TAFS | Premium | 11/21/2022
[00:00:00] This is my photo city, where you should log, where to eat, and just think about what you're
[00:00:53] It is November before Thanksgiving, something, uh, 2022.
[00:01:08] It's important to take a mental health day.
[00:01:15] I'll be a fun cable to show tuckered out and it's Tucker Carlson, but he's sucking cock
[00:01:34] My parents are like, Tucker Carlson brought up a good point while he was sucking dick the
[00:01:40] I was straight before, but now I'm a homo.
[00:01:49] My father and I was like, this guy's awesome.
[00:01:58] Um, um, we're having a little, a little more producer meeting.
[00:02:10] We brought Sam on nice building out the, and I'm not afraid of who I am at all.
[00:02:17] I live in Red Hook, Brooklyn with my wife and son, Mike Cox.
[00:02:22] Like the fact that Mike Racine back after you missed your flight to Chicago.
[00:02:32] I'm at like a two hour early to the airport guy because I missed a flight.
[00:02:36] So I spent maybe about six hours at the airport.
[00:02:43] But then I, you know, it was kind of nice.
[00:02:46] You know, maybe I need, maybe I need a neck pillow.
[00:02:52] There's nothing feels better than shoplifting at the airport.
[00:02:55] Well I did shoplifting at neck pillow a couple of weeks ago, but it wasn't, I'm glad I, it
[00:03:04] I got caught shoplifting when I was 22 and it just kind of ruined it forever.
[00:03:15] I was trying to steal Red Bull and Oragelle from my roommate.
[00:03:20] Yeah, she had like a really bad like tooth infection or something.
[00:03:28] Yeah, you should have been like, well listen, I'm trying to get Bob Mitzvit.
[00:03:30] And they told me I needed to do an active service.
[00:03:33] My roommate I'm in love with needs this oragelle.
[00:03:44] We're making love connections here on The Adam Friedman Show.
[00:03:47] Yeah, it's tough when you fall in love with somebody that is, you already have a relationship
[00:03:52] Yeah, she was like one of my best friends.
[00:03:54] When you fall in love with your cousin, it sucks.
[00:03:57] You're the part of a guy who works at the movie theater.
[00:04:00] I'm just going, I'm going to see fucking sing too, just to see him again.
[00:04:15] I will literally watch Master in Command during this assassination of Jesse James.
[00:04:24] Yeah, you should watch China time if you haven't seen it, but it's not like I'm sitting
[00:04:26] down watching China time every fucking day.
[00:04:52] You're like, I'm trying to think of who you're like.
[00:05:03] Manipulating them to leave their house.
[00:05:14] Nurse Ratchet is the sympathetic character.
[00:05:22] Okay, I watched that like two years ago.
[00:05:24] She's the mama bird that mama sits on the nest.
[00:05:34] Yeah, I saw that movie so long ago, but she's like bad, right?
[00:05:39] The thesis and moral of the movie is that Native American people only see him retarded.
[00:05:58] If you get a chance to watch Coco, maybe with Adam's girlfriend, you know, you guys
[00:06:19] Yeah, now you're making me doubt myself.
[00:06:34] I always stay away from the Spanish stuff at the grocery store.
[00:06:38] But maybe I should start buying all that stuff.
[00:06:42] Yeah, I stay away from Postello, Abuelita, the janitor's closet.
[00:06:57] They're the best comedy fans, for sure.
[00:06:59] Everything this guy says, I think, is so full of...
[00:07:04] The other day he was like, damn, I'm like, that's what's up.
[00:07:10] They're at the show to have a good time.
[00:07:15] There was all these Texas, like, Valley comedians.
[00:07:18] These guys, these Mexican guys, they do comedy for a year.
[00:07:23] And then they just be doing fucking theaters.
[00:07:27] To see another Mexican guy just say he's Mexican.
[00:07:41] It's more in line with like the nature of art itself, which is that it's a collaborative
[00:07:48] I mean, because really what's the difference between doing somebody else's joke and playing
[00:07:53] My uncle's Mexican and I was hanging out with him one time and he was like, oh man, I just
[00:07:57] hope I don't have to watch that movie, No Old Men for America.
[00:08:00] He's talking about no country, no old men.
[00:08:05] What does he mean by hope I don't have to watch it?
[00:08:08] Because he watched it, he didn't like it.
[00:08:10] What was the situation where you didn't have to watch that?
[00:08:13] He's like anything would be better than that no old men for America.
[00:08:23] But I'm saying the way their brains are.
[00:08:37] Adam, no offense, but Adam doesn't really do that.
[00:08:40] Listen, there's not going to be any of this talk on the ad.
[00:08:52] What you're doing, saying shit like that about Adam, that's like coming in here, I'm making
[00:08:56] You're like, this cranberry sauce isn't done.
[00:08:58] And I'm like, first of all, that's your daughter's menstrual fluid.
[00:09:05] Once I get this menstrual fluid and that fucking cranberry sauce, it's going to blow your mind.
[00:09:10] So Adam's like a big pile of pussy fluid.
[00:09:13] He's like a very fancy William Sonoma mixing bowl filled with menses.
[00:09:19] And someday I'm going to turn that bowl of menses into Charlie Rose.
[00:09:29] Do we know what happened to his pussy that he couldn't do?
[00:09:35] I've been on the road, so it makes sense that I'm sick every fucking weekend.
[00:09:41] I think he's got mice in his apartment.
[00:09:48] No, he's getting fucking Mayflower crossing fucking...
[00:09:52] I'm surprised the mice get up that high.
[00:10:01] The water car, or is that why they have the clean nose?
[00:10:11] You know, the premise of that movie, the rescuers, is uh...
[00:10:13] There's like a mouse version of every person.
[00:10:15] So the mice have like a UN and everything.
[00:10:20] I don't know how rescuer is down under.
[00:10:29] There's pornography in the movie, that's it.
[00:10:35] And rescuers down under somebody inserted a frame of pornography into the movie.
[00:10:47] I just like two minutes of pornography.
[00:10:49] Brendan Eyre had a funny joke about that.
[00:10:51] He draws dicks and all the Disney movies.
