TAFS | Premium | 08/02/2022
[00:00:00] Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the future of late night talk radio, er,
[00:00:21] talk tell them live talk show late night talk this is it we're this is the first
[00:00:32] one we're gonna incorporate a video we did it folks video element so welcome welcome
[00:00:41] to the show hopefully we managed to do audio and video at the same time correctly
[00:00:49] this is we'll go we'll go ahead and we'll call this a premium or a test episode
[00:00:54] also this is episode 10 this is at test episode 10 and yeah so we're gonna go
[00:01:03] right into it because the emphasis is gonna be on speed this time we're going
[00:01:08] fast as hell we got to go fast because you know we're on meth amphetamines
[00:01:12] waste and people time is money yes this place costs $32,000 a month but so yes
[00:01:20] you didn't tell any time you know none of that we got to cut this out so let's go
[00:01:25] over welcome to the show folks it's August 1st 2016 what is it?
[00:01:31] 2022 2022 yes and the monologue monologue and top of the show are now
[00:01:38] combined they're one thing because we don't have time for both and I didn't
[00:01:41] really I don't really think about it but they're kind of the same it's the same
[00:01:45] thing so we have a celebrity guest today so don't say that they'll find out okay
[00:01:49] all right it's gonna be an assumption that there's gonna be a guest no matter
[00:01:52] what well I take it back we don't think about it it takes five seconds to say
[00:01:56] there's gonna be a guest yes what do you think of course there's gonna be a
[00:01:59] guest it's a fucking talk show yeah yeah so you're wasting we're wasting
[00:02:04] everybody you're now now you're wasting time only to make a point okay I'm not
[00:02:08] gonna make the point again okay does not gonna be the next episode I'm not gonna
[00:02:11] say hey make sure you don't say the thing about all right copy Delta okay yes
[00:02:16] you got it go for Adam go for Adam Adam go ladies and gentlemen also to the
[00:02:22] camera we got oh yeah sure stand up but I have to read full-de-laptop oh my
[00:02:28] god okay cuz you imagine and then you're gonna have to memorize this we're gonna
[00:02:33] have a teleprompter okay okay ladies and gentlemen the date Monday August 1st
[00:02:39] and this is the news President Joe Joseph Robinette Biden has tested positive
[00:02:48] for COVID again in line with the president's habit of repeating himself
[00:02:51] his doctor is referring to it as a rebound case but many are wondering if
[00:02:56] perhaps the virus has just picked up Joe's stutter hey folks I tested then
[00:03:12] then then neg neg positive I'll get a Biden impression by the time they're
[00:03:19] real show stars this guy makes porky the pig look like a
[00:03:23] elocution tutor is there right folks the president's positive test follows a
[00:03:32] five-day course of Pax Lovitt which is the same drug Dr. Anthony Fauci received
[00:03:37] a month ago before he experienced a rebound case these are two these two are
[00:03:43] so synced up it makes you wonder if they're having their periods at the same time
[00:03:58] speaking menstrual cycles it seems speaking of menstrual cycles that's what
[00:04:04] I said I thought you said speaking menstrual cycles sorry go ahead you're
[00:04:09] your cry this is speaking up this is a million times better than usual what do
[00:04:14] you mean I'm you're doing a great job okay but okay fine but the compliment
[00:04:19] makes me feel like I'm not actually okay whatever I'm getting better it's
[00:04:22] progress thank you well they're seeing me grow and that's what that's what
[00:04:25] people want they're in a narrative exactly growth so you were doing it
[00:04:28] we're caught we were and speaking of menstrual cycles it seems like lifetime
[00:04:33] bitch Nancy Pelosi has decided to drag at her dried out prosciutto pussy all
[00:04:39] over China's backyard this is very center left though huh this isn't very like
[00:04:47] center left though it's kind of more Tucker a little bit oh I'm sorry I thought
[00:04:52] we're going like mainstream left I know a guy I know a guy Tucker show he sent
[00:04:56] all this over okay sorry folks you know where our hearts are just I've been
[00:05:02] paying a guy a Tucker 25 bucks for their stuff before they get it which good this
[00:05:06] guy Tom is he good Tom crest crest mure oh Harvard guy oh yeah yeah all right
[00:05:14] all right back to the monologue top of the top okay yeah go ahead this isn't
[00:05:19] language I would choose all right so I'm gonna you I'm gonna do Tom's copy okay
[00:05:23] the 89 year old dumb cunt has planned a diplomatic mission to Taiwan and China
[00:05:30] has made it clips are my the screensaver one and China has made it clear that
[00:05:36] any such visit will be met with hostility most grandma's had to spend the last
[00:05:41] couple years dying quietly in nursing homes cut off from their families but if
[00:05:46] you're the speaker of the house I guess you get a free trip to East Asia this is
[00:05:51] very Tucker I'm feeling you know well that's that's where we got it you know I
[00:05:55] guess okay we got talkers copy before he did this is hard to negotiate I thought
[00:05:59] you'd be happy about that I'm sorry I thought we're going center left on this
[00:06:02] we are but for now we didn't have a okay I got you I got you I got you it was 25
[00:06:06] bucks yeah well how much is Tucker paying this place is 32 thousand dollars
[00:06:12] we don't have a lot of budget okay yeah but the set looks great we can agree on
[00:06:16] that sure okay um maybe we'll get lucky her pants will fall off and then they'll
[00:06:22] confuse her old worn out pussy for that of a dog's assume she's a an Italian
[00:06:31] greyhound and put her foot put her in a big pot was come on man and put her in
[00:06:38] a big pot with some bok choy and red onions but one can only hope
[00:06:45] that's the implying it sounds mean well they'd eat the Taiwanese would eat
[00:06:51] Nancy Pelosi I know we're saying because he's a pussy and they think she's a dog
[00:06:54] because her pussy looks like a dog so yeah mistake her for food which Asian
[00:06:59] people the negative stereotypes of Asian people yeah okay Tucker's gonna be mad
[00:07:04] when we get to that one where he does well all right shout out Todd I guess I
[00:07:09] shouldn't have said his name I hope he doesn't get fired well whatever yeah
[00:07:13] 25 bucks is 25 bucks sure can you even imagine how bad or would China with
[00:07:19] China would be and we'd get sucked into it over what for this she with a shaky
[00:07:25] gas bag to show solidarity with some tiny ethno fascist stronghold Tywin god
[00:07:33] damn bro what she's a I don't love her but you know it's pretty demeaning I don't
[00:07:40] know why okay let's keep on let's get an Indian woman for the next one I think
[00:07:45] that's a good call I think that's good call to cover our ass like yo what's up
[00:07:49] playboy yeah that's the kind of shit that I want to do y'all see the new minions
[00:07:53] movie girl Taiwan is its own country to the same extent Nancy Pelosi has big
[00:08:01] tits while it may be technically correct the technicality itself is built
[00:08:06] upon a disgusting nightmare reality that betrays nature history and good taste
[00:08:12] you can stretch the Sun damage collagen depleted exoskeleton of a dying witch
[00:08:18] over some synthetic bloat and call it a hooter just as you can expand a brief
[00:08:24] moment in a long ongoing conflict around a tiny racist group of Han Chinese and
[00:08:30] call it a country damn bro that's going hard I kind of like that actually where
[00:08:38] am I oh but when you look at the whole picture both are just small and natural
[00:08:43] extensions of a larger more horrifying mass but maybe this conflict is inevitable
[00:08:50] the propaganda machine is being fired up we're ready for another big conflict
[00:08:56] maybe that's why the new top gun was so good and it was very good much better
[00:09:03] than the original so so good in fact sorry so good in fact that it makes me
[00:09:08] wonder if the World War three would even be that bad if it meant faster faster
[00:09:13] 45 seconds okay would even be that bad if it meant that sorry don't worry about
[00:09:17] power through it just makes me nervous just power through okay so good in fact
[00:09:22] that it makes me wonder if World War three would even be that bad if it meant
[00:09:27] we got 10 to 15 war films of its caliber which brings us to the topic for the day
