TAFS | Premium | 07/11/2022
[00:00:18] Have you heard this yet Mike I think so yeah
[00:00:24] Sounds great you like this kind of music
[00:00:28] We're doing kind of like a like an I miss
[00:00:38] My dog might bump this song over to the weather when we do weather and traffic oh
[00:00:44] And new theme song new theme song should we have a song contest Allah American Idol sure
[00:00:49] I mean American Idol people sing other people songs. I normally what you if you you would
[00:00:55] Maybe you could do like a maybe when the show starts. Yeah, say hi to the audience. Oh
[00:01:00] Like hello and welcome. Yeah rather than just say just start talking to Mike without introducing
[00:01:07] Yeah, I guess a little too nonchalant professional
[00:01:12] You know sometimes your producers encourage you know we know I am encouraged. That's just a suggestion if you don't want to do
[00:01:18] No, no, it's right. It's not enough of that. But we worked all weekend. Yeah, well, I'm still working right now
[00:01:24] I'm working right now, too. Yeah, you know my name is on this
[00:01:29] Right I stand to lose the most my good name
[00:01:34] Okay, then I'll say welcome to the show no, okay, sorry, you're mad that I didn't say that no what do the song get?
[00:01:40] I'll do it again. What makes you think I'm mad?
[00:01:43] Because you're looking at me like you're waiting for me to say no
[00:01:45] I'll tell you I'll tell you I don't want to get off on the wrong foot here. I'm sorry if I've offended you
[00:01:50] I'm just kind of a road where it's been a long drive today. I'm not offended
[00:01:55] So witty banter that people have come to expect a love
[00:02:00] No, yeah, I'm sorry. Yeah, it's my fault. I'm not did you have your coffee Nick? No, I didn't have a coffee
[00:02:06] I've been I've been driving. I've been driving for we went to we went to Fudd Rockers
[00:02:12] So he loves Fudd Rockers him. Yeah, this this guy over here. Yeah, well, I've been seen one in forever
[00:02:18] I know we saw we're happy we saw them while we're on the road. We thought we'd stop. Yeah, good fun rockers
[00:02:23] But you know, I mean, that's that's it's great. It was it's near Deb's mom's house
[00:02:28] I didn't know that so now when I go to visit Deb's mom I
[00:02:31] Stand I was no in Jersey lives in Jersey. Okay, but I called Deb and I was like yeah
[00:02:37] Me and Nick just double-teamed your mom. We held a gun to your stepfather's head and a double-teamed her
[00:02:43] Did she fall for it? No, she's too smart. She's so smart. Yeah, damn
[00:02:49] If I said that's a my girlfriend nothing gets past her
[00:02:52] If you told your girlfriend you you fucked Deb's mom at gunpoint. Yeah, what would she say?
[00:02:57] She'd be pretty mad at me. Does she know who but I wonder if that would look a little something
[00:03:03] Like this roll the tape and now once the show's up and running we got it going we'll have we'll have
[00:03:12] You know, we'll get some I think we funny if we went to a local children's theater. Yeah, have them do reenactments
[00:03:18] Yeah, like criminal reenactment. That's a great idea. Yeah, yeah, like like a cross between like America's most one
[00:03:25] Investigation discovery. Yeah, we're also we're also bringing work to the local children's right. Yeah, child labor underprivileged kids
[00:03:31] Mm-hmm. Would know yeah, we do that and it'd be like family guys just Lewis Gomez's son
[00:03:41] Idea well hello and welcome to come or the Adam Friedland show there it is. There's that classic Adam Friedland charm
[00:03:51] Hello and welcome to the Adam Friedland show an intellectual current events
[00:04:07] We're still working on what the show sure about but any of a new fat guy here
[00:04:12] You did get quite fat dude. Yeah. Yeah, I saw a picture
[00:04:15] He posted on his story of you at helium and I was like the regular fat guys got even fatter. So you're right clear
[00:04:35] The regular fact what fact guys lost weight during the pandemic. That's true. Is it still going on?
[00:04:42] Do I don't think any of them lost weight? I think most people got fatter during the pandemic, but what do I know?
[00:04:48] You know, I don't know I lost weight. I feel like I'm I lost away from the drugs. Yeah, I lost a few
[00:04:55] I I went back and forth a lot anyway, so prime minister former prime minister Shinzo are we going into the monologue here?
[00:05:03] Had a special treat we were we were we were driving here normally I'll write the monologue for Adam, but yeah
[00:05:11] But you know he came through and he wanted to write it himself this this week
[00:05:15] Okay, because you know, we don't really have time while driving it Sunday and I I made a decision
[00:05:20] This is more of a producer decision. You wrote that one joke about Shinzo Abe
[00:05:23] I did but we'll let Adam do his joke so the the you know, it's like the quite the quite the debate is
[00:05:30] Do we just upload the episode late tomorrow?
[00:05:33] Or do we stick to the schedule because what people like what people like?
[00:05:36] I'm not gonna say the name of the old show. Mm-hmm
[00:05:39] But the thing that was missing the thing that made it good in the first place was punctuality
[00:05:43] Yeah, and we are always on time and the most hardcore fans are the guys that really were upset when the show was
[00:05:51] You know, like that's that's what made the show good. Yeah, it has to go up on
[00:05:55] Sunday, of course, you know, so yeah, like we got to get this one last week
[00:06:00] We uploaded at 1201 Saturday night and they were like
[00:06:05] Beaming yeah, they were so happy about so unfortunately the drive back from Buffalo took much longer than we thought well
[00:06:12] The they understand and and I was I did not have the time I was driving so I go right my model
[00:06:19] Well, um and I already gotten one accident on the way out that Buffalo
[00:06:23] So I figured that maybe focus on driving rather than rather than be looking at headline
[00:06:28] So we're gonna make me a woman of color cry on the way out the Buffalo
[00:06:33] Now she did she cried that it was her fault and she fled the scene and then
[00:06:37] Did we change it? Yeah, yeah, we're not let's not talk about the car accident, but so let's uh police
[00:06:44] Not because of the police but because of the insurance company
[00:06:47] So let's not talk about the car accident, but anyways the uh
[00:06:54] Monologs that okay. Well, it was all my computer, but if I could
[00:06:59] Could I just not allow could I grab your computer breaking news?
[00:07:06] Could I could I grab your computer? I would honest I'd prefer it if you did not use but I don't okay
[00:07:11] But but it might be better. Are you saying my computer's at home? I got locked out a text you that
[00:07:16] You got locked out of your eye. Yeah, I know yeah my girlfriend took the doorknob key
[00:07:20] I have the deadbolt key it might maybe we can see if uh if it plays well if you just try to remember what you
[00:07:36] Let's try because it the okay. Yeah, we got we got we got a couple more test episodes
[00:07:40] We're looking at studio space this week
[00:07:42] So should I test out like standing that is that is happening the studio space? Yeah, actually yeah if you want to do it
[00:07:48] Yeah, I'm gonna do it stand here's what's gonna happen
[00:07:50] There's gonna be times when we got to do it on the fly right, you know, it's gonna be like a bill
[00:07:55] O'Reilly fuck it. Let's do it live just a
[00:08:00] You're the star of the show. It's the adam Friedland show
[00:08:04] You're gonna have that there's gonna be missing laptops is gonna be car accidents
[00:08:07] It's gonna be trips to Buffalo. There's gonna be a president killed in Japan prime minister. Yeah former prime minister. Yeah
[00:08:15] Um, so the monologue ladies and gentlemen the adam Friedland show
[00:08:21] Adam Friedland's monologue. Okay, the beeps can I get the beeps? Thank you
[00:08:30] Hey guys, thanks a lot. Um, so in japan
[00:08:33] A former prime minister shinzo abbe was uh recently assassinated by by an assailant using a homemade shotgun
[00:08:43] Um a distressed president Biden when asked for comment. He said um
[00:08:49] He was a friend to america and a friend to me
[00:09:04] Um tonight I plan on going to one of my favorite restaurants with a jail of beni beni hanas
[00:09:12] I will raise a glass of the traditional japanese drink sake sake
[00:09:20] And i'll look at the ninja guy making the shrimp and i'll say
[00:09:30] What happened in japan reminds me of a story grown up in scran. I should do a develop a biden impression
[00:09:40] Um, they they they they shot they cut them down man. I kind of wrote this whole thing and I wanted you to read it because you cut them down
[00:09:47] Yeah, that shins so abbe they cut them down. I'm like
[00:09:50] All right now, okay now i'll do the okay. It was a good jap
[00:09:57] Okay, so uh, you know it reminds me a story growing the president got assassinated. That's some boop. He's shit
[00:10:06] Kamala. Oh kamala. Okay. I was saying that uh that we were gonna
[00:10:12] Uh, the joke we had for you was shinzo abbe
[00:10:22] That that would have been good and much shorter. Yeah, I wrote this whole story about uh growing up in scran
[00:10:28] And then I had a I could try it if I had a sketch we'd go to we just leave the monologue and go right into a sketch called shinzo raven
[00:10:34] Oh, yeah, and it's that's so raven, but it's shinzo abbe. Uh-huh. Yeah, and uh
[00:10:43] Well, I don't know if that might be a little the guy just died
[00:10:48] It was more more you would just be like what if what if the show that's so raven?