[00:11:00] Because he did that with Little Mermaid.
[00:11:06] Lion King II, the cloud spells out sex.
[00:11:11] There's one in a Latin, which is not...
[00:11:13] It's not really there, but like there's a like...
[00:11:16] When a Latin is like walking off the balcony away from Jasmine.
[00:11:22] Well, the tiger is like fucking like, bucking Adam or something.
[00:11:37] So it's not just the animators, it's the voice actors too.
[00:11:40] We should insert pornography into the Adam Friedland show.
[00:11:50] It's micro scene coming on the Adam Friedland show.
[00:11:54] Yeah, if you play this episode backwards, you can hear Mike lose 15 pounds.
[00:12:13] I tell you like a week ago, so I don't know.
[00:12:14] But also you were just wearing the wrong clothes for a long time.
[00:12:17] I mean, you maybe gained a little bit of weight, but it was mostly you just...
[00:12:19] Nobody told you you need bigger clothes.
[00:12:23] But see, you can't look like Homer Simpson.
[00:12:25] No, but you can't wear a tight clothes.
[00:12:28] I know, you were still trying to do it.
[00:12:30] But when you wear big clothes, you go, oh, this looks good.
[00:12:35] It looks like you're smuggling like someone.
[00:12:38] Looks like you're smuggling wild animals.
[00:12:43] But this is the same jacket I had on last time.
[00:12:47] Anyway, but it's like Homer was like mean to Marge.
[00:12:55] He's usually pretty nice to her, isn't he?
[00:13:02] He spends every single night getting drunk at a bar.
[00:13:05] Yeah, I guess he's not such a great husband.
[00:13:10] He comes home to strangle his child after drinking at a bar every single fucking night.
[00:13:24] And then, you know, his friend from high school, Barney.
[00:13:31] Oh, you're talking about Homer Simpson.
[00:13:44] I just, it was driving and I thought about it.
[00:13:46] I was like, domestic violence is really funny.
[00:13:51] Well, because it's just so kind of antiquated.
[00:13:53] I don't know anyone that's beating their girlfriend.
[00:14:01] So when I imagine it in my head, it's still like fucking, you know, like straight to the moon.
[00:14:07] It's like old-timey kind of cartoon stuff.
[00:14:26] It would be insane to think you can do that and get away with it.
[00:14:29] Because like 50, 50 years ago, what are they gonna do?
[00:14:37] There's also like, why do you need to beat your wife?
[00:14:41] She's being annoying and it would feel kind of annoying.
[00:14:46] Who is the last famous domestic violence?
[00:14:55] I feel like he's paid his dues to society by having to suffer through people complaining
[00:15:01] about it once or twice a year on Twitter.
[00:15:05] I didn't mean like not finish this community service for that.
[00:15:14] It's like, yeah, you raped a woman in the parks and now you have to plant trees.
[00:15:19] The store, the actual account of that being.
[00:15:23] I'm sure that woman's pussy will think.
[00:15:28] She's very happy about the trees that have been planted.
[00:15:30] Have you ever read like the account of that being?
[00:15:34] He was like driving the car and she was trying to get out and he was like shutting the door
[00:15:39] It's like a falsetto voice to the old time.
[00:15:48] It's like Christopher Lloyd and fucking Hoofen and Roger Rabbit.
[00:15:54] When I beat you last time I talked like this.
[00:16:19] Well, like when he runs him over and he comes back, that scared me so bad when I was like
[00:16:22] This scene where they put the shoe in the dip made me cry every fucking time when I was
[00:16:27] When they introduced the Dr. Doom character, there's something like warehouse where they're
[00:16:33] And when they're investigating the murder of H.H. Moltoon or whatever, the fucking goofy
[00:16:40] The one who's playing Patty Cake with Jessica Rabbit.
[00:16:48] Well, they're investigating that murder in Christopher Lloyd, the Doom, Judge Doom or whatever the
[00:16:55] He's in the warehouse with all the props and stuff.
[00:16:58] He's with the Weasels and he shows them the dips that he invented that kills cartoons.
[00:17:05] And there's a pair of like little like cartoon sneakers going around and he picks up one of
[00:17:20] We've been sitting here watching videos of a man eating his own diarrhea.
[00:17:22] We're crying laughing at the whole snake.
[00:17:26] If I watch a cartoon shoe get dipped into the diarrhea of old cries, that would probably
[00:17:32] be the only thing that can make Nick cry.
[00:17:43] You're like a mean old podcaster and then you meet a kid and then they have to make
[00:17:48] you show emotion or your soul gets trapped.
[00:17:50] The same murder of the kid in front of me.
[00:17:54] They dip him in diarrhea and then you cry.
[00:18:00] I have cried like seven times this weekend laughing about Tom Pearl.
[00:18:14] He sends me this fucking TikTok and somebody added this video.
[00:18:15] It's a fetish video of this 61 year old man shirtless sitting somewhere and you can't
[00:18:20] He's edited into like a little rowboat from the moon.
[00:18:25] It's a TikTok and he goes, oh my name's Tom Pearl and I'm going to eat my docked
[00:18:31] I've been waiting to do this for a long time and I'm so excited to eat my docked diarrhea
[00:18:40] If I say, fuck on TikTok, I get like flagged.
[00:18:44] It's an edited video of a man eating his own shit.
[00:18:46] But he's just seven seconds of him talking about what he's about to do.
[00:18:52] So he's got, you know, he's got the kind of like serene disposition of, you know, a
[00:18:58] guy that works at like a fucking home garden center.
[00:19:02] He's like a guy that just can tell you everything about fucking plants and carnations or whatever.
[00:19:07] My name's Tom and I eat my own diarrhea.
[00:19:09] Just the way that he says eat my diarrhea for you.
[00:19:17] Hope you enjoy watching me eat my diarrhea.
[00:19:19] And the next day Nick texts me that he found the full video.
[00:19:23] He said, you said it to me and I like kind of chuckled watching it the first time, but
[00:19:34] Why do I have to see the video and know more about this guy?
[00:19:38] And I made the mistake of looking it up.
[00:19:41] I was pretty hungover in my hotel room.
