[00:00:00] S

[00:00:30] Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Adam Friedland show the Wednesday episode

[00:00:38] audio-only special guest today, Rosebud Baker. Welcome to the show. Hey thanks so

[00:00:44] much. Thanks. It's great to be here from MAD TV. Yeah. She's one of the writers

[00:00:48] with a who's it? You, Patton Oswald, Pablo Francisco, and Ken Jong. Oh Ken Jong.

[00:00:58] Dr. Ken. Dr. Ken. Dr. Ken. I love that that whole guy's like that guy's

[00:01:03] interesting story is they're like yeah he's Asian but he went to Duke. He

[00:01:10] somehow escaped his Asian family and Rose above. Yeah climbed climbed out of.

[00:01:17] He went to White Boy School. Yeah well he was like a comic view guy though right?

[00:01:22] Like before he popped off he would be like on like is Duke a white boy

[00:01:26] school. I think so yeah. I'm thinking of MIT. Duke is yeah yeah. I went to Emerson

[00:01:31] I don't fucking know. Oh nice. Yeah. Nice. Did you major in podcasting or that

[00:01:36] happened after you left? I think you can do that there. MIT but it's

[00:01:41] MIT V like but M A D. You like MAD TV? Yeah MIT is the MAD TV school. That'd be

[00:01:47] really good. It's just sketches about math. No like Miss Swan is one of the

[00:01:51] regents of the University. She's like he look like a man. Maybe you can pitch

[00:01:58] that when you're maybe you can pitch that. Yeah. Yeah. Who's a head writer now

[00:02:03] over there? Steve Bannon. That's right. Yeah yeah Steve. He's everywhere. He's got

[00:02:11] his fingers in a couple different bowls and a couple different holes and bowls

[00:02:17] and holes. Make sure that I didn't check the levels before we did. It's a little

[00:02:23] cavernous in here so it's hard to tell. Yeah no I mean it seems like you guys

[00:02:28] are. So what do you think huh? The studio. Yeah. I mean it feels like you guys are

[00:02:33] in the process. Yeah I love stuff but. Let's not worry too much. I'm spearheading

[00:02:40] it. I'm you know what it means to say what do you think? Once it's done we don't

[00:02:43] care what you think. Then we're gonna wow. Okay. But for now we're just gonna have to

[00:02:47] accept that there might be a little bit of an echo. Okay and what's the end and

[00:02:51] goal you know. The greatest television show that anyone's ever seen. Yeah to

[00:02:57] make like. Imagine the Nail Part 2. Mad TV meets Anderson Cooper 36. Yeah that's

[00:03:02] basically the pitch. But on steroids and crack at the same time. And yeah. Okay so

[00:03:07] that's the whole pitch is just that. Just imagine what if yeah what if Mad TV was

[00:03:12] a gay Vanderbilt. Mm-hmm. Okay. Yeah the show is just imagine. Close your eyes. As

[00:03:16] funny as Mad TV but as informative and gay is Anderson Cooper. Oh my god. Just

[00:03:22] imagine Cooper right. Five AM South. Imagine Michael. Michael and McDonald

[00:03:27] pretend to be a mentally retarded boy. But at the same time you're learning

[00:03:31] about Lebanon. Yeah. So you have Anderson Cooper just in like suspenders and a

[00:03:35] weird cap. Yeah he's gonna be like smoking methamphetamine and having sex

[00:03:40] with muscular men. Yeah just and then he'll look at the camera. And he'll say he

[00:03:45] look like a man. Yeah. Oh. It'll say he'll say look what I can do. Last night the

[00:03:52] leader of Libya Gaddafi was killed. Every time I laugh in here I sound like a

[00:03:58] ghost. Yeah. Yeah. Like it sounds like a ghost is laughing back. Yeah. Nick's

[00:04:03] taking it upon himself to tarol the wires out of the walls. No. No. No. No.

[00:04:07] Well we have to switch the audio until until until we get a you know until the

[00:04:14] studios cooking I think we're gonna have to we'll do what we can with video

[00:04:17] content. But I'm telling you this place is gonna be looking good. No it will

[00:04:22] just trust us. Yeah. No yeah I mean trust the process. You know you work in

[00:04:27] television. Yeah. You see how the how the sets look like before they fucking

[00:04:33] finish. Yeah I mean I'll be honest they don't look anything like this but I I

[00:04:38] think this is probably destined for greatness. Yeah. Your destined for

[00:04:42] greatness. Mm-hmm. As you guys. You know how I know it's gonna be a good

[00:04:47] idea. I like I've got you know that feeling you get when you know something's

[00:04:50] gonna be good and you're like not sleeping. Yeah. And you're not eating

[00:04:54] and just thinking about it fucking 24 seven. Okay. Go go go go go. Yeah. I come

[00:05:02] in here dude I just work all day long. That's good. I mean I'm worried for you

[00:05:05] and your health but that's good. No it's all right. I'm in the zone dude. You're

[00:05:09] gonna live forever. Yeah. Yeah. Also we all know I'm taking I'm taking one break.

[00:05:13] I mean I guess I have to go on the road but I'm working and then I'll go see

[00:05:17] I'm gonna go see Kill Switch and Gage at Coney Island. I'm going right from the

[00:05:22] concert back here. Back to the studio. Back to the studio. Much like rappers when

[00:05:27] they get out of jail they go straight to the studio. They're still rising grind.

[00:05:30] Yeah. It's still time by the way I'm in Irvine California tomorrow through

[00:05:34] Saturday at the Irvine Improv. There if you tried to buy tickets already and you

[00:05:39] only saw the booths there the club is in the process of converting those four

[00:05:43] seat booths tables to just individual tickets. Nice. Because the regular ones

[00:05:47] are sold out so they'll you can just keep trying folks. Mm-hmm. Please come

[00:05:52] out. Let's just refresh that page. And again I promise you a good show I'm

[00:05:56] bringing Mike Racine. He is he will crush and then I'm gonna do I'm gonna have a

[00:06:01] dog shit set but Mike will Mikey will crush and we're gonna we're gonna get

[00:06:06] his kids some fucking baby food. Yeah. Yeah. Little Ben. So when you go when you

[00:06:11] go and you're like man Mullen fucking sucks a comedy. Remember if you post

[00:06:14] that online and people don't go to the next show you're taking food out of

[00:06:18] Mike Racine's kids man. Yeah. So no the answer isn't I have to get better at

[00:06:23] stand up or do the full 45 minutes I promise you. No. The answer is you got

[00:06:27] to keep coming. Yeah. To feed this kid. You got to feed Mike's kid. Yeah. And that's

[00:06:31] what you have to do because Mike's. You don't have your own child. Yeah. Mike's

[00:06:34] too busy at home teaching his kid the ABCs. Mm-hmm. You know with the to you

[00:06:42] know book his own shows or have his own career. Yeah. He's got he's got to have.

[00:06:46] You know a lot of people say the hardest job in the world is fatherhood.

[00:06:51] Yeah. Yeah. People have said that. Yeah. You know what it is kind of nice to see

[00:06:55] the stand-ups that we. Mike Racine is sort of the kill switch

[00:06:58] engaged to my lamb and gosh. It's nice to see fatherhood sort of like the men in

[00:07:08] comedy their careers taking a hit the way that they're that they would if they

[00:07:12] were like a woman working in like the real world. Yeah. Yeah. The business center

[00:07:17] for business enterprise. Yeah. At the business center for I work at the

[00:07:21] business center for thinking. I'm a woman and now I have a baby and I've

[00:07:27] lost my job at the business center for entrepreneurial shit. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:07:32] That was such a funny scam they pulled on women in the 1980s. Oh my god.

[00:07:37] They're like guess what? Yeah you got a job too bitch. Mm-hmm. I mean they still

[00:07:41] pull it. They're still pulling that shit. You got to put on a boxy suit and get

[00:07:45] a men's haircut. Yeah. Yeah. But guess what? Yeah. You got to have armpit and leg

[00:07:51] hair that's incredibly itchy but you're pussy bear. I don't want to see

[00:07:56] nothing on it. What the fuck is going on? Why do women do that? It's insane. I

[00:08:00] don't know. I stopped doing it in my 20s. Yeah. Because you're like I think it's

[00:08:04] because men I think they're like oh this is like what men like or whatever

[00:08:09] and I think that's the women just still do that. It was like a 1990s.

[00:08:14] Because you'll be like I'm a feminist but then like you have a guy coming over

[00:08:17] to your house and you're like I don't want to like embarrass myself. Yeah.

[00:08:20] You know what I mean? I don't want my shit to look nasty. Yeah. But now it's like I

[00:08:24] don't want Andy within 20 feet of my pussy so I'm like I just make it as

[00:08:28] difficult as possible. Yeah. To even find it. It's a rainforest. I don't know.

[00:08:35] Yeah I think I don't have no idea. I don't I I've never had armpit hair or leg hair

[00:08:41] that I can well it's fine if you want to do that do your dumb thing but it's like

[00:08:45] I don't understand shaving the pussy and leaving the leg and armpit hair. No I

[00:08:50] don't either. I mean yeah although I think in general one's easier to shave

[00:08:55] than the other than the other two. Oh the pussy is probably easier to shave

[00:09:01] that than it is to shave your whole leg. It seems complicated. There's only

[00:09:04] one of them. You know you got two armpits two legs. Yeah. So in your mind

[00:09:08] you're like what's the bigger hill? Yeah. I just gave you a real autistic

[00:09:14] answer to that. No it's it's smart. I'm thinking about it but then it also made

[00:09:18] I was trying to think of the male equivalent and what popped into my head

[00:09:21] is the scene from Black Dahlia where Josh Hartnett

[00:09:27] fucks a woman but they imply the fucking because it's like either maybe

[00:09:30] it's a PG-13 movie or something. Yeah. So the actual fucking and then they're

[00:09:34] just in bed after and he's wearing his fedora. It like so it's like did he take

[00:09:39] his clothes off and put the fedora back on and that's fun. Yeah. That's cool. Have

[00:09:44] you ever been fucked by a guy in a fedora? Not while he was wearing it. No but he

[00:09:49] took it off like a gentleman. He took it off. But a big one like a spy versus

[00:09:54] spy. I had a I was I dated a man who was Greek. Uh-huh. Who had a fedora

[00:10:00] collection that he insisted on around his apartment. He had a fedora.

