TAFS | Regular | 07/06/2022
[00:00:18] Don't listen to some come on sing this song man. I I did that
[00:00:22] It's not you can't what do you talk people loved it? Well, then they can go to they can go to
[00:00:29] No, we're doing this because of girls here right now. No, we did you are
[00:00:40] Worry too far into the song. Come on. I already miss my mom restarted
[00:00:44] You did I made the I produced this song it's a new theme song. It's a new theme song for the ad
[00:00:48] For sure. We're gonna get like a delta blues black guy to sing
[00:00:52] The the intro music I filled in I filled in last week because we couldn't find a black eye time on the patreon
[00:00:59] Episode patreon.com slash com town. That's it my boy after the money. That's how you know he's a star
[00:01:08] Nick just do it for sure. I'm not gonna I'll sing maybe
[00:01:11] If you want to you can sign up the bedroom do it for Jordan. We're here for you. I want to hear I want to hear right now
[00:01:16] I'm not gonna come in. I'm not gonna come in and make myself the star of the Adam Friedland show
[00:01:21] You're not the star. I know but right up top everybody's show about me everyone's listening for me become a music show
[00:01:29] Yeah, what's the Adam Friedland show for Jordan? We'll move on. No, no, come on. I'm telling you
[00:01:36] We got limited time we did we Jordan came Jordan Jensen this year saving the Adam Friedland show
[00:01:41] What do you mean saved? Test episode 104 we did we got into an hour and a half long argument about me singing already
[00:01:52] We singing on the outro baby. We'll see how I can I try to sing it. Yes, please
[00:01:59] I didn't want to say I have a bad voice, but it's your show
[00:02:03] And then I also what do you think about this getting rid of the the first part of this song
[00:02:08] At a certain point once we got the studio got to phase it out slowly phase it out slowly because you know what guys
[00:02:14] This isn't come down anymore. We're transitioning the brand. Yeah. Yeah, you're very good at that
[00:02:38] So you sing the song then you can do it. It's just you want it
[00:02:41] Maybe want to give it a measure until the drums start. Yeah, yeah, yeah running back running back
[00:02:45] I can't unfortunately there's no way to run it back. It's a one-shot just started from the home interview
[00:03:15] We're going down the river is the Adam free land show
[00:03:21] Nick just do it you do it better. I know you have a good
[00:03:25] You're building up your building things. Oh, Jordan wants to hear it
[00:03:31] I need to be cleanse without I'm just saying no
[00:03:39] It's all right. We'll go you did that so I look bad and we got a long we got a long show today
[00:03:44] We've we've we've we've I'm sorry, and you haven't been this is a new show the Adam Friedland show Jordan. Thanks for coming
[00:03:51] It's all a come-ton. It's not come town anymore. It's more structured. Okay. I'm kind of stepping back into more of like a producer role
[00:03:58] I'm filling in where I'm needed. Okay, you know, which is at last week
[00:04:11] For my birthday making sure look we got Tari chips
[00:04:17] April 10th, thanks. And it's 36 and now you
[00:04:22] Gonna have a real TV show you haven't gone here a birthday present in years
[00:04:25] I'm admitting to where Adam bosses you around though, which might be kind of be nice where he can tell the producer to sing
[00:04:31] But you know what he has been bossing me around and it's given me a sort of a healthy type of stress
[00:04:36] It's been missing in my life. Nice. Yeah, that's what yeah to have a boss
[00:04:40] It's upset at me and I complained to the cat here at home a nightmare
[00:04:44] Yeah, I'm high man. This place. Did you do this puzzle and leave are you doing it systematically from left to right?
[00:04:54] I just I had this is I'm going through the puzzles that I didn't want in here and that one has a color-coded system for beginners
[00:05:01] So I'm just getting it out of the way and then I'll frame it and maybe it'll go on the wall probably not
[00:05:06] Oh, you're a little frame there. Well, I got all this shit
[00:05:09] I need you can take a look at the art that's gonna go on the wall over there
[00:05:12] I gotta my my my mark wallberg poster fell off the wall and shattered. Oh, I see so I gotta go
[00:05:19] I gotta take all of these things here to the to the
[00:05:23] Guess Michaels and one of them is is a lot of that is
[00:05:28] Blick yeah, look to Blick and I don't know if they'll do it because some of it is obscene this up here
[00:05:33] Yeah, one of it's like Shrek and he's pregnant. Yeah. Yeah, that's good girl that made it with Shonara
[00:05:38] She's very good Mario paint girl. She's very good. Oh, yeah
[00:05:42] Also, um Jordan. Yeah, I know you brought up the puzzle, but Nick doesn't like his personal life
[00:05:49] Oh, sorry. Sorry, right. This is that I'm gonna show you know, I mean just in general
[00:05:53] He's never like talking about his personal. Okay. Well that goes for me too. Mm-hmm. Remember. Yeah, well I'm talking about
[00:06:03] Hivy oh, oh, oh, oh, you said a real thing. Yeah, I wasn't gonna that's the other thing too about the Adam Friedling show
[00:06:10] Literally the entire thing is bullshit. Yeah, okay great perfect. So none of the emotions are real. Not a single word
[00:06:18] It's like smarter. It's like a more intellectual approach to see we're trying to ease our way into public intellectual
[00:06:24] So we're starting with comedians and by the time we drop the home improvement team at the beginning
[00:06:30] Nina Turner on here talking about I would love her. Yeah, should be a big get talking about do do
[00:06:37] How are we gonna do how are we gonna get the vote to oh?
[00:06:41] We're gonna take the vote to them or whatever the fuck. Oh, you take them. How are we gonna bring up the vote?
[00:06:46] We're gonna get the vote are we gonna carry the vote over there? Yeah, what are we gonna put the vote in? That's right. Yeah, exactly
[00:06:52] So this show is a little bit more structured. We would have it like a topic every time
[00:06:58] And we were gonna do animal kingdom for this one. Yeah, but then
[00:07:03] We need to have the studio for us because we wanted to bring in one of like the zoo lesbians to bring in an animal
[00:07:08] Nice it is frequently lesbian. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it is mad cargo pockets. Yeah elephant lady. Who's the elephant lady?
[00:07:16] All of the first elephant. Oh, no the chimpanzee studying lady
[00:07:22] Yeah, she was for sure. Yeah big old Ike. Yeah
[00:07:26] Or fuck the monkey and it starts I think it starts off with the clothes
[00:07:31] Yeah, they have no interest in the animals
[00:07:34] They're like I want something I want like a nine and a half inch zipper and big pockets in the front and then next thing
[00:07:39] You know people are like do you you talk to monkeys?
[00:07:41] Yeah, right animals respect you teach deaf gorillas how to talk to each other
[00:07:46] I will say my mom's a lesbian and she has animals surrounding her at all times
[00:07:50] She hates them, but like wild animals come up to her frequently. Is she a master of beasts?
[00:07:54] She does seem to be a master. I mean it really is like her throwing rocks at like baby deer that are just following her
[00:08:00] It's quite bizarre a wood chuck today. I saw her today with three woodchucks were surrounding her on a job site
[00:08:06] Really trying to get them away. Yeah, it's like it's Ventura food. It's Ventura was
[00:08:10] 8 pussy, you know, wow, what is it about carpet munching that animals respect?
[00:08:15] I'm not sure maybe an authoritative figure that's also maternal, you know, that's why I follow my mom around really
[00:08:23] So we can't do animal kingdom. Yeah, sorry. Sorry. It's not visual. No, but maybe when we do we can have your mom and her chip
[00:08:30] Monks come back. Yeah, yeah, I was for sure. Yeah
[00:08:33] Cuz I've kind of I got into a fight with the the Bronx Zoo over COVID protocol stuff
[00:08:38] I saw you remember I am and that's why I got you know
[00:08:46] Screaming screaming noise and I every time I run there I would hear like just this like
[00:08:52] And I couldn't figure it out and then finally I walked up to a guy who's working behind a fence and I was like
[00:08:56] What is that he was like you see it's just one of the news be a retard it was insane and I was like
[00:09:01] There's a zoo and he was like yeah over here. Yeah, I was like oh I haven't been oh
[00:09:05] You know, I thought you were at the zoo and then you heard no, I know I was running in project Park
[00:09:10] And I heard a sea lion screaming no idea there was I mean I thought it was you know like a child being raped
[00:09:19] With that of excited if you saw that the child being right and just to shake shit up the monotonous life
[00:09:24] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
[00:09:30] That's not the kind of show this oh I see I see okay. All right. So this is not some messed up crap happen this week
[00:09:36] I guess with the shooting which kind of saved our asses. Yeah, what was the shooting?
