is being mad right
[00:48:35] right yeah wrong then the bigger one is never being mad and then even bigger
[00:48:40] one is being mad all the time right just logically non-stop just making that
[00:48:46] your brand yeah right just like his right well savage psycho Joe is kind of
[00:48:50] with her yes watching him it's like a different love this is yet no one will
[00:48:55] ever know you know he can't be ever embarrassed if you're always mad exactly
[00:49:00] yeah yeah okay fake weights fake students fake Jim fake run running with
[00:49:07] the worst fucking like posture completely straight this is to the
[00:49:11] manlets I'm not four five members themselves and he's five six with shoes
[00:49:15] on see bitch yeah what a stupid height to be yeah but you make up with it with
[00:49:28] yeah that's true yeah you're you're a square sir well me your little T T
[00:49:33] we're all five stops we're coming we're all five seven okay my name is my
[00:49:38] little T pot over here and poor me over I wish my dick could whistle whenever
[00:49:46] I was horny yeah the only way to stop it is to put a mouth or a pussy on it
[00:49:50] that be cool that is cool like my roommates just here in my room yeah
[00:50:07] I know I'm jacking up serious team whistle go off
[00:50:14] if you sold a Oakland style tea pedals right okay we're like all the noise it
[00:50:20] made when it was ready was like whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop
[00:50:24] isn't that more um isn't whoop whoop is Bob or is in that more uh no it's a
[00:50:30] whistle tip the you know how they fix their yeah yeah yeah but it's exhaust
[00:50:39] but isn't whoop whoop isn't that wasn't juggle don't juggles go whoop whoop
[00:50:42] I think they do too so you stole that probably yeah yeah they stole from the
[00:50:47] juggle no no juggle a stole from Oakland I'm saying that would make that
[00:50:52] still a thing being a juggle yeah yeah of course people people were like this
[00:50:57] is so this is so funny a juggle Lolita and you just rewrite Lolita and you
[00:51:03] change almost nothing except the protagonist is a is he's an insane clown
[00:51:08] posse fan okay who fucks a 12 year old what's up with these movies where you
[00:51:13] fuck children why is that allowed the professional the professional and lane
[00:51:17] Lolita like the point yeah yeah but it's isn't that fucked up the book is aware
[00:51:22] of that it's fucked up it's a it's from the perspective of a psych like a mentally
[00:51:27] ill person got you yeah I was from the perspective of the editor right it
[00:51:31] publishes the account of HH what's his name HH Humbert what was Humbert he
[00:51:37] Humbert yeah something like that yeah was it Humbert and I read yeah he was but
[00:51:43] the thing was it was like because the forward is like this is one of my client
[00:51:46] it's like it was like an editor like I mean it's this disclaimer that says it's
[00:51:51] like fucked up or whatever yeah this guy's fucked up I don't know I read a
[00:51:55] movie like fucking or I read a book 13 I read a book called maybe the collector
[00:51:59] or some shit there's about some guy who like kidnapped the lady collector
[00:52:03] Denzel Washington no no some guy who like kidnapped the lady and just like
[00:52:06] held her as his like captive and is like he won the lottery or some shit
[00:52:10] which I rewatch don't breathe again last night what a great movie don't breathe
[00:52:15] again or don't breathe comma again don't breathe what is that it was a horror
[00:52:19] movie that came out like three years ago it's about the teens that break into
[00:52:22] that blind guys house and try to rob him and then the blind guy just locks him
[00:52:25] in the house and he's chasing him around just by sound by sound yeah like a
[00:52:29] little cagey sound and here we go go go go go no he fucks people up dude really
[00:52:33] it the movie rules that kind of sounds good it is good I also watch first
[00:52:37] reformed on your recommendation it's amazing I loved it yeah yeah what's
[00:52:42] about a priest yeah yeah first reforms like the best movie I've seen new movie
[00:52:46] yeah it's a comedy it's funny Marvel is like funny no first of all I don't like
[00:52:57] your fucking tone okay we're talking about I thought it was okay but you were
[00:53:02] definitely no no no no no no no my next riff next riff not Thor fan
[00:53:10] they're not I am the North Scott true okay all right it's pretty funny I decide
