TAFS | Regular | 07/28/2022
[00:00:36] I'm struggling to do this because I'm doing the board upside down today
[00:00:45] because of the way the power cord is going to sit in there
[00:01:21] all these niggas and all these hearts and hands
[00:01:27] all these niggas and all these hearts and hands
[00:01:33] did you how much of the song did you want to say?
[00:01:38] yeah I think that was like a celebratory
[00:01:45] let's go back to the thing and then I'll just
[00:01:49] well there's that little cat scratch fever playing it
[00:01:52] because cat scratch fever I thought you know he's
[00:02:03] I never put that together but it's true
[00:02:17] all right sorry top of the show go ahead
[00:02:33] for COVID-19 after being only sick for five days
[00:03:13] for push up we'll have a book report off
[00:03:18] well there's different animals back when he was grown up
[00:03:20] oh no it's literally a dog that's so big that a child could ride on it
[00:03:29] when I was actually gone vacation for years
[00:03:32] I'd be out I'd be out making deals in China
[00:03:48] and the wild Joe ran through all of them
[00:03:58] so while Biden spent five days at his desk
[00:04:00] dutifully signing any paper that was placed in front of him
[00:04:05] tracked towards whatever camera he was supposed to be smiling at
[00:04:20] even the helicopter was short of breath folks
[00:04:52] what are you gonna need for the next sentence that you wrote in my top of the show
[00:04:57] sometimes I sometimes I put stuff in there just to get loose
[00:05:03] you know I put Ted Nugent on when I write this stuff
[00:05:30] now Trump is so goddamn fat by the time they got him there
[00:05:36] now we're right we don't say f*** on this show anymore
[00:05:48] his classic bit the seven words you can't shove up my
[00:06:06] now we're having fun here laughing at the orange
[00:06:12] now we're having fun here laughing at the orange
[00:06:20] while Trump's probably one of the most uniquely
[00:06:22] unhealthy individuals on the planet both physically
[00:06:30] Americans they got shitty bodies like Donald Trump
[00:06:32] we can laugh at a statue in union square
[00:06:42] they got the same exact body type as Donald Trump
[00:06:58] we're still dealing with 70 to 72 percent
[00:07:10] it's not just a cold because most of us
[00:07:16] so and maybe I'm sorry maybe that was clear
[00:07:20] that's what that because I don't want to make it
[00:07:22] I don't want to say I don't want to make it seem like
[00:07:48] oh yeah this won't be pro after this week
[00:07:50] folks yeah that's uh this is probably the last episode
[00:07:54] that we will be recording a next apartment
[00:08:02] we have Lisa signed we have a completely empty studio
[00:08:10] I'm not gonna tell them what you're trying to
[00:08:28] guys are definitely gonna want to sign up
[00:08:42] and there's a plan in place to have you
[00:08:54] granted joe biden is one tough smart bastard
[00:09:00] spending the entire winter slathered in oil
[00:09:20] did not play a role in his quick recovery
[00:09:22] which brings us to our topic for today's show
[00:09:32] that might be a new word to some of y'all
[00:09:38] because that might be the most important word
[00:10:06] and you're going to say something about them
[00:10:16] you could be the tallest guy on the team
[00:10:18] you could be the fastest guy on the team
[00:10:26] you know, who made it out of the Holocaust
[00:10:42] who was making it out of basketball camp
[00:10:46] not the most annoying Jewish guy in basketball
[00:11:00] in your personal life if you want to be like
[00:11:02] Joe Biden, so we're going to break it down
[00:11:18] yeah, but there's an easy way to remember
[00:11:27] persistence basically means the same thing
[00:11:29] as Perseverance, but you might be familiar with
[00:12:06] It perseveres and helps because I'm a fucking loser.
[00:12:10] And I'll never be able to actually score.
[00:12:13] I'm never going to get any pussy, but I can, when a girl gets beaten up by her boyfriend.
[00:12:22] And maybe after she leaves, I'll masturbate.
[00:12:25] And I'll tell our friend, our mutual friend that we had said.
[00:12:35] If you're not sweating, you're not persevering.
[00:12:46] If you're out on that court, you know, the court of basketball, the court of life, family
[00:12:52] court, you should be sweating in family court.
[00:12:57] As your ex-wife is, she's got the hard drive, a copy of the hard drive.
[00:13:04] The entire courtroom is seeing pictures of you smoking crack cocaine with your daughter.
[00:13:10] You should be sweating and not out of fear, but knowing that no matter what, you're going
[00:13:17] You're going to hang out with her and her friends.
[00:13:20] And you're going to give, it's going to be just like it was in the old days.
[00:13:27] Being the cool dad, the cool dad that has a TikTok account and can teach these girls
[00:13:40] If you're not showing energy, if you're not faking it until you're making it, you're
[00:13:46] And I know that energy was the last E, but energy is so important that it deserves a
[00:13:55] And you want to talk about perseverance?
[00:13:59] He spent his entire life mentally retarded.
[00:14:18] So it stands for regret, but it's not regret.
[00:14:21] You should always remember to never regret.
[00:14:34] When you're out there on the court, you want all these ****** and all these ******
[00:14:40] And they're going to say, I'm going to hustle too.
[00:14:55] That's a word that neither Nick and I fully could articulate what it means.
[00:15:18] And that's, you know, people are saying, what is happening with the ****** oil prices?
[00:15:22] What do we going to do when Putin's price, the Putin price hike makes it so...
[00:15:32] And I'm going to Walmart and I'm ****** dead broke.
[00:15:39] Because none of that is a long process.
[00:15:46] All those gay guys taking class and I had to figure it out.
[00:15:50] I don't know how to get ****** health insurance.
[00:15:56] I'm mad at Vladimir Putin and the Putin price hike.
[00:15:58] Because I know the true, the real reason that my kid has a vitamin D deficiency is because
[00:16:05] Who was gay with President Donald Trump?
[00:16:10] And the energy that you need to have is Joe Biden's got the right kind of energy.
[00:16:17] Anyways, the point is Joe Biden has perseverance.
[00:16:21] And she's currently being sexually jailed.
[00:16:28] And today on the Adam Friedland Show, we're going to show you how to persevere.
[00:17:07] I thought we were going to write the jokes when I got here.
[00:17:08] But you said you wanted to start recording.
[00:17:11] I thought you had written your own jokes this time.
[00:17:18] I said we can either write them before or we can riff them out.
[00:17:38] Do we have anything to read, by the way?
[00:17:42] So, yeah, you want to pick one of these headlines here?
[00:18:01] He's going to show it this time so you can see all these accusations and all that stuff of
[00:18:24] we used to never do on the old show yes which is uh... because we can't trying
[00:18:30] yet we came in we came in kind of slow on the last one yes and they can i made
[00:18:42] we call it out or we just called the adam freeland show maybe it's on social
[00:18:46] media it's abbreviated to the taps the adam freeland shows about trying have
[00:18:49] you been pronounced and professionalism i've been saying i don't really
[00:18:53] really think i have said taps until just i i kind of hate
[00:18:57] okay no it's my own fault for naming the show well you were the one that may
[00:19:03] that's uh... official policy from now on we do not call this taps
[00:19:14] spoke but we've committed to this the the we did we were halfway through the
[00:19:18] last this episode already and it was deleted this show is about professionalism
[00:19:23] professional is and listen sometimes you show up on game day okay it's about
[00:19:27] professional is a hangover from the night before about professionalism as in
[00:19:31] leon the professional exactly and that this is a show about a
[00:19:43] yes exactly it is a lot like leon the professional from from luke
[00:19:47] britt brett brett uh... breast on breast implants
[00:19:53] uh... natalie portman famously did not have breast yet in that film yeah not that i
[00:19:59] it was just in the news uh... choose on puberty blockers shoes on puberty
[00:20:03] blockers decided or gender yet she was on puberty blockers that's a big thing
[00:20:08] it's true yeah big debate in the world is whether or not children should have
[00:20:15] and uh... i i wish uh... you know they should get puberty blockers to his
[00:20:20] they should they should identify bullies enforceably give them puberty blockers
[00:20:24] yet because a lot of them hit puberty early in their judging you know yeah
[00:20:28] all the lilies that haven't you know gone there yet yeah i feel like if you're
[00:20:32] a bully if you're a kid you're a bully guess what no pubes for you as a whole
[00:20:36] you're gonna see that we're gonna permanently stunt the growth of your
[00:20:41] yes you're gonna be like a pat from s and l you're gonna exist somewhere
[00:20:47] unlike that guy who saw after carolines
[00:20:55] or the tranet is a trans person i think it was just a jewish man who
[00:21:03] you've got he evaporated into some sort of gray space between the both
[00:21:09] i'd like you had the kind of person but he it was like a the kind of person you
[00:21:13] give to like a child in forties like a toy purse
[00:21:17] it was a per yeah it was a person to play grown up with
[00:21:20] yeah it was a purse where you can have like one of those little lady guns you
[00:21:24] that a woman of the night would need to take out for protection
[00:21:28] you know lady guns that's we should make guns illegal but keep the lady
[00:21:30] guns keep the lady guns a little dare enters if you want to shoot up your
[00:21:34] school you're gonna look like a prostitute yeah you know that's let's
[00:21:37] see gang members try to look tough with a little pink exactly twenty two go ahead
[00:21:42] make my day essay then we don't have to worry about it i always said you know
[00:21:45] you really want to get rid of the gang problem for the guns get rid of bandanas
[00:21:50] that's exactly you gotta take it you got you got a strike at the root
[00:21:54] think about how much more damage bandanas do
[00:22:01] exactly and if if they didn't have bandanas
[00:22:12] i've been said of puberty blockers its puberty
[00:22:20] yeah and and you're you're like let me be clear your penis is like uh...
