Cum Town | Premium | 09/03/2018
[00:00:00] and go I already said this I think I said it on the pop of the check the levels
[00:00:04] or did you do it sounds good did you do any of this sounds good man
[00:00:08] yeah got the new chords where the new chord were humming
[00:00:11] alright okay we're humming like for all you
[00:00:13] audio file Trent Reznor types out there
[00:00:17] this should be such a like Trent Reznor there is a thing
[00:00:20] and Trent Reznor finally releases his comments on Donald Trump
[00:00:24] hell yeah we won't be like that a headline no it was something like Trent Reznor
[00:00:28] had something to say about Donald Trump it's funny all these like celebrities
[00:00:31] people forgot about yeah I mean I know nine inch nails still makes music or
[00:00:35] whatever and he does like film scores to know yeah the social I mean I love
[00:00:39] nine inch nails but yeah who gives a shit who gives a shit what Trent Reznor
[00:00:42] exactly what an old-ass guy with long black hair things yeah right
[00:00:46] great like my man's definitely got that fucked up here he probably dies a shit
[00:00:50] jet black yeah oh yeah for sure well it's like something happens like people
[00:00:55] people are relevant for a while they have some success you might have
[00:00:58] continued success but then you like trick yourself into thinking that you're
[00:01:01] important just because you're like visible yeah well in his little fucking
[00:01:05] bubble he is important in his world he's like yeah he's give people one around
[00:01:09] like Trent yeah no but I think he like legitimately does like he's very smart
[00:01:15] at what he does he's like you know like as like audio music yeah yeah no but
[00:01:19] like he's like an audio file like a weird he was like a band geek in high
[00:01:22] school yeah he played piano because he was gay yeah and then he and then he
[00:01:29] worked his way out of that three industrial rock yeah you think you think
[00:01:33] nine inch nails means like is it a do we do the joke about it's a band of like
[00:01:36] it was originally black ladies with a really big nails oh no I'm sure everyone
[00:01:42] in fourth grade ever made that joke no not in fourth grade how dare you yeah
[00:01:46] that's ninth grade at least no it's not I'll say and by the that was a big with
[00:01:51] a nice little pooper well I got food poisoning a couple days ago so I'm just
[00:01:58] filled with gas yeah oh you're like a little balloon dude yeah dude how was it
[00:02:03] were you fitting all no the shitting is happening today but today I got the food
[00:02:08] I was stupid of me knew the food was bad anyways that's so good you're eating
[00:02:14] someone's leftovers who had food poisoning and then you're like let me
[00:02:18] take a run at this why am I something strong which by the way that is fat boy
[00:02:24] DNA that's your childhood oh yeah because I have done that exact shit where it was
[00:02:28] like I got sick off wings no the case of D is weren't wrong she was yeah take the
[00:02:33] case of D is side dude I got food poisoning because I saw wings that were
[00:02:37] undercooked I saw them in my head I registered undercooked and then I was
[00:02:41] like I'll just eat the outside part yeah I was like I was my
[00:02:48] asshole was a faucet not literally like fucking 20 minutes after I ate those
[00:02:53] case of D is I was like oh I got a lay down then it went in the bathroom and I
[00:02:57] threw up a little bit and then it got like progressively worse and then yeah
[00:03:00] till like 5 a.m. just dry heaving bile yeah great ab workout I was telling
[00:03:07] Nick outside is it yeah I heaving oh yeah
[00:03:12] yeah get your shit shredded yeah it sucks because you for a while there's like a
[00:03:18] crescendo with the vomiting where you like get to the point where you're
[00:03:22] almost empty and you're like damn I feel pretty good I know it feels nice
[00:03:24] purging the yeah right after you're done and all the fuck the vomit's out of
[00:03:28] your nose yeah yeah like that should feels good it's kind of like psychedelic
[00:03:32] like it's like kind of like tripping like in Barton Fink when that writer
[00:03:36] that's supposed to be Faulkner like finishes throwing up and then he like
[00:03:39] folds his little like handkerchief up oh yeah cleans himself up yeah yeah there's
[00:03:44] nothing better than taking a handkerchief taking it to the corners of your mouth
[00:03:48] after you bomb it in or eight pussy well I have a silk handkerchief every time
[00:03:52] you should get a little handkerchief and just dabbed to sweat off your forehead
[00:03:54] in your wheelchair I love that I do want to go wheelchair where the girl where the
[00:03:58] girl's at yeah you know hello gals yeah I need me a strong bitch with good
[00:04:03] calves that wants to push me around strong girls if you want a workout if we
[00:04:08] got a savage psycho Juanita out there someone DM me and the people asked ask
[00:04:14] someone asked like savage psycho I asked him I DMed him months ago and said well
[00:04:18] you do my podcast and he didn't respond to me oh we got a case we got I'm not on
[00:04:22] Instagram where does he live I don't know what I mean I would assume like
[00:04:26] Arizona or somewhere yeah yeah yeah and not the good no no good city in Arizona
[00:04:31] yeah like some weird middle part not the only good ones are what Phoenix two
[00:04:36] songs Tucson Tucson's the best flagstaff flax that's beautiful like that's kind
[00:04:41] of cool like that's really pretty yeah yeah it's snowy and flexed really yeah
[00:04:45] it's like Northern Arizona I hate this I was driving through flagstaff there's
[00:04:48] some mountain we have and it was like so close yet so tall it was like I don't
[00:04:52] understand the physics of it yeah we can be this close to the mountains yeah
[00:04:55] it's cool it's like in a Western where they're like riding through the desert
[00:04:58] and then they're like riding into snow and you're like that's not possible
[00:05:01] they were just in the desert always words me out in LA you can see like the
[00:05:04] snow on top of the sand Gabriel yeah sometimes and it's like it's so hot here
[00:05:08] I don't understand how you go further up and then it gets on hold enough for
[00:05:12] there to be yeah bro because he's a thing he rises you stupid mountains check
[00:05:15] mate you know what I mean everyone tells me he rises right but the
[00:05:19] mounds are cold up top no thanks no it's colder it's aye aye aye aye aye a
[00:05:24] elevation what does I mean exactly it's like logic a lot of racial okay yes I
[00:05:30] opt bro there you go cuz up there it's hot it's practicing he's doing choppin
[00:05:34] later yeah which I don't know why they ask but I'm down man can you say
[00:05:39] something for on behalf of me on choppin sure when people say brain genius why
[00:05:43] don't they just say retard right hmm I'll say that okay ask them that I will
[00:05:48] okay I think it's a lot punchier I do like hard but I will say though it is
[00:05:54] cool when a place is hot and there's snow on a mountain yeah Vegas Vegas was
[00:05:58] is a valley it was surrounded by like during the winter every time yes it
[00:06:03] directed every conversation back to his precious Las Vegas you guys don't know
[00:06:07] this but we have to we've thrown away so many hours cuz he's talking about
[00:06:13] about Las Vegas all some more material anyway let's talk about
[00:06:16] every we always have to hear about Las Vegas
[00:06:20] Hollywood shoes right used to get my shoes right by that old Harley Davidson
[00:06:26] factory or story I hear about the tiny New York City and how that's at the
[00:06:32] Halliburthe they did they used to have basketball I'm gonna move to Vegas I
[00:06:36] want to move to the desert yeah Vegas seemed so cool the desert seems so
[00:06:41] cool it seemed like mad man it's filled with extraterrestrial secrets
[00:06:45] already off the area 51 yeah yeah we get some we used to we still like we
[00:06:50] get some like oh do you those a ufode is probably area 21 yeah yeah just lie to
[00:06:56] each other does not know about alien desert was cool with like you know how
[00:06:59] kids that grow up by the forest go and like get fucked up and get head and
[00:07:02] stuff in the forest yeah we just did that in the desert yeah we used to just
[00:07:06] yeah we drink fucking mad karona's and smoke like yeah weed out of apples and
[00:07:12] shit and try to go all the ticks I'll take all the needles out of the cactus
[00:07:15] and put it in your ass yeah just like nature's dildo yeah ones I you get older
[00:07:20] though and you you want a mountain you don't want the desert anymore you want