[00:09:40] What I don't read anything I told you it's a public affairs show. Mm-hmm. What happened yesterday in a
[00:09:48] Suburb of Chicago that people on Twitter wanted to make sure everyone knows that it's not Chicago Jewish
[00:09:53] Yeah, it's a Jewish North Shore. Yeah. Yeah Highland Park Highland Park in the park is a name
[00:10:05] Shut up a boy named Robert Cremo III. Mm-hmm. Shut him up. Shut up. Shut up parade up. Yeah. Oh
[00:10:16] So that saved you guys thank God for that well well now we didn't have anything to talk about yeah
[00:10:21] We were kind of stuck on the animals and then we're like we can't do it until we have video
[00:10:25] Yeah, yeah, and then we're like what the fuck else do we talk about to the topic for this episode is gonna be gun violence
[00:10:31] We're gonna tackle it and we got Nina Turner. Well, I might just do an impression of Nina Turner. I guess and
[00:10:38] That's efficient. Yeah. Yeah, because we can't get her yet. Mm-hmm. She's like y'all
[00:10:46] She I can't I've only seen her tweets, but yeah, you know, there mostly that yeah a lot of snaps
[00:10:53] snap girl stop playing with the guns yeah, and
[00:10:57] And so she'll come on and say something like that. Mm-hmm and then
[00:11:02] So yeah, so I mean maybe we can get we can get another white rapper another Italian American
[00:11:07] White rapper to give maybe cream of his side of the story and this is on the animal kingdom episode no this is
[00:11:17] I think you should put them together. You know it was very funny yesterday as I was I was watching the news
[00:11:22] Like CNN and after the shooting and they had like wolf blitzer and then it was because it's 4th of July
[00:11:28] They had 4th of July shit planned so it cuts to Don Lemon
[00:11:31] Mm-hmm and they have not thought at all about what they're gonna say about this shooting. Yeah, he's like
[00:11:36] Oh, yes tragically there it was a tragedy and
[00:11:41] But Americans are not going to let this stop them from dreaming of
[00:11:48] Today's celebrate the birthday of America and we're gonna celebrate it and it is a tragic day, but here's Pitbull
[00:11:56] Do I doing Tinder with Lady Gaga? Wow and then yeah just
[00:12:02] Wow no way to transition and then they just go to Pitbull and Pitbull is doing the same thing that he's been doing for the last 35
[00:12:09] Bleak yeah, but I love Pitbull honestly Pitbull's great, but he's an institution. Yeah, I mean what do you say?
[00:12:17] You know yeah, is that why they cancel the whole bunch of like fireworks and stuff or was that COVID like I wasn't hit the
[00:12:22] No fire surely it wasn't because somebody got shot in Chicago. We're not doing well. That's a mythic shit that would happen
[00:12:27] Yeah, well, I mean may is is upstate New York like that? I think like it's a liberal long island cannot they love
[00:12:36] Tragedy a lot of say New York is magga though. Don't tread on me flag. Yeah, yeah, totally not it's a good
[00:12:42] No, no, no very much the opposite long island long island would love a mass shooting to ruin the fourth of July. Oh, yeah
[00:12:51] Bet they're really upset that that didn't happen there. It depends what part of Long Island
[00:12:55] Definitely and I think they were like we were like oh, hey, it's we were all out of Fourth of July party
[00:13:01] And I was like yeah, Fourth of July and everybody was like I'm not feeling very patriotic and I was like
[00:13:06] He's made all his food though. Yeah, but fuck America. I was like I need to I hate all of you really shoot this place
[00:13:12] Oh, yeah, that's very they couldn't eat because they were
[00:13:16] But they were like it's just happens to be the day but fuck fuck America. It's very much that way. You know they yeah
[00:13:27] Denmark so you know what I mean Denmark had a shooting too did that mark had a mall shooting on the Fourth of July
[00:13:35] Trying to copy that's not but that in the monologue. You're gonna say there's something rotten in Denmark. Yeah, that's pretty good
[00:13:41] Yeah, that's pretty good. It's the body of a four-year-old outside of the mall
[00:13:47] At the whatever the mall we're shooting was I guess his body is Ron's decomposing
[00:13:52] I was just a Syracuse mall and he said the guy the booker of the funny bone in Syracuse was like
[00:13:57] We just had a mall shooting two days ago
[00:13:59] And he had all these American flag things and then he locked me in his office and tried to convince me to be super pro
[00:14:04] Gun and he was like I was like yeah, I just don't know how I feel about it in New York
[00:14:08] And he goes or I come from we have these people called hill people and I was like oh yeah
[00:14:13] And he goes but then we also have these people called he was like they live up at the hills
[00:14:16] And I was like that makes sense and then he goes but we also have these people called feral people
[00:14:20] And I was like what's up with the feral people and he goes oh they're uncivilized and I was like why the hill people are
[00:14:26] debutantes what the fuck it just hill people but they've got like a
[00:14:30] Like a like a like a top hat with the hat the top open like a can yeah
[00:14:35] Or their whole head just is a cone filling the hat. Yeah, mm-hmm. That's pretty cute. Yeah
[00:14:41] When you said he locked the door I thought that was gonna go in a different direction
[00:14:45] No, sometimes you got these bookers at clubs that just want to chat
[00:14:48] So they're like coming to my office will settle up and then they write the check in super slow motion
[00:14:53] While they tell you their life story and why they hate their wife and and then they try and come on you
[00:14:58] But that's that doesn't bother me. That's what you do. Go. You try to come on you. No
[00:15:03] I hope if I was there I wouldn't let that happen. That's really nice of you. I don't think you so much kind of like Mark
[00:15:09] Walbert talking about 9-11. That's why it's Adam Friedlochow. Yeah, we're okay Adam
[00:15:15] Have you ever been calmed on in comedy in comedy? Maybe maybe we'll do looks well scraps mass shootings
[00:15:27] You can maybe tell us some of your stories Adam about being on the road. Okay, it's been a long
[00:15:32] It's a long path to get here to be a late night host
[00:15:35] I know there's kids watching and they think I want to be Jimmy Kimmel
[00:15:38] I wouldn't be Conan O'Brien. I want to be Adam Friedloch. Yeah, and they they imagined in their mind
[00:15:42] You know, it's a 12 year old boy, you know, you're cutting up. You're the class clown
[00:15:46] You think I'm gonna be that one day and they think well, I go to college and I'm on the show
[00:15:51] Yeah, but no, it's years of being raped
[00:15:54] Right, yeah, raped and nightclubs by men and women and yeah, maybe you want to tell some of those stories well
[00:16:03] Every time I went to the police they laughed at me, so I don't know just if you promise to
[00:16:08] Not belittle me or make fun of me me. It's a safe space. Okay. I'm the producer
[00:16:14] I want what I bull I'm gonna hear a gas you up. Mm-hmm. I was Margaret gas you up collect a paycheck
[00:16:19] Okay, I was maybe do a couple of rapes myself, you know, who knows
[00:16:24] Trigger warning I was Margaret chose opener Margaret showed chow. Oh
[00:16:32] She's a Korean American stand-up comedian
[00:16:36] That is not that is not the first time I've made that mistake
[00:16:40] And to her face several times of matter you called her that I just I've misheard her every time because you had some
[00:16:48] Inkling that she did some things to me. It's cuz she shaped like a joke
[00:16:57] My thought showed I didn't realize I was a penis thing I thought it meant Chinese toad
[00:17:00] The first time I heard that that was like a stage man she was doing
[00:17:09] No, I think it's her I'm sorry Margaret showed
[00:17:19] That was the last time I was invited there. Oh to JFL to JFL. Yeah, this industry
[00:17:25] I didn't realize I was on a hot mic that was piped into the PA system in front of the entire the agal
[00:17:35] Howie Mandel was on stage talking about germs. Yeah washing his hands. Yeah, yeah
[00:17:40] He's like this 2014. He said there's a pandemic coming we're all laughing at him in time
[00:17:44] We're like this bald freak. Yeah, you're gay Margaret. Yeah Margaret show comes up to me chode. Yeah, and I was
[00:17:51] You were bringing her up on the stage. Well, we were just standing next to each other
[00:17:55] I just saw kind of an Asian woman in my periphery. So I started putting my my shrimp
[00:17:59] My shrimp tails which I'd collect that but you need a bunch of more curves
[00:18:03] I didn't realize she was you know the talent and so I just sort of fish
[00:18:08] I was just dropping them into her cleavage thinking she had a plate or something
[00:18:15] Yeah, well, you know, I mean she's there. I thought she was service industry
[00:18:20] She's like excuse me. What are you doing? And I was like, I'm done with my shrimp. Yeah, and she said
[00:18:26] Do you know who I am you can go? No, yeah, and I said of course not I you know
[00:18:31] I'm just some you know, I'm just I'm not even supposed to be here
[00:18:35] And you haven't even turned your head to look at her at this point. You're just looking still looking still dropping
[00:18:39] I don't know if she had a husband that said might be a good. Yeah, yeah, and she said I'm Margaret show and I'd said
[00:18:46] And it was one of those moments where you know, there's like a dead silence
[00:18:49] Right a pregnant pause a pregnant pause for how he meant though because he's bombing
[00:18:53] Uh-huh and so he's finished bombing and I just say I'm sorry Margaret showed
[00:18:59] That's good and yeah, I mean you could hear a pin drop and
[00:19:04] Pin drop that was actually the name of her cousin from Korea. Oh, okay
[00:19:11] She said yeah, I said oh pin drop. It's you. Yeah
[00:19:14] That was the best Indian comedian that year was pin drop
[00:19:21] Pin drop was he was he was in the green reporting his dot on
[00:19:25] He was getting his dot ready. What this happens great big. Yeah, he was yeah was that best in
[00:19:31] South Asian. Yeah, JFL pin drop. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Gotcha. How are they related though?