[00:09:33] war and its cultural necessity world peace is a child
[00:09:37] childish dim-witted concept it implies utopia but world peace would be
[00:09:43] impossible without a fixed immutable hierarchy world peace would necessarily
[00:09:49] be a second faster world peace would necessarily be a I didn't get a chance
[00:09:53] to be the faster faster faster faster I okay world peace would necessarily be a
[00:09:57] part of time for the model okay all right that's all right welcome to the show
[00:10:02] today on the Adam Friedland show war what is it good for well a lot of things
[00:10:08] okay and how was that what do you think that was very good and you're down but
[00:10:13] I'm slow now we just got to get the monologue has to be under 10 minutes how
[00:10:17] long was I going on that was 10 minutes exactly we cut it off but we don't have
[00:10:21] time to doddle I've got your desk pieces here tonight look we're gonna we're
[00:10:24] gonna go through these with the guest so all right ladies and gentlemen the first
[00:10:29] guest of the new Adam Friedland show from Showtime's Dexter everyone please
[00:10:48] Wow oh wow Adam you're looking great and well rested oh man thanks what a
[00:10:56] monologue thank you what do you think of that oh my god take that Nancy Pelosi
[00:11:00] we're in your big tits we're just trying out like you know the voice of the
[00:11:06] product you know we're figuring out it's nice to be on a hollowed ground right
[00:11:10] now because I feel like from here out you guys just build up an outward well
[00:11:15] this is Lenape Indian ground that we are on right now and we not pay that's a
[00:11:20] funny word Adam good one what do you think that was a good no I did what do
[00:11:24] you I'm not fucking with you no you said it you just said no I did not if he was
[00:11:28] that was an assist he was pushing you along no I'm saying that's a funny word
[00:11:32] like that it is because I if you had just gone Native American it's like that's
[00:11:36] sort of just racist that's where I would go but you said Lenape who says Lenape
[00:11:40] Dick well smart guys smart guys yeah I would say Cheyenne or Apache oh yeah but
[00:11:46] not in non monahata see oh that's what they used to call man that's what it was
[00:11:52] called before we took it away from this fucking like yeah this used to be
[00:11:56] Kip's Bay that's for my people I don't know if you know this but I'm a big fan
[00:12:01] of the Bronx my name is actually Indian yeah my name's Murray featherfish I've
[00:12:06] been Murray Hill I invented mine is runs runs from train mmm yeah mine's a
[00:12:14] mine's dog pussy grammar see good afternoon my name is dog pussy grammar
[00:12:21] see now the medicine man I'm West Village Open Asshole I like how like
[00:12:26] numbered like so in a regular society the job is like you know it's like child
[00:12:31] pornographer probably at the bottom yeah and then are you doing modern totem pole
[00:12:36] yeah maybe Western totem pole job pornography and then middles like
[00:12:41] sanitation worker and then top is like doctor yeah in Native American culture
[00:12:46] everyone's a medicine guy yeah everyone they're mostly doctors at the bottom
[00:12:50] everyone dabbles in medicine yeah yeah middle they don't have garbage man they
[00:12:55] just and anything it'll make garbage and if anybody they use it yeah yeah but
[00:13:01] also if anyone doubts where you got your medical training you can just say
[00:13:05] earth and then they have to believe you yeah that's the medical school for all
[00:13:10] shaman yeah his earth yeah yeah what do you mean by that just they they learn
[00:13:14] from the roots in the trees and the berries they can't be like I went to John's
[00:13:19] Hopkins and actually majored in spells yeah to be like did you know yeah have you
[00:13:25] seen the movie concussion with will no but I wanted because he does a terrible
[00:13:30] African accent he does a terrible African accent but I watched it recently and I
[00:13:33] couldn't I can't really tell like if the movies like it's if it's even like the
[00:13:39] you know because it got is like an African immigrant mm-hmm but they don't
[00:13:42] really seem to care or address that and it's almost in some ways where it's like
[00:13:45] why are you yeah it's also like you're kind of it's like they're not like in in
[00:13:50] the trouble he faces an immigrant to get people to believe him like they sort of
[00:13:56] barely touch on it but then at one point like I guess the chief physician for the
[00:14:02] NFL the guy who's like their yeah cigarette doctor is like no no no
[00:14:07] cancers I get can in all I told you father of Philip and Morris what yeah at some
[00:14:14] point the movie will Smith's like he went to medical school in Mexico yeah in
[00:14:19] the Alle Baldwin say really you don't fucking you don't say Mexico you know he's
[00:14:24] like laughing yeah but for one I think that the medical school in Guadalajara
[00:14:28] is supposed to be like one of the best yeah I don't know I don't know for sure
[00:14:31] you have a major Mexico City is a major city yeah but then it's also too it's
[00:14:36] like the other guy's Nigerian it's like you've got your degree via email somebody
[00:14:41] I did work for an undergrad yes and was resulted in knowledge I did a
[00:14:46] Maspous quiz what kind of doctor are you I hit the panels that did not have a
[00:14:52] stoplight in it I am not a robot so I am a doctor well Dan thanks for joining us
[00:14:59] this is the first live studio there's a there's a we got a couple of there's a
[00:15:05] there's an Asian woman walks across the hall I think she's a lawyer or something
[00:15:10] yeah I'm gonna consider her to be a the audience yeah also the older blotchy
[00:15:14] white lady that makes wedding dresses yeah and so we're gonna go through before
[00:15:18] we ran out of time there's a monologue is supposed to be ten minutes I'm sorry
[00:15:21] I took so it's all right it's my fault because it's too much back and forth
[00:15:24] but yeah we had too many notes on the fly I think we're doing on this show so
[00:15:28] we'd like to get maybe the monologue is ten minutes because Kim old they don't
[00:15:32] get started until 20 minutes into the show yeah there's commercials yeah we
[00:15:37] didn't want to make you wait I know you gotta you're gonna film billions after
[00:15:40] this yeah I'm filming billions in bonfire at the same time oh in between takes I
[00:15:44] do a radio show I don't want to talk out of turn but as you know I'm producing
[00:15:48] television now I understand that executive producing if you see Damien if
[00:15:52] see Captain winners let him know just slide slide this in I'll tell you right
[00:15:56] now I'll probably try to do a two for and get you Giamatti on that as well
[00:15:59] slide listen if you let's say you're having lunch with them you know you guys
[00:16:02] are just flying around the helicopter in the lumens you're gonna live in the
[00:16:06] room going around Central Park yeah mention my name and just pitch the idea
[00:16:12] they're trillions yeah damn yeah damn how about that you don't need to say
[00:16:19] anymore if they are they're interested I'll give them my page or give them my
[00:16:22] page or now take me aside you can go yeah I'm gonna lower your voice mate you
[00:16:26] get us in trouble he does a British character and he's British in real life
[00:16:29] okay that's impossible yeah no he's Welsh really very very really well shit I
[00:16:37] didn't know that so we're gonna do the desk pieces here so Adam yeah the name of
[00:16:43] the desk piece on the front you're gonna flip it over and then read the
[00:16:46] description because we don't have them actually prepared so this is Adam will
[00:16:50] have his little dad I just came up with the so the first one is naddy or juice
[00:16:54] yeah and then I flip it you read the description we'll go through a list of
[00:16:59] male celebs and decide if they're using steroids or explain and explain why
[00:17:05] yeah so a big way a big thing with producing television is you especially
[00:17:10] like cable and scripted stuff is you just steal things from read it yeah yeah yeah
[00:17:15] yeah and then because you're the producer you can hide behind him yeah you
[00:17:20] can buy behind the show or the Indian woman you hired the writer know what you
[00:17:24] call you a thief yeah you got a problem with that take it up with with pre-the
[00:17:27] sing song yeah she's a she's a she's a titan of joke I thought of this as I
