TAFS | Regular | 08/04/2022
[00:00:12] Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Adam Friedland Show
[00:00:16] Video episode on Patreon Video episode number one
[00:00:22] Test episodes. Video test. Video test two.
[00:00:26] This time, I don't know when the, you might be up now, so maybe talking to the camera.
[00:00:35] I'm talking to the camera. It was a whole new world.
[00:00:39] My eye line should be like a little bit up.
[00:00:43] If you're looking directly to the camera, it creeps people out.
[00:00:46] We'll figure this out later. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Adam Friedland Show.
[00:00:52] I'm your host Adam Friedland. The date, what is it? August 3rd.
[00:00:57] 2020. I'm your producer and you're my producer, Nicholas Millions.
[00:01:03] Guys, it's the Adam Friedland Show. Ladies and gentlemen, and we're live here from the Matrix.
[00:01:10] No folks, it's CGI, computer generated imagery, a trick of the camera.
[00:01:20] Is it any more fake than the absolute clown world that we're living in now?
[00:01:25] Because we must be living in a fake circus world if Donald Trump is walking free.
[00:01:32] Donald Trump, the mastermind behind the greatest and deadliest attack on American democracy,
[00:01:37] the grand plot to destroy America, the rape of the Capitol, the racist insurrection of all insurrections,
[00:01:43] a crime so grave and broad it makes the Holocaust look like a, like, I don't know.
[00:01:49] Okay, it makes the Holocaust look like common shoplifting.
[00:01:53] What's the problem with that? I don't know about that copy.
[00:01:57] If you haven't been paying attention. Sorry, Andy, so just so we're clear.
[00:02:00] Well, and again, we got to start. I know.
[00:02:03] Yeah, and it's obviously it's my fault. I'm the one that's writing it wrong.
[00:02:08] But just so I know, because I'm not, you know, we...
[00:02:11] I just need a teleprompter. It's not old. It's not a complaint.
[00:02:15] But, you know, if like I could get, oh, whoop, I think good.
[00:02:21] All right. It's not a complaint. But if, you know, you could give me, if you could air this feedback,
[00:02:26] you know, because we finished recording and then you leave.
[00:02:30] And I say here and I clean everything up and,
[00:02:32] no, I mean, if you had notes for the next time, you know, like, hey, don't talk about the Holocaust.
[00:02:38] It seems like we were talking about the Holocaust.
[00:02:40] I know, but at this, I'm saying in that,
[00:02:43] we're saying that the Holocaust is bad.
[00:02:46] Yeah, but I feel like we should move on from the Holocaust.
[00:02:48] Not as culturally, but as a reference point for the show.
[00:02:51] Well, what would you, if you wanted to say, because, look, if this year it shows your voice,
[00:02:55] you want to express how bad the January 6 is, is it worse or better than the Holocaust?
[00:03:01] Well, you said it makes the Holocaust look like common shoplifting.
[00:03:08] Yeah, but I don't think it's worse than...
[00:03:11] Okay, let's keep going with the Holocaust.
[00:03:16] For now on, I'm going to say the Holocaust was the greatest crime, the greatest thing has ever happened.
[00:03:24] Not the greatest thing that's ever happened.
[00:03:26] Quite the opposite, the worst thing that we've ever had.
[00:03:34] In terms of crimes, it's the greatest thing.
[00:03:40] In general, it's the worst thing in general.
[00:03:42] It's the World War I of crimes, basically.
[00:03:48] Well, I'm saying, if you think about all wars, World War I, probably the worst.
[00:03:53] So the Holocaust is the World War I of crimes.
[00:04:04] I didn't realize it was a notorious B.I.G. shirt.
[00:04:16] We'll change all of these to Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
[00:04:23] When somebody dies, they're public domain.
[00:04:25] Well, you get into a weird territory in terms of owning a black person.
[00:04:35] Especially if you're going to lecture me about...
[00:04:40] I just wanted to do the process of doing the analysis.
[00:04:47] So it affects me as much as it does a Jewish person.
[00:04:54] The emotions that you can access as far as the Holocaust is concerned.
[00:04:58] Yes, I may be just some Irish fucking faggot or whatever, but...
[00:05:06] cost. And I had an emotional connection there. They sell like little passports of the victims.
[00:05:12] You like that part? I did. I thought that was cool to have. It's like you're a Jason Bourne.
[00:05:17] You can like open it up. You have like eight passports. I thought it was really cool.
[00:05:20] Yeah, you could do that. You could show a Holocaust person. Actually, I died in the Holocaust.
[00:05:25] Actually, my name is Daniel Finkelbaum. I was born in 1919. My name is Masha Rosenblum.
[00:05:33] Yeah, exactly. And my father was upset that I was leaving the secret annex to go learn how to
[00:05:39] read at the library against his wishes. Yeah, exactly. And now I've killed all of us by trying to learn.
[00:05:51] Okay, so should we go back to the monologue? Because we must be living in a fake circus world
[00:05:56] of Donald Trump is walking free. Yeah. Donald Trump, the mastermind behind the greatest and
[00:06:00] deadliest attack on American democracy. Grandplaught to destroy America. The rape of the Capitol.
[00:06:06] The racist insurrection of all insurrections. A crime so grave and broad, it makes the Holocaust
[00:06:12] look like common shoplifting. Okay, let's just move on from that. It's a test. This is the actual
[00:06:20] show. Yeah, we don't have the set yet, but you can't see where I am. So, okay. So I'm just guys,
[00:06:26] we haven't bought a teleprompter. We have bought two tried with the iPad, but okay, then he couldn't
[00:06:31] see it from the side of the room. And you notice we're in the smaller room because it's the one
[00:06:36] with the green screen. Right. We're in the break. This is the second room where we film remotes,
[00:06:41] sketches. Anyway, okay, we don't have we will see. Okay.
[00:06:48] So I'll go from the last time cost. Okay. Yeah. Maybe try the line just. I'm not going to be
[00:06:55] pushy, but try to push more time to see if okay, I thought that would be the big Donald Trump,
[00:07:00] the mastermind behind the greatest attack. This line is sort of the Holocaust of the monologue,
[00:07:05] because it's the best part. Okay. All right. I'm not going to take that bait, but okay. Well,
[00:07:12] just we'll just continue. Okay. All right. All right. Okay. All right. Okay. Okay. Donald Trump,
[00:07:21] the mastermind behind the greatest and deadliest attack on American democracy,
[00:07:25] the grand plot to destroy the American capital, the rape of the capital, the racist insurrection
[00:07:30] of all insurrections, a crime so grave and broad it makes the Holocaust look like common
[00:07:37] shoplifting. Okay. Now, okay. Now, if you haven't been paying attention to the January 6 hearings,
[00:07:56] I don't blame you. They're hard to stomach. It probably makes me feel as revolted as Stormy
[00:08:01] Daniels did when she saw Donald Trump's penis, which she refuses to say is small for some reason,
[00:08:08] but we all know it is. In fact, she doesn't even have to say it. I know my penis is bigger than
[00:08:15] Donald Trump's. It's pretty good. I'm gonna do a lot of this.
[00:08:35] I'm not saying it's big, but it's definitely bigger than his.
[00:08:51] This is more your speed. Yeah. Penis stuff. Penis stuff. We'll make a note less Holocaust,
[00:08:55] more penis. Center left besides the anti-semitic line. The hearings wrapped up last week with
[00:09:02] the slight committee taking a break on the issue for the summer, because I guess something has
[00:09:08] something as important as democracy can't wait until beach season is over. That's funny.
[00:09:34] We're gonna have to pad the last week. I feel like this one will be padded.
[00:09:41] It's not a very good. Yeah. We shouldn't have pissed off that Tucker guy, I think.
[00:09:49] You said he wanted more center left. This is about as good as it gets. We're gonna find our voice.
[00:09:55] Don't worry. This is a test they know. Okay. And the latest development is a bombshell, folks.
[00:10:02] And then we'll have like a... Yeah. Well, that notes going to the editor.
[00:10:07] Okay. We'll throw all that. Okay. Cool. Alex Jones has accidentally sent all of his text
[00:10:13] message and emails to opposing counsel. And now they're being requested by the committee,
[00:10:19] which can only mean one thing. Alex Jones is about to go to prison for life.
[00:10:26] And that could not make me any happier, which brings us to today's name, folks.
[00:10:32] Spite. Spite. Spite. Spite. Spite. Spite. Is it really that bad to be spiteful?
