TAFS | Premium | 10/17/2022
[00:00:38] Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Adam Friedland show.
[00:00:44] We are sitting in global corporate operation HQ in Manhattan, New York of the Adam Friedland
[00:00:51] show the date today, October 17th, the time 635.
[00:01:03] And I think you're going to like the way.
[00:01:10] Nick, you want to, he literally just got off the plane.
[00:01:26] I don't know when it's going to go away.
[00:01:30] It's so long as it doesn't sound as bad as it did.
[00:01:33] Your regular voice is coming back a little bit.
[00:01:36] Yeah, it was one of the end of sentences.
[00:01:38] It was way worse yesterday than the day before.
[00:01:47] I was in Phoenix and it was like the second show Friday it started.
[00:02:30] You're doing a full weekend and then going and doing Skanks and having to do a bunch of
[00:02:35] Yeah, you see people that even you see all the time in the city, but it's nice.
[00:02:46] It's a little bit of a suspicious detail.
[00:02:49] I ran into him and he's like, dude, you do.
[00:02:56] You sound like you're in the mafia right now.
[00:03:04] You're walking in here right now and they were like, which one of these guys is Mr.
[00:03:13] It'd be like the Laryngitis guy, who's wearing all Las Vegas clothes.
[00:03:21] He's coming back being like, dude, I love Vegas.
[00:03:36] I flew in and then it was immediately I had to go out and do shows.
[00:03:39] Then I got back and I went to Pepper Mill with Holly Macawski and Sophie Butthole.
[00:03:59] She's doing a Butthole-based podcast on the gas digital network.
[00:04:08] We got to tell them this is brown carpet.
[00:04:19] Guys, you tell him Mr. Las Vegas himself.
[00:04:23] I'm gonna say, and you don't want to know what happens.
[00:04:25] I got a welcome to Las Vegas bucket hat.
[00:04:28] You got a Las Vegas Raiders buddy, which is very Vegas.
[00:04:33] Oh, I let Jordan borrow my sweatshirt when I was in Skang's class and then a lost track.
[00:04:47] I traded out the Columbia sports where I had in Columbia, the sports where sweatshirt
[00:04:53] for a Las Vegas fucking hat and a Las Vegas sweatshirt.
[00:04:57] Because, you guys can see, I know it sounds like Nick is in a dire situation right now
[00:05:13] My backpack is filled with refrigerator.
[00:05:16] You text me where you lost your natural magnet.
[00:05:18] There's no natural suck dick, but I'm not.
[00:05:23] You're putting it in context of questioning life in general.
[00:05:29] Well, it's good to have you back, buddy.
[00:05:37] Sometimes I get like contemplative and I'll be like, damn, stand up.
[00:05:46] I was doing that the other day and then this girl sent me a picture of her tits, which
[00:05:57] And I'm like, no, I'm an incredibly simple.
[00:06:02] Just a moron sitting around being like, it's not my art is and what I want it to be.
[00:06:16] Go have a nice, uh, bro over at the Tim Horns.
[00:06:19] That it has getting to a fight at Tim Horns and ask him what I don't have the egg white
[00:06:24] What if your therapist just had a big pair of knockers?
[00:06:29] But we're still just like a middle aged Indian guy.
[00:06:33] And they just came out of his dress shirt.
[00:06:42] Let's, let's come back to that for a second.
[00:06:45] It seems to be something that's important to you.
[00:06:53] Probably maybe some kind of like nurturing thing or I don't know what you tell me.
[00:07:04] There should be a monster truck that's got a big pair of tits that hang off the
[00:07:08] So you might like to grow with each tits lays down and they just fall into her arm.
[00:07:11] They just, they go like they're just, they just, they just, when they go to the side.
[00:07:16] They go in like it's like crumbs going into a couch.
[00:07:19] They don't like that when they're far apart.
[00:07:38] It looks way better in person than it did over pictures.
[00:07:40] So there's something that happened while Nick was gone.
[00:07:46] Although we have to fix some parts of it.
[00:08:16] Is it going to do that once the carpet's in?
[00:08:19] Once everything, we figure out a position and everything.
[00:08:30] I moved it to that side of the room that I moved it back over here.
[00:08:32] Yeah, I mean, it's a weird way for that to get damaged.
[00:08:36] I mean, it would have been damaged at some point if it wasn't like that before.
[00:08:43] Yeah, you guys don't even know what the fuck was.
[00:08:45] I see a little bit of white out, but probably be fine.
[00:08:55] I would say anybody that used that shoe was gay.
