Ep. YOO - Poly Fumes

[00:06:38] Like a bodybuilder. Yeah, totally and it makes your one of my friends was doing it and got off it because it was making their clitoris all rock card

[00:06:46] Really? Yeah, and just got tiny little boaters

[00:06:50] Yeah tiny little moments

[00:06:52] So cute, but it was crazy to watch their face like change like become more angular and chin

[00:06:57] And they're doing it for what for comedy? They were yeah for a movie for a role

[00:07:02] I'm trying to get I'm trying to be funnier as a comic so I'm taking testosterone

[00:07:12] I want to take testosterone my buddy's taking it right now and it says he's like runs faster. Does everything better?

[00:07:18] I should get it. It's like cured his lethargy. Yeah, you can you can get your shit checked

[00:07:23] But I worry that I would just get a check there like no, you're just a fucking faggot dude. You're just sad

[00:07:28] No, you're just a fucking you're just gay just being a baby. Yeah

[00:07:33] I would I wouldn't want to get it so I could finally

[00:07:36] Stand up to my girlfriend. I'm worried I would get it and start standing up to the hiscetic jews too much

[00:07:41] Like you know what I mean the little rage balls that I get into you've got you've got a beef with that

[00:07:45] I really do you I was running today and I we've we they tried to stop me while I was like in full sprint to be like

[00:07:52] Are you jewish? Yeah, and I lost my mind a little bit. Yeah. Yeah, that's so offensive. They all said they're sorry

[00:07:59] They try and hit me on the motorcycle. I'm sorry they would say that

[00:08:03] Thinking we're apologizing to that the pain you must have felt

[00:08:06] You can't stand in a track and just ask people if they're jewish

[00:08:10] Yeah, well people are running and speaking annoying. I'm gonna get that outfit around Chinatown asking Chinese

[00:08:16] Are you jewish?

[00:08:18] I

[00:08:20] Got the I picked a last straw

[00:08:23] Shortest straw and I got Chinatown is a beat just do it and deep in the Bronx the only massive black men

[00:08:30] Excuse me. Are you a jew? Are you dead ass jewish?

[00:08:35] Excuse me

[00:08:36] The black nationalist the kangs. So what do you mean by Israelite?

[00:08:42] um, yeah

[00:08:44] sir

[00:08:46] sir under you fitted are you wearing a yarmulco be honest with me

[00:08:51] Are you jewish? I used to say no to them and they'd be like

[00:08:59] I would I always just I'd be like in a rush or something. I'd be like no. They'd be like, okay. Come on. I just say are you

[00:09:06] Every time. That's my little joke. That was a good one. Yeah

[00:09:10] One time for a while. I was telling them that I was on mushrooms

[00:09:12] That's good. Yeah, I'm like I'm on mushrooms right now. I just don't know. What do they think? I have like tattoos on me

[00:09:20] I'm full sprint. What do they think it's gonna happen that I'm just gonna stop it on my heels and be like I am actually

[00:09:26] That's it. That is what they think really? Yeah, what and then what happens if I were to say yes, they tied the little box to you

[00:09:32] Yeah, well, but that's for men. They don't do that to women. What do they do to fill in they put a

[00:09:37] A sack over you like Borat. No, and they they steal you to be their wives man

[00:09:42] I there were these girls in the front row at the cellar last night that had these blowouts this like they their hair looked

[00:09:47] Too good like it looked like a wig and I just kept calling them acidic women the most very funny

[00:09:52] That's a crucial bird

[00:09:54] That's a crucial bird. Yeah, they spent thousands of their husbands money on fucking, you know, their cartoon hair

[00:10:00] They were it was crazy. It really did look like a wig. It looked like it had like the long blonde

[00:10:04] Man, they hated it every time I would promise that I wouldn't do it again

[00:10:08] You know, I saw I saw a great thing

[00:10:09] I was in Houston all weekend and I saw a Mexican guy wearing a rice patty hat like a Chinese style like that's funny

[00:10:17] Yeah, like a great yeah, I don't even know if I would have recognized it as a rice patty had yeah had it been a Mexican

[00:10:23] Yeah, no, it definitely was

[00:10:25] It's in our rose patty. Yeah, I couldn't stop in Sacramento. I kept going in on the next year

[00:10:33] Make sure Adam gets Adam go ahead to the joke. Let's hear actually it's called an arro's patty

[00:10:40] Nice

[00:10:42] We'll be back after these messages

[00:10:44] Rice is that rice?

[00:10:46] Today's episode is sponsored by oxycontin today's episode is sponsored by goia

[00:10:51] Goia

[00:10:52] Remember people said during trump you couldn't eat goia. Yeah, there's goia supported trump because they supported trump

[00:10:58] Yeah, I when I was at on stage in Houston. I did be like an hour of like abortion stuff

[00:11:03] Yeah, and then fucking I mentioned trump and then like I just said I didn't vote for trump

[00:11:09] And this fucking Houston guy was like you can't you can't say that

[00:11:14] You're in a city. Yeah, I'm like you're in Harris County. I'm like, yes. I can't do it's deep blue

[00:11:19] Let's get at it. Let me get

[00:11:23] Harris County

[00:11:25] Back on that Adam free lunch today's episode

[00:11:28] These messages today's episode is sponsored by testosterone hormone replacement

[00:11:34] Are you a man or a woman that wants to be a man?

[00:11:38] Are you half a man or a woman that wants to be a man?

[00:11:41] Consider testosterone. Yeah, it'll cure your lethargy. It'll give you the confidence to be your wife

[00:11:49] um

[00:11:50] That's that's I I feel like I would I wouldn't want my skin to get balanced

[00:11:55] These chairs recline and you found a way to

[00:11:59] The chair is such a gooboy

[00:12:02] My body is like I have a puddle. I have like a collection of photos of him on my phone just Adam's best postures

[00:12:11] Over the years a different way the best this is the best it's always me using my phone

[00:12:16] He's just how did you manage to make it so that only your head was on the seat of the chair?

[00:12:21] Get my phone. I'm very gymnastical Jordan

[00:12:23] I

[00:12:25] I'm very gymnastical my guido former roommate from college came to my show in LA

[00:12:29] He lives there now and he used to get drunk and be like I'm very I'm very

[00:12:33] Gymnastical

[00:12:34] He'd do the backhand springs and he'd be like actually I'm very gymnastical and he talked the black question

[00:12:40] He was from one of the richest cities in America right?

[00:12:43] Rye, New York in westchester. Wow. Yeah, we're nick crolls family. It was from oh nick croll

[00:12:48] Yeah, yeah, it's uh

[00:12:50] Croll didn't tip at the taco shop. I worked at once. I'll never forget it. Oh, okay

[00:12:54] Well, you're on notice too far away from this topic before I show you this picture of Adam's best posture

[00:13:00] You go to start an album

[00:13:03] Yeah, I should do that because I have to use the I use the geographical

[00:13:07] Yeah, Nick's the only person I know that uses the map aspect of the phone. Look at this

[00:13:13] Oh my god

[00:13:15] Oh my god, you're like the

[00:13:17] Kid in like fifth grade. I remember that kid. He'd just be like why is he up on his chest? No, I don't remember that kid

[00:13:24] That he didn't exist

[00:13:26] Yeah, that kid was cool

[00:13:28] No, actually that kid was cool and he fucked he fucked all the girls that kid was normal

[00:13:31] He was normal and he fucked all the girls and everyone liked him

[00:13:34] The kid who would sit like cross legged with his like neat like legs and like a tied-up pretzel, you know, I mean like airdrum

[00:13:40] Yeah, just smashing my my testicles. No, but this was this was truly wild

[00:13:47] It's really good. There was chairs there. We were there was couches. No, I think that I think that we had a is in Ottawa

[00:13:53] I think we had a big boy on the couch. Oh, yeah, stop was taking up the entire couch. Yeah, so I I was on a table

[00:13:59] I was laying on a table like a bed. You're playing solitaire. No, he's looking for the other pictures like that other pictures of

[00:14:06] I think there's another one in Australia. How are you looking to your phone? You're

[00:14:09] I use them I use them the map because he thinks about his life. He thinks about his life in maps

[00:14:19] Yeah, I really have to fix my posture. I don't know how to do it

[00:14:22] If I jump to rope with that it strengthened my core actually, yes, probably well

[00:14:26] I probably may have held my posture. I mean if you do it wrong

[00:14:29] You gotta stand with your head against a wall like you're flat against a wall for like six minutes

[00:14:34] I don't know when I'm waiting for trains, but my posture really

[00:14:36] Yeah, that's how my Russian kid uses my Russian kid my friend my Russian friend in school used to sleep on a hard

[00:14:45] Surface when he was a baby and so he had a block head really yeah, because their skulls are so soft

[00:14:50] You had a flat head. How come their asses don't are they? Are their asses stay flat? No, you can get a fat ass

[00:14:55] But you still have a block head right because the bone

[00:14:58] Yeah, because in Soviet Russia

[00:15:01] They just had boards. They don't know pillows

[00:15:03] I

[00:15:05] Think the pillows were blocks. I think they yeah, he used bricks

[00:15:10] Are you finding more positive? Yeah, I am sorry the geodata wasn't you scrolling through the country?