[00:10:42] I'm not out here trying to be a good person. After all, I'm a progressive woman-minded and
[00:10:47] sexually conscious, rape-hating liberal. I love gay people. I love trans people.
[00:10:53] I'm not supposed to have room in my heart. Wait, room in my heart. Oh, for spite. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:11:01] I'm not. It just says I'm not supposed to have room in my heart.
[00:11:04] Maybe there was a Freudian slip. I don't think you have room in your...
[00:11:09] Go ahead. Keep going. Yeah. Yeah. But often I find myself fantasizing about getting revenge
[00:11:15] on people I've never even met. Some things... I'll never... Some things... I'll just make...
[00:11:23] Some things I'll just make them up whole... Oh, okay. Sorry. This is a clumsy... I'm sorry for that
[00:11:29] clumsy read. Go ahead. Yeah. I mean, sorry. If you don't want to do it, we can... I don't know.
[00:11:35] Okay. We're already at 12 minutes for the monologue, but we don't have a guest this time,
[00:11:40] so I feel like it's... We got to pad things out with the monologue. We're gonna have to pad it.
[00:11:49] Dan really carried the show on Sunday. I think we all got a button.
[00:11:53] At patreon.com slash comtown for now. If you want to check that out, we had a lot of fun.
[00:11:59] Also, coming up two weeks, I will be in Irvine, California at the Irvine Improv.
[00:12:05] I'll be there. We are trying to move these tickets. I'm either having Microscene or Brandon
[00:12:10] Mordel open. I forgot who I requested, but please come on out for the Irvine Improv in Irvine,
[00:12:19] California. Tickets are on sale now. You can check my website. You can check their website.
[00:12:26] You can check my social media. I'll be posting about it on social media. That's a place you can
[00:12:31] find it. Tell your friends. Irvine Improv. Irvine, California. It's about 45 minutes away from Los
[00:12:39] Angeles. If you're in Los Angeles, you want to come to a comedy show, drive on down. 45 minutes
[00:12:46] outside of rush hour. It shows, what, seven, eight o'clock? That's driving down there. You're
[00:12:51] getting the tail end of rush hour at most. You're going to leave it free. Maybe you'll be a little
[00:12:56] bit pissed off from driving, but you'll have, you've driven. And you're going to laugh. It's over.
[00:13:02] Now you're ready to laugh. And when you're driving home, rush hour is over. You've forgotten all about
[00:13:07] it. So it's the Irvine Improv in Irvine, California, August. Within the window of the 17th through
[00:13:15] the 22nd. I can't remember the exact dates. Go ahead and just to be safe, block off that whole
[00:13:21] period. If you're a Los Angelino, you have access to a large network of your Latino family or your
[00:13:29] underground midnight club car racing friends. Tell them about it. I want the vibe of the show to be
[00:13:36] like the beginning of Fast and the Furious. It's girl. They're hot girls. A Korean girl with a tiny
[00:13:44] hat turned sideways in a wife beater. She's calling everyone the N word. You know, like that...
[00:13:51] You know, she says it. She not only says it, she embodies it. She's the kind of person that they
[00:13:56] made that word for. At the Irvine Improv. Irvine, California. Check it out.
[00:14:04] All right. Let it back to the mon. Some things, I'll just make up whole cloth. I think there was
[00:14:11] an extra word in that sentence. That's why it was probably I mean, I just wrote it. You just wrote
[00:14:15] it. Yeah. I'll think of a man. You know how long it took to get this fucking thing up on the wall?
[00:14:19] It took a long time, folks. They're not. Yeah. Okay. Never mind these goddamn cameras.
[00:14:23] Yeah, I know. We spent a lot of money and then lenses from Ukraine don't seem to be that good.
[00:14:28] Yeah. This one's kind of fucked up. That one's fucked up. Yeah. We're gonna have to fix that for
[00:14:32] the next one, folks. Anyway, I'll think of a man driving a big truck with dark clouds of smoke
[00:14:38] pouring from his chrome towers. And I'll imagine myself getting into an altercation with him,
[00:14:43] finding myself surprisingly agile in combat, removing his pants and exposing his small penis
[00:14:49] and balls to an audience of my vegan LGBT and Indian wicker friends. My therapist says this is
[00:15:01] a spiteful mentality in that it's bad. But honestly, it makes me happy. And if it makes me happy and
[00:15:09] results in me voting correctly, what's the harm in it?
[00:15:19] So today on the Adam free lunch show, we discuss spite. What is it? Oh, sorry. Spite. What? Okay.
[00:15:26] Fuck man. Can we just retake this? Can we retake the whole thing? No, why? Because I fucked up the
[00:15:33] monologue again. Do you really want to do the whole thing over again? I mean, I just I can't keep
[00:15:37] the fuck up the monologue every fucking episode. Do you seriously want to redo it? I don't know.
[00:15:41] What do you think? I think it's fine. You think it's fine? Yeah. All right. Okay. If you want, I mean,
[00:15:47] you can hate the monologue, but it's just embarrassing that I like people think that I can't read that
[00:15:51] let them know. It would be trust me. They want to see the learning process. They want to see you.
[00:15:59] Okay. You know, I'll tell you, I got a trick after this. Yeah. I got a trick that we're going to
[00:16:04] figure out how to make this work. What's that? So just power through, finish the monologue up,
[00:16:09] and then we'll get you we'll get you going again, and then we'll take another shot of the monologue.
[00:16:12] Okay. All right. Write it on the fly. Okay. Yeah. All right. Cool. So today,
[00:16:16] on the Adam Friedland show, we discussed spite. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing.
[00:16:25] Absolutely nothing. Oh, there was an ellipse. No, it's absolutely dot dot dot nothing.
[00:16:33] I think the ellipse is after the nothing. Oh, yeah, it is. Absolutely nothing.
[00:16:41] That's the way we ended the last one. The scene of the last one was war. Yeah.
[00:16:44] And then I said, what is it good for? War, spitely nothing. Nothing. Yeah. Question mark.
[00:16:49] So today on the Adam Friedland show, the theme is spite. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing?
[00:16:58] Yeah, like that. There you go. Okay. So,
[00:17:02] you know, you're upset about, no, I just, it's my bad. Oh, it's all right. The writing wasn't
[00:17:09] there. That's fine. But it's not about the writing, dude. It's just it's it's embarrassing
[00:17:13] to fumble through these monologues. And this is something we want to institute on the new show.
[00:17:18] Did you want to start writing the monologues? I mean, I can I can yeah, we can write the you
[00:17:23] know, I can write them. I can send them to you. You can punch them up. Yeah, I thought yeah, I
[00:17:26] didn't know you I thought you didn't want to be doing anything other than just on camera stuff.
[00:17:32] No, I mean, this is a collaborative experience. Okay, sure. Yeah, I want to collab. Definitely.
[00:17:37] Yeah, if you want to write the monologues. Yeah, well, okay, I want to collab. I want to collab.
[00:17:42] Yeah, I think it's collab. I think it's one of the Indian holidays. So most of the, you know,
[00:17:48] the room is out for the next, I know, I know, you know, I mean, they rented an elephant. So,
[00:17:57] they're going to be busy. Yeah, but they'll be back to work. Yeah, they'll be back to work.
[00:18:00] But to get you more comfortable, we need to just this needs to feel natural to you.
[00:18:06] Yeah. So why don't you, why don't you give us a little bit of your stand up? I don't want to do
[00:18:11] say I don't want to do stand up right now. I don't want to do stand up right now for an empty room.
[00:18:16] I think I just one man's looking no, I don't want to do that. I think that's I don't. It's embarrassing.
[00:18:21] I think it's not only I don't I don't want to do not only what the audience wants. I don't want
[00:18:25] to do that right now. It's what you want. No, it's not what I want right now. I'm trying to point
[00:18:29] to your heart, but I don't want to. It's right here. Stop it. That's where that's not what I want
[00:18:33] to do right now. No, I just I want to do what the show is, you know, so this is an exercise, dude.