[00:08:59] Well, then the, like, goth kids would paint their nails with it.
[00:09:03] If I saw someone using white out, dude, I would fucking...
[00:09:06] Oh, well, we'd be the pencil sharpener.
[00:09:09] And I'd have to send the office for a minute.
[00:09:11] You should just have, like, on an A&E documentary about this.
[00:09:17] Yeah, just work them over with the pencil sharpener.
[00:09:24] Maybe I can, maybe I'll see if there's other impressions that I can do.
[00:09:52] Now I'll just do the show like this forever.
[00:09:57] The second I settle into it, that's when it goes away.
[00:10:00] You have to try and go and get pussy with that.
[00:10:02] I don't know why I wasn't doing this the entire weekend.
[00:10:06] You could have done your set like that.
[00:10:10] I've just been sitting here struggling to speak when this entire time.
[00:10:15] Yeah, you want to go back to the old you.
[00:10:20] Imagine for the super producer role in the new show.
[00:10:27] Sitting down, we got like, yeah, we got Professor Cornell West and you're like talking to him
[00:10:36] I have to notice when you walked in the color of your skin is different than ours.
[00:10:42] Is that something you've ever think about?
[00:10:55] I don't know why I didn't think to do this the entire time.
[00:10:58] And people say that my laugh sounds like someone sucking a penis.
[00:11:18] You're losing Jack and you're getting out like that's a trade I'm willing to live with.
[00:11:26] You got to go like test drive cars sounding like this.
[00:11:45] You got to call your enemies and threaten them on the phone.
[00:11:51] Jake, I saw you had some choice words for Skanksfest this year.
[00:11:59] Everyone who performed there is a bad comedian.
[00:12:03] You're a libertarian, you're a bad comedian.
[00:12:06] And you're using libertarianism to hide the fact that you're a bad at comedy.
[00:12:11] But if you're a good comedian like me, Alec Baldwin, Jake Flores, you use Marxist Leninism
[00:12:18] to make up for the fact that you can't get booked on anything except for a five minute
[00:12:26] Lemanism would be better than that shitty bad.
[00:12:45] And then it was stolen by the capitalists.
[00:13:01] Honestly, you got to give a son a speech about life.
[00:13:08] If this is you, if this might fix your entire life.
[00:13:12] You got bad about the carpet, you couldn't even get fully bad.
[00:13:22] I know I can blow up in a different way.
[00:13:24] You can actually choose your words more venomously.
[00:13:31] I think we got to push this back a little.
[00:13:34] But it does look huge if we have it farther forward.
[00:13:37] Yeah, we'll get the camera guy in here and he can take a look at it.
[00:13:48] What I can do is I can cantilever off here.
[00:13:56] Once you pull this light, yeah, you're fine with lights right there.
[00:14:35] I'm going to go out to a bar with Stephen afterwards.
[00:14:39] Just from the side of the somebody be like, you ever hear Las Vegas?
[00:14:44] You were, you know, it's the Yankees game tonight.
[00:14:55] It's like Disney World for getting pussy.
[00:15:17] I saw some on those like hardcore goth Latina like desert.
[00:15:23] Dude, I almost got my ass kicked by one of them.
[00:15:28] Yeah, no, we were a pepper mill and there was a whole table of them and I was like, God
[00:15:40] My freshman year of high school, one of them came up to me and she's like, why are you eyeballing
[00:15:47] And I was like, I don't even know what that means.
[00:15:59] But then I was like, if I get my ass kicked by a fucking senior.
[00:16:30] They used to have mad long hair and then gel them.
[00:16:43] I wish I could go milk hunting with you after this.
[00:16:51] The problem is it only sounds good to a microphone.
[00:16:53] Yeah, in real life, it's all this shit.
[00:16:56] In real life, if I talk like that in real life, it would be whispering.
[00:17:03] You sound like you have the coronavirus.
[00:17:19] This time we're doing coronavirus, but no Chinese allowed.
[00:17:32] I love in the department of pizza, the Providence guys, the Italians and things.
[00:17:50] Why is it a roshifer talk more like that?
[00:18:05] Dude, he clocked her from like 500 feet away.
[00:18:08] He's like, bro, Chloe Cherry, hottest car I've ever seen.
[00:18:11] We're literally on the other side of a stadium.
[00:18:18] I mean, she's like, she comes in and he's like, who is that girl?
[00:18:21] This is the hottest girl I've ever seen.
[00:18:27] Yeah, no, but she's like, yeah, she's like, looks like she has a blowjob machine taped
[00:18:44] You call yourself a porn star, you piece of shit.