[00:15:15] I mean, what is that country now? I have to find the date because I remember the date now

[00:15:20] You remember things I don't remember the date exactly, but I remember

[00:15:25] What there's another picture is that my dog? I remember by like my weight like I'll be like alright. I was fat

[00:15:30] So it's scroll that's how you remember. Yeah. Yeah, so you can like see the like okay. You're like uh getting fatter

[00:15:36] I like that movie. Uh what do you saw this one's perfect?

[00:15:40] Wow, let me see that one what yeah, it takes testosterone. What's going on with your spine?

[00:15:47] Oh, yeah, I'm with that to make that girl, too. Yeah, but it look at his face

[00:15:51] Oh my god

[00:15:58] Yeah, somehow you managed to get it's a that's a billy that was a billy

[00:16:03] It's like you could have your smiley about

[00:16:05] Of the crack in the couch. This is this is born and then the gym picture is very good. No, don't come in

[00:16:12] You can't show a girl that come on. You can't show that's a little Adam decide to go look you can show it to you can show

[00:16:17] It's a joint because she's a comic. Yeah, she doesn't count as a girl. It's true. Yeah, let me see if I can find that

[00:16:23] She doesn't she doesn't qualify

[00:16:26] No

[00:16:27] It's really embarrassing to show to a girl

[00:16:30] But i'm only doing it for the laugh

[00:16:33] Well, no, I was practicing the form of the bench press

[00:16:37] Oh my god. Oh my god. Look at his face gooey

[00:16:43] It's like you're made of blood

[00:16:53] So ugly

[00:16:59] We're gonna fix this anytime he would mock my body's this morphe

[00:17:02] I would just send this picture to the group. Yeah, I'd be like Nick. I think you I think your body is more feet send that picture

[00:17:08] I hate that picture. I hate that picture. It's truly a great picture. Oh my god

[00:17:15] We have one that may an end send of me whenever I do something. I'll show you who is really ugly

[00:17:20] It was it's so ugly. It's the middle of the night. This is a picture podcast once once guys

[00:17:25] Yeah, they're gonna love it stage comes Friday and then uh and then we're ready to go

[00:17:29] I think we'll do it as a desk piece. We'll have an only fans girl on the show and then show her all of those pictures

[00:17:34] This is this is in the middle of the night

[00:17:40] They say

[00:17:42] Oh my god. You look like absolute dog shit in the middle of the night

[00:17:46] And I was pretending to be a monster and I was skittering around the whole room trying to freak around

[00:17:53] Oh my god

[00:17:55] That's so funny. That's a great big thing. I'm gonna find the original video. It's really it's actually really really fucking scary

[00:18:00] Yeah, there's a lot of bad stills of me from because I blink slowly

[00:18:09] Yeah, yeah

[00:18:11] That's why you look like that in pictures now. What do you mean?

[00:18:14] You like frown a little bit, but it's a frowny smile

[00:18:16] Because I'm dead on the inside. I have no ability to fake but I see you in real life

[00:18:21] You don't look like that. I have no idea. No, you look way better in real life

[00:18:25] I don't know. I can't do your hands. Sometimes you do it. It's just all depends on sleep

[00:18:29] Right, I have no idea. I guess I haven't been sleeping well

[00:18:34] Yeah, because of the vape

[00:18:36] Because of the vape. Yeah, it's probably just a vape. That's probably it. I only sleep well on the road

[00:18:42] Isn't that bizarre? I honestly well on the road either. I know I do sleep well

[00:18:45] No, I don't sleep well on the road either even the hotel bed

[00:18:47] You know all I come back from the show at like 2 a.m

[00:18:50] And then I'm up at 6 no matter what really yeah

[00:18:54] Yeah, you have to when you wake up like that you have to force yourself back down

[00:18:57] That's the trick and they wake up at like 3 p.m. I can't I can't do it

[00:19:01] I wake up

[00:19:02] And then it's like let's get stuff done and then I open the laptop and then I'm like well at first a coffee

[00:19:07] And I end up just like walking around target or something my problem is I wake up I hit the vape and then I'm fucking done for

[00:19:14] Where is this video?

[00:19:16] Where was I with Ian on the road?

[00:19:19] Where did you get all sick?

[00:19:22] Uh in Orange County Nick was sick

[00:19:24] Yeah, yeah, I was in Orange County. I was in Irvine

[00:19:29] Where was I just now in Chicago Adam? Do you know anything about Irvine?

[00:19:34] Um Orange County. It's where the band no doubt this from ladies and gentlemen will be back

[00:19:39] And we'll be back after this is that true

[00:19:42] They're from Anaheim. That's pretty good. Yeah

[00:19:46] And uh he's from Irvine California

[00:19:48] He's from Irvine

[00:19:48] Oh, I met a guy from Irvine California who came to see me in luainland came onto the show

[00:19:52] Austin Butler who recently played elvis was born in Anaheim, California

[00:19:57] But it will be right back in butlin ostler

[00:20:01] Butlin's a good name if I had a son I'd name him

[00:20:04] I'm gonna move to Texas and name my son butlin

[00:20:07] Yeah, he's a quarterback. Yeah, I must I'm teaching my son how to be play every sport in his name's butlin

[00:20:17] Well, that's a stupid name. You should see some of the other kids on his team

[00:20:20] Oh, you think that's stupid watch this and then does like a backflip off the ladder in parallel

[00:20:27] All right, I'm giving up on looking for it looking for butlin looking for butlin county

[00:20:31] That's her to act play that we're doing for the position. Is it Irvine trashy?

[00:20:35] No, it's I guess it's nice

[00:20:38] But it's nice in a way that it's like if you're like you just want a job in a

[00:20:42] Yeah, yeah, yeah

[00:20:44] When I did it was luain there were like neck tattoos and it was like a big theater and it was just full of the trashy as well

[00:20:49] That's orange county

[00:20:51] Sacramento was like the people who are you know the girls who are like trashy hot where they're super hot but they're just

[00:20:57] Riddled with vd. You know what I mean, but venerial. Yeah, venerial disease. Yeah, you don't hear vd much anymore. Yeah

[00:21:06] Yeah, yeah, it's kind of old zoomers call it

[00:21:09] They call it getting yeeted. I think I'm so old now. I listen to kids talk. Yeah, they're like yeah

[00:21:15] I'm getting yeeted off zoot and we're skirt skirting. Yeah, it's good skirting. Yeah, that's that's even that is still like three years ago

[00:21:22] I think yeah, that's big dots

[00:21:24] Somebody said something was loud the other day. Yeah, Indian food is big dots, dude. That's mad. Yeah

[00:21:30] Yeah, yeah, this food just get an Indian restaurant a zoomer with the broccoli haircut is being like, yo, this this

[00:21:36] Need to lose mad dots one time

[00:21:39] One time you called that haircut the biracial haircut

[00:21:42] It is it's like a mixed-race haircut. What is it the broccoli haircut that zoomers get where they that sides are tight and then they just have that like kind of

[00:21:52] Floppy. Yeah. Yeah. It's fluffy. It's very tick-tock that haircut. Yeah, but that was probably seven years ago

[00:21:58] Yeah, well the thing is it's like I'm like man

[00:21:59] I'm old now, but the reality is is I'm just not a cool guy and I never have been like I think back to when I was 21

[00:22:05] And I said I didn't know what people were saying I was using the N word

[00:22:08] That was the only thing I was saying. No back when back when you were 21. That's what millennials

[00:22:14] Yeah, that's what we were calling things. That's what that's what in back of my day

[00:22:25] Anyway, so now the young people are filling the audiences and they're the worst audience members you'll ever have

[00:22:31] I mean, yeah, and then the second you leave town. It's like all old people and you it's like the best

[00:22:35] What's the youngest you've ever fucked? Oh?