[00:22:30] come and come to my pants at night time
[00:22:35] i've never had an eternal mission yeah i think it's a lie yeah
[00:22:39] they made it sound real with the the official name nocturnal mission
[00:22:45] like drinking all the time i've never once blacked out i have drank
[00:22:49] i've had i've had i've consumed a lot of alcohol my day i've never actually had
[00:22:53] a full black now i would black out multiple times a week
[00:22:57] was were you also like on zanax or something no it's i would never buy i
[00:23:01] used to get way drunk like incapacitated yes and i have
[00:23:08] i remember like i started blacking out and then it got progressively worse
[00:23:15] like all the time really and i wouldn't have to get that drunk before i wake
[00:23:18] up the next morning of no recollection you just got better at drinking
[00:23:22] or worse uh... yeah yeah yeah you put the time in
[00:23:27] to get to the blackout yeah yeah maybe my drinking is a kind of bummed me out i
[00:23:32] really i don't know i'm sorry no no it's my fault it's where that you can't
[00:23:36] black that out you have the memory is you shouldn't have the memory of
[00:23:40] blacking out yeah you know i mean exactly
[00:23:45] um yeah you know no one should tell you
[00:23:49] yeah yeah there should be a conspiracy of silence
[00:23:54] um anyway guys welcome to the show welcome to the news
[00:23:57] big news if you're following the pre-production process
[00:24:04] on our studio in chelsey yes and i yeah we're going to do neighborhood and you
[00:24:08] asked me last time not to say the neighborhood but no it's all right i
[00:24:11] just don't want to you know although i think we said on jim and sam yes
[00:24:17] there tonight but yes it takes forever for that air conditioning the cool that
[00:24:22] place down there's that problem and then there's the other problems no
[00:24:25] internet the russian super storing all the furniture from the businesses that
[00:24:30] closed down in that building uh-huh and he's slowly selling them off on
[00:24:35] craigslist and our office is the store room for all that i think that he cleared
[00:24:39] it all out no he said i we never got confirmation
[00:24:42] that's been cleared up we got to go there after this and make sure i have to go to
[00:24:46] my friend's birthday okay well i'm going to go over there and if it's not cleared
[00:24:49] out it's smashing time you can smash it's stuff
[00:24:52] the things are going to get broken right because we were told 24 hours
[00:24:57] yeah you get get that shit out of there yeah we have to redefine the late night
[00:25:01] talk genre okay do not waste our time yeah we got a lot of uh we got a lot of
[00:25:08] shit on our plate but no we are very excited and if you guys go to patreon.com
[00:25:12] slash comtown this weekend this episode right here
[00:25:15] damn i wish you didn't tell me that either now i'm mad i thought you're
[00:25:18] i thought it was that stuff was moved out no that's why we couldn't go today
[00:25:21] we were like waiting for four hours for for him
[00:25:25] for confirmation that the office was cleared
[00:25:28] uh whatever um if you go to patreon.com slash
[00:25:32] comtown you sign up soon to be patreon.com slash
[00:25:36] something related to the adam frieland show um
[00:25:39] this weekend's episode will be the first uh of all of our episodes recorded in
[00:25:45] that studio and we have some some special
[00:25:48] stuff planned for it and uh this episode is officially the last one
[00:25:52] i think that will ever be recorded in next apartment where i am allergic to
[00:25:57] cats um so that's good news very exciting news
[00:26:01] are you stoked about it Nick uh yeah yeah i am i'm now mad about this
[00:26:06] fucking guy not clearing the space out i think i also they they lied about the
[00:26:11] utilities yeah they lied about cleaning the space
[00:26:14] they lied about internet too yeah well we definitely won't be renewing
[00:26:19] at least now yeah um it's whatever this is not a
[00:26:22] negativity show i'm not going to be right i'm gonna be
[00:26:25] negative about it i just saw now yeah you sent that text from this
[00:26:28] fucking cocksucker um yeah i fucking asshole with his
[00:26:32] loud shoes fuck you why is he wearing fucking like
[00:26:35] yeah his shoes were loud yeah he's wearing like jester shoes
[00:26:38] yeah what the fuck is his problem i hate our super already we haven't even
[00:26:42] moved in yeah like fifteen hundreds and did you catch how he was like talking
[00:26:46] shit on the management company already yeah he was he's like don't listen them
[00:26:50] you'll listen me yeah i'm gonna you know what i'm gonna do
[00:26:53] i'm going to tell the management company he said that
[00:26:55] and cause a problem yeah you know what i'm gonna do
[00:26:58] i'm gonna take him up to the top of the mountain i'm gonna just of a mountain
[00:27:01] i'm gonna go talk to the mock execution i'm gonna tell the management company
[00:27:04] be like yeah then we met the super he seemed nice but he was like
[00:27:07] it really doesn't seem to like you guys at all yeah
[00:27:10] yeah we're gonna he's gonna lose his job check
[00:27:13] mate yeah we're gonna get already he's gonna lose his job but i mean the
[00:27:19] two of them are he's not clearing out the fucking space
[00:27:21] no he's running a fucking used ikea furniture showroom out of our office
[00:27:27] that we have a lease on now they also lied about the the utilities right they
[00:27:31] said the electric was included that's now another sunk cost so please go to
[00:27:35] patreon.com slash comtown because the overhead that we are accumulating is
[00:27:40] getting higher and higher yeah and tomorrow when we meet
[00:27:44] with uh the people that are building out the space for us
[00:27:49] it will get even higher so guys we appreciate all of your support and it's
[00:27:53] been a great month there's been a lot of support
[00:27:57] fomenting and we feel it we feel the love and we're excited
[00:28:01] about the show should we should we go to top of the show
[00:28:04] top of the show do we want to do it because this is what we did last time we
[00:28:08] did the top of the show and you didn't like it and then i did i thought the
[00:28:11] top of the show was fine i thought the the pre monologues of
[00:28:14] it's fine okay yeah and then we had that great music
[00:28:17] cues that i thought would really work but you know we don't have to and all
[00:28:21] know we can do it again how do you feel about it
[00:28:25] listen we're partners in this baby yeah we're fucking
[00:28:29] you're my you're my uh you're my husband yeah i mean i guess it's my it was my
[00:28:33] my responsibility to get on this fucking this russian dickhead that doesn't
[00:28:38] want to clear the space out no it wasn't your responsibility i've been i've
[00:28:41] been handling that today you pick up the slack with other things yeah
[00:28:44] i mean i haven't handled it because he hasn't done it but uh this is this is
[00:28:48] our this is our new relationship now yeah we are we are
[00:28:54] colleagues titans of industry okay yeah then we'll do the uh
[00:28:57] the top of the show top of the show folks if you're just joining the
[00:29:01] at i'm fredland show we started the show trying to do a top of the show thing
[00:29:05] where it's not really the monologue but you know we're uh we find like a theme
[00:29:10] and we've yet to figure out how to make that theme
[00:29:15] traverse the entire episode yes but uh hopefully this time
[00:29:21] we have it maybe it won't but who cares probably as long as it's funny i'll be
[00:29:25] i'll be completely honest with you folks we made a decision a joint decision
[00:29:31] that uh just decided to try this one again i feel like
[00:29:39] probably won't be much better if not worse i feel like the energy is better
[00:29:43] i feel like the vibes are better aren't they?