[00:19:49] That you still have this like spiritual need to like produce work and give something of
[00:19:54] your body to the earth and engage in this kind of process of trading your, you know,
[00:20:04] And I don't have to do that because I'm a millionaire.
[00:20:06] So what I do is I sit in my hotel room, I'm hungover and I force myself to watch a video
[00:20:15] Until it makes me feel as sick as I would if I had spent the entire day like mopping up
[00:20:22] But yeah, I know I watch the whole thing.
[00:20:25] And I was like, I don't know why I did that.
[00:20:32] He sent me the video and I was like, I already found another one.
[00:20:35] And I, I, because it's the video start out with him.
[00:20:38] He goes in front of the camera naked and he's like, I'm Tom Pearl.
[00:20:40] I'm going to have diarrhea and eat it for you.
[00:20:44] The best, the best part is I've been waiting to do this for a long time.
[00:20:52] I had, I stitched together to him right before eating the diarrhea and him right after eating
[00:20:57] So the video him doing is not on TikTok, obviously.
[00:21:00] No, no, no, but it was YouTube for some reason.
[00:21:02] It is like five videos on YouTube that is up for one.
[00:21:07] And some of them, there's one he uses his hands.
[00:21:13] You can't post a video on YouTube being like some of the people of January 6 or FBI.
[00:21:19] You can post a video of this man eating his own shit.
[00:21:22] And up for three months, there's like 70 views of this.
[00:21:24] Dick and balls and he's eating his own shit.
[00:21:26] So here's the audio of him right before he eats the shit and right after.
[00:21:31] I only be able to eat two or three spoonfuls.
[00:21:44] And I am so proud of myself eating diarrhea.
[00:21:47] And I'm so happy I have diarrhea in my stomach.
[00:21:51] And I hope you enjoy watching me eat my diarrhea.
[00:21:55] I paid a babysitter so I could be here today.
[00:22:03] He has shit on his mouth at the second half of that video.
[00:22:11] There's one video where he also pisses in a glass right before so we could wash the shit
[00:22:18] There's one where he's eating his own turt in a hot oven.
[00:22:26] But he's like swishing his mouth aggressively between bites.
[00:22:27] He also puts shit in his mouth and brushes his teeth.
[00:22:32] Just fucking just pulsing that shit into his fucking gums.
[00:22:39] He's like, oh, got a bunch of shit in my mouth.
[00:22:49] Well, I said too, you know, it's crazy.
[00:22:50] I mean, you got to look at his house and like any fucking, I mean, he's also a pedophile.
[00:22:55] He's a registered sex offender for having child porn talk.
[00:23:04] He would like, like, eating your own diarrhea on the internet is not your worst problem.
[00:23:18] And ultimately kind of harmless compared to the other stuff.
[00:23:20] But I tell you, what really got me good is like, you look at his house and it's pretty
[00:23:23] stark, but he's shitting into like a nice William Sonoma mixing bowl.
[00:23:29] And his fucking, his bathroom's like much cleaner than mine.
[00:23:34] There's more shit in my bathroom all over the back of the toilet and on the floor than
[00:23:45] People like jerk off to this and they get turned on by it.
[00:23:46] He's like shouting out the website he's making for, I forget what the name of his, like,
[00:23:56] He's like, I hope we don't have to watch no diarrhea for, for Uncle Tom.
[00:24:02] I really don't like that movie, especially before we release a diarrhea.
[00:24:12] I was watching this video of some guy playing Call of Duty and playing the audio of Tom
[00:24:18] Pearl talking about eating his shit and then like gagging as he does it into the Michael,
[00:24:22] he's playing Call of Duty and he's playing with black guys and like, what the fuck, man?
[00:24:27] You, one, one of the black guys thought that he was actually doing it live and he's like,
[00:24:35] And eventually he's like, man, that's gay.
[00:24:37] Putting black men into a state of incredulity is like the best comedy.
[00:24:41] Putting a black guy to be like, what the fuck is this?
[00:24:43] And one guy was like, he's only white people that does this.
[00:24:48] Who's the, who's the, who's the, that's a good question.
[00:24:52] It's like, who's the guys jack off to this?
[00:24:53] It's like, who's he making these videos for other than Tom Pearl?
[00:25:03] Cake Farts was always like really funny because all the comments were like, this is so fucking
[00:25:07] This is the hottest thing I've ever seen.
[00:25:09] And it's not, it's not people laughing at this.
[00:25:10] The comments on this shit is like, thanks Tom.
[00:25:14] Because he's still, it's like, he's a guy that says like, excuse me and line it R.P.
[00:25:20] He's got like a very pleasant folksy demeanor.
[00:25:23] I've, I've so badly wanted to say I've eaten diarrhea.
[00:25:27] And I've been wanting to do this for a long time.
[00:25:28] And I'm so proud that I've eaten diarrhea.
[00:25:30] And he had his like, is it because he's never, he said he's never had diarrhea before?
[00:25:36] I thought he said he's never, I thought I heard him say he's never had diarrhea before.
[00:25:39] That's what happens when he take a man's child pornography.
[00:25:46] When he's constipated, that's like his version of his girlfriend not fucking.
[00:25:53] When he's had too much fiber, too much soluble, is it soluble or insoluble?
[00:26:00] I might only be able to eat a couple spoonfuls.
[00:26:08] Right before we record this, I had diarrhea in the bathroom, but I was just sitting there
[00:26:11] laughing, smelling it, being like imagining turning around and jing.
[00:26:15] That's going into a fucking bowl, too, dude.
[00:26:17] It's not being, it's like dampened by the water at all.
[00:26:21] See, I was just, it makes me laugh in the same way I would have laughed at 13.
[00:26:25] That kind of like connects me to my teenage self.
[00:26:28] I want to root for this guy, but he's got child pornography.
[00:26:31] I know, but it's like, I don't even think, I don't even, I kind of don't believe he's
[00:26:41] They're going to have a field day with this clip.
[00:26:46] But I don't, I think he just wanted to go to jail for the worst crime to be forced into
[00:26:55] And then that's the other thing too, if you look at his parents, because he's from the
[00:26:58] He also says his full name and it is his real name.