[00:18:58] You call yourself a porn star, you son of a bitch.
[00:19:01] It's very funny to call a woman a son of a bitch.
[00:19:08] You're going to suck a dick or you're going to waste our time here, you son of a bitch.
[00:19:31] Are we going to get added on Wednesday to do the lighting test?
[00:19:41] Yeah, we're almost ready to fucking do it.
[00:19:50] Wait, because we're going to have too many black guys in here?
[00:19:59] It's going to be called two black guys on.
[00:20:02] It's going to be called Jesus Miro and Adam Freeland and Mr. Las Vegas.
[00:20:09] Ladies and gentlemen, the latest podcast.
[00:20:12] Jesus Miro and Adam Freeland and Mr. Las Vegas.
[00:20:27] No, there's a full hour and a half interview or maybe it was like a two hour interview.
[00:20:31] On the drink champs on Noriega's podcast.
[00:20:38] I've only listened to one full episode.
[00:20:45] It was after he'd gotten sober off of cocaine, but before he had kind of had a comeback.
[00:20:55] He was talking about how he used to do a thing called the Miami Hurricane where he'd take
[00:21:00] a Paris Hilton kind of woman out to a premiere.
[00:21:04] Then he'd say goodbye afterwards and then go back to his hotel and there'd be 20 porn
[00:21:11] He'd take a straw and he'd blow drugs into their anuses.
[00:21:16] And him and his friends called it the Miami Blizzard.
[00:21:23] Because I think they were in Miami or something.
[00:21:27] But yeah, he talked about that on the- You ever hear the Miami Blizzard?
[00:21:31] It sounds so much better when you say it.
[00:21:42] You ever seen the movie Miami Blizzard?
[00:21:48] It's about blowing drugs into women's asses.
[00:21:50] I used to do this thing called the Miami Blues Blizzard.
[00:22:22] I believe in getting fucked up until you have a child.
[00:22:32] Kanye said that he owes a great deal of credit to Ice Cube for putting him on that anti-semitic
[00:22:43] Yeah, he said anti-semitism vibe, which is even better.
[00:22:48] But it wasn't the old black anti-semitism is harmless, right?
[00:22:53] Well, there was the Crown Heights riots, which was like the house.
[00:23:03] But that was, I was just thinking of black on Jewish race war situation.
[00:23:08] But it's not like there's going to be a black Hitler.
[00:23:10] You don't have to worry about that, right?
[00:23:12] Well, Jesus apparently wanted to call the Yay album Hitler.
[00:23:21] But I mean, I don't see, I don't see black people like setting up a black Hitler.
[00:23:29] They have red caps and trains and all that stuff.
[00:23:34] I mean, I think they really put their minds to it.
[00:23:43] You can't tell black women that you could never do the Holocaust.
[00:23:47] I don't think that they have the power in society to organize.
[00:23:53] Yeah, I don't think they're that spiteful, I guess.
[00:23:57] I think that black people hate Jewish people.
[00:23:59] At a certain point, Norieko is just like, you got to stop talking about Jewish people.
[00:24:06] He's like, yeah, he can't stop talking about the Jewish media.
[00:24:10] It's funny because he's probably like one of the few black people in entertainment that
[00:24:14] isn't being exploited by Jewish people.
[00:24:17] I know he definitely has been exploited in the past.
[00:24:21] But once you're Kanye West, it's not like he has a fucking guy bringing him like shitty
[00:24:33] But yeah, no, his brain and I were laughing.
[00:24:36] But then they kind of try to unpack it more and they were like, so why are you so mad
[00:24:42] And he basically what it boiled down to after like a bunch of different tangents was that
[00:24:47] his wife won't get back together with him.
[00:24:49] That he blames Kim for him losing his kids.
[00:25:11] Kim Kardashian, you've spent your life showing your big fat ass to people on the internet.
[00:25:18] Now instead of breaking the internet, you'll have to break your own legs.
[00:25:21] Oh, yeah, he's the other good good part was that he, that Drake came up to him and swore
[00:25:28] to me and said, I swear to God, I've never fucked your wife.
[00:25:30] And he's like, and that is what I did for Jared Kushner in the White House.
[00:25:35] But apparently he put his hands on both of Kushner's shoulders and was like, you have
[00:25:57] But he's like, you have to believe me, Jared.
[00:26:10] I mean, your voice is ordering a scotch and a well done steak for dinner.
[00:26:17] You might have a scotch, but I'm not telling you to do that.
[00:26:27] What do you get for nutritional value for a portabello mushroom cap?