[00:07:24] a cold ass cold ass mountain that cabin cabin only you can only reach it by foot
[00:07:28] uh-huh oh Ryan Kaczynski style mm-hmm yeah but then what if you get fucking hurt
[00:07:33] dude and you die true you're right you learn how to do medicine on yourself
[00:07:39] that's what's fucking scary about your medicine hell yeah dr. Quinn medicine
[00:07:43] woman yeah I saw the finish God of war I think I identified with the game too
[00:07:48] much so I didn't need to beat it because that's the real goal with any video
[00:07:53] game is that let it consume you thank you're crazy yeah because red a red
[00:08:01] striper over his face oh I got that tattoo yeah on the full body you guys
[00:08:06] can't tell his beers groaning out yeah he's here's getting a little shorter every
[00:08:10] week yeah I'm gay that happens to me with suck my dick boy with crash bandicoot
[00:08:17] but I identified with the bad guy neo-core text too much who's neo-core
[00:08:21] it's just a mask no that was Uga buga the mask yeah he was just a giant floating
[00:08:27] head to head the letter and on his forehead now in retrospect that's pretty
[00:08:33] funny yeah cuz you know what it's on his mind I'm not thinking it I swear
[00:08:39] what's the end stand for on neo-core text no it was a joke between my friend
[00:08:46] and I was saying is it was a joke from you I can't really explain it I mean
[00:08:52] why don't you explain it to me what's the joke I don't know it's because there's a
[00:09:03] the black guy could burning and asking with the end hey what the hell is that man
[00:09:07] I'm gonna get me over that brioche yeah knock it off cuz I'm gonna eat it a
[00:09:11] whole thing that's not a brea I guess it is it's softer than my dick you're gonna
[00:09:14] tell me what this pastry is that no it's a chocolate croissant it though it's a
[00:09:20] brioche it's amazing how they make croissants because you you ever watch on
[00:09:26] British Bake Off how it's made no I have it it's like croissants on modern
[00:09:30] you have to do like thousands of super puffy yeah yeah yeah and they can they
[00:09:34] can like you know you can get those at the supermarket for like 50 to 50 cents
[00:09:40] you know it's so it should take forever to make the same thing what else
[00:09:43] meringue yeah yeah you got it you got to fluff that shit so careful with that
[00:09:48] pictures are hard dude I watched Dana Dana made something like a tart or
[00:09:53] something yeah shut down whipping it up in the kitchen yeah Dana's a fucking
[00:09:56] beast she's a great guy here at food that Dana's man I had maybe once yeah
[00:10:02] yeah she's really good at good I've had a pastry or two her sister was like
[00:10:05] thinking and shit her sister worked at that like that's right one amazing
[00:10:08] restaurant DC yeah that one that was like thought of us that's really bull
[00:10:12] yeah the Cosby rape yeah didn't they they took down the Cosby mural yeah and
[00:10:19] they replaced it with Obama and someone pretty funny I don't remember who
[00:10:22] shot to someone who's also really a spot at the Comedy Show yeah yeah you know
[00:10:27] what I think is from jail his timeout has been on the villain roof Stephen Pat
[00:10:32] guy fuck paddock 40 well what was the number I think it was 59 59 or 61 or
[00:10:43] something respect I think 62 was his age mmm was he's in the 50s cuz he injured
[00:10:50] like 400 or 600 people polls nightclub was like 50 and I think paddock beat him
[00:10:55] by like the goat I love that shit I mean paddock is like kind of the best way
[00:11:01] to cap off all of these mass shootings uh-huh because there's zero ideology
[00:11:07] involved no one knows why he did it well don't people think he's like well
[00:11:11] they're conspiracy theories conspiracy runner or whatever conspiracy theories
[00:11:15] but yeah which are fun to engage in yeah but like in terms of public outrage
[00:11:19] it's like he had a scene what seems to be like a nice relationship he seemed
[00:11:23] like he really loved that one definitely yeah he wasn't like a strange from his
[00:11:27] family they had like you know kind of like a regular relationship brother in
[00:11:30] Florida rocked upwardly mobile you know I mean the guy like he gambled but like
[00:11:35] not to an extent that was destroying his life he's just like sort of a
[00:11:37] successful guy yeah and it's like fuck it I guess I'll uh I guess I'll just kill
[00:11:42] a bunch of people and then he did mm-hmm and there's nothing that anybody and
[00:11:47] what's even the best part is it's an old white guy so it proves that there's
[00:11:50] still like better at things that everybody else so there's just like
[00:11:55] nothing that can be yeah yeah not nearly a point at in that situation and it
[00:11:59] doesn't fit anybody's narrative mm-hmm that's true white male excellence in
[00:12:03] that uh yeah go off cake white white white white white white white white white red
[00:12:08] white white white white white white white white white black white black white white white white white white
[00:12:10] black white white white Sanders even said even Pat
[00:12:19] He was like I was judging by somebody I want to do like a like a magic like a
[00:12:24] I'm like alright, I'm gonna think of a number between one and two thousand
[00:12:29] I'm gonna think about it, and then you say the first time or the pops into your head
[00:12:40] You already broke the I don't know how you found away
[00:12:43] You said between what it do that you're like forty hours I don't understand how you found away
[00:12:55] That's my real answer anyway anyway the street musicians like yeah
[00:12:59] I'm thinking of a number between one and two thousand and first time in the pops in your head
[00:13:02] I want you to say yeah fourteen that was the number yeah, and then everyone's like oh my god
[00:13:09] White boy magic that is good. Yeah, you give somebody a deck of cards or whatever
[00:13:15] He's like alright. I'm gonna pick a card. I'm gonna look at it
[00:13:17] I'm gonna hand it back to you know when you pick a card out the deck at random
[00:13:28] Damn dude pen did you know like pen pens the libertarian right they're both libertarian yeah
[00:13:34] You don't know cuz the other guy won't talk as quiet. Yeah mom. Yeah
[00:13:37] Well, that's I mean he's probably a neo-fascist. You know that's why so quiet. Oh, yeah
[00:13:42] Yeah, well, I mean pens take using all the speech. That's right. I used up all the free speech
[00:13:48] So tell her can't the market dick on the left what magicians get you know scarcity is good
[00:13:59] Yeah, that was so funny freaks out yeah, that was so quiet one from Penn and tell it
[00:14:06] The bedside who's your most famous? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I forgot who he said but then he she said that he's like whoa
[00:14:17] So good oh so they're both see I always thought the quiet one was like you know
[00:14:24] Enlightened one the white is a James Garbills
[00:14:26] Oh, Barry Madeline. Yeah, like they were an odd couple. Yeah, yeah
[00:14:33] Apparently they made he used to make tons of money
[00:14:37] He used to make tons of money like just being a street magician like that's how good that's he pen pen
[00:14:42] Yeah, that he would just like make he would cake up. That's what my friend drummed
[00:14:46] He was drug dealer types of money and he was like he went to an account
[00:14:49] He was like no one is ever gonna believe you my friend dated a guy that was a magician magician and I stayed with her
[00:14:55] In Portland when I was working in the comedy club there like 10 years ago or whatever
[00:14:59] Mm-hmm and her magician like loser boyfriend just lived in her garage
[00:15:05] Working on his next big one just be out there all day posting on the internet. Oh really and like coming up with card tricks
[00:15:14] Well, she was like she was like oh you can hang out with Brian all day well, I'm at work
[00:15:18] I was like alright, I guess and it was cool. I went out there and on the wall. He had like hanging like
[00:15:25] Just off like a you know clothes hanger like the Chris Chan outfit like the shirt with the sonichu medallion
[00:15:33] Oh, yeah, I'm like is that a Chris Chan outfit. He's like oh, yeah, dude. This was 10 years ago. Yeah
[00:15:37] He was on the bleeding edge. Yeah, I'm like what the fuck he was like yeah
[00:15:42] I was Chris Chan for Halloween. I'm like you know about him and
[00:15:44] And yeah, me and him like bonded over that but he was explaining the whole world of magic to me
[00:15:50] And he's like yeah, you really want to do is I come up with good tricks and then sell them to like Vegas magicians
[00:15:55] You make good money, and you don't really have to do anything. Yeah, should we come up with a magic trick?