[00:18:40] Yeah, it's it's honestly, but we're not going to burn any material. I know you're on the road a
[00:18:44] lot. You're working on new stuff. We're not going to do that. I mean, you've been on the road since
[00:18:48] February. Well, you're going you're going out and you're going to do you're going to want to be the
[00:18:52] best comic. You know, that's a different scene. You're going to release the best the best YouTube
[00:18:58] special anyone's ever seen. I thought we're going to get two points, let's say nine million views,
[00:19:04] and everyone's going to love it. So don't worry about the new material. Let's do some of the older
[00:19:10] stuff. Here's this is what I need to practice, folks. I need to get better at fake laughter, not
[00:19:14] that I'll be laughing fakely, but I've seen your act. So I'm familiar with the jokes. That's the
[00:19:19] only reason I wouldn't be laughing, but I need to practice fake laughter because that is my job
[00:19:24] as a producer. I shouldn't be letting you sit here and you struggle through this monologue because I
[00:19:30] know I've seen it all. It's really a struggle. So I need to that's that's just I hadn't read through
[00:19:35] your hands look kind of swollen. Have you been using heroin? No, for years, why swollen? Oh, I
[00:19:40] don't know. Why'd you point out my hands? You know that I have an insecurity. I don't know. They look
[00:19:43] at like edamatic maybe. What do you mean edamatic? Like ed edematists. What does that mean? Like there's
[00:19:51] an edema? Like you have an edema and you're they look like they're filled with fluid. No, I have
[00:19:55] not been using heroin. Thank you. Okay, I've just unless you've been giving it to me in those pills.
[00:20:00] No, I think it's only from from from using intravenous drugs for years. No, I don't shoot. I don't shoot
[00:20:08] up. Okay. All right. I'm just asking. Let's do some of your why don't you how about this? We'll
[00:20:14] figure a bit out for you. We'll write you a new hour right now. Okay. And then and then don't even
[00:20:19] think about it in terms of monologue or top of the show. You're just doing stand up. Okay. So what's
[00:20:24] something that's happened this week in your life that you want to kind of sign felled out?
[00:20:33] I've been getting into washing my hands with cold water. Yeah. How's that? Is that good? I don't
[00:20:42] know. It's maybe a little condescending. It seems condescending. You're going like this too. Yeah.
[00:20:47] How do I don't know how to fake that? That's good. That's good. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:20:53] Yeah. Okay. Cold water. Yeah. Cold water. Come on. Yeah. Come on. My whole life. I've been washing
[00:21:01] my hands with hot water. It feels like you're cleaning better. Sure. But in this heat.
[00:21:08] I read that. Now I'm bringing my hands again. So it's the opposites. What is it? I've washed
[00:21:14] from my hands. When it's cold out, I'm washing my hands with warm water. When it's hot out,
[00:21:17] I'm washing with cold water. Cold water. What the hell is it? Yeah. Opposite day. Yeah.
[00:21:24] How's that? That's good. Right. Yeah. Don't you feel more comfortable now? Not really. No. No.
[00:21:32] This is the next bed. What's the next one?
[00:21:35] Sure. Get some buttons open. Just I'm just opening it. No, it's obvious.
[00:21:39] So what's the next thing that's going on in your life? So what's the premise with the
[00:21:46] kitchen sink that washing your hands? The premise is, yeah, that now that it's hot outside,
[00:21:54] yeah, I prefer washing my hands with cold water. Sure. Yeah. And when it's cold outside,
[00:22:01] it feels better washing your hands with hot water. Right. And there's a sign. You don't have to
[00:22:06] open up. I got it. Don't worry about it. I'm doing my job. Okay. So what is the premise? What is the
[00:22:12] actual joke is that you're just washing your hands with cold water? And that's relatable to people?
[00:22:17] Well, yeah, it's relatable with this heat, I think, because it's hot out. Yeah. It feels like
[00:22:23] warm. I don't know about the whole shirt. What it feels like is like, you know, why the fuck
[00:22:28] the way why are we washing our hands? I guess we should mind the curse words. Why the hell
[00:22:32] are we washing our hands with fucking hot water in the goddamn summer? Yeah. What are you going to do?
[00:22:39] It's dead a winter. You're eating fucking ice cream. That's that's that's yeah. That's what
[00:22:44] I was getting at. Let me ask you this. How the fuck the Eskimos wash their hands? Mm hmm.
[00:22:48] Whoa, but just cold water? What do you drop the whole thing? How about like they got to be the
[00:22:52] dirtiest motherfuckers on earth? Exactly. Do you think they're boiling a pot of water every time
[00:22:57] they take a shit? Fuck no. They're wiping with a dead fish and going right back in the ice
[00:23:02] hut. What do they call it? An igloo? Yeah. Why is that the one word we know of Eskimo? We just
[00:23:07] found out what the house is. They got names for any other shit. What other shit? The fucking
[00:23:14] whatever the John Smith of the Arctic showed up to the Eskimos and he's like, Hey, I guess we'll
[00:23:19] do the diplomatic thing for five minutes. What do you call that thing? Well, you glue. All right,
[00:23:24] cool. Well, give us your women. Did they would do we steal their women? For sure. Get that fucking
[00:23:31] dead hot blubber pussy. Because you know they got the hottest pussies probably Eskimos. Yeah,
[00:23:36] they got it. That's gonna be fine. That's probably where they wash their hands. Well, it's that and
[00:23:41] then that they all fuck the same women and say that that makes them harder. And then you you
[00:23:47] eviscerate a fucking sea lion in the middle of your igloo and then before you eat, you wash your
[00:23:52] hands and your wife's hot pussy and your hot, yeah, hot pussy and then your friend anti-bacterial
[00:23:57] pussy. And then your friend sleeps with her. Yeah. And then they're like, now we're brothers.
[00:24:03] Now we're brothers. Yeah. How do they know in Eskimo world the difference between regular
[00:24:10] brother and guy that fucked the same hot pussy to Eskimo? Imagine you're on stage. You have
[00:24:19] the Cone's page in front of an audience. You're on tour. You're in that's Adam Friedland show
[00:24:23] tour. This isn't kind of yeah. 2023. Alright, yeah. Someone on stage. Yeah, they're like,
[00:24:28] yeah, how do they know how do the Eskimos know and your professional comedian, you have to answer
[00:24:32] the question. I guess some siblings would have the same parents. That's true. But that's not
[00:24:40] that's just a sort of an accurate answer rather than being like a joke thing. Yeah.
[00:24:45] Yeah. You could say something like, how do you know, how do you know when to stop
[00:24:54] fucking jacking off because your body produces no cum, sir? Oh, you have to go back at them.
[00:25:00] Yeah, you imagine these are like a crowd work. Yeah, because that's the big thing now is these
[00:25:04] crowd work videos. Yeah, they're going to get you we're going to get you some cool shoes.
[00:25:09] We're going to get you some cool shoes to wear.
[00:25:30] We're going to get you cool shoes and we'll get you a take time.
[00:25:33] Yeah, you're going to get cool shoes. It does crowd work. Yeah, that's a good idea. Yeah,
[00:25:41] I think that would sell. It's good to do well. You got a lot of these guys, a lot of these
[00:25:45] assholes doing crowd work. You don't have a lot of them wearing women.
[00:25:49] You got to figure that's the thing. You want to make it a comedy now, you got to cool.
[00:26:04] You got to have a really good way of talking about this. There's a lot of these comments.
[00:26:07] They're like, what kicks what kicks you wear? You got to wear a lot of them are like a brom
[00:26:12] wearing women. You need a baggy shirt tight ass fucking pants, cool shoes. Yeah, yeah.
[00:26:16] And then you just do with a lot of rips on them. I tell you, there's nothing spiteful about that.
[00:26:23] There's nothing spiteful than spending $200 on dumb shoes. You spent $200. Yeah,
[00:26:30] maybe from the show. Maybe from a thick dark comedy. But yeah, whatever I kept your seat.
[00:26:35] No, yeah, I kept the receipt. I'll be returning with you. The receipt keepers.
[00:26:40] So I guess it's not that spiteful. If you keep the receipts.
[00:26:42] Yeah, no, it's not. We're just bringing different looks to the audience right now.
[00:26:47] Yeah. And it's kind of like, you know, I'm on, you're over here.
[00:26:53] Right. Normally when we've been doing the six years, we're like huddled. Yeah, it's kind of a weird
[00:26:59] dynamic. If I see them awkward right now, I'm kind of getting used to it.
[00:27:02] Well, there's going to be video. Everyone, I see if you want the video, you're going to have to go to
[00:27:05] patreon.com for the slash content for this one. And that's not because we're being dickheads in
[00:27:11] terms of like what's free and what's not free, even though you will get the audio of this for free.
[00:27:17] It's because I we got a fucking strike against this immediately on YouTube on YouTube. The first
[00:27:24] Adam Friedland show episode we put on there, it got like content strike for something.