[00:26:32] Because all those like impossible and beyond, impossible burgers just got banned and you're
[00:26:37] like, yeah, I don't eat any of that shit.
[00:26:42] You get veggie burgers, which are just mushrooms and black beans.
[00:26:53] The beyond burger I've had, it tastes pretty good.
[00:26:55] They both taste good, but they're like, you know, I mean, it's, yeah, it's fucking...
[00:27:04] And stuff that the people in the Matrix have to eat.
[00:27:15] Were those ladies with the big eyes of the Cardazians?
[00:27:39] I mean, I've been sleeping on the road.
[00:27:40] I've been like going out and going crazy.
[00:27:46] I was like getting ready for my flight this morning and I'm like feeling like shit blowing
[00:27:48] all the snot out of my fucking head in the shower.
[00:27:53] And I run into Brian's six in Scott Chaplin.
[00:28:00] I'm like catching a lift with the airport now.
[00:28:02] And they're like, yeah, we're about finished.
[00:28:11] I'm sure people had the most fun time ever.
[00:28:13] Tommy Pope was like, yeah, I was up till noon.
[00:28:25] He's getting all the nutrients coming from his fingertips.
[00:28:33] That guy is the funniest guy in the world.
[00:28:35] That was all I saw him for two seconds at Dick's last resort.
[00:28:43] And then I showed up Skanksfest last day.
[00:28:45] And I was like, I'm going to go down here.
[00:28:51] There were people doing crowd work to the comics?
[00:29:05] Normally I don't creepshot people, but no one believed me.
[00:29:07] If I told them I saw a Chinese guy wearing wooden blocks shoes.
[00:29:11] Because it's like, you know, like, yeah.
[00:29:19] But it was during your COVID fever dream.
[00:29:23] And then also on the plane, two gay guys.
[00:29:27] You spent just talking about baby movies, dude.
[00:29:34] Like I know like gay guys watch Barney or something.
[00:29:37] But like, and you know, yeah, there's like, did you hear that they, there's a new cliff
[00:29:43] hurt that they made, they made cliff hurt?
[00:29:47] And he's like, yeah, it's a live action, cliff hurt.
[00:29:50] Dude, literally the same exact thing happened to me on Saturday night.
[00:29:55] And so that after party, the SNL after party and there are two gay guys right at the bar
[00:30:03] And we're like, so do we love love actually?
[00:30:10] I mean, yeah, it's a good, it's not, you know.
[00:30:15] I'm talking about like, he's going to talk about Clifford and like go to garbage stuff.
[00:30:24] I watched Cinderella on the plane the whole time.
[00:30:31] Dude, I watched Chuck and Larry's being of gay people the other day.
[00:30:51] Like, like having like a gesture underwear while walking around.
[00:30:59] He's like, I'm just going around like jingling change in my pocket.
[00:31:06] When he goes up to Kevin James, he's like, I figured out how to save my family, how to
[00:31:22] Maybe I'll watch Paul Blart when I get home.
[00:31:25] Have you ever seen the movie Paul Blart?
[00:31:30] Have you ever seen the picture of Paul Blart mall cop?
[00:31:50] Dude, that is, I just really wish, I'll never sound that cool, man.
[00:31:57] Yeah, but my voice won't sound like that.
[00:32:01] You don't really appreciate how cool he sounds until you can do it.
[00:32:05] We should have a little bit more respect for him.
[00:32:06] He just walks around like that all the time.
[00:32:13] He should have left that goddamn voicemail.
[00:32:14] I'm going to go home and make oatmeal and then watch Master and Commander another time
[00:32:26] Well, it came on TV, so I watched the second half.
[00:32:34] They should have Alec Baldwin should have played Master.
[00:32:42] In a suit, old dog, Brooks Brothers just looking like Jack.
[00:33:09] They were from Vegas and they were from this was an international flight.
[00:33:18] I like getting on a plane where there's a lot of comedians you see who chose to sit
[00:33:39] Yeah, everyone else was flying normally.
[00:33:41] You have to get diamond medallion status or something.
[00:33:45] I have like the email account with every one of the airlines, but I don't do if I don't
[00:33:50] I mean, I buy whichever one's the cheapest.
[00:33:56] Do you remember when I got kicked off a flight because I called in a stewardess a con for
[00:34:09] He was like so much worse than Donald Trump.
[00:34:15] Yeah, he killed something for your friend.
[00:34:18] It's like he used to be sexy, but now it's just the voice.
[00:34:28] Now I know how like fucking how powerful this is.
