TAFS | Regular | 07/13/2022
[00:00:48] I was just going to read through New York Post headlines.
[00:00:50] You could, uh, while the song was playing.
[00:00:54] Yeah. Okay. So, because I got to figure out that timing.
[00:01:27] A video shows the heartbreaking moment both capsizes in the Hudson River,
[00:01:33] An ex-con who went on the lamb thanks to soft on crime,
[00:01:41] five at school after discovering that he's not his father.
[00:01:50] He has abandoned his son in school for five days.
[00:01:53] New York Post reminding you that in case you think China good,
[00:02:05] After finding out that it was not his biological son.
[00:02:09] That's like, wait, that's like cracking open a cookie and you get somebody else's fortune.
[00:02:19] I'm trying to open the Google Doc, the monologue.
[00:02:26] we need to find a sweet spot where I can prepare all the monologue jokes for you,
[00:02:29] but you don't have trouble reading them.
[00:02:33] Because there's got to, if we can find a way where,
[00:02:37] We need everything spelled out phonetically.
[00:02:42] Especially these damn, you know what kind of names.
[00:02:51] The news of the day, the news of the day.
[00:02:57] First news, the news of the day, day news news.
[00:03:10] Hello everyone and welcome to the Adam Friedland show.
[00:03:13] I'm your host Adam Friedland, a South African man.
[00:03:19] And this is my producer, best friend Nick Mullen, everybody.
[00:03:30] There's only three buttons on the cell.
[00:03:33] Anyway, I could put an intro again or we can do the beep.
[00:03:37] Once we got, once we got, uh, once we got the,
[00:03:41] we'll tell people later, but we got, we got surprising things coming.
[00:03:45] We got a lot of surprising things coming.
[00:03:52] I mean, for real, we're actually, we're going to do something fun and cool.
[00:04:01] At the very least, we can promise you this.
[00:04:02] It'll be about the same quality as this, except it'll be way more expensive.
[00:04:06] So expect, we're about to spend so much money.
[00:04:13] Like I'm doing basically what we already do for free.
[00:04:19] A business that is constantly growing that we have absolutely no reinvestment in over the last six years.
[00:04:26] A product, a product that's been declining for years and just lost a third.
[00:04:33] You know, oh, weight wise, probably 75%.
[00:04:39] But anyways, before we get to that, the news, right guys?
[00:04:47] South African man isn't having a very good, good day, mate, after drinking.
[00:04:59] Do you want to just, I'll just write these and then if it's, if it's going to be a struggle to read them.
[00:05:08] I got to, I got to, we'll work together and figure out how to make it more clear.
[00:05:16] And I don't want to critique you on air, but keep it going.
[00:05:20] The, the, uh, it's, oh, a South African man isn't having a very good day, mate.
[00:05:25] And so it's not, you read it as a South African man isn't having a very good, good day, mate.
[00:05:38] A South African man isn't having a very good, oh shit.
[00:05:47] A South African man isn't having a very good day, mate.
[00:05:52] After drinking an entire bottle of the agermeister and dying shortly thereafter, the paramedics tried
[00:05:59] to revive him, but had trouble getting his blood alcohol percentage down under.20.
[00:06:06] I think I, I think I grew into that one.
[00:06:25] And then I think I'm going to be killing a South African.
[00:06:30] That's the, that's probably the first time Germans killed, I don't know, something about it.
[00:06:36] Last time Germans were in Africa, you know, I don't know, some of them being in the desert.
[00:06:45] I thought you were, I thought you were making, oh yeah.
[00:06:50] Something about the North Africa campaign in World War II.
[00:06:53] That could be a good thing to put in there.
[00:06:54] Well, you know, joke wise, maybe that's, we could have gone that direction.
[00:06:58] I think, you know, relying on like word play, if it's going to be like a prompter issue.
[00:07:05] A South African man isn't having a very good day mate.
[00:07:10] After drinking an entire bottle of the agermeister and dying shortly thereafter.
[00:07:19] Guys, we're, we're still in our test phase.
[00:07:25] There's been a heat wave the last two days.
[00:07:28] Nick and I have been walking around and looking for commercial real estate.
[00:07:40] So soon we'll, we'll, we'll be not necessarily abandoning this format, but once the nuts
[00:07:45] and bolts stuff are done, we can really focus on, you know, not starting the show and saying
[00:07:51] we'll figure out the, the urnstoramal connection on the fly.
[00:08:01] We're going to have, we're going to have a lot of, you know, we're going to get the sweater
[00:08:03] but there's back in the, yeah, back in the writers room.
[00:08:06] A South African man isn't having a very good day mate.
[00:08:09] After drinking an entire bottle of the agermeister and dying shortly after.
[00:08:15] Yagermeister, famous, the famous Nazi drink.
[00:08:21] Yagermeister, once again making a splash in Africa.
[00:08:24] Once making, yes, Germany, once again making a splash.
[00:08:27] Germany, once again making a splash in Africa.
[00:08:29] For the first time since the desert fucks rumbles.
[00:08:33] Yeah, this is the, the first time that a black person has died from shots not fired by the
[00:08:42] Not the, the first time a black person has been killed by shots that didn't come out of
[00:08:52] We could, Kim will would do that, I think.
[00:08:59] African man isn't having a very good day mate after drinking an entire bottle of Yagermeister
[00:09:05] This marks the first time a black man's been killed by shots that didn't come out of a
[00:09:13] I guess they kill, they shoot each other too.
[00:09:24] The, the black lives matter movement seems to be oddly silent after an African man drank
[00:09:29] himself to death with the Yagermeister.
[00:09:40] Protesting the man for killing himself.