[00:19:38] Pin drop Jip. Yeah, Cindy and comedian at JFL that year. Oh, he's like a wigger kind of Indian
[00:19:44] Well, yeah, his he had this great bit where he would he would put you know, they have the red dot on his head
[00:19:49] He would put a black dot up there. Yeah, that's hilarious. Yeah, and he's like he's not
[00:19:59] But how we could can they don't know for
[00:20:02] You know, it's very funny and it turns out the answer was immediately because he got yeah, he
[00:20:10] The French Canadians do not take kindly to
[00:20:17] That's what it was. Yeah, okay. He was beating the death by by a shoeless
[00:20:24] Court jester's basic really they just barefooted those yeah
[00:20:30] Anyway, I was Margaret chose opener for about three years and
[00:20:38] I went through a process of psychic and sexual trauma
[00:20:46] Guess we'll haunt me for the rest of my life. Mm-hmm
[00:20:50] Now this is this might be too is it true what they say about
[00:20:59] I'm just I thought maybe that would be like a nice probing kind of question. Does it look like the eyes?
[00:21:05] I think that's what we want to know. Is it the same as the eyes?
[00:21:17] Okay, keep going then all right, but it doesn't let's get those territories gone. Oh, it definitely might crack those territories. Okay, I need a stressy
[00:21:28] She's all right the cats all right. Yeah, so Margaret show raped you with her sideways vagina. No, no, it was never
[00:21:40] But yeah, I would be sleeping. Mm-hmm. She she had a certain fetish where she would crawl into my bed
[00:21:50] I'm a producer to the rescue. Yeah, thank you. That's why we that's why he's paid
[00:21:58] It's like a prank bag. Yeah, I'm gonna just tear the bag
[00:22:03] I knew I saw you watching me tear it and I saw you getting all OCD about it. I was like look
[00:22:08] That's the only way to do it. We went sideways. That's why they call it Tara. We went sideways like a certain other bag
[00:22:15] Of a market shows pussy. Oh, I thought you were talking about the the movie with Paul Giamatti and Thomas Hayden Church
[00:22:22] I always thought it was when I was a kid my big joke when that movie came out. I was like, yeah, it's about Sandra
[00:22:31] In the movie yeah, it is pretty wow that's gold. That is very good. How's a funny kid? I started or I got where I'm raped
[00:22:39] And then you got to be a different kind of funny. Yeah, it's a good movie
[00:22:42] It's a great movie when the fat guy has his
[00:22:46] Body pressed up against the side of the car, you know, and he's chasing him down. So funny. Yeah when he folks that wife the waitress
[00:22:52] Yeah, yeah, and his penis you don't get very funny penis penis flossing penis is a great bit
[00:22:59] Yeah, they've kind of they haven't done it as much
[00:23:02] I was thinking about doing that we do I could just play the zoo lesbian when we get an animal or something on the show
[00:23:07] And I put the shorts on and I have my cock hanging out of one side of the shorts and then my thoughts hanging out of the other
[00:23:13] That's funny. That's funny. That'll be my big kid is on the animal
[00:23:20] I mean, I'd like some they don't okay. Yeah, please anyway
[00:23:27] Show after a show after a show I thought this said hard
[00:23:33] Yeah, it looks a lot like tired. Yeah, it's just all a tired all right
[00:23:37] I'll just also known as Malanga and Dashin the white ship with who the fuck is reading this
[00:23:44] And they're like oh, let me find out about the types of potatoes
[00:23:47] I just found out about the Down syndrome on sports illustrative just found out about it. Yeah
[00:23:56] Yeah, she got sports illustrative had no idea. Yeah, she's dating um Tyga the rapper. Oh, yeah
[00:24:05] There's a judge actually it's gone to the Supreme Court
[00:24:13] It's a question. Well, that's like you rape your wife who has dementia, which is like a hundred percent. Yes
[00:24:19] Oh, I never thought that put out your whole marriage and now she has dementia, but it is kind of beautiful to give her that
[00:24:25] Yeah, now that she's willing to receive it. That's really sad. Here's a question about the sports illustrative girl. Yeah sideways
[00:24:36] Well the eyes yes, I know I know I know I know go back to the original question mongoloy is it similar to the eye?
[00:24:46] glob we're trying to do a public affairs show now. How about this we do an animal kingdom episode and
[00:24:53] We bring out a lesbian and they've just got a guy with Down syndrome and with a chain around this
[00:25:12] Oh you wrong for that you wrong for that just same what and then what if what if what if yeah
[00:25:19] No, I don't know that on television. No one is that's true. Sorry. I had a couple of
[00:25:29] Okay, anyway a little hot if anyone's seen a Margaret Cho show she puts everything into her stage performance
[00:25:36] You're thinking of Bobby Lee. No, I'm not okay, and
[00:25:44] Where what they go up there and they put a diaper on
[00:25:53] He both do that. Who is it? Who is a Asian guy who wouldn't really Julianne was on mass singer was like fuck this
[00:25:59] Who's that guy William hung that thing?
[00:26:05] Joe coy no was it he's the biggest comedian in America
[00:26:12] Doctor, what's his name? Fauci. Yeah, no
[00:26:15] Dr. Ken Ken Jong Ken can John yeah, yeah, yeah
[00:26:32] Okay, anyway, if you've seen a Margaret Cho show she puts everything into her performance. She's dripping from head to toe
[00:26:41] With sweat so after a show she would take her clothes off and her panties
[00:26:51] She would hand me her panties in my mouth and then she would say hand them to you and you she would put them with her hand
[00:26:59] into my mouth and then she would instruct me to
[00:27:05] And she would make me crawl back to her in the hotel with her clean panties. Yeah, and
[00:27:14] Constantly tell me that they weren't clean enough
[00:27:17] so it had to keep going back and forth between the bathroom and
[00:27:24] You know wearing a cucumbers over her eyes and you know one of those masks things to open them up or what?
[00:27:31] She just likes the feeling of having normal eyes for a second. I mean just round she just
[00:27:37] Is a public affairs show. Yeah, she cut little holes on so she gets you know, I mean see out of it
[00:27:42] These are public questions. I mean, yeah, I guess that is I guess that's a William F Buckley did
[00:27:48] To my recollection 17 different episodes on Asian people's eyes. Did he yes
[00:27:53] What was his conclusion as a classical conservative? Yeah, my guest tonight is Margaret Cho
[00:28:01] Comedian and author of the book who ate all the dog. Thank you for joining us Margaret
[00:28:09] The cucumbers what are the what's that about?