[00:27:02] No, it all kind of, it's all, that all goes in there.
[00:27:05] You know, he like, he gets off on the humiliation of a bunch.
[00:27:10] He's like, I'm so proud that everyone knows that.
[00:27:12] My name is Tom Pearl and I have diarrhea.
[00:27:14] Because I'm not going to call himself Tom the shit eating sissy Pearl.
[00:27:20] So he says yeah, that's got to suck if you're one of the other Tom Pearl.
[00:27:37] And he, Isis killed him by shitting in his mouth.
[00:27:42] There's a movie called, it's like like Bravo.
[00:27:45] Alpha or like Bravo Delta about Sean beans in it.
[00:27:51] These like SAS soldiers that got kidnapped or like captured in some Middle Eastern country.
[00:27:57] And then just he spent like six months in a POW camp, like a Muslim POW camp.
[00:28:02] And he had to just eat shit off a fucking toilet seat like that Isis guy's shit.
[00:28:07] He had to clean the toilet with his mouth.
[00:28:22] I'm just showing up to the filming of like Lord of the Rings.
[00:28:25] And they're like, yeah, you need to feel more like an elf.
[00:28:31] Who to get into the character of Lego land or whatever.
[00:28:34] I've had to really try to forget all the shit eating I've been doing over the last
[00:28:41] So if you look him up to, yeah, it's like a description of like why this guy eats his
[00:28:47] I guess it's like, I was dying about this.
[00:28:51] No, it's so funny because it says like, well, he grew up very poor.
[00:28:56] So sometimes you would have to eat his own shit.
[00:29:03] They have to eat their shit to survive.
[00:29:14] I think it might be one of the funniest things I've ever heard of.
[00:29:17] It's not like coming up on the Oprah Winfrey show, we speak to a family in rural Mississippi
[00:29:23] that is so poor they're eating their own shit.
[00:29:26] They're going to make us do like a little remote, you know, where they're in the school
[00:29:35] The moms put in fucking McDonald's catch up packets on some.
[00:29:42] We had a issue between having food and not having our medication or having our pills
[00:29:47] We spent a year eating napkins and that killed one of our daughters.
[00:29:51] So we said, how much worse could the shit be?
[00:29:55] Well before I watched the video of him actually eating it, I was asking Nick what happened.
[00:29:58] He's like, oh, he just eats it with a spoon and dry heaves.
[00:30:12] He really just, he seems like he's really gagged.
[00:30:16] Well, it's like he probably, this is actually nasty.
[00:30:19] But just the fact that he keeps it down is insane.
[00:30:21] It's probably, this guy was probably severely fucking sexually abused.
[00:30:27] So the only, like the process of trauma is the inciting thing that happens.
[00:30:35] And then the brain says, well, none of this is real.
[00:30:38] I'm just going to pretend I'm somewhere else until I'm ready to process this.
[00:30:43] And then so, you know, like somebody goes to war and they can do the job or whatever.
[00:30:46] And it's not until they come back that they're waking up with the fucking nightmares and
[00:30:48] stuff once they have like room for their head to deal with the thing.
[00:30:53] So if it like this guy experienced a bunch of trauma early on, it's like, you don't want
[00:30:59] You're like, oh, I'm just going to keep eating shit forever and continue this process of
[00:31:04] So I never have to fucking deal with any of it.
[00:31:07] Because the look in his eyes as he's eating this shit, it's like, it's like he's listening
[00:31:12] to a boring story that a co-worker is talking about.
[00:31:15] He looks like Adam anytime we're doing this, anyone but Adam is speaking.
[00:31:19] It's just fucking, you know, it's just, he's somewhere else.
[00:31:24] And then he finishes eating the shit and he goes, well, thank you for watching me eat
[00:31:41] It's on Patreon is Andrew Schulz, Tom Pearl.
[00:31:45] This is an info late night info, Marshall, like a rich eating your own shit.
[00:31:48] Like a fake late night, you know, a fake news program.
[00:31:53] Now Tom, you eat your own shit and drink your own shit.
[00:32:03] It's like a Trump university like how to get rich.
[00:32:07] And he's, just the picture what he looks like.
[00:32:09] And he still has time to match the show child pornography.
[00:32:13] Do you want to show Mike the video and let him react?
[00:32:19] I had no time to do the stuff I like like eating my own shit or drinking my own piss
[00:32:32] They should put that in the fucking, in the registry.
[00:32:36] In the sex offender registry shouldn't be so just, you know, you want to see it.
[00:32:40] Let me just see like a screenshot or whatever.
[00:33:21] It's funny when you piss in like a bottle or a jug.
[00:33:26] It's so funny watching him swish with piss to try to get the taste of shit out of his
[00:33:40] It's a healthy drink and now for the diarrhea.
[00:33:49] That's the part he enjoys the least is actually shitting.
[00:33:54] I didn't think the video quality would be so good.
[00:34:05] And then I didn't show the red cordured mode.
[00:34:06] I didn't picture like peanut butter colored diarrhea.
[00:34:08] Yeah, I picture like dark a darker diarrhea.
[00:34:11] No, that's the other one that we watched.
[00:34:13] It's like seven minutes we're easy with his hands.
[00:34:16] I said, well, I got you got to think that's what point is this guy just shooting out full
[00:34:22] It's just for the whole process repeats and he's just got there's this consummate coming
[00:34:28] What kind of shit do you have when you eat shit?
[00:34:31] Eventually this guy turned back into food, right?
[00:34:33] My wife's going to be like, what should we do for dinner tonight?
[00:34:46] Like I'll replace a little Muslim doctor in a minute.
[00:34:50] Yeah, just bring the fat people and you have the head of thump out.
[00:35:00] We're going to watch thumper videos until you don't know until be fat anymore.
[00:35:03] Yeah, then it backfires and they start eating their diarrhea.
[00:35:07] Eating so much diarrhea, you become 600 pounds.
[00:35:10] There should be a show called my 600 pound strange addiction.
[00:35:16] I can't stop eating my own shit and I'm 600 pounds.
[00:35:24] I wonder if after he eats the shit, does he like throw up right away or does he let that
[00:35:30] I wonder because if he doesn't throw it up right away, imagine the burps.
