TAFS | Premium | 09/20/2022
[00:00:31] Take it away from the onion for England proudly. Does that you want to start it?
[00:00:36] I mean, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm not criticizing.
[00:00:39] I was like, do you maybe we'll try like a different, we can play around and do a couple of them.
[00:00:56] Guys, welcome to the Adam Friedland Show.
[00:01:22] This is, we're finally doing a queen episode.
[00:01:26] She's been laid to rest at Windsor Castle, her favorite place.
[00:01:34] And one thing is for certain about like a middle aged black guy.
[00:01:37] He's got like the Denver Nuggets shorts on.
[00:01:43] And they're falling down his like dick and ass or hang out.
[00:01:50] The boy in the queen guy, he's like, yo, her little Kim died.
[00:02:07] Dude, that is, that's the best video that guy in the Bodega in the Bronx.
[00:02:25] Here's the thing, folks, a little peek behind the curtain.
[00:02:27] Nick and I are in a good mood right now.
[00:02:31] And this good mood is certain to continue for the rest of our lives.
[00:02:37] We were going to do a monologue, but I got caught up running data cable all over.
[00:02:43] I already the racks done for the production studio.
[00:02:51] Network equipment ordered, mixer ordered.
[00:03:12] No, but it should be like a surprise for them.
[00:03:18] Anybody that when they see this is awesome.
[00:03:27] I wish I wasn't such a little gossip fag.
[00:03:31] When I was in indie, it was very tempting after the show to just pull out my phone and
[00:03:43] I don't have to say anything else, but it's tight.
[00:03:49] I got to get these tours, this tour done because I was like, maybe I'll get back in.
[00:03:54] I don't think we'd started doing stand-up because I thought the podcast was ending.
[00:03:58] I was like, I'm going to do something for money.
[00:04:00] And like I broke the hour for Austin and I was like, I got a burn.
[00:04:03] I can't be doing stuff about the Oscars anymore, but right.
[00:04:12] Once the audience is stopped laughing, I'm losing money every weekend.
[00:04:14] When the laughter stops because nobody's coming out.
[00:04:18] Then it's full time at a freelance show.
[00:04:42] I spent three grand today on all the networking stuff.
[00:04:46] Lighting is going to be like another 40,000.
[00:04:52] The DP was like, you know, you can get cheaper options.
[00:05:00] It, because the lighting is going to be in the shot.
[00:05:05] Here's the thing is like, they say like signs your friend is suicidal, right?
[00:05:13] No, it's that they start giving stuff away.
[00:05:23] Everybody likes to tell me I'm having a manic episode and say, trust me.
[00:05:26] You'd know if I was having a manic episode.
[00:05:28] This is just normal your responsibility.
[00:05:42] Well, this is just, this is just stupid.
[00:05:48] Well, a lot of shit that's stupid is also tight.
[00:05:56] You wouldn't say Dave Mira is an intellectual.
[00:06:01] That's 30 for 30 where he kills himself in front of his wife.
[00:06:12] That's one of the best things a man has ever done.
[00:06:16] That video where she's like, or that's like, she's like, there's literally no reason to
[00:06:23] And he's acting like he's going to the moon.
[00:06:25] That is the most important thing a man.
[00:06:28] He's acting like he's going off to fight World War II.
[00:06:30] And it's just, it's jumping as high as possible on a bicycle.
[00:06:38] It's to the Homer, the Homer the clown, like loop the loop.
[00:06:54] Like he separates his brain stem from his spinal column.
[00:06:59] Medical science finds some way to revive him.
[00:07:02] He comes out and he's like, I'm going to put you all through this.
[00:07:09] And that's basically what we did with this and we're doing it.
[00:07:14] Like the signs of your friend being suicidal is like, you guys have to keep gassing us
[00:07:21] Because otherwise the fucking the wheels are going to fall off the track.
[00:07:30] But if for any like brief second we realize that we're.
[00:07:35] No, I'm good at I'm actually tunneled in.
[00:07:39] I'm when I'm happy with what I'm doing.
[00:07:43] Like our friend the other night he was like, yeah, I have some constructive criticism to
[00:07:50] I'm like, fuck about your constructive criticism.
[00:07:54] I have some constructive criticism for you.
[00:07:56] You tried to give stop cheating on your girl.