[00:29:45] listen with it what the people can really now i'm thinking about being a blackout
[00:29:49] drunk and how much i want to get drunk and then
[00:29:51] well i didn't mean i didn't mean to piss you off and also i just got a text
[00:29:55] for my girlfriend that she has to come pick up my keys in 25 minutes just
[00:29:59] so you're why does she have to pick up your keys because she does not have her
[00:30:02] keys why doesn't she have her keys i don't know she
[00:30:05] gave them this in the eye shut no now you're pissing me off
[00:30:08] listen sorry here's what the audience is looking out for you the audience once
[00:30:12] their friends nicking at them to be having a fun what you want to put a
[00:30:15] tailor i can ask them to follow her around
[00:30:19] i she got upset last time i did i got a guy he's the next cop
[00:30:24] is it yeah he's on the force liborda yeah
[00:30:27] really yeah have you have you got him the bardo jeans have you
[00:30:33] you've got have you ever met him um i have met him but you never told me he was
[00:30:37] a dick yeah he's a former cop now he's a dick sergeant jeans yeah
[00:30:42] sergeant jeans yeah he got kicked off the force because
[00:30:45] some crooked cops killed his boyfriend really yeah
[00:30:49] oh so he was a straight shooter well i was gay but yeah he was gay
[00:30:53] as a cop but that's because he was undercover was and
[00:30:57] now his boyfriend wasn't a cop or was on the force his boyfriend was uh
[00:31:02] milk delivery and milk man they still have that if you're gay yeah if you're
[00:31:06] gay they don't hire straight people anymore because they would fuck everyone's
[00:31:09] wife yeah but you can still get gay milk brought to your house that's true
[00:31:13] yeah it's crazy how those guys are just they're just living in a different
[00:31:18] society yeah it's like yeah they an alternative
[00:31:22] lifestyle well i would not be surprised if in the next five to ten years white
[00:31:26] gays recreate the 1950s within their own the the kind of gays that hate
[00:31:32] trans women you know like cuba how they have all the old cars
[00:31:35] yeah because of the embargo gays are gonna do that
[00:31:38] yeah they're gonna do kind of a fedora version just gonna be it's gonna be
[00:31:42] there'll be like certain neighborhoods who are just in 1950s
[00:31:45] and it's all gays giving bringing each other milk
[00:31:49] yeah and undercom yeah an undercover cop and undercover cop so anyway so
[00:31:55] lumbardo lumbardo jean he was he was showed off the
[00:31:59] force and you and you have you how many times have you employed him
[00:32:03] six or seven times i'm about to hire him again to do a number on uh my
[00:32:07] girlfriend well i haven't consented oh no not my number and number two on this
[00:32:11] uh this super this super yeah yeah he holds his move his
[00:32:15] famous move is holding folks down and and uh you know in little niki where he
[00:32:20] does the spit thing how could i forget yeah so he can do that with feces out
[00:32:24] of it you know because he has that kind of rectal control
[00:32:28] wow and i'll hold folks down and i'll just help
[00:32:31] have a turd bill in and out of their mouth and he's like tell me where the girl is
[00:32:37] wow and they're like make it stop yeah and i swear to god i don't know make it
[00:32:42] stop but that's a kind of that's kind of hardcore guy the rinzo jean's is
[00:32:46] he's like you don't know who you're fucking with
[00:32:51] wow all right well that's good to know if i if i need him to track my uh
[00:32:56] girlfriend i will let you know i guarantee you there's a video on porn
[00:32:58] hub of some somebody doing that some we some a proper wary
[00:33:02] dogging yeah german guy that knows it can just prairie dog with like
[00:33:07] yeah just outrageous levels of skill and control
[00:33:13] yeah that has to be a very specific fetish he's doing it to revolve
[00:33:17] yeah exactly it's just going in the four seasons
[00:33:19] yeah that's so funny yeah that guy is so happy he found his thing
[00:33:24] and he's just living his truth well i sent you and steven and alix that video
[00:33:28] that guy shoving the glass jar up his ass and then it breaks and it breaks and
[00:33:31] that's a classic internet video yes and i was uh i just assumed that
[00:33:37] guy died you know because if you have a big piece of glass go into your
[00:33:40] fucking rectum or your large intention i imagine there's like a
[00:33:44] yeah you could bleed out yeah bleed out but you're getting
[00:33:47] shit there's maybe an artery yeah i don't understand i don't like i mean it's a
[00:33:51] massive amount of blood coming out of it but he lived
[00:33:54] he's not only lives he did an interview about it
[00:33:58] and charlie rose yeah he did yeah yeah now when you sat down on the glass
[00:34:03] you've done this many times before yes i have
[00:34:07] oh i know why he's also so yes my guest tonight is also charlie rose yes
[00:34:12] in a uh weird uh tone of events kind of like in there's a multiverse
[00:34:17] i've discovered a man yes not me another man named charlie rose correct
[00:34:24] who uh he's very similar to me but instead of being a television host
[00:34:29] he shoves mason jars into his asshole correct
[00:34:32] for sexual pleasure thanks for joining us charlie rose thank you so much for
[00:34:37] having me yes uh a lot of people imagine that i did die
[00:34:41] hmm perhaps because of the the anus tell us a little bit about the history of
[00:34:47] of of shoving a job yeah well it it's a long uh you know
[00:34:52] story tradition perhaps perhaps it started when you
[00:34:55] you uh milk man and you and your friends were milk men that could be a
[00:35:00] sort of a call back or yes well if we as we as we do this sketch where you
[00:35:05] just choose the same character i don't understand why i did that
[00:35:08] and why i have to stick to it it's okay we're gonna ran it again you know
[00:35:12] all right all right we've done enough running back with this is kind of the
[00:35:15] dueling charlie it's kind of a devil went down to georgia situation what we're
[00:35:18] going to do is this is going to be a learning experience okay let's try this
[00:35:22] because eventually at some point you're going to have to take over the
[00:35:26] sketches and characters so fuck it this time
[00:35:30] we'll say yes it's charlie rose interviewing
[00:35:34] big question mark and your answer is a nervous charlie rose i'm not
[00:35:39] particularly nervous but perhaps you know you're sort of a taking a read on
[00:35:43] my performance a moment of panic no it's i'm responding to
[00:35:47] who is charlie rose interviewing with the same it's also charlie but just a
[00:35:51] worse impression of the television interview journalist charlie rose
[00:35:56] so we'll say for just for the sake of getting through
[00:36:00] because we already deleted one episode and we got a new idea i'm still there
[00:36:03] we can still you know maybe it's not uh deleted oh it's gone okay
[00:36:07] good you're kind of a little kind of in a little hissif it situation no he's
[00:36:11] he fit no you're like well fine i'll be honest with you i didn't
[00:36:15] delete it i just wanted the pressure to be on you make sure you know no i'm
[00:36:18] i'm trying to gauge i'm feeling good right now my background is in basketball
[00:36:23] and sexually assaulted women yes i'm what you call a clutch
[00:36:27] yes clutch player mm-hmm yeah the last two minutes of the fourth
[00:36:31] coder you become a different animal last two minutes of the french quarter
[00:36:35] perhaps mm-hmm oh well that's why it's called that
[00:36:39] because that's the name of my novel the last two minutes of the french
[00:36:42] quarter a lot of people don't know i wrote a book
[00:36:45] oh really yeah okay well it's about the milkman of new
[00:36:48] allen to answer your question district milkman to answer your question about
[00:36:53] that's where it was invented by the way i don't know if you didn't you knew that
[00:36:56] is no allen's was first place the gay men started
[00:36:58] bringing milk to each other yes well there's two aspects of this uh
[00:37:03] there's a there's a negative stereotype that milk men have had to uh
[00:37:08] to overcome which is that uh that they fuck people's wives right sure
[00:37:13] you're not sure so uh like there's a joke that you know that the baby looks like
[00:37:19] the milk man right when in reality we're all homosexuals
[00:37:24] you know now no we have been for ages uh-huh and maybe our front
[00:37:30] before there was an acceptance of homosexual lifestyle
[00:37:34] was that we fucked women yeah but in reality we are