[00:27:29] Yeah, what you were saying was the virus. But then other people take it and they just re-upload it
[00:27:33] and they don't have an issue. So somebody like at YouTube, I guess has a problem with Adam Friedland.
[00:27:38] But until I like until I know what's going on with YouTube, because once you get three strikes,
[00:27:44] you're fucking done. So I don't want to get a second one before we can even get this thing
[00:27:48] off the ground. So for now, we started a new channel start off. Yeah, clean clean slate zero strikes.
[00:27:55] Right. For now you want the video to this, you're going to have to be on it's going to happen to
[00:27:59] be on page one. We have the setup. We reveal the actual show. This is a camera test. Yeah,
[00:28:05] then we will be we will be switching over to YouTube. Yeah, to a free model. Yeah.
[00:28:12] We'll make sure to put the go bananas logo just the stage up here for this whole thing. Really?
[00:28:18] And then we'll call this Adam Friedland crowd work hour. Live from Cincinnati. Yeah,
[00:28:22] this is going to be a spiteful crowd work show. But this time of the role reversal,
[00:28:26] we're now the audience. It's just the crowd working. The audience has the tight pants and
[00:28:30] the cool shoes. Yeah, comedian destroyed. By guy, we're really close.
[00:28:38] But man, we're buying shorts and women's shoes.
[00:28:45] Where'd you get all this shit? Huh? Where'd you get the nice clothes?
[00:28:50] You certainly didn't buy them where I bought my clothes. I bought them at H&M.
[00:28:54] Where'd you get that? And the dumpster outside of the Salvation Army. No,
[00:28:57] I'm about to throw stuff out. This is the Biggie Smalls line. This guy looks like a finance guy
[00:29:02] in a computer programmer fucking they went they went to San Francisco together and they said,
[00:29:08] give me the let's just let's just have a baby, dude. This guy's like a mashup between
[00:29:16] everyone was laughing at me. Oh, yeah. Come on, guys. Come on, what do you don't
[00:29:24] laugh at him? You're paying to see me. Are you here with your girlfriend? No, my girlfriend's at home.
[00:29:32] This guy's here alone. Are you kidding me? I mean, here you can't do your own traveling to do comedy.
[00:29:37] You can't do your own comedy show alone. I wouldn't bring my girlfriend. I mean, like,
[00:29:42] this isn't really what our relationship is about. Yeah, she just we just live together and share
[00:29:48] our lives outside of this together. Very much so. So what's going on? What's the movie review
[00:29:53] corner? This is Adam's movie review. I just saw. I just saw Nope. Oh, did you did you?
[00:30:00] Yes, I know. But how was it? Tell me about it. Tell me about Nope, because I don't understand
[00:30:05] what the movie is about. I saw get out. And so now I think every movie that comes out is like,
[00:30:11] it's Ghostbusters, but about how fucking black people can get a damn job.
[00:30:17] Is that the premise engage with me? Tell me. No, I don't think. Yeah, we so tell me
[00:30:22] he has a job. It's about black cowboys. It's black cowboys. In the inland. What do they cowboys?
[00:30:27] Is George Floyd or something? It's always there's always, uh, no, there's more of a metaphor about
[00:30:34] technology. It was a metaphor about technology. Black technology. So it's like black people.
[00:30:39] It was just black two headsets. Blackberry. Well, you don't know what I mean. No, I think.
[00:30:45] Okay, listen. Yeah. Um, no, yeah. Okay. So the the film is promised that there's a guy that
[00:30:53] him and his father run a horse business for Hollywood. Any of their favorite technologies
[00:30:59] like lasted the test of time. The Cadillac. Elder auto. Well, I was going to say eight tracks.
[00:31:06] Bluetooth headsets. Blackberry extinct extinct. I mean, I guess gone. It's like they were like,
[00:31:13] I love Steve Jobs. Like they weren't, you know, they weren't full on with the Apple.
[00:31:17] Bluetooth technology has been just incorporated into white technology. Yeah, but I mean, there's,
[00:31:22] you know, I guess it's an AirPods or the AirPods are just Bluetooth headsets for white people.
[00:31:26] Right. And so we're like, Bose head, you know, whatever. Yeah, but nobody walked around with a
[00:31:30] set of bows fucking circumoral headphones on taking a phone call. I have really? Yeah.
[00:31:35] Talk to my dad. Just look like an air traffic controller. Yeah, just walk my dog, take a phone
[00:31:41] call. Yeah, I'm listening to music at a phone call. Yeah, like that. I saw a guy with like the,
[00:31:45] like a older black gentleman with the, the, like the McDonald's drive through the headset. Yeah,
[00:31:53] Janet Jackson. Yeah, the fucking like the Logitech, you know, like playing free computer games.
[00:32:02] Everquest to, you know, a headset walking around having a conversation.
[00:32:06] Playing modern warfare. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like, who the fuck is he talking to? It's got to be just
[00:32:11] another guy with one of those headset. 100%. Yeah. Yeah. He's probably piped into it. He probably
[00:32:16] figured out a way to like dial into his drive through job. And he's like, bro, I don't even
[00:32:22] got to show up at the McDonald's anymore. He's just taking orders. Yeah, taking orders. That's
[00:32:27] a smart man. Please move on down to window number two. And he can just go about his life. Yeah,
[00:32:32] yeah. That makes sense to me. Yeah. Yeah. No, so Nope is about these, this guy and his father,
[00:32:39] they run a horse. They like, they run an animal thing for Hollywood. So they're like horse trainers,
[00:32:46] and they bring horses in for production. Yeah. And then his father dies mysteriously. There's like a
[00:32:54] key that like, they're a bunch of like, whatever, a bunch of shit falls to the ground and kills his
[00:33:01] father. So where's it coming from? And then what they realize is like over this valley that they
[00:33:07] live in central like in Lin, California, you don't have to redo it. But yeah, at a certain point,
[00:33:12] we're going to have Jordan Peele is going to come on the show. Yeah. Oh, well, then I like that movie.
[00:33:18] Yeah. And you need to set we're going to play a clip from the movie. And you're going to have
[00:33:22] to set it up. Let's can we get Adam surrounded by Steven? Can we get Adam surrounded by black
[00:33:26] people for this section? We're going to have Jordan Peele in the show. So you need to imagine
[00:33:32] this is his audience. It's not his audience. Everyone likes to get out. Steven, can we get
[00:33:38] black and white people surrounding Adam? All types of people. Yeah. Chinese just get a fucking
[00:33:45] get a kind of a United Nations kind of general assembly kind of. Sure. Get a fucking apple
[00:33:52] commercial, put it on behind them. The point is, is that we're going to have Jordan Peele on.
[00:33:56] He's sitting. We're on sitting. We're sitting over here somewhere. Yeah, but I'm going to get
[00:34:00] him. He's got a chain bag chair or something. And I, what I want is you're going to set it up
[00:34:08] like Charlie Rose. You know, imagine you're Charlie Rose and you're trying to get people hyped about
[00:34:13] and maybe I'll do maybe I'll do the voice. Maybe I maybe I feel now. I gotta be Charlie Rose.
[00:34:20] Do you have to be Charlie? You have to be Jordan Peele.
[00:34:22] Okay, I'll be Jordan Peele. Yo, yeah. Jordan Peele, thank you for joining me today.
[00:34:29] Ain't no damn problem, playboy. Filmmaker, sketch, comedian. Who's on first? One season,
[00:34:36] one season member of the show, Mad TV. Jordan Peele, Jordan Peele, much better show, by the way.
[00:34:43] Very good show. Yeah. Very good show. Yeah. Yeah. Jordan Peele is releasing the new film,
[00:34:50] Nope, which is in theaters all over the country. Jordan, the film speaks to a lot of our
[00:35:00] modern condition, much like all the pictures. Sure. Isn't that is that not correct?
[00:35:04] Yes, but I think you forgot what the purpose of this action is. Oh, is that I had to toss to?
[00:35:08] You had no you have to set up the movie in a way where you're actually excited to talk about it.
[00:35:14] Kind of like a sort of a lack of days ago way, just describing the movie to me, your friend Nick,
[00:35:20] who doesn't give a fuck with the movie is bad in my personal life. I can just go look it up,
[00:35:25] or I can go see the movie if I want to. Okay, I'll do it. For the sake of the audience.
[00:35:29] Yeah. Remember, we're in show business now. Yeah. What do you want a couple of get a couple more
[00:35:32] of these buttons open? Okay. You know, do we need the, do we need the bump? Of what?