[00:08:12] You've got to be careful with these fucking demigrofs.
[00:08:20] It's like, ooh, I'm going to find out who they're talking about.
[00:08:29] Anyway, people are gossip about all day long.
[00:08:33] Anyway, our friend was trying to give us constructive criticism.
[00:08:41] It doesn't matter where we know what we're doing.
[00:08:45] They had to give constructive criticism to how we're doing.
[00:08:49] They said you're blowing all of your family through.
[00:08:51] Stop peeing in jars and keeping it in your bedroom.
[00:08:55] You made the greatest movie of all time.
[00:09:07] And I may have lied about this in six years of broadcast.
[00:09:16] I didn't have a respect for filmmaking until I had to film myself in a bed for a total
[00:09:25] I watched, I went to the theaters to see a bad movie recently.
[00:09:43] I think basically Dog Day afternoon, some vet goes to, like, how about a movie about
[00:09:49] four white women and it's called Dog Dick afternoon?
[00:09:55] And they're just game as four white women and they take over a candle.
[00:10:07] And they're like, I want to speak to the news yet, right?
[00:10:10] They're like the Me Too movement and then women are like, yeah, I guess.
[00:10:20] Anyway, but that guy, basically they tried to remake Dog Day afternoon, but everyone's
[00:10:26] Except for Connie Britton, coach's wife from Friday Night Lights.
[00:10:31] So it's like she plays the journalist Dog afternoon night.
[00:10:36] You take all the time words and you shift them to their later.
[00:11:04] I really think everybody got not a mom.
[00:11:13] You know, you're like, oh, it's just a cold.
[00:11:16] I think I legitimately have permanent brain damage.
[00:11:22] And I never was particularly intelligent.
[00:11:29] I used to misremember things all the time.
[00:11:32] I used to misremember things all the time.
[00:11:37] I'd be like, yeah, Val Kilmer directed.
[00:11:42] He directed Titanic and he was in heat.
[00:11:47] No, but see, that's still misremembering.
[00:11:48] Now I got my brain's like, I'm not doing this shit.
[00:11:57] So I saw this movie, not particularly good.
[00:11:59] But since it is a Chinese virus, I think we should all try to learn Mandarin.
[00:12:10] Math always made me feel sick when I was a kid.
[00:12:14] Like physically ill to have to do math.
[00:12:22] But the way you conceive of things would lead me to believe that you'd be all right
[00:12:33] Anyway, but this movie isn't particularly good.
[00:12:37] And the guy John Boyega is just trying to do Denzel in John Q. But there's a scene
[00:12:48] And he's like, my son got raped by Bill Clinton.
[00:12:55] I'm fucking all these white women until my son gets restitution.
[00:13:08] Just them like literally just like dapping each other up.
[00:13:17] But we'll have like fucking Jessica Chastain on and I'll like lean over.
[00:13:21] I'll be like, how about dog dick afternoon?
[00:13:24] And then we'll just do the regular podcast.
[00:13:27] You don't think she'll want to get married to you after you said it?
[00:13:29] I think she would despise me, honestly.
[00:13:39] You say that just because I like to say it all the time.
[00:13:43] When you say Jessica Chastain, there's like a look on your face.
[00:13:51] I turn into a cartoon wolf and I start bang.
[00:13:56] Anyway, but there's a scene where John Boyega's really going for it.
[00:14:00] Turn on your car used to be to get pussy.
[00:14:04] And then somebody was like, maybe I'll use this instead of getting into an accident.
[00:14:15] Or is, I mean, I was about to make a really fucking gay point.
[00:14:22] He's really going for it and I watched him in the theaters.
[00:14:26] And I was like, I know what that's like because of that scene where I was with the Russian
[00:14:35] I can empathize as a creative artist and performer.
[00:14:40] See, I thought I saw myself thinking that.
[00:14:43] I thought you pulled it off considering we shot that.
[00:14:46] All one take, 20 minutes we had to set up and get that done.
[00:15:01] Maybe she was at the, at casual male XL buying clothes.
[00:15:24] I mean, I've never seen the Jaws or the alien Jaws is good.
[00:15:34] And I don't think I've seen all of the Indiana Jones.