[00:22:40] I always go older. You should fuck like a 19 year old. You should get your

[00:22:44] I'm trying to fuck like a 41 year old. No, you should go to Jamaica and you should have like a

[00:22:50] You should get your shit split open. I'm trying to be one of those like

[00:22:54] Split six year old men with like a like a balding gray ponytail with like just an autistic

[00:23:00] You know just pasty like fat white 20 year old girlfriend that's into like tarot cards and stuff

[00:23:07] Yeah, that's doable. That's highly doable those those types of guys. Yeah. Yeah, you have to be very wealthy

[00:23:13] No, you don't even what do you mean? Then why would they those guy? Well, they have a job

[00:23:17] I mean, they're not like broke, but it's a specific type of guy wickin girlfriend autistic

[00:23:22] Huge

[00:23:24] Huge a little chunky. Yeah, he's rail thin when she's she's pale as she's butter. Yeah, and then just going around

[00:23:32] Just trying to get people to believe you when you say we're in love. Yeah. Yeah, yeah

[00:23:37] I'm trying to yeah, and you put your hand on her like G string in public and stuff. Yeah

[00:23:41] I'm trying to transition to be a man when I'm 60. Yeah, you know, start taking too. So I don't get put out to pasture

[00:23:47] So quick you're gonna start jumping your motorcycle. Yeah

[00:23:51] Yeah, do some can evil type shit. I haven't been riding it. It's been cold. I've been a little bitch. Do you have bike storage?

[00:23:57] No, I'm sorry with you. Oh, you are. Okay. My friend got his stolen. They steal them in New York City

[00:24:04] Yeah, I know my

[00:24:05] Bikes got stolen a lot here

[00:24:07] But I figure if mine's take it is 1500 and I'm like if you take it I just I'm gonna we always cover it

[00:24:12] I do cover it like someone doesn't know what's underneath. I lock the wheel. They said yeah, that's like the most

[00:24:17] Yeah, I don't know if you've ever seen it. I don't know if you've ever seen it. I don't know if you've ever seen it. I don't know

[00:24:23] But I don't know you'd have to lift it up

[00:24:25] But I but two like Dominicans could throw it into the back of a that's what they do apparently they got it or seven water mauling

[00:24:31] seven water mauling

[00:24:32] You know them boys just just yeah

[00:24:35] if I can like

[00:24:37] seven water mauling guys carrying her motorcycle over their head to place it in the back seat of a

[00:24:42] of a toy

[00:24:42] toy car

[00:24:44] They

[00:24:46] Should have a little they should have a little power wheels pickup truck. They all ride around the

[00:24:50] So cute. Yeah, it's so cute. And while wearing matching spider-man backpack

[00:25:04] I love those guys so much wearing a hat that says daddy's little princess

[00:25:07] When one of them out of the crew is just way drunk

[00:25:10] Okay, you know they're always with their so they're always getting fucking drunk when you saw those boys in the deli today

[00:25:16] Yeah, you saw them boys in the deli. I saw one guy just over in the deli in his head

[00:25:21] So it was like a bowling ball

[00:25:22] He did not put his hands up at any point and it smashed on the ground

[00:25:25] They wobble and I was like kicking him being like wake up wake up and his friend just kept saying to me

[00:25:30] He's drunk. He's drunk and I was like I know he's drunk, but I think he might also be dead

[00:25:36] And he was just completely flat on his face. It was he's okay. No word. Yeah

[00:25:42] He's fine when comes up and just takes the spider-man backpack off and puts it on

[00:25:48] He's back

[00:25:50] One car loss is back. We have a new one car loss

[00:25:53] One car loss is dead long long long

[00:26:00] It is crazy though

[00:26:02] People they'll be doing something they'll be all fucked up and somebody will walk by and look at me and just be like oh

[00:26:06] He's Guatemalan and I'm like, yeah, what is that?

[00:26:09] That's what makes it all right

[00:26:12] Yeah, what were they bred for they're like terriers?

[00:26:16] Right where they were they like they like they in Spain when they came up with Guatemalans

[00:26:20] They're like we need a couple of guys to get rid of the mice

[00:26:24] We got a big type of eye that chases mice around

[00:26:28] It's closer to their mice

[00:26:30] Yeah, they're definitely made for working on the ground

[00:26:33] Right just like you get re-bring contractors in it's two maxi and guys that are normal size

[00:26:38] And then you're like oh, we have like mice too

[00:26:40] And then they're like okay, and then they just bring in seven of those guys and they just run around the room

[00:26:46] Chasing the munching

[00:26:49] But apparently mariachi music playing with like the motorcycle

[00:26:54] I'm saying it went back to this

[00:26:56] My state of nature. That's just how that's one of my body wants to do so embarrassed

[00:27:02] The

[00:27:04] Apparently the motorcycle thieves they got out

[00:27:08] Minivans

[00:27:09] And then they oh yeah, and then they pick up the bikes because they have wheel locks

[00:27:13] Those aren't the Guatemalans though. The Guatemalans are sweet. You know what we know what kind they are

[00:27:18] I like when you see the Guatemalan

[00:27:18] We know what kind they are

[00:27:20] Yeah, it makes me feel huge. They're hosseted hues

[00:27:23] We know

[00:27:25] The one with down syndrome on the train right?

[00:27:27] And what am I gonna go down?

[00:27:29] He was a kid and I fell in love with him

[00:27:31] I wanted to take him home and he was just looking at my book and then looking up at me and then looking at my book

[00:27:35] And he was literally truly four inches from my face

[00:27:38] Yeah, yeah

[00:27:39] I like what they're like you try you they put him in the Home Depot parking lot too

[00:27:42] And you just drive by the other guys are like drywall drywall and he's like legos

[00:27:47] Do you have lego to put together?

[00:27:49] I used to drive to Home Depot and I would open the door and they'd all be clamoring to get in the truck to pick up

[00:27:55] And I would I felt so bad about it

[00:27:57] But I would just have to be like I would just be shouting at them the young ones the young ones and the old guys would be like oh fuck

[00:28:03] And the young guys would like muscle in it rolled though

[00:28:07] They're the best they were obsessed with my truck

[00:28:11] Yeah, but the old guys they really get weeded out at the Home Depot you watch them

[00:28:16] It is sad. It's sad

[00:28:18] What are they gonna do what how do they get here and then what the dudes who drink hot air balloon

[00:28:22] What do they do?

[00:28:24] Over the wall

[00:28:26] Yeah

[00:28:30] Just come into your head

[00:28:33] I said how did they get here and you

[00:28:37] We build a bleep

[00:28:39] We take a little balloon. It's a bubble in the shape like a Mickey Mouse

[00:28:43] But it's like all brand it's like

[00:28:49] It's like the Buzz Lightyear Mickey Mouse

[00:28:54] And that's Derina Pinta and Santa Maria

[00:28:57] I just don't get you beautiful but we get there we get they balloon

[00:29:02] I think they balloon here

[00:29:05] Okay, and then Isis trying to shoot them down right

[00:29:08] Yeah, just guys in cowboy hats throwing fucking darts

[00:29:14] God damn it. I'm gonna get him one of these days

[00:29:17] But they don't steal the mics. It's the

[00:29:20] Dominicans, right?

