TAFS | Regular | 11/23/2022
[00:00:30] It's the Adam Friedland show today is Wednesday the what is today?
[00:00:55] Oh, those are lav mics, but they're wired lav mics.
[00:01:03] We got to get the sound figured out here and check, check.
[00:01:08] We have to get the sound figured out and we need lav mics, but this company offered to send all the sound equipment for free.
[00:01:18] Well, those I bought just just shoot something and then it sounded bad anyway.
[00:01:42] He got, yeah, he took a turn for the worse.
[00:01:44] Wait, like from the last time I was here?
[00:01:46] Yeah, yeah, because he was already hit the same thing I had, which was like, I guess RSV or, I don't know.
[00:01:57] Yeah, I was going around doing that all week.
[00:02:00] I was saying, yeah, my daughter's got RSV.
[00:02:05] It is good because everything is related with RSV as children.
[00:02:14] I guess people would leave vagina kids.
[00:02:18] I like, hey, not all of us are so lucky pal.
[00:02:25] She's got fucking four and a half inch beef curtains.
[00:02:28] She's waiting until those puberty hormones start flowing down there.
[00:02:45] She's got a tennis skirt on, just taking a shower.
[00:03:01] It's because I'm pulling the mic in order to lab.
[00:03:08] So, yeah, so no Adam on the Adam Friedland Show.
[00:03:14] But then I talked to him today and he sounds like shit, but he's at least responding to
[00:03:28] I was on the phone with him the other day and he was like, I'll give you a back massage.
[00:03:44] Yeah, it feels like mice being born under that.
[00:03:51] Just a little bit of pregnant, pregnant rat laying fucking baby rats on your back.
[00:04:07] Just turning over and over onto itself and this is piling out.
[00:04:12] Yeah, and then so the squeaking noise is still.
[00:04:21] Well, my finger bones sound like honey.
[00:04:27] When I touch, essentially honey, they make the mom's tail just like kind of flapping side
[00:04:34] to side as it's pussy gets torn by 12 baby rats.
[00:04:42] It's like, it's weird fucking trolley-bright crawler just slapping.
[00:05:03] Yeah, because I didn't hear from him for like two days.
[00:05:06] Because like you said, he is always kind of sick.
[00:05:08] So when he's sick, it's like this might be the one.
[00:05:14] I've been sick a fucking lot this year, but it's just from.
[00:05:22] But I didn't get sick for like two years.
[00:05:27] I might have that, but I also think I didn't get sick for two years because of lockdown
[00:05:33] But everybody else is living the same life as us and we are sick every other week.
[00:05:40] I don't know what a lot of people are sick.
[00:05:42] You got to eat a raw clove of garlic every day.
[00:05:52] No, I just bother his neck when people are fat.
[00:06:02] Do you think that was more malgoth than fat?
[00:06:09] You're like, mom, you just hate me because I'm fat.
[00:06:14] You mean pictures of you when you were fat?
[00:06:34] You're like Mark Norman says he was fat where you're like a chubby, like maybe you had
[00:06:40] No, I was like five, one and probably a 170.
[00:06:45] No, my parents, my mom left and then my dad didn't cook food.
[00:06:48] So we just got to Wendy's every single fucking day.
[00:06:51] And then my dad had like a, my dad's sold like me now.
[00:06:55] And he would look like this and he would just, you know, I mean every single day, like
[00:06:59] it's funny because he has diabetes now and he doesn't know what to do because he's just
[00:07:02] never had to like learn nutrition at all.
[00:07:06] So a couple of years ago, he's like, yes, that's which from soda to juice.
[00:07:11] But when I, before that, when I was a kid, yeah, he would just, he would like every single
[00:07:15] day have a six pack of beer and make it a fucking ice cream sundae and not gain weight.
[00:07:20] He was just fucking, you know, horrible.
[00:07:22] Yeah, my dad would use the fruit cocktail.
[00:07:24] For those things, just in the can, take the thing off, drink the syrup at the end.
[00:07:34] That's the way like Russian royalty would eat in like the 1800s.
[00:07:39] And they're only people with access to grapes.
[00:07:45] So the dream was to have a, I wanted to have, we were going to shoot this episode and get
[00:07:51] Do you know how hard it was to get me hitting up every black lady I know and not being
[00:07:54] able to be like, do you know any other black ladies who could do it?
[00:08:01] I said, be sure that Alex English, but Nick, I was thinking that.
[00:08:04] He said, no, I think it has to be a black lady.
[00:08:07] No, but it's got to be like a, I'm telling you, like more.
[00:08:24] I mean, I started it in my mind, Miss Cleo.
[00:08:30] Because people are you Cleo and the chief from Carmen Sandia.
[00:08:31] We only bring on the same guests over and over again.
[00:08:33] So you do the Adam Friedland show and then neither me and Adam are both gone.
[00:08:36] And it's Miss Cleo, Mike Racine and Shane Gillis.
[00:08:39] You know, Dolls say got mad at me once at the comedy seller because I ate her food.
[00:08:45] She went downstairs to do a spot and I thought she like left her food.
[00:08:48] Like I thought she didn't want anymore.
[00:08:50] And then another comic who I won't mention who they were.