[00:28:20] But do we what blue chill? Okay. Yeah, two minutes. I got it. I got it baby boy
[00:28:27] I'm producing this motherfucker. I had sex with you. Yeah, you can give us a testimonial in two minutes. Okay. Yeah
[00:28:34] I do that last time. I don't think I had done the picture less. No, you were not on the Adam Friedland show
[00:28:40] Yeah, we should do it. You one of you should take it while we do the podcast. I don't have any here sure
[00:28:46] But we should do the blue. Yeah, you guys should rate me blue chute. Oh
[00:28:51] You guys should get me drunk on terra chips. Okay, and then rape me
[00:28:57] Have you used it of course. Yeah, I was like addicted to it
[00:29:03] You know like an entire year just on cocaine and blue chute. I'm sober. No. Yeah, I'm sober now, too
[00:29:10] Impossible is that is it like that for men trying to get hard on what are you talking about?
[00:29:14] Well, I don't have a dick. Oh, yeah, we it's hard to get it's hard to tell it to attain an erection. Oh, okay
[00:29:21] Oh, yeah, yeah, it's real hard. It's real hard to for women to come on it is it once you get an extra an evil drug
[00:29:28] It is it's fucking disgusting. Yeah, I got really fun for the first five minutes maybe
[00:29:35] Yeah, but then I would love to go bowl. Yeah, it's so fun. We should go bowling on coke on blue chew
[00:29:41] That'd be sick. I used to go bowling almost every day in Cedar Park, Texas
[00:29:46] There's an happy hour. They had five dollar all you can bowl
[00:29:50] Wow, so we would just stay there for three hours and get fucking trash and I got so into coconut bowling that I have my own ball
[00:29:57] That's at the gutter. It's there. Wow. They keep they keep the ball. Do you have one of those clear ones with a skull inside?
[00:30:03] No, that's from that's from the movie mystery men. Yeah, it's badass. Yeah
[00:30:08] Yeah, which is weird. You couldn't make that movie today because you couldn't make that today get a bunch of fucking
[00:30:13] Sorry, but you get people like trans people showing up one night and they're like, okay. Well the mystery man
[00:30:19] It sounds like this is gonna be about me. Yeah, it's a bunch. It's a fucking bowling. Yeah bullshit
[00:30:25] It's about Pee Wee Herman. Pee Wee Herman and Dane Cooker in this. What a Dane Cook in it Dane Cook is in the movie. Yeah, wow
[00:30:31] Do you guys see my remix of Jordan Peterson's
[00:30:33] Yelling on Twitter you saw Jordan Peterson doing the yeah, fuck and then I remixed it. I really don't
[00:30:40] Know nothing's wrong with me. It's pretty good. I didn't why didn't see him yelling. I also don't I don't I don't
[00:30:44] I'm content. I don't understand how he continues to like he can persist is like a cultural thing
[00:30:50] Well, that's the problem is he is like I he is like a very intellectually
[00:30:55] Savvy person. He's very articulate. He's very educated and then he comes out and just has a full hissy fit in a three-piece suit
[00:31:02] But that's what he's been doing. Yeah, I mean, I think he's that's the whole he dresses up like mr
[00:31:07] Conductor to go on Joe Rogan. He's like fat women are disgusting people are like you look like a fucking faggot
[00:31:18] Don't know to watch him read from the prompter his anger
[00:31:21] You can't have it's reading something angry from a prompter. It doesn't look great. Yeah, it's just him being like and fuck this
[00:31:28] Into to fuck this is a douche. Yeah, it's really you think Hitler used prompter
[00:31:33] Oh, yeah, I don't I think he was motivated by it by the real true God given love of Jews
[00:31:38] Yeah, I mean hatred of Jews. We got a we got a
[00:31:51] No, that's what I mean. You got to be you got to be activated by you got to be bad
[00:31:58] Tracey Chapman is our musical guest tonight on the Adam Friedland. I would love to get Tracy
[00:32:03] That would be amazing. Does your mom like Tracy? No, I thought Tracy was a man for no I did too. Of course Tracy
[00:32:09] You're here. I got it. She was a white man. I got to ask you. I've always imagined
[00:32:14] Does your pussy look like a big tray of brownies? It has a big cut yet
[00:32:22] I'm thinking I'm imagining your pussy and a big 8 by 10 10 of just freshly cooked brownies
[00:32:32] Is it like that? All right, forget the question Margaret Cho
[00:32:40] Oh, you ever meet Margaret Cho? You ever fuck Margaret Cho?
[00:32:45] When you're driving around you're in that you're going around your fast car
[00:32:47] Just picking up trim just picking up trim and shoving it in your big brownie box
[00:32:55] Yeah, today's episode of the Adam Friedland show is brought to you by blue chew blue chew calm folks
[00:33:02] If you love sex you'll love blue chew calm
[00:33:05] Yeah, it's a website where you can buy I forgot you know
[00:33:09] Chewable tablets and I'll tell you what that help get your dick hard
[00:33:13] This was the thing about the old show that I got in the habit of completely checking out during
[00:33:19] During a ad reads and not just look at stuff like this. Look at that. What a great still
[00:33:24] Beautiful remember him Tony little look at those not little breasts those perfect breasts
[00:33:30] Do you know who this guy is? No, this guy was a fitness like he would advertise the gazelle freezer
[00:33:36] Oh that guy with a ponytail. I love that guy. Yeah, but his life story is amazing
[00:33:44] But he just like he would have he had like the worst luck in the world
[00:33:48] Like he'd finally get like a like a commercial fitness guy job
[00:33:54] And then when he was recovering guy. Yeah, then when he was recovering from that
[00:33:57] He accidentally sat down in like a tub of acid in his friend's garage
[00:34:02] How and like burned his ass and no he was doing some ass
[00:34:07] And then got into deep. Yeah, and then got like spinal men and jitis
[00:34:10] And he kind of invented being trans or like a this power trans look yeah that uh, anyways
[00:34:17] bluetooth.com tony little's bluetooth.com is a
[00:34:22] Blue chew calm. Let's go here real quick. There's this guy and you already know about bluetooth
[00:34:27] You said you got yeah, you got you got uh, I gave one ago
[00:34:31] I would like to take one and see if I get the you know the pebble clip or whatever people talk about
[00:34:35] Oh, wow, is that what happened? Nobody's ever said pebble clip to me?
[00:34:38] No, I think a woman would get wetter probably no
[00:34:41] Little kidney stone. I think you get a little kidney stone. Don't you think you would send the blood to my clitoris?
[00:34:47] I think I get in gorge. I don't really know it has to send blood to your dick because when I the dude that I was with took it
[00:34:53] And it was like a dildo. I mean, it's like a rock hard
[00:34:59] Mechanical creature that arises that comes into the room that enters and you're like, hey, we didn't invite you in here
[00:35:06] No, I wasn't that into it. No, we're doing it. Oh, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Yeah, it was great
[00:35:10] I've came a thousand times. Yeah, it came over and over and you're asking does it work on the sideways kind
[00:35:19] All right, this is the read they want us to give them the facts. I'm sorry, dude
[00:35:26] No, I need this job at least for the next six months. I need it for longer probably the rest of my life
[00:35:31] However, you want me to do the reads. I'll do them. I have nothing left. I poop my pants on the internet
[00:35:43] And I need your friendship discuss to Daffy and Teladaph. What is that?
[00:35:48] Great question, Jordan. Yeah, this is this is an extra service. They offer as you can talk to that the blue chew people about
[00:35:57] These two muslim guys that came up with the company really said that sadafi and tadafala
[00:36:03] Or the your muslim brothers that actually came up with right? Yeah, we're really yeah
[00:36:09] I'm not gonna say anything negative about that, but like to the job. Thank you
[00:36:14] The muslim brotherhood. What's happened with those guys? Oh, it's like there's still a day thing
[00:36:20] I always imagined it's like a like a mario and louigie type. Uh-huh. Yeah, the muslim bros one's a little taller a little faster muslim
[00:36:34] Like a plumbing company. Yeah, the muslim brotherhood they kill sadaf
[00:36:43] Who's that he was the president of egypt, I believe really? I thought yeah, I thought it was dalseem
[00:36:49] No dalseem is indian. Oh, yeah, he's stretching arms. Yeah. Yeah, it's kind of cheating a little bit
[00:36:55] Yeah, yeah when you play like you stay away and you do stretching arms. Yeah pissing me off
[00:37:05] You can talk to one of their licensed medical providers no awkward visits to the doctor
[00:37:10] You do it from the safety and warmth of your own home, right?