[00:29:22] It's a bush with guys. I don't want profile. I don't want profile

[00:29:25] I've seen that boys do it like right off the Manhattan bridge like Barry and canal right on the corner

[00:29:31] Yeah, and that was outside having a cigarette one time in front of my apartment

[00:29:34] And uh just a guy rides off you come hot off the bridge just coming down Barry and he's like bicycle five dollars five

[00:29:43] Just trying to flip that shit in 10 minutes

[00:29:48] Bicycle five dollars five dollars. He grabbed it just on the other side of the bridge

[00:29:51] Yeah, probably one of those expensive like Williamsburg bike shops totally

[00:29:55] I guess it would have to be further if it's a Manhattan bridge should be downtown Brooklyn

[00:29:59] They do the thing where they rip the like it

[00:30:01] There'll be a parking sign and they'll just rock on it with their tiny bodies

[00:30:04] Just like pulling it back and forth and then the thing will come loose. It's fucked up

[00:30:09] Yeah, they they really get it done though

[00:30:11] Everything in bushwick is

[00:30:13] Dominican stole if you go into one of those bike shops and they like let you in and then behind you

[00:30:17] They like shut the door and lock it and you're like all right

[00:30:23] No, they just want to hook up

[00:30:25] They want to kiss

[00:30:27] I always think about that. What if I was what if I fell in love with a tiny little

[00:30:32] It was your husband

[00:30:35] Yeah, you could you the best husband

[00:30:37] It's just crazy that we don't even consider love between you know what I mean? There's no outside of the same socio-economic class

[00:30:44] We don't even this is my husband nester. I'm rich now. What am I gonna do falling over the poor woman?

[00:30:50] That's happening all through this

[00:30:52] Gonna happen you know when you're like cuddled up on the couch and you're like oh well, you're not women

[00:30:56] But as a woman and I'll be like oh yeah

[00:30:58] I could like be viewed as like a sweet girlfriend type and then I was thinking about like a morbidly obese woman

[00:31:03] And there's like she never gets to feel like the feeling of like being like you're my baby girl

[00:31:09] She's not gonna feel like to wilton someone's arms dainty

[00:31:16] Up the stairs

[00:31:18] That's never gonna be anybody's little princess. Yeah, what was the joke about who just put the woman like that being like why is it a cute when I do it?

[00:31:28] I'm pissed off. I'm re-talking about free hours

[00:31:35] Why is it a cute what I do it screaming in an office

[00:31:39] So which he doesn't it's cute, but when I do it it's bad

[00:31:41] I

[00:31:46] Not realizing the microwave in the break

[00:31:50] So mad

[00:31:56] Nice well she can marry seven or eight quantum all in guys and they can dress her up like the god if they were like her

[00:32:02] her seven dwarves

[00:32:05] That'd be amazing so wide in the seven dwarves so why

[00:32:08] Oh

[00:32:11] My god, yeah, I'm proud of that one

[00:32:14] Why would I do it's fat is so fun

[00:32:18] What did I say I called somebody fat? Oh, yeah, I was talking about every but whenever I tell people I run people are always like I hate running

[00:32:24] That's the first thing yeah, somebody the other day said that to me and I was like well

[00:32:28] I hate talking to big fat fatties, but you don't see me griping they were pissed

[00:32:34] Yeah

[00:32:36] Anyway, yeah, this is nice nice doing these late night ones

[00:32:40] I'm trying to slowly ease into a more casual

[00:32:44] Relaxed vibe with this show. Hmm. It hasn't been I mean we've I did the first episode where we were like

[00:32:50] Watching a football game

[00:32:52] Yeah, but it's gonna get even more like that more like that. It's gonna go sleep more down people up with this poly fumes

[00:32:59] Yeah, I think we are getting pretty stoned on

[00:33:01] No, yeah, the big development guys in the studios that Nick got a CRT television

[00:33:08] We went to best behind bought a DVD player, right? So you can watch Michael on DVD. I can watch Nora ephron's Michael starring

[00:33:15] John dravolta is there a very graphic part where she touches his wings because that's what's in my mind

[00:33:20] I was in and out. I know women went to the bathroom 17 times part of his character is that women

[00:33:26] He's irresistible to women because he smells like cookies

[00:33:28] Mm-hmm. I didn't understand they said he smells like cookies

[00:33:32] They said he's smell like cookies and then every woman he meets wants to fuck him and then there's a big dance sequence

[00:33:37] That's right. That's right. We're like every like every woman in the bar like leaves their husband and starts dancing with Michael

[00:33:42] And then they all are what are you doing with my wife boy?

[00:33:45] But why did they send him to earth?

[00:33:47] To make John heard fuck Andy McDowell. Yeah, and to save a dog's life spoiler alert

[00:33:52] Okay, um, I can't it's really mixed up with phenomenon in my mind. I can't separate the two at all

[00:33:59] Mm-hmm. So separate what we got a we got a fine phenomenon DVD and watch that one also phenomena remember that

[00:34:05] Um, yeah, it's like he gets struck by lightning and then he's like super smart truly came out

[00:34:09] It was like no country for old men and there will be blood. It was exactly the same scenario right back to back

[00:34:15] Yeah exact same movie. Yeah, but those movies are very different. They are very different

[00:34:19] Yeah, but I know you mean there were two good movie the very good movies that came out in the same week

[00:34:24] Yes, that was a great year for movies. Yeah, it was good

[00:34:27] Yeah, I remember going seeing both of those and I was like, it's just how like has it always been like this?

[00:34:31] I like both of them almost equally. I really do. I like no country a little bit more

[00:34:35] Yeah, most people like I have a little bone to pick with p.t. Anderson. Did you? Yeah, sort of what is it?

[00:34:41] I don't know. I mean no, it's personal. It's personal. I'm gonna do it. He did something. Who's the the Chateau? More more? He woke up

[00:34:49] He was in a blackout

[00:34:51] Yeah, he said he said now you're an actress and I was like, what does that mean? What the fuck you do is? Yeah

[00:34:59] He's like you're an actress now. You're an actress. What does that mean? Paul Dan? I saw Paul Dano in park slope

[00:35:05] He's actually a hot guy. He's gonna ride the jeep. He's around. Yeah

[00:35:08] He's married to a really annoying bitch. Yeah, my ex-girlfriend told me she saw him on the train one time like singing to his girlfriend or something

[00:35:16] Yikes. He's a malady. Yeah. He's gotta be. Yeah. Oh, brutal. Yeah

[00:35:22] He loves his ex-friend. He's with a what's her name?

[00:35:25] Elliot Kazan's granddaughter. Elliot Page. Elliot Page. How many actors are all maladies?

[00:35:31] You know what I mean? They're all probably like that goobers. Most famous people I'm finding are like most most actors are

[00:35:37] Are mentally deficient so they can be manipulated by directors. Yeah. Yeah, they're like 70 IQ guys

[00:35:46] But they're incredible at acting. That's why Texas needs to stop executing

[00:35:51] Actors. You just killed the new Tom Cruise. Yeah

[00:35:58] They could have been the name Tom Cruise

[00:36:01] You got a guy with dancers though

[00:36:03] I was watching like Matthew McConaughey on Instagram and I was like you're

[00:36:06] You are like you think that you're in like this like he's dumb. Yeah, he's dumb is wrong

[00:36:12] He thinks he is the guy from the princess bra. I've played it on the show before but his his audiobook. Yeah green lights. Yeah green lights unreal

[00:36:20] Yeah, every time something good happens in Michael's life. My roommate. He says green lights. It's really

[00:36:26] It's really hilarious every time. Is it a reference to the Matthew McConaughey? Totally. Because every time something would happen

[00:36:31] Good at Matthew, which would literally be like I crashed my dukatty and then guess what? I bought another one

[00:36:37] It was like yeah, dude. You have money to buy. Yeah, no, I mean, it's I guess read tread bit

[00:36:41] But in the audiobook it's like because you know it's him and he has got his own cadence or whatever and reading it is probably different

[00:36:46] But just him saying the words when he was like when I was 17 years old I was raped by my

[00:36:53] Soccer coach and then a couple of friends and I we pitched in together and we all got a van and we went down to the river

[00:36:58] You know and he's just like mood transitions between these like things and says them so matter of faculty

[00:37:03] Um as if it's not his own story

[00:37:06] Yeah, no, no, he's just like lists off the events of his life and one of them is his molestation molested. Yeah

[00:37:13] Is he really molested? He says that yeah, he was molested. Yeah

[00:37:15] Ah, I don't buy it. He just he was talking to Jordan Peterson about reading it

[00:37:19] Cards as a goalie

[00:37:23] And then my coach molested me

[00:37:25] Did he really say that his coach was it? Yeah, no

[00:37:29] I don't know. Can you imagine that getting molested by a soccer coach? I don't know what people say when they say molested