[00:10:53] Would we had a former japanese prime minister shinzo abbe playing a little fat black girl
[00:10:57] Yeah, I don't know if people are ready to laugh and I do feel bad about saying that the american people will love him long time
[00:11:07] Um, well, I don't want to do the scranzo abbe, right?
[00:11:10] Yeah, abbe. Yeah abbe maria. Oh, that's good. Yeah, like the prayer. Yeah, that's what they probably what they played at his funeral
[00:11:21] Let me ask you this you think they took his shoes off before they put him in the coffin
[00:11:26] That's what I wondered about that he had to take his shoes off before he goes into hell. That's a good question. Yeah
[00:11:34] That's that's yeah, it's pretty sad. Yeah, um
[00:11:39] And I had all this confidence writing this thing about growing up in scranton
[00:11:45] Now but you've lost your laptop, but it's saying no, it's in my apartment
[00:11:49] No, but if I if I pulled if I got your laptop
[00:11:53] I could find the copy on on uh, it's from the google docs the from the production office who stopped it's uh
[00:12:00] What do you mean? You got your own lab. You got your own lab. Let's keep the departments kind of separate
[00:12:05] What don't you want me to see on your little nothing? It's just that's can I just no?
[00:12:09] It's fine. I'm again. We're going to practice, you know from from the so chinso abbe. Is that all you had you had
[00:12:16] Joe Biden doing uh, well, I was gonna have you read it
[00:12:20] You know having kind of read it kind of looks Japanese himself a little bit. Yeah, he had a facelift
[00:12:26] Yeah, kind of a little bit more Asian. Mm-hmm after you get extensive plastic surgery. Yeah
[00:12:33] What's what's going on? I look like uh, that's good
[00:12:36] Yeah, should I try to do the impression? I guess sure. Yeah, it's not a hard impression. It's not yeah, so uh
[00:12:42] Ryan's being a story grown up in scranton pa
[00:12:46] One day I was in class. There was a boy who showed up teacher said we got a new boy in our class
[00:12:52] You know he's different than the rest of us. He's from japan
[00:12:57] And a lot of us we didn't take a lack into him because our older brothers were over in korea fighting those those little guys
[00:13:06] She said can you be friends with him? She she made him sit down next to me
[00:13:10] And the rest of the class was glaring at him. He was scared
[00:13:15] And he looked over at me and I'll never forget what he said. He said uh
[00:13:30] He said dr. Jones no time for love. We got company, you know
[00:13:35] And then he left scran pa he moved to a small hamlet called the pines short round island called
[00:13:44] Where he went on a week-long vacation with six of his best friends
[00:13:51] I don't know. I forgot what I wrote, but it was very good. I think that I did uh, I did uh, you know your fire island
[00:13:58] You're the guy agent also reps bow and yang. So we got it. You're gonna have to go. Okay. We'll cut that. I don't have it
[00:14:06] Well, okay. We'll cut that you know iris gonna be pissed about that
[00:14:15] God I I'm not ready to advance in this industry
[00:14:18] They call them they call them the pearl harbor of hollywood that guy just blew the place up with gay Chinese
[00:14:27] Ira is a true beast. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he's a monster. Mm-hmm. He's 14 years old. Yeah
[00:14:34] Yeah, he's for his bar mitzvah. He got uh, he all he wanted was
[00:14:39] An entire office in Beverly Hills so he could start his own uh talent agents
[00:14:43] Yeah, and he got it. He's got everyone's no meat the agent who's
[00:14:47] He's blowing up hollywood with gay Chinese view. They're calling him the pearl harbor for dao drive
[00:14:55] Now i'm embarrassed about that uh grown up and scram thing
[00:14:58] I swear if I could have read it it would have been good
[00:15:00] I went into fire island and then I did george takai
[00:15:06] George takai now there's someone they should have kept in the internment camp
[00:15:10] Just to this den. Yeah, he should still be in there
[00:15:12] What did he say about Clarence Thomas this man is a blackface clown
[00:15:21] He is a not a he is not a man of color. He is a blackface clown
[00:15:30] Yeah, he really thought he got he got a handful of retweets
[00:15:34] And this motherfucker thought he was in the clear to call Clarence Thomas a blackface clown
[00:15:38] To the news he was interviewing he was an oreo he wasn't caught on like a hot mic
[00:15:44] Yeah, he was just fucking yeah, just went off
[00:15:47] He was saying he wasn't properly black. He was doing like a minstrel see yeah, he he was he was drunk off watching
[00:15:54] fire island three or four times in a row
[00:16:05] Maybe you I wonder if the guy was trying to kill fucking George takai
[00:16:09] Shinzo Abe instead. Yeah, maybe Mike. We're talking about that. How often do you think that's used as a criminal defense?
[00:16:15] Did they thought it was George like I thought it was a different guy
[00:16:20] I mean, yes, it was murder, but it wasn't I wasn't trying to kill him. Yeah, it's true
[00:16:30] Well, George takai's always showing his ass. Huh? Yeah, literally and figuratively. It's my ass
[00:16:55] Where I grew up. Oh, and was taught gay by a young prison guard
[00:17:09] He was forced into the life of homosexual. Yes. I got my white belt and being gay
[00:17:31] Yeah, the food at the club is not that great. They uh, the club was disgusting
[00:17:36] Yeah, the comics are nice. The club was nice. Yeah, it was like uh, it was kind of a weaker turnout
[00:17:42] But that made the shows more like kind of intimate and intimate. Yeah, it was nice
[00:17:47] It was nice because I you know, yeah being able to like hang out after and like talk to people
[00:17:51] And not have it be like just shake can take a picture. Shake can take a picture. Yeah, like carolines
[00:17:57] Yeah carolines was carolines because it
[00:18:00] I guess I'm too like working on our Sean McCarthy impression. That was fun. Yeah, that was fun
[00:18:04] Hey, buddy. Yeah, it's more him. He's got it. Yeah, I would be like that. I wish people
[00:18:09] Wow. Well, well, he says it's that you know women are gonna they have diseases out of you don't like the impression
[00:18:17] I can no no, not that I don't like it and you don't have to protect me. Okay. I'm sorry. Thanks. Yeah, um
[00:18:23] No, I just I can't I can't like uh, yeah zero in on what his voice sounds like in my in my head
[00:18:29] It was funny the last show. I didn't I didn't see the light
[00:18:32] I guess they lit me and I ended up doing like 45 minutes
[00:18:35] And it felt like I was on stage for a long time
[00:18:37] But I was like oh, I wonder if Nick like had a heart attack again
[00:18:41] Oh, yeah, that's why I stayed up there. No, I was I did take a left to show to go work on monologue jokes
[00:18:47] Okay for Adam, but then he said I got it. Yeah, so he took Adam to
[00:18:53] Appreciate it. Yeah, I shouldn't have done that scratting thing. No, it was good. I don't know why you're upset about it
[00:18:58] No, I shouldn't have like your audience laughed. I mean, you're I guess so that yeah
[00:19:01] I said I was gonna make it stupid and it'd be funny and you guys could make fun of me
[00:19:07] Yeah, so that's not the vibe anymore. What other topics did you have other than the shinzo?
[00:19:13] Um at Boris Johnson. Yeah. Yeah, so how about instead of shinzo?