[00:17:35] was coming into the city was a very simple idea where I said when the rock
[00:17:39] Johnson is clearly on steroids we're doing naddy or juice and we're doing
[00:17:42] German or Indian yeah we get we get someone with dad boy here you of course
[00:17:49] you see it's a problem in the unit kiss not but you don't know it's very good
[00:17:53] they think that it is a dot but actually it is the entire time I was German is it
[00:18:00] yeah so we do the accent and then we also do swastika yeah it's a good to both of
[00:18:07] us don't know which card I pray to yes it does a lot or a few hours how is it
[00:18:14] has actually eight on it's an old it's an old bit from the old show yeah I know
[00:18:19] but I always want to do a sketch where it's like it's like the Manhattan
[00:18:23] Project guys watching the atomic bomb be dropped yeah and then it's but yeah I
[00:18:27] don't know how you do it you set it up it's like Oppenheimer the night before
[00:18:30] looking for like a cool line to say and then the bomb drops and he's like I'm
[00:18:35] just a death to sure a world I've become down spoon baby yeah yeah I'm become
[00:18:40] death to sure a world you like clearly practice that's what he said now that's
[00:18:45] a that's a wave of humanity yeah that's one giant small step up man one giant
[00:18:50] man can I know the city yeah I need to know the take yes yeah that's what that's
[00:18:56] what popped into my head when we dropped a time bomb there's some obscure line
[00:18:59] from the Indian Bible yeah I thought you said did I do that that's what I thought
[00:19:05] he's very is to meet there's the meat so nanny or juice I guess we would throw
[00:19:11] we would have a monitor we're gonna get a monitor a little monitor right here yeah
[00:19:14] yeah I mean it's yeah it's gonna be fun to watch it all built out yeah yeah I
[00:19:19] can't wait it's built like the people were talking once you get a kinkos and we
[00:19:23] get the backdrop in here you know the kinkos are gonna be like how big you need
[00:19:28] it yeah what would the entire set's gonna be papercraft to save on top Japanese
[00:19:33] is the greenest said it's all origami origami desk origami chairs yeah exactly so
[00:19:40] and that your juice like you know you know I'm honored up me have like Mark
[00:19:44] Wahlberg and we'd be like I just juiced natural natural um Tracy Chapman
[00:19:51] juiced juice juice a lot of people don't know that you got traps yeah fucking
[00:19:57] traps for days yeah who Ellen the generous juice juice yeah that lands
[00:20:02] Armstrong body she was me into the staff Jonathan Winters dead natural but
[00:20:07] yeah natural causes natural gone to the thought of Ellen steroids snapping on
[00:20:15] her staff yeah and she's just like oh that that is good that's a fucking good
[00:20:19] only really you know the change for all her body has this her like unsocked
[00:20:23] nude ankles developing more varicas just protruding veins outside of her
[00:20:28] kids yeah you look at her kids look at the vascular it looks like yeah it looks
[00:20:32] like one of those you know those trees the grows in the water just the
[00:20:36] spider reach cuz I can't help you notice you're looking at my roots yeah are you
[00:20:40] looking at my roots yeah no Ellen everything's cool yeah yeah being the
[00:20:45] fucking eyes then yeah you know are you on are you on supplements she puts
[00:20:50] that's where she taps in here they have that scene in the TV show where
[00:20:54] someone comes in too fast yeah you knock yeah that's why she's mad right I was
[00:20:59] just doing something I was fixing my socks man well we kind of waited to
[00:21:05] start the Adam Friedland show after Ellen ended yeah kind of trying to be air
[00:21:09] apparent you guys are you guys are going for the throne I'm trying to get a
[00:21:12] oh I'm always but why don't you stand up and do a dance real quick oh do you
[00:21:17] want me to dance with you no I'll only add a dance yeah for now yeah he just
[00:21:23] like get up yeah like get up dance okay
[00:21:30] but like but like Ellen like you gotta be I gotta be conscious to so that that
[00:21:38] you know like we do audio yeah also so yeah you're gonna have to stream in some
[00:21:43] music that's gonna be able to go out to the years yeah I gotta figure that
[00:21:47] that's good that's good that's enough that's enough dancing I think hey that
[00:21:51] was good that's good you guys are absolutely gonna take our own spot yeah
[00:21:57] that was good dancing dude thank you you're saying that in the same way you
[00:22:02] said that's a good that's a funny word I think you're as there is nothing I say
[00:22:06] that is sarcastic but there's also nothing I say that's technically honest
[00:22:11] either yeah I can only get it out that hat lets you know if that hats on yeah
[00:22:16] you got to listen everything I say will be 100% sincere and also complete
[00:22:21] bullshit can I tell you something it's been in the business and again I haven't
[00:22:23] right hosted a TV talk show yeah when you're listening to producers you can
[00:22:28] listen to them but you don't have to hear them yeah you know what I mean the
[00:22:33] hearing is where you take in the emotion no I listen to what they're saying I
[00:22:37] think I think he's driving me he's driving you what to the top how they come
[00:22:43] like Joe Jackson you know like Marilyn Monroe was like getting shot full of
[00:22:48] drugs so she can yeah that's what they do that's what they give Fallon and NBC
[00:22:52] it's not the Fallon treatment worried that he's doing it yeah that's what that
[00:22:55] second room is for but I don't know if you're gonna be fine good for me the
[00:23:01] second rumor put in a sensory deprivation tank yeah that's yeah and an
[00:23:05] archery range we're filling with piss to yeah I'm soaking my mouth salty yeah
[00:23:12] you're very crazy bro there's actually studies out at South America that say
[00:23:16] that you if you soak in your own piss it can make your hair grow back yeah it
[00:23:21] also it makes your dick bigger yeah you just soak in dehydrated piss yeah there's
[00:23:25] actually ancient shamans this is crazy and in the old days they would take
[00:23:29] ayahuasca and they'd soak in their own piss and mysteriously all the 14 year old
[00:23:33] girls that accuse them of rape they wound up dead the next day perfect yeah
[00:23:37] that's we call that a problem so yeah cuz they're a fixer tank I got a friend
[00:23:41] who's a ex-navy seal who also is a coyote yeah brings people over the border he
[00:23:47] what he does is he'll just lay in his own piss in a bathtub and like a
[00:23:50] lakinta and that's awesome and when he wakes up he got new ways to do see have a
[00:23:54] book that was written on maybe a third or fourth grade reading level that I
[00:23:57] could check out on audio tapes yes do you want aggressive statements like
[00:24:02] believe and then achieve be all that you can it's just always just restructuring
[00:24:08] of all the different armed services like advertising I want you to stop being a
[00:24:13] bitch yeah every 100% you give is 1% of the thousand percent you're about to
[00:24:18] give when you put your mind to the true power of your own body accomplishing
[00:24:23] more than you ever dreamed ever possible we were filming an episode of
[00:24:28] billions and that guy jocko will it was in it you know that guy like he's an
[00:24:32] ex-navy seal and he's the one that does all that like good are you shot in the
[00:24:36] leg good yeah then your leg now you know what like you don't need you
[00:24:41] you know we're gonna have on the show I will have to find out how to do an
[00:24:45] anecdote okay yeah no but I want to hear that you know he was doing an anecdote
[00:24:50] but I try to be fun with him and just yeah you know like have bullshit energy
[00:24:54] and he shut me down so fast or I was like oh yeah San Diego's nice I try to
[00:24:59] riff yeah I just tried to talk to oh just witty bang like I just try to have like
[00:25:04] a conversation with the guy like where you from because he was just like
[00:25:07] standing there frowning I was like hey this is fun huh it hurt your feelings
[00:25:12] I mean did guy shut me down so fast and I was like we couldn't I couldn't get a
[00:25:16] meal with this guy he just looked at me like I was such a bitch yeah I was like
[00:25:20] oh San Diego's nice like yeah that part wasn't and I'm talking to Batman
[00:25:26] do you think he didn't like you or do you think he has PTSD or so both yeah I
[00:25:30] think his PTSD led to him smelling the bitch on me and like me I heard he was