[00:10:06] With Greek people when they have money it's like this guy could do stuff like

[00:10:09] that. This could either be a billionaire or a mentally retarded person. Yeah. He

[00:10:13] was actually yeah I think he was mentally. It's tricky because it could be

[00:10:17] eccentric billionaire. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Could be. Yeah. You know I thought I was Greek

[00:10:21] Chris Angel after I saw a show in Vegas. I know I keep bringing up on him. He's got

[00:10:25] a great story about it. No it's not that guy. You kept telling me how it would have been good.

[00:10:29] Wait tell me who he is. He's that like a gothic magician. He did mind freak. Real

[00:10:34] quick I'm sorry if I cut you off. No it's fine. It wasn't that good of a story. I didn't realize

[00:10:38] I know your riffs. His riffs were way better than the story to be on. Yeah. He kind of

[00:10:42] bailed me out on him. I'm sorry. No don't apologize. Listen. What was the Chris

[00:10:46] Angel riff? Was that? It wasn't a riff. No I just saw him after his magic show and I

[00:10:51] said it changed my life and he looked at me and he said I know. It's sick. Yeah it's

[00:10:56] so pimp. It makes me want to find Chris Angel and go up to him and be like dude.

[00:11:02] Oh can we get a picture? I didn't ask for a minute and then get him excited and then be like I

[00:11:07] can't believe I'm meeting Papa John. And then just ruin his death. Yeah. Just have him just

[00:11:13] watch him completely losing this guy fucking invented dominoes. Just fucking Papa John dude.

[00:11:19] Dominoes. You know the fucking dominoes? Yeah. I can lose it. I also heard a,

[00:11:26] one with my sister's boyfriend. He works on the strip. He does like lighting. My family's from Vegas.

[00:11:31] Yeah. And he told me magic gossip but David Copperfield apparently wears a muscle suit

[00:11:39] under his clothes. He'll wear like a full like you know a suit or something and underneath he

[00:11:44] wears prosthetic muscles. Yeah that doesn't surprise me because he's a magician.

[00:11:49] Yeah. So that doesn't, that's not like a shocking thing to learn about. He's doing deception. Yeah.

[00:11:54] Yeah that's the sort of their thing. Yeah I guess so. A friend of mine. A shocking story would be

[00:11:59] that David Copperfield thinks the magic is real. Yeah that's a yeah. That there's another magician

[00:12:04] that's using he's like I'm going to trick this fucking retard and I think he's the best magician

[00:12:08] of the world. Yeah. Because that that retard would you know it's like the original retard or

[00:12:14] the original magician he's not a good actor. Right. He's just a genuine artist. Right. So he gets a

[00:12:19] patsy that he shoves into the foreground. David Copperfield and he's like we're going to because

[00:12:25] this is a retard. He just Truman shows the entire this retard thinks he's the best magician in the

[00:12:30] world. Yeah. You know and every day he's more and more shocked by his own skills. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:12:35] Yeah. Exactly. That's that is like that would be shocking to me. Yeah. True art. True art. That's

[00:12:42] what that would be. True art is is deception. Yeah. Yeah. You think at 35 it's too late for me to

[00:12:50] learn magic. Yeah. Yeah probably. I missed the boat on that one. I don't know. I mean maybe I think 35

[00:12:57] is just too late but 62 it's it's just on it's right on time. I just talked to retire and get into

[00:13:03] magic. Yeah. I just talked to a magician today actually. I had to pick up stuff like for work.

[00:13:09] Uh-huh. And I'm looking for like like specific type of LED light. Yeah. So I went to there's a

[00:13:15] magic shop right now. I'm like I'm looking for like this kind of thing and he's like well we don't

[00:13:18] have that but we have these and it's like the wrong color but then he put it into one of his

[00:13:22] ears and pulled it out the other and it's like it's so funny. He's just showing me stuff up the shelf.

[00:13:27] It's like oh because it's a magic store. Yeah. You can't just show it to me. You can't just show

[00:13:35] me the thing. Yeah. You got to show me the trick that it does. I've mentioned before on the show

[00:13:39] but one of my best friends growing up became a street magician mind freak. Mm-hmm. And he would

[00:13:45] perform on the strip. I've heard that. I've heard his name. Yeah. Tommy Georgione. Okay. Yeah. Okay.

[00:13:52] I love him. Yeah. He's my dog. But yeah. Like I saw him two years ago at my mother's funeral and he

[00:13:59] like came through and I saw the casket in hell. No. That would have been good. That would have been good.

[00:14:05] He cut your mom in hell. But he was wearing a fedora and then a waistcoat and then like a tie

[00:14:11] and a shirt. I was like Tommy did you wear your magic clothes to the funeral?

[00:14:16] It's just Adam's Adam's Adam's Adam hasn't mentally disabled cousin. It's just him going

[00:14:21] up to the magician. He's like can you bring her back please. I'm not that kind of magician kid.

[00:14:26] I'm more the you kind of magician. I feel like all magicians in general sort of have adopted

[00:14:36] Johnny Depp style circa 1996 1998. Yeah. A lot of change. Crow. Chris Angelis. That's basically Chris

[00:14:43] Angelis whole vibe. Yeah. All of them though. They're all kind of like they have that same

[00:14:48] like quiet and mysterious. You know what I mean? Yeah. And you know might might throw a woman around

[00:14:56] everyone's in a while. It's just really not a lot of good aesthetic choices for for magicians. Yeah.

[00:15:01] You're either you're either that a ghost guy or a libertarian. Yeah. I want to see one that's just

[00:15:07] dressed normal. Just like cartoon character. David David Blaine is kind of like that. He is the best

[00:15:12] stylist. David Blaine is just like he's a guy that he doesn't give a shit about. I mean he's like the

[00:15:16] best magician in the world. He rocks. And then half of his magic is like yeah I'm gonna I'm gonna

[00:15:21] sit I'm gonna go into the one of the Auschwitz ovens and survive. Right. You know and it's like

[00:15:26] this magic. Yeah. He's just dressed like you went to Home Depot. Yeah. I was like I've been to

[00:15:30] Haileng's I Klon B for four and a half hours. So I'm not that. Now I'm gonna go into the ovens.

[00:15:35] And then afterwards I'm gonna eat one of the trains that came here.

[00:15:38] Peace by peace. I'm gonna eat one of the other. A lot of magicians. A lot of magicians say that they

[00:15:45] can. They with that with magic. A lot of magicians dreams to sit with magic. They could reverse the

[00:15:50] Holocaust. But I'm actually gonna do it. I'm actually gonna do it by going to the ovens and

[00:15:54] then eating all of the trains. You know that pile of shoes at the Holocaust Museum. Yeah. That's going

[00:16:01] in my business. David Blaine just eating metal. Next to some train tracks and the snow is falling.

[00:16:07] Just on like some just rotten fence. And there's for some reason there's like a crew just Detroit

[00:16:12] Black guys. They're like oh shit. Oh shit. Yeah. He's losing their minds. Oh your husband your

[00:16:21] husband's calling. Mr. Rosebud. Yeah. Pick up. Okay. Hello Andy.

[00:16:29] I was with you. Yeah. She's with guys. I'm with guys. Are you at compound? No. No. No. No. No.

[00:16:42] Idiot. The Adam Friedland. Yeah. Fucking. Don't dead name us. Yeah. You just dead name. The show is

[00:16:50] trans. The show we transition. That's why I'm finally doing the show. Yeah. That's me pitching

[00:17:00] the show to Netflix. I'm like it's called the Adam Friedland show. They're like they're like no

[00:17:05] interest. And I'm like oh I'm trans by the way. Just like leaving the room. Thing like by the way

[00:17:11] I'm trans. They're like wait wait wait take millions of dollars please. Andy can I call you on my way

[00:17:19] to Maryland? Yeah. I'm just going to the gym. I just checked. Okay. Bye Andy. Bye. Damn. That's why

[00:17:28] none of my relationships work. Why? Well I didn't I didn't I don't know that you're supposed to do

[00:17:33] stuff like that. It's like I'll talk to you when I see you in four days. Yeah. And I'm in between

[00:17:38] episodes of all in the family. Yeah. You walk into my apartment. No you're supposed to do a good

[00:17:42] night call. I've gotten better at that. Never do it. Never do a good night call. I don't I don't do

[00:17:47] that. What I do is I never do that and then a woman cries and I say you have borderline personality.

[00:17:52] Yeah you're immensely. But I don't think you're you are mentally ill. Go to the doctor. I don't

[00:17:58] think you're entirely off about that. I feel like if you have to talk all the time it's like

[00:18:04] if you want to last you you can't talk all the time. No that's true. You got to be like um

[00:18:10] let's just you know that was like I was trying to be courteous and wrap it up. But like

[00:18:15] squirtiest. You're never been with the squirtiest. It's from the Matrix. Yeah.

[00:18:22] Scorpio's. Squirt. Fiest. Squirt. Fiest. Morpheus. Butty squirts. Yeah. Yeah. It's like what if I told

[00:18:28] you what if I told you think that's not Pete. What do you think that's a woman's come?

[00:18:36] What if I told you I could blast all over your bed.

[00:18:39] And then he goes he goes backwards. Yeah he goes back. Like his whole body bends in half. Yeah.

[00:18:47] Bitches really do be ruined and stuff with the squirting. Yeah.