[00:35:37] I think he just puts on Apple TV plus and watches Ted Lasso.
[00:35:39] He's laughing at Ted Lasso and just burping up.
[00:35:42] He said, Tom pro videos are all Ted Lasso deleted seeds.
[00:35:47] We're going to get this soccer team off the ground.
[00:35:51] How many are you going to be seen in Ted Lasso where he like shows the team something on
[00:36:09] I've never watched a second of it, but it just seems so fucking off.
[00:36:12] We got you and Bobby Hackron board to create all the visual bits.
[00:36:15] So we'll do a hidden podcast that underlies the Adam Friedland show.
[00:36:20] Then we'll shoot the talk show and all the bits on the talk show will come from the podcast.
[00:36:25] And then the podcast will go into a secret archive that you can only get access to by
[00:36:30] eating your own shit and being a pet of a hobby.
[00:36:35] I've been saying it would be so funny to have Tom Pro on the Adam Friedland show and
[00:36:41] But like with the cadence of like Leno asking someone like, so what's the new movie?
[00:36:55] Jimmy Fallon played with Tom Pro's hair and people are pissed off.
[00:37:01] I mean this 100% Tom Pearl could literally be president in 2020.
[00:37:08] He's a really great plan for infrastructure.
[00:37:18] Imagine Hillary running against Tom Pearl.
[00:37:41] He's watching the videos you made on the island.
[00:37:43] He's doing it in an efficiency apartment in Lawrenceville, Georgia.
[00:37:47] I conceded tonight to Tom Pearl because he ran the better campaign.
[00:37:53] I'm so proud to say I'm your president.
[00:37:54] I can't wait to eat shit for the president.
[00:37:58] He's announcing the death of the Iranian prime minister that he's drone.
[00:38:04] He's just he's shaking Putin's hand and then Putin realize this shit all over his head.
[00:38:21] We have finally defeated Iran and I have eaten my own time.
[00:38:30] Yeah, Tom Tom Pearl and the shit eaters.
[00:38:33] Now what happens when you get caught with child pornography?
[00:38:39] They take you to jail and you get raped.
[00:38:42] But at even worse, they make your child pornography.
[00:38:45] Did he go to jail for having child sex?
[00:38:48] Yeah, but I was on the side child sex have been already.
[00:38:50] The pedophile getting caught and he's like, can I keep the video?
[00:38:56] That's got to suck to be the guy putting that in the evidence locker.
[00:38:59] And you're already disgusted and you're like, what's the shit off?
[00:39:04] It's a poop covered in 35-carabyte drive.
[00:39:16] The FBI didn't ask to watch hard drives if the sex offenders.
[00:39:19] He's like, he watches the child pornography and then he sees Tommy doing his shit.
[00:39:23] He's like, this isn't even worse than the child pornography I usually have to watch.
[00:39:30] Yeah, well, turn the child pornography back.
[00:39:35] His public defender is like, your honor, my client grew up very poor.
[00:39:38] He's really a victim of the city though.
[00:39:43] My client was so poor he couldn't fucking the whole thing.
[00:39:52] No, it's just making the movie October Sky.
[00:40:08] But he was like an American rocket scientist.
[00:40:11] He moved from, like, just grew up just dirt poor in West Virginia.
[00:40:16] And his aspirations were to be a rocket scientist.
[00:40:18] But this is about Tom Perron's aspirations.
[00:40:20] But he had the same look on his face holding that bullet diarrhea that, like, my grandma
[00:40:29] But right before he goes to actually eat, he goes, boom!
[00:40:36] You know what's, it's probably, he's probably an amazing cook.
[00:40:42] Well, he must eat certain things to cause certain types of shit.
[00:40:43] Yeah, he can make you, like, a perfect omelet.
[00:40:48] He's going to eat for five days before he does his big shit eating.
[00:40:50] I wonder if he holds it in for a few days so he gets a bigger...
[00:40:52] He should have been, Hannibal Lecter should have been him.
[00:41:00] It's like, Dr. Lecter, they put you in prison for being disgusting.
[00:41:06] He's just got, I've been prison for being a pet of my head.
[00:41:09] His jail cell, he's got globes, and, like, a painting of Danina, the painter, the Santa Maria.
[00:41:15] He's just in there eating his own shit and listening to Chopin.
[00:41:26] I've been waiting a long time to have diarrhea, and I finally get to say I've had it.
[00:41:35] Instead of man-hunter, it's just called shitty.
[00:41:44] Who are in awe because they just watched a pedophile eat his own shit.
[00:41:49] I'm going to be, like, 95 years old still laughing about this.
[00:41:54] There's just nothing funnier than a pedophile. He's so diarrhea-
[00:41:59] But it would be, if he was, like, a fucked up pedophile, you know if a guy's like,
[00:42:03] I'm going to eat my own shit. It would be funny.
[00:42:06] It might be a little funny. There's a lot funnier that he's just like...
[00:42:11] No, it's like the kind of guy that, like, always has a pleasant interaction.
[00:42:14] Not until he's on the Adam Friedland show.
[00:42:16] Yeah, they're kind of guy that has a pleasant interaction with any customer service department in the world.
[00:42:21] That guy can sit on hold with the IRS for fucking 17 hours straight,
[00:42:25] listening to the fucking, we didn't start the fire or whatever they got playing,
[00:42:29] and then get on the line and they fucked him in the ass.
[00:42:32] He owes you. They fucked him royally. They've destroyed his life.
[00:42:36] And then he gets just the angriest black lady in the world and then has a pleasant conversation with him.
[00:42:43] Yeah, he's the one that cracks him. He's like, oh, you know, just hope maybe we can get this sorted out real quick.
[00:42:48] I hate that Russia, but I've got to make a video with it.
[00:42:52] Shit, I got to get back to work. I'm taking a break from work.
[00:42:58] The rest of the work is kind of lunch break. This is sort of my not lunch break.
[00:43:02] This is my one hour of the day. I'm not eating shit.
[00:43:11] It's also funny too to imagine that Muchozuko was just the dream of some Mexican immigrant.
[00:43:15] He's like, I will make my own YouTube. And people will make their music videos.