[00:25:37] dishonorable discharge for being a jerk maybe you should have said that to him
[00:25:43] excuse me nothing at all I'm pissing I'm pissing my baby I'm a girl baby lady I'm a
[00:25:59] baby girl I peed my pants you've taken lives I'm a baby lady I'm peeing out of
[00:26:03] my child's pussy all right the that's good anecdote yeah I was good at what it's
[00:26:08] a good and I did that's what we have to do because the guests should be telling
[00:26:11] students should be doing it I shouldn't I shouldn't turn every episode of this
[00:26:15] fucking show and the saying what I want to do is a producer no I think you should
[00:26:18] honestly shouldn't even be a one-year to yes you sure you are the show you are
[00:26:23] the EP you you get to fucking slam drinks down in random hotel bars around
[00:26:29] the city and go I'm the producer of the Adam Friedland show and you know whatever
[00:26:33] the fuck I want and you know where the body is where Wilmington Delaware it
[00:26:37] doesn't really get you much gets you I couldn't appetizer it jilis couldn't
[00:26:40] afford New York rent I'm paying thirty two thousand dollars a month for a factory
[00:26:44] but the tax breaks phenomenal yeah at the Delaware you're bringing a lot of
[00:26:48] business to Delaware I'm sure they film Fight Club I don't think they did I think
[00:26:53] they're on sound stages but it takes place there that we're supposed to do
[00:26:57] that what oh oh yeah Adam was Adam sorry Adam's like paranoid about a
[00:27:02] COVID so we got a COVID test for the studio if you want to do it we should
[00:27:08] have done this earlier it's 15 minutes we should actually wait until we get the
[00:27:11] result yeah so we'll do we'll do one of these sorry we shouldn't have done a lot
[00:27:15] huh on the show we made a lot it's two tests I'll also to I guess normally
[00:27:23] we did check your vaccine card downstairs well yeah okay good yeah I worry about
[00:27:29] that as you noticed on the way up that guy down there's maybe not firing on all
[00:27:35] the yeah I think I think there's a couple spark plugs missing he's firing on one
[00:27:38] cylinder and it's the mentally retarded one I would just say he's certainly
[00:27:44] firing on the mentally retarded cylinder if you know I just say he's
[00:27:48] you're familiar with that expression intellectual oh you call him
[00:27:51] intellectual yeah cuz you know they're gonna start strong but he's stronger
[00:27:55] than all of us yeah like a Navy SEAL he's weird he has a kind of a mousie appearance
[00:28:01] does he I don't even know who said I've been I use the I use the freight
[00:28:05] entrance because I'm working class I never use the main interest you're one of
[00:28:10] the I say you're the springsteen of producers you're one of the section 8
[00:28:13] tenants yeah yeah they make you go through the poor door mm-hmm what is
[00:28:20] section 8 what do they call it that what is the section subsidized housing I
[00:28:23] know what it is but I'm saying what is it what is it a section of probably some
[00:28:27] sort of legislation or code damn Dan you've taken a lot of COVID tests you're
[00:28:32] doing this fast you're doing this fucking this is like a this is like a
[00:28:36] junkie in one of the quarter stalls what's gonna move quick what's a
[00:28:42] Jamaat is style like when he's taking a COVID test right to the point baby really
[00:28:48] he's all business all business zero play this spare me negative I'm gonna put
[00:28:54] this in here and it's just sort of the Joker I really have three impressions
[00:28:59] everybody's either Jeff Goldblum the Joker or Donald Trump yes pretty pretty
[00:29:05] much sure or or I am Alec Baldwin or black lady here I am black lady it's me
[00:29:12] black lady I'm black now we wait 15 you can't wait you're gonna I'll put a
[00:29:20] timer on dude I'm gonna be late to work damn dude this is such an accurate black
[00:29:24] woman not only do they steal the election they stole my lunch break they
[00:29:32] stole it they got they got fake clocks you're not for that they put fake clocks
[00:29:38] in the office this motherfucker over here know what I'm talking about look at
[00:29:42] him he knows he knows he knows my man laughing cuz he knows that's why he's
[00:29:54] laughing all right so good we got the COVID test going damn what what what
[00:29:58] projects I guess you'd like you know you gotta talk about projects are you
[00:30:01] it's billions still going on I don't even know are you on Yellowstone now
[00:30:04] hey dude I want to be on Yellowstone so that you gotta be on oh my god dude I
[00:30:08] would fucking love it I could bring my own jeans and yeah it'd be awesome now
[00:30:13] billions I think is coming back for another season they haven't contacted me
[00:30:16] so I don't know what that means yeah but yeah some projects got the the bonfire
[00:30:22] going on on serious exam which you guys will be on soon awesome right yeah we
[00:30:26] did serious exam I saw you guys did Jim and Sam it was a dream come true for me
[00:30:31] I was actually a lot of fun yeah it's came in in the morning yeah it was good
[00:30:35] it was good to see Jim and I don't want to say him why I said it was good to see
[00:30:40] Jim and I don't want I mean I said it wasn't good to see I said it was good to
[00:30:45] see Jim and then I was debating whether I want to say the next part well he seemed
[00:30:48] all right it was good to see Jim like a little bit fatter oh like not crazy
[00:30:54] in shape yeah yeah he wasn't like really good shape before the pandemic was yeah
[00:30:59] well he looks like he looks like comfortable yeah he looks like he's like
[00:31:04] okay I think I'm you know I'm getting bucks to me I'm getting fully bodied
[00:31:08] and I feel much more comfortable bucks to me that's a good word dude I'm
[00:31:12] getting some tea implies the big bitch from Titanic yeah I got the
[00:31:18] unsinkable Molly Brown body unsinkable unsinkable dance yeah yeah the
[00:31:25] unfuckable missus this alright one line so far we're good no okay because no
[00:31:32] one freak out cuz the second line pops off shit's gonna get nuts it usually
[00:31:36] comes up right away doesn't it takes like 15 minutes when I was in Canada I
[00:31:40] got COVID and I was stuck there yeah and so I was just I had a huge box of
[00:31:45] rapids and I was just taking them like once every two hours just to see yeah
[00:31:49] I wanted to fly home yeah and it like the first time I went negative I was
[00:31:54] like fuck yeah I was fucking headbutt the wall yeah fucker get the fuck out of
[00:31:59] here what were you doing in Canada I was working rumors in Winnipeg rumors
[00:32:03] that's a swingers club yeah I like to MC swingers events yeah I like to do it
[00:32:09] like I like to do it like a docie dough and that's because Winnipeg when I
[00:32:12] pegged my husband I was a peg fast and when I pegged my husband he turns
[00:32:18] around and he says hey take it easy there lady take it easy on my ass
[00:32:24] home right something like that yeah that's good I like that's probably for
[00:32:29] the next model yeah when I when I pegged my husband he says can I can I
[00:32:35] can I the get a break here huh huh we get a boob catch a break around here
[00:32:44] let's go to the next I don't want to do this one why I don't want to do why is
[00:32:51] not worth it all right fine but just go to the next one I don't want to do this
[00:32:56] one either I mean you got to listen you're producer dude you look what it's called
[00:33:02] the first what was the first one that one I mean I don't think you can do that
[00:33:07] one the first one is not that's fine no it's you know what it's first is the
[00:33:13] second one well the second one fucking pack up this whole studio this one's
[00:33:18] dollar done this one first one will be funny the second one you can have a
[00:33:24] real problem on your hand I think we're just a we're trying to take risks
[00:33:27] mmm we're trying to take calculated risk but I feel like I'm losing the theme of
[00:33:31] the show is war and what is it good for and it's the entertainment that it
[00:33:36] provides us I feel like I'm losing my grip over the political bent of the show
[00:33:43] mmm it was every intention of mine to go mainstream centrist left you know
[00:33:50] like a Fallon or Kimmell yeah and this is reprehensible
[00:34:00] I love it I mean I love it in like the way of if it was not being broadcast to
[00:34:04] other people yeah funny topic the show topic you're gonna sink this pool the
