TAFS | Regular | 06/30/2022
[00:00:31] America's most racist comedian that's not true
[00:00:35] We take these topics and we get down to business ladies and gentlemen Adam Friedland
[00:00:46] Welcome to come town. No, this is Adam Friedland. It's I don't know about what I don't know why it has to be
[00:00:53] My name. I don't know. It's Nick and Adam. It's the it's the no I told you I'm moving back into a producer role
[00:00:59] I'm working the board. I'm doing the I told you if I'm sticking around I'm producing the thing
[00:01:04] I told you what I told you I was gonna be I
[00:01:07] Don't know. I mean I think I think just you know this is the dark alliance there was that yeah
[00:01:13] There were three and now there are two and the dark alliance creates a brand new different product
[00:01:20] Different thing okay, you can't look listen we can't look back. We can only look you know what you're doing right now
[00:01:27] What you're chasing waterfalls? I know I have to look to the rivers and the legs that you're used to that
[00:01:40] You know the that's what that whole song's about yeah, that's true. Yeah the river Jordan right don't go chasing waterfalls
[00:01:50] Naked this is I guess the first episode of the Adam Friedland show. Yeah, this is what I want actually
[00:01:55] I'll tell you what I got covid you're testing negative, but you're sick my girlfriend also is covid
[00:02:01] Which is leading leading me to believe there's something nefarious going on what do you mean in the background?
[00:02:06] I don't know you guys both have covid, but I don't yeah
[00:02:10] And I don't understand the city saying CDC is saying gay men
[00:02:14] Or getting monkey pox. Maybe there's a thing where the new covid you only get if you're
[00:02:25] I don't know my girlfriend is blue eyes. Well, maybe that maybe she's an exception
[00:02:30] I don't know about that either honestly last week or two weeks ago when I got food poisoning
[00:02:34] I looked up monkey pox. Mm-hmm, and I was like maybe I got it. Yeah, and
[00:02:40] Apparently there's like lesions on the asshole. So yeah, I don't think monkeys monkeys really love doing just wild stuff
[00:02:47] With their ass really it's true. It's it's funny because it's like monkeys are so similar to us in it from an evolutionary standpoint
[00:02:56] Mm-hmm, where they're like let's try something different from the humans. It's always asshole related. Yeah, well we took that from them
[00:03:03] We have normal assholes that are hidden behind cheeks monkeys at
[00:03:08] Monkey's old posture is set up to show off its asshole and they're proud of their words. Yes swollen constantly
[00:03:14] That's a secondary sex characteristic for baboons is the male has a big juicy red asshole right and that's that's what gets impussy
[00:03:22] I guess yeah, right you can go to the zoo you can go to the Bronx Zoo right now by the way folks
[00:03:26] This shows brought to you by the World Conservation Society. Yes, it is the Adam Friedlin chose a proud sponsor of the World Conservation Society
[00:03:33] This is actually this is actually an old-school type of Hollywood conservative show mm-hmm where we're
[00:03:40] environmentalists we're like Teddy Roosevelt where environmentalists were anti-war, uh-huh were
[00:03:46] Pro drug use we're isolationists. We're isolationists
[00:03:50] This I like basically what John Wayne was is that what he was I have no idea. I have no idea either
[00:03:57] Yeah, but Ronald Reagan was before he went into politics. He was a a cuck. Yeah, so it's yeah, it's more like a cuck style
[00:04:05] Nancy Nancy could you just come out here?
[00:04:12] That started auto playing on my YouTube which one I was like trying to fall asleep when I had a fever the other night
[00:04:19] Roddle Reagan's debate with Jimmy Carter in 1980 what what uh were there any highlights or anything like no
[00:04:26] It's it was a very stupid debate too. What were they like? Mr. Reagan. Can you clarify your foreign policy?
[00:04:33] And he's like well, I don't know exactly what my foreign policy is
[00:04:39] I just know what mr. Carter has said about it and I can tell you that
[00:04:45] What any policy should be any good policies?
[00:04:56] Yeah, it's like a beauty pageant. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, and the use of force
[00:05:01] Should only be a last resort and only in the instance that the United States of America is under threat
[00:05:10] That's pretty good. Yeah, I can vote for that. Honestly the gip. Yeah, I
[00:05:17] Don't know and then he won any tank the economy or continue tanking he tank the economy
[00:05:23] Yeah, he got the he got the hostages out though. That was the big thing he continued tank the economy
[00:05:27] And then he's still won anyway, so people everybody's saying that Biden can't win again
[00:05:33] Just wait when do you see how good they get rigging the vote system?
[00:05:36] Mm-hmm. Yeah, we're gonna have to do it because the girls are gonna make us do it because of Roe v. Wait
[00:05:42] Yeah, this michael and dale is gonna need two pillows sleep out the dash shit
[00:05:46] What's buying this once his asses up this gonna need three pillows
[00:05:54] Yeah, so we just we both got COVID we were both at carolines this weekend. Thank you for it was actually normal
[00:06:00] Norman, I'm pretty sure I had code you are Norman Wilkerson from who was visiting you stayed on my couch
[00:06:06] He had COVID I thought you said you got it from Tim Dylan. I asked him Tim said he's better now
[00:06:12] Tim just had a mild cough Norman's been very sick, but he's been testing negative. Uh-huh. So maybe Norman fuck my girlfriend
[00:06:19] Maybe I don't know it's just annoying because I can't take a lift over here
[00:06:25] I had to give up my parking spot the driver
[00:06:26] I know you're like you're fucking like you freak out over losing a parking spot for like
[00:06:32] That's how that's the reason to have a car. I just I just want an opportunity to signal to the listeners that I'm a good guy
[00:06:42] Despite having the fake Wuhan disease despite the fact that you would pose no risks to the driver's life. Yeah, of course
[00:06:48] I mean, it's just it literally is just a cold. I know yeah, and it's literally something
[00:06:54] We're gonna have to get every six months. I guess at this point which I kind of did with colds anyways. I
[00:06:58] Think that's what a cold was yeah, it's just a new kind of cold where you're like sicker for one day
[00:07:04] Yeah, and old people the people are like what about long COVID it's like what about the odds that I'll kill myself anyway
[00:07:12] Exactly, you know, that's pretty high too check and made what about yeah, what about inflation?
[00:07:17] What about what about white men losing their power in this country? Mm-hmm the real pandemic. Yeah, and you I know you're thinking
[00:07:30] You said you were just gonna be a producer
[00:07:34] Why do you pop seems like you're uh, you're taking an active role as a producer kind of a dick chainy style role. Yeah
[00:07:44] But I'll also kind of just in the in the center this time, but that's what people wanted
[00:07:49] I don't know what my foreign policy is actually in fact. I don't even know where I am
[00:08:00] That apparently once he had like full-blown dementia
[00:08:04] Was making like state decisions really yeah like the Greek system. I don't know. What's the Greek system?
[00:08:11] Then Oracle that would yeah, it's kind of an Oracle at Delphi situation mentally ill person
[00:08:16] Yeah, just some guy like huffing methane. Yeah. Yeah some guy outside of jam bed concert
[00:08:21] Just doing ice cold fatties. I'm glad we can disparage the Mediterranean cultures now
[00:08:26] Yeah, I know we really had to hold back last time around trapped in that prison and not being able to smurch
[00:08:32] Mediterranean culture when you know we were all been holding this show back for years. It has it's true. Yeah
[00:08:38] But this is a different show by the all of coated hand the Adam Friedland show listen to that intro song
[00:08:59] Thanks, man, where'd you get that riff?
[00:09:01] March Marin. I put it all together myself
[00:09:04] You made the riff. I'm yeah, I made this whole thing. I thought play the electric. Yeah play
[00:09:09] I got an electric guitar today. I want the guitar center
[00:09:14] With the with the coronavirus like royalty free music loops
[00:09:24] It's like that like that like dick don't work kind of conservative style radio show yeah, you know
[00:09:30] We're it's like you can't fuck your wife anymore, but you got a boat. I love that's that's who we've already become
[00:09:41] So you're falling this January 6th commission stuff January 6 we're now going okay, so you know what I'm telling you what?