[00:37:39] homosexual men that were kind of a white uniform
[00:37:43] and then kind of uh was it like a navy style hat
[00:37:47] yeah is it or maybe like a like an air force
[00:37:50] well it was a clang outfit originally we it was gay racist
[00:37:55] yeah it was it was uh exactly originally we were
[00:37:59] the gay KKK the gay gay gay gay it was spelled
[00:38:03] m-i-l-k-k-k back in the day yeah i know you with that
[00:38:14] distributors of milk right um we the the second thing that people don't
[00:38:19] understand about uh milk delivery man i hope you don't mind if i respond to
[00:38:24] this text message on my phone i'm trying to get
[00:38:26] posted later oh okay um you go ahead oh i continue
[00:38:31] your story i'm just i'm i want you to hear this i am hearing it
[00:38:35] i am okay but why we're doing you want to deal with that
[00:38:39] the charlie rose show i'm i'm also just to make sure they're trying to get
[00:38:43] some push because the distinction needs to be made clear to the studio audience
[00:38:47] that you are gay charlie rose oh so you're trying to perform
[00:38:52] your verility and masculinity exactly to make me seem like more of a faggot
[00:38:57] that's the number one in reality i've been introduced to the audience as a man
[00:39:02] who puts a jaw up my ass so if there's any question that i am the gay charlie
[00:39:06] rose i think that's been answered i have to ask you this before we go to
[00:39:09] break oh are you going away or would you do you call it
[00:39:12] wearing a jaw in your ass in fact we do yeah as it
[00:39:16] comes into the yes a garment or type of clothes
[00:39:21] would you consider it to be closed yes and i i have been wearing
[00:39:26] dozerry maybe yes yes is it considered in the gay community is it considered
[00:39:32] the type of underwear correct that is a garmus um you know
[00:39:39] all our asses become so slack yeah from the the act of uh homosexual sodomy
[00:39:46] the more you say the more makes sense to me because i remember being a boy
[00:39:50] and in those early north carolina north carolina
[00:39:53] summer mornings there was nothing i love more than a fresh
[00:39:57] hot glass of milk straight from the milk man himself yes well i have news for
[00:40:02] you i never understood why it was so hot i thought it was because it was hot
[00:40:06] outside well but it was because the milk itself
[00:40:10] had been shoved up his ears that is correct and the milk
[00:40:14] where it comes from it does not actually come from a cow oh it's from the man's
[00:40:19] penis it's from a prostate being pressed it's much like in the movie
[00:40:23] euro trip if you remember yeah yeah they what you're saying to me is that the
[00:40:29] milk is actually ejaculate from a gay man's penis that is correct yeah
[00:40:34] well and the process and and it's called pressing the man's prostate it is
[00:40:38] referred to as milking well that is both chalmon and
[00:40:42] hilarious thank you thank you i'm trying to i'm trying to
[00:40:46] explore my characters yeah yeah thank you maybe you want to try a different
[00:40:51] character well i maybe this could be give up look
[00:40:55] i'm charlie rose and they brought me into the adam freeland show to teach you
[00:40:59] how to how to host a show i appreciate that and i'm here now
[00:41:03] so i'm back to adam you now you're at him you're telling me to give up and look
[00:41:07] on my show i mean you're really encouraging throughout that you know
[00:41:10] and i thought i thought i got a couple ones out i don't know if i did in your
[00:41:14] resume any moment you can go right back to milkman charlie no you told me that i
[00:41:18] should try another one i said maybe you would like to
[00:41:22] oh okay you got to stay loose you got to stay as loose as you can get
[00:41:33] maybe jeff goldblum and he maybe it's jeff goldblum and he's
[00:41:39] he's in its independence day three and this time it's
[00:41:45] an independent black woman in state independent woman's day
[00:41:50] independent black woman's day woman's yeah yeah
[00:41:55] it's got a t in an s at the end yeah woman's yeah
[00:41:58] maybe uh you know you could do something along that line
[00:42:01] i mean i feel like that's why don't you do it let's see you goldblum
[00:42:05] no anything you want just uh just go just host the show you know
[00:42:13] i thought we're doing that milkman thing okay we'll go back to i mean i know
[00:42:16] no but it's kind of the vibes off now you know
[00:42:18] why's the vibe off because you told me that maybe i could try a new character
[00:42:22] either was trying to encourage you maybe feel like i was doing a patch
[00:42:26] i was not i thought we were doing a fine job and you want to delete the
[00:42:29] episode now maybe i know maybe because now i have to retire
[00:42:34] when charlie rose now i've imagined myself on a
[00:42:39] porch somewhere remember all that stuff i said about the porch
[00:42:43] the the monkeys that were no i don't in japan's not okay
[00:42:48] oh you want to get to the news well no not honestly no no i think it's worth
[00:42:55] it it's not worth it no do you unless you want to
[00:42:59] no you want to redo this again we drop the top of the show that's gone i
[00:43:02] think this one's going fine okay then well let's get do you not think it's going
[00:43:06] fun it's going no as nick as nick because i feel like
[00:43:11] you're doing the character i know i can't tell he is mad about the landlord
[00:43:14] are you you he's in the other room and he's upset about the land so your
[00:43:19] identity has devolved or uh uh dissolved i'm just charlie rose you're just
[00:43:24] charlie rose now from here on out to the rest of the night i'm charlie rose
[00:43:28] and it's because you're mad i'm mad and after this i'm gonna
[00:43:32] try to watch all the marvel movies and forget about being lied to
[00:43:36] and i can't wait i literally cannot wait to casually slip in the conversation
[00:43:42] with the management company that the super called him
[00:43:46] incompetent that's snitching though i don't care
[00:43:49] i'm a snitch now you're snitch i'm now i'm gonna start snitching
[00:43:54] i'm always looking everybody they say buy high sell low and that's bullshit
[00:43:58] right you buy one other people are selling and you sell one other people
[00:44:02] buying that's how you get ahead of the market that is being in the market
[00:44:06] yes people saying you lost all your money well
[00:44:09] what is the market trying to do look at all this trying to make money
[00:44:12] right so i'm trying to lose money and what does that get you nothing
[00:44:16] but at least i don't feel like a goddamn fucking push over queer
[00:44:20] right i i see what you're saying i don't i frankly don't i don't see
[00:44:26] i don't see what i'm saying you may see what i'm saying but i don't i'm just
[00:44:29] trying to no matter what don't occur no one's allowed to do anything to me
[00:44:40] i don't want to be encouraged oh my god i'm worried about my friend
[00:44:43] dakie's just he's disappeared i'm fine you know what this is like is like
[00:44:47] we see these people out let plates is broken i don't know
[00:44:50] i saw that bothered you yesterday we didn't walk through yeah because i
[00:44:54] thought they were gonna fix that yeah now i'm gonna paint the office
[00:44:57] they didn't paint it i'm gonna go in there i'm gonna go to Home Depot
[00:45:00] i'm gonna fix that outlet plate and i'm gonna build them as an improvement to
[00:45:05] the fucking union you're gonna exactly you're gonna take five bucks off
[00:45:09] the rent i'm taking five taking more than five goddamn bucks off i'm gonna charge
[00:45:13] in for every i'm gonna keep i'm gonna put a pet arm in every screen
[00:45:16] i'm gonna put a fucking pet arm in on and charge them by the foot
[00:45:20] by the step by the step i said oh oh i'm sorry i forgot to tell you
[00:45:30] twenty five dollars i got a i got a i got a
[00:45:34] smooth gate well i you know like we live in
[00:45:39] New York City and like we see people who like clearly one day something broke
[00:45:44] and like what i'm worried about is that the stress we're under in pre-production
[00:45:49] getting the show up up over the ground having a retake after we did 25 minutes
[00:45:54] sure i'm worried that it may have broken you and you just maybe charlie rose
[00:45:59] now forever possibly but i tell you doing a
[00:46:02] garbage podcast producing a really shitty episode is charlie rose
[00:46:08] makes me feel a lot goddamn better than doing it as myself
[00:46:11] i guess that is one way to protect yourself it is i understand that and now