[00:34:09] other side is very funny for what this side says well as a follow-up this is
[00:34:13] very funny why yeah that's why I thought it would be a fun segment to do goofy
[00:34:23] did you write that down just seeing if he was gonna go with it or not every time
[00:34:28] that's just it's always a test but see that's I'll tell you what that's more me
[00:34:31] as a pro as a director rather than a producer as a director of course I'll
[00:34:37] play my games because you're always trying to get as much as you can try to
[00:34:40] create something real you know see if you can get somebody to say the n-word
[00:34:45] they're trying to pitch me on for the as a producer I'll bring it back director
[00:34:50] I go let's see what happens director you want to break them for the as a director
[00:34:54] I want him to rape a child on camera for the art for the art and as a
[00:34:58] producer I say I'll say let's just cut that we'll cut that part out and we'll
[00:35:04] we'll kill the kid we'll kill the kid I know where the bodies are buried yeah
[00:35:09] but as a director let's get the kids in here I need it on film cameras rolling
[00:35:14] guys we're wasting daylight yeah you get to say that a lot of the good and
[00:35:18] close on his face I want to see his tears he could say wasting daylight I
[00:35:22] want to see I want to see his reaction when one of the child's in mid thrust one
[00:35:26] of the child's tears splashes onto his face yeah and the tears mingle got
[00:35:32] beautiful shot yeah even you're describing that yeah gave me fucking
[00:35:35] goosebumps and then what we then what what then what I do is we cut all the
[00:35:40] actual rape out and you just see the tear part and we splice in because you
[00:35:44] want the tear to hear Kamala Harris speaking oh and then over the Beach
[00:35:49] boys wouldn't it be nice yeah and then it's Adam I don't want to give you notes
[00:35:53] I'm just like no that's that's we'll try that we'll try everything it's true but
[00:35:57] then we get this moment of raw real emotion and conflict and to the audience
[00:36:02] it's just Adam celebrating the possibility of the first black female
[00:36:07] president ever but we know but we know he was raping a four-year-old who's
[00:36:11] subsequently murdered to protect Adam's career yeah I just don't think that's
[00:36:15] very funny so just read it's goofy to say it I'm not gonna say it all right
[00:36:20] fine okay and he's been trying to pitch me on a love-making scene for the new
[00:36:24] show but as you know in the movies you're an actor most sex scenes are real is
[00:36:31] that right they're very real I thought they were dry humping no no full
[00:36:35] penetration you don't have a sticker over your penis and you're just no you
[00:36:39] don't even use condom don't get in the way you it's raw dog raw dog dude have you
[00:36:43] raw dog on the set of most Ray Donovan or what I said raw dog on Ray Donovan
[00:36:48] always got to the boxing gym at star of Ray Donovan day out of it yeah yeah
[00:36:55] most like movie stuff like most sex scenes are for sure real but most movies
[00:37:00] stuff in general does this like conception that everything CGI or
[00:37:04] whatever but it's you know it's mostly like gun stuff real guns I mean obviously
[00:37:08] don't murder people but they really I like willing to vote it was turned into a
[00:37:12] goblin for spider-man yeah he was you had to come back from that that's why they
[00:37:16] always go on those vacations because they have to come back from that stuff
[00:37:19] true or false as a you know an actor season that will him will him to foe
[00:37:24] biggest cock in Hollywood I've heard it's Liam Neeson I we've all seen Liam
[00:37:28] Neeson is pretty old video but also he pisses himself regularly yeah and the
[00:37:33] piss starts like down by he regularly pisses regularly pisses himself there's
[00:37:38] multiple that's how famous he is yeah I played Rob Roy yeah what it me piss
[00:37:42] my says there's multiple pictures they him outside of pubs where he's just
[00:37:46] chatting up some of us is some guys like you're Liam Neeson he's like I am you
[00:37:50] are always like let's talk about the Simpsons do I ever watch the radioactive
[00:37:55] man episode in my mind that was one of the best-roided I'm gonna get trashed
[00:38:00] and talk to some local dumbass above about how much better married with
[00:38:04] children was than anything on TV I'm about 14 drinks in and I want to talk
[00:38:09] original American gladiators the one thing that pissed me off is how the hell
[00:38:12] was Al Bundy supposed to afford that house you're telling me he never wants
[00:38:16] one to fuck peg yeah and he's just there's just piss because sir are you pissing
[00:38:20] and he just answer the question but Bundy was he molested is that why he was such
[00:38:27] as sex addict was he a sex addict yeah kind of that guy was like five foot one
[00:38:31] David Faustino is that his name David Foster what you're faster
[00:38:36] you know what just a horny book that's like 600 pages just wigger David
[00:38:44] Foster Wallace he's like yeah for real though this shit's crazy there's gonna be
[00:38:49] like 10 guys with the name David Faustino Wallace on Twitter it's gonna be so
[00:38:52] annoying and they're gonna call me gay I heard you were in a kind of a pussy
[00:39:03] posse with him and Seth Green in the late 90s yeah I was doing when I was 14 years
[00:39:08] old and Ray Donovan Ray Donovan it was the four of you guys and you got Matt
[00:39:12] you just ran through New York City we would just go to Nick's games and then we
[00:39:16] would go to like ESPN zone and just finger pop girls you go to the 40 40 club I
[00:39:22] heard that was for late night you dinner we'd go to ESPN zone and we'd sit in the
[00:39:26] booth that was like a baseball glove and just fucking it's finger random girls
[00:39:32] next those are great noise thanks you got to get that on the fucking board dude
[00:39:38] I'm the white Michael Winslow he's had a vacuum value his was better his was better
[00:39:43] his mind's a fucking thick strong pussy yeah okay that's great he's got a yeah
[00:39:49] yours is just sort of a mouth noise you're just like a deer asshole yeah so
[00:39:54] you're engaged I'm telling you what you got this I'm trying to have you a dash
[00:40:00] when you have the desk in the chair those are gonna be the moves so you
[00:40:05] recently got engaged that is great oh you can't let's give it up everybody let's
[00:40:09] give it up everybody oh my god a round of applause you can't teach that shit
[00:40:13] that's the way I when you when you fight when you're at home and you're like
[00:40:16] where's my daughter mm-hmm that's what it's for yeah that's why she's gone yeah
[00:40:21] where you go her phone just goes right to voicemail for the past six days what
[00:40:25] what are you talking about what whose daughter fans yeah oh the fans yeah
[00:40:28] people's people's people whose child is your child has been used for fuel base
[00:40:33] you're like Kevin Bacon and he's the African kid in air up there I don't
[00:40:41] know the reference well it's been he's not in sports I know but it doesn't
[00:40:45] play Kevin Bacon a professional back in basketball he's in a movie where he
[00:40:50] finds a an African basketball prodigy oh there's never played basketball he's
[00:40:55] never played but he's a he's a Maasai Mora warrior he's one of those guys that
[00:40:59] can just jump up and down like I tell you this guy knows the races he knows
[00:41:03] his tribes I've never seen someone that comes in I know this guy comes in with
[00:41:07] his tribe knowledge yeah everywhere go to a different continent pick a tribe
[00:41:11] what was the one he said linoleum lin not pay I don't even know if the
[00:41:15] lin not pay we're here I'm not sure I think they were can we mix worlds and
[00:41:20] since you're gonna add some Ellen dancing can you do a full Pacific island
[00:41:25] hocka oh of course yeah I would like that good chocka good chocka good chocka
[00:41:32] I can't fight this feeling deep inside of me
[00:41:40] I'm hooked on a feeling and then you're gonna stand and say
[00:41:51] slightly goes now oh I'm a big fan of Bragg I don't know what we would have
[00:41:56] done if it was positive well we still have three minutes but it's looking
[00:42:00] pretty fucking good right now I would have to go to Best Buy and buy a
[00:42:04] switch for the office you have a privacy screen on your yeah dude welcome to the
[00:42:08] bank you cheating on your what feel say no my my girlfriend got me the privacy