[00:08:54] Well, Rosebud, she was like, you should go eat that food.
[00:08:59] Because here's the thing, because she goes, you should go eat that food.
[00:09:03] And then Dolls say comes upstairs and she goes, who ate my food?
[00:09:08] No, I ate your food because I thought you were gone.
[00:09:14] And I was like, and I was almost like Rosebud told me to do it.
[00:09:23] But I think Rosebud told her that I ate her food.
[00:09:29] She's a fucking scumbag because she snitched on me.
[00:09:35] No, she told, I think she told Dolls say that I ate her food.
[00:09:38] You think she went downstairs and was like, Dolls say he's a thing.
[00:09:43] It's also somebody for you to eat left that's fat of you.
[00:09:44] And then for her to be like, she could just order more food.
[00:09:48] Why don't you order more food, Dolls say?
[00:09:50] But it was Val, the manager, ate some of her food and she flipped out.
[00:09:56] I mean, she bought nachos, put them in the center of the table and then the pot will
[00:10:01] I hope she gets stuck in a revolving door.
[00:10:02] You hope Dolce gets stuck in a revolving door?
[00:10:08] In fact, that's how she gets home at night is the bowling ball return.
[00:10:18] I wasn't going to run on the outside of her and run her all the way home.
[00:10:21] Her roommate's just watching TV and you're here.
[00:10:42] The first noise you made, you also had like a fear in your eyes, like the roommate would.
[00:10:51] I felt bad about eating her food because I was like...
[00:10:55] Big old number 16 house ball coming up to shoot.
[00:11:01] We had a conversation about you not wasting food.
[00:11:06] Remember that conversation that we had?
[00:11:10] Do you order more food to make up for it?
[00:11:13] I think I offered 20 bucks or something.
[00:11:16] I didn't say, yeah, it's like when you're a kid and they're like, I finished your all
[00:11:20] There's starving kids in Africa and then you see somebody you're like that and you're
[00:11:35] No one in this room is laughing at that.
[00:11:49] I was laughing thinking about something else actually.
[00:11:55] I'm just trying to keep the Adam Freeland show going for another week.
[00:12:01] No, I mean you get to next week and the next week.
[00:12:06] We did an episode yesterday at three of us.
[00:12:14] Three of us, we felt really good about it afterwards.
[00:12:34] That a guy said you look like the wooden door of my closet in my apartment.
[00:12:41] You look like the wooden door in the closet.
[00:12:48] For some fucked up, demented reason, I have no idea why I can't imagine because I'm brain
[00:12:58] I've been dropped on my head so many times that for some sick and disgusting perversaries
[00:13:08] It's something along those lines every time.
[00:13:09] I'm surprised they're attracted to you.
[00:13:20] Why do they have to qualify that they're attracted to you?
[00:13:22] But then I posted a thing making a joke about that and the amount of dudes who are like,
[00:13:26] Like, they didn't even realize the joke that I was making.
[00:13:28] I don't get it because you're not like ugly.
[00:13:35] But it also, I mean, it also, they don't want to be like, you're attractive because they
[00:13:39] don't know that I'll be like, you're a little bitch.
[00:13:41] So they hit me with the, what about you, Mike?
[00:13:48] Mike's a faggot who choose gum on Mike's.
[00:13:58] But you have an imaginary gum chewing tick.
[00:14:03] I didn't notice it until my friend Harry was like, Mike Racine's gum, imaginary gum in his
[00:14:07] And I was like, holy shit, that's a real thing.
[00:14:16] Just a soft dick that coughs up come too fast.
[00:14:21] You've been trying to get hard, you come.
[00:14:27] I got a prior outcome with a soft dick.
[00:14:35] How about an Adam Friedland style back rub?
[00:14:39] Just your bones breaking up on impact as he touches her back.
[00:14:54] I heard Maya be like, no, I don't think it's terrible.
[00:15:01] This might be the worst impression of all time.
[00:15:08] He has the shittiest impressions and he delivers them with the utmost confidence.
[00:15:15] We were sitting at Skanksfest and he's like, Ernest, I don't think he's joking around.
[00:15:18] He could have been because it was hilarious.
[00:15:20] It was very funny, but he's like, he keeps his pitching impressions that he can do.
[00:15:29] He was just saying, I'm Patrick Stewart.
[00:15:31] And every impression was him just saying the name of somebody.
[00:15:33] That was so funny the other day when you were talking about just a normal person off Mike,
[00:15:39] And then you just slow, you were like, I was like, what happened with so and so?
[00:15:41] And you're like, well, he said, and you like started turning your body into him.
[00:15:44] And I was like, you don't have to, you don't have to do this.
[00:15:51] God, for years, I'm my friend, Robbie's podcast, Young Guns.
[00:15:54] And he was telling a story about Shaq calling him up.
[00:15:56] And he was like, I got an impression for you.
[00:16:12] Well, I don't want to do it on the spot.
[00:16:14] I don't even, I don't think it's that bad of an impression.
[00:16:17] I think next man that I'm making fun of his friend.
[00:16:21] Yeah, it's, it's honestly, it's kind of offensive.
[00:16:23] You don't want to come here and take shots at Adam while he's sick.
[00:16:26] And he can't even fucking defend himself.