[00:35:40] Yeah. Drugs? Yeah. I don't want to use drugs. It's embarrassing. If you need it, it's not the
[00:35:47] 1980s. No, this is, this will be funny. This kind of vibe. Okay, but we still have an audio.
[00:35:53] This is primarily an audio format, folks. I know you're at home pulling your damn hair out,
[00:35:59] saying just tell us what nope is about. I know it's not going to be funny,
[00:36:04] but tell us what it's about so we can move on to the next failed bit.
[00:36:08] Yeah. And, and we can, we can feel better about burning ourselves out, trying to figure out how
[00:36:14] the cameras work on how to get the, then go shopping. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, I have to go shopping.
[00:36:21] Okay. My next guess is Jordan Peele, who joins me. He's just released his star head and we're
[00:36:27] going to cut right to the, and I'm not doing Charlie Rose. I'm Charlie Rose's producer.
[00:36:32] Yeah, my brother, Colonel, other Charlie. The milk man. Curly, curly rose.
[00:36:39] It's Charlie and Curly. Curly rose. It's Curly. C U H L L I E. Curly. Curly. Curly. This is my
[00:36:47] brother, Curly. And I get pussy. And he gets the pussy. Don't mistake me for some non-covial.
[00:36:54] Okay. You know why they call us? Curly. Curly. Because they ain't, you can't press the pedals
[00:36:59] hard enough. Yeah. Trying to drive the pussy town where we live. Yeah. That's right. I don't
[00:37:03] rate the gas pedal. There's two pedals. The gas that takes you to pussy town. That's where we live.
[00:37:08] The brakes that stops, that stops the car. Right. Where you at your house at the non-pussy gas house.
[00:37:16] But the pedal, the rose pedals, that's the gas. That's how you get to pussy,
[00:37:21] pussy city by this point. Population. Population. Every bitch you've ever met. And every bit.
[00:37:26] I've had her. I've had her. I've had her. She's been mine for an evening, sometimes in the
[00:37:32] afternoon, sometimes breakfast. Yeah. What's the earliest you ever fucked a woman? 4.15 a.m. at the
[00:37:38] Greyhound bus depot in Austin, Texas. I guess again. Homeless woman outside. Technically 12.01.
[00:37:45] Right after midnight. I've had sex. That doesn't count. That's still not time.
[00:37:50] But it's the earliest. You know, okay, whatever. That's regardless. I'm thinking about getting a
[00:37:55] manicure after this. I feel like women don't let me put my hands in their bodies anymore because
[00:38:03] of how dirty my fingers are. Yeah, you should. And I don't know how to clean them. You could
[00:38:07] get a nail clip. I'm just going to start using nail polish. Now that that's okay,
[00:38:12] I'm doing that. I said, washing my fucking hands. Every time I'm trying to clean them in some
[00:38:17] Eskimo bitch. Yeah. That's right. She's saying, you got to wash your hands before putting your
[00:38:21] hands in my pussy. And I said, well, what the fuck do you think I'm trying to use a gutted halibut?
[00:38:26] Yeah. Give me that whale blub. Give me some blood. I got to get in there. I need to get in there.
[00:38:32] Thank you for just repeating the exact thing. Yeah.
[00:38:37] Same. Same exact. It's the same line. Yeah. Yeah. Why don't we do this? Why? You can sit right
[00:38:43] here on my knee and just be a venture. I'm not going to sit on your line. Okay. All right.
[00:38:47] Maybe one of these days. Okay. Anyway, so yeah. Oh, my next guest is Jordan Peele,
[00:38:55] who was releasing his third picture. Jordan Peele recently out of prison after doing 20 years for
[00:39:01] murder. I don't know if that's the same guy. Maybe that's just a look he has. I don't know.
[00:39:09] I don't know. He's a pretty normal guy. Spent 15 years on death row. Falsely accused of
[00:39:20] murder and too little. Jordan Peele. Two little white girls. A dead man. Walken. Dead man. Walken.
[00:39:25] Falsely accused of murder and too white girls. Let me ask you this. Your next movie is perhaps
[00:39:30] going to be Star Trek, but it's like a green mile element. Yes. Oh, I'm Jordan Peele. Sure.
[00:39:36] Now you're Jordan Rose. What's going on? I'm Charlie. I'm Charlie Rose. You're Jordan Rose.
[00:39:47] This show is just. And I'm Charlie Peele. Okay. So I'm Charlie Rose, but I'm a black filmmaker.
[00:39:53] And I'm. Curly Peele. You're Curly Peele. And I'm your brother. And we're brothers,
[00:40:00] but in the Eskimo sense. We know we got the last name Rose is because we fucked so many women.
[00:40:06] Yeah, we've had them. We stole their flowers. Yeah. Perfergions. They call me Andy from Toy Story.
[00:40:12] Why is that? Because every bitch they have my name tattooed on the bottom of the foot.
[00:40:17] My name is Colley, but all the way I make them get. Oh, it's Colley. But I'm. I'm.
[00:40:23] It's pitching lines to you is. I got you. I got you. I got you. They say they say my name's Colley,
[00:40:27] but they call me Andy from Toy Story. That's correct. Because every bitch I've had,
[00:40:31] they'll make them tattooed my name. I've had them all. They all it's a they all have buzz light.
[00:40:48] Written on the bottom. Go ahead. What were we talking about?
[00:40:56] I don't know. I mean, I hope Steven can do something with this. Yeah. It's on you now,
[00:41:02] Steven. Steven, we're dying. Steven, you got to save the Adam Freelen show.
[00:41:07] Okay. You think it'd be cooler if I. No, only I can wear that headphone school because I got a
[00:41:12] hat. I got a cool hat that I'm wearing. This? Yeah. I can't really hear you. Maybe we got to
[00:41:19] figure out some kind of we should get little secret service things that your things.
[00:41:23] I was thinking that right before we started. Yeah. With the with the wire. The little pigtail wire.
[00:41:29] Yeah. Yeah. It'd be so cool. We'll wear them around New York City. And we can be in the same room
[00:41:33] together. It'll be just you and me. I'll say go for Nick. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then I'll say
[00:41:40] what do you say? Go for Nick. Yeah. I say Adam. Adam too. Switching. Switching. Switching. Switching.
[00:41:47] Go for Adam. Go for Adam. Okay. So what are we talking about? So yeah. Jordan Peele's movie
[00:41:56] Nope. Yeah. Jordan. And remember the theme of the show is spite. I'm doing like a visual thing. So
[00:42:03] you got to be you got to be spiteful in your actions. Okay. Do we have any ads or? No, no ads
[00:42:13] this week. Come on. Keep it going. Show business. You're on stage. You're performing right now.
[00:42:18] The cameras are supposed to put more pressure on you. I know. I had to do a tough love. You got
[00:42:23] a you got a you got to you got to bring it together here. Okay. All right. All right. Who the fuck
[00:42:29] is this calling me? Pick it up. I can't. Okay. The watch. You never you don't take phone calls
[00:42:36] on your watch. No, it's fucked up. I got water in there or something. I was taking a an Epsom salt
[00:42:41] bath and I think I fucked up the microphone. Why just take the bath? It's good for my legs.
[00:42:46] It's good for your legs. Yeah. No, this is good for your legs. I cycle these boots. These boots
[00:42:51] remain for fucking. That's what I'm going to do. That's what I tell women. They say, why are you
[00:42:58] wearing gay clothes? Yeah. Are you gay, man? I said, come here. I'll prove I'll show you who's gay.
[00:43:03] And then I don't get hard. I'm like, guess it's because you're actually you're busted.
[00:43:07] Now, give me your take your shoes off. I'm writing my fucking name on I'm writing Andy on the bottom
[00:43:13] here. Not buzz. They call me. You know, they used to call me Sid from Toy Story because I cut women
[00:43:19] up and rearrange their body parts. Really? I make a I make a perfect woman in my house.
[00:43:25] What's the what's the feat? The feeder from ancient foot bonded Chinese Chinese tiny. Yeah.
[00:43:33] Yeah. How small? Well, they they were kept in their bonsai feet. They kept them in thimbles from
[00:43:39] when they're in embryo. They use chopsticks to insert a thimble into the mother's pussy.