[00:37:35] It's too vague. It doesn't make any what is molested. He used a pool cue to touch his penis from the cross room. No, I don't

[00:37:45] Just like that's a regular. Yeah, he just come here boy. He just gently stroked his penis with the end of a crutch. Yeah

[00:37:51] Yeah, molested is illegal technically. It's like what people say when something weird happened

[00:37:56] But it's too embarrassing so they said this joke where we're part shines a laser pointer principal skaters

[00:38:02] He's like hmm. There seems to be a red dot on my pants. I guess I'll just remove

[00:38:27] That what I really want to have once we get this thing popping is to have fun like an animated short find somebody with like an animated series

[00:38:33] That we can put together we got a TV funhouse and do like the Tracy Almond like

[00:38:38] Simpsons, but just have like a 10 minute break on the show. We're playing animated thing. It'd be so sick

[00:38:43] Yeah an animated thing no sound or with sound. What's you guys talking? Oh, no, no, we would be its own separate thing

[00:38:49] We'll say like, you know, yeah, like do a TV funhouse. Well, you do so many tangents about completely made up stories that it happens

[00:38:55] You could do that. Yeah, we could just cut this show for example

[00:38:59] We would cut 10 minutes in and we just be guanamal and adventures

[00:39:03] But this show is just audio nobody can watch this this one's just right now. It is for the next couple weeks yet

[00:39:08] We're just gonna we're this is I mean that this is the end of podcast

[00:39:13] Look around you. Yeah, what's going on with this plastic? What's behind there? Why is this all plastic?

[00:39:19] Well, we're not gonna talk about yeah my my

[00:39:22] That John done painted these sprinklers and they shouldn't be painted

[00:39:27] So yeah, that has to go back to white John said that it was a

[00:39:32] An OSHA rule that they had to be that color, but then the superset

[00:39:35] It's only the riser pipe needs to be that color. So yeah, he got met it. He's like you got a paintings all back

[00:39:40] So yeah, the flats are covered. What did you use a crayon? Who painted that? Was I you John?

[00:39:45] But John, you know, he did he did for cheap. Yeah, we got a cheap job, but

[00:39:50] Yes, he used a crayon his back started hurting. Yeah, we's a big guy here big boy

[00:39:56] Yeah, do you get the same amount of views as listens from the

[00:40:00] Visual we know not really but once we figure out like once this is going then we'll get the we'll figure out the YouTube stuff

[00:40:07] Yeah, yeah, cuz we have to we have to get on there. Well eventually transition. Yeah, cuz I got Vimeo page for fucking Vimeo account

[00:40:14] Vimeo's dog shit

[00:40:16] Why is it ocean well cuz first of all like you pay for the top tier was a thousand dollars

[00:40:22] Okay for the top Vimeo and I just bought the most expensive one

[00:40:26] Assuming they had like some kind of bandwidth cap and we put the first like episode on there and instantly just went over the bandwidth limit

[00:40:32] And so they just sent me a bunch of emails. It's like hey, you know, you're we didn't cut your video off

[00:40:38] Even though you're over the bandwidth limit and I was like look I we signed up for this because it's the only integration option

[00:40:43] It's like patreon. Oh, so I was like, can I just have a fucking refund? We're not gonna use your thing

[00:40:48] Yeah, then they like oh actually never for that we have in this situation like that fucking they're driving that company off a cliff

[00:40:56] I don't know what happened. I guess maybe like, you know, like somebody bought somebody bought Vimeo and they're like trying to just change the whole thing

[00:41:02] But I thought YouTube was compatible with patreon YouTube is not you can just post a link

[00:41:08] Oh, I see I see to embed the thing on the patreon

[00:41:11] But the reason we don't use YouTube is because we did we put the first video or the first episode of the audio show

[00:41:18] Yeah, and then they struck it struck it down for like community guidelines because we mentioned COVID or something

[00:41:24] And then other people just re uploaded and they have no problem

[00:41:27] But so I gotta like figure out what's going on with YouTube

[00:41:29] So we don't get our shit because they just think it's like, you know, they have a strike policy

[00:41:35] One strike and if we put stuff up again, there were two strikes and it's like I can't have

[00:41:39] The show the sort of yeah

[00:41:43] Yeah, just yeah, exactly

[00:41:47] Maybe want to add them once yeah, Adam go ahead. We can't have the sort of damn please hanging over our heads

[00:41:53] And won't be we'll be back after this right are you shadow band your shadow band. I'm shadow band. Yeah

[00:41:59] Shit, what does that mean?

[00:42:01] You can't search for someone. Yeah, or they don't come up on the right my name in exactly to find me on it

[00:42:06] Yeah, yeah same same but you still come up on the feed. Yeah, I don't probably change

[00:42:12] I guess once you know Kyle is doing I guess a good job with the social media stuff

[00:42:16] So I just I don't manage any of my shit anymore

[00:42:19] From Philly does yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I think your stuff pops up

[00:42:24] But if you search you you have to have it the exact handle yet. She's managing Tim now also Dylan. Yeah. Oh nice

[00:42:30] Yeah, yeah, so she's doing a good job

[00:42:32] That's great. Mm-hmm. I thought he was with my manager. Oh, no, no

[00:42:38] Although Kyla should just be a manager

[00:42:41] Some somebody should hire her

[00:42:43] Yeah, anybody can do it. You have to be Jewish. No, she's particularly good at it

[00:42:47] Really? Yeah, it's like cuz she does it she goes like you know

[00:42:49] I'll do these weekends and for whatever reason she's just on the email threads with them and

[00:42:53] Then like the clubs just hit the clubs assume she's my manager

[00:42:57] So she handles all this other shit that like you know, she's honestly it's like she shouldn't she doesn't have to do you have a manager?

[00:43:04] No, not anymore. Oh, yeah, she's generating. Yeah

[00:43:09] What do we think about this everybody I was talking to Gillis about it about or he was talking about it at the seller about

[00:43:14] putting a YouTube special out and

[00:43:16] That it's like easy and it should be done and everybody's been saying it's easy and should be done

[00:43:20] But here's my question. Why do it? What what is the point of YouTube special? Yeah increases your ticket sales?

[00:43:28] Does it though? Yeah, absolutely if you have your ship

[00:43:32] Yeah, we're getting three formal

[00:43:34] People watching that. That's what Shane did. I know but that was Shane did it stop did it too?

[00:43:39] I mean, yeah, you look at there. You know, they're ticket sales now. It's like I mean

[00:43:43] People love our podcast gets the same numbers is is like a man Shane does

[00:43:50] But like because of his the special and then I'm probably also the SNL thing

[00:43:53] But I mean Shane obviously has like a huge and he does Rogan. Yeah and Rogan and so I guess maybe it's not just the YouTube special

[00:44:00] Yeah, you know, I mean it's the difference between making you know like 20k in a weekend and making 50k in a weekend

[00:44:05] It's yeah, and also like that's primarily how people I mean that in Netflix is primarily how people consume comedy these days

[00:44:12] I think they consume it and just short and reels and TikTok. Yeah

[00:44:18] Yeah, and YouTube shorts YouTube has like I've been doing this has TikTok. No, yeah, it's just like

[00:44:27] $13,000

[00:44:29] To make a thing that might not get any traction more than that and well

[00:44:33] I mean, yeah, that's like as low as you can get buddy. So we'll do it. I would stop. So I said we spent like 40 grand. I think so

[00:44:40] Yeah, but most of us are with that Ron on was like

[00:44:45] Yeah, maybe right it probably gets a run on shoes. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, it's very true

[00:44:50] Yeah, he didn't have to pay for that Israel did I do think the more money is but on the better it does though

[00:44:54] I'm finding from really people do it. Yeah, it does seem like yeah

[00:44:59] You also do video a good director. Hmm. You also need like a good. Yeah. Yeah, I could look I could liquefy my

[00:45:06] Is that what I called liquidate my gold and then I could do that's why Nick went to the Chateau more month that night?

[00:45:12] Paul Thomas Anderson is directing my special. Yeah, he said he would

[00:45:18] But Nick hasn't really heard back. You could get that guy the Charlie Kaufman. Yeah, I watched that movie again. It's so good

[00:45:25] What's the neck to get? Yeah? Yeah, it's one of the funniest movies of all time. It's so good. Yeah

[00:45:31] That just had seen with the doctor. He's like, you know, it's because the eyes are connected to the brain

[00:45:36] Yeah

[00:45:42] It's so good. Yeah, are you gonna the seller after this? I

[00:45:47] Have to do a spot at like 1215 or something. Come in Adam get into the seller. Can you get us up? Yeah?