[00:15:39] Indiana Jones is not as good as, you know, because Indiana Jones, they put that like
[00:15:46] I mean, it's, you know, Spielberg, it's Lucas.
[00:15:56] Considering the recipe, you know, should be one of the best movies.
[00:16:02] Every time I've tried to get back into, I've tried them to not get back in.
[00:16:06] I've tried to watch Indiana Jones, like as an adult.
[00:16:09] Because as a kid, you would see it in passing.
[00:16:11] And then I'd be like, oh, I'll watch Indiana Jones.
[00:16:15] The only baby movie that still holds up.
[00:16:20] Because, and I've said this before, how incredible Lego Indiana Jones is.
[00:16:27] I only played Lego Indiana Jones came free with the Xbox 360.
[00:16:32] It's a game you can't lose because it's for like two year olds.
[00:16:39] But I'll tell you, you were talking about stupid.
[00:16:40] It took me until almost the end of the game to realize that.
[00:16:50] Well, Uncharted 2 is supposed to be the best one, but I couldn't get into it.
[00:17:03] Nathan Drake, who's the great, great, great grandson of Drake.
[00:17:11] He's like, yeah, they bred all that shit out.
[00:17:13] So, I mean, you were starting off, yeah.
[00:17:20] Drake looks like a Jewish guy standing under an umbrella.
[00:17:23] He's hacked what every single Jewish boy desperately wants.
[00:17:29] Because we just want to be an international...
[00:17:32] But you know, Drake was impossible until Obama.
[00:17:46] So, so Obama got whiter throughout his...
[00:17:48] I don't know if comeback season came before after Obama.
[00:17:52] Did you notice that Obama's like shade kind of...
[00:18:02] Everyone said he was the first black president.
[00:18:03] But what about the first light-skinned president?
[00:18:14] He came out of retirement to make sure...
[00:18:16] He made Netflix to make sure, yeah, Bernie didn't win.
[00:18:20] He made that Netflix to a couple of months.
[00:18:49] I think Obama's cool way than Joe Biden.
[00:19:00] You have to be genuinely, I think, racist to not like Obama, just on a personality level.
[00:19:11] Do you remember after the shooting, the Dylan Roof shooting, when he went to the church
[00:19:35] That's why it's like, that's where all of this started.
[00:19:39] Like most of it was hinged on Photoshop.
[00:19:53] Yeah, she's just like, yeah, some fucking...
[00:19:55] Brush teeth, eat your vegetables, do push ups.
[00:20:02] Obama wrote a book about smoking crack and eating chicken wings.
[00:20:15] But don't forget, this is a center left show now.
[00:20:18] Because we have to call everybody racist.
[00:20:21] So before you send me angry emails, he's racist.
[00:20:24] Telling me that Obama's, how dare you, don't forget what the show is.
[00:20:31] And if you don't like Barack Obama, you're racist.
[00:20:34] If you don't like Michelle, you could be a misogynist, but that's okay.
[00:20:41] We're like that guy that Democratic donor who...
[00:20:49] Dude, I swear to God, me and Mike saw him.
[00:20:51] We were driving back from there, taking a look back from the airport.
[00:20:59] And I look over and it's just some old Jewish guy and like a pink, like, wife beater with
[00:21:05] like some young black guy in the passenger seat and he's like, Tarnam.
[00:21:09] He's like, fucking just buttering him up, you know?
[00:21:12] And I was like, hey Mike, look, it's Ed Buck.
[00:21:14] And then we had a nice little laugh, a little way back from the airport.
[00:21:18] You know, Indy, which thanks for everybody for coming out.
[00:21:24] Nashville, Zaines, this weekend, please come out.
[00:21:29] Guys, I feel like everybody that wanted to see me already saw me.
[00:21:35] And now I'm struggling to get these tickets popping.
[00:21:40] Oh, and then I think all my Seattle shows are sold out, but the second Portland show, there
[00:21:48] So come through Mississippi Studio, Pacific Northwest.
[00:21:55] Oh, I'm doing some, I'm doing some whatever.
[00:22:06] You left me hanging signing up for Equinox, by the way.
[00:22:31] And then I got tricked into signing up.
[00:22:37] And then I was like, well, I'll sign up for the gym.
[00:22:44] You're just spending $300 a month just to get her attention.
[00:22:54] We got to buy foam board so I can justify buying this foam board cutter.