[00:19:17] Abe, it's board. Abe like the board like board. Abe Yacht Club
[00:19:22] Or shinzo Abe Yacht Club. Yeah, that's good or domed Abe Yacht Club
[00:19:31] That's good. It is cool. That's so that guys they're like that that Chinese guy or the Japanese guy
[00:19:35] That's like their taxi driver basically. Yeah, the guy that built his own gun in a box
[00:19:41] So it's a Robert it's Robert's a Japanese Robert's in Europe at the beginning of taxi driver
[00:19:50] I don't like them these people and he's like just smashing the taxi in the parking park
[00:19:55] Just bag just hit it just trying to parallel park and just smash it. Yeah, sorry. Yeah, it's only
[00:20:13] I was in uh, I was at turksy cake. It was a couple weeks ago and they tried on the left
[00:20:16] He killed shinzo Abe to impress a cartoon
[00:20:31] Who's the sexy Pokemon? Yeah, it's in like a Japanese Joker. That's what that guy was
[00:20:37] A homemade gun. Yeah, they said at his house. He had he had guns with eight barrels
[00:20:46] Barrels and then taping them together with uh electrical you can't get a gun
[00:20:50] There's no way to get a gun in japan. No, sorry. He was using pipes
[00:21:09] Uh, last week johnson retired or something last week prime minister boris johnson
[00:21:15] Oh, I thought you were gonna push the laugh there. I oh no. Why I don't know people laugh at it, but
[00:21:22] What do you mean that is the studio audience laughing? Yeah, okay, but there should be a light
[00:21:27] I know I understand that this is yet again another test episode. Sorry folks. I had to go to buffalo
[00:21:33] We will be at least very least looking at studios
[00:21:37] I looked at like yeah, I looked at 20 studios on thursday. All right. Did you 20 really? Yeah, damn
[00:21:43] Yeah, we're any of them good. I got I got 18,000 steps on thursday. Yeah, bungee are good
[00:21:47] All right, no midtown's the move you called it again. Yeah. Yeah, because commercial real estate is like a
[00:21:53] Baron in midtown. I'm telling because I work from home. Right. So let's do that. Let's get that done this week
[00:21:59] Yeah, let's hit up our gut. Yeah, and then yeah set designer
[00:22:03] We use that person that homeboy recommended
[00:22:06] Yeah, and we can have we can have the adam freelance show at least
[00:22:09] We'll be sitting on the ground eating chinese food in our new studio
[00:22:15] Soon i'm pretty i'm pretty sty side. I'm stoked. Yeah sincerely. I have a lot of people that have offered
[00:22:25] Good pals of ours. Awesome. Yeah, anyway, uh, bores bores Johnson. You're right last week
[00:22:33] It's all it kind of bores johnson. Mm-hmm. It I hear the name and I imagine a down syndrome man's penis
[00:22:39] What I don't know like he's got a bores johnson
[00:22:46] That's pretty good. Yeah, um, it's your son. He sees that uh, he's mental is not good, but he has a bores johnson
[00:22:55] I forgot his mental. He's bad. But his penis is very bores
[00:23:03] Do you know what i'm saying? So it's uh, it's a russian person
[00:23:07] He's not driving. No, I said that guy. Okay. Yeah, my son. He has a mental is a very bad. Yeah, but he's penis
[00:23:15] Yeah, yeah, how would they do the dish? He's penis is bores. Yeah
[00:23:26] You know, he's bores johnson. Yeah, I got you. Yeah. Yeah, it's like that. Yeah, like it
[00:23:30] So is that the direction you're going? No, no, well, I forget the names because like the the top three front runners
[00:23:35] Uh for replacing him are indian people right now. Oh, so I was gonna say the names like chancellor the x chakra
[00:23:44] Yeah, uh, fucking what do you think they sound? I forget the name?
[00:23:53] Yeah, yeah, what can shinso abi? Yeah, and then the the punchline was uh shinso apu
[00:23:59] The punchline was uh, don't forget the the dark horse candidate
[00:24:23] Winnie doppu. Yeah, I don't know when he doesn't really sound indian though, but
[00:24:28] And doppu how about double o 7 11? Uh huh, and that's that's the british indian guy
[00:25:02] I want to see your boobs your bobs. Yeah. Yeah
[00:25:07] Why are they why are they what Nick? Why are this guy so horny?
[00:25:11] Did I have an answer or you just ask? You know, I don't understand. I thought you were minding because they had
[00:25:14] I said primarily arranged marriages until very recently. So they've started dating recently. Well, it's because they're all reincarnated
[00:25:28] The process of birth there. It's a grown man who just got into a car accident and suddenly his entire body is inside of a pussy
[00:25:35] That's his soul is being put into a new
[00:25:38] And they were retained that so they're still the same guy
[00:25:41] Yeah, they're always trying to get back to their old life and the only way back is through pussy through pussy
[00:25:47] Yeah, they're like I knew to see my family
[00:25:51] I think yeah, yeah, it's like a groundhog's day
[00:25:56] Um, I never understood the reincarnation thing
[00:25:59] Because it's like what if there's what if there's less people around and you die
[00:26:02] Yeah, there's not another guy for you to come back as
[00:26:05] You gotta come back as a fucking dog or something. Yeah, or there's typically more people
[00:26:10] Yeah, so who's who's like a fresh person? There's people get bumped up from cow to human. Oh animals
[00:26:17] Yeah, well, that's why they don't eat cow there because cow is like the thing you come back as
[00:26:22] If uh, you know, you fuck up if you if you get if you get pussy you get to come back as a cow
[00:26:30] Yeah, oh, it's good. Yeah, they revere cows, right? Yeah
[00:26:36] We should take the short note if you do get pussy you come back as a cow
[00:26:40] And that's why they that's why they respect cows because they're like that guy that guy fucked in another life
[00:26:49] That's what cow cow bunga means in do that's actually
[00:26:55] It came from there. Yeah, well that's each one of the ninja turtles is like a
[00:26:59] A famous god. Well, they're they're each represented different race, you know, like brothe else Italian
[00:27:11] What's leonard though. Yeah leonardo and goopda
[00:27:19] That's the third fourth one if I remember sure michael angela leonardo goopda and divinci
[00:27:25] Or the names of the ninja turtles. Yeah, did italian people like where they hyped off the turtles
[00:27:33] Um, yeah, they were like that's ours. Yeah, how you doing also by the way about poly
[00:27:39] Um, I guess i'm okay, you know, I never really uh liked him that much as a character. Really? Yeah, it was so funny
[00:27:47] He was funny, but I didn't like in season five
[00:27:52] When he when he did that thing. I don't know. Can I spoil the show? Yeah?
[00:27:57] Yeah, when him when him and criss shot that waiter. I thought that was pretty fucked up
[00:28:03] Well, yeah, it was like honestly. I don't like this guy anymore. Yeah, let's stay let's try to stay on the mon
[00:28:08] Okay, adam. Did you have anything prepared for the uh, poly walnuts death? No, no, I didn't but I had a second
[00:28:18] Jinza, but Boris Johnson. Oh, what were you gonna say about Boris Johnson? Um, uh
[00:28:25] Uh, despite resigning Boris Johnson has said he'll stay on until the successor has been announced
[00:28:32] But many people say that it's because he has a wedding bash planned at the prime minister's
[00:28:44] After responding to criticism in the press he's subsequently rescheduled the the event
[00:28:54] And he'll be holding a private ceremony at his other estate in rallies
[00:29:10] That's good. Yeah, I thought you were gonna say like backgammon or something or like well checkers and rallies or this
[00:29:17] Yeah, I know I know it's the same. Uh, I think adam made the right call. Yeah, I think he did you think that's better than good
[00:29:22] Yeah, I think you like that one. I think you did a great job. Thanks man. Yeah, I thought you would like that
[00:29:28] Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, okay. Well, thanks for liking it both of you. Yeah, appreciate it
[00:29:35] Yeah, very good. Um, is did you have any other any other topics? Maybe you wanted to cover
[00:29:39] Um, no, it was it was just those two um bores johnson retiring
[00:29:47] Being assassin being assassinated, which is which is retirement for japanese people
[00:29:52] It is it's true. Yeah, no, it stopped working. They just they kill them so they usually eviscerate themselves with a sword. Yeah, right
[00:30:03] That must suck to be a japanese housewife
[00:30:05] And just go in the living room one day and your husband's guts are destroying
[00:30:10] Your husband got fired from the shoe factory. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, managing the japanese
[00:30:20] He lost his management job. Yeah, so it's just fucking like a week's worth of dinner and blood all over the fucking
[00:30:26] Yeah, you know didn't hedeki arabu from the yankies. He killed himself, right?