[00:45:54] Can they just say your name and then I'll go up. I'll be like

[00:45:58] Mm-hmm. You were at the seller the other or oh you were on big J. Yeah. Yeah

[00:46:04] I think it's that show tonight. But the deal is they have to pass both of us not just yeah the other

[00:46:09] Yeah, but then every time you go up on stage as we both have you on it could they could just pass me

[00:46:13] Okay, let's put it this way. They can't just pass Adam. Okay. Got you. That would be rude dude the night

[00:46:18] I auditioned me and Kaylin blue foe very good friend

[00:46:20] We auditioned the same night and we had been like art handling all week together and had like two more weeks on this job

[00:46:26] And it was we were so scared that one of us was gonna get it one of us wouldn't but

[00:46:31] That's great anti-climactic. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's great

[00:46:38] Must be fun. She doesn't say that you got it when you get it

[00:46:41] She says were you gonna pretend now that you're upset that you're not working to sell her?

[00:46:44] No, it's your four spots you do a year. Well a year

[00:46:50] Every couple years

[00:46:52] Yeah, it must be nice to be passed at the cellar. You're not even sitting must be nice

[00:46:57] During two diapers

[00:47:01] What are you talking about the laziest person in the world must be nice

[00:47:07] No, you go to the pizza place you take a couple bites of the slice you just got hoses going to different types of

[00:47:14] liquefied food

[00:47:16] Just like shoeing. Yeah, I don't like shoe. It's body. Yeah limp skin piled on top of diapers

[00:47:26] Why with so lint coming from a tube I was looking at so I was like oh, that's good real nice to be pasted

[00:47:33] Yeah, it must be real nice. Yeah, because you're identity politics

[00:47:39] Those are for PC culture

[00:47:41] Two diapers

[00:47:45] Well, what if the first one fails what if the first one fails?

[00:47:51] Yeah, it's a fail safe

[00:47:54] Well, I really have to change myself once a week you can fail to plan or you can plan to fail. That's what I say

[00:48:02] No, you could get in you just gonna do it. You just go in there

[00:48:06] You go you get the pizza you take a couple bites of the pizza. You don't finish the pizza

[00:48:12] You throw the pizza out right and then you go up. You're obsessed with the pizza part

[00:48:17] I think he ate a full slice. No, he doesn't finish the pizza. It really bothers me. Okay, but that's the whole that's like it's funny

[00:48:24] About being a fat dude. Yeah, you're like I'm just gonna have a couple bites

[00:48:28] He has a food addiction

[00:48:29] It's like I do it all the time right by candy and I'll eat like a handful and then I'll aggressively like chuck the rest of it

[00:48:34] Into the trash or I know it's always

[00:48:37] Yeah, but it's a waste the way you're mad at yourself for you. Yeah, you leave you take it

[00:48:42] You put it in your backpack so you can have snacks later. I

[00:48:45] Always have a little no such thing as a snack. I have my sandwich from earlier

[00:48:50] Just before the show started I had my sandwich some some girl gave me advice one time because she's like she I was like talking

[00:48:56] Well, she showed me her fridge and it's just filled with like canned like yeah

[00:49:00] Never he owes and stuff and I'm like I couldn't do that at eat all that she's like well I find that if I just have a shit

[00:49:05] Ton of the stuffs and I'd end up not eating it and then I try that

[00:49:10] How's that making me sense go and I was like let's try this out in the car

[00:49:16] Out of the shopping cart

[00:49:19] Shoveling yeah, we have so many cookies. I'm tired box of saltines. You ever do that move all four sleeves

[00:49:26] They taste so good. You mean the saltines and just don't shit for

[00:49:29] Yeah, they taste so good. I'm like I'm in the Bible. I have to I have to hide the cookies in our kitchen deep deep deep

[00:49:37] Behind the fridge, but then in the middle then I know the boys hear me. Just like

[00:49:41] Skirting a chair over to fucking get up and get it. Oh, she's eating her feelings. Mm-hmm. It's the middle of the night

[00:49:47] It's like four a pack. It's not okay. You're like Kathy the comic

[00:49:51] Did you know that the woman who wrote Kathy is actually mad hot in real life. Yeah, she wasn't fat. Yeah, she was like a

[00:49:56] appropriate never she was a fat woman comic for fat women man

[00:50:02] I was really getting paid off those mean ladies in the office choices pussy

[00:50:06] That's better. Yeah, I was reading a perfect pussy

[00:50:09] I was reading a book about a hot girl

[00:50:10] And then I looked at that I turned the book over and was like oh my god, and it was like a hideous

[00:50:14] I won't say the book. I feel bad, but it was a very well you're reading a book about a hot woman

[00:50:19] Yeah, what is that supposed to be girl who is hot the girl who is hot?

[00:50:23] I mean it was like I forget my friend. I read it somebody rides a motorcycle in it

[00:50:28] It was a very popular book a couple years ago

[00:50:30] And it's the woman is super hot and then the back cover you can tell she's just a little fag-hag

[00:50:34] I was making fun of my girlfriend because

[00:50:37] Literally, I was like what are you watching? She's like it's embarrassing. I don't want to say the name of it

[00:50:42] I was like what's it called my 700 pound nose called the summer that I turned pretty

[00:50:47] Yeah, I'm about 500 pounds of summer

[00:50:55] It's Joseph Gordon Levitt on an elevator eating peanut M&M

[00:50:59] She's like are you eating peanut M&M's? He's like hey, you like peanut M&M's. This is like a meat cute or something

[00:51:07] Wow, you're so quirky

[00:51:10] You're so quick

[00:51:12] Oh

[00:51:14] Can't speak you're so quirky. Oh

[00:51:18] My god, you're like a manic pixie dream girl, and I wish there had been a better home for 500 pounds of summer

[00:51:24] What about a magic that could never exist the cover of that movie's great. It's so fat shadows

[00:51:32] I want to watch that. I'm just holding hands with that bitch in the shadows all fat. It's a funny concept

[00:51:38] It's so fucked up because the actual person is the hottest skiniest actor

[00:51:43] And it's all about how it's okay to be fat, but in reality. She's a twig. It's crazy that they could make it win if yeah

[00:51:51] I don't know what the hottest

[00:51:53] The dumbest certainly maybe the dumbest

[00:51:56] Although I believe in the did she do the J. Dagon the vagina. Yes, I believe in this

[00:52:00] I believe in this I was finding it makes it strong

[00:52:03] It's like working out just think about it if I was like yeah, if you're clenching in an egg all the time

[00:52:09] Like when I run I always clench my vagina the whole time thinking that it makes you know

[00:52:14] I'm getting a mark. You're like the central part of the central part. They're like are you Jewish?

[00:52:20] Are you Jewish actually did it? Yeah?

[00:52:24] Big day I always think it's reached out forever. It's my biggest fear

[00:52:28] Yeah, get the J. Dag dude sounds Chinese because it's probably down a little bit so you have to hold it in

[00:52:36] You know, I mean yeah, I imagine it's heavy. Yeah

[00:52:40] Exercise yeah, yeah, I know these big pussies just I

[00:52:45] Gotta work at a gynecologist's office

[00:52:47] Yeah, she was a receptionist there and she told me that just old women have to come in all the time because they're pussy just falls out

[00:52:53] Yeah prolapse you get old you get old shit doesn't you can't you know the muscles atrophy?