[00:46:16] my doctor might refer to that as a personality disorder kind of a maybe
[00:46:22] a manic break yeah but i think she's just a
[00:46:26] bitch well i wasn't gonna say that but but you were thinking it
[00:46:30] maybe somebody familiar to you if you know oh that kind of a doctor yeah
[00:46:34] that kind of a doctor kind of a okay yeah all right i see that as your girlfriend
[00:46:40] coming out not yet not yet will she be wearing a
[00:46:42] shirt i got that move so oh yeah i was gonna come down
[00:46:48] in a kimono with your penis out here i love that he's wearing a kimono
[00:46:54] oh you're back oh i got you yeah oh i missed you man
[00:46:59] have you ever seen the film the last samurai
[00:47:03] i'll just recently watched the last samurai oh did i forget my underpants
[00:47:08] oh excuse me i'm sorry it seems i have unsheathed my katana
[00:47:14] and the direction of a of a geisha you've got like a tiny ponytail on the
[00:47:19] top of your head yeah well let's talk about what we
[00:47:23] wanted this episode to be about uh yeah we wanted to be about perseverance
[00:47:27] but i'll tell you what since it's that we didn't do the top of the show
[00:47:30] we're just gonna we're gonna staple these two together
[00:47:34] you think yeah fuck it why why not i don't know we've
[00:47:40] we're taking seriously now we're professionals i think this is
[00:47:43] this is much different than i think this is not
[00:47:46] particularly on fire but i will say it's definitely better than
[00:47:54] the first take okay all right i don't know do you agree or disagree
[00:47:58] i have no opinion at this point i'm like um literally i'm blinded by rage that
[00:48:03] this guy responded well your lease doesn't start till
[00:48:06] monday yeah it's pissed it's fucked it's fucked up
[00:48:08] yeah no we were told we were gonna get keys in access and
[00:48:12] it would be cleared out yeah yeah should we say his name
[00:48:17] no it's all right no we're not i don't know his last name anyways
[00:48:19] yeah this is going to be a thing where they like you know
[00:48:23] i have a feeling that our building will be incredibly negligent as landlords but
[00:48:29] hopefully that means we can do some fucked up
[00:48:31] shit and not get in trouble for it you know
[00:48:34] like play rush and rootlet yeah yeah you know that'll be cool i mean i do want
[00:48:39] to bring a gun into that space book like uh
[00:48:43] book a live episode where we take 150 tours from Times Square that we've
[00:48:49] barked to be a studio audience so you don't want to leave that
[00:48:53] top of the we're just abandoning abandon no no we can leave it yeah i think the
[00:48:57] top of the show is why i made a cut just all the monologue
[00:49:00] i'm not listen i'm not the fucking boss here
[00:49:03] dude we're the we're team it's your show i'm just a consultant brought in
[00:49:08] no but you had the vision baby i'm just a little guy
[00:49:11] i'm just a fucking guy you know you have the vision for this okay
[00:49:18] i mean listen i think i do think top of the show is good
[00:49:22] yeah i do think that that could be salvaged and that could be added to this
[00:49:26] i do think i do think that that could work okay all right and if you want to
[00:49:30] paste it together that's fine cutting and pasting that's gonna be my
[00:49:34] evening cutting and pasting yeah cutting and pasting while
[00:49:37] watching the marvel movies and thing i really do have to i have to get rid of
[00:49:42] my anger problems yeah you because none of this
[00:49:45] it really doesn't matter you get that shit out there no no no i mean this
[00:49:49] fucking no the guy not clearing the office is
[00:49:52] annoying but it's not having a deal yeah if it's not but i do the thing in my
[00:49:55] head where i'm like i'm already imagining it not being out by
[00:49:58] monday and then me destroying everything literally smashing those
[00:50:02] fucking filing cabinets to pieces and putting them in a fucking garbage
[00:50:06] saying yeah no it's all right i told you yeah we asked you to have it cleared
[00:50:09] out so yeah i mean what how do you deal with that i don't know you smash the
[00:50:14] fucking you destroy the everything in there i don't know you take a fucking
[00:50:18] baseball bat and you destroy everything in there
[00:50:22] i don't know they lied about the electricity they did
[00:50:25] i mean that will be a matter of another four hundred dollars per month
[00:50:29] yeah tops i know if and that's if we're blasting a c all day
[00:50:34] yeah like what is your home electric bill yeah
[00:50:37] it's not gonna be that much they made some like weird distinction with the
[00:50:40] internet they're like well yeah it has like the regular internet in the
[00:50:42] building but if you want five better up to yeah if it's like if you want five
[00:50:45] but it's already he doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about he doesn't
[00:50:48] know what the internet is yeah if you want levi jeans
[00:50:52] if you want ipad mini well i'll tell you what i do hope that man
[00:51:02] you know maybe hopefully uh you're wishing cancer upon those guys yeah
[00:51:09] he's had 24 hours to clear the space out i'm saying
[00:51:14] i'm you know me you do have a real like uh i'm a christian man myself you do
[00:51:18] have like sometimes a real like uh like brain from pinky in the brain
[00:51:23] perspective on society what does that mean well like uh
[00:51:28] that i'm trying to take over the world well it's just like you're you're
[00:51:31] frustrated with these peons you know yeah i don't wouldn't describe him as a
[00:51:35] peon we pay rent to the guy we don't pay it to him he's an employee
[00:51:40] yeah they're pretty part of his system he's part of
[00:51:43] he's part of the fuck i'm probably gonna storm the castle
[00:51:46] and i had i had my i had my claymore to the to the
[00:51:50] throat of the court jester you wouldn't say hey he's just some retard that works
[00:51:54] here right i'd say doing what entertaining the king
[00:51:58] who has who has brought scourge upon my family exactly
[00:52:03] right say no no nay i don't say nay we'll get our own retard
[00:52:09] we'll get our retard from outside the i think that they're like
[00:52:14] i think here's how i see this playing out you rat him out to the to the
[00:52:17] management company he loses his job and then through
[00:52:21] some sort of like pissed off thing you're like no
[00:52:26] you've somehow like get the job of of the super
[00:52:30] building you don't have enough time for the show yeah you're barely being paid
[00:52:35] for it anyway yeah um i have to run down real quick
[00:52:39] you have to run to all right i'm good uh okay i'm good too yeah i kind of want to
[00:52:46] take this one again you want to take it again just restart the whole thing
[00:52:51] and i'll leave out that stuff about uh the super yeah why i don't know because
[00:52:57] i feel like a tattle tale i guess but you haven't
[00:53:00] tattle to his bosses i'm not yet but i want what you are but you don't want the
[00:53:05] public to find out that you're a tattle so exactly is that where you're
[00:53:09] saying so if anything you're not trying to protect
[00:53:13] anyone you're gonna put yourself oh right yeah yeah okay well in a way i'm
[00:53:17] self-tattling so by saying that i'm going to tattle to the public i'm
[00:53:22] tattling on myself to them so if we re-record it
[00:53:25] you tattle on your own ass but let me put it this way
[00:53:28] if i we re-record it and i leave that out i've eliminated
[00:53:33] one unit of tattling so yes i'm still tattling on the superintendent
[00:53:38] but i'm also no longer tattling on myself so i'm less of a tattle tale
[00:53:43] you called him a superintendent he is a superintendent
[00:53:47] oh i guess that's what's super short for yeah i i would thought i thought that
[00:53:51] that meant he's like in charge of the schools no it's the same word it's the
[00:53:55] same word but it's a totally different thing
[00:53:57] common dant superintendent grand poo bah what is that a
[00:54:03] uh muslim thing i think it's like a sultan kind of thing i don't know
[00:54:08] grand wasn't there a grand poo bah of palestine that like the grand mufti of
[00:54:12] palestine who met with the nazis yeah that guy was that was probably the
[00:54:20] now you're using those type of terms that was probably the most goaded in the
[00:54:24] sauce that's what you know i'll say the anti-Semitism i don't like it but the
[00:54:28] fact that i've corrupted your brain enough to talk that way
[00:54:31] yeah does make me feel good i feel about that what is that the state of