[00:43:20] They will make a music videos and they do it. They instruction videos.
[00:43:24] And they make a good website for everyone to have a good time and learn together.
[00:43:29] It won't take videos down like YouTube does.
[00:43:32] We will just make a nice place for people to make like stuff for the kids.
[00:43:36] And they will make a nice videos. And then the only person on there is Tom Pearl, the shitty victim of the party.
[00:43:43] And he's like, I guess that's better than nothing.
[00:43:47] I guess you take what you can get in business and in life.
[00:43:53] At the end of one of the videos, he's like, thank you so much to all the viewers at Muchozuko.
[00:43:58] I made this fucking website. I made this fucking website what it is.
[00:44:02] Nobody's so nice. I hope this generates a lot of traffic for you.
[00:44:06] He said that he's like, I hope this helps Muchozuko.
[00:44:14] I've never heard of Muchozuko in my neck.
[00:44:17] I'm going to google. I'm going to check out Muchozuko right now.
[00:44:21] You know what's funny is there's still porno DVD stores in Sunset Park.
[00:44:28] There's probably still a couple in Hell's Kitchen.
[00:44:32] It's funny how Hell's Kitchen was just depraved, like debaucherous place.
[00:44:38] And now it's filled with gay sex stores.
[00:44:42] But because of just living in New York, you're just you associate that with upper middle class white gays.
[00:44:50] So like that like a store with a man like a mannequin wearing a fucking like leather daddy harness next to handcuffs.
[00:44:58] And it's like I feel like fucking Audrey Hepburn walking past sax Fifth Avenue.
[00:45:19] Like come here and I get a cloud flare.
[00:45:23] And then he and dedicated his hosting from Berlin.
[00:45:30] He's got a fucking like an old Nissan hard body pickup.
[00:45:34] That's just got like just like just a big rack with blade servers in the back.
[00:45:38] He's just he's just plugging in just fucking just data cables wherever he can.
[00:45:45] But the entire the whole hosting operation is just in the back of like a Nissan.
[00:45:54] Well, anyways, Tom Pearl, that ain't up a lot of time.
[00:45:58] It's like the hardest I've laughed in a long time.
[00:46:00] I've been laughing about it for three days.
[00:46:06] The biggest surprise for you was the color of the diary.
[00:46:12] Well, it's like a Cohen brothers movie.
[00:46:14] I keep thinking about like when you if you take vitamins and you have fish oil and you burk that up.
[00:46:19] Tom Pearl is like a little segment and fucking bower to busser scrubs.
[00:46:26] That could be a character in that movie.
[00:46:29] Well, I'm jacking off the child pornography.
[00:46:38] It's so funny that like hell be your own shit.
[00:46:45] He's getting a little which is the honor.
[00:46:49] This game is the shoot of in his fucking pedophile.
[00:46:54] His Arthur watching the fed wolf go across the sunset.
[00:46:57] He's like, damn, I shouldn't have held that pedophile.
[00:47:00] He's like, he's like, I got tuberculosis.
[00:47:25] You're going to need a lot of rest and dry air.
[00:47:28] You spend like a third of it just having tuberculosis.
[00:47:31] Dude, I mean, I've said this on the show a couple of times.
[00:47:33] But I'd somehow avoided spoilers or anything.
[00:47:37] I started playing the game, and you know how I am.
[00:47:39] So I was like, you can make your own clothes to grow a beard.
[00:47:45] She was like, every time I come in this room, you're like giving him a haircut or changing his clothes.
[00:47:52] So I would just like, just sit on the couch, just fucking really not feeling good.
[00:47:59] Just haunting the legendary fucking whatever.
[00:48:04] So you're just giving your boyfriend a haircut again.
[00:48:07] So I had such an emotional connection to Arthur that...
[00:48:21] I feel bad even bringing up because we were good friends, I guess.
[00:48:24] But I've just been forgetting people's names.
[00:48:27] But yeah, I think she tweeted, like watching my boyfriend proposed to his fictional girlfriend.
[00:48:34] I just sit here trying to figure out what to do.
[00:48:40] But yeah, no, I had such an emotional connection to Arthur that when I found out he had tuberculosis
[00:48:46] I was like, just put diarrhea in there.
[00:48:51] Well, you play so much of the game watching him die of tuberculosis.
[00:48:57] Before Jim Davis could get off the ground, that was sort of how the character Garfield
[00:49:10] He was a cat that loves eating diarrhea.
[00:49:12] He hated Mondays and loved eating diarrhea.
[00:49:14] And Jim Davis' editor was like, now, can we change diarrhea to lasagna?
[00:49:21] And then for 30 years, people were like, why the fuck isn't Garfield funny?
[00:49:24] And Jim Davis is like, well, the net work, the net work kind of spiked the ball.
[00:49:34] I wonder if Thoms ever like, mixed diarrhea or...
[00:49:38] Sometimes I've watched him take all the shit on plates.
[00:49:41] It's just fucking John Arbuckle looking in the toilet.
[00:49:48] He's just Garfield smiling, just smirking on the kitchen counter.
[00:49:56] Just the first time that John Arbuckle just phased out in the toilet.
[00:50:04] And then in the kitchen, Garfield smiling, and then the last panel is even closer on Garfield's face.
[00:50:12] And he's thinking, I'm so proud of myself for having diarrhea in this stomach.
[00:50:16] This is my favorite bathroom flipped through.
[00:50:19] Garfield's big day out eating shit and jacking off the job for nothing.
[00:50:24] You made it like 40 times earlier that he's a fucking pedophile.
[00:50:40] Yeah, his demeanor is so fucking normal.
[00:50:42] Dude, it just keeps getting funnier and fucking funnier.
[00:50:46] The more I think about it, I wish he would stop being funnier because it's like hurting me.
[00:50:50] My body's like, it's like, you know, it's like, I can't...
[00:50:52] I can't go to batting cages anymore because my joints can't handle it.
[00:50:56] I can't at this point laugh as hard as I have been at the shit eating pedophile over the last couple.
[00:51:05] My body just can't take how fucking funny it is to think about this fucking man saying,
[00:51:15] He doesn't realize he's being a genius, but it's so funny how much he says it.