[00:52:58] So they'll like go over his feed them and fucking like

[00:53:06] They got like a tool for it did it just like

[00:53:09] Went to medical school for that. Yeah, I stated an old couple thousand their dog had a prolapse to uterus

[00:53:14] And they didn't say anything about it. They weren't like by the way. There's a bag hanging out of our dog that's red and

[00:53:20] Disgusting and he'd be like oh she's friendly and the uterus would like push up against your jeans. Oh

[00:53:29] It was nuts that they didn't say anything about it. I got a friend. Yeah, she's a slut

[00:53:33] I got a friend named Jordan

[00:53:34] I knew like 15 years ago

[00:53:36] I would hang out with his two friends from colleges like at their apartment like after shows

[00:53:40] And they had a dog named hoolie who was a sort of like Jack Russell who was paralyzed from like the waist down

[00:53:47] So he would just drag his legs behind them and he had this little like blanket that he would like bite and like hump

[00:53:52] And then they would they would be like oh

[00:53:55] They would think it was like cute

[00:53:57] He would just like kind of do the world do the worm on this fucking blanket and they would laugh at it

[00:54:01] And Jordan's like this dog is just living in hell. Yeah, he just like none of the wires are hooked up

[00:54:06] It's like stupid dog like hook down shit. It must be killed right. It's like, you know

[00:54:11] You got a nut and he just says nothing. He's no ability to he's just humping this fucking shit

[00:54:15] I'm supposed to give him those wheelie things. Everybody in Brooklyn has those one legator. No leg and dogs wait

[00:54:21] I

[00:54:22] Can people that are paralyzed from the waist down fuck? No. Yeah, that was in murder ball remember that right?

[00:54:29] Yeah, they can yeah, right the angry guy in murder balls like I still fuck

[00:54:34] But he doesn't mean that way he eats pussy. No, I think it's hard. It's a different nervous system

[00:54:40] I think the dick is not the star of the same

[00:54:42] No, it does they just have a mobile legs, but a rock our dick is crazy

[00:54:47] Influencer couple where it's like a hot woman and like a guy with like it's just a crumpled ass body

[00:54:53] Your dick so wait, that's why we're not a part of people have huge dicks because the body's systems are like

[00:55:00] You know, like, you know, you're the babies being made in the womb and like something goes wrong down syndrome or something

[00:55:06] Yeah, and then the DNA is like well

[00:55:08] Let's just try again with the next guy so it makes the dick bigger so that somebody will fuck the retard

[00:55:15] And then they can make this is not true. It's true. That's how the dumbest dude. I've ever dated did also have the biggest dick

[00:55:20] It's this this this this system

[00:55:23] That guy has a hard dick. It's just you guys know it. They have a video where she talks about

[00:55:29] She's like he's like and by the way he can have sex

[00:55:32] But yeah, my god he got all of the juice in his teeth and his dick look at his teeth

[00:55:39] No, it's a it's an influencer couple where it's like a guy with like his

[00:55:43] Cerebral palsy is on some some shit like that and like a hot woman and she's like I don't know

[00:55:50] I don't want to doubt their love but the fact that they're

[00:55:54] Influencers makes me question. Yeah, like she's

[00:55:57] There's like videos where she's just have has to carry him and put him to bed and they're making like TikToks like about like

[00:56:09] Yeah, we're no way. He's like in a chair. Yeah

[00:56:13] Yeah, no, this can't be this is like look I'll show you more of their shit

[00:56:17] This is like that woman who is dating the that's why like gorillas have small dicks

[00:56:20] And it's because they can rape whoever they want any other primate the gorilla can have yeah look she wrote a

[00:56:26] What she wrote an article and how come like you know

[00:56:31] What's a dumb animal pigs pigs have big ol hogs pigs have a good you know, it's crazy their dick looks like their tail

[00:56:39] Well, it's what I heard no way. No, it is it winds and I'm like it's yeah

[00:56:44] It's why it's a curly. Yeah, it's like their tail wine opener. Yeah, there's like it's in their stuff like that

[00:56:49] It gets barbed so it can't pull out. I don't run away because they're dumb. Yeah, I don't really know how it works

[00:56:55] But there's a lot of stuff in nature where you're like this is just a redneck

[00:56:58] I do wonder about this when you see a guy's dick and it's like particularly big mushroom

[00:57:02] It like it's like and you're like did you need to hold on to me more?

[00:57:05] You know what I mean like in your DNA well dogs have a it's called dog not they have like another bowl, but you know this

[00:57:13] I'm a learned man

[00:57:15] Okay, I'm an auto die-dack. I chose I chose my own studies. Oh, okay

[00:57:20] I didn't go the traditional route and decide or allow the education system to tell me what knowledge to become a civilized human being

[00:57:29] I'm high on polyurethane to dogs have something called a dog not a dog now. Yeah, no it is

[00:57:35] It's a ball, but the end of their dick that like so when a dog because a dog actually they don't like finish the dogs

[00:57:41] Just always nodding like wall

[00:57:43] Yeah, so the the not the not go goes past this finkter of the dog woman's pussy and then it expands and then they're stuck together

[00:57:52] So you'll see like that's why dogs are stuck together after they fuck because there's a knot at the end that just like blocks

[00:57:58] And you can't like they can't pull their dick out does this look like me a my girlfriend?

[00:58:02] Yeah, kind of a little bit, but you definitely have the same bones as that guy

[00:58:07] Yeah, this guy literally has better posture

[00:58:14] Why are they showing her putting on her clothes because she's like sexy got done fucking yeah

[00:58:19] Oh, the whole thing was the whole thing is that she's sexy and that he's

[00:58:23] Really fucked up. I think there's a stool here too. This is a comedy show in bush way. Yeah

[00:58:30] My best friend was paralyzed from the neck down and she could the orgasm through ear touch

[00:58:35] Really?

[00:58:37] I'm sure that wasn't just a scene in the film Michael

[00:58:41] Is fucking john travolta brushing his wings

[00:58:45] Brushes his wings against a paralyzed woman's ear and she nuts that is I never fully bought it. Yeah, but

[00:58:53] I think that she was work. She was like getting this really she was lesbian and had this really hot nurse working for

[00:58:59] And I think that she was just getting this woman to was you know finger bang her ears forever by being like it's working, you know, I mean

[00:59:06] It's like my friend who says she can't orgasm and who also

[00:59:11] But every time she tells that to a dude he then like goes down on her for four and a half hours

[00:59:17] That I've never done that much anytime anytime a woman's like yeah, I can't get off. I'm like perfect

[00:59:23] nice

[00:59:25] So, I mean I was confused and I don't have a shift today. I guess who's gonna go do oxycontin back in his apartment

[00:59:35] Nice

[00:59:38] The long form

[00:59:40] Conalingist is cringe. It is brutal. There is a certain point. We're like, all right. You gotta have some dignity guy come up here

[00:59:45] This is this sucks. Oh, yeah, you know

[00:59:47] Mm-hmm. Yeah, it has a thousand miles. You're you're getting you're getting 30 seconds to start making noise

[00:59:55] And then maybe five yeah, yeah, five minutes after that if it doesn't happen. I'm getting up. I'm going to the kitchen

[01:00:01] Nothing. Yeah, I'm getting my G you in

[01:00:13] Yeah, that's that's

[01:00:15] Putting it putting a gun in there me like oh shit. I think I came

[01:00:19] Did you get off hello?

[01:00:24] Hi babe babe

[01:00:31] Oh damn

[01:00:34] I'm starving right now. Yeah, you want to go get a little late nights. I'm gonna google the dog not my girlfriend says she made me

[01:00:40] Dinner man fuck. I don't want to hear anymore about your domestic life. She made mushroom posits. Yeah, how's that going?

[01:00:45] How does that how does that work pretty good really just living together? You never yeah, I love it. I love it

[01:00:52] I don't even want to live with myself. Yeah, like you can't live inside this brain

[01:00:58] I just can't I keep asking audience members and they're like yeah, we've been together for you know five years

[01:01:03] And I'm like oh any bumps and they're like no no no it's good. I'm like how in what world is bumps?