[00:09:47] Scrap 101 this is no longer episode 101. No, it's not show what we're doing now
[00:09:52] We had plans that have been scrapped that we've had for a week up
[00:09:56] So this is production meeting number two, but we're not even saying that as a lie. We're not yeah
[00:10:00] We had to push back the plans that we the plans that we were excited for this week
[00:10:05] Yeah, we do have plans. So this is another plenary commission
[00:10:08] We were gonna say should we go through the monologue today or just say fuck it and we'll go we'll go next time when everything's set up
[00:10:16] Because usually we say what it is what we're planning or no should it be a surprise?
[00:10:22] I think somebody's gonna call the police if we I don't know you don't have to do a joke about how we're gonna do an illegal thing
[00:10:28] Oh, that's right. That's what the show down humor. That's yeah, you know what fucking no more irony now
[00:10:34] This is a fully sincere show. Yeah, it's true, but the problem is we're gonna listen to songs and make us cry again
[00:10:40] If you ask me what my actual opinions are I have to tell you I'm not sure what my policy is
[00:10:51] Just know what the criticisms of me are and I lean into them. Yeah, you're kind of fueled by me
[00:10:57] Oh, yeah, I just I know how to set the tone for the Republican Party for the next 40 years
[00:11:02] Despite is a powerful motive. We'll use we'll use my charisma to win the office based on nothing force the Democrats become the real
[00:11:10] Races mm-hmm, and then we'll just focus on being as evil as possible
[00:11:14] Did they lock Trump in the car is that what's coming out? No, he tried to hijack his own limousine
[00:11:21] Yeah, and he couldn't get the door open well
[00:11:24] This is that's what Cassidy Hutchinson said who is that a perfect question Adam? Who is that this lady comes out of nowhere?
[00:11:31] She said they tried to lock here's one of my monologue jokes. I was here. Let's hear it
[00:11:35] Well, you'll have to say I'll say it first then you do it your voice. They'll say it's copying
[00:11:39] But I'll do it. Yeah, I'm producing the show. All right. All right. Let's hear it Cassidy
[00:11:43] Hutchinson said that Donald Trump tried to hijack his own limousine a story so unbelievable that some folks are asking
[00:11:56] I think it's pretty good perhaps yeah a stretch stretching the truth. Yes. Yeah, it's pretty good. Thanks
[00:12:04] Wait, but who was she she worked for Trump or something?
[00:12:07] Yeah, I've been calling her butch Cassidy. I haven't seen this lady, but if she disagrees with the president she must be a lesbian of some
[00:12:16] And she disagrees with the true president. Yeah, well first for starters. We'll call her a lesbian the president that God gave us
[00:12:24] Well while insisting that women like Sarah Huckabee Sanders are gorgeous
[00:12:29] She is quite the quite the lady. Can you imagine having sex with her Sarah Huckabee Sanders? Yeah? Oh my god
[00:12:36] Imagine what her eyeballs would be doing
[00:12:45] Just getting absolutely mop-daw. It's like
[00:12:49] Her eyeballs would look like you know when you get an extra ball on a paintball machine and they spit that shit out and they're both fucking
[00:12:56] She's just googly eyed sucking your dick with the fuck imagine her hands. Yeah, imagine her fucking fat hands wrapped around your cock
[00:13:04] Yeah, well, she's bopping you off with her eyes protruding. Yeah, that's actually pretty hot. Does she have fat hands?
[00:13:11] She seems like she'd have some pretty fat hands kind of a gustous gloop style hands
[00:13:23] This guy do you see him right here the rent is too damn high guy. Yeah, what's he doing?
[00:13:28] I don't know he's testifying before Congress. Why are we still talking about Trump? We just got rid of fucking Roe v. Wade
[00:13:42] What is that car that he got locked in the beast? Is that what they call it? You got locked into a car? Yeah, what's this story?
[00:13:48] I don't know it he tried to get he tried to get out of the limousine so he could kill pants according to this bitch
[00:13:53] But he's in that yeah, he's in that fucking I
[00:13:58] Don't know I guess they put on the the kid locks on the back so he can't get out that kid
[00:14:06] John Rambo slash Donald Trump from murdering Mike Pence
[00:14:30] What is that just bullshit more bullshit just more bullshit every day
[00:14:41] He's so yeah, he was in the beast and apparently like the secret service just locked him in while I was trying to get out to
[00:14:51] Descending on the cap. Well, what did he think was gonna happen?
[00:14:54] He was gonna go there and then he would like lead the charges
[00:15:00] That would be amazing. They should let that happen
[00:15:02] I just you know what had happened if only for the historical paintings of the event where you see his just the wind blowing in his big ass
[00:15:12] Just his big at like an oil just Ben Garrison pain that I like fucking huge Washington crossing the Delaware
[00:15:25] Stop him from what from killing Mike Pence who's hiding in like a bathroom
[00:15:30] Mm-hmm. Were any of those like nooses functional the gallows that they brought
[00:15:37] Didn't I didn't know about the nooses. I
[00:15:40] Don't know there's that one picture of the nooses outside
[00:15:42] I honestly I shouldn't have as the producer as it was my job to watch this January 6th shit
[00:15:49] Honestly, I've been knocked out and then yeah, we've had yeah
[00:15:54] I've been watching I'm sorry. I tried to start yellow stone. I texted you
[00:15:58] Actually, I had covered when we did the the last production meeting did you I had covered on Sunday?
[00:16:04] Yeah, I was sick on Sunday. Yeah, I remember that you're like I need to get home
[00:16:08] I feel like shit and then we did the show. Yeah, and I was almost fucking I was like sweating. Yeah
[00:16:14] And then that was my day yesterday. I had that one day after you
[00:16:18] I was like sweating out in bed and sleeping all day. Yeah, and then the day after that that's when I was like oh fuck
[00:16:23] No, that's like maybe it's coronavirus. I got I had that and then I was like I'm and then my girlfriend tested positive
[00:16:30] And I was like I was like I better get into yellow stone
[00:16:34] And ignore the clear signs that both naked my girlfriend got it and what that could mean and
[00:16:43] Kind of a devil's three way between the two of you. Yeah in my queen
[00:16:48] Yeah, really well Norman's testing negative. He is so far. It's only me and your girlfriend
[00:16:53] Well, I don't believe it what he came to New York, dude. Well, he's saying that he maybe he gets a different type of tests in Virginia
[00:17:01] If they have Virginia in tests, it's true. It's just coming a pack of cigarettes. Yeah, it's true Marlboro, Philip Morris style
[00:17:09] Hello smoking down that you know I saw in Portland who Blake
[00:17:13] Our old friend Blake good time. Yeah a good time is he off of crack. He's off of crack now. Yeah, but still smoking and drinking which
[00:17:21] Well, I guess if you cut out the crack that's a good middle ground. Yeah. Yeah, is his body looking better? He looks exactly the same
[00:17:33] He isn't the funniest body because he's like he wears cut off shirts
[00:17:37] Like at the sleeve like he's a strong fat guy. Yeah, but he's got a fat torso
[00:17:43] Yeah, he looks like Homer Sims kind of weak arms. Yeah, right. He doesn't have it like he's like oh, I'm fat
[00:17:48] But I also do crossfit. Yeah, but he has that aesthetic. Mm-hmm. That's pretty funny. Yeah, it's a great look
[00:17:57] So I guess we get we should get into it. We've done enough chit chatting
[00:18:01] We need to figure out what the plan is for the Adam Friedman show
[00:18:04] I know so let so number one guys and this is gonna be I know if you've made it this far and you're like this
[00:18:12] Why why why why is come time different? Mm-hmm. Why isn't the same show I was right look kid grow up?