[00:54:35] wisconsin no it's a holster oh for a gun yeah wow yeah oh yeah but don't okay i
[00:54:43] told i told i told mike racy my new look is i'm i'm
[00:54:46] you know i got those like beige bird dog pants yeah i'm gonna just start
[00:54:50] going like tactical gear like i got the knife
[00:54:53] like the but the you're like low gun holster by the knee that's bad
[00:54:57] and mike was like yeah like you're just going to a dave smith show
[00:55:07] buddy yeah anyways folks so uh if uh if you're just
[00:55:15] joining us we cut the monologue segment do you want to leave the top of the
[00:55:19] show in yes or no i think we can cut around the top of the show
[00:55:22] do you want to leave that in there's a moment where we kind of lose
[00:55:25] energy that drops off we could probably cut that out
[00:55:28] okay well then tell you what we're gonna sit here it's your show
[00:55:31] your name on my show you're the fucking producer dude
[00:55:34] if anything i'm but a vessel and vessel for what
[00:55:39] for for your love yeah so uh like a like a jar of milk
[00:55:44] basically that kind of vessel how do i like a jar of milk yeah oh now
[00:55:47] you're charlie i'm sorry i i'm the gay charlie no
[00:55:51] that's fine i'm sorry i'm sorry that i my brain just went to you did the charlotte
[00:55:57] rose and i just started you know and that wasn't the right instinct it was kind
[00:56:00] of embarrassing the comedic instinct is to hear something and then
[00:56:03] and then well i was gonna say like uh maybe it could do it worse like yes
[00:56:08] and like uh like oh that you see that's a positive
[00:56:11] reading of it what i was what i would say is i i see
[00:56:14] something and then i try to recreate it and do it
[00:56:17] worse exactly i'm kind of like like the kid that
[00:56:22] how about a guy he's he's on the train he sees the sign that's like uh see
[00:56:25] something say something yeah and then he's like he's like
[00:56:28] i think like kind of turns his head and he's like
[00:56:30] fat chinese lady uh mexican mexican woman beats pill blackhead
[00:56:36] rapping lab rapping kid smelly smelly black eye
[00:56:41] what the hell you call me yeah no i had to say something this was
[00:56:45] fine this idea how about that that's funny yeah that's funny
[00:56:49] you see something say something uh police are forced to escort drag queen to
[00:56:53] safety after protesters storm story hour event
[00:56:56] at library for three to eleven year olds this is this is one of the headlines
[00:57:00] you had in the monologue yeah i thought we could riff on that
[00:57:03] yeah um so that's pretty i guess yeah maybe we'll riff on it rather than
[00:57:08] seeing those monologue jokes why don't we riff on it
[00:57:11] so what's your take on this uh here's my personal thinking
[00:57:15] i don't buy in the whole like trans people or grooming children no it's
[00:57:19] ridiculous but if i was a trans person yeah and i was
[00:57:24] trying to get a job at a school let's say and someone was like why are you a
[00:57:28] pedophile i'd be like absolutely not and i would tear up my resume and not
[00:57:31] apply to that job all right any indication like if somebody
[00:57:35] if somebody was like why are you like why are you
[00:57:40] eating tates cookies are you a pedophile i'd be like well i guess can he tates
[00:57:44] cookies right it's bad for the team you're saying
[00:57:47] exactly yeah exactly that's why i tip 30 to 80 percent every time i'm at a
[00:57:51] restaurant yeah because of the pedophile jewish guys
[00:57:53] the pedophile jewish you're trying to offset it's an
[00:57:57] Epstein change everything yeah yeah yeah you think he was a good tipper
[00:58:02] um i think probably yeah yeah yeah i mean everyone
[00:58:06] wanted to hang with him you know because he had he really had to offset it
[00:58:10] he really had to offset all the bad stuff yeah yeah
[00:58:14] he was kind of a good dresser too yeah i'm not afraid to say it
[00:58:18] i like to swag my guests and i'm surprised he was never on charlie rose
[00:58:23] that is unfortunate you would think that there is somewhere in there at
[00:58:26] jeffrey Epstein would have been on charlie rose in in a different world yeah
[00:58:32] jeffrey em for land for Epstein secured his trade a turn for land for
[00:58:37] biz jeffrey Epstein gentlemen of the ivy league yeah
[00:58:42] yeah author of the book egg-shaped penis egg-shaped mind ladies and gentlemen
[00:58:48] jeffrey Epstein yes thank you for thank you for having me
[00:58:52] no he didn't talk about it yes he didn't think thank you for having
[00:58:56] oh boy baby i mean baby i mean baby i mean baby
[00:59:02] i i'm i'm gonna speak baby yeah that's how he ingratiated
[00:59:07] himself yeah i like that egg shape uh penis egg-shaped mind
[00:59:11] well that's like that's our books are named so so uh
[00:59:16] yeah yeah it's always like uh that kind of thing
[00:59:19] now you have sex slaves yes that's uh that is correct
[00:59:25] this is yes of course that is correct you can i feel you should interpret
[00:59:29] jeffrey Epstein we're trying to get you want me to do an anti-Semitic stereotype
[00:59:33] we're kind of lucky that the the studios fucked up with a bunch of stuff i need
[00:59:37] to destroy now yeah because you're going to be pissed
[00:59:39] after this now i'm not going to be pissed after this but we need
[00:59:43] probably a little bit more time in the audio sphere
[00:59:47] to inject more that adam fredland flavor into the show
[00:59:52] right you know and what what flavors that something a little bit matzo
[00:59:57] imagine we're doing this right now but we're on stage
[01:00:08] be the center of attention is maintained here
[01:00:14] while we're sitting in these chairs yeah but the thing that's different about
[01:00:18] our show is that it's as if already was on stage with Larry Sanders
[01:00:25] okay that the producer is uh you know a fundamental element
[01:00:32] of the product that's fine but don't let me but it's not it's not
[01:00:36] it's not some ego grooming uh you know what's going on on which is your
[01:00:42] girlfriend still harassing you no she's not no i got an email
[01:00:47] what was the email uh you want me to read it too
[01:00:51] well i'm just curious it was a chase credit card offer oh a chase credit
[01:00:57] card off yeah yeah okay uh police are forced to escort drag queen to
[01:01:02] safety mmm-hmm you have to protest a storm story
[01:01:06] hour event now what the fuck is story hour i don't know i think it's when it's
[01:01:11] kids go to the library and three just have for whatever reason they just have a
[01:01:15] drag queen reading cliff at the big red dog
[01:01:19] yeah i think my perspective on it uh is that it's good
[01:01:23] right for children to be exposed to that why and if anything
[01:01:27] when i have some wouldn't they just be exposed to it circumstantially
[01:01:31] why does that why does it need to be in the context of
[01:01:35] reading a a story book why can't it just be someone in line at McDonald's
[01:01:40] in front of them because that's not what a drag queen is drag queen is a
[01:01:44] performer drag queen is a trans person well what do they do just
[01:01:48] they do lip-syncing of like uh Madonna or Janet Jackson but here let me let me
[01:01:54] also make a separate argument yeah is that drag is uh dog shit
[01:01:59] it's really bad it's fucking boring have you been to a show yes it stinks i
[01:02:03] went with my with uh i saw an ex-girlfriend in portland once and we
[01:02:07] went to a drag show the only thing drag has going for is that it's subversive
[01:02:13] right if you turn it into a thing they do at the library for infants
[01:02:17] it kind of loses the sauce it is dog shit yeah
[01:02:21] yeah it's like going to see a fucking mom right
[01:02:25] it's actually worse than a mom it needs to be dangerous still
[01:02:30] exactly yeah imagine if Paris is burning none of those people were it
[01:02:34] wasn't Harlem none of these people were poor
[01:02:39] exactly it was some fucking loser with a it was Randy rainbow
[01:02:43] yeah who didn't finish an education degree
[01:02:46] right and now they're trying to read fucking
[01:02:50] kaiyu to to mentally disable you know preschoolers i think they're just kids
[01:02:56] but yeah yeah okay i i see your take but in my opinion
[01:03:00] i think it's important to expose kids to all different types of things i would
[01:03:03] love it if Charlie Rose went off like that
[01:03:07] Charlie Rose just went drag should be dangerous it should be subversive
[01:03:12] it should be a product of an underground homosexual would you not agree that drag