[00:16:30] All right, I'll work it in later in the episode.
[00:16:36] Ian's Christopher Walken is the worst impression I've ever heard.
[00:16:40] He's like, I was like, just go like two mice.
[00:16:43] And he was, and he was just silent for a while.
[00:16:46] He's on the top and like scared the dead of me.
[00:16:50] He's hanging out with regular car reviews now.
[00:17:10] And clack had to keep fucking clicking.
[00:17:13] He's just a, but you can't, he can't just be click.
[00:17:17] Some fucking old white man from Boston and click.
[00:17:28] I can't believe Ian did that gig in PA.
[00:17:31] I thought like I was going to rape him.
[00:17:39] What would it sound like if Adam raped Ian, huh?
[00:17:42] Um, I think it would go something like this.
[00:17:50] That was Buffalo Bill and puts the lotion.
[00:18:46] We've got like a really bad Adam Friedland impression.
[00:19:07] I just don't want to do my Adam impression right now.
[00:19:14] A few people have been able to impersonate me actually.
[00:19:42] I can put my dead-ass lotion on your skin.
[00:19:46] All right, what's give me something for Adam to say?
[00:19:54] You're just sitting around all night watching Ted Lasso.
[00:20:09] Yeah, so my Adam impression is basically...
[00:20:12] It's Buffalo Bill, but he's giving Maya a massage.
[00:20:36] You spent like seven weekends on the road here.
[00:20:41] Some people can just have mimicry brains.
[00:20:47] This is why we had to have him on the show.
[00:20:52] What the fuck are you talking about, Christopher?
[00:20:59] I know you probably just do it at home on your phone, but give him a second to feel himself.
[00:21:07] Listen, what the fuck are you talking about?
[00:21:13] I was trying to do Indian Tony, but I was trying to get it right.
[00:21:16] Like, accurate Indian while keeping it a good Tony.
[00:21:24] Listen, what the fuck are you talking about?
[00:21:26] Leisha, what the fuck are you talking about?
[00:21:35] Now do an Adam Friedland impression, the hardest impression to do.
[00:21:42] I can't imagine something you would say.
[00:21:50] He's like a just a fluid that seeps around.
[00:22:00] Why are you talking about my Adam impression?
[00:22:34] Yeah, I saw a woman on the train and I think I have to get a divorce.
[00:22:44] Yeah, I want to fuck my wife's friend, what do you want to do?
[00:22:49] It's really hard to do different impressions at once.
[00:22:53] I mean, if he comes out naturally, sure, but just fucking, yeah.
[00:22:56] I'm trying to dial it in his difficult.
[00:22:58] I was sitting around my apartment for like 30 minutes trying to do Indian toning.
[00:23:04] If you can do Tony that well, just do regular toning.
[00:23:22] It's a really good way to deflect if somebody's being down on you.
[00:23:28] That's a very good Tony Soprano impression.
[00:23:37] It's not even just get a real water bottle.
[00:23:42] Yeah, you're going to be supposed to refill those.
[00:23:54] It looks like you're getting full of your own piss.
[00:23:57] You carried around as your little baby.
[00:23:59] We got to talk about my bookie that age.
[00:24:08] I don't really have any money to gamble.
[00:24:18] I've got over $1,500 in accounts receivable right now.
[00:24:28] That's why I want them to do it because I want there to be two of them.
[00:24:51] It plays like a trucker, a serial killer, a trucker.
[00:24:52] I've tried to make a joke out of the line.
[00:25:13] So my bookie.aj, the sports book, let's just look at the menu on the website.
[00:25:17] Here's some of the different links you can click on.
[00:25:21] And then on the navigation menu, sports book, casino, Robert De Niro.
[00:25:28] You want to fucking gamble or something?
[00:25:34] Every time somebody does a De Niro, their face like disappears into the back of their fucking head.
[00:26:08] Let's go to the FAQ, the frequently asked questions.
[00:26:11] Airy Spears' impression of Shaq was good.
[00:26:19] Look, my bookie.aj is the premier offshore sports betting website.
[00:26:24] Does that stand for an Asian country or maybe something in the Caribbean?
[00:26:34] My bookie.aj is a sports betting website on the internet that sponsors this show.
[00:26:38] And they've been trying, trying to call me for days.
[00:26:41] I tried to open this in Boston to bet on a sports.
[00:27:01] Why do you always say things as a question?
[00:27:10] He's watched a lot of videos on how to behave around people.
[00:27:16] The other day I told you this long saga and I watched you go, you were like, it sounds like that's really difficult.
[00:27:23] It was funny when I went to the painting.
[00:27:28] Jordan keeps touching Mike's leg support.
[00:27:30] But you didn't pet him like an animal you're familiar with.
[00:27:33] You pet him the way you pet a goat and a petting zoo.
[00:27:36] You're like, am I supposed to be touching this bucket?
[00:27:38] No, I'm way more affectionate with goats.
[00:27:45] I don't want the long text being like, you stupid bitch.
[00:27:52] I don't know what you're talking about.
[00:27:55] So they got a casino, they got a live casino.
[00:27:58] Jordan just doesn't answer you when you reach out.
[00:28:08] You don't get a response to your two AM text?