[00:18:51] Yeah. Have you guys have you guys ever been squirted on? Has it ever happened to you? Yeah I'm a

[00:18:56] fucking gentleman. I don't talk about that. I'm not that's never happened. Where was I was

[00:19:01] supposed to go. She goes you know excuse me and then walks in the other room to go squirt into the

[00:19:05] toilet. Pardon me for a second. Well you know I mean sometimes certain angles it wouldn't happen

[00:19:12] on top of you. No yeah. I girls squirt so much that I sleep in a rubber sheets like a mental hospital.

[00:19:19] Right. Because of the mess. Because of all the sweat. Right. Because it's squirting.

[00:19:22] Because it's too much squirting. So when the women come over and they go what's with the wax sheets

[00:19:26] you go it's because of all the squirting. Yeah. And they just they fall for that. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:19:30] And they're squeegee down the bed. Yeah. Yeah. And then I send them home in an uber pool.

[00:19:34] What I do is I put one of those I put I put up one of those little like sponge dinosaurs on the

[00:19:39] bed first. Yeah. And then you fuck them until they just squirt way too much and then you ride off

[00:19:43] on a giant dinosaur. That's cool. That's beautiful. That's gross. That's actually magic. Those things

[00:19:49] blew my mind. You got you got speakers playing the Jurassic Park theme. Beautiful. You're like oh

[00:19:55] sorry you know I guess this is your first time having sex bitch. I guess you've never fucked.

[00:20:03] I guess you've never yeah just this schizophrenic version of the crowd work. I you're been with

[00:20:07] a guy that fucking gets a little dine and makes a big dinosaur. And the theme song plays we were

[00:20:13] like what's happening to this guy amongst. She's like no I haven't. I used to be a magician.

[00:20:17] She falls for it though immediately. I don't know I I've never um there's quite a few women

[00:20:23] that I know that have fucked magicians and I I feel like they they pull. I feel like women.

[00:20:28] Because it's like a version of pickup artistry right. I guess so. It's like doing tricks.

[00:20:34] I guess so yeah I mean it's I think it's just like a little bit sadder than fucking a comic.

[00:20:41] I think it's maybe I would say it's still worse to fuck a comic. Really? No. Do you think so?

[00:20:48] I mean it depends which comic. I guess so. Yeah there's some hot guy you got a hot guy comic.

[00:20:54] I got a good one. You got a hot one. Yeah I got a good one. He's got a strong jaw.

[00:20:59] Yeah he's got a nice jaw. He's very Caucasian. Oh great. Like handsome and like a he really looks

[00:21:05] like he's great at skiing. Like a bust that someone made of some kind of emperor. Yeah it's true.

[00:21:11] It's really true. Today's 8 17 correct. I believe so. All right cool. Why? I'm sure I remember

[00:21:17] what reads we have this week. Man I really did not book reads for the summer. Well business slows

[00:21:23] down. That's all right. We were talking about Andy's jaw. Andy talking about how he just looks

[00:21:30] like a statue that somebody made. Andy looks tyrant. Well he looks like Roman times. Yeah he looks like

[00:21:37] the like just the pictures of like the not the Waffen SS but maybe the like here just a regular

[00:21:46] German army like propaganda photos. Right. And like yeah some of them are Aryan but they're friendly.

[00:21:52] Yeah rather than the Nazis who are like these guys are hardcore. You think Andy's got a friendly

[00:21:56] face? I think he well compared to a Waffen SS. Yeah yeah he's not as bad as a SS man. Oh well

[00:22:03] that's yeah I mean yeah you start you start off the bar down here. Yeah you start off at fucking

[00:22:10] at Auschwitz guard. Yeah the guy who's like I want to pull the switch that guy you start there. Yeah

[00:22:16] take a step back. So when people give that give that guy a nice warm blast of your husband looks

[00:22:20] so miserable I can be like picture a Waffen SS guy. Yeah how does he look now? They go oh like a nice

[00:22:27] neighbor. Andy looks like like the physical manifestation of do you know who my father is?

[00:22:34] Yes. Yeah that's kind of that's kind of what he looks like. Dude we got pulled over by his

[00:22:38] toddler by the way. That's my father. My dad is Hitler. Can you imagine that's got to be that

[00:22:43] that has to because there it does had to have exist an entitled Nazi. Yeah for sure. In the

[00:22:47] Nazi world the guy that's like even the other Nazis are like oh this guy is such a fucking

[00:22:53] he's such a fucking piece of shit. He's so rude to wait. He's fucking just such a piece. He's an

[00:23:00] nepotism Nazi. Yeah well I feel like and it's scooter gerbils. I was just gonna do the thing

[00:23:07] where I explain a joke thinking it's funny that way. No we like that. Let me get a yeah I'm gonna

[00:23:12] get out my nicotine lozenges. Oh nice. Because I'm on day five of no vaping. Oh nice. Dude vaping

[00:23:18] is so hard to quit. Fucking impossible. I love it. You know how much cocaine I had to do to stop

[00:23:23] vaping. How much? A lot. And then and then to quit the cocaine I had to get monkey paws. Yeah.

[00:23:30] I feel like using cocaine to quit vaping is sort of counterintuitive.

[00:23:35] I feel like nothing could make me want to vape more. Yeah you really want nicotine. Yeah. No you

[00:23:41] know it was great because I smoked for like 10 years and then I quit and then in the last like

[00:23:46] you know decade of my life I can no problem I can have one cigarette like a month you know.

[00:23:51] It's not an issue. Yeah. I keep trying to do that. No yeah I can do that and then

[00:23:58] and then I got into vaping last fall after always thinking it was disgusting. Like they just

[00:24:02] seemed like it sucked to me and then those dying I got into those diamond air bars and then it was

[00:24:07] like I was going through like two of those a day. Yeah I was just vaping constantly. Yeah. That's

[00:24:13] where I was at. I think it really fucked me up in the short term. I think I'm fine now but yeah my

[00:24:17] like my resting heart rate went through the fucking roof. Dude same. Yeah. Same and I was like it was

[00:24:23] like I was constantly fighting off a virus or something my body just and even now like I had to quit

[00:24:29] because I got the flu so I was like let me just quit vaping now. So I did it but it's I it fucking

[00:24:35] hurts your head and like the second you feel better you're like oh it's fucking hit a vape. Like I

[00:24:41] love it. I love it so much. Yeah. I never want to quit. Yeah. And I fucking have to. No I see

[00:24:46] Jim because he doing it. It's such a wack. Look. Maybe I'll maybe I'll vape. I don't give a fuck

[00:24:50] how it looks. It feels so good. It feels good but it looks so stupid. Yeah you really got to like

[00:24:56] if you really want to like quit everything and you're bugging addicted to the personality you got

[00:25:00] to replace it with like boxing or something. I know. You got to like you got to just be able to like

[00:25:06] just smack. Maybe there should be a place you could go. There should be something can break. Yeah. You

[00:25:10] know what I mean? There is a place. I know there's a place where you could break things. Like you

[00:25:13] know and 300 years ago like a guy like me a guy with money of me. I would be able to just go in the

[00:25:19] town find an orphan child and just snap his arm. Yeah right under the wheel of my carriage. Yeah.

[00:25:24] And that would be like that would be like having a couple of drags. Yeah. I'd be like a

[00:25:28] a nicker at a little nightcap. Just bludgeoning a peasant. Just yeah exactly tying tying a

[00:25:34] a malnourished boy to a wagon wheel and shattering his limbs. Right. And I'll be like okay back to work.

[00:25:41] Then I would go see a different boy slave and make him play piano for me. Or snatching

[00:25:45] snatching someone's slave. Snatching someone's pet out of the street. Yeah. Just sort of snapping

[00:25:51] it in half. Powering, powdering my face. And making a, making a boy play piano beautifully for me.

[00:25:58] Yeah because you didn't have an iPod back in the day. You had to have a child boy whore.

[00:26:03] Well good thing is I feel like Chopin today. Yeah. Bring me a virtue so boy to play for me.

[00:26:10] And then afterwards I will make love to him as if he were a woman. Boy. It's boys coming. Yeah.

[00:26:16] Right. For years the society was like that's the way it's supposed to be. There's a gay.

[00:26:23] That's just how things are. There's a mentally, there's a mercury poisoned queenie pedophile

[00:26:29] that makes a boy prostitute play piano for him and then he goes into town and breaks and

[00:26:34] orphans live. He's wearing women's makeup. If it wasn't that way then we'd be in the dark ages.

[00:26:40] Exactly. We're civilized. It's so funny those people own the entire planet. Yeah. They literally

[00:26:46] like the British and now they have to go back to their shitty island and just be ugly and pale now.

[00:26:51] But they're like oh that was crazy. Yeah now they all are. We really blacked out of that

[00:26:55] one. Detective shows where the ugliest people in the world try and solve a murder that nobody

[00:27:01] cares about. So fun. I've been watching Love Island with my girlfriend. It's so funny. It's

[00:27:06] like the Stanford prison experiment and just like they look like shit these people. I don't watch

[00:27:11] any of those shows. I love Bad TV. I love Bad TV but I love like bad like Hallmark movies. Like

[00:27:19] movies that they spent two dollars to make. I was raped. Yeah. Exactly. There's one called

[00:27:26] My Secret Billionaire that's been actually re-released under two other names now. But it was probably

[00:27:34] made for like three dollars and it's about a billionaire. So you can imagine how much stock

[00:27:39] footage they had to use. Something like a mansion. Yeah. Yeah. It was just like like a helicopter.

[00:27:44] Right. Cause most billionaires they have like a Prius and Crocs. Yeah. It's like the most expensive

[00:27:48] thing they own. They don't. It's so funny to see like what these people think a billionaire's life

[00:27:53] looks like. And the whole premise of it is like this guy. He's a billionaire. He's like a lady killer.

[00:28:01] And his dad gets sick and he has to go to his dad's bedside and his dad is like I want you to go

[00:28:07] away. It's like the worst Italian accent that you've ever heard in your whole life. He goes

[00:28:12] I want you to go far away for a month with no money. And I want you to not use your name.