[00:30:30] He did. Yeah, I think so every japanese baseball player has killed himself
[00:30:36] Really each of us dead. No. Yeah, no way
[00:30:40] Dayo no mo stabbed himself in the suicide forest. Mm-hmm. Hideo no more. No more. Yeah
[00:30:49] Maybe that could be one of your monologues. Yeah
[00:30:55] So they said uh they said shinzo a bye-bye
[00:31:03] It's like a writer's room. It's a writer's room. Yeah, it's a test episode. Yeah, well no the test episode is like
[00:31:13] You know a deeper look behind the curtain. Yeah kind of that's cool. It's hard to write monologue jokes though
[00:31:20] Is it yeah? I think so. It's like it's kind of tedious. Yeah, you know
[00:31:24] Well the key is you got to have fun with it. Yeah, you know, you got to make yourself laugh
[00:31:30] Yeah, that's the thing and then once you do a couple of those then you kind of get you know
[00:31:34] Shinzo abe was assassinated with a homemade gun
[00:31:40] But the stuff that makes me laugh is just you know slurs. Yeah, that's true
[00:31:47] That you kind of want to get away from yeah, at least in the writer's room. Are you looking up more headlines?
[00:31:51] Yeah, I'm looking at a new new york post twitter right now. Oh, okay. Should we just like riff out some sure monologue
[00:31:58] Did you want to maybe hit the Boris Johnson thing a little bit until um because I I'll be quite honest with you
[00:32:03] I don't know what you were talking about as far as checkers goes very funny. That's the name of the
[00:32:10] So they said that he stayed on so he could still have his wedding at the prime minister's estate
[00:32:18] He's getting married to his wife. Oh, I didn't realize that heterosexual marriage was legal in the uk yet
[00:32:25] Um, they brought it back. Yeah, they're trying to rebrand. I thought they only had gay marriage there. No, yeah
[00:32:33] Uh, we want to get we want to share our love and hate pussy like they're like the homosexuals
[00:32:41] I believe over there that's gay. I believe they would say uh, almost
[00:32:54] London bridge is falling down ashes to ashes
[00:33:00] Um, I guess we're uh, we're all gonna be on our
[00:33:04] No, I'm looking at headlines. You're looking at headlines. Yeah. Yeah
[00:33:09] And so tell me more about Boris Johnson's wife
[00:33:11] She's a younger woman and she's recently given birth to the child
[00:33:17] This is gonna be like a johnny-depp amber herd situation. Yeah, it's gonna be a mess. Yeah, yeah
[00:33:22] I told that story by the time I was in the park right and that that guy was on his phone
[00:33:28] Maybe maybe on stage. Yeah, I don't know if you oh, yeah, you did when you did that the adam freelancer. Yeah, all right
[00:33:36] Sorry guys. Oh, it's uh you can tell it again. I don't know the story
[00:33:39] So what I would say is if if the board johnson is retired to raise his child
[00:33:48] Let's let's hope he's a better he's gets better at raising a kid than he is getting a haircut. Yeah, that's pretty good. Yeah
[00:33:57] Because it looks like shit. It looks like shit. Yeah. Yeah, it looks like he cuts his own hair
[00:34:01] Mm-hmm. So let's hope let's hope the guy that did boris johnson's hair is in also doing his new son's circumcision
[00:34:13] That's pretty good. It's good. Oh, I end up with the daughter. All right, that'll go
[00:34:19] All right, that'll go in the monologue. That's how every girl in
[00:34:22] Yeah, let's hope the barber that did boris johnson hair is in also doing his new son's circumcision
[00:34:32] I'll soon have yet another daughter. Yeah
[00:34:36] Um, a north carolina mother was mauled to death by two pit bulls that she was dog sitting just two days after the victim's mother warned her to stop watching the animals
[00:34:49] Her last name is peed. Yeah, peed is it is it? Oh my god
[00:34:57] Was there a picture of it? No, it's sad her life's sad. Yeah, Trena peed
[00:35:03] Sorry, Trena sure it's not trying to peed
[00:35:07] Trying to peed who recently y'all I was just trying to pee
[00:35:11] These my fucking dogs done at all my face. Oh, who recently lost two sons in car crashes
[00:35:18] Damn two years apart. Let the dogs outside her greensboro backyard early thursday
[00:35:23] Say if we had it on the board just hitting it with the who let the dogs out
[00:35:28] Damn, that's why honestly if we could just do the monologue every week and find stories about people ball by dogs
[00:35:34] We could do a dog attack. That's like five minutes of the show. Yeah. Yeah, that's pretty good
[00:35:51] Greensboro backyard early thursday morning
[00:36:06] Y'all are you ready for it? It's the dog mauling segment
[00:36:15] North Carolina mother was mauled by two pit bulls after losing both of her sons in car accidents earlier this year
[00:36:30] You know like that after losing two of her sons in car action. Wow
[00:36:34] Apparently neighbors could hear her agonizing calls for help
[00:36:50] One of peed sons, I guess an alive one was asleep inside the home during the vicious assault and woke up to the
[00:37:04] Yeah, my name's trying to pee and these are my sons diaper and toilet pee and we've all been killed by dogs
[00:37:14] Yeah, I wonder if those dogs confused her for japanese prime minister shinzo obbe
[00:37:21] And they're like there he is. That's the guy that put us on the menu
[00:37:53] Gay fucking song dude. Yeah, I think that's wrong about like when ugly women come out come to the club
[00:38:00] Yeah, yeah, really and they'd like played on like Disney movies. Yeah, it didn't have any cussing. Yeah, it's about ugly bitches
[00:38:07] Yeah, there's like a kids bopped version of
[00:38:12] Oh, man, okay, so that's really sad bah-ha man. Mm-hmm. They have any other hits who let me touch pussy
[00:38:24] Folks if you're listening at home, it says
[00:38:28] Nix starfox rankings. It says f-a-g. Yeah, the class says you know if you if you can if you can't read
[00:38:39] Most of the people that listen to the joke and read actually all right. Let's stay let's stay on the monologue. Okay, so
[00:38:50] Put me on the menu. Damn. That's so that's awful
[00:38:56] Uh was caught on video setting a man on fire at a local park according to police
[00:39:01] Patricia Castillo Castillo 48 douse her victim with gasoline as he lay in the grass in the park
[00:39:08] Uh near Fresno shortly after the 9 p.m. Thursday then set the man ablaze
[00:39:15] Uh, the video shows Castillo approaching the victim throwing liquid from a cup onto him
[00:39:20] And she and the victim appear to argue before Castillo sparks a lighter and lights the victim on fire
[00:39:28] Hold on, I think I have to pay for this article
[00:39:32] Yeah, I mean we got the gist of it. I think yeah
[00:39:35] Well, I'll tell you that's one burning man
[00:39:37] And festival where women won't be getting raped. Oh
[00:40:02] All right, let's let's get another one. Yeah more monologue just
[00:40:11] Twitter to sue elon musk for backing out over a $44 billion takeover deal
[00:40:18] Twitter is assembling a high profile legal team to sue tesla ceo elon musk
[00:40:23] For terminating his $44 billion deal to buy the platform according to a report on sunday
[00:40:32] Well, you know what everyone's already done that
[00:40:37] This is the first thing elons terminated or pulled out or something out of yeah
[00:40:41] He pulled out of because he's got a lot of kids. Does he? Yeah. Yeah, I thought he just has that one kid
[00:41:04] With crimes the one he had with crimes a lot of these new york post articles are pretty boring
[00:41:09] I'm scrolling through how yeah, that's just a goofy murders and uh
[00:41:14] Yeah, slight like uh slightly right wing or pretty right wing uh prime stories
[00:41:21] Yeah, yeah, do you say the video the girls freaking out in the uh the french fry restaurant? No, they were like throwing uh stools at the
[00:41:30] Because why because they got charged for sauce
[00:41:33] They they they said they were told that extra sauce was a dollar 75 extra. Mm-hmm. And uh, yeah, they they freaked out
[00:41:39] And if you got anything no, I was thinking about twitter suing you on most. Yeah, let's think about this