[00:42:13] she wants me to cheat over she wants she's forcing me she did this knows cuz we
[00:42:18] both are on airplanes every weekend and she got it for her phone so she's
[00:42:22] clearly cheating on me yeah but then she was like oh yeah use it for your phone
[00:42:26] that way the people on the plane can't just see you I should have I should have
[00:42:29] figured something out of it you know I realize is a hidden feature of the Apple
[00:42:32] watch is telling your girlfriend you're cheating on her Siri does that well no
[00:42:37] it's just you know it like buzzes or what it's your hand will be over here yeah
[00:42:42] you don't have the privacy and you know you know like a tech so come on well oh yeah
[00:42:47] and then your girlfriend okay it's time to cheat and your girlfriend's just at
[00:42:51] work and then it comes up as a calendar reminder right next cheating on me I
[00:42:55] say every not me so I don't have a girlfriend nor you know nor my fucking
[00:42:59] anybody he's gonna dial on yeah I save every lady in my phone as David
[00:43:05] Faustino my girlfriend is none the wiser she goes are you dating she's a
[00:43:10] Bundy she's a real dumbass she's a real old-fashioned dumb she goes hey Adam I
[00:43:16] called David Faustino because I had a question about the women hating group
[00:43:20] that Al Bundy led no man a beautiful woman picked up the phone real we got a
[00:43:24] big problem oh the the ladies I'm cheating with her absolute dogs nice
[00:43:29] great offers their ones yeah yeah I catch Arnold the Arnold move yeah yeah
[00:43:35] dude Arnold's that was the smartest move of all time it is a very funny move
[00:43:38] you marry like a very attractive like successful woman Maria and then she
[00:43:43] don't her with just an absolute pig right in the house yeah just bring like a
[00:43:48] homeless woman like a like a South Park bus driver type of bitch and getting
[00:43:54] caught he goes I wouldn't I wouldn't fixing things and then as soon as things
[00:43:58] it's like the coast is clear like you know like she agrees we're gonna work on
[00:44:02] it you do it again same bitch with like a I was gonna say with like a gnarly just
[00:44:06] like oh fuck me yeah yeah I fucking can have a can of soup yeah I can't soup
[00:44:12] governor would have can a super my pussy also yeah it is push over up that
[00:44:16] dt war right in my car open up the Amy's lentil and carrot soup pour it over
[00:44:21] me and then fuck me with your Austrian cock he goes you crazy yeah this is why I
[00:44:27] love you your wife is like I can't believe you've done this again you think
[00:44:30] she's just coming home she's like why does it smell like soup in here just
[00:44:34] don't ask questions you don't want answers to yeah now you can't make soup
[00:44:37] everything you know I have intimacy issues and I need Campbell's I swear this
[00:44:41] time I'm just making soup this was just a tomato soup and a lovely grilled cheese
[00:44:46] I wasn't fucking that lady who lives near the Walmart yeah I watch this
[00:44:50] documentary about because I'm plant based now vegan oh damn this and I got
[00:44:54] and it's bullshit it'll it's ended up you'll like you get nerve damage from
[00:44:58] being a vegan they don't tell you that then people go vegan they feel good for
[00:45:02] like a couple days or years or whatever but unless you like supple because you
[00:45:07] gotta be careful you're like Mal Nourish yourself yeah you're missing out on
[00:45:10] like proteins and calcium's and shit yeah B12 is a big one so if you don't
[00:45:14] supplement B12 it's like people be vegan for five years and then suddenly they
[00:45:18] like can't walk and they have a bunch of nerve pain and their doctors like yeah
[00:45:21] you basically be like turn yourself into an African child you starved yourself
[00:45:26] yeah so you get some more pussy and bush wake
[00:45:30] that's what you did to yourself but you know so I just have to watch documentaries
[00:45:35] about veganism and they're all propaganda or whatever but there's one
[00:45:39] called game changers oh everyone reciting that one like five years ago I
[00:45:43] didn't realize it was at all I thought it was only like two or three years old
[00:45:45] is it whenever it came out everyone was like that was the post where it's like
[00:45:49] guys you might want to watch this as someone has been a psycho about food
[00:45:55] forever I've like never I've never even had I've never had a problem with
[00:45:58] vegans I don't like never cared one way or the other I just never thought about
[00:46:02] it you know it's like well fucking this is something to do so I wasn't I wasn't
[00:46:06] aware of this documentary but yeah Arnold's in it because Arnold like
[00:46:09] produced it oh did he yeah is he a vegan he might be so it's a little way yeah
[00:46:16] don't clean this yeah there's no way I feel like it's just why he's like 75
[00:46:21] years old and the thing too is now with all the plant base base like fake
[00:46:25] meats and stuff yes it's a lot easier to do it than even though that shit's
[00:46:30] probably like way more unhealthy it's not good they're not necessarily good
[00:46:33] for you yeah I mean it's like oh yeah protein yeah I'm not eating it because
[00:46:37] more than people I mean it's all like it's all like a say-tame but like to get
[00:46:41] everything to make all that shit look like a meat you got a process the fuck
[00:46:46] out of the process you know it's like okay well I'm not killing that just
[00:46:50] completely fucking go against everything that plant base is supposed to be
[00:46:53] well the one thing you do get I mean it's still you're not killing animals sure
[00:46:56] but then it's like okay well to you know like what is the environmental offset
[00:47:01] of like producing all of that food yeah factory that makes all the food
[00:47:04] yeah factory that makes all the food to like the land that needs to be cleared
[00:47:10] to you know like provide you know well that's it so who knows so maybe you
[00:47:16] could just say like oh at least they're not slaughtering a fucking cow that's
[00:47:19] all they want because that's like the argument that's the argument that they
[00:47:23] hide behind they're like you're killing things and you're like all right we'll
[00:47:26] take that out I'm just trying for a while to see my blood pressure goes down
[00:47:29] yeah I mean you're doing beats for a while right I feel to be so still do
[00:47:33] beats all the time mm-hmm my dry yeah yeah so you were recently nominated for a
[00:47:39] Tony I was I was on my work on Spamalot oh nice I actually was the lead of
[00:47:45] Spamalot mm-hmm for two years and that that's about shows every night that's
[00:47:49] about what it's a take on an old Monty Python classic you know love spam the
[00:47:55] Hawaiians do the know you know what I think maybe next episode you do a
[00:48:00] little hocka for spam yeah hey what's that stand for is ham
[00:48:07] I do that in there you had a fucking beat but oh yeah that is fucking great that's
[00:48:12] why I don't understand why you wouldn't just read the card and then you'll be
[00:48:15] you wouldn't beat me as I would hold on though I get where I was coming from
[00:48:20] you don't trust me like he's like deer hunter
[00:48:27] I'm gonna fucking not hit that shit he woke me up this morning I was in bed he
[00:48:33] said take your pills and he whisked me away got the studio he sleeps in he's a
[00:48:38] show but he's a star so he's a see me I'm a producer I'm a deep you're up to
[00:48:43] two 15 a.m. I'm getting my day started I go to your right notes I go to bed at
[00:48:48] midnight I wake up at 2 15 a.m. yeah I'm one of those guys me Bill Clinton
[00:48:52] Stanley McChrystal and Mark Wahlberg I'll wake up where the only people they
[00:48:56] studied us were the only people who only need two hours of sleep a genetic
[00:48:59] mutation did you guys ever see when Mark Wahlberg obviously probably did when he
[00:49:02] gave up his schedule and it was clear he was lying because he was like I do two
[00:49:07] rounds of golf before I go to my first meeting at 11 a.m. and you're like you
[00:49:12] can't get that much golfing you get 36 holes and in that time or however it was
[00:49:15] so fast yeah they're like that was like a child's lie yeah but I have this
[00:49:21] theory that anybody that was ever a wigger turns into a pathological liar
[00:49:24] yeah because they were lying the whole time exactly it's like you have to just