[00:28:21] And he's just no questions asked. So it's coming to America. Yeah. Yeah. It's like it's to me.

[00:28:26] Mario. Yeah. It's to me. Mario. Yeah. It's literally coming to America with a white guy.

[00:28:36] Yeah. And it's not funny with no no budget. And it's not funny. It's like genuine earnest

[00:28:42] heartfelt. Yeah. And I watched it. So I loved it so much. I watched it with ads actually. Really?

[00:28:48] Yeah. It was like this is the greatest thing I've ever seen. Had to make me want to kill

[00:28:52] myself at this point. I love them. I fought for advertising. Dude. I'll think about that all the

[00:28:57] time. Any time I see an advertisement, I'm like, what? Are you trying to trick me? What you think

[00:29:02] you're a magician? Well, you think you think you can get into my mind? You think you're David

[00:29:08] Blaine? David Blaine, at least under the Holocaust with his magic. You're trying to give me a bar

[00:29:13] sneakers. You sound like everyone my husband's been hanging out with. Oh, yeah. He's always

[00:29:20] wondering. Yeah. He's hanging out with crypto guys. What is going over there? Yeah. He's working on

[00:29:25] us for a soccer team that was just purchased by crypto guys. Leia's over there too. Yeah. And so

[00:29:30] is my girlfriend. They're hanging out tonight. Leia's in London. Leia. Maya's in London. Yeah.

[00:29:35] What's she doing over there? She's like seeing friends. She had like, I couldn't go on vacation.

[00:29:39] They're dating each other. I couldn't go on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

[00:29:43] Andy said something about a side family. Yeah. Yeah. What if? What if? Wait, it was so funny.

[00:29:49] When we were upstate and Andy was like, you know, you were like, if I died. And I was like,

[00:29:55] yeah, Andy and I would go out and get pussy. And you were like, you were like, you guys couldn't

[00:29:59] get pussy. Like, if your girlfriend or wife died and then like, I text Andy the next day, I was like,

[00:30:04] that was bullshit. We could totally. I don't know what she was talking about. And he's always saying

[00:30:09] shit like that. He's like, maybe she's looking at me and I was like, she's not. She thinks you're

[00:30:14] my sister. Yeah, it's just a smash cut to a blind woman. She wants me to fuck her eyeholes.

[00:30:25] So out of his league that I'm like, you're you I think he's fucking blind. I want like you

[00:30:31] what you need to check your own fucking vision. Yeah, so fun. Yeah, I'm the opposite. I'm always

[00:30:37] like, if I like, even if I'm like, like, I'm checking out at a place, I'm like, I don't know. I hope

[00:30:41] this cashier doesn't think that I'm like trying to rape or something. You know, it's like, they're

[00:30:47] like, Oh, this creep. He's smiling at me. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, I don't make eye contact. Yeah,

[00:30:52] you just make sure I don't say thank you. Prison rules. Yeah. Yeah. You put on a fake wedding ring.

[00:30:58] Yeah, right. Right. So the Adam Friedlin show is brought to you by Diet Smoke. Oh, Diet Smoke.

[00:31:04] What a product. Diet Smoke is a Adam morning. You take it away. Diet Smoke. The show. He's

[00:31:10] people want to know. Okay. Everyone's familiar with marijuana, right? Which is something with the

[00:31:15] scientific term for it is Delta 9 THC. This product, Diet Smoke is Delta 8 THC. They also have Delta

[00:31:23] 9 THC. And now it's funny about the regular companies. They started that made like, you know,

[00:31:28] they could start with CBD because it's like technically legal. Right. And then they added Delta 8,

[00:31:33] which is a little bit closer. Now we just legal so they're like about Delta 9. It's like, this is

[00:31:37] just fucking weed. Now it's just weed. Yeah. What is it? Does it get you high? So it's

[00:31:41] fucked up. It gets you and Delta 8 will get you fucked up. So but yeah, apparently they have both,

[00:31:47] but they have a whole line of products, including Vapes, CBD's, Gummies, what else they have. They

[00:31:55] just added more flavors, cherry lime mango. I got to try that. Watermelon, blue raspberry.

[00:32:01] So all sounds fucking peach. So it's candy that gets you fucked up and they have drinks too.

[00:32:06] If weed drinks, oh, they got a lot more flavors. This fucking child.

[00:32:12] Diet Smoke is really going off right now. I mean, when we started, they had two flavors of edible

[00:32:17] smoking weeds, a whack world. I want, I want to try milk flavor. Yeah. I just want milk. They

[00:32:24] should do the Harry Potter thing when they got every flavor. So yeah, Harry Potter is so fucking

[00:32:31] gay. Dude, what is wrong? Fuck Harry Potter. I'm sorry. This was keeping me up all night. Yeah,

[00:32:37] I'm like, so what is the day he's like a fucking magician? You just found out about Harry Potter.

[00:32:42] I was walking over here. There's got this Harry Potter store. Yeah. Who gives a shit?

[00:32:46] Who gives a shit? Who's fucking going to this place?

[00:32:55] Bring the friends cafe back. Bring Gunther back. I passed by the friends experience the other day.

[00:33:07] Have you ever seen the TV show? Dude, you remember when they did the Seinfeld

[00:33:12] place? They did the Seinfeld department somewhere in New York. Yes. And someone

[00:33:16] immediately broke the door doing Kramer. They just had it on video. They probably nailed it.

[00:33:23] Yeah, no, he did. They probably were the only one who did it right. The guy comes in and then

[00:33:27] it's like, oh shit. He's fucked out the door, Jam. Yeah. So, okay, so right now I'm looking at the

[00:33:35] Diet Smoke website, which is an incredible website, but I'm on their blog section, which you really,

[00:33:40] you got to check out. And here's a blog post that they have four movie scenes. A Diet Smoke

[00:33:47] subscription would fix the milkshake scene in Pulp Fiction. Okay. Violet Beauregard.

[00:33:55] Oh, the Sicario dinner scene. And of course, the box, the set, the box scene in seven.

[00:34:01] What's wrong with the milkshake scene? She overdoses. So, I guess they're saying if instead of

[00:34:07] in the middle of a heroin overdose, this will fix. They're saying she should have gotten a

[00:34:11] buzz from Diet Smoke instead of. The claim now is that Diet Smoke works like Narcan.

[00:34:15] Oh, got it. Yeah. I think that's what they're implying. I think that's what they're saying.

[00:34:19] Okay. If you're overdosing on cocaine or heroin, take, take Delta nine.

[00:34:23] It's weird. What's the, why, how is the box scene from seven fixed by? Let's see this.

[00:34:28] Iconic scene, iconic movie, Kevin Spacey cuts off Brad Pitt's wife's head and puts it in a box

[00:34:33] for them to discover. Is that confirmed? His, I don't know. You never see what's in the box.

[00:34:37] They don't tell you what's in the box. Yeah, but you know what's in the box.

[00:34:39] What's in the box? Brad Pitt, Colin. What's in the box? What's in the box? What in the

[00:34:48] fucking box? They, they didn't even spell it right. It's an unboxing.

[00:34:52] And then Morgan Freeman, dude, relax. It's your monthly subscription from Diet Smoke. Take a cherry

[00:34:58] wine. It's a bunch of edible jummies you fucking faggot. What the fuck? Wow, that, that,

[00:35:07] that movie would have been way better if it was edible. It all ended in an unboxing. Delta eight,

[00:35:12] Delta eight THE. Apparently they got Delta 10 now. How fucking high did you think they were

[00:35:18] when they came up with that? Like what, what if part of the, what if part of our marketing

[00:35:23] is the same movie scene? Did you know that eight could smoke, but what could, you could

[00:35:28] literally plug anything in it. Yeah, what about like the American beauty scene where she's worried

[00:35:33] about calm getting on the couch? Yeah. Remember that movie, that damn cat?

[00:35:40] What if instead it was, the cat was weed? This is an advertisement bought to you by

[00:35:46] dietsmoke.com. Yeah, so we, we really thank Diet Smoke for supporting our show, the Adam

[00:35:51] Friedlen show. If you visit their blog section, they have a lot of other good information, including

[00:35:58] what is Delta eight THC? The best way is to enjoy Delta HHTHC, a guide to micro-adosing cannabis

[00:36:04] here in the history of 420. That's interesting. 420 is a celebration of the fear.

[00:36:12] Eight off Hitler. What? I thought it was weed. Okay. So you go to their website.

[00:36:18] It was also Columbine. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of cool stuff happened. Yeah. Fun, fun stuff.

[00:36:23] Yeah. That was David Blaine. We're here on Hitler's birthday. That kid, Cleebol, used to smoke that

[00:36:28] shit. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna get high by smoking the ashes of the Auschwitz

[00:36:34] victims. Delta nine could have fixed Columbine. Oh my god. If everyone in the world just smoked

[00:36:39] weed. I'm David Blaine and this is get high off fake weed. Have you seen that video? I remember

[00:36:44] getting high on 420 on Columbine and being like, man, like, what am I, what? It's been like, if

[00:36:50] everybody was high, like we wouldn't have a problem. Like I remember having that. That's

[00:36:54] my ex-girlfriends. The kids, the, the, like teens use teenagers to say they'd be like, bro, I never

[00:36:59] miss 420. Yeah. Every day of 420. Yeah. I smoke weed. Yeah. Every single, every single day. Every

[00:37:04] single day. Every day. At 420 PM. I never, I'd, bro, I never miss. From 2001 to 2005. Never missed a 420.

[00:37:13] Yeah. Not me at 420 PM. Like smoking weed. Every day. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, dude.

[00:37:19] Smoke weed every day. Yeah. And then I pour out half of a 40 for Brad Knowles. I miss it.

[00:37:25] Honestly, I got it. Obviously I don't miss him. Some of the four. I don't have the, the kind of

[00:37:29] Skrilla right now to just pour out a whole 40 for Brad Knowles. But this Mickey uses for you.