[00:09:43] He, in many ways, he is like the, what's the guy's name?
[00:10:00] What do the signs say black lives matter protest?
[00:10:02] Um, we like the, the pro said, well, how about a black lives matter protest for the
[00:10:37] I can't breathe cause I'm dead from dying from drinking from drinking too much.
[00:10:57] But people seem to hate when I have a good time.
[00:11:00] No, people want you to have a good time.
[00:11:02] I think the people dislike it when I have a good time, but they really like it.
[00:11:05] The only thing with the show is about having a good time.
[00:11:10] I, I, I, I, I, anyways, I'll try my best.
[00:11:16] The Yagermeister saw, the Yagermeister black lives matter protest.
[00:11:22] Well, it's even there was a bar that got in trouble for black olives matter.
[00:11:28] Um, the only time I ever had it was at a, a, a stripper's, uh, birthday party.
[00:11:37] It was this old lady with these long tits.
[00:11:46] But it's an old bitch with some long titties.
[00:11:55] David James in Austin booked me in Chris Cubis for it.
[00:12:00] And it was at their house in South Austin.
[00:12:04] They did a set and I, they had a spotlight for some reason.
[00:12:08] So it just blinded you while you stood at like, you know, eye level in the garage.
[00:12:14] So we'd just been getting fucking trash at this guy's house.
[00:12:19] I barely remember the set, but I asked for a beer on stage and somebody just threw it
[00:12:22] at my head and it kind of bounced off my head.
[00:12:27] Yeah, I got cussed and then I picked it up and it had created like a pinhole.
[00:12:36] It was kind of like your stone cold moment.
[00:12:39] I almost died by Jaeger Meister that almost said the South African curve.
[00:12:43] What are some of the other South African thing?
[00:12:46] Afrikaans, Afrikaans, have Afrikaans of beer.
[00:12:54] I have Afrikaans drive after drinking too much.
[00:13:02] Afrikaans drive after drinking an entire bottle of Jaeger Meister because I'm dead.
[00:13:13] He said, and see you later, folks after killing himself with the Jaeger Meister.
[00:13:27] I thought maybe we would let you into the process.
[00:13:30] In the next couple of months, you're going to be, if you sign up for the Patreon, we're
[00:13:38] If you go to patreon.com, for now, it's still just patreon.com slash comtown.
[00:13:43] The former tiers are just, we're changing them.
[00:13:48] If someone gives us, we'll come up with a number.
[00:13:57] If someone gives us a certain number, they get like an EP credit on the show.
[00:14:05] Like their name will go into the credits.
[00:14:12] There's like this section on Patreon of like, manage and track what you give your patrons.
[00:14:17] And this is like, this is like, oh, patron stickers to people.
[00:14:22] I have no, I have no idea what this is.
[00:14:32] The premium episodes, we're re-re-titling that.
[00:14:35] You're now, if you pay $5 a month, you're now a production assistant.
[00:15:02] Five dollars a month, production assistant.
[00:15:05] I don't know what the fuck the point of that is.
[00:15:07] And the other one, there was never any really other tiers.
[00:15:09] Five dollars a month, you get everything.
[00:15:16] And then you're an associate producer on the show.
[00:15:22] And then $50 a month, then you then become a executive producer.
[00:15:27] I don't, I don't, I'm thinking for $50 a month, you become like a state department liaison.
[00:15:35] And you have, you can email in ideological direction for the show.
[00:15:45] And then for $300 a month, Beijing, Politburo, like you can, you can, like, I don't know.
[00:15:52] Like, for them, we'll take, you know, Chinese, like, like, ways to undermine the American
[00:16:03] So if you want to incorporate Chinese communist propaganda, the Chinese state affiliated media
[00:16:05] for $300 a month, we'll put all, we'll fill the show with all that bullshit.
[00:16:11] Like a video of a two year old that's like really good at cooking.
[00:16:14] We'll edit out the thing we said in the New York Post about the Chinese dad that, you
[00:16:19] know, found out that his son is a different Chinese.
[00:16:26] But again, it's got to come from a Chinese email.
[00:16:28] But for now, we're just changing the name of this thing.
[00:16:31] It has to be like from.China or whatever the email is.
[00:16:41] Sorry, but it's, it's not, it's not letting me change.
[00:16:49] And alleged thief dressed as Spider-Man, clubbed and robbed a woman after she requested a photo.
[00:16:55] Sounds like he p- like he p- parked her ass in the emergency room.
[00:17:01] Sounds like he, sounds like he p- parked her ass in the emergency room.
[00:17:07] And then we wanted to follow up for this joke.
[00:17:09] So alleged thief dressed as Spider-Man, clubbed and robbed a woman.
[00:17:15] And the police caught up to him and asked him why he did it.
[00:17:28] Great power comes great responsibility.
[00:17:36] The, the, the assailant, they asked him why he did it.
[00:17:40] And he looked at them and then it kind of like a stone to Tom Myers way.
[00:18:09] Yeah, dude, I love doing these are good jokes.
[00:18:14] A Georgia woman has been left paralyzed after a cervical, that is pretty funny.
[00:18:20] After a cervical spine adjustment resulted in four seven.
[00:18:30] You know, no pressure, but I think this one's fun.
[00:18:35] And we're coming off hot after, after this.
[00:18:43] A Georgia woman has been left paralyzed after a cervical spine adjustment resulted in four
[00:18:53] Is a devastating blow to the Americans with disabilities lobby as they had only just recently
[00:18:59] paved the way for mentally disabled people to become chiropractors.
[00:19:12] That's why I kind of wanted to just leave it as a Georgia woman has been left paralyzed
[00:19:23] They interviewed cervical spine adjustment.