[00:23:08] But then what I needed is the choppy thing.
[00:23:12] And it's at my ex-girlfriend's house in her basement.
[00:23:19] But I also can't justify buying another choppy thing because I already have one.
[00:23:27] That's not really good for cutting stuff.
[00:23:31] You know what this will be perfect for?
[00:23:33] It's cutting the backing board for my puzzles when I glue them down and then frame them.
[00:23:52] You can talk about I'm in love with this bitch or whatever gossip about my personal life.
[00:24:02] Even suggesting that I don't have time for puzzles.
[00:24:05] That's like telling me I don't have time for therapy.
[00:24:08] In fact, I might fire this fucking therapist and get a couple more puzzles.
[00:24:17] Yeah, he can't go to a woman therapist.
[00:24:19] What am I going to do to a woman mechanic also?
[00:24:30] I'm going to be just to convince the therapist that you have some sort of like a reparable
[00:24:36] Well, then they'll be like, yeah, we can't help you.
[00:24:46] I want him to be like, you are the greatest guy.
[00:24:50] I went in on the first one and I had memorized all of the choreography to Britney Spears'
[00:25:01] And I just went, I didn't remember the words.
[00:25:19] This is a real job that I can let someone get out.
[00:25:30] Why you taking pants off for Lil Kim, dying?
[00:25:39] You got to, I might have to make an office rule that you got to keep the vape away from
[00:25:55] If you're enjoying the Adam Friedland show, those were real numbers.
[00:26:02] Please support the show at patreon.com slash T-A-F-S.
[00:26:06] I know some of you may think, okay, well, you guys already make a lot of money.
[00:26:12] It is literally all gone back into the show for the last month or two, which is why I
[00:26:19] Even though I like doing stand up, it's nice coming out, meeting you guys saying hi, but
[00:26:23] it's ideally I would be here working on this thing all the time and then just doing club
[00:26:31] spots and then hitting the road and doing a quick big market tour with a new hour rather
[00:26:38] than a bunch of top bullshit I glued together before.
[00:26:42] It is pretty annoying to hear that from me.
[00:26:56] It's like being like, I could be in the NBA, but I would rather spend a lot of money.
[00:27:06] And this feels more like this would be the NBA.
[00:27:09] This is the NBA or it's like, okay, but you're a very entertaining Harlem Globe Trotter.
[00:27:43] You speak with fondness about times where you were not having a good time.
[00:27:56] But the way my mind works is I'm very sentimental and I'm very nostalgic.
[00:28:02] I knew full well going into that tour that I would be miserable, that I would be upset
[00:28:10] But I know that about myself and I know that my brain will just wash it clean in a month
[00:28:16] and then I'll look back on it and be like, man, that's...
[00:28:21] You were incredibly miserable until you got your hands on opioids in Japan.
[00:29:00] It really sucks that drugs, they're wrong.
[00:29:06] You know, like some people, they're just, they're in a good mood.
[00:29:12] I think, I don't know, how else can you do it?
[00:29:16] No, I think the bullshit that people say probably works, you know, like just taking the time
[00:29:24] And like I said, it's like, you know, if I have the ability to like in retrospect, appreciate
[00:29:29] things, there's a way to synthesize that appreciation and what I'm actually doing in the moment.
[00:29:37] I guess I'm going to have to learn a couple more Britney Spears songs.
[00:29:39] You're going back to therapy until it clicks.
[00:29:46] No, I'm really excited about last week.
[00:29:48] What's the conclusion of last week when we realized what's, what's up?
[00:29:59] And every little bit of progress, but last week that was huge.
[00:30:02] The thing that's like, what's frustrating me is because like this will be ready to go.
[00:30:06] I would like to do like a longer thing, like shoot and edit a longer thing and have that
[00:30:13] Like some of like the bigger interviews in here and shoot that, but then maybe put those
[00:30:18] on like a later release schedule or like, I mean, wow, we can talk about this.
[00:30:25] I mean, the truth is we can at this juncture do whatever we want.
[00:30:31] I mean, once like we just need the money to keep cooking for like another month to get
[00:30:34] all of like the startup expenses hammered down.
[00:30:39] And that like, I really don't give a fuck what happens because we'll have enough, you
[00:31:11] I mean, I feel like we had to send a search Jewish landlords.