[00:37:36] Fucking fucking 40 ounces of freedom, dude. I'm trying to think what like in the DMV they

[00:37:41] called the cheddar was like pussy. They called, which I think was just wrong. I think they used

[00:37:46] that wrong. I don't remember hearing people say cheddar to mean pussy. I think it was just my all

[00:37:52] pretty much all white high school sort of picking up. Did you say Bama? Do people say Bama or is that

[00:37:58] a disease? I think these are just these are not colloquial. They're just like, what is it? What

[00:38:04] is it called when something specific to a time period? Yeah, it was I don't know, generational.

[00:38:10] Yeah, generational. Because people used to say Bama. There was a rap group named Bama. You remember

[00:38:15] that? Yeah, were they Gogo or rap? It was rap. They were from Alabama. Oh, they were from Alabama.

[00:38:21] Gogo is DC. Yeah. Gogo is the only thing. Yeah, Gogo and I guess like, like a certain trip hop

[00:38:29] might be more universal, but DC had a huge trip hop scene. Yeah, that's where um, where are they,

[00:38:33] what are they called? Thevery corporation. Yeah, they're from DC. Yeah. DC used to ride with

[00:38:39] Thevery. Oh, yeah. I love that shit. Yeah, it's tight. I love I love that. It makes you feel like

[00:38:44] you're in Oceans 11. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What's really because it's like, it's they're it's a weird

[00:38:50] culture of like guys that are like sort of Mediterranean or something. They just like come out and hang

[00:38:55] out of like hummus bars. Lounge music. Yeah. You know, this studio feels like a place where they

[00:39:00] would like recruit someone for Oceans 11. Yeah, this is yeah, exactly. We kind of feel that way.

[00:39:04] Yeah. You just find a guy in the middle of something. We're getting a yeah, one of the most

[00:39:09] important member of the team, the Chinese guy that fits into things. Yes. Yeah. Good

[00:39:13] torsion. We need a hacker. We need a tiny Chinese guy. We need a safe cracker. And we need a tiny

[00:39:19] Chinese. We know what a tiny Chinese to go. Tiny Chinese. Anyway, if you go to dietsmug.com,

[00:39:26] put in promo code, come town or come town 20, we're going to get a change pretty soon to the T A F S

[00:39:31] or whatever. Um, you're going to get a great discount on some great products and you're going to get

[00:39:35] freaking buzzed. So go there and let's start the show buzz light year. Dude, that's why they call

[00:39:42] the lock in way to see toy story. You don't try to see buzz light year.

[00:39:48] Erklin's best movie of the year. Fucking birds light year. This is crazy. Mouse is like,

[00:39:54] she never really, oh, yeah, we have a dog in the studio. Yeah, she never really fucks with any

[00:39:59] way. She was asking to get on your lap just. She was kind of like, um, hold me, which is odd,

[00:40:04] because she doesn't look at strangers. The dog probably knows that I donate thousands of dollars

[00:40:10] every year to the World Conservation Society. Oh, you do. Okay, that's what it is. Tremendous

[00:40:14] amount of money. At this point in my life, I, my thing, I only give money to animals and retards.

[00:40:19] I give all mine to Israel and the United Negro College Fund. Let's get these Negroes from college.

[00:40:25] Yeah. Let's get them here at home. Listen and go to the United Negro College Fund website.

[00:40:31] Let's, let's get a couple of these Negroes in college for a change. I'm all down syndrome.

[00:40:35] Down syndrome is my main thing.

[00:40:39] You know what I'm always saying? You know what these fucking Negroes need? College.

[00:40:44] They really should have changed the name. They should have they changed. They should.

[00:40:48] They shouldn't let a guy like me. Yeah. Just be out here here in that name. Yeah.

[00:40:53] And say, just telling people and saying the name saying the name back to them.

[00:40:58] Well, you can't, that's the problem. You can't, you can't donate to a thing that you can't tell

[00:41:02] people that you donate to. Right. Yeah. You know, you can't repeat the thing that you're donating to,

[00:41:07] why donate? My cousin in sixth grade, he got suspended from school for saying Negro

[00:41:14] and his mom went into the principal's office and she lied that and said he didn't know what it meant.

[00:41:21] And she got him off the hook. He thought it meant sucking dick. He thought it,

[00:41:25] he didn't know what it meant. He thought it meant squirting.

[00:41:31] How old was he? He was like 12 or something. Oh my god. He was just being a shithead kid.

[00:41:35] Yeah. But yeah, I think, I think he said in like the cafeteria or something, he got in big trouble.

[00:41:41] And then he got in Vegas. No, this was, he lived in LA. But yeah, then he got in a graffiti,

[00:41:46] Hollywood, Friedland. He got into writing. He like, I got to go write. I mean, there, there are very

[00:41:52] few black people in LA compared to like New York. There's a lot of his panic. I think it's,

[00:41:58] it's LA is just super segregated. Yeah. And yeah. It's always blew me away when I finally went to

[00:42:03] California thinking of it being this very progressive place. And then you go there and you're like,

[00:42:08] no one lives in the same neighborhood. Yeah. It's like, yeah. But they have like very specific

[00:42:13] neighbors. They have like little, little, hard. Right. Yeah. You go there now, it's 2022 and they'll

[00:42:17] be like, Oh, this is Black Beverly Hills. It's like, why isn't that just Beverly Hill? What's that

[00:42:23] ball, Baldwin Heights, right? Yeah. Like what the fuck? Yeah, Black Beverly. It's insane.

[00:42:29] Yeah. Yeah. I fucking hate that city so much. I, I actually like enjoy spending time there. But I,

[00:42:38] I could not ever live there ever. Like just just on the fact that you have to make plans with

[00:42:43] friends, like dinner plans, like you're, like you're in your 60s. Yeah. Yeah. You know, yeah. Like

[00:42:50] you have to plan an hour commute anywhere. Right. It might be, it might be a little bit more doable

[00:42:55] now that there's like Uber and Lyft. Dude, there was this one time where I went out to LA and this

[00:43:00] guy from Live Nation was like, Hey, I want to have a meeting with you. So I, and I was like young

[00:43:05] and dumb in my career. And I didn't understand how like, if you get a meeting, they don't reach out

[00:43:10] on Instagram, you know. So I was an idiot and I was like, Oh, this guy at Live Nation, also not

[00:43:15] knowing that Live Nation like doesn't do anything. And they're like an email list. Right. And I like

[00:43:22] got this. So I got this meeting and I go I drive out there and he comes down to the lobby and he's

[00:43:28] like, So, um, so what's, uh, what do you want in the future? And I was like, start telling him about

[00:43:35] my goals. And he's like, do you want like a family or kids? And I was like, is this a date? Yeah. And

[00:43:40] he was like, well, it can be whatever you want it to be. And I'm like, this motherfucker made me drive

[00:43:47] yeah, to be harassed. Like I, I'm, I don't know. It doesn't bother me, but if you usually they

[00:43:54] come to you, he's got a suit on, but he's like wearing sweatpants and his shoes are soaking wet.

[00:43:58] What's um, uh, do you shave your put? Or what do you want to do? What are your plans? What's your

[00:44:05] future? What are you? Yeah. So how flexible are you? Um, what do you talk about in your act?

[00:44:19] Oh boy. Yeah. L.A. sucks. The best, but the best thing that ever happened to me though was in L.A.

[00:44:26] Like really? Yeah. I may have like oversold what I'm the story I'm about to tell. I could

[00:44:32] feel the doubt because you looked up at the sky. Well, I went, my landlord hired me to, to serve

[00:44:39] divorce papers to a woman. And I got the stake out of her apartment all day listening to mob deep.

[00:44:46] Are you serious? Yeah. I felt like I felt so cool. How much did he pay you? I think like $25.

[00:44:52] I was like, Jo, Jo, Joanne, did he ask you to stake it out or was you just ad that?

[00:45:02] No, they're, yeah, because she was dodging. She like, they couldn't get somebody. They were like,

[00:45:06] you need to just stay at that in front of the house because she's like, she knows that he's

[00:45:10] trying to serve the divorce papers. Okay. And I'm like, I got this dude. Yeah. I'm like looking

[00:45:15] in the mirror and stuff and like checking in case anybody's like, why, what are you doing? I'm like,

[00:45:19] I work for the fucking government. I'm a cop. Fuck off asshole. I'm here on work. I'm James Bond.

[00:45:33] That's awesome. I actually thought about for a while during the pandemic, I was like, is it too

[00:45:38] late for me to join the FBI? Because I thought maybe I could do that and that would be better

[00:45:44] than being a comic. I mean, it still would be better. I think. Oh, yeah. What would you do in the

[00:45:50] FBI? Most people do computers, I feel like. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I don't know what I would

[00:45:56] do. I was just like, it was one of those days, you know, where I was like, I got, there's got to be

[00:46:00] something I can do. You would want to be like a special agent. If they're like out in the field.

[00:46:06] Yeah, they are. I think that's what I would want to be doing. I want to be one of those guys with

[00:46:10] the vest that's pointing his gun down because it's safe. You know, there's no pointing is like

[00:46:15] AR down. I don't think they go out into the field unless there's a crime that you're going to.

[00:46:20] Right. But I'm, I was thinking like, I don't know. I wanted to like solve murders or like,

[00:46:29] you know, grifters like going after like grifters because there's so many of them now. There's like

[00:46:36] so many people who are just like grifting. You're finally caught up to me. Social media.