[00:19:32] In a two sentence joke, you should know.
[00:19:34] Georgia woman has been left paralyzed after a neck adjustment resulted in severed arteries
[00:19:42] And then also, which fucked me up with this one is the Americans with disabilities lobby.
[00:19:46] I didn't want to say mentally disabled again.
[00:19:49] You know, I just wanted to, I wanted to be a thing with disabilities lobby and mentally
[00:19:56] The problem is is that all of the advocacy groups for mentally disabled people, they still
[00:20:01] So the real ones are all like the association of retarded retards for America.
[00:20:06] Because retarded children and Mongoloid moron, they still have those.
[00:20:12] They just, they kept the acronym because they like the arc is still called the arc.
[00:20:17] Association of retarded citizens, but they got just the arc.
[00:20:26] Well, that's if you learn something every day.
[00:20:30] Wait, what was another direction we were talking about?
[00:20:37] So you're going the Lenny angle, but you're not directly referencing the fact that the
[00:20:44] The Georgia woman has been left paralyzed after his after a cervical spine adjustment
[00:20:48] resulted in four severed arteries in her neck after interviewing the chiropractor.
[00:20:52] They interviewed the chiropractor and asked him what happened.
[00:20:56] And he said, you know, when are we going to pet the rabbits, George?
[00:21:01] Some indication that it was a mentally retarded man that snapped her neck.
[00:21:11] The mother has been shamed for putting her baby and heels on TikTok, but it was actually
[00:21:16] a viral marketing campaign for the new John Travolta and Kirstie Allie movie.
[00:21:21] Look who's getting their penis cut off.
[00:21:25] Alternatively, look who's taking hormones.
[00:21:35] A lot of the listeners are the show are younger.
[00:21:38] They don't, they are not familiar with look who's talking, which was a movie where they
[00:21:47] Could the adults hear it or is just the audience?
[00:21:51] I think it was just babies talking to the babies.
[00:21:54] The whole premise is the babies are being, you know, kind of sexually abused the whole
[00:21:58] I thought the babies want to get like Kirstie Allie and John Travolta to fuck each other.
[00:22:06] Oh, I thought they were trying to parent trap the adults.
[00:22:08] No, the parents are Tom Selick and Paul Reiser.
[00:22:24] It's, it's, it's, you know, let's, we'll pull up the video.
[00:22:37] Look who's talking, taking hormones now.
[00:22:45] But look who's getting their penis cut off.
[00:23:06] It's the most natural thing in the world.
[00:23:09] Try star, but yeah, try starring in a movie if you're a black person in America.
[00:23:19] You just reminded the show is a democratic, it's sort of a center.
[00:23:25] It's a center left conserve socially, you can serve socially liberal.
[00:23:30] Um, economically conservative socially liberal.
[00:23:36] What's it called where you're like liberal, but the second you're inconvenienced by
[00:23:45] Like socially where it's like, you know, black lives matter, like as long as they keep
[00:24:00] Don't interrupt my viewing of the yah yah sisterhood with loud questions or flapping
[00:24:09] That's kind of asking the theater manager to call the police.
[00:24:13] Bringing her on laser pointer to shine at black women that are causing a problem in the
[00:24:17] But otherwise, you know, you're, you watch the view.
[00:24:21] Yeah, reporting them for bringing Tupperwares at their own food into the theater because
[00:24:25] it's not fair to you because you wanted to do that, but you chose to follow the rules.
[00:24:31] I guess the politics of the show are harassing black women with a laser pointer liberals.
[00:24:35] If I had to describe it, if that's a kind of politics that we have.
[00:24:50] We're driving through, we're driving near bad neighborhoods and we're shining it recklessly
[00:24:55] And that these laser pointers are not street legal.
[00:25:21] A real bitch ass nerd, you know, you know what I'm saying?
[00:25:31] The average of 13 average really dried the flock up in the middle of the summer.
[00:25:40] Starting in September, we're booked to the rest of the year.
[00:25:42] I mean, I think we might even kick them off the peril because we're planning on some big,
[00:25:48] We'll go to the ad reads after tomorrow.
[00:25:51] That was funny to think about the nerds.
[00:25:55] Who did we buy this laser pointer from?
[00:25:59] Yeah, we bought it from a fucking nerd.
[00:26:07] Yeah, you get a little laugh in the monitor.
[00:26:14] Yeah, it's like Peter Parker, more like Peter Rosa Parkser.
[00:26:28] No, I think that I was thinking, yeah, how do it would black Spider-Man be?
[00:26:36] I think he's just spider-Man with like a nasty tongue and a bad attitude.
[00:26:44] Dude, yeah, I think I watched it when I had COVID or I was, I think it was when I was
[00:26:54] You know, sometimes when you're real like vulnerable, it's kind of like, you just need
[00:27:15] Oh, a black, a woman was assaulted by a black Spider-Man, also known as the dark web.
[00:27:23] It's after being beaten up by a black man dressed as Spider-Man.
[00:27:26] She said, Spider-Man, she said, Oh, I now know why people are always complaining about
[00:27:32] I didn't know what that was until black Spider-Man beat me.
[00:27:40] No, I don't know why people are always complaining about the dark web.
[00:27:51] I'm liking these writers room sessions.
[00:27:57] That's a new technology everyone's mad about.
[00:28:05] After being beaten up by a black man dressed as Spider-Man, a woman said, What's NFTs?
[00:28:24] But what would make getting beaten up, make her think about NFTs?
[00:28:34] So you at first you're like, Now I know why people are all up in arms about the dark web.