[00:34:34] This might be this might be the thing that takes the Adam Friedland show to the next
[00:34:39] From the co-host, I'm not funny anymore.
[00:34:41] Think about like if Donald Trump's your rival.
[00:34:49] I was going to tell you and I told Shane.
[00:34:53] And then I found out that apparently what is it?
[00:35:00] It's War mode that's Matt's brother's podcast.
[00:35:06] Matt from fucking Man, Gene Secret podcast.
[00:35:25] And I told Shane this and Gene was like, yeah, I just heard this on War mode.
[00:35:27] So I guess somehow I found this out the same time as them or they already knew it and they
[00:35:57] I mean, it's funny because it's Robert De Niro.
[00:36:15] But it's just, you hear them talking about a baby booby on a plane.
[00:36:23] When we were on the, on the airport of the way to Cleveland years ago, that guy was like,
[00:36:31] He's not, he's a great, he's probably a great guy.
[00:36:57] But, yeah, no, the Robert De Niro thing's funny.
[00:37:04] But his parents were, his parents were like, they were like poets.
[00:37:12] His dad's like a quarter Italian's mom's white.
[00:37:17] You know who else has a gay dad and left his family to have gay sex?
[00:37:25] And it was like a pivotal moment in his life walking around his dad.
[00:37:47] No, and also in that documentary, he had a friend that had a voice very similar to what your
[00:37:52] No, it was a fat black guy, but it was like.
[00:37:55] And that's when Juice found out that his daddy was gay.
[00:38:00] His daddy, he knocked on his daddy door and he wearing a kimono.
[00:38:07] And there another man wearing a kimono too.
[00:38:11] Well, it was kind of like in the gay style.
[00:38:14] Yeah, I kind of want to, you know what I need to get on DVD for the office?
[00:38:32] Yeah, we got another 23 minutes of this.
[00:38:41] They're mad at me right now at the venue.
[00:38:45] For pissing off that black lesbian that works.
[00:38:52] Do you care if I walked in there right now?
[00:38:59] Especially if I put my bigger hat back on it.
[00:39:03] I put my sunglasses off the bigger hat.
[00:39:14] By the way, if you're listening to this and you think my voice sounds cool, please email
[00:39:19] This is the first time I felt cool in years.
[00:39:25] There has to be one way that you can really...
[00:39:27] I tell you all weekend it didn't sound cool.
[00:39:31] Now it's kind of leveled out into a nice timbre.
[00:39:34] You should really deal with customer service on the phone with that voice.
[00:39:38] I've been talking to a robot for 45 minutes and they get me.
[00:39:55] That's just my little joke that I do when people call in.
[00:40:00] You should, no, you should use this as a phone voice.
[00:40:09] If you're trying to see Mumford and Sons at the Barclays Center, press 1.
[00:40:14] If you're trying to see Mumford and Sons at MSG, press 2.
[00:40:29] It's my first day here at Ticketmaster.
[00:40:40] The problem is I do not know how to read.
[00:40:42] So why don't you tell me what the problem is and then I can try to figure out the computer.
[00:40:50] From hopefully this will be a picture based website.
[00:40:59] Have you ever been to a Chinese food restaurant?
[00:41:10] You should call up every ex-girlfriend.
[00:41:17] I'm just having Scotch and a giant piece of portabella mushroom.
[00:41:26] Oh, I was just having an evening with my Scotch, my piece of lettuce, and my cat.
[00:41:36] No, I'm getting enough pussy, thank you.
[00:41:48] Yeah, you got to change your answering machine.
[00:41:55] You've reached the Adam Friedland show.
[00:42:04] No one's available to take your call right now.
[00:42:08] Oh, you did a little jack when you said no one's.
[00:42:35] Maybe I'll just do a Texas accent and see what comes out.
[00:42:50] He showed up and I showed them my penis and I pulled my penis out of my pants.
[00:42:58] And they said, did you get a cock like that shitty boy?
[00:43:11] He's wearing a basket full of cobras on his head.
[00:43:14] He's got a picnic basket full of cobras on his head.
[00:43:43] I've been in a bunch of shitty movies you don't remember.
[00:43:57] The problem is none of the actors were being picked up on the film.
[00:44:01] So they needed somebody to bounce lights off of on the set of Blade.
[00:44:05] That's when they hired me, Hollywood actor Steven Dorf.
[00:44:14] Yeah, dude, I was, yeah, I was, I saw a Saggle-O briefly.
[00:44:18] How bad he is, his impressions and how confident he is.
[00:44:29] Well, hopefully he's better at that than fucking impressions.