[01:03:17] shows are fucking gay and not in the cool not in the cool way
[01:03:21] no they're very boring yeah as i when i went i went with my
[01:03:25] we're getting to the point now where let me tell you this what dairy queen is
[01:03:33] that sounded like a good line i don't know it sounded like a good line i don't
[01:03:36] know what it means well because ice cream is
[01:03:39] oh bad for there's a war on fatness war on fat machella mama yeah exactly
[01:03:45] a bunch of soft serve ice cream that's you know who soft serve
[01:03:48] is the gays at the fucking drag queen show they're serving soft
[01:03:53] oh they serve yeah yeah but they do it softly well up with the soft
[01:03:57] because yeah the pussies aren't hard like they used to be yeah
[01:04:01] exactly they got soft cunts now because they're too busy trying to do
[01:04:06] fucking elmo exactly you're not elmo motherfucker you're Charles
[01:04:21] i see what you're saying um but for me i think that it is what's with these
[01:04:26] gays wanting to do baby shit right they yeah it's it is it is
[01:04:32] you're supposed to be fucked up on ketamine and nightclub not watching
[01:04:35] bawney it's supposed to be 545 a.m yeah you and all the fellas are on fire
[01:04:40] on you've been doing methamphetamine all night
[01:04:43] no kids around some of the most important gay sex in history you're not reading
[01:04:47] good night move only happened after bedtime it's true
[01:04:51] it's true yeah the gay lifestyle should exist
[01:04:55] after eight p.m nobody got age at noon nobody in Greenwich Village and
[01:05:01] nobody's getting aged during snack time at f***ing at at p.s. 111 right yeah it
[01:05:09] was happening at night club so i see what you're saying you're saying that like
[01:05:14] um when you remove the subversive elements of uh it's yeah i'll tell you
[01:05:20] what it is i'll tell you what it is right it's not that these trans people are
[01:05:24] grooming kids it's that kids are grooming trans people
[01:05:28] oh okay the kids are infant to the eyes and his eyes and the trans people they're
[01:05:33] making them learn how to read they're turning them into f***ing babies
[01:05:37] the babies now the babies the goddamn babies oh you're Australian
[01:05:41] what i want to learn i don't want my f***ing trans people are supposed to be
[01:05:45] scary yeah it's supposed to be like dangerous animals
[01:05:51] i spent my entire life working with stingrays yeah it's true and i would see
[01:05:55] trans people i'd respect them because i knew they were dangerous like they're
[01:05:58] the most dangerous animals right yeah yeah you're the
[01:06:03] you're the crocodile guy yeah you're wrestling with a gram you're
[01:06:06] wrestling yeah but f***ing uh go fight fight them
[01:06:09] now they're just bare knuckle fighting right now they're just f***ing they're
[01:06:13] doing gole gole island what the f*** is this
[01:06:20] um i think you've convinced me for me what i was trying to say is that
[01:06:24] when i have a kid i want to expose them to different
[01:06:27] uh types of people and that i will learn the time-honored art form of drag
[01:06:33] as a father um just to you know expand their horizons
[01:06:38] yeah and i don't want to do it you know i don't want to learn how to
[01:06:42] lip sync to yeah Madonna's holiday well i want to take my kid to the library
[01:06:47] and have have them be read books by like uh the homeless kind of yeah like a big
[01:06:51] fat Puerto Rican guy that uses the N word yeah that is what they should
[01:06:55] also hang out with those kind of people yeah right
[01:06:59] what is i mean i guess what i'm thinking like what is the point
[01:07:03] is the show is to like ingratiate children to drag queens
[01:07:07] yeah i think it's yeah i think it's it's it's
[01:07:12] i mean if we're being honest it's performative
[01:07:15] whatever you know it's that like this is good right and then it's kind of
[01:07:20] probably baiting the jk rowlings of the world
[01:07:24] right so it's in like response to this inane public debate that's occurring
[01:07:30] right so it's like i think she should write a new whole new series of books
[01:07:35] yeah you know right this time do do harry porter again
[01:07:40] but he's uh just just politely transphobic
[01:07:45] just do it like if she wrote a whole fucking new series
[01:07:49] it's even better in harry porter and it's not about wizard bullshit
[01:07:53] no way no way for people to misinterpret it as being like oh
[01:07:58] oh wizard no harry's actually guy and because she's like an east london
[01:08:02] tough guy kind of a guy richie right with who's a bank robber
[01:08:06] bankrupt with who's a fixer and his arion is fixed early
[01:08:11] he is a trend people he hates him i'm guy and i
[01:08:17] eight tranny there's nothing more that he hates than the trans
[01:08:21] yeah the busk oh the bus these busk buses
[01:08:25] yeah moving and open a they open a tesco up so it goes in
[01:08:30] yeah it does an eight crime it doesn't eight crime on them
[01:08:33] yeah and he's you know he's locked up a couple of council boys
[01:08:37] and i say what are you in for right so i bash him skulls in good yeah and there's
[01:08:42] a whole undertone knife crime he sees the undertone a class
[01:08:47] because even though the buskers you know the muzzies but they're white
[01:08:51] yeah i think i call them baschards yeah but
[01:08:56] their differences i don't think they're muslim whatever who gives a
[01:08:59] fuck the rich even though even though they're what's
[01:09:03] a funny word for immigrants emos even though the emos yeah
[01:09:14] got too many goddamn emos so many emos yeah oh you
[01:09:18] ready to get out here no no i'm just checking is this
[01:09:21] 120 on this run or on both no yeah that's the total we got a
[01:09:25] that's total okay an hour will be 135 on that clock
[01:09:29] okay i mean i think we can keep going and i think we could also stitch
[01:09:33] stitch yeah like you said before a lot of lilo and stitch yeah like
[01:09:37] like that pasta yeah that bleeding boston white air movie
[01:09:43] you hate it i hate it why because that blue mother fucker oh no he's blue
[01:09:48] yeah he's from our space i don't want him around my daughter
[01:09:51] and he's in the samoa yeah so that's the fact that's the
[01:09:55] fucking that's the kind of that's the kind of messed up
[01:09:58] you know liberal thinking that they're trying to
[01:10:01] that's it gonna tell you that if aliens right came to the world
[01:10:07] world yeah they were they would choose to go
[01:10:10] is some fucking volcano hot to meet with five a couple of emos
[01:10:18] in the hot well they're not emos instead of being with the queen
[01:10:24] bless her aliens wouldn't take a look at the world and see
[01:10:26] wefts and civil realization civil was so what was they then they were fucking say
[01:10:32] i want to meet the apple tower right i want to meet the queen yeah
[01:10:35] i'm which one of these these people or these species is going to most
[01:10:41] jews yeah he's trying he's going here to meet people with
[01:10:45] coconuts on their breasts that's a bunch of tiki torches in a
[01:10:49] covenant mosquito bites getting fat off coconut oil yeah
[01:10:53] that's who the aliens want to meet no i don't think that yeah that that doesn't
[01:10:56] make any sense oh what the aliens are going to learn how
[01:10:58] to surf no no i don't think so they're going to go to
[01:11:02] england and learn how to how to wear a top hat what forks to use
[01:11:08] they're going to learn the forks they're going to learn forks
[01:11:12] yeah and it's just like it's just like the trans people reading Clifford
[01:11:16] i think it's the same thing i think we can agree
[01:11:20] um that's the key to show business if you're you're not going to be funny
[01:11:26] and he's going to put zero is you're going to have
[01:11:28] two bummer this is not funny i think it's fine you can always do a silly
[01:11:32] accent yeah yeah people love silly accents they love
[01:11:36] characters and in the in the old days uh-huh on
[01:11:39] on comtown yeah maybe it would have been a little more
[01:11:43] why why you little stage yeah yeah why here why should why are
[01:11:47] we take shots of the Chinese well this one we're going after the real
[01:11:52] targets the British Charlie Rose trans people the people with power
[01:11:57] yeah we're punching up we're punching up and just to make it clear
[01:12:00] all the trans people we've made fun of today over six feet tall
[01:12:04] and writers of all of the stuff you're hearing right now
[01:12:08] they yeah yeah this is the entire writers room is a bunch of 12 year old trans