[00:28:37] And then crypto currencies, but it's CRIPTO.
[00:28:51] Not like the okay kind of racism where you, you know, you have bumpers, you have Obama
[00:28:54] bumper stickers, but you also got a couple of high powered laser pointers.
[00:29:00] Just in case, just in case people need to be pointed out.
[00:29:13] Fox News host, Jesse Waters is facing harsh criticism after suggesting the story of a
[00:29:18] 10 year old rape victims abortion was a hoax.
[00:29:24] Water suggestion came shortly before video surfaced of the young girl on the moon being
[00:29:38] I think maybe we need to like kind of maybe speed up the reads.
[00:29:46] The 10 year old girl had to travel to Indiana from Ohio to get the abortion after being
[00:30:12] Her mother was so horrified by the whole ordeal that she looked at the doctors and said, let's
[00:30:26] But it's, you know, she didn't actually say that.
[00:30:34] Ohio police embarrassed doubtful Republicans after making an arrest in the case this week,
[00:30:40] making 27 year old Gerson Fuentes into custody.
[00:30:53] He is my friend because we are both a spiny.
[00:31:04] We wanted to save it just for the Patreon subscribers.
[00:31:09] We ended up ending up and we wanted to save it as a big surprise for the Patreon subscribers.
[00:31:15] That's what me and Adam have been doing over the last two days.
[00:31:18] It is the Guillermo from the Jimmy Kimmish show.
[00:31:21] Basically indistinguishable from the Jimmy Kimmish show.
[00:31:24] He says it's not his name, but I'm pretty sure he's lying.
[00:31:28] And once we have that, basically every monologue joke, you can just bail to tiny Mexican
[00:31:44] So when you do the joke and it's just about, it was Donald Trump, what the fuck is this
[00:31:54] And the joke is just being incredulous.
[00:31:57] You just look at Guillermo and say, hey Guillermo, would they let this fucking cocksucker on
[00:32:19] Well, that's it for the monologue for this week.
[00:32:21] I feel like the monologue was a little harder this weekend.
[00:32:27] We know that we didn't have a monologue.
[00:32:28] We were just working through it this weekend.
[00:32:49] My brain is set up always on to the next thing.
[00:32:52] You get it out, move on to the next thing.
[00:32:57] It's Amazon Prime Day is here and the deals are better than ever.
[00:33:01] This inflation, whether you're looking for a new couch or mattress, a restock on your
[00:33:05] favorite skincare, even an epic deal for $100 or less, the 48-hour extravaganza is not
[00:33:18] Look, so what are the topics for the show?
[00:33:21] I thought you were doing a read for an ad.
[00:33:32] It's Super Speciosa is the super OGX.com or getsuperleaf.com.
[00:33:42] I'm sure let me see now if they have just fucking weed.
[00:33:46] They sell Cratum Leaf tea powders and more.
[00:34:02] Since 2016, we've been perfecting certifiably reliable ways to bring you Cratum as it was
[00:34:16] They will never support interracial marriage.
[00:34:19] No, I don't know if that's what that was.
[00:34:24] This means that they'll never cut corners, they're principled in getting your natural...
[00:34:43] Osama bin Laden has been uncompromised to a permanent end.
[00:34:55] It's a natural leaf ground and a fine mix of powder.
[00:35:03] Cratum tablets is pure Cratum leaf pressed.
[00:35:09] Cratum tablets, I guess, is the powder pressed into tablets?
[00:35:19] You could dip it in your friends' mouth.
[00:35:32] I don't know what you're allowed to say.
[00:35:39] It was kind of in the couch kind of situation.
[00:35:50] I mean, yeah, it felt good, but I'm surprised this is legal, but it is.
[00:36:01] So you can buy wholesale amounts of products from them.
[00:36:06] And use promo code COMTOWN or COMTOWN20.
[00:36:09] We're going to try and get those promo codes changed over to the Adam Friedland show.
[00:36:16] But Adam Friedland show, Adam Friedland, COMTOWN or COMTOWN20 is a promo code and you either
[00:36:24] get 20% off or like free shipping or something on your first order.
[00:36:29] And if you don't become horribly addicted, good.
[00:36:33] But I'm telling you, this stuff is, if you're, I don't know what we're allowed to suggest
[00:36:46] It's from Indonesia and it does it and it does it well.
[00:37:17] So the top of the show, we've been redoing that before the monologue or after.
[00:37:24] We typically would do a show introduction where we'd present a theme.
[00:37:31] No, I don't think, I don't think we did.
[00:37:36] We're cooking out in New York City, 91 degrees, 120% humidity.
[00:37:40] It's hotter than it's been since last summer.
[00:37:45] The climate is changing with a vengeance.
[00:37:53] The climate is reaching puberty and it's getting better out of control because it's becoming
[00:38:00] Mother nature is becoming Mr. Lady Nature.
[00:38:05] Imagine not just one, not the angry part of one gender, but both.
[00:38:10] In a, a six foot four man, former Navy seal on their period.
[00:38:18] And that's what's happening to the environment.
[00:38:23] It's, this is something that we're doing to it.
[00:38:30] We're changing the gender of Mother Nature forcibly.
[00:38:34] A more live way to put it for the show is that we're denying Mother Nature the precious
[00:38:43] And it's reverting back to its natural.
[00:38:45] It keeps regrowing its testicles and is reverting back to its masculine fucked up nature because
[00:38:52] we're the SRS pills are being intercepted by our carbon emissions.
[00:38:59] So today on the Adam Friedland show, we're taking it to the streets and we're putting
[00:39:03] the responsibility on you individuals, what you can do to stop climate change.
[00:39:32] Look, society is about shared responsibility.