[00:43:45] Wow. And they encapsulate the feet in the first time. Wow. So when the baby comes out,
[00:43:51] it's got a little thimble feet. Wow. And they just they stay on there. Really? For the for
[00:43:57] until the woman is ready to be fucked. And age 12 feet come off delivered to the husband bubble
[00:44:05] wrap. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah. Okay. They call me Wikipedia, Rose, what kind of
[00:44:12] legs? Huh? What kind of like chopsticks chopsticks? Yeah, chopsticks, embryo feet. Yeah. And then
[00:44:19] there's just a big sloppy Mississippi torso. Mississippi torso. No, but not even not even so
[00:44:26] flat chested, but fat that it just looks like another stomach roll. Right. Fat, but but like
[00:44:31] not even with the front. Yeah. No. Flat ass. No, I can't kill ass. What kind of pussy? Ask
[00:44:38] them. Oh, just our body looking like a cartoon pile of dog shit. Just like a like, you know,
[00:44:45] like a baby like a baby stack of teething rings. Uh huh. Uh huh. That's what the body looks like.
[00:44:50] Yeah. Yeah. That's interesting. Okay. What kind of head you got like the brave little toaster?
[00:44:58] But as a as a girl, but the whole head of the whole brave little toaster is ahead.
[00:45:03] But she's got like a bow on there or something to show that it's a girl? No, no, no, no,
[00:45:08] but it's really reflective. So you can look into your own eyes while you fuck her.
[00:45:11] Like the brave little toaster. Yeah. Is that what happened? And then after you come,
[00:45:17] being toast is ready. Guess what? Guess who's having a nice grilled cheese sandwich? That's right. Me.
[00:45:22] Andy from Toy Story. You can't really make a grilled cheese in a toaster.
[00:45:27] You can't win it. So fucking ask them. Oh woman. When you put the cheese in her pussy.
[00:45:31] That's that woman. You got your cheese in there. Oh, you put the cheese in her pussy.
[00:45:37] You put the bread that comes out of her brain and then you stomp on her fucking
[00:45:43] somewhere. You stomp on her pussy and then the guess who's got a grilled cheese sandwich?
[00:45:49] I guess I'm saying on the theme of spite. Do you think it's capable or you're capable or
[00:45:55] anyone's really capable of forgiving and forgetting? For giving who? The person that you're feeling
[00:46:02] is bifold toward. No, it's his job to apologize first. But like what if you did something wrong?
[00:46:10] I didn't do anything wrong. I'm just going to continue to take shots by
[00:46:13] a silly wardrobe. All right. All right. I'm going to continue to take very subtle but specific shots.
[00:46:20] Let's use the example of the Holocaust for instance. That's right. Yeah. So people say never forget.
[00:46:28] Right. But is it possible to forgive? Forgive? Yeah. Hitler? Yeah. Or the country Germany.
[00:46:36] Do you forgive Hitler? I mean, he's not really around. So I don't have a chance to forgive.
[00:46:41] I see what you're saying though. Because like sometimes now when these like the Nazi hunters
[00:46:44] are like we found another one. It's like a fucking 105 year old guy. It's like bro, chill. He's a
[00:46:50] corpse. Yeah. Chill. You're still mad about the Holocaust. I don't know about that. I mean,
[00:46:54] I think you have to you can't forget. Right. Yeah. So that's that's what I was driving at.
[00:46:59] Right. So if you if you can forgive what you don't necessarily have to forget. You're some
[00:47:04] guy that you forget. It's a bad thing. Clean the bathrooms at Auschwitz. And like you got out.
[00:47:11] You're living your life now. If you have an iPhone, you should be going to jail for doing the Holocaust.
[00:47:17] You know what I mean? What if he was the Joseph Mengele of Holocaust janitors? They got all of
[00:47:22] those guys. What if he's the worst? Every time they find one of these guys, what if he's the
[00:47:25] Holocaust of janitors? What if he's the Mengele of janitors? Yeah. Yeah. You think that if you
[00:47:30] people with Down syndrome that worked in the Holocaust? No, they put them in the camps, dude.
[00:47:35] I think that's a myth. They put mentally retarded people in the camps. For sure. I don't believe
[00:47:40] that. I don't like they put homosexuals, gypsies, Jews, political dissidents, all the ones except
[00:47:47] the, like I can't imagine like even Nazis when they're like, they're like, oh, get in the train
[00:47:54] and a guy being like, okay, here we go. You know, like them not being like, okay, this is too far.
[00:48:00] There's a wrong. Yeah. Yeah. Because how was that? You're like political at it. You're blaming that
[00:48:05] guy for the fucking post World War one economy. You think it's his fault? That's why Germany.
[00:48:10] That's why Germany is fucking having trouble. No, it was because he ate too many cookies.
[00:48:16] No, it's about you Janics. It's about cleansing the fatherland.
[00:48:22] How about just imperfect non-areans? How about just, look, we're going to kill all the ethnically
[00:48:28] unclean people. But ladies, I know you're not going to do it, but don't fuck that guy and have
[00:48:33] a kid with him. I don't think that it doesn't make sense. Right. And it is kind of the same logic.
[00:48:39] It's the same logic of that sketch that you wrote about the guy who sees his infant come out as
[00:48:44] a mentally handicapped and then thinks that that man, that his wife has been cheating.
[00:48:49] So if you put a mentally handicapped person in the camp, you're not cleansing people from having
[00:48:55] that recessive gene or whatever that causes mental retardation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right.
[00:49:01] Exactly. I see what you're saying. Yeah. So you think that the Nazis would have never put...
[00:49:06] No. I think those guys didn't even know World War two was happening. I think they were just,
[00:49:11] they were put in like the theater next to the one from Ingorius Bassar's and they put on fucking cars
[00:49:18] too and they just sat in there and they're like, oh, if you've time been when they're hiding,
[00:49:22] they're having fun. They're having fun. Yeah. Abunding, finding, and then how do you shorten?
[00:49:28] Yeah. Or they were doing janitorial services at Auschwitz. Yeah, at Auschwitz.
[00:49:33] I think that they had the prisoners doing that. Yeah. Yeah. That's got to suck. To be the
[00:49:37] Auschwitz guys, it's got to clean the toilets. Yeah. Maybe in an extra food ration or something.
[00:49:44] I think that's a means of trustee. Yeah. Of collaborating a little bit. Yeah. If you know what I mean.
[00:49:53] You know? Are you getting looser? You feel better on camera? I mean, just standing here the whole
[00:49:57] time is not what the show is going to be. Yeah, it is. No, it's not. I'm going to stand here. I'm
[00:50:01] going to do the monologue that I've read before. Yeah. You know, I'm going to say it professionally.
[00:50:06] I'm glad they hear that you want to write the monologue. I don't want to write the monologue.
[00:50:10] I want to collab on the monologue. You know? Okay. Well, I mean, I've asked you for weeks on end.
[00:50:14] It's like, you know, if you have, if there's topics or something you want to talk about. We can
[00:50:18] agree on a show topic and then we can like write something in the same room. Yeah. Just
[00:50:22] get that familiar with what the copy is. Let me know how you know it so that you air drop it to
[00:50:26] me on my phone and I have to read it off the notes app. Let me know how you, well, look, I tell you
[00:50:31] Friday Verizon is going to be here. We're going to have internet. Yeah. I'll get the printer in here.
[00:50:37] We'll be able to print it out. I'll get I'll bring I got a monitor. We'll set a monitor up. Yeah,
[00:50:41] we'll set we'll get the whole TV is every wall. We blew the cribs. We got to wait until the pay
[00:50:46] out this month. Blew through all the money on wardrobe. Yeah, I know. I know. So we get the printer.
[00:50:53] You can have the monologue next month. Lighting set lighting set month after that. Crude operate
[00:50:59] all this shit so that you know we can actually do the show and hopefully the timeline will be a
[00:51:04] little bit compressed. Timeline will be compressed. I don't think it'll be three months. I think it's
[00:51:09] going to be going to have to go out of town. I'll be in Irvine, California. Yeah, you mentioned
[00:51:13] what you're going to do. If you're desperate for the show to get back on track where me and Adam
[00:51:18] could just work on creative stuff. I can hire the right people and just focus on producing the show.
[00:51:23] Go to patreon.com slash come down for now and sign up for five. I also got to pull. I got to pull
[00:51:31] all the people at the higher tiers. You get your name in the credits. Yes, I got to pull those lists
[00:51:36] and send them over to Steve's executive producers. I got to send them over to Steven. So we get a
[00:51:40] lot of conversion over that. I have no idea. I haven't even checked and then half of them we
[00:51:44] can't include because her name is Hank. Like Hank or Jeremy. Yeah, or some stupid joke from the
[00:51:55] old joke. Yeah, or Steven or suck. Stick off. Yeah, Steven Franklin Mint employee. Also,
[00:52:02] I'm a by the way. That's one of the guys. Yeah, John Jacob jingle, Schmidt, Adams,
[00:52:11] Adam's boyfriend John, Jake, jingle Schmidt. What did you just say his name was? Yeah, yeah.