[01:01:08] I'm supposed normally my fault actually. I get mad about something the longest relationship I ever had was with somebody

[01:01:13] I didn't have feelings for yeah, of course. Yeah, that's the best kind of relationship

[01:01:17] Yeah had sex didn't talk right exactly one word to another. Yeah bonded

[01:01:23] For four seconds after sex

[01:01:25] Yeah, somebody to watch law and order with and then you're like how's your day at work and then they talk for 30 minutes

[01:01:31] You just don't hear a word of it. Yeah

[01:01:33] Just washing over you. Yeah, you're just paying attention to what would detective munch is up

[01:01:41] Oh, there is a dog not gross

[01:01:44] This is like have you seen cats. I love the dogs dicks get worse

[01:01:48] You know what I mean? Like there's like three stages of a dog's dick like the

[01:01:52] One that looks like the rest of the dog and that one's like, okay, that's fine

[01:01:56] And then that thing comes out the first part and you're like, what the fuck are you doing? And then the dog's dick hard? You're like

[01:02:02] Come on

[01:02:06] Remember when we were in Queens with Shane and that tiny little dog there's

[01:02:14] We saw this tiny dog with this huge it had the biggest

[01:02:18] Shane's like dude. You gotta check out his dog. You guys see these dogs cock. Yeah, which Shane Gillis

[01:02:24] Yeah, he was like he's like this dog's got the biggest dick. I swear

[01:02:27] He's like I know this dog. I see it around the neighborhood. It's got the biggest fucking dick

[01:02:33] Yeah, that dog had a huge dick

[01:02:36] It was amazing. It was like it was like a little like a wiener dog

[01:02:40] Not like a like a doxon. Yeah, like a terrier maverie. It was like a tiny little dog

[01:02:46] Yeah, and it had just a

[01:02:48] Monster but maybe bigger than my maybe bigger than my cock. Shane is just pretending to be listening to you guys

[01:02:54] We'll just staring at this dog

[01:02:56] So I'm like you see it. You just you start dying laughter. It's so funny. The visual is incredible

[01:03:02] I saw him a call this weekend two of them two very beautiful macaws and I'm thinking again about game one again. Yeah, yeah

[01:03:09] What I can't get over Shane going up to some woman and her dog and just ignoring the woman

[01:03:16] You obviously this dog suit

[01:03:18] You gotta see it

[01:03:20] You had birds

[01:03:22] No, there were birds at this outdoor market. I went to

[01:03:24] Where do you see something?

[01:03:26] I'm gonna get another one. No, I said I'm thinking again about getting

[01:03:29] Oh, you're we were even though those were Texas birds. Yeah, they were saying there's a maxing guy with gold teeth selling him

[01:03:36] He's like he can speak but he also trusts you

[01:03:42] He has to trust you to speak don't push our finger because

[01:03:45] They're truly beautiful animals. So

[01:03:55] They're loud as shit, aren't they? They're fucking loud. Yeah, dude. You get annoyed immediately

[01:04:01] I get scared by having pets because I have the compulsive thing

[01:04:04] No, they're weird though because they're just in jail forever in your house. Yeah, you know, you can't like let them do shit

[01:04:11] You can't let them out. No

[01:04:13] Really? Yeah, you can let a fly around. You know, they can't lose for one day. The fly around out. They fucking just hit a wall

[01:04:22] There was a guy on youtube like way back when youtube started this guy had an account called like ruby the african gray and african grays are the smartest bird

[01:04:30] Yeah, and they uh

[01:04:31] Like they speak

[01:04:33] And uh, but it was this british african gray that it would just like it had like a potty mouth basically

[01:04:39] Yeah, yeah, I think it would like bring up the guy's dead sister and stuff

[01:04:42] Nice. It was just an asshole. I knew fuck off cunt. Yeah, fuck off then cunt

[01:04:51] That's not nice really

[01:04:54] You don't need to be saying that to me ruby. Fuck you cunt

[01:04:58] Not now ruby. How's that?

[01:05:04] I knew this guy who worked he

[01:05:05] Came from brooklyn and then he moved down to the country and he bought all these sheep

[01:05:09] No goats and I was building a deck for him and these goats

[01:05:13] I mean you can tell he just chose the wrong life

[01:05:15] Like he just thought he would be like brooklyn guy. I'll have a farm and these goats would just

[01:05:21] And this guy would just fucking it's like it's great getting out of the city. He would just walk there anymore

[01:05:28] Yeah, it was brutal. It was it thought it'll teach you a lesson

[01:05:32] Yeah, don't leave the city. Don't leave the city unless you're like an older gay couple from Chelsea and you moved

[01:05:37] Like Hudson the star north gallery. Yeah, and he had married the wickin

[01:05:41] Slag also. Yeah, right. You gotta get a country wife. Yeah. Yeah, you gotta

[01:05:46] He got a girlfriend

[01:05:48] Build my little blog house with my fat cold-titted retard girlfriend. Yeah, you're slam slam pick

[01:05:54] I'll get a get her milk

[01:05:55] But I'm gonna hire a city contractor to build me a crystal room for my fat-titted retard

[01:06:01] I went in a crystal. I went in a healing crystal store this weekend in Texas. Yeah. Yeah, it's

[01:06:06] Weird because it's like that's everything in there is like so like you know the next step after that is like

[01:06:12] like nazi eso terra

[01:06:14] Like what's the word eso terrorism eso terra? Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's like it's just a little bit right

[01:06:19] Yeah, it's just all fucking like uh like a rune shit and then like it's just one step away from being like

[01:06:25] What's eso terra? Like, you know the shit that the nazi's runs like a cult stuff

[01:06:29] Oh, I see yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it is related. Yeah that one in bushwick closed down. Do you remember that one?

[01:06:37] Yeah, the lesbian one. Yeah, that place pissed me off. It was brutal

[01:06:41] That was just like big clitoris necklaces. Yeah, I would flick that place off desperate points in my life

[01:06:46] I went into a crystal shop and I was like, can't please have a job. They were like no

[01:06:54] Ended up working at a pizza shop down the street for a Korean brother and sister

[01:06:59] whose parents bought them a pizza restaurant and they were both autistic and they had no idea what they're doing

[01:07:03] Well, you don't see Koreans around pizza a lot. Mm-hmm. Yeah, no pizza was fucking terrible

[01:07:08] And I got fired for calling the cook a cunt

[01:07:11] Yeah, the customers heard me

[01:07:14] Nice you yelled at it. I yelled at it. I said it. I meant yeah, yeah

[01:07:18] He yelled at him because he wouldn't uh

[01:07:20] He wouldn't make a pizza that was half pepperoni half mushroom because it was uh the special was a mushroom pepperoni pizza

[01:07:28] And he said no subs there's no substitutions

[01:07:31] Oh, how to substitute and make the pizza just put pepperoni on one half and mushrooms on the other

[01:07:36] That's it. No, but it was for somebody wasn't very it was for a costume. You seem like you've gotten fired. He's a dick. I've got fired

[01:07:41] Yeah, the guy was in the wrong

[01:07:44] He wasn't the wrong. Yeah, and it's before you think it's me abusing some worker

[01:07:48] He was the boss. So yeah, I just can't imagine a Korean. Tell me what to do. That's what I'm thinking of

[01:07:55] Imagining a tiny little Korean. Yeah, no, it was it was like it was a brother and sister

[01:07:59] So they were like Americans their parents were immigrants and the brother worked as an mechanic at a bowling alley prior to that

[01:08:05] like fixing the pin machines

[01:08:08] And they all how did how did they get I never met the parents the parents bought them like you have business

[01:08:14] You have your own business

[01:08:16] That's like that guy who owns what's that fucking comedy club in Cincinnati?

[01:08:20] Go bananas. There's like some Thai guy who runs the whole thing

[01:08:24] Yeah, and he just like comes in and screams at everybody and then leaves and we have this alcohol

[01:08:28] I shouldn't talk about this, but it's crazy. I mean, he's like this overlord

[01:08:31] Who just comes in that knows nothing about comedy doesn't book it and it's just like

[01:08:36] Move this over there get out now and be like who is that?

[01:08:40] Can I do?

[01:08:42] Starts kicking the shit out of a street a tree stomping the bank

[01:08:44] Yeah, he just how does that happen?

[01:08:48] He just killed like 800 communists in his country

[01:08:52] He like came to the green room at one point

[01:08:53] We were eating candy and he walked in and he was like twizzlers and we were like, yeah, and then he just left

[01:08:58] You just said the word

[01:09:04] I don't know why he was bizarre. Yeah, that's a strange thing

[01:09:09] Koreans and pizza

[01:09:11] Well, well you want to wrap it up? Yeah, okay. Go to the dinner. Yeah. All right. Well folks. Thanks for joining us guys

[01:09:18] Thank you so much for joining us. It's been another great episode. I'm in Phoenix this weekend by the way

[01:09:24] Go ahead and see stayed up live Phoenix, Arizona

[01:09:28] Uh, uh, Phoenix, Arizona all the way to Tacoma. Yep, check it out

[01:09:58] You