[00:15:59] Yeah, you remember the special in the 90s right magic seekers revealed. Yeah the masked magician
[00:16:05] They also had one for wrestling and he's like he's so scared for his life because he's giving away these amazing
[00:16:09] Seagrass that he has to wear a mask. Siegfried and Roy are gonna hold him down and fuck him
[00:16:13] It's like they just do magic's greatest secrets revealed, but it's Hollywood's greatest secrets revealed and it's the masked magician
[00:16:20] Yeah, and he's like you know David Geffen rape to six year old boy
[00:16:25] Here's a video of Steven Spielberg fucking the girl from Alter guys
[00:16:32] I am John Chabolta's bald and gay as hell you already knew he was gay, but guess what he secretly straight
[00:16:45] Because it's cool to be secretly gay, but he wasn't he loves pussy
[00:16:49] Yeah, so he's double he doesn't even he's not even married to that lady Kelly or whatever
[00:16:53] Yeah, and his son that died in that airplane never existed. We're saying died in an airplane. It was a disease
[00:16:59] Yeah, he was retarded. I thought he crashed an airplane. No, he had a seizure. It was suspicious
[00:17:03] He died in like the his son very clearly had autism
[00:17:06] Because he was a scientist like there's no such thing as autism and then he's like isn't that right jet his son's name is
[00:17:25] He went I shouldn't talk badly about a fellow Scientologist, but he the kid died in the Bahamas or something so they couldn't really do you like
[00:17:33] You know a proper burial. It's a study into what happened
[00:17:39] You know well, so let's tell me someone's tell me Scientology
[00:17:43] They probably kill people, but they're so good at it. You never find the body
[00:17:47] Yeah, disappear. I mean look at his son's hand. Yeah, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah
[00:18:04] Recast him dude, that's fucking let's do it all down syndrome fucking some I mean he looks like he does comedy. Oh my god
[00:18:13] He looks like an open mic me. You guys have a seat horrible. You guys have a shot. He's heavy. I want you so bad
[00:18:20] Really funny like an extra chin underneath
[00:18:25] Like some of us they carry fat very nicely and proportionally on our faces no jet Travolta
[00:18:31] You think Travolta was just like such a narcissist like he loved being beautiful that he couldn't stand to look at an ugly fat version of himself
[00:18:38] He is I mean Adam got you think incredibly vain man. He would admit he's bald. I know you know
[00:18:47] It's like oh, we're waiting for you brother with open arms. I by the way every branded as a bald as a bald beautiful man
[00:18:54] You know I'm a ball dambasseter. He's both his parents kissing him in a bed. Oh god
[00:19:04] Scientologist so weird careful Nick, but I think you guys are cool. Please do not kill us. Mm-hmm. Please do not kill my
[00:19:13] You still scurvy I haven't made a commitment yet. I don't know I'm going Scientology
[00:19:18] Catholicism or Jews. Mm-hmm. I wish you'd use will have you those fucking cikes. I'll do what I tell
[00:19:27] Pulling my way in the Judaism with anti-Semitism
[00:19:31] Just be good piece this storming into a synagogue on Saturday alright you fucking kite sign me up
[00:19:40] What it's just like I just give me the I want the money in the entertainment career
[00:19:45] Let's do it a little how where the hell I put the fucking little hat on I want to be Oprah
[00:19:56] Just give me a fucking TV show alright I gotta do that
[00:20:01] Just completely misunderstanding right Judaism is mm-hmm
[00:20:05] I'll put the X's to avoid the plague or whatever the locusts just continually asking if the canter is Alice Cooper
[00:20:15] It's like if you blow into the shofar briefly enough you get a show it's like everyone's lining up to
[00:20:23] If you have a little dick shofar blow I love that the idea
[00:20:27] Storming into a synagogue demanding an entertainment career
[00:20:30] Just a random one yeah, right I've been working on an act. I'm ready in like Ridgefield
[00:20:43] Fuck I had something that I wanted to say but I forgot it thinking about how delightful it was to demand a
[00:20:49] Entertainment career. Fuck it was probably really good. Honestly. Yeah, I'm sorry guys. I'm podcasting through the pain
[00:20:56] I have a hang nail and I think it's infected so
[00:21:05] She's ruining our podcast. Yeah fucking bitch. I'm ready to take a giant ass
[00:21:11] Dumperini shit. Yeah, you got that listen coffee plus recovering from food poisoning. That's a tough combo
[00:21:18] Yeah, she put fluids back in your system. I tried to I couldn't keep water down until like midday
[00:21:24] Yeah, so you throw up see I just shit out of my I mean I literally shit so much when I food poisoning
[00:21:30] I throw up too, but it's straight up water coming out of my
[00:21:37] The worst is when you have to make that whole Sophie's choice thing where it's coming out both sides
[00:21:41] Oh, yeah, you're like to our sit to I thought you do I throw up you shit and then you throw above the bathtub
[00:21:48] Yeah, or the or a bucket. Yeah, that's what you throw out the you know the trash can you throw it
[00:21:52] I always what happened to me is I always try and make I always try and play hurt like once my I can
[00:22:00] Carry anything. Yeah, what's my stomach takes anything? I'm like all right back to fucking cheese because when I get food poisoning
[00:22:06] It's when I'm reckless when I'm eating like an asshole. I'm just fucking you know
[00:22:10] I'm having two meals like a meals as appetizers like I like I would get one. Yes, absolutely
[00:22:16] I am 100% it when like flew too close to the cinnabon
[00:22:19] Yeah, I like when chicken fingers are my side dish. Yeah, I mean I get yeah, I get burgers as a side
[00:22:28] It's so funny watching my friends get fat in their 30s
[00:22:32] Stoves 29. I know yeah, I mean I've been oh stops been fat
[00:22:36] I'm an original guys. I know that eat like that and have their whole life
[00:22:39] Oh, yeah, but they're skinny the whole time and 32 and they're just like waterlogged and punch. It's just a weird body
[00:22:45] Yeah, because their bodies are not meant to be not right. They don't carry
[00:22:48] They don't like I said they don't carry the weight is beautifully a something. Yeah. Yeah, yeah
[00:22:52] No, and it's funny. It's because there's guys that only see like once a year or something the comics or whatever
[00:22:59] All right, dude and which weird some of them
[00:23:02] It's like their shoulders and shit look fine and then like they just have weird patches of fat
[00:23:06] Yeah, that's right. Well, that's because their bodies their body
[00:23:09] They never develop like the musculature to carry that weight. Mm-hmm. They just got super fat overnight
[00:23:13] And then they have these like giant bulbous like yeah, like a love handles
[00:23:19] Yeah, these eyes and ass well. Yeah, these are like, you know, like marquee bodies where they look like, you know
[00:23:27] French Revolution dandies. Yeah, yeah, or like or like a sexy bitch from the Renaissance painting who got that is
[00:23:34] Hampton Hampton got like super but he lost all the way it did lose all the weight
[00:23:37] But for a couple years there he was fast. He gained like a hundred pounds. Yeah, it looked weird
[00:23:42] He was always so skinny. Yeah, and he was like, yeah, I remember when he started exercising. I'm like
[00:23:47] Do you even know what to do? I mean like I don't know what how this fucking happened to you
[00:23:51] But it's like so much goddamn weight. I mean he's lost it all and he's kept it off for years now
[00:23:56] Really is he looking good? We saw Hampton Hampton Hampton
[00:24:00] I remember him being thin when I saw him in DC in like 2012
[00:24:05] So that was already six years ago, right? He's kept the weight off nice, but yeah, no when he moved out to LA
[00:24:11] He got fat as shit, but he was like, you know
[00:24:13] It's like because guys don't know how to make like any kind of food choices
[00:24:16] Or when I moved LA I was hanging out with Hampton was the first day there and I was like you want to get lunch
[00:24:21] He's like, what do you think I'm like Taco Bell McDonald's and I laughed at it