[00:18:20] Yeah, girl shit changes. All right. Yeah, people leave sometimes your stepdad find some better pussy leaves
[00:18:27] And then you got to deal with your mom's new stepdad
[00:18:30] We didn't even get a new one though. I know I'm saying the come town was the original stepdad
[00:18:34] That's true the new stepdad is the Adam Friedman show who doesn't hit you or fuck your mom in the living room
[00:18:43] He's the like psychiatrist on the sopranos. Mm-hmm. Not not the heater bug Donavich
[00:18:49] Yes, Melphy's psychiatrist. No the fucking
[00:18:54] The teacher or something. Yeah, she like almost cheats. Oh the guy from Colombia
[00:19:01] Yeah, yeah, or no the teacher from Anthony school. Yeah, that guy. Yeah
[00:19:06] That's what the Adam Friedman he's still
[00:19:09] He's still a Italian, but he won't get his hands dirty come town was Tony
[00:19:17] Come down with this not a good pitch. It's not a good audience with the audience with the audience
[00:19:22] I don't think the audience would like that. Let's see a whole show about the guy from Anthony school
[00:19:30] The guy who almost got pussy off the car. Yeah, why don't we have a whole show about that? Uh-huh. I
[00:19:35] Don't know. Yeah, I don't know if that's if that's a very strong pitch. Here's what's gonna happen folks
[00:19:41] You guys might be fans of certain shows like the Tim Dylan show the Joe Rogan experience
[00:19:49] That is the pivot that we are going to make we're going to make a pivot to a studio and a video
[00:19:57] Based podcast. Yeah, not something that you can listen to on an iPod. No, we will be getting a studio for real
[00:20:03] We will be getting a studio and we will be building a set that will look very similar
[00:20:09] And you're gonna say well, how does that make the show any better the answer is it doesn't it doesn't know
[00:20:16] Apparently there's more money to be apparently you can make a lot more money that way and so as you
[00:20:22] You you ride the dying horse off into the sunset. I don't know if it's dying. I think it's just it's just coming out of the closet
[00:20:29] Where's my thing who is coming out of the club the horse? I don't think horses gay now
[00:20:37] I don't think horses do that. Yeah, I can be I don't think horses have sexuality. I think they only fuck humans
[00:20:43] The only fuck white women. Well, they fuck. They've you male or female humans. Yeah, I
[00:20:49] Don't know. I think there's that one guy the two horses. I've never seen horses fuck. I'm pretty sure they're all artificially
[00:20:54] Inseminate I have seen horses fuck they mount each other. Oh where on the reservation? Yeah, the reservation family owned
[00:21:02] You don't own that they have their own tribal laws. Yeah, but I mean they quote unquote
[00:21:07] They own it right. Yeah, sure. Yeah. Oh, yeah, the Native Americans own this. It's so condescending
[00:21:13] No, they have it. They elect a chief. His name is Mordecai
[00:21:19] condescending insulting form of life right sovereign land in the entire history of the world
[00:21:25] Yeah, we say we say listen we took away the whole country
[00:21:28] Will give you a little bit. Yeah, and you can sell any type of fireworks that you have right?
[00:21:34] Yeah, yeah, and you can have casinos and you can drink yourselves a death. Yeah, you can get diabetes
[00:21:42] Hey, can we have a reservation in Central Park? No chance. No way. Where's it gonna be at the bottom of the grand canyon? That's right
[00:21:48] The hot the hottest place in the United States. Yeah, we're gonna find a hole
[00:21:53] We're gonna find a literal hole. We're gonna give you an arid piece of land that nothing can grow on lining the walls of the mouth of a volcano
[00:22:01] That's where your reservation is gonna be
[00:22:04] And you can make fucking wampum purses. So the tourists you can do your your gay dances there
[00:22:09] But don't worry. We'll get really mad if a team names themselves
[00:22:14] A reference to you. No, we'll stop that. We'll stop that. We're gonna cut that out
[00:22:22] To make a comment about the color of your skin
[00:22:25] The Adam Friedland show is gonna be a hit on reservations. Oh, I think so too. We got to start thinking about demos
[00:22:30] They're a meta Native American. Yeah, a million times. Really? Yeah, of course. I look I have really I mean, I don't think so
[00:22:39] I've met probably every Native American there is
[00:22:41] Really? Well, they come to you in there your dreams. Oh, they do. That's right. Yeah
[00:22:50] Hey Nick. I live in South Dakota. Yeah, my name is Raincoat bubblegum
[00:22:59] With a bag my Venmo is Raincoat bubblegum 22. Mm-hmm. Can you please send me?
[00:23:06] $17. Thank you. I enjoy the rest of your dreams folks. Oh, they just like come in and yeah, they just
[00:23:13] They don't give you like a warning like an ominous warning about your future anything. No, no, no, they're kind of just you know
[00:23:20] They don't really know how to do that anymore. They just broadcast into the dreams. Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah
[00:23:25] I don't know that that sounds pretty badass honestly. Yeah, I don't think what do you tell the audience about your dreams? Oh
[00:23:32] That's dream corner. That's gonna be pretty bad, you know Adams pillow a lot of lot of nightmares
[00:23:38] Especially in the last two weeks pillow talk so first five minutes are gonna be we're gonna do something a little different Kimmell
[00:23:48] Probably about two minutes of monologue right we're gonna go 15 minutes of monologue. Yeah a full 15 minutes and
[00:23:56] From there we're gonna transfer immediately to Adams pillow talk
[00:24:00] Mm-hmm where you talk about your dreams so um and then we bring on our first guest
[00:24:06] It's a big recurring dream. I've been having recently is that I'm in a car
[00:24:10] But I'm from passenger seat and a man has a gun. Yeah, and he's uh, it's a forced homosexuality type situation
[00:24:19] Uh-huh, and you said that's a dream not a nightmare
[00:24:22] Well, I think you know they're basically part of the same category
[00:24:26] But would you describe that as a nightmare or a dream? Oh, it's a scary dream
[00:24:30] It's just so it's a nightmare a nightmare. Yeah, so do you have you would say it's a homophobic dream you're having?
[00:24:37] It wouldn't be homophobic. Well, it's quite literally homophobia. You're describing a homosexual act and saying it's scary
[00:24:43] Let's say it has more homophobic than calling somebody the F slur. No, I don't I would have no
[00:24:50] I would subconscious no, I wouldn't say that
[00:24:52] No, no, it's not a fear of homosexuality. It is a deep rooted homophobia as which no no the the forced homosexuality would be more of a
[00:25:03] I suppose like a public humiliation now. I don't know why this hit me, but you told me that and how I visualize the dream
[00:25:10] It's happening in like the 1940s. Yeah, kind of yeah, that's right. Yeah. I'm gonna Plymouth. It's an old Buick. Yeah a Buick
[00:25:16] Yeah, yeah, yeah something like that big ass car big car big big big big big big big big bubbly car
[00:25:22] Yeah, I'd say you know the score. Yeah, one of those kind of guys and there's there's steam coming up from the streets
[00:25:29] Oh, wet. It's nighttime. Yeah, there's I kind of like that
[00:25:33] Melancholic kind of jazz sort of playing yeah kind of that kind of vibe. Yeah, yeah, I know that dream
[00:25:40] Yeah, so a scary dream. Yeah, and the guy has gone and he says if you don't perform a it's James Cagney
[00:25:48] Yeah, he makes you suck his dick you get a stumple out of the car and you run into Humphrey Bogart
[00:25:55] And what the hell is the amount of power you look like you just shocked a million dicks I
[00:26:00] Wouldn't even say it's a homosexual thing. I think you know rape isn't I wouldn't classify it straight or you know
[00:26:06] It's more about power as I said, but yeah, you know, you're forced into it and
[00:26:13] I'm gonna crash this I'm gonna shoot you in the head. You know and
[00:26:22] Grab the gun and I kill him, but the car is still speeding
[00:26:26] There's a cliff. Mm-hmm, and I have to get on this man's
[00:26:34] with his cock outside out of a suit suit and
[00:26:37] I've done it's disgusting, but I have to get to the pedals and I keep reaching for the pedal, but my foot isn't
[00:26:48] my leg isn't long enough so I have to dip beneath the wheel and
[00:26:54] The more I try to reach the pedals. I still can't reach the pedals
[00:26:57] I realize there are no pedals and then the cars speeding towards the abyss
[00:27:09] Yeah, so it's like one of the dreams that I've been having and that
[00:27:14] Just to clarify this is also in the 1940s. It is in the
[00:27:20] You have the big jaw. Yeah. Yeah, it's like
[00:27:24] Just the brakes pal. Yeah kind of a road to perdition. Yeah, where the hell are the brakes in this car?