[00:41:49] What are they suing him for for backing out of the deal? Yeah, I mean people already uh
[00:41:54] People already did the pulling out joke. I guess we could do that right if kim will's not above it. We can go
[00:41:59] Yeah, say kim will do it. I'm sure kim will because he's got chalcy handler again this week filling in for him
[00:42:05] Yeah, kim will's actually he's dealing with his his son's circumcision was botched
[00:42:11] Now he's gonna do the over in uh and yeah, so he's at Mount Sinai overlooking. I don't know
[00:42:16] It's pretty sad. I'm surprised you would have the same agent as kim will I'm surprised him and ira didn't tell you this
[00:42:21] Oh, I don't know ira just knows so many people. You know, yeah, and he he doesn't have much time for meals
[00:42:26] Well, I thank god that he does because you know
[00:42:29] I'm most of ira's clients are Asian men. Yeah, and so this thing happened with kim will son and ira said
[00:42:38] We got I got a penis guy for you. Yeah, he can fix it. Yeah. Yeah, and uh, it's to kai's penis man. It's to kai's penis
[00:42:49] Clarence Thomas is a black asshole. Yeah. Yeah a blackface clown
[00:43:05] Yeah, yeah twitter is i want to be a stupid old liberal. Yeah. Yeah, what kind you know just the kindness
[00:43:13] Be careful because that's 99 percent of our audiences. Yeah, we share an audience with cold bear
[00:43:19] Okay, we're trying we're trying to sell the show right now
[00:43:22] Well once we get video we're gonna have adam bring up like every detail in the january 6 trial
[00:43:28] And then like belabor every detail on the verge of tears
[00:43:33] And that's that's how we're gonna like keep it on the let people know we have fun with the topical stuff
[00:43:39] Right, but also we're about to cry thinking about donald trump at any moment right some things you just can't joke about. Yeah
[00:43:55] For was it breach of contract? Yeah for pulling out of the uh for tiamine position
[00:44:00] Terminating for terminating. Yeah. Now. That's one terminator that
[00:44:06] Usually elon musk stays in shoots his common side of uh women. Yeah
[00:44:13] This is the first time a terminator is a
[00:44:18] Instead of a robot with a soul. It's a soulless
[00:44:31] We have to have done that in the previous
[00:44:36] It should be the first time an african guy ends up having a good day in court
[00:44:49] The process server showed up at his house and said uh
[00:45:01] What happens when you get sued small yes, uh, that subpoena. Yeah, uh, no, that's to appear. Yeah
[00:45:16] Uh at a courthouse. Yeah a lawsuit. Yeah
[00:45:20] They file a suit. Yeah, and then you're I guess I don't know
[00:45:25] You're served. What are some other court things that happen?
[00:45:27] They're selecting a judge for the cake and then maybe more details on this
[00:45:31] As long as you want is this what you want a joke about?
[00:45:34] No, I was I was looking at other things because oh, okay. Yeah, if you don't want to do that. It's your
[00:45:38] No, no, no, no. No, no, no. No, it's you you gotta figure it
[00:45:41] You gotta figure out what the what direction you want to take the show. We already got that thing about the indian guy. I think right
[00:45:47] The indian guy that killed himself. That's one of the monologue jokes. Yeah, that was pretty good. Yeah
[00:45:53] What other is there a story you'd rather talk about? Oh, I was just browsing. Mm-hmm. Um
[00:46:02] Oh, this one's good. So what are they gonna sue him for?
[00:46:04] So he said he was gonna buy I thought they didn't want him to buy the company
[00:46:07] I thought that they had an agreement in place for 44 billion dollars
[00:46:11] Wasn't all the employees of twitter they were gonna they were gonna go like I'm not having him as a boss
[00:46:16] Well, because I they refused to work for an african-american. Oh, okay, that's
[00:46:21] No, that's the point people are I've seen is that what they're saying?
[00:46:24] I thought that was really insightful when I saw people point that out that he'll on musk is african-american
[00:46:29] Yeah, which you know, it really does make you think yeah, you know, it's like
[00:46:33] Okay, well the richest man in the world is african-american that's sort of basically proves that there's no such thing as racism
[00:46:40] And then every black person that's had a negative experience with the police is a whiny liar. I don't know but I wouldn't take
[00:46:47] I guess that's what I might take away from finding out that he'll on musk is in fact an african-american
[00:46:53] Right. I don't know when it's when somebody brings up that point. I guess that's what I that's the takeaway. I have that's your takeaway
[00:47:00] Yeah, is that I'm personally because I don't like that that one man has enough wealth to censor
[00:47:08] Uh to purchase and censor a social media platform. Mm-hmm. That it's because actually I'm the real racist
[00:47:16] Because he's african-american. That's what I must I say. Yeah
[00:47:20] The him George Floyd zero difference right. Yeah, they're the same kind of person. Mm-hmm. You know, yeah
[00:47:31] I I don't think it's very much of a stretch to say that there is a very good chance that
[00:47:39] In his spaceship. Yeah, and get killed and be yeah shot to death. Yeah on the moon by the police
[00:47:46] The space the space police by the space wars. Yeah, there were those racist space cops
[00:47:50] They're gonna pull him over in his spaceship where he lives. Mm-hmm. Just impregnating different
[00:48:13] Oh, this isn't very good. This this article I'm reading right now
[00:48:17] Oh, this is this is funny Biden urges women to keep protesting abortion
[00:48:21] During a Delaware bike ride. So I guess he was biking past an abortion rally and he said
[00:48:36] He doesn't he I wouldn't I'm surprised he's back on the bike. Uh-huh. Yeah, it's dangerous
[00:48:41] Well, they should get him one of those bikes with the giant wheel in the front. Yeah, those are sick
[00:48:45] The ones that he knows how to rob. Yeah, those are the problem was putting him on a high tech bike. Yeah
[00:48:54] For dads with bad backs. I meant like more of like a penny far thing kind of oh, oh, that that'd be very funny. Yeah, that'd be too dangerous
[00:49:10] You know what I want to say. Oh, only I should be allowed to have gay sex
[00:49:14] Biden road passed an abortion rally on a bicycle. Yeah, and he said keep going
[00:49:18] Oh, keep protesting. He's kind of offensive. I feel like yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's not doing anything
[00:49:25] He's just like yeah, do my job for me. Yeah. Well, he probably likes it. It got overturned. I think you think so? Yeah, because he's catholic
[00:49:41] I don't know. I heard he's I heard he's like pro life
[00:49:52] Where they said they were but they so Biden road passed a a group of a a
[00:49:56] abortion protesters on a bicycle. I mean all he said was keep going
[00:50:01] Yeah, he said make your voices heard and keep going. He was actually talking to the bicycle
[00:50:06] Because it was one of those ones with the dildo
[00:50:17] But it turns out he's actually talking to the bicycle
[00:50:29] Yeah, it's developed by NASA. It's like technology only the president can ask
[00:50:40] Yeah, he's still ignored him. Isn't that a thing? He's like ignoring Elon Musk
[00:50:45] He made him a dildo a bike with a dildo in it
[00:50:48] He still won't take his phone calls while he gets his ass plowed
[00:50:55] creating a bicycle with a dildo in the seat
[00:51:07] And we do that one and it's a call back. That'll be good. Yeah. Yeah, that might be a closer
[00:51:12] I mean that'd be a big closer. Yeah, that's all right. Okay, so we got three monologue jokes
[00:51:16] And one of them is entirely dependent on the first one working. So do you want to keep going?
[00:51:20] What what a top what do you want it the the the the
[00:51:25] You know the show's about you. So we got to like it your point of view and that's something I can't give to you, right?
[00:51:31] So, you know, what do you want to talk about? What's your what's your opinion pick it?