[00:24:25] Because it that seems absurd to me dude daylight Taco Bell or McDonald's
[00:24:30] They like sober ever even I've been at McDonald's during the day Taco Bell again. Neither. I would never I would never go get fast food
[00:24:38] I mean really never know if I'm in an airport if I'm like traveling but trash you would never get fast food
[00:24:45] Occasionally yeah, that's the that's the fucking that's the taco. Oh yeah
[00:24:48] I mean I would eat shit that wasn't any better. We go to like diners and shit, but yeah, I mean yeah
[00:24:56] What I should be eating my nuts. No my nuts number one man. I'm trying to help you
[00:25:03] I was this was all like veiled criticism without you and your fucking weight problem
[00:25:09] And I was trying to guide you to the right answer whatever man
[00:25:12] I'm gonna die when the Lord decides he needs me. Yeah, and I will not change anything about the kingdom of heaven
[00:25:17] I'm gonna I'm gonna be an Abraham's bosom dude. I'm gonna suck along his big fat fucking doll. He's
[00:25:24] You guys ever think about the how funny the phrase Abraham's bosom was is that a phrase yeah for like heaven
[00:25:30] Abraham's bosom you brought up Abraham twice in the last
[00:25:35] No, we talked about yeah sacrificing a son. Okay. That's still bringing up Abraham
[00:25:40] Didn't didn't stop bringing up. Yeah, I brought up you've been having gone through an Abraham Facebook
[00:25:44] Yeah, dude. I'm Abrahamic as hell dude heavy Abraham first. Oh, I mean what I was gonna say is
[00:25:49] Oh, I just remember what I was gonna say. I'm gonna be you guys can go Scientology or Judaism
[00:25:54] Whatever. I'm gonna be Zoroastrian. Oh, yeah, that shit
[00:25:57] Remember they would talk teaches about religion and it was like a legend right
[00:26:00] Oh, it's just as like they just felt the need to give it as much time as Christian
[00:26:04] Well, no, there's I think there's as many of them as Jews in the world. No way. Yeah, yeah Jews really have great
[00:26:12] They really isn't that there aren't that many Jews. Yeah, what the fuck they're just in control out man
[00:26:17] They're in you know, I always thought about very visible. Yeah said people talk about how Jews are annoying or whatever and like the Holocaust
[00:26:27] No, they were being they were being really annoying during the Holocaust. No prior to yeah, I mean look
[00:26:33] Let's be honest because people don't want to like
[00:26:44] It's people don't want to like accept that unfortunately the Holocaust
[00:26:49] Happened is because Hitler needed a better reason than they're like they're annoying
[00:26:53] So he had to write this book and pretend that they were controlling the world
[00:26:56] But really they're like they're just sort of annoying
[00:27:00] And like that's probably what justified it in a lot of people's heads
[00:27:06] They're like yeah, I guess I kind of know I'm oh and all this other stuff about the
[00:27:10] You think it was an easy sell you think Western you looked around and he was like cheese
[00:27:15] I need a fucking scapegoat. Yeah, I'd really do I think like
[00:27:18] Well, no, there was there was a guy owned a fucking bakery in a Jewish guy
[00:27:22] I was like oh and I have an extra coupon from last week and then that guy was like
[00:27:27] All right, yeah, I'll take your goddamn coupons like every week with this fucking asshole
[00:27:32] And then Hitler comes around and he's like and they control the world and he's like I don't know about that
[00:27:46] That's a good theory man. No, I mean it's because like all these tragic things happen like big things and people don't want to accept that
[00:27:52] There's very simple reasons for them. You know like Kennedy being murdered people
[00:27:56] I'm gonna be like oh yeah, it was just some crazy loser right it has to be this big conspiracy
[00:28:00] The mob it can't just be one fucking guy that wanted to kill the president. Yeah, well then why did Jack Ruby kill?
[00:28:09] Everybody loved the president everyone loved it. I was getting pussy left and right
[00:28:15] Yeah, I don't know. I think the mob probably killed Kennedy because it's funny makes sense to me
[00:28:22] Yeah, but they would but just to clarify you think a crazy the explanation for JFK dying is a crazy guy
[00:28:29] I wanted to kill him and the explanation the simple explanation for the Holocaust is that you were annoying. Yeah, and yes
[00:28:42] All right, just putting it just wanted to get there
[00:28:47] Just want to make clear the Holocaust is probably one of the most studied
[00:28:51] historical events and there's a lot of literature on you know the causes the rise and the fall of the third right
[00:28:51] Historical events and there's a lot of literature on you know the causes the rise and the fall of the third right?
[00:29:12] Germany was economically depressed after World War I uh-huh who was being annoying about it
[00:29:21] God, I'm so depressed. Yeah, we all are asshole. It's a fucking great
[00:29:25] Not like me. Oh boy. Let me tell you about my day
[00:29:30] Hitler didn't get into art school because of a Jewish guy that told him he wasn't very good at painting
[00:29:36] Is that true? I thought he did get into art school
[00:29:38] I think that he didn't get it thinking of a bit that Ahmed used to do in DC, but it was a Jewish guy
[00:29:44] No, that's a real thing a bit that Ahmed used to do and also fucking I've seen it every right. Yeah
[00:29:49] Yeah, it's a very common observation on the I'm just saying that's you know that it was a Jewish that was a Jewish guy
[00:29:57] I'm not doing a bit. I'm just saying it was a Jewish guy that rejected him from art school
[00:30:01] I told him he was a bad artist or something when he was in art school. Oh, so well, maybe Nick's
[00:30:08] I would have found it annoying if I have my applied look you're not gonna be able to sell a genocide on like they're fucking annoying
[00:30:14] You can't do that nobody's gonna be on board. Yeah. Yeah, but people will be driven to kill over minor inconveniences
[00:30:20] Look at road rage. That's all it fucking is. Yeah. Yeah, it's yeah
[00:30:24] Gypsies gypsies and gay guys. They killed those guys well. Yeah, because they wanted to fly the killing of the Jews
[00:30:31] It's about ethnic purity. So we'll get rid of how many fucking handicap people could there be anyways
[00:30:36] Yeah, there were 11 million people that died in six million Jews. There are plenty of people that died that were in Jewish
[00:30:42] So really they yeah, I mean you don't hear you know holocaust. Yes complaining about as much. Yeah, I'm just saying the gypsies
[00:30:48] There is real you know, they're resilient people. I'm saying is where's gay handicapped Israel. We gave them a couple of wagons
[00:30:56] Some that's pretty fucked up feathers and they got a really raw deal out of this, you know
[00:31:01] They got they got the movie snatch. That's that must have been big for them. Yeah, um you ever see those reality shows about like the British gypsies
[00:31:10] Trashy people like yeah, well gypsy just means traveler right so there's iris gypsies. They're not like they're not Roma
[00:31:17] Roma Roma. Yeah, the iris gypsies aren't Roma. They're just like fucking you know red-haired retard to go around
[00:31:27] Bear knuckle bro. Very knuckle brawling. Yeah, there's Irish guy. That's like killed all these people
[00:31:33] It's just the best at punch that's what snatch was the bread Brad Pitt's character
[00:31:38] That's good at bear knuckle bro. It does that weird voice that I think it turns out
[00:31:45] Pick the weird one. Yeah, whatever it was good for the movie damn dude. That's pretty cool
[00:31:50] Yeah, they would do like a my gypsy wedding or whatever and they are just they have the worst taste of all time
[00:31:55] Yeah, they're just like I mean their titties are all the way out and it's like
[00:32:01] Well some fat mom would like teased up I did see some like a
[00:32:11] Because that is nobody says gypped anymore. Well, we all know where that comes from. Oh really that comes from gypsy
[00:32:18] Yeah, yeah, well stop it. I swear to god. I did not know it's G. Y. P. Yeah, huh?