[00:31:28] That would really be putting an extra layer of stress on my shoulders.
[00:31:32] I mean, I feel like even if we had send a search Jewish landlords.
[00:31:37] I feel like they can't really be sinister because they already know they know what might
[00:31:47] Who are the people that are on the place?
[00:31:51] We told them that we were at the lease signing.
[00:31:53] Yeah, but they don't kind of get whatever.
[00:32:06] We have to come up with a different name for the audience or the listeners.
[00:32:10] In fact, I don't even know what are we saying?
[00:32:14] Because somebody was like, you know, like, what's the name for fans of the Adam Friedland
[00:32:19] It's like, well, what's the name for fans of firing line?
[00:32:24] Yeah, the fans of Anderson Cooper, 36B.
[00:32:34] I've got a little bit of action, 101 Dalmatians.
[00:32:36] I think I've got a neat thing set up for myself.
[00:32:40] I watched the live action Aladdin on the Saturday night.
[00:32:53] That's the one with Will Smith is the genius.
[00:33:02] He's a prince, comedy, but he's so self-conscious at this point that it's really stressful.
[00:33:09] Well, because he was the most famous, coolest guy in the world for 15 years.
[00:33:14] And now he's a guy whose wife just cocks him constantly.
[00:33:19] And then he has to humiliate himself in public.
[00:33:23] I feel like half the reason he even slapped Chris Rock is because Chris Rock insulted her.
[00:33:28] And then later, she would have been like, I'm thinking about fucking Chris Rock because
[00:33:42] That's like, you know, that expression.
[00:33:43] People are like, behind every great man, there's some dumb bitch trying to take care
[00:33:54] It's like, I point them to a little film called 310 Deuma.
[00:33:59] It basically explains the original or the race relations between men and women.
[00:34:12] Dude, I realized last week for the first time on the phone, I had never known this in 35
[00:34:21] years of my life that my family are royalists.
[00:34:38] Like that girl Megan, they don't like her because she's black.
[00:34:48] He was like, well, she's got, you know, she's got a lot of problems.
[00:34:52] I was like, how could you even reach that conclusion?
[00:35:00] It makes me want to like change my last name.
[00:35:02] I thought you could be like, well, she's.
[00:35:38] I mean, we can get the stage dimension.
[00:35:39] I don't know why I, like, I just wanted, I wanted things in here first.
[00:35:43] I wanted like, just make sure that, you know, we don't get stuck with something that doesn't
[00:35:48] But yeah, I mean, Friday, the DP can come in and take a look at like the, I'm gone.
[00:35:55] I'm from, well, he can go, as long as the chairs are here, we can get somebody to make
[00:35:59] sure that everything's set up so that, you know, like, because the trick is creating
[00:36:04] a sense of depth over here and a close up.
[00:36:09] And he's going to have to do that or help with that.
[00:36:11] And then we can figure out where we can drop the stage itself.
[00:36:23] Other guys listening to this and being like, they're out of their minds.
[00:36:39] I've been here, you know, I get here at six a.m.
[00:36:43] Go over to, go over to the giant, finally, at a day of the gym.
[00:36:48] We're actually more, I'm not just fucking around.
[00:36:53] Don't make, you're going to get me kicked out of Equinox.
[00:36:56] They don't know who we're talking about.
[00:36:57] I know, but you're going to get me kicked out of Equinox.
[00:36:59] You're going to make it seem like a movie.
[00:37:04] You're going to get me banned from my expensive gym.
[00:37:10] And but no, I've been running that cable all day long.
[00:37:15] And we're going to have great internet and then we go to, yeah, we go to, well, at least
[00:37:24] They're already doing like two and a half gig for residential in New York.
[00:37:29] But once I got, they'll have, they'll have like multi-gig or 10 gig business internet
[00:37:37] Well, I think, I mean, I guess it would depend on Stevens and also, but then we won't
[00:37:47] Like to get stuff edited if he doesn't want to come in here.
[00:37:59] Some guys, some of these jokes for like a writing package.
[00:38:07] I won't say it's the live action 101 Dalmatians.
[00:38:25] And my girlfriend got from the farmers market.
[00:38:48] So you guys can tell me if I should hire this guy.