[00:51:35] Give me a topic. Tell me what your opinion on it is and then we'll try to get there through humor. Okay
[00:51:41] What what's the big topic? I don't know the Elvis movie came out that late again. You like the I quite liked it. Yeah. Yeah
[00:51:47] Yeah, what did you like about the Elvis movie? I liked that it was uh, there was so kitsch
[00:51:53] Right, it was kind of the opposite of walk the line, which I also really liked
[00:51:56] But they they told a story in a completely different way so you can say so there was no motivation
[00:52:01] I just saw the Elvis movie and I only have one thing to say and it's to Bos Lerman and it's thank you. Thank you very much
[00:52:09] It's pretty good for making an Elvis. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, that's good. Yeah
[00:52:18] It was paced so insane a lot of people say that Elvis stole the appropriated black culture
[00:52:25] But I really I think Elvis sort of appropriated women culture
[00:52:28] Because he was beautiful and then he got fat as shit and everyone hated him and he died on a toilet
[00:52:40] Yeah, he was beautiful then and then he became disgusting and I would like to make more and say kill himself
[00:52:45] Just ate a lot of peanut butter. Yeah, which is he stole that punchline. He stole that from win. Yeah
[00:52:57] Um, so what do you want to say about the Elvis movie in the monologue?
[00:53:02] Elvis movie is smashing box office right is number one movie in america. Elvis. I was movie is number one this weekend. Yeah
[00:53:20] A callback well, I thought that was in africa. No, it's not it's in the deep south
[00:53:25] I thought up until the civil war the deep south was considered africa
[00:53:30] No, it was then our war was to get to have it to get them
[00:53:37] To say come back from it. I mean there's a lot of black
[00:53:40] Come back from africa come back from africa. Yeah. Yeah
[00:53:44] Um, no, I think it was part of america and then the confederate states
[00:53:50] broke away. Mm-hmm, and then we had to get them back. Mm-hmm. Yeah
[00:54:00] Um, it's the number one this weekend number one of the box office
[00:54:06] It's what else? I don't know. I quite liked it. Um, what did you like about it?
[00:54:15] It was like you know when you're in a dream and you're like looking at one thing
[00:54:19] You're like i'm on a beach and then you turn to the side and then you're like in a you know a parking lot or something
[00:54:26] You know, it was kind of like that. It was like every everything would melt into everything else
[00:54:30] Mm-hmm. It wasn't really even a movie about Elvis. It was like that there was nothing indicating what he cared about
[00:54:38] Or why what was motivating him all of his personal relationships like really didn't
[00:54:44] They didn't really track but I think as as like a piece relate to that as a sort of an entertainer yourself
[00:54:50] I think it was just like sort of a swashbuckling entertainer. No, I think sex symbol
[00:54:55] I think it was just like uh, it was just pure
[00:54:57] Shlock in a kind of a fun way. Shlock is a Jewish work. Yeah
[00:55:03] You know how everything you know everything uh needs to be gritty, you know
[00:55:09] Right everything needs to like either they do gritty reboots
[00:55:12] Or they have to do like a flashback scene where Elvis is a boy and he's like
[00:55:16] like, uh, you know being molested and then he you know, he's trying to run away from that his whole life
[00:55:25] Went away from that which I feel like that's what everything is now it is
[00:55:29] That's what we think about it. The more I think it's actually it's bullshit that
[00:55:33] The black people stole their whole thing from Elvis. Yeah, I mean maybe the music you can say that they originated that
[00:55:40] But then like his biggest hits are like, you know stuff that 40 years later is entirely just black culture
[00:55:47] Like what's that one song that's like don't touch my shoes
[00:55:53] Don't I don't scuff my sneakers. Yeah, don't crease my Jordan's yeah the Elvis
[00:55:58] He had a song called loud on the bus. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, chirp chirp the whole city behind me
[00:56:07] Um that but I mean yeah shantilly lace, which is not Elvis but close enough
[00:56:11] You know the guy screaming on the phone to a woman right that's very much a next-tell sort of
[00:56:18] Where you at moment. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hello, baby
[00:56:25] Shantilly lace with the ponytail was he was tell me you haven't heard that conversation on the bus a million times or some variation
[00:56:35] Do people talk about that a lot? Yeah, you know when you're on the bus and there's a gentleman sitting there and he's like
[00:56:45] With the ponytail hanging down. Yeah, wiggling and waggling. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
[00:56:53] And girls do love that let's I'm sorry. I
[00:56:57] sidetracked this here. No, no, it's fun. I mean it's the Elvis movie
[00:57:00] Yeah, I want to get into what you like about the Elvis. That's what I liked about it
[00:57:04] I just thought it was like it was pure like
[00:57:08] But in a very fun way and also to make a movie that is like that seems really hard
[00:57:13] It seems like he worked really hard on it. Mm-hmm. It was very gay honestly
[00:57:19] It was like and baz lerman is this gay guy who is still in the closet
[00:57:23] Yeah, and the point of view is like Colonel Tom Parker
[00:57:30] Like being in love with a beautiful young guy, right?
[00:57:34] And it's kind of potentially like a Johnny Depp amber herd situation kind of a Johnny Depp amber herd. Yeah
[00:57:45] I thought it was really cool and it did also address the like stealing black culture thing in a kind of a cool
[00:57:51] In a sexual way or what no in a way where he was like they were like you can have an Elvis
[00:57:56] We're not really doing much with it. No where he was just he was he was just a wager. He just he grew up on Beale
[00:58:07] When he was a kid and that's what he was exposed to right he wasn't he was just a weirdo like he was just like a weird kid
[00:58:18] Producer was like we got a we got a steal from them and not say sorry
[00:58:27] You're gonna help me steal black culture
[00:58:31] Um and also it probably had to be a white guy
[00:58:35] Mm-hmm because they didn't want to put black people on TV. Yeah, why not well they didn't show back in the black and white TV days
[00:58:42] It's like they didn't show up. They didn't show up well black was one of the colors
[00:58:46] Yeah, but that's how if you put a black eye on there and a white guy on there
[00:58:50] You can only see one at a time. Yeah, you use one the backgrounds of it white or black right exactly
[00:58:55] So you had to pick so the just school nightmare. Yeah, yeah
[00:58:58] This is actually something I studied and when I went to my NYU for production. Yeah, yeah
[00:59:04] Tish school of of late night production. Yeah
[00:59:08] But the cameras these days are yeah much better. Yeah. Yeah, well, we got color TV
[00:59:12] I have color now and then shortly after that the civil rights movement happened because they're like, you know, well
[00:59:18] Where's the arsehenio hall show right exactly where's cat Williams? Yeah, they go on tv now. Where's the huckstables? Right? Yeah. Yeah
[00:59:26] Yeah, yeah, where's the moving on up moving on up to the deluxe apartment exactly. Yeah, so I guess maybe what what are some other
[00:59:34] I we didn't really touch on the Elvis thing. I mean it was it suffered jokes
[00:59:37] But you're just telling me saw an opinion. I've had recently
[00:59:41] Yeah, and it was that I quite like the Elvis movie. That's what people want. Honestly, there should be more focus on what kind of like media
[00:59:46] You're consuming lately and what you were no no. No, no, what do you mean? No? No, that's a waste of time
[00:59:52] I think the show should be focused on topical that it should tackle though. You saw a new movie
[00:59:56] You're giving your review of it people. Did you see it yet or no people love your letterbox reviews?
[01:00:01] I don't know. I think people check them out folks letterbox.com slash adam. You have a good one. No, I don't I don't have a letterbox at all
[01:00:10] You you quit it. No, some there's people that pretend to be me on no. There was one you started. No
[01:00:16] All right. No, I mean, I I really I just rewatch all dogs go to heaven over and over
[01:00:21] Yeah, and Jesse James. Yeah, the assassination of
[01:00:26] the assassination of Elvis Presley by the the coward peanut butter
[01:00:32] Um, that's that's really crazy to be killed by peanut butter like a dog would be yeah, you think he was sucking his own dick
[01:00:39] Was it peanut butter? Well, you had those sandwiches, right? Yeah, his favorite sandwich
[01:00:44] Favorite sandwich peanut butter and banana and baby fried banana. Yeah, yeah bacon. Yeah, and he put it he cut the whole loaf of bread lengthwise
[01:00:51] And he would keep making himself. That's what I heard. Yeah. Yeah, it's pretty cool. Yeah
[01:00:58] Sounds pretty good as a sandwich. Let's let's get a couple more monologue jokes. All right. Let's do let's let's get one big one
[01:01:04] And yeah, it's something that you you're keep in mind your point of view the adam Friedler show
[01:01:09] The adam Friedland show hosted by george tikai
[01:01:21] I gave a 20 year old man monkeypox around his ass
[01:01:29] Uh, i'm just looking at news topics right now
[01:01:33] Uh, but try folks just feel in your heart find something in your heart
[01:01:36] But you want to talk about you want to present to the people
[01:01:41] Uh like what I mean, I like the Elvis movie
[01:01:44] Shinzo Abe it's sad there you die. She's oh, baby covered that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah
[01:01:59] My era. Oh, yeah. No, go to my can you get Adam like a water or something? Yeah, you need
[01:02:04] You need to do what do you need? What do you need from us? What can we get for you?