[01:12:12] is yeah trans is there yeah well that's what they
[01:12:18] is the plural is it yeah yeah they is trans trans is trans is trans is
[01:12:22] trans is unsory what if ah hey my name is trendy
[01:12:31] trandy it's trendy well if he was trans is unsory and the
[01:12:36] character's name is trendy that would be good and that's the kind of stuff
[01:12:39] I really think about you know yeah yeah and he was like uh
[01:12:45] I don't know what if it's their Russell brand it was Russell trans
[01:12:50] what if that yeah yeah what if it was ruffle brand
[01:12:54] and there's no D on it and he gets a lot of fiber fiber and so he's always got
[01:12:59] diarrhea while he's doing the show and he said that's
[01:13:02] oh my guest today is Nick Bryan that's a brilliant point you've just made
[01:13:06] you have to excuse me because I've got diarrhea again
[01:13:10] yeah because I've had too many brand muffins welcome to the Russell brand
[01:13:15] show Russell brand yeah Russell and he's uh he's always got a run off to the
[01:13:21] Lou yeah yeah that's maybe something we could do on the show once we got the
[01:13:26] studio we got Nick Bryan coming in we're telling
[01:13:29] him he's doing the Russell brand show yeah you get him fired up about a topic
[01:13:34] what does he write about child sex rings he basically do I have to read the book
[01:13:38] I'm going to read the book I thought you already read it I read the build a
[01:13:42] camp book he has another one Nick Bryan wrote a
[01:13:50] with more info or something it's different I don't know I talk to his
[01:13:54] agent and uh yeah I guess he's doing a whole
[01:13:59] mediator he's doing Chappo and true or not and we we got to figure out how to
[01:14:05] make the Adam Friedland show smarter than Chappo I think it already is
[01:14:11] I think it's Felix Sexway oh he said it is yeah he's pissed
[01:14:15] is he I heard Matt yeah kill himself yeah no he didn't kill himself but he
[01:14:21] attempted yeah he's like he's TA fast not too smart and the ceiling
[01:14:27] Joyce snapped shut up that's our friend
[01:14:31] that's our friend yeah how do you think if Matt Chrisman killed himself how do
[01:14:35] you think he would do it yeah from a rant I would imagine he died he died
[01:14:40] ranting I would imagine a cheese overdose does he like you because he's from
[01:14:45] Wisconsin yeah yeah just like the classic cheese cheese the cheese dispenser at
[01:14:50] Fudd Rockers yeah I don't know I wonder I think he's Hollywood now I think he's
[01:14:56] like he's doing transcendental meditation he's going to the celebrity center
[01:15:00] the Scientology celebrity center he's really changed everything yeah I haven't
[01:15:04] talked him in a while I text with him sometimes I'm always like how's my
[01:15:08] friend I'd be actually a lot of these guys they stop talking to me because I
[01:15:11] would only speak to them in a British accent yeah that's annoying well I was
[01:15:15] kind of insecure that they would think I was stupid so I thought you were like
[01:15:19] my dad does that I spent years trying to convince him that I was a British guy
[01:15:22] but yeah you know I mean I had known them for maybe a year and a half before I
[01:15:27] started doing it so they're like what are you doing like are you okay I was
[01:15:32] like yeah no it's you that doesn't remember right you didn't even choose
[01:15:36] the smart version of the British nice you're doing like cockney scum yeah I
[01:15:40] think so that was probably a bad decision probably what's the smart is
[01:15:47] this is the smart one oh yes it's the smart version what if what if from now
[01:15:56] on I'm just a little british just bitchy queer like a little lord fault
[01:16:03] in the Roy what did have you read that no but you have you seen the pictures
[01:16:07] pictures of what my dad has an insult used to call me that and I I don't know
[01:16:14] if he made it up or not and I recently a Google image when he was calling me a
[01:16:22] yeah look look at this that's what my dad's calling me oh that is funny that is
[01:16:27] pretty funny it's a crucial burn that's what that's what Donald Trump look like
[01:16:31] as a boy yeah of course he would dress like this word if you're wondering at
[01:16:36] home it's a picture of a boy so I'll tell you what folks we started
[01:16:39] threatening the show and we told you the theme of the show is perseverance yes
[01:16:42] and I go back to it and what I want you to pay attention to what we did is we
[01:16:48] struggled you know we could we came in on this one hot but we couldn't make it
[01:16:52] work listen we're tired guys we're signing leases we're getting insurance
[01:16:55] we're doing a full media blitz we're doing morning radio I'll tell you what we
[01:16:59] got to the end of it and we got Russell Brandt no we got Trandy we got Russell
[01:17:04] Brandt was huge Russell Brandt will be one of the best bits of all time
[01:17:09] remembered forever Russell Brandt if he pooped himself and and how we got that
[01:17:15] is by Persever yeah the same way that Joe Biden beat COVID mm-hmm we in five
[01:17:22] days we pushed through tonight mm-hmm we push this one out of our eyes until
[01:17:27] we yeah we basically Prairie Dog this episode mm-hmm in and out until we got
[01:17:33] and so you may think like wow this was a bad one we did it we got to stop saying
[01:17:40] that we did it bad on purpose to make a point about perseverance because I know
[01:17:45] look and that's on now you get to hear and your mind should be blown mm-hmm if
[01:17:51] the process is working correctly your mind should be blown and the most
[01:17:57] important takeaway because the Adam freelance show is gonna be different
[01:17:59] it's gonna be a lot more direct lessons is that you guys got a persevere mm-hmm
[01:18:04] because a lot of you guys you know you're not Adam you're not the one of the
[01:18:08] most talented people in Hollywood you don't have an ability to but I'm just
[01:18:14] a guy too I'm like them I know well sometimes you're just a guy 99% of the
[01:18:19] time you're firing on also and there's you smash it the the episodes amazing
[01:18:23] mm-hmm but some days it's just not there and what do you do you give up make up
[01:18:27] some excuse say sorry got coronavirus no episode this week no no we did it
[01:18:32] trying to roll up you persevere yeah you persevere and you stick it out and
[01:18:37] hopefully you know when you see when you guys hear this and you know you're
[01:18:44] struggling to to go to to get up go to your job the dead-end job you if you're
[01:18:50] lucky enough to have if you're lucky enough to have when you're struggling to
[01:18:53] go work for minimum wage your dead-end job where you can barely buy groceries
[01:18:57] because the inflation and all this other shit you can take a look and you say
[01:19:00] well you know what fucking Adam somehow figured out how to record an hour-long
[01:19:06] podcast for a hundred and seven thousand dollars almost a and if he can do that
[01:19:15] yeah then by God I can push a broom and feel good about myself while doing it
[01:19:20] yeah and and that's uh that's perseverance yes that is and that's the
[01:19:32] just a recap got to stick it out guys you got tough things out we'll be back on
[01:19:41] Sunday with the Adam Friedland show premium live in studio we'll see hopefully
[01:19:46] I think so yeah I swear to God because if this fucking cocksucker is gonna I
[01:19:50] know it's in studio or your least does not start their Monday yeah all right
[01:19:56] well then you're wasting my fucking time exactly because you told me one thing
[01:19:59] if that was how it was gonna be then fucking tell me upfront yeah I'm not
[01:20:04] coming in and out of the city hauling shit back and forth waiting for you to
[01:20:08] clear this fucking space out I'm a I'm a goddamn producer right I don't have time
[01:20:14] for this you got to go full you got to go full Harvey on him yeah
[01:20:18] yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
[01:20:22] yeah you just pussy I'm gonna tell on him dude I'm gonna straight up oh tell on
[01:20:26] paddle no we have to like I'm entering my snitch air no I'm gonna I'm gonna pull
[01:20:30] it out of it we season to the snitch I'm gonna call him boss a lot my friend yeah
[01:20:35] I'm gonna act like we're friends then he's really gonna drop the ball one time
[01:20:38] and then we're gonna snitch they've already dropped the ball all right all
[01:20:42] right as far as I'm concerned all right but yeah no one in the show is allowed
[01:20:47] to tell her know that I snitch so if you're listening and you found that our