[00:37:15] They prescribe you so still danafil or to dalafil you got to just like a you do a video conference
[00:37:21] Right. I prefer to wear like a fun like I wear like a guy fox mask and I tent my fingers
[00:37:26] You did that? Yeah, when I meet with them and they still gave it to you
[00:37:29] Uh, yeah, they'll prescribe anybody anything really yeah in fact when you're talking these are doctors
[00:37:35] So you can always ask they're probably gonna say no
[00:37:38] But you can say look as long as i'm here can I get some cook and get some depa coat
[00:37:44] You try to get oxies off them. Yeah, let me get uh
[00:37:47] I think it's some uh some zannies and beans
[00:37:53] You know, yeah a couple tabs. Yeah, i'm trying to go sis. I'm trying to get i'm trying
[00:38:01] I'm trying to do it. It's so good. Yeah, I would go I would go again with you
[00:38:05] He kind of he in the end of his life. He kind of turned into a korean woman
[00:38:11] Look at some of those last performances. It's like as this elvis Presley or margarit show. I have no idea
[00:38:17] He kind of kd laying a little bit. No. Yeah. Yeah, does your mom like kd laying? No
[00:38:23] Oh, she likes Bruce Springsteen and that's it really oh cool. Uh-huh. Um, anyway
[00:38:29] You go to this website promo code come town or come town 20. We're gonna get that chain or changed
[00:38:37] Oh, he does look like a korean woman. Yeah, look at that beautiful lady
[00:38:41] Welcome to the next level. You saw that movie didn't it wasn't annoying that the cotton ball and his lip the whole time
[00:38:48] No, it was great wasn't distracting. No tom hanks suck, but the rest of it was great. This is song that i just recorded
[00:38:55] It's an old song called on chain holiday. He's panted. Wait, this is this
[00:39:00] Oh, this is his final performance. Is he at the piano?
[00:39:08] Keys. This is this is me on the last episode of cum. Yeah, you're just playing just playing the job
[00:39:13] The gene don't have a whole even video. This is just like Keith Rob guy from the office black guy from the office
[00:39:19] Uh kd robin's kd robin's kd robin's this was him the other night at the view truly
[00:39:25] He had another buddy with him who had like the name of a different it was weird
[00:39:28] But he was like yeah, help me down into the piano and somebody had to like lower him down into the piano and then he played
[00:39:35] Yeah, he played for like an hour and a half
[00:39:40] Maybe he also saw all of us and he's trying to go a Margaret show route
[00:39:44] Anyway, if you go to bluetooth.com you put it in promo code cumtown or cumtown 20
[00:39:50] You only pay the five dollar shipping and get your first month free if it doesn't work out for you
[00:39:55] You cancel, but I think it's gonna work out for you. You're gonna get your dick hard
[00:40:00] and you're gonna satisfy ladies like uh like jordan or
[00:40:04] Any other I was just satisfied just by the sheer structurally it was a structurally sound object you like it bendy or
[00:40:11] Well, you like kind of like one of those like a human dick. We're selling. Yeah selling tires
[00:40:16] You like one of those like air machine cars salesman things. Yeah, doesn't everybody no. I don't know
[00:40:22] I know now I'm telling you this thing was you really couldn't do some damage. It was like this
[00:40:28] Truly you guys know you've done you make that noise
[00:40:30] You guys felt like it was a part of your body when you did it speaking a part of your body. I had FaceTime sex the first time
[00:40:36] Oh, yeah, how do you have you done that? Oh, yeah, okay, if I'm holding the camera down on my stomach, right?
[00:40:45] Where you can like uh, you know do the like spread the sushi that kind of thing for the fella
[00:40:50] You have to set up the camera. Yeah, you have to like brace the camera and then like freestyle
[00:40:55] I just had it aimed at what I was doing and then I was looking at what he was doing
[00:40:59] But the way that it was said it looked like I was jacking off. I was just a big endemic thing or you just showed your own hand
[00:41:05] I did no, no, I showed yeah, it was my own hand exactly
[00:41:08] But then I was but the way it was set up because he was jacking off his dick
[00:41:12] I was it looked like it was me jacking off a dick
[00:41:18] Yeah, really made me feel like it was spooky
[00:41:21] But yeah, am I supposed to show my face or my vagina? No, the whole package. No, I can't do that
[00:41:26] I'm not gonna set up a fucking zoom meeting with my gut. You know what I mean? I'm not gonna
[00:41:29] You you do an audition tape set the phone up and then you do like a little and if you're a Margaret show make sure it's in landscape
[00:41:40] So come town or come town 20 at bluetooth.com no awkward visits to the doctor
[00:41:45] No awkward visits to the what pharmacy?
[00:41:48] It gets sent to your house to scree packaging you get your dick card and they taste great
[00:41:54] Like Flynn stones kids. They do taste good. Yeah, I do for the taste. I ate a whole thing of Flynn stones
[00:42:01] Vitamins once when I was like 10 me too. I love the taste my mom called
[00:42:04] That's why you're so tall a lot of people at home. They don't realize you're 7 to yeah
[00:42:08] And I've won over those but I was like a huge fat kid
[00:42:12] And I ate like a tub of these things. Am I my doctor was like she's dude. We do you upstate
[00:42:17] You probably just take you to the vet. Yeah. Yeah, yeah my fat daughter ate too many Flynn stones. Yeah
[00:42:23] That's what the doctor said like your daughter will be fine, but you also need a work on this
[00:42:26] You need to take her to the dog hospital
[00:42:30] I don't think we treat children like that here at st. Jude's
[00:42:38] You know one of those brownie pussy dykes they got down to do. Yeah, just set them
[00:42:53] Are you still doing that right now? Oh, yeah, it's over. Yeah, the ads over we're back
[00:42:56] We gotta have more discrete commercial breaks. I think when we get the show going
[00:43:00] Um, especially as we transition to video. Yeah, it's gonna be more of a talk show
[00:43:06] Here's what I want when we have the talk show. We have the set come on and I'll do this as the producer
[00:43:11] But for each one of the the objects remember that we're all going to the lobby thing
[00:43:15] Right. So I'm gonna get a foam rubber costume of all the products and I'll come out and I'll do a song and dance number is like a blue
[00:43:22] Chue packet. Oh, yeah, it's good. Yeah, I'll be like a blue Chue packet, but also take a blue Chue
[00:43:28] And your dick will be my dick will come out of the suit
[00:43:31] It'll be like a that's a good idea. I love that
[00:43:34] A little curtain and it'll come out a little curtain in the suit. Yeah. Yeah, and then we'll get I'll get another guy
[00:43:40] Who's in a dick costume a big dick costume and then your boyfriend and and I'll be the blue Chue
[00:43:48] And then they can fuck me in the ass with their dick and come out of the dick costume
[00:43:52] And then it's like there's no better relationship than the relationship between your dick and blue Chue or whatever
[00:44:04] That's pretty good. We gotta find someone to make those suits though
[00:44:07] I thought we were gonna talk about gun violence. We are gonna talk about gun violence
[00:44:12] We still got the second half of the show. We haven't even got any we've got in the monologue. Yeah, you're gonna like our monologue
[00:44:18] We even put a lot of work into it. Yeah, we tried to do this afternoon, but then I
[00:44:23] I had too many walnuts and got a memorial golf. Yeah, that happened walnuts. What was that with the recycling earlier?
[00:44:31] It would though the bag was stuck in the trash. Yeah, that was a little that was accepted. I lost my temp
[00:44:35] Yeah, you did yeah, yeah, if the bag gets stuck in the trap and then you lift it up in the whole garbage
[00:44:39] He was slamming the trash can down and he was saying god damn it
[00:44:44] I got into an almost physical fight with a homeless man on the street outside the cellar for like the third time this month
[00:44:49] He pretended he was from the future. He pretended that he had one bad eye
[00:44:52] Mm-hmm. The other one was like classy and you know cum colored, but I wasn't buying it. You know what I mean?
[00:44:58] Oh, so he was completely blind. He's like, no, I'm just I'm only blind. He was like, oh I'm blind and I was like you're not blind
[00:45:03] And he was like I can't see anything and I was like shut up your pieces shit, you know what I mean?