[00:49:28] let them do the voice again yeah where he's like I'm telling you I love Jesus
[00:49:32] Christ they go markets okay you're safe here and he goes damn girl I'll be
[00:49:37] missing all that pussy nonsense not me yeah like does that feel better yeah yeah
[00:49:43] if you returned would you think you'd feel more free I feel like some of those
[00:49:47] guys to that lifestyle yeah to wisdom I mean it would feel good but the Chinese
[00:49:52] are treating them terribly right now are they yeah the wigs oh those are
[00:49:57] Muslims oh okay all right wigger Muslims yeah that's a joke a thousand people
[00:50:01] it's okay we're we were the ones doing it on TV yeah we're the first to do it on
[00:50:06] TV if you're sorry if you're an open my comedian and you just got your best bit
[00:50:10] taken away from you stems to breaks kids yeah welcome the showbiz welcome the
[00:50:16] showbiz I'll tell you Gordon good luck getting that over in your model I'm
[00:50:19] Ernie and Kingpin I'll tell you something I was thinking recently there
[00:50:25] two types of black people okay I was just kidding just kidding he started doing
[00:50:31] it now just say goofy no I'm not gonna say all right just say goofy goofy
[00:50:37] Tuesday there you go that's it was it that hard now the whole segment is done
[00:50:42] yeah no it will the segment it's called goofy to say in a picture or video of a
[00:50:48] stranger acting a fool and will roast them yeah so what a segment well yeah
[00:50:54] we'll toss that to the audience and maybe next week we'll come back with a
[00:50:57] goofy person to we've also introduced we've reworked the patreon tears now where
[00:51:03] it's a five dollars a month you get access to the premium episodes right
[00:51:09] ten dollars a month now you're an associate producer yeah you get your
[00:51:14] name in the credits yeah you get your name in the credits of the show I think
[00:51:19] the whatever the next one up is you get this so submit questions for guests
[00:51:24] guest suggestions you get to participate in all this bullshit participate in
[00:51:28] the show if you're the top here that's a good producer that's an actual producer
[00:51:31] because what a good producer does is he brings in other producers to do work
[00:51:35] delegation delegate exactly yeah yeah this is man you guys got everything here
[00:51:40] yeah yeah for that that move right there that's the thing tell me if you like
[00:51:46] this one so for billions that you have to learn real math or you just pretend
[00:51:50] that you know it I just pretend that's okay that's the fun thing pretty good
[00:51:54] dude you you didn't learn how to like quants and all that's all the stock
[00:51:59] market or we were supposed to but I didn't because that's my process is
[00:52:03] coming in completely on without any knowledge of the subject they told you
[00:52:07] you had to learn how to do the stock market there was either a season one and
[00:52:11] two there was straight up a dude that was there to be like when I was like I
[00:52:14] don't know what this means yeah then he'd be like this is this is the greatest
[00:52:18] Dennis Leary died of smoke inhalation now you worked like Dennis Leary right
[00:52:22] yeah what Dennis Leary was actually I'm gonna stop doing that I like it though
[00:52:27] because you like it yeah what you worked with Dennis Leary like what was he like
[00:52:31] yeah where are you just a good guy you're on the USO with him I did the USO
[00:52:35] tour we were in speed 3 mm-hmm not fast enough was there was there a speed
[00:52:40] three or no there was a speed to yeah there's the boat one I saw I saw a speed
[00:52:44] to and not in fire I was control and the just just over the back on back on
[00:52:50] long island yeah when it came out yeah I want to see if there's a speed 3 now I
[00:52:57] saw I see I want to see if there's a fire island to there will be there will be
[00:53:02] here's what there's an ex that film was from a take a little I watched from the
[00:53:05] Adam Friedland show to write fire island why are you quitting after fire on
[00:53:09] matter we got a new drop it on Boeing Yang's desk and you know it's done get
[00:53:14] into it I was faster the cushion that he sits on yeah when he's fucking
[00:53:19] meditating and eating rice come on wait whoa I'm about fired up I'll have
[00:53:27] been we're not taking shots and it's me after hitting this button too many times
[00:53:31] you should do a tear of the patron where you remove the belief button and they
[00:53:36] get to hear the episode no I don't trust I don't trust I think that's funny or was
[00:53:40] it that no no slur will actually be funnier than it's center yeah Nick Nick
[00:53:44] has a very defined philosophy on this it's never funny to be actually racist but
[00:53:49] to become so close to give off that is what's funny yeah I get that correct me
[00:53:53] if I'm wrong I'm like a vigorous yo oh man you're too close to the black people
[00:53:59] they killed me there was like you fly too high up then you win it's melted they call me vigorous
[00:54:05] because I became I was almost black dude there is one kid that writes wraps that
[00:54:12] heard that I was like damn that's a bars and bars he goes man I was trying to go
[00:54:16] with sisyphus they call me bars Simpson they call me vigorous they call me David
[00:54:24] Faustino Wallace David Faustino Wallace
[00:54:27] good ah man that one's gonna get me later in life so you're just eating
[00:54:31] Tate's cookies out of a best buy bag huh we greeked it for by my baby yeah he's
[00:54:38] eating Tate's cookie loose Tate's cookies out of a what's that all almonds
[00:54:43] is that what he feeds you in between the shots yeah he keeps telling me that I
[00:54:47] need to lose five pounds because five pounds more stick your chest out yeah
[00:54:51] damn you really are gonna be like found one after a year of this yeah where I'm
[00:54:55] just gonna see you outside of it and you're just gonna be like swimming in your
[00:54:59] own head yeah that guy they drug him up like a fucking you know what the best
[00:55:03] part of this is huh we got a fucking a costume shop down the block yeah right
[00:55:09] there and once you get the green screen going yeah damn you're gonna be live
[00:55:16] from so many events we're gonna shoot top gun in here we're gonna shoot top
[00:55:20] gun fire island oh my god dude I can't wait they should do a live performance
[00:55:25] by Kenny Rogers and top gun fire on Kenny logins yeah we'll go up we're
[00:55:29] going to the danger zone oh come on down down down and just come on it's
[00:55:33] everyone wiggling their but that's a day to show it's coming in and coming
[00:55:39] inside boys but fucking another man take a ride here to the danger zone take a
[00:55:48] dick into your danger zone sorry do you think that on that rough trade gay sex
[00:55:56] is is inherently against Christ or no I think it's very Christ like okay
[00:56:03] rough trade gay sex yeah everything was rough trade back in Jesus time why do
[00:56:07] you think he was a carpenter yeah you're going around wearing sandals basically
[00:56:10] your clothes or toilet paper yeah if you would have found out that you could
[00:56:13] strip that robe off now hot body would slam into yours
[00:56:16] that our Lord was a blue collar man working class Union 266 kind of like a
[00:56:22] springsteen yeah yeah that's a guy back in those days everybody you're covered
[00:56:27] in fucking AIDS or P there's no medicine you're dying a sunburn and then you
[00:56:31] find out the guy building you a desk can also cure you of that yeah ain't gonna
[00:56:36] get much better yeah you know who I wish could build our set Jesus Christ Jesus
[00:56:42] of Nazareth and we can I'll reach out to the 700 club folks every time the guy
[00:56:47] Tucker who wrote the monologue he knows up he'll pick up Pat Robertson will be
[00:56:51] like who is this yeah who are you Pat Roberts is still alive I feel like he's
[00:56:55] dead I feel like he's animatronic like the Barrett trucky cheese like the LBJ
[00:57:00] like it'll be Jamie's yeah yeah they got the LBJ
[00:57:05] he's a stealing dumb old people's money yeah I want to get I want to get one of
[00:57:10] those animatronic dolls for the show maybe we'll pick a man you do a band
[00:57:14] leader that's an animatronic doll yeah we should get a chunky cheese
[00:57:18] baby so cool and then Adam could be answer with them yeah they're just
[00:57:24] fucking robots so they got like you gotta do that thing where like a cool
[00:57:30] black I just told you good job so you recently got engaged Chuck E.