[00:27:30] Well, like my name is dead. I'm just trying to find the brakes myself. Oh, he has his cock out
[00:27:38] Well, this is a continuation of the first dream. Well, yeah, he's trying to force me to
[00:27:43] Suck him. I thought this was the second dream. No, it's all part of the same dream
[00:27:46] Okay, I don't actually suck him on terrified and then I wrestle the gun from them. What are some other dreams
[00:27:52] And you have maybe we can interpret those. I mean you didn't really interpret this one. Yeah, I said you're a homophobe
[00:27:57] It's not homophobic. It's about a homophobe
[00:27:59] Humiliation you're a homophobe, which I can't relate to but you'd like the 1940s, which is something that I think is you know
[00:28:05] It balances out the homophobia makes you an alright guy
[00:28:09] Are we a therapist? I tell you 40s pretty cool pretty cool. Yeah, maybe work on kind of a zoos. It's not homophobic
[00:28:16] It's okay. All right, rape interest not wanting to be raped. Hold on. Let me get my notebook. No
[00:28:24] Stop writing. Why are you writing right now?
[00:28:26] I'm writing down remember to to watch rave Donovan. You do the art to is it a good show
[00:28:32] I'm just writing down my these notes are for me. They're not for you. I thought you're interpreting these dreams
[00:28:38] I know but I multi task am listening to you
[00:28:41] I'm also trying to make sure that I don't forget to watch yellowstone tonight. I started Yellowstone. Oh, you started
[00:28:48] And did you started I started I watched the first episode months ago did you yeah? Yeah?
[00:28:53] Yeah, it's kind of like a mini movie. It's like an hour and a half. Um, yeah, I was alright
[00:28:57] There's Native Americans in that there are Native Americans in that there is a reservation
[00:29:02] Yeah, it's probably kind of why you brought it up because it's in your subconscious. Mm-hmm. And that's where dreams come from. Yeah
[00:29:10] See I thought I thought it was gonna be a move or a TV show about a
[00:29:13] An Asian American who is also stone cold Steve Austin. Oh, I would have thought he would be a pot head
[00:29:26] All right, Pete come no no we can we can still do that. That's what people like dude
[00:29:30] That's what people like care. Just do it. Just do it. Just give it no come on the atom free
[00:29:34] No, it's not the atom free lunch. Oh, no, no Nick Adam freeland
[00:29:38] Asian stone cold Steve Austin in three two one camera you're on live. Mm-hmm
[00:30:06] He's not gonna say that Asian people are meek. I was just trying to affect a Chinese accent
[00:30:11] Which people like on podcast sure, but is that how stone cold as an Asian?
[00:30:16] Man would sound no, it'd be brave just like stone cold Steve Austin. So then do that
[00:30:23] Okay, how about you come down in this ring and I open a can of who pass yeah
[00:30:29] Yeah, how about instead of snakes his arms are just chopsticks
[00:30:44] How about their bit just each one of his arms is one of those big soup spoons they give you those are good spoons
[00:30:49] I like I have some they kind of look like cobra. Yeah, they do kind of like yeah the Texas battle snake. Yeah
[00:30:56] Yeah, yeah, but no, I mean his arms are chopsticks did so cold have snakes as arms
[00:31:03] He did remember that was like a promotional thing you would have cobras is his arm. Oh, yeah, that's cool
[00:31:08] Yeah, yeah, he would flex and his arms to turn into cobras
[00:31:15] But if he was Chinese, he'd be even cooler. Yeah, yeah
[00:31:20] So how about this or Kelly sentence thing Nick? Yeah, what is there like a John?
[00:31:25] 316 mm-hmm. That's like that's Chinese. Yeah, like dog
[00:31:32] 1997 they Chinese zodiac is yeah, that's pretty good
[00:31:47] What what other things was the end to he died?
[00:31:49] He died shotgun beers right two at a time. Yeah, but instead of beers they be
[00:32:08] What's Pijo? I think that's beer in Chinese of her remember correctly. It's just what came to head. Do we have any sponsors?
[00:32:14] No, sir, we've lost all the sponsor we have there's advertising contracts for for come down. This is the Adam Friedland show. What do you mean?
[00:32:23] What do you mean? What do I mean? I ran it by the sponsors? I said no, we're not paying for that
[00:32:28] We paid for a different show with the sponsors left us the sponsors of all we have to go back to come down to no
[00:32:33] We can't why not you gotta make the Adam Friedland. It's a brand that we've built over six years
[00:32:39] I'm moving on to a new project. I'm the least popular member of come down
[00:32:43] All right, and we're and this is gonna be bigger than come I've gotten emails
[00:32:49] Blittling the fact that my mother's died. Yeah
[00:32:52] There are people out there. Dad's an asshole. I don't know why he didn't do he was my father
[00:32:57] No, no, it was people that I was assume
[00:33:05] You wanna make fun of me you little faggot? I heard your mom's dad
[00:33:11] Yeah, I'm firing this off for my Ferrari. Oh, now you're doing a thing that I would typically do which is brag about a
[00:33:20] You know, yeah, no, this just happened to be that week as far as ads go everything drives up in the middle of summer
[00:33:25] Yeah, it's tough for ads in the summer. Well, it's not tough for ads in the summer instead
[00:33:35] There's baseball, right? Yeah, but nobody gambles on baseball. Mm-hmm
[00:33:39] What do you like a guy from the 1940s driving around force people to suck you dick and
[00:33:44] What do you mow green you're trying to you're trying to fix the
[00:33:48] The Chicago black socks. Well, this is where you'd have a guess on so I don't know like, you know, let's I'll do you a favor
[00:33:55] I'll come out. I'll come out of the okay. I'll come out of the locker room. Okay. No longer to produce
[00:34:01] So this is okay. There's not episode one. There's still plans. So this is gonna be a driver until until we don't have coronavirus
[00:34:09] Yeah, then this is okay. You're lucky. We're even doing this pal. All right. Yeah, I know I know what you're saying
[00:34:17] Paranoid about the future. Uh-huh would you describe yourself as such? I'm not you say the future is a man in a suit suit
[00:34:26] Pulling up to you and asking you to get in the car is that your interpretation?
[00:34:29] And you don't know what yeah, I don't think a dream is supposed to be taken because the security of the distant past which has come down
[00:34:35] Represented by the 1940s is now approaching you in a way that seems familiar at first
[00:34:40] Yeah, but the next thing you know you got a gun to your head and you're forced to suck dick and you're hurtling towards the abyss
[00:34:45] You're waiting for the the nightmare to end yeah, the abyss is the end of and the only way
[00:34:53] It's really let it and find something new born out of it
[00:34:57] That's right, which is the outer coach is the Adam Friedland. I think I which will be completely different
[00:35:05] You're 35 years old. I know I am no more Asians stone cold Steve
[00:35:10] Whatever that was whatever that racist thing you just went into this is not necessary
[00:35:14] And it would be hurtful to a lot of people it's we're not doing probably the most it would be hurtful to the most people
[00:35:19] Lord knows I contributed plenty to that during my time at come town, but you know what?