[00:45:07] Yeah, one of these people put it in a blind. Oh, so yeah, so he had he still had the other eye, but he was pretending he was
[00:45:12] Yeah, he was pretending he was like homeless and blind. Yeah, you know really downtrodden by life and I was like you can't fool me
[00:45:18] Well, then when you say to that guy immediately is you're like, well, I'm a homeless black woman. So I got bigger problem
[00:45:23] Right, right, right, right. I choose that if he if he says you're not black then you say, ah, you've fallen for this Sphinx's gambit
[00:45:30] Yeah, I'm from the future. So if you can see me you can see me
[00:45:35] If you can see me and you know, I'm not oh
[00:45:41] Because you're like you think you got problems. I try to get that
[00:45:44] I have a birthmark on my forehead that looks like a swastika. Yeah
[00:45:49] And then he can't be like no, you don't
[00:45:51] Because he's too busy pretending to be blind or I could just go back and be like I'm actually a blind black man. So yeah, yeah
[00:45:58] Just hit him hard with the because I think that would activate him enough. Yeah, yeah
[00:46:01] He's like well, you don't sound like a blind black man. You're like that's why I've never been able to find my community
[00:46:07] Right. I've been I'm like the 52 Hertz whale. Yeah, you can't play piano like the rest of the blind back black eyes
[00:46:17] When I was got to suck to be like a little black kid that's blind
[00:46:21] And then you're like well at least I can play the piano and then you just suck
[00:46:30] You just suck because you know that statistically it's got to be most of it
[00:46:34] You gotta be a little blank at blackhead you lose your eyesight and you think you think that piano is going to be your saving grace
[00:46:41] And 99 percent of the time they're just dog shit in piano. Yeah, it's only been two guys. Yeah, yeah, that's stinks
[00:46:48] And then you say well at least you're not gonna be in a fucking gang now
[00:46:52] You know, well, I don't know maybe as you know now you can beat the data from startrash
[00:46:57] I don't know what the other kind of blind black either is no, that's geordie geordie. Sorry. Yeah data is super white
[00:47:03] I thought you're the star trek guy. What do you mean?
[00:47:10] Like I'm an autistic guy. What does that even mean?
[00:47:18] What is that? Adam smells bad by the way if you don't know why are you saying that right now because I
[00:47:22] Because there's a girl you're acting different. Well, I thought maybe she thought there was me that smelled
[00:47:27] Don't call me who's calling you my girlfriend. She loves me. Oh
[00:47:38] Why do you smell bad? I'm gonna do mine. I'm sorry because she doesn't want me using aluminum based
[00:47:44] Underarm anymore really? Yeah, she's she's worried that he's gonna get breast cancer
[00:47:49] She doesn't want you to die on some girl blog. She was like
[00:47:53] You can't do it anymore. So I have to use this natural crap
[00:47:56] You can't live in New York and I smell like shit. Yeah, you have four the real stuff
[00:47:59] It's a thousand percent humidity and like two minutes later. I already smell bad and the jewish
[00:48:04] Out of the shower thing also. What do you mean jews smell bad? What's wrong with you?
[00:48:08] No, I wasn't saying anything. I was just small penis
[00:48:11] I was trying it. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Of course. Is it the Crocs and socks? Is that the smell? No Crocs are canes
[00:48:19] No, it's my armpits you want to smell them
[00:48:22] What if what if she smells them and she's like those are fair most
[00:48:25] A homeless black guy did tell me that one time when I was a teen
[00:48:29] He's like is I have I remember he like bummed a cigarette off me. He's like you give me a cigarette
[00:48:35] I'll give you some advice you ain't never gonna forget and he was yeah, he told me a story about fucking
[00:48:42] Fair mo's. Fair mo's. Yeah, it's real. I tried to hook up with a guy very tried to jump
[00:48:46] Couldn't get down with the smell really do it. Yeah, really no
[00:48:50] I think that's just people being unattractive because they smell bad. It's supposed to be the opposite
[00:48:53] He didn't smell bad. I just wasn't there right and when I had long haul COVID I lost my sense of smell for so long
[00:48:58] And I couldn't I was like I think my vagina is broken. I just can't get into it and then when I could smell again it all came back
[00:49:04] Yeah, I just had I just got COVID again
[00:49:06] Yeah, it's two times huh. Yeah. Yeah. How did you lose your smile?
[00:49:10] No, the first time I did for a day and then the second time it was like nothing. I lost it for a year
[00:49:19] Well, it all can't when you have the long when it comes back but it smells like everybody was like oh, it's like smells like rotten meat when it comes
[00:49:24] Back, it's all one smell and it is smell of like dank bad pussy is what it smells like really
[00:49:29] Yeah, my mom was gone for a day and then it just came back suddenly and like perfectly was like binary
[00:49:34] Yeah, right on off. Isn't it weird when you lose it though? It feels it kind of it's like going by
[00:49:40] I didn't even realize that I had lost it and then I forget what I smelled and I stuck my nose in a bag
[00:49:44] Like che- or tobacco and I couldn't smell it. Yeah spooky
[00:49:48] So I didn't realize marva chose all tatted up. Do you think these are like yakuza?
[00:49:55] They are because in their cultures you're not allowed to have a lot of cultures tattoos you have to be in a gang to have
[00:50:01] Yeah, whereas in America holly cause survivor. Yeah in America. You just need to be you know anybody can get tattoos
[00:50:08] Got I don't respect tattoos. Yes. All right. I hate them. I live here. I'm done. They're disgusting
[00:50:13] Yeah, your parents should have stayed together so you
[00:50:25] After the Holocaust like to cheer themselves up like Jewish guys just getting a dollar sign tattooed in front of the
[00:50:31] That's good. That's very classic. That's funny. You always see those
[00:50:37] The the trash girls with like the date of their first child that they had when they were four four years old
[00:50:43] You know what I mean? Really? How does that not offend people? Yeah, it'll be like 97. Wow. It's too close. Yeah, do it
[00:50:54] I don't know I don't even know what they look like I remember the I remember there was a seventh heaven episode where there's a
[00:50:59] Neighbor that was in the holocaust and like Simon like delivers our groceries or something and the sleeve comes up and he's like why does
[00:51:09] And the parents are like well because they have the wrong religion and yeah, he's going to hell. Yeah, he's going
[00:51:16] He was already in hell. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do you think Auschwitz was worse than hell and probably the same
[00:51:23] Probably the same. I've been here in the Auschwitz wasn't the worst thing in the world
[00:51:28] I've told you that everybody's just been coming up people
[00:51:30] Like there were some Jews that like could get cigarettes and they were higher up on the totem pole. Yeah, trusty's. Yeah, no copos
[00:51:38] All right. I don't know the fuck the ones that would snitch to the Nazis
[00:51:41] Yeah, yeah, I also heard that that guy who wrote the book that he was like a halo. He was in the halo. No, no, no
[00:51:52] Something another man one man something about being a holocaust and finding meaning because he was in the holocaust
[00:51:57] It's a very famous book. You gave me the book the game. No a man search for meaning a man search for meaning. Yeah
[00:52:04] Oh, yeah, I recently heard he wasn't really
[00:52:07] And this is more of a come-down thing, but Adam gave me the book and recommended it to me instead. It was very good
[00:52:12] Yeah, I thought it'd be good for you. The game. Neil Strauss is the game. I have read that
[00:52:16] And that was also from Auschwitz. It was he wrote it there. Yeah, but negate how he really was there
[00:52:22] How to give up I stole that book from my buddy just because I wanted to read it and seeing the shit that he had highlighted was
[00:52:30] Cripplingly funny. Really one of them was like enter every room grinning. That was one of the oh
[00:52:36] And he well like the coney island guy. Yeah. Yeah, enter every room grinning
[00:52:40] And now you can be in bar and you can see people who've read the game. Mm-hmm. Then you can be like I see what you're doing there. Yeah, I um
[00:52:47] I never smile. I don't think I don't I've never seen you smile. I never said I do it in pictures sometimes
[00:52:53] And then I look like a freak. Yeah, I've seen you smile. Yeah when we saw that old gay guy at pride the other day that looked like me at
[00:53:02] 70 that was that wasn't a pride. It was outside of carolines, but it was during pride
[00:53:06] I got him with the best that you have ever gotten it was crucial
[00:53:11] I mean this guy just this like this frantic old jewish guy was stringy. I mean he looked like Gaddafi and like fucking like a pink tight
[00:53:20] Like exit like you know in like a 70 year old jewish guy's like I got a personal trainer
[00:53:25] It was perfect and then the gym clothes they buy just like they're kind of like real loose
[00:53:29] Yeah, kind of flowy lulu lemmetic and he had a little purse with him. He wasn't even like I mean
[00:53:37] He was like he was like his just his stuff like a jewish floridian. That's what I'm hearing
[00:53:44] No, it's like when you hit a certain age as a Jew. Yeah, your trans testosterone has been gone for decades. You transcend gender. Yeah
[00:53:51] Yeah, Nathan Lane and the mortgage kind of thing. Yeah
[00:53:54] No, no, that's that's too femme. That's too like performative. It's just like uh, you're neither male nor female. Yeah
[00:54:03] You're almost there. You're already there. I'm kind of yeah. It's kind of my thing
[00:54:08] I think that you were a transitional guy that you were I said that to her actually
[00:54:15] They got she got back together with that cunt by the way. Why? I know it's crazy. Why?