[00:32:23] I didn't know that I thought I thought J. I'll make her like two years ago
[00:32:26] That's like and they're they're coming in they're trying to do us down on the budget
[00:32:32] No, no, there's a guy in West Virginia that said and they're trying to do us down on the budget
[00:32:36] And then somebody was like you can't say that he's like that's just the way I talk
[00:32:43] That's just I was not a offense to Jews, but that's just what the word means. Yeah, yeah, yeah
[00:32:48] And he got away with it just by being like yeah, no, it's just cool. Yeah, yeah
[00:32:53] Yeah, you open up Miriam Webster's is that like one of the definitions of Jew? I don't know. No, is it no
[00:33:02] Mariam Webster's a cool name. Yeah, I bet Miriam had some good pussy
[00:33:07] Webby spider mary and web series doing I got a guy to do any definitions for you this afternoon
[00:33:12] Daniel Webster was the guy from Webster's you have reached a day
[00:33:16] You have reached a day of Miriam Webster. I'm not in the office today
[00:33:21] I'm on my lunch break or possibly hanging with Shelley
[00:33:32] You call him for the definition of odd walk press one
[00:33:45] If you call it for the destination of Aaron the proper name press three if you call it for the
[00:33:54] I don't know if 40 million dollars on the on the automated thing scenario was the right move guys
[00:33:59] This is the board meeting I might I might see if I could just do that buy a fucking 1-800 number and set up the
[00:34:08] This is a black woman named Miriam Webster that there's a PBX with the definition of every fucking word that would take me
[00:34:15] That's work years. Yeah, that's 20 years
[00:34:23] Like troubleshooting the tech. Yeah. Yeah, how many words are there for for such a worthless
[00:34:34] Probably something like can we look at you in the dictionary that I want to know if that's an actual
[00:34:38] Let's all guess the number. Let's price is right this how many how many because they put it in bullshit words every year
[00:34:44] They put in like like LOL and shit right they put in like online slang. I'm gonna get there's
[00:34:54] No, so I'm gonna put you put your phone. I already looked it up. How many are there? My guess was 120,000 Adam
[00:35:01] Amen. Don't look at my fucking bitch. I didn't look at your phone. You just absolutely
[00:35:07] I've moved it over my hand after you haven't gotten new glasses in six years. Um, liar. I haven't got new lenses
[00:35:13] Ah, that's not that many you looked it up too. I know you did. No, I was looking at Daniel Webster if go ahead motherfucker
[00:35:21] Just guess I'll say yeah, I'll say 200,000 words. Well you can look the price is right at me
[00:35:28] It's 470,000. Okay, that makes sense. So let's say let's say it takes me what 30 seconds to read the definition of a word
[00:35:35] Times 470,000 is what let's say a full minute, bro
[00:35:39] A minute to read a definition of word 30 seconds of the story by the time you find it and shit
[00:35:46] No, you just go through. I mean obviously we do this in a
[00:35:55] All right, all right 30 times 470,000 is 14 100 divided by
[00:36:08] So it would take me about a half a year nonstop just reading and you're only a lotting 30 seconds
[00:36:14] Yeah, 100 163 hours of recording time and that's a really on the low end like no breaks
[00:36:21] Yeah, no breaks. It'll be 163 hours of work. That's it. That seems like that's not that long. Yeah
[00:36:29] Yeah, okay for you that's not that long either you can focus
[00:36:34] 163 24 hour day. Yeah 24 hour. Yeah, so that'd be a while
[00:36:39] It's 489 workdays eight hour days. Okay, so you're too many. Yeah, you're in a half
[00:36:46] You're in a half. Let's say another year just to kind of another three months to kind of get all the technical stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
[00:36:53] It's two years. Yeah, let's just say this ran it off to two years. Good afternoon. You've reached maryam webster
[00:36:59] But yeah, that's for the definition of oddball
[00:37:03] Two years later. I just have no friends anymore. I'm all my money on this project
[00:37:11] Yeah, they know like handle handle but I would assume to be just a massive call volume
[00:37:18] People will be calling it all hours of the day
[00:37:23] Best part is the only way you can let's say you wanted a word that started with n. Yeah, you would have to wait
[00:37:31] You know, I have to read the word at some point. That's in the dictionary. Oh true. Yeah
[00:37:37] I didn't even think of that one. I was just saying like
[00:37:40] Unless there's a different way like when they called would it just be like for our vark press one
[00:37:48] And like wait till you say there in sorcan movie where it's like, you know our
[00:37:54] 282 I reached the n word and then the big debate in the office as to whether or not I should record it
[00:38:01] Whatever what am I a journalist? I don't like it either but it's a word. Yeah, god damn it
[00:38:11] Damn what an awesome project you should do it, man. Yeah, maybe I will
[00:38:14] Everybody's got a little cock. Uh, what's your next project?
[00:38:19] Just that song that I just said. Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna record it with full orchestra. All right
[00:38:23] Everybody's got a either either little cock or hungry hole. Yeah, I haven't decided yet
[00:38:29] It's because it's hungry heart, right? Yeah hungry hole then I'm gonna go hungry hole
[00:38:38] What's not in there? Ju the verb is not in there. Yeah, of course. It's not in there. I think it should be
[00:38:42] I'm a regular you think it's you press. Oh, and I you know what I didn't consider there's only 10 numbers you can press
[00:38:52] Number plus pound. Yeah, you put in the whole number then yeah, okay for you press
[00:39:05] To argue with someone to lower the price of something
[00:39:07] Definition number two a person who enjoys juing people
[00:39:15] So yeah, there's multiple definitions and there's somebody who whose religion involves the juan down of
[00:39:25] What if you wanted a specific word though, you know, you'd have to wait just wait. That's the joke. Okay. Got you
[00:39:31] I'm not trying to make a functional dictionary
[00:39:36] Is that a fun project you're right? No, you're right. I'm sorry. That's good. It's a good bit
[00:39:41] It's good. But these two years of your life work
[00:39:44] I hope you have kids too. They're just like dad. Yeah, I'm in my study
[00:39:51] You go back to doing the blank way. I can't get good after
[00:39:59] And if you would like to hear the definition
[00:40:12] No, no transmitter now a chemical that exists in the brain
[00:40:19] Which should be my next fucking project dude. Honestly
[00:40:22] Now I haven't had a good project since child porn.sexy. That was a lot. That was the last good thing I did, man
[00:40:28] Yeah, that was really funny back when I was free
[00:40:31] Mm-hmm. You know I don't know. Yeah, that was maybe the best thing maybe a debutting when I know is ever done
[00:40:38] And it's completely off the internet, right? Yeah, do you have like printed out or something?
[00:40:41] You know cash aid somewhere. It's got to be somewhere
[00:40:46] Honestly, a second thought like when I was telling you when you're crazy that you shouldn't kill yourself you probably I mean, yeah, that's a
[00:40:53] That's a pinnacle. My project. You got to believe there'll be something something big
[00:40:58] You got to find your child porn.sexy some bigger than paddock
[00:41:03] Well, apparently paddock that was his second pass. He was gonna do there's an EDM festival the week before
[00:41:09] And then he did a dry ride. He bailed on it
[00:41:11] And then he did the country just he did the EDM festival with water guns
[00:41:15] Just to kind of can you imagine those kids like tripping on molly getting shot
[00:41:19] Like how confusing and weird that would be and the music would be so much louder than the country music so the gunshots
[00:41:24] But like you wouldn't even hear it. You wouldn't even hear it
[00:41:27] paddock sort of dropping paddock could have caught a couple more a couple more bodies
[00:41:37] This is my oh, yeah, yeah, I watched that video katana
[00:41:40] That's what the internet should be for this is Scotland lowland showed
[00:41:46] You have a real treat off of a katana. This is first of all look at the wrapping on the hilt. It is
[00:41:52] I don't know if the guy who made this was quack was retarded or on quack or something
[00:42:01] Dude, I love him man. Yeah, we were talking about in the car like I'm jealous that guy just loves what he loves first of all
[00:42:07] He's more of a samurai than any fucking dickhead that lived in like 15th century, Japan
[00:42:11] Yes, when being a samurai was like an option. Mm-hmm. Is that like going to college or whatever?
[00:42:17] And he wants it more than any of those guys ever did you get a boy when you're a samurai, right?
[00:42:22] You get that good little fucking Japanese boy push
[00:42:25] World was built around a little page of having boys and that's why all of these secret societies that control the world all
[00:42:31] Can't they're just abandoned they can't abandon the boy having element. Yeah, wait. So is is the new is Pope?
[00:42:37] Francis we don't like him anymore. Why I thought he was cool didn't speak out against the abuse or yeah
[00:42:43] He knew about the abuse now. He holds mad at him
[00:42:46] I don't know Pope Francis seems like he just sort of says whatever he needs to say so people will like him
[00:42:50] Yeah, I think he's just good at PR. Yeah, like he's like he's not into like someone not he's like someone we know over here
[00:42:57] Like a political woke friend of ours. I'm not what you're talking about stop. Yeah, I'm not woke
[00:43:03] I know you're not yeah, I would never claim but you are you're a Pope Francis type. No. Yeah, I'm just first of all
[00:43:09] We were having a just discussing with my boys. I don't I'm just you who said there's somewhat like there's like a fan of ours
[00:43:15] That like thinks that you're that you get to political. No, you said that who said that you said that I don't know
[00:43:21] You brought it up last maybe dasha told me
[00:43:23] There's someone that's like stomp with his fucking politics. I'm the dumbest one here
[00:43:30] Yeah, no, so so he's bad now is it because of the pennsylvania?
[00:43:34] I thought there's like more shit. There's an ireland thing. There's ireland. No, what was ireland doing?
[00:43:40] I don't like skimmed the times article. I'm not even interested in this shit anymore
[00:43:44] Well, I mean benedict was a much better pope didn't even write he was a nazi
[00:43:49] A nazi. Yeah, he had a husband. He had a husband
[00:43:54] Here's a thing look the Pope Francis can say whatever the fuck he wants about supporting gays. Does he fuck do he fuck?