[00:53:17] whether okay okay all right fine I mean welcome to Thor faggot the different
[00:53:27] movie than the one you were saying your gay all straight all the gay guys in my
[00:53:36] room how about gal how and it's guys only children that's not no one will tell
[00:53:45] me how to do riffs that's a Hannibal Lecter Anthony Hopkins right for being
[00:53:58] his dad in the movies he's got one eye he's not he nails it he kills it he's
[00:54:03] really good he just killed the club damn did what did I just some some baseball
[00:54:10] player something did a real Asian or racist Chinese accent I feel like I
[00:54:14] needed to bring that up but I couldn't find the video I think they scrubbed it
[00:54:17] yeah they keep they keep like finding it's like a thing now to search athlete
[00:54:24] young athletes old oh yeah they're tweezer they're in high school they're in high
[00:54:27] school dropping and bombs yeah these kids when they were 13 like or like 11 had
[00:54:33] Twitter and they were just like saying that word it shuts out to people make
[00:54:36] me sick yeah yeah yeah yeah the best one is the Bears quarterback Mitch
[00:54:41] Trabisky yeah yeah who his best one was I heart kissing titties I can't wait for
[00:54:46] a world where entertainment is nothing the people who have never said anything
[00:54:49] even remotely controversial right up right it's like welcome back to the the
[00:54:54] the Delaney show my name is Delaney Matthews and today I am going to make
[00:55:00] toast 30 minutes of woman making toast the Delaney Matthews controversial hard
[00:55:09] hitting toast making show right that's a pleasant it's just gonna be rich people
[00:55:14] dude actually I would watch a toast making show would you would you yeah I
[00:55:17] mean because you know but they're gonna take rough cutaway you're gonna find out
[00:55:20] t-max said something what's rough guys to Boston II it's not Amazon original
[00:55:27] yeah it's like a woodworking show oh hell yeah yeah yeah that's why I watch
[00:55:33] Choppy watch her off cut you know we both are masses of our separate
[00:55:37] domain watching that I'm gonna get back in the I watch a little house hunters
[00:55:41] international the other night that's the nice thing about being on social media
[00:55:44] I got off and I was like I'm gonna be productive and productive means I'm gonna
[00:55:47] go back to doing what I did ten years yeah yeah yeah yeah that's true dude yeah
[00:55:52] that was my game I guess the gaming like peak of my life was right before
[00:55:57] social media you just would hole up play Madden for 12 hours in the summer
[00:56:02] before you know just like all day oh yeah I mean I would sit and watch
[00:56:06] network television till 3 a.m. so I'd watch infomercials hell yeah I would do
[00:56:10] nothing but smoke cigarettes and just watch like you know winning in the cash
[00:56:15] flow business what does that mean exactly I had a job I was making $22,000
[00:56:21] a year at the Duane Reed and me and my husband we we called in we said we're
[00:56:26] ready for a change now I made over eight hundred and fifty million dollars just
[00:56:31] from my computer in my first two weeks mm-hmm in fact the computer paid for
[00:56:36] itself yeah they made it seem like you just go went on a website like click
[00:56:40] the couple buttons they don't tell you what is it all know is like what is the
[00:56:45] process is very simple you buy a swamp in Florida and then you sell the swamp
[00:56:49] the same one to 80 different people by using the power of scanning copying
[00:56:55] and duplicating the title you can sell that same swamp land 80 times over but
[00:57:01] here's the trick those people you sell it to they owe you a commission when they
[00:57:06] sell their 80 versions of the right me personally I'm the only one that
[00:57:10] actually owns the swamp and knows where it is and what's in the swamp you ask
[00:57:16] the bodies of Cuban ex-op that's right it's filled with dead children
[00:57:21] remember alien Gonzalez me either wink wink damn shut up alien was it what's
[00:57:27] the up he's probably in Cuba right now grown man grown getting his getting his
[00:57:31] dick sucky oh he's good dude yeah there's no way he's not gay you think
[00:57:35] alien guns are up again too much fame as a child yeah it makes everyone gay
[00:57:39] probably yeah he he can only get off to the to the fantasy of Janet Reno