[00:35:24] I'm a worker. Mm-hmm. That was the job. You were hard. I got the job done
[00:35:29] This is Hollywood. Yeah, let's drop it. I'm done with it. That's true. I'm a turncoat. Yeah, it doesn't matter. Yeah
[00:35:35] We're going I'm dead to hell with all that. Yeah, you know damn it all the hell damn
[00:35:44] This shows about that that and Friedland show is gonna be a show that does what all the other shows all the other
[00:35:51] Comedy shows could not do and it's going to stop Donald Trump. Yeah, it's going to stop fashions
[00:35:58] Well for once for all and for once and for all. Yeah, the proud boys are marching
[00:36:03] The oath key is their surrounding is literally not a coincidence that the day that once we even just start talking about
[00:36:10] Producing the Adam Friedland show. Mm-hmm January 6 hearings start turning a little bit south for the Trump camps
[00:36:15] I don't know if you've been paying attention is up until this point basically every testimony has said that Donald Trump did nothing wrong
[00:36:21] Yeah, and then we they know they know we're coming so they need an excuse. That's right. They know you're coming
[00:36:28] I'm coming out. I'm using facts along. Yeah, so we got it
[00:36:32] We got to have guests is gonna have to be guests because that's gonna be the new format. We're gonna have guests
[00:36:38] There's gonna be 15 minutes of monologue. Yeah, we're gonna talk about your dreams for a little bit
[00:36:42] We're gonna interpret them dreams or scary dreams. Oh, yeah
[00:36:46] Which other dreams after you have any other dreams because we can certainly discuss that for a second
[00:36:51] I don't know. Maybe I'm a little bit embarrassed about the first one that I shared. Well go. Wait a second. We'll redeem you
[00:37:08] She's hot and bothered. She wants to find a way. She's white
[00:37:12] Yeah, and she wants to find a place for me to take her to make love
[00:37:19] So we're in the car. We keep trying to find places really hot. They see has broken. Yeah, right and
[00:37:25] She's berating me because of my driving
[00:37:29] Telling me that I drive. Oh, you're driving. I'm driving. That's interesting because I'm trying to find a picture
[00:37:34] You and your girlfriend is like babies in the back seat. No, that's not no. We were not baby
[00:37:39] No, I was an adult and you're being driven around by a babysitter. No, no, you're both too like baby
[00:37:45] Like Muppet baby very tiny and the my baby
[00:37:48] World phone was made up sex with her and yeah, but you guys are just like so small
[00:37:52] You're both in diapers, but you're so small that you know, you're like both the size of like a package of peanut M
[00:37:58] M's in the back seat. Yeah, you know like that size each one of you and there's a monstrous
[00:38:07] 1950s woman babysitter driving the car. Yeah, you only see her ankles. Yeah, kind of like Muppet baby
[00:38:12] Just big and just big blue cheese ankles with varicose veins all over. Yeah thinly covered by a gossamer pair of stockings. Yeah
[00:38:21] Just spilling it just fat spilling out of this very pointy scuffed up. Why do you tell me what my dreams high yield shoes
[00:38:28] Yeah, I'm interpreting. Okay, keep going. Yeah, so then she says she's hot, right?
[00:38:34] I went to have sex. She wants have sex. Yeah, so I tell the babysitter to find a place of sex
[00:38:40] Yeah, right. She's driving around. It's getting hotter and hotter in the car. Mm-hmm. My girlfriend keeps berating me for
[00:38:47] Not being a man you look at the window knowing you look at the window
[00:38:51] Yeah, you have to climb up the window and you can't see the road because you're so tiny
[00:38:55] You could only see the horizon. Yeah, you can't see the road. Yeah, yeah, and
[00:39:01] Yeah, we're like we're driving around trying to find a place and
[00:39:11] We're like in the middle of the desert, right? We stop at like a like a roadside diner. Mm-hmm
[00:39:18] I said, well this dude. She's like I guess and
[00:39:25] I was like, well, where should we go? We can't go in the diner. She's like, but just take me in the bathroom
[00:39:30] Fuck me. Mm-hmm. You know fuck me like like a man
[00:39:35] That's what I take her, but you're a baby
[00:39:38] Yeah, but she wants me to be a man, you know and you're surrounded the bar the diner is filled with like
[00:39:43] Same muppets baby style things just cowboys. So it's cowboy boots and stirrups
[00:39:48] But then there they're dicks are hanging down
[00:39:51] Between the boots and they're just kind of slapping in between the yes. Yeah shuffling you're trying to you're you're holding your girlfriend tight
[00:39:58] Trying to make your way to the bathroom with her. Yeah, we're like our foreheads are getting as we crawl towards the bathroom getting slapped
[00:40:05] Yeah by the dangling massive cowboy cocks
[00:40:08] Mm-hmm. We're trying to avoid the the boots and the you know, yeah
[00:40:13] The what do you call it? There's a droning sound of like a warship or something. Mm-hmm. These massive engines. Yeah, you know like
[00:40:21] And it's louder and louder and you look outside and the babysitter is getting fucked on the back of the car by one of these cowboys
[00:40:28] And the sound is it's like, you know, it's the sound of war
[00:40:32] Yeah, it's it's it's and there's an industrial noise kind of the sound of war machines
[00:40:37] Yeah, it's very like a racer head kind of David when you're looking out the window and there's it's like the tint of the window
[00:40:43] Mm-hmm. It's turning more and more red. Mm-hmm as you're looking out the window
[00:40:47] Yeah, and you have to turn away from it because it scares you so we're in the cowboy diner. Mm-hmm. We're avoiding the cocks
[00:40:54] I'm barely I'm barely holding on to her, but I you know I have her in my grasp
[00:41:03] We swing open the you know the cowboys style doors
[00:41:08] Saloon doors. That's it. But you walk under them because your babies. Yeah, we're babies
[00:41:12] So we don't actually have to swing them over we sneak underneath and
[00:41:16] In the bathroom is my entire family. Yeah, they're all they're all morbidly obese. They're all fat
[00:41:22] Yeah, they're fatish and they smother you they come around you. They make a circle around you and they start smothering
[00:41:27] They say surprise. Yeah, right and there's birthday stuff
[00:41:31] There's they have birthday stuff. This is happy birthday. It's the 1940s
[00:41:41] Yeah, they're wearing suits suits. Yeah, they have a big birthday cake very fat. It's a 1940s massively fat
[00:41:48] Yeah, and there's jazz music playing off of a phonogram sure and it's crackling. Yeah, it's kind of a eerie a little bit. Yeah, and
[00:42:01] She still wants to fuck you know my entire record machine
[00:42:04] That's what scares you to be clear up until this point no part of the dream is scary until you get to the record
[00:42:10] No, it's there's something off with the entire record player crackling. Okay. No, the entire thing has been what's playing on the record player
[00:42:25] You know Benny Goodman was a homosexual. What are you?
[00:42:28] So the first part of the dream you describe is I don't know if he was a home is that scary
[00:42:36] You know I would day it has nothing to do with homosexuality, but it's about me and my baby girlfriend
[00:42:43] Look cuz we're to be babies. You were afraid of you're afraid of 1940s homosexuals
[00:42:49] There is something spooky about them. Yeah, kind of a miller's crossing. Yeah, so it might not be that the homophobia itself is what
[00:42:56] Is what bothers you but the implicit dishonesty of old-school homosexuality
[00:43:01] Yeah back when they called them punks. Well, yes, we just sort of coded and you had to be an artist of some sort
[00:43:06] Yeah, yeah, maybe that's what you really don't like is artists. It's true or being an artist 40
[00:43:12] Sexual yes, they scare you. Yeah, they do they do because what you want is these
[00:43:17] Sort of inverted artists which are the out of the closet homosexuals that have no talent whatsoever
[00:43:22] But bank on their homosexuality. I don't know about all of the out of the closet artists
[00:43:26] To sell them is I don't know about every single out of the clock. There are a lot plenty of talented out of the closet artists
[00:43:32] Well, I'm just telling you your opinions. Okay, I'm not saying no. I didn't say that those were my opinion
[00:43:37] It's interesting. Let me just shot this down. No, what are you writing down stop writing down?