[00:28:20] My wife's been asleep for a couple hours.
[00:28:23] You balance it out though on the Instagram DMs.
[00:28:28] And then the next will be like, have you gained weight?
[00:28:37] We got auto roulette European roulette.
[00:28:53] You're just saying blackjack a million times.
[00:29:08] I definitely should go on with the NFL.
[00:29:10] I'm sure they want me to talk about that for sure.
[00:29:13] What would the Jets punt return or whatever?
[00:29:26] There's my favorite special forces down syndrome.
[00:29:45] I wasn't going to say earlier when I went to my senior prom.
[00:29:54] Real quick, my booking.aging promo code TAFS.
[00:29:59] They'll match your deposit up to $1,000.
[00:30:02] And I think there's something else you get out of that, but I don't know.
[00:30:08] So when I went to senior prom, I bought a DVD off eBay if like I had a dance.
[00:30:31] Look what they've done to my beautiful boy.
[00:30:45] You know, something like, you might give prom just two stepping alone.
[00:31:10] He's like, fuck it, the front cinnabon.
[00:31:26] It was a big boy and big fat long hair boy.
[00:31:38] Did you have long hair and balding at the same time?
[00:31:41] It wasn't that bad, but then I saw a little goss.
[00:31:44] I started to get glasses like four months ago.
[00:31:47] Those glasses on here are holding this.
[00:31:52] I have a grey streak, one grey streak, but they said it's from trauma.
[00:31:58] Like if it's peppered around, it's your hair, but if you have one streak.
[00:32:15] That's why, because they told me that there was a kid there.
[00:32:17] Nick's got 17 streaks of grey in his hair.
[00:32:19] Like a nine-year-old with a bunch of grey.
[00:32:23] She's like, one kid's like, they have that.
[00:32:28] And so then we don't need time to see that.
[00:32:30] I knew there was a guy, Will, and DC did comedy.
[00:32:33] And a funny guy, you know, back in the day, but he had a little grey patch of hair.
[00:32:36] Anytime I'd see him, I'd just think about him being raped as a child.
[00:32:41] You see a nine-year-old with a shock of grey hair.
[00:32:43] Nick's mom's like, I really helped my son out today with that information.
[00:32:46] Yeah, because you told me what's his name.
[00:32:51] And it's like, Nick, I noticed that recently.
[00:32:53] His backpack was stolen with his headphones, laptop, like all his expensive shit.
[00:33:05] And he got in his hole, all of his eyelashes turned white on one side.
[00:33:10] If I ran the government, there would be mandatory we would take naked.
[00:33:13] We'd make child pornography of every American citizen.
[00:33:24] Yeah, we'd go out there and we'd hand it over to the pedophiles to jack off.
[00:33:34] And then the movie's called Think Again.
[00:33:41] The ocean's 12 about Tom Pearl trying to sneak into the vault.
[00:33:45] I don't know if we can revisit Tom Pearl on this one.
[00:33:52] You're going to have to subscribe for Patreon for that if you want to know.
[00:33:57] It gets you an episode about Tom Pearl.
[00:34:00] The episode that we had a fucking blast doing.
[00:34:17] And if you want to hear more, you can check out the Patreon.
[00:34:19] He sends me this fucking video of this guy.
[00:34:21] It's a TikTok of this guy in Georgia who eats his own diarrhea.
[00:34:30] You sent me the most horrifying TikToks I've ever seen.
[00:34:33] What about Adam Friedlin eating his own diarrhea?
[00:34:49] I ate my own diarrhea and I got really sick.
[00:34:55] I can't have another bite of this fucking diarrhea.
[00:35:32] Mya, you think the diarrhea is still good to eat?
[00:35:36] I hope you guys are having as much fun listening to this show as we are making it.
[00:35:51] I've gotten to tears just laughing about Tom Pearl.
[00:35:58] He's just like mild mannered southern guy.
[00:36:03] He's like, I can't wait to eat my diarrhea for you.
[00:36:06] I hope you enjoy watching my own diarrhea.
[00:36:16] If you were like I've been eating diarrhea for the past eighteen years.
[00:36:20] You don't have to tell him, is he tired?
[00:36:37] I'm going to go home and cook up a big bowl of diarrhea.
[00:36:42] This guy Seth Vomoroy in Nashville was one of the most Italian two words together.
[00:36:59] Chris Cubus told me a story about a guy that I can't remember it exactly.
[00:37:04] But an Italian guy who tried to get like quesadiche or whatever, which I thought was Spanish or something.
[00:37:08] Something like Italian thing in his body.
[00:37:10] But the tattoo artist fucked up and just put cheese dice.
[00:37:55] But all I remember is some guy ended up with a tattoo that says cheese dice.
[00:37:59] And maybe it wasn't even an Italian word.
[00:38:01] Maybe it was just a retarded Italian guy.
[00:38:03] The guy that tattooed the same as Chile.
[00:38:08] I don't even know what an octopus or something, but it's a huge dick.
[00:38:15] Yeah, it's like a pirate octopus or something.
[00:38:21] Your tattoos look like the paintings that the gorilla at the zoo makes when her kid dies.
[00:38:27] It's just all Chinese art all over his body.