[00:44:32] Like he's sitting there and he's like, no, this is a good impression.
[00:44:35] He's insisting that it's a good impression.
[00:44:38] He's doing Tommy and that's not Tom Hanks.
[00:44:43] Nobody can do it, but he's just sitting there and he keeps going, oh, buzz.
[00:44:46] Was it in the context of the conversation or was it?
[00:44:50] No, he was saying he could do it on the impression.
[00:44:52] And then he was like, yeah, I can do Patrick Stewart too.
[00:45:00] It's like, he's like, I'm Patrick Stewart.
[00:45:03] You know, and I'm like, wait, I'm like, no, that's not, I'm like, now you're not even
[00:45:11] He's like, well, it's Patrick Stewart in green room.
[00:45:20] You know, I should have been in that movie.
[00:45:21] I just could try to get into the salary.
[00:45:24] One night only they let me in in the salary.
[00:45:27] I just do an entire set of like, you see that movie green room.
[00:45:29] You know, they should have cast instead of Patrick Stewart is Alec Baldwin.
[00:45:36] No, we're just trying to run a fun Nazi show here.
[00:45:40] And if you and you gay little friends want to come out of the green room, maybe we
[00:45:44] Who is the guy in DC who had three impressions and every set was all three?
[00:45:53] And then, and then Barack Obama was like, let me be clear.
[00:45:58] And then Denzel was like, yeah, well, he really only had the Denzel impression.
[00:46:04] And then he wouldn't do Michael J. Fox impression.
[00:46:08] I was like, how, when he was still there, I was like, how's Alex Starr these days?
[00:46:21] I think comedy doesn't need to be like, you don't even have to be intentionally funny.
[00:46:33] Have you ever seen the black man just say shit on stage?
[00:46:43] And it's the funniest thing I've ever seen.
[00:46:51] As a democrat, as a lifelong democrat, there's nothing I love more than watching a bunch of black
[00:46:56] nonsense and pretending that we're all participating in something.
[00:47:00] And it's not just somehow an even more sadistic form of exploitation than just being outright
[00:47:09] Yeah, they asked me what I thought about that.
[00:47:14] I watched the episode of SNL before I went to the after party.
[00:47:25] I went with Brandon, he's staying with me.
[00:47:27] He's like, we gotta go because Megan Thee Stallion is the host.
[00:47:31] And I was like, well, we might as well watch SNL before.
[00:47:33] It's weird that they're still doing the SNL after parties.
[00:47:38] If I went in there, if they harmed me as head writer, I'd say we're canceling the after
[00:47:47] Instead of the after party, we're staying here until we write a sketch that's funny.
[00:47:52] Well, the sketches were like, you can leave the office when you produce me a sketch that's
[00:47:59] They were like, I heard they're meta now.
[00:48:02] Well, it was no, no, the season opener was meta.
[00:48:05] And then the sketches were all for like, they were like, I was just imagining Lauren in an
[00:48:10] office being like, yeah, we're going to do like a black one.
[00:48:13] Like, oh, the blacks are going to love this.
[00:48:16] Like, okay, okay, the blacks are going to love this.
[00:48:19] I don't think you're allowed to have a Lauren Michaels impression unless you've met the
[00:48:26] Okay, but you've never worked with him.
[00:48:36] Dr. Evil was a Lauren Michaels impression.
[00:48:41] You guys have seen the movie Austin Bowers, haven't you?
[00:48:45] You know who should have played Dr. Evil?
[00:48:53] Yeah, but it was just like, I don't know, it felt very, I don't know.
[00:49:00] There was like a sketch which was like black doctor, which was like a white woman going
[00:49:04] to the hospital and it's a, she comes out and they give her a new ass.
[00:49:20] I want to do a sketch where like it opens and there's a doctor's office and there's like
[00:49:23] a white guy in there and the doctor's like, yeah, so you know, just keep an eye on it.
[00:49:28] For now, like we're probably good, but we'll monitor it, you know, just come back in in
[00:49:32] like two months, we'll take another look and just make sure you're all right.
[00:49:36] He's like, yeah, I feel like I'm being kind of a hypochondriac.
[00:49:38] He's like, no, no, no, it's good that you come in.
[00:49:41] And then like he's like, all right, thanks doc.
[00:49:43] And he leaves and then the assistant comes in and whatever he's going to write from this
[00:49:47] paper, he's like, you're two o'clock's here and he looks at his watch and he's like,
[00:49:59] You know, and then like she's a fat black lady comes in and she just has like a facade
[00:50:07] Yeah, but the sword's going through her brain, just through her head and she's like, my head
[00:50:15] You don't, there's nothing wrong with you.