[00:43:41] I'm just I'm just writing down Chinese stone gold steve
[00:43:47] Something to remember later when I watch it. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, that would be that would be pretty fun
[00:43:53] So yeah, so I get to the bathroom my entire family's there and she still wants me to go for it
[00:43:59] But I say, you know, I don't think it's appropriate with my entire family here. Yeah, you know, it's my it's clearly my birthday party
[00:44:08] Don't know it doesn't say a number on the on the cake. You know, I assume that it's my birthday party. Yeah
[00:44:15] Then another boy walks through the corral doors. Yeah, the saloon door. Sorry. Yeah
[00:44:21] Old boy younger boy. He's older. How much older?
[00:44:26] It's about eight years old is he sexually developed
[00:44:30] Nobody's sexy. So he's got promise. You know when you know he's gonna be a piece of
[00:44:39] The kind of boy that you see where you're like when you're 18 you give me a call, okay, the kind of the kind of boy that
[00:44:46] You have a you have a sign in your house. You keep tearing away
[00:44:54] Because you don't want to break the law. I'm right
[00:44:57] You're checking to make sure your girlfriend can't hear you. I don't know. She's I don't know she doesn't listen to show. Yeah
[00:45:03] He walks through the door. Yeah, confetti starts flying in the air
[00:45:08] My entire family starts sharing. Oh, it's the birthday wasn't even for you. It wasn't my birthday
[00:45:13] It's for a different boy is for that fucking piece ass
[00:45:17] That's sexy boy, you know, I was happening early 1940s. What happened the Holocaust. It's true and in your dream
[00:45:24] That's true. You're seeing the Holocaust as a party for you, you know, you deserve all of this celebration for surviving all the credit
[00:45:32] Another sexier boy comes in and you're like, oh, I wasn't even in the hall. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I'm just a whiny millennial
[00:45:38] Yeah, Brooklyn who's a homophobe. Yeah, who's making it all about me exactly?
[00:45:43] Mm-hmm. So that maybe that's that's something taking a consideration when you're sitting at home watching right down of it
[00:45:56] Well, I don't know now I'm gonna have to remember
[00:45:59] Don't we move right into the guest segment what I was gonna do for this because guys
[00:46:03] This is what this is what we call in the biz. We call a test show
[00:46:07] This one normally wouldn't air you just go do it at like a right and like a community college
[00:46:12] I went to the test show for Colbert. Yeah. Yeah, that wasn't
[00:46:24] You know, we're getting Colbert back in bit on TV in a while
[00:46:28] The the guest was Bill Coward. Yeah former coach of the Pittsburgh Steelers. Yeah, I think was also the CBS
[00:46:36] Football analyst so they're using the family so they thought they got him to be the big guest
[00:46:42] Yeah, and then they I was watching I was like this is a little off. I don't know if this is the right format for old Steven
[00:46:50] But yeah, well so like I said, it's a test show and
[00:46:54] The real show will have real guests but the test show you bring your guests out normally we're running way behind schedule here
[00:47:01] So we're at 47 minutes and this would ideally all be happening in the first 15 right?
[00:47:05] We do the monologue dream analysis 15 minutes a monologue dream analysis and then we bring in the first guest
[00:47:12] Who is somebody that has to sort of offer like a counterplay
[00:47:16] Counterplay, or I felt they bring it like they do like an anecdote
[00:47:19] No, they have to bring in somebody that so with the dream analysis we discover something about you that you didn't realize
[00:47:27] This is a great of 1940 so too many too many entertainers today try to ingratiate themselves to the audience by
[00:47:35] You know for lack of a better word virtue signal, you know, or sort of appealing to whatever
[00:47:41] Collective morality that people think that we have now
[00:47:44] We're not doing that with this show. Mm-hmm. We're going straight deep into your subconscious and we're revealing something to you and making
[00:47:51] You and the audience at the same time see the humanity okay
[00:47:55] So we're helping you to understand yourself better at the same time that the audience does and then we bring in a guest
[00:48:03] It'll be very difficult for booking because all of this will happen on the fly that has to offer like a like sort of like a counterpoint
[00:48:09] Right or some sort of like, you know, you into this gang so in this one we find out that you know
[00:48:14] I mean like we just did the dream analysis that you're
[00:48:21] Like insecure about yourself like you're a fraud of some sort that you're you know
[00:48:25] Not really an artist that you're actually just a 1940s homosexual
[00:48:33] Yeah, I would say that's probably so the correct analysis the best guest there would be Bruno Mars
[00:48:39] That would be that would be good because he has a kind of a classic classic look look. Yeah, he's not actually gay
[00:48:46] He's kind of timeless. No, he's not. He's not yeah
[00:48:48] He's not actually is really cool. Yeah, exactly and it's also not really the 40s. No, it's not the 40s at all
[00:48:54] He'd bring Bruno Mars, but if he was in the 40s
[00:48:56] Bruno Mars you'd sit him down the table you hold up his album. He wouldn't have seen any of the dream analysis part
[00:49:01] That's important. No, no, he's been he's but he hasn't been watching the show. Yeah. Yeah, we've kept him in a soundproof
[00:49:07] Yeah, and then you sit him down and you say do you ever have nightmares that you're being?
[00:49:14] For the man was trying to but you rest wrestled the gun away. Yeah, and shot him in the head
[00:49:21] Let's say excuse me. You'd be like is that what uptown funk was about?
[00:49:28] Yeah, we could do that. Have you ever met?
[00:49:31] Have you ever met Kanye West we could ask him that too. Yeah, yeah
[00:49:36] Yeah, Kanye West as good example. Well, I guess it's you know, it's your show. Who do you want to have on for one
[00:49:41] What's the what should the theme of 101 be? I think the theme is I'm well if we're going away from the irony
[00:49:51] Heel age healing healing in middle age. Yeah, which is not really ever possible, right?