[00:38:54] Racine did topical jokes on funny moms last week.
[00:39:06] I hope if you came out to Andy, if you came out to any show that I brought Mike Racine
[00:39:11] and you enjoyed Mike Racine set, please harass him to fucking come back and do a headlining
[00:39:17] He's a great, he's a great comic and he should have a fucking career.
[00:39:25] But like a lot of people we know, they get stuck in a fucking rut.
[00:39:37] You got to be like an egotist or a narcissist or whatever to even do stand up in the first
[00:39:47] It's like, oh, they think they have to like practice humility.
[00:39:50] It's like, no, keep being a fucking, yeah, that's how you get good.
[00:39:53] Well, not only, I mean, maybe it's not how you get good, but this is how you fucking
[00:40:04] So I'm not going to say this is good or bad.
[00:40:07] You guys can tell me if we should hire this guy to be a writer.
[00:40:13] My mother is so ugly, the plastic surgeon added a tail.
[00:40:27] I read a New York Times article today that said most actions happen within 25 miles of
[00:40:37] I know, but that's, I feel like that's also probably stolen.
[00:40:45] You know, you know, I heard somebody do a joke one time about, yeah, they say that most
[00:40:48] accidents happen within a mile from your home.
[00:40:53] Which is really bad news for me because I live in my car.
[00:40:59] So maybe he could steal that instead of this twenty five.
[00:41:03] You know, I have used up all my surprising most accidents happen within twenty five miles
[00:41:10] I mean, you don't venture much further than that.
[00:41:29] These seem like Stephen Wright jokes, honestly.
[00:41:33] We could wipe out the national debt if there was a tax on campaign promises.
[00:41:47] That one's more in the voice of the show.
[00:41:49] I'm just thinking my dad would hear that and be like, that's that's quite right.
[00:41:57] And then somebody's like, man, what are your drawers at?
[00:42:02] You got your dick and you ask hanging out, man, come on.
[00:42:09] She was given a ticket for being in the passenger seat.
[00:42:18] It doesn't subvert the expectation of the audience.
[00:42:23] Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?
[00:42:26] Are they afraid someone will clean them?
[00:42:34] My doctor said he specialized in shock treatment.
[00:42:38] I did not understand what he meant until he called the inward until I received the bill.
[00:42:52] If he's trying to like go like corny center left.
[00:42:55] No, these are the kind of jokes that'll get you a job on SNL.
[00:43:11] Um, let's just hope he, uh, and he's not going to pass go.
[00:43:16] Let's hope he doesn't pass gas on your way there.
[00:43:23] Um, how do you double the value of a Ford focus?
[00:43:40] They don't maintain their value in focus or yeah, go ahead.
[00:43:47] I feel like a pickpocket in a nudist camp.
[00:44:00] I would imagine him trying to steal things out of people.
[00:44:20] Uh, why did God make man before a woman?
[00:44:24] He did not want to be given advice on how to make a man.
[00:44:34] Maybe Lamb might be a head writer of the Adam Friedland show.
[00:44:43] How did the Jewish people come to America?
[00:44:50] So this does sound like a riddle to me.
[00:45:12] I like these where I have the guess for the joke.
[00:45:31] Um, folks, if you've seen Jaws, if you've seen 101 Dalmatians, you're probably thinking,
[00:45:38] wow, I've got a lot in common with these guys.
[00:45:42] And if you do, check out patreon.com slash T-A-F-S.
[00:45:57] On the other hand, it's nothing to brag about either.
[00:46:12] How do you find a Jewish baby in a nursery?
[00:46:17] Um, how do you find a Jewish baby in a nursery?
[00:46:21] Because you're going to go like too creative or funny.
[00:46:28] If you wanted to find a Jewish baby in a nursery, obviously it would be the one that's circumcised.
[00:46:33] Um, I mean, I guess you would look at all of their penises.
[00:46:40] Um, it would be the baby with indigestion.
[00:46:55] Uh, the last time I had sex, Bush was in office.
[00:47:07] This is very take my wife, George Hardware Bush.
[00:47:11] Uh, yesterday I was so happy I jumped for joy and landed in an open manhole.
[00:47:19] That's not even, uh, uh, give me a second.
[00:47:26] Yeah, this is the best part of the show.