[00:50:21] And he's like, no, just then fucking go home and take an aspirin.
[00:50:28] God, I was like, make me like an X-ray.
[00:50:35] You know, there's nothing wrong with you.
[00:50:43] I'm rocking a son, son, bubble my head.
[00:50:53] There's nothing wrong with your fucking head.
[00:51:01] I'm your doctor and you are a black lady wasting my time.
[00:51:07] I could be in this office curing cancer right now.
[00:51:53] That was a lot of people can approximate it, but it's not.
[00:51:56] Like only Pablo is the only guy that can really do him.
[00:51:59] That was my favorite comedy central presents.
[00:52:06] I told you I watched Jim Brewer or hardcore again because I've said it numerous times.
[00:52:10] Throughout my career, I've laughed about Jim Brewer or hardcore being my favorite comedy
[00:52:16] I loved it too, but I chalked it up to be being like fucking baby.
[00:52:38] Yeah, he should have been at the failure of comedian libertarian festival.
[00:52:44] Everyone that goes to that festival is a shitty comic.
[00:52:47] You're just like working at McDonald's at 40 years old.
[00:52:58] That's wild how shitty of a comedian he is now.
[00:53:01] I haven't seen him do stand up in a long time.
[00:53:03] Yeah, well, I've seen clips or whatever, but it's like he wasn't like, he was never
[00:53:14] He wasn't bad, but it was like he was a guy that got as good as you can get in like a
[00:53:19] And then you come here and it's like there's a billion guys at that level.
[00:53:22] And yeah, I mean, he's just gotten so shitty.
[00:53:40] Did you hear Trevor Noah quit the daily show?
[00:53:43] You know, they're hiring to replace him.
[00:53:51] That is the correct answer is who they're hiring to a police to know what the daily
[00:53:56] And then Barack Obama walking and he said, let me be clear.
[00:54:03] Yeah, the Michael J. Fox bit that Alex Star did was was that because he has Parkinson's
[00:54:16] And he got his shoes on the damn wrong foot.
[00:54:24] He's like, I heard they got a new Batman.
[00:54:30] That was the big Batman walking in shoes on the wrong foot.
[00:54:38] I tell you, there's nothing I like more than black nonsense.
[00:54:43] And a good old and a nice big chunk of black nonsense served as a steaming, heaping pile
[00:54:56] I used to go to caramel lounge just to be alone.
[00:55:00] I remember seeing him at that fucking in that DC sports bar, like the East Street lounge
[00:55:12] You know when bars are like you go to a bar, it's too big.
[00:55:28] You should feel like you're walking into like a like a hollowed out tree.
[00:55:31] You should be feeling like you're going there to die.
[00:55:54] I went and eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes,
[00:55:56] ears, eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes.
[00:55:58] I said, well, the good way, the good way.
[00:56:00] The good way and the good way and the good way they.
[00:56:02] And so there's this place right over there.
[00:56:25] one of those things that you made up that people started making up that is his
[00:56:28] middle name although while I was in Vegas you're coughing because you're
[00:56:34] vaping constantly yeah what I what I did make up once is I remember I told
[00:56:40] I think I told a woman that craps was fake the craps was something that they
[00:56:45] had to make up for movies because all of the Vegas games were copyrighted so
[00:56:49] they couldn't portray any of the people you do yes classic woman that's a kind
[00:56:54] of thing a woman would believe they do be believing that kind of show they don't
[00:56:58] stop believing they don't stop believing they hold on to that feeling yeah what
[00:57:05] is this lamp for facts Tiffany lamp I said why did they call it that is it
[00:57:10] because it's for fags like fagants yes so do you want to play us out on this one
[00:57:17] Adam we got four more minutes left I think we've got to go real into this
[00:57:22] Zilinski character I don't think we really put the screws to him yet who's
[00:57:27] Zilinski he's the head of Ukraine oh yeah that guy everyone's saying he's a
[00:57:33] comic but he never had a presence yeah they're like somebody I never saw him on
[00:57:37] premium like the John Stewart of Ukraine it's like that sounds like dog shit
[00:57:42] it sounds like a dude who asked we don't even have the John Stewart of America
[00:57:46] anymore the John sort of America fucking we get three percent of our
[00:57:50] wounds stumbling his way through a monologue he didn't even read before he
[00:57:54] showed up to work yeah that's me yeah maybe I am the Zilinski of center
[00:58:01] left talk no I think he had like he was more like a Armando Iannucci he had more
[00:58:08] like a in the loop or like think of it kind of show about where he becomes the