[00:49:57] We can hear you link doesn't exist. Yeah, it doesn't exist. No calcification. That's what you're body just yeah
[00:50:04] Adrileth of collagen fibers. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I think that's probably a big skin
[00:50:10] Yeah, but thinner than it's ever been before
[00:50:14] But it's not a nerve aid. It's dead dead tissue bill. No dead tissue buildup
[00:50:19] Yeah, but hey tell you what you know what that is. It's a callus. You know what you need
[00:50:25] Calluses for making fucking music to be tough. Oh beautiful guitar. Yeah lots instruments. Yeah, that's true
[00:50:31] You gotta have you gotta have some of that built up. You'll be worn out
[00:50:35] You know, that's the most beautiful part of that Glenn Campbell
[00:50:43] Which is what when he just like the only thing he can remember how to do his play guitar. Yeah, that's really beautiful. That's great. Yeah
[00:50:51] And you'll never have that because I didn't actually you're in 1940
[00:50:57] You're a 1940 straight guy pretending to be gay to trick everybody into
[00:51:04] To think that I'm an artist next up issue number two Japan needs to bring back the rising Sun flag
[00:51:09] Oh my god, so bad. It's a fucking amazing flow. It's like Chad Muska used. I don't care
[00:51:14] I don't care if it's it's you know, it's funny how like people like people like they can't understand why in Taiwan
[00:51:20] They have like the Hitler cafe with the swastika or whatever. Yeah, I still I don't really understand it
[00:51:25] Yeah, well, it's like but that's what the rising Sun is here
[00:51:28] Like they're like oh, it's a fascist government and yet, but yeah, but it's giant. It's Asian fascism. Mm-hmm
[00:51:35] That means nothing to me. No, we don't care at all. They were actually really racist against the Koreans. I'm like, oh
[00:51:46] That's rough like it sucks. Yeah, that's why we like the yeah the rising Sun for sure. Well, it's just a cool
[00:51:53] It's just a cool flag. It is badass. Korea's got a dope flag also
[00:51:57] Korea doesn't have the Pepsi one. Yeah, it's like a Pepsi yin yang generation Korea. Yeah, it's pretty badass
[00:52:13] Do coronavirus sucks it's it's really frustrating to it's like because this is I feel like it is
[00:52:18] You know, it's funny just a couple weeks ago
[00:52:20] I was like Corona's coming back and now you did say that yeah, but no one cares because Trump's not the president
[00:52:26] Is that right? Yeah, no one's gonna give a shit and it's like it's also gonna be if you look at like that
[00:52:30] I can't remember but if you look at like the Spanish flu
[00:52:33] Like it was bad one year and then people stopped giving a shit for like two years and it came back
[00:52:37] And that's when it killed like that's when everyone died
[00:52:39] Yeah, and it's like you think back to those times especially if you're like, you know, I
[00:52:46] Don't know it doesn't matter you are but you look back on like, you know, like think about like times like that
[00:52:51] It's like the 1920s everyone has like Spanish flu all those people dying dying in war and it becomes very easy to like
[00:52:57] Romanticize it like think that if you were living in those times
[00:53:01] They would be sort of like romantic times like like you would see the beauty and death and now living in a pandemic
[00:53:06] Where that very well may happen. It's mostly just fucking annoying. Yeah, it's gay
[00:53:11] It's just fucking it's just fucking annoying. Yeah, like I you know, I'm sitting like you know the couch
[00:53:17] I try to go to sleep. I'm having like hard palpitations. Yeah, it's like fucking me up
[00:53:24] Like I'm not gonna have I'm not gonna have a beautiful moment on my fucking deathbed
[00:53:28] I'm gonna be like this fucking sucks. Yeah, you're gonna be pissed off about something trivial. Yeah like the show. Yeah
[00:53:35] Yeah, we're in this stupid fucking coronavirus. It's so stupid. They should have just ignored it
[00:53:39] It's like unless here's a deal what happened here's the deal signs unless before this shit happens
[00:53:44] You already have the cure the cure 100% the cure shut the fuck up
[00:53:51] Don't tell anybody. Yeah, it's just like oh well millions of people will die. So what and millions of people did
[00:54:01] Let's say I got fat Fauci has it now. Did you see this? I saw that Fauci has a guy she took that Pax Loven
[00:54:07] Like the Pfizer pill. Uh-huh and now he's got a rebound case
[00:54:11] Which is I've been paid attention as Pax Loven take it all wait, but that's the pill. That's the COVID pill, right?
[00:54:16] It's a COVID pill. He's gotten the he's gotten four doses of the vaccine. He's old as shit too, right?
[00:54:22] He got COVID and he wasn't feeling well. So he took Pax Loven, which isn't like supposed to be for people with the vaccine
[00:54:27] It's for like if you're in the hospital
[00:54:29] Well, no, that's other shit Pax Loven is just like the it's like a antiviral that okay, they rolled out
[00:54:36] But I guess it's not really for like people who've had the vaccine
[00:54:41] And what happens is it just suppresses the virus for like a week and then you test negative and then three days later
[00:54:47] You test positive again, and then it comes back even worse
[00:54:53] Yeah, I guess that happened to Fauci's he's gonna die from going to die dude
[00:55:03] Because it's still gonna be being like well, he was 81 right, you know, and it's like okay
[00:55:08] But he lived in a bunker. He got four doses of the vaccine
[00:55:12] Two rounds of Pax Loven, which it's like it's only authorized for one person and he didn't even get to get pussy off of Randy Rainbow
[00:55:23] Damn I guess let's just think about that for a second
[00:55:26] These are things you should be saying I'm not I'm not popping off anymore
[00:55:33] I don't I don't know even what that shit is dude. You can pop off as much as you want. You know who Fauci is
[00:55:40] I don't know what Pax Loven is. It's it's in the news. I thought that's a dessert
[00:55:48] I'll pavlova. Anyways, we got to go back to the show. So sorry. Sorry folks. Ignore my my COVID
[00:55:55] Here's the thing we're gonna have so who's the guest?
[00:55:58] It's gonna be Bruno Mars some some type of celebrity. We're gonna use our industry
[00:56:02] I know what they sound like so you I'm gonna do them and you can add you can interview me. Mm-hmm. We'll practice you can do Bruno Mars
[00:56:10] I mean, I don't really know anything about him other than what kind of hat he wears in the song uptown funk
[00:56:15] Yeah, you know, you know enough dude. He's Filipino. I didn't know that he's five foot three
[00:56:20] I don't know any of the shit you're like, well, I don't know who the fuck is dr. Fauci and you're like Bruno Mars was born
[00:56:29] I don't know everything about Bruno Mars Bruno Mars's favorite food is lasagna just like Garfield
[00:56:34] And also happens be his favorite cartoon character. All right. I wrote a fucking book report on Bruno Mars
[00:56:40] Teacher being like, um, that's not a book
[00:56:42] Yeah, my book report is on Bruno Mars Bruno Mars is an inspirational figure because just like an autistic kid trying to get like an
[00:56:52] A in the class who didn't do the work, but he's like I did my book report on
[00:57:00] Miss Stella is a beautiful lady whose husband left her last year because he didn't know what was he was like stop
[00:57:06] You didn't know what a good woman was and even though he's now engaged to
[00:57:14] Miss Clarence who teaches third grade here at this school and they're very happy together
[00:57:18] And she has very large breasts. Mrs. Stella is still worth her weight in gold
[00:57:22] Mrs. Stella was born 45 or 50 years ago
[00:57:27] Her phone number is seven three four four four eight seven
[00:57:31] Mmm dude something like that something like that. Yeah, all right
[00:57:36] I gotta be Bruno Mars here. You can be I mean, we don't have to
[00:57:42] We have to do it. I mean we could do it. Yeah, let's do it. Okay, so
[00:57:49] You know kind of like what's up? It's me Bruno Mars. Let me just watch a Bruno Mars interview. Yeah, just like you figure it out
[00:57:56] Yeah, let me just watch the interview and then I'll do it. I just need I need a running start here
[00:58:00] I'm already hey, it's Bruno Mars. I'm Bruno Mars. You're gonna be I want to be
[00:58:06] No, you had to be hi. How's it going over one of my name is Bruno Mars your Adam Friedel. All right
[00:58:14] Bruno Mars and Anderson pain or you would Bruno Mars. So here we go
[00:58:17] Yeah, he's in a band with Anderson Cooper
[00:58:53] I'm having listening to your rehearsal here. It's really all about dancing now. It's dance music. Isn't it?
[00:58:59] Yeah, that's what music supposed to do. So we'll watch your performer now everyone's saying the nothing is dancing now
[00:59:07] It's dancing. Isn't it? It's not singing anymore. It's just dancing
[00:59:12] Yeah, yeah, I guess that makes it what fucking show is this what is it? What does it say?
[00:59:19] That's the hardest question anyone has ever asked SVT
[00:59:22] Scavlan it's Scotland TV show tonight. It's like a Swedish talk show. I guess dude. Wait, let's hear more
[00:59:30] Make it make you dance. So what the internet is full of Bruno Mars moves. Oh, yeah
[00:59:37] The internet has nothing but the Bruno Mars moves we go online. We see video every day I click I click
[00:59:44] It says Bruno Mars no move no move no move my son. He shows me he is 37, but he has a brain damage
[00:59:51] He has down syndrome. He shows me every time he says daddy
[00:59:54] I want to be just like a little Mars and I say you can't Bruno Mars very tiny and brown you are large
[01:00:00] You're Scandinavian down syndrome seven foot two
[01:00:04] 432 pounds eight percent body fat you never believe it he has the bond structure of a white whale
[01:00:13] You never you never googled you know I never
[01:00:16] Really it says Bruno Mars moves it's a well
[01:00:19] Google Bruno Mars moves I don't do this often
[01:00:30] I did it to just I mean I want to what I wanted to do was see what are the new moves of the air
[01:00:41] So what what are the what are your favorite moves my favorite? Yeah, what is the perfect move this year?
[01:00:50] 24 cat this is the this is the shittiest interview ever seen in my life, so tell me
[01:00:55] Tell me the new dance move what are the new?