[00:39:35] You know, actually you, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll guide you through this because we got
[00:39:39] a, this show topic is going to be climate change and what you can do about it.
[00:39:47] No, not you, but like you're the audience.
[00:39:50] And so like this is, this is going to be thing.
[00:39:52] Because sometimes we wouldn't have like you, you're going to have like a fun relationship
[00:39:56] with the audience, but sometimes you're going to have to get tough, especially on social
[00:40:02] Like, like episodes like, you know how, you know what people love?
[00:40:04] You know how Howard Stern now, like he does this thing where he's like, I got a hundred
[00:40:09] million dollars and I've been living in a bunker for the last 25 years.
[00:40:13] And all of my food is delivered to me through like a slot.
[00:40:16] You know, everything else is, there's a microwave that cooks me in my Amy's cuisine meals and
[00:40:28] And no one's allowed to contact me or look at me.
[00:40:33] I've got Rosie from the Jetsons and I fuck her and she fuck her.
[00:40:37] I fuck her and then she cleans my penis for the Duster after.
[00:40:46] But also he's going to tell society what we need.
[00:40:52] He's going to, so that's what we want from you.
[00:40:53] So imagine your Howard Stern, the most beloved entertainer in America.
[00:41:02] No, everyone, you know, your Howard Stern, you wake up every day, you know, that literally
[00:41:10] They think of Howard Stern in their, in your mind, it's still 1993.
[00:41:18] Everyone thinks you're the one 87 year old grandma that's cool.
[00:41:24] You're like if the wrapping grannies were real, you know.
[00:41:28] And now you're not, but now it's time to get real.
[00:41:32] Enough people who have enough small penis competitions, you know, let's, let's grow
[00:41:39] Enough like making a woman compete for a breast enlargement surgery, you know.
[00:41:46] Now it's time for Adam to get real and let these climate bastards, these bad, the bastards.
[00:42:02] Because because you got to keep the AC running all the time.
[00:42:06] Because some greedy piece of shit in Cleveland.
[00:42:11] Some piece of shit has to drive to his job instead of being carried there by, you know,
[00:42:26] We have a Rick Shaw that takes Adam to the set and every day we hire a new white person
[00:42:30] to do it and then fire them for cultural appropriation.
[00:42:32] I would never hire a minority to be my slave.
[00:42:42] We have a fake position at the company called Boss.
[00:42:56] And we hired and so every black person that works for this company is technical.
[00:43:06] I mean they don't have any say over any of the topics on the show.
[00:43:14] We kind of just give them the office and the name plate.
[00:43:35] Make sure that they're not going to be a problem.
[00:43:42] Make sure they've never let's say gotten a Spider-Man costume for so.
[00:43:55] You do a 23 and being to make sure they're not lying about the kind of a doll in the
[00:44:02] Did they ever give Rachel Dole's all a lie detector test?
[00:44:29] I'm gonna I'm gonna see if that's true or not.
[00:44:34] Did you hear about the African guy that drank too much Jaegermeister?
[00:44:44] That's kind of like an old Borsch belt kind of.
[00:44:50] A 10 year old girl had to travel to Indiana from Ohio to get the abortion after being raped
[00:44:55] Mother was so horrified by the whole ordeal.
[00:44:57] She looked at the doctors and said, let's just do the 10 year old also.
[00:45:07] You've been giving me good direction on the monologue.
[00:45:10] I'm thinking who does the best monologues, right?
[00:45:21] This is you know, I see talent and I know talent.
[00:45:23] And I look at you and I say, this is a guy who's just, he needs to get out of his own
[00:45:29] You are riding my ass straight to the top and I appreciate that.
[00:45:33] But you know, we've been watching a lot of late night talk shows trying to figure out
[00:45:38] We saw Anthony Anderson filling in for Jimmy Kimmel.
[00:45:44] Anthony Anderson filled in for Jimmy Kimmel last night.
[00:45:47] Raising questions as to where Jimmy Kimmel is.
[00:45:54] In Israel perhaps with President Biden, President Biden who's not doing a damage control tour
[00:46:00] trying to convince Israelis that they haven't completely lost the war of hearts and minds
[00:46:09] You guys still run the whole damn country.
[00:46:13] It's only a very small percentage of Democrats that know that this is a genocidal apartheid
[00:46:21] We are the mainstream center left talk shows and we appreciate everything the presidents
[00:46:30] And all of our all of our weapons grade laser pointers were built by the state is by Israel
[00:46:40] Well, then maybe you should boycott desert Eagle guns weapons grade laser pointers computer
[00:46:46] viruses that get stolen from the government somehow and used to.
[00:46:51] So your credit is if you don't like you want to boycott Israel?
[00:46:54] Why don't you boycott your identity being stolen by my massage software and your entire
[00:47:08] And the worst hummus that in the grocery store, I don't know the hummus is pretty good.
[00:47:13] That's the thing. I understand what the fucking BBS thing they pick like the only good things
[00:47:31] No, it's again, it's like, you know, like a cell sir.
[00:47:36] So my job, my job, I wait, social change is going to happen is if me personally, or you
[00:47:43] the regular working man makes changes to your already bullshit life.
[00:47:49] Well, fucking Howard Stern takes a private jet to Israel to, you know, go do his fucking
[00:47:55] Borshbal comedy for the SodaStream factory.
[00:48:10] That was that video that Nick, uh, Sirelli pronounce.
[00:48:31] Anyway, the topic of the day, climate change and what you can do about it as an individual.
[00:48:42] Well, I just want to go back to what I was saying about monologues, right?
[00:48:45] So we've been watching all these professionals doing it and we're learning things.