[00:57:35] cheese what's the ease stand for everybody mm-hmm I think so yeah Chuck
[00:57:42] everybody cheese Chuck air but I'm Chuck and everybody cheat dude I can't
[00:57:47] wait for the full band I kind of wanted a church lady that's fanning herself and
[00:57:51] just saying oh you're wrong for that yeah after the joke you wrong or you
[00:57:56] crazy oh you oh you wrong for the hand when a segment's child yeah I think a
[00:58:00] good would be if when a segment works she goes oh that's all you get that's
[00:58:06] not my vision early with this is my favorite is Jake hello hello yeah hello
[00:58:13] yeah hello yeah hello I used to pick up myself I like that back in the day when
[00:58:18] they were foot-plugs yeah if I didn't know the number I go hello hello and
[00:58:21] then people be like is a remember that damn there remember that black lady I
[00:58:25] can make her eyes bug out yes she's a celebrity for like four years yeah she
[00:58:30] was big she was like this was was that pre-internet it was pre-Obama that's like
[00:58:34] that was the best you could be back before black president was bug-eyed
[00:58:38] black lady yeah that's a memes yeah yeah like that's the height of approval she
[00:58:45] can do the mask just for the cameras so you see that that's a negative it's a
[00:58:50] negative test so we only have negative we don't do COVID on this okay you're not
[00:58:55] allowed to have COVID that's for the other guys yeah that's for the cordons
[00:58:58] that's for the kimbles yeah James Corden up probably he's fat he's got a
[00:59:03] little worry about co he's got a risk dude yeah they're gonna put on one of
[00:59:05] those bane masks when he gets it he's a he's a juicy boy yeah a fancy
[00:59:13] chocolate I had noticed I've had too many can't marry I was eating yogurts and they
[00:59:19] woke me up oh stuff with chocolate yeah yeah and then he has all of his guests
[00:59:27] on at the same time you're not gonna do that are you oh yeah we're gonna have
[00:59:31] yeah there's gonna be an episode where we have well we want to have tire
[00:59:34] Dallas we want to have yeah we want to have fights on yeah yeah we got to get
[00:59:37] like black man athletes yeah yeah you guys are going full Sally Jesse Rafael
[00:59:41] yeah we're gonna get black muslim athletes on with rude Jude from Jenny
[00:59:45] Jones I love rude Jude Jude Jude's been on the bonfire several times love
[00:59:49] that he's fucking awesome really yeah he worked it serious rude Jude I'm
[00:59:54] being dead honest right now rude Jude rules yeah every time he came on the
[00:59:58] bonfire I was like oh damn I mean I thought he was dead but honestly like
[01:00:01] but when he was on Jenny Jones yeah and I guarantee you rude Jude's still aware
[01:00:06] yo new for sure yeah see that's what I mean he's not a liar because he he
[01:00:10] maintained you know what it is is he's from Detroit yeah when I went to a
[01:00:13] Lions Niners games there yeah the amount of old wigs they got walking around
[01:00:18] yeah is high you see a lot of dudes in their late 40s early 50s are like yeah
[01:00:23] son if you're a wigger and you're you're that and you get older are they
[01:00:27] eventually gonna turn into old black eyes or they're a wigger and they're like
[01:00:31] I don't know where my my poor car over here last that's right I bet I bet
[01:00:37] that's the evolutionary process yeah y'all y'all mind your own damn business
[01:00:42] you know can you stop sitting in this cost cutters and doing that this isn't
[01:00:46] a real barber shop man cut my head like that I'll slap up one two
[01:00:52] yeah Joey can you quit that just said a hair cuttery gossiping yeah if you're
[01:00:58] an old wigger you but you just turn into fucking John with her spoon how come
[01:01:05] every time I'm eating the gushes I'm in the kitchen you're in the kitchen damn
[01:01:09] I've had gushes and forever I spot some last night they got rid of those good
[01:01:13] so they didn't buy it oh real quick I want to plug I will be in Irvine
[01:01:18] California at the Irvine improv hell yes 17th through the 20th or somewhere in
[01:01:23] the 18th through the 21st or something like that I've been forgetting the plug
[01:01:28] the shows on the podcast and the tickets have not been selling as a result I
[01:01:33] have been plugging my dates and the tickets have not been so selling what I
[01:01:37] am I am fucked my my return to stand up might be a little short-lived I've been
[01:01:43] in stand up and I might be on my way out stand up live Phoenix Arizona August
[01:01:49] mid-August dancer calm that's where you went to college correct I went to call
[01:01:54] you in college in Arizona is the dumbest mistake I've been pretty pretty hot
[01:01:59] down in Arizona huh yeah I'm gonna turn into one I love it no well I used to be a
[01:02:05] wig of myself I guess I still am now I'll tell you I met many men who have
[01:02:10] changed their lives and came back into the fold yeah I used to be a wig of
[01:02:16] now you just say I'm a wallard person I consider myself a wallet I'm a waffric in
[01:02:22] America yeah I have calmed down I'm a woldow or lack man can you bring on the
[01:02:29] black Israelites I would love to from Harold Square yeah we need a prison and
[01:02:35] then a white dance prison black Muslim and then a white and then a scared straight
[01:02:41] program I want a prison black Muslim and then Robert Piccardo from Voyager and
[01:02:46] then be like so you guys probably have some differing opinions on race when we
[01:02:51] talk about it we got Richard Spencer and this guy who did fucking 17 and gave his
[01:02:56] life to Allah we got James van der Bek and Muhammad ata on the show today
[01:03:01] don't Dawson what you think yeah dude this is gonna be I mean you guys are
[01:03:06] gonna go limitless yeah I'm excited this is gonna be a lot of fun it is yeah
[01:03:11] hopefully the hopefully the video he's been recording the entire time it hasn't
[01:03:14] been fucked up yet if not this audio's audio's audio is absolutely fine as it is
[01:03:19] pal it's gonna be fun beautiful yeah absolutely so I guess it was this is
[01:03:25] probably you know there's there's probably is fine of a place to wrap it up
[01:03:28] anyways I know you got to go to I gotta do bonfire you got a head I got a film
[01:03:32] right on of it and I got a film billions all the same time I did this is Mr.
[01:03:36] Entertainment for you over at yellow stuff what do you think please you know
[01:03:40] surprised I watched that show and I thought it was the whole thing I thought
[01:03:43] it was gonna be about a bear a ball a rock I thought it could be about a bear
[01:03:48] that likes picnic baskets me out about a rock this giant jelly stone this shot
[01:03:53] Chinese rock yeah that's pretty funny yeah um dude that would have been great
[01:03:58] yellow stone they should call this old white guy cowboy yeah place that's right
[01:04:04] that's right this would be great if this was all a concept prequel to yogi bear
[01:04:10] this yeah well you didn't realize that they were working like at the very end
[01:04:14] he's like they're boo boo and that's how the show closes yeah fade to black yeah
[01:04:20] and you go didn't tie it up and it's often turns into yogi bear yeah we're
[01:04:24] like like a shot get surgery to turn myself into a guy this is over there yeah
[01:04:30] runs like springs has told me that he can he's like I will turn your dead
[01:04:35] father into a bear that is very joyful you're gonna pick a Nick you know that
[01:04:41] guy Taylor Sheridan that seems like a guy you would have met now they got the
[01:04:44] road yellow stone now wrote hell of high water and Sicario also did
[01:04:48] Sicario rules and Heller high waters perfect perfect movie and I love Jeff
[01:04:53] bridge got I love Jeff bridges yeah just as an old cranky fucking cop yeah yeah
[01:04:58] how about people say I was a Jeff golden gate bridges and he's like oh I'm
[01:05:06] the dude I'm the big the debt I'm just I'm the
[01:05:16] effect about what about Jeff papan sea bridges he goes hey yeah by the way
[01:05:21] that sandwich across the rivers bullshade did anyone see and I am what the
[01:05:27] hell is wrong with and I am many Saints and new were more like a bunch of bullshit
[01:05:31] anyways I gotta go I'm on the clock and we have to go folks dance gotta get
[01:05:36] a good job dude let me tell you this right now I'm coming back when this set
[01:05:41] is built I'm coming back when the mechanical band is here yeah and I'm
[01:05:45] coming back to sit in the audience that's how much I believe in this show
[01:05:49] most stay tuned folks damn we'll be back and thanks a lot folks thanks for
[01:05:53] doing it thanks for coming on Adam thank the guests please thank you so much
[01:05:57] yeah and a massive look on I love your dancing succession all right all right