[00:57:45] pointing a fucking MP 15 it's had well generator could you put on a pantsuit
[00:57:51] yeah please can you look like the love interest from Wallace and Gromit
[00:58:00] put a gun in my mouth yeah Will Ferrell's generator was so good back in the day
[00:58:07] God just nothing better than making fun of ugly fucking bitches by making men
[00:58:12] play and then she like went on SNL and like did you know they always do that
[00:58:17] man they always do that and it's like do you realize the bit here is that you
[00:58:20] look like a man yeah she knew it though was Janet was Janet Lezen out no Janet
[00:58:26] used to get so much dick really she's to get she's only black I remember what
[00:58:32] remember when my card of a SARS Queen the film me
[00:58:37] Hillary Clinton because she was a feminist babe in her 20s remember that
[00:58:40] yeah because she was a Republican yeah she was a feminist babe Republican yeah
[00:58:45] glasses she was just young by the way yeah she was just like right six at most
[00:58:50] yeah I mean she looked better you know than I thought
[00:58:54] generator probably never she just had long hair that's it yeah instead of that
[00:58:58] stupid truth get better Ginsburg to their like look how hot she was no but
[00:59:02] they do it it's it's even worse because I do that bitch was busted I would not
[00:59:07] fuck her pussy was probably fucked up it's even worse because they like do that
[00:59:13] like notorious RBG thing which is like we're giving her like a black guy
[00:59:17] neck yeah yeah she's hip they would put the little bit of crown on her yeah to
[00:59:22] look like biggie I call her Ruth that's also my cat's name I just moved a
[00:59:30] flat but I'm opening an apothecary this year my cat's name is Ruth my
[00:59:35] kids yeah Ruth and word begins very good every then word gets for you just
[00:59:42] calling it from the fire escape completely naked smoking cigarettes yeah
[00:59:46] yeah there's some guy with neck tattoos washing his dick behind her yeah no I
[00:59:52] am my shift at the bars good impression man I gotta I gotta go but a good look
[01:00:00] with your cat good impression of the character I came up with you fucking
[01:00:06] asshole what I know like a bar back guy man I was in Brooklyn and fuck's with
[01:00:11] fucking give me shit like care about what I didn't say I said fuck it he gave you
[01:00:16] him you know I really love bedstock it's the one place where that doesn't exist
[01:00:20] with the nice residential neighborhood the block parties and no no fucking
[01:00:23] asshole yeah when I picked you up there they were blaring a move your body
[01:00:27] girls that's your rules dude I love that when they when the car like doesn't
[01:00:32] work but it's got an incredible incredible system to the whole block was
[01:00:37] like 10,000 watts of sad like the subwoofers are like making this the like
[01:00:42] asphalt crack yeah but the car can't move for shit yeah yeah like a thousand
[01:00:46] tickets on the front because of alternate side parking oh yeah that's
[01:00:50] you're never getting paid I love it you're binding I think that might be give me
[01:00:56] some our show for the week yeah the weekend do we have anything to plug we
[01:01:02] got funny moms tomorrow night we got a good one oh fuck we're gonna book that we
[01:01:07] have to book a whole Rob Cantrell is doing okay okay and then some other
[01:01:12] folks I'll be there I'll make in my mother fucking funny mom's returns
[01:01:15] does returning the stage I'll come back with the boom wheel with the boot we'll
[01:01:19] have a little stool have a little stool for me I'll be kicking knowledge yeah
[01:01:22] and then be let know he's gonna be because you can't talk he's gonna crowd surf so
[01:01:27] yeah up and up and off the final funny mom's we are great white moment yeah
[01:01:33] it's gonna kill the country people die that's our little mom's yeah yeah we're
[01:01:41] gonna do it Jewish wedding styles of so I was gonna sit in a chair and we're
[01:01:43] gonna pass them around yes do how I just went to a Jewish wedding and they did
[01:01:48] that shit and it's only part of my penis suck off my penis on the chair that sounds
[01:01:54] like a really cool part of being here so my game is very cool it is more like
[01:02:00] it's so fucking lifted up like a top book I don't know that doesn't cool it's
[01:02:04] pretty cool it would be cool having your arms replaced with guns yeah I mean