[00:54:18] I don't know because I'm really upset about that. I know I'm really upset about it too. It just happened today
[00:54:23] Oh my god. I really crushed it with the lesbians. She's gonna cheat. She really liked you
[00:54:27] She didn't cheat on her with a woman who were lesbians hate me and we became best friends
[00:54:33] Also speaking of homeless when I was trying to give that homeless guy the wings you were trying to stop me
[00:54:39] I really get in fights with those homeless men a lot. They drive me nuts around the cellar
[00:54:44] I'm telling you I got into almost a physical fight with two in one week. It's not good
[00:54:51] Because they're too they get too close to you and then you're like hey could you back up a little bit
[00:54:55] And then they come like he was just reaching in for the food. I can't stand the touching
[00:55:00] It's like get the seller if you get off stage and people try to do the good game good game high five
[00:55:03] I'm like get the get your disgusting little grubby ass
[00:55:06] It's gross. Yeah, so that's a lot of air horn to blast. I would love that. I would really really love that
[00:55:12] That's a great idea. Well because they're blind. So mace does really nothing but an air horn
[00:55:17] No, mace makes them stronger. I've tried it
[00:55:19] But the air horn is a great idea. Yeah, right?
[00:55:25] Man an error on his good. Yeah, I got into a fight with a guy who walked up to me
[00:55:27] He just took a phone call basically on my body. We were just outside and he just went hello
[00:55:31] And he was right next to him. I was like, what do you have a phone?
[00:55:34] He had a phone. Yeah, he answered it and he was like hello
[00:55:36] This guy wasn't homeless actually and I was like dude
[00:55:39] You're just gonna be that close to me and he was like yo
[00:55:42] My my woman will come down here and kill and I was like you are not and then I started screaming at him
[00:55:47] And then he said he goes I'm gonna spit on you and that's what I was like. Oh, I forgot
[00:55:51] But you surely will do that and then I ran away from him. Jesus. The spitting
[00:55:56] I kind of always wanted to be one of those guys that picks a fight and then has my muscle
[00:55:59] E girlfriend beat up women. I'm like, I just get drunk
[00:56:03] I didn't get the logistics of these guys gonna call his girlfriend
[00:56:08] And then a big muscle woman comes out and beats her woman up. I'm like, that's right
[00:56:12] We can make that happen for you. Yeah, and then she carries me like a julia Vins type
[00:56:17] Just uh, oh, I forgot about julia. You're not julia Vins
[00:56:24] She has like the face of a doll and she's just russian the body of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yeah, russian people
[00:56:30] Oh, Karen fian. Yes, Karen fian does not look like this. No, look at that. Yeah, she's pretty Karen's pretty fucking jacked
[00:56:37] Not like that. Yeah, she has to take this to astral to get there. I'm sure. I'm sure she's irradiated
[00:56:44] And this is like only russia could produce something like my sister's kind of like that actually
[00:56:48] Yeah, she yeah, she looks like that a little bit
[00:56:54] Whoa, that's not real. That's photoshopped. What?
[00:56:58] She's gotta be auntie. No, look at her tiny little head. How'd she do that?
[00:57:04] I guess you know that you got you just got weird genetics over there
[00:57:08] I'm thinking about getting on tea myself
[00:57:13] Friend is thinking about getting auntie
[00:57:15] Because he's asleep. Yeah, he's sleepy all the time. Yeah, I'm sorry. I never sleep. I can never I haven't saw him
[00:57:22] Yeah, I haven't slept in four days. Yeah, you start to you start to feel like you're tripping all the time. Yeah, no
[00:57:27] I mean, I sleep like four hours at night. Yeah, it's like a real problem
[00:57:30] I've tried everything. I'm like up to like three muscle relaxers and I doesn't do anything
[00:57:34] Just I try to hardcore like almost like a roofful in the other I actually got good sleep last night
[00:57:39] I just actually I got you know, usually I'll go to bed and I'll turn the lights off
[00:57:43] Mm-hmm. Cuz I think you're supposed to do that. Yeah, I stayed on the couch
[00:57:46] I just watched a better call of salt. I fell asleep. I fell asleep in a normal time
[00:57:49] Yeah, because you weren't thinking yourself to death. Yeah, well, I don't really stay up thinking
[00:57:53] I just I mean I do but it's like not like anxiety or anything
[00:57:58] No, I don't know how people can do the like the on your market set. It's sleep time like when my buddies will do that like I used to be able to
[00:58:04] I used to be more active. I would like even when I run six miles every day. I still really
[00:58:10] Full insomia. Yeah, I'm not worrying or anything. It's just is
[00:58:14] You're just up the lot. It just doesn't the switch doesn't hit. Yeah, what does help?
[00:58:19] If you take NyQuil, NyQuil is the key. No, but you feel like shit the next day
[00:58:24] They have Z Quil without like all the medicine. Yeah, I take that too
[00:58:29] Sometimes it's fun to just be sleep deprived and especially doing stand-up. It feels great. It's like I'm
[00:58:34] You're fast on stage. Oh, so I rushed so hard the other day when I was like in like sparkly zone almost passing out
[00:58:41] You do great because you don't care and you're like this is a dream that guy's a lizard who fucking you know what I mean?
[00:58:46] Like everything's it's like doing stand-up on mushrooms sometimes if you can get the right dose, it's good
[00:59:03] Look, I there's already people saying I don't know about this Adam Friedland show. No, I mean like last time they were talking about getting a studio
[00:59:09] Now they're eating territory. So we're gonna get a studio. It's gonna be a proper late night talk show. Yeah
[00:59:16] Intellectual mind you I was thinking more morning show. I was thinking of Hoda. Oh, that's good. Yeah, Kathy Lee
[00:59:23] I was saying I we want to do the show nine a.m
[00:59:26] Mm-hmm, and you're drunk off wine already. Yeah, you know, yeah, you're a pills
[00:59:33] From Westchester. Yeah, and you drive you drive down to midtown drunk every morning. Yeah in your ass class
[00:59:42] I would love that and you got you get a DUI every day that they let slide
[00:59:47] Mm-hmm so that you can do the morning Adam Friedland morning show. That's my goal in life
[00:59:52] Wow to marry a powerful woman and then just be on Xanax all day long. Yeah, like a rich woman
[01:00:00] Yeah, yeah, like kind of like to be dug the wife of
[01:00:07] Yeah, and then just being bad all day be tragic. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's probably what he's doing old school telephone like that red telephone right next to you
[01:00:18] Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do. I can imagine you with your
[01:00:22] Your dick and balls tuck backs like shockingly easy right now like I can be crazy how much I can pick you up
[01:00:27] No every time I've done like a face-app of me as a lady. It's
[01:00:32] I really am just saying you with it tucked back with your leg slightly. I really does
[01:00:37] Yeah, I have Buffalo Bill. Yeah, yeah, Buffalo Bill. Yeah, my legs are at that nice. I'm having to do. Yeah, really easy
[01:00:43] No, I will stop. I mean later. Yeah, okay
[01:00:46] I'm not gonna do it for you. I can do it. Okay. I'll show you the other side
[01:00:51] You'll show you the bold of fruit. You know, oh, yeah, I'm not gonna show you the front. Okay. That's for my girlfriend. Ah
[01:01:04] We could go through I don't know I think it might be too late for we have to go to Andy's
[01:01:08] Do you really have a monologue prepared? Yeah, we had a whole monologue and we wrote all day for this
[01:01:15] I don't believe you. Yeah. Oh, we did. I can't tell what's this here. What's not here?