[00:48:48] And I think like you got to ask yourself who's the best at doing it, right?
[00:48:53] I'm going to get there and I appreciate, you know, all the feedback you've been giving
[00:48:57] But really who's the best in the business is Mr. Bill Maher, right?
[00:49:00] And the reason he's that good is because there's like a smugness to it.
[00:49:05] That I'm really, I don't have the conference to pull off yet, but I'm working towards
[00:49:12] What we want is Bill Maher with Guillermo.
[00:49:17] And he's saying, you know, Democrats are getting their panties in a knot over the January 6
[00:49:25] That's, that's the best of the biz right there.
[00:49:28] They're getting their penny, their rape to panties in a knot over the January 6 commission.
[00:49:45] What is Bill Maher saying about the January 6?
[00:49:47] Is he having an opinion on the January 6?
[00:49:49] Oh, he probably thinks it's, it's, you know, he thinks it's bad.
[00:49:56] I watched his special with Brandon Wardell.
[00:50:00] We watched like the first 15 minutes, but yeah, the whole thing is called hashtag adulting.
[00:50:06] And the whole thing is railing against, you know, these phone obsessed, tick-tocking millennials.
[00:50:14] And like the funny, the funny thing is that he like, he like doesn't realize that the
[00:50:20] And like millennials are already like 55 years old at this point.
[00:50:27] And like literally like he's like, he's 75 years old.
[00:50:30] And that's like the youngest person he can imagine.
[00:50:43] So Eid Mubarak to all of our Muslim Muslims.
[00:51:03] And just if we could get you like more fired up, you're angry.
[00:51:08] You give a shit or it's just hot out and you want to be mad at somebody.
[00:51:12] Because that's kind of what caused slavery, I feel.
[00:51:15] It caused, that was too hot in the south.
[00:51:23] I mean, they would have they would have paid those guys.
[00:51:29] So that in in a lot of ways climate change itself is racist.
[00:51:34] Think about where it gets area gets the hottest Africa.
[00:51:37] So anytime when the temperature average temperature goes up one degree in Africa, it's going up
[00:51:47] It's like it's probably 200 degrees outside in Africa.
[00:51:49] I feel I think about the Africans a lot.
[00:51:54] No, I mean, I it's it's this is stemming from my same understanding of climate change.
[00:52:15] I would have kids, you know, what kind of earth are they going to?
[00:52:25] What about are the kids are the kids are the giant climate change kids are right.
[00:52:29] You know, who's not all right is that five year old that's been left at school for six
[00:52:33] days in China, because his father realized that wasn't his son.
[00:52:43] I'm probably learning Chinese learning more.
[00:52:53] Our kids are our kids are what just fucking walking around getting abortions traveling
[00:52:57] I mean, while those kids are learning more and more Chinese every day.
[00:53:11] Those kids over there, they're just they're Chinese in on a on a twelfth grade level.
[00:53:22] And he doesn't even tell you what we need to do.
[00:53:24] Here's how we solve the crisis of the kids not being all right.
[00:53:31] We get a bunch of five foot one Guatemalan guys.
[00:53:36] And we pretend they're 10 year old children.
[00:53:57] And I mean they're reading, they're fucking writing, they're speaking English in a funny
[00:54:02] And on top of that, they got a nice little mustache and a bow tie and they're pretty
[00:54:37] What we show along by way about me me me me me me me me me me me.
[00:54:53] I would imagine their Guillermo's would be like Malaysian or something.
[00:55:08] Well, what are you passionate about this week that relating to climate change, which
[00:55:23] Well, maybe a little avoid personal stuff.
[00:55:28] She's probably like the she's mad at you for not cleaning.
[00:55:34] Which is something you can do to fight climate change.
[00:55:41] So I was doing she was just like it looks good.
[00:55:59] I've been like going on the internet and there's this thing called access service.
[00:56:19] Is it a real thing or is it anti like a kind of an anti religious sort of anti Islamic.
[00:56:32] I think women can do whatever they put their minds.
[00:56:36] I think I think we can get a woman to be the boss of this show.
[00:56:40] We should find a woman that started out with a job as the boss.
[00:56:55] It's going to be like a female version of the angry black lieutenant in a cop movie.
[00:56:58] Well, let's stay on this and let's find.
[00:57:01] Let's find something you're passionate about.
[00:57:03] Well, I was saying, you know, it's unfair to the kids.
[00:57:15] I was saying that, uh, you know, parts of the earth are going to be out in habitable.
[00:57:23] I had to respond to something work related.
[00:57:27] No, I know, but we're going to, we're going to, uh, it's related to us.
[00:57:48] We only have, we only have two hours of work.
[00:58:03] Listen, I'm fucking, I'm fucking cheesed off.
[00:58:04] It's my, if you, if you're low energy, it's because I'm low energy.
[00:58:06] You, you are just, you, you are, you are, you are, you need to be the base.
[00:58:10] You need me and the black house to be underneath you.
[00:58:25] You better get your ass in the camera and make GMO care about climate change.
[00:58:28] You got to tell Guillame-Ozaz in a way that's gonna tell the scare of his ass so his little
[00:58:33] Mexican bow tie spin around like a fan.
[00:58:45] When the temperature goes up, guess what else goes up?
[00:59:08] It's a societal trend that coincides with rising temperatures.
[00:59:15] Well, no, that's not technically, I think it's because of gas or something.
[00:59:20] The more emails from Hunter Biden's laptop.
[00:59:22] I don't know if that has to do with the weather.
[00:59:26] We find out he does even more with his penis and crack.