[01:02:09] that would be cool no one's saying cool cool this is things it's cool having
[01:02:13] your arms replaced with guns having your head replaced with a chainsaw yep
[01:02:17] going down on a woman with your chainsaw okay turning into a poisonous cloud
[01:02:21] that's right and have one race with Jay Leno think that would be cool that
[01:02:25] actually both of those yeah I agree being lifted up in a chair who gives I'm
[01:02:29] just saying feel what I presented you with all of these you feel like you're
[01:02:32] in space everything about being you know we're also feel like being in space when
[01:02:37] you're literally in space a cloud an nebulous boys he's clowed destroying
[01:02:41] ancient civilizations destroying all knowledge bringing the universe into a
[01:02:46] new dark arc oh so you just you don't just learn you steal the knowledge I
[01:02:51] steal the knowledge interesting I turn I turn all knowledge into secrets the
[01:02:56] secret keeper so you're a little gossip no he doesn't get you just snitch at all
[01:03:01] because flipping is no one there's no one to snitch to and turn a wise
[01:03:04] consciousness you kind of gossiping with yourself though sure because you'd like
[01:03:07] to know the secret sure yeah is there a ticket cloud will be multifaceted one
[01:03:12] there's not yet but we do have a second boss I don't know if I'm gonna be
[01:03:18] there what do you mean about those plane tickets yeah you need to buy the
[01:03:21] plane tickets so I'm an I are sitting next to each other holding hands on the
[01:03:25] plane we're very excited about it I take a g6 you know who are me no private
[01:03:29] plan whatever you need to do brother okay so we will be nice if I had like a
[01:03:34] big fat Texas CIA friend that flew me around and assess yeah you know like
[01:03:39] James Bond's friend yeah yeah gold night yeah James you big faggot how are you
[01:03:48] by the way Nintendo just said publicly that playing as odd job in gold night
[01:03:54] was cheating what yeah why was he too good because his hit spots was smaller
[01:03:59] he's so small yeah yeah remember retards to play as jaws because he was
[01:04:03] bigger and thought it was better and then I just get ice yeah I stop yeah
[01:04:08] no I don't remember that no odd job I don't try to play his odd job and you
[01:04:12] fucking punch him in the year yeah I got punched many a time I suck dick it I
[01:04:16] was so bad at it yeah I was so bad at it I was I was I'm always bad at shooters
[01:04:22] though I want you guys to know that I would have farted into the mic but the
[01:04:27] chord is bad soon I don't want to get crinkly well done so all right so next
[01:04:32] week we will be in Cleveland and the second on the second a week from I guess
[01:04:37] today if you're listening to the rest by tickets to that at hilarities on the
[01:04:44] second and then on the third we are in Boston we've added the APM is sold out
[01:04:49] we're gonna add a six we're adding a 6 p.m. stand-up show before that so come
[01:04:53] out to that we'll put up the ticket link for that mm-hmm and then before this
[01:04:57] show comes up yes and then I will be in Connecticut at the Fairfield comedy
[01:05:00] club on the seventh Friday the seventh please come out and see that and then I
[01:05:05] am in New Orleans on the 14th or I'm sorry I'm in Lafayette Louisiana on the
[01:05:09] 14th New Orleans on the 15th and then I am in Chicago the 21st and the 22nd we
[01:05:15] added a third show already so please buy the if you guys buy in advance I'll be
[01:05:19] able to fucking hopefully we'll get a fourth show and just have a really fun
[01:05:22] time Chicago and then I'm in Detroit on the 23rd in Michigan Detroit Michigan
[01:05:27] please come out and ant something Hall or some fucking bullshit I don't know it's
[01:05:31] on my website stavi.biz and you can find my dates and then that also has links to
[01:05:35] all our come town live shows so please come out to all that shit and come give
[01:05:40] us smooches when you see us smooch me I don't want to be a poison cloud I want
[01:05:45] to be a poison cloud I want to be a beautiful huggable little try and try
[01:05:49] and smooch me I'll suck all the air out of your nose I will not I will give you
[01:05:52] smooch right back and I will say hello thank you pinch your nostrils and then
[01:05:56] we'll share a dessert kiss so thank you guys that is out of it so good bye you