[00:58:13] Prime Minister but it then was she things movie which one we're a
[00:58:20] remember that Robin Williams movie we came out during like the height of the
[00:58:23] daily show where it's like what if John Stewart was president he directed
[00:58:27] no Robin Williams played like a late yes he did yeah he played like a late
[00:58:32] night I remember I remember clearly there was a joke from the trailer the big
[00:58:37] joke was that they're like what's your position on same-sex marriage and he's
[00:58:42] like well anyone who's met anyone who's married would tell you you know what
[00:58:46] what am I doing William Shatner who he said anyone who's married would tell
[00:59:05] a numb spot on my finger what is it I'm trying to chew it off cancer cancer I
[00:59:12] got like a fucking cow was something on the tip of my finger I don't even know
[00:59:15] what that would be from from shredding dude good job piano are you gonna get a
[00:59:22] piano on stage of the show yeah of course you do look a Paul Shafer yeah you got
[00:59:27] to get a bald cat no I'm gonna be Alec Baldwin piano man you gotta get a cape
[00:59:34] that's a really good one Adam now for our next guest sorrelton John don't
[00:59:44] touch my piano faggot don't stop being a faggot my old John you wrote the song
[00:59:52] does not being a faggot is that correct no I didn't no actually I know I didn't
[00:59:58] I didn't write a song call that no I didn't that's just something I like
[01:00:02] Baldwin says he thinks it's funny that's because it is it's making me laugh
[01:00:08] right now watch me go oh man can't wait you're gonna shrink down here not in
[01:00:29] stature but in personality once my voice goes back to normal you're you're a
[01:00:34] giant man right now but no no I took my headphones off you sound like shit yeah
[01:00:41] yeah yeah when you saw the when you saw the carpet color you were just like god
[01:00:48] damn it but like it didn't sound like no it's close that's close but it doesn't
[01:00:59] sound nearly as good on my good sounds here's what you need to do you got to
[01:01:04] bring the portable zoom out to a bar right put the headphones put the headphones
[01:01:07] on a bitch yeah and then start talking yeah listen there's only one microphone
[01:01:12] do you like the Smith's I was just reading infinite jazz to the other
[01:01:20] dancing boarders but do you like the Smith's making eye contact is not
[01:01:26] what's going on all right Nick needs only going to have laryngitis for another
[01:01:32] couple of days this is our chance of the meet cute I don't like the Smith's
[01:01:36] personally is a good that's a good that's a romantic comedy right I guess you
[01:01:41] meet a bitch she falls in love but she really fell falls in love the voice or
[01:01:45] so you think yeah with her two days go by and I'm like I gotta figure out how to
[01:01:50] get sick and they're like Tony you sound different all right guys oh we're done
[01:01:56] here we're done here thanks for joining us Nick rest your voice I gotta go to
[01:01:59] Brooklyn Nixon Minneapolis this weekend Minneapolis and guys comedy club guys
[01:02:06] weekend long we are now sitting on something that we are not gonna say what
[01:02:11] it is but we're sitting on it and we're excited for you to show a bunch of
[01:02:14] people this weekend on my father what they say I mean most of them are
[01:02:18] skanks fans so I was like do you know what the no no I was like look this is
[01:02:24] what I did like dude awesome they people got hyped I mean they don't you did like
[01:02:30] a focus group I don't think they knew where they were no they were on drugs
[01:02:33] yeah they were all fucked up on experimental they're semi-legal drugs
[01:02:37] why would you be at a comedy like why would you be on research chemicals at a
[01:02:41] comedy show no idea to hear Lewis be like yeah where where where they put a gun
[01:02:46] in Lewis's ass on the show they fucking charge to gay guys $1500
[01:02:53] to watch a gun be put into his ass and they paid yeah that was part of
[01:03:00] skanks fest that's why it's so funny for bit for somebody to be like this is a
[01:03:03] right-wing comedy festival it's like a tarian it's just lip routine this is
[01:03:09] like fucking it's no it's a generous it's just a it's just retard yeah yeah well
[01:03:14] it was a funny thing about that original sis Simon's article about
[01:03:17] skanks fest he's trying to paint these guys's reactionaries and then he opens
[01:03:21] by complaining about that nudity and it's like no you're no you're a her you're
[01:03:26] the they're the old man from footloose you're the reactionary if you have a
[01:03:30] problem with consenting adults being naked on stage you're the fucking
[01:03:34] reactionary that's right but that's how that's how you gotta go these guys are