[00:46:41] I see we meet again, especially John Throws body. No, I was thinking of like, holistic healers that

[00:46:50] like are probably beginning cults on Instagram and shit like that. Is that a crime though? Yeah,

[00:46:56] I think so. I think it's my two favorite crimes of all are in terms of like, I just think that's

[00:47:06] like if you're going to be a criminal, these are the two best ones to do. Shining a laser pointer

[00:47:10] at an airplane or a helicopter. Yeah. Awesome. Great. And then transporting raw milk across

[00:47:16] state lines. Thrilling. Yeah. And I remember as a teenager finding out about like, because there's

[00:47:20] people that are raw milk fanatics. Yeah. They're like, this is this curious cancer. It fucking,

[00:47:26] you know, it's like this raw milk is the answer. But if you bring it across straight state lines,

[00:47:30] it's not, you know, it's disgusting. It's got like blood in it. It's like a serious fucking crime.

[00:47:37] They take that like they take it very seriously. Yeah. You're really not supposed to bring that

[00:47:41] shit. Do they respect you? Yeah, with breast milk too. There's people that like sell their own

[00:47:45] breast milk to like breast milk fanatics. Yeah. I think that that though is okay because it's not

[00:47:50] like an animal product, you know, like that you couldn't because then if it's not, well, here's

[00:47:55] here's why you can't make a law saying you can't bring breast milk across state lines because then

[00:48:00] basically no pregnant woman would be allowed to travel. Well, they say that but you can't,

[00:48:06] you know, they're like a fetus as a person. But you also a pregnant woman isn't charged to airline

[00:48:14] tickets. Yeah. So it's like, I think there's a lot of loopholes with the whole. Well, you should see

[00:48:20] what these damn airlines are doing nowadays. They're out control. They don't let you have a

[00:48:26] carry on lines are crazy. If I was the FBI, I got I'd want to be the guy that comes into the crime

[00:48:32] scene and tells the local police that we're taking over the investigation. Yeah. And then the local

[00:48:37] cops are, I just want, I need this. And I'm like, sorry, I'm the FBI. Yeah. It's mine now. I also

[00:48:46] feel like I'm just remembering why I got into it was there was I got obsessed with like misinformation

[00:48:51] and disinformation and shit like that. And I was like, so you want to be somebody that like cracks

[00:48:55] down on free speech? Yeah. Yeah. You want to be an anti free speech? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:49:01] Yeah. I think we should take away free speech. I think we should get rid of it.

[00:49:06] As a stand up, I think it could probably just sort of slim the herd or whatever the phrase is.

[00:49:14] Is that what the trim? Am I thinking trim the hedges? Slim the herd.

[00:49:20] Thin the herd. I'm glad you misspoke. I almost stumbled on my words a second ago. I was like,

[00:49:26] am I having a stroke? People do it. Everybody's been misspeaking. Well, this place is filled with

[00:49:32] asbestos. It's got it for sure. Yeah. I don't know what's in the ceiling. I thought I had monkey

[00:49:37] pox. Yeah, because I got like ringworm or something. Okay. Sure. I thought I had gay sex. I thought I

[00:49:42] had like like ringworm or something. And then I met up with Stephen, the guy that edits to the show.

[00:49:47] And he's clear. He just has monkey pox. Right. Like without a doubt, he's got monkey pox.

[00:49:52] I thought he said he beat monkey pox. Is this a bit? Are you serious? He has a fucking he has a

[00:49:56] monkey pox lesion on his arm for sure. Are you sure it's not ringworm? He's I'm like, I was like,

[00:50:01] bro, you got monkey pox. And he's like, no, what this is is a was like a pimple that got infected.

[00:50:08] I'm like, no one gets armed pimple. But usually the monkey pox is like here, right?

[00:50:11] If you're sucking if you're sucking dick, I got it. Okay.

[00:50:15] If you're on the train and you brush past a gay guy's purse, that's how you get it.

[00:50:19] Fucking for. Okay. Well, that's yeah. Or you're you're you're you're reaching down into a

[00:50:26] a man's ass because you lost your wallet. You got your wallet. Yeah. Your watch came off.

[00:50:30] You couldn't find your Metro car in the fifth thing. Like, oh, that's right. Yeah.

[00:50:34] It's in his asshole. Yeah. It's it's it's I just, you know, I'm not gay, but I'm a ventriloquist

[00:50:40] act. And with inflation, the dummies are so expensive. You gotta use a real person.

[00:50:45] You gotta use a gay guy. You gotta go tiny, Chinese. You don't have to use a gay guy,

[00:50:49] but you do have to go on Craigslist and whoever shows up shows up. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:50:53] And just stick to the script, pal. Don't get cute with it. This ain't Broadway.

[00:51:03] We don't need you to get too fucking creative. Yeah. Because you're always doing stuff like that.

[00:51:07] Yeah. Now it's like I think I'm like developing like health anxiety. So there'll be like a

[00:51:12] brief second where I think I'm going to like stumble over my words. Yeah. Something's wrong.

[00:51:17] Something's wrong. And then I just like panic. Right. And then I'll make myself do it.

[00:51:22] No, I mean, we were talking about this before the show. Yeah. I think I like cardio. I think

[00:51:25] I just have broad like health anxiety right now. Yeah. Same. Anytime something happens to you with

[00:51:30] your health and you have to be around doctors, they are constantly making you nervous because

[00:51:35] they'll be you'll go in and they'll be like, well, it could just be, you know, a little scratch or

[00:51:39] you could be dying. Well, it's also the result of like two years of just the entire focus of

[00:51:44] everyone's life being on health on health. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, a certain point. I mean,

[00:51:49] well, it's also you kind of realized like they're really guessing. They really are. They don't know

[00:51:54] what the fuck they're talking about. It's truly I look at doctors now the same way I look at like

[00:51:59] vets, which I know they're doctors, but like not really. And you they're just I'm like, why don't I

[00:52:05] just go on fucking WebMD? Yeah. Do my friend told me this. I can say whatever he wouldn't. He told

[00:52:12] he had to go take care of his grandfather because he had a surgery. And he's like, he told me what

[00:52:17] it was. And it's like so sad what happens to the human body, but Jesus Christ, he was getting so

[00:52:23] many catheters that it fucked up his dickhead. And so he had to get like they had to go in from

[00:52:29] the bottom into the pee hole because like they couldn't keep putting it in the dick hole like on

[00:52:35] the end. He got like track marks. Yeah, he's like an old man with dementia and they had to take him

[00:52:39] for his for his piece and his penis surgery. You know, male cats. They'll sometimes they have to

[00:52:45] get their dick removed. Their dicks are disgusting because they'll get like UTIs and have to put a

[00:52:51] catheter in and cats are dicks are so small that they'll just rip the cats dick off taking the

[00:52:55] catheter out. Oh fuck. Well also Josh and Droski's cat. Cats dicks have like they have a hook in them.

[00:53:02] Yeah. So I feel like that would be problematic if you're trying to you know what I'm saying.

[00:53:07] Maybe maybe your friend's granddad had a you know a hook in his dick. Maybe I had a cat dick.

[00:53:13] Maybe I had a cat dick. Yeah. Yeah. You never know. Maybe that's what the surgery was. I felt so bad

[00:53:18] from you. You're like you just shoot me in the head if that's ever happening. Dude, it's really

[00:53:25] scary to think about aging because I I'm like getting old for the first time and I'm like.

[00:53:31] That's not true. Everybody you're always getting old. No, but this is but you're like it's different.

[00:53:37] Late thirties is a different fucking thing. So you're really only feeling it now. I feel that

[00:53:41] already. I'm 33. Oh yeah. My fucking joints hurt. No. I'm like do I have am I having a stroke? I'm

[00:53:47] like I really worried that like every every three days I'm like I'm having a stroke. Dude, it's I'm

[00:53:53] like I went into the pandemic at 35 I'm 37 and I am like looking around and being like like a comedy

[00:54:01] shows and shit and being like I'm talking to children. Yeah. These are little baby children.

[00:54:07] Right. And they're like in two years or three years they're going to be my age but it's a it's a

[00:54:12] different feeling like I'm starting to mispronounce like every famous person a little bit. Like I'm

[00:54:19] saying their name wrong and it's just like I'm fucking washed stretching in public and yeah.

[00:54:26] Oh god. It's like sad. Yeah, I I've already started doing the thing where I like ramble like an old

[00:54:32] person. Yeah. I'll talk to somebody I'll be like and then I catch myself and I'm like 15 minutes

[00:54:38] into a story about Panera bread changing the menu. Yeah. You know and it's like what am I doing?

[00:54:43] Right. I'm telling this person this. Yeah. And I'm like because you know they used to have the

[00:54:47] Smokehouse Turkey but then they replaced it with the chicken fontega which is good but you know it's

[00:54:53] not the Smokehouse Turkey was like it was kind of the only thing in that segment on the menu. You

[00:54:56] just want to hang up on yourself. Yeah. Yeah. Like what the fuck is happening? Right. I know exactly

[00:55:02] where you're talking. Like I just have these moments where I'm like shut up you dumb old whore. I'm

[00:55:08] like I'm doing IVF and I'm like what the fuck the only reason I'm doing like I'm freezing embryos

[00:55:14] because I should have had a child at this point. Like I should so if I was gonna have kids I should

[00:55:20] have already done it but. Well how old are you? 37. Yeah, that's not that's fine. That's like the

[00:55:27] age right? Yeah if I got pregnant right now it would be fine. Yeah. But I'm like you're worried

[00:55:32] about down syndrome. I'm worried. Yes. Yeah. First of all, yeah. It's me and Andy. So

[00:55:38] they like you. It's like you in in in 17 years and you like it's been a long day work and you open

[00:55:43] the freezer and there's just a bunch of empty ice cream pints and you look through all and you're

[00:55:47] like you go out into the living room you're like come on man. He's like well maybe you shouldn't

[00:55:52] have waited so long to get pregnant. And then you would be. Maybe you shouldn't. Yeah, maybe you

[00:55:59] wouldn't be in a situation if you haven't way or something to get. Maybe you shouldn't have

[00:56:03] a sweat you slotted around in your 20s and early. You would you would have a son that he's maybe

[00:56:09] a tax mix. I feel like I'm sort of 17 pounds of ice cream. I feel like the industry is at a place

[00:56:15] where having having a mentally handicapped child would only help my career. Oh yeah. You could

[00:56:21] take that shit to the top. Yeah. You could ride that little fucker all the way to the top. Absolutely.