[00:51:21] I wish I could have watched this video before the show started.
[00:51:31] I have the same abdominal pain I would if I had diarrhea.
[00:51:34] It's the same where it comes in these waves and I'm like just crying laughing.
[00:51:44] I can't deal with the pain of laughing at the shit eating pedophile anymore.
[00:51:48] You were like, actually like, I'm driving right now and I cry.
[00:51:55] I almost got in a fucking car accident.
[00:51:58] I was like, did you get into a car crash?
[00:52:00] I was like, I'm gonna find your phone and it's still really watching.
[00:52:04] I was just thinking about it and it kept building as I was driving.
[00:52:07] It kept getting worse and worse and worse.
[00:52:09] What's the last thing I'm glad he's dead?
[00:52:13] No, I was like, I was like hyper fucking...
[00:52:16] We got a real fucking pervert over here.
[00:52:23] If family is like, that's the last thing he was looking at on his phone.
[00:52:32] Just keep thinking about that black guy in Xbox.
[00:52:37] And that was the other thing, relying on it.
[00:52:39] It's just how much shit falls into the umbrella of gay.
[00:52:42] Like, which one of the letters is that?
[00:53:00] I'm so proud to say that I'm a member of the LGBTQ plus S E P community.
[00:53:11] It's like Indiana Jones grabbing his hat.
[00:53:15] I wonder if he can mention if he's on the...
[00:53:21] I wonder if on like pedophile forums, or like, get out of here, you fucking shit eater.
[00:53:25] Imagining Tom Perole, completely nude, just walking down his street.
[00:53:35] Just walked on, hey, hey, how you doing, guys?
[00:53:38] And people just fucking Rachel Maddow types explaining to their fucking two-year-olds.
[00:53:49] Don't hold his penis like a hand to shake it as if you're meeting Buzz Aldrin.
[00:53:55] You can't like probably talk about this stuff on the various, because on pedophile forums
[00:54:06] they're probably common disgusting shit eater.
[00:54:08] On the shit eating forum they're probably like, get out of here and fucking pedophile.
[00:54:11] You're gonna be a frank with you, I think there's probably...
[00:54:14] I think there's probably way more overlapping.
[00:54:17] Because it's like, I don't like whatever else.
[00:54:19] There must be some people trying to gate keep like shit eating or pedophile.
[00:54:23] That's how fucking politically unaware I am.
[00:54:25] I have no idea which side this argument would fall on.
[00:54:28] I feel like pedophile is enough of a deviancy that it's not like you're not normal otherwise
[00:54:40] I'd love to just talk to him about other stuff and see what like...
[00:54:46] Does he ever watch a show and just feel like I wish they were someone on the show I could
[00:54:57] Let's see if we get another 10 minutes out of...
[00:55:03] I gotta stop spilling stuff all over the set.
[00:55:07] Which by the way guys if you're listening and you're angry that the show's not going,
[00:55:16] His friend closed the recording studio and they brought in all of these fucking sound
[00:55:23] I'm like, oh so you just filled the place with garbage.
[00:55:26] But I did some measurements and they kind of like work out perfectly.
[00:55:30] You need help, uh, you need help mounting those things?
[00:55:38] And then here I'll just drape, uh, like big curtains.
[00:55:43] And then we put a rug down on this side.
[00:55:46] And then that should be done next week.
[00:55:47] And then shout out to Aputure who they were sending the rest of the lights.
[00:55:55] But, um, Aputure reached out and they said they just sent stuff.
[00:55:57] So I didn't want to buy it if we could get, you know, lights for free.
[00:56:04] No, we've just been putting our trash with the other.
[00:56:06] We've been pretending the bridal company has been spending a bunch of money on Adam's
[00:56:22] Dude, I go into the bathroom here sometimes.
[00:56:23] I was just like, he was just like throwing stuff away in the bathroom garbage.
[00:56:26] Uh, and it's like, you know, the super is going to see this.
[00:56:30] Like they're going to know that this fucking gift basket with our names on it.
[00:56:37] But yeah, no, that you that'll, yeah, we'll have this.
[00:56:43] I had the person with this, uh, John Nunn did.
[00:56:51] Um, but that was weeks or, you know, now six months ago.
[00:56:59] Cause I like, we did, we kind of broke the fourth wall and just had a breakdown a couple
[00:57:03] Cause it's like we are now, it started off as a joke, but we are literally, we're just
[00:57:08] If we need more than anything, if someone's done this or knows somebody that's done professionally,
[00:57:13] is we need a like talent book or who's on their shit.
[00:57:19] Because the calendar, we can't like this can't, this will not work unless the bookings are
[00:57:24] They happen like weeks out and there's time to, you know, like prepare interviews for
[00:57:29] Um, and that's, that's like a, that's like a big component.
[00:57:40] That's, this is why that FTX shit collapsed.
[00:57:42] My brief reading of it, that fucking, uh, he hired all his friends.
[00:57:48] I just read one article and it just kind of struck me because there was some quote from
[00:57:52] somebody that was like, uh, yeah, more companies die because the CEO just surrounds himself
[00:57:57] with like people that are loyal rather than people that are good at their jobs.
[00:58:01] And then, you know, you do any, like, yeah, I'm not a fucking businessman.
[00:58:04] You know, it's like this all happened by accident, but yeah, my instinct is always like, yo,
[00:58:08] yeah, get your forget your friends work or whatever, bring them in.
[00:58:11] And then, you know, fucking John Nunn spray paints the modem and destroys the internet.
[00:58:19] But yeah, he got, he sprayed the spray all the networking equipment.
[00:58:27] I'm like, well, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm,
[00:58:36] I'm, I'm, I'm the best man in this perspective.
[00:58:39] I'm, I'm always, I'm not the best man in the overworld.
[00:58:44] Well, well, hey, Block, Bob, you observance game.
[00:58:50] gonna start by before, before I shoot the
[00:58:43] SuOS up, my understanding this is what I'm doing, how, what I'm.
[00:59:02] to get all this shit done, get the basic shit.
[00:59:06] What was your Chicago show, the schedule too, Mike?