[00:52:21] That's my name too. Yeah. Can you imagine? That would be a weird name. Can you imagine? This is a
[00:52:26] new stand up. You're sitting. That's that's funny. Yeah. Did you know that if you met a guy named John
[00:52:31] Jacob? I'm her Schmidt. Like you were like, what's your name? And then the guy's like, I'm sorry.
[00:52:39] Is your name John Jacob. Hi, I'm Schmidt because my name is also John Jacob. I'm Schmidt.
[00:52:47] I'm Schmidt's or you over the Philadelphia. Hi, I'm Schmidt's. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Very
[00:52:55] interesting. My, what is that? Is that German or African? You know, it's actually neither at
[00:53:03] Ellis Island. They, my grandfather's being incredibly annoying. Yeah. They made him that. Yeah. My
[00:53:09] grandfather's name was Bob Thomas. Yeah. It wasn't even a hard foreign sound name to the
[00:53:16] friends. Because he kept trying to cut the law. And he got shit had changed to Schmidt.
[00:53:27] But the courts wouldn't let him change the rest of the name. Every judge was just
[00:53:31] all right. Last. I'm sorry. I don't know if we can we can accept this. This. This. What is it
[00:53:39] called? Like a poll of what is it called? The legal process to change your name? I don't know.
[00:53:43] Like your petition. Yeah. petition. The poll of the register. You're unfortunately going to
[00:53:51] have to remain as friends. Jingle face shit heads. Schmidt Schmidt. Yeah. Yeah. We'll change the
[00:53:59] last one. You know, Ellis Island, insulin. Anytime I think about Ellis Island, I imagine just like
[00:54:06] a big like open prison. But then with all the little shops from the Staten Island ferry.
[00:54:11] Yeah. Like a place you get a pan and yeah, fucking. Yeah. Yeah. Hand quotidian. All the French
[00:54:18] the French sandwich place. Yeah. Oh, you talk? No. You sleepy? No, no, no. It is already five
[00:54:25] o'clock. We've been here since noon. So we've been here earlier than that. Yeah. Yeah. We got
[00:54:31] in this morning. Did we? Yeah. I met you at B and A. What do you want to do? You want to get
[00:54:35] dinner after this? I can get dinner after this. Let's get let's just for the fans. Mm hmm. I know.
[00:54:40] You're tired. I'm not tired. We can keep going. We're sleeping. I mean, it's just weird that
[00:54:44] you're sitting right now. You're wearing women's shoes. I'm standing up right now on a mark right
[00:54:49] now in front of the screen screen. You know, I assume that the structure of the show is that I
[00:54:53] get to live in monologue. Oh, the audience. That's why we did we need. We need camera operators so
[00:55:00] that you can sit down and it won't you know, you're not going to be because these are set up.
[00:55:04] Everything's locked. I know. So we're going to have to maybe we can pause and I don't know how to
[00:55:10] pause. We don't like we're hoping these things record last time the video keep running it.
[00:55:14] Well, we got new cameras for this episode. Yeah. But you know how it goes. Yeah. Are the red lights
[00:55:19] still on? Yeah, they're both still on. Oh, okay. Well, what do you know? What do you say? What do
[00:55:23] you know? Mm hmm. Yeah. So, I mean, here's is anyway with the green screen, we're going to make it
[00:55:29] look like I'm jacking off Captain Picard onto his face. No? Okay. I mean, we don't know yet.
[00:55:43] We don't know what it's going to look like. Hey, everybody. We're live on Star Trek.
[00:55:53] You're a big fan of Star Trek. You like Star Trek? I wouldn't say big fan there. I mean,
[00:55:57] the guys that are big fans are big fans. Yeah. But I'm familiar.
[00:56:02] No, you're a big fan. No, I don't. Yeah, you are. No, you're. No, I'm not. Yeah, you are.
[00:56:07] What am I a big fan of Star Trek? No, I'm a big fan of space. Star Trek happens to be a part of
[00:56:13] space. Just on a wild terrain. Yeah. Because it reminds me of the possibilities. Yeah, it's true.
[00:56:20] You know? No. All right. What's going on? Why are you so sleepy? I just yawned, man.
[00:56:25] Well, what are you sleepy about? I'm not sleeping about the show. Tell us about the movie,
[00:56:29] Nope. Let's let's try to get let's just get through. Okay. All right. Let's get. And then you can go
[00:56:33] home and take a nap. I don't want to go home and take a nap. I just it was a natural here. I'll go
[00:56:37] relax. We don't have any seat. We have three folding chairs right now. We don't have anywhere
[00:56:41] to sit. I'll go. My girlfriend's mom is offering us a sofa couch that we can sit that we can use.
[00:56:46] I'll go out right now and I'll get a fucking a little like doggy bed or something. You can take
[00:56:53] this over or down. I got to get this down to Stephen. You can start cleaning this up salvage what we
[00:56:58] can. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It needs to be salvaged. No, I mean, like, it's gonna take some editing.
[00:57:05] Yeah. We'll cut this down to 12 minutes. Yeah. We'll do a 12 minute episode. Yeah. We'll get
[00:57:10] something our first our first 12 minute episode. Yeah. And then, you know, you can take your nap
[00:57:15] and then we don't have to worry about it. Tell us about the movie, Nope. Maybe I'll maybe I'll
[00:57:19] maybe I'll swing the bat here. We're moving to get something out of this. Nope. Okay. So,
[00:57:23] Nope is Leslie. Nope. That's kind of the opposite, right? So Karen white lady kind of a white lady.
[00:57:29] This is the boss. That's right. How about Leslie? No, but it's N O P. She's like, I ain't coming to
[00:57:34] work today. Isn't that what it's spelled like? No, it's K N O P. Oh, I never read her name. Oh,
[00:57:39] yeah. Okay. Yeah. So that's that'd be funny. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's not about her. It's not that's
[00:57:45] why I wanted to go see it, of course, was because I thought it was the Parks and Recreation movie
[00:57:49] that we've been promised for so long. But it's not. It's it's yeah. So it's about black cowboys,
[00:57:56] raised horses to be in Hollywood pictures. It's sort of like a down low,
[00:58:01] broke back mountain. Now there's no home. There's no homosexuality. There's no actually,
[00:58:05] I don't think there's any romance. Why wasn't why was it down low mountain happened?
[00:58:09] Down low back mountain. Down low yellow down yellow. Down low yellow. Yeah. Yeah. That could be good.
[00:58:18] Yeah. Down low, down low mountain. Down low mountain. Down low winds. But mountains aren't low.
[00:58:23] Mountains are high. Okay. But you understand the premise of that. I understand. Yeah. Maybe it
[00:58:28] could be like black broke back. It could be down low valley. Yeah. So but white people are
[00:58:35] broke back steakhouse. That's good. It's no rules. Just guy. Just get no rules. Except one big guy.
[00:58:45] That's pretty good. Yeah. Outback mountain. Outback. Yeah. Australian guys. Yeah. Okay.
[00:58:50] That's a restaurant. Yeah. Yeah. Out outbreak. Outbreak mountain. Outbreak mountain.
[00:58:55] And it's monkey pox. And it's both. Yeah. It's gay guys. Gay guys. Gay guys.
[00:58:59] Yeah. Brokeback mountain. They should call it outbreak mountain. That's right. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:59:06] Damn. I need to last so up my T cells because they're all wandering off the fucking,
[00:59:17] Yeah. Anyway. Okay. Yeah. So it's this guy and his father, they run a horse farm for Hollywood.
[00:59:25] They're both black cowboys. Yeah. And his father dies tragically. And he basically,
[00:59:33] through the lack of his own charisma and a horse getting spooked,
[00:59:38] loses his like contacts in Hollywood. And he's forced basically to just start selling off his
[00:59:44] horses to a local like old West simulated town. Yeah. Okay. Also in the beginning of the movie,
[00:59:52] they had, but again, can you can you pitch the movie again as if you're talking to an audience.
[00:59:58] And you're trying to sell the movie like, you know, like fucking like Charlie Rose does or
[01:00:07] or, you know, what do you got going on your phone there? No, nothing. Nothing. Yeah.