[00:56:26] Yeah. Absolutely. It used to be that their own Olympics and they're going to have to put a regular

[00:56:32] they're going to have to integrate the Olympics. Yeah. You know. I hope so. Let's make it fucking

[00:56:37] fun. They're already integrated sports illustrated. You know how much it's got to suck if you're like

[00:56:41] a retarded football player. And then they see the sports illustrated like they're like that. Oh

[00:56:48] that she gets to be in the regular sports illustrated. But I still got to play retard football.

[00:56:53] The cheerleaders. They're fine. They get to be in the normal stuff. But I'm still playing

[00:57:00] in the count of the score with fucking jelly beans.

[00:57:05] We got the fucking Abacus made of candy.

[00:57:08] I'm good. That's fucking funny. Oh my god. Anyways. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to freeze my kid and then

[00:57:22] I'll have it when I'm 50 and it'll be a it'll have Down syndrome. Yeah. Or I think autism they say

[00:57:28] also if you're the old down syndrome is actually almost like eliminated is what I heard. Yeah. Because

[00:57:35] they're testing for it so early. Yeah. There's a eugenics. There is. Yeah. Yeah. It is kind of

[00:57:41] fucked up because honestly in the older I get I mean this is like it's funny it was it was like a

[00:57:45] thing I used to make fun of when I was younger and more cynical. But like you know like we were

[00:57:50] like actually we can learn from them. You know retarded people they can actually be the teacher.

[00:57:56] Actually they're the wise like yeah maybe you're just fucking stupid. You know. But like the only

[00:58:02] thing that matters in life the only measure of quality of life is like how happy you are. Right.

[00:58:09] And they've got it in spades. Yeah. Yeah. They're such good guys. Absolutely. My first friend in

[00:58:14] school had Down syndrome. Her name was Elise and I had the most fucking fun with her. And I remember

[00:58:19] my mom being very nervous and concerned and saying that it was important to make friends with everyone.

[00:58:26] Yeah. But I wish she wanted you to get other friends. I loved her. Elise was crazy. She would

[00:58:30] just walk up to people pulled her fucking pants down. I feel like the only way I could have a

[00:58:36] family that like stayed together. Yeah. As if we had one like one of them would have to be the

[00:58:41] older one would have to be retal. Those are the best those are the best families. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:58:45] They're like good people. Yeah. Yeah. Except for Racine. Yeah. I guess. But her his brothers

[00:58:51] has autism right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They keep them in occasion. They let him out of Christmas.

[00:59:01] I love Racine. His kid is so fucking cute. He's so cute Ben. I honestly.

[00:59:06] He's a big kid. He's a big boy. He's a big boy. Yeah. Yeah. Racine and Deb are like

[00:59:14] the best case scenario for people meeting in comedy I think. Yeah. Like I look at the two of

[00:59:19] them and I'm like that's a fucking like look we can we can do it. I remember they had their kid

[00:59:25] around the same time as like a bunch of my like Jewish friends from like back in the day.

[00:59:31] And I go visit the kids. I see my friends like neurotically like the head to protect the head.

[00:59:37] You know like just freaking out. Right. And then I went over to Mike's to see the new baby. Yeah.

[00:59:41] And like they were like yeah he's fine. I don't know. You know and I was just like oh wow these

[00:59:45] people are like they got a zip line or attachment. Just throw like toss it across the room. Yeah.

[00:59:50] Send the baby over here. Just put him on the floor in the middle of the room.

[00:59:54] We'll come back in an hour and a half. It'll be fine. My friend just came to visit with her kid and

[01:00:00] I took him to the Museum of Ice Cream and he was falling. Was it your down syndrome friend?

[01:00:06] No. No. I actually got a job at a museum. I'm gonna get a museum now.

[01:00:12] Yeah. I wonder what she's up to. I actually like never I don't know what happened.

[01:00:17] She never came back. But she like I took him to the Museum of Ice Cream which you should if

[01:00:23] you take a kid there it's like kind of giving a molly because it's just every room is like neon

[01:00:28] lights and fucking you know they're like flash slides and there's like a glitter pool or whatever.

[01:00:35] But her kids started falling asleep and she was like well what's the point of being here.

[01:00:40] And I was like dude us. Like what's us that's the point. It's a weird thing when your friends

[01:00:46] start having kids to see them just sort of lose their own youth in that way. It's sad. Yeah.

[01:00:53] You go like fuck what happened to you just wanting to have fun. Like this sucks now. Yeah.

[01:01:01] Everything's for this kid which I guess is that's what it's supposed to be about.

[01:01:06] Yeah it's probably pretty nice honestly. Yeah. It's better than you know just being you and

[01:01:11] you got a podcast you're trying to figure out a way to justify keeping doing it.

[01:01:17] I think you don't really feel like an artist anymore. You don't know why you did anything.

[01:01:21] Right. You have to just invent medical problems. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

[01:01:25] Like something's got to give. Right. Something's got to be different. I've had the same thoughts

[01:01:30] of like oh maybe I should but but then I was like what if I feel the exact same way and then I just

[01:01:36] have this kid next to me and I'm still worried about like keeping my podcast going. Yeah. Yeah.

[01:01:43] Or whatever. Well then you'd be microseeing. Yeah. I guess he seems he seems happier at least

[01:01:48] he's gaining weight you know. He does seem happier. Yeah. Very round. He's gaining weight in a very

[01:01:53] funny way. Yeah. It's all bellied. His body is very. I'm like this guy looks like a stretched water balloon.

[01:02:00] Yeah. Well his head is moving forward and down. Yes. Yeah. And he's like his stomach is just getting

[01:02:06] bigger. Well his body is matching the personality that he's always had. Right. Yeah. In a way it's

[01:02:11] very satisfying. It's like watching you know something. The completion of the circle. Some people get

[01:02:16] fat in a way that's like just sort of an opportune. Hampton got fat in a very funny way. Hampton.

[01:02:21] Hampton. Oh I don't know Hampton. Oh you know. No. I mean I know of him. I just haven't seen a

[01:02:26] photo of him. But he lost all the way. He did lose all the weight. And then I'm not sure where he's

[01:02:30] at now. He could have it back or haven't seen Hampton in years. But he moved out. I remember

[01:02:35] him moving to LA and then I saw him and I hadn't seen him for like two years. Somebody should start

[01:02:38] like some kind of account. Yeah. So that we can track this. The best is Lev Lev Lev's weight gain is

[01:02:46] one of the funniest pieces of he should he should get the Mark Twain prize. Yeah. Fucking how fucking

[01:02:52] funny it. I know his weight gain is. I know. It's and it's so satisfying. It's a work of art.

[01:02:59] The way in which that guy got fat. Like nobody's on for you know the pandemic. Yeah. And then he

[01:03:04] comes back and he's 400 pounds heavier. You're like what? Yeah. No. I mean looking at him I was

[01:03:11] like oh you've always been like this. Yeah. This is who you actually are. No it's like it's like

[01:03:17] the shallow. It's like watching the shallow how trailer. Yeah. Where he like walks past something

[01:03:21] that he suddenly just big. Yeah. You're like this is um and and oddly enough like sometimes people I

[01:03:28] think become better when they're fat. I think he got to he's a worse person but he is better for it.

[01:03:38] Does that make sense? You think it became a worse person when you got fat? Yeah. Yeah. He's like a

[01:03:42] meaner. You know what I mean? I don't think he's meaner. He's somehow more confident. I mean it's

[01:03:47] bizarre. That's kind of what I meant by comedy. Yeah. By me. Yeah. But yes. Yeah. It's what's the

[01:03:52] confidence you get when you go because he was a young guy. So he was doing comedy. He was like

[01:03:55] 19 20. Right. And he's hot. Yeah. And but but now he's like maybe he's like 23 or something. Yeah.

[01:04:02] You know about switches when you're like oh I'm an adult now. Yeah. Like these like I these people

[01:04:07] I'm around are just like you get to hear and then you get just get dumber. Your brain starts like

[01:04:12] breaking down. Yeah. Yeah. And so he has the confidence of being an adult but he also like is not now

[01:04:18] he's just a fat. He's just incredibly fat. Yeah. Guy who just closed him. I thought he was losing

[01:04:27] the weight. I thought he was on the way to leave him. No. Me and him have a bet because he was

[01:04:29] like I sat with him one time and he he just has this like unshakable confidence which is I think

[01:04:35] he was fat before this too. Like he was only hot for like two years. Yeah. It was like we only

[01:04:40] we only knew him after he lost the weight. Yeah. He got he got hot and then just produced a

[01:04:45] lifetime worth of hot content. Yeah. If you Google his name there's no fat pictures. Absolutely.

[01:04:51] It's just the eight months in which he was not fat. Right. And that's like the the story. Yeah.

[01:04:56] He created his his own make a wish. That's what goes on the tape. And then yeah you can't find

[01:05:01] anything current but yeah I mean him out of bed because he was out there. He's just sitting there

[01:05:05] with his eyebrow raised and he's like by this time next year I'll be he's like I'll be 200

[01:05:10] pounds later and I'm like you won't even be I'm like you won't lose 20 pounds anything. I'm like

[01:05:15] nothing. He's like I guarantee you I will. I'm like I'll bet you a thousand dollars. I'll bet you a

[01:05:20] thousand dollars. Can you take it? Yeah. You take the bet. Yeah. We got a bet going. Okay.

[01:05:24] And then the next time I saw him he's like I'm down 25 pounds. I'm like fuck well I guess I owe you

[01:05:28] a thousand dollars. We'll see what happens. Yeah. And I said I'm last night.