[01:02:08] Um, no, no nothing. I don't I don't I have a water right here. You don't have to
[01:02:13] Okay, does you need Mike to get you anything? No, no, I'm good. I'm fine. Yeah, I thought we'd like maybe do a little prep before we
[01:02:20] Do the episode but we just started days over. I know I mean unfortunately
[01:02:25] That's how it goes, you know, and I look I'm giving this project 100% of my all
[01:02:30] You are and uh, but like everybody else
[01:02:35] Clock out, you know, that's true. It's I'm here today's the day to do it. We're gonna do it
[01:02:41] You want you power through these topics. I'll help you write the monologue
[01:02:44] We had some good stuff with the pit bulls in the Shinzo Abe. I thought that was pretty good with the who let the dogs out
[01:02:50] Who put me on the menu? Uh-huh the woman on fire burning man. That was great. Yeah, let's get let's get a couple more
[01:02:56] Okay, I guess just so at least we can say we finished the monologue even though we never made it to the remote segments that I thought
[01:03:02] We're gonna do we're gonna go to Sean McCarthy's apartment and uh, uh, and uh, you know
[01:03:08] Record Sean McCarthy and then have you do your impression of them. Maybe try to get some naked pictures of them. Okay. Yeah, put them on the show
[01:03:19] You like my buddy. You're like what a slender man. Hey, do you like my body?
[01:03:30] To testify before the January 6th panel. Mm-hmm. Yeah, so um
[01:03:39] Nobody cares about that though, right? Yeah, Bannon uh waived his executive privilege to testify to January 6th trial
[01:03:46] Steve Bannon also waived his penis at a four-year-old girl
[01:03:57] January 6th Steve Bannon asked why he wasn't at the Capitol that day
[01:04:02] He said because I'm a fat fuck and I can't yeah, I'm a bedridden fat fuck with toaditis
[01:04:10] He's a crap crap fat fuck. He's a crap bastard. This is Stephen Colbert reminding you that
[01:04:24] Who is a traitorous crap bastard who destroyed who is a threat to democracy itself a crap bastard democracy
[01:04:34] Thank you. That's pretty good. All right. Steve Bannon Steve Bannon did what?
[01:04:38] Uh, I'm just reading this article. Yeah, he agreed to testify. He hasn't testified
[01:04:44] He agreed to testify. Yeah, because they were just subpoenaing him and he was ignoring them
[01:04:49] Then they I think they charged him with criminal and looking at Steve Bannon. It looks like he also agreed to tastify a bunch of peanut M&M's
[01:05:01] See I feel like I contributed to that because we had some peanut M&M's today
[01:05:04] We had peanut butter and peanut butter man the Elvis style M&M's. Yeah, which one of the M&M's would you say represents Elvis and Steve Bannon the best?
[01:05:13] Do you think Steve Bannon should have been in the Elvis movie?
[01:05:16] He could have what do you think the Elvis movie produced by Steve Bannon would have looked like?
[01:05:21] Well, he produced Seinfeld. So probably pretty good probably just as good as Seinfeld
[01:05:26] I imagine it would have cut out all of the references to black people inventing
[01:05:29] This sound of Elvis. Yeah, probably or it would have been like black people would have been like
[01:05:35] It would have grown up it would have grown up and Elvis is living in the middle of a field
[01:05:39] Right. They CGI out all of the black neighborhood around it. Right. And growing up he has a tv that somehow gets
[01:05:47] Broadcast television from Nazi Germany. Right. You know and he's like humming along Taylor speeches. Yeah. Yeah, he's like learning them
[01:06:04] And it was that that was the influence. Yeah
[01:06:08] And then he was learning about the trains
[01:06:11] Right to the to the camps and the trains were obviously
[01:06:15] Um, they ran out on time schedules, right? Yeah, and that was the first time he started thinking about clocks
[01:06:22] And do rock around the clock. Yeah one o'clock two o'clock three o'clock rock
[01:06:26] Yeah, it was about the a brilliant song the schedule to Auschwitz. Yeah, yeah
[01:06:31] Brilliant songwriting. Yeah, what a clock to a clock through your clock Ross. It's pretty good
[01:06:35] Yeah, he wrote that. I remember he I watched Elvis right this on
[01:06:38] He sat there he wrote that down and then he put the pencil in the top of his mouth
[01:06:44] Four o'clock five o'clock six o'clock rock and that was the breakthrough. Yeah, and then he kept going seven o'clock eight o'clock
[01:06:51] Not a clock. We're gonna rock around the clock tonight. Yeah. Yeah
[01:06:57] You know Elvis invented new years. Did he? Yeah, I know
[01:07:04] That's just yet another thing they done stole from black folks. It was new years
[01:07:09] This shit white people forever. They were going around. It's like, yeah, I think it's one
[01:07:13] Yeah, it's one right now. They're the only ones counting the year. Yeah, but man, it was I'll tell you who is doing it
[01:07:28] You know, if you get there if you rearrange the letters in Elvis's name
[01:07:37] He's he's just as American as Levi's. Yeah, pair of blue jeans
[01:07:41] Yeah, so get if you take a couple letters out you get penis if you switch. Yeah. Yeah, you put in some new letters. Wow. Yeah
[01:07:48] Yeah, well, it was a stage name actually also get you get a lives
[01:07:53] Uh-huh. That's in black lives matter, right?
[01:07:55] Which is black lives matter without Elvis. That's what I'm always I go down to these protests. I tell those
[01:08:01] I tell these on his side. I tell these fucking guys
[01:08:04] Gives pro black lives matter without Elvis. We're gonna sandwich board says that
[01:08:12] So make sure you don't step on my goddamn shoes
[01:08:17] Whoever was leading it. It was briana tailors birthday. So we all like sang happy birthday to briana tailer
[01:08:23] Yeah, and then this other guy showed up with a microphone. He's like, all right. All right. How's it going?
[01:08:27] Everybody he's like showed up late and he's like, all right. Let's all sing happy birthday to briana tailer
[01:08:32] And uh, it was like we did that already. Oh, yeah
[01:08:35] But he was just some random guy with a microphone who wanted to like lead the protest. How about briana tailer Thomas?
[01:08:42] Yeah, briana that's what I call Elvis is briana tailer Thomas
[01:08:47] Because he was like a no Taylor Thomas. Yeah. Yeah, it's like the Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Yeah of yeah
[01:08:59] Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry. I almost broke the next apartment. Did you got any protests at him?
[01:09:04] No, I missed it because my mom died. Yeah. Yeah, she was killed by the police. So she was killed in a way if he's not about it
[01:09:13] Yeah, but she had fentanyl in her system. Yeah
[01:09:20] Yeah, so they call it that's what happened to Freddie Gray, right in Baltimore. Yeah
[01:09:26] But those were the best protests because you have about the Freddie Gray lady. Mm-hmm. And it's the New York Times
[01:09:42] Um, I think what about Freddie. What's a better name for Elvis? We want to Freddie Gray the monologue
[01:09:48] Yeah for the monologue. Oh, if you want to call him a wagerman. Yeah
[01:09:55] How about I'm a peanut butter M&M. That's pretty good. How about I'm a dude Diallo. It's a
[01:10:04] I'm a dude about how about Edie amine and it's EATY
[01:10:09] And he's fat. Yeah, that would be just a better name for a fat black guy. I guess. Yeah, big fat black guy
[01:10:15] Or even a lady. Yeah, it comes Edie amine
[01:10:28] nickname my wife Edie amine. Yeah, well, she's keeping herself in shape. No, like you're not like me
[01:10:35] Now she looks good. She looks great. Yeah, you can follow her on instagram at a deb underscore
[01:10:47] Share share the one other point of views do you have what else you want to yeah?