[00:44:03] Benedict was supporting a man's fucking cock with his mouth
[00:44:07] JP that's the most JP to smash puss before he went into the yeah
[00:44:11] Really when he was like a resistance fighter in the he got pussy in Poland. Yeah. He got pussy
[00:44:16] That's cool. Yeah, that's why he was the best pope because he got pussy
[00:44:20] He knew the pleasures of the flesh and he said sorry to the Jews for the holocaust. Yeah our bad
[00:44:24] He was like, oh and we were like, thank you
[00:44:29] He went to the western wall and he said
[00:44:34] Was I gonna say damn? I didn't know you were allowed to get pussy and then become a priest you can before you frock
[00:44:41] Before you get frocked up before you frock a league you could fuck before you frock
[00:44:57] Shouts out to that woman in that frequently I mentioned her a lot of times
[00:45:08] I just don't want to boy he's fine. Yeah
[00:45:24] The union twins had the best episode of cribs because they didn't even know what half the rooms were
[00:45:29] It was just a interior decorator. Yeah, I was just like a rented the pool. Yeah, like a long-term like rental. Yeah
[00:45:35] Yeah, yeah, they're like, yeah, we got like boat stuff in this one
[00:45:40] Those guys rock. I hope I hope they're doing well today
[00:45:46] Damn, I love freaka league. I still I follow that lady on instagram now. She's still the lady in a blue
[00:45:54] Carolina come on a sin north cacolac he's own
[00:45:57] He had that one and then the that's in the adele. I mean I was talking about it a hundred times
[00:46:01] But that's the helicopter north Carolina song adolescents beat off Hall of Fame the free-free
[00:46:06] Video the girl in the blue who I thought she's a mother now. She's married, but guess what?
[00:46:10] She's fine as hell. She's got she's still a titties are looking a look as luxurious. She was like a famous video. Oh, she was in a bunch
[00:46:17] It's not a whole man model video vixen video vixen. Thank you. Sorry vixen's a fun word
[00:46:23] Ww, it just does mean ho. It's cute. I think of a fox when I think of the word vixen. I don't know why
[00:46:34] Fixing I don't know just isn't that the name of the Pokemon Fox? It's a porn website too or it has something to do with Pokemon
[00:46:44] But it started the v. Yeah, yeah, it's something similar to that
[00:46:47] Pokemon Fox and you could turn it yet. They they poor Evie. No, it was Evie
[00:47:12] Uncle I think gets paid fat off that song nice using Todd Rungren's band and he also wrote the yugio song
[00:47:26] I think you wrote digimon digital monsters. Oh, that was a jam. He gets he gets fat
[00:47:36] Uh rock 70s rocker. I know I know who Todd I think he is is he I'm sorry. Yeah, I think he's lived Tyler's real dad
[00:47:46] He's I think he's lived Tyler's real dad Steven Tyler's oh no no no no no no Todd Rungren
[00:47:52] Todra raised him. Yeah raised her. Well, yeah, Steven Tyler was a deadbeat dad. This is not conspiracy
[00:47:58] This is like very publicly available. No, just me for misremembering fact. She's got the same lips as yeah
[00:48:04] No, she is Steven Tyler's daughter. She's hot as hell. I don't want to work. I just want to get cucked by a lady boy
[00:48:13] I don't understand people were like Steven Tyler's hot
[00:48:16] He looks back in the day shit. Oh, no, he was never attracted. He looks like he looks like in Asia
[00:48:22] Uh his is a heavy metal parking lot. What would you do if Rob Halford was here right now? I jump his bones
[00:48:28] I'll jump his bed. Yeah, I live in Glen Bernie
[00:48:33] Best is with that guys like yeah, I'm going to military next week and he was like kisses his girlfriend
[00:48:40] I like a part of the neck guys like where you from? He's like I'm from California, dude
[00:48:44] And you're like wow you came all the way here for this. He's like no, I mean I live here now
[00:48:54] Um now Steve and Tyler was probably sexy dude. No, he looks like shit, dude. Now. He does. He's an old fucking man
[00:48:59] But I bet he was younger. Are you gonna get a vanity plastic surgery like Howard Stern?
[00:49:05] See the Tyler style like when you're an old guy Howard Howard Stern get oh Howard's definitely got really what he's sure
[00:49:14] I don't know his shit looks stretched stretched out. I absolutely will not get plastic surgery
[00:49:18] I will get plugs when the technology is there when I'm like 60. I'm gonna have beautiful hair
[00:49:22] I'm still saying you should be wig guy. You should get like a Rick James sort of black judge wing. That's him. Ooh
[00:49:28] He was yeah, he looks like a cat damn. I don't know. He's in the musical cats
[00:49:34] Like he's wearing cat prosthesis. That looks like Rob Hayes
[00:49:38] That's funny. He sort of does white Rob Hayes
[00:49:42] Yeah, a little bit. I assumed he'd be sexier
[00:49:44] No, I'm sorry. Sorry to Rob Hayes if you think I'm saying you're unattractive friend of the show Rob
[00:49:50] Rob your face on Steven Tyler's body is not attractive. Let's put it that way. Otherwise, but you're a cute guy
[00:49:56] You're a fucking look at Rob is low key jacked. Is he yeah?
[00:50:10] No, it's good. M&M some pictures where he looks cuter M&M did a very weird
[00:50:21] He like sampled it. I want to go out get my dick sucked. Dude. All right, P people keep pointing out his weird feet too
[00:50:36] Huh those are very straight. Do you remember that video where it was like his second toe goes over his big toe
[00:50:41] He like asked Alicia Silverstone P. Alicia Silverstone looking font foin, you know
[00:50:46] Yeah, yeah, yeah, and his daughter and they were like strippers and then they like ran away and like got into trouble
[00:50:53] We should Silverstone so bad. I wanted to fuck her so bad. Fourth grade
[00:50:58] I was never an Alicia Silverstone guy. Dude. I watched clueless stupid. I watched clueless recently
[00:51:02] I'm not and she is she's really hot. She's like just such a fucking yeah, although Stacy's a rich fucking
[00:51:12] Yeah, she went vegan or some shit. Yeah, she's doing just straight P and V pornography
[00:51:20] What if someone from mainstream just like I my dream was all I'm getting to porn the friend from uh Fright night
[00:51:28] Uh, he was like in movies and then he was like, I guess I'll just do hardcore gay porn
[00:51:33] He just yeah, he went he would step down from regular acting. Yeah, live your truth, bro
[00:51:41] Maybe you know, he was like look. Yeah, there's a temporary step back. I'm making it back into the yes
[00:51:47] Yeah, Steven Jefferies nice respect. Yeah, he was like just a friend from Fright night
[00:51:52] Yeah, and then here mrs. Wikipedia page and then he just fucking got corn hold on cam right life in career
[00:51:58] Damn, I guess they used to do porn in sanatty. He was not a
[00:52:03] Um a Tony. Yeah, you want the well is that what he wanted for? You want the you can actually you want to
[00:52:11] Yeah, hold on wait jeffries appeared in several horror and teen films in the 1980s
[00:52:16] Heaven help us for fraternity vacation 976 evil
[00:52:20] Um, he also played a sporting cast a close range frite night, you know, he had a career
[00:52:25] Fraternity vacation during the 1990s. Jefferies appeared for several years in gay porn and graphic movies
[00:52:33] Part penis all I ever wanted. Yeah was to get stuffed in my ass for cash. He made some bad investments
[00:52:45] That's the way to go didn't that mighty ducks kid that was like involved in that like pedophilia ring kind of thing
[00:52:55] Wait, yeah, brock pierce rock pierce. Yeah. Yeah
[00:52:59] Is anyone rich off bitcoin? What the fuck happened? It seems like he's like go even was rich
[00:53:03] No, a bunch of dummies got in look I told everybody exactly what to do
[00:53:07] They should have bought ripple last summer and then when it hit fucking two dollars
[00:53:10] I told everybody to get out some people did they were smart or the people didn't it's been like the market's been like bearish for a long time now
[00:53:18] It might pop again. I mean it could who knows, you know, but yeah like no
[00:53:23] Everybody that got in last winter just got fleeched
[00:53:26] And that is nicks pick of the week. Yeah, it's hard guaranteed 100% pick
[00:53:35] Corrected the like I really do not understand what the fuck a blockchain is or whatever any of this shit is man
[00:53:41] And I don't don't even try I don't want to learn. Yeah, but yeah, you know, I don't trust it
[00:53:46] And the world will be better when we're back to back you're doing it the right way, man
[00:53:50] You're investing in yeah, how's it look at that look at that chart dude?