[00:38:35] I mean, there's koi fish all over one bicep.
[00:38:38] Bobby Kelly was the Chinese menu tattooed on his back.
[00:38:43] I think Karen Feehan made that joke on the podcast.
[00:38:45] I'm not trying to hate on you, but just remember that.
[00:38:57] So you're going to try and get dim sum again.
[00:38:58] So remember when you burst into our dinner, sat down and sat down and said, I don't really
[00:39:13] You eat anything in a potato, but you won't eat any vegetables, right?
[00:39:16] I eat greens because I have to from my health.
[00:39:21] But a picky eater can just be like a disgusting human being.
[00:39:24] I mean, it's like how vegans can just be like people who eat like packing material with sugar in it.
[00:39:33] I'm trying to sharpen my teeth on cardboard.
[00:39:47] Any time somebody says varmint, I'm like, I identify with whatever that word is.
[00:39:51] Someone tried to insult me once and say that I'm like a flamingo.
[00:40:00] That's if I was any animal, that's what I would be a flamingo.
[00:40:09] I'm going to pretend that flamingos are gay.
[00:40:13] They're just a different type of bird that turns pink.
[00:40:16] They produce with women, but they mate for life with same sex.
[00:40:35] Flamingos are one of those things where I'm like, God's not fucking real.
[00:40:38] Because you're like, you know why they're pink?
[00:40:41] And it's like that person with Down syndrome told you that.
[00:40:44] And then you look it up and it's like, yeah.
[00:40:48] In the water, they didn't turn pink until you cook them.
[00:40:50] So why the fuck would the flamingo be pink?
[00:40:56] Does that just mean flaming in Spanish?
[00:40:58] That's what they saw when they saw those things.
[00:41:00] They're like, oh, this thing is a real fucking gay.
[00:41:05] It's the fucking gay is bird I've ever seen.
[00:41:08] And Mexican guys who live outside my house, I think they may actually be.
[00:41:16] They're blackout drunk and they get loose shrimp and cook them.
[00:41:20] It's it's like steam coming out of the like radiators in the subway station and they put
[00:41:32] Even Tom Pearl would be like, that's that's disgusting.
[00:41:42] How am I not allowed to say white trash on TikTok with those videos?
[00:41:50] It was like him edited into a rowboat with romantic music.
[00:41:52] He's like, I'm going to eat my own diarrhea for you.
[00:41:56] I've been waiting to eat my diarrhea for a long time.
[00:42:02] And I took that like he never produced diarrhea.
[00:42:05] So what we're saying is I've never eaten it before.
[00:42:11] The most shocking part, like I said this yesterday, but the shock part was the color of the
[00:42:17] Jordan, I tell you, it's weird because he hadn't seen it.
[00:42:22] But the more you get into it, it becomes funnier and funnier and funnier.
[00:42:30] When I watched the first video, I was like, I was like, I said it before already, but
[00:42:38] I don't like, they made really fucked with me.
[00:42:49] Because my, my algorithm is like to show me freaks.
[00:42:52] It just shows me like the most disabled, most fucked up looking people.
[00:42:57] So he started, he changed his algorithm to get more freak videos.
[00:43:06] He up with some guys eating shit and they're like, right, I'm just saying.
[00:43:12] I found the actual video and I watched it.
[00:43:16] But then I found a YouTube when they, someone uploaded like five of them.
[00:43:22] Yeah, they're just up there for like three months.
[00:43:29] But then a day later you're like, I got to go back for more.
[00:43:32] Because your brain strips out the diary eating stuff.
[00:43:35] It's honestly a testament to the power of the human spirit.
[00:43:38] Well, the finding out he was a pedophile.
[00:43:40] How about Adam Friedler watching Tom Pirlie his diary?
[00:43:45] He says his full name and it's his real...
[00:43:46] And Nick sent me his like official Florida sex offender.
[00:43:53] He'd be a lot more easy to root for if he wasn't a pedophile.
[00:43:59] Like it was so much funnier than he was like...
[00:44:05] Well, you know, Tom, I don't want to be a good guy.
[00:44:07] I would never see a shittier and be like, oh, at least he's a good guy.
[00:44:11] What he is, he's the south's version of the Joker.
[00:44:19] Dude, I just did Houston and a guy said the N word three times while I was on stage and got dragged out by bouncers.
[00:44:24] Well, like he was trying to summon Candy Man?
[00:44:32] He was saying it and then he was talking shit.
[00:44:37] I took the phone and I was telling his brother on the phone what a piece of shit he was and
[00:44:41] then the brother talked to me when it was as retarded as he was.
[00:44:46] He was like, I was supposed to be there, but I got caught up saying the N word at home.
[00:44:49] Well, that's the thing is he wasn't saying anything.
[00:44:51] They were both just like, oh, the N word.
[00:44:54] He's just got a stack of papers with the N word on it.
[00:45:03] It kind of sounds like boom how we're saying the N. I can't really do the bit.
[00:45:06] But you're like, boom, boom, boom, that's pretty nice.
[00:45:13] One woman stood up and was like, fuck you, you cajun idiot.
[00:45:16] And then this other girl stood up and was like, fuck you, you bitch, I'm cajun.