[01:10:51] What do you want to do? Do you do jokes about what your point of view is?
[01:10:54] Yeah, I was a producer. I thought you do like you go through the headlines and you say no no
[01:10:59] That was pretty funny when you said that uh
[01:11:02] That he showed his penis to the kids Steve Bannon. What do you what do you what do you what is your point of view?
[01:11:07] What do you what is some news stories you want to cover?
[01:11:10] I don't know I said all the news stories pretty much that I know
[01:11:13] But what's going on with you this week that we can we the show needs to be a little bit more personal
[01:11:18] I checked out so I checked out studio spaces on Thursday
[01:11:21] Mm-hmm, and then on Friday studios a funny word, isn't it?
[01:11:25] Studio yeah, yeah, it sounds good. It sounds like uh
[01:11:29] It's like Tommy Pickles's dad if he was uh Puerto Rican. Yeah, it's doo-dio
[01:11:35] Yeah, I like the sound of it. Okay. Sorry interrupted. I thought that would go somewhere
[01:11:39] I checked out studios for the for the place. We have a top five right now
[01:11:43] I wanted to go through with you before the show. You just got off the road. Let's do it on the show
[01:11:47] We don't have to do it on the show. Yeah, we do. Why not? That's this is the two that's business
[01:11:51] It is business, but until we get the studio up and running
[01:11:55] This is a special treat for the guys that are on the ground level supporting the Adam Friedland show
[01:12:01] For the studios up and running and I can cancel all of my road dates and focus full time on producing
[01:12:07] The Adam Friedland. Okay. I've been doing my best to bomb all of these weekends
[01:12:11] So the ticket sales get worse and worse. I heard you did great until we get to until I have nothing in my life
[01:12:18] But this show yeah, because that's the way I work. Yeah, it's a sort of Elvis style work
[01:12:22] I actually I still I did steal that from black people just putting very little effort into my day job
[01:12:26] And that that is in that way. I'm like the Elvis of the Adam Friedland. You know, even though you're Elvis
[01:12:33] Obviously, no, I mean you're Elvis on the consequences. You know, you're Elvis the talent
[01:12:38] I'm Elvis the body like a fat the fat Elvis or hot
[01:12:43] I'm the one eating peanut butter and and struggling on the toilet. Yeah, and dying on the toilet
[01:12:48] And you're the one you're the one you're the version of Elvis. We see out on stage. Yeah sweaty
[01:12:55] Lettuce pimp. Yeah, right on teenage strutting around. Yeah kissing women in the front row shaking his penis at women
[01:13:02] Pulling it why he got famous because he shook his penis. Yes. Yeah, that's what the movie is about
[01:13:07] Uh-huh. He's the first guy to think to shake his penis at women
[01:13:10] Yeah, and everyone's like what the fuck is this and then every woman just slides out of her chair
[01:13:15] Just just gushing. Yeah, they can't get enough of it
[01:13:20] Yeah, and then the government wants to like throw him in jail for shaking his penis at the women
[01:13:24] Right. It is very funny that like there was a there was a time in America where like a father like his kids watching tv and he's just unfazed
[01:13:36] Like I don't know how to damn me. Yeah, and then he's like come Elvis comes on. He's like who touched my sneakers
[01:13:44] He's like covering his daughter's eyes. Yeah, he's writing letters
[01:13:48] We are because they're both blackface. Yeah in a certain way kind of yeah in some way shape or form
[01:13:54] So the last chance you got any kind of any kind of any kind of what do you mean?
[01:13:58] Any I thought we were gonna like do the monologue together when I came over
[01:14:01] Um, no, we have to get this up. This has to go up now. All right. All right. Yeah. Yeah. Well
[01:14:10] Yeah, that you want to like a final maybe we should have a final jerry's final thought we got to have adam's final thought
[01:14:16] That's a care of each other. Maybe we can write run it. What's today? What is he want?
[01:14:19] What do you want? What have you thought about today? What was in your heart today or this week?
[01:14:26] Emotionally what have you done other than watch the Elvis movie and lock yourself out of your apartment?
[01:14:30] Um, I took the train back from our friend's 40th birthday. Are you would you call yourself a Freudian?
[01:14:37] Yeah, I don't know what I don't know what that is
[01:14:40] What it's about that I want to fuck my mom. No, probably yeah, there's a reason you locked yourself out of your apartment
[01:14:44] What you were thinking about what that means?
[01:14:47] I don't know it's going down to get a coffee downstairs
[01:14:50] Get a coffee and you locked yourself out of your apartment
[01:14:53] Is it because you can't you don't you were trying not to watch gay pornography in your apartment?
[01:14:57] No, I can I could have done that all day long. Yeah, I mean I had three hours to do it on your phone from after I got back and
[01:15:03] Talk to me you want to prevent yourself from reaching home from having home from having security
[01:15:08] Oh, we're gonna do like a dream thing again. Not a dream thing. It's just I think I think Freudian analysis is like very heavily dream based
[01:15:16] Okay. Well, we can talk about one of your dreams
[01:15:18] You said that the the Elvis movies a lot like a dream
[01:15:23] You know something dreamlike is being important art automatically obviously your subconscious plays a heavy role in your in your waking life
[01:15:31] Sure. Yeah, that's that's how many people are completely. I mean
[01:15:36] Yeah, how many most people lack this self-awareness to
[01:15:40] Lock themselves out of the apartment. No to evaluate that constantly throughout the day. Let's say let's move away from the term lock
[01:15:46] Let's think more about keys. You forgot your keys keys, right? Yeah, that's protection, right?
[01:15:52] Yeah, right for being raped in a parking lot you put them in between your knuckles, right exactly
[01:15:57] I say now so parking garage. Have you ever had any bad experiences in a parking garage?
[01:16:02] Um, no, I wouldn't say so. Yeah, I mean I've I've I've lost my car before you've lost your car
[01:16:09] Well, I just didn't remember like what level it was on. Yeah, you know if it's like multiple levels
[01:16:15] I've done that I don't take a norm now. I take a picture like
[01:16:18] like 17 take a picture. It's like so it's sort of a Japanese style kind of like a
[01:16:24] So you would say this locking yourself out of your parking you sort of relate the shins
[01:16:30] Oh, Abbe and you hope that someone will kill you with a homemade gun
[01:16:34] Yeah, I maybe I don't know you're kind of convincing me but that's not what I thought
[01:16:40] Interesting. I just didn't know that my girlfriend took the fucking the doorknob
[01:16:46] Uh the doorknob key off my what do you think she's dad? What has she done that for for what reason?
[01:16:51] I don't know she didn't have it here or something, but she's like not she thinks she's giving it to another man
[01:17:05] So the final thought would be something about make sure that I don't think so either. Yeah, I don't know
[01:17:11] I'm just asking questions. I thought she was there. I'm trying to help you find a final thought
[01:17:15] Maybe she was giving it to her dad so she could
[01:17:19] Jack off in your apartment. Is there anything like he's like a guy sort of like
[01:17:26] You know meaningful about locking yourself out of your apartment because that that would be the thought of the day
[01:17:31] not just don't lock yourself out of your apartment, but
[01:17:34] What causes sort of the absent-mindedness so allow us to do that?
[01:17:38] I think sometimes if you're like looking narratively into mistakes like that, then you can drive yourself crazy, right?
[01:17:46] Sometimes shit happens and it doesn't mean the universe is conspiring against me shit happens
[01:17:51] It doesn't mean the universe is conspiring against me. That's the final thought. Thank you for today's episode
[01:18:00] Sometimes some people are are lucky right they get a talk show
[01:18:05] They're on the top of the world and some people get you know cancer. They get like, you know, yeah stroke you do it
[01:18:16] Yeah, I wanted to announce it on the show
[01:18:19] For what hey, you know what shit happens right Adam tell him no I said sometimes like miss there Adam
[01:18:26] Auntyland show final thought today. No, I if you got if you got cancer, fuck you. No, that's not the thought. Oh, okay
[01:18:33] Sorry the thought is is that sometimes you there's an accident like you lose something right and then you like go crazy trying to find it
[01:18:45] You know clear your head and try to find it because that makes like it easier to find your moment is then
[01:18:51] Right right is that what you would call it? There's a moment is then
[01:18:54] Oh like on the daily show while in the on the Adam Friedland show here. It is folks your moment is then