[00:53:54] Damn look how bad that looks that's horrible. Yeah, I can read a basic chart and that I don't like that
[00:53:58] Yeah, eldest has a lot of money fucking crypto curtsy like fucking idiot. Well if you got in like last
[00:54:05] Summer you're fine. Well if you got into Bitcoin like 10 years ago. Yeah, and you're still rich. Yeah, you're still rich
[00:54:12] Yeah, if you're just trying to buy acid on fucking silk road. Yeah
[00:54:15] I mean like which is how a lot of people got into it's common sense, but if you're like buying something
[00:54:21] Well, it's all over the fucking news and they're talking about how it's like, you know, shooting up then you're an idiot
[00:54:26] Yeah, well people are dumb. There was a gawk or article right. Yeah, that was like this is cryptocurrency
[00:54:33] And then some people got in and went up. I don't fucking know. Yeah, I'm investing. I'm gonna start
[00:54:41] Lost a shit ton of money lost, you know, I say we buy gold or platinum even better. Yeah, you know what I mean?
[00:54:48] I'm gonna real estate. That's the next move
[00:54:51] Nick just dripped one off the mic that was a good one guys and he yeah, Nick
[00:54:56] The funniest thing that's ever happened on this podcast ever
[00:55:01] Was your house and you were like fucked up on drugs
[00:55:03] It was just me and you and you went and farted into the mic and it lasted like 15 seconds
[00:55:12] Wasn't the lost episode it was when we did where you started doing it. It just went like a little too long
[00:55:26] I mean nothing on the show will ever be from here
[00:55:31] Damn dude. Yeah, I love doing drugs and foreign. I love being a professional broadcast
[00:55:36] This fucking dumb shit dude look I've done everything I could try to possibly do to destroy this show
[00:55:43] I've done at this point. I'm out of fucking ideas
[00:55:45] I really don't know what it's gonna take to end this show if the show is gonna be destroyed
[00:55:49] It's gonna it's up to you guys right you guys can destroy racism. I've tried not enough racism
[00:55:54] I've tried overboard with the irony. I've tried too much sincerity. Yep. I've tried turning on the audience
[00:55:59] I've tried turning on myself. Nothing will do it
[00:56:02] And I can't just end it that's not how it works. It's tough. You have to figure out a way to overdose
[00:56:08] We're trapped. Yeah, look man. We're gonna do this till we die probably. Yeah, and then that'll be sweet. God damn
[00:56:16] There you go. I'm so sad like thinking about my oh fuck Nick. They did another good one. Yeah, my kids listening to whatever man
[00:56:23] Fuck you kids are gonna be mentally retarded all of us are gonna just severely retarded
[00:56:35] Who all has just dude, but honestly oh fuck you guys
[00:56:48] It's like the two hurricanes meeting I can George Clooney baby either. It's literally all going to add it
[00:56:55] Oh, yeah, it'd be great if that's how it worked is like, you know karma is the reason you have a disabled kid
[00:57:01] And there's like a woman that's like pregnant or something and she looks out the window and then off in the horizon
[00:57:08] Stork flying to where this would be like a good cartoon a store flying to her but it gets closer and it's eyes are all fucked up
[00:57:16] It's just like a retarded looking store
[00:57:18] And she's like Richard did you make fun of retarded kids in high school? He's like um no
[00:57:26] You know, he's just got this this big big fucking like, you know, whatever like the hanker chip or whatever with the big lopsided baby
[00:57:36] And she's like we're not home. Nobody's here kind of hide from the retarded store
[00:57:40] I also do love when people say it's karma because then what you're saying is like, oh, yeah retarded children are bad
[00:57:49] Yeah, you can't be like you listen. That's karma if you make fun of these people then like well you'll get
[00:58:00] Yeah, it was like one of the first stand-up jokes I wrote was it uh
[00:58:03] So people say I shouldn't make fun of retarded people because then like I'll have a retarded kid
[00:58:08] It's like you don't understand you're not wishing a retarded person on me. You're wishing me on a retarded
[00:58:21] I'll have one I can make fun of all the time. I know one's parents can make it mad at me
[00:58:31] Nice dude. Yeah, no, that's simpler than yeah a simpler time. Mm-hmm
[00:58:44] I McCain died again. Thank god. Did we talk about gap fat on the podcast? No. Yeah, we were
[00:58:49] Trying to think that we're trying to list good SNL sketches that were recent right well
[00:58:54] I I was I said one oh there was one like two years ago. That was good. Nick was like no that was like nine years ago
[00:59:01] The puppet one the puppet one. I like the one with seven years ago the gap fat
[00:59:04] I tried to watch gap fat again because I remember being so funny, but it's in indistinguishable from real commercial real commercial
[00:59:14] Modeling clothes that was the job commercials are now gap fat
[00:59:21] It's like every like there's all these companies now where it's like we got the world's biggest bitch to try on this shirt
[00:59:26] And then all of these like you know business insider has to be like meet the company that's giving
[00:59:31] Giving traditional companies are run for their money, right? It's got Abercrombie running to the fucking hills
[00:59:45] While wearing this dress these doctors fucking stain resistant khakis the shit rolls right down there right down the left
[00:59:51] You would think at this point people would see through that shit
[00:59:54] I mean I got it like four or five years ago when the shit started happening, right? We're like most people were like yeah
[01:00:01] Fuck yeah, but at this point you have to recognize
[01:00:04] Mm-hmm that it's a scam. It takes people so long. It'll take another five years people think it's a scam
[01:00:08] Like I feel like now. It's just mainstream
[01:00:11] You know what I mean like now people like yeah, this is good
[01:00:13] But also what I don't get is like I mean I get the fat people thinks America is fat as shit
[01:00:17] Like you think they like losing money not selling
[01:00:20] Close to fat people but people don't want to buy something that from a person that looks like that's true
[01:00:25] They want to buy it from a hot person that they want to look true. Yeah, exactly
[01:00:29] Well what they're selling is because like these people in the ads they still have confidence and that's why they they they
[01:00:35] Always couch these things in like you know just because like you know like I look a certain way
[01:00:41] It doesn't mean literally read an article where it's like that doesn't mean that I'm not I'm not happy in my body every day
[01:00:46] But you know just because you see me smiling. There's a lot I have to overcome
[01:00:50] So the aspirational aspect of these ads isn't their body
[01:00:54] It's the act of overcoming whatever mine securities they have which is again
[01:00:59] Something that a lot of people buy these clothes are incapable of doing because it's kind of like a fucking tall order
[01:01:04] Oh, yeah, a lot of people that just are incapable of like overcoming their own dumb bullshit
[01:01:09] So it'll make you feel bad about your soul
[01:01:11] Like look at this big fat bitch. She's not upset about it because she gets beyond magazine covers
[01:01:18] Yeah, yeah, and guess what she's a sexy factor. Let's the other thing. It's like you what if you're just ugly and fat
[01:01:25] Model like people some people's faces are like just bust it
[01:01:30] But yeah, you're right people don't want to see themselves like I saw a porno where the dick looked like mine
[01:01:36] No, you don't watch that. I was like I could scan the line. No fucking way
[01:01:42] In my mind I want to pretend I have a big dick
[01:01:45] You're gonna take that for me and I guess I don't want my unless it's me
[01:01:49] I don't want a fat model. I guess of course no, I do I want my fat brother now
[01:01:53] I mean act spotty spray that commercial was so smart because and it worked on so many dumb guys
[01:02:01] 50,000 women are gonna try to chase you down and rape you suck your dick against your will have you ever wanted to get raped
[01:02:08] By every single woman in the town. Yeah, and it worked guys were like hell yeah
[01:02:14] I'm gonna fucking blast that on me all day long. I mean they definitely didn't think that was going to happen
[01:02:20] But the messaging worked. Yeah, you know, yeah, I was kind of hoping it would happen
[01:02:25] It's got hope I get a little pussy wearing the axe. No, because I mean people be like well
[01:02:28] It's got pheromones in it. It's like first of all it doesn't they never said that it did. Yeah
[01:02:32] No, also, that's not how I told you I mean I've told the story before but did that fucking like
[01:02:45] He's like man, I tell you man. It's about pheromones
[01:02:52] Damn, I would love yet if you had pheromones that made women want to fuck you. That's just like roofies basically
[01:02:58] Isn't it aren't love potions just roofies where the person's awake? I'll tell you man
[01:03:03] There's like nothing that I've been blown away by what?