[01:00:58] I understand the dance is a physical thing, but I'm going to ask a verbal question
[01:01:03] We have to describe a dance to me a physical expression of your body. Yeah
[01:01:09] What are the new colors you are coming up with?
[01:01:12] Why don't you just describe the dance to me instead of having you come out and perform?
[01:01:19] Why don't you just tell me what the dance would you like?
[01:01:33] I've never seen that before well, you know, you know, do something here. That's it
[01:01:45] Amazing Bruno you call yourself a student of music. What do you mean by that?
[01:02:00] You know music what do you mean by that?
[01:02:11] No, we don't have to I had to be able to produce for a rock artist a hip-hop artist
[01:02:19] All kinds of different music so it's my job to study all kinds of music so I'm allowed to go into the studio and
[01:02:26] Know what they're talking about know what world they come from so they're from a student of music
[01:02:31] I've read somewhere about you that you you are the kind of musicians that have music
[01:02:44] We got to bring the Adam Friedland show to scan the Navy dude, they're gonna love there
[01:02:48] They're gonna love dream analysis as long as none of the population finds out that where how short we are
[01:02:53] Oh my god, we could be kings over there. That would be truly a nightmare. We just can't get photographed from the waist down
[01:02:59] Yeah, you know what that figure not the conversion to scan the Navy and height. I'm like for one over there
[01:03:12] No, I know I mean I think I think that they I think maybe we'd be I'm sorry
[01:03:18] I could be like we man in fucking Scandinavia. We have Nick Mullen. We're going to throw him into
[01:03:25] Bigger's it got to be bigger right there midges. Yeah, I
[01:03:31] Mean there's just got to be like regular sized people like five seven. They're like five five. Yeah, probably
[01:03:38] You know much I would suck just it was region dwarf mogging you
[01:03:44] That's so funny damn damn. I feel like shit. Yeah, I feel fucking awful
[01:03:52] I feel so fucking sick, but it's mainly just roof from talking for I feel dizzy for an hour
[01:03:58] No, I don't have any of that. I don't even have much congestion. I woke up feeling dry cough. I look up feeling dizzy. Yeah
[01:04:10] Well, you gotta tough it out brother. All right, let's do Adam Friedland show
[01:04:14] Let's do the let's do a driver. You get 75% of the money. No, I'm not getting 75% of the money
[01:04:28] No, it's just it's you know, I'm constantly
[01:04:31] For this album I was constantly thinking about how I can make it better how I can make the chorus better different core progressions
[01:04:37] Different drum beats and now that where the album's ready and I got to perform. So he's Filipino
[01:04:46] He looks like one of those like enchanted type of Indian people
[01:04:51] You know what I mean like Bollywood vibes no like
[01:04:55] like that like a secret society out in the jungle somewhere
[01:04:59] Yeah, you can have dinner with them like if you find their temple you could have a suspicious dinner with him
[01:05:03] If you hug him like you're not hug it like the bad guys from fucking Indiana Jones
[01:05:10] No, I know what you're saying. Yeah, yeah
[01:05:18] Like he's gone to army of monkeys who killed people for him. Yeah, here you go. These people. Yeah, yeah, yeah
[01:05:29] No, I mean, yeah, no, he's he's Filipino. I think I think he kind of looks like a lady a little bit kind of like a
[01:05:36] Like a middle-aged black woman. Yeah, yeah, I don't know maybe I'm incorrect
[01:05:42] I'm not too familiar with him, but he will be the first guest next week when we got the studio of the Adam
[01:05:47] So what happens after the guest segment? What do we where do we go from there? We have a second guest
[01:05:52] We have a second guess you want to just go regular late night format
[01:05:56] I'm thinking we go guests and then we go back into the dreams, but this time we asked Bruno Mars what his dreams are
[01:06:02] We asked him what we asked him like what?
[01:06:05] What is being haunted? Yeah, so I had a dream last night, right?
[01:06:09] I was in the recording studio and you know, I mean I try to my music has to be as diverse as possible
[01:06:15] I got to work with every kind of artist hip-hop, you know soul hip-hop R&B
[01:06:24] hip-hop, you know every type of music there is but
[01:06:28] I always worry what if there's a type of music I've never heard of and it's late night of the studio and they say Bruno
[01:06:35] Mr. Mars we got one more client for you. Mm-hmm. Say all right. I mean, I guess I can make another
[01:06:44] Take one more client for tonight and make another
[01:06:48] 24-carat and this man walks in in a pinstripe suit
[01:06:52] And he's by seven and a half feet tall and he opens his mouth an entire family from a cuckoo clock comes out and
[01:06:59] They start a hurling racial slurs at me and they're just bouncing off of me because none of them apply
[01:07:05] Mm-hmm, you know, because nobody knows what race I am. So, you know, it's like fine
[01:07:09] You know, well, and I'm dodging all of them. Yeah, he's dancing around dancing and I'm speaking it's creating all new kinds of dances
[01:07:17] Swerving in and out of the racial slur. Okay, and finally the
[01:07:23] Strikes midnight they go back into his mouth and his face turns pale pale in the Grecian sense like the old word kind of a green
[01:07:31] Sickly color. Yeah, like the well like the last horse of the apocalypse. Yeah
[01:07:36] And he says to me I want you to help me make a swing revival album
[01:07:43] And you know, I'd heard about some of that stuff when I was growing up, you know, like Jared pop and daddy's or I
[01:07:48] Or I guess that's the only one I can name for the purposes of swing revival
[01:07:54] Yeah, I can't think of another one any pulled out the gun from who frame Roger Rabbit the car to a cartoon gun
[01:08:00] Yeah, and I said, oh, I know what this is
[01:08:02] You're gonna you're gonna pull an atom free London. Mm-hmm. He said what he's why's it called an atom free loan in the dream world
[01:08:09] In the dream world getting forced to suck dick at gunpoint is called the atom free
[01:08:13] Okay, yeah, that's just what they call it in
[01:08:20] And but no he put the gun to my head and I sat down on the board and I had
[01:08:25] I had to keep working front of me and I just put something down and what came out was this
[01:08:50] One of them became the first right wing fascist dancing singing
[01:08:57] Questionably Filipino artist in the United States, okay
[01:09:06] Bruno Mars and gonna become the house man on the island for the gym
[01:09:11] Okay, what a announcement for a price how much you know, a billion dollar
[01:09:15] I don't have that kind of money, dude. Well, then we'll have to find somebody else. I'll get 60% of patreon
[01:09:21] You're gonna have to try this on the next guest. All right. I think we could we could get a band very easily. Yeah
[01:09:27] Yeah, why not? Mm-hmm. That is a cool song that songs bad
[01:09:36] That song kind of made the whole episode worth it honestly
[01:09:40] Yeah, yeah, I'm happy without that I came out
[01:09:42] But anyways, so that song is it sign of things to come once once this coronavirus clears up
[01:09:49] Stick with it folks if you stuck around this long we will be we will be getting a studio
[01:09:54] You're gonna have to go to patreon.com for now patreon.com slash com TAN. Yes sign up for the premiums
[01:10:02] Um, so Adam can also do you have any tour dates? I got some dates Buffalo July 7th through the 9th. I will be there
[01:10:13] And then in Chicago, I'll be back at the Lincoln Lodge the like a week or so after that. Mm-hmm
[01:10:21] And I'll be in Seattle September 16th of the crocodile and Portland September 18th at Mississippi Studios
[01:10:28] And then I have more dates that will be announced pretty soon
[01:10:32] Um, what else dude? I'm fucking I feel like shit. I'm gonna go back to bed. I guess yeah
[01:10:40] I'm gonna do the same. I gotta drive home. See if we get that parking spot
[01:10:46] Was there anything goodness anything to salvage or should we just delete this we can probably just delete it dude
[01:10:52] Do you want to delete it? I don't know we can talk about it after I forgot there was no sponsors
[01:10:59] Supposed to we already said we have coronavirus all right