[00:59:25] I'm gonna go fuck a turkey again, just get gunpoint.
[00:59:27] You're Airbnb host, like, did you eat diarrhea?
[00:59:31] We have a Nest Cam, and we saw you eating diarrhea in the kitchen.
[00:59:35] As a vegan, I'm just about harm or die.
[00:59:39] So I won't eat animals, but I will fuck them at gunpoint.
[00:59:45] Well, the animal should thank you after that for not eating it.
[00:59:48] I fuck animals that rolled up newspaper point.
[00:59:54] That's kind of stuff we're gonna try and eat.
[00:59:55] Can a vegan eat animal shit if it's just willingly shit?
[00:59:58] Not like, not factory farm, like a dog in the park.
[01:00:03] Unless you're like one of those annoying vegans.
[01:00:08] People keep using the word precious now.
[01:00:09] I don't know where I just feel like that's like, you know, just...
[01:00:14] It's like if you're being a fat black woman about anything.
[01:00:19] It's funny that she's called that because she's not precious at all.
[01:00:25] There's a guy in the Toronto Raptors named Precious and Chua.
[01:00:33] His brother's name is God's gift, A-Chua.
[01:00:41] I'm gonna give my children names like that.
[01:00:43] We were trying to work on the monologue the other day.
[01:00:45] I was trying to register, he was like off.
[01:00:47] I was like just going through headlines and trying to register.
[01:00:51] Now any celebrity can just fucking tell their publicists or tell everyone I'm quitting Twitter.
[01:01:03] So I'm just looking at Trent Reznor's, I don't know if it's Wikipedia or what, but he's got
[01:01:09] There was an article about how it's hard for Trent Reznor to talk about his music with
[01:01:14] his kids or something because then it says in the article because it prominently features
[01:01:19] But it lists his kids and they got names like fucking Dora Cell, Lightning Bolt.
[01:01:25] Fag, I want to fuck you like a faggot is in closer.
[01:01:38] And he's like, yeah, I've been collaborating with Jim Davis on the song.
[01:02:05] I'm so proud to say that I've eaten diarrhea.
[01:02:07] You make me laugh every time you do that.
[01:02:12] And making up to dick techs to be out of, just unrelated to anything, just, I'm, I'm
[01:02:17] It's the first thing I read in the morning, I just start laughing.
[01:02:24] So that's a quick show update for the folks, but I'm feeling good.
[01:02:27] I had to like, I have to just, I can't function without anymore, without just, it's got to
[01:02:35] So we got to have, like, we got to have just the technical details of this talk show fixed.
[01:02:47] We should be doing, people have suggested the whole time just to do more.
[01:02:48] At this point, we've already like enough kind of pulled the curtain back that we probably
[01:02:53] should be doing more like, I don't know if you want to call it BTS stuff or whatever,
[01:02:57] but, you know, I don't know, maybe something to think about, something for Adam to think
[01:03:05] He's thinking his bubble bath and, you know, he's thinking his pussy.
[01:03:12] This just feels really good on my pussy.
[01:03:31] No, Mike, you know what's true about you, Mike?
[01:03:35] And then, whatever comes out is like the most inaccurate and really possible.
[01:03:39] You don't like about your mic because you're not Italian.
[01:04:03] I cannot wait until there's a generation after Gen Z.
[01:04:06] These little cocks suckers have to deal with.
[01:04:20] It's weird that there's this divide between millennials and Gen Z because it's like,
[01:04:29] I'm just like a guy with shitting your joints.
[01:04:35] My Apple Watch is just a little bit older than me.
[01:04:37] They just know different Nickelodeon shows.
[01:04:44] We got to educate Gen Z about new chose Juka.
[01:04:55] You got to send three bar for the artists with Tom Perle.
[01:04:57] It's funny because it's like I don't really...
[01:05:01] Sometimes I'll be like, oh, I'm out of touch now.
[01:05:04] And then I think back to who I was when I was like 23 and I was like, oh, I was never
[01:05:12] They would watch shit eating pedophile videos.
[01:05:17] And so I don't really know anything other about Gen Z.
[01:05:19] My only impression of Gen Z people is they always all have new clothes.
[01:05:30] They haven't gone through as many clothes.
[01:05:32] I'm still wearing some of the same boxers from like seven years ago.
[01:05:34] Well, I'd say I've never seen a Gen Z person covered in cat hair.
[01:05:40] Whereas I've been covered in cat hair my entire life.
[01:05:43] I had so much cat hair on me after last night.
[01:05:51] He looks like a short hair cat, but I guess he's one of these Garfield types.
[01:05:55] One of these shit eating Garfield types.
[01:06:02] I got Foxboro mass coming up and then I got well, actually all my road dates are I got
[01:06:11] I'm sorry, I'm Wednesday and then I got a little podcast.
[01:06:18] I'm going to be people in New York and surrounding areas because I'm seeing my carolines.
[01:06:27] I got Foxboro on December 9th and 10th.
[01:06:31] Give me the, give me the, I'll put the dates in the description for the episode.
[01:06:37] I got Jersey December 30th and 31st at bananas and then I got a Chicago, Des Moines, they're
[01:06:44] And then I got a podcast called Alfred Smokes with Scott Chaplin and Sean McCarthy.
[01:06:53] So, friends and Magoobies, the Robin Joe show, Joe Robinson and Rob Mayer and the three
[01:06:58] guys on podcast with Andy Klein and Randolph and Tim if they're even still doing that.
[01:07:12] But they all came, they all came by Magoobies.
[01:07:13] They recreated the wise acres open mic with my old friends.
[01:07:18] And then Norman featured and they're all, you know, I met those guys when I was like
[01:07:21] 16, 17 and they were probably in early to mid 30s.
[01:07:29] Like I saw Mike Stork and he's like, yeah, I had a quadruple bypass.
[01:07:40] No, I was like, I mean, it's good to see old friends.
[01:07:46] I'm just saying processing my emotions after a week where it's like fuck 20 years gone by.
[01:08:01] You made millions of dollars bringing joy to millions of people.
[01:08:06] You can buy my kids some Christmas presents if you want.
[01:08:14] Mike, I'm an at real online boy on everything.