[00:45:19] So three people are fighting, I'm on stage.
[00:45:20] The bouncers pull him out and then they all hold him down and take turns.
[00:45:28] I'll come back to the improv saying that N word.
[00:45:33] Speaking of fucking ass, fucking ass is brought to you by bluetooth.com.
[00:45:38] Can you imagine if we got a black lady to do this and she didn't read the bluetooth?
[00:45:43] Yo, bluetooth is a chewable tablet and you got a choice.
[00:45:48] It's a subscription service where you don't have to go to the fucking doctor.
[00:45:51] They'll send you dick medicine in the mail.
[00:45:54] And they have still Dennifil, Tidalafil and Vardenafil.
[00:45:58] And that's the ingredient in Viagra, Cialis and Levitra respectively.
[00:46:04] And up to 40% of Americans agree that taking pills is sucks.
[00:46:14] It's 100% US licensed medical providers, prescription, consultation.
[00:46:18] Is it not a gummy? I've always imagined it's a gummy.
[00:46:33] Professional ED focused medical support.
[00:46:38] 30 to 45 milligrams to Dennifil, six or nine milligrams to Didalafil or eight milligrams
[00:46:43] of our Dennifil tubal tablets they've got.
[00:46:48] You pick the medicine and they have active, busy, popular pro.
[00:46:53] And that is six times a month, ten times a month, seventeen times a month or thirty four pills
[00:47:04] Even if one of the other day and his dick didn't get hard.
[00:47:12] I think this shit is if you have like a physiological problem.
[00:47:19] No, these are like vasodilators I think.
[00:47:21] If your dick doesn't get hard on this stuff, it's because your brain is fucked.
[00:47:26] Oh, I thought people were taking it for the brains.
[00:47:30] Everybody I know is taking it is because they're not a...
[00:47:33] So that's why you want to go to bluetooth.com and do the free consultation and ask them.
[00:47:41] Do not take so Dennifil to Didalafil or Videntifil if you take medication containing
[00:47:46] nitrates or guanelate cyclase stimulators for pulmonary hypertension.
[00:47:54] Yeah, you just try to sell some dick pills.
[00:47:56] We got an important filing cabinet for this information.
[00:48:15] Okay, there's a guy, he's walking around a playground.
[00:48:21] That sounded like a real black bloody thing.
[00:48:29] Yeah, there's an old man and he's taking his wife to McDonald's.
[00:48:35] I thought there'd be words in that, but it's just a guy who'd work and a girl's texting
[00:48:41] And then he leaves, he quits his job, the fucker, he grabs his blue chew, which is on his
[00:48:49] He's just out on the open at his dasket work.
[00:48:55] What is blue chew or the treatment's offered?
[00:49:00] Does it say what happens if a kid takes it in there?
[00:49:11] Do they say how big a little kid's dick can get if they take it?
[00:49:15] What happens if a nice girl can take it?
[00:49:16] What if you have a little kid's dick then how big does it get?
[00:49:19] What happens if a nine-year-old is a little blue?
[00:49:20] What if I have a tiny little baby dick and then I take blue chew?
[00:49:26] On the fact, the entire time we've been sponsored by them for years, I never even saw this.
[00:49:30] It says, can I use a different pharmacy?
[00:49:32] And it says, yes, we partner with compound pharmacies to provide fair prices and a quick
[00:49:40] Sorry for saying all flamingos are gay.
[00:49:43] I really hate when people do that when they just lie.
[00:49:48] I don't know what that means, but I'm assuming you can.
[00:49:53] Go pick up blue chew at your local pharmacy, which I don't.
[00:49:56] I thought they'd let that they sent it right through your door.
[00:50:00] But you can also go to a pharmacy if you want.
[00:50:02] If I could just go to Dwayne Reed and get the blue chew.
[00:50:19] Every time it's eight 900 pound black women in front of you just losing their mind at
[00:50:28] And what are they getting at the pharmacy?
[00:50:32] They're not getting you whatever it is because their EBT food stamps will cover it.
[00:50:35] All told me Lizzo's clothes were prescription.
[00:50:46] bluetooth.com promo code TAFS or come down or come down to one.
[00:50:52] But it's definitely one of the three and we're back on the Adam Friedland show late night
[00:50:58] I can't wait until this fucking talk shows going to was I'll be hearing your life.
[00:51:04] Usually I'm late, but it's only really.
[00:51:09] I'm trying to make this more of a morning because I'm a morning guy.
[00:51:15] So I prefer to be in here from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. and not start the day late.
[00:51:27] I wake up and I have to run outside to get to school.
[00:51:29] Because I did Magoobies over the weekend.
[00:51:30] I was in a hotel and I never thought, I forgot that you can draw the curtains at a hotel
[00:51:37] So I went in there and they had the blackout curtains.
[00:51:42] I was like, oh, I thought I had insomnia and it's like, no, it's the sun.
[00:51:47] I'm just waking up when the sun comes up.
[00:51:54] I haven't fucked myself up with vape pens and coffee yet.
[00:51:59] I wake up myself up with the vape immediately scrambling for it.
[00:52:10] Those things that you put in your gum that give you nicotine.
[00:52:16] This is the vapor in your lungs and shit.