[00:47:27] When you start off hot and then you run out of steam because that's fine dude.
[00:47:33] Like we said, you guys, we got big things coming.
[00:47:35] We're filling the next couple of weeks.
[00:47:38] Once, once this shit is, is ready to go, then, I don't know, we'll have to figure out a
[00:47:44] way because I would by the end of the year or at the end of the year, like the not have
[00:47:49] the podcast element anymore and just have the, the, we're getting the Adam Friedland
[00:48:07] I would say Jill with immigrants changing her name every, she changes her name every,
[00:48:13] uh, the only way to do something about how she's getting fucked or something.
[00:48:20] Something about changing her name federally owned and surrounded by water.
[00:48:25] See, this is why she's surrounded by a wall.
[00:48:27] This is where this guy ran out of steam.
[00:48:35] He went from SNL packet to now with who's the lady that's in the cab?
[00:48:44] No, you know, you know what I'm talking about.
[00:48:47] The African American lady that she has run.
[00:48:52] You know, the one like the late, late show, the one that's only on in cabs.
[00:48:58] And every joke, if they put her monologue in every cab right now, for you to see her
[00:49:01] monologue and she's like, the queen of England died.
[00:49:05] You know, it's like, which I hope they're, you know, I hope they're taking applications.
[00:49:18] A few points over 18, but rarely over 25.
[00:49:22] That's not how you can't even have a credit score that long.
[00:49:37] Now that it's fall, that's one of my favorite.
[00:49:41] My girlfriend was like watching the army hammer documentary with her friends.
[00:50:02] I have to piss so bad that my dick is twitching.
[00:50:17] They're honestly they're liking this episode.
[00:50:23] And it's not even like it, you know, how it used to be.
[00:50:24] No, they just want to like they want to see us happy when the show.
[00:50:30] The, you know, the old show used to be like a low effort.
[00:50:36] They'd be like, they don't care, but with this one, it's extremely high effort.
[00:50:41] And sometimes it's, we're trying our best.
[00:50:42] Sometimes the show is just bad because you've been, you've been fucking stapling wires
[00:50:52] That thing about the guy who pulled his pants off for the last week.
[00:50:57] Once the Adam Friedland show, we're going to leave.
[00:51:15] And now we're going to be the first people to talk show.
[00:51:20] A self-funded, through begging, handouts, sort of a Buddhist style.
[00:51:25] And we're going to eat rice on the show.
[00:51:26] The last time I had a gay experience, I was in college.
[00:51:31] That sounds like a gay experience to me.
[00:51:35] Let's just say I have finally decided to get that doctoral degree in personal finance.
[00:51:45] I think it's that he's going back and getting an advanced degree because he's gay.
[00:52:06] I'm glad I figured out how to pause this thing after 6 years.
[00:52:17] My girlfriend's a gay uncle of which she has two, right?
[00:52:25] But they are identical twins and they both kind of realize at the same time, which makes
[00:52:33] Like around the time you saw a masturbating.
[00:52:37] It's like, Ernie, I'm a shit all over your cock again.
[00:52:45] He was saying that it's unhealthy to get clogged.
[00:52:47] That's what it looks like when your ass comes, Bird.
[00:52:53] Bernie, I think I'm just having diarrhea.
[00:52:58] It's okay when you diarrhea all over my cock.
[00:53:02] He said that it's unhealthy to get clonics because you need bacteria in your ass.
[00:53:15] Well, they do fecal transplants to cure autism now.
[00:53:28] That's what revenge of the nerds was about.
[00:53:32] It was like, I stole a bunch of shit from the jock bathroom.
[00:53:36] Let's put it in our ass and then we can get pussy.
[00:53:51] Rick Moranis had a disastrous 50th birthday at Studio 69.
[00:54:19] I can't wait till we don't even have enough time for the audience because we're so popular.
[00:54:29] I finally get my ass filled with jock feces and have a cool guy.
[00:54:33] I can't wait to get popular at like 37-38.
[00:54:47] Just be getting about all my old friends.
[00:54:49] I'll be hanging out with like Flea and Eddie Furlong.
[00:54:55] I don't want to hang out with him anymore.
[00:54:56] He's village right after we got in that argument on Monday.
[00:54:59] I'm going to hang out with Eddie Furlong.