[01:00:12] No, there's a more cut. No, we won't. What do you mean? What do you mean we'll cut it?
[01:00:17] Okay. I'll tell you folks. Nope. No, no, no, no, no, no. What? Okay. Do it. Yeah.
[01:00:23] Folks. Nope. Who's a movie by director Jordan Peele about gay black cowboys from Australia,
[01:00:30] who have created a a simulated town in the mountains where gay sex is seen as straight sex. Yes.
[01:00:41] Stake. And it's called who ate all the damn pussy, not me. Correct. In parentheses, not me.
[01:00:48] Directed by Jordan Peele. Ladies and gentlemen, Jordan Peele is I thank you, Charlie. Thank you.
[01:00:52] Thank you. Thank you. That's actually not what the movie is about. Well, pardon me, Mr. Black Man.
[01:00:57] No, I don't think Charlie Rose would say that. I know. Yeah. No, he'd be like, Oh, I'm sorry.
[01:01:02] Oh, did you come here just directly from the prison? Yeah. Yeah. Are you from prison is where
[01:01:07] you're from? No, it's like I've never been a prison actually. I'm a sketch comedian turned
[01:01:12] horror. Can we get you know who you know who I play pool with every Sunday after church? The
[01:01:17] warden. Maybe he'd like maybe he'd like to violate you. I don't know. I don't know what you're
[01:01:23] talking about because I've never been a prison. Yeah. I'm an actor and a filmmaker. Sure. But
[01:01:28] Charlie Rose doesn't know that. Yeah. Well, he should know that he should do his research before
[01:01:32] he has a damn guest on. Sorry. Is that good? Yeah, that's pretty good. Yeah. That's how
[01:01:39] Tucker laughs. Does it? Yeah, he does. He does laugh like that. Oh, yeah. That's pretty funny.
[01:01:47] Yeah. Anyway, is that how a normal person laughs?
[01:01:52] For Nancy Pelosi's husband, you can do it.
[01:01:56] Yeah, that's pretty funny. What happened with him? He got like a DUI. I think he just does
[01:02:00] insider trading every week. Now he got a DUI all city. I saw that on Sean Hannity. How old is
[01:02:05] sometimes you if you watch Tucker long enough, you start watching Sean Hannity. Well, it comes on
[01:02:10] after. Yeah. Yeah. And Sean Hannity after Tucker, it's like it's like having Tucker's like having
[01:02:15] like a you know, like a disgusting meal that tasted good. Yeah. You know, it's like like getting
[01:02:20] like country fried steak or something. Something egregious. Yeah. Really like, oh man, I can't
[01:02:25] believe I did nasty. That was nasty. Yeah. He sounded good in my head. Yeah. Yeah. Like gnocchi,
[01:02:31] like something really yolky. Yeah. Just fucking gnocchi is nasty. I've never had good. You know,
[01:02:35] Sean Hannity comes on and it's like, and here's dessert and it's like a fucking snack well cookie.
[01:02:40] Yeah. Or something that just sucks a dick. Something has like no, no place being called dessert.
[01:02:46] Right. Every time Tucker ends in that little fucking that little fat little worm showed,
[01:02:51] man is like, thanks, Tucker. Yeah. Tonight Donald Trump. And he's just still sucking Trump's dick.
[01:02:57] Yeah. Every. But I thought Fox News is pivoting away from Trump. Not Sean Hannity. Not Hannity
[01:03:01] and not like I've seen Trump's body. It's a perfect body. His penis is you. He's like in love with
[01:03:07] them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And Tucker goes hard. He's like, yeah,
[01:03:13] these vaccines don't fucking work. They're killing you. They're killing your children. Yeah.
[01:03:17] And then they go to Sean Hannity and they have tampons in the men's room. Nancy Pelosi's husband
[01:03:21] ran a stop sign. I can't do that. Yeah. Let's bring on. Let's bring on the CEO of Pfizer to say
[01:03:27] why that's bad. Does he do that? Yeah. He's like, Tucker's the only anti vaccine guy.
[01:03:33] Oh, Hannity's pro-vax. Yeah. Hannity's just, Hannity just loves Donald Trump. That's his only like
[01:03:38] political position is that he's in love with Donald Trump. Yeah. And he hates. He's in love with Donald
[01:03:43] Trump the way the fucking the guy in Beauty and the Beast loves Gaston. Like that little fucking,
[01:03:49] no one they sound the same to the same voice. Gaston's boyfriend. No one fights like Donald
[01:03:56] Trump. No one dances like Donald Trump. No one rubs my little head like Donald Trump. Yeah.
[01:04:03] Yeah. That's Hannity. Yeah. Yeah. No, what were we talking about? I was talking about Sean Hannity.
[01:04:11] Oh, yeah. Oh, no. You're still being listed on that. So basically what it is is that there's an alien
[01:04:15] above them and the alien will only kill you if you look at the alien. And it's a heavy handed metaphor
[01:04:22] for if you look how looking at your screens is killing you. That's what I've decided the movie
[01:04:27] is about. I'm not sure if that's what it really is about, but it seems like that's what he's trying
[01:04:31] to say. Yeah. And by the end of it, I was like, that's that's pretty, that's a lame ass movie.
[01:04:37] That's awesome. Thanks. Yeah. That seemed, oh, no, I was just trying to be authentic. Yeah,
[01:04:42] with January. No, I mean, you think it's awesome. That's awesome, man. That's pretty good.
[01:04:58] My love sounds terrible. People don't like it. I'm like,
[01:05:00] I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's pretty good.
[01:05:18] Well, we got it. We got it. One of us is going to have to laugh on the show. It's your job to
[01:05:22] say the joke. My job to laugh. So I got to learn. I'm going to have to practice laughing. So,
[01:05:27] maybe that'll be this weekend at patreon.com slash com town. This is probably the last one I have
[01:05:35] time to do before I hit the road. What are you going? Well, I mean, before I be kind of, well,
[01:05:39] no, I'll be in town. I forgot. We moved to schedule to Mondays and Wednesdays. I'll be in Irvine,
[01:05:43] California. Yes. But I got to buy those plane tickets. I also got to sell the tickets to the
[01:05:48] fucking show. You're there in two weeks. I am there in two weeks. Yeah. So we got two weeks.
[01:05:53] It's a huge room. It's a huge room. And if you don't sell tickets, it's like that's like the
[01:05:57] in with the improv. Yeah. So if the tickets don't move, it's like, well, there goes comedy.
[01:06:03] There goes doing stand up. Well, you're producing the show. It's still very well. That's fine,
[01:06:07] dude. Honestly, it's like that would sort of be kind of like a blessing in disguise.
[01:06:11] Because then I could focus on this 100%. Yeah. Which I tell you, this is the only thing
[01:06:15] making me happen anymore. Look at me. You look great. You think I buy shorts and women?
[01:06:20] Do you think I would have done this for come town? No way. Never. No way. Yeah. No way.
[01:06:25] That was it was sapping or lively and absolute slog. My foots. We can have a we can have a
[01:06:32] shit episode of this and I'm still fully on board. I still it needs to pop this. You know what I
[01:06:39] like about this show is this show makes me laugh harder than come town, but not as much.
[01:06:45] And I think that's good. This thing was very funny. I paid off.
[01:06:49] I laughed really hard. No way. Now we can do physical comedy. Yeah, it's true.
[01:06:55] Maybe next time I'm a dildo strapped to my head.
[01:06:59] Maybe I'll just be trans. Yeah. Maybe I'll just be a trans woman. Yeah, that's a good idea.
[01:07:03] But I'll stick to it. So knowing, you know, I'll just, I'll walk right up to the line so everyone
[01:07:08] knows that I'm lying, but they can't say anything. Yeah. Because I'll sell it that much. Yeah. Just
[01:07:13] in case. Yeah. You know what I mean? That's pretty good. Yeah. I like that. I probably shouldn't
[01:07:19] have said that part. Yeah. Yeah. But we can cut that. We can cut that. Well, no, you know, I'll just
[01:07:24] say like, well, that was part of my process. Yeah. That was better. But that's how I don't tell.
[01:07:28] Don't tell me how to. All right, folks, thanks. And then roll credits and maybe we'll remember the
[01:07:42] So we have the previous show. Written by
[01:07:50] produced by, that's where your name is. You can have your name here. Do these always names
[01:07:55] run by right now? Your name could be right here. You sign up a picture on the background.