[01:01:19] How about you using a productive day? No, we had a nice day. All right. Let's give it a go. Okay. How about you read uh
[01:01:25] I'm not reading anything. No, no, no our guests will read this one. Okay. Oh, you're gonna you're gonna make the guests do the work
[01:01:30] Yeah, it's like Norm McDonald. It's nice read the one uh highlighted. Who's Norm McDonald?
[01:01:37] Well, yeah, you're a Adam. I'm Norm. No, I'm Nick
[01:01:41] Well, computers well nuts. Okay read that one
[01:01:53] What? Record record. Yep. Okay. Well, it's not a crazy quick. Okay
[01:02:01] Record sign up for vasectomies after Roe v. Wade ruling. In fact lines are so backed up
[01:02:06] It's harder to get a vasectomy than it is to get an abortion yet. You don't see men protesting
[01:02:12] Which begs the question are women just being whiny? Cunts. That's pretty funny, right? Do the sound of
[01:02:35] When we he went yeah, do another one the pope dismissed resignation rumors following a knee injury saying the thought never entered his mind
[01:02:42] When asked for comment, he said it's gonna take a lot more than a dick sucking injury to get me out of this job
[01:02:51] Okay, do another one a north carolina woman was left with a zombie flesh eating disease after being chased by a skunk
[01:02:58] She first noticed symptoms of of the gangrest condition in november about a month after she had a run in with an aggressive skunk
[01:03:05] While the suspect remains at large she was heard fleeing the scene saying uh
[01:03:19] That was my joke. I wrote that one. Yeah, Nick wrote I think all the other
[01:03:26] Yeah, Ricky Martin was hit with the domestic violence restraining
[01:03:39] Details haven't been disclosed but considering Puerto Rico has some of the most lax domestic violence laws in the country
[01:03:45] You know, it's got to be bad one thing's for certain. She won't be living the v. Don't look
[01:03:57] We done you know we keep going joey chestnut we got yeah, do that way aside
[01:04:01] Joey chestnut says he's not feeling good after his 15th win in a row at the annual kony island hotdog competition
[01:04:08] But said it pales in comparison to how bad he felt last month after winning the 10th consecutive title at the 10th annual dog shit eating
[01:04:15] Why is 10th annual in there twice it's 10th consecutive 10th annual
[01:04:23] It's clumsy. I should have changed it. It should just say
[01:04:26] It pales in comparison how bad he felt after his win this year at the 10th annual dog shit eating content
[01:04:34] Did you write 10th consecutive for me? I wrote 10th annual and you put in 10th consecutive annual
[01:04:40] No, I I tried to say philadelphia dog shit eating
[01:04:43] Competition Philadelphia Philadelphia. That's funny for jokes
[01:04:49] Like you know those clowns in philadelphia at the philadelphia dog shit eating competition
[01:04:54] I hear you you're not wrong, but I think what you were looking for was calamazoo
[01:05:01] Calamazoo what the hell is that place it said but where are we australia? Yeah, it sounds australia
[01:05:06] Is it not in australia? Okay. No, it's in like michigan or something. What is it really? Yeah calamazoo's here
[01:05:12] Calamazoo's get the fuck out of here. Yeah, I guarantee you I guarantee you they've had a mass shooting in calamazoo in michigan
[01:05:22] And I if this isn't if this isn't united states come on bro. What it's an intellectual talk show. Yeah about gun violence
[01:05:30] That's we're gonna have thomas soul on i'm gonna try and trick him into spelling the n-word
[01:05:34] Tim dillin loves that guy does he i think so dude that guy thomas soul is
[01:05:39] Hilarious. He's the og ben karson. I mean he's way he's way better than ben karson
[01:05:45] You go back a hundred years that guy's on talk chase like um black people are actually the laziest
[01:05:52] You know classes being like uh, thanks for having me on natal
[01:05:58] Uh, it you know, I actually they're read a study out of japan that says that black people they have the brains of uh walnut sized brains
[01:06:09] Oh adam was doing research for these I see that he has a tab pulled up called peppy lapu you were googling peppy
[01:06:15] I wanted to see things he would say yeah
[01:06:18] Maybe do the first joke the uh the scrabble joke and then we'll end the show scrabble has removed 400 slurs from its official wordless
[01:06:25] thereby giving up title up its title as the world's most racist board game a title which is now held by monopoly
[01:06:36] It's pretty offensive. What are these ones that are in black these didn't make the cut those weren't finished a south jersey man went on a nude crime spree
[01:06:45] Yeah finish it south jersey man went on a
[01:06:48] Nude crime spree, but I don't even know
[01:06:54] Hijacked a car we'll get some new ones. Let me just let me just score through the headlines in the new york post real quick
[01:06:59] Toddler who lost both parents in highloted park shooting was found under dad's body
[01:07:13] Arina McCarthy Kevin McCarthy an 88 year old Steven Strauss has been identified as three victims
[01:07:20] Killed when a ledger gunman robert crime. Oh open fund none of this cream. Oh, yeah, robert cream. It just happens. I'm very funny
[01:07:28] All right. Okay, the toddler who lost both parents in highland park shooting was found under
[01:07:37] Oh wait here we go. Here's a better headline. I'm deeply deeply sorry says the uncle of suspected highland shooter
[01:07:45] Highland Park shooter robert cremo. Let's see what this guy sounds like
[01:07:50] Yeah, our dame placo just spoke with cremo's uncle. Let's listen into that cremo and placo
[01:07:55] Well, thanks for talking to us. What did you want to say to the people who were hurt the families of the people that were killed
[01:08:03] I was gonna say I'm deeply deeply sorry for
[01:08:14] It's I'm zeit heartbroken and I'm and I'm my heart. My heart is shattered to hear this and
[01:08:22] I can't even believe I can't even believe it
[01:08:26] Just like my I think this guy's mentally this yeah, it's not very fun. It's maybe too bad
[01:08:31] Wait, is the shooter? No, it's his uncle. Yeah, he was a white rabbit. All right. Here we go. It sucks
[01:08:37] New Yorkers face a return of alternates people up. Don't trust my uncle if he apologizes for yeah, he's a bad guy
[01:08:44] Okay, read it. Uh it sucks. New Yorkers face return of alternate side parking after two-year hiatus
[01:08:50] It sucks man said rith kardos Sinclair 43 an electrician who commutes to manhattan from this kibsy
[01:09:00] Alternates alternate side parking. That's what they call sland in a dick and margaritos
[01:09:08] Yes, that's pretty good very good. Yeah. All right. Pelosi. Oh, here we go. Nancy Pelosi's husband was arrested for a DUI
[01:09:21] It's your DUI hunt the cavort at italian resort
[01:09:26] Andrea, there's too many italian words in this I can't figure
[01:09:30] Um, all right. Yeah, Nancy Pelosi's husband got a DUI
[01:09:35] You probably think that stands for driving under the influence
[01:09:42] Doesn't it's actually this instance. It means doesn't
[01:09:44] Understand why his Italian cunt wife gets away with insider training. Yeah, it's true
[01:09:51] That's good point. It's woke. Yeah, yeah, doesn't
[01:10:15] You know, this one we gotta do a morning show
[01:10:18] We have to let have three zinfandeles. We have to meet Andy too. We also get we gotta go meet Andy
[01:10:26] I don't know some guy that some guy some famous youtuber that's no no don't say
[01:10:31] You've said we gotta go meet Andy like seven times
[01:10:33] Yeah, we're meeting the boy from toys show I read
[01:10:50] All right, you guys have been great. Thanks for tuning in to
[01:10:53] Having us. Yeah. Thanks a lot guys. Bye and check out jordan. You got anything you want to plug?
[01:10:58] Oh, I got all sorts of shows coming up go to my website jordan genson comedy.com
[01:11:02] I'll be a helium buffalo all this week if you guys want to come out
[01:11:06] I'm sure those tickets are not sold also if you want to support the ad and freelance show
[01:11:10] We are getting a studio. We do have to meet toy story guy
[01:11:13] Oh, I'm at hilarities with the in finance and then I'm headlining the next weekend very nice