[01:05:31] Fuck up. Faddish shit. Yeah. Yeah. You guys start bringing your own scale too. Yeah. I don't even

[01:05:37] want the money. Like I'm not even. He's at a level of fat where it's like if he loses fucking 20

[01:05:41] pounds you're not gonna know. Yeah. Like he's not 20 pounds on him is like five pounds on a regular

[01:05:49] body. I hope he loses the weight for his health. You know. Yeah. What he should do is he should do

[01:05:55] a seasonal thing. Yeah. Because you do comedy for eight months and in those eight months he's just

[01:05:59] wildly overweight. Yeah. Obese. And but then continues to do like dating advice stuff. Yeah.

[01:06:06] Like telling guys how to get the most out of their woman. He's just his ass. His fucking ass is

[01:06:13] hanging out. No he's so wide. He's such a circle shaped person now. Yeah. He really is. Yeah. No

[01:06:23] because he doesn't know the right. He looks like the little Miss Sunshine drawings. He's awesome. Dude. I love him. Yeah. He's great. He's maybe my favorite person in comedy. He cracks me up just because when I watch him talk to people and he's done it to me too. He's gotten me before. We're like he'll just piss me off. Like he got he got me the point. I forget what the fuck we were talking about. But it was something where he was just trying to be antagonistic. And I was like and I just fell for it. And I was like, oh he fucking got me so good. Yeah. And I was like yelling at it. I was like yelling at it. I was like, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

[01:06:53] I'm in the stand. And then I was like, what am I doing? I'm like fighting with like a child. And it's like 1130. I have a husband at home. Yeah. And I'm not leaving. Me and him. Me and him like co hosted some shitty upstairs show at the stand one time. And somebody took a picture and not only. I mean, you know, I weigh like 10 pounds. Yeah. You know. And but I was also just like in the background. The shot and then he's sitting on the stool. And he saw the picture and he's like he just he couldn't believe that it was the. He's like the picture.

[01:07:23] Must be wrong. He's like, I'm not that he's like, he's like, I don't look like that. Do I? It's like, yeah. Yeah. It's literally a photo. Yeah. Yeah. Did someone just talk currently? But that's what happens when you get. I was like a fat kid. And when I look at pictures, I remember looking at pictures myself and being like, no, no, no, that's no. Yeah. Because you start to go. It's the angle. Yeah. Or like, it's actually just like the shadow of my shirt. Yeah, it's the gravity, the gravity and the

[01:07:53] lens. Right. Yeah. And then like, but at 23, you're supposed to be able to look at a photo of yourself and go like,

[01:07:57] Oh, this is a problem. Yeah. Or just never look at photos of yourself. Yeah. Just smash the mirror in your

[01:08:03] apartment and smash all the mirrors, live in filth and come here and sleep on the floor of the studio.

[01:08:08] Yeah. Just just bury yourself and work. It was so funny when I saw him for the first time after the

[01:08:12] pandemic and he was talking about his girlfriend and he was like, she's a fucking saint, you know,

[01:08:16] like because she'd stayed with them. And he meant it. I was like, yeah, this is really funny to me.

[01:08:24] She's a saint. Yeah. Which saint? Which, which, let's go through the canon. Tell me which saint was

[01:08:32] the one that the patron state is saying of watching a guy kill himself with Panda Express.

[01:08:36] Yeah. Which one, which one was that?

[01:08:38] She's a saint. Yeah. I was like, OK. Well, anyways, Adam, you want to you want to take us out here?

[01:08:46] Yeah. We can continue doing the show, by the way. I do think I'm going to like, I need to drink some

[01:08:51] water or something. You're going to faint. Yeah. I think I need to go get a physical because I did

[01:08:57] aside from that. I did come from the doctors, but I think I need to run and get a physical. Aside from

[01:09:02] the medical or, you know, like health phobia, I think like I did switch to veganism. Oh, yeah.

[01:09:10] I need to make sure I'm not like fucking up my like levels. Iron levels. Yeah. Yeah. Are you taking

[01:09:16] a take a prenatal vitamin? I do. I take a good well, you know, it's like I don't I don't I use I

[01:09:21] for years, I've always taken a good multivitamin. Yeah. Now I like supplement B vitamins on top of

[01:09:26] it. Just yeah. Yeah. That's see. This is the shit that I'm talking about. We could talk about supplements

[01:09:32] for a while. We honestly, we should. I brought six bottles to go to my dad's house for a night.

[01:09:38] I'm thinking about going to Chipotle after the two top Patreon, but the Adam Freeland show is

[01:09:43] going to be the number one Patreon. We will. Yeah. Million dollars a month. Patreon.com slash T

[01:09:49] A F S. And then we're going to exclusive video content entirely separate from the networks,

[01:09:54] create Anderson Cooper, man TV show. I can see that. Yeah. But the top two were currently is true

[01:10:01] crime bullshit. And then then why I guess Tim Dylan after that. But then there's one that's like

[01:10:05] just a nutrition podcast. Uh huh. And something called something called maintenance phase and

[01:10:10] they make like 800 million dollars a month. Then like fucking peanut butter and jelly. Whatever

[01:10:18] the fuck they talk about. But you guys are ready for lunch. Those motherfuckers. Yeah, we will get

[01:10:25] Anderson Cooper in here. We're getting big celebs on the new show. We're booking it. Yeah. We got a

[01:10:31] huge, huge gas coming through. I don't want to gas it up too much, but huge Jessica Chastain. Jessica

[01:10:38] Chastain Tom, Tom said no. Yeah. Tom confirmed he was not interested today. It broke my heart.

[01:10:44] Timothy Timothy. What's his face that famous? Chalamet. Yeah. He's coming on. We're gonna talk

[01:10:50] about the Willie Walker movie. Yeah. And be like, how do you how's your process? How does it feel to

[01:10:55] be an icon with regards to the Down syndrome community? You're both a gay icon and the King

[01:11:03] of Candy and the King of Canada. Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, they call him the King of Candy.

[01:11:09] And Timothy Chalamet, the Twinkish boy. Just a guy down syndrome at blockbuster picking up

[01:11:18] Candy Man. He's like, Oh, this looks good. He's at home watching and he's like, What the hell?

[01:11:23] Where's all the candy? It's just a fucking black guy. I want to watch a movie about a fucking black

[01:11:32] guy. I thought we were going to watch something with Twizzlers and rainbows. Yeah. I thought this was

[01:11:37] supposed to be about the candy. What is wrong with our society? And all of this. I love that this

[01:11:46] starts with him at blockbuster too. Yeah. Which is just him at this point in a warehouse somewhere.

[01:11:53] He's calling blockbuster. But folks, we do have now seen that picture right of like the dad who

[01:12:01] like for his autistic son recreated a blockbuster shelf in his their house. So their autistic

[01:12:07] son could go pick out movies at blockbuster. No, I did not see that. Very adorable. That's very sweet.

[01:12:12] See, that's the kind of thing I need in my life. Yeah. For me to just like, you know, ignore my

[01:12:17] regular children and helping them with their homework and dealing with the nuances of complex

[01:12:21] emotions. I just got to build your retard brother at blockbuster. That's the kind of dad.

[01:12:26] You can homeschool yourself. Yeah. Your brother needs help. I don't know shit about the fucking

[01:12:30] revolutionary war. Don't ask. Go check Netflix. I'm too busy with this. No, no, I can't.

[01:12:37] I can't tell you about girls. I got to find the right kind of slot board to hang up these

[01:12:42] fucking get the font right. You know what kind of temper tantrum he's going to have if finding

[01:12:49] Nemo doesn't look perfect on that shelf. I kind of like this. I like this idea. Yeah. More and more.

[01:12:59] I'm like, maybe I'll just go into the doctors at the end of the month and be like, can you get me

[01:13:02] one with down syndrome? No, it'd be nice. It kind of would be nice. Yeah, I'm sure for him, he'd be

[01:13:07] like, whoo, I can take a load off. He'd be just a fucking source of constant joy. Because it's just

[01:13:12] me in there and a bunch of women in their mid 50s trying to get pregnant from the Upper West Side.

[01:13:17] I just bid you before, but I would love to have a down syndrome son and a normal daughter,

[01:13:21] like a smart daughter, and just be awful to the daughter. Yeah. Just be but like in the way a mom

[01:13:28] would. Yeah. Like you look like shit. You're going out wearing that. You look fat. Your arms are

[01:13:34] fat. Yeah. You shouldn't pose sideways. Yeah. Sweetie. That's not your color. Yeah. Just a

[01:13:42] Thanksgiving. She's on her first plate and I'm like, okay. Maybe a little less. Maybe you want to

[01:13:48] take some breaths between bites. That's literally my childhood. Be a bitch, mom. Dude, my mom was

[01:13:54] such a bitch. She would drop me off at friends houses. She'd say to their mom, she'd be like,

[01:13:58] hey, Rosebud likes to snack. So many clothes. The pantry. While she's here. I brought a padlock.

[01:14:07] If you want to go ahead. I'll come out and sell it now. I brought a padlock and a bag of celery.

[01:14:12] I got drywall. She starts to ask for more. You can put her in the backyard and tire there.

[01:14:20] Well, Rosebud, thank you for joining us. Thank you so much for joining us.

[01:14:23] It's just fun. Folks, just an update. We have a real timeline for the launch of the after. We'll

[01:14:28] show Nick and I are pretty excited. Things are coming together. I'm sorry about all the wires

[01:14:32] that are exposed right now. Nick, sometimes I'll say something to Nick and then he'll go silent

[01:14:38] and I'll hear banging in the other room and then there will be more wires pulled out of the walls.

[01:14:43] I think it's like a therapy for him. Well, no, obviously. I mean, if it feels like he's in the

[01:14:47] middle of something really important, but nobody understands what it is. That's obviously, but

[01:14:52] if there's a mark of genius that you've learned from Hollywood, I'm trying to make the world's

[01:14:56] best magician. Yeah, you know, just build it. Just build it. Okay. All right. Well, thanks for

[01:15:01] joining us. Thanks so much. Thanks guys.