[00:52:19] It didn't seem like the least bad, maybe nicotine.
[00:52:21] My friend who works for big tobacco is like, these are the problem in Europe because everybody's
[00:52:25] doing them because they don't fuck you up.
[00:52:28] Well, I think the move, oh, you know what I did?
[00:52:34] And then I saw my friend Norman over the weekend.
[00:52:36] That guy used to smoke like two packs a day for like 35 years.
[00:52:41] And he switched the vaping and he started off with like the 10%.
[00:52:45] And then just kept lowering and lowering until he was mixing in the zero percent.
[00:52:50] If I had the 2% I would be opening the vape juice and drinking it.
[00:52:57] The 2% one all weekend and it's very unsatisfying, but it's enough that I'm not like, you know,
[00:53:02] and then I come back here and these are just floating around the fucking office.
[00:53:06] But yeah, I really don't want to do that.
[00:53:09] It was so much easier to quit smoking than it is to quit this shit.
[00:53:13] And that was supposed to be the hardest thing in the world.
[00:53:15] Everybody was like, it's worse than heroin.
[00:53:20] I don't have to go outside and be cold to do it.
[00:53:29] I bought fake dip once for a video and even that was like shit.
[00:53:32] It was like black tea and it was still disgusting.
[00:53:35] Chained Gillis gave me a big dip and was like, if you've never done it, you're going to
[00:53:43] Yeah, it gets you fucked up immediately.
[00:53:45] No, it tastes like tobacco, which is here.
[00:54:01] Just ashing all over and getting people's stuff.
[00:54:07] You're like, yeah, I'm like a cartoon character.
[00:54:17] That's not a very good job, but he said he made it.
[00:54:20] Yeah, me and Rufaut did a painting job.
[00:54:39] You just sent me a picture of you eating a big sandwich and it looked like you were doing
[00:54:43] No, it was from the Bodega in East New York.
[00:54:47] And there's some A-Bodega in East New York.
[00:54:56] Just a turkey, salami, American cheese, lettuce and onions and mayo.
[00:55:03] It was getting made nice and thick, you know?
[00:55:04] I stopped at Subway and I was like, I'll just get a veggie.
[00:55:08] So I was on the journey to turn a bike.
[00:55:16] Yeah, I was like, let me get bread and all the vegetables.
[00:55:22] But I'll tell you, Subway, like the wheat bread with just all the vegetables, surprisingly
[00:55:28] You can't the smell of Subway, I can't stand.
[00:55:31] But it's funny to look on this guy's face when I was like, you don't have a vegan sandwich
[00:55:35] Just like watching it just a brain not do anything.
[00:55:57] That's when I started doing stand up was like the week of the...
[00:56:00] I think maybe not the week of the show.
[00:56:04] Well, so technically she was like an anoraxic.
[00:56:14] I remember reading that she had like an eating disorder, that she was anoraxic or something.
[00:56:19] She's not going to faint it, fell down the stairs.
[00:56:24] Let's look it up because now I need to feel down the stairs.
[00:56:35] Severely brain damage Florida woman who became a national symbol for her.
[00:56:41] You could have used it Florida woman, huh?
[00:56:50] Brain damage, relax, and I was just going to cardiac arrest.
[00:57:03] She apparently has been trying to keep her weight down with dieting by herself, drinking
[00:57:08] liquids most of the time during the day, drinking 10 to 15 glass of iced tea.
[00:57:16] And that's why she had the stroke and she went in.
[00:57:18] She had a heart attack and it was brain damage.
[00:57:20] I don't know why I thought she was from the stairs.
[00:57:22] So she was starving herself to be beautiful.
[00:57:26] So they took the feeding tube out of my joke when I was a kid was that she at least she
[00:57:29] died doing what she loved, which is starving herself for attention.
[00:57:35] You were like 16 when you started calling me.
[00:57:45] So I'd be like, at least Terry Shiva died doing what she loved.
[00:57:49] Starving herself for attention and nobody followed the story.
[00:57:59] Next week I'm going to have Adam do all Terry Shiva material.
[00:58:08] What everyone knows, what are they doing with their fucking skin?
[00:58:39] Terry Shiva is a good reminder that women are beautiful at any size.
[00:58:45] And then we sliced it, melted it over when they diarrhea case ideas.
[00:59:00] Is that you ask Adam about any movie on the criteria channel?
[00:59:05] Hey Adam, did you, what did you, what did you watch?
[00:59:08] Adam, did you see any movie on the criteria channel?
[00:59:13] Yeah, hopefully he's recovering and not eating more diarrhea.
[00:59:27] Yeah, bulimia is the cause of her infertility.
[00:59:31] Terry had gone to the doctor because she had stopped immense trading.
[00:59:46] If you haven't won the show every episode, just you, we need to hit the Tony.
[01:00:03] Um, now that you're a new, hot shot, let's roll out your resume.
[01:00:13] It's hard to do an impression on the spot.
[01:00:38] Man, Mike Roland has the funniest bit about that he'll do around the house where he's
[01:00:42] a cholo who loves cartoon babies and thinks that they're real.
[01:00:49] He's like a baby, but he talks like he's like an adult.
[01:00:53] You gotta say you gotta see his CIA lieutenant video.