[01:03:16] Absolutely fucking unreal. I know it rocks. I don't know I don't like the because for me
[01:03:22] It's like yeah, like it's a lot of ways. I've only ever really wanted to fuck people that clearly don't want to fuck me
[01:03:28] Not in a rape way where it's like I kind of like they're like sleeping
[01:03:32] Yeah, right. No, you want to feel like you're accomplishing something
[01:03:35] I don't want to feel like accomplishing something there's something that's like no thanks
[01:03:39] There's no there's no way to disappoint somebody if they come in already
[01:03:43] Disappeared you know what I'm saying right when I lived in that fucking like hole in Chinatown
[01:03:47] I cleaned up and it was because it was like do women would come over and they'd be like hi gas
[01:03:58] Right time I've completely blown it and fucked it up. It's been from when a woman's been like I want to fuck you
[01:04:05] Yeah, I can't like hand like I have to feel like I'm manipulating and tricking
[01:04:12] I have to feel like the you know, no, I just like have it a nice time
[01:04:16] No, I have to feel like by virtue of me being
[01:04:20] Charming or funny or something that like that's earned me the right to have sex
[01:04:24] Right, but not like a woman you have to not what a woman's thinking not a woman thinking in in in the in the abstract
[01:04:31] That they want to fuck me before I've never met then no, that's fine. I would like I would love that no it stresses me out
[01:04:37] No, I don't like it. You're still you you still have to like be you I mean it is weird if it's like
[01:04:43] Devs like idea of who you are. That's not you. That's weird, but like whatever man
[01:04:48] If you guys vibe and then it's time to suck and fucking you know
[01:04:52] What's wrong with a little having sex with a woman says I love having says
[01:05:00] Yeah, I just want to have a nice time suck on some titties
[01:05:05] You know, maybe have some snacks. I can't wait till I have that cabin in the woods man
[01:05:09] It's makes words all day chop wood. Are you gonna get me you gonna get a forge like that friend of yours?
[01:05:16] Just yeah, let's get a forge put in the backyard of my parents play
[01:05:21] Go bald not give a fuck Jesus fucking Christ
[01:05:29] I got like two weeks ago. We was like can you gas at him? I'm like I'm not gonna do that man
[01:05:33] And then you know what sometimes your body just hears the words. He's spoken into existence
[01:05:41] That is the level of anti-semit you are you'll never kill a Jewish version
[01:06:04] Just like a you know, sort of a Seinfeld s comedy about a guy that's like harboring Jews during some sort of like new holocaust
[01:06:11] But he's like working on hot rods in his garage
[01:06:14] And one of them one of the maximum diesels for seven hours and he acts on the gases the four families of Jews have been hiding above his garage
[01:06:26] Their Jews and they went to Anne Frank's attic and they were like I don't know about attic
[01:06:32] It's like pretty pretty nice square foot apart. They're like. Oh, yeah, it was big
[01:06:35] Yeah, you know a lot bigger than a lot of people's apart
[01:06:39] Prison I think the joke was that they were like stoned and then they're like
[01:06:44] Funny to me that like her dad found her diary after she was murdered and was like damn
[01:06:49] Yeah, she had his gay dude. I gotta show people
[01:06:53] I gotta fucking own my daughter. Yeah, then she gets her period and then she like yeah jack's off kind of
[01:06:59] Mm-hmm pour in pour in never getting dicked down pour and she never got cock
[01:07:09] That's the real trap having sess that's the that's the sad part and that was
[01:07:15] That was the sad part of the hall I could smash Dan Frank. Yeah, especially to you know no way and Frank looks
[01:07:21] I would have taken a dick pill. Well. Yeah, but you just look like me in that picture. Yeah
[01:07:25] Yeah, but she's hiding in an attic. Yeah, you like that as a teenager. Yeah, that's that's how you fuck
[01:07:34] Trying to be quiet. Oh, yeah, you don't wake up your parents
[01:07:38] My parents my parents. Yeah, my parents is pissing me you
[01:07:46] Durr oh, yeah, I guess we should say congratulations to Lou. Oh here. They already happened. We already did the John McCain stuff. Yep
[01:07:54] Congrats to John McCain. I'm ready for that to be oh the Lucy K thing is what everybody's mad about. Oh fuck
[01:08:02] Yeah, congrats to friend of the podcast Louis C K on
[01:08:07] Sanding ovation at the comedy seller. Did he get a standing-o you got a standing-o
[01:08:18] Guys if you when is this coming out Sunday? This has already happened
[01:08:22] Well, if you're in Cleveland today, and it's not after 4 20
[01:08:33] Accidental Comedy Festival and then tomorrow come to Boston. We have a 6 p.m. Stand-up show and an 8 o'clock
[01:08:40] Live pod that's probably sold out with the 6 o'clock. We still get tickets to
[01:08:44] So please come out to those and then we are we have funny moms on the 10th
[01:08:49] I am gonna be in Connecticut the Fairfield Comedy Club on the 7th and then Lafayette, Louisiana on the 14th New Orleans on the 15th
[01:08:59] Chicago on the 21st and 22nd and Detroit on the 23rd go to stavey.biz
[01:09:05] You and I might have something cooking for Denver on September 30th. Maybe hopefully
[01:09:10] So, you know come out to all that kind of motherfucking shit, and then we're in Australia buy tickets to that
[01:09:16] We're October 23rd in Sydney 26 and Melbourne and
[01:09:23] And I think the way those shows work is that there's two different shows to stand up and the podcast
[01:09:28] We didn't the podcast is like sold out already
[01:09:31] So if you want to just come to the stand-up show that'll probably be better to be honest with you. Yeah, honestly
[01:09:37] We're gonna be completely honest. Yeah live podcast are stupid don't come out
[01:09:41] Yeah, if we can stand up when we post them as episodes, but I think people in the audience have fun during the life
[01:09:47] I think it is a fun time. IRL. I think we just don't like them because it's weird for yeah
[01:09:52] I'd rather just do stand up me too. Well, we're gonna be doing both in Australia
[01:09:57] And we're gonna be doing both in Boston as well
[01:09:59] The real goal is to figure out a way to tour doing nothing
[01:10:01] I mean that is where we get kind of what a lot of my kids is but even that is the future of the next level
[01:10:07] What maybe we could just watch compromises. Here's what we could do. Yeah, we could like watch YouTube videos and like laugh at them and like
[01:10:19] We say like a couple things damn do yeah, yeah, this is fucking ridiculousness on a bunch of we should do that
[01:10:25] I should with less jokes. Yeah, that would be kind of funny
[01:10:28] I wonder how international trademark or copyright works could we just do you go over to like Germany and do like MTV's
[01:10:39] We probably get in trouble. They can't do anything. Yeah, we show something that depicts nazis we get in trouble
[01:10:46] Oh, that's like against the law. So save that little Holocaust theory from earlier. Yeah drop
[01:10:51] Don't drop that in Germany about how it happened because they were annoying
[01:10:56] Other than that we're good look. I know you guys think that that's just an absurd wild thing for me to say. Uh-huh. I think it's true
[01:11:06] But yeah come to all the stuff the same thing with like you know how like people say like oh guns
[01:11:10] You know guns like they won't accept the argument for guns is that they're just fine cool. Yeah. Yeah, that's it
[01:11:16] Yeah, you know yeah, it's fun. You feel bad asked when you shoot something in your backyard
[01:11:20] That's it, but it has to be more than that. It has to be like a yeah
[01:11:25] People want things for simple reasons. I know it probably would feel cool to shoot a gun
[01:11:29] I would be killing people is like a libidinal impulse and it's like gotta be like a child this reason behind it
[01:11:45] So that is our show. Thank you guys for listening see you in Cleveland and Boston
[01:11:52] And the south we should start we should start we start playing those dates once we figure out when they are in November
[01:11:58] We're gonna be in Nashville, Charlotte, Atlanta
[01:12:01] And what is there one other city I think Nick do you know?
[01:12:05] I don't know Hattiesburg, maybe or I don't think it's Hattiesburg
[01:12:08] Somewhere on maybe on like Alabama. We're all run. We could go to Alabama Gettysburg
[01:12:17] Get Hattiesburg and Hatties brainies and in Nashville