[00:59:30] He has the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the hotter it gets, the more Fox knows
[00:59:36] says that Hunter Biden, we see his penis.
[00:59:40] It's going to be has to take off more clothes.
[00:59:50] When the temperature goes up in American cities and all over this country and all over
[01:00:03] So you say that a climate change makes black people do more crime.
[01:00:17] Do you think maybe that the reason crime goes up when the hot, it is hot is because it
[01:00:23] reminds black people that they are not in Africa.
[01:00:30] No, no, no, that's not what I'm saying.
[01:00:31] They get mad because they have been stolen and they remember.
[01:00:35] And they're saying that Michael be in an I was supposed to be somewhere else.
[01:00:41] What I'm saying is there's a statistical correlation between a rise in temperature and rising
[01:00:47] So if we want to keep our cities safe, we want to keep our our our loved ones safe from
[01:00:54] We have to get black people air conditioners.
[01:01:01] We have to buy ice cream for black people.
[01:01:05] So we're going to fight climate change.
[01:01:10] But the real you're you're talking about the symptoms.
[01:01:12] You're not talking about the root cause the root cause.
[01:01:20] I love the bubble bee mine here because he has the care more of the same songs.
[01:01:25] I guess because you're a few think that same songs they are Chinese because they are yellow.
[01:01:30] Then bubble bee man is will be the gear more China that you got.
[01:01:38] Because you didn't ask me because you pay for you because Nick didn't know who the gear
[01:01:45] mo you kidnapped me from you kidnapped me from TV.
[01:01:51] Oh, so you're not gear mo Rodriguez from the Jimmy Kimmels.
[01:02:00] Guillermo Castoro, Vignera, Dominguez, he is a
[01:02:30] We are already belong the same mustache.
[01:02:40] There is 43 years that belongs to me in my life.
[01:02:46] And that is the same as gear mo Jimmy Kimmels.
[01:02:58] I'm gear mo Taylor Thomas, Victoria, Coop the wheel, ice cream, dashboard, professional
[01:03:29] He was my name from my my confirmation.
[01:03:35] The church in my town was just a 1993 for tourists.
[01:03:42] So the confession we would the whole town would be able to feed in the car.
[01:03:47] It's like a it's a I didn't realize that you were Catholic.
[01:03:49] Yes, and you were we would go to the confession you will be you'll go into the glove box.
[01:03:55] Because I could feel in the glove box in the priest.
[01:03:59] Oh, that's like the confessional booth.
[01:04:09] Have you ever listened to the music of the band?
[01:04:15] I only listen to it like Walt's version of the Super Mario Brothers video game music.
[01:04:26] I've never played Super Mario Brothers, but I have all of the tattoos of the characters.
[01:04:37] Because I thought they were I thought it was.
[01:04:39] The game was I thought it was my uncle.
[01:04:41] You thought it was something his name was Gerema as well?
[01:04:44] I thought it was my uncle who was beaten to death by Chihuahua.
[01:04:50] By the government the government sent Chihuahuas into the town to bite.
[01:05:01] But it was beaten, they got beaten by the Chihuahuas.
[01:05:07] Yes, the government sent them into the town.
[01:05:11] Because we did too much magical realism.
[01:05:13] Because my grandmother, she laid down and butterflies came out of her pussy and painted
[01:05:18] a rainbow that represents a right wing fascism as sponsored by the United States government.
[01:05:25] I love Latin people, especially big booty latinos.
[01:05:34] That's what Hispanic women can do to fight climate change is they can stop believing in
[01:05:44] Because a big part of that is Santa Maria.
[01:05:45] So all of the candles, if you consider the carbon emissions from all of the candles being
[01:05:49] lit by superstitious Mexican women, that they are probably the number one contributor to
[01:06:00] Number one, impoverished Mexican women lighting candles.
[01:06:07] For starters, first off, or at the very least forced to buy Teslas.
[01:06:17] They should be, they should be, it should be illegal to drive whatever the car they have
[01:06:21] And they should be forced to buy cars made by companies that are subsidized by the United
[01:06:34] I mean, I, I, do you want to be our Guillermo on the show or?
[01:06:42] I mean, I kind of, we kind of, Nick and I kind of, you know, like in the movie, Borat.
[01:06:49] In the movie, Borat, where they put the bag over Pamela Anderson, they tried to get married
[01:06:55] We kind of, Nick and I kind of did that to you.
[01:06:59] Because we, we thought you were the gearboat from the Jimmy Khilov.
[01:07:03] You dressed up in an Elmer Fudd costume and said, be where the quiet.
[01:07:09] And nobody laughed at it, but you kidnapped me.
[01:07:15] Well, there's not a lot of things that are very funny on the show yet.
[01:07:23] Number one is we have to get air conditioner.
[01:07:27] That's it so that the boss we hire doesn't have a violent episode.
[01:07:32] Violent crime goes up when heat goes up.
[01:07:36] When the heat temperature goes up, the boss, she comes out of her office.
[01:08:09] Scientists call it the girl index, right?
[01:08:13] You know, it's funny that because they used to call it El Nino.
[01:08:18] That's how they used to blame climate change.
[01:08:21] They used to just say, actually it's just Mexico.
[01:08:29] Luckily now we have white liberals to let us know that it's actually black women's
[01:08:41] Moving on to the next segment, donating to a cause.
[01:08:47] You're going to find like a, they're like a climate change thing.
[01:08:54] We're not going to donate shit or something.
[01:08:58] We're going to tell the audience that they got to donate their money to some kind of climate
[01:09:07] And then what are we going to do for them?
[01:09:11] We just know we look like good guys for directing people.
[01:09:13] If we're making other people spend their money.