[00:55:01] And probably just Eddie Furlong and Christopher.
[00:55:04] My celeb friends are going to be Eddie Furlong and Christopher Lambert.
[00:55:14] Honestly, if you got that crew, I would accept it if you never spoke to me again.
[00:55:24] I'm going to be in the nasty... Chris got a bag at.
[00:55:55] Yeah, but they're usually in it when they do it.
[00:56:02] It was one of the first jokes I did when I just started doing stand up.
[00:56:11] Forget how I boarded it, but something like being at the pool and some lady yelling at me
[00:56:17] for peeing in the pool and then being like, relax bitch.
[00:56:23] So if you've been like getting maybe, I know you have the colonoscopy, but like after or
[00:56:29] whatever, the colonic, maybe after the show's over, we like go shopping and get you some
[00:56:41] No, just stuff that you'll think is sexy.
[00:56:46] I mean, most of my regular clothes are gym clothes.
[00:56:49] Yeah, but you have to stop thinking about practicality.
[00:56:52] I should go thinking about what I need to do is go to abduction.
[00:56:55] Brooks Brothers, I think it's some nice, I got to start dressing like an adult.
[00:57:01] I'm thinking, what are you going to tuxedo to the gym?
[00:57:11] I should stop dressing like this because it looks bad now.
[00:57:13] I'm finally old enough now that I look fucking, I look like a homeless person.
[00:57:16] Yeah, but you pull it off because you're like naturally good looking.
[00:57:23] No, you're insecure about your looks, but you're still naturally good looking.
[00:57:26] I think you think your eyes are bad now?
[00:57:30] I got the infection, not only fucked up my vision, but this eyes droopy now.
[00:57:39] Remember when you thought you were going bald?
[00:57:49] Yeah, you have to start thinking about the gym as a place where you can seduce and not
[00:58:02] Like to put like a metal thing that my dick goes into.
[00:58:06] I'm thinking that I don't have any clothes on.
[00:58:09] Otherwise, there's going to equinox and I'm like, y'all hear a little Kim died?
[00:58:23] Bro, your dick came, your dick look metal, man.
[00:58:34] And even if it was, you got to put your dick in your ass away.
[00:58:39] You can't be coming in here where your dick can ass out.
[00:58:42] Was little Kim considered to be the queen of hip hop?
[00:58:53] My friend Zach is literally a successful rap producer.
[00:58:57] But that was, they called her the queen bee, right?
[00:59:04] But wasn't like little Kim was like, Zach, you can get on the microphone and tell them.
[00:59:10] For the purpose of the joke, we need to remember it was little Kim, right?
[00:59:14] That she would be like the queen, but she would say that all the time.
[00:59:24] I feel like, I feel like classically the queen bee is the beehive Beyonce.
[00:59:35] So I vaguely remember her being like, I was like, too young.
[00:59:42] So you were saying like the names for Stan groups, right?
[00:59:46] You're like the stands of our show don't have a name.
[00:59:59] It's the fans of Nicki Minaj, the rapper.
[01:00:04] You know, that guy that retarded black guy that's like famous and he has no idea.
[01:00:12] He's like this mentally ill homeless guy that wears like Google googly eye glasses and like
[01:00:18] takes pictures of tourists and he just goes, hello Nicki Minaj chicken nugget.
[01:00:23] And then people are like, oh, have you Zach, have you worked with that guy?
[01:00:33] Zach said that she was the queen bitch.
[01:00:36] If I remember correctly, it was some bullshit school.
[01:00:41] You could like get a fucking bachelor's degree in studying little Kim.
[01:00:49] It was like before like even like all the ITT, all the like the predatory student loan
[01:00:57] Like you pay $50,000 a year to go take seminars in LA to produce music.
[01:01:04] But that's at least there's some promise there.
[01:01:06] I mean, most degrees are like all the people that come to this city and they're like,
[01:01:10] But that's kind of what I'm saying is the little Kim degree sounds pretty tight.
[01:01:14] Like well, if we had if we had somebody with the there they got their bachelor's degree
[01:01:18] in little Kim studies, they could answer the question.
[01:01:23] That's like where you can major in podcasting.
[01:01:26] I think it was like Colorado or something.
[01:01:37] Maybe they maybe it was Condolee's is maybe that's what she studied.