[01:01:01] I don't know if we can put down on the show.
[01:01:04] Well, because it's, we'll generate stuff for the show.
[01:01:08] Yeah, this isn't a lot for the food and muscle on your little tweets, your little Twitter
[01:01:13] sketches, your little twin of bagoes, my job is to recycle my material.
[01:01:30] I realized like a week ago that you had a Twitter that you were a Twitter guy.
[01:01:36] Just some guy who has a broken heart forever.
[01:01:41] Yeah, he's a but, no, it's a long time ago.
[01:01:47] He's saying that because you're here, but he's a romantic.
[01:02:01] They know they can't do math, but they can see feelings.
[01:02:05] We're going to have him on B&E and we're going to find a girlfriend.
[01:02:13] He's been texting me like a lunatic all day.
[01:02:18] I will send him a text being like, here's what we need to do and then he'll send the same thing
[01:02:20] back to me, repeating my words that he means to send to the editor, but it's to me.
[01:02:24] And how I know you're just mining my brain.
[01:02:36] I love you, but I hate that that's part of his brand because it's like you shouldn't be
[01:02:43] No, my dad did the same thing where he wanted to be like the Marlboro guy.
[01:02:51] They might say it's a brand, but that's like me being mean to, you know.
[01:02:53] I don't want to even know I have cancer, like 43.
[01:03:17] He doesn't look like he doesn't know that it happens.
[01:03:59] Tim and the Alec, I'm so mad I don't have Larry's eyes anymore.
[01:04:05] At the beginning of the episode, you sounded so fucked up that it was like, I was like,
[01:04:09] But then 10 minutes in, you figured it out.
[01:04:15] Whenever you lose your voice, it's the best.
[01:04:25] It just drops your voice down to like your sternum.
[01:04:36] It's just going to work in a world guy.
[01:04:49] Let's all laugh at this woman as she dies.
[01:04:52] This summer, we're going to have a fucking Alec Baldwin style death with this massive fake
[01:05:00] Someone's going to put a bullet in that thing.
[01:05:01] I'm going to lose my mind and put a real gun on the set.
[01:05:04] And I say, wouldn't it be funny if I accidentally killed someone?
[01:05:15] Somebody just showed me the rest of him by his daughter?
[01:05:19] What I recall reading is that they had real guns on the set.
[01:05:24] There was no live ammunition on the set, but some PAs or something took the guns and went
[01:05:29] shooting with them and then brought the guns back to set.
[01:05:34] So the gun had like three blanks in it and then one real bullet.
[01:05:40] Why was he aiming it at one of the directors and shooting it?
[01:05:48] But just the mental image of Alec Baldwin just being like, put that coffee down.
[01:06:05] Now just wait, just wait, just wait a goddamn minute.
[01:06:12] You guys got anything you want to plug?
[01:06:23] Alright, I got Foxborough, I got Des Moines, I got Minneapolis, I got Chicago all coming
[01:06:33] You can follow me on Instagram at Mike Racine Comedy.
[01:06:40] Listen to B&E and with Jordan, I'm in Tacoma, December 8th, 9th and 10th.
[01:06:45] I'm on the road with Louis, the 14, 15, 16, 17th.
[01:06:48] Go to LouisCK.com to look at the footage.
[01:07:00] I just got the Beavis and Buckhead shirt.
[01:07:09] The mania that ensues when you put two.
[01:07:12] One of the best podcasts I've ever listened to was I think episode seven of B&E.
[01:07:18] Did you guys do like a traditional Indian funeral with the elevator?
[01:07:21] I decided it would be a good idea to have a good day with my dad's funeral.
[01:07:24] So my dad's funeral and it was a bad idea.
[01:07:40] You tie a rope to the elephant's tail and then the other end of the casket.
[01:07:43] Just have the elephant just drag the casket to the hole.
[01:07:52] Like if you're a Paul Bearer, like you're like, where's the hole?
[01:08:04] I forgot that it's called the grave and not a hole.
[01:08:16] But when the people praying, when you were like, you know how they kneel in the carpet,
[01:08:21] And I was like, that's not what they say.
[01:08:29] But it's like the whole world is like so close.
[01:08:33] On my TikTok, every live I've been getting, because when you scroll through your TikTok,
[01:08:37] they show you different people going live.
[01:08:38] There's this thing of like people in the Middle East, usually like a grandfather or a dad
[01:08:48] Click like, like, like, like, like, like, thank you.
[01:08:50] And people just click like and send them like money.
[01:08:55] They're just talking to like nine people just saying, thank you.
[01:09:03] Where he's doing the balls or my plums?
[01:09:07] He's trying to say recollect because recollectment really is really the funniest thing ever.
[01:09:20] I just believe in my micro scene comedy.
[01:09:27] That's my I want to plug my thread of free to be at the dough for Delaware Public Library
[01:09:35] opening for for a magician at four p.m. next Tuesday.
[01:09:55] This is like connected to your local box.
[01:10:04] It's like how a pigeon can't walk with that when we attend.
[01:10:08] You can't talk with that when you're flipping your wrist like a weird thing.
[01:10:21] See you Sunday or Monday and happy Thanksgiving everybody.