[01:09:34] We can bring that back for the next episode.
[01:09:35] That kind of has to happen organically.
[01:09:38] Maybe the smart move would have been to end it with Guillermo asking you questions.
[01:10:27] This show is not going to work unless there is more animal stuff.
[01:10:32] We have to have animals come on the show.
[01:10:37] Maybe we can get the pangolin that started the growth of our Earth.
[01:10:41] We maybe do something like, which animal do you think has the biggest pressure?
[01:10:46] You know, we'd say something like that.
[01:10:53] And then maybe one of us would say like now, do you like, do you think it counts if the
[01:10:58] animal itself is big or do you think the ratio of dick to animal is big?
[01:11:05] And then we'd look up, you know, something that, you know, we'd look up an article about
[01:11:10] animal's biggest penis and then we'd say that, that we'd find a video of a walrus blow
[01:11:19] And then we'd be like, no way, that's crazy.
[01:11:28] But we're gonna be mature with animals on this show.
[01:11:33] Yeah, that's not, that's not the kind of stuff we're gonna do.
[01:11:34] We're not gonna have an animal come on the show and ask to see its penis.
[01:11:37] What we're gonna do is we're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna get Dr. Fauci on and ask
[01:11:41] him why he put those beagles in a allegedly, I guess that's, that's not true.
[01:11:52] For the purposes of not violating the YouTube community guidelines.
[01:11:57] Dr. Fauci has never done anything but good stuff to protect us from, from beagles, from
[01:12:20] Say it confidently from a natural virus.
[01:12:23] It is a natural, it is a virus that came from a Chinese person eating a pangolin.
[01:12:41] And yeah, any story to the contrary, you're a racist, fascist, and you deserve to be in
[01:12:51] You should be for having the wrong opinion, regardless of whether if more information
[01:13:00] The longest penis in the animal kingdom.
[01:13:04] The biggest penis wall belongs to the largest animal has ever lived.
[01:13:12] The average length of blue whale penis is eight feet.
[01:13:17] I think, unfortunately, that's not that big.
[01:13:19] Can you imagine what you would do if your dick was eight feet?
[01:13:27] We're not doing that kind of shit anymore.
[01:13:30] I would even have a remote for my TV anymore.
[01:13:33] I know we're trying to do philosophies.
[01:13:35] Yeah, we're doing the philosophy thing.
[01:13:38] Do you think that like in the animal world?
[01:13:49] We got to find a little hot note then that showed on.
[01:13:58] No, I mean, I think you were shooting on it.
[01:14:04] I apologize if you got that impression.
[01:14:08] No, it's more optimism and like, you know, trying to say fired up.
[01:14:29] And it's like the whatever the in sports they do, where it's the post game thing and they
[01:14:34] ask the athlete, like, do you think George Floyd deserved it or, you know, like whatever
[01:14:39] And they say, you know, just we got to show more hustle.
[01:14:45] It was like, you know, but I lost so better team.
[01:14:49] No, the monologue, I think you're really coming along.
[01:14:52] You think I'm getting it together a little bit more?
[01:14:55] The speed thing you told me I really liked.
[01:14:58] I got to figure out how to the best way to just sort of got, you know, like whatever
[01:15:03] But I need, I think you like my idea about doing a little bit more smug.
[01:15:11] And then also, I would love it if maybe this week, yeah, try it out.
[01:15:17] Just get to a place where I can just give you the monologue jokes without having to read
[01:15:20] through them maybe four or five times before we do the show.
[01:15:23] That way you can do them live and like you're feeling them out as we go through.
[01:15:30] Because I think it'll make it a little more natural.
[01:15:32] You're saying that I have to read, not read them at all?
[01:15:37] Well, maybe we can find this was, I remember in the, for the, the learning, the disabled
[01:15:44] As they had extra reading comprehension lessons, maybe I can dig some of those up and we can
[01:15:48] just go through them and see if that maybe they're like kind of like reading comprehension
[01:15:58] And, and like to make learning fun and make it, make the process of reading through the
[01:16:04] reads more fun and also not as much of a struggle.
[01:16:10] You know, whatever you would describe it, but, but yeah.
[01:16:18] You can check out premium episode every weekend and then there will be changes coming very
[01:16:26] Initially, we are really excited about them genuinely guys.
[01:16:33] So for, well, not a super slow transition, but for now it'll, at the very least, you're
[01:16:37] still going to get the premium audio episodes.
[01:16:41] You're going to get the premium audio episodes.
[01:16:43] You're going to get the weekly free episode.
[01:16:47] I'll tell you what, the Adam Friedland show you get in on the ground floor.
[01:16:50] You come in as a production assistant now.
[01:16:53] You're going to get to watch this thing transform and evolve into somebody or something that
[01:16:59] is at the very least of hilarious money pit.
[01:17:05] You will get to watch two men that didn't deserve any of this.
[01:17:12] But get a couple of fun costumes in the process.
[01:17:15] We have been really focusing on the costume.
[01:17:17] We're going to have at least a very cool lookbook by the end of this.
[01:17:21] Thanks for listening to Adam Friedland show.
[01:17:27] And with very special guest, Simon Pegg, who we ran into.
[01:17:31] Yes, we ran into last night and I asked him to do the show.
[01:17:43] He said he's Simon Pegg next week on the actual show.
[01:17:50] The whole army together say that guy that harass you the Bowery Hotel.
[01:17:56] We're going to rehabilitate Adam Friedland's image with Simon Pegg.
[01:18:00] And maybe have our own little British Guillermo.
[01:18:03] Maybe make him do an hour of Guillermo.
[01:18:15] Have him, you know, have that Sean of the China.